Gullivers Travels Play Script Draft Four 1b252z

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WONDERLAND PRODUCTIONS

GULLIVER’S TRAVELS BY JONATHAN SWIFT Written and Adapted by Alice Coghlan In collaboration with the original cast.

Directed by Alice Coghlan

First performed at Mermaid Arts Centre December 16th 2010.

Copyright Alice Coghlan 2010 [email protected] www.wonderlandtheatre.com.

2.

CAST LIST Gulliver - Nathan Gordon

GULLIVER FAMILY Mary Gulliver - Sarah Kinlen Betty Gulliver - Roseanne Lynch Lemuel Gulliver - Graeme Singleton

A VOYAGE TO LILLIPUT Tergoscar, Peasant of Lilliput- Graeme Singleton Yeoman Tolgo of Lilliput - Fra Gunn Emperor of Lilliput- Sarah Kinlen Empres s of Lilliput - Roseanne Lynch Flimnap, Lord High Treas urer - Graeme Singleton Lady Flimnap - Sarah Kinlen Citizen of Mildendo - Fra Gunn as puppeteer Shopkeeper of Mildendo - Fra Gunn as puppeteer Emperor of Blefuscu - Graeme Singleton iral of Blefuscu- Fra Gunn People of Lilliput - Fra Gunn

A VOYAGE TO BROBDINGNAG Captain Peter Williams - Fra Gunn Tom Watkins - Sarah Kinlen Watch Leader - Graeme Singleton Glumdalclitch Brumdalnitch - Roseanne Lynch Farmer Brumdalnitch - Fra Gunn Mistress Brumdalnitch - Sarah Kinlen Gozol Brumdalnitch - Graeme Singleton Beggar - Graeme Singleton Mistress Buzgloopee (Queen in disguise) - Sarah Kinlen Shepherd boy - Graeme Singleton (MORE)

3. (CONT'D)

Queen of Brobdingnag - Sarah Kinlen Dwindle Dwarf - Graeme Singleton King of Brobdingnag - Fra Gunn Monkey - Fra Gunn Eagle that picks Gulliver’s box up - Sarah Kinlen Puppeteers of shadow eagles- Graeme Singleton & Fra Gunn Captain Thomas Wilcocks - Graeme Singleton

A VOYAGE TO HOUYHNHNM’S LAND James Welch - Graeme Singleton Pirate Firs t Mate - Fra Gunn Teenage Yahoo - Roseanne Lynch Yobo Yahoo - Graeme Singleton Female Yahoo - Sarah Kinlen Sorrel Nag - Ros eanne Lynch Master Grey - Graeme Singleton Chief Houyhnhnm - Fra Gunn Baby Yahoo- puppet Favourite Yahoo - Fra Gunn Pros ecuting Houyhnhnm - Sarah Kinlen Don Pedro de Mendez - Fra Gunn

4.

CONTENTS

Act 1: Lilliput Scene 1 : Gulliver Leaves Home and is Shipwrecked

6

Scene 2 : Arrival in Lilliput

6

Scene 3 : The Lilliputians Discover a Giant

7

Scene 4 : Audience with the Emperor at the Gates of Mildendo

8

Scene 5 : Tour of Mildendo

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Scene 6 : Tour of the Empress' Apartments

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Scene 7 : Tour of the Emperor's Apartments

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Scene 8 : Gulliver Seizes the Naval Fleet at Blefuscu

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Scene 9 : Gulliver Urinates on the Queens Apartment and Flees

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Scene 10: Escape from Lilliput

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Part 2: Brobdingnag Scene 11: Arrival in Brobdingnag

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Scene 12: The Streets of Flanflasnic

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Scene 13: Freak Show at the Sign on the Green Eagle

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Scene 14: The Queen Purchases the Grildig

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Scene 15: Gulliver is Abducted by a Monkey

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Scene 16: The Queen's Bedchamber

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Scene 17: Interview with the King of Brobdingnag

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Scene 18: Departure from Brobdingnag

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Scene 19: Gulliver is rescued from Brobdingnag by the Sailors

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Scene 20: The Return to Mary and Betty

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Act 3: Houyhnhnm's Land Scene 21: Mutiny onboard Ship - Gulliver is Put Ashore

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Scene 22: Arrival in Houyhnhnm's Land

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Scene 23: Waiting for the Wizard

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Scene 24: Gulliver is Examined by the Houyhnhnms

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Scene 25: The Houyhnhnm Dinner

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5. CONTENTS (CONT'D)

Scene 26: Nature Trail through Yahoo Territory

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Scene 27: Gulliver Washes in the River

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Scene 28: The Houyhnhnm Assembly

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Scene 29: Departure from Houyhnhnm Country

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Scene 30: The Portuguese Sailors Rescue Gulliver

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Scene 31: The Final Return to England

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Scene 32: Epilogue in the Stable

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Glos sary

87

6.

SCENE 1: GULLIVER LEAVES HOME AND IS SHIPWRECKED (The Gulliv er f amily at dinner as a storm rages at the windows. The Ensemble sing.)

Adieu sweet lovely Mary Ten thousand times adieu I am b ound to cross the ocean love To seek for something new Come change your ring with me dear girl Come change your ring with me That it might b e a token of our true love When I am on the sea (The scene becomes a ship.)

And now that I am on the sea I know not where I am Kind letters I will write to you From every foreign land The secrets of my mind fine girl The b est of all goodwill So let your b ody b e where it is My heart will b e with you still (A clap of thunder and the storm rises)

There's a heavy storm arising See how it gathers round While we poor souls on the ocean wide (The ship breaks up, the sailors are swept into the water but continue to sing f aintly .)

Are ploughing through the deep There's no-one to defend us love And k eep us from the cold On the ocean wide where we must b ide Like jolly sailors old.

SCENE 2: ARRIVAL IN LILLIPUT Instrumental Music from Adieu Nancy theme. Gulliver is shipwrecked, he swims for his life and tries and fails to put his feet on the b ottom.

7.

Suddenly to his great surprise he can. He wades to the shore for over a mile. He is very weak and drunk. The light is the hot Lilliputian light somewhere north west of the Tasmanian coastline. As Gulliver walks up the b each, a puppet peasant enters. He wants to scream b ut then decides against it. He runs off and returns with help. Gulliver starts to snore. It starts to get dark. The Lilliputians return with lanterns. The snoring is suddenly much louder.

SCENE 3: THE LILLIPUTIANS DISCOVER A GIANT YEOMAN TOLGO OF LILLIPUT Go s oftly Tergoscar - that way you won’t wake the man mountain up. Sh softly does it... TERGOSCAR PEASANT OF LILLIPUT Maybe he eats little people? YEOMAN TOLGO OF LILLIPUT I’ll gut him before he does. Now you take the ball and I’ll take the twine. And up the man cliff I rise. They start to unravel the b all of twine. Yeoman climb s up and onto Gulliver. TERGOSCAR PEASANT OF LILLIPUT What does it feel like up there? YEOMAN TOLGO OF LILLIPUT Like I’m about to meet my Maker. TERGOSCAR PEASANT OF LILLIPU Wait for me! He climb s up too. What are you doing to his moon face? YEOMAN TOLGO OF LILLIPUT I’m sewing his eye las hes together. TERGOSCAR PEASANT OF LILLIPUT Why don’t you just stab his eye out?

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YEOMAN TOLGO OF LILLIPUT He may be more valuable to the Empire of Lilliput sighted. If we can tie him down before he wakes , the Emperor can have him transported to his capital at Mildendo. TERGOSCAR PEASANT OF LILLIPUT Have a man mountain trans ported to his capital at Miledendo. How? YEOMAN TOLGO OF LILLIPUT Tergoscar I will do all your thinking for you. TERGOSCAR PEASANT OF LILLIPUT Eh yeah.. YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT And the Emperor all your speculating.

SCENE 4: AUDIENCE WITH THE EMERPOR AT THE GATES OF MILDENDO Everyone look s upwards for the Emperor and a puppet enters on horseb ack, to the music of See the Conquering Hero Comes. LORD FLIMNAP All Hail Golb asto Mom maren Evlame Gurdilo Shefin Mully Ully Gue the mos t mighty Emperor of Lilliput, Delight and Terror of the Universe. Monarch of all Monarchs, at whose nod the princes of the earth shake their knees; EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Pleas ant as the spring, LORD FLIMNAP Comfortable as the summer, EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Fruitful as the autumn, EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Dreadful as the winter. The Ensemb le b ow. The Emperor surveys Gulliver, b ut never gets closer than the end of his chain. The Emperor’s horse rears up b ut he is not unseated.

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PEOPLE OF LILLIPUT All Hail the King! Gulliver lies down with his face on the earth to talk to the Emperor. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Welcome to our Empire of Lilliput Man Mountain. GULLIVER Pleas e grant me my freedom. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Your Majesty. LORD FLIMNAP Man Mountain, God will grant you your liberty if and when the Emperor feels like it. GULLIVER (to audience)

Oh. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT My royal dignity is offended by his bulk. GULLIVER I’m sorry about that. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT (to his and his Empress’ puppeteers)

Still offended. Pray make our Royal Persons taller, taller and taller still! GULLIVER May I introduce myself? My name is Lemuel Gulliver I’m a Doctor and Ship’s Surgeon and I haven’t visited a court before. Would you like to step into my hand? I won’t eat you ... EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Three thousand of my choicest archers are ready to fire their arrows at you if you do. The archers growl enthusiastically. Now is every Lilliputian watching?

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EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Oui. The Royal Correspondents are scribbling away. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Then Man Mountain raise me up! Higher, higher and higher s till. Gulliver lifts the King ab ove his head. Wild cheers from the Lilliputians. ENSEMBLE Long live the King/He is so tall/ His head strikes the sun/Long live the Sun King! EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT I feel like a God up here. GULLIVER You are a God. And I am your humble subject. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT I am not a God, but I am by God’s grace, God’s ninety-sixth Vice-Regent on Earth. God chose me to rule in Lilliput because I am the tallest. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Are you frightened up there chou chou fleur? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT No. I’m enjoying the fine views of our Celestial Metropolis of Mildendo. More wild cheers from the Lilliputians. It is the most beautiful metropolis in five thousand blustrugs - isn’t it Man Mountain? GULLIVER Your city looks like a painted s cene at the theatre to me. Why the tallest tree is only seven foot high! EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Seven of your feet Man Mountain are eighty four of mine! And I am the Emperor. GULLIVER I apologise Your Majes ty, but I come from a land where every human creature has the same foot size as me.

