On The Edge Of The Pack: Book Two 3v6f4m

On The Edge of the Pack

Book Two of the On The Edge series

~A Novel ~

M. Desiree

Copyright © 2012 by M. Desiree.

ISBN: Softcover 978-1-4797-4532-6 Ebook 978-1-4797-4533-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any informational storage and retrievable system, without permission in writing from the author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover design created by M. Desiree`

Desiree`, M. On the edge of the pack : a novel / M. Desiree`.—First edition p.cm.—(On the edge series; bk. 2)

To order additional copies of this book, : Xlibris Corporation 1-888-795-4274

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I would like to dedicate this book to my grandmother, Jody, who ed & encouraged me in my writing and fulfilling my dream of becoming a published author.

I would also like to dedicate this book in memory of my grandmother, Esther. She unfortunately ed away before I published my books, but she had encouraged me and was proud of my writing, also.

I thank both of my grandmothers for all their and belief in my writing!

CONTENTS

Author’s Note

Prologue

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty One

Twenty Two

Twenty Three

Twenty Four

Twenty Five

Twenty Six

Twenty Seven

Twenty Eight

Twenty Nine

Thirty

Thirty One

Thirty Two

Thirty Three

Thirty Four

Acknowledgements

Books by M. Desiree`

On The Edge Series

On The Edge of the Forest Book 1 in the series

On The Edge of the Pack Book 2 in the series

Author’s Note

Dear Readers,

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who is reading this book—the second of mine to get published! I hope that you enjoyed my first book, On The Edge of the Forest. As most of you know from my first book, I was 17 years old when I first became published. Now I’m 18—almost 19—years old. Within 2 years, I have published 2 of my books and I am very thrilled! I’m just as excited to be publishing my second book that I was with my first and I still can’t believe this is real! Both of my books are fictional, but there is some truth in both of them. As a teenager, I go through many emotions! Most of those emotions are caused by things changing, and the older I get, the more things change. So in writing this book, I had Olivia go through different changes as she was getting older, too. And just like her, we can’t escape change no matter what we do or how “paranormal” we are, we can’t escape things. I hope you enjoyed this book and will enjoy the other 2 books in the series that are yet to come, too! If you would like to talk to me, get more information about me or my books, share your opinion, write a review, or have any questions, I encourage you to email me. I respond to every e-mail personally (though I may not respond promptly!) and I look forward to them!

[email protected]

I hope you all enjoyed this book (and are able to enjoy the two more to come in this series!) I know I sure enjoyed writing it, as I continue to enjoy writing the other two books in the series! Enjoy your journey and…

Happy Reading! M. Desiree`

Prologue

Technically, I could hear what Brice Youngg was saying on the phone. Technically. I heard the panic and fear in his voice. I could hear what he was claiming Olivia was doing, but could it be true? I stared into my son’s eyes while Brice spoke on and on frantically. Jason’s eyes were wide with fear and tears filled them. He’d talked about his fear to me several times. He said that he was worried about being abandoned, but could it be true? Could Olivia really be doing this to her family? “Mark!” Brice screamed into the phone loudly. “She’s meeting him at eleven!” I couldn’t respond. The deal. It swam through my mind again and again. She’d told me about ‘the deal’ a long time ago; when she first changed. Just as she talked about it, however, I cut her off. She was safe in my arms again and I didn’t want to hear about that. She was safe then. She’d been with me and ‘the deal’ was behind us. Now it was staring me in the face, but I still couldn’t accept it. Olivia—my Livia —wouldn’t leave us. She wouldn’t leave her children and her family behind to complete ‘the deal’ when she had no proof that it was real… would she? As if the Devil himself jumped up and smacked me in the face, I knew the answer to my own question. Fury ran through me. “I have to go after her!” I spoke steadily into the phone while my son began to shake hard. “Kelsie overheard everything. She’s on her way and I’ll be there as soon as I can. Is there anything we can do?” I continued to stare into my son’s eyes. “Take care of my children.”

