Fixated On You (torn Series #5) 3h815

Fixated on You

Pamela Ann

Contents

Fixated On You

I ♥ Heart Sexy Reads

Acknowledgments

Playlist

A Lemon

1. Prologue: Emma

2. Emma

3. Bass

4. Emma

Emma

5. Carter

6. Emma

7. Emma

8. Bass

Bass

9. Bass

Bass

10. Emma

Emma

Emma

11. Bass

12. Emma

13. Bass

14. Bass

15. Carter

16. Emma

17. Emma

Emma

18. Emma

19. Bass

20. Emma

Emma

21. Bass

22. Emma

23. Carter

24. Bass

25. Emma

26. Bass

27. Emma

Emma

28. Carter

29. Emma

Emma

Emma

30. Bass

31. Carter

32. Bass

33. Emma

34. Bass

35. Bass

Bass

36. Bass

Bass

Torn Series Order

Preview

37. Liv

38. Grey

I ♥ Heart Sexy Reads

Also by Pamela Ann

Fixated On You

TORN SERIES BOOK #5

Fixated on You Torn Series Book #5 Pamela Ann

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Copyright © 2013 by Pamela Ann all rights reserved Interior book design by Bob Houston eBook Formatting ISBN: 978-14937168-9-0 edited by alizon & kristin

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Acknowledgments

Writing Emma’s book was more difficult than expected. I suppose, saying goodbye to my loves was never going to be easy… I just want to give a thousand thanks to my beta readers: Josie Melendez, Cami Hesnault, Kimberly Rinaldi, Kimbery Harris, Manda Gammons, Jen Joanisse, Ashley Suzzane, Melissa Gill, Joni Payne, Jodie Stipetich and Kirstie Hicks, you ladies have been outstanding. Josie, I love your in-depth s =) And to my pimps: Sherry Galloway Studdard, Tiffany Marie, Ana Carvelheiro, Toni Hanks, Rosabel Herrera, Carrie White, Cookie Pacheco, Elena R. Cruz, Elouise Lewis, Renee Mckinney, Yvette Paz, Valerie Weber Sheroke, Candy Rodal, Angie Dornin, Dawn Vickers, Lisa Petty, Elizabeth Holmes Meltzer, PJ Duddy, Brandi Franklin, Stephanie Erickson, Lindsay Bzoza, Jessica Lamb Martini, Kelli Spear, Stephanie Romig, Nikki Cole, Julie Yoder, Pamela Duddy, Nikki Booklover, Christi Bissett, DeAnna Hill, Louise Sherman and for the rest that I can’t name at the moment in my street team, thank you so very much. I appreciate all the effort you guys have done for me.

Playlist

Let It Be Me Ray LaMontagne Wrecking Ball Miley Cyrus Up To You Chris Brown Secrets One Republic Say One Republic Counting Stars One Republic Hold On, We’re Going Home Drake Can’t Take My Eyes Off You Lauryn Hill What Goes Around Comes Around Justin Timberlake Not Over You Gavin DeGraw 9 Crimes Damien Rice Dreams The Cranberries A Thousand Years Christina Perry Pictures Of You The Cure Eyes On Fire Blue Foundation You Fisher

All In Lifehouse Uninvited Alanis Morrissette Don’t Speak No Doubt Absolutely Zero Jason Mraz

A Lemon

Out of lemon flowers loosed on the moonlight, love's lashed and insatiable essences, sodden with fragrance, the lemon tree's yellow emerges, the lemons move down from the tree's planetarium

Delicate merchandise! The harbors are big with itbazaars for the light and the

barbarous gold. We open the halves of a miracle, and a clotting of acids brims into the starry divisions: creation's original juices, irreducible, changeless, alive: so the freshness lives on in a lemon, in the sweet-smelling house of the rind, the proportions, arcane and acerb.

Cutting the lemon the knife leaves a little cathedral:

alcoves unguessed by the eye that open acidulous glass to the light; topazes riding the droplets, altars, aromatic facades.

So, while the hand holds the cut of the lemon, half a world on a trencher, the gold of the universe wells to your touch: a cup yellow with miracles, a breast and a nipple perfuming the earth; a flashing made fruitage, the diminutive fire of a planet.

~Pablo Neruda

1 Prologue: Emma

I thought the greatest hurdle of love had already happened, but it wasn’t done yet. No, far from it. You see, my heart had led me to loving two men. As much as I wanted to keep both, I had to choose one, the one I couldn’t live without. I never had been a fickle woman, nor did I strive to be one—but Carter Mason happened, then Bass Cole came along right after. Both men were ionate, relentless, stubborn, and did not easily give up on anything they loved. Carter was the first man I fell hopelessly in love with. He was also the first man to break my heart and shatter my defenses. Bass, on the other hand, made me feel things. Emotions that were so profound that I simply ached with or without him. Yet even with the intensity we both shared, he still managed to break me—killed me—and turned me inside out. For months, I was traumatized. My heart was endlessly battered. I was still reeling and healing from all the pain and abuse before another blow hit me. The news simply terrified me. The worst was yet to come. However, no matter what happens, no matter what they say, Bass held me like no other man could. He made me feel like flying; soaring through air, lit up like fireworks. The Aurora Borealis—multicolored and shining in the sky—was how he made me feel inside —glowing, burning, shimmering with love. Ignited with ion so intense, we crackled with it after just a mere gaze. He weaved me into his heart, cast a luminous spell that had me bound, and hopelessly captured my heart by loving me without fear. There was nowhere to run except into his arms. I was his breath of life, and he was the only man that could make me feel all hot

and all cold in a flash… Yet even then, one should always ask oneself, how strong was this love? The test of will has yet to knock on my door. I knew, with every fiber in me, that it was one trial that was going to bend and break me. It could even kill me. Would I choose to stay and fight, endure all the pain that it would bring, or would I walk away, itting defeat.

2 Emma

I was fidgeting with my seatbelt when the pilot’s voice spoke through the speakers, announcing that we were about to land. My silly grin was in place; I simply couldn’t hold it back. Excitement coursed through me as I thought of seeing Bass very soon. This visit was planned, but what he didn’t know was that I was coming in a day early. Bass was out in Vancouver filming the last KOC movie, and I hadn’t seen him in two weeks. To some, fourteen days might not be that much time apart, but to us, it had been a big struggle. Each night, we fell asleep on the phone together. We were inseparable even if we were in different countries. The best thing about getting back with Bass was falling in love with him all over again. Tomorrow we were hitting the two-month mark since our reconciliation and things were almost perfect… almost; if you didn’t include Nikki in the picture. Thinking about her was depressing. I could feel my mood dip at the thought of what she represented in my life, so I had to shove thoughts of her aside and focus on what I came here for, Bass. Deplaned and approximately an hour and a half later, I arrived on set. The best thing about being his known girlfriend was that I didn’t have to introduce myself. People already recognized me. So when an assistant named Mark showed me where to go, I kindly told him that I could easily find it without him following me. It might sound lame, however I wanted this moment to be shared by us, without

an audience, if I could help it. From afar, I could see that they had just finished shooting a scene. Everyone was moving around, chaotic and buzzing to get things going for what was next. I finally spotted him with people. From the looks of it, he was giving a short, informal interview, probably from one of the celebrity gossip news shows that went on everyday right about dinnertime. The man was Bass Cole. He looked every bit of the sought after actor that everyone wanted to work with. He could do drama, romantic comedy, action— anything—basically he checked all of the above. Recently, he was dubbed as the next Leo DiCaprio—acting wise. A major feat for any actor in the industry. Yes, he was gorgeous to look at, even more so when he was all naked, hot and making love to me. I loved seeing the dark intensity those eyes showed each time he took me. He might be The Bass Cole to the rest of the world, but to me, he was simply Bass, the man who loved me unconditionally. At that moment in the interview, it looked like he was asking a question when something must’ve caught Bass’s attention, causing his eyes to scour the crowd, looking for someone. He responded with a smile, but managed to look confused as he tried to search for someone… still. Who was he looking for? Now my curiosity was beyond piqued. My confidence started to nosedive when I began to think about Bass hooking up with someone on the set. I mean it was possible… I was nervously biting my lips, hoping for the feeling to ebb away as I waited for his interview to be over with when his eyes roved towards my end, still searching. It was then when he found me. Our eyes locked on each other. I started to become nervous when I saw the burning intensity of his gaze, giving me massive heart contractions. Then he smiled. With his eyes still locked on mine, barely glancing towards the interviewer to excuse himself before he came running towards me. Yes, the damning man ran while I stayed rooted to the spot, bubbling with excitement and happiness, before he picked me up in his arms and kissed me for the world to see.

Both of my hands cupped his face, kissing him with the same fire and hunger that took over our bodies. I was almost in tears because the kiss held so much meaning; damn, it was scary to hold this kind of happiness because the last time I felt this way was in Aspasia before the tsunami of bad luck came crumbling down on us. When I pulled away, we were both panting loudly as we grinned at each other. “Surprised?” His eyes held me mesmerized. “You have no idea how glad I am that you’re here.” He held my hand and kissed it softly before tucking it close to him. “Why don’t you finish up with that guy and I’ll just wait in your trailer? Or I can head straight to your hotel room and unwind for a little bit?” I suggested, feeling a little guilty for interrupting him mid-interview. He shook his head, gazing at me as if he couldn’t get enough of seeing me up close. “No, I’d rather you stick around.” Bass grinned, pulling me close to his chest. “I want you to meet the people I work with. We’re all going to a restaurant afterwards for dinner. Hope that’s okay?” “Whatever makes you happy, boss,” I quipped back playfully. His smiled disappeared while his eyes caressed my face, penetrating me with those magnetic eyes that made me stop breathing all together. “You make me happy, Emma, more than anyone.” Why did he get so serious all of a sudden? Was something the matter? “Everything okay?” His expression was nagging at me. “It is now.” He kissed my forehead before guiding me towards the tent. “Hungry?” For you… I am. Always. “You bet.” Bass halted his steps, now looking at me with a big frown on his face. “Wait, so what happened to the audition that you were supposed to go on tomorrow? You cancelled it?” “No, I didn’t cancel.” I shook my head. “I called Barbara and begged if she

could pull something off and get me the audition a day early. My power of convincing people seems to be working well,” I said, winking at him. “So, she called me last night, telling me in her stern voice that if I don’t show up at eightforty five the next morning in the studio, I could kiss this audition goodbye.” It was for a chick-flick movie that my agent arranged for me. “You got it, right?” My eyes avoided his. “Yeah… I got it,” I murmured, pressing my lips together. He nodded before giving me a second look. “Mind telling me what excuse you gave Barbara? Knowing how she is, she doesn’t convince easily.” I did know… “Well, about that…” I trailed off, taking a peek at him. “If she calls, tell her that you’re feeling better now and you’re not depressed, and that you don’t have any trouble ing your lines any longer, okay?” His eyes grew like saucers, laughter bubbling out of him. “You told her I was depressed and I couldn’t memorize my lines?” He barked out a belly laugh. “I don’t know if I should be appalled that you think my work could be affected with my emotions, or if I should be impressed that you simply couldn’t wait to see your man.” He was grinning from ear to ear as he grabbed me around my waist and laughed against my neck, his hot breath sending shivers all over my body. It might sound funny now, but at that time, I didn’t feel like laughing. “It’s been two weeks, Bass. It hasn’t been easy.” Bass immediately sobered up, knowing quite well how hard it had been for us. “I know, babe. I know.” His arms wrapped around me, lifting me off the ground a little before burying his face in my hair. “I’ve missed you, too.” A sexy groan came from him before he left a soft kiss on the side of my neck. So that’s how our night started, with a lot of lingering kisses, touches and comehither looks. After the large dinner riot of jokes and laughter, most of the crowd went to a bar and planned to get drunk before going back to the hotel. Since I was being greedy of sharing Bass, I told him that I was tired when he asked me if I wanted to the others.

The second we got dropped off at the hotel, Bass was holding me with a death grip. By the looks of things, this man didn’t want me going anywhere. I was on lockdown, attached to him, much to my cloud nine state of mind. The entire production was staying in Rosewood Hotel Georgia. The historic boutique hotel held elegance and charm. Bass already had arranged for my things to be sent straight to his suite, so I didn’t have to haul anything. I liked how thoughtful he could be. Little things like that made me grateful to have a good man by my side. Bass was already nipping his way around my neck when his phone started ringing in his pocket. We barely got inside his room when he stiffened as he looked at the screen. Whoever the caller was, he didn’t like it one bit. I was about to ask who it was when his nostrils flared before he excused himself to take the call on the balcony. Licking my lips, basked with dim lighting, I watched from afar, feeling ill. Nikki… it had to be her. Damn.

3 Bass

My lawyer was yapping, but I could barely what was being said. After he mentioned what my parents intended to do, everything seemed to blur around me. The only thing that was ing in my shocked brain was, my parents were really going to sue me, and nothing more. I knew that this day would come, of course I did. That they were going to do it sooner or later—however, there had still been a teeny part that had hoped they were going to get their crap together. And as always, those two let me down, completely. Repeatedly. Irrevocably. My parents were pointless, selfish beings. Holding out hope that someday that might change would be wishing for a blue moon to happen. But me, being the fruit of their selfish union, couldn’t fully comprehend that they could really be that self-centered. Surprise, surprise, here comes their very own signature parental love and affection. Releasing a long, agonizing breath, I spoke on the phone. “Do what needs to be done and keep me informed. That will be all. Goodnight,” I said with a cutting voice, though not directly at poor Lester; it was more towards my irresponsible parents. It was beyond frustrating to be in this position. Sometimes I wished I were someone else, someone who had simpler means and an easier life to get on with. It’s one thing after the other. Just when I thought things were stabilizing for me, another conundrum comes rolling in, squashing any hope I have of ever having an easy, and yet, happy life. I was still looking out at the view of the city below when I heard Emma come through the balcony area. Her slow, almost-silent steps showed how unsure she

was to approach me. That brought a small smile to my face. Even when I was in the dumps, Emma brought light into my life. So I waited for her to reach me, silently willing and counting down the moment that she finally would. A sigh of relief came out of me when Emma came up behind me, wrapping her arms around my torso as she pressed her face on my back. “I’m here. Whatever’s bothering you…I’m here to listen.” Her presence soothed my heart while her affection settled the riot that was my brain. “My parents are suing me.” Saying those words aloud made it even more real. Sad how some parents were just not made to act like they should. Those two were better off childless with no responsibility to hinder their squandering lifestyle. Sadly, I sprouted out of nowhere, making life a tad—yes, a tad—more difficult for them. “They’ve been stalling. I was actually expecting this last year… I almost forgot about it.” It had been in the back of my head. I should’ve thought better. Emma’s arms held me tighter, making me feel her love, letting me know that I wasn’t alone. That she was there for me, if I wanted it or not. The feeling of having someone to lean on, knowing that they were there without judging you, but just being there—to listen—while you pour your guts out, was a novelty for me. Nevertheless, it was a cherished feeling to share with someone I loved. “God, that’s horrible. What are they suing you for?” What else was there? When it came to my parents, it was the evil of all evils. “Money.” “Is there anything I can do to help? I’m sure you’re going through so much already, but if you want to go out and party with some of your work mates to forget about what happened tonight, then we should go out. I don’t mind it at all.” Why party with others when I had her here? I knew she was trying to be a good girlfriend and all, but really? Knowing that she was a jealous one made me love her all the more. This kind offer probably took a lot for her to say, and I appreciated that she was trying to be accommodating. We were, after all, still getting used to each other again. And where compromise was concerned, we

were trying our damnedest. I spun around and faced her thoughtful, worried countenance. “Understanding girlfriend…” I murmured, smirking. “Do you think you could get away from spending time with me?” raising my brow in question. She tried to speak, however I took over, letting her know where I wanted to be. “I’ve been dreaming about you from sun up to sun down. You have completely taken over my mind and body, and you think I want to go party tonight?” I cocked my head, disbelieving. “If I want to forget, there’s only one way I’d love to do it.” My lips took hers, seeking. Our kiss was tender, ionate, sealing what I claimed as mine. Each stroke of my tongue took us deeper. My body was hot, fevered for her touch, her lips, her absolute surrender to me. “The thought of me deeply seated inside of you, getting lost in your heated depths, and the feeling of your tight cunt, sucking and gripping the life out of me…” I groaned while my cock twitched as I slowly rocked my hips against her stomach. My control was slipping away as hot kisses trailed away from her lips and onto her cheek then onto her ear with eagerness. Once I reached her hot spot, my tongue played with it—teasing, whirling—while my seeking hand started to find its way to its purpose, my sanctuary. “Make love to me, Emma.” Without disconnecting our gazes, she dropped onto her knees, biting her bottom lip as she eyed me with perfervid lust while her hands were busy unbuckling my pants, pulling them down along with my boxer-briefs with a quick, hard tug. I looked down at my firm dick against her face, and all air left my lungs as I waited for that very first lick; that soft, wet lick that surged electricity all over my body. Blue eyes still held mine as she softly caressed the tip of my shaft against her skin, her soft lips and then against her cheek, feeling its silkiness, its smoothness. She was cherishing it, showing how much she wanted me before closing her eyes.

I watched—fascinated with her, at what the hell she was doing. It was only her who had the power to exorcise any ghosts, any hollowed emptiness that usually crept into my loneliness. Only Emma, who could make me feel like I had everything in life even if it was far from perfect. There was only ever her and no one else. The woman captured me once more as she milked me, speaking in between suction. “Do you know I think of you every night? Counting down the hours until I see you again, so I could touch you… feel you,” she whispered. Her hot breath tickled the tiny slit of my mushroomed head, making it release moisture. It glistened atop my cock, vying and provoking for attention. Licking my lips, I sway my hips to the side, aiming for her partially parted lips. “Taste me,” I commanded, the need rasped out of my lips. With shut lids, her mouth parted as her hand gripped my shaft, stroking it without mercy while her mouth blew me away. I barely had the chance to swallow the saliva that got stuck behind my throat, nor did I get the opportunity to howl in pleasure because Emma didn’t give me that favor. She sucked me with one goal in mind, and that was to obliterate me from thinking of anything else other than her amazing skills. And Christ, how well it worked. My eyes could barely take in the sight of her, on her knees, servicing me like a damned king—her king. Her king, I may be, but she owned me through and through, and I wouldn’t have it in any other way. She was my beautiful enchantress. “Stretch those lips wider, moro mou. Take it all. Suck it all. Don’t stop until you take all of me.” Even though I was in the penthouse suite, howling with everything I could give, the last thing I wanted to worry about was propriety. Slowly, with precise, excruciating suctions, Emma took all of me. It was a feat— a sight I always wanted to because she could barely manage to do it— and yet, she wouldn’t stop until she made it. Her determination was sexy. However, seeing her with tears, saliva dripping around and down the sides of her

mouth, made me fall for her more. A fearless woman, who was willing to go through some discomfort and hard work just to make her other half feel better— loved—was a woman worth keeping. My balls tightened. My stomach clenched as my insides felt the dropping hum of my orgasm rearing up, boiling from within as it travelled upwards—surging, throbbing for the finale. I was in love. I was in lust. I was a man who was screaming at the top of his lungs while I got thumped by the most powerful orgasm I’ve had in a very long time. It was so powerful that I felt like I had sky-rocketed into the sky, all the while only ever seeing white, blanking out my brain with anything else. Only feeling this majestic, electrifying surge of beauty, which brought me back to life with such heady, intoxicating speed. My body shook. Sweated. And I was oh so ready to go on for another wild ride. Looking down at the siren that made my body quake like no other woman could, I watched in awe as she thoroughly cleaned my shaft from any milky residue. She was hungry all right… and thank God for that because my dick needed good milking… all weekend long. Twinkling blue eyes looked at me. Expectant. Ready to be conquered. Eager to be dominated. Emma was feisty and ionate in nature, yet when it came to handing over the power to me during sex, she freely gave it away. She was my willing captive. My instrument. My whatever I wished her to be. As a man, I ired this trait because it made our sex life all the more exciting, thrilling and beyond cataclysmic. I needed to take charge—conquer her—when need be. When the roles were reversed, it made it all the more compelling. “Strip for me, moro mou.” Emma released my engorged dick in slow motion, twirling her tongue around it before she reached the top of the head. Her smile was pure sin. Those swollen lips were raw, red and hot. My mind barely took in the fact that her tongue snaked out and wiped the wet sides of her lips because she started to walk backwards, pushing her fitted dress top below her gorgeous tits as she kicked her shoes to the side.

“Come and get me, Bass,” she whispered before disappearing into the shadows. My fascinated gaze never left the temptress. Eagerly, I took off my shirt and then the rest of my clothes, leaving them all on the balcony before I went indoors to seek her out. Naked. Once I reached inside, her voice caressed me, leaving goose bumps all over my skin. “Seek me with your eyes closed, Mr. Cole.” Fuck, yes. Game on. I grinned as I closed my eyes, ears prying for any sound from her. My ears picked up the faint sound of the city below from the opened balcony doors, however nothing from her. Licking my lips, I started to walk slowly, trying to the layout of the suite. Emma could be anywhere… naked hide and seek surely was a game for teasers. My cock seemed to be more than eager to be a willing participant as it grew harder; to the point where it was starting to hurt badly while trying to walk about. “Emma?” I yelled, hoping she’d give me a sign. She laughed…somewhere. “I’m here.” Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, where the fuck was she? My senses were a little spiked from the amount of alcohol I’d consumed during dinner. So instead of sharpening them, they became all the more dull. “Em?” “You’re almost there.” Okay, I could do this. Just when I thought I was about to lose it completely, I heard her softly panting a few feet away. If my memory served me right, it would put her somewhere in the dining room… I swallowed as my heartbeat sped up some more. If she placed herself on top of that dining table… OH. Fuck. YES. “Open your eyes,” she finally spoke, breaking through my excited thoughts.

Emma smiled at me, legs crossed on the table, stark naked. “Waiting got you more… excited, I see.” Playful, I did pretty well. Raising my brow, it was my turn to play. “Didn’t anyone tell you to never toy with a starved man’s cock?” She pouted, slowly uncrossing her legs before opening them for me to see and inspect with hungry eyes. “Why, Bass? Are you…hungry?” My pussy, both brains, north and south, acknowledged. The composed man in me vanished, replaced by a man in tune with his baser instincts. It was out to do one thing—to mate with primal voracity. Game over. The words flitted through my mind as I moved close enough to reach her parted legs. Bending over, I closed my eyes and inhaled that scent that drove men to become crazy dogs. It made men do things they’d never thought possible, all because of this sweet ambrosia. A beautiful woman was one thing, but it was a different thing when the woman’s pussy called upon you; to taste it, touch it, own it. “Christ you smell so damn good.” “Which is it to be?” My hot breath blew across her clit. “My tongue?” I asked, before letting my tongue taste her little button, making her spread her legs wider than before. “My fingers?” Said fingers made their way to massage her breast, making Emma slowly rock back and forth. “Or my cock?” I took my time, letting my words sink in before finally moving away from her exposed cunt, meeting her powerful enigmatic gaze that made me a better man. “I need your cock, babe.” She licked her lips, begging, “Please.” She knew me so well. In the blink of an eye, I pulled her down and flipped her over with her feet barely reaching the marbled floor. Emma’s legs were stretched to their limit, ready for my assault. “I know you might want to make love…and we will,” My hands gathered her hair with a tight grip as I hissed into her ear, making her pant wildly, “but for now, I want you spread open, easy and ready to be fucked out of your mind.” My cock twitched against the crack of her spread ass cheeks. “Is that feasible for you, Emma?” “Bass!” she angrily hissed, pushing out her ass more, obliging. “Just…please.

Stop. Talking.” Her request was granted. Twice. Our lovemaking was hard, demanding and unparalleled. When our bodies were ed, it was our way of celebrating our love—a way to heal the hurt and embrace our scars. It was the perfect form of experiencing what we were truly about as mortals—to feel connected to our instincts. It was a way to feel in tune with nature—to our very souls—but most of all, to feel the greatest gift to all mankind; our hearts. We were now in bed, sweaty and naked, and beyond exhaustion. Yet one thing was sure, we both had a dream-like smile. “I love you.” “Love you,” Emma mumbled, already half asleep. As always, she was exhausted after sex. I ed watching her a lot while we filmed in Greece. It was one of my cherished memories of Emma. Even though time had moved forward while problems kept trying to shoot us down, I’m glad that some things remained the same. She still whispers my name in her sleep. Knowing that fact alone made my life. The rest of the world could crumble tomorrow, however I would die happy knowing that I was loved. My weekend with Emma was what I needed to regain perspective. Other problems in my life were seriously taking a big toll on me, mentally and emotionally, but I knew I couldn’t give up because I had the most important thing to cherish and live for. Emma was my purpose. My life. Our future was my goal, so I couldn’t sacrifice that because my life was in the shitters at the moment. No. As long as I had Emma by my side, everything was going to be okay.

4 Emma

Waking up without Bass after spending the weekend with him was a total mood killer. Then, living in a house with two people hating on each other was another downer. Lindsey and Amber still weren’t talking after their major showdown. Was I shocked? Shit, my mouth had hung open. I mean, Amber giving her v-card to one of her best friend’s love interests was a massive deal. Both girls I heart hardcore, but I wasn’t going to take sides. Who was I to judge when it came to irrational decision-making where love was concerned? I would be a poor judge of it. Lindsey’s case—I understood her anger because she broadcasted to the world at a young age that she was in love with Brody. For her to learn about Amber’s indiscretion possibly brought out all the ugly memories that she had to deal with before. As for Amber, the poor woman probably fought off her feelings for Lindsey’s sake, but we all know that the more you fight it off, the worse it gets. She fell for a man she wasn’t supposed to love—yet it happened anyway. If at all, I felt bad for her. I mean she kept it hidden for so long…I bet seeing Lindsey and Brody get together before probably almost killed her inside. And yet she never said a word…until it all blew up. From Carter and Trista’s updates, Brody was now trying to avoid seeing Lindsey or Amber by staying busy doing his own thing. Since all these folks grew up together and were used to being all in each other’s business, I wondered how long it would take for all three to really have a full-on confrontation. Seriously, they needed to clear the air, but only when they felt ready to do so. For now, though, my home had become a stale, awkward environment. “What are your plans for your birthday, babe?” Trista asked the second I entered

the kitchen. Eat a cake and blow Bass’s candle? Ha! “Nothing comes to mind,” I lied, shrugging. I just came back from school, trying to figure out how to approach my teachers with the fact that I got a new gig that needed me to be in a different state. Chicago to be precise. Trying to go to school and still act, seriously, it was difficult. I now fully understood why a lot of people didn’t even bother getting degrees while they were busy making movies. However, I had made a promise to my parents that, no matter what, I was going to get a degree. So I was going to keep that promise, even if I had to work extra hard doing both. I knew it was going to be well worth it in the end. “Well, I’ll figure it out, so don’t you worry.” “You going to Coop’s goodbye bonfire party tonight?” The boys had graduated from college, and now Cooper was moving to LA. It’s an hour away. I don’t see the point of a goodbye party. Hell, I’d be seeing him all the freaking time, anyway. “Sure, if you’re all going.” “Well…since you’re here and all. It’s silly, but I just thought we should ask anyway, you know?” I hated when Trista came out with lines like these…it usually held motives. “Okay…yeah. Sure.” But what could it be? I was piqued. Clearing her throat, she used a serious tone. “Amber and I are booking dates for Carter.” Her face was all business. Seriously. What the shit? “Booking dates? Can you elaborate?” “Carter’s a hot piece of munchkin, and we’re getting sick and tired of being asked if he’s dating so and so…” She was smiling like she’d come out with the most brilliant idea to date. “We came up with an idea that we should get all their names down, interview them, then Amber and I discuss the pros and cons before

we introduce the girl to him.” Huh? I swallowed what little saliva I had before biting down my bottom lip. Huh? “So, Carter is okay with this?” I asked with a frown. “No, he doesn’t know.” She shrugged. “But since you and Bass are all gooeygooey, I thought it’s time for our baby hot stud to start moving on, ‘cause that dude doesn’t look like he can stay away from your boobs.” She released a long sigh. “He needs to get laid. Stat.” Sex. Carter. With other women…um…fucking hell—was I ready to see him get his groove back again? “Uh-huh…right.” I nodded, lying through my teeth. “Understandable.” She flung her finger back and forth with her eyebrow raised, questioning. “You two didn’t tango, right?” Still acting stupid here… “Like…?” “Push and pull, produce people kinda thing?” “No.” but…a lot of times…I almost begged him to. Thinking about it now made me feel all sorts of weird. It was bad to be reacting this way at the thought of Carter intimately, but I was with him, on and off, for eight months. Close calls had been a constant occurrence. “So we’re good, right? You won’t drop BC like a hot potato? Or cause some crazy jealous rampage when you see Carter getting cozy with another chick? I know you totes loved him, too, but you have to see him move on. I think he needs to see it, too.” I knew this day would come, I just hoped that I was ready for it. “Go for it, Tris.” I nodded while giving her an encouraging smile. “Carter will be happy that you guys are setting him up with girls. He’ll jump for joy.” She stuck her tongue at me before leaving me all alone in the kitchen. One thing we knew was that Carter hated for anyone to get into his business. I’m not going to lie—a part of me hoped that he’d tell them to leave him alone.

I knew it was bad, but shit… I needed to let him go—yet Carter was making it difficult for me.

Emma

That evening…

I didn’t even have to look for him because I simply knew that he had already spotted me. “Well, you look—” he paused before licking his lips, “good enough…to eat.” Oh please, seriously. “Still holding out, huh?” I raised my brow, challenging him. Mild banters were always shared each time we saw each other as of late. “Always.” He inched closer, eyes locked on mine. “When it comes to you, it goes without saying, Emma.” I could smell the beer from his breath mixed with his own personal scent. He was bold tonight. From the second I had arrived, his eyes never left me. Yeah, I noticed how hungry they looked. And to be honest, I was a little scared what that look completely entailed. “I thought you said you were letting me go.” My eyes searched his dark depths nervously. He smirked, making him look dangerously sexily sinful. “I did, didn’t I?” Carter licked his lips again. “After I found out about Mr. Hollywood getting his little Russian pregnant, that promise obviously went to shitters, Em. You know that’s a sign, right?” Whoever brings up Nikki being pregnant, it never fails to always—and I mean always—fuck with my head. I. Hated. It. “I don’t believe in those things, Carter. Seriously, is that the best you could do?”

Carter held the side of my hip, whispering into my ear, “You and I are meant to be together, baby. You and Hollywood hooking up was my punishment and I have accepted that. But don’t you think it’s time to really see the bigger picture here, Em?” This was so messed up, however why was my blood getting filled with excitement… and my body getting aroused? Damn it.

5 Carter

Some say it was wrong to hang on to someone who was obviously moving on, but you know what I think? I think it’s all bullshit. All these sayings were made up because this person went through shit and shit. Who was to say that I wasn’t going to end up with the girl? Knowing Emma very well, she was going to fight until she was fed up from all the drama. The moment she folded—and she was going to—I would be there to soothe her wounds, love her how I was supposed to from the start, and hopefully, start over. From where I’m standing, Bass Cole made a major doodoo by not taking all the damn precaution to save himself from some sticky situation like this one. He was a well-known actor; he should’ve known that a woman—even if she was also a successful actress—was going to do everything to keep her man. A woman was a woman; no matter the skin, sexual orientation, beliefs or origin, they were all the same. If a man broke a woman’s heart, they become a hard-ass bitch; vindictive, calling the man all kinds of names that they could think of. Break a crazy woman’s heart, though, and then you’re in for a whole rollercoaster ride. I was almost one hundred percent sure that an experienced man like Bass himself would’ve known crazy-ass, mental women from a glance, but then again, I’m sure he wasn’t himself because, from what I’ve heard, he was all messed up then from his break-up with Emma. Like any man, we all sympathized because that crap would be terrifying for any guy to go through. Yet his stupidity was my gain, and I was going to grab that opportunity like it was my lifesaver. In some ways, it was going to be. I wanted one thing.

And this precious thing was now in my arms…and I knew that my close proximity affected her. “Carter…” I groaned, pulling her harder against my chest. I loved how Emma said my name. It was like half whisper and half moan; it was the sexiest thing. Ever. “Do you how I would touch you with my fingers and you would moan my name?” My lips brushed her ear while I felt her body tense. “You sounded like that just now. And I’m telling you, I’m having such a hard time resisting making those memories come to life again.” My body was in charge of my brain. Damn. Why did she have to come to my house dressed like this anyway? It was an unbelievably sexy dress that left little to my imagination—because I knew her body well—and her skin-tight dress made me reminisce how much I loved it naked. Underneath me. Emma swiftly spun around and glared at me. Instead of taking her seriously, I was more consumed by her beauty. You see, she was one of those women who only became sexier when she was angered. It made her look even more beautiful… hotter in my eyes. “You need to stop it with the seduction moves, Carter. You’re not being fair. I’m with Bass! I’m taken. So stop. This isn’t funny anymore.” Of course it wasn’t. I was going to say that, but my wandering eyes landed on her panting cleavage. And shit…I had been celibate for far too long, so when you put Emma before me, I became such a horny idiot. “Getting all worked up, huh?” My tongue licked my dry lips, half-daydreaming about her already. I knew my game was getting old, yet fuck, she looked so good…and I’d been missing her entirely too much. How long must I endure until I got her back? My lascivious thoughts got axed when I glanced at her. Emma seemed and looked like she wanted to hurt my balls. Bad. “If you’re not going to cut it out, I’m leaving,” she spoke, dead serious.

Now she wasn’t playing fair. She knew how much I wanted to be around her. “Okay, I’ll make you a deal.” I was smiling as I murmured it into her ear. “Wanna hear it?” Emma tried to push me off, but she was far too weak to manage to do so. “If it makes you quit being a pervert, then yes, I’d love to hear it.” “You have to promise me one thing, that’s all I’m asking.” “Yeah?” her breath caught as she waited for me to finish speaking. Here goes my future plans, fuck it. “The second you break it off with Bass, if this doesn’t work out, you’re going to be mine. I want you to go straight to me and be with me. We’ve been dancing around each other for almost two years now, it’s about time we put this right.” “I’m not breaking it off with him. What the fuck!” Not yet, however it was going to happen. I knew it. I felt it deep down. It was going to be very soon. The tabloids weren’t even taking this seriously because most people thought that he was with the other woman. “Just promise me. You never know what the future holds.” I delivered the words succinctly, so she didn’t miss any of them. “I’m staking my claim here, baby. After Hollywood, you know there’s no other man out there that will love you like crazy as I do.” She knew it, too. I was fucking crazy nuts about her. “You’re acting like a true loony, seriously.” She tried to move again, but I caged her in with the use of my body. Emma wasn’t going anywhere without giving me a yes. I was putting my foot down. The last time, I had given her all the time to think and have fun, hoping that the space I gave her would enlighten her to how serious I was about her, but still, the second Bass came back, she went straight into his arms. I was deep-shit, balling my eyes out for the first fucking time because my heart was breaking so badly, yet now, there’s this fat chance and I wasn’t going to let this opportunity by like the last time. Fuck that. “Give me that promise, Em, or I won’t leave you alone until you do.”

She was eyeing me like I had lost my mind. “Carter—” Emma loved me, deep down, she did, but she just loved him more. Right now, her love was enough. Grinning down on her ready-to-combust face, I told her, “Love you, Emma.” I bent down to kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you!” She gasped, aggravated to no end. “Wait—what the—I never said anything!” “No, but you’re thinking it,” I goaded her, hoping she’d smile back. “Come on, say it already! I’m dying with suspense here.” She gave me an eye roll before finally conceding to my crazy scheme. “If, and that’s a massive, major IF, then I promise.” Best news I’ve heard in a long time. I was lighting up. I couldn’t help it, I was seriously happy. “That’s good enough…” “God, you’re terrible!” Those words came with a sexy groan. Damn, she was so sexy. Cute. Funny. What more could a man ask? “Hey, don’t hate on the guy that loves you.” I looked down at her, hoping for a quick kiss, but I held off, scared that she might take her promise back. “Let’s take that cute frown off your pretty face and make it into a big smile.” So instead of a kiss, I settled for a soft caress on her cheek. “No body shots allowed unless it’s between you and me.” Those kissable puckers made a big O, giving me more ideas…“I’d even let you lick the salt off my abs if you like.” I winked at her, much to her annoyance. “Oh, shut up.” God, she was way too cute when angry. If things were any different…“Come on, you know you want to.” …I’d have her in the nearest room, push her dress up and taste her honeypot. If only… Her cheeks were bright red as she fervently denied it. I should’ve backed off, but shit, she was too damn hard to resist. Knowing how desperate I was already, I’d jump on any chance merely to get close to her

nowadays. “Don’t lie, baby.” My eyes twinkled, teasing. “You know if I dip my finger in, I’d know you’re lying.” My voice dropped a crescendo, making our conversation much more intimate. “But since I can’t, you don’t have to pretend when it comes to me, okay?” Our eyes connected as the vibe between us charged. “I know what we have, Emma, so there’s no point in masking things because I know you.” She licked her lips, curling her hair behind her ear before she looked away, whispering, “You’re awful.” How did the saying go? Oh yeah, liar, liar, pants on fire, right? “Aww, come on, you know you love me.” She gasped, outraged. She was trying to find the words to say to me, though she couldn’t form a damn word. I laughed, pulling her close before kissing her neck. Darn, she was too cute sometimes. Emma… Emma… I so wish you’d be mine tonight…“It’s fine. Don’t say anything, babe.” Letting her go, I tried to bring some sense into my messed up brain. Teasing was fine—however taking action was a different matter. Knowing how my body was reacting to her now, I knew we needed to mingle amongst friends because she was in danger of cheating on her boyfriend, and I wouldn’t let that happen. Because the next time they broke it off, I didn’t want Emma to have any regrets or any thoughts of ‘what if’s’ like the last time, no. The next time would all be on Bass. That was the only way Emma could move forward and get over him. “What do you want me to get you?” I asked her. “A knife, so I can gut you with it,” she hissed, although it came with a smile. There’s my fiery girl, I thought as I held her from the back, leading us towards the bar. “You just know how to get my insides hot and burning for you, don’t you?” Kissing her head, I released a happy sigh. Being together, even just for a short while, made me hopeful. Tick. Tock.

