A Beautiful Mess: A Poetry Compilation 2r4n2b

A BEAUTIFUL MESS

A POETRY COMPILATION

ANALIESE FAZIO

A BEAUTIFUL MESS A POETRY COMPILATION

Copyright © 2019 Analiese Fazio.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.iuniverse.com 1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-5320-5713-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-5714-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019900194

iUniverse rev. date: 01/04/2019

CONTENTS

Wide Eyes

Before The Sun Sets

The Hole

Unwritten

Once In A Blue Moon

A Familiar Window

Insecurities

Just Once More

Clear Pictures

A Girl

The Lonely

Love’s Wave

Unrecognizable

Say The Words Unspoken

Ptsd

Time

Relentless

Your Journey

Perception

A Storm

Follow The Light

Today Is Not Yesterday

My Hands

Capsule

Moving Forward

The Darkest Hour

A Storm Approaching

Monsters

Flower Cycle

Amy

If The Shoe Fits

A Sparrow

Aimlessly Confused

Change

Closed Curtains

This Page

Resilience

The Sun

Com

The Shore

Regret

Running Ahead

A Beat

Vanishing Pieces

On The Edge

Unknown Beauty

Tulips

Captivated

An Unfinished Story

Light In My Eyes

Chills

The Lonely

Unwritten

Leftover Pain

Wrong Decisions

Growing Anxiety

She’s Changed

Unknown Feelings

A Journal

Broken Pieces

To Justin, Desi, and my family; thanks for everything you guys do for me and for the endless you’ve given me

Life has a funny way of changing in a split second. It has this incredible way of catching up to you at your most vulnerable moments. Once it catches you, it grabs you. It shakes you so hard that you fall and you find it almost impossible to get yourself back up. Why do we as people find it so hard to live our lives as if tomorrow is our last day? Why do we constantly feel as if we are stepping on glass to get through the day? I mean, life is short, isn’t it? I know I’m asking a lot of questions, but I do make a point. The answer to these questions is that we aren’t invincible, unfortunately. We feel everything—pain, sadness, anger, happiness, and so on.

WIDE EYES

My eyes close in a world of darkness. My heart beats beyond the turmoil. My hands shake in fear of the unknown. Life alters to the oppression. Oppression alters to the tragedy, Yet tragedy devolves itself to the end. There is no purity in a world that sees only itself, For there is purity only in the soul whose heart beats for the oppressed. Life is beauty, Life is sacred. Yet life is tragic. There is no life without tragedy. There is no love without purity. There is no soul without fear. Darkness appears only When one forgets there was ever light.

BEFORE THE SUN SETS

The sun sets on a day that feels wasted, A day when I lie in bed in constant thought of everything around me, A day when I begin to get lost in the ceiling. I can’t move, for I have no motivation, For I’ve grown lost in the thoughts that don’t disappear— Thoughts that become a tumor in my mind. My mind feels the pain I can’t explain. The numbness to my body spreads to the deepest part of my soul. I become constantly overwhelmed with ache That I can no longer heal, for it has become of me, It has taken over. I am no longer in control. How did I become a victim once again?

THE HOLE

I am trapped; There is no way out. The door that I once sought to open has now shut. The room that has trapped me is now dark, Dark as midnight, Yet the light that creeps under the door seems just beyond reach. Why can’t I reach? Why won’t the door open? Have I become a prisoner in the very room that I allowed myself to enter? I begin to ponder’[]]]szde. Could the key that unlocks the door be in the room I find myself trapped in? Was it I who lost the key in an attempt to keep that very door open?

UNWRITTEN

A thought written into words, A word written into a sentence. How a sentence can speak an eternity.

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON

I feel the wind blowing in my hair— The ocean rattling in the distance, Roaring waves crashing into other waves. A freedom I can’t help but stare among— If only I could stay here forever. A moment as beautiful as this deserves eternity. Once in a blue moon do I feel a sense of clarity running through my veins. I begin to arise and Then commence into the water that I have stared upon. This is what no restraint feels like. This is euphoria. In this moment, I finally find peace, A tranquility like no other. I feel no fear. I see no detrimental despair, Only the allurement of life.

A FAMILIAR WINDOW

I am looking through a window. Tears are streaming down my face. I am watching as a little girl runs, laughing through a field of weeds. I can see her breath flow in the wind as she glides through the cold, crisp air. Her gestures I once found familiar. A smile I once knew— So young, happy, and healthy. I begin to stare back from the window at the reflection of a woman I no longer recognize. Tears begin to stream at a faster pace As I realize the life I live now is nothing compared to the life of the little girl. Outside the window, she is now crippled by the tragedy she tries to overcome, But she can’t seem to move on. She’s stuck in the past, A past that is nothing more than the mere images being mirrored back at me. Life has changed, yet denial is how I accept this tragedy Thrust upon me.

