"chimp Chomp Chumps" Script 6p324g

Fanboy and Chum Chum Record Draft FB 113 “PG Movie” by Eric Horsted 6/09/08

DISTRIBUTION: Michael Caine, Megan Casey, Shaun Cashman, Audrey Diehl, Kelley Gardner, Brandon Hoang, Dean Hoff, Eric Homan, Eric Horsted, Kevin Kolde, Scott Kreamer, Jason Meier, MacGregor Middleton, Roland Poindexter, Ilana Resnik, Eric Robles, Jim Schumann, Fred Seibert, Brian Sheesley, Steve Tompkins, Therese Trujillo, Blanca Uribe ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Copyright 2008, MTV Networks, a division of Viacom Inc. All Rights Reserved. This script is the property of MTV Networks and may not be copied or distributed without the express written permission of MTV Networks. This copy of the script remains the property of MTV Networks. It may not be sold or transferred and it must be returned to MTV Networks promptly upon demand. THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR PUBLICATION OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING WITH THE MTV NETWORKS' BUSINESS AND LEGAL AFFAIRS DEPARTMENT.

Fanboy and Chum Chum “PG Movie” FB113

Cast List Fanboy ...................................................................................................David Hornsby Chum Chum.......................................................................................... Nika Futterman Boog / Mr. Mufflin / Chimp Chomp Machine........................................... Jeff Bennett Oz.............................................................................................................Josh Duhamel Oz’s Mother.............................................................................................. Estelle Harris Lenny..........................................................................................................Wyatt Cenac Michael Johnson .....................................................................................................TBD

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

1.

EXT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT START ON A GIANT INFLATABLE MONKEY. PULL BACK TO REVEAL the monkey’s on top of a MOVIE THEATER MARQUEE that reads “WORLD PREMIERE! CHIMP CHOMP: THE MOVIE.” The monkey holds a LARGE BANANA-SHAPED DIGITAL CLOCK counting down, below it is text reading “UNTIL TICKETS GO ON SALE!” WE PAN down a line of shivering, miserable CUSTOMERS, SPEEDING to a blur until we stop on a blank space. CHUM CHUM and FANBOY’S heads pop into frame. They’re wearing SILLY FLOPPY MONKEY CHIMP CHOMP HATS. 1 FANBOY I can’t believe our town was picked for the world premiere of “Chimp Chomp: The Movie.” And tickets go on sale in only ten hours, five minutes, and twenty seconds! 2 CHUM CHUM Hm, I have ten hours, five minutes, and twenty-four seconds. We see Chum Chum wears a scaled-down version of the giant chimp clock around his neck. 3 CHUM CHUM (CONT’D) I guess my chimp must be off. 4 FANBOY If the movie’s anywhere near as fun as this line, I don’t think I can take it! (swooning) Oh, I’m feeling faint. Quick, I need a Chimp Chomp product tie-in. Chum Chum searches in a CHIMP CHOMP TOTE BAG. 5 CHUM CHUM We’ve got Cherry Chewy Chimps, Monkey Bites, and Ape Drapes. 6 FANBOY Cherry Chewy Chimp, and I’ll wash it down with Vanilla Gorilla. Fanboy opens a VANILLA GORILLA juice box. ANGLE ON THE BACK OF THE LINE: MR. MUFFLIN steps into line pushing a GROCERY CART.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

2.

7 MR. MUFFLIN I sincerely doubt everyone here has ten items or less... Whoa! Mr. Mufflin is tossed aside by an unseen force. All of a sudden KIDS start flying in all directions. REVEAL BOOG knocking kids out of the way with an GIANT INFLATABLE DONKEY KONG-STYLE MALLET. 8 BOOG Bop! Bop! 200 points! Bop! 400 points. There ain’t no stoppin’ this chimp when he’s boppin!

Bop!

ON FANBOY AND CHUM CHUM, ready to bite into their CHERRY CHEWY CHIMPS. 9 CHUM CHUM Mmm, I love these. Their brains squirt real fruit juice when you bite ‘em. The boy are poised to take a bite when... Boog leans in from SCREEN LEFT and up Chum Chum’s Cherry Chewy Chimp. 10 BOOG Your chimp’s been chomped! (bites Fanboy’s) Ooh, double chomp! Bonus points! 11 FANBOY / CHUM CHUM 12 FANBOY (weak enthusiasm) Oh, look who’s here. It’s Boog. What brings you out this fine evening? 13 BOOG Are you kidding me? my life.