6 Emma

“What the hell was I thinking?” I groaned into my pillow as I recalled the events of last night. Waking up the next morning with a major jackhammer-like hangover was not fun. As for last night’s events… Well, it wasn’t all that bad… Carter only did a body shot on me, yet still, it rattled me a little bit. There was no doubt in my mind, heart and the rest of the universe that I was in love with Bass. It just left me unsettled was all; especially since everyone seemed to think this relationship wasn’t going to last long. The tabloids were a bit unforgiving since they saw Nikki as a sweetheart and I was more of the home-wrecker. Nikki hadn’t officially said that Bass was the father of her unborn child, but everyone was assuming that it was his since Nikki hadn’t dated anyone after him. Only a small amount of people knew what she did; that man’s identity still remained a big mystery to me. Bass never said anything about the subject, so I didn’t press on it any further. And speaking of the devil, my boyfriend was calling me. “Baby,” I whispered into the phone, guilt assaulting me like I was the world’s greatest sinner. Should I even mention it? It was harmless fun. Knowing how he’d react because it was done by Carter, he’d cause hell. Shit. “Had a rough night last night? You sound stuffy.” His voice was deep, raspy and already had my insides worked up. Closing my eyes, I pictured him in my head, imagining him close to me. “Yeah, something like that.” Needing to change the topic stat, I immediately shifted the subject about him. “What did you guys end up doing last night?”

“Went to the bar and came home about two in the morning.” He cleared his throat as I listened to him drink something. “I thought about calling you, but didn’t want to interfere with your evening out.” He made a lengthy pause before he got down to business. “So, about last night, how was Carter? He wasn’t giving you a hard time was he?” Describe “a hard time” precisely? I thought with a frown. Shitcakes. “He was being, you know, just like Carter.” It was the safest answer I could come up with. “Uh-huh…well, I just thought I should ask is all.” He let his words hang in the air, as if he wanted me to say something, however there was nothing I wanted to dish out. “Hmmm, yeah.” I scratched my nose, needing something to do other than blurt out about my interesting tequila night. Taking the clue, he delved into safer subject. “So when do you start filming?” Compromise, it was a beautiful thing. We were working on it. Big. Time. “I’m meeting Barbara tomorrow. She’ll give me all the important details then.” I was going to say something funny, but the bitch came out of my mouth. “Have you heard from Nikki lately?” Was it nerves? It probably was. The whole waiting game was taking a toll on the both of us. It was like waiting for an execution. I just hoped that when that day came, I could handle it how I pictured myself in my head—calm, composed and all-out ive, only giving love, not hatred or spite. Bass released a long, heavy sigh. Not a good sign, if you asked me. Mother Hell. “Yeah, about that…she wanted me to be there for the next ultrasound ‘cause that’s when we’ll know the baby’s sex,” he dropped the bomb. I had to give it to Nikki; she was getting creative with her antics. I was simmering, so I remained silent, not wanting to rant and air out the ugliness that was on the tip of my tongue. At the end of the day, I loved him. I’d rather endure all the ugliness and pain now, knowing that I was in Bass’s heart, rather than have nothing of him at all.

My internal ranting was stopped when the love of my life voiced out his thoughts. “Well, I didn’t want to agree into anything until we discuss it.” He truly was an amazing boyfriend. Still, all I wanted to do right this second was scream into the phone. It felt like all hope had been dashed from me. My mind kept repeating, This was supposed to be us. If there was a woman who should be carrying his baby, it should be me. Not Nikki or any other woman, BUT ME. No one knew because I hid it well, but I was jealous of Nikki because she was taking a piece of what was mine. So instead of saying any of my thoughts, I declared rationality, “Do you want to go, Bass?” “If it will cause an argument with you, I’d rather not.” Damn it, why was he laying it all on me? “With all of that aside, would you want to go?” “Of course, Emma. This could be my child.” There. Those were the words of truth and they hurt like a bitch. Tears didn’t even get the opportunity to pool because they were so violent that they immediately started streaming off my face, soaking my pillow. “Then you should go. I’m not entirely okay with it, but if this is important to you, then I respect that.” Loving hurt. Compromising to this craziness was killing me. Slowly. Bass’s sigh of relief made me ache even more. “Thank you; that means a lot to me, especially hearing you say that. It takes off a lot of worry. I mean—I was expecting you to flip or try to break it off with me. That’s why it took me a few days to bring the subject up.” “Of course.” I reached for the tissue box on my side table, wiping my tears away. The last thing I needed was for Bass to hear my cry. I needed him to see that I was a strong woman because if he knew what I was feeling, he’d go into panic mode, and I didn’t want him to do anything drastic. As much as I wanted to be the only thing that ruled his world, I didn’t want him to regret anything. Yeah, I loved him enough that I was willing to endure all this pain for his welfare. “Thank you, agápe mou,” he murmured into the phone.

When he called me that, the hurt temporarily left my heart. For a few seconds, I basked in the feeling, reminding myself how good it was to be with him—to be around him, to be loved by him. Bass loved like no other man, I knew that pretty well. His love kept me floating. And in this very moment, his love transported me into that heaven. “You know you have the huskiest bedroom voice?” Closing my eyes for the second time, I sighed into mouthpiece. “I miss you, every day, but when we talk, all I have to do is close my eyes and listen to you. Then I feel like you’re right here next to me.” That made him laugh, which only delighted me even more. “The things I’ll do to you when I see you, Emma Anderson…” That sexy voice was out to murder my hungered body. It was so bad that I had to restrain my hand from reaching down below and begging Bass to continue that sentence. “Baby…I love it when you pull my hair from behind while you kiss my ear,” I blurted out, breathless, as the images of us making love played in my mind. “Emma…I’m on a break—” he came out hissing and groaning before releasing a curse. His reaction made me easily picture him taking a break, possibly eating a snack on the side with a hot coffee as he tried to calm his erection down. Bass junior was so predictable. “Poor mini me,” I teased, rolling onto my stomach with my hand on the phone still stuck to my ear. There were voices in the background, but I couldn’t make out what was being said because Bass cleared his throat and spoke over it. “So, what are your plans for the weekend?” This weekend was my birthday, but Bass couldn’t come home until the week after. I wasn’t sure if he did know it was my birthday. Half of me wanted to announce it, just to make sure he knew, but a large part of me thought that it might sound like I might be hinting for him to get me a present. I didn’t want him to think that I was out to get as much baubles I could get while with him. It was never about that; I made sure that he knew it too, since the very beginning. “Oh, I was wondering if I could stay in your house. Trista’s having everyone over at Taylor’s, but I want to stay in your place. Is that okay?” Being in his house, surrounded with his things—his smell—made me feel closer to him

somehow. “Why are you asking for permission? It’s your home, too.” He was so nice to me. “Technically, it’s yours. I just didn’t want to be all cocky and barge in there as if I own the place simply because we’re dating. That would be rude.” When Bass responded, his tone shifted. “Do you want me to put your name on the title so you’ll feel more comfortable barging into our home, as you put it?” he said it with all seriousness. That was not what I was getting at. Goodness, not everything was about monetary value. “No, of course not.” Bass persisted, “I could if you wanted me to.” I think I was blushing from head to foot. Why did he have to be so generous? I knew he spoiled his women from what I had read in the tabloids, but I didn’t want to be one of those women. Nope. Not happening. “Please, don’t. I’m perfectly happy with what I have. People already assume I’m using you, I don’t need gold digger attached to my name, too.” There was a big, fat, elephant pause. “It’ll be all be yours one day,” he spoke, breaking the silence. He needed to chill on that subject, seriously. What the shit. “Even then, if we do end up together, I don’t want your money. I’ll work for my own.” There you go. Get the damn message, BC. “So you think like that?” he asked, smiling. Yeah, I could hear him smile. It was ridiculous. Cautiously, I tiptoed around the subject. “The future, you mean?” “Yes, Emma, about the future.” Should I lie? Honestly, the future was dominating my mind as of late. Since

Nikki bombarded herself back into the picture, it was all I thought about before I went to sleep. “I do. Not so much before, but now, yeah. Constantly.” He took a second before asking, “What do you see in it?” Getting slicker, weren’t we? The subject was critical and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. So what was the best strategic way to go about it without sounding so defensive or desperate? One must answer a question with a question. “What do you see in yours?” I quipped back. “You.” He paused. “I see you, Emma. Very clearly, in fact.” The way he said those words sent tingles all over my body. Even in his words, I felt his love. He overflowed with it. “Say my name…” It was driving me insane, however I needed to hear him say it again. “Emma,” he rasped out. Life was good. I sighed, smiling. “You haven’t answered me.” Bass waited. That bedroom voice of his threatened to make me bust out my spanking, brandnew dildo, all thanks to Amber’s wild, spontaneous trip to Hustler on Sunset strip. “I know, I haven’t.” I pouted, needing to make his imagination roll, hot and loaded. “But I want to keep you guessing.” He made a half laugh, half groaning sound. “You can’t leave me in the dark, woman.” Not putting up, buddy. “Oh, poor you. You just have to wait, hey?” After our lengthy conversation, I had to hang up because I was due in the hospital to do my volunteer work for the rest of the afternoon. The thought of hanging out with all of my little friends made me smile. They made my heart swell. When my life held no meaning for me after Bass left me last year, these angels helped me get through, healing me slowly as I got inspired with their relentless optimism and strength. These babies of mine kept me grounded, and no matter what happened, I would always donate my free time and money to help whenever I could.

“You’re late!” Trista announced the second I came through the double doors. “Easy, love,” Flo, the nurse, winked at me as she tapped Trista’s shoulder. “Angela’s been waiting for you.” With an apologetic smile, I breezed through them. “Sorry, won’t happen again,” I muttered as I headed towards Angela’s room. The little girl had the same birthday as I did, not to mention the name was my character’s name in the movie. I felt really drawn to her. She’d been fighting a stage II Lymphoma, and so far, her treatments had been working. I knew, deep down, some of these kids don’t make it, but I tried not to go down that path because it could get really depressing. My role was to bring some fun and light into their lives, and that’s what I tried to do. It could get tough, but once one of those amazing fighters got through it and you saw them happy, it was worth every bit of sadness and tears. Yes, there were times, several in fact, where I cried along with them. I hated goodbyes. Period. “Emma!” a voice broke out the second I knocked and entered her room. “You’re finally here.” Warm, brown eyes lit up as she held out her small arms, ready for my hug. “How was Vancouver? How’s your boyfriend?” she shot out question after question. “Vancouver—what I saw of it—was good…and yes, I saw my boyfriend.” My arms wrapped around her skinny, small body while I told myself to get it together and not cry because she’d lost weight since I saw her last. “I noticed that you brushed your hair today, good girl.” I smiled before I sat next to her on her bed, curling the small strands of her hair that were close to her eyes behind her ears. “Yeah, Miss Flo said that I should always take note of my appearance if I’m having visitors.” She sounded tired, but tried to sound like she wasn’t. Her medications always made her lethargic. “Will you ever bring Bass here? I’d love to meet him, you know. I think he’s the hottest man on the planet.” This girl loved Bass. I was actually going to drag him here the second he came back because Angela would go gaga if the guy she dubbed “the hottest man on the planet” would come in and visit her.

“I doubt you’ve ever met the rest of the hottest male species, but I’ll take your word for it. Bass is kinda hot.” I grinned at her before I stood up and checked on the things she wanted to do for an hour. Usually, she liked me to read her stories, but now, it seemed she was up for storytelling too…she wanted me to give her all the details of my trip. I did, after I took out the X-rated parts. After spending a few hours at the hospital, I pulled up on the driveway just as Carter did. I barely had my door cracked open before he came running and opened it himself. “How’s my baby doing?” Here we go again. “Why are you here?” I asked as I got out of the car. Images of that body shot played in my head. Jesus…give me a breather. “Lindsey’s here and she texted me to bring her some In-N’-Out since she’s starving.” My eyes look at his empty hands. “It’s in the car. Just thought I say hi before going in.” Carter kissed my cheek. “Miss you, Em,” he whispered then jogged back towards his car to get the food. Shaking my head, I let out a long breath before walking towards the main entrance. I barely stepped into the house before I heard Lindsey. “Carter is that you?” her voice echoed through the house. “Emma here. He’s outside,” I called out, yelling at whichever direction. Where was she anyway? Lindsey came running down the stairs. “Thank goodness—if you happened to be Amber, I sure as hell didn’t want to see her lying face.” “I’ve missed you, too.” I reached over and gave her a quick hug before looking at her straight in the eye. “Don’t you think it’s time to bury the hatchet?” “My ass!” She looked at me then at the opening door, grinning at her brother. “You rock, bro. I’m starving. A woman can only eat so much lamb chops and

steaks before craving a good burger,” she blurted out, hopping away towards Carter, grabbing her food and then speed walking to the kitchen to eat. “Stop staring at each other, come here and entertain me, please,” Lindsey yelled from the kitchen. Carter rolled his eyes before cocking his head to the side for me to follow him into the kitchen. He got there first and seated himself across from Lindsey. His serious expression came into place. “So, why is it that I’m the last person to find out that you were married before?” Lindsey took her time chewing while I snatched a few fries, smiling at the brother and sister. “I’m divorced, didn’t you get the memo?” she said before sipping her soda. He glared at her. “You’re crazy.” “It’s true love. Of course, it’s crazy.” “So your boyfriend is your ex-husband. Makes sense.” He nodded his head, looking at Lindsey like she was the most confusing thing. Let’s face it, she truly was. Carter pressed his lips together. “You’re not getting married again anytime soon, are you? I mean, if you are, I’d love to be there. I’m you’re brother, in case you forgot about that important fact.” “I wanted to, after his grandfather suggested it…but this sucker didn’t want to marry me again.” Lindsey sighed. “I don’t fucking get it.” “Maybe because you went to Brody. That’s what,” Carter interjected, leaning back against his seat. “He asked me to ask you, by the way, if you guys could talk. Or maybe all three of you could discuss this. We’re all childhood friends and treating each other this way is kind of bullshit, don’t you think?” “You know what I think, so let’s not go there.” Then the silent eye war began.

Time to dash into my bedroom, I thought as I cleared my throat. “Nice seeing you guys. Have a good night.” Without breaking his eye war, Carter spoke to me, “Love you, Em.” I shot out of there in a flash, but I heard Lindsey’s snort before I was truly out of earshot. The Mason siblings were a fantastically confusing duo.

7 Emma

Back in my room, my video call with Bass was thirty minutes away, so I took a quick shower and decided to check my emails. One came from Barbara, bringing awesome news. When the video call came through Facetime, I was left wanting. Bass had sweats on, nothing more. Did he need to make me go wild with need ogling up those pecs? Damn him! “Been looking forward to this all day long. I’ve missed you!” He was grinning from ear to ear, scratching his growing stubble on the side, eyes sparkling, while I tried to control the urge to cry and laugh at the same time. I missed him so fucking much, but I didn’t want to be a whiny, needy girlfriend, so instead, I settled for, “I missed you, too. How was filming today?” “Same old.” His tongue came out, licking his bottom lip while staring at me on the screen. “Enough about me. Let’s focus on you.” This was a good window as any. “Babe, GQ wants to do another cover.” Last time was fun, but since I was with Bass now, I thought it was important to bring it up. It was, after all, a risqué shoot. My announcement made him groan. “I’m doing it,” I immediately inserted in-between his groans, so that I could save myself the awkward silence. Why was he turning red? What the heck?

He looked away, smiling. “That spread you did last year…gave me a lot of sleepless nights.” No wonder he was reddening. Naughty boy. Raising my brow, I teased him some more. “Sleepless night doing what exactly?” “Wishing I never let you walk away.” He sobered up, blue eyes down cast as he played with his phone. After learning about his parents’ intention, Bass had been more serious lately, like he was guarded, though at the same time, he was more attentive. I wasn’t sure, but he was always texting me thinking of you at all times of the day. It would just be random, too. It was a cute way to let me know that I wasn’t forgotten. Yet no matter how much we spoke and chatted, it didn’t beat having him here in Cali. “Well, if you really want to know…each pose, I imagined it was you watching me.” I watched his reaction turn from surprised to pleased. “Right. Now I’m even more curious what those thoughts let you think?” His wickedness was too much. My damp hair was all over the place, but I could care less because, right this second, all I cared about was making my baby happy. “That first time we did backdoor in Aspasia. That’s what.” I watched as Bass leaned back, interlocking his hands behind his head, flexing that chiseled chest and those abs. “I never felt so sexy and so powerful as I did watching you try to control yourself—sweaty and panting—but when things became more heated, you just took what you wanted…with no apologies. Fucking me with love from an uncontrolled animal.” Bass swallowed his saliva. Mouth partly open as I looked at him thinking…hard. Yeah, hard was the operative word, if I must say so boldly. “Babe, why aren’t you saying anything?” “I’m contemplating if I should jack off right now while I beg you to strip for me or should I hop on the red eye and make you feel that uncontrolled animal in me,” Bass said with all seriousness.

If he decided to hop on the red eye, what if he missed his flight? I wouldn’t have that happen. “Babe, don’t even think about that,” I tried to dissuade him. “Besides, you can’t go anywhere, you’re sporting a rock.” “You like teasing me don’t you, Emma?” He was so serious. I knew he was getting worked up. His voice changed when he was turned on; it got huskier. “I do? Will junior like it if we make a tape together? I mean—we’re going to be away from each other a lot…I just thought, you know—” “Fuck,” he growled, closing his eyes. “You. Sex. Video,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You’re killing me here.” Hey, I was only trying to think of his ‘needs’. “So you don’t want it?” Bass opened his eyes, piercing me with them. “Fuck, I want—need—it so badly. You know I’m a visual man; I love seeing you in all ways possible.” He was a visual man. I knew that, yes, however why did I get the wrong feeling somehow, like this was nothing surprising? “You’ve done this before, huh?” A deep ache settled in my stomach. Bass took a moment before responding, watching my reaction. “I have. Yes.” Shit. I knew that was a big possibility. Even though I was trying to get over it, the feeling wouldn’t go away. “With who?” I wanted to be his first in something. After this whole baby thing, I felt as though I was competing for memories. “Exes,” he said, cautiously. Lydia? Who? Dammit, I needed names. “Do you still have them?” “Some.” Cryptic much? “Where?” I pressed. Bass looked uncomfortable now, like he was on the hot seat. “In my computer.” “And your phone?” I kept on going. Jealousy was a bad thing. Rearing it in

sometimes worked, but right now, it was speeding away, taking over me. “There’s a few there, too.” He paused. “Emma, I don’t think this is something you should be worried about. You look like you’re about to cry—I’m going to delete—” I interrupted him. “Those being your favorites, right?” Bass groaned. “They were—before I got addicted to you.” He made a loud huffing sound, trying to calm himself. “I actually forgot about them until you brought it up. I’ll delete them the second we hang up.” “No—don’t. Well, not yet. I’m curious…” I was really going to go there. “Can I see them?” Bass jumped from his seat, standing as he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Why would you want to do that? Doing that will only hurt you, Emma.” I wasn’t listening. “But you did this before me, right?” He raked a hand over his hair, muttering, “Yes, of course, but even then—I don’t think you should.” “Please, Bass. I promise I won’t be mad.” For now. He stood with his glorified chest, displeased as he looked at me. “I’ll think about it.” “Promise?” “Emma!” he scolded, looking away from the screen. “I can’t promise anything. I feel like, either way, I’m going to be crucified.” These videos were going to dominate my thoughts. I knew it. I wouldn’t let it go until I saw what they were. My insecurities had spiraled out of control after Nikki. This was going to get worse if I didn’t stop myself sometime soon. “I love you,” I said to the man who made my heart ache like no other man could. “You can’t use that to gain favor, Emma.”

Too bad, I was. Or I might be endangered of losing it completely. “I do.” Questions now bombarded me. My insecurity was blasting my confidence away, yet I needed to see those tapes. It was sick, but heck; I wanted to see if Bass was any different with them than with me.

8 Bass

Was Emma pulling my leg? She couldn’t be serious, right? What woman would ask to see her boyfriend with someone else? I didn’t fucking get it. Knowing quite well that she wasn’t going to be okay after our conversation, I took it as a sign and made a few important calls. Yes, some might disagree with my actions, but as of right now, this was a fucking emergency. My delicate and intricate webbed plans were about to go down the drain, and I wasn’t about to let that go to waste because of a somewhat petty misunderstanding. I knew what was important and what came first, that was that. The rest would fall into place if I got this one thing right. A sleepy yawn and a quick rub of my eyes later, I finally arrived in Los Angeles. Add another hour, give or take, I reached my destination. Thank goodness, my driver, Lou, hadn’t minded chauffeuring me at this time. When I was in the city, it was a given, and since I hadn’t been around, I kind of felt bad waking the poor man up. It would’ve been an easy thing had I called a private cab, but since the paps were following me everywhere, I didn’t want them to sense any misconception when it came to Emma. The media was still fifty-fifty when it came to her after Nikki. Barbara kept telling me to hire a personal assistant, but honestly, the woman already nagged and always went into my business. I didn’t need another fellow in my personal space and life. I was grateful that Emma mentioned Lindsey getting back earlier in her text messages, so when I got outside their seaside home, I knew who to call. It took her two rings to pick up the call. “My, my, should I assume you’re drunk dialing and you got the wrong number?” Lindsey was surely entertaining herself

with this phone call. “No on both counts. I’m actually outside and I need you to let me in, is that cool?” My voice was truly tired because I had to stifle a couple yawns as I said those words. She perked up, curious. “You’re outside, why?” Damn, what’s with all the questions, man? I just wanted Emma and a bed to sleep in. “I need to talk to her, that’s all.” “Been naughty, have we, Mister?” I groaned into the phone before I heard her laugh and then said, “Yeah, yeah, get your hot ass to the door now.” These women were great, but sometimes they got to be too much. At times, I wasn’t sure if I was going to turn tomato red or brush it off as a joke. After a quick thanks and a goodbye with Lou, I went straight to the door with my duffel bag slung over my arm. Lindsey was dressed in a kimono silk robe, grinning like I’d never seen her before. Guess I had to get used to this since Dimitris was now in the picture. “Doing late night calls now, huh?” she teased, opening the door wider to let me in. “Something like that,” I absentmindedly responded as I walked inside their home. Looking around, the dimmed lighting and the quietness of the surroundings told me everyone was in bed or maybe out partying since this was a college town. “Mind if I just go in her room? I’m beat,” I asked, not looking back as I eyed the dimly lit hallway entrance upstairs. “Sure, but don’t think I won’t ask questions tomorrow.” She closed the door shut and then came up next to me. “Snuggle tight, buddy.” She winked at me twice. I gave her a tired smile. “G’night, Linds,” I said before heading towards the stairs then into Emma’s bedroom. My sleepiness and the fogginess in my brain all cleared away the second my

hand clasped around the brass door handle. Taking a deep breath, I opened it. Slowly walking inside her darkened room, I noticed that she had one lit candle on her side table. By the looks of it, it was halfway melted already. Emma was on the bed with her back to me. It made me wonder if she was staring at the candle while letting her imagination run riot. If the situation were reversed, I would’ve been out of my mind with jealousy, not to mention all kinds of demons my mind was capable of taunting me with when I was at my lowest. The thought brought no comfort, and the picture of Emma mentally torturing herself was not sitting with me well. So I stood there a moment, still holding my things, while I tried to make sense, seeing things from her perspective. The room might be aglow with the comforting and cozy ambiance, however I knew her heart wasn’t being warmed at all. The last thing I wanted was for her to be unhappy. My separation from her brought so much sadness and pain, and if I could help it, I would try to ease any pain coming her way as much as possible. The moment my eyes got used to the dimmed lighting, I studied her back, perking my ear to confirm that she really was asleep. When I heard her long, deep breathing, I started to move quietly towards her bathroom to shower and change. Emma’s bathroom overlooked the ocean, so with the moon high up in the sky, I didn’t have to turn on the light as I navigated my way around. Fifteen minutes later, wearing only my boxer briefs, I strode out of the bathroom and stepped into her bedroom as quietly as possible. Once I reached the other side of the bed, I put my phone on vibrate before sliding into bed with her. I inched my body closer to her, spooning her from behind as I slid my arm beneath her neck and pulled her against my body. The second my nose hit her neck, I was instantly annihilated by her scent. It didn’t matter how dead tired I was, holding my woman close made all of it worthwhile. Leaving soft kisses behind her ear, I whispered into it, “I’m here, my love. No need to fret.” Emma made a noise, but remained fully asleep. I sighed, smiling as I pressed my nose against her neck, ready to sleep away. Listening to her breathing pattern immediately knocked me out in seconds.

Bass

The following morning, I awakened the second Emma moved like she was about to jump out of her skin before ten like she was made of wood. I knew I should’ve said something then, yet for some reason, my wickedness led me to keep my mouth shut. “Shit—what the fuck did I do last night?” Emma whisper-hissed into the air, probably trying to figure out who I was. Trying not to bark out and laugh at her total confusion was an accomplishment. I had to hold it together, needing to see how this scenario would unfold. I could feel her tensed body starting to move, but when she realized that my arm was over her stomach, holding her in, she made another pained sound. The crisp sound of the comforter being lifted clued me in as the cold air hit my hand, evaporating the warmth that had ensconced me with her body seconds before and was now gone, as she tried to pry my limb away from her then she stilled, pausing. “Bass?” she questioned before swiftly moving to face my pretend-sleeping state. “Oh my God! You’re here.” Her hand reached out and cupped my cheek, cradling it as her thumb left gentle strokes against my skin. “I know you’re sleeping and all, that’s why I’m telling you this now because I might not have the balls to say it when you’re awake…but I somehow sensed that you were going to come for me last night.” She paused. “I’m glad you did,” she spoke against my lips before leaving a long, meaningful kiss. “Argh. What—” Emma started to groan when her phone started ringing. I felt her twist her body to the side, reaching up to get it. “Trista, I can’t go in today.” She started, sighing as she listened to her friend. “I know. I’m sorry, but Bass surprised me this morning—yes, here—of course, I’m not bullshitting. He

probably flew in last night from Canada—What? Of course he is. What the heck, Tris?—Yeah, he’s sleeping right next to me—What do you mean talk to him? I did say he was sleeping!” she hissed. Acting like I was just waking up, I made a sound as I reached out for her body. I leaned against the phone and made myself known. “I’m really here, just in case you were wondering.” “You just woke him up, Trista Stevens. I wanted him to sleep in because he must be exhausted,” Emma sighed into the phone. I immediately snatched the phone away from her and then spoke directly to Trista. “Don’t worry, Tris. I was awake before you called.” My eyes were greeted by the sight of her face. Seriously, would it be too cheesy if I said that my heart literally swelled in my chest by the mere sight of her? “Sorry. Sorry. I thought Emma was trying to sleep in, you know. She was late yesterday and Angela is sort of attached to her, that’s all. I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys’ morning, I swear. I know Emma loves these kiddos, but I know she’d take a day off just to be with you. We should catch up soon,” she rambled on without giving me a moment to say anything. “I’ll have your buddy call you for the details, all right? Okay folks. Have a good morning!” She then hung up on me. I even double checked the phone to see if she truly did, and yeah, the screen was clear, back to its main screen of a picture of Emma and me kissing. “She just hung up on me,” I said out loud. “I didn’t even get to say a word the moment she started talking.” “She was probably nervous. That woman goes wonky when it comes to you.” Emma made a chortled sound, moving closer to me before snatching her phone from my hands, throwing it to the side as she situated herself on top of me. “Where were we?” She made a look like she was thinking hard. “Oh, yeah. You and your sneaky surprise.” When Emma acted all cute, I found it endearing, but right now, the last thing I was thinking about was that as she gently rubbed her body against mine. “Good morning—” Long lashes flickered innocently before me. “Wood?”

Sweet torture was her expertise. “I want you, always. Anytime. Anywhere. You know that, but before we get physical, we need to talk about last night.” Her forefinger traced the ridges of my abs before her eyes hesitantly met mine. “What are you so opposed about?” she asked, confused. “Apart from you thinking that it will hurt me, what other factors are there that’s making you uncomfortable?” I had thousands of objections. One being her using this as a weapon against me later on; an excuse to hide behind when she decided to leave our relationship. “Why do you even want to put yourself in that position? What bothers me more is that you’re requesting to see them. Help me understand your reasoning because I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what you’re trying to get at here.” She sighed, rolling off me then sitting up with her arms wrapped around her knees, staring at my chest. “I want to see if you’re different with them. I guess after this whole Nikki thing, I’m starting to feel ordinary.” She made a careless shrug, biting her lip to stop it from quivering. “When it comes to you, I have always felt special, like what we have is rare and one of a kind.” Emma was affected to this extent? I knew it was bad, but hell, she was now questioning if what I truly felt for her was solid. “How could you say that when you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved?” Getting up, I sat across from her, placing my chin against her knees, hoping she’d let me see her eyes because I could usually tell how she was taking my words if our eyes connected. “That alone should soothe your worries away.” My nose touched the tip of hers, brushing it back and forth. “At the end of the day, my love for you is the only thing that matters. Nikki, the other women, my family, the media and the rest of the frazzle-dazzle crap out there doesn’t matter at all because what you and I have is far more important to protect, secure and nourish. Doesn’t me coming here in the middle of the shoot prove that to you?” A smile started to form on her lips before I saw her small nod. “It does. You don’t know much it means to me that you’re here.” She finally lifted her gaze and reached into mine. They were still sad, but the small tears that formed on the edges were tears of joy. “I hope I didn’t get you in trouble.” “Nothing that I couldn’t fix. Don’t worry.” I was lucky that I had convinced the producers to shoot the scenes that didn’t have me in them. This was the last

KOC film, so it was a big deal, and for them to let me go for a few days to fix things with Emma was unheard of. However they knew that I would be better in my craft and more focused if I went to see Emma. When I got back, though, I was definitely going to be worked extra hard. I couldn’t hold back a laugh when I heard Emma’s tummy complain about being hungry. “Time to feed my woman and her demanding belly.” Slowly getting up on my knees, I leaned over and kissed her before moving away. “Let me go use the bathroom then I’ll meet you downstairs.” Her eyes were on me as I walked away, heading towards the restroom. Inside, I took my time washing up and changed into black sweatpants and a black crew tee. When I came out of there barefoot, I was surprised to find Emma still sitting on the bed. She had a weird expression on her face. “Babe?” “Yep?” I strolled closer to her. Her hand had my cell phone in it. “Your phone’s been ringing. It’s Nikki.” Emma handed it to me with the caller’s name flashing repeatedly, vibrating. Nikki. Of all things, did she need to come into the picture this morning? Fuck, what luck. Lately, she seemed to be needing a lot of things. She would be hysterical about what happened in Dallas, then overly excited the next about giving birth. If I didn’t know she was pregnant, I’d think she was mental. Hormonal women were dangerous. That much I knew. Grabbing my phone, I sighed, eyes trained on her. “I’m sorry about this, Em.” I knew even if I said sorry a million times, nothing could erase the pain Nikki’s news brought to our fragile relationship. Emma only gave me a sad smile, but I pulled her against my lap, holding her close, eyes boring into her. “What can I do to put a smile on your face again, moro mou?” “I don’t mean to be a childish about this whole thing, Bass. Sometimes I just can’t help it—what if you choose them over me? What do I do then?”

I had never seen her like this. She now doubted herself—us—constantly. It was starting to gnaw at me. “Emma—” How could I break this down for her? The more I thought about the baby and Emma, the more I saw things clearly. It was my child against the woman I vowed to love and protect. There wasn’t going to be a competition because she will come first. Always. “No matter what happens later down the road, know that it’s you that I’ll choose over any woman.” And as for the latter… the main issue… “When it comes down to it, I’ll choose you over the baby, too, but I hope that you’ll be kind enough to let me be part of his or her life. Being a parent is a big thing, and I don’t want my child to be messed up even if the situation that he or she was born in was unusual.” “I’m being too whiny. I hope when the time comes, this will all go away. I want to be there for you; you know that, don’t you?” The back of my fingers brushed the tears that were on the side of her eyes. She wasn’t crying, but she was quite a bit more than misty-eyed. “Come on, let’s go downstairs.” With our arms both hung loosely around each other, we strode downstairs. We were halfway towards the kitchen when Emma directed a question at me. “Hey, mind getting the paper? It should be outside, somewhere around the doorway.” “Right away, ma’am.” I smacked her ass, squeezing it good, before I slapped the other side and left her with her own devices. It was barely nine-thirty in the morning and the house was silent, the grass dewy and the sun barely heating up the air as I scanned for the reading material. The rolled up newspaper was lying against the cemented driveway. Moving towards it, I bent over to get it, untying the white straw it came with. Scanning over the headlines before I reached the entertainment section, I started moving back indoors when something caught my eye. An article about Emma was printed, stating that she was only with me to gain more publicity and fame; that she also broke Nikki and me apart. There was also an innuendo about her still being with Carter and that she was cheating on both of us.

It was pure bull and these “sources” were off the point. This was the second time something similar had been printed about Emma. The last one, it took her a good two weeks to get over. With this new one, I hoped she would be willing to brush it off. “What’s up?” She came up behind me. Damn, she’s got some stealth moves. Folding the paper immediately before tucking inside my arm, I answered, “Nothing, really. What do you want me to cook for breakfast?” Changing the subject was the safest bet. I hate seeing her hurt. She looked at me suspiciously—eyes flicking from the folded newsprint to my face then back at the folded paper again before moving a little closer to me. “What are you hiding from me, Bass?” Studying her face, I knew she wasn’t going to buy the crap I was meaning to feed her. “Emma.” I cleared my throat, buying time. “It’s nothing important. Just a bunch of crap. I suggest you don’t Google yourself until you’re ready to stomach all the media trash and have grown some thick skin.” She made an understanding nod, processing it. “Was it as bad as the last time?” “Only a little.” They weren’t really crazy or anything, yet to Emma, the words were painful. A person just needed to learn not to read every printed article written about oneself. Sometimes it was the only way to keep grounded and not have these lowlifes dissect the picture without knowing real facts. “If you don’t tell me what’s written about me, I might just have to do it myself.” Emma folded her arms, not willing to shove the subject into the trash bin. Stubborn woman, I silently cursed. Her threats weren’t empty either. That’s why, even though this was something I didn’t want to do, I’d rather that I give her the scoop instead of her taking it all, word for word, and be an epic mess afterwards. “Apart from the whole Nikki crap, they’re saying that you’re two-timing Carter and me. That you’re also seeing me for fame and to gain more publicity.” Cupping her face, I gave her a sorry face, knowing how much the words were affecting her. “I told you it was bullshit.”

“You do know that I’m not using you, right?” Her eyes scanned my face, flickering back and forth. Did she really just ask me that? “I doubt it would be possible for me to love someone who would.” I kissed the tip of her dainty nose. “Of course I know, my love.” My lips were on hers, kissing her softly. “I’ve always known.” Women… a man had to say a hundred words to make them feel what we truly wanted them to feel. Some might not bother, but for those who did, that meant he took her seriously. Those were the kind that would be there for the long haul.

9 Bass

I wasn’t sure why Emma wasn’t mentioning anything about her birthday weekend, but I had plans of my own. It was only Thursday and I had already gathered everyone to free their night schedule for us tomorrow. As for the rest of the day, I meant to spend it with her. Alone. And back at our house. Waving Lou and Chris goodbye after bringing my car around, I was half-jogging as I went inside the house and up the stairs. “Ready, my sweet?” I knocked on the door with my middle finger before opening the door to let myself in. “Almost…need a couple minutes,” Emma yelled out from her closet. Striding towards her bed, I let my back fall against the mattress with my hands behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. “Take you’re time. There’s no hurry.” Fifteen minutes later, Emma came out, tugging a big piece of luggage along. She was dressed in a distressed jean skirt, plain white tee and some strappy, bright yellow wedge espadrilles. “If we were playing hide and seek in the dark and you were wearing those, I’d find you in no time.” I smirked at her before walking towards her and taking the luggage from her hold. She playfully punched my arm. “Hey, at least they aren’t neon orange.” My wardrobe consisted of shades of black, white, gray, blue and a little of inbetween. “Come along, brighty. Your chariot awaits.”

Emma kept to herself until we pulled into traffic. “Where to?” She glanced at me before looking out the window. “I was thinking, if you want that is, that we should stop by and say hi to Angela. Trista mentioned something about her looking forward to seeing you, so I’m sure she’d appreciate it if you’d pop in and say hello for a bit,” I said, shifting gears before glancing at her. “What do you think?” Emma was all smiles. “I think that’s a brilliant idea, babe. Angela will pee in her pants when she sees you.” “Oh yeah?” I’m sure Emma had told her a lot of interesting stories about me. “Hell. Yes. Dude.” She winked at me, reaching for my hand as we drove towards the hospital with some help from her since I had no idea where the place was located. The second I parked at the hospital, Emma was out of the car, giddy like I’d never seen her before. “Geez, I guess I should be making a lot of hospital visits so I could make you this happy, huh?” Slinging my arm around her shoulder, I lightly tickled her on her ribs, making her squeal some more. “Stop,” she begged, half laughing. “You’ll know what I mean when you see her expression, babe.” She stood on her tiptoes to kiss me on the cheek. “You’ll see.” Her voice held a lot of promise. And an hour and a half later, I knew what she meant by that. Angela was this sweet kid who shrieked like the hospital was on fire the moment she saw me enter her room. I forgot how good it felt to do volunteer visits like I used to do it back in the day when my schedule wasn’t all that busy. We played a game of scrabble and then she asked Emma to do pigtails in her hair while she and I talked about how fun it was making films. It was surprising how a kid her age didn’t run out of questions, I mean—those things even happen to reporters—but not on ten-year-old girls they don’t.

The longer I spent time with her and Emma, the more it showed the type of relationship they had. Emma seemed quite attached to her. Angela even referred to her as her “big sis”. Trista actually dropped by to say hi. The changes I saw with her now, compared to the woman she was last year, were a vast difference. It was amazing what the power of love could do to a person. It made all the difference. Love was the source of everything. If you gave it time to grow and let it flourish, it would be worth everything. It was funny how some people mistook love for a lot of things. Love was not about selfishness, unkindness, nor was it about envy. If one didn’t know the true nature of love, one would not appreciate its beauty, its power, its presence. At the end of the day, we strived to become whole. I sure wasn’t a man who lived life empty. Looking over at Emma, who was giggling at what Angela was whispering into her ear, it was easy to see that she was going to be a great mother. She cared for this little girl. The more I looked at the duo, the more my heart accelerated because the picture of Emma pregnant with my child was permanently taking residence in my head. When Emma announced that it was time to leave, Angela released a melancholy sigh. Moving towards her, I bent over and gave her a big hug. In my arms, she felt so little; too frail and very much fragile. It made me want to hold her longer, feeling out of sorts because this tiny thing seemed so upbeat given the situation. Older people could learn a thing or two from her. “Take good care of yourself and rest up.” Angela gave me a toothy grin. “If you guys ever get married and have a little girl, will you guys name your daughter after me?” Her question seemed to throw me off for a few beats, but I immediately recovered and pasted a large smile before giving her a high five. “Definitely. I want her to be as charming as you are.”