INSECURITIES

Day goes by. Week goes by. Nothing changes; I stay the same. Life fades away. Why am I so different? Why do I never win? Why can’t I catch a break? Why do I feel like no matter how much I pretend to have it together, It always ends up being another mask? It never ends, Just like this feeling I never can seem to shake. I tell myself I’m strong, But I’m scared. But it’s the fear that keeps me alive. I survive on a fear that keeps me from taking a risk, From truly ever feeling alive,

Yet I complain. I am the enemy. I am the shadow of myself in the darkness that keeps me From ever truly being happy.

JUST ONCE MORE

What I’d do to feel beneath my feet again, As I am elevated above the ground. I look down to the possibilities. What stories are told with sand between your toes.

CLEAR PICTURES

Life is a series of pictures Put in chronological order, From beginning to end, From a blur to barely clear. For we forget Everything eventually fades away, Like the thought in your head— A thought only temporary to the mind.

A GIRL

There once was a girl So bright in the world. She lived each day like her last ’Cause she knew life to be so fast. Then one day she stopped caring. Her heart was tearing. She knew that clearing her past was her last chance at peace, That she had to seize the moment. Only she could heal her broken heart. Her spirit had lifted, And she was happy to have existed In a world so wonderful, A life so colorful.

THE LONELY

Loneliness captivates the soul In a way no other emotion can compare to.

LOVE’S WAVE

Your love is like a wave crashing ashore, Unpredictable in its timing, Harsh in the way it throws itself ashore, But gentle to the touch.

UNRECOGNIZABLE

I am the shadow of a girl, A girl I barely know. Unrecognizable at first glance, An image so blurry No one really knows her.

SAY THE WORDS UNSPOKEN

Say you love me. Say you need me. Remind me every day that this love is eternal, For far too often people forget. Illusions appear That the love we once felt Was only a dream In the form of the resentment And a future Of a forgotten past.

PTSD

I cannot escape a memory Full of heartache and pain, Misery and defeat. Eventually it becomes hope In the form of knowledge, Disguised as clarity.

TIME

A heart that was once half Becomes whole when you start picking up the pieces Of your soul that once were broken But were glued back together by time.

RELENTLESS

Life has its ups and downs, But no matter how much you give up, It refuses to give up on you. It’s relentless like you.

YOUR JOURNEY

May your journey begin With a single word Written on this page.

PERCEPTION

Happiness isn’t measure in the amount of steps we take, The amount of words we hear, The amount of money in our bank s, Or even the amount of monumental lapses of judgment. It’s measured in the moments we take to appreciate what’s around us. You can live the same day over and over, Never having lived a day in your life, Unless you take the chances. No one ever regretted taking a risk You don’t have to have legs to jump into something amazing. You have to have a little faith, And you’ll go a long way.

A STORM

Rain falling from the sky, Each drop harder than the last. Lightning striking in the distance, Thunder roaring louder than my screams.

FOLLOW THE LIGHT

In the depths of despair Lies a light, A light that only floats to the surface When you start swimming ashore.

TODAY IS NOT YESTERDAY

Today I smile, Looking back at yesterday. Tears as I realize how far I’ve come, For at last I’m happy.

MY HANDS

I hold onto the pain In the palm of my hand, Like I’m ready to let go. Instead, I close my fist, Holding on tighter To all the pain In fear that if I ever let go, I’ll forget who I was. Would that really be so bad? After all, we change. Our species is made to evolve, To become better than we were, Stronger than we thought possible.

CAPSULE

Your favorite memories A capsule buried in the ground, Eventually to be dug up, A reminder of our youth, So young and so free. Reminiscing the free spirit we all have within.

MOVING FORWARD

Time heals a soul trapped in the past When you start looking toward the future And living in the present.

THE DARKEST HOUR

In your darkest hour, You will feel a sense that you don’t belong. Know this: You do belong, You are loved, You are resilient. Stay strong, Love all, Never give up on yourself. You are worth it. Keep living.

A STORM APPROACHING

You are a tornado In a storm that feels endless, Crashing and destroying matter That you can eventually rebuild Once the storm es, Which it always does.

MONSTERS

The truth is a monster hiding in our closets, Waiting for us to finally open the door.

FLOWER CYCLE

Flowers blooming to something better than their original form, Needing water to stay alive, Sun to keep growing, For without being nurtured properly, It dies, waiting to be revived By someone who will love it more than its past owners.

AMY

I thought you were my friend, Like a sister. You proved otherwise, Betrayed everything I thought you were, Became nothing more than a stranger. I needed you, but you let me down. You chose yourself in a moment when I needed you most. I was like glass shattering into a million pieces. Where the hell were you? Nowhere to be found. You wrote a letter and Then abandoned me. You weren’t a friend; You were nothing more than the illusion of one— Which is why years later You still have nothing real to say: Not a sorry, Not a reason,

Just your absence, Which remains a scar on my heart.