Chimp Chomp’s

14 CHUM CHUM I thought delivering knuckle sandwiches was your life. 15 BOOG That’s more of a hobby. thinking of going pro!

But I’m

He raises a fist to Chum Chum, who flinches.

Boog .

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

3.

16 FANBOY Well, don’t let us keep you. I’m sure you have places to go, people to shove. 17 BOOG Well, I was gonna cut my way to the front, but then I figured, why go looking for fresh underwear when the wedgies are ripe right here? Boog grabs the boys by their underwear and lifts them up to his face. 18 BOOG (CONT’D) Don’t struggle, it only makes it tighter. 19 FANBOY Are you sure you wanna stay? I saw a nice pale kid up front. It looks like he’d bruise easily. 20 BOOG Nah, I think I’ll hang here. And hang you here. Boog hangs them off of nearby exposed NAILS in the wall. 21 CHUM CHUM Only ten hours, four minutes, and twenty seconds left! 22 FANBOY (weakly) I’m sure it’ll fly by. EXT. MOVIE THEATER - LATER CLOSE ON BOOG, telling a long story and twisting an ear on both Fanboy and Chum Chum. They grimace in pain. 23 BOOG ...Yeah, I auditioned for the role of Chimp Chomp. But the costume wouldn’t fit around my buffed-out biceps. He flexes his arms, lifting the boys off the ground and causing their bodies to spin around like propellers. Boog rises in the air for a beat.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

4.

24 BOOG (CONT’D) Hoo! I totally got mad air! DISSOLVE TO: EXT. MOVIE THEATER - LATER Boog clears a patch of grass with his hand. He grabs Fanboy’s head and begins screwing his body into the ground like a golf tee. 25 BOOG ...I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve been approached by some sponsors to play Chimp Chomp professionally. Boog grabs Chum Chum and molds him into a “golf ball” and places him on top of Fanboy’s head. He grabs his inflatable mallet. 26 BOOG (CONT’D) But I don’t know if I want to give up my amateur status. You know, in case Chimp Chomp becomes an Olympic sport. He swing and knocks Chum Chum of the “tee”. 400 YARDS AWAY / EXTREME FOREGROUND: Chum Chum lands right into an open MANHOLE. tiny Boog pumps his fist. 27 Alright!

In the DEEP BG,

BOOG (CONT’D) Hole in one!

EXT. MOVIE THEATER - LATER - MORNING ON BOOG, finishing his monologue while preparing to give the boys a massive wet willie. 28 BOOG (wetting finger) ...So therefore... Boog pulls out his wet finger and inserts it in Fanboy’s ear. 29 BOOG (CONT’D) ...the soul is really just one small part of a greater cosmic energy.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

5.

Boog’s finger continues moving, poking through Fanboy’s other ear (as Fanboy follows with his eyes). The finger continues, entering Chum Chum’s ear and poking out through the other ear. The boys look repulsed. 30 BOOG (CONT’D) And that energy flows through each one of us, uniting us with a common humanity... 31 FANBOY (noticing clock, excited) Hey, the big banana’s at zero! Tickets are on sale! The boys slide themselves off his finger like meat cubes off a shish kebab and RUSH to the TICKET WINDOW. LENNY is in the booth. He’s dressed as a GIANT BANANA. 32 LENNY Welcome to Galaxy Hills Theater. How can I serve you today? 33 FANBOY Well, Leonard, you can start by following the official Chimp Chomp The Movie Premiere script. 34 LENNY <exasperated groan, then> He begrudgingly launches into a scripted SONG AND DANCE similar to Jock Jam’s “Get Ready For This.” The boys groove along with him. 35 LENNY (CONT’D) Ya’ll ready to Chimp? Chimp-cha-chimp-cha-chimp-ChimpChomp. Hey! Chimp-cha-chimp-cha-chimp-ChimpChomp. Ho! Chimp-cha-chimp-cha-chimp-ChimpChomp. Yay! Chimp Chomp! (back to normal) Aw, now my peel’s all sweaty. 36 FANBOY Well, chimpin’ ain’t easy. Now, two for tonight’s screening, please.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

6.