“I would really love that, you know.” I smiled, waving, before I walked towards the door, waiting for Emma to say her goodbyes as well. “I’ll try to come by again when I get back from Vancouver.” Angela waved both of her hands. “It was nice meeting you. If I don’t see you again, I just want you to know that this was the best gift ever. Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” I smiled back, though I was a little confused as we exited her room. We quietly made our way towards the elevator, into the cart, out of it, both deep in thought as we walked towards where I parked my car. My mind swirled with questions; one particularly stood out among the rest. Pausing, I glanced sideways, frowning. “Em, what did she mean when she said if I don’t see you again? It might seem odd, but Angela sounded like she meant something else other than the obvious.” Emma’s face immediately shadowed with sadness. “If she doesn’t survive…” Of course, why hadn’t I thought of that? Maybe because she was ten-years-old and kids that age weren’t supposed to have to think about death? “Oh—” I blew a long, stressed whistle out. “Wow. She’s too young to even think like that.” “You’ll be surprised how depressing and sad it is when they talk about it. They’re kids, for crying out loud. They’re supposed to be playing, painting nails, watching movies and spending time with their friends; not battling a disease for survival.” It was one thing for a grown person going through something so life altering, but seeing a child go through it was beyond heart-breaking. It simply broke you. Emma was attached to Angela, that much had become obvious. The two had bonded for a short period of time, and seeing the fear and pain in her eyes made me reach out to her and kiss her forehead. I wanted to make the sadness go away and reassure her that everything was going to be fine. “She’s an amazing, tough kid with a great spirit. With you by her side as her cheerleader, she’ll make it. “You’re doing a marvelous thing here.” I placed my finger on her chin, tilting it

so our gazes would meet. Her eyes held moisture in them, making me somehow helpless. “I’m so proud of what you’re doing, Emma. You’re not in this because you’re obligated to make a difference, you’re really doing it because your heart aches for it.” I made a mental note to call my lawyer to make the children’s hospital’s cancer ward to be in a part of my yearly charity donations. This one held meaning because it was close to Emma’s heart. Emma sighed, burying her head in my chest, sniffing. She stayed there awhile as I held her until her worries subsided and she got herself together. We could stay here for as long as she wanted, I didn’t mind at all. After a good minute, she lifted her face off my chest, looking at me with love in her eyes. “Ready to head home?” I gazed at the woman who had captured my entire existence for a long moment, realizing that yes, I was definitely ready. “I am,” I responded, smiling.

Bass

It had been about almost a year since we left Aspasia filming Blasphemous, and I had reached a point where I knew what I wanted in life. Emma yawned, stretching after she ravished the entire portion of double chocolate cake. “I missed this,” she sighed, staring at the stars before glancing at me. “And I’ve definitely missed you.” She had just started school again, and I had been busy with work. We hadn’t seen each other in two weeks, and yet, it felt like I hadn’t seen her in a lifetime. “Good to know I’ve been missed.” It was more than good. In fact, I was relieved. A part of me was actually terrified that she might up and leave me because the going was getting tough…and it was getting tougher by the day. Greece. Filming. Carter. Break-up. Jealousy. Heartbreak. Blasphemous. Nikki. Carter again. Getting back together…and now, we’d come back to where we’d both begun getting to know each other. My patio, stargazing, talking and sharing stories while we spent some quality time together. The past months had been shitload after shitload of volatile trials. Even after Nikki, the woman who I had a fling with during filming and the consequences that had come after it—Emma was still by my side. She loved me, I knew that, but even if the entire world knew about our relationship, Carter hadn’t withdrawn his interest in her. In fact, it was only last week that I heard him say he loved her while we were on a video call. You see, Emma was in the kitchen when everyone flooded in from his recent game, and the dick hadn’t cared that Emma was talking to her boyfriend because he daringly went straight to her and kissed her on the cheek before saying those three words, while I was there, witnessing it all happen. He was messing with my brain and confidence, and no matter how much I tried

to push the worry aside—it remained there, taunting me. Emma, of course, apologized for his behavior, but it wasn’t her place to do that and I told her so. Normally, I’d have gone ballistic and I was. Inside, I was raging with fury. Yet, I had to keep my temper in check, stretching my limits to understand “his situation” because he was in love with my woman. There wasn’t a day that ed that I didn’t regret letting Emma go. Those eight months alone were barren, but what was worse was that it practically drove Emma back to him…and me having a fling. It was a gargantuan mistake that was weighing heavily on my chest, knowing that Nikki was going to milk every damn opportunity to drive a wedge between Emma and me. The unfortunate events had been rolling with unstoppable force. Even with all this worry, there was stress added by my parents, hectic work schedule…one thing remained the same. I was in love with Emma. Even more so now. Not a day had ed that my love hadn’t grown. Our love was one of my life’s goals to nourish and I would die trying to make sure that it remained that way. Reaching out for the remote, I switched it on to play sounds of nature—the sound of the waves in particular. The one sound we’d heard all summer long where we fell in love, deeply and irrevocably, with each other. When I heard her sigh in contentment, I got up from the rattan lounge chair and rounded my way towards her. Happiness ignited inside me as I watched her relaxed form. To this day, Emma still managed to take my breath away. Eyes bright, heart so full of life, I looked down on her face with love and affection. “Dance with me.” My hand reached out, offering it to her. She gave me a look of remembrance of our night together when I’d asked her to dance after she’d gotten back from London. With a loving smile, she got up, took charge and led us next to the fireplace. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she gave me a ionate kiss, breaking it only to whisper softly against my lips, “I it just like it was yesterday.”

Greece was marked in our hearts. It was our place. The land where our hearts would forever call home. “Close your eyes, my love,” I softly demanded, kissing the tip of her nose. “Don’t open them until I tell you.” When she did as I asked, I pressed my check against hers, closing my own as we both were transported back in time. “Listen to my heart; it still and only will ever beat for you. We’ve come a long way, but I just want you to know that I’m the same man you fell in love with, the same man who held you as we danced in the moonlight.” Her heart rapidly thudded against my chest. “With each ing day, my love for you only ever increases. Times are changing. Our trials aren’t going away soon, but you must know one thing, you can always count on me to be your man.” Kissing her cheek before I softly kissed her parted lips, I whispered, “Happy anniversary, Emma.” She gasped, “Oh, God! I forgot.” I knew she did…but I hadn’t…I’d been waiting for this day. “Open your eyes.” Her eyes widened when she found me on one knee, holding out a ring. I was smiling at her, so full of love; I could combust with it all. Yet, instead of smiles, she was on the verge of tears. Beside herself with joy or fear, I couldn’t tell which. “Against all odds, you and I are still standing here, fighting to be together. Your bravery to stand beside me amidst all this gutting chaos touches me to no end. I had never doubted your love for me because I feel it each time your gaze catches mine.” I swallowed the lump of nervousness that was stuck in my throat. “I’ve come to a full circle, Emma, and that circle starts and ends with you. I want to keep you… forever, with you by my side, fighting against all the odds as my wife. I want to be forever yours. Eternally make you mine, but as your husband. Your partner. Your heart… and your home.” “Bass—” She sniffed, big fat tears rolling off her face. “I love you so much!” She knelt with me, capturing my lips with fervent kisses. “Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!”

10 Emma

My heart was swelling with so much bliss. Bass proposing to me, asking me to be his wife—his home—I was consumed by effervescent happiness. I was laughing, crying and screaming all at once. My eyes were so blurry with tears that I couldn’t even see him sliding the princess-cut diamond rock on my finger. “I love you, Emma Anderson.” I was sniffing and grinning while he wiped my tears away with his thumbs, smiling down at me with such tenderness in his eyes. I knew this guy was going to love me forever because not even Carter looked at me like I was the most beautiful, sacred, precious thing that he’d ever seen. “I love you so, so much,” I said breathlessly before his lips conquered mine. Our kiss melded with the tears, laughter and ultimate bubble of happiness of being engaged to each other had brought. It seemed a lifetime was how long we stood there kissing. At that moment, I didn’t think it was more possible to feel like I was a part of Bass—coming together not in a sexual aspect, but in a spiritual sense. I was bucket loads in love with the man, and I thought this simply exorcised my insecurity about everything with his proposal. Yes, the old, confident self was emerging and I was truly grateful for that. It didn’t take long until we were both stripped naked, ready to consummate our new level of trust and love. My main goal was to please the man that brought me so much love. I was about to get on my knees and please him like he wanted it usually, but he was quick enough to get a hold of my arm and stop me from going south.

“Not tonight—this is not about me, but .” His fingers were busy pulling and tugging my aroused nipples while his lips and tongue teased my neck and ear. “Make love to me like you’re giving me your soul, Em. I want to feel you give it to me.” Bass didn’t do slow loving much, but tonight, it seemed that his goal was to cherish every single part of me. Even in this pace, his cock felt powerful while it adamantly took control of me. The intensity of his gaze and the electrifying way he was making love to me brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to hide it, but those intense blue eyes captured each reaction he evoked in me. “Emma,” he whispered, sliding in and out of me with precise strokes as his lips left a kiss on each of my lids. When our eyes met again, we gazed at each other while I bit my bottom lip trying to hold back my moans. My tears trickled to the sides as I let out a moan that bordered on a scream when Bass cupped both of my ass cheeks, spreading me wider, before he started to ground his hips severely. The tip of his dick stroked against my g-spot acutely with harsh intent. My tears were as full blown now as my lip biting was. “Set it free.” His lips barely brushed against mine, panting wildly as he geared to bring us to a complete exaltation. “Surrender it to me, moro mou,” he gasped, thrusting with fervent ferocity. My body was shaking, sweating, aching as I reached for his face, bringing it down to mine before our lips met and sealed our destiny. I sobbed his name while he bellowed mine as we came together. Our complete surrender felt like I was being lit up on fire and being set free at the same time. Never had I known this feeling of being exposed as though all of my layers were shredded off and I had nowhere to hide. I was naked, bared open solely for one man to see what was inside of me. It was raw, primal, and at the same time, I felt the magnitude of the love behind all. Bass didn’t only make love to me physically—he had also acquired my soul in the process. There was no part in me that didn’t feel his love. My body had been worshipped. My heart was overflowing with his affection. My soul swelled with his devotion. His name was now emblazoned on me; I simply had no place to hide and cower.

Bass simply didn’t plant himself in, he made sure he was rooted deep-within to the point where it would be impossible to yank away. “Shhh, it’s okay.” He kissed my forehead. His hands brushed the strands of hair that were wet with my sweat away from my forehead. I was still balling my eyes out for reasons that baffled me. Complete happiness was fizzing in my system, and yet, for the life of me, I couldn’t stop tearing away. “I love you,” I choked up, feeling like an idiot—well, a beloved idiot. Bass placed my palm against his stampeding heart. “You’re in here, my love. No one will ever take your place. My heart only ever knew you and it will forever stay that way.” After my tears dried up, we both cuddled and enjoyed the silence enveloped in each other’s embrace. My thoughts were now zipping in and out of my brain, juggling one after the other, hoping that my engagement wouldn’t bring others pain. I knew it would be wishful thinking, but I just wished that there wouldn’t be a person out there that would wish us ill. “Babe, would it be okay if we keep the engagement to ourselves for a little bit? I need to figure out a way to tell my friends and family without them freaking out. We haven’t been dating long—I just don’t want to give my dad a heart attack is all.” Bass lets out a breath. “We’ll do whatever you think is best for you.” He sought for my hand and held it close. “I’m with you all the way. I trust whatever you choose to do.” After making love, we stayed on the patio and waited for the sunrise. Then afterwards, we went indoors, slept for a few hours and got up to head out to meet Trista, Taylor, Amber and Lindsey in Disneyland. It was fun and all, but at times Lindsey was way too catty towards Amber, which made other instances beyond awkward. Bass got a party in Disneyland, fireworks and all. Supposedly, he wanted to tell our friends that we were engaged here, but since our conversation last night, that plan got the red light.

That night we partied with our friends, keeping our engagement to ourselves while we fought to stop kissing whenever we could because people around us were getting sick from the very sight of us. Bass had plans to take everyone to Cabo San Lucas the following day, however I managed to convince him that I wanted to spend our Sunday together, alone, and with no one around us. I knew he was going back to work soon, so I wanted to be selfish and kept him for myself. I never thought I would see myself, nor did I imagine that I would ever become, a clingy and needy woman. However, after weeks of denial, it was blatantly obvious that yes, I had become that very nightmare I once strived not to be. They did say never say never. Lesson learned.

Emma

A soft tingle on my cheek made wake up. When I parted my eyes open, Bass was sitting on my side of the bed, looking down on me. “I have to go and catch my flight.” He pulled my hand from the comforter and kissed the tips of my fingers. My head cocked to the side to check the time on the side table. It wasn’t even six in the morning. I knew he was leaving today, but I was expecting to share breakfast with him at least. After the weekend we’d had, I sure knew that this week was going to creep by extra slow for me. “Thank you for giving me the best weekend of my life.” I pulled his lips against mine, kissing him slowly. “I can’t wait to be Mrs. Bass Cole.” Can’t wait? I was hysterical and couldn’t stop daydreaming about my wedding. Not to mention little Bass Cole babies! Ugh. I was sick with giddiness! “Why don’t you check your calendar and we’ll match it with mine? So we can roughly know which day and get this thing going. You’re not going to get cold feet on me, are you?” Was he on crack? Hell no. “Never.” My arms wrapped around his neck, hoping to get more of him. “Do you have any room for a quickie?” I tried to cajole his determined face. He sighed, nuzzling my cheek. “Can’t—Lou’s downstairs waiting for me.” “Damn. Maybe next time.” Man, I could feel my heart sinking. It was goodbye again…for now. Bass gave me a grateful smile, knowing how much I would ache without him. “I promise to make your sexual fantasies come to life the next time I see you.”

I really didn’t want him to go, though I had no choice. One look at his face made me do a fake cheer up. The last thing my man needed was seeing me all sad. He was already leaving with a heavy heart; I didn’t need to make him feel guilty for having a job that required him to shoot films in another country. “Hmmm, maybe I’ll make yours, too, BC.” My small, teasing made him grin, smiling down on me in a way that seriously made my heart skip a beat. He was so gorgeous, and the man was all fucking mine to have, conquer and feast over and over again. “God, I love it when you get me hard by your eyes alone, you wicked woman.” For the last time, he kissed me thoroughly, eliciting the fire within me, but it was stopped too short. “Keep me in your heart, Emma.” “Keep me in yours, Bass.” With another toe-curling smile, I watched as he exited our bedroom. I remained where I was, unmoving as my ears perked up to the sound of him moving, descending down the stairs, to the entry hall and out the front door. When I heard the car engine being fired up, I closed my eyes and made a silent prayer to keep him safe and away from harm. It’s another day without him…I thought with a heavy heart. Driving back to SB was a drag simply because I didn’t want to leave the bed where it smelled of Bass, yet unfortunately, I had to return to reality. Filming didn’t start until five weeks from now, and since I was now resorting to submitting my assignments online and keeping my teachers in progress with my studies, I had more time to dedicate for volunteer work before I left to shoot in Chicago. After this weekend, I had a lot of things to ponder about. It was basically sorting out the least and the best choices to make. The next day, I made a call to Barbara and told her that I didn’t want to do the GQ shoot anymore. Don’t get me wrong, the opportunity was great, but I think it would be best if I skipped this one. Was the engagement a part of the decision making? A big fat yes, and also, I wanted to lay low for a bit. Since the media wasn’t warming up to me anytime soon with Nikki’s pregnancy hovering in the background, I’d rather focus on building my career from making movies instead

of doing it by being in the media spotlight. I didn’t like the attention, however it came with dating Bass and being in the movie industry. What they said about me and why I wasn’t “clinging” to Bass were very hurtful. How could they print those articles thinking that they knew me? Now, with Nikki’s ultrasound looming for next week, the very thought alone started to gnaw in my gut. I was scared that Bass might love the baby the second he sees him or her. I mean, there was nothing wrong in that—no, not in particular. What I’m most afraid of was Nikki using that feeling to her advantage. Knowing how manipulative she’d been after finding out about her pregnancy, the bitch was going to take every reaction Bass was going to make and make them her best weapons. Making him fall for the baby was her top priority. I hoped that he wasn’t going to fall for her antics. God knew what would happen to us if he did. “What are you doing in here sulking as you drink coffee and stare at the beach?” “Nikki,” I blurted out, still staring ahead, not glancing at Amber. From my peripheral vision, I saw her sit on my left, placing a linen pillow on her lap. “I’m thinking of moving out.” Amber announces with hesitation, like she had thought about it for quite sometime now. That made me look at her; my attention solely focused on the troubled woman next to me. “What? No!” I interjected. “You guys can still fix this.” They better fix it because they shouldn’t let a man come in between their friendship, even if the man in question was Brody Thompson. Amber looked defeated. “How? She won’t even look in my direction. You know how she is. She’s probably going to hate me until she’s in her grave.” Would Lindsey be that harsh? Damn. “She loves you.” I reached out and squeezed her arm to give encouragement. “Lindsey’s just—you know…” my voice trailed off, not sure what to say. Fortunately, she knew our friend well enough that I didn’t have to elaborate. “I

know. That’s why I think moving out is the best solution.” If she moved out, the rift was going to get bigger; they had to talk before it came to that. There must be a way to fix things? “If we can get you guys in the same room and talk it out, maybe it’ll help,” I lightly suggested, hoping she had brighter ideas. Amber snorted before shaking her head. “Like she’d do that. She’s probably going to kill me anyway.” “You’re afraid of her?” The thought had never crossed my mind. “Fuck, yeah, she’s crazy.” She grinned, flashing those beautiful amber eyes at me. “But I would never it that to her face.” It was no secret how ionate our dear Lindsey could get, although sometimes you had to make allowances for the people you love. For a long while, we both stayed silent as we watched people stroll by, jogging and spending time together. My thoughts were about them and how they got to this point. “So, was it worth it?” I finally murmured, not glancing at her. “What was?” My sight focused on the family trio that had the father, I was assuming, pushing the stroller, laughing at something the woman next to him was saying. “Brody, I mean.” I was talking to Amber, but my eyes were now zeroing in on the small family, seeing Bass and Nikki in my mind. Dammit. I hated it when this stupid jealous attack happened at the most inconvenient times. “It was before…I don’t know. He isn’t even talking to me.” Amber pierced through my fog, getting my attention again, somewhat. “He’s still heartbroken from Lindsey.” “You love him,” I stated as a fact. Amber picked on her cuticle, deep in thought. “He’d never see it,” she sighed, voice laced with sadness. “He never did.”

Poor thing was suffering from unrequited love. Competing for Brody’s attention amidst all those women flinging themselves at him—and to top it off with Lindsey—was going to be more than difficult to achieve. “Maybe it’s time to move on.” She didn’t respond to that at first, yet when she did, the words that she spoke were simply unexpected. “You should let Carter do the same thing.” Carter. One major problem that I had yet to face. Could I do it, hurt him like that? I wished he would be the one who freely chose to move on and not me, as he was pushing me to do. It was worse that way. “I told him to.” At least a hundred times, I tried to convince him. “But he’s not letting go.” “Tris and I have a couple of women lined up for him. You don’t mind, right?” she asked, showing how much they all cared for him, or maybe they also didn’t want any more drama with me bouncing back and forth. I wasn’t that predictable when it came to Carter, or was I? And as for him starting to see other women, did I care or mind? Well… I didn’t… “Why should I? I’m with Bass.” Amber stared at me for a long time then shrugged. “Bass is a great guy; if I had to choose between him and Carter, I’d choose him. Carter’s hot, Em, and we love a bad streak in a guy once in awhile, but to find a guy to love you and remain faithful to that love is hard to find. Bass never looked at a woman when you guys were together. And let’s face it, would you put faith in a guy who cheated on you with an orgy? Or with a man who looks at you like you’re the only one he sees?” She sounded like she wanted to drill the words in my head. “Bass had a playboy reputation, but man, that guy is so all-in with you, doll. Each time I see him look at you, it makes me not want to give up on love.” I never realized that Amber was such a ionate woman. This was a side that was rarely on display. “Maybe you shouldn’t give up on him then.” If she truly loved Brody this fiercely, then maybe giving up wasn’t the best solution. I mean, what did she have to lose at this point? “I’m never going to be Lindsey in his eyes.” Seriously? She was only insecure when it came to Brody. She was gorgeous, why try to be someone else you’re not? “Then don’t try to be. Just be you—

Amber, the amazing woman who loves him—even if he doesn’t see how much it hurts to keep loving him from afar.” “I’ll think about it,” Amber said, getting up. She stood, giving the beach a good sixty seconds before she spun around and gave me a fierce hug. “Thank you for listening, doll.” She kissed my cheek. “I’m here, too, if you need someone.” With a flash of her smile, she bounced back upstairs to get ready to go out with some new school friends while I remained in living room, full of crap in my head. I was on my third sigh when my phone beeped with a text message. Carter: Don’t look too sad. I still love you, if that’s what’s worrying you. What in the world? Me: What are you talking about? Carter: I went for a jog, and when I ed by, you just looked too sad and I couldn’t ignore you. Need me to get you ice cream? My eyes scanned the vast sea of people ing. The dusk had settled so it was difficult to pinpoint where he was exactly. Where was he hiding? Me: I can’t see you. My phone immediately shrilled with his reply. Carter: Come out and meet me. Damn. Should I? I was in the middle of my decision making process when my phone beeped once more. Carter: Don’t think about it. Just do it. Damn again. Me: Fine. Coming out now. Getting up, I didn’t even bother changing my white cut-off shorts and my loose midriff shirt as I headed towards the backdoor entrance that led towards the

beach. Before I managed to open the door though, the doorbell of the front door chimed, halting me in the process. Backtracking, I was skipping towards the hallway to seek the front door entrance. Once I got there, I yanked the brass handle open and found myself even more surprised. “Brody—” I had a confused smile on. “Hey, come inside.” I opened the door wider. “I’ll go ahead and get…” Who? Amber or Lindsey? Shit. “Amber?” He nodded, pressing his lips together. “No need. I’m here to see Lindsey.” He moved forward and stepped inside the house. “I’ll just go upstairs and try to see if she’ll talk to me this time, if that’s okay?” Uh-huh. I nodded. “Sure, go ahead.” Well…this is weird, I thought as I watched him make his way upstairs. As much as I would like to see if Lindsey was going to talk to him this time, I knew I shouldn’t pry into their business. Besides, Carter was still waiting on me downstairs. Making my way outside, I was starting to think that he’d decided to leave because I took too long, but nope, he was there all right, ed by two girls touching his biceps. WTF? The moment I ed them, Carter was grinning from ear to ear as he greeted me with a soft kiss on the cheek before he had the gall to introduce me to his “cheerleaders”. “Ladies, this is Emma.” He introduced me with suave as the ladies turned to me and gave me their million dollar smiles. “This is Cami and Ashley.” Since both were on each of his sides, he started with Cami who was a brunette and had an easy smile, but who had eyes that never really left Carter. Ashley was just as friendly, yet it was obvious that these two knew Carter very well. “Girlfriends of yours, Mason?” I smiled back, trying to give a low ounce of sarcasm. “Still like them in double doses, huh?” Yeah, I sort of failed there. Instead of responding to my sarcastic quip, Ashley interjected, “I saw your movie, by the way. You were great. It must be nice to work with two hot guys like that.” She totally ditched the whole awkward moment there and just went to familiar

territory. “Yeah, something like that,” I answered lamely. The girls were nice and all, though for some reason, I wasn’t feeling all that nice myself. Before my mouth could get me in any trouble, I took the initiative to look for an excuse. “It was great meeting you two,” I addressed his cheerleaders. “Carter.” I nodded towards him. “Goodnight,” I murmured before walking away and back to where I had come from. My heels couldn’t take me away fast enough. What was the deal anyway? I asked myself before giving my brain a good mental shake. I was thinking way too much, that’s why my brain wasn’t functioning normally. Once inside the house, I went straight to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. Opening the fridge to get the milk carton, I gave out a loud yelp when Carter was standing behind it the second I closed it shut. “What the fuck? It’s not Halloween yet, idiot! Try to give someone else a fright.” I glared at him, ignoring him altogether as I worked the cappuccino maker. “It’s all for laughs. Come on; lighten up a bit, yeah?” He was smiling that smug I’m-so-hot-you-can’t-help-but-drool-over-me smile of his, which ticked me off some more. I snorted. “I am enlightened. Now go take a hike.” I was busy filling up coffee grinds before pressing it down with the metal presser, about to flip the switch because Carter wouldn’t leave me alone. The man came up behind me, almost touching yet not. “Whoa. What’s gotten your undies twisted, baby?” His breath hit the side of my neck, sending goose bumps all over my body. Damn him! He needs to stay the fuck away! “My underwear is none of your concern.” “You know…” He trailed off. “You used to get like this when you were jealous.” I shut my eyes, chanting that I was engaged to Bass as I felt Carter press his chest against my back, making me stifle back a groan. “Am I reading this all wrong, Emma?” He spoke like he was almost out of breath.

Mother. Fucking. Hell. “I’m not jealous,” I hissed. “I’m ticked off because you invited me to come out and yet you were busy being praised over by your army of—” Skanks. “Women,” I finished off, not needing to let him know how I truly felt deep inside. Carter tsk-tsked, moving his lips close to my ear. “When will you ever learn that lying is bad for you?” He pressed his crotch against my bum, making him moan against my neck. “There’s a lot of women who want me, but this is all yours, baby.” He breathed me in, his nose making a loud sound of him inhaling deeply while he pushed against me. His body heat was intoxicating. I knew it was wrong to keep this game going—however, I was paralyzed on the spot. “I love you.” He kissed the base of my neck. “Dream of me tonight. You know what’s going to be in mine, Emma.” Carter kissed my check one last time before pulling himself off me. “Those twenty-one sweet, honeyed kisses, baby.” He spoke so loud, I was afraid everyone could hear him. My birthday last year; FML. He greeted me last Saturday, but he didn’t say much else. I knew that he was aware that I was with Bass, that’s why he stayed away. But why bring that memory up? Was it because it was about last year when we started engaging physically? Or to mainly put me in a position where I was even more aggravated since the last time I saw him? It didn’t matter because yes, I it, I was extremely attracted to Carter, yet I was crazy about my Bass. The thought of him brought guilt into my heart. I knew Bass was aware about Carter still pining for me, but if he knew as to what extent Carter was stretching it lately, I knew he’d be beyond angry. Even if my romantic life was gearing up for the future with certainty, when it came to my career, I had no doubts as to where I wanted to be heading. I was my own woman after all, no matter what happened with Bass or Carter later down the road, I knew I had my work to keep me occupied.

Emma

Barbara and I had a meeting round lunchtime along with g other important documentation for the movie I had just recently signed up for. It was a romantic comedy and I was pretty psyched because it was a project to be shot in Chicago. I was in the living room, going through the script and the list for the movie Sleeping with my Best Friend. One of the main things that stood out was how the movie needed me to have black hair. The big question was, did I want it dyed or in a wig? I was surrounded with my girls, sans Amber, discussing the movie and what other girly things we liked to gush about when they saw what I was looking at. “Black hair? On you?” Trista’s eyes were full of ideas. “Bass will marry you in a heartbeat.” If she only knew that I was already engaged to him. Soon, I really was going to tell everyone about that. For the meantime, back to the current problem, my blonde tresses. “Great input, Tris. Thanks.” Lindsey shook her head along with a strangled noise when she saw that I was about to circle the wig selection. “Why don’t you dye it black instead of a wig? I’m sure your man will nut in his pants when he sees you.” It was no secret to everyone that he preferred dark hair. Would Bass like it if I did, though? I was tempted because a big part of me was cheering on, wanting to see his reaction, too. The decision was made. Hair dye it was. Seeing Carter last night, and now with this movie swirling around my head, it was time to cleanse everything out and get into perspective. I needed to do that.

Since it was a night of surprising myself, I booked the biggest surprise of all.

11 Bass

I was checking my emails as I distractedly opened my trailer, letting out a heavy sigh as I went inside. When a call from Taylor came through while writing a message to Martin, I picked it up. “What’s up?” “I just heard about your parents. What will you do?” asked my best friend. His question didn’t surprise me. I’m sure his mother told him about the details without me needing to rehash everything. “I’m not backing down. They can both go to hell for all I care.” I meant those words too. My parents were despicable beings. I strode towards the kitchen and opened bottled water, drinking it halfway before I noticed something across the end of the trailer, towards my bedroom. Striding towards it, I heard Taylor on my ear. “Fuck. I can’t believe them. Anyway, I gotta go cause Trista just got here and I promised to take her somewhere tonight. Later, man,” he said before cutting the call. Entering the room, my eyes scanned about to check if something was amiss, but there was none. That was, until I felt a soft fabric caressed my cheek before it swiftly covered my eyes, closing it shut before knotting it tight behind my head. I gave a hiss before I felt the cold steel cuffing my wrists. “Don’t move,” the woman rasped against my ear. Damn, I thought before I was roughly shoved into the chair behind me. Then I felt her hot breath against my ear, sending shivers all over my body, arousing me in a heartbeat. “Listen to my voice carefully, Bass. Memorize it. Feel it. Love it.” Oh yeah, it was her. That smell alone gave it away. One sniff and my cock was

already surging forth, ready to battle. In a quick succession, I had the woman swiftly thrown on the bed, hoping to thoroughly acquaint myself to my visitor. But when I was about to crawl over her body, I immediately froze, noting the vast changes she made to her looks. “Holy fucking Jesus!” My throat ran dry. “You look—” my upper brain function seized as my lower one took charge. “You look like—” I was becoming incoherent. Damn, did she do this for me? Oh fucking God. “You look like—” I mumbled again, my eyes couldn’t tear away from the sight of her. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her with all of my heart—I did—and I accepted her just as she was…but her with raven hair…I was dumbfounded. “Fuck!” “I look like…fuck?” Her brow rose. “That’s nice,” she gritted out, confused and hurt. Hell, she was now angry. I had to turn this bad situation around and make it all okay. “No—I mean, I was expecting it to be you, that’s all.” She folded her arms underneath her breasts, making them topple over and about to set free from her lace-up bustier. “What do you mean? Who did you expect it to be?” Fuck, don’t go there, Emma. “You’re getting this all wrong—” “You thought I was Nikki, didn’t you?” she suspiciously asked, enraged as she eyed me with disdain. Yep, she really did go head to that blasted direction. “Hell no! Will you listen to me, Emma? You’re doing it again, let me explain.” She frowned, before taking a deep breath. She looked like she was thinking about something before she excused herself, heading straight to the restroom. “What the fuck is going on?” I yelled after her. “Am I missing something here?” I was beyond confused with her attitude. This was not the Emma I used to know before. But of course, the crap I piled on our relationship took a toll on her. Her selfconfidence took a beating with all the tabloid rags printing foul and ugly things

about her. The icing on the cake was Nikki and her bundle of surprise. There was no one to blame with her erratic behavior but me. This was all my fault. Now this was all up to me to fix it. It was vital that I did.

12 Emma

“Emma,” Bass spoke against the door. His voice didn’t sound angry, but more like complacent, as if he knew what I was dealing with. The whole surprise was ruined because the jealous, ugly head reared out of nowhere and engulfed me in a heartbeat. I could’ve fixed it, but the picture of Nikki I just saw online today shopping for baby clothes already had me in a twisted knot. Each day I felt like I was deteriorating inside because I kept wishing and praying that Nikki’s baby wasn’t his. Instead of focusing on my script and new filming coming up, I was more in-tuned with the tabloids and reading up scraps about Nikki. No one knew about this odd fixation I had as of late, but truth be told, it was scaring me more than I cared to it. Here I was, in Bass’s trailer, staring at myself in the mirror, wondering if I could survive this. What if Carter was right? What if I really was meant to be with him and all of these emotions I had for Bass was merely a mirage of what I wanted too badly, but was never going to happen? Being with Bass was easy before, yet this time around, it certainly was changing me, turning me upside down. A knock on the door made me almost jump out of my skin. “Emma! Please let me in.” Slowly cracking the door open, I met his gaze with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. What happened out there was uncalled for.” “Come here.” He enveloped me in his arms, cradling my head against his chest.

“You don’t have to explain, my love. This is all my fault.” He stroked my hair with soft, rhythmic strokes. “I’m so sorry for putting you through this.” “I’m sorry, too,” I murmured before kissing the base of his neck. “I forgot to say, but you look stunning.” That made us both laugh a little, breaking the ice. “I thought you might.” “You know I love you in whatever color you choose to dye your hair, right? Be it purple or orange, I’d still love you and think you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever beheld.” When Bass talked to me that way, my insecure heart melted all for him over and over again. Moments like these made all this torture worthwhile. Since my surprise visit was already a bust, Bass decided to take us back to his hotel room and order room service while we chose a movie to watch. After a dinner of steak and potatoes, we were on the bed, heads ed together as we browsed through the movie catalogue when my phone decided to disrupt our alone time. Moving to fetch my phone on the nightstand, I muttered a silent curse when I got a glimpse of the phone screen. Carter was calling my phone, but I was putting him on silent. Tonight, I wanted the rest of the world to vanish. “Answer it. Tell him you’re with me and that you’re pre-occupied,” Bass said behind me. I tensed, eyes bulging out of my sockets. Since when did his territorial streak emerge again? “Stop spying.” “I wasn’t. I didn’t even move a muscle. I could just tell by your immediate reaction. Your body always tells me when it’s him calling.” He was still browsing, but I could tell that something was not right. “That would be harsh, babe. And besides, he doesn’t know that I’m in Canada.” His jaws locked. “Carter doesn’t need to know your ins and outs, Emma.”

He did have a point. Carter was my ex. “Right, yeah. You’re right.” I nodded with affirmation as I prayed for Carter to just quit calling my phone and bug someone else. I was hoping that he wouldn’t do this, but shit, when my phone indicated I had a voicemail, I bit down on my lip, hard. “Aren’t you going to listen to that?” Bass kept on pestering. “I’ll do it later.” I was about to shove the phone back on the nightstand when the shitty night started to become shittier. “Are you hiding something from me?” he asked, shutting the television off then moving to face me. Wait, where the hell was that coming from? “No, why should I?” I said nervously. “I can listen to this now if I wanted to. Hell, I’ll even let you hear it.” Was there anything I hid? I panicked as I tried to make a quick rundown of all the things that might get me in slight trouble. Bass scrutinized me before folding his arms behind his head, resting against the headboard. “Okay, let’s hear it.” “You mean now?” What the shit. “Unless you have any objections?” “No.” F.M.L. When I didn’t move, Bass nodded towards where the phone was still gripped in my hands as if it was a life sentence. But was it? Why was I so paranoid anyway? I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t hiding anything, so there shouldn’t be any reason for me to become all skittish. I pressed the ‘Listen’ button and Carter Mason’s voice came to life. “Hey baby. I’m out with the boys, but for some reason I just wanted to call and was hoping to hear your voice.” He paused, making a small grunt. “I know you’re busy doing your thing, but I’m missing you like crazy, baby. I’m drunk as a skunk, girls everywhere, but all I want to do is see you, Ems. Everyday I wake up feeling like shit, but I always your promise and I keep going again.” He sighed heavily. “Can’t wait to see you again.” Carter sighed again,

this time it sounded like he was getting choked up. “Don’t keep me out of your heart for too long, it gets too lonely for me. Love you, Ems.” Fuck, my heart broke for him. The last part, hearing him like that, so broken; it made me feel like the worst person ever. My emotions took over and I almost forgot that Bass was right next to me before he spoke up and placed a barrier along my road to sadness route. “Did you purposely not announce our engagement because of Carter?” He was frowning, looking at me with hurt in his eyes. “Bass—” He gave me a slashing look. “Answer the question, Emma. It’s a simple yes or no.” How could it ever be simple? “A part, maybe.” Did he not hear that? Carter was breaking and I hated that I was the reason for it. Bass looked away, raking a hand over his hair, mussing it up some more. “Why do you care about his feelings so much? Who cares if our engagement will make him angry? Sooner or later he has to deal with the fact that you’re mine. You know that, don’t you?” I did. Where was he going with this? “Of course, I do—” “Good, then what’s the problem?” he asked, his voice sounding more like it was defeated instead of being persistent. It was going to happen. I simply needed more space to wiggle. “Let’s wait for a little bit more—” Bass flinched like I slapped him or something. “Don’t put us back there again, Emma.” He pleaded, his voice in a mere whisper, “Please, I beg of you.” Why couldn’t he just understand? I was going to break it in, I swore. “I’m trying to make this as easy as possible. You have to understand his position—I don’t like hurting him—not like this.” “So instead you choose to hurt me.”

“It’s not like that, babe,” I murmured, reaching out to him, but he wouldn’t look at me. “Isn’t it? If you were in my place, you’d feel like shit, too.” What other choice did I have? “I was with him physically when I met you… I made a promise that I wasn’t going to let another man kiss me, let alone have sex before him. I broke that promise when I came back home as your girlfriend again.” The memories of my broken times flooded me. “He was there for me when you abandoned me, Bass.” Now it was me abandoning Carter, the guy who stood there soothing my broken heart. “He held me in my sleep, crying. Every. Single. Night. Carter was there for me.” I was a rotten person, I thought as guilt took charge of my feelings. “Are you sure you’re not choosing to be with the wrong man then?” Bass stared ahead, still not looking at me. “What do you mean?” His question baffled me. We were engaged, and yet, he was still questioning this? What the hell!!! Bass rested his head against the white leather, tufted headboard, exposing his sinful neck. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times before he decided to speak again. “If you need more time, I’d understand.” His voice sounded truly hurt. “I’m always going to be here.” He was scaring me. Where was he going with this? “Why would you suggest that? You just proposed to me.” Would Bass leave me again? The thought brought chills all over me. “I know what I want, it’s always you for me, Emma,” he rasped out. “But I wasn’t always yours.” The tight coil in my stomach got severe. I had to make Bass understand. He did before; surely he could see it through my eyes again. “Carter rooted himself when he became my pillar of strength—my go-to person when I was feeling blue. Those months happened…all I’m asking is for a little understanding here.” I waited for him to respond, staring at him without risking a blink because I didn’t want to miss anything. This was important to me. I merely needed time to make him happy.

He finally opened his eyes and gazed down at me. “Then you shall have it.” Bass smiled sadly at me.