I dropped the phone and ran out the door. My feet ran swiftly and fluidly over the earth, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to turn. I wanted to feel my inner wolf take over and take control like I’d let it do so many times before. But I couldn’t do that. I had to talk to Olivia. I had to talk some sense into her. She’d left several minutes ago already and she was newer and faster than I was. Did I even have a hope of catching up to her? Could I verbally talk her out of what she was doing? What she was doing was crazy. Surely she could see that. There was no reasonable explanation to any of this. It just didn’t make sense. Why would she do this to her family? I pushed my legs faster, wishing that I had the strength and speed needed to stop my wife. “Olivia, I know what you’re doing. Please, please don’t. There’s another way!” I screamed. Could she hear me? Would she even listen? Would she even pause to hear what I said? Pain whirred through me. She’d been distant lately, I’d known that. I knew that something was wrong, but after what she told Jason last night, I thought it was just guilt. But instead she’d confessed her guilt to Jason so that he wouldn’t feel guilty when this happened. She’d planned this whole thing right before my eyes and I’d failed to see it. How could I do that? Rage pushed my legs faster. I could hear her in front of me, already with him. Dread came over me that I was already too late. “No! Please, Olivia. Think about this for a minute. He’s a traitor. It’s a trick. Don’t do this!” I knew I was wasting my breath, but I had to try. I had to do everything in my power to stop her. My knees began to go weak. I was already over the mountain and I ran towards them as fast as I could. I could feel them in front of me—I could feel her. I was close.

The hammer on the gun clicked as she pulled it back and my heart dropped to my stomach. “Olivia! No!” It was useless. Her family meant the world to her, and if doing this meant that they were protected, then she would do it. Why couldn’t she understand that I wouldn’t ever let anything happen to them? They would be safe. I would make sure of that. Why couldn’t she understand? The hammer clicked all the way back then and I heard her inhale deeply. She did that when she’d made up her mind. I was getting closer. I could see her through the trees with the rifle aimed at the wolf and a determined look in her brown eyes. One more leap and I would be there. “NO!” I screamed one last time as I jumped the one thing that separated us… . . . And she pulled the trigger. She fell to the ground. My spirit broke… . . . And my heart stopped cold in my chest.

One

There is nothing that can prepare you for life. Nothing can prepare you for those few moments after you come out of your mother’s womb into this world. Nothing can prepare you for breathing on your own for the first time or standing on your own feet. Nothing prepares you for growing up, nothing prepares you for strange and foreign feelings you feel, and nothing prepares you for love. As we get older, we learn things that are a part of every day life. We learn how to eat, cry, make sounds, crawl, walk, and then talk. From walking we begin to run, and from there we learn how to ride a bike, a horse, and, finally, drive a car. People can prepare you for learning and walking. People can try to help you and all that, but not everyone can prepare you for the life ahead. People can give you warnings about growing up. They can give you warnings about the emotions you feel in high school and then the hysteria that creeps up on you when you begin to graduate. No one can prepare you for when you get ready to graduate and what your future holds after that. People give you advice. Some tell you to go to college, or start a ranch, or move somewhere far away to go to college. But no one can prepare you. Nothing can prepare you for life. Nothing prepares you for change, either. And change, in itself, is an everyday occurrence. Change can happen so fast that your head spins. Some change, too, isn’t what some would consider a ‘normal’ change. We bring change on ourselves sometimes. Our decisions can create a change, especially when we make a decision to end our life to save our family and the people we love. We think we are ready to leave. We think we are ready to turn our back on everything and everyone we love. We think that by leaving them and turning our back on them—our family—that we are doing them a favor, protecting them. We know that we probably won’t