37 CHUM CHUM Don’t forget. We need to get one for Oz. 38 FANBOY Oh, that’s right. please.

Three tickets,

39 LENNY (handing tickets) Thank you. They grab the tickets, their eyes wide with wonder. 40 CHUM CHUM Our tickets. 41 FANBOY Let’s see how they glisten in the sun! They step off to the side.

Boog approaches the window.

42 BOOG (calling to boys) Don’t run too far, you two. I want to flatten you into pancakes, and then go get some waffles. (to Lenny) Yo loser, gimme-He turns back to the ticket window just as Lenny puts up a “SOLD OUT” SIGN. 43 LENNY Sorry, sold out.

No more tickets.

44 BOOG What? No more tickets?? they all go?

Where’d

ANGLE ON MR. MUFFLIN pushing his shopping cart full of MOVIE TICKETS down the street. 45 MR. MUFFLIN (muttering to self) Boy these coupons cost an arm and a leg. But I’m sure they’ll save me money in the long run. BACK ON BOOG: He clings desperately to the ticket window.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

7.

46 BOOG (pleading) But-- but-- but I gotta see the Chimp Chomp movie! Chimp Chomp is my whole life. I played it every single day, on a I grew up in a plastic bubble. Can’t you give me a ticket pleeeease?! 47 Sorry.

LENNY They bought the last three.

He points to Fanboy and Chum Chum. ON FANBOY AND CHUM CHUM as the hold their glistening tickets up to the light. 48 FANBOY Look at how the sun glints off the perforation. OZ approaches the boys. 49 OZ Hey little dudes. 50 FANBOY Perfect timing, Oz. ticket!

We got your

51 OZ Ooh. I have some seriously bad news. I forgot I promised to take my mom to the Westminster Goat Show. REVEAL OZ’S MOTHER riding MITZI THE GOAT. 52 OZ’S MOTHER Let’s go, Ozvald. We want to get there early so Mitzi can mingle. 53 OZ <sigh> Coming mother. Oz jumps on Mitzi and she SPEEDS OFF like a dragster, peeling out and leaving plumes of SMOKE that fills frame. 54 CHUM CHUM (calling after) But Oz, what do we do with your ticket?

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

Suddenly Boog pops into frame between them. 55 BOOG Hey fellas, nice to see ya. Chum Chum you’re looking well. Look boys, here’s the thing. I need you two twerps to sell me your extra ticket. 56 FANBOY You didn’t get a ticket? 57 BOOG I know. It’s crazy, right? So whaddya say I just take your -Boog reaches for the ticket, but Fanboy es it to Chum Chum. 58 FANBOY Chum Chum, quick -- load it and lock it! Chum Chum quickly stuffs the ticket down the front of his underwear and spins a COMBINATION LOCK dial. 59 BOOG Aw, c’mon guys!

I’ll do anything!

Fanboy and Chum Chum share a sly smile. 60 FANBOY You know Chum Chum, maybe it’s all those wet willies, but I thought I just heard Boog say he’d do anything for this ticket. 61 CHUM CHUM Anything? 62 BOOG Anything you want! 63 FANBOY How ‘bout everything we want? Boog looks up to the giant Chimp. 64 BOOG (pained) Only for you.

8.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

9.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY MR. MUFFLIN is in front of the class as Boog appears in the doorway carrying Fanboy and Chum Chum, who each sit regally on the palms of Boog’s hands. 65 BOOG <makes horn noise> Hear ye, hear ye! Presenting the most radical King of all that’s Awesomely Sweet, Fanboy! And his main man, the High Duke of Funkadelic-ness, Mixmaster Chum Chum! He places them in their desks. 66 There. 67 Good.

BOOG (CONT’D) Piece of cake. FANBOY Now the other thing.