13 Bass

I see it in her eyes, she knew that her decisions were hurting me, however she was taking a stand in protecting Carter. This was one of the things that I had to swallow and accept. I would have to try with all my might to understand somehow because I made a mistake in leaving her, thus resulting with me making consistent sacrifices. At the end of the day, as long as we both knew where we stood, as long as she remained honest and forthcoming with me, I could always compromise. I loved her, which was all that mattered. These hurtful things were a pain to endure, and I was still learning the ropes in being in a committed relationship. I also believed, though, that if I couldn’t tackle these details now, how would I ever face future problems later on during our marriage? Even if this situation was upsetting, in the long run, it would all pave off. For now, I had to do what Emma was asking of me. Emma scooted all the way up against the headboard and planted her legs on my sides before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me close against her chest. “Let’s not do movies tonight.” She kissed my neck. “Maybe doing this for hours would make you a little sweeter?” she suggested before backtracking. “On second thought, don’t answer that question. “Well, maybe I have some news to cheer up my sexy sour puss.” Emma huskily laughed next to my ear while her hands were busy skimming about on my chest. “Yeah?” I cocked my head to the side, brow rising, as I looked at her sunny, grinning face. “I could do with a healthy dose of good news.” “It’s not really that exciting, but I want you to know that I declined the GQ

spread.” My, she had definitely got my attention. “I thought you wanted to do it the last time we spoke?” What made her change her mind? She never mentioned anything that could be the cause of her pulling out of a very important—wellrenowned—men’s magazine. “I did, you know.” She paused, smiling lovingly at me. “With all the bad press surrounding my name at the moment and then having me worry about your reaction with the final shots, I wouldn’t want to put that on top of all the pile of poop you’re on.” Her head rested atop mine before whispering, “I can compromise, too.” Apart from the whole Carter debacle, Emma was truly showing how much she was trying to make me happy. “That’s good news indeed.” Her surprise visit and this GQ news was a good sign, but I was feeling somewhat guilty about it. “Thank you,” I said thoughtfully, wondering if I should say something more. “You’re welcome.” “I appreciate all of the effort, my love, but if you really want to do this spread, don’t withdraw because of me. I’m not that guy that would hinder your future and the vast possibilities this exposure could do for you.” Holding her fingers, I kissed the tips before lightly sucking on her thumb. “We can make this happen, I’ll always be ive of your work, never fear that.” “Yeah, yeah, buddy.” She pulled away from my hand before sliding both of her palms upwards, towards my shoulders, slowly massaging them. “The decision’s done. Besides, I know you’re ive even though the last thing you want is to have the world gawk at my semi-nakedness. You’re amazing; I know that already. Now, how about those videos, hmmm?” Damn, we were back to that? I had prayed that she hopefully had forgotten about that whole thing—apparently not. “I’m still thinking…don’t have an answer for you yet.” “Oh, come on; don’t be such a pussy.” Was that pun intended? I was afraid so. “Taunt me all you like.” I was not going to budge here. Nah, I sure as hell wouldn’t.

She brushed her lips against my ear, using her sweet voice and hot breath to muddle my way of thinking. “Please? I promise to be objective.” I groaned. Seriously? “Why, Em? I don’t fucking get it. This is baffling me.” What woman asked this question? Most would be mortified, yet then again, this was Emma. She truly had a way of always surprising me. She sighed, though continued to remain as persistent as ever. “Maybe I just want to know more of you? This is a part of you—your desires—even if you claimed that you haven’t watched any of them since we got together, still…these were once important to you somehow.” “Not important like that…” These were merely videos. They meant nothing to me. “Okay, they were your jackoff vids. I get it.” She nodded, looking like she had just gotten the answer for a difficult mathematical equation. “I think I can deal with that. “You’re crazy,” I blurted out, aghast that she was still pressuring me to bust out my phone and show her intimate videos of me with women I had before her. What now? Did she expect me to get some popcorn, too, while we watched back-to-back Basswhore raunchfest? Fuck. Me. “Yeah, yeah, nothing I haven’t heard before.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Show me one then maybe that will make me shut me up.” What in the world was going on inside my fiancée’s head? I was starting to worry where she was going with this discussion, or the aftermath of said discussion was more like it. “I don’t know why you’re obsessing about this. Really, these are old.” “Okay, great. Now show me.” Emma outstretched her hand, showing me her palm as she waited. Think, damn it. “Fuck, this is bad.” Maybe if I showed her a quick glimpse, she’d be repulsed and quit the subject all together? Fucking hell and this hellish predicament. “Come on, hurry.”

I was done for. Whatever happened after this mini showing, I had no one to blame other than me. It wasn’t like I really wanted to, in fact, I was completely against it, but Emma was being relentless. If didn’t oblige her now, she’d never cease the nagging. “One minute.” Here comes my doom. “Two.” Oh, she was negotiating this? Not a chance. “No, Emma, one minute is all I can agree with.” I stood my ground. This was all I would give. “I don’t even know why I’m talking; I weighed this a thousand times, and all those times I didn’t see myself agreeing to even a peek at it.” But look at me now… My crazy love simply winked at me. “‘Cause you can’t say no to me, that’s why, BC.” Sadly, she could be right about that. The things we do for the people we love. God, Jesus, Mary and all the Saints, please let this be nothing and not some ploy to add more onto our ongoing problems. Counting patience from one to ten, I took hold of my phone and painstakingly went through my folders. Unlocking the specific folder that had all the past kink in it, I randomly chose a video and pressed play before handing it to her. A quick peek of the small screen was all it took before she had her hands all over it, giving me an idea of what and who she was seeing in the video. “Oh.” She leaned closer, the tip of her nose almost hitting the glass screen, like she needed closer scrutiny. “Is that…?” I pulled my hair to the side, hoping I’d pulled enough hair so I could feel some pain and be jolted awake and away from this extremely bizarre circumstance. “Yeah, that’s Lydia.” “You—huh—umm, huh.” She pressed her lips together, unblinking as she soaked in the images playing before her. That’s it; her one minute was up. “No more of this, Emma. That’s enough.” I yanked the phone away from her and shoved it on the side table without glancing at it because I was too keen on watching Emma’s beautiful face, hoping to have

an idea of what she was feeling or thinking at the moment. “Emma?” Her piercing blue gaze penetrated me, baring a look of something I couldn’t pinpoint. “I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t jealous watching that, but I it, there’s some sick fascination to it. She was quite a woman, that’s all I could say. Had it been the other way around, I could only see where things would be heading—to Hell. “That’s quite brave of you, but I don’t think I could muster enough courage to watch one with you in it.” It would fuck me inside out. “I just couldn’t.” “Not even if it’s you and me?” she jested in a teasing tone. Now, this was a subject I fairly loved to participate in. “Well, if you put it that way, then I’m all for it.” Oh, the possibilities this conversation could grant me. I sure as hell would be lucky if this dream of mine came to life, HD and all. Emma snorted, lightly giving me a small pinch on my arm. “God, you’re so predictable.” “Hey now, I’m only a man; a sinner through and through.” I was grinning like a beloved puppy. “What other good news do you have? I like where this conversation is heading.” “Oh, yeah, I have one more,” she gleefully announced, getting my quick attention in a flash. “I’m thinking of adoption.” Okay, that was random. Of all the things to hook her attention to, she wanted to adopt? “Whoa, that’s a huge deal. I mean…have you weighed the responsibilities and all that entails?” This was no joke. Surely she knew that? Her eyes widened, twinkling with mischief. “Of course, adopting a dog isn’t a walk in the park, but I want someone to cuddle with when you’re not with me.” Ha. “A dog,” I laughed, shaking my head at my stupidity. Why did I think that she was talking about an actual baby? “How about you wait for me until I get back this weekend? I’d love to go with you to choose the new member of our family.”

“Oh, so we’re family now?” she asked, considering me with scrutiny Not the kind of man to intimidate here, Emma. “You bet we are,” I answered, not wavering from her heated gaze. Nope, definitely not melting under the heat those magnificent orbs radiated. “We’re practically married, you know.” She pressed her lips together, showing a cute, tiny dimple on the side of her cheek before shaking her head like she was not getting it at all. “Damn, did I miss the memo on this? ‘Cause I don’t feel married at all.” She cocked her head to the side, taking a moment and aiming for great effect. “In fact, I don’t feel like I’m Mrs. Bass Cole.” She paused, pretending to ponder as she nodded her chin a few times before shaking her head. “Yup, still not feeling it.” The woman loved to provoke the animal in me, much to my fevered enjoyment. “So you want to feel it, huh?” My carnal body throbbed. Immediate ache travelled, coursing all over me, before settling on one particular, pulsating area. “Then you shall experience the very feel of me, my love. I’m not stopping until your nice, tight, little kitty is all injured, bruised and drowsy while still creaming from the way my cock ransacked it, robbing you of everything you have.” Without much forethought, my body took over, readying to charge forth. Emma shrieked when I yanked her silk slip, ripping it in two. “Hey—that’s La Perla—and I just bought—” I raised my brow, incredulous. “Didn’t you say you were my surprise present?” She licked her lips as her creamy breasts heaved, vying for attention. “I did, but that doesn’t mean you can just—” “I was just unwrapping my present.” My lust was palpable. It heightened to a combustible point when I saw what she had hidden underneath the silk wrapping. “Oooh, Emma, you’re really asking for it. Aren’t you, moro mou?” I growled, eyes locking on her sacred dwelling. I felt an instantaneous surge of undeniable hunger in my groin as I studied the small initial lettering of B on the skin atop her smooth cunny. “It’s henna.” The witch kindly provided the information. “It’s going to be on me for up to two weeks.” “Is that right?” I asked, however since I had gotten a glimpse of my initial on

there, I hadn’t looked elsewhere. Men were easy to please. Things like these— though they might seem like a small gesture—meant so much more. It showed what the woman thought of us when she decided to get something such as this done. It was a woman’s way of saying I’m yours, your property, to do with as you please. It didn’t make Emma a slave because she had freely chosen to do it. Instead, she had given herself to me. It didn’t matter that it was inked in nothing more than henna—it was the thought and the reason behind it that mattered to me most. First, she came here as a surprise. Second, she shocked me with her new, drastically hot makeover, and now, this. How could a man handle all these lovely presents? The woman definitely knew how to drive me insane with anger, but I had to give credit where credit was due, this was a nice compensation. Quite lovely indeed, I mused. Slowly peeling the rest of the shredded cloth away, I revealed her breasts and her dynamite figure, all for me to feast on. My eyes lingered on her breasts before brushing my heated stare upwards, meeting those cornflower eyes of hers. More blood pumped south as I silently praised her sultry beauty. My eyes told her that she was beautiful. They told her how much I loved her. How honored I was to have her presence in my life. Since we were openly staring at each other, I moved away and started to strip right before her until I was stark naked. I then stood there, unabashed, with my rabid cock poised to charge forth; ready to be sheathed and bathed with her sweet, honeyed ambrosia. Emma’s ionate nature ignited my own. Her eyes were aglow with burning need as she thirsted for my exposed sex. Stroking my fevered shaft, I gripped the base of my dick before I took a few steps forward, about to her on the mattress. “Lay flat on you your stomach.” The witch didn’t rush. She took her time and made sure that I was extra aware of her body when she exposed the heart of herself before rolling onto her stomach, wiggling her butt in the air for good measure. Had I felt playful, this would’ve been an easy laugh shared between us, but alas, I had been conquered by my body.

I kneeled behind her right below her ass in a sort of half sitting position. Both of my palms rubbed against each supple cheek, massaging it gradually before my fingers dug into her skin, gripping it as I parted her ass before me. Still in my half-sitting position, my hands wrapped around her neck as I slowly lifted her upwards, gradually stretching her upper body towards me while I relentlessly rammed in and out of her cunt. With my hands still wrapped around her neck, I stretched her some more so I could lean over and whisper into her ear. “Tell me how much you like being my instrument, Emma.” “Don’t stop until I come,” she stuttered, heaving and panting with her eyes closed. “I love your massive size.” All my frustrations channeled into my thrusts, hammering them into her body as I let loose and worked my demons in and out of her pliant body. “You like it when I fuck you like this,” I stated as my body climbed towards its final completion. “Yes,” she yelped, fingers digging into the mattress then gripping the sheets in delirious abandon. “I can’t think of anything else other than you inside of me.” My ever so lovely Emma had learned how dirty talk made our lovemaking even more intense. I had trained her to know my needs as well as my wants and it hadn’t taken much time. “You like this fat cock, don’t you, my little slut?” I jammed my rod in and aimed to ram it against her cervix, knowing how livid her body got when it came to feeling the rapid flash of pain it brought along with the heightened pleasure that lingered after. “Yes—I’m addicted to it.” Emma thrashed, sounding like an animal. “I love it. I love how it feels.” She started with her half screams, escalating into a crescendo. “I love—” She was about to lose it as she clamped on my dick so hard that I felt like she was going to cut all circulation during her orgasm. “I love you,” she yelped, riding the highs of her orgasm. No man could fuck her like I could. No man could satisfy her the way I pushed her body above and beyond its capability. Only me—the man she had vowed to marry—could ever bring her that electrifying, out of this world experience.

“My love,” I groaned into her hair before I closed my eyes, thrusting like an animal for the last time. Ever since our engagement, spilling my seed into her body only made me yearn for one thing, a family with her. It used to be about owning her and marking my way into her body, yet now, it was so much more than that. I wanted a family. The real deal. Picket fence and all that jazz. “Thank you, babe.” She twisted her head to the side then kissed my cheek before I rolled off her body with closed eyes. Stars—twinkling, bright, glowy lights—were sparking behind my lids, the aftermath of amazing sex. Only with Emma did this ever happen. Sighing with blissful contentment, I pulled her close then settled her head on the crook of my neck while she thanked me for the wild ride before wrapping her leg and arm around me, getting ready to sleep. Without saying anything, I kissed her forehead and held her closer to my body. This is what life is about, I thought as I shut my eyes, enjoying this moment while I pondered some more. Amazing sex was also a part of it, but that wasn’t the essence of it. No. It came closer to love, I believed, but I think it was more about being a piece of everything; not a trace of hate or any of those ugly dark things brewing inside of you anywhere. Having the serenity of peace in your life made a person appreciate love. It made you fully grasp it, embrace it and become intimate with it. I was simply dwelling on the past hour’s events when my cell phone rang out of nowhere, pulling me out of my easygoing mood. No calls past midnight were ever good. Plus, as of late, the person that had been calling me past this hour was the culprit who was capable of ruining what I had preciously nurtured. Closing my eyes, I counted—One. Two. Three—before gently pulling myself away from Emma’s sleeping body. Rolling off the mattress, I snatched my phone from the chrome-mirrored table and walked towards the living room, hoping the patience I had found earlier was still in my system. “This better be important,” I snapped the second I picked up the call. I guess being patient was out of the question. “Don’t be so mean to me; I’m depressed.” Nikki sniffed on the other end.

“I’m not your therapist,” I growled out, trying to calm myself down. “You need to stop calling me whenever you feel like you want to vent. Get it together, Nikki. This is getting really old.” She was quiet awhile before I heard her make a long sigh, and when she spoke, it was as if I didn’t say anything to her. “I can’t wait to see you next week. Do you think it’s a boy or a girl? What would you prefer? I think I would like a boy and we could name him Bass Jr.,” she happily chatted away, annoying me more. Placing my elbows on my knees, my hand gripped my forehead as I tried to reason with myself that this woman was pregnant, hormonal and was going through so much. Most of all, though, she could possibly be the mother of my child. I flinched at the thought because, each time I thought of babies, it was Emma who I saw carrying mine, not Nikki or any other woman. It was only Emma. Back to my ever present reality, I forced myself to act like a decent person and considered her question. “I haven’t really thought about it much to be honest.” Bass Jr.? Fuck. “Do you ever think about—” “No,” I cut her off, knowing where it was going to lead. “I don’t ever think about it when it concerns you. There’s nothing to think about other than this problem.” Nikki didn’t know when to stop, she just kept on nagging and pushing until I was out of energy to argue with her, but tonight, I was running low on steam. Besides, I merely wanted to curl next to Emma, sleep and dream of a world that didn’t consist of a woman named Nikki Pavlova. “Our baby isn’t a problem,” she yelled into the mouthpiece, about to lose her shit, yet again. This was a common occurrence. As I stated before, pregnancy made her psychotic-ness much, much worse. “It’s not mine until proven, Nikki. I understand that the other guy doesn’t want to be named, but at least give me some breathing room. You can’t expect me to be at your beck and call whenever you feel sad or lonely. I’m not your go-to person. I’m not your man—I’m not your anything. You may be in love with me, but I feel nothing towards you other than pity. You must get that through your head. I love one woman and that woman isn’t you. How many times can we

dissect this using different words and a different approach? I’m fucking sick of this.” Nikki was whining again. “If Emma didn’t intervene…” “If—” I growled, not willing to hold back any longer because she was unwilling to drop the damn subject. “If I stayed with Emma and went to Dallas to film with you, I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash if you ran up to me naked. I’m not that guy that would cheat because I’m fucking horny and need a pussy to fuck; I’m not that man. If you think I’m like that, then you’re sadly mistaken. I have a beautiful woman to come home to. It’s Emma I want, not you. So, I’m begging you, leave the subject alone.” “Fuck off, Bass. You think Emma’s the shit. Well, guess what? She’s nothing great. I’ve met her and there’s nothing that stands out to me. What makes her so damn special, huh? She’s just another stupid bimbo you like to fuck.” “Do not fucking insult her!” I ground out, fuming. “I’m done speaking to you. The next time we talk, I will be ing you. Stop. Calling. Me. Or I will report you for harassment.” My threats didn’t come empty. I’d had enough of this nonsensical madness. I was beyond furious when I ended the call. With Emma, I was a willing participant, yet with this one, I’d rather turn into a monk than listen to another Nikki rant, talking about herself, her career, her beauty and how this pregnancy was ruining her life. Enough was enough. I was going to try and be there during this whole experience, but it better be on my . No more Mr. Nice Guy.

14 Bass

Emma could only stay overnight. So when she left the next day, even though I had to get back to work as well, I felt the pressing void that lingered in me because she wouldn’t be in the hotel waiting for me when I got back. With only three more days until I flew back home, I ordered the hotel not to change the sheets until I left for the weekend. Color me nasty, but I wanted her scent to envelope me when I was falling asleep. It was definitely official—I was becoming weird, all due to my lovely wife-to-be. Nevertheless, I had never been happier. One of the main reasons that I was coming home was Nikki’s ultrasound. I had it arranged on a Sunday, past normal hours, so that no paparazzi could get a glimpse of us. I could only imagine the kind of upheaval it would cause once it was confirmed that I could be the father of her unborn child. True, the extra attention bothered me some, however this was me simply being more considerate for Emma and protecting her from more hurt that the pictures could evoke. Dealing with it on a daily basis was hard enough, now sprinkle that with photographic evidence, she was going to go ballistic. Understandably so; therefore, if I had the power to lessen the pain and hurt, I’d do anything to make that happen. After the endless countdown, I was standing where I wanted to be. “Finally, I’m home,” I whistled, raking a hand through my hair before I let myself in. Dropping my weekend bag on the foyer, I lazily strolled towards the stairs. I paused on the foot of it as I took in the sounds that were vibrating through the halls.

Emma’s moans were so loud, one would think she was being...fucked. My stomach dropped at the same time that my heart started to palpitate as I ran up the stairs two at a time. I had barely caught my breath when I dashed towards my bedroom, ready to fucking kill someone, yet when I pushed the slightly ajar door fully open, I found her in the middle of the bed. She was arching her back with her legs spread wide, her eyes closed with a vibrator in her and a hand on her breast, teasing it. Fucking hell. I loved coming home to Emma like this. My cock raged as I took in the scene. Automatically, I shed off my clothing as quietly as possible. Emma didn’t even notice that someone was in the room until I captured her nipple with my finger and thumb, pulling and twisting it. She freaked, thinking it was another man intruding her private moment, tensing and looking like she was about to scram and scream at the same time. Then, when she finally realized that it was me interrupting her intimate session, she turned pink, possibly embarrassed that I had caught her in the middle of her erotic action. “Bass! I thought you’d be home tomorrow!” Well, had I known what my woman was getting herself into whilst I was away, I’d have at least had her let me watch sexy times. Licking the bottom of my lip, I let the back of my forefinger circle her areola before zeroing in on the tight rose-tip while noting how shallow her breathing had become. “I did tell you I missed, didn’t I?” I murmured as I got on my knees and ed her before spreading her legs wider until they couldn’t go any further apart. Her exposed pussy was sopping wet with traces of some white residue from her ongoing orgasm, making me want to dip my head in between her sex and taste the very heart of her. Emma was about to pull the vibrator out when I stopped her from doing so. “Keep that in,” I demanded as I pushed the flesh colored dick-like object into her pussy, making her shut her eyes before grunting a moan. I have a lot of plans with this toy, my love, I thought wickedly while my eyes were clearly hypnotized at the very sultry sight of her. A woman after the very heart of a man. What was not to love?

Her eyes widened, bulging out of her sockets when the meaning of my words sunk in. “You’re joking,” she whispered in utter disbelief. Like I would gladly tease my cock like that? Hell to the no. This was a serious situation. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of double penetration, my love?” I was sure each woman had come to a point where they had questions about their body’s ultimate peak of pleasure. From what I had gathered with the female counterparts, DP, when done right, could certainly be the very best way to reach absolute nirvana. Emma was flabbergasted. She opened her mouth then closed it back again, unable to conjure anything. So instead, she licked her bottom lip with her eyes on my prize before giving my body the full, heated appreciation as her eyes lifted upwards, meeting my intense blues. Her silence was a major tell tale sign. “You’ve thought about it… wonder where your imagination took you, hmmm?” Whatever it was, her cunt certainly was getting aroused each second that ticked by. Gripping the base of my sex, I waved it before her face, needing her to service me well. “Suck me good for a whole minute. Deep throat and all, and don’t stop until I tell you to.” One of the very reasons that had me addicted to sex with Emma was her out-ofmy-mind gifted ability to giving the greatest head I’d had in my life. Believe me, I’d had my fair share of different strokes, and none of them could ever make my toes-curl, eyes roll to the back of my head or had me screaming like a ninny like Emma could. And goddamned, the woman was doing it now, making me incredibly weak in the knees, sucking and relaxing her gag reflex to easily accommodate my size. “Christ, Emma, you’re such a fucking good little sucker,” I grunted out as I lifted my arms and folded them behind my head, enjoying her stunning services. Each stroke, suck and lick fused my body, burning like hell. When my insides started to coil, tightening as they started to prep my system for my release, I gripped the back of her head and pulled her hair and face away from my dick before I plunged my tongue down her throat while my hand reached in between her legs to manipulate the vibrating device. I kissed her thoroughly until we were both out of breath. Our chests were heaving, our lips raw and bruised and our eyes were glazed with

the savage gluttony of the flesh. Holding the sides of her hips, I slid her down with a quick pull, adamant to feel her moistened heat around me, as I positioned her pussy directly against the tip of my cock with her legs behind her head. “Baby,” Emma moaned, biting her lip as she waited for me to connect us together, making us one. Grabbing hold of my dick, I gently slapped the sides of her pussy—the lips, the end of her clit and her wet exposed asshole—lavishing on the heightened pleasure it gave before I lined my length against the crack of her anal hole with slight pressure. Then I roughly slid over it, stroking it back and forth, needing her pussy to weep some more essence to lube up her other entrance. The second I saw the glistening trickle of her honey, my cock forcefully slid into her excruciatingly tight hole, which made her gasp in pain while I basked in the absolute heaven it gave me. With the dildo stuck in her pussy, it gave me little room to wiggle, thus making it even more intense. Add the vibration of the dildo inside her walls, and the venereal experience was only amplified. “Did your imagination live up to this?” She was past hearing me due to her body sending riotous signals everywhere as she tried to gasp and breathe at the same time. Nothing could top this for me. Emma kept on giving, and I was the besotted man who could never resist her, needing to always get a fill of my addiction someway, somehow. “How do you like having two cocks inside you, my love? It feels beautiful, doesn’t it?” Beautiful? It was blissful perfection. Epic more like it. “I love you,” she screamed, tightening around me as I fucked her harder than before, knowing that power thrusts made her orgasms last longer. “Your cunt looks marvelous, my love. Come on both cocks, my little beautiful slut. Tighten your walls around them and milk them good,” I commanded, sprung at the lovely sight before me. I was fucking in love with all of Emma’s shades—the sexy, the shy, the strongwilled and the relentless—all of her. I worshipped, on my knees as I vowed to

cherish and love her forever. The term pussy whipped sure came to mind.

15 Carter

“When are you going to start dating again, man?” Cooper flicked the back of my head with the end of his gym towel before he smacked it on my ass as well. “What the fuck! Since when did you start swinging to the other side, Coop?” I glared at him, annoyed that he’d made me spit out some of the orange juice I was drinking. It was barely nine in the morning and Cooper was already shitting on my day. Way to go fucktard! I shook my head as I scratched the spot that he inflicted on me. “Fuck off, pervert. I’m asking because I’m sick of being asked by all these women. We’re done with school, but we’re still in SB, so that doesn’t really make a difference. You’re still their living god for some sick reason. If I get as much attention as you do, I’d be rollin’ it, man. You being the dick god sucks. I mean, a dick god that doesn’t use his dick doesn’t make much sense to me.” Coop kept blabbering as he prepared his post workout drink just as Brody appeared, looking like a lost puppy. “Oh, here’s another pussy to in the DG suck group. I’m living with punanis. We need to do some heavy meditation or something ‘cause this shit’s not working, boys.” Coop seriously was getting on my last nerve while Brody was what? Depressed? Fucked? Yeah, something like that. “You okay, bud?” I eyed him with worry. “Your eyes look shot.” Like the man hadn’t slept in days; wonder what he’s been up to? Brody simply shook his head and proceeded to make himself a cup of coffee without uttering a damn word.

“No offense. Lindsey’s an amazing chick, and at one point, I almost fucking fell for her, but, bro,” Coop addressed Brody, “you have to stop this, man. She ain’t coming back, especially if you keep crying like a little baby. You gotta show her what she’s missing out, you know.” “You need to back the fuck off, Coop. I’m not in the mood to be fucked with,” Brody growled at him before taking himself away from the kitchen, leaving a heavily scented trail of freshly brewed coffee in his wake. Coop snorted, downing half of his drink before sitting across from me, looking like he was about to give me a goddamned speech again. Before he even began, I butted in to stop his annoying spew of shit. What the fuck did he know anyway? “I don’t want to date; other than being with Emma.” “Don’t be stupid. She’s with Bass, you idiot.” Coop gave me a weird look, like I’d really lost it this time. “What? You’re just going to sit back and relax until she’s done with him and come swoopin’ in like the last time?” Like I would tell him that was right. Instead, I gave him a shrug, not wanting to discuss my intentions with Emma. No one would understand. They thought I was simply being stupid because Emma had left me after my major screw-up, but I loved her. I was just a moron who hadn’t seen and appreciated what I truly had before I lost it. Temptations were everywhere, to this day. Even though I chose not to act on them, I still got tempted from time to time. Fuck, a man could only go for so long on a pussy hiatus without going berserk. Each time I got closer to giving in, I always ed Emma’s face; the look that she used to give me after she told me she loved me. I clung on to that memory because, honestly, it was all I had at the moment. There was nothing worse than living in your memories. Knowing that you’d rather close your eyes and transport yourself in that time capsule where you were the happiest, instead of living the emptiness that life was ruled by without that person in your life. I missed Emma. I missed her so badly that I hadn’t touched her drawers or any of the things that

she had brought to my place because I still expected her to come back. Some thought that this was crazy, Brody most especially, but honestly, no one would understand if I told them that Emma still loved me. It was true, yet I doubt she’d ever it it out loud. I really believed the only people that knew it were me, her and Bass. Fuck yeah, Bass knew. A man would only be paranoid when he felt something was off; intuition was a powerful thing. Hollywood’s pretty boy was walking on eggshells. From the last time I saw Emma, it was obvious that something was making her sad. Her smiles, though bright, didn’t quite reach her eyes. They were dull with a lot of sadness. Waiting sucked, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, right? So I’d just sit back and wait. I already was a pro at that. Hopefully I’d carry on with my cross without tripping along the way. ‘Cause the road was seriously getting rocky and bumpy, and a man could only go so long without losing his mind.

16 Emma

We were in our separate walk-in closets, although we usually went back and forth, checking each other out when dres. It was one of those cute things we both did. Besides, it always made getting ready so much more fun when you had an audience. “Babe? Have you been working on your thighs? They look so much bigger— thicker…” I murmured, cupping his ass with both of my hands. Tight. Toned. Hard. Just the way I liked them. “Oh my God,” I gushed. “Maybe I did put some extra attention on that area. I know how much you love thighs, and I wasn’t going to let you ogle other men because your man doesn’t have ones that are appealing enough for you,” he ground out, kissing me. “Not happening under my watch.” He was crazy and I loved every ounce of his mental ass. “I love kissing you and all…” I gasped for breath before he plunged his tongue into my mouth again. “But we have to go and find our dog.” “I could kiss you all day long, Mrs. Bass Cole.” Mental. Sexy. Ass. Did I mention how I loved this man? Because seriously, he was giving me major palpitations. “You better watch out, ‘cause you know I’ll

boss you around. Still want to marry me?” I was grinning, watching him through my lashes while feeling dozens of butterflies flittering about in my stomach. “Nah.” He shook his head before licking his bottom lip back and forth with the tip of his tongue. “I think I’ll stay single.” Oh yeah? “Coward.” His eyes sparked fire. “Wench.” I stuck my tongue out, walking out of his closet as I yelled out, “Chicken shit.” He followed suit, towards my direction. “Basswhore,” he bellowed after me, laughing. “Damn straight I am, and I’m proud of it.” I wore the best serious face I could muster, knowing quite well that I was his ultimate numero uno fan. The man caught up with me, spinning me around so we were facing each other. “Basswhore through and through.” Grinning, he dipped his head and nuzzled my neck. “I love my Basswhores, most especially the President of my loyal club,” he whispered as he cupped my ass with both of his hands, squeezing with gusto. So this was how our morning started, loving and playful, like we usually were. It made me think of our days in Aspasia. It was just us with nothing in between. There were no other problems back then. Our bond had been strong, I’d felt it in my heart that it was. When you added on other twisting factors in the equation, though, I hoped that I would be sane enough to survive it. Because honestly, even though I might be losing my mind at times, memories like those fed my soul. It was, after all, memories that made life worth living and re-living, wasn’t it? Once we were in his car, I drew up my list of locations. First, since it was a Saturday, I wanted to check out Petco before going to see the local pounds in the area. I thought love at first sight only happened with another human being, but when I saw my dog, it surely was love on the spot. He had that look of sadness in his

eyes that truly reached out to me, as if his eyes were communicating to me to take him away and shower him with love and comfort. He didn’t bark or paw the cage like the others did. He simply sat there, quietly eyeing the people that came and saw him. “I think I’ve found the one,” I whispered next to Bass, who seemed to be interested in my choice of pet as well. “Then let’s get you our dog.” Bass kissed my forehead before going off to find someone to assist us. Not once did I leave my dog’s side, already feeling like an over-protective mother. The canine was about two-years-old, a mixture of Black Labrador and a Bloodhound with both combined coloring of deep amber and ebony. An hour later, after paying for the shots and other paperwork to be filled in, we were back home with our new dog and bags full of doggy accessories. One would think that I would be the one going haywire with shopping, but Bass outdid me on this one. He simply picked whatever his eyes and hands reached. “Honestly, Bass, I don’t think a dog needs three beds!” I tsk-tsked as I rummaged through the crap pile that he had just dumped on the couch while he went and took the dog next to him, sitting together across from me. “One in our bedroom, another in your bedroom in SB and one for the kitchen, just in case we’re having guests and he feels like taking a nap.” He scratched the dog behind his ear while I watched him close his eyes in pure delight. “Right, buddy? A man needs to rest once in awhile,” he cooed, using his baby talk voice. There were times that Bass liked to overdo things, though I guess, this was his dog, too. So I supposed he felt the need to spoil him rotten, to make him feel comfortable. “What should we name the dog?” he asked while I piled all the dog food on the side. I paused a moment, noting that I missed this big detail. “I don’t know.” Seriously, I didn’t get to this part yet. How the heck did I miss this important part of getting a dog? I wondered as I ran through all of the cute dog names in my head.

“How about we name him half of you and me?” Bass suggested, breaking into my thoughts. Half him and half me? Huh? “Like what? Emba?” I grinned, saying the name to the dog. I think I saw him flinch. I laughed harder. “I think he doesn’t like it one bit.” “Come on; we need a man’s man name.” Okay. “How about Sparky?” The name was cute and easy to . He snorted, half laughing. “Seriously? That’s not manly.” He stood up, carrying the dog in his arms. “How about Gus?” “Gus,” I said, trying the name out, and I found myself liking it very much. “Gus it is.” My attention went to our newly named dog before I kissed his head. “You definitely need a good ole shower, Gus.” He had some kind of off smell, nothing overpowering, but the smell sort of lingered on your skin. Bass placed him on the floor before he whistled and directed the dog to follow him to the bathroom for a bath. Surprisingly, the dog ran towards him, already acknowledging him as his owner. We spent the rest of our Saturday together with Gus. We watched movies with him, dined with him resting on his comfortably doggy cot and then he slept right on our feet when we were sleeping on the bed. Bass and I were doing pretty well with Gus, but it also brought me to thinking that he would also be a great father if that child did turn out to be his. Which brought me to my other dread—Nikki’s ultrasound tomorrow. Even though Bass was out like a light, Gus snoring and twitching in between us, I was wide-awake with my thoughts, praying that this newly expanded family would stay strong and could take on any storms that came our way. As much as I wanted to stop the time, the day came, bright and sunny; the polar opposite of what I felt inside. All day, I managed to mask my worries, pushing them to the back of my thoughts while I tried to silently reassure myself that it would all be okay. Yet things started to get shaken up when I entered our bedroom with Gus behind me

and saw that Bass had just come out of the shower, and was about to get ready. “What time is the appointment?” I casually asked, sitting right on the foot of the bed while I merely watched him. Gus jumped up and ed me in my ogling. “At six pm,” Bass responded, walking towards his closet with a low-hung towel loosely around his hips. My eyes were glued to him. “Are you guys going to meet there?” Bass sent me a quick look before continuing to walk into his wardrobe haven. “She wants me to pick her up. She said she’s nauseous and can’t focus on driving.” Red flags were waving at me. Standing up, I strode towards him with my arms folded underneath my breasts, fuming about this newfound information. “Well, she’s bullshitting you. You know that. Don’t be stupid.” Bass had his boxer-briefs on as he casually dried his hair with the towel then sighed loudly and threw the towel in the laundry bin. “Some pregnant women tend to be nauseous their entire pregnancy.” He glanced towards his clock, checking the time. “Nikki could be one of them.” Bull fucking shit. “What the heck do you know about pregnancy?” I grated back, about to pop a vein because I was beyond angry. Gus, out of nowhere, appeared and decided to sit right in between us before he made a sad whining sound. We both watched him and then Bass responded to me. “I read up online, trying to learn about stuff and the lot.” This would have been okay, seriously, but what the heck? I was getting more pissed off because I could see Nikki winning—winning over this situation—but most of all, winning Bass over because HELL, he was researching stuff. That was a major deal. “What the fuck do you need to learn about pregnancy for? It’s not like you’re with her every goddamned day!” Were they still talking daily? Fucking shit.

He gave me a cutting glare. “I’m not and I don’t intend to spend my days with her. I just think it would be good to know these things.” He started getting ready as he put his over worn jeans on before putting on a plain white, V-neck shirt. “If you have something else to say, don’t reel it in. Say it.” My chest was ri and down, heaving as if I had run miles while I tried with all my might to calm the hell down. Looking away, I whispered, “I hate feeling like this.” My voice shook. “I hate feeling like a mad, jealous woman because you’re experiencing this with another woman.” Glancing towards the tensed Bass, I continued with my acerbic tongue, barbed with hate, “You’re engaged to me—ME—and not that stupid bitch.” He stared at me, taking time before responding back. “I know I’m engaged to you.” Bass moved closer. “But do you?” Of course I fucking did. What the hell? His question pissed me off some more. I snorted, lashing out at him, hard, “Why did you have to fuck her and knock her up?” I screeched, almost face-to-face with him. “Why did I have to be holding the small end of the stick? Hell, had I known this was the shit Nikki was going to put me through, I should’ve had sex the way you two were going at it!” I spat out, hating him and Nikki together. A small part of me was telling myself to slow down and breathe—yet the evil was spreading fire and I was aflame with it. Bass’s blue eyes darkened before me, grinding his teeth together as he looked at me like I was a wholly different woman. “Is that what you’re feeling? You’re feeling like you got gimped from some orgasms with Carter?” He moved closer, staring me down. “I wish—but I didn’t go through it. Now, I wish I had.” His nose flared, eyes deadly, cold and frozen. “How do I know that you were telling the truth? For all I know, you two could’ve done it. I mean, we both know how easily tight you are, so it would be hard to tell.” He whispered these words in such a hair-raising tone that it distracted me for a little bit. Only for a flashing moment because the next words I spat out truly pushed his buttons some more. “Too bad that they haven’t invented a Lying Vagina Detector test.” Bass reddened from anger then he looked to the side and took a few steps back,

looking off. “I don’t want to continue this conversation like this; we’ll talk again when you’re not acting so jealous.” He eyed me for a second. “I have to go.” He looked so lonely, sad and worn out from our fight. The man who had come out of the shower minutes ago looking so refreshed was the polar opposite of that now. I wanted to reach out, hug him and tell him that I didn’t mean any of those words, but Nikki’s face surfaced in my brain, thus spiting me some more. “Yeah, go ahead and be with that Russian whore.” Bass came up to me, tensed as ever, hoping to kiss my lips, however I avoided it, so he got my cheek instead. “I’ll be back.” “Have fun playing family.” I was relentless, but shit, I was going through this crap, too. Not to mention that the ugliness of it was eating me alive, consuming me whole. Bass paused, taking a few deep breaths before resuming his walk towards the door with his hands in his pockets. This thing—this demon inside me—was eating me alive. I wanted him to ignore her until the testing could be done. It was hurting me to see that he was even talking to her, but what fucked me the most was how comfortable Nikki was in calling Bass any time of the day because she was feeling blue, dizzy, bloated and all the other shit she could call upon to use. Could he not see that I was deteriorating inside? Could he not see how anguished I was when this subject was brought up? I knew I made a promise that I was going to accept it, but saying the words and going through the process were both different. My actions were selfish. He told me that he was completely mystified about this whole Nikki and the baby ordeal, but I couldn’t help how I felt. Reeling my feelings in and pretending that I was okay about it would be a complete lie. How much more could I endure before Bass finally saw how pained I was inside and finally succumbed to my wishes to stop entertaining that Russian woman? Or would it all be too late to save me, us and our future together?