IF THE SHOE FITS

the day I came home to emptiness? You took everything, Didn’t give a shit. You basically walked out on us, Tried to manipulate us into thinking it was our fault. Here we are, still pretending everything’s fine. Like them, I still resent you. In your mind, it was me who destroyed our world, When in reality It was always you. It was your insecurities, Your jealousy, Your blindness That created a world without you ever truly being in it.

A SPARROW

The truth is I loved you. You were there when I needed you most. Then one day you vanished. I fell apart all over again, Except this time I didn’t have you to help pick up the pieces.

AIMLESSLY CONFUSED

I wander aimlessly through life, Asking questions that don’t seem to make sense. Kind of like this life we live in: Confused with no one seeming to have answers.

CHANGE

You can change the world in one motion. A thought can write an entire entry of hope. Hope can change a world if they can feel it, speak it, and understand it. Change doesn’t always make sense, Which is why nothing is done. Things remain the same, So never stop trying to make sense of it. Eventually it will become clear as day. Things will change; The world will be better for it.

CLOSED CURTAINS

I see the sun creeping through my blinds, Trying get into a room, A room filled with absent light, Hoping to create visibility to the things around it.

THIS PAGE

This page is not blank. I refuse to let it be. This page is a metaphor. It’s another page, a book I keep writing. It’s a semicolon, Another piece of a story Rather than the ending.

RESILIENCE

I inhale, Then exhale. A sigh of relief. For I am beginning to finally find peace In a world out to destroy your peace of mind. I refuse to be a victim Of life’s vicious cycle, Bullying people into despair. I am stronger than that. I will continue to fight, For my mind is resilient.

THE SUN

My mind is captivated by the sun, For it shines Such a bright light On a life That sometimes feels dark.

COM

I feel the earth pulling me in every direction, Keeping me on my toes at every moment.

THE SHORE

An ocean with waves that just keep crashing Into the shore, Getting closer and closer To the feet of the person, Waiting for the dampened sand to fill with salty water, Then washing back into an ocean that never ends.

REGRET

The soil is my sins That I keep shoveling.

RUNNING AHEAD

I want to be running through a forest Free of doubt, Not in my own head, Knowing no fear.

A BEAT

A heart beating To an endless rhyme. I follow the pattern of each beat.

VANISHING PIECES

I think about you more than I should. I feel the guilt that refuses to vanish, A pain that reminds me Of the pieces that are no longer there.

ON THE EDGE

I am standing on the edge Of the unknown. I do not know what awaits me– An unclear path. I refuse to acknowledge With fear that should I fall, I will perish.

UNKNOWN BEAUTY

Staring into the glistening sun As it shadows Over an infinite body of water That sparkles in an evening That at last feels calm.

TULIPS

I look upon a garden of tulips, With each tulip blooming to its full potential.

CAPTIVATED

My mind is captivated by the sun. It shines such a bright light On a life that sometimes feels dark.

AN UNFINISHED STORY

With each ing breath, It becomes clearer. My story isn’t over. The pain I feel disappears more. With each minute that fades, Its importance becomes less relevant In a life that never pauses, Keeps moving forward To a future More hopeful than the past.

LIGHT IN MY EYES

I wonder upon a star so bright, Shining vigorously, A never-ending sight Of beautiful lights Shining in my eyes.

CHILLS

A relentless chill of cold Brushes the back of my neck. I feel a shiver down my spine, A pulse of electricity I have never felt before.

THE LONELY

I feel an immense amount of pain When I’m alone. I wonder sometimes how much more I can take. Do the lonely ever stop being lonely?

UNWRITTEN

A thought written into words. A word written into a sentence. How a sentence can speak an eternity.

LEFTOVER PAIN

The day ends With nothing left To numb this pain.

WRONG DECISIONS

Shattered glass on the floor. You’d think I would go around. I walk right through anyways, Feet covered in red. Disoriented and confused, I have lost all feeling in the principles. There was always two alternatives, Yet I took the path That wouldn’t cause me pain. Or so I thought. I continue to make decisions That ruin me.

GROWING ANXIETY

I feel a sense of urgency At all times. My anxiety consumes me. We have been enemies For some time now.

SHE’S CHANGED

I envy her— Who she was, Who she is now. They are completely different people. She was strong. Now she is just numb. Life has thrown her harsh realities She just can’t seem to sprint from.

UNKNOWN FEELINGS

Steaming air gravitates to my skin, A sensation that makes my heart beat at a vigorous pace. Hairs begin to rise to a feeling of emotion I have never felt before.

A JOURNAL

People often say it’s Impossible to put your life onto a piece of paper. Here I am, though, Writing a journal of a life that has been lived, Each page longer than the last, As I am learning to live this life To its fullest A little more every day.

BROKEN PIECES

He broke her without even trying. It was his ways— The way he spoke to her, His body language. It made her feel like a burden. He was supposed to make her stronger. Instead, he made her feel alone.