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EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Liar. My philos ophers have decided on the truth, and that truth is that you have dropped from the moon. (looking down)

Fine day to take the air eh. ENSEMBLE All Hail the Sun King! EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Your brave Emperor is risking his life for Lilliput’s safety. An audib le intake from the crowd follows each of the following phrases. Your Emperor has reason to believe that this Man Mountain could be armed and dangerous. He could be a Trojan Horse stuffed full of Big Endians. ENSEMBLE Boo. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Is that the beating of a heart or is that the ticking of a bomb? Pretend that you’re a scary giant. Gulliver ob liges. The Lilliputians cower. The King attempts to look b rave b ut fails. GULLIVER Agh! Arr..Agh! EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Woh. Help! GULLIVER Ah! The yeoman fires and hits Gulliver in the b ottom. He pulls out the miniature arrow. He takes out his hanger. GULLIVER (CONT’D) You vicious little vermin. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT

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Gulliver puts the Emperor puppet b ack on the ground. Who fired at the Royal Person? YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT Not me. I’m too stupid. LORD FLIMNAP Seize him! Flimnapp b eats the executioner’s drum. The peasant runs to hide. Once he has he is replaced b y his puppet which is all b ound up with string. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Should we hang, draw and quarter him, as of old? ENSEMBLE Yes. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT No today we have a brand new punishment for High Treason in Lilliput - Mastication by Giant! Man Mountain I humbly present you with your Afternoon Tea. YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT Pleas e Sir I didn’t do it. ENSEMBLE Eat him, eat him. YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT Don’t eat me, oh no. ENSEMBLE Eat him. YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT I taste of pooh. GULLIVER But I like pooh.

13.

ENSEMBLE Eat him, eat him, eat him. Gulliver pick s up the archer puppet. He makes a face that he would eat him alive. The puppet squalls, and the ensemb le are in terrib le pain, even the Emperor thinks he might have gone too far this time. GULLIVER We don’t eat peasants in England. YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT Thank God for that. Gulliver takes out his hanger and then surprises the ensemb le b y cutting the archer free of his b onds and letting him run away. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Man Mountain is merciful. Merci Man Mountain. ENSEMBLE Merci Man Mountain. GULLIVER Pleas e grant me my liberty Your Majesty. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT No. What’s that? Gulliver tak es out his pocket pistol. GULLIVER It’s my pocket pistol. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT I want your hollow pocket pistol. GULLIVER Grant me my freedom first. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT No.

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GULLIVER Don’t be afraid my Lady. Gulliver fires his pistol in the air. Hundreds fall down as if they have b een struck dead. The Emperor remains standing b ut takes a few moments to recover himself. The Empress is quivering on the ground, Gulliver helps her up. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Merci. GULLIVER Will you grant me my liberty now? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT No. GULLIVER Jus t what do you want me to do? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Guess. GULLIVER Well I could promise to make an exact survey of the circumference your empire, with my paces. Like so... EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Guess again... GULLIVER I could quarry and raise great stones for the construction of temples, palaces and castles for Mildendo. Like s o... EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Last try. GULLIVER I could promise to defend your Lilliputian empire against her enemies ? Like so... Gulliver flourishes his pocket pistol.

15.

EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Yes! Free him! Lord Flimnap unlocks Gulliver’s chains. Festive music. LORD FLIMNAP May I offer you my compliments on your liberty Man Mountain? GULLIVER Why not? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Lord Flimnap. The Emperor puppet indicates that Lord Flimnap should leave for Gulliver’s cloak . People of Lilliput from today you have a giant ally against the miniscule Empire of Blefuscu! To mark this auspicious day, I have ordered that a new suit of clothes be made for Man Mountain by two hundred of our seamstresses and three hundred of our tailors. Long /Live Man Mountain. ENSEMBLE /Long Live Man Mountain etc. The suit of clothes is dragged in b y Lord Flimnap. Gulliver puts it on and lifts the Emperor and Empress into his hands and leaves, followed b y Lord Flimnap and the carriage.

SCENE 5: TOUR OF MILDENDO LORD FLIMNAP People of Mildendo: Your most mighty Emperor, whose dominions extend to the extremities of the globe and whose feet press down to its centre, has granted a licence for his latest favourite to visit your city. ENSEMBLE Hurrah! Gulliver’s approaching footsteps sound thunderous. Shopkeeper and Citizen are up on the roof.

16.

CITIZEN OF MILDENDO Here he comes. SHOPKEEPER OF MILDENDO The good Lord be prais ed ... He’s stepping over the Lion’s Gate. LORD FLIMNAP All citizens are commanded to keep within their houses, at their peril. GULLIVER What a populous metropolis! Wild cheers. How many of you are there down on the rooftops? SHOPKEEPER OF MILDENDO Five hundred thousand and fifty eight souls all told. GULLIVER Then Mildendo is more populous than our capital city of London. CITIZEN OF MILDENDO Mildendo is the biggest. GULLIVER Mildendo is the best! EVERYONE Long live Man Mountain. LORD FLIMNAP Stay within your houses, by royal order. GULLIVER Which is the way to His Majesty’s Palace at Blefaborac citizen? CITIZEN OF MILDENDO It’s where our two great streets come together! Gulliver turns in a new direction.

17.

GULLIVER Why I thank you citizen.

SCENE 6: TOUR TO THE EMPRESS’ APARTMENTS The lights come up on the Queen and her Lady in Waiting. LADY FLIMNAP The colossus is in the Blenheim Courtyard Your Majesty. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Mon dieu. Is everything looking magnificent? LADY FLIMNAP Oui. Don’t tell the Emperor but I can’t wait to see how big it is .. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Imagine. Gulliver surprises them b y b eing at the window. Both women look up, look at each other and giggle GULLIVER Hello Your Highnes s. What a delightful residence you have here. It’s daintier than my daughter Betty’s Doll’s Hous e. You must have paid a lot for it eh? EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT It was my dowry Man Mountain. GULLIVER Oh really? EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT My father is the Emperor of Blefuscu - their King married me s trategically. The palace was so fusty, gothic and well, Lilliputian when I arrived, and so I have spent years Blefus cifying it. LADY FLIMNAP I dare you to look up.

18.

GULLIVER And who is this Your Majesty? EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT This is Lady Flimnap, my Lady in Waiting and my husband’s mistress. GULLIVER Oh. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Lady Flimnap you are dis missed. I prefer to be Blefuscan about these things. So - she has three children now and I zero. Lady Flimnap curtsies and still can’t stop giggling. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT (CONT’D) Here is my hand. She puts her hand out of the window. GULLIVER I am very honoured that you put your hand out of the window for me Your Highnes s. Gulliver gives her hand a slob b ery kiss. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Ugh. I’m s ure my husband is waiting for you in his cabinet Man Mountain.

SCENE 7: TOUR TO THE EMPEROR’S APARTMENTS Gulliver crosses to the Emperor’s cab inet and peers through the window. The King holds a gold sceptre aloft under and over which Lord Flimnap is leaping and creeping. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Good Morning Man Mountain. UnderLORD FLIMNAP We’ve been expecting you. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Over- Boy what purpose do you think this trial of dexterity serves ?

19.

GULLIVER It keeps your ministers fit and flexible for their old age? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Over. No. The ancient art of leaping and creeping exercis es the Art of Politics. Under! Lord Flimnap is a candidate for the great office of Commander of our Lilliputian Expeditionary Force against Blefuscu. Over! GULLIVER (joking)

Would you like me to apply too? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Actually I would. Under. GULLIVER How? LORD FLIMNAP By competing in this ceremony of course! EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT (raising the sceptre to an impossible height)

Over - over - over! Go and find some dus ty hole and shuffle papers in it. LORD FLIMNAP I am sorry if my elasticity has dis appointed Your Majesty. Under? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Off with you! Lord Flimnap leaves. The Emperor takes out a hard b oiled egg. Man Mountain which end should I break my breakfast egg on? The big end or the little end? GULLIVER The convenient end. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Are you mocking me boy?

20.

GULLIVER No. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Good. In the other Empire of the univers e they believe that eggs should only be broken on their big end. Now what do you say to that? GULLIVER That must be the wrong end. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Right. GULLIVER Right. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Right. The Godly way is to break one’s egg on its smaller end. Our two empires have been engaged in the most bloody and obstinate war over this orthodoxy for last six and thirty moons . My grandfather, the Emperor with six wives , was the very firs t Small Endi an on Lilliput, and I have inherited from him his love of a roast swan, a well-planned execution and of cours e a crusade. To come to the point, my wife’s spies have informed us today, that the Emperor of the miniscule Empire of Blefuscu, has assembled fifty men-of-war, and if there is a fair wind tonight, they will sail agains t Lilliput tonight! GULLIVER Tonight? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Tonight. I have every faith in your s trength, valour and gratitude my magnificent Man Mountain and I will be waiting for you, your bulk and your strategy on my seashore at sunset tonight. GULLIVER Tonight ... tonight ... tonight... Gulliver looks around with his telescope.

21.

SCENE 8: GULLIVER SEIZES THE NAVAL FLEET AT BLEFUSCU A seashore at sunset. Gulliver is holding fifty metal cab les and hook s. The Empress holds out her hand. She is holding b ack the tears. GULLIVER Your Highness, I hope to have the honour of kissing your hand upon my victorious return EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Be merciful to my father Man Mountain, he is a good man. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Make haste - I want the fun to start now. ENSEMBLE God is with you Man Mountain - God be with you Man Mountain etc. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Oh I wis h I’d asked if I could sail over on his shoulder. Music. Gulliver wades into the sea and eventually starts to swim. As he moves away the cries of good wishes from the Lilliputians fade to a mid-sea silence. IRAL OF BLEFUSCU A man eating giant is wading its way into Blefuscu harbour Your Majesty. EMPEROR OF BLEFUSCU Muster every sailor on Blefuscu. Gulliver arrives at the Blefuscan ships and starts to attach his tackle to their prows. GULLIVER People of Blefuscu if you hold your fire then I’ll promise not to/ hurt you. EMPEROR OF BLEFUSCU God save Big Endians ! Draw. Aim. /Fire! ENSEMBLE Fire!

22.

GULLIVER Stop prickling me! EMPEROR OF BLEFUSCU Aim for his eyes you twits! ENSEMBLE Draw. Aim./ Fire. IRAL OF BLEFUSCU Fire. We’re winning! Gulliver puts on his glasses. GULLIVER Your losing. Agh. ENSEMBLE Oh no! GULLIVER Fee-fi- fo-fum- I smell the blood of a Blefuscan. Be he live or be he dead - I’ll take your tallest for my bread! Gulliver picks up the Emperor puppet who carries on fighting. The Blefuscans stop firing and start to whimper and wail. EMPEROR OF BLEFUSCU Keep fighting Blefus cu. I am proud to die as your Emperor. Gulliver puts the Emperor into his pocket. The Blefuscans stop fighting so much. GULLIVER But I promised your daughter I’d be merciful. ENSEMBLE He’s cutting our ships adrift! EMPEROR OF BLEFUSCU AND ENSEMBLE AAgggghhhhh!

23.