68 BOOG Aw, c’mon. 69 CHUM CHUM (waving movie ticket) Ticky ticky ticky! 70 BOOG Awww. (to class) Also, I like to make poopy in my diaper. 71 CLASSMATES 72 FANBOY (baby talk) That’s my little Boogie Boo. Now here’s Boogie’s widdle binky. Fanboy puts a PACIFIER in his mouth. 73 BOOG (self pity) I used to rule this school. <sucks pacifier>

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

10.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD - DAY A RED RUBBER BALL <whizzes> through frame. REVEAL BOOG, FANBOY, AND CHUM CHUM watching an intense game of dodgeball. 74 BOOG Ahh, the sweet sound of ball on face... the humiliation of the weak... the smell of fear... I love dodgeball! A ball flies at Boog, he catches it effortlessly. 75 Uh-uh.

CHUM CHUM Big kids can’t play.

76 BOOG Well, then why am I here? CUT TO: EXT. SCHOOL YARD - MOMENTS LATER Fanboy and Chum Chum run behind Boog as he’s being pelted with dodgeballs. 77 FANBOY / CHUM CHUM Human shield! 78 BOOG Do it for Chimp Chomp. Do it for Chimp Chomp. Do it for Chimp-(ball in mouth) Chullp! INT. FROSTY MART - DAY Fanboy and Chum Chum lounge in hammocks. Boog comes over with two Frosty Freezy Freezes on a tray. 79 BOOG Your Frosty Freezy Freezes. 80 FANBOY Mmm, mine’s just a wee bit too frosty. 81 CHUM CHUM And mine’s just a tad too freezy. 82 FANBOY Would you be a peach...?

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

11.

Boog grits his teeth and walks off. He approaches the Frosty Freezy Freeze machine where Lenny stands, . 83 LENNY Ha ha, looks like those two really have you jumping through-- Boog immediately KNOCKS him O.S. 84 BOOG You don’t have my ticket. ANGLE ON FANBOY AND CHUM CHUM. Boog brings over fresh Frosty Freezy Freezes. The boys take them. 85 FANBOY Hmm, still an hour ‘til showtime. However will we spend it? SFX: CHIMP CHOMP VIDEO GAME. The boy’s heads turn to look at the video game. 86 BOOG (realizing) Oh no! No no no! Not my precious baby! Nobody touches my Chimp Chomp but me! 87 FANBOY We understand, Boog. Why don’t you stay and play it while we go see the movie with someone else? 88 BOOG (struggling) Alright... But I beg you, be gentle with her. CLOSE ON CHUM CHUM putting a QUARTER in the machine. The game begins. Chum Chum presses the button once. Then... 89 CHIMP CHOMP MACHINE (V.O.) You lose! 90 Yay!

CHUM CHUM

91 BOOG There, you’ve had your fun.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

12.

He immediately begins wiping down the machine with a SOFT CLOTH. 92 CHUM CHUM I want the high score. 93 BOOG What are you, nuts? points.

You got three

94 CHUM CHUM I... want the high score. 95 BOOG (pointing to screen) Look! 988 thousand! 989 thousand! Those are high scores! I outta know! I earned ‘em! 96 CHUM CHUM (beat) I want the high score. 97 BOOG But... the only way to do that is to erase my high scores?! 98 FANBOY Well, if seeing your name on this machine is more important than seeing the movie it inspired... 99 BOOG (boils for a minute, then) ‘Scuse me. ANGLE ON THE FROSTY FREEZE MACHINE: Boog grabs a cup, into it for a beat. 100 BOOG (CONT’D) <muffled cursing> He puts a lid on the cup and sets it down. counter, <JITTERING>.

It sits on the

AT THE VIDEO GAME: Boog returns. 101 BOOG (CONT’D) Fine. Step aside. He approaches the machine, takes a , maneuvers the controls for a beat, then slowly and deliberately presses the final button.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

13.

SFX: PAC-MAN DEATH SOUND. 102 BOOG (CONT’D) <sniffling> They’re gone. They’re all gone. I think I’m gonna cry. Boog slumps on the machine, <SOBBING>. ticket underneath him. 103 FANBOY There you go, Boog. it.