17 Emma

Three hours later, he finally came home, barely acknowledging me. However, his indifference didn’t stop me from interrogating him. Three hours with Nikki alone, together. I needed more info. Rounding the kitchen counter, I stood against it, looking at him as he greeted Gus with a smile; not me, but the dog. Great. “How did it go?” I casually asked, but I barely looked it. “Good,” he nonchalantly responded. His lackluster answer pushed the wrong buttons. “What took you such a long time to get back?” I had waited, noting the ticking time while I thought the worst as each hour had ed. I mean, how long did it take to get an ultrasound anyway? According to Google, not that damn long that it would take three hours. So this man better begin talking or I was going to make him; or try to anyway. Bass was still petting Gus, who was now on his back while he scratched his tummy away before muttering a response. “Nikki was begging me to take her to dinner.” He took her to dinner. While I sat here, counting down the time, worried while I conjured up all the bad scenarios in my head. Seriously, and now he told me that he took her to dinner? Hell to the no. “You fucked her, didn’t you?” I accused him, knowing that something big might’ve happened. Hell, didn’t he despise Nikki as much as I did? So for him to spend all these hours with her, there had to be a valid reason other than the bitch

getting hungry. If he was cheating, he better come up with a better excuse because I wasn’t going to let it fly. No I fucking wouldn’t. “Emma—” “Fucking answer me, Bass!” I bellowed, adamant to get my answers. He looked at me for a long time, shaking his head. “I am a lot of things. When people call me on it, I don’t deny it,” he spat out, looking at me with disdain. “But there is one thing I know I’m not, and that’s a cheater. So don’t go start comparing me to him. I’m never going to do the things Carter did to you.” Carter…I didn’t ever feeling like I was being stabbed a hundred times while alcohol was poured over me, stinging and burning my existence. “I know. What you’re doing is far worse.” “Wow,” he whispered, getting up while shaking his head. He breathed deeply through his nostrils before looking at the wall. “Wow.” He nodded and then left Gus and me, heading straight towards the front door again. He exited and slammed it shut, making the walls vibrate and echo around me. I could hear his car being gunned hard as he drove off, leaving me all alone with my fear and heartbreak to console me. After months of being happy, this was the first time I had cried with the fear of losing what I had fought so hard to have. Clutching my engagement ring, I silently cried and held it close to my heart, praying that my fears would subside. That, when tomorrow came, things would resort back to normal.

Emma

I was woken up by a drunk Bass at two in the morning as he stumbled into the nearest accent table before he finally found the switch that flooded our bedroom with soft lighting. My heart reached out to him, knowing that I had played a major part of him putting himself in a stupor. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier; all of the hurtful things I’ve said. Most of them I didn’t mean. I was hurting and I wanted to inflict pain.” “Go to sleep, Em,” he said, not looking at me. He had to listen, at least. “Bass, please, let me explain.” He sighed, letting his head fall as he squeezed the bridge of his nose before speaking, “I fucked up. This is all on me.” He breathed in and made a long, grumbling exhale sound. “I know. Each time I look at you, I know.” He started walking towards the bathroom, murmuring in his wake, “I’m sorry for all of this. This is all on me, Emma. All on me; so go to sleep.” I could hear the shower running, but as I waited for him to finish showering I drifted off to sleep, much to my frustration. I awoke the next day with a note from Bass saying that he didn’t want to wake me up before he flew out to Vancouver. Honestly, I was so embarrassed about my abhorrent behavior that I couldn’t even bring myself to text him. I knew he was angry at me, which only made it twice as daunting. For an entire week we were both incommunicado. Not one of us tried to bridge the vast space that was now dominant in our relationship. But what could I do? I

was the one who’d gone off the rocker, ranting like I was some loony bin woman, but still, he must know how embarrassed I was at the moment. A simple text from him would save me all the worry of wondering how he was. If things continued going this way for another few days, I already knew I had to make the grand gesture of flying out there to seek forgiveness. Bass might’ve said this was all on him, but I knew what I had gotten myself into, so technically, this was all on me really. When would I have the guts to put on my big girl panties and fight for the man I loved?

18 Emma

It was late afternoon Friday, and yet, I felt like I was aging and rotting with no perspective in mind. I was in bed, curling up after I finished the entire tub of a coffee Haagen Dasz ice cream with Gus looking at me like I was the most selfish bitch for not sharing a piece of my heaven. Honestly, where was my mojo? “Don’t be such a puss, Gus. You can’t have coffee, in any shape or form.” I scratched the back of his ear, hoping he’d understand. Glancing at my phone that was sitting on my bedside table, I sighed for the umpteenth time, hoping for Bass to give me a sign that he wasn’t mad at me anymore. Alas, he was staying mum, letting me simmer in my own pile of shit. When that device indicated that I had a text message out of nowhere, I was on that phone in an instant, scanning to see who the sender was. Amber: Hey doll, just wondering, is everything okay with Bass? My entire body froze while my brain was going everywhere, wondering why she was asking this particular question when, in fact, everything wasn’t going a-ohkay with us. Me: Just a little tiff. Why? What’s up? Amber: Thought I should ask. Never mind. Umm, no. WTF? No one tells me to “never mind” it when I’m dying as to why and what prompted her to text me out of the blue. Typing like a mad woman, I tried to be nice.

Me: Spill it or I’m going to hunt you down for it! I was rude, but hell, I was freaking the hell out! Amber: Don’t bite my head off. I just thought the picture was misleading and I hate it… Okay, where the fuck was the picture she was talking about? I thought as I read her message… Then it hit me like a ton of bricks that had been blasted with a flamethrower followed by cannons, blow after blow. Bass and Nikki on the front of a magazine cover. Him touching her belly while he was opening the car door for her. And those damn fools were smiling at each other! What the bloody fucking crap is this shit?!? Tears streamed down my face as I watched my phone drop on the carpet floor because my hands were shaking so badly, and frankly, I doubted that I had any strength left to keep it together. This was what I’d feared most. Judging from Bass’s clothes, it was that day he’d gone with her to the doctors. We never spoke about what happened because I went off on him like a demented woman. That picture was deceiving, but all I could afterwards was how happy they both looked; like a real couple that couldn’t wait to have their first baby. I was curling up in a ball, holding Gus tight against my chest while I buried my face against his neck, hoping to die like this when my door was yanked open and in came a frenzied looking Lindsey. “IN NO WAY ARE YOU GOING TO CHECK OUT SHIT ONLINE, you hear? Don’t you dare!” Lindsey was busy unplugging my laptop from its charger while her eyes scanned for something. Gus barked at her twice, but Lindsey was not paying attention to him, nor me, which was troubling. “What’s going on?” I mumbled, wiping my tears away. Lindsey finally found my phone on the floor. “Damn these things are toxic!” she exclaimed, picking it up before finally giving me a look; a look I had seen

before. One that meant that something horrible had happened and she wished that I wasn’t going to be hurt. “Tell me. You know I’d do it for you,” I said, my voice shaking as I noted that this was about Bass. Anything that went with the Internet was connected with him. “If it’s about that picture of Bass touching her belly, I’ve seen it already.” Lindsey looked at me, calculating if she should or shouldn’t. Those big, brown eyes contained immense sadness, scaring me even more. “There’s this video that was just released on TMZ and it has them together.” Damn this day was getting worse. I hadn’t imagined that it could get worse, but surprise, surprise, I was in for a big shock. “Say it,” I whispered, closing my eyes because I simply didn’t have the energy to keep them open. Lindsey moved closer. “Emma—” “Say. It,” I hissed while tears flowed freely off my face. I felt Gus move close, licking my knees like it was his way of telling me that he was here to comfort me when shit was going to blow up in my face any second now. “It’s of Nikki going down on him. It’s grainy, but you could tell that it’s Bass and her.” Did this happen recently? Bass cheated on me? After all the vows, the promises, our fucking engagement? He decided to cheat on me? Bass… Why was being with him so painful now? Why was my present continuing to be haunted by his past? Everything we did now involved Nikki. It was never going to stop. Everyone thought that I stole him from her. Did I? Was Bass lying to me all this time? “I need to be alone, please.” Lindsey tried to touch me, however I avoided it, hoping that she’d understand my need to be in my own pain. “Let me be here for you.”

“No.” I shook my head, not hiding my ugly cry anymore. “I need to be alone. I need it.” She nodded with tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m here for you, doll. Whenever you need me. Always.” She quietly shut the door, though I was aware that she’d only done it reluctantly. Now all alone, I sat there, feeling like my insides where being lasered off, killing me slowly at the same time that I felt this big emptiness occupy my existence. I went back to him for nothing. All we ever worked for came to nothing. My feelings for him were coming to a big load of nothingness. That was all what we were; a big pile of nothing. There was a monumental silence as this realization floated about in my mind until… The vomit started, rolling off in folds, as I ran for the bathroom. While I puked my guts out, hugging the toilet as if my life depended on it, my brain kept beating me to ruins. Was this why he hadn’t ed me all this week? Honestly, I wouldn’t even be surprised if this video had come from him. He did like to tape his women; all of them except me. Yeah, so all this week he was probably plotting our demise. This was probably his way of breaking it off with me because he hadn’t had the balls to do it in person. Yep, that was probably it. There was nothing to do other than to let all the evil out of my system while waiting in vain until the nightmare was done. Three hours later, I found myself with Gus next to me driving down the 101 Freeway, LA bound. I had two stops, which were both important to my mission of exorcising this wretched piece of my life. Once those stops were done, only then could I ever move forward and never look back. Bass was blasting up my phone, but I completely ignored it. No, this bitch was going to get it. They both could rot in hell for all I cared. I was fucking done puzzling this crap out in my head. I was so done compromising.

Fuck. Compromise! I knew my way to my first destination. Hell, I was only here once and I had only graced the curb, yet it was one location where I would never forget. I didn’t ring the doorbell when I finally made it to Westwood. Instead, I banged on the fucking door because ringing the bell was for people with good intentions, where as I came for the fucking opposite. Because let’s face it, someone’s got to pay for my heartbreak. One way or the other, I had to vent out this toxic spew that was in my system. After my loud banging and still the door hadn’t opened, I was about to use my foot and kick the fucking door down until my toes were black and blue when the blasted thing finally opened. “Emma?” She sounded fucking shocked. Huh? As if she hadn’t been expecting this visit. “Can I help you?” A frowning Nikki greeted me. Fake. The fucking bitch was a fake! “Yes, you can fucking help me!” I snarled at her while I stepped inside her house, pushing her aside with force as I moved ed her form without care. The second I heard her shut the door, I was on her like icing on a cake. “Fucking explain this whole video to me because, frankly, if this came from you, you can kiss your life goodbye because I might possibly kill you right now!” I screamed at her, bunching my hands on the side as I tried my damnedest not to stomp her lying ass down on the floor and go at it like there was no tomorrow. I had never been into catfights, but boy, I was so pumped for it now. Interloping bitches be damned. Nikki smirked before resting a hand on the side of her hips, looking at me like I was a sore loser. “You could go to jail for threatening a pregnant woman.” The woman simply appalled me.

“Fuck jail and fuck you, Nikki!” I threw at her, provoking her evil side to come and play. Oh, yeah, her evil twin was going to come out sooner or later. “Oh, yeah, I said it! You were out to fuck with my relationship with Bass from the get go, so don’t stand there and pretend you didn’t know shit about this damn thing!” Her eyes sparkled before feigning a sigh as she moved forward towards the living room area. Automated, I followed suit, needing my answers this instant. Today of all days was purely hellish. I doubted this day would ever be stomped because, surely, this topped everything. Once she felt comfortable with her prolonged silence, giving me some more torture, I had to growl a few times before I got her attention, smiling so nicely at me—like the devil itself—I could see it in her. “Well… if you really must know…” She paused for effect, clearing her throat before continuing. “I think, and I’m not all too sure about this theory, but I think someone hacked into my phone or something. I’m not sure.” The Russian bitch dared check her nail beds, a finger at a time, dragging my anger out of its brim and restraint. “Besides, we both know you don’t belong with Bass. I do. We’re having a baby! Didn’t you see how happy he was in that mag pic?” That pathetic, taunting grin emerged again before batting her lashes at me, feigning hospitality. “Do you want tea or anything? I don’t do coffee around here since I’m pregnant, you know… but you do know that, don’t you?” Nikki dragged my eyes down to look into her burgeoning belly by rubbing it at the top softly. I flinched, knowing that, yes, Bass did look stupendously happy in that damn photo. The more I stared at her belly, the more the jealousy blackened my vision while some things illuminated in the back of my mind perfectly. It was her tone, her evil smirks and her nasty delivery of her words that loaded with innuendoes that did it for me. “It was you.” Everything fell into place. “You fucking released that video,” I whispered again, disgusted at her. Most of all, disgusted that I had trapped myself into her sick, twisted play. “Why?” I asked, knowing what the answer was going to be, but I needed her to say the words; I needed to hear them. She smirked again, rolling her eyes like I was the dumbest person on earth. “It was time.” She patted her belly, speaking as if she was talking to it instead of responding to me. “The world needed to know that Bass loves me… we love

each other.” Make me understand this stupidity because, clearly, I’m the one who was at a loss here. I shook my head, not grasping her level of rationality. “So this whole time, you’re saying that Bass was in love with you?” I asked, dumbfounded. “He does, the moment he knows you’re gone, he’ll come back to me. He’s all wrapped up in that whole first love thing with you, but really? That whole crap is gone and pure bullshit. It’s like hanging onto something that was once there, but doesn’t exist any longer.” Nikki looked me straight in the eye, serious and unapologetic, sending chills all over me. “We both know that he doesn’t make you happy. You have Carter, don’t you? He’ll make your life complete, like what Bass will do for me and my baby.” The world was a toxic place because of people like her that existed amongst us. I didn’t even blink once, nor did I hesitate. She didn’t see it coming, but I was on her in a heartbeat, ready to make my anger known, mildly. I slapped her, twice, hard, before cupping her chin and spitting in her face. “You’re fucking sick. May you and your twisted self have a happy ever after with Bass,” I hissed. “I’m fucking done with you all!” I pushed her back just enough to shake her guard, but not hard enough to make her fall flat on her ass; she was after all, pregnant, so I had to be a tad cautious. I didn’t even run out of her rotten den, I strutted out of there like it was my runway. Damn straight, I did. This fierce Emma wasn’t going down without a fight. Next stop was to light Bass’s house on fire. Okay, maybe not, but you know, it was a nice thought. A very nice, tempting thought. I was on a roll, and by the end of this day, I was going to go home and sleep this nightmare away. Onto the next one, the very last one.

19 Bass

I knew the second that Emma didn’t pick up my call that something big was going down. It was the weekend, so I had enough time to book the next flight out and get to her before she ruined us both. With Emma and how insecure she’d been lately, it didn’t take a man like Einstein to know what was running through her head. One thing was running through mine, and that was to save our relationship. True, I had been MIA in her life over the past week, but I intentionally did that to help her calm down. It was me giving her space, hoping that some time of reflection would enlighten her that our relationship was worth fighting for; worth everything to live for. For me, most especially, she was my beginning and my ending. For the entire flight duration, I was antsy, praying to the gods that nothing was going on. That when I did come to see her, she would be willing to listen to my side and not shut me out. Since Lou had already been ordered to leave the car in the LAX garage, I was planning to drive home and check if she was still there. If she wasn’t, I was going to head to her house in Santa Barbara. Then, if she wasn’t there, I’d wait out, knowing that she was bound to come home sometime. If none of those options worked, I’d hire people to hunt her down. It was a known fact that my lovely woman liked to run away and not face the music; me. I wasn’t going to let that happen. No, especially not after what we had gone through together. Without each other, we’d both suffer. The last break-up was proof of that. I was going to fight for us, tooth and nail, until my dying breath; unless of course, she

decided to jump into another man’s bed and ruin us both. Even then, though, I still might fight for us. The only time I would back off—and I think she knew this, too—was if the time ever came that she went back to him; Carter Mason. That would definitely seal our demise. For now, I was focused on plan A, hoping that talking would fix this problem. Whoever released that damn video, though grainy as it was, definitely hadn’t hidden the fact that the receiver of that fellatio was, in fact, yours truly. Since it was Nikki doing the deed, it could never be her unless she’d had someone tape it, which I wouldn’t put ed her because she was demented that way. The video was the main thing that had prompted me to panic because it immediately went viral online. That magazine spread of Nikki and I looking as if we were a little happy family had then clouded my already dampened mood. I wasn’t aware of any of this until the filming was wrapping up for the day and one of the camera men had tapped me on the back stating that I should make up my mind about Emma because she was too nice of a girl to be led on by a man who couldn’t choose. Baffled, I was about to get into a brawl until someone threw the damn magazine on the table. Then someone handed me a phone with the video playing at full volume. Yeah, it was embarrassing to be scrutinized like a womanizer, but I was more troubled that people could easily be brainwashed by certain things they saw and follow all the lies that others fed them. My heart only loved Emma. My cock only graced her body. From the second I touched her in Munich during that press junket, I had been hers, through and through. Not only that, but I only yearned her. Emma should know that surely? When I called her and she didn’t pick up my call, which was unusual, a red alert had been raised. I had instantly known that something was up, or that she was never going to make this easy for me. I could endure it all—her punishments and whatever she wanted—but I couldn’t, for the life of me, survive if she left me for the third time. I was a brave man—I could tackle whatever life threw at me—but take Emma now and I’d die with heartbreak. She was my reason. My everything. The only

purpose I had in life to keep going and not give up. Though my life was shit at the moment, the thought of spending my future with her was the only thing that warmed me. High with adrenaline, I gunned my car the second I got into it, routing towards our home, and if she wasn’t there, I was heading straight to Ventura County to find her. The second my car entered the gated driveway and I saw her parked SUV, I sighed with relief, however it didn’t last long. Dread settled in, ebbing that relief away the moment I spotted her luggage on the side of the car with boxes of her personal effects situated next to it. My eyes darted to the front door hanging ajar as I got out of the car, drastically out of breath while I ran inside and started looking for Emma. From the look of things, it seemed like she was in a rush, getting her things out of the house before she placed them inside her car, as if she was in a hurry to leave, or hoping that she wouldn’t run into me. She knew me so well. Deep down, she’d known that I was going to come back and come after her. Fear consumed me. Dread settled inside my heart. Helplessness started to emanate slowly. With every step I took, all of these emotions got worse. Emma, Emma, Emma. She knew that I was going to come rushing back to LA, but her immediate reaction—moving her belongings out of our house—implied and reinstated most of my fears. I was already here, and I hoped to God I had enough strength to persuade her to stay, enough love to shower her with as I hoped to ease her pained heart. My eyes scanned the vast, open area from the kitchen, living room and whatever else my eyes gathered, hoping to find her somewhere. When I heard a loud thud that came from upstairs, I immediately took the steps two at a time, needing to stop this train wreck of madness immediately. My heavy breathing stopped midway running up the stairs when Emma came out of nowhere about to descend, hauling much of her things in both hands and now wearing a shocked expression that I was here. My throat bobbed upwards then downwards, making my heart stop beating for a few seconds before it recharged and started galloping at a speedy rate as we

stared at each other, not knowing what to say. “Emma,” I finally murmured, pained. “Talk to me. I can still fix this,” I begged with my voice, my eyes, my heart. “Please.” We had an eye battle for a minute. Two. Maybe even three. I wasn’t sure. Slight relief reverberated through me when I saw her contemplating, looking away for a second so she could regain some composure. Emma nodded before using the hand full of her stuff to wipe her eyes. “Let me put these away.” She slowly walked ed me, barely glancing in my direction as she went down the stairs. I watched in agony as she went outside and placed her things next to her car. With heavy footing, I detached my foot, one after the other from where I was frozen and slowly moved towards the foyer area, situating myself next to the cool waterfall. Leaning against the chilled marble wall, I closed my eyes and tuned my psyche to calm myself down as I listened to the soft cascading water. It used to calm me, but today, nothing seemed to work. How many times did our relationship have to restart and be restored? Each time we tried, something always attempted to threaten it. Each time I convinced myself that every trial made us a stronger couple. However, looking at Emma now, I was more persuaded that the effect was the polar opposite. Those trials did in fact shake our foundation. They had weakened it. When the sound of Emma’s shoes started to get louder, indicating that she was on her way back into the house, I let out a long breath, hoping that she would let me speak; that I would get a chance to explain before she started jumping to colorful conclusions. “Bass,” she spoke, making me flutter my lids open. The woman before me was still the same woman I fell for and loved with my everything, but she also held something hard in those blue depths that were zeroing in on me, like she didn’t hold any comion or understanding. This newly noted emotion caused more uneasiness and agitation in me. “I apologize for the hundredth time for causing you pain. You must understand this

didn’t come from me. That video was in Dallas, Em. I swear I don’t even it.” Which was true because I had been plastered as hell and all I could think of was her, Emma, and how much I missed her back then. Her eyes darkened, slicing me in two. “Yeah, cause you were probably drunk off your ass! I’ve had enough of this shit, Bass.” She pressed her lips, looking away. “It’s enough…” she continued whispering. “I can’t handle anymore of this. I don’t have it in me. I just can’t.” I moved a few steps closer, an arm’s reach away. “Don’t. Please, don’t,” I choked up, feeling hot all over from the fear of losing her. This time, I knew it would be for good. “I don’t know how to live without you. You’re my life… Why would you be so cruel to take that away?” Tears pooled in my eyes. I was begging for another chance. Some might think I didn’t deserve one, but all I had ever done was love this woman. From day one, it was what I’d done, and yet, loving her wasn’t enough, apparently. Hard eyes stared back at me before she snorted. “Haven’t you hurt me enough? What more do you want from me?” she screeched, teary and hysterical, looking like she was about to hit me. “You ruined me inside, Bass. All you do is hurt me. I’m tired of being in this pain. The happiness I get from being with you for the short time when we’re together is not worth it anymore.” She paused, pleading. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay with you.” Had she really gone through and started hitting me with her fists, I’d rather take physical pain than this crippling emotional one. Anything but this; I’d take any punishment. “What do I do now, Em?” I didn’t even dare wipe my tears away; I was too weak to do that. “My world is centered around you. I’m in love with you. I want to marry you and for us to grow old together. I wake up only thinking of you. You’re the last thing I think about before going to bed, but you know all that, don’t you? No matter how much I beg now, you won’t change your mind.” My world was falling apart. Right here. In our home. Emma started shaking her head, rejecting whatever I was telling her. The second she lifted her left hand and started to pull my engagement ring away, I dropped to my knees before I started walking towards her using my kneecaps to get to her. I was weakened, my heart was in shreds, and my throat felt constricted, but I pushed through, reaching her side.

“Emma,” I murmured, silently weeping as I dropped my head onto her thighs, begging for another chance. “This is going to kill me, Em.” I wrapped my arms around her legs, not wanting her to move away from me, forever. “I can’t survive without you.” “Bass, get up.” Her arms tried to lift me off, yet I was stubborn. I stayed put, praying in vain that she would pay heed to my desperation. “Not until you take me back,” I persisted. She sniffed. “Please, let’s not do this,” she whispered so softly, however the hard drive behind her voice was evident. Emma was unshaken, unabashed to the fact that I was on my knees as I held on to her with my life, hoping that she wouldn’t throw me away, but it seemed that she had already made up her mind about me. How could she? I didn’t understand how someone could so easily throw away the future we once enthusiastically discussed from dusk ‘til dawn. It was staggering. Let’s not do what? How could she take this so lightly? “You’re asking for the impossible.” When she snorted in disbelief and started to laugh like this was a whole fucking joke, it made me look up and watch the absurdity of her laughter. “Do you when I came here, drunk off my ass at three in the morning, hoping you’d take me back and you told me to fuck off?” She looked around, as if replaying the scene before her very eyes. “It feels like that now, but the situation’s reversed.” She paused before looking down on me, undaunted. “This is me telling you to fuck off, Bass.” Things had been different then or were they? We were engaged this time around, and yet, she had the audacity to throw that back at me. Emma’s murderous glares, her determined chin and her sharp attacks clearly told me that whatever hope I wished to attain had never been there to begin with. She came out here with no intention of fixing things with me. Getting us back on great footing was hoping for the impossible. She’d made the decision of breaking things of with me in a matter of hours. She hadn’t even paused, thought or breathed for a second to settle in and speak to me about it like it was supposed to be. Instead, she was taking this bitter, sadistic route of stepping all over what we had while,

at the same time, squashing me into smithereens. She was out for blood. This was her revenge. If being apart from me was going to make her happy, then who was I to stop her? Always, each and every single time, I had always wanted her to be happy. Each time I’d let her go, it was always for her—even that last incident she’d just thrown in my face—it was me letting her go because I knew her heart was torn between Carter and I. So I’d simply made it easier for her. I walked away, hoping that she would come to me months later, telling me that she was no longer in love with him; that yes, it was just the two of us and no room for another person to be the big elephant in the room. That never happened, though, because she went straight into Carter’s arms. For six long months, I held off getting into any sexual relations because I wanted her to come back. For once, I wanted her to choose me without hesitation or doubt. “Let. Me. Go.” Each word pierced my soul. Dropping my head down, I told myself that it was over. That no matter what I said from this point on, it didn’t matter anymore. Words meant nothing to Emma, and neither did I. My arms let go of her limbs as I tried to come to with what was happening. It was a bitter fact to process, but it didn’t make it any less real. Nothing could ever change that. Slowly getting up, I sniffed, but didn’t dry my eyes. What was the point? I was sure I was going to bawl harder when she left anyway. When our eyes finally met, Emma handed me the engagement ring that had taken me a long time to design because I’d wanted it to be beautiful; to be perfect, like how I saw her. “Please, don’t insult me by giving that back. Keep it. I had that made for you—” “No. I don’t want it… I don’t want anything that will remind me of you. Well, except for Gus. I want to keep him.” She could have whatever she wanted. “If that’s what you want.” When my hand enclosed over the bauble, I felt my entire body slowly shut down. “I’m sorry for all the pain. I hope someone better will come along. Someone who will love you

the way you should be loved because I fucked up on that one.” Emma gave me a long look. “You did.” For a second, the old Emma resurfaced; giving me a glimpse of the past before she completely reverted back to her full-on hatred of me. “Goodbye, Bass.” “Goodbye,” I choked up, meeting her gaze, not caring that new tears were forming and freely falling off my face as I watched her walk away. She didn’t even give me a second glance before she closed the doors on me, though. The second I heard the click of the closed doors, I flinched in wretched pain. “Goodbye, moro mou.” I’ll always love you. I was once again a crippled man. I felt like life was slowly sucking me out to a dark and scalding hot place as it suffocated me, diminishing any light or any glimmer of happiness that I’d once experienced with raw, unbridled excitement. Only one person could unman me. She was the only one who could put me back into that cold, barren dungeon. My fingernails dug into the skin inside my palms before I bit my knuckles, hoping I’d bleed some more because I’d rather take the physical pain than this excruciating one; an open wound that will never heal. “Emma!” I screamed into the empty house before crumbling against the wall. “Come back…” Tears fell as I whispered, knowing that deep down she was never going to look back. She was through with me. Her voice had held a finality that I had never heard her use before. Wherever you are. Wherever you may be. You’re always going to be in my heart, ingrained there forever. Our memories—her sweet laugh, that distinct intoxicating scent, the touch of her skin and the way she gazed at me, so full of yearning and love—I would always .

20 Emma

It had been three days and I had been rotting in my bedroom. Apart from needing to walk Gus and feed him, I hadn’t really gone out to mingle around humanity. Seeing Bass fall apart that way had traumatized me. Each night, that scene haunted my dreams, but no matter what, the only way I could keep my sanity was to cut him out of my life. Bass brought too many bad memories and heartache; it was messing with my life. It was changing me into an erratic woman; a woman I could barely recognize because I was in a state of constant paranoia. It wasn’t a way to live. If I kept on going, I was going to lose my shit and wreak more havoc along the way. So I had been left with little choice. I had to cut the ties and let us both free. Maybe someday we could find another being to love the way we loved each other. I loved Bass… Even now, my heart throbbed, hurting and aching because I knew —I could feel his pain—inside me, my heart bled for our lost future. It couldn’t be helped, though. Somehow, he must have known this was going to happen. Somewhere along the way, I had begun dwindling away into a shell of a woman, always acting erratic and jealous whenever he was involved. I was a jealous one, yes, but I wasn’t breathing in that orbit all day long. The moment I turned into a raging one, I knew something had to change. I think it was in between my hurling in the toilet when that epiphany had happened. Heartache and losing Bass, though it hurt like no other, I managed to survive it. I could do it all over again if I had to. This—the crazy Emma persona—I couldn’t

do. It was either I saved me or I saved our relationship. I loved myself enough to choose me. It was selfish, yeah, but I had learned it the hard way. In fact, it was Bass who had showed and taught me that. After he broke my heart—after he told me to fuck off that night I came to see him inebriated—I had to learn how to live all over again. I crawled my way back up and start breathing again, even though I had wanted nothing more than to just curl up and die because life was dead without him in it. Lindsey had to leave to see Dimitris a couple of days ago, so that saved me a great deal of peace without having to explain to her that, yes, I was fucking broken. Trista and Amber left for Hawaii that very same day. Those three wouldn’t have up and left me had they known the truth. Basically, I just told them that we were taking a few days off from talking to calm ourselves before we resumed talking again. They were white lies, of course. Deep inside, I did hope that Bass and I could possibly become friends or even something close to that. He was a great man, a great friend, and losing him felt like I had lost a limb—a major artery—knowing that I would never be the same, that I was going to bleed out without him. I’d rather risk that and try to patch myself together because, either way, I was bound to lose something vital. “Emma?” A loud knock came from the door before it slowly creaked open. “Ems?” Carter asked again. My back faced him, so it probably looked like I was sleeping. Honestly, I didn’t want to face anyone. I didn’t feel like doing senseless chitchat. Space and some downtime, those were all I sought at the moment. “Baby, I got you some Double Double.” Carter sounded like he just placed the In-N-Out bag atop the table. The luscious smell permeated the air, attacking my senses, eating its way into my empty, acid-filled stomach. He sat on the bed, making it dip with his weight, before I felt his arm touch the back of my neck. “Lindsey called and ordered me to bring you food.” He started massaging my neck, causing my eyes to close and enjoy his large hands unknotting my tensed muscles. “The last time you were this way… Bass no

longer existed in your life. Is it safe to assume that you guys are done?” Way to go, Carter. I had barely had the time to wrap my head around that Bass was gone and here he comes, barging in, only thinking about his own happiness. “Go away,” I mumbled, hoping he’d take the hint. That was wishful thinking, it seemed, because the man stupidly gave me a chuckle. “I’m not going away, baby. Never again,” he vowed fiercely. Great, I thought, knowing what he meant by those words. After all, didn’t I make that stupid promise back in the day? About trying things out with him after things didn’t work out with Bass? Thinking about that made me even more depressed. The last thing I needed at the moment was thinking of being with Carter. I needed to breathe, cry some more and then more breathing. I needed to heal. “I need to be alone, Carter. I can’t do this right now,” I begged, hoping he’d acquiesce and leave me be. Carter sighed loudly and then I felt him kiss my shoulder, then my neck. “I’m a phone call away. I’ll come by again to bring you dinner.” He got up and started walking away then paused mid-step, then sighed again, resuming to walk out of my room and out of the house. I knew what he wanted, though seriously, what did he expect? A celebratory lunch? I was grateful, at least, that he didn’t press for anything. Because if he had, I wouldn’t have been sorry for lashing out at him.

Emma

Me: I’m going for a trip. I need a break from everything around me. Can you take care of Gus for me for a little while? I’ll be back soon. After an entire week of hibernation, I knew—even if I felt like I was going to burn in the sun like a vampire—I needed to the rest of the human population. Weaving a great solution to my worries, I planned out ideas. Once I took a step out of the house, I knew it had been the right move. Carter, of course, wasn’t in agreement to any of my decisions, but I had already made up my mind. I knew what I needed, even if the guy who was advising me not to go through with it was someone who had became a best friend of some sort. Thirty-two hours later, I knew who to call. “Linds, where are you?” I immediately asked the second she said the word Hello. Faintly from the background, I could hear Dimitris whispering something to her, making some ruffling sound like the noise the sheets made when someone shifted around in bed. After half a minute, she came back to life. “We’re about to head to Monaco. What’s up, dollface?” Even though I couldn’t see her, from her voice alone, I knew she was ecstatic, living her fairytale dream with the perfect man. Nostalgia annihilated my senses, bringing all the pain back in a blink of an eye as it washed me with bittersweet memories of our time in Greece. It came in a quick flashback; from his laughter to the way he called my name. Suddenly, he was everywhere. I could hear him, calling for me, begging me to come back. “Em?”

Wiping the tears away, I sniffed some sense back into my brain and focused on the call. Trying to sound like I wasn’t dying inside, I controlled my voice when I spoke. “Can I come see you? I’m around London.” “Fuck! Are you okay?” she rushed out. “What the flying fuck are you doing in London! Don’t you have a movie to shoot soon? What about Bass? What the hell? What’s going on?” That was typical Lindsey. “I just need to get away, you know.” I wasn’t intending to drop all the bombs over the phone. “Of course, yeah. I’m here—we’re here. Come see us. But, Emma, you’re going to spill when you and I see each other.” Her voice held a determination as though she was about to crack the vault that held KFC’s secret recipes or something. Damn, it was confession time. “Fine,” I conceded, knowing that I didn’t have much chance in keeping everything to myself when Lindsey was around. Honestly, I needed to be around one of my girls, or I’d lose any hope in trying not to be the next psych ward patient. Dimitris was going to send transportation to get me to wherever they were located. Without those two, I didn’t know what I’d do at the moment. Also, finding out that Jacques and the other two lotharios were currently with them made me feel, for the very first time in days, like it was going to be a new start. Sunshine. Lots and lots of sunshine.

21 Bass

Dimitris: Emma is with us. Try not to worry so much. I’ll see if I can help. Be safe and keep yourself sane. You see, I didn’t even tell anyone about our break-up. No. Not yet. I wasn’t ready for the questions. The what, the why and the how. Yet, it seemed that Emma had already spoken about it to Lindsey, thus resulting in a worried, protective Dimitris texting me, hoping to ease my mind. Once more, I was appreciative of friends like him. He was always on the lookout. These tokens of good deeds would come in handy one day when he needed favors. Because truly, this might seem like it was nothing to some, but to me, this proved a lot of loyalty. This also showed that he cared about Emma and I; that he ed us. He hadn’t been one of the people who were campaigning to break us apart. Good friends always had each other’s back, no matter what the circumstances, that was the golden rule. When pictures of Emma surfaced a few days ago, covering her face as she ed through some paparazzi into LAX airport with some atrocious headline along with it, I had thought the worst. The article was titled Emma Anderson Couldn’t Handle Rejection Well And Had to Leave The County To Mend A Broken Heart. Of course, after reading that and confirming with Barbara—who was both our agent—that she had left the country, I couldn’t help but start to worry as to where she was going. Spin doctors, publicists and leaking “insider scoop” from reputable sources to the media hadn’t helped with Emma’s reputation; the public continued to perceive her as a “home wrecker”. I had tried, spent thousands of dollars to turn it around closer to what was really

true, and that Emma was the first, that she’d already had my heart before Nikki even came into the picture. No matter what I did, nothing seemed to work. Something was off. It was like the rest of the world thought Nikki Pavlova was this über sweet lady and Emma was the witch who had casted a spell on me with the use of her body, enticing me away from the Russian woman. The world really was twisted. The innocent they liked to scrutinize, beating their confidence down with the use of the media, undermining their self-worth while the ones who had filthy intentions always seemed to get away, laughing their heads off. The media had turned into this modern-day, gargantuan, Samson-like bully. Back in the day, it used to be a tool to spread vital news; ones that really mattered. From weather forecasts to a new virus outbreak, the media used to be our friend, before Y2K happened. Ever since then, Hollywood and their attention-seeking stars found the “golden Pandora” of the glitz and glamour of the social media, thus attracting the celebrity-obsessed bloggers and Hollywoodcentered fanatics. The influence had spread like wildfire. Struggling photographers were hungry to make quick money so the amount of paparazzi quadrupled in the blink of an eye. Supply and demand that went off bonkers. The serious actors took a backseat and watched Hollywood being overrun by people who were beautiful but lacked talent. Pretty enough? Sure, here’s a record deal. There was no essence of the quality that people used to be enthralled with. Nothing seemed to be of value anymore. Most people of today thought that being disrespectful was the key to success, hence the lack of privacy. I hadn’t minded the social media before, but now that they had played a major role in terminating my relationship with Emma, I really was seeing things crystal clear. Before I had received the Greek’s text message, I was actually on a phone call with Barbara. Apparently, my agent did a little digging and found out that the drama-causing video had come from Nikki’s phone. Of course, like any reasonable person, she’d immediately ed me. Was I shocked? A little bit, but then again, I knew Nikki was wishy-washy on that score, so I expected a

little bite from her. A bite—maybe a tiny poison-induced nibble—but never had it occurred to me that she was willing to put us both in the open, exposing me or her sexually. It was humiliating, but not as horrifying as how Emma was being portrayed at the moment. Anger didn’t even come close to describing what I felt right now. Imagine consuming hate, fury, blinding rage and vengeance then shove them all in a furnace to cook them together until it exploded the goddamned planet; that was how I felt for Nikki. Not even my parents could evoke such intense hate from me. I wasn’t a believer of hitting women, but for a second, the thought possessed me. It was in that instant that I knew that I didn’t trust myself to be around Nikki, nor did I feel that talking to her would calm my senses. No. What she had done was unforgivable. Even if she prayed a novena for an entire week, crawling up to me for forgiveness, I wouldn’t even dare acknowledge the pest. So, just as I threatened, I filed a temporary restraining order, needing her to leave me alone. Under no circumstances was she to me; physically or electronically. It was sad that it had come to this because I truly wanted to end this amicably, however the woman had completely made it impossible. All of the excuses I used to tell myself that she was hormonal and pregnant seemed to be beyond absurd now. Pregnancy or not, the woman was simply nuts. There was no excuse for that. There was a difference between being in a dream and daydreaming. A demented woman wouldn’t know the differentiation. Even though I was back in Canada filming, I felt like I was moving on autopilot. I could hear people when they spoke. I could see people move. However I couldn’t feel anything. Deep inside, I was as barren as the Sahara Dessert. Mornings were bearable, but when the sky turned dark, the city asleep, and I was left with my own thoughts, my mind wandered off to Emma. Just like a broken clock, I could actually hear my heart beating again—coming back to life—but when dawn broke and the living awoke, my heart slowly died again, as if the reality of not having her in my life anymore was too unbearable to accept. It was already five a.m. and I hadn’t slept a wink. All night, I had envisioned her, reliving her in my mind until she’d fully came to life before me. One thing I had

learned for the last couple of nights was that the more you pictured things, the more your imagination came to life and would give you whatever you wished for. My nighttime was bittersweet, but it was the only way I knew how to cope. If madness was the only way to be with her again, then I’d slip away into it in order to devour whatever I could. Mad love was what I felt for her. And just like any other crazy man in throes of love, desperation took the front seat and common sense was nowhere in sight. So when I dialed her number, I killed whatever crap floated around my mind that would deter me from pursuing this phone call. Voicemail was all that greeted me. I paused, not knowing what to do. Should I keep going and leave a quick message or should I hang up and pretend that I hadn’t cared that she might’ve forwarded me to her voice inbox? I didn’t have much time to ponder about the answer because the loud beeping sound came, prompting the caller to leave a message. Stuck in between my broken heart and the hope of rekindling with my soul, I decided to leave a message. “Emma, it’s been over a week since—” I choked up, sounding as unmanly as ever. Right then and there, I was contemplating again if I should even continue this lunacy. Breathing heavily, I took three deep breaths before continuing on the path of a dire man with no shame, ego or pride left in his system. “I’ve been constantly fighting with myself over whether calling you would be worth it, or if it will just be a waste of time…” I trailed off, unsure how to go on. Keep going, you little twit, a voice popped in my head. “There’s a great chance that you might not even call me back, but I just want you to know that if—” I made a distinct emphasis on the word. “If this might just be a knee-jerk reaction after the video and that article and that maybe you might need time to process things—” I stopped because I was getting choked up for the hundredth time. Closing my eyes, I rested my fist on my forehead and slowly started to knock on my brain to function properly. My heart was ruling away and I needed to get some brain functionality back because I was getting dumber as the seconds ticked by. With great effort, I went on, “I know it’s a long shot, but if that’s the case with us, please—please—know

that I’m here. I’ll wait. I’ll keep waiting until you finally close the door on us.” If that day ever happened, I shut my stupid thoughts. “If there is a tiny chance that you might still love me after all of this… please, I beg of you, don’t trample on that tiny flicker of hope.” I knew the chances were slim, but I was still hanging on to bare threads, wishing that the woman I loved would have a change of heart and would come running back to me. “I’m here, Em…” I whispered, crushed and very much in shambles. “I’ll keep waiting for you.” Cutting the call, I remained like a statue, unmoving and frozen on the spot. It was embarrassing to have become this way, yet they did say that love knew no boundaries. Insanity became its excuse.