ENSEMBLE He’s dragging our ships to Lilliput! Aaggggggggggghhhhhhh. Gulliver starts to drag the ships away with him. Sound effect of wooden ships moving off together. GULLIVER Can you swim Your Highness? EMPEROR OF BLEFUSCU Like a whale. GULLIVER Then s wim back to your Blefuscu ENSEMBLE Blefuscu is undone... GULLIVER Bloody arrows. The sun is rising. The voices of the Blefuscans get a little quieter as Gulliver moves away. Gulliver picks the arrows out of his clothing. He walks up the Lilliputian b each. Long Live the most powerful and puissant Emperor of Lilliput. PEOPLE OF LILLIPUT Long Live Man Mountain! Gulliver makes a show of his strength. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT People of Lilliput God has sent this man to help and defend you. The people cheer. We hereby honour this man with Lilliput’s highes t title of Nardac. Gulliver kneels. GULLIVER I thank Your Majesties.

24.

EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT It is we who have to thank you. Rise Nardac Man Mountain . People of Lilliput, once Na rd a c Man Mountain swims back to Blefuscu and returns with the remainder of the enemy’s fleet, Blefuscu will be reduced to a province of Lilliput! ENSEMBLE God save Nardac Man Mountain. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT With Man Mountain’s help, we will destroy and put to death the Big-Endian heretics, and compel the whole universe to break its eggs on their smaller ends! Won’t we Nardac Man Mountain? GULLIVER No Your Majes ty EMPEROR AND ENSEMBLE Uh? GULLIVER I will not make free people into s laves. ENSEMBLE Uh? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT You are my subject, I am your King. I think for you. Don’t I? ENSEMBLE Yes! GULLIVER (to the audience)

I refuse to let him become s ole monarch of his universe. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Are you ready to do your duty? GULLIVER I think all true believers should break their eggs on their convenient ends.

25.

The Emperor is speechless with rage. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Then I am going to host a banquet on the beach in your honour Man Mountain. Gulliver pick s up the Queen’s puppet and takes her off to the picnic. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Heretic! LORD FLIMNAP Heretic. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT AND LORD FLIMNAP Heretic. GULLIVER (quietly )

Your Majesty I kept your father safe in my pocket and let him swim back to Blefuscu. In fact no one was killed in the battle. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Merci. I am in your debt. GULLIVER I hope to be of service again. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Would Man Mountain like to taste some bread baked in the Blefuscan style? Miniature b askets of French b read are given to Gulliver b y the puppet Queen. GULLIVER Yes please. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Voila! PEOPLE OF LILLIPUT Long Live Nardac Man Mountain. Ten

26.

EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT He’s the people’s hero now. ENSEMBLE Twenty. LORD FLIMNAP His diet could soon cause a famine. ENSEMBLE Two hundred. GULLIVER More. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT To wash it all down, here is wine from my own vineyards on Blefuscu. Miniature b arrels are handed to Gulliver b y the puppet Queen. Gulliver throws each b arrel away and the ensemb le run away. PEOPLE OF LILLIPUT Seven. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT We should starve him to death. ENSEMBLE AND GULLIVER Seventy. LORD FLIMNAP The stench of so large a carcass might provoke a plague in our metropolis. ENSEMBLE AND GULLIVER AND EMPRESS Seven hundred! GULLIVER People of Mildendo I thank you. To Mildendo! Gulliver b elches. He is more than a little drunk . He picks up yet more b arrels and throws them to the ground.

27.

ENSEMBLE To Mildendo! GULLIVER To Lilliput! ENSEMBLE To Lilliput! EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT To Nardac Man Mountain. ENSEMBLE To Nardac Man Mountain! GULLIVER Excellent people of Lilliput I mus t thank you for your hospitality. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT We thank you. From this day forward, let this day be known as Nardac Man Mountain Day! Wild cheering. GULLIVER And now children, come and play in my pockets! Gulliver goes to his house, curls up to go to sleep.

SCENE 9: GULLIVER URINATES ON THE QUEEN’S APARTMENT AND FLEES The shadow puppet fire b egins. The sound of a fire - palace alarm b ells- it b ecomes louder as Gulliver’s party approach the palace. Gulliver is asleep in his Temple and snoring loudly. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Help! Fire! Fire! Fire I’m trapped Help Fire etc. The Lilliputians b ang on the Temple doors.

28.

LADY FLIMNAP Wake up Nardac Man Moutain? Wake up - fire has broken out in the Empress’ apartments! GULLIVER Fire? How? LADY FLIMNAP A Maid of Honour was reading a Blefus can romance and feel asleep over it... GULLIVER Headless girl. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Help! Gulliver leaves for the palace. LORD FLIMNAP Clear every street for Nardac Man Mountain, by Royal Order. ENSEMBLE Make way - make way. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Help! GULLIVER Stay calm Your Highness, I’m coming to save you. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Help! If I jump I’ll crack my legs in four. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Make haste Man Mountain! GULLIVER I’m here Your Highness. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Merci.

29.

GULLIVER Pray climb up into my hand. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Merci Man Mountain. GULLIVER Pray stand back Your Majesty. Gulliver b rings the Empress to the Emperor EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Ma cherie you’re safe. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Oui. Deluge the flames Man Mountain. The whole ensemb le forms a chain gang to b uck ets to Gulliver. GULLIVER Faster - fas ter- faster - let’s work in double time. ENSEMBLE AND GULLIVER Faster! EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT When will it rain? ENSEMBLE Faster - fas ter - faster! EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Do s omething Man Mountain. GULLIVER People of Lilliput watch how your Nardac can rain on a fire! EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Noooo!

30.

GULLIVER And out she sizzles. Gulliver urinates all over the palace. Pissing and crackling sounds. The Lilliputians watch in horror. Thank God for that pres ence of mind. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Our palace has been defiled. Gulliver approaches the Emperor and Empress. GULLIVER I’m delighted that I just drank so much of your delicious Blefus can wine Your Majesty. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Nardac Man Mountain it is high treason to make water within the Royal Precincts. GULLIVER I know. But my waters have saved your magnificent palace at Blefaborac. Long Live the Empress ! EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Long Live the Emperor. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Grovel before me. GULLIVER What’s happening? EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT It was a malicious, treacherous, devilish discharge.

Eh! People of Lilliput how s hould your

Emperor punish such a traitor? LORD FLIMNAP Set fire to his house at night! EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT And then surround it with twenty thous and men armed with poisoned arrows.

31.

EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT How will we dispose of the body? LORD FLIMNAP It’ll be cremated Your Majesty. GULLIVER Your Majesty I am your most loving Nardac. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Man Mountain although your crimes are great, there is still room for mercy. LORD FLIMNAP Mercy is a most commendable virtue in a Prince and one for which the Emperor is so justly celebrated. Long/Live the Emperor. PEOPLE OF LILLIPUT Long Live the Emperor! EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT As a mark of my great friendship and favour towards you Man Mountain, I am going to order my surgeons to simply press sharp pointed arrows into the balls of your eyes. Gulliver stands. GULLIVER No. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Yes I say. GULLIVER No I s ay. Gulliver tears a great rock out of the palace walls. GULLIVER (CONT’D) No. People of Mildendo I could pelt your palace to pieces .

32.

EVERYONE No! Gulliver towers menacingly over the people of Lilliput. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT I will fight you to the death Man Mountain! GULLIVER You are the mos t pernicious race of little odious vermin that ever crawled upon the s urface of the earth. Now if Your Highnesses will excuse me, I have an invitation to visit the Emperor of Blefuscu. And I’m travelling by ship. Gulliver throws his stone wide of the people who all scatter and scream. Gulliver swims away with a ship. EMPEROR OF LILLIPUT Come back and fight me like a big man. EMPRESS OF LILLIPUT Oh my palace...

SCENE 10: ESCAPE FROM LILLIPUT Very loud sounds of the sea. Music. It is still night time with a touch of dawn on the horizon. Gulliver is floating on the sea with his ships in his hands. There is fog and he’s lost. He empties a sheep in a cage into his mouth. TOM WATKINS A hundred years is a very long time, Ho, yes, ho! A hundred years is a very long time, A hundred years ago.

They used to think that pigs could fly

33.

ENSEMBLE Ho, yes, ho! TOM WATKINS I don't b elieve it, no, not I. ENSEMBLE A hundred years ago. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS They thought the stars were set a-light, GULLIVER Ho, yes, ho! ENSEMBLE By some good angel every night, ENSEMBLE AND GULLIVER A hundred years ago. TOM WATKINS Captain there’s someone floating down there in the water. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Haul to starboard. GULLIVER Help! CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Ready about? ENSEMBLE Ready. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS And Heave Ho.

34.

GULLIVER Mij helpen! CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS We’re coming to get you! Who’s down there? GULLIVER My name is Lemuel Gulliver. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Thy life’s a miracle. The Swallow went down north west of Van Diemen’s Land nine months ago. Haven’t you recognised my voice yet Lemuel? GULLIVER No.. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS It’s your old sea pal Peter Williams.. GULLIVER This is the kind of thing that only happens in books! FIRST MATE Welcome aboard CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS The Swift ENSEMBLE Gulliver. TOM WATKINS We’re sailing for Japan if we don’t run out of fresh water ...

They thought the moon was made of cheese.

35.

ENSEMBLE Ho, yes, ho! You can b elieve it if you please. A hundred years ago.

A hundred years is a very long time, Ho, yes, ho! A hundred years is a very long time, A hundred years ago.

SCENE 11: ARRIVAL IN BROBDINGNAG The sailors’ song accompanies the sailors as they row ashore. The song fades away as they climb out onto the b each. The natural sounds of the b each sound louder than might b e expected. There is the rumb le of humid thunder in the air. The sailors carry vessels for water collection. TOM WATKINGS Waterfalls of the Pacific- Tom Watkins is dreaming of you! WATCH LEADER (to the audience)

I’m so thirsty I could drink bilge water. GULLIVER Ugh. WATCH LEADER Captain if there be lava due east, there may be creeks due west. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Hmm. GULLIVER (Only Gulliver still has a water bottle)

Peter can I have leave to make what discoveries I can? CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Go - go.

36.

Gulliver walks up into the auditorium and the Captain sits down to rest. WATCH LEADER (sarcastically )

Has he got his Union Jack to hand? TOM WATKINS Water! Up here! Water. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Water men. Water! The sailors run towards the water and fall into it, scooping it up and rolling in it. An earth tremor b egins. WATCH LEADER Water! Sweet water. TOM WATKINS I’m so happy I’m blowing bubbles. WATCH LEADER What’s that? CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Don’t be alarmed - it’s only a volcanic tremor. The sailors all start to feel the tremor b ut really want to drink. WATCH LEADER Captain Williams something or someone is banging something s omewhere. TOM WATKINS Cannibals ... CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Quick! Fill up the water vessels. Tom Watk ins b elches loudly.

37.

WATCH LEADER It’s getting darker. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS That’s the sun in the pines. The Lord be prais ed - that tree’s taller than our cathedral at Salisbury. Very loud sounds of Glumdalclitch laughing. Every time her feet b ang the sailor group b ounces up. WATCH LEADER But it has two legs? TOM WATKINS Uh? CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS That hand is bigger than I am. It’s a WATCH LEADER AND CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Giant!! TOM WATKINS A giant? WATCH LEADER & CAPTAIN A giantess!! Incredulous pause. Then they all scream together. ENSEMBLE Run Tom! Run! Run. Giant. It’s a giant etc. They run around the stage and clamb er b ack into their b oat. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Wait. Have any of you men seen Doctor Gulliver? TOM WATKINS Uh-ah.

38.

GLUMDALCLITCH Gru - gru. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS But I was bes t man at his wedding.. Watch Leader b angs him on the head with an oar and throws him in the b oat. TOM WATKINS That’s mutiny. WATCH LEADER That’s orders. Come on Tom. Two six TOM AND WATCH LEADER Heave! WATCH LEADER Two six TOM AND WATCH LEADER Heave etc Glumdalclitch enters the stage. GLUMDALCLITCH Gru Gru back mala dingnag. I’m only a little girl. Gru Gru back mala dingnag GULLIVER WAIT FOR GULLIVER! TOM WATKINS God be with you Gulliver! Glumdalclitch enters the water. She is trying to catch up with the sailors. As she wades in deeper the sheet rises higher. GLUMDALCLITCH Gru gru back mala dingnag- gru gru backk - Don’t be frightened. Gru back. OOhhh. Gru- gru back! I’m out of my depth! Oh Sekool Daddy! SekoolI me Daddy - Daddy..

39.

The lights come on in the ship’s model. We can only hear the sailor’s voices. CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS Ach I’ve an egg on my head. Where’s Doctor Gulliver? GULLIVER I’m squeezed between two blades of corn like a field mous e. The ship sails away. Beat. GLUMDALCLITCH Ah-what tiny footprints they left. One, two, three, four ... Ah- ha -this doll’s cup will be my prettiest treasure. GOZOL! MUMMY! DADDY! She gets down on all fours and starts to crawl, tracing the tiny footprints with her finger tips. Every time she takes a step there is a b ang. We can hear her heavy b reathing. GULLIVER Oh I should try to end my days! Glumdalclitch discovers Gulliver’s hiding place and watches him intently. GLUMDALCLITCH Ah-ha! GULLIVER (scared and conf ounded)

Oh my desolate widow. Gozol, Mistress Brumdalnitch and Farmer Brumdalnitch arrive. GLUMDALCLITCH (in a low v oice)

Gozol - Daddy -Mummy- it’s a pixie. GOZOL They’re real? GLUMDALCLITCH Didn’t I always say I believed in fairies ?

40.

MISTRESS BRUMDALNITCH Ugh. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Shhh. I’m planning how to catch him. The Farmer puts on his gardening gloves. He gets ready to catch Gulliver. GULLIVER If that water mill takes another step I shall be squelched to death. I want to live and have adventures! Ahhhhhh! Gulliver produces his puppet b efore them and screams with all his force. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Got ya! MISTRESS BRUMDALNITCH Agh! The farmer picks him up b etween his thumb and middle finger and holds him up to his face. Glumdalclitch screeches with delight. GULLIVER Woh Stop pinching me s o grievously! MISTRESS BRUMDALNITCH Brumdal it’s a s placknuck. Yuck! GULLIVER My dear kind Sir, I humbly greet you and your little ones. I come in peace. Peace! MISTRESS BRUMDALNITCH Dash its little face on that rock pool. Now! GLUMDALCLITCH AND GOZOL No! FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Sh wife. It’s probably more scared than you are.

41.

GULLIVER Stop squeezing me Sir. Gulliver groans, sheds tears, and turns his head towards his sides. The farmer puts Gulliver on all fours and he and his children hunker down around him. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Look - it goes on two legs ! GLUMDALCLITCH He’s so pretty. GOZOL You don’t need to be s cared now Mummy. Mrs Brumdalnitch sniffs. The group watch Gulliver walk ab out with fascination. GULLIVER Kind Sir, I humbly present you with my gold sovereign. Gulliver offers him a gold coin. To the farmer it is the size of a pinhead. He puts his ear to the ground to hear Gulliver. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH What’s that he’s s aying? GLUMDALCLITCH It’s fairy language. GULLIVER (the same in Dutch)

Ik bied u mijn gouden medaille. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH I couldn’t buy a grain of barley for that. Maybe you could use it for a sequin Growgrootha? MISTRESS BRUMDALNITCH Maybe..

42.

GOZOL Give it back to him. The farmer tries to give the gold to Gozol b ut then gives it b ack to Gulliver. GLUMDALCLITCH But it’s fairy gold! Come on little man. She picks up puppet Gulliver. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH In s tories, if you find a fairy, that fairy will make you rich. GLUMDALCLITCH Only if you promise to be good. The family leave. Glumdalclitch picks puppet Gulliver up and starts to sing him a lullab y. GULLIVER Woh. Glumdalclitch is my school mistress and has taught me to speak Brobdingnagian and given me the name of Grildig which in Latin is nanunculus, in Italian b ambolino and in English midget.

SCENE 12: THE STREETS OF FLANFLASNIC Travelling music. Gulliver is in his travelling b ox. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Oyez - hear ye - oyez - come one come all to view the Grildig spectacle at The Sign of the Green Eagle- come and see the tiniest creature in the world - in every part it is an human creature and yet it is no higher than a splacknuck! GLUMDALCLITCH A splacknuck? GULLIVER (aside f rom his cage)

Their native animal - very finely shaped and about six feet in height.

43.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Don’t be getting any ideas Glumdalclitch...I’ll be back with lots of customers ... The Farmer exits. GLUMDALCLITCH Look Grildig - look at the walled city of Flanflasnic. GULLIVER What a great heap of buildings ... Flanflasnic’s streets make me think of mountainous gorges. BEGGAR (to Glumdalclitch)

Can you spare us some change for gruel love? Egh what do you have there? The b eggar peers at Gulliver. He k eeps scratching and has no teeth. GLUMDALCLITCH Ugh... Holding is thirty jirons, touching is twenty and looking is five. BEGGAR Hello. GULLIVER Wait Glumdalclitch. He’s so full of interes ting diseases. The b eggar sneezes. GULLIVER (CONT’D) Ugh. Kind Sir, would it please you if I took a sample of your wart? BEGGAR I’ve lots of warts, which one do you want? GULLIVER That magnificent one. Gulliver tries to cut off a sample with his scalpel. BEGGAR That’s the mouldy one on the tip of my nos e. Agh! You’re a vicious little runt aren’t you?

44.

The b eggar tak es the travelling b ox and shakes it and in so doing frightens Gulliver into the hollow of the sheet which will b ecome the giant tab le. GLUMDALCLITCH Daddy! The farmer puts his arm around his daughter and the travelling b ox, and in so doing b locks actor Gulliver standing b ehind him.

SCENE 13: FREAK SHOW AT THE SIGN OF THE GREEN EAGLE ENSEMBLE (they hav e responded to the f armer’s sales pitch)

Oh ah oh FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Oyez . Come one come all to see the one hundred and one diverting tricks of Grildig the brave! The remaining ensemb le enter and crowd around the sheet and start pulling the corners. ENSEMBLE Oh - ah- oh - etc GULLIVER Excellent people of Flan flas nic , I come before you a weary traveller, to educate and perhaps to amaze you. Sh. Ladies and Gentlemen I will now present you with my hanger... He takes out his hanger and demonstrates various fencing poses and lunges. SHEPHERD BOY Ha-ha. MISTRESS BUZGLOOPEE Oh I want to take him home to play with my Zumbalcoo. She’s only two. GLUMDALCLITCH He’s my Grildig. GULLIVER Excellent people I am also skilled at the ancient art of pike staffery.

45.

MISTRESS BUZGLOOPEE What’s that? GULLIVER Mistress Buzgloopee my hanger will now repres ent a very very long metal pole to you. Armed with this I and my fellow pikem en march in close formation, and when we have the enemy at clos e quarters, we form a pike block and then slowly slowly slowly we push Fren chi e back into submission. Gulliver demonstrates pik e staffing techniques. Everyone laughs. ENSEMBLE More! SHEPHERD BOY What do you do if you’re on the losing side little man? GULLIVER Should our push of the pike fail, we take out our hangers and slash our way through the ranks... MISTRESS BUZGLOOPE Someone bring the little man a drink! More laughter. A giant thimb le is lowered onto where Gulliver is standing. He smiles. ENSEMBLE Drink. Drink. Drink! GULLIVER Ah a libation. Why I thank you Flanflasnic! To Flanfas nic! ENSEMBLE To Flanflasnic. GULLIVER To England ENSEMBLE To England. To Brobdingnag.

46.

GULLIVER To Brobdingnag. ENSEMBLE Drink- drink- drink! As he drink s the ensemb le cheer, clap and stamp him on. He sways ab out. The ensemb le all change places at the tab le. Mistress Buzglo opee dons a mask to play the Queen of Brob dingnag. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Oyez - come one come all to the Grildig Show the seventh sold out performance of the day! Gulliver is weary and resentful. GULLIVER My hanger! Very feared by my enemies. ENSEMBLE More! GULLIVER The ancient art of pike staffery. ENSEMBLE More. GULLIVER Would someone bring this man a drink? He drinks and very nearly falls. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Oyez - come one - come all to the twelfth and nearly sold out Grildig Show of the day! But never fear if you can’t catch the evilest, viles t, tiniest creature in Brobdingnag today, we’re here at the Sign of the Green Eagle for another two hundred and two s hows ! GULLIVER My hanger!

47.

Gulliver collapses and the Farmer tries to poke him awake ENSEMBLE What a rip off! Boo. Everyone leaves except for a masked woman and Glumdalclitch.

SCENE 14: THE QUEEN PURCHASES THE GRILDIG FARMER BRUMDALNITCH (He whistles and calls like he is herding an animal.)

Up with you splacknuck up. Now, or they’ll be asking for a refund! Up Splacknuck up! Up I say! Up! GLUMDALCLITCH Daddy...if Grildig does any more Grildig shows, GLUMDALCLITCH AND GULLIVER Grildig says he could die. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG It seems that Grildig’s been reduced to a skeleton. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH (starting to count his money )

Show time’s over Mis tress. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG It’ll be over when I say it’s over. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Mistress ... However, if you my Friends of Grildig scheme you can have an exclus ive audience with Grildig for the gold price of / QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG No-that won’t be appropriate. Besides I’m the Queen of Brobdingnag in disguise! Ta-da! Now what do you say to that? Musical flourish, possib le musical underscore from here. She takes out a b ank note with her face on it and rips off her disguise.

48.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Eh. Is that for the platinum hip? GLUMDALITCH We are not worthy Your Majesty. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG That’s right on your knees girl. GULLIVER My spirits are revived by the Influence of your most August Pres ence, and I will now beg the honour of kissing the Imperial foot. Glumdalclitch please. Puppet Gulliver is lifted to the level of the Queen’s finger tip b y Glumdalclitch. He emb races it with b oth of his arms. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Don’t you have a strong grip Grildig? The Farmer and the Queen politely laugh. GULLIVER (aside)

She’s delighted by so much strength in so diminutive an animal. Musical underscore anticipating the excitement of going to court. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Oh! We s hould like to purchas e you for a fair price. GLUMDALCLITCH Him no! FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Whist! Your Majesty can have the girl and the grildig for a thousand pieces of gold. Puppet Gulliver and his travelling b ox are handed over. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Done.

49.

GLUMDALCLITCH Hooray! QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG I’ll have to send the King of Thailand my white elephant to pay for my Grildig but what of it? Groogoly Grildig. I’m your Mummy now. GULLIVER Groogol Mummy. GLUMDALCLITCH Groogol Daddy. FARMER BRUMDALNITCH Groogol Little Glum. Next time your mother and I’ll s ee you, you’ll look like a fairy princes s. Don’t forget to send us your portrait and eh some pocket money eh? Musical sequence showing their little procession off to court. Glumdalclitch is given her new dress b y the Queen. She then b rushes the Queen’s hair.

SCENE 15: GULLIVER IS ABDUCTED BY A MONKEY Gulliver is writing his diary at his desk with a feather quill. GULLIVER Today it is Dwindle Dwarf’s turn to amuse Her Majesty, so I’ve decided to s tay in my peaceful travelling box and ponder my travels for the benefit of public and private life. A loud b ouncing and skipping sound is heard. What’s that? Oh my Jacks and Jakes! It’s the King’s monkey. The monk ey skips around to the other side and rattles the miniature b ox.Although he is much alarmed Gulliver keeps very still. If you’re wondering why I don’t call Glumdalclitch, it’s because I don’t want to alert that frolicsome fiend’s attention. The monk ey spies Gulliver and makes faces, it grins, it claps, it chatters. MONKEY Go - gagaa ga aga ga go go...

50.

Gulliver tries to hide in the corner. The monk ey goes closer. Gulliver moves again and a cat and mouse game ensues. GULLIVER (sometimes sarcastic, as goes to dif f erent corners of the box)

What pleas ure. What peeping. What chattering. What grinning. What curiosity. Why I even want the presence of mind to hide myself. The monk ey pulls open the miniature door and pulls puppet Gulliver out. No - no . Aghhhh! Ouch. MONKEY Gu-gu. The monk ey holds him as a nurse might hold a suckling b ab y and strokes his face. If Gulliver struggles it squeezes him harder. The monkey offers him its b reast. GULLIVER She’s mis taken me for one of her own s pecies. It may be more prudent to s ubmit. Gulliver suckles MONKEY Goooooo. Goooo. GULLIVER Hm. It tastes a bit like coconut milk. The monkey clamps his head to her b reast again. Gulliver suckles again. Glumdalclitch enters and looks inside the travelling b ox.. GLUMDALCLITCH Grildig? GULLIVER (muf f led by the breast)

Glumdalclitch... GLUMDALCLITCH Ahhh! Sekool - gru! GRU! The monk ey shrieks with pleasure and takes off on high with him.

51.

GULLIVER Glumdalclitch! Sekoool! GLUMDALCLITCH Sekool! It’s taking him up the drainpipe- Sekool! Sekool! etc The sound of an alarm b eing raised. A b ell is ringing. KING OF BROBDINGNAG VOICEOVER This is a palace emergency. This is a palace emergency. Calling all palace guards to the Queen’s Quarters. Her Majes ty’s midget has been abducted by His Majesty’s monkey. The sound of uproar and the palace guards mustering. The Queen enters QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Run for ladders page boys! Gru pages gru! GLUMDALCLITCH Gru pages gru. Climb faster please! Gru - gru. DWARF (running onto the stage, to the audience)

Now I’m the smallest grildig again. Whoopee! The monkey settles down. Everyone on ground level looks up as they follow the ladders. Laughter. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Are you alright up there Grildig? GULLIVER (to the audience)

Hundreds of the court are looking up at me. I’m famous. I could touch the clouds from this height Your Majesty. In fact I! The monk ey teasingly plays around with Gulliver like a man ab out to throw a stick to a dog. The Queen and Glumdalclitch run to all the possib le places they might catch him from.

52.

MONKEY Gra,gra, gra goo! ....Na,na,nag,nooo,.. Pra,prag,proo..pooh! ENSEMBLE Oh...ah...oh etc. (This goes on f or three rounds)

GLUMDALCLITCH No Monkey No. Sekool! CATCH GRILDIG! The monk ey raises its arm to throw Gulliver down. Puppet Gulliver is thrown. Actor Gulliver returns to the stage with b lown up cheeks. GLUMDALCLITCH (CONT’D) You’re safe. ENSEMBLE Hooray! GULLIVER (still with crammed cheeks)

Thank you for saving me Little Nurse. (jealous that his brav ery could hav e been called into question)

Loud laughter. The Queen takes him to her b reast and strok es him. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Ah Come and tell Mummy all about it Grildig. GULLIVER I was so frightened I forgot about my hanger, but if I’d thought of it, why when she poked her paw into my box I’d have given her such a wound. DWARF. The Lilliputians looked upon me as the greatest prodigy that ever appeared in the world. Gulliver falls a vomiting. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Ugh. Somebody take the splacknuck -

53.

The Queen drops him and the dwarf catches him. DWARF I’ll give him a bath Your Majesty. Glumdalclitch you’re not allowed in the boys bathroom. (f rom inside the bathroom)

I love bath time. It’s my favourite time of the day. We hear the sound of flushing water. Gulliver b eing half drowned and the dwarf laughing. Glumdalclitch stands downstage in agony.

SCENE 16: THE QUEEN’S BODY DWARF I found monkey marks on his spotty behind. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Poor Grildig. We must put some salve on them. Glumdalclitch please. There.. there. Mummy’s finding so many bruises. Can you roll over please? Oh it is such a pleas ure to see and to touch you Grildig. DWARF. Oh it’s so tiny. GULLIVER Not where I come from. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Grildig you’re still s hivering from your bath. Let Mummy warm you up. She puts the Gulliver puppet to her chest. DWARF Imagine you’re back with your monkey mummy and give her a good suck. Ha-ha. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG (to Dwindle Dwarf )

Beware the whip fool! DWARF (to himself )

I love you.

54.

QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG (to Gulliv er)

Do s omething Grildig you’re not a puppet! DWARF Inside s hould be cosier - Your Majes ty. GULLIVER Oh brother not in there. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Don’t wriggle. And don’t pretend it’s your first time. Lullab y Grildig ... The Queen and Dwindle Dwarf sing a lullab y that underscores the ‘b reast scene’ GULLIVER (the puppet is inside the brassiere)

Her skin is so varified with pores, spots, pimples and freckles, that nothing could appear more nauseous . QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Oh ho ho you’re tickling me. DWARF I wish I was small enough to tickle you Your Majesty. GLUMDALCLITCH Why? The Queen and the dwarf laugh knowingly. GULLIVER There is a mole as broad as a dinner plate and hairs hanging from it thicker than pack threads. I wish I could pluck it. Gulliver can’t resist himself and plucks.

55.

QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Ouch! You vile little man. And you can take your little toy back to the nursery. No! Make him do something to serve me first. DWARF Isn’t that what Her Majes ty paid a thousand jirons for? QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Why don’t you tell me how your father grew him, that would be so much more amusing than his Lilliput... DWARF. Drown him in the bath. GULLIVER No brother. I wish to delight their Majes ties with my music. After the Royal Banquet tomorrow, the accomplished Grildig will celebrate his nation on the s pinet.

SCENE 17: INTERVIEW WITH THE KING OF BROBDINGNAG Gulliver plays Rule Britannia on an imagined piano, with great piano cudgels he has carved himself then covered them in mouse skin, whilst the King, Queen, Dwarf and Glumdalclitch look on. DWARF. Oh ‘my Jacks and Jakes’ what’s Grildig about to do to that piano? GULLIVER Rule Britania! Britannia rule the waves. Britons never, never, never shall be slaves . They clap. QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG He’s no greater than one of his Lilliputians. Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves.. DWARF. Britannia rules the waves.

56.

KING OF BROBDINGNAG My little friend Grildig, having just listened to your most proud five hour presentation upon your great British ins titutions, I must conclude that your Natives are the most pernicious race of odious little vermin that ever crawled upon the surface of the earth. DWARF Very bad for the odious little vermin. GULLIVER Your Majes ty I would like to tell you of a miraculous white powder. If a spark falls into an heap of this powder, it flies up into the air with a nois e and agitation that is greater than thunder. If Your Majesty were to ram this powder into a hollow metal tube with a lead ball and fire it, why it could destroy an army at once! It tears houses to pieces, bursts and throws splinters on every side and dashes out the brains of all who come near it. KING OF BROBDINGNAG How can such an impotent and grovelling an insect as you entertain such inhuman ideas? GULLIVER (to the audience)

How prejudiced and narrow minded of the King. KING OF BROBDINGNAG Well? GULLIVER My gunpowder could make you the absolute master of the lives, liberties and fortunes of your people. KING OF BROBDINGNAG I should rather lose half my kingdom than be privy to such a splacknuckis h secret. (to Glumdalclitch)

I’d lock the little weas el up if I were you. GLUMDALCLITCH Yes Your Majesty. KING OF BROBDINGNAG Wife I’ve had quite enough of your menagerie for the night.

57.

QUEEN OF BROBDINGNAG Fine. Don’t throw away the key just yet. KING OF BROBDINGNAG It is time for the Buzgloopee Ceremony of the Royal Bedchamber. The King takes the Queen’s arm and leaves, followed b y the triumphant dwarf. Glumdalclitch puts Gulliver b ack in his travelling b ox. DWARF. I’ll look after the key for you Your Majesty. (to the audience)

She loves me! GLUMDALCLITCH You’re not going to cry are you Grildig?

SCENE 18: DEPARTURE FROM BROBDINGNAG Glumdalclitch places Gulliver’s b ox on the seashore. She puts her lips through the b ars to give him a kiss. The ensemb le make seashore sounds. GULLIVER Mummy all I want is to be allowed out of my travelling-box and to walk about without the fear of being trampled to death like a frog or a young puppy. GLUMDALCLITCH (starting to cry )

But I promised Her Majesty I wouldn’t let you out - a seagull or an eagle might mistake Grildig’s wig for a periwrinkle. GULLIVER Is that sentry up on the cliffs there to protect me from eagles? GLUMDALCLITCH No Grildig, that’s Her Majesty’s look out. He’s been scanning the sea for a Mrs Grildig for two years . GULLIVER Do you know what I’d like to do today Glumdalclitch? I’d like to tile the roof my travelling-box with shells.

58.

GLUMDALCLITCH Pretty! GULLIVER And I want to help look for shells too! GLUMDALCLITCH No Grildig. Her Majesty says Grildig plays inside. We haven’t forgotten how the monkey, the sparrow, the spaniel, the rat and the cat came to find you out, have we? GULLIVER Groogol Little Glum. Ugh. GLUMDALCLITCH Groogol and be good for Mummy! She gives him a b ig kiss and then jumps over the b ox and goes off to look for shells. She hums a lullab y. GLUMDALCLITCH (CONT’D) Splish - splash - splosh/ Granny’s in the wash/who put her in/my brother Gozol/how will we get her out? with her old bottle of stout ... splishity, splashity, splosh... GULLIVER Oh little Betty...No ship can come and look for your father in Brobdingnag, as only I have discovered it. Sound and music. A golden eagle appears and circles the stage. It caws. GLUMDALCLITCH (looking up and wav ing her arms)

Oh no! GULLIVER What’s that? The eagle screeches at Glumdalclitch and drives her around the stage b efore Glumdalclitch runs away. It starts to inspect Gulliver’s travelling b ox. All the sounds of her movements are amplified.

59.

GLUMDALCLITCH Gru! Grun! Somebody sekool! sekool! GULLIVER Agh. Please help me. Somebody sekool! Sekool me! Sekool! Glumdalclitch etc The eagle violently picks up the b ox in her teeth and flies up into the sky. GULLIVER (CONT’D) (looking down)

Groogol Glumdalclitch! Groogol for the last time! Groogol... Glumdalclitch re-enters and sees the shadow eagle flying off. GLUMDALCLITCH Grildiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggggg! Glumdalclitch collapses in a crying heap and the lights darken over her. GULLIVER Oh my ... so this is what flying must feel like - and I Lemuel Gulliver will be the first man to ever have achieved it.. Let’s record man’s first ever bird’s eye view. He tries to stand up b ut falls down again with the motion. A b ang and a b uffet. Gulliver tries to remain calm. The eagle caws and violently shak es the travelling b ox. The sound of whooshing wind increases. Agh all I can see is a wall of white fog- I must be in the clouds. He starts to shiver. Woh! Why they look like the Arctic landscapes of the North West pas sage I saw as a cabin boy. GLUMDALCLITCH The eagle wants to crack his box on a rock, like a tortoise in a shell, and then pick out his body and eat him up... A b ang, a b uffet and a sudden drop. The sound of b eating wings increases. GULLIVER Oh I feel like a signpost in a windy day! Two other eagles the fray. The three eagles start to fight one another.

60.

GLUMDALCLITCH GRILDIG! The travelling b ox’s fall is st Suddenly the eagle lets go of the b ox and it drops very fast. Gulliver spins around and around with the window. Blackout GULLIVER Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sekooooooooooooooooll! Gulliver’s b ox lands in the water with a great splash. I’m alive! Hurray! Hurrah! Hurray! Sekool! Help! Hilf mir! Mij helpen! Can anybody hear me? Silence except for the waves. If I can escape s inking for a day or two, what can I expect but a miserable death of cold and hunger? Fish played or puppeteered b y the ensemb le his window b y. Ah-ha- I see parum pisca tor. At least they’re not big enough to eat me. Oh I should of s tayed in Redriff with my Mrs Gulliver, and prescribed people’s pox, people’s pustules and people’s pus. No one will ever read about poor Glumdalclitch now. And nobody will be educated by my travels. ( to a member of the audience)

How long do you think it takes to die? I’m going to try to find out. You’ll tell me when it’s over won’t you? He lies down to sleep.

SCENE 19: GULLIVER IS RESCUED FROM BROBDINGNAG BY THE SAILORS A shadow puppet b oat sails onto the stage and discovers a shadow travelling b ox. A grating sound on the side of the b ox is heard. The lights flick er on and off. ENSEMBLE A hundred years is a very long time, Ho, yes, ho! A hundred years is a very long time, A hundred years ago. (MORE)

61. ENSEMBLE (CONT'D)

They used to think that pigs could fly Ho, yes, ho! I don't b elieve it, no, not I. A hundred years ago. The Ensemb le continue to hum A Hundred Years under the dialogue. CAPTAIN THOMAS WILCOCKS Men we need to be very careful. There could be a great criminal inside whom some Prince has put to s ea in a leaky vessel... If there be anybody down below let them speak now. GULLIVER (v ery loudly )

Let me out of this monstrous dungeon! CAPTAIN THOMAS WILCOCKS Hold fast and we will. Gulliver sniggers and laughs at the size of the sailors. ENSEMBLE They thought the moon was made of cheese. CAPTAIN THOMAS WILCOCKS Heave, men/ heave ENSEMBLE Heave, GULLIVER What tiny creatures my rescuers are. ENSEMBLE An hundred years ago. The scene transforms to an English one.

62.

SCENE 20: THE RETURN TO MARY AND BETTY MARY GULLIVER They thought the stars were set a-light, ENSEMBLE Ho, yes, ho! BETTY GULLIVER By some good angel every night, ENSEMBLE A hundred years ago. MARY GULLIVER Lemuel. GULLIVER Mary! MARY GULLIVER My Lemuel? Gulliver b ends low to Mary’s knees. GULLIVER Come here and kiss me lass. Oh - ha ha ha.... MARY GULLIVER What did they do to you Lemuel? BETTY GULLIVER Dearest Father, I’d like to ask your bles sing. Gulliver looks for her sixty foot in the sk y. GULLIVER Why? BETTY GULLIVER I’m down here dearest father.

63.

MARY GULLIVER Hasn’t Betty grown? GULLIVER She’s shrunk. Why have you starved yourselves to nothing? BETTY GULLIVER The last any of our families heard of The Swift was three long winters ago. MARY GULLIVER We need to talk. He b ends to take Betty and Mary into his hand. He look s them in the eye, as if it could help him keep b alance. GULLIVER My Lilliputians climb into my hands for a chat. Oh ha ha...here’s our level. MARY GULLIVER Stop Lemuel. GULLIVER Do you know where your Daddy’s been Betty? BETTY GULLIVER Where? GULLIVER He’s been to a land of giants. And he’s bought you back a wart from a giant beggar’s nose. Gulliver offers Betty the wart. BETTY GULLIVER Ugh. You are as horrid as Mummy says. GULLIVER But I was going to have it set in silver for your birthday. MARY GULLIVER Lemuel, please don’t ever put to sea again.

64.

The ensemb le hum the tune of An hundred years on the Eastern Shore. GULLIVER Let’s talk about that later. Gulliver and his wife dance. BETTY GULLIVER AND ENSEMBLE A hundred years is a very long time, Ho, yes, ho! A hundred years is a very long time, A hundred years ago.

INTERVAL

SCENE 21: MUTINY ONBOARD SHIP - GULLIVER IS PUT ASHORE Gulliver is now dressed as a captain. He is down in the ship’s hold and his ankle is chained to his b ed. One pirate has his pistol trained on Gulliver. The sailors who surround him are half pirate half yahoo. ENSEMBLE Fifteen men on whole ship’s list Yo ho ho and a b ottle of rum! Drink and the devil b e done for the rest Yo ho ho and a b ottle of rum! PIRATE FIRST MATE The captain lay with his nob in gore Where the scullion’s axe his cheek had shore And the scullion he was stab b ed times four And there they lay, aye, dam my eyes All lookouts clapped on paradise JAMES WELCH All souls just b ound contrary wise.

65.

ENSEMBLE Yo ho ho and a b ottle of rum JAMES WELCH Fifteen men of ‘em stiff and stark ENSEMBLE Yo ho-ho and a b ottle of rum. PIRATE FIRST MATE Ten of the crew had a murder mark ENSEMBLE Yo-ho-ho and a b ottle of rum. GULLIVER Dearest Mary and Betty, I hope and pray that life is still prosperous and sweet for you at Redriff. I should have learned the lesson of knowing when I was well, instead I choose to become Captain of The Adventure.

I have terrible news. The good men you met onboard at Portsmouth all died of calentures and the new crew I was forced to take on at Barbados have now turned my men pirate against me. ENSEMBLE Fifteen men of ‘em stiff and stark Yo ho ho and a b ottle of rum! Ten of the crew had the murder mark, Yo ho ho and a b ottle of rum! JAMES WELCH Lemuel Gulliver, our Captain has decided to rid himself of you. GULLIVER I am your Captain Welch. Welch casually hits Gulliver.

66.

JAMES WELCH Now you know who your Captain be. Gulliver spits. PIRATE FIRST MATE You’re going to be set ashore at the first strip of sand we discover. JAMES WELCH A colonis ing a coward like you, would want to impress the natives with his golden grandeur. PIRATE FIRST MATE Get dressed Gulliver. He hands Gulliver his captain’s uniform and Gulliver starts to dress. GULLIVER Kindly let me have a pocket pistol to fire over their heads. JAMES WELCH No. I believe in fair play. PIRATES Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest Yo ho ho and a b ottle of rum! Drink and the devil b e done for the rest Yo ho and a b ottle of rum!

SCENE 22 ARRIVAL IN HOUYHNHNM’S LAND The yahoos are in the fields. As Gulliver walks downstage with a necklace in his hand they shyly sneak up and surround him. Some of them mimic him. Sounds of meadows ading the seashore. GULLIVER Now what to do? There are long rows of trees, fields of grass and a great field of oats over there. But where are the natives? And where are their arrows? I’m so hungry I could give myself up to the first savages I meet! I’m planing to buy my life from them with this trinket Betty made. Agh!

67.

He shows the audience a b rightly coloured glass necklace. Teenage yahoo leaps for it and runs off. She puts it on. TEENAGE YAHOO Yahoo. ALL YAHOOS. Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo! GULLIVER Stop! Give that back. That’s made for trading, not stealing. Look at her - why she’s almost human. Look at her dugs ! Look! The deformed animal. The remaining yahoos are fascinated b y him and yob o yahoo advances directly. Gulliver b randishes his hanger and retreats under a tree. Yob o screws up his face so that it distorts in several directions and raises his forepaw, it is not clear if he wants to fight or if he is curious. The other yahoos cheer him on. He scratches his armpits. What do you want? Ugh you stink like an unemptied bed pan. YOBO YAHOO. (he display s himself )

Yabadababdoo! ALL YAHOOS. Yabadabayoo. Gulliver smites the yahoo with the flat of his b lade. Yob o howls and all the yahoos come running. Heavy metal music. They pin him down with wild cries. They form a line and defecate together and then pelt and smear him with it. One of them gets his hanger and mockingly dances with it. Others stuff his mouth with shit or with vomit. There are a series of charges led b y Yob o. Every time a shit hits Gulliver the yahoos cheer. Help! Glumdalclitch seko ol! Mij help en! Menu de ajuda! Hilf mir! Mary I love you- Mary - MummyMary I love you - what a way to die. The cowards! You cowards! Gulliver tries to make a run for it and picks up a shit and hurls it b ack at yob o. YOBO YAHOO. Galagala Gabooo!

68.

Yob o catches the shit and pelts him in the face with it. One takes his wig from his head, whilst another takes the hat and they dance around him with it. Female is now wearing the necklace. Sorrel Nag appears at a distance. GULLIVER Stop! Please stop! You can have all my bracelets, all my rings and all my other trinkets and toys if you’d just stop. Sekool me now Glumdalclitch ! Gulliver is sob b ing and the yahoos are laughing at his defeat. Sorrel Nag rears up. SORREL NAG Neigh- heigh-heigh-heigh! The yahoos screech and scramb le. The hat and the wig are dropped. Some yahoos hide and some go to transition into horses. The hiding yahoos seethe in the b ushes. Gulliver picks up his wig and Captain’s hat. Sorrel Nag stares at him. There is a moment of stillness. Gwa illa yahoo? Gwa iila oo? GULLIVER I wish I’d a Brobdingnagian apple to s ay thank you with. He whistles and attempts to pat her neck and she shak es her head, b ends her b rows and removes his hand with her hoof. She starts to circle him. SORREL NAG Hohaho. Hhum yahoo. GULLIVER Easy now. Easy ...Sh.. SORREL NAG Hohaho. Hnuy illa. GULLIVER Easy now ... easy ... I know I stink like a sewer but, my gift with hors es is well known... SORREL NAG Hhum yahoo hhum. Master Grey enters the scene. He carries a collar and chain for catching yahoos.

69.

MASTER GREY Hee Yahoo! Hee. Both horses are astonished when Gulliver doesn’t ob ey. Yahoo. Huhum maiah sorrel. Huhum SORREL NAG Huhum. Master Grey canters to confer in neighs with Sorrel Nag. They greet one another b y ritually pressing their hooves together. The words yahoo and houyhnhnm are frequently used which Gulliver starts to repeat to himself, whenever it is used. They look at him often. GULLIVER Ponder my travels- they’re quite fascinated by me! yah oo ... houyhnhnm... it seems that these horses are conversing with one another, and if so their subject is me.. yahoo ......yahoo...yahoo. FEMALE YAHOO. Yahoo! GULLIVER Ugh! A hiding yahoo pelts Gulliver with one more shit. The yahoo is reprimanded b y Master Grey. MASTER GREY Sleigh yahoo sleigh. Gulliver wipes some more shit away. The horses go b ack to their conversation. GULLIVER Ugh! I am amazed by these brutish beasts. He wipes more shit away using his shaving mirror. Houyhnhnm! Gentlemen, if you be shape shifting magicians, you can understand any language, therefore I beg one of you to let me ride upon him, as if he were a real horse, and to bring me to the nearest human dwelling.

70.

MASTER GREY Neigh yahoo. Neigh! Gulliver tries to mount Sorrel Nag’s b ack and is knocked out b y Master Grey. Momentary b lack out. The neighs and cantering of horses.

SCENE 23: WAITING FOR THE WIZARD Sorrel Nag washes and cleans Gulliver. When Gulliver wakes up he is b andaged and alone on a straw mat. Only he is lit on stage b ut there are horses in the shadows, possib ly undertak ing domestic task s such as laundry or sewing. GULLIVER (He rubs his head)

No - I don’t know how long I’ve been here. SORREL NAG Neigh - heigh- brayye. FOALS (shrill)

Neigh-heigh-houy-houy-pepe. GULLIVER I’m waiting for the human reply. He lays out his trinkets and toys - three b racelets of false pearl, a small looking glass and a two k nives. MASTER GREY Beheigh yahoo beigh. The sound of horses cantering across open ground. Neighing conversation. GULLIVER Is everything their illusion? I see a clay floor, a wattled wall, a thatched roof, and a great manger. Do you? I thought I saw a comely mare threading her needle with her hoof?!? Did you? He rub s his eyes. He pinches himself. He b ecomes frantic. I don’t want another adventure. i want to go home. I want to wake up. Wake me Mary. Please wake me. Mary!

71.

SCENE 24: GULLIVER IS EXAMINED BY THE HOUYHNHNMS Chief Houyhnhnm, Master Grey and Sorrel Nag all enter the playing area. Together they rear and stamp their feet on the earth with a clatter. MASTER GREY Cease yahoo. ALL HOUYHNHNMS Cease. There is a greeting ritual where the Chief offers Gulliver his hoof, Gulliver shak es it, instead of pressing it as a Houyhnhnhm would. GULLIVER Yahoo. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Yes you’re a yahoo, but what classification or breed are you? Have you grown up from the slime? The mountain? Or the mud? SORREL NAG In Yahoo! Female Yahoo enters chained GULLIVER Great magicians, I can’t understand a single neigh. Neigh. FEMALE YAHOO Neigh. GULLIVER (to Female Y ahoo with hatred)

Neigh. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN We have never encountered a yahoo that can speak before, though you don’t speak houyhnhnm do you? Hhum yahoo. Female Yahoo presses her hand to Gulliver’s hand. Gulliver can’t b ear the stink and tries to pull away.

72.

GULLIVER Yuck. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Stay Yahoo. ALL HOUYHNHNMS Stay ...stay...stay. The horses pound the earth. Gulliver is compared to Female Yahoo, particular attention is paid to Gulliver’s exposed sk in, hands, hair and hat. MASTER GREY Its skin is smooth and white, but it is still the skin of a yahoo my Mare. SORREL NAG It has a blue and gold skin my Stallion. Is this the thing which is not? MASTER GREY No. It has the face and figure of a yahoo. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN It must be some kind of yahoo prodigy. GULLIVER Yahoo prodigy. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Is such intelligence possible from so brutish a creature? Maybe the parrot is trying to speak Houyhnhnm. GULLIVER Houyhnhnm! CHIEF HOUYHNHMN (indicating himself )

Yes Houyhnhnm. We are houyhnhnms. ALL HOUYHNHNMS Houyhnhnms .

73.

GULLIVER Houyhnhnm. My gift for languages was ever thus. (he thinks y ahoo could be a greeting)

Yahoo Houyhnhnm. MASTER GREY (contemptuously pointing to Gulliv er)

Yahoo. FEMALE YAHOO. As if greeting him

Yahoo. ALL HOUYHNHNMS AND YOBO (pointing to Gulliv er)

Yahoo. GULLIVER Yahoo... CHIEF HOUYHNHMN I am a yahoo. He motions that Gulliver should repeat the phrase. GULLIVER I am a yahoo. I am a yahoo. If I am a yahoo I must study to be a Houyhnhnm... All the horses agree. (to the audience)

We all are yahoos. SORREL NAG And we are all Houyhnhnms. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Brr. It is time to munch and mull in our meadows. The remaining free horses graze their meadows and run happily around the stage for a few b eats. Tranquil, happy music or sound scape.

74.

SCENE 25: THE HOUYHNHNM DINNER Gulliver enters dressed in a b izarre mixture of furs, yahoo skins and his Captain’s uniform. He trots around like a horse and tries to mimic the movements of the Houyhnhnm. GULLIVER Thirty seven moons have now ed and I have been named ‘Wonderful Yahoo’ and so I live in the kennel closes t to the house. The virtues of the excellent quadrupeds , and my own similarity to my yahoo brother, have convinced me of my thousand faults, which would not even for human weaknes ses amongst you lot. This time I have not a word to offer in our species’ defence. Instead I contemplate and practice every Houyhnhnm virtue; and eat only milk, oats and herbs as they do.

When my Master Grey has company, he allows me to wait at the dining stable.. I’m infinitely delighted with my station of humble auditor, as nothing pas ses here but what is useful. My Masters . Gulliver b ows. The ensemb le create the scene of a Houyhnhnm dinner party centre stage. They sit around the mangers, Master Grey and Sorrel Nag sit as a couple. Gulliver moves to his dog’s position in the corner. The ensemb le improvise a weighty discussion in Houyhnhnm. It is possib le that a yahoo attends them. I never presume to speak, because I would lose much time for self-improvement CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Our subjects are generally on friendship, virtue and charity SORREL NAG the visible operations of Nature MASTER GREY the unerring rules of Reason PROSECUTING HOUYHNHNM And most often upon what is excellent in poetry. ENSEMBLE Now we all praise Sorrel Nag Fourteen times champion Of our Solstice Fes tahag (MORE)

75. ENSEMBLE (CONT'D)

Strong, agile, sweaty and fleet Sorrel Nag knows no defeat. GULLIVER I am proud to listen to the Houyhnhnm sing, and would like to one day dictate what is sung and said here to the wisest assemblies in Europe. (Directly to the audience, whilst giv ing f ocus to the horses)

We - we venerate them. Your Honours? The horses dismiss his worship and gallop away. Gulliver is left alone until Sorrell Nag calls him from b ehind a hill.

SCENE 26: NATURE TRAIL THROUGH YAHOO TERRITORY The lighting denotes an open grassy space. Sounds of the primal yahoo outdoors. All the yahoos howl. Yob o yahoo is happily sucking on a juicy root and singing. SORREL NAG Wonderful Yahoo, today’s salutary lesson is on the effects of the juicy root. Yahoos love to dig for this rare root, for it produces much the same symptoms as you report wine once did upon you.... GULLIVER I never sucked such a root Your Honour. SORREL NAG Watch how it howls,grins, chatters, reels and tumbles. Yob o suddenly want to hug Gulliver. The other yahoos copy Gulliver’s discomfort with glee. An explosion of yahoo energy. A yahoo pulls at Gulliver’s clothing and Sorrel Nag gives it a kick. Gulliver hides b ehind Sorrel Nag. GULLIVER Agh. Jabber jabber jabber. SORREL NAG Heigh heigh. To the mud with you. Heigh heigh heigh.

76.

GULLIVER Jabber jabber jabber. SORREL NAG Your nature is as cowardly as theirs is! GULLIVER That one must be the ruling yahoo Your Honour - as he is the most cunning, malicious and deformed. SORREL NAG (condescendingly )

How logical you are. GULLIVER Your Honour, thank you for distinguishing me from the rest of my species. Oh the black is the leader’s favourite. Oh yes oh yes he is ... oh he likes the taste of baked mud in the morning doesn’t he?... The favourite licks the leader’s b uttocks and toes. All the other yahoos must hate him, and that‘s why he stays so close to their leader. He’s afraid of their excrement! Female suddenly gazes on the two males. SORREL NAG Do you mis s your she-yahoo? GULLIVER I never want to look upon Mrs Gulliver again... My she only has matted hair on her pudenda. Ugh The female shows the male her b ottom and farts sweetly. The males follow her and she often looks b ack , with a counterfeit show of fear. SORREL NAG Inhale it...Isn’t it an education?... GULLIVER Ah she knew he would follow her.