Fanboy slips the

You’ve earned

104 CHUM CHUM Well, I guess we better get going. We don’t want to miss the previews. 105 FANBOY (casual, to Boog) So... Should we all go together? Or do you want to meet us there? Boog lifts his head up from the machine, clutching his ticket with an <EVIL CACKLE>. 106 BOOG You know, growing up in a plastic bubble, Chimp Chomp was all I was good at. But now I found something else I’m good at... Bopping you guys! And that’s what I’m gonna do during the movie. Watch Chimp Chomp... and BOP YOU SENSELESS! The boys share a look of dread. nightmare:

WE CUT TO their shared

INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHTMARE FANTASY ON BOOG’S FACE, at the movie. PULL BACK TO REVEAL Fanboy and Chum Chum on either side of him. Boog eats POPCORN out of Fanboy’s head while using Chum Chum’s mouth as a DRINK holder. 107 BOOG (yelling at screen) Chomp it you Chimp! Boog then BOPS them hard.

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. FROSTY MART - BACK TO SCENE BOOG .

Fanboy and Chum Chum look stricken.

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

14.

108 FANBOY (weakly) Why didn’t we think of that? 109 CHUM CHUM We really should’ve thought of that. 110 FANBOY There’s only one thing to do. Chum, get that ticket!

Chum

Chum Chum snatches the ticket from Boog’s hand. 111 BOOG Get back here! Boog begins to chase the boys around the Frosty Mart. 112 FANBOY Run Chum Chum! Run like the wind! Boog grabs a super-long LICORICE WHIP and twirls it over his head like a lasso before throwing it and snaring Chum Chum. The ticket flies into Boog’s hands. Boog runs, but Fanboy throws a bunch of HOT DOGS in front of Boog, who loses his footing on the rolling dogs. 113 BOOG Whooooooaaaaaaaa! As he stumbles backward, Fanboy grabs the ticket and runs off. ANGLE ON LENNY: Through the melee, he saunters up to the microwave with a burrito. Fanboy races by him. 114 LENNY Hey, watch it! (Chum Chum races by him) Cut it out! He opens the microwave door. 115 Move!

BOOG (O.S.)

We see Boog barreling down on Lenny. 116 Okay!

LENNY

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

15.

Lenny moves out of the way right before Boog races into frame and SMASHES right into the microwave door, his face flattening against the door’s interior side. 117 BOOG Boog eyes glace over at the DIGITAL CLOCK next to his face. It’s 7:20, his EYES GO WIDE. 118 BOOG (CONT’D) (smushed face) Aaaugh! It’s 7:20! We’re missing the movie! ANGLE ON FANBOY AND CHUM CHUM senselessly breaking things in the Frosty Mart. The quickly stop. 119 FANBOY / CHUM CHUM (realizing) Aaaaugh! EXT. MOVIE THEATER - LATER The three run up just as the movie’s letting out. CHRIS CHUGGY and a dancing MICHAEL JOHNSON walk outside. 120 MICHAEL JOHNSON Chimp Chomp rocks! Hee-hee! movie was bad! Shamoan!

That

Fanboy, Chum Chum and Boog stare at them. 121 FANBOY / CHUM CHUM / BOOG We’re too late! 122 MICHAEL JOHNSON That’s not all you missed! Chimp Chomp was there in person! And he gave us all autographs! And monkey bites! And bags of money! Fanboy, Chum Chum and Boog angrily get in each others’ faces. 123 BOOG It was one night only, and you made me miss it! 124 FANBOY No, you made us miss it!

FB 113

"PG Movie"

Record Draft - 6/09/08

16.

125 BOOG I know one thing I won’t miss... your face! Fanboy and Boog start GIRLY SLAP-FIGHTING. breaks it up.

Chum Chum quickly

126 CHUM CHUM Guys! There’s only one thing we can do. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. MOVIE THEATER - LATER ON THE LARGE CHIMP CHOMP CLOCK: It now reads “Chimp Chomp 2: Gone ‘Nanners! Coming in 378 Days” TILT DOWN TO REVEAL FANBOY AND CHUM CHUM in line. behind them giving them noogies and .

Boog’s

127 BOOG 378 more days ‘til Chimp Chomp 2! I love sequels! 128 CHUM CHUM (aside to Fanboy) The noogies were better in the first one. Off their painful noogies... FADE OUT.