22 Emma

With a heavy, drawn out, melancholy sigh, I leaned back against the couch, somehow hoping that my mind would stop thinking. Just for once, I wanted a moment of peace. Listening to Bass’s voicemail daily was terrifying. Without fail, he called every single day—night time his time—ever since I landed in Europe. His calls were like little mementos. I listened to them when I was feeling like I could no longer go on from missing him, from living without him, or maybe if I needed inspiration to move forward. Whatever the case, those short voice messages became my ill purpose. I felt like a seesaw. Each time I heard his voice, my heart would constrict and each and every time, memories of how much we used to love each other would annihilate me instantly, but the second the voicemail cuts off I would his photo with Nikki and that rotten video. That was when I wanted to hurl all over again. It was exhausting. I was always on the verge of tears due to heartbreak and anger. Yes, anger, from feeling like I was being played like a fool; like I would be insipid enough to tolerate such disrespect. Google was not good for my health, either. I was my own worst enemy because I knew the video was going to obliterate me, but even if that knowledge terrified the daylights out of me, I still searched out that damning video. Not only that, but I watched it twenty times; replaying it over and over again, killing me a thousand times over. Yet, I couldn’t seem to stop. I would scrutinize the damn thing, studying it like I was searching for the Holy Grail in that grainy file. However, no matter what angle, there was no room for doubt that the man in that

video was my fiancé—ex-fiancé—being sucked off by that Russian cunt. Cece had nothing on Nikki. Most people would agree that those women were a rotten, disgusting bunch, and yes, both were despicable beings, however Nikki had gone for the kill. Cece, on the other hand, only played the petty, typical, high school tactics. After a little over two weeks of seclusion, I was back home again. It wasn’t a choice I had made voluntarily; Jacques had pushed me to go home and face my tumultuous life. He’d said, and I quote, “If you keep running away from your problems, happiness will run in the opposite direction. Never fear pain because it will only make you a stronger person.” So, after that monumental lowdown, I had to put my crybaby panties on and hop back across the pond to live my shitty life. I didn’t it to it, but I knew that I had run away from a lot of my problems. It was one of my things; duck and flight. I knew this was one problem that would never go away, though. That was, unless I stood there amidst the storm, took whatever people hurled at me—let them try to hurt me—until that catastrophic part of my life was through. Yep, I was definitely growing up, much to my horror. Be that as it may, times were changing and I had to get with the tide and try to float my way around to survive this world I had helped create for myself. So as part of my “floating gear”, I let Amber and Trista persuade me to come to Carter’s Halloween party. I mean, this was our annual thing, so they hadn’t had to convince me that much to go. Now, dressed in my unoriginal, saucy-schoolgirl outfit, I double-checked myself; giving another onceover at the skimpy skirt that sat just below my ass. It didn’t matter if I looked hot in this outfit, I think Britney stole everyone’s thunder on that score. Nevertheless, the costume was comfortable. I didn’t have to suck my stomach in for the rest of the night, nor did I have to try to look provocative because the outfit did all the tempting for me. Since Lindsey was still with Dimitris, thanks to online classes, I went with T & T and Amber. It was odd to celebrate Halloween without Linds, but the woman was totes in love with her Greek. I think she was going overboard possessive with him, but then again, this was Lindsey Mason, after all. She didn’t do normal.

“So, my girl, Cami, is planning to get it on tonight,” Amber announced the second we got outside Carter’s house, making me tense a bit. Trista snorted. “Hell, no, my Ashley will bag and hump those thighs,” she butted in, excited. I looked at both of them, speechless. It all made sense now. Just as I was ing their faces, Trista turned to me, blue eyes full of curiosity. “What do you think, Em? Who do you think deserves Carter more? I’ve heard you met them, so I’m interested to hear your thoughts on this.” Could I just say awkward? WTF? I hated being put on the spot. How the heck was I supposed to know? I mean, I didn’t think any of them deserved Carter seriously. “No clue,” I murmured, pondering on Trista’s question some more. Cami. Ashley. Hell to the NO!!! When the girls started wagering who was going to slip and slide with Carter tonight, Taylor’s knowing eyes captured mine, catching me off guard. It was as if he knew what my thoughts were, disconcerting me some more. The smart guy knew too much. Not only was he Bass’s best friend, the guy was also way too intuitive for his own good. “Don’t say it,” I whispered, breaking our eye . He wasn’t technically a smartass, per se, but he would gladly dish it out to me if need be. I wasn’t being a stuck up bitch or anything, but when Carter saw us from across the room, he merely nodded our way before resuming his “talk with Ashley”, hands roaming about him and all. Um, what the fuck happened to Carter? I rattled on, frustrated as I looked away, pretending that everything was a-oh-kay and I wasn’t dwelling on the very fact that he didn’t even bother to come around and greet us. The man used to shower

me with attention, and now that he wasn’t, I wasn’t all that sure I was happy with the sudden—very sudden—change. So for another thirty minutes, I pretended that I wasn’t watching him like a stalker as I sipped on my sugar-rimmed apple martini glass. Amber and Trista were busy socializing, so I was mostly left with Taylor. Thank goodness he didn’t utter a damn word about Bass or that question that left me with no answer of my own. When the newly transformed man finally came over to us, I had to gear up my best nonchalant acting skills, so I could give him a little taste of what he’d just done to me. However my plan took a nosedive when Taylor purposely excused himself to go get Trista. It was so obvious that he wanted to see how I handled this because, come on, I saw the look he gave me before parting himself from us. I wasn’t sure if that was good or not, but since he was Bass Cole’s best friend, I could only string so many theories. That aside, I now had Mister Mason, who didn’t seem too pleased to be left alone with me. “Carter,” I bit out, not looking at him directly as I sipped my drink, focusing my eyes on the people who were dancing raunchily on the sides. “Hi,” he said awkwardly. He too was glancing about as if he didn’t want to waste his time with me any longer. Well, hell, if he wanted to chill with others, he could go right ahead. He didn’t have to pretend to be a social host if he didn’t want to be. It was just me after all. “Something wrong?” I pressed, hoping he’d shed some light on his one hundred and eighty degree attitude shift. He paused, really looking at me this time. “Should something be wrong?” Right, why was he acting so standoffish? It was throwing me for a loop. “No, of course not… it’s just that…” I trailed off while I saw him raise his brow. “You’re acting weird. That’s all.” His dark eyes became intense. Moving his face a tad closer to me, he asked, “Weird?” His brows furrowed. “Weird, how?” You’re usually all over me, I wanted to say, but held off. The words were on the

tip of my tongue, yet I was too embarrassed to say them. “Never mind.” Chicken… “If you say so.” He shrugged, not caring. “Gotta go say hi to some friends. See you later, Ems.” He nodded his chin at me and then had the audacity to tap my shoulder as he walked away, heading straight back to the woman he had been talking with when we came in. WTF was up with him? Why, after all these months, did he choose tonight to be a dickwad again? I wasn’t going to lie, Carter pretending that I was of no importance bothered me more than I would like to it, but I wasn’t going to make that known. We were, after all, free agents. Ex’s was all we were, nothing more. Besides, wasn’t I mending a battered and shattered heart? So why, oh why, did it tick me off watching him talk and laugh with Cami? Yep, it was getting more confusing by the second. But, I wasn’t going to let it get to me. You see, I had a companion tonight, Mister Jack Daniels. He too was just as hot, just as bold and just as fullbodied as my exes. Carter was messing with my head. As for Bass… Well, he could go fuck himself, too. Men were pointless. Look at me. I was already contemplating dropping out of my classes—yet again —for the second time because my brain was just so unfocused. Lindsey tried to convince me to do online classes like she was doing this semester, but honestly, I felt completely lost. So lost that I was even considering dropping out of the movie that was set to go into production soon. I was becoming unstable. Unreliable. Worthless. All because of all this bullshit around me. Had I told them to just shove it in their behinds, I wouldn’t be so messed up at the moment. Okay, so I was feeling unloved, unwanted and even though I was wearing something cute and sexy, the fact that Carter didn’t even bat an eyelash at my costume, made me feel really fugly. Yeah, fucking ugly. So to hell with all these bullshitters. Tonight, I was going to own it like a rockstar. The rest of the world could just back the fuck off.

After slamming my drink down in one gulp, all I needed to do was find my target. He needed to be a good-looking, sexy distraction. Was I losing my mind? Probably, but you know what? I was going to let go and just live tonight. Damn straight, I had to start living, I thought as I made my way towards the dance floor. After all the pain and rejection—not to mention the endless supply of tears—I think I needed a night of fun. Heck, months of fun, if need be. Seriously. “Dance with me.” I pulled at the closest looking athlete I could find. It didn’t even bother me that he was talking to another woman because, tonight, I didn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone. Tonight was about me. The muscular man tensed, about to be pissed with me. “You can’t just yank me… and—” The jock scanned me up and down before grinning wickedly. “Damn girl, you’re really hot.” Fuck. Yes. I so was. I grinned back, touching the V of his shirt with my fingertips. “Feel like combining our hotness and see how we sizzle together?” I gave him a comehither smile. Okay, my lines needed work, but fuck it. I’d been out of the game for so long, it was understandable that I was quite rusty with these situations. Yet my trick worked because the guy was now pulling me against his body, hands plastered all over me. This was me facing my fears my own way. As we danced, the nameless man’s hands roamed. I mean, seriously roamed big time around my body. Spinning around, I raised my arm and was about to dip it low when a sudden force yanked me away from the man’s body. The immediate withdrawal and the turn of events after made my alcohol-induced body boggled. I was about to tug away from the intruder, but when I looked up, I found dark eyes burning holes through me, promising Hell was about to come raining down on me if I didn’t get a grip of myself.

“Emma!” Carter hissed, pulling me away before dragging me across the room. With my four-inch heels on, I was having a hard time keeping up with him without faltering. “Hey. Stop.” I said, hoping to slow down before I tripped twice in these suckers that were pinching my feet, however his grip got tighter around my wrist. “Stop!” I screeched. “Carter!” He brought us down towards his wine cellar/game room. He dragged me across the room, spun a red-leathered chair around and dumped me in it, nose flaring, before he stomped across the bar, got a tray laden with shot glasses on them before pouring Belvedere in all of them and marched back towards me. Sliding the tray towards me against the wooden table, he pierced me with hard eyes. “Drink.” He wasn’t the boss of me. Certainly not tonight, not fucking ever. “Fuck. You,” I spat at him, matching his gaze. “If you want to be a dirty, drunken little slut, well, here’s your chance.” He nodded towards the tray of shots. Those dark eyes were giving me serious hate before he placed both of his hands on the table, leveling his eyes at me. “Get drunk. Dance. Heck, take your clothes off if it makes you feel better. You can do whatever you want, but you can only do it here where no one can see you, take a picture of you and blast it all over the internet. No man would dare touch you, especially not in my fucking house. Not here, Emma. Not under my fucking roof, and most especially, not where I can easily see what the fuck you’re up to. You don’t disrespect me like that.” His jaw was locked, his teeth grinding down together. Pressing my lips together, I snatched a glass and raised it at him. “Here’s to you and your slutty dick. Five vaginas a la carte. For breaking my heart. For fucking with my mind so that I had to keep shit from my then boyfriend to keep you a secret because, fuck, I thought that I might still have feelings for you. But you know what? You can keep your cheating, deceitful, orgy-obsessed dick all to yourself. Cheers to that!” I took the shot, downing the entire contents like a pro. Carter was going to hear it from me. With all my hate between him and Bass, I could rant all night long. On to the next shot. I raised it again, my voice packed with rage. “Here’s to men who can’t keep their dicks inside their pants, and for love gone to waste because

I chose you and Bass, and both of you trampled my trust. For fucking with my head so much, thank you for showing me that love is pure and utter bullshit.” His eyes sparked fire before I downed my second shot. Yep, I could do this all night long. Hopefully by then, each shot would be like drinking water. I’m sure I could get used to this. “Keep going. Let it all out. I want to hear how you really feel about my slutty dick,” he urged on, angry. Ha! He wasn’t happy about that reference to his dick. Ha. Funny. Ha. Raging on, I took hold of my third shot while my eyes spat fire at him. “I hate your cheating dick! If you had kept it to yourself—” I started getting even more furious by the second as I recalled that boathouse scene I had witnessed. “Maybe we’d still be together and I wouldn’t have been with Bass and experienced the most excruciating pain known to mankind.” Placing the shot glass back on the stained wooden table, I twirled it around, spilling some alcohol on the side. “Had you not cheated on me, I’d still be with you…” I choked up, ing the feeling of neglect and the profound pain it had brought me. “You broke me then, Carter,” I whispered, feeling empty within. “But now Bass—” I murmured, having a hard time describing what I was going through at the moment; the betrayal, most of all. “Bass stole something from me… and I’m afraid that I might never get it back.” He so did. Now look at me, a dwindling shell of an old Emma while the bastard probably is busy playing precious family with that Russian tart, I thought acidly as I took the vodka shot, burning my throat. I didn’t even blink from the acrid pain. I was never going to be the same. I knew that, but accepting it was the hardest part. Baby steps, one day I’d get there. Carter moved behind me before wrapping his arms around my neck and whispering into my ear, “Do you feel better now?” Okay, I wasn’t going to lie; his technique worked a bit. “A little.” “Good, at least I helped somehow.” His breath tickled me, making me squirm and gasp at the same time. I was completely turned on. Given the amount of alcohol that was in my system, I

could do whatever I wanted tonight and I wouldn’t it the next morning. “Carter, you’re turning me on. Stop…” Yeah, I didn’t sound convincing at all. He groaned, grabbing hold of the back of my chair and twisting it around, facing him. “Emma… come with me upstairs.” His thumb lingered on the lining of my skirt, caressing my heated skin while his eyes devoured me, not masking what his intent was for the rest of the evening. “We can party in my room all night long if you like. We’ll do whatever you want. Whatever pleases you, but spend the night with me. You won’t him by tomorrow, trust me.” Cocky much? “Trying to fuck me still, huh?” I wanted to sound irritated, but it somehow ended up like I was breathless for him, for his touch and the very feel of him. It bothered me… a lot. Carter didn’t even respond. His eyes did the talking. And boy, what those dark eyes could do to a woman. It was petrifying to be the intimate object they were scrutinizing. I felt hot. Stifled. Anxious. Bothered; there goes that word again. It just wouldn’t leave me for some reason. Dark. Hungry. Eyes. Fucked me on the spot. “I’m going home,” I announced before turning around and almost running out the door. For some odd reason, I couldn’t take the heat—what those looks entailed—I just fucking couldn’t. Carter and Bass had both thrown my heart in the gutter. Why should I give Carter a boost in his confidence by letting him know that, yes, he was still affecting me, greatly. Walking along the side pavement, I felt his presence behind me. Though he was stealthy, his scent gave him away. Carter’s scent was one of a kind, just like Bass’s. Put me in a dark room full of sweaty men and I could still tell which was which. The walk from his house to ours only was only five minutes, but it seemed that time dragged on. It probably was because I was wearing extreme high heels. Sighing, I started feeling bad about how the night had turned out. “Why are you doing this? Cami might start looking for you soon,” I addressed him, still walking ahead.

“I need to know you’re safe. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you.” That was nice of him, really. I mean, after all the shit I said earlier, I wouldn’t even want to face me at the moment. The appropriate thing to do was thank him, however I couldn’t even muster that. My emotions were all over the place. Top that with the fact that I was a drunken biatch, and I had a lot of word vomit still waiting to happen. Silently we walked. Therefore, I was left with my own thoughts spinning around in my head. When we reached my house, I turned around and faced him. He had his hands in his pockets, eyeing me with intensity. “Goodnight,” I murmured, unsure if I should say something or dash inside the house and wave him goodbye. “Goodnight.” Carter moved closer and bent down to kiss me. He kissed the spot that was only a tad close to my lips. Had his bottom lip moved a centimeter, he would be touching my own. When his tongue snuck out to taste the spot where he kissed me, I shivered in terror, disgust and thrilling anticipation. “Can I kiss you goodnight for old time’s sake?” A kiss. What’s the harm in a kiss? Nada… Closing my eyes, I gave a breathless nod before I heard his sharp breath as he softly pressed those hungry lips of his against my own quivering ones. Damn. Carter was having me for a late night snack and, man, was he ever hungry. The words ran about in my mind as he growled hungrily, pushing me against the door. Without the use of words, Carter didn’t give me the time to think—to pause a moment to gather my bearings—he simply took over. Suavely, he took the key from my hands and inserted it in the keyhole, kissing me the whole time. It was slick, but heck, this was Carter after all. Picking me up, he opened the door, never parting with my lips. With my arms encircled around his neck, I felt him climb up the stairs as we made out before

finally coming right outside my bedroom door. Then, he carried me all the way through to my bed.

23 Carter

This was it, this was it, I thought with excitement and new purpose. Emma might be sad about Bass now, but I could step into his shoes, make her forget him. I had done it before, I could do it again. She’d eventually forget him. Just like what she said earlier, had it not been for my cheating, we’d still be together now. And fuck, I wanted that chance so bad. Right now, my woman was kissing me back, no holds barred. Tonight was mine. Tonight, I was going to seal this; our future, together. I knew it might not be the best of times, knowing that she was still in love with Bass, but fuck, when a big opportunity comes your way, you fucking grab hold of it and seize it. This was mine. I had come a long way from the tortured guy to a man who knew how to love. Shit after shit punched me down, but I was going to risk getting hurt again because I couldn’t live without this woman, my Emma. I tried to flirt; fuck, I’d tried to see if I could do the whole nine yards and finally take another woman that wasn’t Emma in bed, but when it had been time to pull the trigger with Cami, I couldn’t fucking do it. I even tried it with Ashley with the same result. As hot as the women were, Emma’s face wouldn’t leave my mind. It was her who I wanted to be with, and I was going to follow my heart, even if it led me to more heartache. Even if my brain was telling me that this was not the way to go, my heart was taking the wheel, ready to take what Emma had for me. What I did was messed up and now I believed we were paying a high price for that mistake. Had it not been for me, we wouldn’t have separated, nor would I have had to witness another man sweeping in and taking my baby away. I was the first. Her man. Her first, deep, crucial love. I knew, deep down, there

were feelings left for me. Although, at the moment, she might be too consumed with her pain, she probably didn’t know what to do anymore. Enough of that, I was going to take charge and heal us together. “Baby,” I groaned, running my hands down her thighs before cupping her nice, supple ass that drove men crazy. Slowly lowering her down on the bed, I was taken aback when Emma immediately started pulling my clothes off. “Let me feel your body, Carter,” she moaned, running her hands over my chest, over my nipple, making me hiss and groan at the same time that my cock hardened at the thought of sliding inside of her. It had been so long, so fucking long. I didn’t even care to think or count how long it had been for me. I had vowed that the woman I would be with next was Emma, and the knowledge that I was only a breath away from seizing her body once more, made me shiver in anticipation. Emma ripped her top off, paralyzing me for a second while my eyes devoured her perfect tits that I’d missed so much. “Kiss me,” she begged, pulling me closer to her. “Make me forget about him. Make me yours, Carter.” As I said before, a man just had to seize an opportunity when it opened up and seduced you. It was fucked up, but hell, I think we both needed this. We deserved this night together. Finally, after months of sleepless nights, Emma was back in my arms. Hopefully, this time it was going to be forever.

24 Bass

Taylor: Okay, the key is underneath the rug. Whatever happens, walk the fuck away before someone gets hurt. Best of luck, man. When Taylor mentioned that he’d stayed overnight in Trista’s place in SB after a Halloween party at Carter’s house, I asked him if Emma was home safe. When he said “yeah” in a strained voice, I knew something wasn’t right. I wasn’t sure why, but for some reason, I had the inkling to ask. I had my suspicions what it was already, yet still, I pressed on to ask. So when he said that Trista went inside Emma’s room to borrow some styling products and found Carter Mason beside her, I didn’t even have the heart to ask further. Of course my brain did all the talking for me, which was a torture that never stopped. Imagination was a good thing, although not when paired with paranoia and fear. Combine them all and you got one messed up man, which was how I was right now. My simple inquiry led me to know that Carter was in fact with Emma. From then on, nothing was made sense. I drove from LA to SB without a thing in mind other than Emma and how she had just nailed my coffin shut. If… if she really did it, I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it. I knew one thing, I doubted I’d ever recover. Parking right outside her house, I killed the engine and left the key dangling as I took deep breaths and leaned against the cool leather seat to help soothe my throbbing head. I had flown in last night, thinking that Emma might have had a change of heart after her trip in Europe; it appears she did have one, but it wasn’t towards me. It had been for Carter. This tiresome battle between us was taxing me fully, and I supposed, he had

been right all along; he was the one for her. Because no matter what happened, he never once gave her up, nor did she fully let go of him. I was the intruder in their relationship it seemed. Now, for me to be able to finally see the light and move the fuck on with my pointless life, I had to see if Emma had truly thrown us away with my very own eyes. A large part of me was hoping that they’d merely gone to sleep drunk and nothing happened, however the reasonable side of me thought that there was slim chance of that happening. Still, I hoped that her love—our love—was strong enough that she wouldn’t throw us away like we were nothing. Loaded with anxiety and trepidation, I got out of the car and moved at a snail’s pace towards the front door where the key was stuck underneath the rug, so I could let myself in, hoping to clear this once and for all. Since Lindsey was with Dimitris and Taylor and Trista had already left to head back to his place for the rest of the afternoon, the house was silent except for a small gurgle of gasps and laughter coming from upstairs. Emma’s laughs, I noted, making my stomach sink lower as my insides did somersaults. I inched closer towards the staircase, each step felt like my feet were held with balls and chains. This was probably what a death sentence felt like because you knew what was contained on the other side of the door would eventually kill you, slowly but surely. Three more steps to go and my heart was gripping me tightly. Breathing became a hardship. Two more, I almost lost my balance. Last one, I could barely stand on my feet. Grabbing hold of the rails, Emma’s giggles were drowning me in absolute sorrow. Moro mou, looks like this was goodbye after all… I thought wretchedly. She sounded so happy, totally apart from the woman I saw last, packing her things to move out of our home. ing a few doors, I finally stopped right outside her door, unsure what to do, but when I heard Carter’s voice, my hand gripped that handle so tight that one

would have thought that this tiny brass handle was my lifeline. When my hand pressed down, turning it open, I held my breath, hoping for anything other than the inevitable before I stoically walked in with eyes immediately darting towards her bed. I knew—of course I knew—what scene I could possible walk into, but never in my life did I imagine I’d see a lot of Carter’s ass as he situated himself on top of her while Emma laughed at something he said while fearing what was going on underneath the blanket. It was like I had been incapacitated as I watched this horror happening before me. My voice was out of commission and so was my body. I stood there, paralyzed like a capsized fish, letting all the hurt drown me right before my very eyes while the woman I vowed to love—to marry, to spend the rest of my life with—took another man. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but when I saw Carter shifting—and I just knew what was to come next—with a shattered heart and tear-filled eyes, I tried to silently walk away, unnoticeable just as I had come in. Maybe I was too numb, or maybe I was too caught up in my own misery that I didn’t realize that my steps were making loud thuds because, just when I was about to walk out of there, I heard her. “BASS?” I paused, not wanting to see her face. I momentarily closed my eyes, reliving the memory of her underneath him before I snapped my eyes open and darted out of there. In a flash, my body was full of adrenaline as I hurried my steps, descending the stairs and into the foyer, hoping to leave this house forever. Opening the door, I heard her scream behind me. “Bass! Stop!” Unmoving, I tried to make sense of what was going on with my body because I felt like I was being gunned down, bleeding me alive. I felt the pain, the burn, the open wounds, and yet, I couldn’t see a drop of blood in sight. It sure as hell felt like I was going to die soon, though. When Emma caught up with me, I bent my head down, unwilling to talk as I

stared at the marbled flooring. A glimpse of her sheet gliding down on the floor told me that she was naked. She was wrapped in her soiled, fluid-filled sheets that she’d romped with Carter in last night. She was here, the woman I had been calling on a daily basis, though not one of my calls had been answered nor replied. Emma had finally moved on, and still, I was reeling with pain while having a hard time accepting that she was gone. “Look at me, please?” she whispered, but I moved my head to the side. What for? So I could feel more pain? More anger? More resentment? Rejection? I had it all; tripled in spades. Asking me to look at her would be staring directly into the sun, and for the life of me, I just couldn’t look into her eyes and be blinded by pity for me. Most of all, I couldn’t live with the fact that, if I saw happiness there, it wasn’t me who had placed it there; it was the man who was waiting upstairs, naked. “Emma?” I could hear him from the stairs, making it all worse. “Let it go, baby.” Not uttering a word, I moved ed and left. I could hear Emma gasping and sniffing as if she was in tears as I left her house, but I didn’t care to check. It was done. She had finally left me, just as she’d promised she would. Getting inside my car, I raced through the freeway, but my tears and heavy heart were too much of a bother that I had to stop midway and calm myself in Malibu Canyon as I coached myself to breathe. Emma and Carter. Intimate. His body on top of hers while she squirmed and giggled at something he said, or from something he was doing underneath those blankets. There were no ifs and whats now. They were fucking. And Emma had looked as though she was enjoying herself really well. Had I been less broken of a man, I could have fought Carter off her and dragged her with me into the car, but what was the point? Emma had made a choice and that choice had been him. I wasn’t going to barge in there like a sore loser, demanding rights that were no longer mine. I wasn’t her fiancé, I wasn’t her boyfriend. I meant absofuckinglutely nothing to her.

Even though I was crippled inside and out—immobile and still reeling from my shock—I knew one thing. My love for her might live on forever, but it would be in the dark depths of my soul, pushed somewhere in the back of my mind because I would never—fucking ever—put myself in this eviscerating-kind of misery ever again. I’d rather be a monk than go back to her again. Emma Anderson, you’re dead to me, I promised.

25 Emma

Bass, forgive me, I prayed as I stared at the door that had been left ajar from his departure. Never in my life did I picture that I would be in this position, but after last night’s activities, I found myself in this terror of a dream, not knowing what to do. Although he wouldn’t look me in the eye, I knew with ever fiber in me that Bass was hurting, all due to me. Even with all the hurts and outbursts I had thrown at him before, not once had I wanted to inflict this kind of pain on him. He must hate me now, and I should be happy that he did—perhaps this would mean that he would stop calling me—but for some reason, I hated myself all the more. I broke for him. I wanted to reach out, hug him and tell him that I was sorry, but I simply couldn’t because I felt guilty. Dirty. Most of all, I felt like I had committed the biggest sin of all, adultery. It was absurd to feel the things I was feeling because one thing was for sure, we weren’t married, nor we were going to be; most especially after that debacle. One thing I had learned about Bass was that, when he loathed someone, it was hard for him to be swayed to change opinion from then on. Another thing I knew was that I was never going to get over the defeated look Bass had; it had been like he was giving up hope on everything. A part of me was screaming to drive to his house and explain. Another was telling me to call him now and meet me somewhere so we could talk, but I couldn’t do any of those things because I didn’t think I deserved to be heard. What I had done was cruel. Awful. Despicable. In less than a month, I went from an engaged woman to a woman who had

nothing left except Carter, who was patiently waiting on the landing as I tried to make sense of what the fuck had just happened. I almost jumped out of my skin when big arms wrapped around me, holding me close. “It’s okay,” Carter murmured above my head with his chin resting on it. “It’s going to be okay. Breathe.” The urge to cry and breakdown in his arms was tempting enough, however I was aware that no matter how much I’d shed tears, it wouldn’t erase the pain that the man I loved was going through at the moment. Last night, it had been as though I had simply lost it; got too fed up with how much I was being trampled on. It was as if it was my vengeance for Bass fucking Nikki, the whole baby thing, the pictures and the videos. As much as those pained me to the core, seeing how hurt he was earlier had only made things worse for me. You see, I wanted to die the second I knew he was in that room. Millions of things were running through my mind when I scrambled to go and chase him downstairs. Being so close to him had made me realize how much I’d missed him. And if I had any doubts in my mind about Bass and I, there wouldn’t be any chance for me to feast on that idea because the moment I realized that he wouldn’t even look at me; that was when I knew that he wouldn’t ever look at me the same. I made my bed, now I had to lie in it. Did I regret last night? I wanted to say yes, but at the same time, I did have fun. And yes, no one had put a gun to my head to force me to go through the things I did with Carter, so I wouldn’t even dare say that it was the alcohol talking. Yes, the alcohol made it easier for me to make the decisions, but it was all me who did the talking and doing. I wasn’t sure I was ready to face Carter and what he was after from me. I needed to heal, to come to with the fact that I might never speak to Bass again. Emotionally, I was a damn mess. Mentally, the psychologists would have a field day with me because of the fuck-ups I’d done and that they continually kept on coming. I was my own worst enemy.

Pulling away from Carter, I paused to gather my thoughts, barely glancing in his direction. “Give me a little space. I’m going to make some coffee then we’ll talk upstairs. Give me ten or twenty then I’ll come and you.” He nodded. “Take whatever time you need. I’ll be in your room.” Carter kissed my cheek before I watched him climb the stairs, eventually disappearing to my room. Carter understood because he knew how much Bass had meant to me. Even last night, he apologized for taking advantage of my drunken state, but had said that he simply couldn’t resist me any longer. I didn’t blame him. This was all my doing. So I took my time making us both coffees while I tried to wipe my tears away, still donning the wrapped sheet around my body. Each time I blinked, closed my eyes, dared to breathe, I saw him; the hurt and the pain I had just caused him. No matter what I did now, it was going to haunt me day and night. Now, I had to face another challenge, hoping Carter and I could come to a resolution; find a common ground to stand on. I knew my decisions as of late were not something I was proud of, but dwelling on that would only make me feel suicidal. One problem at a time. I was going to try and make the best of it. Hopefully, this talk with Carter would enlighten me as to where to go from here on out.

26 Bass

Two weeks later…

It was our last night filming. Tomorrow, most of the people would be flying out and jetting somewhere to recuperate. It had been fourteen days of hell, and still counting. I had at least stopped myself from drinking, too excessively, because I was aware that I could end up smashing the items close to me—like the entire house. I thrashed the whole damn place. One incident had been enough. I didn’t need another repeat. Though that one incident had happened in my house in LA, I knew my feelings were too raw—emotions running too high—that I could easily have another rage-fest with the things around me. The house in LA was a mess when I’d left it. It was such a mess that Barbara came to my rescue and had cleaners take care of it. Her suggestion afterward to sell the house had helped quite a bit as well. I didn’t want to be in that house anymore. As much as I loved Emma, each time I entered that foyer now, I was reminded of where my heart had been left for broken. I didn’t want that. It had honestly come to the point where I couldn’t bring myself to go inside the house, so I slept in a hotel room. Broken relationships were a hardship to get over. However broken engagements were another thing entirely. It felt like no hope was left for me. It was my fault for falling so much and investing all of my time and effort into shaping up our future together. Maybe I had become too complacent after we got back together. The maybes were endless and the blame game was stuck in my head.

When Kosta called for me to go visit Paris with him for a little while, I didn’t even think twice to say yes. Since my home was put on the market and Emma had broken off our engagement and immediately run off to the love of her life, I was left empty handed. Even Gus, who I hadn’t spotted in her house, left an empty hole in me. I was a man who had a lot of things, but truly had nothing—nothing that counted for anything at least. Dimitris was only there for a weekend with Lindsey, but I remained in the city of lights due to the fact that I had nowhere else to go, so I thought, why not enjoy what the Parisians can offer and try to forget the catastrophe that was my life at the moment? Why not, indeed. So I partied. Hard. On a daily basis. I would wake up, eat, breathe and sleep partying. At one point, I thought that I might just be giving up on life because, heck, what’s the purpose of it anyway? I mean, come on, I tried to play by its rules, but that didn’t do much for me. In fact, it did the opposite, it merely fucking broke me. Now here I was, a broken man in Paris, fucked inside and out, hating all the blonde women on sight—blue-eyed ones most especially. It just went on repeat—that scene I had witnessed of Carter and Emma in bed— all day long. When would it stop? I wanted it to stop. I was hurting too much. So much so that I would wake up screaming at times while sleeping—like a nightmare that lived in me, consciously and subconsciously—it pulled me down, drowning me with it. Blue-eyed. Blonde. Sweet, honeyed kisses. Angelic voice. And lemons. Home. I wanted to go home, however the bare-boned fact that I was now a homeless man killed me each second that ticked by. Hope diminished. The light was decimated. And darkness was inevitable. And if tomorrow was the end, I wanted to drown in lemons when I died.

If I was going to crumble, I was going to go down the way I wanted to… Death. Was it looking for me or did I simply wish it was?

27 Emma

“Come on, Gus. We need to get in, sweetie,” I urged on, hoping he’d listen immediately because I didn’t feel all that well all of a sudden after our long walk. Gus whimpered as he trudged towards me before stopping next to my leg to give me a lick. I sighed, smiling down. “I love you, too, babe.” My heart melted, knowing that this was the only thing I had left of Bass. It had been three weeks since I had seen him last, and for the past week, I had been following him partying mad in Paris, one club after the other. It worried me, but who was I to stop him from his destructive ways? Each picture I saw broke me all over again. It was absurd since it was me who really ended things, but most of all, it was me who had made that first move to start heading forward, and yet, seeing Bass with women around him made me feel nauseous, so nauseous in fact that I had puked a few times already. Questions like had he fucked any of those women? kept haunting me. Of course, knowing how pissed off he’d been, he probably had gone bonkers with all of them. It was my undoing, although I didn’t like the repercussions. Carter’s been around a lot lately, but I haven’t made a decision yet where he was concerned. As always, when it came to that, I didn’t have it in me to bite the bullet. I suppose, after Bass left the way he did, he hadn’t left me at all; at least not in thought. Now I was suffering, enduring this prolonged battle of letting go of someone I had hurt so greatly. Reaching for the medicine cabinet, I pulled out two pain reliever tablets to make

my headache go away, but three hours later, I was suffering from a chronic migraine and intense stomach pain. I was curled up in a ball when I heard Carter call out for me. “Emma?” I closed my eyes, feeling like the room was spinning. “I don’t feel too good,” I grumbled, whiny. He sat on the bed, reaching out to touch my forehead. “Let’s get you to the doctors.” My body temperature seemed fine, yet I didn’t feel okay. Did I have food poisoning? Something? “No. It’ll go away.” I hoped it did; this came out of nowhere. I was fine earlier, well, last night, I truly hadn’t been, but then again, I’d been crying a lot lately and hadn’t been taking much care when it came to eating or hydrating my body. Maybe that was what it was? “Emma, you’re hurting… it could be something serious.” Carter caressed my arm while his voice sounded pained, like he was feeling the agony with me. It wasn’t the pain that was necessarily making me feel queasy. Something was just off. The more time I pondered, paranoid of the thing, I knew it was best to get some professional opinion before I diagnosed myself from reading up on Google that I might have stomach cancer. “Okay.” I was starting to worry. Once we got to the hospital, Carter took charge and had someone help me instantly. He was just as bad as Bass, though then again, both loved me like crazy. When the nurse asked me questions, I was almost tempted to say that I needed Vicodin or something stronger to make the pain go away. Then again, I didn’t want to look like I was a screwed up, pill-popping druggie. So I had to wait… and wait until they knew for sure what this was all about.

Emma

“Do you want me to come with you inside?” Carter asked, softly caressing my cheek. Shaking my head, I declined his offer. Tonight, I needed to be alone to analyze and to think of Bass and what to do from here on out. The doctor had given me pills to ease some of my pain away, but basically, I was told to learn how to unwind and relax. How the heck was I supposed to accomplish that when I was breaking inside, though? Nothing was ebbing the pain away… not a fucking thing! Giving Carter a chaste kiss on the cheek, I lamely left his car and went inside the house. What greeted me was truly unexpected. I came home and found myself in a puzzled state when everyone was crying in the house. “What’s going on?” I was even more baffled by both Lindsey and Amber being seated close to each other without Linds trying to lung insults her way. “Tris?” Since no one was really paying attention to me, I had to ask the closest person who was sitting on the counter stool. She sniffed, wiping her mascara and tear-stained face. “Bass… they’re saying that he might be one of the victims in that fire in a nightclub that killed a hundred people and counting.” No, that can’t be! I screamed in my head, panicking, and yet, I couldn’t seem to move as my purse languidly dropped on the floor, bursting my contents everywhere. I didn’t notice it fall. Bass was dead? No, he couldn’t be… He was fine in that news report the last time… NO.

Just NO. NO! I didn’t want to hear any of it. “He’s not—there’s no way—” My voice shook as my eyes clouded with tears. A tsunami of guilt washed over me, knowing that it was my fault that he had been there in Paris in the first place. My Bass… “No…” I whimpered, hysterically. I refused to believe any of the lies the news was broadcasting. My head swung back and forth as I looked at the TV screen, seeing and not seeing what they were reporting. Pictures and CCTV clips of Bass entering the club with women. So far, one of those women had been identified dead. She was some Italian model that he’d been partying with for the last week. If she was dead chances were Bass was, too, or so the news reporter was saying. “They’re lying!” I screamed. They had to be. Lies. Lies. All just a pack of lies! Not my Bass, no, never him… “I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” I whispered to myself, dazed and beyond devastated. “I didn’t get to say sorry.” Running upstairs towards my bedroom, Gus came trailing behind me before I launched myself on my bed, crying a river. “Please!” I cried into my pillow when I felt Gus curling up behind my back, comforting me somehow. Spinning around, I hugged him against my chest, crying some more against his furry neck as I hoped to get some warmth into my body. “He can’t leave us, Gus. He just can’t.” Gus made a soft grumbling sound, comforting me as if he knew what I was telling him; that his daddy was dead. Bass. Dead. Bass was dead… because of me. I drove him to destroy himself. The kind man, who had been so determined to reach his goals, had been ruined by me. What have I done? I didn’t get to say sorry, however most of all, what was going to happen to our

unborn baby?

28 Carter

“What are you going to do about the baby, Emma?” I looked over to her, worried about her state of mind. Her tears were never ending and I had no idea how to erase the pain in her eyes that was curling around my heart. I hated to see her cry. “I…” She nibbled on her lip. “I don’t know anymore.” She held her stomach, fighting another big wave of tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. If Bass Cole was dead, then she needed someone to step up and be there for her. I hadn’t liked him that much, yet I had never truly wished him dead. I thought about it a few times, thinking and hoping that he’d just drop off the face of the earth, but now that he had, I felt like such a bastard for thinking like a dick. He was a good guy. It was just unfortunate that he went after my girl. And now… Emma was pregnant with his baby. Without him, she was going to be a single mom and I would never have that; no, I was going to step into his shoes and provide for Emma and the baby. That baby might as well be mine. I didn’t care because it was a part of Emma, and whatever she was a part of, I loved. Wholeheartedly. It had been a week and they were still identifying dead bodies from that nightclub fire. Now news had broken that the fire could’ve been a bomb. The French authorities weren’t releasing anything specific as of yet, so everything was merely speculation right now. Still, Emma was already two months pregnant, which is how we had immediately known that the baby belonged to Bass and not me. She would be showing soon, and there was so much going on that she couldn’t barely focus on herself. That’s why I was here with her because I knew she wouldn’t

to take her prenatal vitamins and to eat. She needed someone to take care of her, and I was going to, if she would let me. “Em…” I started, cupping her cheek so she could easily look into my eyes and see how much I loved her. I’d quit soccer and move somewhere South to raise the baby with her if she’d asked it of me. “I know this might not be the right time to bring this up, but you have to understand that I’m thinking of what’s best for you.” She nodded, eyes flicking back and forth from me to the wall, nervous. Her frantic face made me even more apprehensive. Last night, after she’d fallen asleep, I hunted around her room for something in particular. I hoped that she wouldn’t hate me for this bold move. Licking my lips, I forced myself to speak before I could talk myself out of it. “For a week, I’ve been thinking about the best way to solve this and save you a lot of headache. More importantly, how to ensure that you could have someone there for you at all times…” I swallowed, breathless. Breathing deeply, I let her deep blue pools pull me in, swimming in her depths, falling deep within, for her, forever. “Marry me,” I whispered, teary. “I will love your baby like it’s my own. Let me give you a family. I want to be a father to this baby and be a husband to you.” I trembled before I pulled out my grandmother’s ring, holding out her hand, kissing the finger I wanted to insert my ring on. “For the past week, I have come to realize that life’s too short; that we have to enjoy what life has to offer. I don’t want to be with anyone else. You’re the woman for me. You’re the woman I love. I’m desperate for you. Always.” Her tears dropped on my hand that held hers before I bent over and kissed her. “Let me be the one to kiss your tears away. I love you and I hope you’ll think this through before you start showing. I only want what’s best for you.” “Carter…” she bawled. “Yes…” Wait, what? Did I hear her right? Was that a yes? “Did you just say yes?” I nervously asked, holding my breath as I waited for her to repeat it. “I’ll marry you, but let me say goodbye to him first… my own way. I need to find a way to say goodbye to him. If he’s watching me from Heaven, he needs to know that I will never forget him, and then I can marry after.”

It was wrong—I know—but fuck, it was the happiest night of my life. Thinking of marrying her and raising our first child—and yes, I wanted as much kids as she wanted—and being a family filled me with so much happiness. I was going to work hard to make her happy. Earn so much money that she wouldn’t think of anything else. I was going to be her husband, her provider, her man. It was what I had wanted all along. Now, I was only a kiss and a vow away from making the dream mine forever.

29 Emma

“Taylor, please, if you know something, you have to tell me,” I begged him over the phone while I was in route to the private airport strip in the valley. Dimitris sent a plane for Lindsey and I since I was going crazy. I wanted to be there if there was any new news. Apart from Carter, no one really knew about the baby. I was scared. A part of me was still in denial about Bass’s death, but it looked like everyone thought that he was gone because all evidence was pointing to him being in the club along with all the women he was with that had now been declared dead as well. “Emma…” He paused as if thinking of something, but as it turned out, he just groaned, sighing sadly. “I don’t know anything. I can’t help you with that.” Taylor was Bass’s best friend. I knew he was Bass Cole’s emergency person, so was Martin Lombardo. One of them had to know something. With Martin, he genuinely sounded like he didn’t, but as for Taylor, since knowing him, he never was one to hesitate. Something wasn’t quite right and I wanted to know what the fuck that was. If he knew that Bass was dead, couldn’t he just tell me so? “Taylor, please, I’m begging here,” I pleaded, but he was so stubborn. “I have nothing new to tell you that you don’t already know. Please, be safe in Paris. I’d go with you if I could, but I have bar exams.” After a choked-up goodbye, I relented. I might sound crazy to some, but hell, my life was going one hundred twenty miles per minute and there were no signs of slowing down. Before I married Carter, I owed it to Bass to say goodbye. It was sick how it was him that I had pictured being married to and having

babies with, however life and its tricks messed up those plans for us. And now, I was planning on marrying the first man I had fallen in love with. It felt like it was my mission to make sure that Bass knew. Somehow, I wanted to feel him around me. For once, I just wanted to feel his presence in the air… something. After Paris, I planned to visit Lemon Grove and say my goodbyes there. It was our place. It was our Heaven, a place where I could be with him and share the love we’d once had; one which had seized us both. Holding my tummy, I wiped the tears away. “If you’re going to be boy, I’m going to name you after your daddy.” And if he looked just like Bass, I deserved to be reminded, forever, of the pain I caused him. It wasn’t the fire that killed him. No, it was me that had killed him. It was I who had pulled the trigger on his demise.

Emma

Paris…

Lindsey was practically holding me up as Jacques and Dimitris eyed me with worry. I had landed six hours ago, and was now hating the fact that everyone was treating me like I was a piece of fragile china. I fucking wasn’t. Didn’t they know that it was me who killed him? I deserved pain. “Any updates?” My eyes searched all of them before they all shook their heads in unison. How slow was the progress here? I knew they still had more bodies to go through, but I was dying here, too. The only thing that was giving me purpose was the baby growing inside me. It was the only thing of Bass I had left. “They’re still checking dental records. This is ; this could take a while. Their procedures and protocols are different compared to America.” Dimitris tried to sooth my worry. He had been in the country to meet Bass for dinner for a few hours before he left to go back to Greece to be with Lindsey. I sagged against the sofa, staring at the chamomile tea on the coffee table and remained untouched that Lindsey had prepared for me. “How long does it take?” I needed to know a guesstimate. “Emma, calm down.” Lindsey tried to help, but I ended up glaring at her. Of all the people here, she knew what I’d done. She knew I had slept with her brother and how Bass had found out. Word for word, I had described the hurt I had seen and experienced that day. So for her to tell me to calm down was the same as me

telling her to shove it if she had told me that Dimitris was screwing Claudine. I knew the reason she was now planning to stay longer in Greece was because Dimitris’s ex was hovering in the background like a true pest. She was protecting what was hers and I understood that. However she needed to shut the fuck up if she had nothing better to say. “He’s dead, isn’t he?” I questioned Dimitris, knowing that he was one of the last people who had spoken and seen Bass. He shook his head, grim. “We don’t know.” The Greek didn’t sound optimistic, either, which was bad news. Dimitris was a sweet, kind man. Usually, he’d be the one soothing me, so for him to look gray, meant only one thing. He too believed that Bass was gone. Maybe I needed to start believing it, too. I mean, all evidence showed that he had been inside with those models. He had been partying in the VIP section, close to where the fire originated. “This is all my fault.” I cried, toying with Carter’s engagement ring on my finger. Everyone had been eyeing it, but no one had dared ask me or mentioned anything about it. They’d understand the moment they knew that I was pregnant and Carter was only trying to help me the way he knew how. Right now, though, Dimitris might think that I was a cold-hearted bitch for being engaged this quickly with Bass’s death hanging around us. Bass. My sweet Bass. I couldn’t even say his name anymore. I felt like I didn’t deserve to feel his name on my lips. “What did he look like the last time you saw him?” I questioned Dimitris. Dimitris looked away, guilt written all over his countenance. “He was drunk.” He sounded like he should’ve stopped Bass, like he too was feeling responsible for his death. “Was he happy? Did he look happy?” He glanced over to Lindsey before looking at me. Sadness glazed his eyes. “When I saw him that night, his eyes looked… dead.”

There were others who’d escaped; did Bass purposely stay inside to die? Normally, I wouldn’t think so, but after what Dimitris had just said, now I was becoming doubtful. After what he’d witnessed… Suddenly, I was hearing his voice come to life in my heart while I closed my eyes, tearing up. “You’re ionate nature matches mine. Your promise reflects my own. If something was to happen, it’s comforting to know that your dead heart will be intertwined with my lifeless one. My heart for yours, Emma.” Would he go through such lengths to kill me inside so he could teach me a lesson? Would he? Bass was a complicated man, but when it came to me, he had never questioned how much he loved me with all his heart. And I had stomped on his love. Would he kill himself to deaden me inside, though? It was cruel, yet with the crazy love we’d had, it almost made sense for him to punish me this way. Besides, he could be just as vindictive as I was. Since Paris didn’t have any good news for me, I wanted to leave immediately. I couldn’t be around here where people were watching me like I was a mental patient about to breakdown any second. I needed to be alone. I needed to be with Bass. For the last time, I was desperate to be with him. My Bass… I needed to feel him—feel his presence—his warmth. The island. I needed to go there, for the last time, to say my farewells and apologize for everything I had done. I needed to his love. The very man himself and the power he’d exuded that had captured so many people’s hearts, most especially mine. I love you, my heart called out to him. I’ll always love you.

Emma

Our Lemon Island looked exactly as we had left it; magical and beautiful. I came here when the sun was setting because I had read somewhere that the best time to talk to the dead was during sun down, when most of them came out. I really wanted him to come here and visit me, or at least for him to make me feel his presence was here; a whisper of my name, or leaving me his scent, something. I was desperate to feel him again. Even if it was for the last time. “I’m here,” I whispered into the still air. Bass, please, where are you? I silently prayed, hoping he’d hear me. I was scared of ghosts and all that supernatural crap, yet I’d give a limb just to see his. I’d do anything merely to be able say the things I wanted to say and never had the chance to. So I waited, glancing back at the setting sun behind me before looking around. I basically did a three-sixty from where I stood, but before I finished, something caught my eye. Moving closer for inspection, I gasped at what I found. Just below the root of our love tree, something sparkled at me. Walking over, I sat on my heels before I plucked the item off the ground. It was dirty, yes, but it didn’t change the fact that it was my engagement ring from Bass. If I was fucked before, I was trembling with even more as the confusion of how this had come to happen pounded into my brain. Bass went here? When? From the moment he landed in Paris, he was out every single night without fail. I knew because I had followed feeds like a stalker. I learned from the best; from when Lindsey had been one with Dimitris. He came here to bury my ring. Our ring. Us. Even with his goodbye, he did it

with hurtful execution. With precise fashion. Bass had truly said his goodbye before he died. He probably died thinking that I hadn’t loved him. That he was all alone. That he didn’t have anyone. I sniffed, letting my tears fall to the ground. Was he scared? I thought dreadfully of how it would’ve been for him in there. People screaming. The loud stampede of panic ringing in your ears. The smoke suffocating your lungs as you tried to breathe, holding on to whatever minutes you had left—seconds even—until the eviscerating licks of fire consumed everyone in their wake. Did he have someone hold him? Or did he die alone? The questions kept on rolling and I was deeper into my dark thoughts when something made me look up. I suppose it had been the sun, basking me with its last rays before it slowly dimmed the island because I didn’t see anything that would have caught my attention when I looked up. Therefore, I merely knelt there, frozen, as I let my tears fall freely. Dimitris’s helicopter was in Aspasia. I was dropped off here by a boat that would come back for me first thing in the morning. When I suggested that I would stay the night here, they thought I was truly losing it. Yet I knew I needed this one night. This was our place. There was nowhere else I wanted to be other than here. It was my one night where I could think back and cry for what I had lost. When tomorrow came, I would feel a little better, knowing that I could marry Carter without so much baggage with me. I didn’t get up until it was truly dark and the stars glittered from the clear midnight blue sky. Dusting off my knees, I trembled slightly as I started to walk towards the cottage. It was the only one on the island—the one Bass built for us — which looked exactly like the one we had in Aspasia. The last time I was here, we were so happy. Even after we received the news of Nikki’s pregnancy, Bass had showered me with love and I had thought then that I could face whatever life shoved at me. Nevertheless, I was a coward. I hadn’t fought for him. No, not that hard anyway. I gave up when he needed me to be strong. My insecurities became my downfall. Even if Bass took Nikki a hundred times to eat out and was photographed day and night, I should have known better; I should’ve known that my man—my

Bass—wouldn’t touch her, not that way anyway. He had loved me. That was all he ever did. Why couldn’t I just have seen it? Why couldn’t I just have been happy that it was me who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with? I had been too stubborn, too unsure of everything that it had been hard to see after the paranoia had settled in. Thus, my insecurities had become my downfall in the end. Stepping into the darkened cottage on autopilot, I sought for the switch. I knew where it was, but navigating through darkness could be a tad difficult. It was so hard to see that I tripped over a piece of furniture just as I flicked the switched on. My hand gripped the ends of a small accent table as I held on for my life before losing balance, crashing the rest of them all with me. “Awwww!” I screamed when a mug crashed with it, scalding my hand with hot water in it. “What the fuck!” I hissed, holding my stomach as I tried to get back on my feet again. Checking myself over, I sighed with relief when I wasn’t bleeding anywhere. You’d think I would be less clumsy while pregnant, I thought, shaking my head in the process as I stared at the mess I created. Sighing, I was mid-step towards the kitchen to get something to clean things when I paused. A switch was suddenly flipped in my brain and a bright 120-watt light bulb flickered to life inside my mind, making me see things clearly. Hot water. The water, it had scalded me, I realized as I stared at my red, heated skin. In slow motion, my eyes flickered to the mug. Bass’s mug. Was this the ghost of him playing tricks on me? I thought as I felt my heart gallop against my chest… or… I couldn’t even finish the sentence. I couldn’t go there, or could I? It was as if I had instantly found my own footing again as my eyes scanned the tiny cottage, hoping to find evidence that he was here, but nothing was amiss. The bedroom. I had to check the bedroom. Sprinting towards the room we used to share, I glanced at the neat, dust-free place. I knew, though, Bass had hired a housekeeper for here that came once a week, making sure that everything was clean and in order.

“Bass,” I murmured, looking over the made bed, seeing us there, together. Memories of the last time we had spent in this bed flooded me momentarily. He isn’t here, I convinced myself. Maybe the hot water was from the caretaker who needed to make coffee and forgot about it because she needed to go back home before the sun retired for the day. Dejectedly, I retraced my steps back to the kitchen so I could clean my mess up. Again, something made me pause when I ed the second bedroom—it was a tiny thing—however I knew when I spotted his cellphone on the bed… I just knew. He was here somewhere. There was no way in hell that guy would part with his phone. It was his lifeline. There was just no fucking way. The ring I understood, but the phone? No. Just no. He probably hid himself the second he found out I was here. “Bass!” I screeched at the top of my lungs, my voice vibrating all over the tiny cottage, but he didn’t come out. It wasn’t until I checked every damn spot and corner that I proceeded to go outside with no light to guide me. Looking over to the shore then towards the vast lemon trees, I screamed his name again. “Bass!” I started running then halfrunning, not wanting to over-exert my body because of the baby. “I know you’re here somewhere!” My voice sounded creepy, echoing into the night as it repeated itself around the trees. After walking for ten minutes, I found myself on the shore, crying heaps, almost ready to it defeat. Was I really losing my mind? Lindsey did warn me that staying here wasn’t a good idea, especially when I was so messed up in the head at the moment. Carter said the same thing, too, but he was telling me that I should take care of the baby, and I shouldn’t go overboard with stress. Maybe they were right. All of this was nothing more than a hallucination stemmed from stress. But. I sagged, not sure what to do from here on out. “If you’re here, please, don’t do this to me,” I begged. At first I was bellowing then my voice became a whisper, “Don’t hurt me like this.” If this was his way of punishing me, he had succeeded. Never in my life had I experienced this life and death kind of agony. He had made me experience how it was to lose him fully. It was cruel, but fuck, it had

worked. Big time. I was about to crumble on the sand when I heard something behind me. I thought it was a rat, but when I spun around, there he was. Alive. He looked scruffy, like he hadn’t shaved in awhile, yet it was him. It was really him. Instinctively, I ran towards him, wanting to hug him, but his eyes stopped me cold. “Go home, Emma. Don’t ever come back here. Don’t say anything. Live your life, pretending that I’m dead and I will do the same.” No! No. “I thought you were dead,” I whispered, biting my lip as I held back from throwing myself at him. I wanted to touch him so badly, to know that he was real, though he simply wouldn’t let me. His eyes travelled my face, and for a moment, a flash of longing emitted from within his eyes before they hardened towards me. “Leave. You’re not welcome here.” “You don’t mean that—” I gasped. After thinking that he was dead and gone, I had so many questions that I wanted to ask. Panic settled in again when he spun around about to step into the darkness again, away from the moonlight. “Bass— wait!” I ran up to him and pulled him by the arm, which made him stop from walking away. Wrong. Move. Because he stilled before looking down on my hand gripping his arm. When he lifted his hate-filled eyes at me, I felt like he had just killed me then. I forgot all about Carter’s ring. “Let me explain—” I halted when he marched off towards the cottage. “I’m going to call for someone to get you.” He parted from me with those words. How long would it take them to get here? The boat would take about twenty to thirty minutes, but if it were a helicopter… it would be here in no time. If he booted me off the island, how the heck would I get to talk to him? I needed him to listen. Then he could wish me away, but only after I spoke my piece.

30 Bass

“I’m pregnant.” Her voice stopped me mid-step, just when I was about to go inside the bedroom to fetch my phone. Closing my eyes, I hoped that this night would just go away, that she would simply go away with the bad news she had just thrown at me. Carter’s baby. My deadly gaze dropped on her flat abdomen, noting that she might not be that far along. The thought of Emma, swollen with their baby… I had no words to describe what demons were now running through my mind. Hearing her words made me feel as though my entire existence had been suspended while I looked at her in horror. Gnawing, deep-rooted pain clung to me as I watched her nervously lick her lips. “After what happened with Nikki and now this.” Emma’s eyes pleaded, tears glassed them before she tried to explain herself again. “Leaving you and dealing with all the bullshit that happened, I understand that this might be difficult to acknowledge or accept. You must know.” She tore up, choking. “You have to know how sorry I am.” She was sorry? She came here, thinking I was dead, possibly going to speak some insipid words in parting while hoping that her guilty conscience was clear of anything because she got pregnant by Carter before she got married. She fucking left me for dead. I didn’t need her. No. Emma was dead to me. “Get the fuck out of here! I don’t want to see your face any longer. Just fucking get out of my life!” I marched towards her, spewing hate. I had never hated anyone to the point where I was shaking with so much anger and seeing red; seething with everything that’d been held back from the moment I had seen her in bed with him.

She wiped her tears while my eyes didn’t back down until I saw her move towards the door, shrinking, looking unsure if she was going to leave or not. Then she paused, breathing in shallow breaths. Emma pulled something out of her purse and placed it on the small, decorative table that was right next to me. My body turned cold when I saw a quick glimpse—a flash—of what it was. A prenatal picture of her baby. My furious hand was right there in an instant, yanking the damn picture off the table, shoving it in her hand. “You fucking insensitive whore!” Emma flinched, crying. “It’s yours!” She tried to hold my gaze before looking away as rage took another turn in my body, upping it to the point of no return. “The baby is yours,” she repeated again, almost in a whisper. That baby can’t be mine. I pinned her with my eyes, needing her to stop lying. My eyes burned into her belly, knowing that this was the oldest trick in the book. Emma had fucked him, too. It couldn’t be mine. She was good with fucking with my head. “I don’t believe you.” I would never make the same mistake of trusting her again. Emma was dangerous. She raised her hand about to touch my face, but my eyes stopped her motion. Her teary face did nothing to me. “We made this baby, Bass.” Emma might be saying that now, but once she got back to LA, I doubted she would stick with the same story. Hell, since she was already engaged this quickly, she might’ve told Carter the same story. So why put me in the fucking picture? Did she like to torture me? Hadn’t she done enough? “It can’t be mine, for fuck’s sake! You were on the damn pill, Emma.” I spat on her face, hating her on sight. “I’m going to make a call and—ready or not— someone will come and get you in ten minutes.” “I’m not leaving.” She stood her ground. “Not after I thought I had lost you and found you again.” She reached out, but I slapped her hand away. “I know you hate me right now because of what I did… but I know, deep down, you still love me.”

Love! The woman had the audacity to throw that in my face. “You disgust me. I don’t love you, Emma. That boat sunk the moment you let him touch you.” She had fucked him. It was unforgivable. Emma shook her head, unbelieving still. “I don’t believe you. You love me. You know you do. So, please, stop saying that you don’t. I’m hurting as it is.” My temper rose. Me? Lying? The fucking nerve! “I don’t fucking love you!” I snorted at her in disgust, leaving her crying as I marched towards the bedroom, heading for my phone. Once I unlocked it, I began scrolling through my s when she appeared again. “I’m going to make a scene if you let other people come here and take me. I’d rather kill myself and our baby than leave you here.” She was bluffing. I knew she was. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m not joking, either.” Emma stepped in, calculating. Stupid mind games, oh, how she loved them so. I had played right into her trap. “You want money? I’ll sign everything over to you. I just need you to leave,” I ground out. Her eyes flashed, determined, before she started laughing cruelly. “Money. You think I want money?” Everyone did. “What the fuck do you want then?” “You.” She stepped before me. “I want you.” Ah, she now had regrets. Was this her way of making amends so she would feel better for throwing me away? Well, tough. “You can’t have me back. That’s not going to happen in this lifetime.” Never again would I give myself to her. Not in the way she wanted. Not again. “Give me tonight. Make love to me then I’ll leave immediately. I’ll call my ride back and you won’t hear from me ever again.” She was slowly taking her shirt

off then the pants then… fuck. Fucking shit, Emma was losing her mind. “And the baby?” I whispered, eyes glued to her swollen, luscious breasts. “What about it? You said you didn’t want it. I’ll go ahead and marry Carter. Give my baby a family.” Something flashed in Emma’s eyes. Defiance. She was changing her tactics to one she knew would hurt me. If this baby was mine and she married Carter—gave our child his last name—I would most assuredly commit murder. My eyes landed on her stomach again. It couldn’t be mine. She didn’t even look pregnant. Apart from her swollen breasts, she looked the same. And by the same… the same went with my body and its reaction to that perfect body. “I’m over two months along,” she offered as I tried to peel my eyes away from her stomach, but I was having a hard time. A baby. A fucking, goddamned baby! Gripping my phone in hand, Emma’s eyes directly darted to the device. “Make love to me, then I’ll leave you forever,” she pressed on. Anger was building up in me up due to the fact that I wasn’t sure what to do next. The situation reminded me so much of Nikki. The baby. But somehow different—because it was Emma. Because I was fucking horny amidst it all. Because I wanted to fucking run and never see her again. Ever. “Why the need for me to fuck you, Emma?” I couldn’t figure her out. Her actions were more than erratic. “According to you, I lie, so I won’t even bother answering that.” Knowing how my eyes were stuck to her supple body, Emma sexily pulled off her thong, making me swallow hard at the same time that I breathed unevenly and my dick rejoiced from its seclusion. She walked over, pulling me by my hand and guiding me towards the bed before pushing me against the tip of the bed, making me sit while I waited for her like a

damn puppy. I hated her, although my body was reacting to her like it always had. It always saluted to her. With her full, swollen breasts, my body had instantly become smitten even though my heart was protesting for me to put a stop to this. I was having a tough time fighting with my dick. With Emma this close, I became a hare-brained, horny bastard. A harsh groan escaped me when she cupped my dick through my shorts before taking them off swiftly. She grunted softly when she saw her effect on my cock. In a flash Emma straddled me, and when I saw her grimace as the tip of my cock entered her hot core, something snapped inside of me. The need to dominate became vital. Flipping her over, I plunged my entire length into her, making her moan and scream at the same time. “Oh, God… Bass.” “I hate you,” I hissed into her face, careful not to touch any part of her other than our sexes, which were molded together. She didn’t have time to respond because I fucked her, really fucked her for the first time. It was now exactly how I had always done it with the others. She was no one special. No, not anymore. Yet then she gasped as if in pain, making me freeze midway into a stabbing thrust. Her face showed me what she was experiencing; she was in pain. “I’m sorry, please don’t stop.” She sought my eyes before pushing her hips up, indicating for me to keep going, but I didn’t. Still staring at her, I took a few seconds before I finally said something. “Are you hurting?” She contemplated before finally telling me the truth. “Your cock is pushing against my cervix—it’s not hurting the baby—but I’m just not used to being—” She stopped, as if finding the right words, careful not to offend me. “Usually, I’m wetter when you fuck me this way so it doesn’t pinch me as much.” The baby. My eyes darted to her stomach. I was scared to even touch it; I hadn’t

dared. Besides, she didn’t even deserve that mere from my skin. Why the fuck was my cock in her anyway? I wanted to hurl, punch, or hit something. As I attempted to pull away from her, Emma gripped my arms painfully. “Don’t stop, not until you’re done. I’ll only leave then.” Tears pooled in her eyes. “Please.” What if the child really is mine? I questioned myself, not knowing what to do. “Can you kiss me while you make lo—fuck me?” My eyes snapped into focus. Did she think that she could just command shit from me? “No. I won’t ever do that again.” She merely nodded before lifting her hips so I could go deeper. “You can take me again.” She even clenched around my dick, making it impossible for me to part from her tight cunt. Our eyes connected and I continued watching her the entire time as she cried softly. She never stopped staring at me, though, while I fucked her the way that made her scream murder. “Bass!” she sobbed. I wanted to scream as my orgasm neared, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to experience her over and over again, however I forced myself to focus on coming, so I could get it over and done with. And when it came, instead of yelling her name, I pierced eyes filled with hate into her as I unloaded my semen into her pussy. I hated her so damn much, I repeated in my mind as she watched me, silently crying. Once upon a time, I had treasured her like I had never treasured another woman. Now, she was just like the rest of them. I rolled off her, panting hard. Not glancing at her, I got up and went straight to shower. I needed to think away from her. It probably took me five minutes to finish showering while thinking what else I could’ve done in this confusing circumstance. Once I got out and didn’t find Emma on the bed like I thought she would be, I

stepped out of the bedroom and looked for her. Dread filled me, but I let out a sigh of relief when I found her right on the shore, looking over the sea. “What are you doing out here?” I stopped behind her, staring at her blossoming figure. The need to wrap my arms around her came out of nowhere. That part of me was gone. It had to go or I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if I gave myself to Emma again. “Waiting for my ride,” she responded before turning around to face me, smiling sadly. “I know it was killing you to touch me like that. I’m going to stick to my promise.” “You’re going to marry him.” I stated it as the fact that it was. Emma nodded. “The day after I get back to LA.” That fast? Why? That wouldn’t give me time to think things through. She threw this important information at me and then expected me to just… What? Forget about it? “Is the child really mine?” She ignored my question. “I’ll wait right here. They’re coming from Aspasia, so they won’t be long with the helicopter.” She looked into the sky, impatient to leave. Emma was fucking with my brain and I hated every second of it. “I’m only going to ask you this one last time; is the baby mine? And if you lie, I swear to God, I’m going to put you and your entire family through Hell,” I threatened, although I had no intention to because her parents were amazing people. I didn’t have anything else to use to make it hit hard, though, so I had to use the best weapon of all. Her loved ones. She looked away just as the chopper was heard from a distance. “Emma.” I sounded desperate. Why wasn’t she being more forthcoming with answers? “It’s okay, Bass.”

Nothing was fucking okay! “Is the child mine or fucking not!” I bellowed, losing my bearings. Emma shrugged nonchalantly. “It was never anyone’s.” I groaned, throwing my hands up in the air as I moved towards the house. “What are you doing?” she followed me inside. The decision was done; I knew the second she told me that it was mine. I wouldn’t it to it of course. “I’m leaving with you.” She rushed to get right in front of my face, appearing afraid. “You’re not going to fight me for custody, are you?” That hadn’t entered my head, but she was giving me ideas. Brilliant. “I’m going to request a DNA testing the moment you give birth. And if that baby’s mine, he or she won’t be carrying another man’s name, they’ll have his father’s.” “Hold on—” A small smile lit her face. “You’re planning to marry me?” Was that a poor attempt at a joke? “I haven’t lost all of my brain cells. The last thing I’d ever do is marry someone I hate with a ion. The child can still carry my last name without having his parents marry.” She folded her arms, glaring at me, insulted. “You’d rather have it be a bastard then?” I could read her so well when she was furious. “Why are you so eager to marry me, Emma? Is this your way of throwing clues my way that you want to become my wife?” “Yes. Yes it is.” She didn’t even have the gall to deny it. What happened to her throwing our engagement back in my face? All that insecurity about Nikki? And what about the rest of the shit with Carter? “Even if I did end up marrying you, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole and I would divorce you the second you gave birth. Still up for that?” I tested the waters, needing to see where her head was at.

“Yes.” Okay, I didn’t expect her to so easily agree to that. What was going on with her? “Why are you so desperate for me, Emma?” “I love you—after all that’s happened—my love for you has only become stronger.” She had regrets. That was all this was. I doubted what she truly felt for me was real. Nothing she said was believable any longer. “Don’t you dare tell me that again or so help me God—” Emma cut me off. “I won’t. But for the last time, I want you to know that you have my heart. I’d do anything to have you back, that’s how desperate I am.” She pressed her hand against her chest, as if in pain. “I love you. I’ll always fucking love you.” “Never, fucking ever, speak of love in front of my face!” Everything was too late for us. She should know that. It was her who had, after all, made sure that we had both parted for good. Now that twisted luck was playing its games again, throwing a child into the mix. However, whatever happened, I was going to get out of this predicament unscathed. Falling for Emma again was not in the cards.

31 Carter

“Emma—there’s no need for you to throw everything away.” I was trying to argue, but I had known the second I saw her that something wasn’t right. This had all happened five minutes ago, when she’d woken me up at seven in the morning. “There is every need. I need him.” She looked so sad, but not for me it was speaking about Bass that made her this way. “He might hate me now, but I’m hoping he’ll forgive me. I’ve wronged him.” No, not this nightmare again. I already had everything set. We were supposed to get married tomorrow. She couldn’t just do this. I knew Bass had resurfaced from the dead, but what about me? What ? I loved her, too. What about me…? “If you choose him this time, I’m not going to stick around anymore.” I couldn’t, I didn’t have anything left. I felt like I had been robbed. I wanted my heart back. “I married him yesterday.” She showed me her new rings, flashing her entire left hand while smiling sadly at me before I looked away, wanting to scream until I couldn’t anymore. “I want you to be happy, Carter.” “You’re my happiness.” Why did it hurt so much? Why did I keep hanging on to us when she wouldn’t fight for me? “Without you, it’s not possible.” She took away the privilege for me to be happy. After she’d agreed to our engagement, I had been looking over homes, cribs, paints, interior decorators; I had fucking gone ballistic with everything because I was fucking over the moon. I wanted my new family to be happy, comfortable and want for nothing. And now, I had no one. After all that, I remained worthless in her eyes.

What the fuck did I do now? I couldn’t possibly call all of them and cancel. I made fucking appointments—FUCK! “Carter?” Emma asked as I got up and started pacing. After five minutes of non-stop, back and forth, I rounded towards her, stopping as I shook my head. “I chose our flower girl. Her name’s Emily. She’s my second cousin. You’d have loved to meet her.” Emma stood up, wrapped her arms around my hips and held me while tears fell down my face. “I’m so sorry to do this to you. I really was going to marry you —” “I bought us a crib, Em.” My voice trailed off, too choked up to continue. Emma silently cried, soaking up my shirt. “I’m so very sorry. So sorry for causing you so much pain, but I can’t make you happy…” She was just saying that because things had become too crazy. At this point, I was done. Maybe I should just go and live somewhere else. I didn’t fucking know. Right now I was being pulled apart, head to toe. “Goodbye, Emma.” I lifted her face, kissing her tenderly. Our tears meshed together, knowing that this was going to be the last time. When I woke tomorrow, I was going to move on, or rather, try to anyway. I wasn’t going to stop until this fucking pain was not there any longer. Emma, I knew she meant well, but she’d fucked me up pretty well. I didn’t think I deserved this kind of punishment even after the orgy I had cheated on her with. What she did to me was far more severe—far more painful —than the hurt I had caused her. I loved her, though; so even though I could barely breathe, I forgave her. Our hearts do the wanting for us. Sadly, I wasn’t the champion in hers anymore. I just had to accept that now and walk away, forever. “I love you—I fucking love you, Ems,” I cried out, giving her my last kiss.

32 Bass

I had been holding my breath, staring at Carter Mason’s front door until Emma emerged from it. She’d insisted on driving here straight from the private airport. Apparently, Carter needed to know what she’d been up to, and that their engagement was kaput. I’m not going to lie, it still irked me that Emma remained so attached to him, but she and I weren’t really anything to one another. I was doing this solely for the baby. Apart from that, there was nothing else between us. I had made sure of that. So I just hoped that Emma had gotten that into her head. There were only a few of people who knew I was alive, including my friends and my Godfather, but apart from that, I was still veering away from the media. My mind continued to be too chaotic to deal with the rest of my life. For now, I wanted to focus on the current chaos, like the woman who was now walking towards my vehicle. Once she was in the car, I thoroughly checked her face, scrutinizing it, noting how swollen her lips were now compared to how they had been before she left. “Had a good quickie?” I asked, sounding bored as I made the car engine come to life. Inside, I was a mess, however she was never going to know that. It took her what? Less than thirty minutes to cheat on me—her now husband— with Carter. It was a battle I was done fighting over. “He kissed me goodbye.” She fed me the information as I pulled out of the gutter, not looking at her betraying face. Right, goodbye kiss… “I’m sure that’s all that happened.”

“It was,” she confirmed, but I wasn’t convinced. Emma was definitely a liar. I was certain they had done more than light goodbye kisses. I was about to ponder more about what the hell had happened with them when my ringing phone got my attention, indicating that it was my lawyer. Answering the call, I tried to ignore Emma as much as possible, concentrating on driving while I listened to what was going on. Nikki’s DNA testing was scheduled for tomorrow. Apparently, the other guy that remained unknown, who only ed me through my lawyer, had paid her off. Not with anything of monetary value, but with something worth more to get things going. I wasn’t sure what that something was, however it was a blessing I hadn’t seen coming. Given the crazy situation, it was in everyone’s best interest to know who was the father of her child. Nikki was going to have the best for her procedure. We were assured that the baby was going to be in safe, good hands. For me, that was what counted the most. He also gave me an update about my parents’ case, which was still pending. It took Emma about ten minutes to speak again after I ended my call, prying into what had happened in Paris. “How did you escape the fire?” Thinking about all those dead people, among them my women friends, still evoked strong feelings from me. I somehow felt guilty for not being there—for not trying to help—and lastly, sometimes I thought I should’ve died with them in there. Maybe I was supposed to, but luck had pulled me away in the nick of time. “I was taking a call. I was talking to Taylor a few feet away from the club when it happened.” That night was forever going to haunt me. “And when it did, the idea of running away from it all popped in my mind.” “Taylor knew this whole time.” Of course he did. He was my guy, my best friend. “He was the only person that wouldn’t break my confidence. I knew I could trust him.” She stared outside the window, bracing herself. “I begged him—when I was

dying inside. I begged him to tell me if he knew something I didn’t.” I asked him not to say anything to Emma. She was the one thing I was avoiding. The main thing that had driven me to go spiraling down and still was, yet now, I had to be the responsible adult. I suppose it was time to stop hiding and go face the rest of the world. There was nothing left to say to each other, so we kept an uncomfortable silence. While I concentrated on driving, Emma would stare out the window. Once in awhile, she would express a melancholy sigh. At times, she would glance at me and give me lingering glances before sighing again. I could only guess what was running in her head, but honestly, we had caused each other so much grievance, it was time to just let bygones be bygones and look into the future, which was our unborn child. Since my house was being put on sale, I had recently purchased a new one on the coast of Malibu. It was a little further in, so not a lot of people could locate it as easily, but most of all, I needed the privacy. Quiet and peace was what I sought for in a home, and I hoped this one turned out how the pictures made it appear. You see, I hadn’t really seen it. I basically had Barbara check it out, and when it got her approval, I had my lawyer deal with the rest. Once the navigation got us right outside the house, Emma started to become frantic. “Oh, God!” she gasped, dropping her phone on her lap as if it had burnt her. “Oh, God!” She started crying. I looked over to her, worried. Was she being hormonal? Or was it serious? Or was the house not to her liking? I wasn’t all that sure, but I thought I’d mentioned that I had bought a new place. “Emma?” “Angela’s dead,” she choked out, hysterically crying. Angela… “The little girl?”