see them again because we’re going to meet our death. We know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we won’t be coming back and will probably die. But what if we’re wrong? What if we did go and meet our fate, the person who was supposed to kill us, but what if they didn’t kill us? What if we lived? Just because we are alive and aren’t dead, though, we still can’t face our family. We can’t go back saying it was just a prank. We can’t go back to see how they are doing or to apologize for leaving. We can never go back. Not because we are protecting them from something else. Not because we think they are better off not knowing, but because we need to protect them from ourselves. All our life we’ve only known one thing—one world. Vampires, werewolves, fairies, demons, all that is supposed to be a myth and in the normal world, it is a myth. We are normal, we are perfectly normal and we have no idea how many ‘mythical’ people we are walking through each and every single day of our lives. We aren’t even aware that we are a mythical creature until we change at the strangest moment. Suddenly everything is spinning out of our control. It’s like the first day of our lives all over again. Life is a struggle. We have to learn how to breathe, how to walk, how to talk, how to run, and how to ride a bicycle all over again. Except it’s much, much more complicated than our first few years of life because not only do we have to learn how to walk and talk, but we have to learn to keep all this strength and power contained. We have to learn how to reach out and touch a tree without breaking it in half. We have to learn how to walk without everything spinning so quickly around us because we are walking so extremely fast. Nothing can prepare us for most things in life; nothing. But people can try. People can share their experiences and advice and sometimes that does help. It gives us a little bit of warning, but for the most part we have to figure it out on our own, but we aren’t alone. But now everything is different. People are giving us advice on how to stay

human and then how to ‘contain’ ourselves when we switch from human to our other form. They have to help us and give us advice on how to contain our strength and speed, and then when to exert it. Humans, normal humans, who think that all the myths are just myths, think that this world is complicated, a struggle; nothing makes sense, nothing is easy, everything is hard and we feel alone. I know because I was a part of that world once. I knew exactly how many obstacles and struggles life threw at me. But truth be told now, that normal, sane world was easy compared to this. Sometimes I wonder if I want to go back to humanity. It was a lot simpler and easier, less complicated. But it was complicated, nevertheless. If I did go back, I would have my family. I wouldn’t have to keep hidden in the forest. I would still be human. I would be normal. I wouldn’t have to worry about all this strength I feel. But there were up sides to this, too, and I’m sure there would be many more once I got the hang of it. Months ago, when I considered possibly being this, I didn’t want it. I wasn’t ready to change, but I was this all along. All along I was not living in that normal, sane human world. I was always this myth. It lived inside of me, all the time, and it just now made itself known. The dilemma I kept having with myself now though was if I truly did want to go back. If I had a choice, would I choose to go back, or would I stay? If I did have the opportunity to go back, I knew I would take it. If I could do it over again, I would change things. There would be so many things I would change, but when I got to this point, would I choose to stay human or could I do this? Mostly what I wanted to change the most was my last few days as being human, being normal. They were supposed to be normal days, spent with family. But that’s not how it had gone for me. Staring at the wolf whose face reflected back at me from the water, I cringed as my last human memories rushed through my mind before I could stop or run away from them…

Outside the window the sun lifted higher into the sky. Staring out over the beautiful pine trees and the bright blue sky, I couldn’t help but wonder how many days it had been since I’d made the journey through that forest to this place. Before I made that journey, everything had been fairly normal in my life. Mark —my boyfriend who happened to be a werewolf and the leader of the ‘werewolf pack’—and the rest of the pack left because of Kelsie—my best friend who was part of Mark’s pack—supposedly slipped and killed a tourist. They were in danger of someone figuring out their secret, that they were technically ‘werewolves’, if they stayed around long enough to be faced with many questions. Therefore, they all—Kelsie, Mark, Joey, and Brice—left. The time without them had been hard to get through. I loved Mark, and though what they were shouldn’t have existed, I loved the whole supernatural feeling of being involved in the pack. I had gotten along after they left, however. I was far from happy, but I managed. I saw my grandparents in Idaho when I took a car trip with Bryan there. Since I tutored him in History when we had the subject together in high school, he wanted to repay me for all my help and offered to take me to Idaho, the state in which I had grown up in and the state that my parents had died in. It was an offer that I couldn’t refuse, and I was glad that I didn’t refuse, too. Seeing my grandparents—my dad’s parents—had lifted my spirits slightly. Even getting a driver’s license hung heavily in the future after Christine, my sister, agreed to let me get a license. However, when Marianne—Brice and Kelsie’s mom and a dear friend of mine—came to the dress shop that Christine owned, everything changed. