If Only 174p3f

For Project Jonah New Zealand and all the work they do to save and protect NZ Marine Mammals

First published by OneTree House Ltd, New Zealand, 2020

Text © Adele Broadbent, 2020 978-0-9951171-3-6

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Cover design: dahlDESIGN

Chapter 1

Music pounded into the street. People spilled down onto the lawn, silhouetted against coloured lights strung across the villa’s veranda. Three guys emerged and staggered down the steps and I wondered if I’d made a huge mistake. I thought about staying in the taxi and going home, but when I turned to Tam, she was laughing with the others we’d caught a ride with. Someone slid open the van door and when Tam climbed out, I followed. The confidence she’d shown all night seemed to waver for a moment, before she quickly peeled off her longsleeved shirt. Underneath was a black, sparkly top with more strategically placed holes than a golf course. ‘What are you doing?’ I hissed. She stuffed her top into her bag, then smoothed down her long, black hair. ‘Looking the part, K. Does my lipstick look okay?’ ‘You knew? About the party?’ ‘No,’ she said. ‘I heard them talking about it at school, and hoped we’d be invited after the show. And look! Here we are.’ ‘I don’t know, Tam.’ I looked up the drive at someone hunched over in the garden. Seconds later, I saw why. I looked away again, feeling sick myself. ‘Do you even know who lives here? Why don’t we just go home? We’ve been to the show. I can pay for a taxi.’ She pulled me aside. ‘Come on, K. Evan invited us.’ She glanced over at the group we came with. ‘This is our chance. A real party.’ I knew what she meant. The only parties we’d ever been invited to involved fairy bread and fizzy when we were little, and grape juice and our parents as we got older. Pros and cons tumbled in my head. It was something Dad always did

when he was contemplating something, and I’d picked up the annoying habit. Sometimes I wished I was more spontaneous – like Tam. I could demand to go home and have Tam never speak to me again, or stay and make her entire year. She squeezed my arm. ‘Imagine going to school on Monday and actually being able to talk about a real party, instead of just hearing about other people’s weekends. Please, K.’ Her dark gaze pleaded under her false eyelashes. She’d been so excited about it all. I’d hardly believed it when she’d told me her plans, three days before. ‘Oh my gosh,’ she’d gushed. ‘This is epic.’ It was Tam’s long drawn-out, indepth explanations of the most, simple things that were epic. She could spend five minutes telling me how she got dressed in the morning. ‘You know how I told you I met Aimee whose brother is Ben who knows Evan who was going out with Larissa?’ She’d lost me already. I just nodded as usual. ‘Well,’ she took a deep breath and launched into how she came about getting the tickets. Tickets to an annual comedy festival that was famous for being amazing. I pulled a face as I tried to keep up with who knew who and why, and who they liked and who they didn’t and why, and eventually we came back around to Evan who had an older brother who was given extra tickets. ‘You’re amazing,’ I said. ‘Isn’t it fabulous?’ Tam beamed. ‘I mean, it’s amazing you all this stuff.’ ‘It’s a gift,’ she’d said. ‘Stick with me and we’ll make it to the top.’ By the look on her face I’d seen she really believed it. ‘So how do we pay for them?’ She’d waved her hand. ‘Oh, we’ll worry about that later. Evan said it’s no biggie, I mean, he was given the tickets after all. It’s not like he’s paid for them.’

‘Yeah, but –’ ‘Kayla!’ She’d grabbed my arm. ‘Stop being a worrywart. This is going to be awesome! We’re going to the comedy festival with the popular peeps. I’ve been working on this forever!’ With the tickets in her sights, she was like a bumblebee who’d fallen into a bucket of coffee and had only been saved after she’d swallowed half of it. She’d been buzzing ever since. It had been an awesome night, and to be invited to a party afterwards was a dream come true for Tam. Ever since kindy, she’d always wanted to be in the popular group, doing the stuff they did. We’d never achieved it in primary school or intermediate. It was always just our little group of two, no matter how hard Tam tried. Personally, I didn’t really mind, but Tam was determined to crack their battlements now that we were at Mana High. And we’d done it. Well, she had. I was just a tag-along. I looked into her pleading face. The popularity thing didn’t mean much to me, but Tam did. I couldn’t spoil it for her. With one last look at the party crowd I smiled. ‘Okay. But don’t you dare ditch me, Tamzyn Bennett.’ She squealed and gave me a quick hug, before linking arms and pulling me up the driveway after the others. ‘Let’s catch up with Evan.’

Chapter 2

Tam squeezed into a circle of people standing on the lawn, pulling me in after her. ‘Hi. I’m Tam. This is Kayla.’ We got the same response we’d received outside the theatre earlier that night. The girls ignored us and the guys just nodded. Tam didn’t seem to notice. She chatted away to Evan and his mates as if she’d known them forever and I wondered where this self-confident chick had morphed from. I looked at the people around me, trying not to stare. One girl had tattoos around her neck and along one bare arm. A guy had more piercings than I’d seen in my entire life, let alone on one person. Another girl, wearing the shortest skirt I’ve ever seen, hung off a guy with thick, black eye make-up and blue lipstick. As Tam chatted away next to me, I imagined Mum and Dad’s faces as if they had known where I was. Not the coolest thought, but I wasn’t about to tell anyone. When Tam first told me about the tickets I worried about how I was going to get past Mum. Even with free tickets, there was no way she would’ve let me go to the comedy festival ‘with mature themes’, with a bunch of people she didn’t know, that also included guys. Dad’s not as paranoid as Mum, but usually what Mum says, goes. I’d timed it perfectly, asking her as she juggled putting the groceries away, helping my little brother Theo with his maths homework, and cooking tea. I’d strolled into the kitchen. ‘Can I go to Tam’s this Saturday?’ I stirred a simmering pot on the stove. ‘I’ll probably stay the night.’ Mum poked her head out of the pantry. ‘Chocolate cake and movie night, huh?’ I never answered, continuing to stir the pot. I figured if I didn’t say anything, it wasn’t a lie. ‘I don’t see why not,’ she said. ‘No R16 movies please and don’t forget you said

you’d visit Auntie Mae this weekend.’ ‘Of course not,’ I said, leaving the kitchen as quickly as possible. It was only afterwards that I’d thought about Auntie Mae. I groaned. I had promised to see her but since we’d moved to the other side of town, it was a pain. Auntie Mae isn’t our real auntie. She is more like an adopted grandmother. Before we moved, she’d lived next door to us for as long as I could . We’d go to her house after school, or she’d babysit us at night if Mum and Dad went out. She’d do all sorts of cool stuff with us, like running races and obstacle courses in her backyard in summer. In the winter she’d pull out wooden puzzles and awesome board games you couldn’t buy any more. She’d help with my homework and school projects and she was great to talk to about stuff at school that I didn’t want Mum to know. But at nearly 16, board games and running races weren’t exactly my thing any more. As I grew she’d seemed to shrink, and going to see her now was just … It seems so mean to think it but it was boring. But if it meant getting past Mum, I’d stick to my promise. I’ll go tomorrow, I thought, returning to here and now just as Tam and the tattoo girl shrieked with laughter. Tam tugged on my arm. ‘Come on, K, let’s get something to drink.’ Inside the house, there was a strange, sweet smell in the air and the bass bounced off the walls. I imagined what the neighbours might be thinking. Dad would be onto noise control at half the decibels. I shook my head. Stop it, Kayla. You’re at a party. It’s supposed to be loud. People packed the wide hallway and ading rooms, preventing any easy movement. Making sure to stick together, we wove in and out of the crowd until we made it into the lounge. Again, we stopped as Tam recognised someone. I stood watching once again, wishing I’d worn the high heels Tam had offered when we were getting dressed. I’d always been the shortest in my class at school, but in such a packed space, I suddenly felt even smaller. We’d spent hours getting ready at Tam’s place and although Tam told me I

looked great, I felt completely out of place in my jeans and long-sleeved top. At least half of the girls wore skimpy tops, tiny skirts with black tights, and had long, straight hair. No wonder Tam had insisted on straightening mine, not that my wavy, mud-brown hair looked anything like it was supposed to. The guys weren’t much better. It was like hoodys and skinny jeans is a uniform for partiers. I looked past Tam to the next room, wondering if it would be less crowded. Shiny pots and pans hung from a rack above the heads of the crowd, so I figured it was the kitchen. I tapped Tam on her shoulder and pointed in the direction of the pots. When I made a drinking motion she grinned and nodded before leaning back in close with the girl she was talking to. It was a relief to reach the huge kitchen. Clusters of people stood around the edges, talking and laughing, with conversation slightly easier than in the lounge. An island bench in the centre of the room was stacked with bottles and beer cans and as I searched for Coke or orange juice, a guy pushed in front of me. He tore off a couple of cans and lobbed them across the room to his mates, before grabbing one himself. ‘Want something to drink?’ I looked up and recognised one of the guys from Evan’s group at the comedy show. I’d ended up sitting between him and Tam at the show, and he’d seemed a bit shy. At least, he wasn’t as out-there as Evan and his mates. At the comedy show interval, Tam and the others had gone out to the foyer. ‘To mingle,’ Tam had said. Too scared to leave my seat in case someone recognised me under the make-up Tam had shovelled on, I’d been left on my own with him. I learnt his name was Alex and not much else as we sat waiting for the others to return. But he was nice enough and didn’t completely ignore me, which is what guys usually do. ‘Do you want something to drink?’ he repeated. I nodded and tried to find my tongue as he stood waiting for my answer. ‘Um, yes,’ I stuttered. ‘Is there any Coke?’ ‘Yeah. Hang on.’ He crossed the kitchen to the biggest fridge I’d ever seen. He swung open one of the double stainless-steel doors to reveal even more beer, and

I wondered if he’d laugh if I asked for water. He reached into the back of the fridge and to my relief pulled out two cans of Coke. ‘Sure you don’t want a beer?’ he asked, glancing around at what others were drinking. ‘No, thanks,’ I said. ‘Can I have that one for my friend?’ I nodded at the second can of Coke. ‘Oh. Sure,’ he said. ‘Alex!’ We turned to the sound of his name. Evan and two other guys beckoned him over. He smiled at me and gave a little shrug before heading in their direction. The kitchen had filled while I’d got the Cokes and I had to squeeze my way back out, but when I found the spot I’d left Tam, she’d gone. ‘Oh, great, Tam.’ I stood on my tiptoes, peering around the room. No Tam. I scanned the crowd for my friend or any of the people we’d arrived with but didn’t recognise any faces at all. I hardly knew them but decided to go back to where I’d seen Alex and Evan. When I finally made it, a quick scan of the kitchen told me they were gone, too. I leaned against the kitchen wall, holding two Cokes, feeling like a complete idiot.

Chapter 3

After 10 minutes with no sign of Tam, I opened the Coke to drink while I waited, leaving Tam’s on the floor by my feet for when she came back. Half an hour later, having consumed both cans, while turning down four offers of bottles of different shapes and colours, I needed the loo. I found it, ed the dozen or so girls in the queue, then worked my way back to where I’d last seen Tam, but there was still no sign of her. Trying to look inconspicuous, I went back to the kitchen. My first party. I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell Tam that parties were totally overrated. You had no choice in the music and listening to pounding thrash-metal for hours wasn’t really my flavour. No one can actually talk to anyone without screaming in their ear. That’s if you actually know anyone to talk to. The reality wasn’t as good as I’d imagined. Being short was not only a problem in trying to spot someone at a party, it also meant you were in the throng of a nauseating mix of BO from some of the guys and cheap perfume from a lot of the girls. A couple were kissing in the opposite corner, well, more like trying to consume each other, completely oblivious to everyone around them. A boy stumbled through the crowd, then slid down the wall to the floor. He didn’t look much older than me and going by his pale, sweaty face I could see he was seriously close to throwing up. Not wanting to find out how close, I decided to move on and continued my search for Tam. It was hopeless. No one knew who she was, and I got weird looks every time I asked. I hadn’t seen any of the others we came with and suddenly wondered if they’d left the party already. My heart flipped. Had Tam gone with them? She wouldn’t. Would she? Pictures flicked through my head. Her grin layered

with bright lipstick, her excitement at the invitation, and the way she looked in her clingy black top. I shook my head, chasing the images away. Tam would not leave me on my own. I kept searching. ‘Looking for your friend?’ yelled a voice in my ear. I gasped and spun around to see Alex. ‘Yes. Have you seen her? I’ve been looking for ages.’ He frowned, and leaned closer. I tried again. ‘Have you seen her?’ I yelled back over the music. He answered by pointing out the open front door. ‘Thanks,’ I mumbled without looking back. I didn’t care what he thought. Suddenly I wanted to go home. But first I needed to find Tam. I had to look twice when I spied her from the top of the veranda steps. She stood alone on the edge of things, just between the reach of the coloured party lights and the glow of the street lamps. She was holding a bottle and swaying on her feet, and it wasn’t in time with the music. ‘Tam!’ I skirted around a group of older kids to reach her. When I touched her arm, she opened her eyes and peered at me through heavy lids. ‘Good party, babe.’ ‘Tam, it’s me,’ I said, taking her hand. She smiled and leaned towards me. ‘K?’ Her smile slipped from her face and her eyes widened. I moved just in time as she threw up on the front lawn. ‘Tam, what have you been drinking?’ I held her hair away from her face as she fell to her knees and retched again. We’d done a lot of things together but I’d never had to do this before. I noticed her top was peeled halfway up her back. It was so tight I had a struggle to yank it down again. My mind spun. Where had she been for the last hour? Pushing crazy thoughts aside, I helped her up and eased her backwards to sit on the edge of a raised garden. ‘I’ve only had one,’ she said, wiping her mouth. ‘One keg?’ I spat. I couldn’t help it. How could she be so stupid? Now what? I had to get her home, which led me to another problem. My place or hers? Her mum would completely freak if she saw Tam drunk, and my mum would kill me

if we turned up there and itted how this had happened. The pros and cons lined up in my head again, even though I already knew there’d be less fallout at Tam’s place if we were caught. Her mum would get over it. My mum wouldn’t. Besides, I wasn’t the one off my face. A quick scan around her and I couldn’t see her bright pink shoulder bag. ‘Where’s your bag?’ I asked. ‘We need your house keys.’ She waved towards the house. I groaned, dreading going back inside. ‘Any clues? It’s a big place.’ ‘Upstairs,’ she mumbled. ‘What were you −?’ I didn’t finish my question as she threw up again. I held her hair behind her head until she sat up. ‘Oh, Tam. It’ll be all right,’ I soothed as she began to cry. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. ‘We’re going to go home, okay? But I have to find your bag first.’ She nodded, tears running down her cheeks. ‘Stay here. Don’t move. I mean it,’ I ordered. ‘I’ll be back soon.’ If anything, the music sounded even louder, and only the fear of my parents finding out gave me the courage to venture back inside. I had to get Tam home. The later it got, the worse it would be if we were sprung. The music hit me like a fist as I pushed my way back through the bodies in the lounge, manoeuvred around two groping sets of couples on the stairs and finally reached the landing. Two girls stood at the end of the hall, whispering and giggling. They fell silent when they saw me and I nearly ran back down the stairs. I ed Tam alone on the front lawn and knew I had to get back to her before she moved … or worse. The girls stared as I approached them. ‘Um, hi,’ I began. ‘Have you seen a pink bag up here anywhere?’ Still they stared, as if I’d asked them if they’d seen a pink elephant. ‘My friend said she left it up here.’ Their answer was a combined blank look. Oh great, I thought. Someone’s nicked it, or she’s left it somewhere downstairs. I’ll never find it. A door suddenly opened to my right. Evan stepped out of a bedroom and before

he closed the door behind him, I spied something pink inside on the floor. He jumped when he saw me and glanced back down the hallway, as if looking for someone. When he turned back, he flicked his long, dark fringe out of his eyes and grinned. ‘Hi there. Having a good time? Tam sure is.’ My stomach swayed at his leer. What was he on about, Tam? What were you doing up here? I nodded and pretended to be with the other girls as he winked then went downstairs. When I was sure he was gone, I opened the bedroom door and dived into the room. I snatched Tam’s bag from the floor and turned to leave. A girl was slumped in a chair in the corner. She raised a bottle to me. ‘Cheers,’ she slurred, then put it to her lips. I bolted, the girl’s laughter following me down the hall.

For once I was pleased I had my checkout job at the local supermarket. I paid the taxi driver when we got to Tam’s place, using a chunk of my eftpos balance. I hoped whoever had booked it at the party wasn’t too mad when they realised I’d pinched their ride. As I helped Tam up her drive, I noticed her dad’s truck was gone and hoped that meant he was away on an overnight run. The last thing we needed was for him to catch us in his headlights like guilty possums. I knew Tam’s house like my own and I helped her past the small garage filled with boxes of junk her dad liked to fix, and along the narrow path to the back gate. I sighed. I’d always hated her gate. The latch was awkward, and every time Tam asked her dad to fix it instead of spending so much time on his junk, he’d just laugh. As I reached for the latch with one hand, while trying to hold Tam up with the other, she swayed, nearly pulling us over. I pulled her back towards me and leaned on the gate, vowing to ask her dad to fix it again if we made it to her room undiscovered. Fumbling with the latch I finally felt the gate give way and we stumbled through it together. Now I just had to get her to her room without waking her mum. Unlike mine, Tam’s parents weren’t so strict about what she wore, or what movies she watched, but they’d rant until she was 30 if they learnt she’d lied about our night, let alone finding her drunk.

I got Tam inside and to her room as quietly as I could, relieved she wasn’t like the drunks I’d seen on TV, yelling and singing at the top of their lungs. In fact she’d been quiet for the entire trip home and it was only after I’d undressed her and put her in bed that she spoke. ‘Sorry, K,’ she mumbled.

Chapter 4

Tam’s mum was surprised to see me after a long sleep-in the next day. ‘I thought you girls were staying at your place after the movies,’ she said when she spied me sneaking back to Tam’s room. She frowned. ‘What time did you get in last night?’ I’m going to kill you Tam, I thought, as my barely awake brain stumbled for an answer. ‘Oh, sorry. We ended up catching another movie and I’d forgotten that Theo was having a mate around. They always get up really early in the morning and wake up the whole planet. Little brothers are such a pain,’ I added. ‘I paid for a taxi to take us here instead.’ I plastered on a fake smile, dreading any questions about the movie we were supposed to have seen. She nodded. ‘Make sure Tam pays you back.’ She glanced at the two glasses of water I held. ‘And don’t run around after her. She’ll stay in bed all day if I let her.’ I returned her smile and escaped back to the bedroom which already smelt like a school toilet block. We got another lucky break when Tam’s mum went out after lunch, giving me time to throw open Tam’s windows and bedroom door and clean up. ‘You so owe me, Tam Bennett,’ I said, holding out a bucket at arm’s length. ‘I know,’ she groaned, sitting up in bed. ‘I feel like someone ran over my head.’ ‘I’ll get rid of this and you can tell me what happened.’ When I got back to her room, I found her staring at the ceiling. As she turned her back to me, I thought I saw a tear slide down her cheek. ‘What?’ I said. ‘Tam. Are you okay?’ She was silent in her huddle of blankets.

‘Tam. What happened last night? I lost you when I went to the kitchen, and then I found your bag upstairs, and Evan was acting weird and –’ ‘I don’t ,’ she mumbled. ‘You must something,’ I urged. Despite getting home so late, I’d spent ages lying awake wondering where Tam had been, and what Evan was on about. ‘Why didn’t you stay put? I asked you not to ditch me and you did. I ended up waiting for you for ages, then went looking everywhere. I thought you’d left the party without me. It was only that guy Alex who helped me. He told me where you were. What happened?’ She groaned and turned over, any trace of tears wiped away. ‘Stop yelling, K. You’re murdering my head.’ ‘Well, duh. Whose fault’s that?’ ‘Okay, okay. It was an epic fail,’ she grumbled. ‘Can we just tick the box for hangover achieved and move on?’ ‘How much did you drink?’ I asked. ‘I only had one.’ ‘Yeah right, Tam. You’ve had one before. It never did this to you. Why did you move when I was going to get you a drink? I got you a Coke and you vanished. We’re supposed to stick together ? Especially at a party like that. I was freaking out looking for you and when I –’ ‘Okay! I took something. Will you please stop yelling?’ ‘You what!’ She winced, covering her ears. ‘What were you thinking?’ ‘Don’t be such a prude, K. Evan −’ I exploded. ‘I knew it! I knew he had something to do with it. He’s such a sleaze,

Tam. Did you know he had a girl in his room? And it wasn’t the girl he went to the show with. What did he give you?’ ‘I don’t know. He said it would be a blast.’ ‘And was it?’ My stomach sank when she didn’t answer straight away. ‘I don’t want to talk about it any more.’ She pulled her pillow over her head and turned back to the wall. ‘Tam!’ She ignored me and I knew I wouldn’t get another word out of her until she’d slept off the hangover, or whatever it was. The sound of the front door banging told me her mum was back. The smell of the party clung to my clothes as I stuffed them in my bag. I’ll have to wash them when I get home, I thought. With one last look at Tam I closed the bedroom door behind me. ‘You off now?’ asked Tam’s mum as she came up the hall. ‘Where’s Tam?’ ‘Um, she’s not feeling very well.’ Which wasn’t a lie. ‘Maybe she ate some dodgy chips or something at the movies. Bye.’ I made a quick exit.

I’d only been gone one night but it felt so good to be home. If only my mind would stop leaping between the whys and what ifs of the night before. ‘Hi, love,’ Mum called from the lounge. ‘Did you have a good time?’ No, Mum. I didn’t. Tam’s pale face flashed in my head. ‘You know, just the same as it always is at Tam’s house,’ I lied. Mum appeared in the doorway. ‘How is Tam? I haven’t seen her lately.’ And you probably wouldn’t recognise her either, I thought. Not last night anyway. ‘She’s just the same, Mum.’ ‘You look shattered, love. Late night was it? You girls always did like your

movies.’ ‘Um, yeah. It was okay.’ ‘You should probably get an early night,’ said Mum. ‘School tomorrow. Chuck your washing in the basket before you go to bed though, eh?’ She turned to go and just as I thought I’d escaped with my tell-all washing, she asked, ‘I nearly forgot. How’s Auntie Mae?’ My heart nearly stopped. Auntie Mae! Mum must’ve seen my face change. ‘You did go and see her didn’t you, Kayla? You said you would.’ With everything that had happened, I’d completely forgotten about it. I reached down for my bag, avoiding her face. ‘Yes, I went today, Mum. She’s fine as always.’ She sighed. ‘Thank you. You know how much she loves to see you. I must get over there soon myself.’ I just nodded and slung my bag over my shoulder. Yeah, Mum, you should, I thought. Instead of laying a big guilt trip on me all the time. ‘I’m going to have a shower,’ I mumbled. On the way to the bathroom, I threw my clothes from the party into the washing machine. I chucked in some other stuff from the washing basket so it didn’t look so suspicious, and turned it on. I stood in the shower until Mum banged on the door. ‘You’ve been in there for ages!’ The feel and sound of the water had relaxed me, but the moment I turned it off, my thoughts whirled with the last 24 hours. The show, the party and Tam’s first hangover. Again, I was left wondering about her bag left in that room. From the privacy of my bedroom, I rang Tam on my cell. ‘Hello, K,’ she croaked on the other end. ‘How’re you feeling?’ ‘A bit better.’ ‘That’s gotta be good then.’

‘Yeah.’ She sounded strange. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Yeah. Thanks, K. You saved me last night,’ she said. ‘And this morning.’ ‘No probs,’ I said. ‘Can you any more about the party?’ ‘A bit. I better go. Mum’s here with some archaic concoction for my stomach. If it doesn’t kill me, I’ll see you at school tomorrow.’ She ended the call. She’d sounded terrible. Flat and not like Tam at all. I tried to brush it off as party after-effects I knew I could ask her about at school. I don’t know why I couldn’t leave it alone, but Evan’s leer was imprinted on my brain. I climbed into bed and switched off my lamp. In the darkness, my thoughts slid back to Auntie Mae. I’d deflected Mum’s question expertly, but I did feel bad about not going. Mum was right. I hadn’t seen her in ages. Auntie Mae was always smiling, always pleased to see me. I lay thinking about growing up next door to her, trying to when I first knew her. She’d just always been there, always willing to listen and keep my secrets. I wondered what she’d have thought about the party. Could I tell her about Tam? Maybe. She always had great advice. If Mum knew half the stuff I’d told her, she’d completely nut off at me. Yes, I decided, I’d tell Auntie Mae about my first party, if only to explain why I was a day late visiting. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll go and see her after school.

Chapter 5

Despite being a bit pale, Tam seemed back to her normal self at her school locker the next morning. ‘How’s the head?’ I asked. She pulled a face. ‘Better, thanks. Yesterday was the grossest day of my life.’ ‘And mine,’ I agreed with a grin. ‘I’m sooo sorry, K. I owe you one.’ She gave me a hug. ‘You owe me heaps,’ I said. ‘Mum nearly caught me with the stuff I wore to the party. It stunk! Whatever they were smoking slunk right through everything, and why does everyone put on so much perfume? The guys were just as bad.’ I waved my hand in front of my nose. ‘It was like being in a Lynx advert. And I was supposed to go and see Auntie Mae yesterday but completely forgot about it. I nearly died when Mum asked about her.’ Tam shut her locker and we made our way to class. ‘So what did you tell her?’ ‘I lied. I told her I went, and Auntie Mae was fine.’ Tam frowned. ‘Just as long as she doesn’t nark.’ ‘Auntie Mae? No way. She’s never narked yet.’ Tam’s face brightened. ‘You’re bad, K. You could lie about your own death.’ I stood taller and dramatically flicked my hair off my shoulder. ‘Just add it to my many talents.’ We got caught up in a bunch of girls at the end of the corridor and I caught the words, ‘comedy show’, ‘party’ and ‘guys’ as we squeezed past. Tam stopped dead in front of me, leaned into the group and said, ‘The show was momentous,

the party amazing, and the guys?’ She turned to me and their gazes followed. ‘The guys were hot, eh Kayla?’ She yanked me away from the group just as suddenly as she’d stopped, leaving them calling after us. Outside, she burst out laughing. ‘Did you see their faces? Now we will be part of today’s goss, too. My plan is working.’ I just gaped at her. In an instant she’d forgotten the hours spent puking in a bucket the day before. I bet that wasn’t part of her plan. ‘You are truly insane, you know that?’ I said. ‘You want to be talked about?’ ‘When it’s about parties and guys? Oh, yes.’ A flicker of unease shot through me. The same strange feeling I’d felt when Tam revealed her sparkly top outside the taxi. The same feeling when she’d disappeared at the party, and then reappeared on the front lawn with her top halfway up her back. It must have showed on my face. ‘What?’ she asked. ‘Nothing.’ I looked away. ‘Actually …’ Maybe I’d get an answer to the question that had bugged me since Saturday night. ‘Come on. Out with it,’ she said, linking her arm through mine as we walked across the quad. It was now or never. ‘About Evan,’ I began. ‘At the party. I found your bag upstairs.’ Inside a bedroom I wanted to say but was too chicken. She slid her arm out and stopped. ‘So?’ She had a weird look on her face. Part pissed off and part surprised. Here goes, I thought. ‘You told me that he gave you something, and you were definitely spaced out before I got you home,’ I began. She quickly looked around, checking no one had overheard. ‘I’m fine aren’t I?’ She held out her arms as if to show me. When I didn’t answer, she dropped them back to her sides. ‘Okay then. Shut up about Evan and just bask in the glory I set

up for us. It’s not like we’ve ever had any before.’ Maybe she was right. I was just being paranoid. Like Mum. ‘You’re dreaming, you know that?’ She seemed to relax a little at my smile and shrugged. ‘Nothing wrong with having a dream. And anyway,’ she glanced around us again then leaned closer. ‘I really like Evan. I have for ages.’

Tam’s timing was perfect. Her dollop of information; dropped in the knot of girls that morning, went viral and was back to us by lunchtime. What we’d achieved on Saturday night was apparently worth talking about. To tell the truth, the telling, particularly Tam’s retelling of the truth that lunchtime was … interesting. At least to the girls huddled around us. What interested me was the look on Tam’s face when a group of guys walked past our lunch spot. I recognised a few faces from the party, especially the one at the front. Evan. I glanced at Tam to see her blush and turn away. The others giggled at her reaction and she laughed it off. After lunch, I nudged her as the others drifted away to class. ‘You okay? You’ve been a bit quiet since you saw Evan.’ She shuffled books around in her bag, avoiding my face. ‘Tam?’ She spun around. ‘So? Will you just shut up about it. It’s got nothing to do with you. You really haven’t got a clue. Why are you trying to spoil this?’ ‘What? I’m not trying to –’ She stalked off before I could finish.

I couldn’t concentrate all afternoon as the teachers droned on and my classes dragged by. Tam’s words hammered their way around my brain. I didn’t have a

clue? It was nothing to do with me? Since when did we have secrets from each other? And about Evan? Really? Yeah okay. Maybe I should’ve backed off a little, but where did she get off? I was the one who had got her home and saved her butt. If it hadn’t been for me, we’d both be grounded until we were 50. She was the one acting strange and being a cow. ‘Kayla?’ I looked up at the teacher, realising the entire class was staring, too. ‘Um. Yes?’ ‘No was the correct answer, Kayla. Please pay attention.’ I ignored the sniggers behind me and looked down at my desk as the teacher turned away. I’d wait until after school, catch up with Tam and find out what was up before I went to Auntie Mae’s.

Tam wasn’t at her locker after school. She wasn’t waiting at the gate either. I fished out my phone and texted her.

Sorry. meet me in bus bay?

After 15 minutes I had no reply and nearly missed my bus. Fine, I thought. If that’s how you want it to be. I turned my phone off and dropped it into my bag. I can play that game. The truth was I was a bit surprised. More than surprised – gutted. We’d argued about stuff before, but never so badly, and never about a guy. Especially a jerk like Evan. She’d never spoken to me like that before. Is that what she really thought of me? I stared out the window all the way home, going over and over it all in my head.

Chapter 6

By the time I got off the bus, I was angry again. How could she just ignore my text? Who did she think she was? I stormed up our drive and slammed the back door, waiting for Mum to yell about not slamming the door. The house was quiet. That’s weird, I thought. SpongeBob SquarePants was usually blaring from the lounge when I got home. I flicked the switch on the jug thinking a sweet coffee would make me feel better before I went to Auntie Mae’s. She only ever had Earl Grey and I’d always thought it tasted like soap. I’d poured more than one into her pot plants. I smiled ing itting that. She’d laughed and laughed. ‘Kayla?’ came Mum’s voice behind me. She sounded weird and as I turned around I saw why. Tears streamed down her face under red, puffy eyes. ‘Mum!’ I rushed over. ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened? Is it Theo? Dad?’ She shook her head. ‘No, Kayla, they’re both fine.’ ‘But what’s wrong?’ I insisted, putting my arm around her. ‘It’s Auntie Mae.’ Another tear slid down her cheek. ‘She died last night. Her neighbour found her this morning on her kitchen floor.’ ‘But … I …’ Mum pulled me in for a hug. ‘I know, love. You were only there yesterday. You can’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have known.’ I couldn’t speak. I could hardly breathe. Auntie Mae – dead? I pulled away and sank onto a stool. ‘Dad is away until tomorrow and Theo is around at a friend’s place,’ said Mum.

‘I wanted to tell you on your own.’ I stared at the floor, my stomach churning as my mind whirled. I didn’t go. I promised I’d go and see her and I didn’t go. Why didn’t I go? ‘It’s a shock, I know,’ said Mum. ‘I found out this morning, but I didn’t want to pull you out of school.’ I couldn’t look at her. I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t deserve any sympathy. ‘I’ll make you a coffee. Nice and sweet how you like it, eh love?’ I nodded dumbly, not trusting myself to speak. ‘I feel so awful,’ said Mum. ‘I know I nagged you about visiting her, and I’m sorry about that. I should’ve gone myself, but everything is always so busy and …’ I tuned out her voice for a few seconds. At least until I heard the words, ‘I’m so pleased you went yesterday, Kayla.’ ‘Mum −’ I began. ‘No, let me finish,’ she said. ‘I’m really proud of you going all the way over there when you were probably wanting to do stuff with Tam. It would’ve meant the world to Auntie Mae. She’s not as fit as she used to be and I’m sure she gets lonely stuck in that house.’ Her hand flew to her mouth as she realised what she’d said. Auntie Mae will never be lonely again. It was too much. I ran from the kitchen, down the hall and slammed the door of my bedroom. Two slams in one day, for completely different reasons. All of a sudden I thought I was going to be sick. I wasn’t. But I lay on my bed, my pillowcase wet against my cheek. Auntie Mae. Gone. Forever. Memories of all those years living next to her played like a movie in my head, on constant replay. Going over after school. Baking muffins and Christmas treats. Having water balloon fights in the summer and making blanket huts in the winter. I turned away from Mum when she came in with my coffee. I felt her weight on the end of my bed. ‘You can have tomorrow off,’ she soothed. ‘Do you want me to call Tam for you?’ I shook my head.

‘That’s okay. I’m sure you want to tell her yourself. You two have always been so close.’ That’s just it, Mum, I thought. We’ve always been so close. Tam had been with me to Auntie Mae’s dozens of times, and she’d always been included in everything every time she went. But suddenly I didn’t know if she’d even care. Mum rubbed my arm. ‘I’ll let school know you won’t be there tomorrow.’ When she finally left my room, I felt even worse. The truth was, a spark of anger had begun to form. Tam’s words still burned, and the realisation that if we hadn’t gone to the show, I would’ve gone to see Auntie Mae. No. I clenched my duvet in my fist. Going to the show wasn’t to blame, going to the party was. Tam liked Evan and the party was part of her plan to make things click into place. Then not only did she take something that made her flip out, it left me covering for her all day Sunday.

I tossed and turned all night, swinging from wanting to confess everything at 2am to swearing to myself I’d never tell anyone. But the one thing that didn’t change was blaming Tam. I woke to the sound of Theo running down the hall. For a moment it felt normal, until it hit me. Auntie Mae. I didn’t go. I lied. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head against the wave of guilt. Throwing back the blankets, I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at my floor. Should I tell? Could I? No. It was too late. I can’t take back my lie. It wouldn’t change anything. I had to let Mum believe what she needed to believe. Why make everything worse? I jumped at a knock on my door. Mum poked her head in. ‘I’ve rung work and claimed bereavement leave. I thought I’d bring you a hot drink.’ I frowned. Mum hadn’t done that in forever. I glanced at my clock. 7.40am. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ I made myself say. ‘Did you get any sleep?’ ‘No, not really,’ I itted. ‘Me neither,’ she said, sliding a hot chocolate onto my bedside table. Two

marshmallows bobbed across the frothy top. ‘To tell the truth, I’m still feeling awful about not going to see her myself.’ She looked at me. ‘If you hadn’t been on Sunday, I’d feel even worse.’ Something about the way she said it made my heart skip and my sleep-deprived brain spin. Was she telling me, or asking me? She quickly wiped her eyes, but a stray tear escaped down her cheek. ‘I have to thank you for that, Kayla.’ ‘Mum,’ I blurted. ‘Stop. You already have.’ ‘Yes, but –’ Another glance at my clock decided it. I couldn’t stay home with Mum telling me all day about how wonderful I was, doing something I never did. If I hurried I could still catch my bus.

Chapter 7

I didn’t even try to explain. What could I say? Sorry Mum, but seeing you cry makes me feel even worse? As the bus pulled away from my stop I realised I’d forgotten about Tam. Sure enough she climbed on the bus as always, two stops down the road. She hesitated when she looked up and saw me sitting in a different seat. Our normal seats had been taken up by two old guys and I didn’t feel like arguing with them when they’d got on before me. She started towards me and feeling tears brimming I turned away and looked out the window. I didn’t want her to see me cry. I didn’t want to explain why. She didn’t deserve an explanation. She stood beside me for a moment and when I ignored her, she moved further down the bus.

I kept to myself all day, only talking to order my lunch at the canteen, or to answer a question in class. I’d never been so lonely at school in my life. It was as if I’d not only lost Auntie Mae, I’d lost Tam too. But I was still mad. I knew if she came and sat next to me, I’d probably tell her everything and forgive her like I always had. She had this way of convincing me that I was in the wrong about whatever we’d argued about, and that things would be fine. I always gave in. Why did I do that? Well, not this time, I thought. It didn’t matter in the end. She kept her distance all day. I rode home alone again. I couldn’t help wondering where Tam had gone after school the past two days. Did she make new friends at the party? I shook it off and gazed out the bus window.

Things sounded normal when I opened our back door. SpongeBob SquarePants was on in the lounge and Theo was yelling over the TV noise. I found him

pleading with Mum across the coffee table. Empty coffee cups and photo albums were spread out in front of her, and seeing what she’d been doing all day, I was pleased I’d escaped to school. ‘Can we go and see it, Mum?’ said Theo. ‘Cade says it’s enormous and his mum is taking him after school. Can we go? Everyone else is going. Just about my whole class!’ ‘See what?’ I asked pressing the mute button on the TV remote. SpongeBob was silenced. Theo whirled around. ‘To see the whale!’ he cried. ‘A huge whale has swum up onto the beach,’ he said with eyes as big as plates. ‘Cade’s going −’ ‘I heard that bit,’ I said. ‘Whales don’t just swim up onto the beach. They’re usually stranded.’ ‘But if we don’t hurry up, it might unstrand and we’ll miss it,’ said Theo looking hopefully from me to Mum. ‘Don’t look at me,’ I said. ‘I’ve got tons of homework and I have to work tonight.’ ‘No you don’t,’ Mum said. ‘I thought you might be upset so I rang the supermarket and let them know about Auntie Mae.’ ‘Oh.’ My heart sank at the sound of her name. I knew she was gone but there were tiny pieces of the day where things felt normal. Like Theo yelling over the TV. ‘They said you can go back next week if you like.’ Next week. I’d lose a week’s wages. Not that it really mattered. It wasn’t like there wouldn’t be someone to snap up my hours, and I wasn’t going to be shopping for any party outfits anytime soon. ‘See?’ said Theo. ‘You can take me. Woo hoo! I’ll go and get my new camera.’ He ran down the hallway. ‘No, Theo. I can’t,’ I called after him. I turned back to Mum. ‘How can he even

think about going? After everything …’ I waved my hand at the photo albums. ‘And anyway, it’s just gross going to see a dying whale.’ Theo appeared in the doorway. His face dropped. ‘Dying?’ He looked at Mum who shot me a frown. ‘Well, Theo. Kayla’s right about one thing. Whales don’t swim up onto beaches for a bit of sunbathing. The poor thing is probably sick or something.’ At the sight of his trembling lip, Mum continued. ‘But sometimes they can be saved and I’m sure that’s what Kayla meant.’ She nodded to emphasise it. ‘You go and find some shoes and we’ll talk about it.’ She waited until he was gone again. ‘That was really unfair, Kayla,’ she grumbled. ‘How can he be so excited about a sick whale when Auntie Mae …’ I couldn’t finish. Mum turned one of the photo albums around and pushed it across the table. ‘Look at these, Kayla.’ I looked down to see three photos of a younger me and Auntie Mae. One in her backyard, one in her kitchen with my face covered in flour and one of us at the beach at a family picnic. ‘There are dozens of photos of you and Auntie Mae, but hardly any of Theo. You have to that he’s a lot younger than you. When he found out he was sad, too, but he wasn’t as close to her as you were.’ I couldn’t pull my gaze away from the pictures. I could almost smell the flowers in her garden and feel the flour on my skin. We heard the back door open. ‘Hello?’ Dad. He walked into the lounge and his face told me he already knew. ‘I came back as soon as I could,’ he said. He pulled me in for a hug. ‘I’m so sorry, Kayla. Mum told me you were the last to see her.’ Theo came running back up the hall just as Mum burst into tears. ‘Come on, Theo,’ I said quickly. ‘I’ll take you to see your whale.’

Chapter 8

When I found out where it was I wished I’d kept my mouth shut. Despite myself, the first thing I thought of when I wheeled my bike out of the shed was that Tam wouldn’t approve. Riding bikes was now against her code of cool and a capital offence. After a quick check for anything nesting in my helmet, I jammed it on my head. I ignored the cobwebs stretched across the bike’s spokes and took off after Theo hoping they’d blow away on the way to the beach. A car ed me in the street and just as I turned the corner I looked back to see it pull up outside our house. I shrugged. Probably someone for Mum. Even Theo was puffing when we arrived at the beach, 20 minutes later. The sky had darkened on our bike ride, grey clouds pressing out any blue we’d had on the way. ‘Oh, great,’ I said, imagining a wet ride home. People swarmed the beach and I couldn’t see any whale, but couldn’t help thinking it could’ve saved itself a couple of ks and stopped swimming closer to town. ‘Theo! Wait!’ He ignored me, dumping his bike and running down to the largest group of people gathered on the sand. I locked the bikes to a signpost which read ‘Dangerous current. No swimming.’ I sighed. If only whales could read. My bum wouldn’t ache and I wouldn’t be all sweaty. Maybe Tam’s rule about not riding bikes made sense after all. I followed Theo but he’d vanished into the throng of people. Typical. ‘Wait until I find you,’ I muttered, striding down the beach. A gap suddenly appeared in the crowd. The creature lay in the sand, longer than a car but much smaller than I’d expected. It was draped with multicoloured sheets and a woman poured water

over its back. It was still alive. I’d seen people do that on TV, but actually seeing a real whale was … sort of exciting, but incredibly sad at the same time. Theo appeared at my side and grabbed my hand. ‘Come on, Kayla. Let’s get up close.’ He pulled me through the watching crowd to only metres from the animal. An eye stared up at me. What did it see? I wondered. Lots of strange creatures scurrying around it, and dozens more staring back? Did it know we were trying to help? We. Yeah right. I was standing gawping uselessly like everyone else. Suddenly my jokes about it stranding closer to town and reading signs tasted sour in my mouth. Why was it here on the beach? I looked out across the greygreen sea behind it, wondering how it could leave the water. Its home. Didn’t it know what would happen? I stared along with the rest of the crowd, catching bits of conversation, ‘It’s been here for seven or eight hours.’ ‘− and those guys are Project Jonah volunteers. They know what to–’ ‘− not sure whether they can refloat– ‘ ‘ − they say it’s a pilot whale.’ I looked down expecting to see Theo’s bottom lip trembling again. He’d gone. I scanned the crowd around me and couldn’t see his bright-yellow hoody that Mum had bought for this reason. It was usually easy to spot when he wandered off, but after a couple of minutes walking up and down the beach without any sign of him, I began to worry. ‘Lost someone?’ I whirled around. At first I didn’t recognise him. Wearing an orange high-vis vest and with his blond hair damp and messy across his eyes, he looked different. Official and serious. ‘Alex?’ ‘Are you looking for someone?’ ‘My little brother.’ I stared past him along the beach trying to keep the panic out of my voice. ‘He’s such a pain.’ Alex turned to look along the beach and I saw the emblem on his back. ‘Project Jonah? Are you with …? Are you helping those guys save the whale?’

He shrugged. ‘Trying to. It doesn’t look good, though. It’s been on the beach a long time.’ His face brightened a little. ‘You seem to be good at losing people.’ ‘What?’ ‘The party? Your friend. Tam, wasn’t it? Was she okay?’ I stared, trying to if I’d seen Alex after finding Tam. Had he been watching as she threw up on the lawn and then staggered to the taxi? ‘What’s your brother wearing?’ ‘Oh.’ I pulled my gaze from his face. ‘Um. A bright-yellow hoody.’ We scanned the crowd together. ‘There!’ Alex pointed along the beach. ‘Is that him? Talking to someone over by those cars.’ My heart skipped until I saw who he was talking to. Tam. She must’ve heard about the whale, too. I instantly wondered who’d she’d come to the beach with. Was it Evan or someone else she’d met at the party? She looked up as Theo pointed my way. They were too far away for me to see her expression, but she reached down and gave him a hug. He wriggled and she let him go, waving as he ran back my way. ‘Here he comes,’ said Alex. He turned to face me. ‘You okay?’ ‘Yes. Um. Thanks,’ I stuttered, seeing genuine worry in his dark eyes. ‘No problem,’ he said with a smile. ‘Next time I’ll have to charge you a finder’s fee.’ I felt my face redden, as he held my gaze. ‘I … I’d better be going,’ I said. ‘Good luck with the whale.’ Theo met me halfway and I looked back. Alex was still staring my way. I thought about him all the way home. I didn’t even yell at Theo for running off, and he jabbered all the way anyway. Sure enough, he’d told Tam about Auntie

Mae and then told me how embarrassing it was when she hugged him. By the time we reached home, my legs were like rubber and I vowed never to climb on a bike again. The strange car was still parked on the street outside our house. We followed the smell of chicken casserole inside and found Mum and Dad sitting with a guy in a suit at the kitchen table. ‘Kayla, Theo,’ said Dad. ‘This is Mr Edwards. He’s come to talk to us about Auntie Mae’s funeral.’ ‘Hello,’ said Theo. ‘When’s tea?’ he asked Mum. I rolled my eyes as Mum told him to go and watch TV for a bit. Mum patted the seat next to her. ‘Come and sit with us for a minute, love.’ I froze. All three stared at me, waiting for me to sit. Did they know something? Had my parents discovered my lie? I edged closer to the table and perched on the side of a chair. ‘Hello, Kayla,’ said Mr Edwards. ‘Your mum said you were the last to see your Auntie Mae.’ ‘She’s not our real auntie.’ ‘Kayla!’ blurted Mum and Dad. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,’ I mumbled. ‘That’s okay,’ soothed the stranger. ‘It’s a very stressful time for everyone. Mrs Watson, I mean your Auntie Mae’s neighbour, saw her early on Sunday morning and she was fine. We believe she must’ve ed away sometime after your visit on Sunday afternoon.’ ‘Oh.’ I sat there, feeling everyone’s gaze on my face but avoiding theirs. I knew if I tried to say anything else, I’d blurt out the truth. Mum would yell at me instead of holding my hand and Dad wouldn’t be nodding in agreement with Mr Edwards.

‘Auntie Mae doesn’t have any close family,’ said Mum. ‘Just us,’ added Dad. ‘She’s left instructions for us if this ever happened.’ ‘How come you’re telling me all this?’ I asked. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to hear it. It just made me feel even worse. ‘We thought you might like to know what’s going on,’ said Dad. ‘The funeral is on Friday.’ The funeral. A room full of people to face. ‘Do I have to go?’ Mum glanced over at Dad. ‘Yes, Kayla, you do,’ she said. ‘We know it’s hard at the moment, but you’ll regret it later if you don’t.’ I avoided her face. Maybe she was right. I didn’t need anything else to add to my guilt. I’d go with Mum and Dad and keep my head down and my mouth shut. How long were these things? I’d never been to a funeral before. Surely only an hour or so? I could do it. I looked up into my parent’s faces. I had to do it. It was only when I’d escaped to my room that I realised what the funeral director had said. Auntie Mae’s neighbour saw her early on Sunday. What if she’d fallen just after that and had been lying on the floor the whole time? If I’d gone that afternoon, I might’ve found her alive. I could’ve called an ambulance. I could’ve done something.

Chapter 9

‘Kayla. Help me.’ One side of her face was blue-black, and her eyes were bloodshot. She reached for me but however much I tried to get to her, the further apart we seemed to be. I ran faster and faster, my lungs burning, my heart racing, but I never got any closer. As I tired and slowed, she slipped away from her kitchen floor into a thick, grey mist of nothingness. ‘You seem to be good at losing people,’ came a voice through the mist. ‘Come with me and I’ll help you find her.’ Alex held out his hand and I longed to take it – to touch him. Bang! Bang! Bang! ‘Kayla!’ Mum said. ‘You’re going to miss your bus!’ My eyes sprang open in the middle of my dream. I looked at my clock. ‘Shit.’ I threw off my blankets and grabbed the uniform off the end of my bed. I made it. Just. It wasn’t until I was seated and the bus swung out into the road that I ed the dream. Auntie Mae’s face, spreading with bruises from her fall. No one had said that had happened, but my imagination had filled in the gaps. I closed my eyes against the memory but saw it even more clearly. Her hand reaching … And Alex was there, too. Wanting to help again. I smiled in spite of myself. ‘What are you smiling at?’ came a familiar voice. Tam slid into the seat next to me. I hadn’t even noticed the bus had stopped. ‘What?’ ‘Creepy chick smiling with your eyes closed?’ She grinned. ‘Oh.’ I smiled back, uncertain. ‘Just thinking.’ ‘Theo told me about Auntie Mae,’ said Tam. ‘I’m sorry, K.’

I nodded, a lump forming in my throat. We travelled in silence for a block. ‘When did she die?’ she whispered. She kept her gaze on her bag, fiddling with the heart pendant on the zip. In an instant I knew what she meant, what she really wanted to know. ‘On Sunday,’ I said slowly. She gasped and a fresh wave of anger pulsed through me. ‘While I was at your place,’ I added for spite. Instead of being at Auntie Mae’s I thought, where I’d said I’d be. ‘I’m sorry, K,’ she mumbled. ‘I really am. We didn’t know that was going to happen. I mean, how could we?’ ‘I didn’t know we were going to a party,’ I shot back. ‘But you did.’ I ed her tight, black, holey top hidden underneath her shirt. She finally looked at me. ‘That had nothing to do with it, Kayla. It was just a party. You can’t blame me.’ I turned away, mad at the sudden tears threatening to spill down my face. But I do blame you, I thought. It might be crazy, it might be unfair, but I have to blame someone. The rumble of the bus was the only sound for the next block. ‘There’s another party this weekend,’ she said. ‘It’ll help cheer you up.’ My mouth fell open as I turned to stare at her. ‘Don’t you last weekend?’ I hissed. ‘The drugs? Throwing up before we even left, and for the entire next day? Evan the sleaze and whatever else happened?’ ‘Sshhhh!’ She huddled in closer. ‘It was one party pill, my first hangover and you don’t know anything about Evan.’ ‘Only because you wouldn’t tell me,’ I mumbled back. ‘Is that what you’re so septic about? Because I didn’t give you every detail?’ ‘You’re not listening, as usual,’ I said. ‘Just in case you haven’t figured it out, I have a funeral on Friday. I don’t want to go to a party.’

‘Okay, calm down. I was only trying to help.’ That’s when I noticed the mascara and eyeliner. The pale-pink lip gloss. Tons of girls wore make-up to school, against the school rules. They’d just wipe it off when they were caught by a teacher and spade it back on at lunchtime. Tam and I used to laugh about it, calling them the ‘Gardening Girls’, and now she’d become one of them. I stared at her and she scoffed at my reaction. ‘It’s just a bit of eye make-up, Kayla.’ The bus pulled to a stop outside school and Tam stood up in the aisle. She quickly leaned towards me. ‘You know, K? I think we’re into different stuff now. I’m moving up, and you need to grow up.’ She went to walk away then hesitated. ‘You cannot blame me for Sunday when you didn’t go.’ I sat gaping after her until I heard the bus driver call down the bus. ‘You getting off or what?’ I scrambled out of my seat and left the empty bus with one thought spinning in my head. Tam is the only one who knows I didn’t go and then lied about it. Once again I kept to myself during my morning subjects, and I went to the library at lunchtime. Concentrating in class was almost impossible as I kept hearing Tam’s words. I tried to reason them away. It’s none of her business and if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s hers. It’s not like I committed a crime. I just didn’t go. It was a white lie, that’s all. But then I’d my dream and see Auntie Mae alone on her kitchen floor. Where I might’ve found her. With only two classes left of the day I steeled myself to facing Tam in the last period. It was Art, the only class we had together. I was wondering if Mr Hebley would let me change seats, when my Science room’s loudspeaker crackled into life. ‘Good afternoon, teachers and students. The last class of the day has been cancelled.’ A cheer sounded through the class. ‘Please assemble in the hall for a presentation regarding recent events in our community. Full attendance is required, and senior monitors will be on the gates for any students thinking about going home early.’ A groan blanketed the cheer. A presentation? What sort of presentation? The same questions raced from desk to desk. A few hands went up.

‘You know as much as I do,’ said Mrs Strong, anticipating the question. ‘We’ll find out when we get there. Now turn to page 143 please.’

Chapter 10

I saw Tam as we filed into the school hall. She’d been standing where we usually met, then as if realising what she was doing, suddenly snapped out of it and ed some other girls. Gardening Girls. I couldn’t see what we were there for until I’d found a seat in the hall’s tiered seating. A blue sign was leaned up against a whiteboard. It read PROJECT JONAH. I held my breath. Alex. Was he here? I scanned the small group of people huddled over a laptop and others pulling on their orange high-vis vests. With a sigh I realised why he wasn’t there. Duh, Kayla. He’d still be in school. Principal Ross strode to the centre of the hall, and two of the visitors stepped back out of his way. ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ he began as usual. Someone would always call out an answer to that, but not today. We were all too intrigued by the random visit. ‘I’m sure you are all aware of the unfortunate circumstance that occurred yesterday on one of our beaches.’ ‘You mean the dead fish?’ called one of the boys. I smirked along with the rest of the school. The temptation to rark up Mr Ross was too great. His head snapped round to where the voice came from, his face deep in a scowl. Slowly facing the centre of the hall, he began again. ‘Mana High prides itself on community spirit and we have invited Project Jonah here today to talk to you regarding yesterday’s stranding, and how we can help if ever faced with this in the future.’ Movement to my left caught my eye. Someone stepped inside the hall. ‘Alex!’ I whispered, feeling my face flush as others turned to look at me. I looked straight back at Mr Ross. Had Alex heard me? I glanced in his direction. No. He was too far away and concentrating on our principal introducing someone from Project Jonah. ‘Please welcome, Naomi Ward.’

Naomi stepped forward. ‘Thank you, Mr Ross.’ She faced us, silent for a moment. Mana High matched her silence, staring right back. ‘Hands up who saw the pilot whale, which is a mammal not a fish by the way, on the beach yesterday?’ Hands flew in the air like a church rally. ‘Keep your hand up if you know what to do if you see a stranded whale or dolphin on the beach.’ I looked around to see only a dozen or so hands still in the air. ‘And out of you, how many have trained as a marine mammal medic?’ Only two hands were left up. ‘Thank you,’ said Naomi, giving them permission to drop their hands. ‘We are here today to tell you a little bit about Project Jonah and what we do to help stranded marine mammals. We’ll also tell you how you can help.’ It was the first time I’d seen an assembly so still and quiet. We listened and soon learned that Project Jonah had been saving whales since 1974 and I wondered why I’d never heard of them before. ‘On average about 300 whales and dolphins strand every year along New Zealand’s coastlines,’ Naomi continued. ‘We have a team of trained volunteers across the country. Strandings of the long-finned pilot whale, as on your beach yesterday, are more common than we’d like and we rely on our volunteers to help in refloating and saving as many whales as we can. Unfortunately we couldn’t save the whale yesterday. ‘Whales strand for a number of reasons. They may be sick or separated from their pod and off course due to navigational errors. They may have chased food too close to shore, then been caught by an outgoing tide. Mass strandings are thought to occur when one whale strands and the others in the pod are drawn to its distress calls. Sadly, when the other whales come close to shore, these otherwise healthy whales end up stranded as well.’ What happened yesterday? I wondered, ing the whale staring at me from the sand. I shuddered at the thought of a whole family stranded, just because they wanted to help. Seeing one whale on the beach was bad enough. I looked over to Alex. He was nodding at Naomi’s words, a serious look on his face. I spent the rest of the talk shifting my attention from the PowerPoint pictures of whales and videos of strandings, to Alex who stood transfixed by the

presentation. I wondered why he wasn’t at school. Did he get special leave? ‘If you’d like to know what to do if you ever see another stranding, we run a one-day course which will teach you the basics of whale rescue,’ said Naomi. ‘It does include half a day in the water, so a wetsuit comes in handy. We use lifesize inflatable whales to practise stranding rescue techniques and the proper use of the equipment involved.’ The hall came alive with a low hum as people whispered amongst themselves. ‘You’ll learn what to do and what not to do, keeping you safe and giving the animals the best chance of survival whenever possible.’ ‘Can’t you just drag them back into the sea?’ called someone from the front. Naomi immediately shook her head. ‘No. Even if you think you can lift it, you should never try to drag an animal back to the sea. You can do much more harm than good, damaging internal organs and the tail of the whale or dolphin you’re trying to help.’ She pointed over at Alex. ‘If you’d like to know more, come and see Alex over there afterwards and he will take your details.’ Giggles escaped the students as Alex held up a clipboard and smiled. ‘That’s an easy way to give him your phone number,’ whispered someone behind me. I glanced back at her. The possibility raised my hopes for a millisecond then vanished. As if he’d want my number, with a school full of popular, prettier, Gardening Girls. ‘You do have to be 15 years or older to sign up,’ called Naomi over the rising chatter. She smiled and winked at Alex as a chorus of groans swept across the hall.

The hall emptied more quickly than it had filled, with everyone keen to go home. I stood to one side, out of the flow of traffic, watching Alex near the door. Groups of girls gathered around him, giggling and nudging each other, all seeming keen to sign up. When one girl flicked her long, dark, perfectly straightened hair off her shoulders and leaned closer to him, the desire to pull her off him took me by surprise. I turned away. Don’t be stupid, Kayla. How can you possibly be jealous? He’s spoken to you a few times and he was probably just being polite.

The line of girls slowly dwindled as they gave their details and took a pamphlet from Alex. A few guys behind them told them to hurry up and the line moved a little more quickly. Any thoughts I had about lining up vanished as I realised how awful I must look. I slunk around the edges of the hall towards the door. I didn’t want him to see me in my school uniform with matching regulation hair tie and ponytail. I knew what my mirror told me in the mornings. I had too many freckles and looked about 12. I’d nearly made it past when he turned my way. ‘Kayla?’ ‘Oh, Alex. Hi,’ I stuttered. When he smiled, I knew my attempt at surprise had failed. He turned away to thank the last guy writing down his details then whirled back to me. ‘Did you enjoy the presentation?’ Images of dying whales and beached babies flashed in my mind. ‘Enjoy probably isn’t the right word.’ ‘No, you’re right.’ He nodded solemnly. Nice one, Kayla, I thought. You turned that into a train wreck in record time. ‘I’m sorry you couldn’t save the whale yesterday,’ I said, then realised that probably wasn’t the best topic either. I wanted to run out the door before I put his feet in my mouth as well. ‘No,’ he said with a sudden smile. ‘But at least we tried. You should do the training. Maybe we can save the next one.’ I looked up into his face, sure I’d heard him stress the word ‘we’. Just as at the beach, he held me in his gaze. His eyes looked lighter somehow, tawny-brown flecked with green. Staring straight at me. ‘You ready, Alex?’ called one of the older volunteers. He turned and gave a quick nod, before scooping the remaining pamphlets into a box. ‘Really, Kayla. It would be great to see you again.’ He folded closed the top of the box. ‘To have you on the team.’ My heart soared and sank in a moment. I’d thought he meant … But he just needed more volunteers. My face gave me away, flushing hot at my stupidity.

‘Yeah, maybe. Bye.’ I rushed out of the hall and collided with someone. It was Tam.

Chapter 11

Tam grabbed my shoulder, steadying me on the step. ‘K! I was waiting for you.’ I glanced back inside the hall to see Alex lifting the display board with another guy. Tam followed my gaze and I caught her frown. ‘K, you should be careful about −’ ‘What? I’m not allowed to talk to anyone but you?’ ‘Eh? No. I never said −’ ‘What do you want, Tam?’ She kept staring at Alex, a strange look on her face. ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘If that’s all?’ I turned to walk away and she grabbed my hand. ‘K. I wanted to ask you again about that party this weekend. Everything seems to have gone wrong this week and I wanted to sort things.’ Our early morning bus conversation was still fresh in my head. ‘So, I’ve grown up since this morning then?’ I sneered. ‘We are into the same stuff after all?’ Her eyes widened in surprise, but she recovered quickly. ‘Oh, forget about that. I was just being a cow. You know me.’ She smiled the smile that hadn’t really changed since kindy. That nearly did it. I nearly caved as I always did. Doing what Tam wanted – what Tam said was best. But then everything clicked into place. ‘Oh, I get it. You need an alibi for the night of the party. That’s all I was last weekend, wasn’t I?’ Her smile slid from her face and she morphed back into the Tam I’d seen that morning. ‘At least you got to go! You weren’t even invited until I asked them for

another ticket.’ Alex appeared in the doorway. ‘Kayla? Is everything −?’ He stopped when he saw Tam. ‘Just forget it,’ mumbled Tam. She swooped up her bag and strode off. ‘Don’t do me any more favours, thanks!’ I yelled after her. I felt Alex’s hand on my arm. ‘Isn’t that your friend from the party?’ ‘Ex-friend,’ I said, staring after her. ‘Might be a good idea,’ he said. ‘Gotta go. Here.’ He ed me a folded slip of paper. ‘It’s my cell. I think asking girls for theirs is cheesy.’ And then he was gone, too. I stood alone outside the hall, suddenly wondering how I’d lost my best friend and gained a boy’s phone number – my first – in the past 30 seconds.

That night I lay on my bed with the scrap of paper between my fingers. I’d read the number so many times I’d logged it to memory. A boy had given me his mobile number. Alex. I’d waited for this forever, talked and dreamed about it with Tam forever and now we weren’t even speaking. I needed to talk to her. I wanted us to giggle and laugh and her to tease me mercilessly about it, but now … I shook my head. After the things she’d said, that wasn’t going to happen. She was right. We were going in different directions. Was I a prude? Did I need to grow up or was she just delusional with her aspirations? I held the piece of paper tight in my fist. It didn’t matter. For once in my life I didn’t want to follow her. Mum knocked on my door. ‘Tea’s ready, love.’ ‘Coming,’ I said, sitting up. I slid Alex’s number into my pocket, where I could keep it close. Stuff Tam. I’m sick of worrying about what she’d think, or what she’d say. I’d rather think about Alex. It was a good feeling. I smiled to myself and followed Mum to the kitchen and the smell of my favourite meal. Mum’s bacon, egg and potato casserole.

The good feeling didn’t last long. As I held out my plate for Mum to fill, she gave me the same sickly smile she’d given me all week. The ‘Thank you, I’m proud of you,’ slightly guilty, smile. ‘I thought I’d make your favourite,’ she said, dolloping an extra spoonful onto my plate. ‘It’s been a hard week for all of us, but you’ve made it a little easier. For me at least.’ She smiled across at Theo and Dad. ‘Please, Mum,’ I said. ‘Just leave it.’ Thoughts of Alex were washed from my mind by the now-familiar rush of guilt. How much longer was she going to go on about it? I stared down into the contents of my plate, knowing it would never be my favourite again. It would just remind me of Auntie Mae. ‘Sorry, it’s just −’ she continued, until Dad put his hand on her arm. ‘Leave it, love. Kayla knows how you feel.’ She nodded with a sigh. She looked so flat. Lost. Guilty. I had to look away. She didn’t know the half of it. ‘We’re going to Auntie Mae’s tomorrow,’ said Dad. ‘I’ve got the next couple of days off for the funeral.’ ‘But she’s not there,’ piped up Theo. ‘She’s gone to heaven. That’s what Jack in my class said. His Nana died last year, and he knows all about that stuff.’ Mum made a strange squeak then smiled through tear-filled eyes. Dad smiled and reached for the pepper grinder. ‘We have things to sort out.’ At Theo’s confused look he continued. ‘There’s a lot to do, mate, and we thought since Mum and I both have the rest of the week off, we might as well make a start.’ ‘One of the neighbours is feeding Bess and collecting the mail,’ said Mum. ‘We’re going to have to find Bess a home and redirect Auntie Mae’s post here.’ Memories flickered as Mum discussed her thoughts out loud with Dad across the table. Bess. Auntie Mae’s funny, ginger cat. I ed her arriving as a kitten. I hadn’t given her a thought all week. I used to adore that cat. I’d rush over after school and play with her for ages until she curled up in my lap and went to sleep. Poor old thing. She’d be lost without Auntie Mae. ‘Can I have the day off?’ I blurted. The question surprised me almost as much as

it did Mum and Dad. But as soon as it was out of my mouth, I knew it was a good idea. Mum looked at Dad. She shrugged. ‘Well … yes,’ she said. ‘I was a bit surprised you went to school the last couple of days, but I figured you wanted to be with Tam.’ ‘Me, too?’ asked Theo with a mouthful of potato. ‘No, Theo. Good try,’ said Dad, ruffling Theo’s hair. ‘You’re going to school.’ Theo’s face told us all what he thought of that. ‘Not fair,’ he added. After stacking the dishwasher, I went to my room. I hadn’t been on social media in ages. It was another one of Tam’s brilliant ideas to collect as many friends and followers as possible and somehow crack the ‘in-crowd’ battlements that way. But I’d soon discovered I didn’t really want to know what people had eaten for breakfast, or who saw who where, or whose little sister had thrown up the night before. Tam said it was essential to know where the parties were and who was going and what was happening, but we’d never been invited anyway. Until last Friday. And look how that turned out. But a niggling feeling hadn’t gone away since Tam stormed off at school, and I needed to check something out on my phone. I shouldn’t have been surprised – but I was. It hurt. A lot. I’d been blocked on all the sites I checked. Which meant if Tam was talking about me online, she could do it without me knowing a word she said. My decision to skip school for a few days felt even better. I began to type another name in a search bar. Alex … What’s his last name? I fished out his number from my pocket, despite already knowing what he’d written. All it said was ‘A’ followed by the number. I stared at his name on the screen. Maybe he’ll friend request me? Did he know my surname? With a sigh, I threw my phone on my bed and left my room, wondering if there’d be a message when I got back.

Chapter 12

On Thursday morning, the sun shone from a clear, bright-blue sky as we pulled up outside Auntie Mae’s. Her flower garden was as full and cheerful as always. It didn’t seem right, when its carer had gone. As I climbed out of the car I looked over to where we used to live. The curtains in the lounge windows had changed and there were a dozen pot plants on the front step. It wasn’t our place any more. I turned back to Auntie Mae’s. It was weird. She’d never be there again but it would always be Auntie Mae’s to me, no matter who came to live in it. Mum stood on the front path as Dad cleared the letter box, wrenching wads of junk mail from the opening. ‘You’d think they’d figure out it was full,’ he muttered. ‘But they just keep stuffing it in.’ With a tearing sound, he finally wrestled the last glossy brochure from the slot. ‘I thought one of the neighbours was collecting this.’ I knew he was just stalling, avoiding Mum’s face and the inevitability of entering Auntie Mae’s home without her in it. I was the same, watching Dad instead of looking at Mum. I couldn’t. It was even worse, standing so close to where I’d claimed to be. ‘Come on, love,’ said Dad, opening the dark-green picket gate and leading the way up the front path flanked by roses. He fished a set of keys from his pocket. Auntie Mae’s keys, given to him by someone in the last few days. Another neighbour, I think. Someone who’d seen her lately and didn’t lie about it. My stomach twisted another notch. Everything seemed to be in slow motion – moving up the path and up the white, concrete steps I ed painting with Auntie Mae. Dad raised the keys to the front-door lock. Still avoiding Mum’s face, I watched the keys swing on the key ring as he tried each one in the door. There was something else on the ring. Something silver, merging with the keys. I reached out to cup it in my hand as it swung. Dad stopped and looked down with me at a tiny silver whale.

For a moment I was back on the beach with Theo, staring into the whale’s eye as it lay dying on the sand. Again, I wondered why it was there, out in the open instead of swimming in the deep water where it belonged. I blinked away the thought and my sudden tears as Dad pushed open the door. We stepped inside the kitchen and the silence. There were a few dishes stacked on the bench, well dry now and waiting to be put away. A magazine lay open on the kitchen table at the recipe pages. A basket of clothes sat in a corner, ready to be folded. It was if Auntie Mae had popped down to the shops and would be back soon. The familiar smell of the house enveloped me. It was a good smell; a mix of baking and potpourri and the rose talcum powder Auntie Mae always wore. I jumped as a loud meow came at the door and Auntie Mae’s cat Bess marched in. Mum and Dad smiled as I scooped up the demanding cat and held her to my cheek. ‘She’ll be wondering what’s going on.’ ‘Hello?’ came a voice from outside. Mr Hayes from across the street appeared in the doorway. ‘Hello there,’ he said. He nodded at Bess in my arms. ‘She won’t stay at my place and she’s not the only one missing her owner. Awful isn’t it? Mae was a huge part of the neighbourhood.’ While Mum and Dad stood chatting to Mr Hayes, I put down the wriggling cat and followed her through the house. I stood in front of the scratched and battered dresser in the lounge and heard Auntie Mae’s voice in my head. ‘Who cares what the dresser looks like. It’s what’s on it that’s important.’ She’d say that every time Dad offered to revarnish it for her. I’d looked at the photos it held a thousand times and knew all the names of the people in the pictures. I heard her speak each name in my memory as my gaze scanned each photo. ‘Edward, John and Walter.’ Her brothers. ‘All long gone. My elder sisters, Aggie and Hope.’ There were loose photos of nieces and nephews that I’d never met, and she rarely spoke about, and I wondered if anyone had told them she was gone, or if they’d even care. I searched through the pictures for one of Auntie Mae until I found two familiar ones. A photo of her with us at a barbeque last Christmas, and another of her in her rose garden. A tear slid down my cheek as I ed. ‘I’m sorry, Auntie Mae,’ I

whispered. ‘I should’ve come.’ As I placed the photos back on the shelf I knocked one of the frames. It slipped before I could catch it, knocking over the ones in front. I picked each frame up, carefully placing them back on the dresser. Not that it mattered, I thought with a sigh. The last frame I righted had something tucked into the back. I eased it from its hiding place and held it up. It was a black and white photo of a much younger Auntie Mae. She was standing next to a guy and smiling up at him. They weren’t much older than me in the shot and she was gorgeous. Her long, dark hair was lifted from her face in an invisible breeze. Her skin was flawless and smooth, her eyes dark and sparkling. After a lifetime of knowing Auntie Mae with short, silver hair and a face lined with laughter, her beauty as a teenager was startling. I looked more closely at the guy, then glanced at a portrait of Auntie Mae’s husband on the wall. He’d died long before I was born. It was hard to tell hair colour with a black-and-white photo but the man who smiled at the camera definitely had dark eyes like hers. I looked back up at the portrait. Auntie Mae’s husband’s eyes were blue. I slid the photo back into the frame and stood it back up again, wondering who the guy had been and what had made Auntie Mae so happy. ‘You okay in here?’ said Dad behind me. I jumped. I was more on edge than I’d thought. He must’ve heard the photos fall over. ‘Yes, Dad. Just ing.’ He smiled and disappeared again. I turned and faced Auntie Mae’s chair in the corner of the room. The arms of the chair had embroidered covers she’d made herself and the back was hung with another. I stared at it for a moment before moving closer. In all the years I’d known her, I’d never sat there alone. Closing my eyes, I lowered myself in gently as if I was climbing up onto her lap when I was little, ready to hear a story. It was almost as if she was in the chair with me. But the truth was there as soon as I opened my eyes. I gazed around the room seeing it as Auntie Mae saw it. The dresser full of her brothers and sisters. The china cabinet holding her dainty cups and saucers. The new TV she’d bought herself recently and her beloved overflowing bookshelf. I noticed a large copper bowl sitting on the top of the shelves. I stood up from the

chair and stretched up to see it better. A ring of whales was etched in the metal around the rim. I followed the line of the shelves to a narrower one higher up. Ornaments were lined up along it and for the first time I really looked at them. A cat. A swan. A turtle and a whale. No, there was more. I stood on my tiptoes. Three more china whales sat at the back of the shelf, each one a different shade of blue. Weird. First the key ring, then the bowl and ornaments. I never knew Auntie Mae had a thing for whales. And if she did, why were they up there where no one could see them? Bess wandered back into the lounge and rubbed against my leg. Again, she meowed up at me, as if asking where her owner was. I crouched down and scratched her behind the ears. ‘She’s gone, Bess. I miss her, too.’ She obviously didn’t believe me, weaving through the legs of Auntie Mae’s chair before leaving the lounge again. I followed her but stopped when Bess went through the small gap of Auntie Mae’s partly open bedroom door. I’d never been in there, never even seen it from the hall, and suddenly my curiosity took over the heavy feeling I’d carried all week. I tiptoed down to the end of the hall and heard Mum and Dad talking to Mr Hayes in the kitchen about bills and stuff. I hurried back to where Bess had disappeared and gently pushed on the bedroom door. Auntie Mae’s love of whales was left in no doubt. A picture, a hand-stitched cushion and a wall hanging splashed whales around her bedroom. More ornaments were lined along the back of her dresser, every one a whale.

Chapter 13

‘Kayla?’ I whirled away from the open doorway to see Mum at the end of the hall. I pointed into the room. ‘Bess …’ The cat had already left the room, so my excuse wasn’t worth much. Watching Mum’s face, I waited for her bollocking about being somewhere I shouldn’t. She came over and hugged me tightly. ‘I understand, Kayla. You want to feel close to her.’ She let me go and nodded to a chair in the corner of the bedroom. ‘You can sit there for a bit if you like. Just don’t touch anything. Not yet.’ She left me alone in the room. Was that it? Was that why I wanted to see the room – Auntie Mae’s own private space I’d never been allowed to see? I stood at the end of the double bed and looked around me again. There was a small, spun-glass whale on her bedside table, rippled with blue. It caught the sunlight coming in the window beside me. I could almost hear her opinion of it. ‘Silly, frilly thing.’ She’d always seemed so practical, almost scorning things that weren’t useful in some way. It was as if this room belonged to someone else, someone I didn’t know at all. That’s when I noticed a small, red-velvet box lying on one side of the bed. There was a dent in the duvet next to the box. Had Auntie Mae been sitting there on Sunday before she died? I stared at the box but there were no other clues. It was closed, instantly making me wonder what she’d been looking at. I sat in the depression she’d left and slid the box towards me. The red velvet was worn through on the corners showing light-coloured wood beneath, and it was latched with a tiny, gold clasp. I glanced at the door, ing Mum’s instructions. ‘Kayla, where are you?’ came Dad’s voice from the hall. ‘Can you give me a

hand?’ I quickly pushed the box away again and jumped up from the bed. When Dad didn’t appear in the doorway I stared at the box for a moment before pushing it up underneath brightly coloured cushions scattered across the pillows. Maybe later, I thought. I raced out into the hallway and followed the sound of drawers being opened in one of the side rooms. I found Dad inside Auntie Mae’s office, shuffling through a pile of papers on her desk. ‘There you are,’ he said with a smile. ‘What are you looking for?’ He shook his head. ‘This feels so strange, to be going through her papers. I’m honoured that Auntie Mae considered us family but sorting out her affairs is going to be a bigger job than I thought.’ He sighed then nodded to a pile of filing trays stacked just inside the door. ‘Can you take those out to the kitchen for me? I think I’ll just pack it all up and sort through it at home.’ The trays were full of files and documents, unopened mail and Auntie Mae’s blue purse. It felt as though we were burgling her, not ‘sorting out her affairs’. Out in the hall I looked over to her bedroom doorway and frowned. How could you even think about opening that box? I asked myself. Don’t you feel bad enough? Lugging the files down the hall, I stopped at the sound of Mum’s and Mr Hayes’ voices in the kitchen. ‘I didn’t know Kayla had been on Sunday.’ said Mr Hayes. I nearly dropped the trays. ‘I’m so glad she did,’ replied Mum. ‘I’ve been meaning to visit for ages and you know how busy life gets. Auntie Mae and Kayla have always been so close so it’s even more special that Kayla came before she died.’ Shut up, Mum! I wanted to yell. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! But I stood silently at the door. ‘She must’ve visited when I was out for a bit,’ said Mr Hayes. When he started

waffling on about getting compost for his garden, I gave a sigh of relief. Too close. I pushed through the door and slid the trays of papers onto the bench. When I turned around I saw Mr Hayes frown. He looked at me strangely for a moment then slid his chair back from the table. Luckily Bess showed up again with Dad right behind her. ‘Come on, puss,’ said Mr Hayes. ‘I’ll take you home again. It’d be no good if you got locked up in here.’ ‘Thank you,’ said Mum. ‘If you could look after her for a bit while we get things organised, that’d be a great help.’ While they discussed more things to be done, I scooped up Bess for another hug. ‘I’ll see you at the funeral tomorrow,’ said Mr Hayes to my parents. He held out his arms to take the cat and looked straight into my eyes. ‘You too, Kayla.’ I shuddered when he left, knowing instantly by his look that someone else knew the truth about Sunday’s visit.

Chapter 14

The grey, heavy sky mirrored the feeling in the car as we drove through the cemetery gates and down the long, wide driveway. Early autumn leaves skated across in front of us, bunching at the feet of the trees lining our way. At the end, Dad swung the car into a park facing a small, square building. The crematorium, as Auntie Mae had requested. People stood on the front steps in small groups, huddled against the cutting, southerly wind. Theo had asked all the gruesome questions I wanted to ask. Why cremation? What happens to her body? Does the casket (apparently you don’t call it a coffin any more) get mixed up with Auntie Mae when she gets cremated? But Theo’s nine-year-old morbid curiosity went a bit too far and Dad finally stopped answering his questions. It was a sea of black. I’d hoped it might be like a funeral I’d seen on TV where everyone wore bright clothes, not calling it a funeral but a celebration of someone’s life. Theo peered through the windscreen at all the mourners. ‘Why are they all the same colour?’ he asked. ‘It’s a sign of respect,’ said Mum from the front seat. When she’d told me that I had to wear black I’d argued that Auntie Mae loved colour. She’d hate to be surrounded by black. Mum won but not completely. Underneath my black top was my rainbow-print shirt I’d painted with Auntie Mae when I was 10. It was too small, but I squeezed into it anyway. As my sign of respect. As we stood outside and then slowly entered the crematorium, I ed filing into the theatre for the comedy festival. Was it only a week ago? My usual week included Tam, school, my job and home. The past week had held so much

more. The show, our first party, my biggest fight with Tam, meeting Alex, and now my first funeral. Just the thought of it all drained whatever energy I had left. I shuffled along the pew with my family and sank down onto the seat. Auntie Mae knew a lot of people. The chapel filled quickly and there were mourners standing down the back and along the sides. When the minister had finished his bit he invited people to ‘Come and Mae to us all.’ Theo fidgeted next to me, bored with the talking, but as each person spoke at the podium, I realised more and more how little I knew about Auntie Mae. Mum had her turn and nudged me when she sat back down. ‘Do you want to say anything, Kayla?’ Was she for real? Tears streamed down my face after her speech. I wasn’t capable of speaking a syllable after she’d told them all how I’d been to visit on Sunday. I kept my gaze on the pew in front of me, imagining everyone’s accusing gaze. Now it was set in stone. Mum had told the whole world. There was no taking back the lie. I didn’t look up again until I heard the words, ‘I met Mae when I was 14, and for a few years we were inseparable.’ A tall, elderly lady stood at the podium. Her hair was long but silver like Auntie Mae’s had been. She wore a brightly coloured scarf around her neck, striking out at the black that surrounded us. I’d never seen her before but liked her instantly. ‘Mae was beautiful and kind, and the best friend I ever had. I looked up to Mae. She has always been an inspiration in my life even though I haven’t spoken to her in over 50 years. But −’ She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. When she began again her voice wavered, bringing out hankies and tissues along the pews. She turned to the casket and touched it with her fingertips. ‘But I’ve never stopped missing you, Mae, and wish that things had worked out differently between us. I’ll always you. Goodbye, Mae.’ She ducked her head down and returned to her pew where a man put his arm around her. Who was she? The guy was too young to be her husband. Her son maybe? I racked my brain for any photos with their faces but couldn’t any. But 50 years was a long time. She said they’d been inseparable. Like me and Tam. What had torn them apart? No one else stood at the podium after the woman, and finally the casket slid

between the curtains. ‘Is that where she gets burned up?’ whispered Theo. Mum quickly clamped her hand over his mouth. Afterwards, we all gathered for afternoon tea at the local hall. Dad called it a wake which set Theo off again with more questions. Lots of people chatted and laughed together, reliving memories of Auntie Mae and other people they’d known together. I scanned the crowd milling around the tables spread with sandwiches and sausage rolls but couldn’t find the long-haired woman. Auntie Mae’s best friend. The one person who could tell me more about the Auntie Mae I didn’t know.

Chapter 15

‘Are you sure you don’t want us to drop you off at Tam’s?’ asked Mum from the front seat of the car on Saturday morning. ‘Yes, I’m sure,’ I said for the third time. ‘I think she’s got something to do.’ Like stab me in the back, get ready for a party and throw up again on a stranger’s front lawn, I thought. ‘Dad said you needed the help.’ ‘Of course we do,’ said Dad. ‘It’s not a nice task but it has to be done and we might as well get stuck in.’ Dad has always been like that. ‘Do it once, do it right,’ or ‘Don’t leave a job for tomorrow when you can do it today.’ For once, one of his sayings was a good thing. Helping Mum and Dad pack up Auntie Mae’s would keep me busy. The night before, I’d finally been brave enough to text Alex. It took me two hours to decide what to send.

Hey :-) . Nice talkin to you on Thurs.

Scintillating stuff. So scintillating, he never texted back. I was right all along. I was dreaming and he was just being polite. Suddenly I was glad Tam didn’t know about Alex. She would think it was hilarious. Still, it was the first time I could that we hadn’t planned on doing something together at the weekend. Even if it was just to do nothing. Despite everything, I missed her. But Auntie Mae had asked our family to do this, and I owed her. Even Theo was a help. Well, a little. We spent all of Saturday and most of

Sunday emptying and packing up the contents of cupboards. We were all amazed at the stuff we found. There were things that looked ancient and thick with dust and other things still in their boxes, never used. Mum and Dad talked about having a garage sale but decided against it. ‘It just feels wrong, spreading Auntie Mae’s life out on trestle tables for strangers to pick through and haggle over,’ said Mum. ‘Some of the neighbours have asked for something special they shared with Auntie Mae but the rest can go to charity.’ ‘What about the whales?’ I asked. ‘You can’t give them away.’ Mum and Dad looked at me. ‘What whales?’ asked Dad. ‘Look, I’ll show you,’ I said. I led them to the carton I’d packed from the dresser and lounge shelves. I lifted the copper bowl I’d placed on the top of the carton and ran my finger along the grooves of a whale that swam around the outer edge. ‘There’s more.’ I ed it to Mum and delved deeper into the box. ‘Look at these,’ I said, unwrapping the china whales I’d found and laying them on the dresser. I picked up the smallest of the ornaments and stroked along its back. ‘Aren’t they sweet,’ said Mum, turning one in her hands. ‘Have you seen her room?’ I asked. ‘Yes, well sort of.’ Mum ed me back the ornament. ‘I thought we’d leave her room until last.’ Dad nodded in agreement. ‘I think that’s a job for you girls.’ I had to smile imagining Dad going through an old lady’s drawers. ‘There are more whales in there,’ I explained. ‘I think they were special to Auntie Mae. Can I have them?’ If a garage sale felt wrong, the thought of Auntie Mae’s precious whales gathering dust on second-hand shop shelves wasn’t right either. Mum squeezed my hand. ‘Just put what you’d like in a separate box. I’m sure she would love you to have them.’ When Mum and Dad took a break to have a coffee in Auntie Mae’s kitchen, and

Theo was planted in front of a movie in her lounge, I was sure I would be alone for a bit. I crept back to Auntie Mae’s bedroom and stood at the end of the bed. Nothing had been touched. It was the last room in the house that was completely Auntie Mae. Even with her tiny, mystery whales. I slid my hand under the cushions at the head of the bed and felt the worn edge of the box still in its hiding place. I pulled it out and holding it in my hands I hesitated before nodding to myself. Mum said I could put what I’d like in a carton, and although I knew she wouldn’t mean the box, I also knew it was important to Auntie Mae. Later, I thought, packing it in a carton. I wanted to open it at home in the privacy of my bedroom. I looked around me to see if there was anything else I should save from the second-hand shops. I scanned the bookshelf next to Auntie Mae’s bed and smiled at the Mills & Boons filling half the shelf. Tipping my head, I read the spines of her other books. A Whale Tale. Dolphins, Whales & other Sea Mammals. Whaling in NZ. Really? I shuddered. It was bad enough seeing a whale lying stranded on the beach, let alone stabbed by a harpoon. I slid out A Whale Tale. The weight of it surprised me and it, too, was worn around the edges. As I opened it, I could see the bottom of the pages were well-thumbed. Maybe it was a favourite? My eyes skipped to a torn paper bookplate on the inside cover. To Mae. For sharing our love … The right side of the bookplate was gone. Ripped or torn away. Sharing our love of what? Underneath the message was a single letter. J Who was J? I stared into space for a moment. ‘J.’ The guy in the photo I’d found in the back of the picture frame? I shrugged. I’d never know. I stacked the books inside another carton and placed the red box on top. One by one I began wrapping the ornaments, picturing where I’d put them in my room. After more packing at the house, and pizza and chips we’d picked up on the way home, we were all shattered. Theo was led protesting to the shower and I understood how he felt. Despite the gross factor, I could’ve fallen into bed in the clothes I’d worn all weekend. I’d carried my carton to my room and jammed it into the bottom of my wardrobe, hoping Mum wouldn’t go snooping while I was

in the shower. Luckily, she and Dad had only glanced at it when I took it out to our car at Auntie Mae’s. ‘It’s her whales,’ I’d explained. ‘I’m going to put them in my room.’ They were so keen to finish for the day, they’d just nodded and finished taping up the last boxes in the kitchen. Tam was right, I thought. I was way too good at lying. It’s what got me into this mess in the first place. But somehow, I’d make things right again. For Auntie Mae. I felt a little better after a shower and my curiosity overcame my weariness. I shut my bedroom door and pulled out the carton from Auntie Mae’s. Placing each carefully newspaper-wrapped parcel and the books aside, I reached in for the red box and laid it on my lap. When the clasp wouldn’t open my heart sank, thinking it might need a key. After a closer look I discovered a tiny bar that slid out on a chain, releasing the clasp. I lifted the lid. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected. Jewellery maybe? Family papers? Some sort of treasure? Tam’s voice was loud in my mind. ‘You need to grow up.’ I shook it off and peered into the box. It was full of photos and I thought again of the photo I’d found slid into the back of the picture frame. They were mostly black and white, and all of Auntie Mae as a young girl. Was this the Mae the woman had spoken of at the funeral? I thought I recognised the woman in a few of the shots but it was hard to be sure. The one photograph that stood out was at the very bottom. It was half a photo, raggedly torn on one edge. A teenage Mae stood on a beach. Unlike the other photos she wasn’t smiling or laughing. She looked as if she was about to cry and I wondered who’d been mean enough to take her photo. Who had torn it in half, and why? And why did she keep it when she looked so miserable?

Chapter 16

Tam didn’t quite ignore me on the bus on Monday morning, but I wish she had. She sat behind me and talked on her phone, just loud enough for me to hear all the juicy details of another party. I recognised several names from the week before and sure enough, Evan’s name came up. I was scanning the bus for an empty seat to move to when I heard another name. Alex. My stomach lurched. So that’s why he didn’t text me back. He’d been at the party, too. When Tam started laughing and talking louder, I got an idea. One I hoped would shut Tam up. I dug around in my bag for my notebook and a pen. As I leaned over the back of the seat, she stopped mid- sentence. I held up my notebook and mouthed the words I’d written. I DON’T CARE. With a shrug I turned around and sank back into my seat. She ended the call seconds later and was silent for the rest of the way to school. ‘As we are reaching the end of the term, your Conflict assignments are due by Wednesday,’ said Mrs Thomas. My social Science Class groaned. Another one of Dad’s mottoes, ‘Finish something well before it’s due,’ had been ingrained in my DNA and I’d already finished 95 per cent of my assignment. Which was a lucky break, because I’d completely forgotten about it. ‘Next term’s focus is on climate change and the environment,’ said our teacher. ‘Think about what’s been happening around the world. Can we do anything? You might want to find out what we can do at school to help,’ which brought more groans from around the room. ‘Can we do anything at home, in your neighbourhood or something bigger?’ ‘Like what?’ someone asked. ‘Like possible new technology, or what is happening in our atmosphere and to

the air we breathe. What about the land and how we look after it? Or don’t?’ she added. ‘What about the sea?’ asked one of the guys. ‘Excellent suggestion, Brad!’ said Mrs Thomas with a smile. ‘Yeah, considering it was the only thing left,’ called a girl from the back of the class. Brad smirked and threw up his hands in mock defeat. ‘Yes,’ continued Mrs Thomas. ‘The ocean is a perfect example, along with our beaches.’ ‘Who saw the whale last week?’ asked someone. The class came alive with everyone’s take on the whale and the Project Jonah demonstration. ‘Some of those activists were hot!’ called out Shelley, our class Gardening Girl. ‘Especially that young guy with the blond hair.’ My heart skipped. Alex. ‘They are not activists,’ said Mrs Thomas. ‘They do an excellent job coordinating and training teams of people to save beached whales. Some of you should consider something so worthwhile, or some other volunteer work in your holidays.’ ‘Yeah right, Mrs Thomas,’ said Brad. ‘Rugby season starts soon. I’ll be too busy.’ ‘They don’t save all the whales,’ I said quietly. ‘What was that, Kayla?’ asked Mrs Thomas. She held up her hand and the class suddenly fell uncomfortably quiet. ‘Um.’ I glanced around at expectant faces. ‘They don’t save all the whales. The one that was on our beach died.’ Everybody knew this already and I didn’t even know why I was saying it. Maybe it was just to get back at Alex. My class stared. ‘It must be hard when a whale dies,’ I stammered. ‘You’re right, Kayla,’ said Mrs Thomas. ‘But I’m sure the ones they do save

make it worthwhile.’ As quickly as it had fallen silent, the class came alive again. ‘How did they bury it?’ called a girl. ‘Man, that’d be a big hole,’ said someone else. ‘They use chainsaws, dude,’ called out one of the guys. Half the girls in the class pulled a face. ‘Ew, dead whales, how gross,’ said Shelley. ‘I’m going to do my assignment on the sky and the air around us.’ When the girls around her nodded their approval, I think I was the only one who saw Mrs Thomas roll her eyes. I didn’t care what the others said. I knew exactly what I was going to research. There was no other option. Auntie Mae and the memory of that sad eye staring at me from the foreign place it had found itself in decided it – despite Alex ignoring my text. The titles on the spines of Auntie Mae’s books flashed in my mind. I already had a title circling, or should I say swimming in my head. A Whale’s Fate – In Our Hands? Being back at work on Monday night felt the most normal thing I’d done for days. A couple of the girls I worked with asked if I’d been sick. I just nodded. They were partly right anyway. Behind my till, it was a relief to focus on the repetitiveness of my job. Smile, scan, take payment, greet the next customer. It kept my mind off other things and my shift ed quickly. I fetched another trolley ready for the next customer and turned back to look straight into tawny-brown eyes. Alex. ‘It was nice talking to you, too,’ he said with a smile. His grin widened at my confusion. ‘Your text? Last week?’ I finally wrestled my vocal cords into responding. ‘Oh, yes. That.’ On autopilot, I scanned the stuff he’d put on the counter. Two Cokes. Two chocolate bars. Two muesli bars. They lay in the bottom of the trolley as my mind whirled. He did get my text. He’d ed what it said. ‘Sorry I didn’t text back. Ran out of credit.’ ‘Oh, that’s okay,’ I mumbled. He looked great in a deep- blue hoody, his hair styled with gel and I suddenly wondered if the drinks and bars were all for him

or was he sharing them with someone? I looked up into his face, willing mine not to flush any redder. A couple stood behind him in the queue. ‘So,’ he began. ‘Do you work every day? On the weekends?’ He ed over a 20 dollar note. ‘Um, no. Not weekends. Not usually.’ My heart thumped as I opened my till. Was he just making polite conversation again or −? ‘Would you like to do something? On Saturday?’ Acutely aware the couple behind him could hear everything, my brain froze for a moment. ‘Um. Like what?’ Very smooth Kayla, you idiot! It doesn’t matter! I focused on counting out his change. ‘With me,’ he said softly. ‘Text me your address. I’ll pick you up at one o’clock.’ ‘Come on, love,’ said the woman behind Alex. ‘Say yes. I’m sort of in a hurry.’ She winked at Alex. ‘And I’m not leaving until you do,’ he whispered. ‘One o’clock?’ I asked in disbelief. He was asking me on a date. At work. In public. ‘Bring a jacket. Wear sneakers,’ he said. ‘See you Saturday.’ And then he was gone. ‘How was work?’ asked Mum went I got home. ‘Good.’ I couldn’t help grinning. ‘Looks like it,’ she said. ‘That’s the first real smile I’ve seen for a week.’ She gave me a hug. ‘We all miss her, Kayla. But it’ll get better.’ I pulled away, the buzz of Alex’s invitation fading. Gee thanks, Mum. Just when I’d forgotten about it for a bit. Which made me feel even worse, because I’d forgotten. I slid my tea into the microwave and stared out the window into the dark, Auntie Mae flooding my thoughts. As I waited for the beep of the microwave to say my dinner was ready, my dream flashed in my head. ‘Mum,

can I ask you something?’ ‘Anything.’ ‘Was it … you know.’ I struggled for the right words. ‘Was it quick?’ ‘Sorry, love. You’ve lost me.’ ‘Auntie Mae. Was it a heart attack or was it a fall?’ Suddenly I had to know. I had a 50 per cent chance of partly letting myself off the guilt hook I was swinging from. But did I really want to cope with the other 50 per cent? ‘It was a heart attack, love. Very quick. Awful, but quick.’ Her eyes brimmed with tears. A heart attack. She didn’t lie there waiting to be found. I couldn’t have done a thing. But still, I should’ve gone. ‘Sorry, Mum.’ After dinner and some TV, I went to my room. I’d been trying to think of something to say in my text to Alex. All I could come up with was,

Are you for real? Did you really ask me out?

But he’d asked for my address so that’s all I sent in the end, with a

See you soon?

the only clue that I didn’t quite believe it. The buzz returned, fizzing through me like it had when he’d left my queue. I didn’t even mind the couple behind him grinning and nudging each other. All I had to do now was keep occupied until Saturday and try not to smile too

much. Then it hit me. What would I tell Mum? It was my first proper date. Sure, I’d been out with boys before. But they were boys I’d known from forever. Sons of my parents’ friends. Not a real date. Would she even let me go? How embarrassing would that be? Oh hi, Alex. Nice of you to drop by but I’m not allowed to come out with you. I’d just die. Should I lie about it? Say I’m going out with Tam? Too late. I’d texted him my address. No. I couldn’t lie again. I’d just have to face Mum. Tomorrow. I’d talk to her tomorrow. I slid the carton of Auntie Mae’s things out from my wardrobe and began to unwrap the ornaments. They didn’t belong in a box and I wanted to find a home for them in my room. After clearing three shelves of junk and polishing the whales with a Tshirt off my floor, I lined them along the two top shelves, and the books along the other. I rearranged their order until I was happy with how they looked, then stood back and closed my eyes. ‘I won’t forget, Auntie Mae,’ I whispered in the silence of my room. ‘I wish you’d shared these with me before, but they’re safe with me now.’

Chapter 17

On Tuesday morning, Tam sat at the back of the bus. It still felt strange, but now I had other things to focus on. Like Alex. I longed to run down the bus, plonk myself next to Tam and tell her everything. My dreams, my worries, how he asked me out. But I stopped myself. She didn’t want to tell me everything. My thoughts slipped back to the party and my worries afterwards. ‘It’s got nothing to do with you!’ she’d yelled. She was probably right. I smiled. Me and Alex had nothing to do with her, either.

Each night after work I shut myself in my room after dinner. I told Mum and Dad I was planning my new environment assignment, but really, I was keen to check out Auntie Mae’s books on my own. Maybe I’d find out something else about her. I began with the book signed by the mysterious ‘J’. I frowned. I’d checked with Mum. Her husband had been called Alan. Auntie Mae had never mentioned a ‘J’. Most of the books were old and boring with no secret notes tucked inside or random thoughts scribbled in the margins as I’d hoped for. I slid them back onto my shelf. Research for my assignment went the same way. There were lots of grainy photos and drawings and pages of tiny text about whales but no mention of Project Jonah. I needed more current stuff. I booted up my old laptop and while it whirred and chugged to life I wished I’d asked Alex his last name so I could check out his social media. But since I was still stinging from the last time I was online, I decided to keep to the topic. I typed in The Fate of the Whale. It was 11.30pm before I knew it. I’d seen photos of strandings, music clips, documentaries and scientific papers. There was heaps of stuff to do my research on. More than enough for my project, and plenty to keep me occupied until Saturday. Maybe I’d even have something to talk to Alex about.

The last week of term was frantic in some classes and cruisy in others, depending on how much was left to do. I hung out with some girls from my class and handed in my Conflict social science project, while telling Mrs Thomas my choice for the next one. ‘Interesting title, Kayla, and very topical at the moment.’ She frowned. ‘And not just the stranding, either.’ The bell rang, and I missed my chance to ask what she meant. She yelled over the scramble of chairs and books and bags. ‘Don’t forget your preliminary research for your environmental assignments next term. And Brad, Tainui and Corrine, please decide on something over your holiday break.’ It was Friday night before I finally got the courage to tell Mum about Alex. She was tidying up the kitchen while I stacked the dishwasher. ‘Now or never,’ I whispered to myself. And I knew it would be never if she said no, because Alex probably wouldn’t ask me again. ‘Mum?’ ‘Hmm?’ ‘I’ve been invited out tomorrow.’ ‘I haven’t seen Tam for ages,’ she said, wiping the bench. ‘What have you girls got planned?’ ‘It’s not Tam. It’s a boy.’ She spun round and gaped at me. She quickly recovered and looked away, but she couldn’t hide her smile. ‘Oh, yes? What’s his name?’ Here we go, I thought. A zillion questions and then a no. ‘His name is Alex and I met him through Tam.’ Which wasn’t a lie. ‘And what does he have planned?’ ‘I’m not sure,’ I began. At her frown I quickly added, ‘He said to take a jacket and wear sneakers, so maybe a walk somewhere.’ She nodded slowly and then the lecture I’d expected filled the next five minutes. But instead of the usual answer she finally said, ‘You’ve been incredibly mature

since we lost Auntie Mae.’ Guilt does that to a person, Mum. I just nodded. ‘And we’ve appreciated your help with everything lately. I’d like to meet Alex before you go.’ I nodded, wanting to escape the kitchen before she changed her mind. ‘One more thing though, Kayla. Don’t forget your friends when you have a boyfriend.’ A boyfriend. Is that what he was? What he could be? ‘Don’t leave Tam out in the cold,’ she said turning back to the bench. Too late for that, Mum, I thought. She beat me to it.

Chapter 18

Luckily, Dad was out playing squash and Theo was at his friend’s place when Alex arrived. I couldn’t stand one more kissing noise from my little brother or smirk from Dad. Mum was bad enough, tidying the house like a madwoman. I tried not to answer the door as soon as he knocked but didn’t want to stick around for Mum to embarrass me either. I needn’t have worried. Alex was smooth, shaking her hand and introducing himself. He wouldn’t tell her where we were going, ‘Because it will spoil the surprise,’ he said, smiling at me over her shoulder. ‘You’ve got your phone, Kayla?’ Mum asked as I squeezed past her. ‘Yes.’ I pulled Alex’s arm and tugged him away from the door. ‘I’ll text you later.’ Alex grabbed my hand and we ran down the drive, laughing. I didn’t dare look back until we were out of sight of the house. ‘Sorry about that.’ He shrugged. ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ve met much worse.’ I looked at him sideways, wondering how many parents he’d met. Stop it, Kayla. I couldn’t help thinking Tam was right again. I’m going to spoil things if I keep overthinking them. ‘So where are we going?’ I asked, trying not to grin about the fact he was still holding my hand. ‘You’ll see.’ He adjusted the weight of his bag on his shoulder and I wondered what it held. ‘Come on, or we’ll miss the bus.’ During two bus trips I felt myself relax. He chatted as if we’d known each other forever. I learnt he went to an all-boys’ school on the other side of town. He was

an only child with busy executive parents. His last name was Kershaw and I wouldn’t have found him online anyway. ‘I tried it but never put anything on it. And it’s mostly just gossip anyway. I usually stick to the Project Jonah site and stuff like that.’ I liked him more already. We climbed off the bus and I instantly recognised where we were. I hadn’t been there for years, and it looked a lot brighter since I’d seen it last. The railings that separated the road from the beach had a fresh red-and-white paint job and a new café looked straight out over the ocean. ‘This is one of my favourite places,’ said Alex, leaning on the rail that stretched out in both directions. I watched the waves, ing my last visit when I was little. I must have been about seven or eight. I gazed down the concrete steps which led to grass and then the black sand, triggering memories of tiny yellow buckets and sandcastles. I saw a face, laughing down at me as we dug moats down to the water. It was Auntie Mae who’d brought me here. ‘Are you all right? We can go somewhere else if you like?’ Alex touched my arm, concern on his face. I quickly wiped my eyes. ‘No. I was just ing something. It’s nothing. I’m sorry.’ He smiled. ‘Come on.’ He pointed down the steps. ‘Your surprise is down there.’ New picnic tables had been built behind a sheltering semicircle of trees. I laughed when Alex spread out a towel on one of them, then pulled out two Cokes, two chocolate bars and two brown bakery packages from his backpack. I held up a can. ‘You bought these on Monday. How did you know I’d say yes?’ He shrugged. ‘Thinking positive. I hope you like custard squares. My Grandad used to be a mechanic and he still calls them engine mounts.’ We ate and laughed and talked. I told him I’d been there before when I was little – building sandcastles with long trenches down to the water that would fill our moats with the incoming tide. I was surprised when he told me he’d done the same. ‘Maybe we were on the beach at the same time,’ he said. ‘Freaky. Kaylakarma.’ He looked into my eyes and I felt my face flush.

‘Finished?’ Were we leaving already? Had I done something wrong? Not done something? But at my nod he scooped all our leftovers and rubbish into a nearby bin, stuffed the towel in his bag and then nodded past the trees. ‘You haven’t seen a sandcastle until you’ve seen a Kershaw sandcastle!’ Without any buckets or spades, our castle looked pretty sad and we soon gave up on it. I didn’t care. I couldn’t believe I was sitting on the beach with a boy who wasn’t a family friend or a cousin or my annoying little brother. Alex fell silent for a while and I wondered what he was thinking. ‘So why is this a favourite place?’ I asked. He turned to me, his shoulder touching mine. ‘My grandparents have been bringing me here ever since I can . My grandma has been telling me about the whales since I was about five.’ I must have looked confused because he waved his arm across the expanse of the bay. ‘This coastline has always seen sightings and strandings of whales. My grandparents were among the earliest campaigners to stop whaling and learn about how to help at strandings.’ ‘Doesn’t that make this a sad place?’ I asked softly. ‘Yes, that’s true.’ He nodded gently. ‘But it’s somewhere I’ve helped save whales, and that’s such an awesome feeling.’ I looked away, ashamed at my comment in class about him not saving that whale. Just because I’d thought he’d ignored my text. And now I was sitting next to him, alone on the beach. ‘That whale that stranded the other day. Was it a pilot whale?’ I saw his surprise and began to tell him about inheriting the books and other stuff from a family friend and my choice of topic for my social-science project. Again, the time flew as I learned more about whales and the creature that lay on the beach the day after Auntie Mae died. ‘Whaling might have been banned in New Zealand but there’s still so much to

fight for,’ said Alex. ‘There are countries who still kill whales for scientific research.’ He thumped the sand with his fist. ‘Research! What a crock of bullshit!’ I jumped at his outburst and he shook his head. ‘Sorry. It just makes me so angry. Sometimes even my grandma feels useless against these huge fishing companies and the governments who turn a blind eye.’ He was silent for a minute. ‘I’ve been thinking though, and I reckon there is something we can do − right here.’ He put his hand on mine. ‘Would you like to help?’ The closeness of him and the feel of his hand blocked any sensible answer I might have given. With a jerk, he looked down at his watch. ‘We’ve got to go. We’re going to miss the last bus!’ We leapt up and he snatched up the towel we’d been sitting on. I didn’t care if we were late, or if we missed the bus, or that I’d suddenly ed I hadn’t texted Mum. I could’ve sat there on the beach with him forever. Flicking sand behind us, then running up the concrete steps, we reached the bus stop just as the bus was pulling away. Alex banged on the side and it stopped again, the door swishing open. I willed the bus driver to drive as slowly as possible on the way home, but as always, the trip home from somewhere seemed to go faster than the trip there. ‘I’m going to a party tonight,’ said Alex. ‘Do you want to come?’ My heart sank. ‘Oh. Um, I can’t. I’ve got something else on.’ Like sitting in front of the TV with my parents and nine-year-old brother. But I couldn’t tell Alex that. Besides, Mum would probably have a fit that I didn’t text her 30 seconds after leaving the house, let alone let me go to a party. ‘Shame,’ he said. He looked like he meant it. ‘The last party I saw you at didn’t turn out too well.’ So he did see me and Tam on the front lawn of that house. ‘No, Tam –’ ‘Was wasted,’ he finished for me. ‘Your friend should be careful. Some of the guys at these parties like girls who drink too much.’ I stared at him as we pulled up to the last stop. ‘You had a fight, right?’ he asked.

‘You’re probably better off staying away from her.’ Alex waved from his window as the bus left my stop. Before I’d left my seat he’d kissed my hand and watching the bus pull away, I rubbed it, his warning about Tam fresh in my ears. That’s the strange thing, Alex, I thought. Tam said the same about you.

Chapter 19

‘Hi, love,’ called Dad from the kitchen. He ducked his head through the door. ‘Oh, you’re on your own? I thought I’d meet your fella.’ ‘Dad! He’s not my −’ ‘Oh? That’s what Mum told me.’ I shook my head and ed him in the kitchen. ‘Did you have a nice time?’ he asked. ‘Yes. We had a picnic on the beach.’ He returned my grin. ‘Your mum was worried when you didn’t text.’ ‘Yeah, sorry. We just … We were talking and eating, and I completely forgot.’ I shrugged. ‘Is she mad?’ That’s all I needed. Mum to ground me. It wasn’t like I had a huge social calendar, but even though I said no to the party, I hoped Alex might ask me out again. ‘She’s picking up Theo. She’ll be back soon,’ he said, which didn’t answer my question. ‘This is all new to us, Kayla, and you. You’re only 15.’ Yes, Dad, and way behind everyone else. Even Tam’s left me behind. ‘How old is −?’ ‘Alex. He’s 16.’ Dad nodded. ‘You’re sensible. I’m not going to give you an embarrassing lecture. We trust you. Next time, text your mum, eh? Even if you have to do it in the loo where your friends can’t see you. Better safe than sorry.’ ‘Thanks, Dad,’ I said with a smile. At least he gets it, even if he had to chuck one of his sayings in.

‘And a little hint,’ he continued. ‘Mum is going to do some cleaning tomorrow at Auntie Mae’s. It’s probably a good idea to volunteer your help.’ Dad’s advice paid off. Mum was a bit off with me when she got back with Theo, but he sorted that out, too. ‘Kayla and I have had a bit of a chat. It’s all good, eh love?’ Mum gave me a funny look then seemed to relax. I saw my cue. ‘Dad said you’re going back to Auntie Mae’s tomorrow. Do you need a hand?’ My forgotten text and lateness home weren’t mentioned again.

Since my fight with Tam, I’d been leaving my phone in my room. It’s not like anyone else ever texted me, but a part of me, a large chunk, hoped that Alex would. If he didn’t, the school holidays would be painfully long. I checked the time. 8.30pm. Had the party started? What did he think when I said I was busy? Did he believe me? Would he meet someone else at the party and take her to the beach next time? I jumped as my text tone rang from my pocket.

Wish you were here - A

Theo launched into more kissing noises and Mum and Dad glanced at each other. Note to self – turn phone to vibrate only and hide your reactions when reading texts from Alex. I messaged him from the privacy of my bedroom.

Me too :(

Hoping for another text, I laid my phone on my bedside table. While I waited, I slid Auntie Mae’s book from my shelf and flipped open the front cover to look at

the inscription. J Was he someone special to Auntie Mae? Would Alex be the same for me?

‘I thought we’d already got everything?’ I asked Mum on Sunday morning. Three cartons were still stacked in Auntie Mae’s lounge when we arrived. ‘We couldn’t fit everything in the last load,’ she said. ‘This is all the stuff the charities won’t want. You know, souvenirs and photos.’ For sharing our love … J flashed in my head, and I wondered if the photo I’d tucked back in the picture frame was in one of the boxes. Before I could investigate, Mum had me on the end of a vacuum cleaner. With my phone in my back pocket all morning I was back to thinking about who Alex might’ve met at the party. Had Tam gone, too? With Evan? How was she getting that past her mum? For a moment I wished we hadn’t had a fight. She could keep an eye on Alex for me. I froze, the vacuum in mid-sweep. Whoa Kayla! You sound like a control freak. Tam and I used to laugh at the girls at school with boyfriends. ‘They’d have them on a leash if they could,’ Tam would whisper in our lunch breaks. And now look at me, I thought. Too scared to put my phone down. No selfcontrol. Snatching it from my pocket, I put it on the bench. The moment it left my fingers, it went off. I jumped and watched it vibrate an inch across the bench before snatching it up again.

Party just ok. You free tomorrow before work?

It took about three seconds to answer.

Yes.

So much for self-control.

Meet you at plaza at 10?

Ok

I asked Mum at lunchtime. After all, I wasn’t cleaning just for the thrill of it. I was collecting brownie points. To my surprise she said yes straight away. Dad must’ve really worked some magic. I slaved away for the rest of the afternoon, but when Mum was busy in the next room, I rummaged through the boxes left in the lounge. It didn’t take long to find what I was looking for, and I slid the photo of Auntie Mae smiling up at the guy out of the picture frame. I wasn’t 100 per cent positive but she looked so happy, it had to be the mystery J who’d given her the whale book. That night when the photo fitted perfectly next to the message, in the front of A Whale Tale, it felt even more right. ‘There you go, Auntie Mae. Back together again.’ Part of me felt stupid. What if it wasn’t J? Even if it was, would Auntie Mae be happy or not? Who knows what happened after the photo was taken? But another part of me wanted them to be together. She looked so happy. I smiled down at her young face. For the first time since I’d heard about her death, I felt a little better. Mum said it had been quick and I knew I couldn’t have

done anything. To tell the truth, the thought of finding her on the floor or even ed away in her chair was a scary one. I still missed her so much it hurt. I still wished I’d seen her before she died, but at the same time, with her whales close by, I felt closer to her than I had in ages. ‘I’m sorry, Auntie Mae. I wish I could tell you everything that has happened. It looks like me and Tam are history but now I’ve met Alex. And he loves whales just as much as you did.’

Chapter 20

Alex waved as I stepped off the bus at the Plaza shopping centre. His smile made me feel awkward. As if it was our first meeting, all over again. ‘Hey.’ ‘Hey back,’ I said, melting in those eyes I thought about the whole time we were apart. Oh my gosh. I sounded like a Mills & Boon novel or one of those soppy teen reads Tam and I used to gag over. But now I could totally relate. ‘Missed you at the party.’ ‘Yeah, sorry. Maybe next time.’ What was I saying? Dad might’ve convinced Mum to loosen my chains a bit, but a party? Couldn’t see it. ‘Only maybe?’ he teased, squeezing my hand. ‘Hungry? Would you like a coffee?’ ‘Okay.’ The easiness between us returned over paninis and mochas. He told me all about the party at his mate’s place. Despite myself I was dying to know if Tam went but didn’t know how to ask. In the end I didn’t have to. ‘Your friend was there, with some guy.’ Alex saw my surprise. ‘I don’t know him. I think he’s from out of town.’ I focused on my coffee for a moment. Out of town? How was Tam meeting guys from out of town? What happened to her thing for Evan? When I looked up again he was staring at me. ‘You look worried.’ At my shrug he touched my fingers curled around my cup. ‘Didn’t you guys have a fight?’ ‘Yes,’ I itted. ‘But we’ve been mates forever. Old habits, I suppose. You

were right about her. I’ll just stay out of it.’ I took a deep breath and pushed Tam from my mind. ‘So what have you got planned for the holidays?’ ‘Well,’ he began, a tiny smile on his lips. ‘I thought I’d help you with your assignment.’ ‘What? No. You don’t have to,’ I spluttered. ‘It’s just school stuff.’ He laughed. ‘I’m not going to write it for you or anything. I want to show you what I do when I’m not at school.’ Just like at the beach, Alex was suddenly in a hurry to finish our coffees and he whisked me out of the café and down the street. I laughed as I rushed to keep up. ‘You’re impulsive, aren’t you?’ ‘My grandma tells me that all the time. Life’s too short. Haven’t you heard of seize the day?’ Dad would love you, I thought. You sound just like him. Luckily I wasn’t impulsive enough to say it out loud. Imagine being compared to someone’s dad. Alex strode along the street with my hand in his, telling me all about his grandmother. I didn’t care where we were going, I was just happy to be there. He obviously worshipped his grandma and by the way he spoke she was an ecowarrior for the whole region. After three blocks we turned into a narrow side street lined with warehouses. Some of the buildings had huge, open roller doors, revealing the type of business inside. ers, engineers, a lighting place and a tyre shop. A few workers waved at Alex as we walked past, hand in hand. Huddled between a martial arts club and a car workshop was an old villa painted in all the colours of the rainbow. Against the dull, corrugated iron of the street’s buildings, it looked like a play centre on steroids. Brightly coloured flags hung from poles outside, and a faded sign read The Kershaw Environment Centre. More signs hung in the windows facing the street. ACT LOCAL – THINK GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL!

OIL DRILLING IS A CRIME AGAINST THE OCEAN ‘Welcome to my second home,’ said Alex. ‘My grand-parents started it up about 40 years ago. Grandad doesn’t come in much any more, but Grandma is still full on. She says it keeps her young.’ I just nodded, my stomach suddenly full of butterflies at the thought of meeting someone so important to Alex. What would she think of me? Would I be good enough for her grandson? It was as though he read my mind. ‘She won’t bite. She’s awesome and you can ask her stuff about your project.’ He tugged my hand. ‘Come on. You’ll see.’ The inside of the villa had been converted into a small shop. There was a rack of T-shirts and sleeveless vests with slogans printed across them. Recycle Recycle Recycle. Earth’s Creatures must come first Be Green with me Several shelves displayed key rings, cups, and fridge magnets with messages of their own, and ornaments that reminded me of Auntie Mae. Half of one wall was a display showing horrific photos of harpooned and slaughtered whales. A blank TV screen was the centre of the display with a sign above it. Sea Shepherd – Whale Warriors. ‘Alex!’ A woman burst through the multicoloured blind across a doorway at the rear of the shop. She beamed and swept around from behind the counter. ‘I thought you were having today off.’ ‘Hi, Grandma. I wanted you to meet someone.’ I stared at her. Her long, silver hair was tied into a ponytail making her look much younger. Her face was full of pleasure in seeing Alex, not twisted in grief, but I knew in an instant. It was the woman from the funeral – Auntie Mae’s best friend.

Chapter 21

Alex introduced me and I said nothing – about the funeral anyway. There wouldn’t have been any point and I didn’t get a chance. While he showed me around the shop, explaining what he did there, I wondered how many people even knew it was there. I’d never heard of it. But I was soon surprised at the steady flow of people coming in to ask questions about worm farms, composting, the new fireplace regulations and even a couple of questions about the stranded whale. Lunchtime seemed to be busiest and Alex was in his element. He was a natural with all ages. After he’d served a woman with a little boy, his grandma smiled. ‘Where would I be without you, Alex?’ She turned to me. ‘You should’ve seen the centre 40 years ago. It was more about preventing nuclear testing and stopping whaling around the world, than worm farms and fluoridated water.’ ‘That must be a good thing, though?’ I asked. ‘To think you’ve helped achieve that.’ She nodded, solemn all of a sudden. ‘Yes, I suppose. But there is always more to be done. More to fight for.’ ‘And where would they be without you, eh, Grandma?’ teased Alex. Her smile returned. ‘You cheeky ratbag. Right. I’m ready for a nice cup of tea. How about you two?’ Over tea and home-made baking, Alex told her about my project. ‘It’s called A Whale’s Fate – In Our hands.’ He’d ed. ‘That’s wonderful, Kayla,’ she said. ‘That’s what we need. Young people like you two taking up the battle as us oldies drop off.’

‘Grandma,’ said Alex with a frown. ‘You’re not going anywhere.’ She shook her head. ‘You never know when your time is up.’ She quickly stood and began clearing the table. Alex grabbed the last piece of caramel slice and didn’t see her eyes well with tears. Was she thinking of Auntie Mae? The centre closed at 3.30pm and Liz (they insisted I call her that) offered us a ride to the bus stop. It felt rude saying no, but I was looking forward to being on my own with Alex on the walk back. ‘So what do you think of the centre?’ he asked. ‘It’s great. I never even knew it was there. I can’t believe how many people came during the day.’ He shrugged. ‘I wish it was like that all the time. Maybe it’s because it’s the school holidays or because of the stranding. It’s always busier when people are reminded that their planet is being plundered, species murdered, and forests burned down. It’s as if their guilt kicks in and suddenly they think a worm farm in their backyard lets them off the hook.’ I glanced across at him, his face deep in thought. ‘That’s very dark,’ I ventured. He stopped and pulled me closer. His face lightened. ‘I’m sorry, Kayla. I didn’t mean to dump that on you. People just make me mad.’ ‘Not all people,’ I answered, barely above a whisper. He shook his head. ‘No. You’re right. What did you think of Grandma?’ His smile returned. ‘She’s amazing! I’ve never met anyone so driven. How long did she say the centre had been going?’ He grinned, putting his arm around my waist. ‘Forty years,’ he said. ‘Would you like to come again? I’m sure we could find you a job to do.’ The warmth of his hand on my hip spread through my entire body. How could I say no?

It was only on the way home in the bus that his words hit me. ‘It’s only when their guilt kicks in that they suddenly think a worm farm will let them off the hook.’ I pictured Auntie Mae’s whales and books in my bedroom. My whale research. Were they my worm farm? My way of letting myself off the hook? The joy of my day with Alex drained away as my guilt flared again. What would Alex say if he knew? Would he think I was a fake? Would Liz?

Chapter 22

I burst out laughing when Alex appeared in my queue that night at the supermarket. ‘Don’t you ever go home?’ I teased. His face fell into a fake, forlorn look. He blinked his eyes as if he was about to cry, then grabbed my hand. ‘You wound me so.’ Other checkout operators and customers looked our way and I pulled my hand back. ‘You’ll get me into trouble,’ I hissed through my smile. ‘I’ve run out of credit again on my phone,’ he said quickly. ‘Shall I meet you tomorrow?’ ‘At the Plaza?’ ‘Same time, same place, Batman.’ ‘Wouldn’t I be Robin?’ ‘It’s a modern world. You can be Batman.’ And just like the superhero, he was gone. I was still smiling when I served my next customer. Yeah right, Alex, I thought. You already know I’m Robin and I’d follow you anywhere.

I didn’t even mind the teasing I got from Theo and Dad that night. Over dinner I told my family all about the centre and Alex’s grandmother. I figured if Mum knew I was with a ‘responsible adult’ she wouldn’t mind me hanging out with Alex. But I left out the bit about her being at the funeral. There was no point in reminding Mum of all that. On Tuesday morning with my insides tingling at the thought of being with Alex all day, I hopped off the bus. He wasn’t there. A look up and down the street

didn’t find him and my stomach lurched. I had got it right, hadn’t I? He did ask me to meet him there? I walked over to the Plaza and stood near the opening, wondering if he’d gone inside to grab a coffee. After checking my watch 50 times in the next 10 minutes, he still hadn’t arrived. ‘Who are you waiting for?’ said a familiar voice from behind me. ‘Tam?’ ‘The one and only. Who are you waiting for?’ I stared at my friend from forever but saw someone else. It was only 10 in the morning and she had enough eye make-up on for a late-night party. ‘Oh, um,’ I began, ing the last time Alex had been part of a conversation between us. For a split second I felt like lying, then defensiveness flared in me. ‘I’m meeting Alex,’ I said clearly, carefully watching her reaction. I didn’t expect what I saw. Her eyes widened and her face paled. ‘K. You should stay away from him.’ ‘Kayla!’ I turned to see Alex running towards us. He was puffing when he reached me and pulled me in for a hug. ‘I missed my bus. Sorry I’m late.’ He smelled divine and relief flooded through me. I turned back to face Tam, happy with Alex’s arm around me, but she was striding away, deep within the mall. By the way Alex was chattering about his plans for the day, he hadn’t recognised her, and I quickly forgot her warning. When we arrived at the centre, Liz wasn’t smiling like the day before. ‘What’s up?’ asked Alex. Without a word, she waved towards the counter where newspapers lay spread out. ILLEGAL DUMPING GOES UNCHECKED shouted from one front page. CIVIL RIGHTS SLASHED WITH A PEN blasted from another. The centre was silent as Alex skimmed the papers. ‘This is the same guy that s scientific whaling,’ he said through gritted teeth. He slammed his palm

down on the counter. ‘How can he get away with this?’ ‘Who?’ I asked, moving to look over his shoulder. He jabbed his finger at the paper and I began to read. Local MP Alastair Wilkes has once again sidestepped the allegations regarding being a major shareholder in a company facing charges regarding illegal dumping. Mr Wilkes defended demolition company, Avocan Contracting, in a statement made yesterday. “I believe permits for every centimetre of those deliveries has been obtained. The rubble is helping shore up the failing sea wall that is there to protect expensive seaside properties.” But a local study has suggested that the materials are unsafe and will leach chemical contaminants into the sea. Mr Wilkes’ is also ing an bill in Parliament where sea protests will become illegal. His comment when asked was, “Sea protests are becoming more daring and high-tech. Somebody is going to be seriously hurt.” When asked if the real reason was to encourage foreign investment in oil drilling he replied, “No comment.” ‘This guy is unbelievable,’ said Alex shaking his head. ‘Just another suit thinking of now and the dollar instead of the environment and our future.’ ‘And as for worrying about people getting hurt in protests, more whales can be slaughtered in the name of science, without anyone to stop it,’ said Liz. The room felt charged, as if I was standing between two hand grenades with their pins pulled. They both looked livid and although their sudden silence was uncomfortable, I ired their dedication to the environment. Suddenly I understood what my teacher meant about my project being topical. ‘What are we going to do?’ asked Alex. ‘Can you look after the shop?’ Liz swept up the papers from the counter. ‘I’ve been updating a flyer since 6am when I read the headlines. I’m going to get them printed and start a petition against the dumping, and another to fight the antiprotest bill.’ ‘Of course,’ I answered, even before Alex did. She finally smiled. ‘Keep a hold of this girl, Alex. She’s a good’n.’

The centre wasn’t as busy as the day before and Liz was back by 1pm with boxes of flyers. We were the first three names on the petitions she placed on the counter and then we ate the lunch she’d brought back. ‘I collected on some favours today,’ she said. ‘I have a friend with a commercial photocopier and s at the local paper. All we have to do is fold up these pamphlets and they will do the rest.’ I fished one off the top of the box.

PROTECT YOUR RIGHTS! PROTECT YOUR OCEAN! PROTECT THE WHALES! STOP SEISMIC BLASTING & SCIENTIFIC SLAUGHTER!

The flyer outlined the facts, locally and internationally, and urged people to act by g the flyer and posting it back or g one of the petitions in places around town. Alex whistled, holding up a flyer. ‘You sure move fast, Grandma.’ ‘Action is the only thing these people understand.’ ‘What about social media?’ I said. ‘To get the word out.’ Liz looked puzzled. ‘Good idea,’ said Alex. ‘I’ll get onto that.’ Phew. Once again, my mouth took off before my brain engaged. I knew digital media was the way to go but I was the last person to organise it. I didn’t exactly have a legendary following. But one thing I could do was fold flyers. I waved the one I’d been reading. ‘Let’s get started.’

Chapter 23

The next couple of days we worked in the shop, all anticipating a rush of people to sign the petition – Liz most of all. When they didn’t come, she looked nothing like the woman I’d first met. ‘I’m really worried about her,’ said Alex on the way to the bus stop on Thursday afternoon. ‘I haven’t seen her so down before. There’ve been campaign flops in the past, but they’ve never affected her this badly. I tried to tell her it’s only been two days.’ I nodded. He’d been saying it all day, but she’d replied the same way each time. ‘It’s the first couple of days that people respond, before something else grabs their attention.’ We were early for my bus home and we sat alone in the shelter. My breath caught when Alex put his arm around my shoulders. ‘Enough about the centre for one day. I’d like to take you up on that maybe.’ Maybe? What was he on about? ‘What −?’ ‘Maybe you’ll come to a party with me?’ He grinned, his face inches from mine. ‘Oh, that maybe,’ I said, stalling as the automatic excuses flicked across my brain. ‘Did you have another maybe in mind?’ Any sensible thought process I was clinging to crashed and burned as I blushed. He’d never said anything like that before. ‘I … um … I –’ ‘It’s at my place,’ he said. ‘Saturday night. Nothing too major. Say you’ll come.’ When I still didn’t answer, he added, ‘My folks will be there if that makes it

easier to get past yours.’ I let out a breath I didn’t even realise I was holding. ‘How did you know?’ He shrugged. ‘Will you come?’ I stared into those eyes that always melted my insides. ‘I’d love to.’ Running the parental gauntlet of questions felt weird. To them, it was my first party – boys, music, the possibility of alcohol. Been there, done that, sounded in my head, but they didn’t know that. The more they talked, the more of that weekend and the following days came back to me. Tam drunk and out of it. Evan’s sneer and my fight with Tam over it. Auntie Mae and my lie. Did I really want to go to another party? Just as I was doubting the whole idea, Mum nodded, smiled and said, ‘Since Alex’s parents will be there, and you’ve been so responsible lately, you can go.’ Dad smiled. ‘Be home by midnight though. You’ll look funny as a pumpkin.’ Mum frowned at his joke. Did I hear right? They actually said yes? I leapt out of my seat and gave them both a quick hug. ‘Thanks, Mum. Thanks, Dad. I can’t wait to tell Alex.’ Theo’s kissing noises followed me down the hall as I escaped to my room with my phone.

‘What do you mean, you couldn’t fit them in?’ came Liz’s voice as we walked into the centre on Friday morning. Alex seemed really pleased I could make his party and he’d draped his arm around my hips all the way from the bus stop. His grin vanished as Liz slammed the phone down. ‘They didn’t go out,’ she announced. I glanced at Alex in confusion. ‘What didn’t go out?’ he asked quietly, dropping his hand and going to his grandmother. ‘All those flyers we folded – they’re still sitting in the boxes we delivered them

in. The arrangement to put them in the community newspapers fell through.’ She sank onto the stool behind the counter and for the first time since I’d met her, she looked her seventy-plus years. ‘That explains the slow uptake on g the petition,’ said Alex. With a glance I could see the top sheet was only half full. ‘What a waste,’ said Liz. ‘We needed to strike while the iron was hot. I’m sorry, kids, for wasting your time.’ Alex put his arm around her. ‘Come on, Grandma. This isn’t you. Where’s the fighter I grew up with?’ ‘I don’t know, Alex. Am I getting too old for all this? Your grandad is home alone every day. He says he can’t keep up with me any more. Maybe I should be home with him.’ ‘What about the centre?’ I asked. ‘It needs you.’ It brought a smile to her face. ‘You are kind, Kayla.’ Alex swung into action. ‘Let’s get opened up, eh? Don’t worry, Grandma. There are other ways to get people’s attention.’ ‘I’ll make us a cup of tea.’ As soon as I’d said it, I thought of Auntie Mae. She would say that whenever I turned up at her place, worrying about something that had happened. I glanced over at Liz. What had broken their friendship? She’d missed out on so much, losing with Auntie Mae. She perked up a little after a busy morning. The pamphlets were dropped back by a young guy who was propelled back to his car by one scathing look from Liz. ‘Kayla was right, Grandma,’ said Alex after lunch. ‘Social media is the way to do it. Ten times quicker and more effective than flyer drops.’ At his grandmother’s puzzled look, he laughed. ‘You enjoy your weekend with Grandad and leave it to us.’ ‘So what’s the plan?’ I asked Alex after the centre closed.

‘For the petition or the party?’ ‘Both.’ ‘I have a few ideas for the petition, and the party will be awesome.’ He squeezed my hand as we walked the familiar route to the bus stop. ‘I can’t wait to introduce you to my mates.’ Giant, crazed moths instantly filled my stomach. ‘Do you need a ride?’ he asked. ‘One of my friends can pick you up.’ I quickly shook my head. Mum would lock me up and throw away the key if some random guy turned up asking for me. She’d slash his tyres before letting me get into his car. ‘No, it’s sorted, thanks.’ Dad was dropping me off. I just had to negotiate how far away from the party I could get away with. When we reached the bus stop, Alex pulled me closer. ‘The centre’s only open for a few hours on a Saturday. I’ll go in to help and you can have your beauty sleep.’ My heart sank. Even a few hours with him was better than any lie-in. Get over yourself, I thought. You’ll see him tomorrow night. ‘Are you saying I need it?’ I teased, covering my disappointment. He smiled down at me. ‘Of course not,’ he said with a smile. ‘But I know how you girls need aeons to get ready for a party. And I want you to enjoy yourself.’ Was he for real? And how did he know so much about girls? He waved as the bus pulled away, and I smiled all the way home, telling myself to stop worrying.

Chapter 24

I couldn’t deny it. I missed Tam. It felt all wrong. This time I wasn’t lying to Mum and Dad. This time I was invited and not just a hanger-on. This time I couldn’t wait to go – to be with Alex. It should’ve been perfect. But it was all without Tam. I tried a blue top on for the third time in front of the mirror. Was it okay for a party? Should I wear what I wore last time? Would anyone notice? Tam would know. A thought hit me as I tried to decide. Is she going? I imagined her in her holey top and Gardening Girl face, laughing in a corner with a guy I didn’t know. I shook away the image. No, she won’t be there. It’s Alex’s party and it’s not as if he’d invite her. They didn’t even like each other. Her forgotten warning outside the Plaza flashed in my mind. ‘You should stay away from him.’ That was the second time she’d said that to me. What was she on about? Was she jealous? That had to be it. I frowned to myself. Even now after she’d been a witch, I missed her. She’s probably missing her control over me. Missing telling someone what to do. Her dislike of Alex was definitely mutual. Besides Alex’s rant at people’s apathy about the environment, he hadn’t said a bad word about anyone, but he was weird about Tam. I sighed, shrugging off their behaviour and finally decided on a fitting green top and jeans. I turned to stare at the jumble of shoes in the bottom of my wardrobe. Later that night I looked at the address on my phone again and peered at the letterboxes through the windscreen. ‘Stop here, Dad.’ He slowed the car, looking at the houses alongside us. ‘Are you sure?’ According to my directions, it was about five houses up. I peered through the windscreen, checking my bearings then gave him a nod. ‘Stop. It’s just up there.’

I pointed up the street. ‘I’ll just –’ he began. ‘Dad!’ He braked and pulled over. ‘Oh, sorry, love. I get it.’ ‘Thanks, Dad,’ I said with a smile. Mum would’ve insisted on dropping me at the door. She’d probably want to meet Alex’s parents, too. I reached for the door handle. ‘Have you got your phone? Ring when you need a lift home. Before midnight. what we talked about.’ ‘Yes, Mum,’ I teased, getting out of the car. ‘I’ll just park here until you reach the right house.’ I knew there was no point arguing so I gave him a quick wave and set off up the street. I was sure I hadn’t been there before, but a letterbox shaped like a Mexican looked familiar. A perfectly round clipped hedge triggered something, too. I stared at them, trying to what, as I got closer to the address on my phone. Music hummed from inside the house as I stood on the footpath. The same piece of footpath I’d stood on as I bundled Tam into the taxi three weeks before. I checked the address against the brass numbers on the brick letterbox. The coloured lights had gone but this was definitely it. The same front lawn I’d found Tam swaying on was Alex’s house. I hesitated on the footpath. Dad must’ve been watching because a flash of light caught my attention. He flicked his lights again. I took a deep breath, waved and strode up the driveway.

It was like being in an alternate universe. Even though the house was the same, the rooms looked so much bigger and the atmosphere was completely different. At first, I thought it was because Alex’s parents were there, but they left after an

hour or so. The music went up and the beers appeared, but it wasn’t the heaving noise pit of my first party. ‘Better?’ Alex asked after a while. ‘Pardon?’ It wasn’t the music this time. I just wasn’t sure what he meant. ‘You looked a bit freaked when you arrived,’ he said. ‘I didn’t want to tell you it was the same place as that night. I was scared you wouldn’t come.’ ‘It was a surprise,’ I finally itted. ‘It was Evan’s party, not mine.’ He frowned. ‘We just provided the venue.’ ‘What’s he like? Evan, I mean.’ I don’t know why I asked. Just leave it, Kayla, I thought in the next breath. Alex shrugged. ‘I dunno. He’s my cousin. Bit of a loose unit, but okay I suppose.’ Loose unit? I wanted to ask what he meant, but some guy called Alex’s name as he lobbed a can across the room. Alex plucked it out of the air and pulled the tab. ‘Come on, I’ll get you another Coke.’ The rest of the night was way more relaxed. Alex hardly let me out of his sight, introducing me to dozens of people as his girlfriend. The other party slid to the back of my mind on a wave of sheer bliss. I soon found myself chatting to people as if I’d known them for ages. I watched Alex working his way around the room. The more I watched, the more I realised it wasn’t random. He seemed to be talking to every group in turn, until he had them nodding and smiling. What was he talking about? Every now and then he’d come to check on me, before returning to talk to someone else. This time when I needed the loo, I knew where to go. Again, there was a queue outside the bathroom downstairs. I hesitated before climbing the stairs to the other one, but quickly shook it off. There was one girl ahead of me in the upstairs hallway. ‘I’ll be quick,’ she said with a smile when it was her turn. I was alone in the hallway when Alex

appeared at the top of the stairs. ‘There you are,’ he said. ‘I thought you’d gone home without telling me.’ ‘Sorry. Need the loo.’ He smiled before glancing back down the stairs. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve been neglecting you.’ ‘No, you – ’ I began. He opened a door off the hall and beckoned me inside. ‘Come in here, where it’s quiet.’ My eyes flicked towards the bedroom I’d seen Evan and the girl in. Alex’s saw my reaction. ‘It’s okay, Kayla.’ I wasn’t expecting it. Half of me wanted to leap through the door he held open. The other half was having a silent internal freak out. The past week flashed before my eyes. Had he planned this? I stared into his face. All I saw was the Alex I’d got to know over the past weeks. And I wanted to be alone with him. The bathroom door suddenly opened behind me. ‘All yours,’ said the girl. ‘Oh, hi Alex,’ she said, spotting him in the hallway. ‘Great party.’ I escaped into the loo and when I came out again he was gone. Alex acted as if nothing had happened upstairs. Nothing had, after all. He organised a taxi for me in plenty of time for me to be home by midnight. It was embarrassing to it my curfew but he was awesome about it. Just before it arrived, he walked me out to the end of the driveway. He sat on the wide brick letterbox I’d stared at when I’d arrived. He patted his knee. ‘Come here, you.’ There was no hesitation this time. I’d spent all night wondering what might have happened in that room upstairs. And now it felt safer out there in the open. He pulled me onto his knee. ‘I’ve been wanting to do this all night, and I don’t care who sees.’ He turned my chin towards him and leaned in to kiss me. His lips felt like heaven and I kissed him back, heat flooding through me. We didn’t stop until the toot of a car horn sounded right beside us. Alex laughed as I jumped up

in fright. ‘Your chariot awaits.’ I could hardly breathe. My lips felt hot and raw. Finally, my brain and vocal cords connected. ‘Thank you, Sir Galahad.’ He pulled me in for one last kiss and then gave the driver my address with a $50 note. Waving through the back window, I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he stood in the street. As I turned to face the front, I caught the driver’s grin in the rearvision mirror. My first real kiss. Of course, I’d been kissed before, but they were stupid dares at school camps or once on a family holiday where I liked a boy in the next cabin. I touched my lips. So that’s what it was all about. Tam and I used to scoff at the mushy bits in the movies and laugh at the soppy letters in the teen magazines. I gazed out the window. I felt as if I was full of firecrackers. I wanted to laugh and cry and leap up and down on the back seat, all at the same time. I grinned to myself. It wasn’t until I was nearly home I ed how different it was to my last taxi ride home from Alex’s house.

Chapter 25

Mum was waiting for me when I got in. No surprises there. Even though I tried to hide the buzz that filled every molecule, she looked at me sideways. ‘Have a nice time?’ ‘Yes, thanks. Alex shouted me a taxi home.’ ‘He seems a nice boy,’ she said, flicking off the TV. Nice? You have no idea how nice. ‘Yes. He is. Night.’ Snuggled down under my blankets, I went over every minute of the evening in my mind. But the highlight that pushed everything sideways was that kiss. I knew I’d never forget it. Just as I was dozing off, my phone buzzed on my bedside table. I snatched it up. Alex! I checked the time as I pushed the green icon. 12.40am. ‘Hello,’ I whispered. ‘I knew you’d still be awake,’ he said softly. ‘I had a great time tonight.’ ‘Me too.’ ‘I’ve been thinking about my promise to Grandma.’ ‘Promise?’ ‘Do you want to help me with her petition?’ ‘Yes.’ What was he on about? ‘Yes, of course I do. I’ve got some ideas about an online petition,’ I began. ‘Meet me at the centre tomorrow night at midnight. I’ve got a plan to make Mr

Wilkes sit up and take us seriously. And then we can try your way, too, if you like.’ ‘What plan?’ I asked. ‘I can’t … How will I get −?’ ‘One of my mates will pick you up on your corner just before midnight.’ ‘I don’t know, Alex.’ There was silence on the other end. ‘Please, Kayla,’ he finally said. ‘This is really important, and it would mean so much more if you were there with me.’ ‘What are we going to do?’ I whispered. ‘Do you trust me?’ he asked. His gentle voice melted any worries I had. ‘Yes.’ ‘Promise?’ ‘Promise,’ I whispered. ‘See you tomorrow night. I’d like to start where we left off.’ I’m sure I was still grinning as I finally drifted off to sleep.

One of my favourite things to do was lie in on a Sunday. I dozed in between Theo thumping down the hall and the sound of the washing machine in its 747 take-off spin-mode. The memory of my first real kiss mellowed any thoughts of roaring at my little brother for waking me up. Then I ed Alex’s phone call. My eyes sprang open. What was he going to do? I’d agreed to sneak out at midnight and get into a car with someone I didn’t even know. Was I nuts? If my parents found out, they’d kill me. Going to the R18 show and the party with Tam would be nothing compared to being caught sneaking out. Trying to return to the blissful state I woke in, I tried to summon the feelings of Alex’s lips on mine. It was hopeless. My reckless promise swamped it completely, and I threw off my

covers. Time to get up. After jibes from my family about being up so early, I nearly went back to bed to spite them – but I was too on edge. ‘Any plans for today?’ asked Mum as she helped Theo stack the dishwasher. ‘I’ve got work from 1 until 6,’ I said between mouthfuls of toast. ‘I might make some notes on my assignment for school.’ Working at the centre and then my job at the supermarket had gobbled up a lot of time each day. Everything I’d learnt from Liz and Alex was going to be excellent for my project. I just needed to get it all sorted into a presentation. ‘We’re going to Auntie Mae’s this morning, if you’d like to come.’ Theo’s head shot up. ‘Oh, do I have to?’ he groaned. ‘It’s so boring. I hate cleaning.’ Dad strolled back into the kitchen and flicked on the jug. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll save you, mate.’ He ruffled Theo’s hair. ‘You can come out with me. I’m after some stuff for the garden.’ He shot me a wink. ‘Have you got a couple of hours to spare your mum? It might be the last time before the house goes on the market.’ Which meant, collect brownie points when you can, Kayla. Especially after I’d been out to a party with my new boyfriend. Thinking about what I was going to do later, I could hardly look him in the eye. ‘Sure.’

‘I didn’t think there was anything left to do?’ I asked as Mum turned the key in Auntie Mae’s front door. ‘I’m meeting the furniture dealer here at 11. They’ve given us a price for everything and are coming to collect it.’ Just as Alex’s place looked different, so did Auntie Mae’s. There were shapes on the walls where her pictures used to hang. The benches, always littered with her notebooks and pens and bowls of fruit, were bare. The runner that ran the length

of her hall was gone, and the lounge rugs she’d made herself were, too. I’d helped tidy the house, but Mum had been since and cleared so much more. Dad’s words echoed in my mind. ‘The last time…’ He was probably right and suddenly I felt like I was losing her all over again. But now, not only was she gone, the emptying of her house was like erasing her forever. Out of nowhere tears welled and slid down my cheeks, my secret raw and open again. ‘Aw, love,’ said Mum, sweeping me into a hug. ‘I know,’ she soothed. ‘I know.’ I gasped and pulled away, avoiding her face. ‘You know?’ Did she know about my lie? Suddenly the thought of spilling the truth was so enticing, I didn’t think straight. ‘I shouldn’t have lied,’ I began. ‘I didn’t mean to –’ ‘Shhh, Kayla.’ She hugged me again. ‘It’s okay. I found them by accident when I was fishing under your bed for washing. You probably should’ve asked to keep them, but those photos don’t mean anything to anyone else. She’d want you to have them.’ The red box! She meant the red box I’d found in Auntie Mae’s room. She still didn’t know about my lie! I took a deep breath realising how close I’d come to spilling everything. ‘Sorry, Mum.’ With one last squeeze she let me go. ‘Come on, wipe your eyes. It sounds like the second-hand dealer is early. We’ll give this place one last sweep and vacuum when the furniture has gone.’ I vacuumed the empty rooms while Mum dealt with the furniture movers. I stayed out of their way, aware my eyes were probably red and puffy. I’d cried some more while Mum was busy, wishing Auntie Mae was still there to talk to. I wanted to tell her all about Alex. Would I have told her about our kiss? I wasn’t sure about that one. Would I have told her what I was planning to do when my family was asleep? I think that would have been the first time she would have actually dobbed me in to Mum. I stuffed my new secret under my skin with my old one. I’d let Auntie Mae down, and I wasn’t about to do the same to Alex.

Chapter 26

My shift at work limped by. I was on edge, half expecting Alex to appear at my checkout to tell me it was all a joke. He didn’t. Just as I was changing tills with the next shift, I saw a flash of purple out of the corner of my eye. I would have recognised that hoody anywhere. Tam. She scuttled towards the entrance. She looked over her shoulder as she reached the doors and one glimpse was all I needed. She was hurrying to avoid me. The doors slid open at the same moment and a boy flew through the gap with an empty trolley. Tam spun away from my gaze and straight into his path. They collided, and Tam bent double over the trolley. She hung onto it trying to regain her balance. Almost in slow motion, it tipped and she crashed down with it. The boy sprang away and bolted back through the entrance. ‘Tam!’ I shoved my till tray into the arms of the waiting checkout guy and raced over to where Tam untangled herself from the trolley. A man reached her before I did and helped her to her feet. ‘Tam. Are you all right?’ She turned to face me, and I gasped. The Gardening Girl was gone. She didn’t have a trace of make-up on, but her face still wasn’t the face I knew. Dark circles hung under her eyes. Her skin was pale and her hair hung lank from the corners of her hoody. ‘Are you okay?’ I asked again, putting my hand on her arm. She slapped my hand away. ‘What would you care?’ she spat. And then she was gone. The doors slid closed behind her.

‘Was that Tam I saw?’ asked Dad when he picked me up. ‘She looked upset.’

I shrugged. ‘Dunno. Never saw her,’ I lied. ‘She hasn’t been around for a while,’ Dad prodded. ‘You guys fallen out?’ ‘You could say that,’ I said, staring out my window. ‘Her choice, not mine,’ I itted. ‘Oh.’ Dad pulled out of the car park. ‘Anything you want to talk about?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘Anything to do with your fella?’ ‘No. Just leave it, Dad.’

• • •

Tam’s words echoed in my head through dinner. Again, the more I thought about what she’d said and the way she’d said it, the madder I felt. How dare she! I was only trying to help and she threw it back at me. But even as I stewed, her face flashed in my head. She’d looked terrible. I ed when she’d had the flu so badly she’d hardly slept for three nights straight, but she still hadn’t looked that bad. ‘Are you okay, love?’ said Dad. ‘You look a million miles away.’ ‘Oh, um …’ My brain scrambled for an answer. ‘Just thinking about my project,’ I said. He cocked his head slightly. He obviously didn’t believe a word, but quickly came to my rescue. ‘So, what have you got planned for the rest of the holidays, Theo?’ My little brother rabbited on about a SpongeBob mask he wanted, and while he and Mum argued I pushed Tam from my thoughts once more. Her loss, I thought, even if I was only trying to convince myself.

When Dad asked me whether I’d be spending more time at the environment centre, I squirmed under everyone’s gaze. They immediately thought I was thinking of Alex and Theo launched into more kissy noises. If they had known what I was really thinking, they wouldn’t have been smiling. ‘Um, yes, I think so,’ was all I could manage through my narrowing throat. Was I really going to do what I promised? Did I trust Alex? The later it got, the more I worried about what he had planned. I knew he was serious when he messaged me at 9pm.

Be @ corner @ 12

Car rego BMYNE

Driver name: Cass

Bring torch

At least it was a girl picking me up. Especially with a number plate like that. ‘Ooooo,’ called Theo from his beanbag on the floor in front of the TV. ‘Loveydovey, kiss, kiss, kiss.’ ‘Shut up, Theo!’ I snapped. ‘Shouldn’t he be in bed?’ I shot at Mum. ‘Kayla! Apologise to your brother.’ ‘Sorry,’ I mumbled. Whoa! Chill, Kayla. I hadn’t realised I was so on edge. Theo poked out his tongue. ‘She’s right though, Theo,’ Mum countered. ‘Bedtime.’

Theo left the lounge grumbling, with Mum close behind, but not before he’d launched his tongue at me again. ‘Mum!’ I yelled after him, then decided to grab the torch from the emergency kit in the kitchen before she came back. With Dad pottering outside in his shed and Mum busy with Theo, I escaped to my room. I hoped Mum would think I’d stormed off in a huff at Theo and nobody would disturb me.

I tried to work on my project but couldn’t concentrate. Alex had said something about that guy Mr Wilkes taking us seriously. But what could he do about that in the middle of the night, and how could it help the centre? I logged onto my laptop and spent the next couple of hours researching Mr Wilkes and the law about protesting on the ocean. I could see why Liz was so angry. This guy was a jerk. He’d been accused of using his connections as an MP to get council consents to suit businesses he was connected with. He’d avoided environmental charges before and was now involved in the illegal dumping issue. Whatever Alex was planning, this guy probably deserved it. The more I dug, the more I learnt about the whale’s fate and realised I was working on my project after all, and that Mr Wilkes could be a key part of it. Before I knew it, the time I’d dreaded having to wait through had gone, leaving only half an hour before I had to meet Alex’s friend. I closed down my laptop and slowly opened my door to peer out into darkness. Not a sound came through the house. My family was asleep. Could I really do it? I didn’t even know the girl who was picking me up. Sure Mum and Dad were a bit over the top with their rules and it drove me insane sometimes, but sneaking out in the middle of the night? It just felt … I shook it off and pulled on my black jeans and navy-blue hoody. What if Mum or Dad got up in the night and checked on me? No. I don’t think they have done that since I was about seven. What if there was a fire or something and they couldn’t find me? Again, I shook my head. Don’t be stupid. When more irrational what-ifs began lining up in my head, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my door again and

listened for any movement. Silence. I checked my clock. Twenty minutes to wait. Perching on the end of my bed, my gaze skipped across the line of ceramic whales along my shelves. What would Auntie Mae think? For a split second I was glad she was gone. I was never any good at keeping secrets from her. Somehow she’d always know when I was stewing on something and I’d end up blabbing. This time she’d definitely tell Mum. I’d be toast. What was I doing? If Mum and Dad ever found out … My phone bleeped and I jumped.

see you soon

A xx

I smiled and slid my zipper up to my chin. ‘It’ll be okay,’ I whispered to the tiny whales. ‘I’ll be back before Mum and Dad know I’ve gone. It’s for the real whales, Auntie Mae.’

At 10 minutes to midnight, I flicked off my light. I checked the hallway one last time before I crept over to my window. I pushed it out as far as I could. The last thing I needed was to put my foot through it on the way out. Why does it always look so easy in the movies? I went to go out forwards and realised I didn’t have enough room. I turned around and climbed onto the windowsill, figuring backwards would be simpler. The aluminium window frame pressed painfully into my knee and then my hands as I lowered myself out into the night. Sometimes, being short sucked more than others – like climbing out a window. My toes finally touched the garden outside and I let go of the frame. I pressed the window closed and hoped the latch wouldn’t swing shut while I was out. Major disaster in waiting.

With another deep breath I slunk across the front lawn and down to the corner of our street.

Chapter 27

At 10 past midnight, I peered out from behind a hedge, wondering if I’d got the time wrong. Had something happened? Had Alex been caught climbing out his own window? Or was this a normal time for him to be out? Except for meeting his folks briefly at his party I really didn’t know them at all. For all I knew, Alex did this sort of stuff all the time. I looked across the street. Our house looked strange in the eerie glow of the street lamps. Shadowy fingers stretched up to the windows of my parents’ bedroom as if threatening to tap on the glass and tell my secret. Yet another secret. A shiver ran up my back and I checked my phone again. Fourteen minutes past midnight. Sure it had been called off, relief flooded through me. I could just climb back inside, get changed and snuggle under my covers. I stood up from my hiding place and stretched my legs, deciding to call him as soon as I was back in my room. Headlights caught me in the middle of the street. I gasped. So this is how a possum feels. Do I run? Do I stay still? What if it’s one of the neighbours coming home late? The lights flicked to dim and the car swung to a stop at the corner. The street lamps lit the back number plate. BMYNE. My ride had arrived. With one last glance at my parents’ bedroom window, I ran over to the car and pulled open the enger door. ‘Get in,’ ordered the driver. ‘We’re late.’ It was only after I’d left my street behind that I saw the L-plate on the front window. I scrambled for my seat-belt. ‘Don’t worry. I’m a good driver,’ said the girl behind the wheel.

Great, I thought. Add driving around with an unlicensed driver to my rap sheet for the evening. A list began to compile in my head on everything wrong with the situation, this time in Mum’s voice. I thought of Alex waiting for me at the centre and the list dissolved. ‘My name’s Cass. You’re Kayla, right?’ I nodded, glancing over at her, with my usual confidence levels − close to zilch. Who was this girl? What did she know about me? ‘Sorry I’m late,’ she said. ‘Couldn’t find Mum’s keys.’ Great. So the car was practically stolen. Things just got better and better. ‘I hope they don’t leave without us,’ said Cass. I finally found my tongue. ‘Leave for where? What are we going to do?’ ‘Alex told me he’d tell you himself. He wasn’t sure you’d come if you knew.’ Fabulous.

A light flicked out from inside the centre as we approached. Shadowy figures stood outside in the dim light of a street lamp. Alex appeared at the front door. He handed another guy a box then slid the door shut behind him and locked it. His face lit up when he turned and saw our car. He ran over and pulled open my door. ‘You’re here! I didn’t think you were coming.’ ‘My fault. Sorry, Alex,’ said Cass. ‘Is everyone ready to go?’ ‘Nearly,’ said Alex. He reached in and cupped my face. ‘I’m glad you made it.’ His kiss melted my fears along with my insides. Someone whistled behind us. ‘Plenty of time for that later!’ came a voice. ‘Let’s do this!’ came another.

‘I’ll be back in a sec,’ he said to Cass at the wheel. He ran ahead to the cars parked in front of us as people climbed in. He talked to each driver in turn then ran back to climb into Cass’s car with two other guys. ‘Let’s go, Cass,’ he said from the back seat. ‘Don’t look so worried, Kayla,’ he said with a laugh. ‘This is going to be awesome. I’ll explain on the way.’

He leaned between the front seats as he explained his plan. ‘So the pamphlets won’t be wasted after all.’ ‘But what if he hears us?’ I asked. ‘There are three carloads of us!’ The more he told me, the tighter my stomach knotted. ‘He’s already flown out for the week,’ he said. ‘His neighbours have all got high fences and double glazing, too. They won’t hear a thing. While we were waiting for you girls, we gave everyone their part of the mission. We’ll be in and out in minimum time with maximum effect.’ He leaned back and fished for something in his pocket. ‘Here, guys. Put some of this on.’ ‘What is it?’ asked Cass. ‘Camouflage.’ I turned back to see the boys in the back seat dipping their fingers in a small tin of black boot polish. They laughed as they smeared it over their faces. ‘You’ll never –’ I began, but Alex held his finger up to his lips and gave me a wink. He dipped his finger into the tin and quickly ran it down my nose. ‘A little warpaint for my squaw.’ I didn’t know whether to be insulted or pleased, but squirmed away laughing when he tried to paint me with more.

Our group of hooded figures slunk along the street after leaving the cars around the corner. Alex held his hand up halfway along. ‘Here it is,’ he whispered.

I stared up at a huge concrete fence. Fancy iron grillwork lined the top, matching the wide, double gates closed against the world. Backpacks were slid from shoulders and unzipped. Handfuls of pamphlets ed through the group. Plastic containers appeared, were shaken, lids unscrewed and like a machine, everyone got to work. Alex handed me a brush. ‘It’s only wallpaper paste,’ he whispered. ‘It’ll dissolve in water and won’t leave any marks. We’re not tresing because we’re staying out here on the footpath.’ In less than 20 minutes, we stood back to ire our work. Not an inch of the high wall was visible. Liz’s flyers shouted their message and the iron gate was hung with a huge sign unfolded from a car boot. NO MORE DUMPING! NO MORE DRILLING! ‘That’ll get his attention,’ said Alex.

Chapter 28

With the mission accomplished, the tension of the ride there vanished on the way back to the centre. We all laughed, trying to imagine Mr Wilkes’ face when he saw his fence. Alex told me he’d tipped off the newspaper that had returned the flyers, hoping they’d send a photographer to capture our protest before someone took it down, or worse − it rained. ‘Will you still do the online petition?’ I asked in the back seat of Cass’s car. ‘They can be amazing if enough people are talking about it.’ ‘Up and running,’ said Alex with a grin. ‘I told people about your idea and asked around at my party if anyone could kick that off, and it’s picking up momentum. Mr Wilkes’ fence will make it go viral.’ ‘So that’s what you were doing,’ I said, elbowing him. ‘I thought you were just schmoozing your guests, but you were planning this all along.’ Horns tooted as everyone left the centre and suddenly, I worried about how I was going to get home. I checked my phone. 1.30am. ‘If my parents catch me, I am so dead.’ ‘You’d better wipe off your warpaint then,’ said Alex with a smile. My hands flew to my nose and my fingertips came away black. I’d completely forgotten about it. I smiled. ‘Just imagine Mum in the morning. “Kayla, did you have a fight with your mascara?” “No, Mum. It’s boot polish from a secret mission last night. I snuck out and my boyfriend put it on for camouflage.” ’ I laughed at Alex’s grin. ‘They probably wouldn’t believe me. I can hardly believe it myself.’ ‘Is that what I am?’ he murmured. He pulled me closer. ‘Your boyfriend?’ We were alone. Completely alone in the darkness outside the centre. Another

shiver shot through me and it had nothing to do with the cool, night air. ‘I hope so,’ I whispered back. He kissed me. Slow, and soft, and gentle. I could’ve stayed there all night. All thoughts of time and parents and groundings vanished from my brain. He finally pulled away. ‘We’d better get you cleaned up, then.’ He unlocked the front door and led me inside. The shop looked strange in the muted light from the street. My eyes were already adjusted to the dark and I made my way around the counter and out the back to the bathroom. After 10 minutes, I heard Alex call from the door. ‘You okay in there?’ ‘It won’t come off,’ I said. ‘Are you sure it was just boot polish, and not tyre paint or something?’ ‘My mates will look pretty silly in the morning if it was,’ he called. I burst out laughing, ing how they’d smeared it all over their faces and necks. ‘That was a bit mean,’ I said, meeting him in the doorway. ‘Especially when they were helping.’ ‘They’ll get the joke,’ he said. ‘It was payback for something else. We’re always doing stuff like that.’ I grinned. Now that the plan had worked and we’d got away safely, I actually began to relax. Alex had a lot of mates and they obviously liked him enough to help him with his stunt at such short notice. Suddenly I felt part of something. Something bigger than just me and Tam. Or just me as it had been the past few weeks. ‘Why are you smiling?’ Alex asked. ‘I have to it, I nearly chickened out tonight. But I’m really glad I came.’ ‘So am I,’ he said. Just when I hoped he’d kiss me again he turned away and headed to Liz’s office. ‘There might be something in here to help with your face.’ ‘What’s wrong with my face?’ I teased, following him into a tiny room. He flicked on a desk lamp, filling the room with a soft light. I gazed around at

the walls almost completely covered from floor to ceiling. One wall held postcards and pictures from all over the world. Pictures of whales and dolphins and other animals plastered another. Above her desk was a huge noticeboard, layered with photographs. ‘Amazing, isn’t it?’ said Alex. He turned the lamp so I could see better. ‘It’s like her whole life has been captured on these walls. You should see her house. It’s mega-tidy, with nothing out of place. It’s like the crazy, random, fun part of her life is all here.’ I tipped my head from side to side, reading quotes ripped from newspapers, and copies of flyers of past protests, randomly pinned to the walls. ‘Kayla.’ Alex leaned back against Liz’s desk. I stepped into his arms and he kissed me again. When I gently pushed away to come up for air, he looked surprised. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Yes. Really, I am,’ I added when a little frown crinkled his face. ‘But we’d better get going.’ ‘Right. Sure,’ he said quickly. ‘Where’s that hand cream Grandma’s always slathering on? It might help shift the black stuff.’ He began rummaging around in her desk drawers. I pretended to be interested in the photos as I suddenly realised how awkward things could’ve got. Not that I thought Alex would do anything, but a vision of that girl in Evan’s room flashed into my head with Dad’s words in my ears, ‘better safe than sorry …’ Alex didn’t see me shake my head against the possibility. ‘Where does she keep it?’ he muttered. ‘Maybe it’s in the counter drawer? Stay here.’ He squeezed my hand. ‘I’ll be back in a sec,’ he whispered. Just as he left the office I saw something familiar on Liz’s noticeboard. Someone familiar. It was hard to be sure in the soft light of the desk lamp, so I slid other photos away from it. I stared before unpinning it from the board to be certain, holding it closer to the light. It was the same photo I had at home that had been torn in half. But this one was complete. Auntie Mae stood on a beach next to a stranded whale. On the other

side was a girl the same age and a young guy. I stared harder at the guy. He looked like − ‘Found it.’ Alex appeared at the door. He held up a pottle of hand cream. When he saw me holding the photograph he came and looked over my shoulder. ‘Grandma’s not much older than you in that shot.’ ‘Who’s the guy?’ Although I was sure I already knew. ‘That’s my grandad,’ said Alex. ‘Grandad Joe.’ Joe, I thought. J. Auntie Mae’s J. Now I understood the sadness on Auntie Mae’s face as she stood alone on her side of the whale. Liz had stolen her J. Her best friend had betrayed her. Had it happened that day? That hour? I dropped the photo on the desk. ‘I want to go home.’

Chapter 29

I asked the taxi driver to stop around the corner from my house and gave him the money Alex had slipped into my pocket. ‘Grandma pays me too much,’ he’d said. ‘Let me share it.’ It felt illegal creeping across my own front lawn and holding my breath as I slipped my fingers under my aluminium window frame. It opened without a sound and I clambered back inside. It was just as ungraceful as my way out but at least I was home. A quick check in my mirror proved there was no trace of the black stripe on my nose, before I peeled off my clothes. Despite the excitement of the mission and my discovery at the centre, I was shattered. I fell into bed. I slept in. I lay under my covers with the knowledge I’d snuck out without detection and driven around with complete strangers after midnight. I grinned to myself as I thought of Tam. You reckon I’m immature, Tam? Beat that. Not to mention being alone with Alex in the centre at 2am. Now that I was home in my own bed, one of Dad’s lists came to mind about boys and cars and strangers – blah, blah, blah. But it wasn’t like that. It was wonderful. I smiled again and snuggled down in my blankets. Until I ed. Auntie Mae. The photo. The reason why she looked so sad. How could her best friend do that to her? Liz had been smiling like a Cheshire cat. Something flared in my gut. How would I feel if Tam did that to me? Tam and Alex. Just the thought of them together made me grit my teeth. I’d hate her so much. Would I hate Alex? I touched my lips ing his kiss in his grandma’s office. No. I couldn’t even imagine being angry with him. Besides, it would never happen. They didn’t even like each other. I shuffled up out of my covers and reached up to the red velvet box on my shelf. Now that Mum knew all about it, I’d put it with the whale stuff. I flicked through the photos until I found it. Yes. It was definitely the same one as in Liz’s office. I frowned, anger flaming again. Sure, Auntie Mae had married someone else and she always said she’d had a happy life, but Joe must have meant a lot to her.

She’d kept the book he’d given her and what about the tiny whales? I looked up at them in their new home on my shelf. Did he give her some of those too? I shook my head. It wouldn’t matter how angry I was with Tam I could never do that to her. I placed the photo back in the box and slid out of bed. Dad was in the kitchen when I flicked on the jug for a much-needed coffee. He rummaged around under the sink. ‘You haven’t seen the torch, have you? I’ve just changed the batteries in the smoke alarms and thought I’d check the torch.’ I froze. The torch! I’d left it at the centre. ‘No, I haven’t seen it,’ I blurted. ‘Theo’s probably been playing with it.’ I felt mean blaming him but couldn’t think of anything else on the spot. ‘I’ve told him and told him,’ Dad grumbled closing the cupboard. When he left the kitchen I smacked my forehead. How could I be so dumb! What would Liz think when she found a torch on the centre counter? It had my surname written all over it after taking it on school camps. Hopefully Alex would find it first. I raced back to my bedroom and snatched up my phone.

Left torch at centre! Hide from liz

My phone bleeped instantly.

Morn sleepyhead. Got it. No worry. Have you seen petition?

I heaved a sigh of relief and plopped down on my bed with my phone. I couldn’t help grinning when the petition page flicked up. A bright, green bar stretched across the screen. One-third of it was full, as people had added their names. I smiled, pleased it was working. Liz will be happy, I thought. A millisecond later, guilt hit me like a wall at speed. What was I thinking? Liz had betrayed Auntie Mae.

I looked at the time. 10.40. I wanted to see Alex and I had to get the torch back, but how was I going to face Liz? Sure, it was years ago. Sure, it was probably none of my business, but the hurt on Auntie Mae’s face in that photo was still so real. It was like I was betraying her, too. Consorting with the enemy. I felt the lie that lay across my conscience split open again like a gash, dark and deep. ‘I’m sorry, Auntie Mae,’ I whispered to myself for the hundredth time since she’d gone. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve as I decided what to do. I’d go to the centre one last time. Just to get the torch back. I’d tell Liz I had extra shifts at the supermarket for the holidays or something. Anything really, to let her know I wouldn’t be coming back. But what would I tell Alex? Liz and the centre meant everything to him. I grabbed my phone. I’d think of something on the way. I replied to Alex’s text.

Petition Awesome

See you at Plaza?

I checked the time. If I hurried I could catch the next bus.

11.35 bus?

Ok xx

The thought of seeing Alex again lifted my heart.

Chapter 30

As soon as I saw his face smiling up at me from the footpath, I was glad I’d come. He swept me in for a hug the moment I stepped off the bus. ‘Hello, gorgeous.’ I felt my face redden as other engers overheard and smirked as they ed. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘It’s been busy in the centre today and Grandma’s on her own.’ My stomach sank at the sound of her name and I gave a weak smile. Now that I was about to face Liz, all my morning’s courage drained away. How was I going to tell them I wasn’t coming any more? Just the look on Alex’s face at the bus stop made it a thousand times harder. Halfway to the centre he squeezed my hand. ‘Is there something wrong?’ ‘No.’ I glanced over at him. He stared as we walked, a tiny frown on his worried face. ‘Just tired,’ I said, squeezing back. Another lie, Kayla, I thought to myself. I’d been told years ago that white lies don’t hurt, but now I knew the truth. ‘Are you mad at me about something? About last night?’ He stopped in the street to face me. ‘Liz is waiting,’ I reminded him. Waiting to smile and be nice as usual, when all I wanted to do was ask how she could’ve been such a snake. ‘Grandma can wait,’ he said softly. ‘Last night you wanted to leave all of a sudden. Did it frighten you, being there alone with me?’ ‘Don’t be silly,’ I said with a smile. ‘It was nice. I know you wouldn’t –’ He nodded; the most serious I’d ever seen him. ‘You know you can trust me. I would never do anything … like that.’ ‘I know that,’ I said. Yes, the thought of it had crossed my mind in that office,

but I’d never it it. With a Dad like mine reciting pros and cons lists about everything since my birth and a paranoid mother to boot, how could I not think about it? But nothing happened. I saw that photo and we left. I reached up and kissed him gently on his cheek. ‘I believe you. Everything’s fine.’ With a sigh he turned with my hand in his and we walked in silence to the centre.

Liz was looking at the computer screen on the counter when we arrived. ‘There you are,’ she said with a smile. ‘I was just about to make a celebration cuppa. Your online petition is flying along.’ She waved us behind the counter. ‘It was all Kayla’s idea,’ said Alex, pulling me in to have a look. I gasped. The petition line had grown by 200 signatures since I’d left home. ‘These new fandangled ideas are marvellous,’ said Liz. She reached for the written petition. ‘Even this has more on it than yesterday.’ Alex nudged me and I knew what he meant. All his mates had signed it in the early hours of the morning.

I turned down the cuppa, deciding to watch the shop so they could have a lunch break. I wasn’t sure whether I could trust myself to sit in front of Liz without blurting out the question that burned my insides. Now that I was with Alex, it felt stupid. It wasn’t anything to do with me. I wasn’t even born when it happened, but still, being with Liz was somehow another betrayal of Auntie Mae, one more than I was ready to deal with. Twenty minutes later, as they emerged from lunch, the phone rang. ‘I’ll get that,’ said Liz. ‘You’ve been away from each other for nearly half an hour,’ she teased. I had to laugh at the surprised look on Alex’s face. How could I hate this woman? Liz gave me a wink as she picked up the phone. ‘Kershaw Environment Centre. Liz speaking.’

I heard the yelling on the other end from the other side of the shop. Liz’s smile dropped and she held the phone away from her ear for a few seconds. We watched her grapple with the barrage from the other end. ‘I−,’ she tried. ‘Let me − Can I−? Just calm down!’ she blurted. She began again. ‘Diana,’ she said calmly. Alex flinched and I mouthed, ‘Who is it?’ ‘It’s my mum,’ he whispered. ‘She doesn’t usually read the paper. Someone must have tipped her off.’ It was the second time that day he’d seemed uncertain. ‘Paper?’ I whispered. He didn’t move as we listened to his grandmother’s end of the conversation. She looked across the room at him and then at me with a frown. Suddenly I felt the same as Alex looked. As if a bomb was going to explode and he wasn’t sure in which direction to run. One thing I did know – we were in trouble. ‘I didn’t know anything about it,’ said Liz down the phone. She nodded to herself. ‘Yes, I will talk to him. Yes, Diana, I know that. I might be old but my memory works just fine.’ She had to hold the phone out from her ear again. After another couple of minutes of conversation, she put the phone down. She turned to look at me. ‘Kayla, Ferris?’ I glanced across at Alex then back at Liz. ‘Um … yes?’ ‘Just checking the name on the torch I found this morning,’ she said. At the sound of Alex’s gasp she nodded. ‘As I said to your mum, Alex, I may be getting old but my memory is just fine, and I’m not stupid. But that threw me. Who needed a torch here? When I saw you slip it in your bag, you had me guessing.’ She shook her head. ‘But not this.’ She looked up at something behind us. ‘Perfect timing.’ We turned to see the paperboy flinging the rolled newspaper onto the steps. ‘If you will, Alex?’ My mind whirled as he collected it and slid it from the wrapping. What was going on? By the expectant look on his face, he knew what was in it, but I couldn’t read Liz’s face at all.

Chapter 31

Liz unfurled the newspaper across the counter and Alex stood at her shoulder grinning at the front page. ‘Excellent!’ he said with a grin. Liz’s mouth fell open. ‘Excellent? No wonder Diana is livid. Again, Alex? How could you be so stupid? Getting your photo in front of the evidence? Claiming responsibility! Not only have you risked another expulsion, you’ve undermined everything we’ve done here for the past 40 years!’ Alex stepped back from his grandmother. ‘But what about the petition? You were stoked before Mum rang. Why do you think the petition has done so well?’ He tapped the news-paper. ‘I did it for you, Grandma.’ She shook her head. ‘What are you talking about, Alex?’ ‘Don’t you ? When the newspaper returned the flyers and the centre petition was going nowhere, you were really upset about it.’ He looked over at me. ‘When Kayla gave us the idea about an online petition, I got my mates to help me set it all up. But we needed people to take notice, Grandma.’ He pointed to the newspaper. ‘This is how they know about our petition.’ Liz turned to look at me then held up the newspaper. A full-colour photo of Alex in front of the papered fence took up half the page. The headline read, Young Eco-warrior Takes a Stand. She slammed the paper back onto the counter. ‘So this was all your idea, was it?’ I looked from her to Alex, and for a moment I thought he was going to let me take the blame. I shook my head. ‘No, I −’ ‘Hey! That’s not fair, Grandma,’ he said. ‘It was my idea, not Kayla’s.’ ‘And the torch?’ said Liz. ‘What about that? It’s got her name on it. She was here last night with you, wasn’t she?’

‘Only because I asked her to be!’ ‘After what happened with that other girl? Will you never learn?’ She spun to face me. ‘We’ve met girls like you before.’ ‘Grandma!’ Alex rushed around the counter towards me. I snapped. After weeks of keeping everything to myself, weeks for my lie to fester into a pulsing sore − it finally burst. ‘Me!’ I cried. Alex stopped short, halfway across the shop floor. ‘Me?’ I repeated. I pointed straight past him at Liz. ‘You are the biggest liar I have ever met! How could you?’ ‘Kayla?’ Alex began. Ignoring him, I took a step closer to the counter. Liz looked just as shocked as her grandson. ‘You said at her funeral you were her best friend! You said she inspired you and that you missed her!’ Liz’s face paled. ‘But that was after you stole her boyfriend wasn’t it?’ I yelled. ‘You knew how much they loved each other. Even I know it now, and I’ve never even met him.’ Liz sank onto the stool behind the counter. ‘How –?’ ‘How do I know you’re a back-stabbing, boyfriend-stealing, worst best friend in the world?’ ‘Kayla!’ Alex stood between us, but I wasn’t finished. I wanted her to know what hurt she’d caused. ‘I was at the funeral, Liz.’ Tears blurred my vision and I swiped them away. ‘Auntie Mae was like a grandmother to me. And when she died, I discovered her love of whales. I found the photo of her with her boyfriend. She looked so happy. I found the tiny porcelain whales and the book inscribed to her from J.’ Liz gasped, putting her hands to her face. Alex looked from me to Liz. ‘What is this? I don’t understand.’

‘That’s okay, Alex,’ I said. ‘I’ll explain it, shall I? Your grandma stole her best friend’s boyfriend and then kept a photo of it to remind herself of her trophy.’ ‘That’s why the photo was on my desk,’ murmured Liz, shaking her head. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I saw it last night when I was helping Alex do something for the centre. Your centre. I have a part of that photo at home. It’s been torn in half, leaving only the part of Auntie Mae looking devastated.’ Liz was still shaking her head. She looked as bad as Auntie Mae did in the photo. ‘How could you be smiling in that photo,’ I yelled, ‘when your best friend looked so sad? And then you kept it?’ ‘Kayla,’ Liz began, rising from her stool. ‘It wasn’t like that.’ ‘I don’t want to hear it,’ I said. I turned to Alex. ‘I’m sorry. I have to go.’ I whirled and escaped through the open door. I was halfway down the street when I heard Alex call out behind me. I turned to see him running to catch up. ‘Kayla! What was that all about?’ ‘Ask her! I wasn’t going to say anything after I saw that photo,’ I sobbed. ‘Until she started blaming me for last night.’ He grabbed my hand. ‘I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I went too far. I’m sorry.’ He ed me Dad’s torch. ‘I’ll call you, okay?’ He turned and ran back to the centre.

I kept my head down in the bus. The look I’d got from the bus driver proved how bad I looked. ‘Are you okay, honey?’ she whispered. With a quick nod, I took my ticket and found a seat away from the other engers. Liz’s words crashed around in my head. ‘Again Alex?’ ‘…another expulsion,’ ‘… that other girl.’ What other girl? Had Alex been expelled? What for? Nothing made sense. The bus trip was a blur as my mind explored the possibilities, running off in random directions until I closed my eyes to blank them out. The confused look

in Alex’s eyes as he turned away from me filled my mind instead. The newspaper! Mum and Dad! Mum had only met Alex once. Maybe she wouldn’t recognise him. But Liz said he’d claimed responsibility. His name had to be part of the article. I checked my phone for the time. What time was the news- paper delivered? It was usually after school, but it was the school holidays. What if it came earlier? I had to get home! If I could hide it or just grab the front page? Silently I urged the bus to hurry, my fingernails digging into my palms each time it stopped for other engers. When we reached my stop I leapt down the steps, avoiding the face of the bus driver. I knew if she asked me again, I’d lose it. I needed to get home, intercept the paper, climb into bed and hide forever. ‘K? Kayla. Are you okay?’ I looked straight up into the eyes of Tam. She sat alone in the bus stop, staring right at me. ‘Oh. Yes. I – . I’m fine.’ I ran all the way home.

Chapter 32

I was too late. It was like being in the centre all over again, only this time Mum stood on one side of the kitchen bench with the paper laid out in front of her. She looked ready to spit razor blades. ‘What is this?’ she demanded. Glancing at the paper in front of her gave me a second to compose myself after my sprint from the bus. ‘What?’ I asked, as calmly as I could. She stabbed at the paper with her finger. ‘Alex is on the front page of the newspaper. He’s been vandalising other people’s property. Not just anyone’s. Our local MP’s fence!’ I nearly bit my tongue to stop myself standing up for Alex, but instead, moved around to see what she was looking at, pretending it was the first time I’d seen it. Now that I had time to look at it properly, my heart melted. Alex looked so proud of his achievement. ‘Well?’ said Mum. ‘Did you know anything about this?’ ‘No! Of course not!’ I cringed inside at another lie coming from my lips. ‘Alex is really ionate about the whales. Do you know what this guy does? He’s part of a company that dumps waste that is leaching chemicals into the sea – right here! He’s also against our country’s rights to protect the whales against oil drilling. If people like Alex weren’t around, we’d have no whales left.’ Mum wasn’t the only one surprised at my rant. I surprised myself. All the time spent with Liz and Alex had meant something. My project meant something. Auntie Mae’s figurines and books meant something. ‘Whatever his convictions, Kayla, it doesn’t condone vandalising someone’s property.’

‘He didn’t vandalise anything. It’s only wallpaper paste.’ I gasped as I realised I’d said too much. Mum’s eyes narrowed. ‘So, you did know about this?’ ‘No. No I didn’t,’ I blurted in damage-control mode. ‘Not until today when he told me about it.’ ‘So why have you been crying?’ I turned away from her. ‘That has nothing to do with it.’ ‘So you deny having anything to do with this?’ I nodded when I heard her tap the paper again. ‘I’m not happy about this, Kayla. And I know Dad won’t be happy, either.’ I shrugged, and escaped from the kitchen, flinching when she called after me. ‘We’ll discuss it when he gets home.’

Tick, tick, tick. The time bomb ticked down as I waited for Dad to arrive. What would he say? Would he make the connection with the torch? I’d tucked it in the cupboard in the hall, hoping he hadn’t looked there in his search for it. I acted as normally as possible, making a coffee and blobbing in front of the TV for half an hour. All I wanted to do was escape in my room, away from the horror of my day. But I knew that would look suspicious, especially as Mum knew I’d been crying. Luckily Theo was at a mate’s place. I was so on edge I would’ve eaten his face off at the slightest thing. I finally flicked off the TV and, cool as an ice cube, I put my cup in the dishwasher before cruising down to my room. Mum looked at me sideways as I left the kitchen. When I got to my room, I grabbed a cushion and stuffed it against my mouth to hide my sob. I knew I was dead. There was no way I was going to get out of this. Dad wasn’t dumb, and neither was Mum. But I’d already denied everything, and that was going to remain my plan of attack.

While I waited, random thoughts about Liz’s rant at Alex spilled back into my head. I picked up my phone. Should I text him? Would he even answer? Suddenly I felt like I didn’t know him at all. There was so much he’d never told me. Like being expelled? For what? Was a girl involved? Again, my thoughts spun out of control, my imagination going to work. I snatched up my phone. Not to text Alex. If he hadn’t told me his real past before, why would he now? Especially after I’d screamed at the grandmother he adored and run out on them both. I found the music icon on my phone and scrambled through the junk on my desk for my headphones. I didn’t want to think about anything any more. My escape was short-lived. Less than 20 minutes later, I opened my eyes to see Dad standing over me with a face like an apocalypse. I yanked the headphones from my ears, the music still screaming through the tiny speakers. ‘Come with me,’ Dad ordered. I followed him down the hall and out to the kitchen. I knew I was in serious trouble when I saw Mum’s face. She wore the same look Alex had before he turned away from me. Lost. Sad. Disappointed. But when Dad took me outside, I didn’t know where we were going. That was until we walked around the house and stood outside my bedroom window. The torch didn’t matter any more. Dad had all the evidence he needed. A muddy footprint was clear on the wall of the house, right under my window.

Chapter 33

My clumsy re-entry after my early morning mission had sealed my fate. There was no denying anything to my parents. They figured if it wasn’t me climbing back in after vandalising an MP’s property, it was me sneaking out to see Alex or even worse, him sneaking in to see me. Just the thought of it blew my parents’ minds. What would they think of me if they’d seen me and Alex in Liz’s office? The lecture was long and complicated. I hung my head wondering whether I’d see light again, let alone Alex. Despite everything, as Mum and Dad both had their turns at telling me how disappointed they were, all I could think about was being wrapped in his arms and escaping in one of his kisses. ‘Are you even listening?’ Dad asked. I nodded. And I had listened, wondering how everything could’ve gone so wrong, so fast.

My phone was confiscated, TV and laptop out of bounds and I was grounded until they could look at me again without shaking their heads. And I knew that could be quite a while. The only place I was allowed to go was work. Dad dropped me off and then stood in the doorway of the supermarket near the end of my shift when he picked me up again. Suddenly I had my own personal prison warden. I would have laughed if I hadn’t spent most of my time wanting to cry. After my shift on Wednesday night, I turned down Mum’s offer of dinner – her pointing in the direction of the fridge – and went straight to my room. The night before, I’d spent hours staring at my walls and then the ceiling when I’d finally crawled into bed. For once I’d wished the school holidays would hurry up and so I could get back to school and have something else to think about. Without my phone to listen to, or my laptop to spend time on, the hours stretched out before me. I had nothing to do but think. About stuff I didn’t want to think about. It went round and round. My parents’ disappointment. Alex’s look as he

walked away from me. The other girl Liz mentioned. Tam’s strange behaviour, Auntie Mae’s death and the party and lie that started it all. Had Alex tried to me? What did he think when I didn’t answer? Questions filled my brain from morning until night until sleep was the only thing that made them go away. If only until a nightmare reminded me again. On Thursday morning I woke to find a whale on my pillow. I looked up at the shelves above my bed, wondering how it had fallen off. I held the tiny whale in my hand, rubbing my thumb over its smooth, white back. ‘What would you say about all of this, Auntie Mae?’ I whispered to the whale. Someone knocked on my door and I jumped, nearly dropping the figurine. ‘What?’ I called from my bed. ‘Phone for you,’ called Theo. Alex? I threw my blankets off and found the home phone just outside my door. I hadn’t been allowed within 10 feet of it since the discovery of the footprint and I vowed to get my little brother a treat the next chance I got. I snatched the phone up off the floor. ‘Alex?’ ‘No, K. It’s me, Tam. Can I come over? I really need to see you.’ Disappointment barbed my answer. ‘Bit late for that, don’t you think?’ ‘Did you have a fight with Alex?’ she asked. ‘I saw you when you got off the bus the other –’ ‘That’s none of your business.’ ‘Maybe not, but what I’ve got to tell you about him is,’ she said. ‘Please, K.’ ‘You’ll have to get past my wardens first,’ I said. Before I could explain, she interrupted. ‘Theo’s filled me in.’ My plans of a treat for my little brother evaporated. Tam and Theo had always been tight. Trust him to blab. ‘See you in an hour,’ she said.

At least it was a reason to get out of bed. Not only was I intrigued by what she had to say, I was also worried by the way she sounded. It didn’t sound as though she had some juicy gossip she was coming to gloat about. She sounded more scared than anything. Not like Tam at all. Any worries about her getting past Mum disappeared when she arrived. Her heartfelt plea melted Mum’s closed-door policy on me and she ushered Tam into the kitchen. ‘We haven’t seen you in such a long time,’ gushed Mum. ‘Did you girls fall out? Was it because of that boyfriend of hers?’ ‘Mum. I’m still in the room,’ I grumbled. She ignored me. ‘I did tell her right at the start of it, Tam, don’t forget your friends when you get a boyfriend.’ Tam nodded in all the right places. At least that hadn’t changed. ‘You’re just what she needs right now,’ burbled Mum. ‘Let’s get back to how things were, eh?’ She nodded as if trying to convince herself. ‘I’ll make you girls some coffee.’ ‘We’re going to my room,’ I said, before walking down the hall. I shut my bedroom door behind us and leaned against the door, my arms crossed. ‘Well?’ OMG. I sounded just like my mother. Tam gazed around my room. ‘Wouldn’t it be great? Just like your mum said. To go back to how things were?’ When she looked back at me, a tear slid down her cheek. Then another. She crumpled before me, onto my floor.

Chapter 34

When she’d finally stopped crying enough for me to safely open my door to Mum to grab the coffees, I sat next to her on my bed. ‘What the hell’s going on, Tam?’ ‘I think I’m in trouble, K.’ ‘ the club, Tam. Life isn’t that peachy for me, either.’ ‘I don’t mean your kind of trouble,’ she mumbled. She looked up into my eyes, her face red and blotchy from crying. It hit me. ‘You’re not …?’ Tam shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. But I’m late. You know me, K. I’m never late.’ I gaped at my ex-best friend. She couldn’t be? She was only 15. ‘Have you done one of those tests?’ I asked. ‘You know, from the chemist?’ ‘I tried, K. I’ve been in three times, but I’m never brave enough to take one up to the counter. I just can’t.’ A random thought bolted through my brain. So, why didn’t you ask one of your new friends to help? I banished it in a millisecond, faced with Tam’s tears. My next thought couldn’t be swept away so easily. Who was the boy? ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ she said. ‘You want to know who it was.’ ‘Well. Um. Only if you …’ I babbled, ing the last time I tried to get information out of her. I gasped as I realised. Our fight. It was all my fault. Tam was acting so weird and I pushed and pushed. ‘I’m sorry, Tam. I’m so sorry.’ I pulled her in for a hug and

she sobbed on my shoulder. When she pulled away again, I ventured a question. ‘It was at that party, wasn’t it? Our first party.’ Her nod confirmed it. My mind raced back to Evan emerging from that bedroom upstairs. ‘I know who it was, Tam. And when I get hold of Evan, he’s going to wish he was living on Mars. And that’s after we tell the police. You’re underage. Both of you.’ Tam shook her head and at first I misunderstood. She didn’t want me to tell the police or get involved. She didn’t want me to talk to Evan or maim him, as I was planning. ‘No, K. It wasn’t Evan.’ ‘What? Then who?’ She looked up at me. ‘It was Alex.’

Chapter 35

‘No,’ I mumbled. ‘No, you’re wrong.’ I leapt up from the bed. ‘You’re lying!’ ‘Why would I lie, K?’ I searched her face for any trace of that lie; any sign she wasn’t telling the truth. There was none, but still I refused to believe. ‘You’re just jealous because I’ve got Alex now. I’ve got new friends.’ I grasped at straws – anything to avoid what she was saying. ‘I don’t need your lies, Tam, just because you’re jealous!’ She just sat there and took it. The hopelessness on her face never wavered, and I knew deep down she wasn’t there for spite. My anger deflated as fast as it flared, and I sank back down onto my bed. When I could finally speak again, I asked, ‘What happened? I don’t need to know all the sordid details, just why you say it’s him.’ ‘Okay,’ she whispered. She took a deep breath as if steeling herself to something awful. ‘But I’m only telling you, so the same thing doesn’t happen to you.’ My face must’ve given me away. ‘You haven’t …?’ she asked. ‘No.’ ‘I was spaced out,’ she began. ‘I know it was dumb, K. And you rubbing it in afterwards didn’t make it any better.’ ‘Sorry,’ I mumbled. My fault again. ‘I feel so stupid now, but I liked all the attention.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘I’d wanted to go to a proper party for so long. I was so sick of being treated like a baby by Mum and Dad. I wanted to have some fun, K.’ She sighed. ‘I’d liked Evan for ages. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. His friends at the party were really

funny and when he offered me the party pill, everyone stared at me, K. They expected me to chicken out. I took it. I wanted Evan to like me, so I took it.’ She stared at the floor. ‘At first I felt really happy. Everything was funny – at least until I started feeling a bit woozy, then really sick.’ She narrowed her eyes as if trying to something. ‘Someone suggested I lie down and I being led upstairs and a door closing behind me. I that because it was like the noise of the party being cut off. Suddenly it wasn’t all so loud any more.’ She closed her eyes. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,’ I said. I didn’t really mean it. I could see ing was upsetting her, but I needed to know why she thought it was Alex. ‘I must’ve blacked out,’ she mumbled. ‘When I woke up, Alex was above me, pulling on my top.’ We sat in silence for a few minutes, each with our own nightmares. ‘That’s not all, K.’ I jumped. ‘There’s more?’ She nodded. ‘I’ve been asking around. About Alex.’ I stared at her, almost too scared to hear what she had to say. ‘He’s Evan’s cousin.’ ‘I know that. So?’ ‘It wasn’t Evan’s house, it was Alex’s. Evan told me Alex took me up the stairs, which makes sense doesn’t it? I mean if it’s his house? And he’s not 16. He’s 17. He’s at a private boys’ school because he was expelled from Marshton High. I don’t know what for. But it’s not usually for nothing is it?’ Out of the corner of my eye I saw her swipe angrily at her cheek. More tears. ‘Maybe he’s –’ ‘I think I’m going to be –’ I clamped my hand over my mouth and threw open my door. I only just made it to the bathroom. Tam was sitting in the exact same place I left her. ‘You have to go to the police.’ ‘No, K, I can’t,’ she blurted. ‘I can’t even what happened. How will I

tell Mum and Dad?’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t anything after the noise stopped.’ She covered her face with her hands. I put my arm around her shoulders. ‘Did you feel any different afterwards? You know.’ I nodded downwards. She dropped her hands. ‘No,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t think so.’ She turned to face me. ‘Surely I would’ve though. Wouldn’t I? But I’m late, K. And I’m never late.’ She shook her head again. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Am I being stupid?’ ‘No, Tam, you’re not,’ I stressed. ‘But this is really serious. You have to tell someone.’ ‘I’m telling you, K. But I don’t know what happened.’ Again we sat in silence. ‘Let me think about it, okay?’ she finally said. She didn’t stay for much longer. I gave her a half-hearted hug and promised her I’d ring her that night. ‘You’ll have to get one of those tests. It’s the only way you’ll know for sure,’ I said. ‘Go somewhere on the other side of town where nobody will know you. And if … we’ll figure something out, okay?’ If anything, she looked worse when she left. When I’d woken that morning, I’d thought life couldn’t be suckier. Now I knew better. The knowledge of Tam’s secret and the reason behind her weird rant at the supermarket made me realise my problems were nothing compared to what she was facing. Sure, I’d been grounded for life, and now my sure-to-be-ex-boyfriend was a liar and a … a … I couldn’t even say the word, let alone imagine it. Whether Tam was pregnant or not, Alex was in serious trouble. I stared out my window in a daze. It couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t! But why would she lie? I sighed. She wouldn’t. I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes. Alex wouldn’t – would he? He was gentle and kind and thoughtful and … I ed the feel of my hand in his. Every kiss we’d shared. He couldn’t have. But he’d lied to me. Why had he lied about his age? What else had he lied about? What about his expulsion and the girl Liz talked about? Had he done this before? Something clicked. I saw Alex leave the kitchen with Evan and his mates at the party. Then he’d told me I was better off without Tam. He’d warned me to stay away from her. Because he didn’t want her to tell me! He knew she would if we

were friends again. Had he lied about her, too? Was she at a party with a guy as he’d said, or did he lie to make her sound like a skank? It all began to make sense. That’s why Tam didn’t want me to talk to Alex after the Project Jonah demonstration. That’s why she took off when Alex came to see if I was all right. She knew what he was like. And now her period was late. Oh my gosh, Tam. I pictured her face as she crumpled onto my bedroom floor. The centre! I gasped and bolted upright. It could’ve been me! Alex wanted me to be part of that raid on the MP’s house, but then everyone left the centre so fast. We were alone and then we ended up in Liz’s office. The memory of the tiny room filled my mind, and as I ed it suddenly seemed even smaller – the walls closing in – had Alex planned to … What if I hadn’t seen that photo? If I hadn’t asked to go home straight away? His party. He’d asked me to go into that room upstairs. But that girl came out of the loo and he disappeared back to the party. What if …? He could have – but he didn’t. He seemed perfectly okay about everything. He even paid for my taxi! I punched my pillow in confusion. ‘I just don’t know!’ I howled through gritted teeth. My frustration welled into tears and I rubbed them away. I couldn’t think about him now. I had to think about Tam. But no matter how I tried to shut my mind against it, more than anything, I wanted to, I needed to talk to him. But I couldn’t see how that was going to happen.

Chapter 36

‘It was nice to see Tam today,’ said Mum over the ironing board. ‘Mmm,’ I answered, concentrating on buttering my toast. ‘Are you sure that’s going to be enough for tea, love?’ Mum asked. ‘I can cook you some eggs or something.’ I shook my head. Toast was all I could stomach after Tam’s news, and I was only eating that to placate Mum. I looked at my watch. ‘I’ve got to start work soon. I’ll just grab something there if I get hungry.’ ‘If you’re sure?’ One good thing about Tam’s visit was the flip in Mum’s mood. Maybe she thought Tam was a good influence. That was a laugh. If Mum and Dad were unhappy about me climbing out my window, Tam’s predicament would completely freak them out. As I nibbled on the edges of my toast, images floated across my brain. Tam with a huge stomach. Tam changing nappies. Tam with a stroller. ‘Kayla? Kayla!’ Mum’s voice broke into my imaginings. ‘What?’ I snapped back, louder than I meant to. She frowned. So much for her good mood. ‘Dad will be back soon to take you to work, so make sure you’re ready.’ Sure enough, my warden was shaking his keys at me 20 minutes before my shift. It was pouring outside so a ride was good, and I was looking forward to something to take my mind somewhere else.

The hours at my counter trudged by. I had a couple of regulars come in who chatted for a while when there was no one behind them in the queue. Mr Johnston’s orchids had won a competition and he told me his success was all due to talking to them every day and playing them classical music. I’d put Tam’s visit to the back of the wardrobe in my mind until Mrs Markham appeared with her usual 10 cans of cat food. I’d never seen her buy anything else and often wondered how many cats she had or whether she ate it herself. But when she gushed on about her niece who’d just had a baby, my mind flew back to Tam and Alex and that room at the end of his hallway. On my break I decided to grab a chance at freedom and actually use a telephone. Mum’s good mood hadn’t stretched that far. Tam’s mum answered and I was surprised how hard it was to act normally. I’d known her since I was four but could hardly speak. ‘Oh, hi,’ I stammered. ‘It’s, um, Kayla.’ ‘Kayla? We haven’t seen you for ages. What’s happened between you two? Do you know what’s up with Tamzyn? She’s been acting up and won’t talk to me. Do you −’ ‘Can I talk to her?’ I interrupted. ‘I’ve only got a couple of minutes.’ A sigh came down the phone. ‘Okay. But can you find out what’s been going on?’ She sighed again. ‘You probably know, I suppose. You two were always thick as thieves. Just tell her I’m here, okay?’ ‘Okay.’ I squirmed under the worry in her voice. I heard her knock on Tam’s door at the other end. ‘Tam, it’s Kayla. I’ll leave the phone outside your door,’ came her voice. Half a minute ed. ‘K?’ ‘Have you done it yet?’ ‘Done what?’ ‘Tam! Did you get a test? Have you done it yet?’ My heart began to pound as I realised how much I needed to know. If the test said no, I could breathe again. Somehow there was still a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel for me and Alex. Maybe I could talk to him somehow. Sort something out. I had to know. But then, if the test said yes …

A sob sounded at the end of the line and my stomach dropped. How could I be thinking about me and Alex? How could I be so selfish? ‘I can’t, K,’ she said. ‘I went to that chemist over in Dalton and walked up and down the aisles for 20 minutes. The chick behind the counter was staring at me weirdly and I just couldn’t do it.’ ‘You probably looked like a shoplifter,’ I said. ‘That’s why she was staring at you. You have to get one, Tam. It’s the only way you’ll know for sure.’ ‘I don’t want to know,’ she mumbled. ‘Don’t be stupid,’ I barked. ‘You have to know, so you can decide what to do. Your mum sounds freaked out.’ Just as Tam sobbed even louder on the other end, I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I spun around to see my supervisor glaring at me and tapping his watch. ‘Gotta go. I’ll sort it, okay?’ I hung up. Back at my counter, I scanned items and smiled automatically each time a customer came through. How was I going to get a test? Tam was too chicken, so I had to do it, and soon, for our combined sanity. Again I felt terrible, thinking about myself when Tam could be in serious shit. Someone appeared to my right and I flicked the switch on my conveyor belt. A can of Coke slid into view and I looked up at the customer. Alex. He looked terrible. He was soaking wet and water pooled on my counter where his hand rested. ‘Alex,’ I breathed. ‘Hi, Kayla.’ ‘Have you been standing in the rain?’ ‘I needed to see you. You won’t answer my texts.’

‘I’ve been grounded,’ I said. ‘They know I sneaked out. They took my phone.’ He nodded. ‘I’m sorry.’ Any thoughts of Tam and all that she’d told me vanished as I stared across at him. My gaze travelled from his eyes to his flushed cheeks, down to his lips and back up again. ‘I wanted to explain some stuff – ’ he began, and the spell was broken. ‘Like your real age?’ I threw back at him. ‘Like your expulsion, and whatever it was for?’ ‘You don’t understand!’ ‘What about Tam?’ I demanded. ‘When were you going to tell me about that?’ He shrugged. ‘What about Tam?’ I dropped my voice to hiss, ‘She thinks she might be pregnant. That’s what.’ I glared at him across my counter. His mouth dropped open, and I almost heard the connections clicking in his head as I glared at him. He shook his head. ‘No, Kayla,’ he blurted. ‘That’s got nothing to do with me!’ ‘That’s not what she says,’ I growled. ‘And the more I think about that night at the party, the more things click together. How did you know where she was? And why did you want me to avoid her afterwards? Going on your hidden past, what am I supposed to think?’ ‘It’s not hidden. I’ve come to tell you, maybe after work or –’ ‘Is there a problem here?’ The store security guard stood at my end of the counter with my supervisor right behind him. ‘No,’ said Alex. ‘I was just −’ ‘Leaving,’ said the guard. Alex leaned across the counter. ‘None of it’s what you think, Kayla,’ he whispered. ‘You know me. You know the truth.’ He left with the guard right

behind him, all the way to the doors. I stared at the can of Coke he’d left behind.

Chapter 37

‘Do you mind if we stop in at the after-hours chemist?’ I asked Dad on the way home. He glanced over at me, then peered back through the windscreen at the teeming rain. ‘It’s late, Kayla. Can’t it wait?’ he grumbled. ‘It’s girls’ stuff, Dad.’ I looked out my window as if embarrassed to be asking in the first place. I tried not to think about what I had to do. There was no thinking about it. Just doing it. Just march in there, take it to the counter. March out. Done. Then Tam could do the test and we’d know. ‘Okay, okay,’ he said. ‘Why didn’t you get it at work?’ Because they don’t sell pregnancy tests with the cough mixture and headache pills, I thought. I knew if I said it out loud, we’d end up off the road. When we pulled up outside the pharmacy, the guy was just changing the sign to CLOSED. ‘I’ll be two seconds, I promise,’ I called. Thankfully he waved me inside. ‘I can’t resist a damsel in distress,’ he leered. He pushed his long, greasy fringe away from his eyes, revealing a mass of picked pimples across his forehead. Ew, I thought. Do it for Tam. Do it for Tam. Scanning the shelves, I found what I was looking for, grabbed one and marched up to the counter. The guy’s sneer slid off his face when I put the test in front of him. He looked at me wide-eyed then quickly scanned it and shoved it in a bag as though it was going to burn him. Within three minutes, I’d paid and was back in the car, shoving the brown paper bag into my backpack. ‘All done?’ Dad asked. ‘Yes.’ I let out a deep breath. ‘Thanks, Dad.’ With the test in my bag, I thought of

Alex. He’d sounded shocked when I told him about Tam. Hurt that I was accusing him. He looked as though he was telling the truth, but why had he lied before? As soon as he’d left I knew I’d blown any chance of finding out the truth – at least until I saw him again. If I saw him again. When he’d appeared in front of me like that, it’d thrown me. Everything I’d planned to say vanished and my panic spilled out in an angry rant. If only I’d kept calm. With no customers behind him, we might’ve been able to actually talk about it. But all I ended up with was Alex’s plea echoing in my head and a verbal warning from my supervisor. When I got home, Mum and Theo were in bed. I tried my luck with Dad one more time. ‘Can I ring Tam? Just for a minute?’ I gave him my sweetest smile. ‘It’s late, Kayla.’ ‘Please, Dad. She’ll still be up. I need to talk to her about something, now that we’re mates again.’ He looked from me to the phone. ‘You’ve got five minutes, and don’t tell Mum or I’ll be grounded, too.’ He left the kitchen. Her phone rang longer than usual at the other end. ‘Hello?’ came Tam’s voice. ‘I’ve got it. Come over early tomorrow and we’ll do it, okay? At least you’ll know.’ ‘Where did you –?’ ‘At the after-hours chemist. You can pay me back.’ There was silence on the other end. ‘Thanks, K,’ she finally said. ‘Tomorrow, Tam. I’ll be up early, so come as soon as you can.’ ‘I’m scared, K.’ Her tiny voice reached deep inside me, triggering a memory of when we were about six. We had been at a birthday party and had locked ourselves in a wardrobe in a hide-and-seek game. It was only for a few minutes, but it had

frightened Tam enough for her to want to go home. I told her the same thing I’d told her then. ‘I know, Tam. But you’ve got me.’ ‘Bye, K,’ she whispered before she hung up, and I knew she was trying not to cry.

I hardly slept, tossing and turning and staring into darkness for hours at a time. When I woke on Friday morning I knew I must’ve had some sleep but my eyes still felt as if someone had gouged them out, rolled them in sand and stuffed them back in again. When I saw it was past 9.30 I got up and hauled on some clothes. Had Tam rung already? I asked Mum but she shook her head. She saw me look at the phone. ‘Don’t even think about it,’ she said. I stomped back to my room and slammed the door, making sure she knew exactly what I felt about it.

An hour later, Tam still hadn’t arrived. I’d been back to the kitchen for breakfast and made Mum a coffee in the hope of one quick phone call to Tam. Mum accepted the coffee graciously then advised the phone was still out of bounds. Even Theo shrugged and I had to bite my tongue at the injustice of it all. Past experience had taught me that the more I complained about it, the longer the ban applied. I sighed as I realised my door-slam that morning had probably earned me another day of torture. When a knock came at the back door at 11.45 I knew it was Tam. I threw open the door and pulled her inside. ‘Where have you been,’ I growled through gritted teeth. I practically frogmarched her down the hall into my bedroom, closing the door behind us. ‘You were supposed to be here hours ago,’ I cried. She shrank away from me. ‘I know, K. But I was too chicken. I don’t know if I’m ready to find out.’ I pulled her into a hug. ‘I’m right here, and we can find out together, okay? Or you can find out first and tell me if you want to. But you have to do this and the sooner the better.’

She clung to me like a toddler. She couldn’t have been more different from the savvy, confident girl who’d morphed in front of me at that party. Even that was better than seeing her like this. I let her go and pulled the test from my drawer. I explained what she had to do, then slid it up her sleeve with the instructions. ‘Do the test and either look at it in the loo or bring it back here and we’ll look together.’ She nodded, took a deep breath and left the room. For a moment I wondered if she might bolt but heard the toilet door click shut when I jumped up to check. I looked around my room as I waited, my gaze falling on Auntie Mae’s whales. I’d forgotten all about them. My lie, my discovery at the centre and my outburst at Liz had faded to almost nothing at Tam’s news. But something hadn’t changed. ‘I wish you were here, Auntie Mae,’ I whispered. ‘You’d know what to do.’ When Tam hadn’t returned after 20 minutes I went and knocked on the door. ‘Tam? Are you okay in there?’ My stomach swirled at the possible reasons why she hadn’t come out. She opened the door and tears streamed down her face.

Chapter 38

‘Oh, Tam. I’m so sorry.’ She smiled. The first smile I’d seen on her face in weeks. ‘I’m not pregnant,’ she whispered. ‘What?’ I stared at that smile and willed her to say it again. ‘I’m not pregnant. I’ve checked it three times and it’s definitely negative.’ Mum came running as we jumped up and down hugging each other and screaming with relief. Tam shoved the test and instructions down her jeans before Mum saw it and then threw her arm around my shoulders. ‘What’s going on?’ said Mum with a strange smile. ‘We’ve just sorted something out,’ I announced, glancing at Tam. ‘Something that had fallen off the rails for a bit.’ ‘Well I’m glad about that,’ she said with a real smile. ‘Maybe things can get back to normal around here.’ She stared at me for a moment with raised eyebrows and I knew I was closer to freedom than I had been for days. Back in my room Tam showed me the test and the instructions in order to confirm it for myself. Negative. Definitely negative. At least now she could breathe a sigh of relief and Alex … but just because Tam wasn’t pregnant didn’t mean he hadn’t done anything. The relief was huge but it still didn’t answer all my questions. As I ed Tam the test back, there was a bang on the door and it flew open. Tam fumbled the small white square of plastic in surprise. It bounced off her knee onto the floor at our feet. My head snapped up, expecting Mum to be standing there in shock, Tam’s secret revealed.