77.

SORREL NAG But you’re following her too. The males growl at Gulliver. GULLIVER Your Honour I’m not. SORREL NAG (turning Gulliv er so that he no longer f aces the y ahoos)

Then s how me s ome decency. Sorrel exits. Yob o gives the juicy root to the favourite and thus wins the female. The couple b ite each other and smell one another’s b ottoms, then disappear. The favourite falls asleep in the mud. The female has left her b ab y b ehind. GULLIVER I’m going to try to get closer to her convienient hole. Shh. Shh. Where’s your Papa then? Shh. The b ab y starts to scratch. Gulliver wishes to placate it. He offers it his shaving mirror. Cudgey cu- aren’t you the pretty cub then? How developed is your cranial lobe? Sh be a good cub shh. Hm Now I’m going to feel your tummy. Yes its abdominal structure is human ... but there is no light of human intelligence in your eyes . Now this might tickle a bit... The b ab y wakes and hollers. The favourite awakes. Sod it! You odious vermin. Sh sh. The b ab y vomits all over him and itself. Gulliver notices that the favourite is preparing to throw shit at him. His response is throw the screaming b ab y at him.

SCENE 27: GULLIVER WASHES IN THE RIVER. Gulliver goes to the river and starts to undress. Two yahoos now operate the b lue sheet and the female hides in the rock. GULLIVER Neig h-h eig h-h eig h. Hh um Houyhnh m. It doesn’t seem that there are any houyhnhnm nearby Hhum Houyhnhm- if there were I’d have to keep my vomit soaked dis guis e on.

78.

He strips down to his fur loin cloth and dives into the water. The female is overcome with desire and stands some way off on the side of the b ank. She tries to take off her skin too. How I hate and detest my yahoo reflection ... Oh no! ... She’s harmless enough. Don’t play with my clothes girl. He k eeps scrub b ing himself and she mimics his movements. He cleans his waistcoat in the water. I’m quite safe because you yahoos don’t like washing or water. Yes yahoo. Now I’m going to count to ninety-nine. He ducks under the water. After a few seconds, the female takes a running jump and emb races him in a ‘fulsome’ manner. He tries to fight her off and she tries to grab him. This carry on endures for some time, at one point Gulliver emerges with her on his shoulders. The sound and lights change to match when they are under or over the water. Help! Stop! Talk amongst yourselves . Leave go of me! etc. Sorrel Nag gallops over. She watches what is happening and can’t b elieve what he sees. She noses through the clothes Gulliver has left b eside the river. Stop watching us and do something Your Honour please! SORREL NAG Drop him. Drop him at once! The female whimpers and relinquishes her hold. She leaps onto the far b ank where she stands gazing and howling. You can get out too. The two yahoos who were puppetering the river leave to return as horses. And what pray is that? Gulliver has his hands over his groin. GULLIVER My John Thomas Your Honour. SORREL NAG And these? Sorrel Nag indicates his clothes.

79.

GULLIVER Your Honour I need them to keep warm and to cover my shame... I’m getting cold - I’ll need to put my s kin on. Gulliver is shivering and starts to dress. Each time he puts on a new item of clothing the yahoo howls again. She loves to show Gulliver her b ottom. The other two horses give focus from a distance. SORREL NAG You are doing the thing which is not. No animal can have two skins , two furs or two hides. Without these Wonderful Yahoo you are jus t like her. The sight of your soft white organs has inflamed her desire. Look how s he howls for you, as for one of her own s pecies. Indeed my reason tells me that you were encouraging her. GULLIVER Your Honour, it was her that wanted me. SORREL NAG And you that wanted her. If she’d the gift of speech she’d tell me herself. Every animal needs its mate. Gulliver is shivering. GULLIVER Pleas e forgive me for the poor sinner that I am Your Honour. SORREL NAG You s mell of yahoo. You are an exact yahoo in every part. / I do not understand the thing which is not. My reason requests an Extraordinary Assembly. Sorrel Nag neighs on her hind legs. The other horses come galloping into a well defined semi-circle and stamp their hooves.

SCENE 28: THE HOUYHNHNM ASSEMBLY ALL HOUYHNHNMS /He said the thing which is not... He did the thing which is not...He made up the thing which is not. He believes the thing which is not.

80.

This sound crescendos like a nightmare. The staging is expressionistic and sub jective to Gulliver’s perspective. The chief ends the crescendo b y pounding his hoof like a gavel. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Ho u yhn h m Brethe rn . We are gathered here to decide what is to be done with a yahoo with glimmerings of reason. PROSECUTING HOUYHNHNM Sorrel Nag how does he pretend to be the thing which he is not? He b angs his hoof. SORREL NAG He wears a second skin, under which he is anatomically the s ame as any other yahoo. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN If Wonderful Yahoo was repentant, he would appear naked before us . GULLIVER But CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Silence yahoo. PROSECUTING HOUYHNHNM Master Grey it is not conducive to Reason for a stallion to converse with a yahoo dog, or for his mare to take pleasure from their yahoo picnics together. ALL HOUYHNHNMS Hear hear. Brr. Brr. CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Houyhnhnm brethern, this yahoo might seduce his brother yahoos up into our peaceful mountains, and then destroy our Houyhnhnm cattle. ALL HOUYHNHNMS True, true.

81.

CHIEF HOUYHNHMN Therefore Wonderful Yahoo, this Assembly exhorts you to swim back to the place from whence you came. GULLIVER I cannot disobey Reas on. The thing that is, is that I am a yahoo. That I am guilty of. ALL HOUYHNHNMS True.. True... GULLIVER I shall build my boat and go. ALL HOUYHNHNMS Guilty Yahoo - Yahoo Guilty- Guilty Yahoo! Yahoo guilty. The lighting b ecomes nightmarish. The horses crowd ab out Gulliver. They rear and stamp with great animal energy. Gulliver swoons.

SCENE 29: DEPARTURE FROM HOUYNHNHM COUNTRY A b each on a fine b reezy morning. Gulliver is swooned in front of Sorrel Nag and Master Grey. He has never felt so much grief or despair b efore. GULLIVER Your Honours, there could be no greater happiness than to die at your hooves. MASTER GREY Heigh- the tide has reached the appointed place. Gulliver rises to pull his b oat of yahoo skins on stage. GULLIVER (hopef ully )

Maybe my boat will sink? SORREL NAG Yahoo skin is strong, and yahoo tallow watertight. Gulliver prostrates himself b efore the horses.

82.

GULLIVER Your Honours I love you and your family, more than I could ever love my own. Gulliver kisses Master Grey’s hoof b ut remains lock ed therein. A pause. MASTER GREY Is he dead? Master Grey raises Gulliver’s chin with his hoof. Gulliver k isses it fervently. GULLIVER Oh that so illustrious a person should pay such a mark of dis tinction to so inferior creature as I. Gulliver stands and gets into his b oat and sets sail. Music. Lonely sea b lue lighting. The Houyhnhnm watch him till he is out of sight. SORREL NAG Take care of thys elf gentle yahoo. GULLIVER Hny illa nyha maiah Houyhnhnm... She always loved me. ENSEMBLE (f rom af ar)

Hny illa nyha maiah Houyhnhnm.

SCENE 3O: THE PORTUGESE SAILORS RESCUE GULLIVER Gulliver is all alone at sea. Light and sound scape to denote the ing of time. DON PEDRO The story you have told me is a dream or a vision. GULLIVER Captain is it the custom in Portugal to say the thing which is not?

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DON PEDRO Captain the Inquisition would burn you and your story in the plaza. GULLIVER Yahoo catholics love a martyr. DON PEDRO Your wife doesn’t want a silver relic she wants a husband! GULLIVER Pleas e, let me row away to some desolate island. DON PEDRO (touching Gulliv er)

Captain Gulliver I see it as a point of honour to return you to your wife Mary and your children. GULLIVER It is a wonder to find such kindness in a yahoo.

SCENE 31: THE FINAL RETURN TO ENGLAND The Gulliver family pull open his b oat like a present and spin it around. Mary takes him in her arms and kisses him. Gulliver cries out MARY GULLIVER Lemuel we thought you were dead! BETTY GULLIVER Papa you’re home from the South Seas! MARY GULLIVER Look at Betty - she’s all grown up now and s o handy with her needle. I’d like to introduce you to our son - we called him Lemuel for you. LEMUEL GULLIVER Good Afternoon Papa. Are you surprised to meet me? He tries to kiss Gulliver’s cheek , Gulliver shudders away.

84.

GULLIVER (to the audience)

By lying with a s he-yahoo, I have become the parent of more. MARY GULLIVER Lemuel? LEMUEL GULLIVER Tell us about the South Sea Indians Papa. GULLIVER (to the audience)

I am repuls ed by my reflection in his face. BETTY GULLIVER Did you meet any giants or Lilliputians this time? GULLIVER You smell like odious animals to me. MARY GULLIVER They were just playing in the s tables Lemuel. Would you believe that Queen Anne now keeps one of your Lilliputian pigs as a pet? Don’t you want to greet us Lemuel? GULLIVER Neigh. Hhum Houyhnhnm. Gulliver rears up like and emits an emergency neigh. Soundscape of thundering hooves.

SCENE 32: EPILOGUE IN THE STABLE These horses are peaceful, ive and b roken in and are played in the costume of the Gulliver children with horse’s masks. GULLIVER I wish I could digest raw oats too...I like talking to you Gentle Masters . Thank you for s uffering me to live in your stable with you. Mary enters with a b owl of porridge. Gulliver won’t interact with her.

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MARY GULLIVER Are you feeling better today dear Lemuel? ... I put home made jam in your porridge. GULLIVER Your Honours I have something to confess. I know that I will revert to my yahoo nature if I speak to my family, but last Sunday was the fifth anniversary of my homecoming. I allowed Mary to sit at stable with me. Yet I found the scent of a she-yahoo so offens ive, that I stopped my nose with rue and lavender - like s o. Did I do wrong my Noble Masters?

What do you have to neigh Houyhnhnm? Hhum Houyhnhm ... yahoo... Houyhnhnm. Please neigh something - neigh anything! My young stone-horses, Grildig needs your judgement, your guidance and your instructions. Hh um Houyhnhnm hh um , come Houyhnhnm come, hh um Houyhnhnm hhum! Mary leads Gulliver out of the stab le. The horses exchange a knowing look with one another and go b ack to their munching.

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Glossary Dingnag - people in Brob dingnag Hhum - come on in Houyhhnm Hilf mir! Help in German Mala - little in Brob dingnag Menu de ajuda! help me in Portugese. Mij helpen - help me in Dutch Neigh - no in Houyhnhnm Groogol - goodb ye in Brob dingnag Gru - come on in Brob dingnag Gru - sho - go away in Brob dingnag parum piscator - little fishes in Latin. Sekool- help in Brob dingnag Sleigh - stop in Houyhnhnm