She nodded, just as I pressed the remote key that was already programmed in my vehicle—thanks to Lou—before we pulled up right outside the five-car garage. “I had neglected her after everything. I had forgotten all about her.” Damn. I could only imagine the guilt that was consuming her. She had been quite close to Angela. For her to neglect her because she was possibly going through so much would truly make it difficult for her to make excuses for herself. Knowing Emma, she would stress about it until she was ed exhausted. “I’m sorry, I know how close you were to her. I know this might not be so important now after Angela’s ing, but this is our new home.” I saw her nod, looking about for the first time. Coming out of the vehicle, I rounded her corner and opened the door for her. If I had much choice, I’d rather not touch her at all, but she was pregnant and distraught, so I made sure that I helped her out of the seat, hands touching and all. “Is there something I could get you?” Ideas ran through my mind. “Do you want me to run you a bath?” She shook her head. “No,” she sniffed, pulling a tissue out of her purse. “I just need to cry this one out.” I was sure she did. I just hoped that she wouldn’t go overkill with crying and forget to take care of herself. Guiding her towards the front door, I took the keys out and glanced at her sullen state. “I’ll go make some breakfast.” “I don’t feel like eating.” I sighed, hoping that this situation was a tad different. Things were strained as it was. “You need to, Emma… the baby needs to stay healthy.” “I’ll eat later, but for now, I just want to sleep,” she mumbled, not looking at me. She didn’t even check out the new surroundings. “Are we sharing a bed or are you going to stick me in a guest room so you can boot me out the second I give birth?” I stilled, looking at her fully. “You can stay in the master and I’ll take the guestroom.” That made sense; well, to me anyway. This wasn’t a real marriage after all. “I’m going to call Barbara and check if they found a replacement for the film I recently backed out of. If they haven’t yet, I might sign up again.” This

idea had just blossomed out of the blue, but since I wasn’t planning to seclude myself any longer, I could get back on my projects again—well, whoever wanted to take me back, I supposed. Emma snorted, eyeing me with hate. “Right, you’re going to just up and leave me in this house. Is that your plan? Great, well, in case you’ve forgotten, we’re newly married. Don’t I get a honeymoon at all?” Honeymoon? Was she attempting a joke? “This marriage isn’t real, Emma. I hope you don’t forget that. That’s what we agreed upon, don’t twist my words now.” “Yeah, you hate me. I get it, but can’t you give me a chance. I’ve missed you… Angela’s death just made me realize how important it is to spend time with the people you love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” This was what I was afraid of. Before we had the quick wedding, I had emphasized with grave detail that this was how it was going to be. Why was she changing her tune now? It wasn’t fair to either of us. “Let’s stick to what we agreed on, Emma.” She fumed, wiping her tears away. “What about sex? We didn’t talk about that.” Which part of no intimacy did she not understand? “I’m not fucking you again,” I stated. That last time, as phenomenal as it was, had been similar to stepping on a landmine for me. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—let myself get attached to her. It was just not going to happen. “What about me, Bass? I know I’m pregnant, but I do have needs, too.” What was she implying? That she would let another man touch her again? I didn’t have a smart retort. I knew she was a highly sexual woman and since I wasn’t going to satiate her appetite, I knew she was going to seek out the very man who would cater to her needs, Carter Mason. “You’re a grown woman. I’m sure you can figure it out for yourself,” I muttered, walking away towards the view ahead of me; the vast scene of the beach and with the massive pool on the tip of the property. The scenery was utterly breathtaking. This—serenity—was what I needed.

I could hear her walk towards me, stopping right behind me, so close against my ear, whispering sadly, “What about your needs? Are you… are you going to—” She paused, breathing raggedly. “Are you going to get a mistress?” It was insulting, truly. Without looking at her, I strode towards the stairs, needing to get away from her barbed tongue. She had never known me at all. Even though I wasn’t planning to resume our sex life, that didn’t mean I was going to run around town looking for the next woman to fulfill my sexual needs. That simply wasn’t in the cards, not until I was a divorced man. For now, I was willing to try celibacy.

33 Emma

One Month Later

According to new developments, Bass was apparently “in love” with his new costar, Kim Payne. Since I wasn’t having a relationship with my husband, I believed what these papers printed out about them. Last week, they were pictured laughing as they talked in between takes. There was also a photo of them kissing while they filmed a scene. Pictures of them along with the other costars dancing and dining out. The hormonal me was obviously mystified that he was having the time of his life while filming and flirting with Kim, but did he not know that I always had to explain his actions to my mom? She wasn’t a tabloid follower, but she was aghast to see a magazine while she was at the gas station last time. It was horrifying to explain to someone so close to me that this was all a stunt to gain more fans, but what did I know? Bass and I had blossomed during filming, it could be the same with them, too. After Angela’s death, I made a silent promise to name my child after her if it turned out to be a girl. Next week, we were scheduled for a doctor’s appointment and were hoping to be able to tell if the baby was a boy or a girl; the doctor had told us that it wasn’t always easy to discern this early in the pregnancy, however we could get lucky and find out. The baby was the only thing that was making me sane. I was depressed, but I tried to crawl out of it because I wanted and needed our baby to be healthy. Our child was the only thing I had that could possibly make Bass come back to me. It was a depressing thought, to use your own baby to make your husband love

you again, but I didn’t have anything else. When he was home, he catered to me by making sure that I was well fed, not bored and exercised tons. Even though he was attentive in that aspect, Bass hadn’t touched me in any romantic way. I believed he looked at me now as the woman who was going to bear him a child. Those loving looks I had once taken for granted were now gone. That was why it was so easy for me to believe that he was falling for another woman; his co-star and sidekick, Kim. The sad thing, too—and I believed this was why he never consummated our marriage—was that he didn’t want it to be real. He had absolutely meant those words when he told me he was done with me. It killed me to see him so distant, yet I still held hope that maybe our baby was the one thing that could save us both. I needed Bass to see me, not as the mother of his baby, but as the woman he had once loved. I really did hope that it wasn’t too late to save us. Carter and I hadn’t spoken after that last visit, but Lindsey and the girls had kept me updated. They meant well, but I hadn’t visited them much. I didn’t want people to see how depressed I was. Most of all, I didn’t want them to see how sad I was because Bass wasn’t in love with me anymore. People thought that he was the same man—the man that worshipped me all day long—and I still wanted them to think that. It was what I was hoping for deep inside. I hoped he realized that I was completely crazy about him. I had made mistakes; we both had. Why wouldn’t he just talk to me and give me another chance, though? I was suffering without his love. The pains started right after I had my late afternoon snack of biscuits and fruits. Lately, the pains had been so unbearable that I had been soaking myself in a warm bath to help with the stinging pain. Bass wasn’t due to come home until tomorrow, and as much as I would like to take him up on his offer to call him anytime, I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I was already needy in so many aspects of our marriage, I was sure I could handle these tiny spurts of cramps. However, at ten at night—an hour after I had fallen asleep—I was awoken with severe pain. It shot up from my belly all the way to my back. I was gasping for air, trying to calm myself down as I reached for my phone. In my discomfort, I wasn’t sure if I should call 911 first or Bass.

My heart won out. I groaned after the second ring when he wasn’t able to pick up. By the time his voicemail surfaced, I was on the verge of tears, feeling neglected. “Bass—” I need you, I wanted to say. Feeling stupid, thinking that he might be busy, I hung up just when another wave of stabbing pain shot through me. This time, it didn’t go away, though. With shaky hands, I called emergency. I think I was just able to ask for help before the pain became so much that I lost consciousness. I ed thinking how sad it was that, if I couldn’t manage to save our baby, I was going to be a divorced woman very soon.

34 Bass

Tonight called for celebration. You see, good news had come from my lawyer and Barbara that it wasn’t me who had fathered Nikki’s baby. In fact, it was the other guy who still remained unknown. Barbara had informed me that it could possibly be a married man of high importance, which was why he wasn’t willing to so easily give out his name. This terrible nightmare was definitely a closed and done chapter. “You look extremely happy. It looks good on you, you know. You should smile like that more often.” Kim winked at me while giving me those longing glances. “Thanks, I guess,” I said, pouring myself another glass of full-bodied French red. I was sure Emma would be happy with this news; it certainly wasn’t a secret how much she hated Nikki. Kim moved closer, about an inch apart from my face, looking a tad nervous. “I’m not really sure what’s going on with your personal life, I’m just picking up from what you tell me—which isn’t really much—but I think you’re very unhappy with your life. And if things were any different, I’d just like you to know that I really like you. Staying in a marriage all for a baby isn’t a recipe for success.” She looked away. “You’ve spent more time with me for the last weeks instead of her, did you not know that?” Of course I did. I wasn’t dense. I chose to hang around Kim because she was easy to talk to. Being with Emma was suffocating. Besides that, I hated how, each time I saw her, I wanted to touch her belly and I just couldn’t. She reminded me too much of what I had lost. Even if she and I were married, my wounds weren’t healed. They had been stitched up, yet they were still raw. Kim was a great girl. Not like Nikki, who was always in my face. Kim had class.

She was also very intuitive and smart. In other words, she was a woman I liked to be around; if Emma hadn’t been in the picture, I might’ve dated her, too. In the back of my thoughts, I knew once the divorce was done, I was going to. I needed to free both of us. Emma might not understand my motives, but it was for the best. “Yes?” Kim asked the waiter who had approached our table while I reached for the olives and scanned through the crowd in the hotel bar in Arizona. The waiter cleared his throat before addressing me in a formal tone. “Mr. Cole, I was told to relay a message about your wife being in the hospital, sir.” I tensed as I reached for my phone. Emma had called two hours ago. I didn’t even think twice, I immediately darted out of there as I dialed to book a private jet to get me to her. When I was told that I couldn’t leave until an hour later, I wanted to scream in frustration. The production always had chauffeured cars on standby for us to use, so I made use of that in order to head straight to the private airport. I didn’t want to waste any time. Once I was inside the car, I called Emma’s phone, but it just went straight to voicemail. “Emma. Fuck.” I was beside myself, angry for not hearing her call. She never called me; well, not anymore. So for her to do so, that only meant that she had been desperate. Had something happened to the baby? Or did she get into an accident? The horrifying images were bombarding me left and right. All I knew was that she was in Cedars-Sinai Hospital. Other than that, no one knew what was really going on. The nurse, who apparently called the hotel, wasn’t allowed to disclose anything over the phone due to Emma being a celebrity and the regulations were different when it came to disclosing important details to anybody. By the time I got to the hospital, Emma was fast asleep. I almost lost it when I saw how pale she was. “I’m so sorry.” I sat next to her, holding her cold hand before kissing it as my tears fell. Our baby was gone, and when she woke up and found out that it was, she was going to be destroyed. Our baby had meant everything to her. I should’ve been here with her. I should’ve kept her with me in Arizona, instead of agreeing with

her that she could stay in LA to be close to her family and friends. She was my wife, and I had failed to protect her and our baby. Somehow, this was my fault; everything was, that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to look at her sometimes. Just as I had expected, when she woke up six hours later, she was screaming at the nurse who had informed her the same as I when she didn’t believe what I said about the baby. “You can’t tell me that—I need to see the doctor and not some nurse!” she yelled at the sorry looking nurse, distraught. “Emma.” I gathered her in my arms as she punched my chest, wanting to be free. “I’m here, my love. I’m here.” “Our baby. Our baby’s gone,” she murmured, sobbing. “This is all my fault, all my fault.” For the next couple of hours, we remained the same; I held her until she couldn’t cry any longer. I wanted to take her pain away, but I knew I couldn’t. I was hurting, too, however I knew hers was far worse. That baby was one of the things that I had craved. I had pictured a blue-eyed, blonde little girl, bouncing on my lap; one that looked exactly like her mother. “I was going to name her Angela for a girl, or Bass, if it turned out to be a boy.” Stroking her hair, I sighed, hoping that I could do something to ease her pain. No matter what we had been through over the last few months, I hated seeing her going through this. “Shh, sleep now, Emma. Don’t stress about it. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.” Gently, I lowered her body to the bed before covering her with the blanket. “Don’t leave.” She reached for my hand. “Please, just for tonight. I need you to hold me.” I was almost sure that the nurses wouldn’t mind if I ed her in bed. After all, this was a sad night for us, and my wife needed me more now, more than anything. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised. When she finally fell asleep, I reluctantly itted what I had been denying for so long by whispering into her ear, hoping that she’d know that I would always be here for her. “I love you, Emma.”

Always and forever, you’ll always be the one in my heart.

35 Bass

For two weeks, I kept an eye on Emma. I knew she didn’t want to leave California right now, but somehow I convinced her to stay with me in Arizona for a little while. It was difficult to see her so completely broken in the very beginning, however as the days ed, I could see the old Emma begin to return. We hadn’t spoken about what we’d do after this. Our agreement had been to divorce after she gave birth, but since we’d lost our baby, the first thing that had occurred to me was that, no matter what had happened, I didn’t want to live without her. Then I slowly realized that it wasn’t me she’d actually chosen and now she was free to go. Deep down, even if it pained me to think or act on it, I knew all I wanted was for her to be happy. After all the suffering I saw her go through in the aftermath of losing our baby, I knew with one hundred percent certainty that Emma deserved the happy ever after that she had sought for with Carter. No matter what she had told me when she’d found me in Greece, he was her first choice. Each and every time, she had always gone to him. So, I had to make decisions; decisions that were going to affect me for the rest of my life. Wasn’t love all about making the person you loved happy, though? I had to be the bigger man here. If I could just do this one last sacrifice to make Emma happy, then I could take on what life had in store for me for the rest of my life. With this in mind, all I had to do was wait for the right time. I still had two weeks until we wrapped up shooting. I just hoped that these two weeks left wouldn’t be too hard. I could utilize this time to slowly say goodbye to her. Each time I looked at her, it gut me to know that I couldn’t have her. I knew where her

true love and heart lay, and I was going to guide her there at all costs.

Bass

“Where have you been? It’s two in the morning,” Emma asked from across the room the second I opened the hotel door. I had been drinking myself into a stupor because I couldn’t bring myself to stay up here, knowing that she was in her room; knowing that she was merely a touch away. I didn’t want to taint her with me. She needed to be free of any new memories of me before she left. She’d thank me for it in the long run. Even in my inebriated state, I saw Emma had donned only her silk robe. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I ached to touch her. I knew I had been lying to myself when I said that I didn’t want to fall for her again because, clearly, I had never stopped. I wished I had at one point; but why reason with myself? I knew I loved her… even if she didn’t. It was utterly apparent that I had continued to be head over heels, crazy the fuck in love with her. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her worries away. To believe that, maybe someday, we could try to have a little family again. However I knew that wasn’t my place to make that dream happen. I had only been the proxy, not the real deal. When I saw her slowly come towards me, my thoughts vanished as I watched her face studying mine. Up close, with no make-up on, she looked like a beautiful angel; a sexy, gorgeous angel that was out to kill me by her eyes alone. Emma stopped just a few inches from me, looking up at me with wonderment and hurt. What came out of her mouth next took me off guard. “Why don’t you touch me?” With good reason. I opened my mouth to give her the list of reasons why, but my mind was rendered blank as I stared into her eyes… and God, those lips. I’d give my life just to kiss her once more for the last time, I thought looking away,

feeling guilty. I wish I could, but I knew I shouldn’t. I hated being in this hateful position. Her lips pressed together, definitely not happy with my silence. As she slowly untied her robe, she sought out my eyes. “Do you find me so repulsive?” she asked when she let the robe fall, pooling around her feet. Fuck me. She was fucking naked. Still, her breasts remained supple and my hands were itching to touch them, but my mind kept stomping my desires down. I truly hated myself right now. “Go to sleep, Em. You need to rest.” Yeah, that was the best I could do. “Is it because I miscarried our baby? Is that why?” she pressed on, not picking up that damn robe while my betraying eyes watched in fascination how her nipples were starting to pebble under my scrutiny. Pregnancy or not, I thought Emma was the most irresistible woman I had ever encountered. Did she not know how much this was costing me? I knew I was going to berate myself later on. Please, I silently begged her to keep herself away, or I might just ravish her on the spot because, God, I didn’t want to get her pregnant again. I knew she wasn’t on birth control. As the thought of her swollen with my child again popped into my head, it instantly got me completely hard. I whimpered in almost agony. Maybe just a kiss. Maybe not. No. I simply fucking couldn’t. My rejection was giving her the wrong impression because tears were starting to threaten to fall from her beautiful eyes. “I need you, Bass. Touch me,” she begged. My heart reached out to her, however I knew that it wasn’t me that her sexual appetite was actually craving; it couldn’t be. I cupped her cheeks with both of my hands as I let my thumbs wipe her tears away. “Emma, I’m so very sorry, but I can’t.” My lips sealed with hers for a sweet, goodbye kiss—a kiss with no tongue—but it was a kiss that I hoped would convey exactly how much she meant to me. For always, she was going to be my love. My soul. My home. She sniffed, silently crying more. “I can make it right. You know I can,” she cried against my lips. “You used to find me irresistible. You used to never get enough of me. I can make it happen again. Give me a chance.”

Did she not know that this wasn’t about sex anymore? Sex had been a great bonus with her, yet it had never been about that for me. It had always been about that feeling of being a part of some great pact—that union of soul mating—that feeling that I was one with the woman I was destined to be with. That was the crux, though; I had felt it all. It had only been one-sided. I accepted that now. Giving her a sad smile, I kissed the tip of her nose before picking up her robe and covering her naked body with it. Someday, she’d understand. I comforted myself with my delusion.

36 Bass

“What the fuck do you want!?” Carter growled at me the second he took my call. I knew I was the last man he’d rather converse with, but this call was important. “I’m calling about Emma.” My voice didn’t sound so sharp anymore. This was the hardest call I had to make, but knew I had to. I had to do it for Emma. The last gift I’d give her—happiness. “I’m divorcing her.” Carter became silent on the other end, but I continued to hear his deep breaths, as if shocked. “Why are you calling me? Why are you even doing this?” Marriage was about the person you fell in love with; it had never been about me. I had come to realize that I wasn’t the man that could ultimately make her happy. Her first choice was always him, never me. After losing the baby, I saw what I needed to do. What I should’ve done in the first place. “She loves you and you make her happy. I just want you to know that she’s going to be a free woman soon.” He exhaled a long breath. “I thought you loved her?” Carter asked, sounding even more confused. I loved her too much, that was the problem. “I’m doing the right thing.” I hung up the call, closing my eyes as I tried to calm myself. Giving her up wasn’t easy, but I was still going to follow the steps to get there. My lawyer had already informed and had already drawn up the papers. He was faxing them later on today so I could go over my assets and see which ones I wanted to give Emma.

I still had one more week left before the work to do in making this happen would be complete. After filming each day, I dined with Emma and the rest of the crew including Kim. Both were cordial, however Emma was quite territorial, so she always made sure that she was part of the conversation when it came to Kim and me. It made me smile, and at times, I found myself wishing that I could stop the time and keep her for myself. Emma in this state could be very enchanting, though alas, I always came to the same conclusion. Once we reached our hotel room, I rounded towards the bar to get something to drink. “Can I get you some refreshments? Sparkling water with a lemon perhaps?” I called out to her as she placed her purse on the accent table. “Sure, that would be great,” she called out, sighing. Pouring her the sparkling water with a slice of lemon, I strode over to her with the refreshment in hand when I saw her looking at some papers that were on the table that had come in an envelope. I swallowed, praying that it wasn’t what I thought it was, but when she glanced towards me with a painful, frowning expression, I knew then that I had to say something. “Let me explain—” She had the bundle of papers in her left hand, flinging it back and forth. “You’re divorcing me?” I nodded, guilty as charged. “Yes, I planned to.” It was part of what we’d agreed upon, but after losing the baby and the fact that we hadn’t said anything about it after we got married, I was sure it was still a shock to find out like this. It was tacky, and I regretted not waiting until we got to LA to explain things. She bit her bottom lip, looking at me like I had said the most hurtful thing. “When?” She spun around, slowly placing the items back on the table while staring at them, absorbing what they entailed. “When did you plan to tell me?” For awhile… “Last week.” When it had come time to break it to her, I had prolonged my agony because I wanted a little more time. “You were supposed to…” She nodded. “Last week,” she whispered, spinning

around before wrapping her stomach with her arms. “I guess throwing myself at you jeopardized that plan, huh? You didn’t want to look insensitive after I shamefully threw myself at you with no success, so you decided to wait a little longer to save me from embarrassment.” It wasn’t like that at all, but it seemed like it would be doing us both a favor if she kept on believing that. “I’m doing this for you, Emma.” Emma tried to move towards me, but stopped herself. She sniffed, looking away before blowing air out of her lungs, having a hard time breathing. “How? I don’t see how this is for me, Bass. Why can’t you see that all I want is to be with you?” She brought her hand that held her wedding rings up, staring at the diamond like it was the most fascinating thing; as though it held significance to her. “Have I done you so wrongly that you can’t love me again?” This was it. The big moment where I had to lie and seal both of our fates for good. As much as it gutted me to say it, I comforted myself in knowing that someday she would live a fulfilling life, one where she had everything she wanted. At the end of the day, seeing the person you loved more than anything incandescently happy was worth all the suffering I’d endured. “I’m sorry, Emma.” She grabbed the papers in her hand. “Fucking shit, Bass! Don’t say sorry. Don’t say shit you don’t fucking mean. Fine. Let’s have it your way. I’m going to pack and leave first thing tomorrow.” She barely gave me a glance before she ran into her room, slamming the door in her wake. Waiting for her to calm a little bit down, I wondered how life had gotten so complicated. How the hell did I place myself in this position? One mistake— Nikki—that’s all it took to bring my world upside down. The consequences kept on coming; it had proved to be the ultimate domino effect. I stood right outside her bedroom door, wanting to going in there and talk this one out, but I was left paralyzed. We had hurt each other so much that things were just too difficult to up. However, the thought of her hating me for not explaining myself thoroughly… I just couldn’t go on like that. Without knocking, I let myself inside her room. My eyes gathered the amount of things littered all over the room as she packed her belongings, ready to leave me. She was wiping her tears with one hand; the other held a pen shakily as she tried

to sign the papers. The one that said, Emma Cole, sign here. She had only signed Emma when the pen dropped, before she could sign Cole on it. “I—can’t sign this when you’re here.” “Emma…” “Please, don’t make me beg you.” She dropped to the floor where she stayed on her knees, crying. “Emma Cole…” she whispered before looking up to me. “It was what I had always dreamed of. I used to stay up late, daydreaming about what we would name our kids, what games we’d play during game night, what type of father you’d be, and how you’d be as a husband.” She shook her head, staring at her wedding ring. “I’m so sorry for being such a failure. You’re right; I don’t deserve to be your wife.” I strode over to her and gathered her in my arms, pulling her to her feet. “Stop saying you’re sorry. We were both at fault.” She nodded, crying softly. Sitting on the tip of the bed, I gathered her on my lap as she poured her demons out. I wanted to shed some tears for what we had lost —the crazy ion, the love and our baby—yet hearing her cry like this, like there was no hope left for anyone, made me want to protect her all the more. I loved her, I did, but if I held her back, I wasn’t sure I could let her go if she asked me later on down the road. Right now, when I still had the balls to keep it together, I had to cut her loose. She needed to be happy. “It breaks my heart when you cry this way, Em,” I whispered against her cheek, loving how my nose lavished on her scented skin. She was always going to be my home… always. She moved her face towards my neck until her lips almost kissed my skin as she spoke, her hot breath sent goosebumps all over my body. “My heart is permanently broken.” “Don’t say that—” Emma pushed against my chest, looking at me with a tortured expression. “I’m in love with you, and yet, you don’t see me anymore.” Of course I did. I always had. “I see you, Emma. In all shades; I see you quite

clearly. I have never stopped looking at you.” Never. Ever. Stopped. She had to know. Her face contorted, eyeing me with confusion. “I don’t understand…” It was sad, but my feelings were much stronger now. Having her as my wife for a short amount of time had been privilege enough for me. I was honored to call her family. “Things remain the same when it comes to you; nothing’s changed. It didn’t before and it hasn’t changed now, either.” “Are you trying to say that you still feel—” She paused, speechless. “But you’ve been so—how is that possible?” Because I was being a pompous ass? Yeah, that was my defense mechanism. Sadly. “You know why.” “But you said you weren’t in love with me.” “I lied.” I said a lot of things; things I desperately wished I could take back. Emma glared, slapping my chest. “How could you!” She slapped my cheek softly. My hand covered hers. “I was hurt beyond comprehension.” She looked like she was about to cry again, hugging me until all I could feel was our hearts beating as one. “I love you, Bass. How about we start over?” I remained silent, battling my inner fears. She loved me… just me? Or was it just like before; a tug-o-war for her heart between Carter and me? “Emma—” “Give me a chance, that’s all I ask. Please, I gave you one before. I’m begging to have one now. I promise to be the best wife I can be. I can continue following you everywhere for a while and focus on my online classes… then, hopefully someday, I can start acting again. As for now, I want to focus on you, me and Gus. I think we both need to heal, but I want to heal together. I don’t want us parting when we have problems. We need to fight our battles together. Teamwork. Compromise. I’m willing to do all that for another shot with you.” “Teamwork, huh?” A small smile was forming. It was hard to resist. Her brows

were furrowed as she spoke to me. It only meant that she really wanted us to try again. When she mentioned compromise, I knew she was getting to something… Maybe starting over was for the best. Together. “It’s hard to resist you and give you anything you want when you look this way, you know.” Her eyes lit up. “Please tell me that means yes, ‘cause I’m so ready to sock you if you’re going to decline that. You love me, how can you stand hurting your wife?” That made me laugh. She was getting gutsy. I liked that. “I see. So you’re my wife now?” “I want to be your one and only Mrs. Cole, Bass.” She stroked my cheek, suddenly becoming serious. My one and only indeed. “But am I your one and only Emma? I don’t think I could take it if we tried again and you left me for Carter.” “I made my choice when I found you in Greece. When I thought you were gone, I had finally realized how much you meant to me; how much we had meant to each other. I also realized how much I had taken you for granted. I’ve said my final goodbye to Carter.” “In that case, I believe I owe you a honeymoon, Mrs. Cole.” I softly lowered my mouth to hers, kissing her gently. “It’s been long overdue,” she groaned, kissing me harshly, ionately. Then I ed something… “I might’ve done something that might tick you off, but I hope that you’ll understand that this was done with my love for you in mind.” She was busy taking her clothes off as was I. “Why? What have you done now?” “Well… you see—” Carter Mason. Where did I begin with that?

Bass

Roughly two months later, we had a small ceremony in Greece, renewing our vows amongst our family and friends. This time, our first baby—Gus—was in attendance. We still had a lot to figure out, but the difference between the new Emma to the one from before was vast. She was back to her secured self, and even though I had encouraged her to act, she had decided to take the rest of the year off, only wanting to focus on me and building our trust as a family. We had a solid foundation to make it last for a lifetime. I knew, with her by my side, I could carry us through the storm. I loved her unconditionally, and she felt the same way as well. We were finally one. As for Carter Mason, he sent us a congratulatory bouquet, a grand gesture of surrender. I had to give it to him. The man was a tough rival. Someday, if he was securely in a relationship with someone else, perhaps I could see him as a man who I could mingle with instead of looking at him as the threat that I used to see him as. They say that fairytales don’t exist, that life is full of pain and ugliness all around. True, I could vouch for that, but without pain and ugliness, one couldn’t fully appreciate the beauty of happiness. My love for Emma has been complicated. There have been times that I thought that I was ready to give up, but sometimes, if you take reasoning out of the picture and let yourself feel, you can see what you’re missing out on. If not for my anger, I could’ve seen what was right in front of me. However, sometimes, we only see what we’ve poisoned our minds to see. As my best friend has said to me several times: fighting is reason, fighting is purpose.

So go find your reason, your purpose and let love reign. Best, Bass Cole

Torn Series Order

Scornfully Yours(Emma) Scornfully Hers(Carter) Frayed(Trista) Blasphemous(Emma) Undeniably Yours (Bass) Scorned(Lindsey) Fixated On You(Emma) Christmas With You Unveiled (Lindsey) Crushed (Amber) Undeniably Us (Bass) Carter Mason (Tba) www.PamelaAnnBooks.com/torn.html

Preview

Take a sneak peek at Pamela Ann’s next novel; Pieces Of You & Me

37 Liv

Hi Sweetie! Can’t wait to see you in a couple of days! How are things holding up with Liam? I’m sure you two lovebirds will work it out just fine. He can always come and visit you, you know. Spend as much time as you can with your dad. You won’t see him for another year, sweetie. Try not to be too hard on him. He loves you dearly. By the way, that guy I mentioned I met a week after you left? Well, I want you to be the first to know I’m engaged!!! What a nice surprise, right? I’ll tell you all about it when you get here. P.S. No, I haven’t lost my mind, hun. I’m in love. :) I love you, Mom When Mom mentioned “surprise”, I never would have thought I’d get the surprise of a lifetime. As expected, Mom was at the airport waiting on me with a huge grin on her face after I had spent my entire summer in Sydney with my father. He moved out there after he and Mom got divorced two years ago. Bizarre really, ‘cause I left my summer to spend winter with him. It wasn’t all that bad after I started dating Liam Hollingsworth, who was a freshman at the University of Sydney. We promised to try and work things out, but as much as I liked him, I was also aware that long distance relationships were hard work. So we had decided to see

how it’d be for a while; we were basically measuring the difficulty ahead of us to see if it was even worth trying. So I was unofficially single, if that made sense at all. Mom didn’t unfold her secret until we were all alone. This whole bomb landed on me the second we got onto the freeway. “Okay, I don’t want to keep you waiting ‘cause I know you might be dying to know who the man is, but don’t freak, okay?” My mom glanced at me sideways before looking out to the road ahead with a large, beaming smile playing across her face. Well, if her smiles were always this huge, then I didn’t care if she married a preacher. Okay, maybe a little, but seriously, watching her now—seeing how happy she was—made me realize how lonely she might’ve been the last two years. It was drastic for her to get engaged with someone so quickly, but if it was what she wanted, then who was I to come in-between her and her Prince Charming? Well, here’s hoping that he was the one after all. Hell, I have yet to meet him. “Seriously, who is your mystery man? You’re killing me, smalls.” Pulling out my strawberry lip salve, I popped the tin open before I glided my pinky over it and applied some to my lips. “It’s Brett Edwards,” she said with a pained—crossing on sour—face. I dropped my lip salve along with my jaws. “You’re kidding, right?” Please, please, please, tell me that you are. I was praying to the gods—or whoever was listening—to help me salvage my senior year in high school. Mom exhaled a long sigh. A big indicator that she was darn serious. “This was why I never mentioned it to you because I was afraid of this; that you might change your mind and never come back here, Liv.” She was imagining the extremes. Come on, really? It was no big deal. Sure, I was a grown up. I could deal with this. “But Brett, mom? Really?” That did not come out right. Personally, I had no problems with Brett, his only child on the other hand, Greyson…Ugh. Kill me now.

He was your typical asshole. Thinking about him was a waste of energy. Enough said. Mom reached out and gave my arm a tight squeeze. “He’s amazing, Liv. He treats me like a queen. Not only that, but he makes me feel wonderful. I did promise you that I wouldn’t marry again until I found my Mr. Darcy. Well, I believe with my whole heart that he is, Liv. He loves me—well, he’s been in love with me for decades—that’s why he never got married.” That got my attention. Pride and Prejudice was our all time favorite film. For her to mention Mr. Darcy, it was major deal. “What do you mean? How long have you known him?” “Since high school and then college, but he left to live in Chicago after we graduated. As you know, I was dating your dad since I was seventeen, so he never stood a chance.” My mom’s story was disheartening, but at the same time, inspiring. I had to suppose, if Mom and Brett would be happily married and in love, my feelings about Greyson would have to be set aside; I had nothing against true love. “I also forgot to mention it to you hun, but we’ll be moving in with them. Greyson lives in the pool house, so you’re in the clear. I promise.” My mom rushed to add in that teeny, bitty piece of information. Inhale, exhale, Olivia. The world wasn’t ending. This was my chance to give Mom her happiness, so I dared not ruin this for her. Living with the Edwards—of course! Brett and Mom were now engaged. “I need a moment to digest this tidal wave of crap, Mom.” “I’m so sorry to do this to you, Liv. I wanted to warn you, but I was scared you might not come back home.” “You’re being silly. Of course I’d come back, but I would’ve appreciated a little adjusting time, you know? This is a lot to take in, Mom. The crazy-major, upheaval kind, but if you’re happy, then I’m happy. That’s all I want.” My mom looked misty eyed before she gave me a grateful smile. “Thank you, sweetie.” She sniffed, wiping the sides of her eyes. “This means a lot to me. I

expected screaming or even an attempt to get out of it, so thank you for not putting me through that. You’re the best daughter a mom could wish for.” She always gave me too much credit, however she was my mom, right? They always tended to do that, even if their kids were horrendous. “Thank me after a week and I haven’t scratched Greyson’s eyes out.” “He’s a good kid, Liv. Just give him a chance. Trust me.” Yep, that’s what my mother said. But, not a chance in hell I’d trust that douche. All he did was make snide remarks whenever he was anywhere near my vicinity. This belief was reinstated that very same night after Brett and Mom chatted up with me for a couple hours after dinner; talking about Liam, my undecided college plan, my goal and so forth. As Mom assured me earlier, Brett was a good man; a man who thought the world of my mother. It was icky and amazing at the same time when they were next to each other. I was jet-lagged and the last thing I wanted was to unpack in a new bedroom that I didn’t have any attachment to. My childhood home had been sold after my parents were divorced, so Mom and I had moved into a leased townhome. This time, she had done all of the moving while I was gone, so all of our things were in Brett’s home. It was going to take a lot of time getting used to, however I was willing to try for my mom. Besides, this was my senior year—my last year in high school—no man was going to ruin it for me. Even if his name was Greyson Edwards. It was a warm night, and by the time I had unpacked a few things, I wanted to have a quick dip in the pool. It was almost midnight, so instead of diving in head first, I had to resort to using the steps, careful not to disturb anyone. My thoughts were occupied with emailing Liam or not as I approached the azure pool that was lightly illuminated. A soft moan escaped when my body sunk into the cool, refreshing water. I was smiling, floating as I stared at the twinkling stars when I heard the first thump thump sound.

“Harder, Grey!” a woman’s voice demanded, coming from the pool house. Then the loud sound went erratic, jackhammer loud. “Shit!” the woman screamed. What the hell! Could they get any louder? Greyson was having sex. He didn’t care if anyone was around to hear it. He simply did his own business just because he could. He was a total douchebag. The last leg—the finale—was even worse. I thought the woman was being cut open and gutted. I was cringing and gasping as she rode out her orgasm. I stared at the lightly lit pool house, seriously wondering if she was okay. Five minutes later, I was still struck appalled and in deep shock. I watched, paralyzed, as Greyson and his latest girlfriend emerged from the door. He was escorting her out while she kept her hand glued to his ass. The second they disappeared, I swam back to shallow water and out of the pool. Deep in thought, I squeezed the water out of my hair, sighing. I was walking towards the table where I had left my towel when he spoke behind me. "Were we loud? Sorry. I didn't know we had an audience. If I did, I would've made a better show of it." Funny, he didn’t sound a bit sorry at all. “Don’t bother,” I gritted out, loathing his cockiness. He laughed like he was being tickled. Fucker. I rolled my eyes and continued on ignoring him. However, even with my indifference, the idiot remained. “So, how was Australia? I heard that you slept your way around all summer long. I’m curious; do you prefer American or Aussie dicks? Or are they all the same? A dick is a dick, right?” I heard him snort, which angered me even more. “Yes, they’re all juicy, Grey.” “Mine is oozing, Liv. Keep that in mind, will ya? Might come handy to you if you need to get a workout done.”

I spun around and glared at his grinning face. “Dream on, Greyson.” “Always, Liv.” He started walking backwards, still facing me as he tapped his chest a few times. “Sweet dreams, pooh.” Pooh. Winnie the Pooh had been my favorite back in third grade, and apparently, Greyson ed that little tidbit. I didn’t need another reason to stay and banter with him. I left the pool area in a flash, needing to erase that mocking laugh that irritated me to no end. That night, my dreams weren’t sweet. In fact, they were nightmares of Winnie the Pooh. The terror of the douchebaggery had begun.

38 Grey

Pooh. I hated Winnie the Pooh with a ion because of one person. Olivia. She looked so angelic… Like a beauty that never got old to look at. Every guy in school wanted her. I did, too, but I’d rather get hit by an eighteen-wheeler than it that. Fuck that. When it came to her, I got all hot and cold. Literally. My body’s reaction to her added more to my contempt when it concerned her. I knew she was beautiful. Hell, sometimes I got so awestruck that I forgot why I hated her to begin with. I ed gasping when I first saw her in our third grade class. She knew how she affected men, and she used that to her benefit. She toyed with men. Paraded them in front of me. The only thing I could be grateful for was that none of my guy friends took the chance on asking her out, nor did she seek them out, knowing how I’d react. Everyone that went to school knew about our extreme dislike to each other. Olivia Taylor… Had been… My first crush. My first kiss.

My first love. My first heartbreak. Things fell apart during fourth grade and it hadn’t stopped since. I ed that the hate had started when I received her letter. It was how she broke up with me.

Roses are red Violets are blue When I flush the toilet, I think of you.

To this day, I hated roses—or anything red or blue. The letter was, of course, burned with a match light in my backyard. Everything I felt for her had then gone to ashes. It started little at first. A little teasing here and there, or a snide remark whenever she ed by, then it got to spitting showdowns. Summers without her here were pretty quiet. Now my disruption was back, living in my own home. Wonder what kind of gimmick she’d ploy to rile me up. I didn’t have to do anything, not really. I knew for a fact that having me breathe the same air as her already made her furious. All I had to do was keep my smug, cocky, sexy smile in place and it was a surefire way to drive her crazy. Easy.

The following morning, I was in the kitchen chugging a glass of orange juice when she strolled in, wearing tiny sleep shorts and a tiny, sleeveless shirt that showed off her flat stomach. Olivia gave the word morning wood a new meaning. She was so hot that I almost spat out the juice, but instead, I choked on it, making me cough loudly. “If you stopped checking me out, you could’ve saved yourself the woody.” Olivia tsk-tsked me before grabbing an apple from the fruit basket and sexily biting into it. Damn, but she was fine. I wished more than anything that she would turn ugly. But damn, my secret desire for her was raging right along with my morning issue; not from any romantic sense, but in a purely one-off, sexual conquest kind of way. I had a reputation to uphold, as did she. However rumors had begun swirling that she was getting serious with someone. My eyes stayed with her. They took in how she concentrated on looking over the newspaper, how she softly hummed while reading, and how she kept twisting the ends of her hair. I never knew why, however I had always found her completely fascinating to watch. Every year, I’d always find myself studying her from afar, picking out tiny habits that she did. Maybe it was her beauty that really got to me, or how she simply acted like she was normal instead of heavenly beautiful. I won’t it this out loud, but those guys who thought that she was a goddess were on point. She was fucking exquisite. Angelic. Olivia was an angel in disguise. Let’s face it, not only was she a tease, but a bitch through and through. This senior year was going to be an interesting one. Soon-to-be step-sister or not, I hoped that by the end of it, I’d have had a taste of that exquisiteness she’d offered to those guys who had bragged crazily about her “skills”. I couldn’t wait for the fun to finally begin.

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