Theo stood in the doorway, peering through his new SpongeBob mask. ‘Theo!’ I yelled. ‘Mum wants to know if Tam’s staying for lunch.’ I leapt up before he saw the test on the floor. ‘Yes! Now get out of my room!’ I banged the door closed behind him and leant against it. ‘That was close. I so thought that was Mum. I don’t think he saw it. Not with that stupid mask on. He wouldn’t know what it was, anyway.’ Tam reached down and snatched it off the floor. ‘The sooner I get rid of this, the better.’ She shoved it down to the bottom of her bag. ‘How do you feel?’ I asked. ‘Like I’ve just won the lottery,’ she said. ‘Like, suddenly I’ve got another chance. I haven’t stuffed up my entire life and my parents don’t ever, ever need to know.’ She shook her head. ‘I thought some terrible stuff, K. when Eloise Murphy got pregnant and had to leave school last year?’ I nodded. ‘We thought it was the juiciest gossip ever,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to end up like that. I couldn’t even face the thought of going back to school on Monday, let alone anyone finding out.’ ‘Can I ask one more thing?’ I said, shifting my gaze to the floor. ‘How did you know Alex had, you know …’ I looked lower. She was silent and I wondered if I’d gone too far. ‘I don’t know,’ she finally said. She frowned. ‘All I is my hangover the next day. The pain in my head was so bad, and my stomach and ribs were so sore from throwing up.’ I held my nose. ‘I it well.’ We laughed at my funny voice, and her smile faded. ‘I Alex above me when I woke up,’ she said. ‘He was fumbling with my top and I had to button my jeans. When my period didn’t arrive, I just put it all together.’ She shuddered next to me. ‘Was I just being stupid?’

‘No!’ I put my arms around her. ‘It’s all over now, Tam. Everything’s going to be fine.’ We jumped as a knock came at my door. ‘Theo! Go away.’ Mum pushed the door open and came in with a tray holding a plate of biscuits and two giant mugs of hot chocolate complete with marshmallows. ‘I’ve just put some savoury muffins in the oven, but thought you might like a snack,’ she said. ‘Nice to have you back, Tam.’ We spent the next couple of hours talking about what ifs and I avoided the subject of Alex. I wasn’t ready to face that one again just yet. We laughed about my visions of Tam with a huge belly, then the joy of screaming babies and changing nappies. We really didn’t have a clue what we were on about as neither of us had even held a small baby. Somehow laughing about it softened the scariness of how a different result could’ve screwed up everything. When Mum asked Tam if she was staying for dinner, too, she looked at me for an answer. ‘Stay the night,’ I said. ‘Like it was before,’ she answered, and I knew exactly what she meant. She went home to get some stuff and to talk to her mum. ‘I’m not going to tell her anything,’ she itted. ‘Just give her a hug and tell her everything’s okay.’ I laughed when she returned with a couple of DVDs and the ingredients for a chocolate cake. ‘How many chocolate cakes do you reckon we’ve eaten in front of how many movies?’ she asked later that night. ‘Hundreds,’ I said, taking another slice. ‘We should be the size of a house.’ Her weak smile told me I’d reminded her of what we were trying to forget, and when we finally watched the end credits of the second movie, we both knew that our chocolate cake and sleepovers would never be the way they were before. We made up Tam’s bed then lay in the darkness of my room, talking into the night. ‘This is my second chance, K,’ she murmured from her bed. ‘I’ll never go to a party again.’ ‘That’s a bit over the top.’

‘I mean it, K,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve never been so scared in my life.’ We lay in silence.

I lay in the dark listening to Tam’s soft breathing. The light of a full moon outside outlined her face. She looked so peaceful and now I knew she was okay, I was relieved for her. I rolled onto my back and gazed into the darkness. Oh, Alex. Is it true? Did you do those things? Why all the lies? Without warning, a wave of confusion and loss surged up through my chest and I sobbed out loud. Not wanting to wake Tam I clamped my hand over my mouth and smothered my face into my pillow, ing his last words to me. ‘None of it’s what you think, Kayla. You know me. You know the truth.’ The look on his face flashed in my head as he pleaded with me to understand. When I rolled over again, my face wet with tears, Tam was sitting up on her mattress. ‘K? What’s wrong?’ She shuffled over to me and when she touched my shoulder, everything I’d tried to hide while worrying about her rushed to the surface. I sobbed into my pillow. Tam hugged me awkwardly from the side of my bed. ‘K,’ she soothed. ‘Tell me what’s wrong.’ How could I? I was crying over the person who had made her so miserable. ‘Tell me,’ she said. ‘I told you the worst thing possible. You can tell me anything. You know that.’ ‘You’re going to hate me,’ I whispered. She shook her head. ‘With what you’ve done for me in the past few days, how could I hate you? You’re my best friend.’ ‘He … Alex came to see me.’ Even in the dim light, I saw her tense. ‘He just appeared at my checkout,’ I mumbled, before looking down at my duvet. ‘What did he say?’

‘He told me …’ I looked up into my best friend’s face. ‘He told me it wasn’t what we think.’ She sat back onto her mattress. ‘And you believe him.’ I shrugged. ‘I don’t know what to believe. He looked so sincere, Tam. So hurt. He’s been wonderful to me and I still can’t believe he’d do anything like – ’ ‘So you’re calling me a liar?’ It was my turn to throw my covers off, scoot over and hug her. ‘No, Tam, I’m not,’ I said. ‘But neither of us know what really happened that night.’ She sat stiff in my arms and I let her go. When she finally turned to face me, her frown had gone. ‘And you want to know,’ she said. ‘Oh, Tam. I need to know. You’re my best friend and I hope you understand but I need to see him. To find out the truth about … About everything.’ Finally she nodded. ‘How do you know he’ll tell the truth?’ ‘I don’t.’ I squeezed her hand. ‘But I need to give him a chance to explain. Not for his sake, but for mine. Ever since you told me what happened, my mind has been spinning. Before all of this, there was so much I wanted to tell you about him. I’ve really missed you and I don’t want us to fight again, but I really need to see him.’ Tam grabbed my arm. ‘Shhhh! It’s okay, K. I get it,’ she said. ‘And you know, now that I know I’m not … I’d like to talk to him as well. But not yet. I don’t think I could face him just yet.’ She put her arm around my shoulders. ‘I owe you, K. Without you, I’d still be trying to figure out how to face Mum and Dad; how I was going to go back to school and try and act normally.’ We sat in silence for a while, both lost in our own thoughts. ‘Do you think he’ll come back to the supermarket?’ she asked. ‘I can’t wait that long,’ I whispered. ‘I’ll go insane.’ ‘What do you want to do?’

Chapter 39

We talked well into the early hours of Sunday morning, then slept in, exhausted after the rollercoaster of the past few days. I eventually opened my eyes to see Tam stretching and groaning as she woke. ‘How’re you feeling?’ she asked. ‘Like crap,’ I grumbled. ‘You?’ ‘Like a million dollars.’ She grinned, obviously still buzzing from her escape. I couldn’t help smiling back. By the time we crawled out of bed it was close to lunchtime. We didn’t have much time to go over our plan before I began work at 2pm. ‘We have to do it soon,’ I whispered to Tam in the kitchen. The last thing I needed was for flappy-ears Theo to overhear us, or even worse, Mum and Dad. Tam waved her hand at me as she finished building her banana and peanut butter sandwich. ‘Let me eat first, will you?’ She took a huge bite then said something with her mouth full. I sighed with a smile. A few more minutes wouldn’t hurt. Unbelievably, I’d lost the tiny bit of paper with Alex’s mobile number on it, but it was firmly locked in my memory. Tam offered me her phone but I was split between wanting to text him, and not wanting to in case he didn’t answer. That would feel even worse. But I knew I had no choice if I wanted to stay sane. Tam finally finished her sandwich and for a moment I wondered if she was deliberately stalling. I practically dragged her back down the hall to my room and we sat on my bed. The first time we’d texted a boy together we’d been at intermediate, giggling and loving it. But now Tam was scowling and I was a knot of nerves. I’d explained I was using Tam’s phone and we sat in silence waiting for a reply to my request to meet him. A chance for him to tell me what he was trying to say at the supermarket. A chance for him to tell the truth – before Tam went to the

police. I gasped as I’d read Tam’s added threat to the message, but knew she had every right. We jumped when Tam’s phone vibrated on my duvet.

Please don’t go to police! Wait. Meet you tomorrow. Early

‘What about school, K?’ Tam frowned. ‘I don’t care,’ I said. ‘Tell him CJ’s Bakery & Café at 8.45. Down the back. It’s always open early. I’ve got PE first period and Miss Chen always does the roll at the end of class. I’ll sneak in before the bell goes.’ Tam stared at me as though I’d grown another head. Me skipping classes? Never. But that was the pre-party Kayla. I’d done more daring things in the past few weeks than in my entire life. One more thing wasn’t going to hurt anyone. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked. I gave a stern nod. ‘Now that you’re okay, I want some answers.’ ‘Okay,’ she said, still uncertain. She typed the message, her thumbs flying across the letters, only to stop and hover over the send button. ‘Do it,’ I ordered. His reply came back in seconds. It was done. Even after Alex’s text, I half expected him to turn up in my queue at work. He didn’t, which was probably a good thing. I wanted to talk to him properly and my supervisor was watching, waiting to pounce on me again.

I’d only been home for 10 minutes when the phone rang. Mum answered then handed it to me. Yay. My own personal phonescreening service. ‘It’s Tam,’ she said.

‘Guess what?’ Tam screeched on the end. ‘I got my period!’ I spun away from Mum when I saw her eyebrows shoot up. ‘I know I did the test and everything,’ Tam continued, ‘but now I really know it’s okay!’ ‘That’s great,’ I said carefully, feeling Mum’s gaze boring into the back of my head. Tam must’ve clicked that Mum was still close by. ‘Thanks again, K,’ she said quietly. When I didn’t answer she asked, ‘So you’re still going to meet him?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘I’ll see you at morning break,’ she said. ‘You can fill me in.’ ‘Sure.’ ‘Bye then.’ She hung up.

After another night of tossing and turning, I looked terrible on Monday morning. I frowned at my reflection. I didn’t care what I looked like. I was going to find out the truth, not try to look good for Alex. Not that there was much chance of that, with sacks under my eyes and dressed in my school uniform. The moths in my stomach were back and on caffeine by the time I stepped off the bus, two stops before school. Half a dozen students left the bakery as I entered, all with punnets of hot, steaming chips. They didn’t give me a second look as I slipped past them to the back of the café where there were several booths for those who enjoyed their privacy as they sipped their coffee and read the newspaper. And suddenly he was there. He was in school uniform, too. One I didn’t recognise. He jumped to his feet when he saw me, banging his legs on the table designed to be slid out from. Before he could injure himself further, I slid into the seat opposite. ‘Kayla.’ He reached his hand across the table and I had to think of Tam to stop

myself from holding it. ‘Hello.’ It came out in a squeak. One look into those eyes and I could already feel myself losing it. Get a grip, Kayla! Don’t be so pathetic. ‘Hello, Alex.’ No squeak this time. I shifted my gaze to focus on his blue-and-yellow-striped tie. He pulled his hand back when he realised I wasn’t going to take it. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you yesterday. Had a bit of a family conference. Grandma and Mum in the same room.’ He shook his head and grimaced. ‘Wasn’t pretty.’ With a start I ed the last time I saw Liz. Yelling at her about Auntie Mae and storming from the centre. ‘Was it about the fence? Did you get into trouble?’ ‘Yeah, other stuff, too. Grandma was really upset after you left and I wanted to know what it was all about. She didn’t tell me much.’ He slid his hand towards me again. This time he left it halfway across the table. ‘But you’re not here about that.’ ‘No. I’m not.’ I looked him in the eye, my anger flaring at the memory of my screaming match with Liz. I clenched my fists hidden in my lap and willed myself to focus on the reason I was there. ‘How old are you?’ ‘Seventeen. Just,’ he answered. ‘The party after the show was sort of a t birthday party for me and Evan. His birthday is close to mine.’ ‘Why did you lie?’ I demanded. ‘I liked you, Kayla. Right from the start. You were different. Real, not fake like some girls are,’ he said. ‘I knew you were only 15 and your parents were really strict.’ ‘How did you know?’ He shrugged with a smile. ‘I asked around at the party.’ I didn’t know what to say. I was stoked he’d been interested enough to do that, but surprised anyone there knew anything about me.

‘So, when I heard that,’ he continued, ‘I was scared your parents would freak if they knew I was 17.’ I nodded. ‘You’re probably right.’ We sat there for a few moments, just looking at each other. I was trying to gain the courage to ask something I was too scared to hear the answer to. I gritted my teeth. Just do it, Kayla! He owed you the truth. ‘What about before?’ I blurted. ‘At your old school. Why were you expelled?’ Again, he pulled in his arm. He sighed. ‘It was just supposed to be a laugh, but it got out of hand.’ I shut my eyes against what he was going to say next. ‘We were protesting about oil drilling and our message was way bigger than I’d planned. Mum and Dad paid for it all to be removed but I was still expelled as the ringleader because of my connection with the centre.’ ‘What?’ I gaped at him. ‘But the girl? Liz said something about a girl?’ ‘Yes, there was a girl,’ he said slowly. ‘I was trying to impress her. You know, showing off. But she dumped me when I was expelled.’ He frowned. ‘Why? What did you think I’d done?’ His eyes widened as he realised. ‘What the hell, Kayla? You really think I’m like that?’ I stared at him across the booth. ‘So, it was just another protest?’ ‘Yes! I can’t believe you thought …’ ‘What happened at that party, Alex? Tam said …’ ‘Tam said I did something, didn’t she? I the look on her face when she woke up.’ I gasped. ‘So, you were there. You did do something!’ ‘No! Listen! I saw Tam take that party pill. What was I going to do about it? She’s a big girl. But when I saw Evan lead her up the stairs, I followed them.’

‘Evan?’ ‘When I opened the door of the bedroom, I saw Tam flaked out on the bed and Evan pulling up her top. He went mental at me and then took off.’ He shook his head again. ‘Tam woke up when I was trying to pull her top back down. I’ll never forget that look in her eyes, Kayla. I got out of there as fast as I could.’ ‘It was Evan?’ came a familiar voice. Tam appeared from the booth behind us.

Chapter 40

‘Tam!’ Before I could slide out of the booth, she was in front of Alex. ‘It was Evan who took me up the stairs?’ Alex leaned back into the booth as she confronted him. He threw his hands up. ‘Honest, Tam. I know what he’s like and I was just trying to help.’ She gazed from Alex to me. ‘I thought … Evan told me …’ I slid out to grab her as her anger drained away, then pulled her into the booth beside me. ‘I’m sorry, K. I thought …’ ‘You believed what Evan told you,’ said Alex. Tam looked down into her lap. ‘I’m sorry.’ Finally, I reached for his hand, my mind spinning with the same things Tam must have been thinking. She thought she was pregnant when nothing had happened. But if it hadn’t been for Alex the test might’ve had a different result. ‘I’m sorry. I should never have thought … Thank you.’ A woman in an apron appeared by our booth. ‘Aren’t you lot supposed to be at school?’

Outside the bakery, Tam headed towards school. ‘Catch me up!’ she called. Alex held me close. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’ ‘Me too,’ I said. ‘The last week has been murder. Dad found my footprint under my window after your photo was in the paper. They put two and two together

and now I can hardly breathe without permission. No phone, computer, or even TV. And then Tam thought she was pregnant and said it was you and I didn’t know what to think.’ ‘I should’ve been straight up with you from the start,’ he said. He leaned back and looked me in the eye. ‘But it’s sorted now, right?’ ‘Right,’ I said. ‘So when can I see you again?’ ‘I don’t know,’ I said, my heart sinking. ‘Mum and Dad –’ ‘Should I try and talk to them?’ he asked. ‘Tell them it was all my fault?’ I smiled. ‘Yeah that’d work,’ I teased. ‘What would you say? It was me who convinced your daughter to sneak out at midnight, drive around and vandalise an MP’s fence. She had no say in it at all.’ I shook my head. ‘I’d never be allowed to leave the house again.’ He smiled. ‘Yeah, I get your point. But I’m not giving up that easily.’ ‘You’d better not,’ I said, glancing at my watch. ‘I’ve got to go or I’m going to be sprung at school. Don’t need to lose any more brownie po –’ I was cut off with a kiss. When he let me go, he looked so serious I wanted to kiss him again. ‘Here.’ He handed me a phone in a silver case. ‘It’s one of Mum’s old ones. I charged it and there’s some credit on it.’ I stared down at it for a moment. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘We’ll think of something.’ After being apart it was excruciating to turn away. When I hesitated he smiled and squeezed my hand. ‘Go on,’ he said softly. ‘I’ve got to catch a bus.’ I stuffed the phone into my uniform pocket and hurried to catch up with Tam.

Tam must’ve got to school before me because I didn’t see her, but my plan worked and Miss Chen took the roll just after I arrived. My classmates looked more impressed than anything. I’d sneaked in, got changed into my PE gear and acted like I’d been there all along. When I hadn’t found Tam after searching for half of morning break, I was worried. She had Loser Lincoln first. What had happened when she arrived late? I checked out the school office corridor imagining her sitting there waiting for Mr Ross but the seat outside the principal’s office was empty. Where was she? I approached a few of her classmates sitting in the quad. ‘Have you guys seen Tam?’ They all looked up and seemed surprised at who was asking. ‘I haven’t seen her since Mr Lincoln bollocked her for being late,’ said one girl. ‘She looked a bit upset.’ ‘Upset?’ The girl shrugged. ‘Like she’d been crying.’ Suddenly the bell rang and my search for Tam ended. All through Science, I worried about what had happened. I thought back to our meeting with Alex. Did she think he was lying? Was she still mad at him? At me? I didn’t even know she was going to be there. Why didn’t she tell me she was going? I wouldn’t have minded. Questions spun around and around until the lunchtime bell. Again, I searched and finally recognised the bright orange bag under the trees behind the library. I hurried over and plopped down beside her. ‘Here you are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.’ ‘I was avoiding you,’ she mumbled. ‘What? Why?’ She picked at the grass around her. When she looked up her eyes were full of tears. ‘I’m sorry, K. Do you hate me? Does Alex?’ ‘What? Don’t be stupid. Why would we hate you?’ ‘Because I blamed him for everything and it wasn’t even his fault,’ she cried. ‘I

saw how freaked out you were when I said it was him. But you believed me. And all along I was wrong.’ She shook her head. ‘I’ve been so dumb. I’m sorry, K.’ ‘You didn’t know though, did you?’ I said. ‘I can’t blame you for thinking it was Alex. He was who you saw when you woke up.’ ‘That’s the thing though, K. I blamed him when he was just trying to help. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t been watching?’ The same haunted look she’d worn before the pregnancy test was back. ‘But it didn’t happen,’ I soothed. ‘Everything’s fine.’ I pulled the phone from my pocket, and opened the case to find a note with his phone number and a message.

Just in case you forgot my No. Let’s start again. Would you like to go out sometime?

I smiled and showed Tam. ‘Look. Alex lent me this phone so I can text him.’ She burst into tears and I leaned over and pulled her in for a hug. ‘Get a room, you two,’ came a voice. Tam and I pulled apart to face three guys watching us. Evan stood in front of his mates. Tam quickly turned away and wiped her eyes. ‘Go away,’ I said. It sounded pathetic to me, and the boys just laughed. Evan shook his head. ‘See, guys. Some girls like any action they can get. Guys or girls.’ I felt Tam tense as they stood there laughing. Suddenly she turned to face them. She climbed to her feet and walked over to Evan. He stood his ground, a grin spread across his face. ‘Hi, Tam. There’s another party this weekend. My cousin got some action. What about me this time?’ His mates roared with laughter and he didn’t see it coming. Tam swung her arm back and slapped him hard across the face. He stumbled back holding his cheek, dumbstruck. His mates leapt back out of the way holding their hands up. ‘Whoa,

crazy mama!’ ‘You know what that was for, Evan,’ Tam said. ‘You are a sleaze and a liar. Keep your filthy mouth shut and your hands to yourself. I’m going to tell the police what you do at parties.’ Evan’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. ‘What’s going on here!’ The deputy principal strode towards us. Evan looked over to Mrs Lexian, then took off with his mates. ‘Well, Miss Bennett?’ asked Mrs Lexian as she approached. ‘Striking another student is a serious offence.’ I stepped between them. ‘No, it’s Evan that −’ Tam touched my arm and I saw her lip tremble. ‘It’s okay, K.’ She faced the DP. ‘It was Evan who started it. But I lost it. I’m sorry.’ ‘What? No! Tam!’ ‘Leave it, K.’ She followed Mrs Lexian to the office.

Chapter 41

Tam ended up in the principal’s office. I only knew that because someone saw her coming out again. When I tried to find her after the final bell, she’d gone. I texted her to ask if she was okay and she sent back,

Just a detention. See you tomorrow.

Over the next few days, we were hardly apart. Tam wouldn’t stop apologising for everything, until I yelled at her to stop. But other than that, she didn’t want to talk about it. As far as she was concerned, it was over. I urged her to follow through with her threat to Evan to go to the police, but it was her decision and I didn’t push it. And then suddenly it was just how I’d imagined it would be, her teasing me when Alex texted me and me giggling like an idiot. But when I said I should ask Alex if he had any mates she might like, she just shook her head. ‘Not at the moment, thanks.’ I saw the strange look flicker across her face, but she’d joke it off. ‘I’m far too busy with my studies.’ We burst out laughing with that one. Despite this, being back at school, and me and Tam practically inseparable, it seemed as if everything was back to normal. To Mum, anyway. I’d been working on my whale project every night, but she didn’t know one of my information sources was Alex at the end of his mum’s old phone. Evan was conspicuously missing from school which was a relief. ‘Just like the dog he is,’ mumbled Tam. ‘Skulking somewhere with his tail between his legs.’ But when his friends hissed insults our way in the locker bays, I saw Tam wince. With her refusal to talk about it, all I could do was return their insults and give her a hug.

By Friday, only being able to text Alex and have a few calls was killing me. I had to see him. But I couldn’t see how. My laptop and phone were still confiscated, and phone privileges had been extended to Tam only. It was Tam who came to my rescue. ‘Why don’t you stay at my place tonight?’ she asked. ‘Yeah, right,’ I said as we sat in my kitchen after school. ‘I have to get past the wardens.’ I nodded towards Mum and Dad watching TV in the lounge. ‘I reckon you’ve been in isolation long enough,’ said Tam. ‘You don’t get if you don’t ask.’ She marched towards the lounge and hung around the doorframe. ‘Would it be okay if Kayla came and helped me with my project for social science tonight? She’s worked really hard on hers and I really need her help.’ I stood in the kitchen with my mouth hanging open and my ears tuned in to their answer. It was surely going to be a no. ‘Give us a couple of minutes will you, Tam?’ came Dad’s voice. Tam turned back to me with a huge grin and her fingers crossed. I perched on the edge of my kitchen stool, shaking my head at my friend. ‘If they say yes, I’ll owe you forever,’ I whispered. ‘If they say yes, I’ll feel better about the whole nightmare party thing. I owe you, .’ Mum and Dad soon appeared at the door. I rolled my eyes. Did they have to make everything such a drama? Tam quickly excused herself down the hall. Once again, I got the whole trust lecture. Then Dad’s one about better safe than sorry and Mum’s one about lying and sneaking out, blah, blah, blah. I felt awful and tried to concentrate on what they were saying, but for me it only meant one thing. Maybe I could see Alex. It’s lucky that parents can’t read minds or I’d have been sent to boarding school. ‘So, you understand we are trusting you to keep to your word?’ said Dad. ‘You are not to see Alex and you will be in Tam’s parents’ care. So you are keeping their trust, too.’

I only crept out once! I wanted to yell back at them. Anyone would think I’d torched a school then murdered someone. But I kept my mouth shut and nodded in all the right places. I felt like crap, but knew I had to bite my tongue and make them believe in me again. Tam was waiting in my room when I finally escaped. ‘Well?’ she asked. ‘I’m going to call Alex,’ I said with a grin. ‘I can see him tomorrow.’

I lay in the dark on the mattress on Tam’s bedroom floor. We’d lain talking for hours, just as we had always done before everything turned to toast. Except now, in the back of my mind, was the constant thought of Alex. His eyes. His kiss. My hand in his. I’d turned into a cliché from a teen magazine, and I didn’t even care. I smiled ing Alex’s answer to my text. He wanted to meet me at the café on the beach where we went for our first date. The beach his grandma used to take him. The same one that Auntie Mae built sandcastles with me. Auntie Mae. I closed my eyes and imagined her smile. If only you were still here. How many times had I made that wish? It didn’t change anything, but the void she left behind still hurt. And the lie I’d told still burned. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Okay, I was going against instructions not to see Alex, but with Tam covering for me on our fake shopping expedition, I would be back home early, before Mum and Dad suspected a thing. No one would get hurt this time. Somehow, I had to get my parents to know Alex as I knew him, because not seeing him wasn’t an option any more.

Chapter 42

‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ asked Tam for the tenth time. We stepped off the bus outside the mall. ‘Am I happy about the whole sneaking around thing? No,’ I itted. ‘But I won’t stop seeing Alex, Tam. They can lock me up all they like but …’ ‘Okay, okay, I get it,’ she said with a grin. ‘You enjoy your day with Mr Wonderful,’ she teased. She gave me a hug. ‘Do us a favour though, eh?’ ‘Anything,’ I said. ‘Make sure you’re home on time, okay? My butt’s on the line, too, this time.’ ‘Yes, Mum, I promise.’ ‘Ick!’ Tam pulled a face. ‘You’ve turned me into one of them! Go! Have your fun!’ She pushed me away. ‘But not too much fun,’ she called after me.

My guilty conscience worked overtime as I waited at the bus stop. Half expecting Mum or Dad to drive by and see me sitting there, I kept my face covered behind a magazine from my bag. When the bus finally pulled up, I was first on and then into a seat at the back, away from everyone else. My stomach churned for the whole journey across town. It had only been a week, but it felt like a year. I knew I was being ridiculous but I couldn’t help smiling as we got closer to the stop where Alex said he’d be waiting. I slid his mum’s phone from the front compartment of my backpack. One message sat at the top of the screen. I opened it and smiled.

See you soon to start over xx A

I considered texting back, but with a quick glance out the window I knew I would be there soon. He was there just as he’d promised as the bus pulled to a stop. I was the only one to stand up from my seat, but this time I didn’t care who was watching. As I stepped off the bus, he swept me into a hug. Grins appeared at the huge bus windows as he spun me around on the footpath. ‘It’s been a long week,’ he said. ‘Forever,’ I whispered back. ‘Your folks don’t know you’re here?’ ‘No,’ I said. ‘Tam’s covering for me. I have to be on the 3.30 bus back.’ ‘Well, we’d better make the most of it, then,’ he said with a grin. ‘How about a mocha?’

Despite everything that had happened, being with Alex again felt the same as that first week in the school holidays − before the graffiti and Mum and Dad’s discovery of the damning footprint. But still, I couldn’t completely relax. My guilty conscience was now a permanent fixture and I squirmed whenever anyone else in the café looked our way. ‘What’s wrong?’ Alex asked squeezing my hand. ‘It’s just that …’ If I itted my worries about being sprung he’d think I was being childish. ‘Can we …?’ I glanced around me. ‘Can we go for a walk? You know. Like before?’

With a nod he slurped up the last of his coffee and licked the froth off his top lip. ‘Your wish is my command.’ He stood and bowed next to me at the table. I had to smile, even if people were looking our way. I grabbed his hand and hurried to the door. ‘Whoa,’ he cried when we’d run laughing down onto the beach. ‘If I knew you wanted me alone, I would never have suggested the coffee.’ ‘It wasn’t that,’ I blurted. ‘You didn’t want me alone?’ he said, putting on that look he’d given me weeks before at the supermarket. ‘Yes, um, no, um,’ I blathered. ‘You’re blushing, Kayla.’ He pulled me closer. ‘I’m only teasing. You know that, right?’ I did what I’d wanted to do since I’d run from the centre after my meltdown at Liz. I grabbed his shirt, pulled him in and kissed him. Hard. He kissed me right back. Suddenly aware we were standing in the centre of the beach, I pushed him away again. ‘Let’s get out of here.’ With his quick nod, we ran down the beach and away from the people peering through the tall café windows.

Scraggy toetoe bushes lined the top of the beach, their plumes waving in the breeze like creamy flags. Alex tried to pull me into the foamy surf that washed up onto the sand. Just before it reached my sneakers, we ran back up the beach, laughing. Walking hand in hand, I felt the happiest I’d been in weeks. We talked about school and my whale project. ‘Thanks for all your help with it this week,’ I said. ‘You’re so much more interesting than the internet.’ ‘And here’s me thinking you were texting and ringing just to hear my voice.’ ‘Maybe,’ I itted with a grin. ‘It is homework after all. I needed a bonus for all my hard work.’

We chatted as we walked. Every now and then, Alex would swoop down for a stone and skim it across the top of the water after a wave had spilled gently onto the beach. ‘Hey, I wanted to ask you something,’ he said. ‘Do you think you’ll sign up for the Marine Mammal Medic Training?’ The Project Jonah presentation at school flashed in my head – and then the attempted escape from the hall that ended in getting his mobile number. ‘Sure will,’ I smiled. ‘I was so surprised to see you that day at my school, and then was really embarrassed when I couldn’t sneak past you.’ ‘Why?’ ‘I know it’s dumb, but I didn’t want you to see me in my school uniform.’ ‘Yep. That’s dumb,’ he nodded, then leapt out of the way laughing when I tried to thump him on the arm. ‘But really,’ he said, ‘Project Jonah are doing a training day here next month, after all the interest we’ve had. Maybe you could come along and help me set it up. It’d be great to have you there.’ When I didn’t answer straight away he added, ‘None of those girls will be there, if that’s what you’re worried about. They all pulled out when they were followed up about it.’ He shook his head and frowned. ‘It happens all the time.’ ‘You know something else?’ I said. ‘Secretly I wanted to punch all those girls that fell all over you as they gave you their phone numbers. Then I felt really stupid because I hardly knew you.’ He stopped to face me. ‘Really?’ The beach was deserted in both directions when he flopped down into the wiry beach grass then pulled gently on my hand. Right next to me he whispered, ‘You know me now, though.’ When he put his hand to my cheek, I closed my eyes as he leaned in to kiss me. Just when it felt as if I wanted to inhale him whole, he pulled me to my feet again, his lips just as red and swollen as mine felt. He snatched up a stick and wrote in the wet sand the sea had left behind A + K=WOW. I laughed. ‘I don’t mind that sort of maths.’ Alex threw the stick into the retreating wave. ‘The tide’s going out.’ He stared

out across the water for a minute. ‘Grandma wants to see you.’ ‘What?’ I asked, not sure if I’d heard right. He turned to face me, the sea behind him. ‘Grandma wants to see you. She says she needs to talk to you.’ ‘What? Why? After everything she said to me?’ I shook my head. ‘No, Alex. I can’t.’ I couldn’t tell him it was more than just her anger and the blame she threw at me for the news- paper stunt. There was more at stake than that. ‘ when I couldn’t meet you that time? My family meeting? I told you Mum and Grandma were arguing for ages, but not once did Grandma mention anything about anyone called Mae. Even when I asked her. Did I get the name right? What was that all about, Kayla?’ ‘It was a long time ago,’ I murmured. ‘It doesn’t … It didn’t have anything to do with me.’ I turned and walked down the beach. ‘Kayla!’ called Alex. I heard his shoes running behind me on the wet sand. ‘Please, Kayla. You were so angry. The look on Grandma’s face … I’d never seen her like that.’ I picked up my pace. This isn’t how I wanted the day to go. I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about it, but Alex matched my every step along the beach, waiting for an answer. ‘Please,’ he said. I slowed but kept walking as I finally began to explain my outburst at his grandmother. I began with Auntie Mae’s death and the shock of it, the discovery of the china whales and the photos and then the red velvet box with the torn photo in the bottom. ‘So when I found the whole photo on Liz’s office wall, I pieced it all together. She broke Auntie Mae’s heart.’ He stopped me along the sand. ‘So, your Auntie Mae’s J is my Grandad Joe.’ He nodded in understanding. ‘But it was a long time ago, Kayla. Before we were born. We probably wouldn’t even be standing here today if Grandad Joe had married your Auntie Mae – even if you weren’t related.’

‘I know,’ I said. ‘But it’s more than that. It’s …’ I pulled away and realised we were at the rocky point before it curled around into the next bay. I checked my watch and realising we had hours left before I had to catch my bus home, I began to climb up through the rocks. Could I tell him about my lie? Try to explain my anger at Liz and then raging guilt that I’d let Auntie Mae down, too? I climbed to the top of the rocks and turned and waited for him. He’d told me the truth about his past, now I had to tell the truth about this and how I felt about it. He clambered up behind me and I held out my hand. But as he reached the top and before I could speak a word, his mouth dropped open. His face drained of colour. ‘No!’

Chapter 43

I spun around, following his gaze over my shoulder. My stomach plummeted. Seven whales lay on the black sand below us. Some were still. The others’ tail flukes slapped the tide that slipped up and around their black glistening bodies, before receding again without them. I leapt. ‘Kayla, wait!’ called Alex. ‘We have to get help!’ I ignored him, jumping from rock to rock, even though I knew he was right. I’d almost reached the sand below when I slipped. My foot wedged in a gap between the rocks and I flew forwards, instinctively throwing out my hands to break my fall. ‘Kayla!’ Alex was at my side in seconds. ‘Are you okay?’ I hissed when I saw my skinned palms. My right knee stung too, blood seeping through a tear in my jeans as I tried to get up again. ‘Stay still,’ he said as he released my foot. As soon as I was free I scrambled back up and turned to go. He grabbed my arm. ‘Wait! I have to call someone.’ He fumbled with his backpack, searching for his phone. His face paled as he stared at the screen. ‘There’s no signal. We have to go back.’ ‘But …’ I stared along the wet sand, an image of a body on a kitchen floor flashing in my head. Suddenly I was back in my nightmares of the past few weeks. Nightmares where I’d done nothing, and left her there to die alone. I looked along the beach. ‘I have to go and see if they’re all right.’ Again, he stopped me. ‘We can’t just leave them there!’ I cried.

‘No, Kayla! It could be dangerous. We have to get help.’ ‘I’m not leaving them!’ He looked over my shoulder and then back at me. ‘Promise you’ll stay here until I get back. Don’t go near them.’ ‘I promise.’ He hesitated again, glancing back up the rocks. ‘Wait here. I’ll get help and be back soon.’ My heart lurched as I watched him scramble back the way we’d come. If only I’d known him before. Before the party. Before the lie. But then I might not have known him at all. If only … But I knew now that all my if onlys would stick with me – just under my skin, where no one else could see them. The moment he vanished over the top of the point, I snatched up his backpack, turned and hurried down the rocks. This time I watched my footing. A sprained ankle would make me even more useless than I already felt. I sprang from the last boulder and hit the sand running. The beach was wider around this side of the rocks, the toetoes replaced by an ever- increasing cliff face. Wishing I’d done the Project Jonah training already, I sprinted towards the whales. But I did know that you had to keep them cool and as calm as possible. The cool breeze around this side of the point would definitely help. Again, I found myself looking into the eye of a creature I should never see so close. ‘It’s okay,’ I soothed. ‘Help is coming.’ I searched the rocks for Alex but there was no sign of him. Maybe he had to go further to get a signal. The animals’ calls tugged at my heart. They were talking to each other and ing the school demonstration, I quickly checked the sea for any more. The last thing we needed was more whales coming to their rescue. As I moved from whale to whale I saw that there was a younger one amongst them, huddled up alongside another. The larger one wasn’t moving and tears filled my eyes. What was I doing? I’m so stupid. I should’ve gone for help and let Alex deal with the whales. I crouched down next to the baby and stroked its side. ‘Is this

your mum, little one? Help’s coming.’ Again I scanned the rocks, with no success. ‘Right,’ I said to myself. ‘I’m an idiot but I’m the only one here. Think.’ I searched my memory for all I’d learnt from Alex and my project, then pictured the Project Jonah website and the advice it gave. Cool. Comfortable. Calm. I moved back up the beach, rummaging through Alex’s backpack. Finding what I was looking for, I threw the pack down in the sand and ran down to the waves. I filled the purple shopping bag with sea water, hoping it didn’t have any holes in it. ‘Yes!’ It filled quickly without any leaks and I rushed it back to the first animal. The water ran down the sides of the whale and it flicked its strong tail. Did it know I was trying to help? Avoiding the area around the tail flukes I ran down for more water. Luckily it wasn’t a hot day, but I knew that they still needed water on their skins. After half a dozen refills of the bag, one of the handles snapped, dumping the contents onto the sand. ‘No!’ I cried, with only the whales to hear me. That’s when the image of wet sheets across whales’ backs came back to me. I stuffed the bag into my jeans and peeled off my sweatshirt. The borrowed phone fell out on the sand. Alex was right. There were no bars showing on its screen when I checked it. I stuffed it into the back of my jeans and ran out to plunge my sweatshirt into the water. Wet and heavy, I ran back and wrung it out over the nearest whale. Back to the water. Back to the whales. Even in the short time I had been doing it, I knew I was running further to the waves than before. I checked the body of each whale, making sure each was wet. That’s cool for the moment, I thought. Comfortable is next. ‘I need something to dig with,’ I said to the nearest whale. Throwing myself down next to Alex’s discarded pack, I searched the contents strewn in the sand. Grabbing a Coke can, I emptied the contents then leapt up again. I smashed my sneaker down on its side, flattening it out as much as possible to make a kind of shovel. I examined it. ‘It’ll have to do.’ While I was researching my project I’d seen You Tube clips where whale rescuers had dug around whale’s fins. I hoped who ever Alex brought back had something better to dig with. Two whales lay on their sides and I knew I shouldn’t try to move them, even if I

could, but I began digging around the fins of a whale that lay on its stomach, making sure I kept the can away from its skin. My grazed hands stung with the effort, but suddenly thoughts of Auntie Mae helped me ignore it. ‘I’m here for you, Auntie Mae. I wasn’t there as I told Mum, but I’m here now.’ After looking out across the whales, I knew they needed more water, and I ran back into the waves to redunk my sweatshirt. When I turned away from the water for what seemed the hundredth time, Alex was running towards me along the sand.

Chapter 44

‘They’re coming,’ he gasped as he reached me. ‘You said you’d wait.’ ‘I couldn’t,’ I said, looking away. ‘I’ve tried to keep them cool and I’ve begun digging out from under one of the fins,’ I blathered. ‘There’s a baby, and I think its Mum is …’ Alex pulled me into a hug. ‘You’re amazing,’ he said before pulling away. ‘Let’s concentrate on keeping them cool until DOC and Project Jonah get here.’ He saw the questions in my face, before I asked them. ‘Department of Conservation are always called too, and they reckon they’ll be about half an hour, maybe 45 minutes. The surf club has also volunteered their IRB and a call-out for volunteers, buckets and sheets is going out on the radio.’ My earlier feelings of stupidity faded. Alex had organised so much more than I could have in such a short time. With a nod I ran back down to the water with my sweatshirt, this time stuffing it into the broken plastic bag to help retain as much water as possible as I ran back to the animals. The whales. The sea. The whales. The sea. Back and forth. Alex stood between me and the whales on my next trip back. ‘Kayla. Stop. You’re wearing out the beach.’ He took the dripping bag from me. ‘Let me do the running. You can do the talking. Whales often respond well to a calm voice.’ ‘If you’re sure?’ I asked. With his nod, I smiled with relief. ‘I can handle the talking.’ Alex continued the cooling while I talked in a calm, quiet, voice to each of the whales in turn. It was tempting to sit with only the baby, but I knew that the older whales’ distress calls would upset it so keeping them all calm was important. As Alex tired, I changed places with him and then suddenly help arrived. Three IRBs roared around the point, weighed down with people and

gear. Alex ran down to meet them and I let go a huge sigh of relief. ‘Help is here,’ I told the animals. I moved to the baby that now wriggled in the bare sand, its calls quieter now. Was that because it was calmer, or was it dying in front of me? I wished I knew more, and I looked helplessly at the approaching volunteers. ‘You’re right, Alex,’ said a DOC ranger as they strode closer. ‘Seven long-finned pilot whales.’ He quickly checked the ocean for any more as I’d done earlier, then began to check each whale. He smiled across at me. ‘Well done. You’ve done a good job keeping them cool.’ His smile disappeared as he reached the one I thought was the mother of the baby. He knelt by the whale checking something, and then shook his head. ‘It’s too late for this one, though.’ It got worse. ‘And this one too,’ he said, checking the last whale in the line. People began to appear at the top of the rocks, some carrying buckets and bundles under their arms. ‘More help is here,’ I said, pointing up at the growing trickle of people down the rocks. He gave someone the thumbs up and I turned to see Alex pulling on a high-vis vest, before staking a rope barrier around the whales. ‘Okay, everyone,’ said the DOC ranger. ‘Crowd control is under way. We need to get these whales covered up and comfortable. This is an outgoing tide so we’re going to be here for a while. to watch those tails as you move around them.’ Naomi, whom I recognised from the Project Jonah presentation at school, was instructing other volunteers as they arrived. She stopped to talk to the DOC ranger. He pointed at each whale in turn, shaking his head at the two dead ones. I looked down at the baby as it called again, feeling a knot in my throat. ‘It’s okay, little one. I’ll stay with you.’ Alex crouched down next to me. ‘How are you doing?’ ‘This one is dead,’ I said, indicating the one I thought was the mother. ‘Will the baby survive?’ ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘All we can do is get it back in the water and hope it can find another female to feed from.’ He squeezed my shoulder as I nodded.

Suddenly he jumped up as shouting could be heard down the beach. He ran over to the rope barrier and waved his arms, motioning the growing crowd to be quiet. A girl not much older than me arrived with a wet sheet. ‘Here you go. Were you one of the people that found them?’ she asked as we spread the wet sheet out over the black skin, avoiding the blowhole. ‘Yes.’ Suddenly I realised how long I’d been there. ‘What’s the time?’ She checked her watch. One of those chunky, black, waterproof ones. ‘It’s 10 to four.’ My insides plummeted. I was so dead.

Chapter 45

Should I call home? Try and explain why I was late? But then I’d have to tell them I was with Alex and not Tam and she would be in trouble, too. Tam! I checked the phone for any messages from her, forgetting for a moment that there was no coverage. I looked down at the young whale and knew that no matter how much fallout there’d be, I couldn’t leave. Not after I’d promised I wouldn’t. Putting my own fate with Mum and Dad aside, and hoping Tam would forgive me, I concentrated on the baby whale I called Little One. Human eye to whale eye, I talked and hummed and even sang a little, as others came to pour water over the sheet and tail. Others dug around the older whales in order to be able to roll them up off their sides and help balance them. I’d known to dig around their fins but couldn’t why, so I asked the closest Project Jonah volunteer. He smiled. ‘It’s to stop cramping in the fins, because they’re at an unnatural angle on the beach.’ He left again but appeared a few minutes later with a muesli bar and water bottle. ‘Here. You might need these.’ ‘Thanks.’ Realising I hadn’t eaten for hours, and had been racing up and down the beach, I gobbled down the muesli bar and gulped at the water. ‘Now we just need some seawater for you, Little One,’ I said to the tiny whale. Alex crouched down next to me again. He put his arm around my shoulders. ‘Hello, Whale Whisperer.’ His smile vanished when he looked at me. ‘I’m in big trouble, Alex.’ ‘Your parents?’ I nodded, torn between my promise to them and my promise to the whale. ‘But if we hadn’t been here together, we wouldn’t have found them.’ I looked across the backs of the animals. ‘They might all be dead by now.’ ‘They would all be dead by now,’ he said. ‘We just have to wait for high tide. We

have to keep them alive until then.’ Again he knew what I was about to ask. ‘Around 9.30 tonight,’ he answered. ‘I have to stay, Kayla. But if you have to go, you should. I don’t want it to be any worse for you.’ ‘I don’t know, Alex. I don’t want to leave.’ I leaned my face next to the whale and closed my eyes, struggling with my decision.

Around me, the whales were all righted and the crowd grew even more, before shrinking again around five o’clock. ‘How can they all just go home for dinner and leave you all here, Little One?’ ‘My thoughts exactly,’ came a familiar voice. I turned to see Alex, Liz and an old guy standing behind me. ‘Kayla, you know Grandma,’ said Alex. ‘But I’d like you to meet my Grandad Joe.’ I stared up at the man who had broken Auntie Mae’s heart. I’d been sitting next to Little One for so long I was stiff when I climbed to my feet. I looked from Alex to Liz to Joe and back again, and with a tiny nod from Alex it was obvious he wanted this to go well. ‘Hello,’ I murmured, hardly looking at them. ‘Kayla has been here since we found them, Grandma. She’s really tired.’ Was he making excuses for me? I didn’t get a chance to snap something back, as I heard another familiar voice. ‘Kayla Ferris!’ I looked over at the crowd to see my father marching towards me. A volunteer tried to veer him back behind the rope but he kept coming. Mum wasn’t far behind. ‘… and I’d like to apologise and try to explain what happened way back then,’ came Liz’s voice. I was caught between what she was trying to say and my

parents storming closer and closer. ‘… it was such a long time ago but I never realised what –’ said Joe in a deep voice. ‘… sure we can just sort this out so –’ said Alex. ‘What the hell do you think you’re playing at?’ came Dad’s roar, just as Liz pleaded, ‘We really need to talk about what happened back then with Mae!’ For a moment there was silence. Alex, Liz and Joe staring at Mum and Dad, with me in the middle. ‘Mae?’ asked Mum with a confused look on her face. ‘Auntie Mae?’ ‘Liz, Joe! It’s great to see you here.’ We all turned to see Naomi and the DOC ranger behind us. ‘Hello Ian,’ said Joe, putting out his hand. As Ian shook it he turned to Naomi. ‘These two people before you are pioneers in what we are doing today.’ He pumped Joe’s hand and grinned. ‘They’ve done more for marine mammals in this area in the past few decades than all of us put together.’ ‘It’s an honour to meet you,’ said Naomi. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you since I ed Project Jonah.’ Liz looked sadly along the line of whales covered in sheets, each with volunteers alongside. ‘And it looks like you’re doing a fantastic job.’ ‘We couldn’t have a more committed volunteer than your grandson. Even if he sometimes goes about things the wrong way.’ Everyone was silent for a moment with Alex looking sheepish at the reminder of his front-page photograph. ‘But it was lucky that they found them when they did,’ she continued. ‘Who knows what would’ve happened if it was any later?’ Mum and Dad just stared at the group around us, looking even more confused. Suddenly, Dad snapped out of it and cleared his voice. He jabbed the air with his finger at Alex. ‘You’ve caused nothing but trouble!’ He moved to grab my arm. ‘You’re leaving,’ he growled at me. ‘You weren’t supposed to be here in the first place.’

‘But –’ began Alex. He was silenced by a murderous glare from Dad. ‘Please,’ said Liz, holding up her hand. ‘You must be Kayla’s parents. Mr and Mrs Ferris? I was just trying to talk to Kayla. Just a little of her time is all I ask,’ she said. ‘I owe her an explanation.’ It was Ian’s turn to look uncomfortable. ‘We’ll get back to it, then.’ He and Naomi moved away and I wished I could escape with them. Mum put her hand on Dad’s arm before he could speak again. ‘About Auntie Mae?’ she asked Liz. ‘Yes,’ said Joe. ‘But let’s do it somewhere warmer, eh? This wee girl is shivering.’ Alex suddenly appeared with a blanket. I hadn’t even realised he’d gone. ‘Someone brought a pile of –’ Dad didn’t let him finish, snatching the blanket and throwing it around my shoulders. ‘She wouldn’t be cold if she was where she was supposed to be,’ he snapped. ‘You spoke at the funeral,’ said Mum, ignoring Dad. ‘You were Mae’s friend.’ ‘We both were,’ said Joe, turning to look at me. The old anger flared inside me and I spat back, ‘Yeah right!’ ‘Kayla!’ cried Mum. ‘What is this all about?’ ‘Our home isn’t far,’ urged Joe. ‘Please come for coffee and we can explain.’ ‘Maybe another time,’ said Dad. ‘This one has some explaining to do.’ ‘And so do we, Mr Ferris. To Kayla,’ said Liz. ‘And maybe it will help explain why she’s here.’ Dad looked from Liz to Mum, avoiding me altogether. That was a bad sign. I knew then I’d really blown it with him. He’d always been my buffer between me and Mum. I’d ask Auntie Mae about stuff at school or problems with friends but Dad always smoothed things out at home. With a sinking feeling, I knew that

was gone. He glanced at Mum who gave a tiny nod. It was settled. ‘But what about Little One?’ I said, gazing back at the young whale. ‘They said it was good to have one person with each whale.’ ‘They’re all in good hands by the looks,’ said Liz. ‘You’ve done as much as you can do.’ ‘But –’ Another glare from Dad cut me off. We stood together on the beach, silent as the volunteers scurried around the whales. There may have been no words spoken, but our faces said everything, Dad’s practically shouting what he thought. Alex escaped the awkwardness to tell Ian we were leaving. That moment made it all worth it. He didn’t have to come. He didn’t have parents standing over him commanding his every move. He could’ve stayed with the whales. But he was leaving with me. He ran back to our group. ‘Ian said there are plenty of volunteers and they’ll us if they need us again.’ As if that was going to happen. Mum and Dad would handcuff me to the car first. I wanted to reach out to him – at least hold his hand, but Dad marched between us, ensuring we kept apart. As soon as we rounded the point, the phone in my back pocket went mental, with messages vibrating into the inbox. I didn’t dare reach for it because I knew Dad would probably throw it into the sea in the state he was in. They were probably all missed calls from Tam anyway. The walk back along the beach was nothing like the leisurely walk there. As we walked past the spot Alex and I had sat kissing, my insides swirled. What if Mum and Dad had found us there? Closer to the car park, Alex’s maths equation was still clear in the sand. Dad must have missed it on the way down the beach, because as soon as he saw it he stopped in his tracks. I kept walking, cringing at what he thought the WOW might mean.

Finally, at the car park, Liz and Joe gave my parents their address. ‘You can just follow us if you like,’ said Joe. ‘It’s not far.’ Dad hesitated again, glaring at me as we stood by our car. ‘Please, Mr Ferris,’ Liz urged. ‘I want to hear what they have to say about Mae, too,’ said Mum.

On the way, Alex looked out of his grandparents’ rear window, his worry for me clear on his face. He needn’t have. No one spoke a word in our car.

Chapter 46

Alex was right. Liz’s house was nothing like her office. It was huge and spotless. Joe swung into action as soon as we arrived, putting a coffee machine on and sliding a basket full of baking onto the coffee table in front of us. ‘My speciality. Muffins.’ So it was he who’d supplied the baking at the centre. Mum and Dad were quiet as they waited for their coffees. I just wished Dad would stop giving Alex the evils. If he knew what Alex had done for Tam … Joe finally brought the hot drinks over. ‘Firstly, thank you for coming,’ he said. Dad practically ignored his drink and Mum hung onto her cup as if it was a lifesaver and she’d just fallen off the Titanic. ‘Liz,’ said Joe with a smile. ‘Where would you like to start?’ She looked straight at me. ‘I want to apologise for those things I said to you at the centre,’ she began. She glanced between Joe and Alex, before looking back at me. ‘We’ve all had a long chat and I know that none of it was your fault.’ I hope you’re listening, Mum and Dad. I just nodded, avoiding my parents’ faces. Liz continued. ‘I want to explain the photo of Mae that you found in my office.’ She leant forward and opened a drawer under the coffee table. ‘This photo.’ She slid it onto the table in front of Mum and Dad. ‘That’s Mae,’ cried Mum. ‘And that’s me and Joe,’ said Liz. ‘She looks miserable,’ said Mum.

Before I could open my mouth, Joe spoke up. ‘She had every right to be,’ he said. ‘I’d just told her that I didn’t love her.’ ‘Oh,’ said Mum. ‘Let me explain,’ said Liz. ‘Mae and I were the very best of friends. We did everything together, and when I began to be interested in the environment and especially the whales after a dozen stranded on the same beach we were on today, she followed my ion, helping as much as she could. I met Joe at an environment meeting and from that day the three of us were inseparable.’ ‘But somehow along the way,’ said Joe, ‘things got muddled.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘As Liz’s best friend, I encouraged Mae’s interest in the work we were doing, but somehow she thought that it meant more than that.’ I pictured the photo of Auntie Mae smiling up at a young Joe. He looked down at the photo on the coffee table. ‘We’d been on the beach for hours that day. That whale was the very first we all saved together, but it was also the day that Mae told me how she felt.’ Liz patted his knee as he sighed. ‘I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I owed her the truth. I told her I was in love with Liz and that I was sorry she had thought any differently.’ I couldn’t look at Liz. All along I’d blamed her for stealing Joe and I’d been completely wrong from the beginning. ‘She said we could all still be friends but of course that didn’t happen,’ said Joe. ‘She went overseas after that. She was married when she came back.’ ‘You asked why I kept this photo,’ Liz said to me. ‘It’s the only photo I had of us all together.’ She ran her finger over the photo. ‘I loved Mae and I’ve missed her my whole life.’ The anger I’d nurtured inside slipped away to nothing, leaving a gap full of sadness as I imagined the hurt between them. ‘But what does all this have to do with you, Kayla?’ asked Mum. ‘It was years ago.’ I’d thought my lie was shoved down so far it would never see the end of my

tongue, but this time I knew I couldn’t hide it any longer. And suddenly no matter how much they might hate me, I was almost glad to be finally spilling it. ‘I couldn’t stand the thought of Auntie Mae hurting after what I’d done,’ I whispered. Mum and Dad weren’t the only ones to frown. Liz and Joe glanced at each other before looking back at me. Despite Dad being right there, Alex moved to stand behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder. ‘What did you do, Kayla?’ Mum said slowly, fear in her voice. The ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner was the only sound. I took a deep breath. ‘I didn’t go, Mum. I said I did but I didn’t go to see Auntie Mae and I hate myself and you probably hate me too and I didn’t want to tell you because you were so upset and you said it made you feel better that I went to see her but I didn’t! I lied!’ I covered my face with my hands, sobbing out my guilt.

Chapter 47

After what seemed like an eternity, I felt someone pressing tissues against my hands. I grabbed them, wiping snot and tears from my face, too scared to look at anyone. ‘Were you at Tam’s place that day?’ asked Mum. ‘That Sunday I’d asked you to see Auntie Mae?’ ‘Yes,’ I mumbled. ‘I completely forgot about it. And then when she … I felt so awful, Mum. Maybe I would’ve found her. Maybe I could’ve done something.’ ‘Kayla,’ said Dad. ‘It wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t have lied to your Mum about it, but Auntie Mae had a massive heart attack. If you had been there, there would’ve been nothing you could have done. And I’m sure Mum agrees with me, I’m glad you weren’t the one who found her.’ His words slowly ed in my pounding head and I lifted my gaze to finally face my parents. ‘Really?’ Mum looked as bad as me and she nodded back. ‘But sneaking out at night, Kayla?’ said Dad. ‘I still can’t get my head around that one.’ He glared at Alex again. ‘Aah, that’s where I’d like to say something if you don’t mind?’ Liz asked. ‘Go ahead,’ said Dad dubiously. ‘I take it you’re talking about the late-night escapade with a certain MP’s fence?’ said Liz. ‘Well Kayla can tell you how I felt about that one, eh, Kayla?’ I nodded, ing Liz’s wrath. ‘She was pretty mad,’ I mumbled. ‘Alex was in a lot of trouble over that, with us and his parents.’

Alex rolled his eyes with a groan. ‘But, I’ve thought a lot about my part in that,’ said Liz. ‘Your part?’ I asked. Liz sighed. ‘I’ve become obsessed with the centre and the fate of the whales. Don’t get me wrong, they need all the they can get – even more so now than before, but the same thing that tore Mae, Joe and me apart has now affected my grandson.’ ‘No, Grandma!’ ‘Yes, Alex,’ she stressed with a nod. ‘Alex did that prank with the fence for me. I was upset about what was happening in our community and because my oldfashioned ideas about dealing with it fell through. But these talented two have shown me a new way of doing things. I wish they hadn’t been so radical about it, but no real harm was done.’ She reached over to squeeze my hand. ‘I hope you can forgive Kayla for her part in it. I’ve spent a lot of time with her over the holidays and she is a wonderful girl. I can see what she means to Alex and I just don’t want to see these two lose each other the way I lost Mae.’ Joe smiled at me. ‘I never knew Mae had kept that book and porcelain whale I gave her until you told Liz. It warmed my heart. I’m hoping it meant she ed the three of us fondly.’ The book. The bookplate had said, For sharing our love But the right side was gone. It wasn’t about her and Joe as I’d thought. It was Joe’s thank you for sharing his and Liz’s love of whales. A vision of Auntie Mae’s bedroom as I first saw it appeared in my head. ‘But why did she never say anything about the whales? Why did she keep most of her whale stuff hidden?’ Mum sniffed and wiped away a tear. ‘Wouldn’t you?’ She was right. Auntie Mae had shared so much of her life with us, maybe she

wanted to keep the part with Joe and Liz to herself. I saw Liz nod and reach for Mum’s hand. ‘So what do you say?’ said Joe to my parents. ‘Can these two be friends?’ ‘I think we need to do some more talking about trust when we get home,’ said Dad, frowning over at me. ‘You also deliberately lied about where you were today, Kayla.’ Oh great. Everything that Liz and Joe had said meant absolutely nothing to my parents. Dad stood abruptly. ‘Thank you for the coffee. We’ll be going now.’ I gazed back at Alex, unable to do or say anything, as Dad ushered me and Mum back outside and into the car. With my hand against the car window I mouthed, ‘I love you,’ to Alex standing on his grandparents’ driveway as we drove away.

Chapter 48

Silence reigned in the car on the way home and I tried to avoid Dad’s angry glare flicking in and out of the rear-view mirror. I ran straight to my room as soon as we got inside and vowed then and there only to come out for the bathroom, school or work, ever again. I couldn’t believe that nothing Liz or Joe had said had made a difference to Mum and Dad. Couldn’t they see how much Alex meant to me? I pulled out the phone he’d lent me and checked my messages. There was nothing from Alex but there were six from Tam from throughout the day.

How did it go lovergirl?

That good eh? Don’t wanna tell me?

K?

K? Please answer me :-/

K tell me you are @ home PLEASE!

OMG K!? If you have stuffed this up we are DEAD and I will kill you …

Thankful I’d kept the phone on silent since I got it, I knew I had to put her out of her misery. I texted

Long story... call me.

Thirty seconds later I got her call. ‘So how are you? Still breathing?’ Tam asked. ‘It was Liz and Joe,’ I said. ‘They really saved my butt. I may still be alive but life as I know it is now dead and buried.’ ‘Liz and Joe? What? What happened? Weren’t you with Alex?’ I began to explain. I didn’t get very far when a lump the size of an orange swelled in my throat. ‘It was so sad, Tam. The baby whale lying there and the others calling out.’ I began to cry. ‘And then I realised what time it was, and Mum and Dad showed up ready to kill someone and I’d already had a huge fight with Liz about something that wasn’t even her fault, and I don’t think Mum and Dad will ever let me see Alex again.’ Tam made soothing noises down the phone. ‘K, don’t worry. We’ll work it out. K? Please don’t cry.’ ‘That’s what Alex said, and I stuffed it all up,’ I said with a sob. ‘I’ve got to go, okay? I’m going to try and talk to him.’ But as soon as Tam hung up I heard a knock at my door. I gasped, hiding the mobile up my sleeve and hoping they hadn’t heard my last words to Tam. ‘Kayla?’ came Mum’s voice. She opened the door. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘No,’ I said. ‘I’m not.’ I grabbed my dressing gown up off the floor and went to

push past her. ‘I’m going to have a shower.’ ‘Kayla, wait. I hate the thought of you carrying all of this around all this time – dealing with it all on your own.’ You don’t know the half of it, Mum, I thought. ‘And what about Alex?’ I said. ‘Do you still hate him? Did anything Liz say make any difference at all?’ ‘We don’t hate him, love. We don’t even know him.’ ‘Well I do, and if you knew what he’d done, how he’s helped …’ ‘What has he done? What do you mean, Kayla?’ I wanted to spill everything right then, right there. About the party, about Tam, about Alex. About everything. But it wasn’t my story to tell. ‘I’m going to have a shower.’ I left her standing in my bedroom. With the shower running and steam filling the bathroom I checked the phone again as I undressed. There was one message. From Alex.

I love you too

At 10.30pm my borrowed phone buzzed under my pillow. Alex was face timing me. I pressed the accept icon and I saw his face lit by the glow of the screen. He grinned back at me. ‘We did it, Kayla! Look, we got them off the beach.’ It was dark, but as he turned the phone to the ocean, powerful torch beams bounced off glistening black fins and the occasional head of a whale as it broke the surface. The picture wobbled as he showed me, swinging it from one animal to another. I heard his voice again. ‘Little One went straight off as they were all refloated. We saw her nuzzling some of the adults, probably looking for a feed. I reckon she found her mum too – she stayed close to one large whale while they swam offshore.’ I wanted to shout. I wanted to cheer! I wanted to be able to hug Alex and dance

around the room. He’d gone back down to the beach. I should’ve been there, with him, helping, seeing them myself. The injustice of it burned my insides. When he held the phone in front of his face again I returned his grin. ‘That’s so awesome, Alex. I wish I had been there, too.’ ‘Me too,’ he said. ‘You were amazing today.’ When I didn’t answer, he added, ‘It’ll all sort out okay, Kayla. Don’t worry.’ He blew me a kiss and the screen went black. I lay in bed as long as possible the next day, texting Alex under my covers. I avoided Mum and Dad when I had to get up for my shift at the supermarket. Alex said he’d come and see me during the afternoon at work and bring the charger for the phone he’d lent me. It was nearly dead. But when he hadn’t shown up by my break, I texted him. He didn’t answer. My stomach dropped. When I was back at my counter, I nearly dropped a bottle of wine when I was serving a lady, then I overcharged someone else. ‘Are you all right?’ asked the supervisor. ‘You seem distracted.’ I nodded, squeezing out two words. ‘I’m fine.’ I bit my lip, trying to keep it together. But I couldn’t do anything about the stabbing thoughts in my head. He hates me. He’s sick of all the drama with my parents. He’s been banned from seeing me. Liz and Joe have changed their minds. He hates me. It all went around and around in my brain until the end of my shift and home again. I walked into our kitchen and when I heard Dad call my name I tried to slink down the hallway to my room. ‘Kayla Ferris,’ demanded Dad. ‘Come in here, please.’ I took a deep breath, slowly turned and walked into the lounge. If he wanted to yell at me some more, I was ready to do some yelling myself. I looked up, straight into Alex’s eyes.

Chapter 49

Alex gave me a little smile before I looked around the room full of people. Next to Mum and Dad sat Tam and her parents, and on the other side sat two strangers next to Alex. ‘What’s …? What’s going on?’ I asked. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t come the way I said,’ said Alex, as I followed Mum’s little wave to sit down. ‘Tam asked us to come here.’ I looked at Tam who’d obviously been crying. And by the looks of it, so had her mum. ‘Kayla,’ said Mum softly. ‘This is Mr and Mrs Kershaw. Alex’s parents.’ Now I’d had a proper look, I recognised the man who had comforted Liz after her speech at the funeral. And Alex was the spitting image of his mum. ‘Tam asked us all to be here so she could explain the past few weeks,’ said Mum. ‘I’ve told them everything, K,’ said Tam. ‘Everything?’ She nodded. ‘Everything. I’m going to go to the police tomorrow, but I needed to tell everyone here the truth first.’ I stared at my friend, thinking how brave she’d been to do that. ‘So now I know what you meant, Kayla,’ said Mum. ‘What Alex had done.’ Alex stared at his feet and his mum smiled. ‘We’re so pleased to meet you finally, Kayla,’ she said. ‘We knew Alex had met someone special by how happy

he’s been lately. I can’t deny it, I’m horrified that something like that happened to Tam in our home and that it involved my nephew, but I’m very proud of our son.’ Alex’s dad nodded his agreement. ‘And we fully Tam’s decision to speak to the police.’ I just stared, hardly comprehending what they were saying. ‘So now I think a cup of tea is definitely in order,’ said Mum. ‘Unless you’d prefer a beer?’ asked Dad.

‘What just happened, Tam?’ Our parents were still sitting in the lounge talking with Alex and his parents. ‘I told them everything, just as I said,’ said Tam. ‘Going to the party was my idea, but when things turned into a train wreck it was Alex and then you who looked after me. Alex told them about Evan and they were really shocked, K.’ ‘You should’ve told me, Tam. You shouldn’t have had to do this on your own. I would’ve been here and helped you.’ ‘No, K. I wanted to do it myself. I’d already told my parents everything at home and if you had been here, your parents would’ve been like mine when they first heard it all. Angry and loud,’ she added with a grimace. She was right. Dad would probably still be yelling. ‘I owed you and Alex,’ said Tam. Her look hardened. ‘And tomorrow Evan will get what’s coming to him.’ Alex appeared at the kitchen door. He pulled me into his arms. ‘Are you okay?’ he said into my hair. I took in his warmth, the smell of him, his touch, before realising Dad was in the doorway behind him. I pushed away expecting Dad to explode.

‘I think we need to have a chat, don’t you?’ he said looking between us.

When everyone had gone home, with Alex and his parents invited the next weekend for dinner, I sat with Dad in the kitchen. ‘I’m sorry Dad. For all of it.’ ‘I’m just glad it’s all out in the open now,’ he said gently. ‘And relieved nothing worse happened to either of you at that party. Tam’s a brave girl.’

• • •

Later that night lying in bed, I felt better than I had in weeks. I actually felt as if I’d been run over on the outside, but on the inside, things felt calmer than since before the party. I was still grounded for lying, with no phone, TV or laptop, and I’d given the borrowed phone back. I wanted to start again with a clean slate. No guilt. No lies. No more if onlys. Knowing I wouldn’t see or talk to Alex until the end of the week was tough, but if I could survive that, I was pretty sure things would be okay with Mum and Dad afterwards. I knew for sure that they were stoked we’d helped save those whales. With everything that had happened, my only regret was still that I’d never got to say goodbye to Auntie Mae. But Liz had talked to Mum and Dad about that. Her idea to scatter Auntie Mae’s ashes at our special beach was perfect, and we all planned to be part of it. Then I could say goodbye properly.

INFORMATION

To learn more about whale strandings and the protection of marine mammals, check out these websites:

• Project Jonah New Zealand https://www.projectjonah.org.nz/

• Department of Conservation https://www.doc.govt.nz/nature/native-animals/marine-mammals/whales/

• Greenpeace https://www.greenpeace.org/new-zealand/

• Sea Shepherd https://www.seashepherd.org.nz/

Acknowledgements

This story was sparked by a song from singer-songwriter Nik Kershaw, called Save the Whale. (The Riddle Album 1984). The haunting sounds and lyrics strike at my heart every time I hear it. As I began to explore information about whales in New Zealand waters, I discovered the amazing work and dedication of Project Jonah and their Marine Mammal Volunteers in saving stranded whales that beach on our extensive shorelines. Thank you all for the important work you do with NZ Marine Mammals. Special thanks to Daren Grover at Project Jonah New Zealand for your time on the phone, in emails, and your priceless fact-checking-reading of several drafts of IF ONLY. Your expertise is invaluable and hugely appreciated. Thanks to Jackie Rutherford, Alexi & Antonia Neville, Aimee Clark and Louise Ward, as readers of the many drafts of IF ONLY. Thanks also to the NZ Society of Authors Mentorship Program and Paddy Richardson. As always, HUGE hugs must go to my husband Clive, and sons Corey and Simon for your endless and encouragement. I couldn’t have done it without you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Adele Broadbent is ionate about children’s literature. A bookaholic, she is a children’s author, bookseller, reviewer and avid reader. Adele’s loves her job at Wardini Books in Napier, and lives on a small lifestyle block in Napier with her husband and two sons. Her review site www.whatbooknext.com is designed especially for children and teens to use and is also popular with parents, teachers, and school librarians when looking for the next great children’s read. Her last book from OneTree House was Between, a fascinating tale of the paranormal (9780995106420). Say hello through her page on: www.adelebroadbentbooks.com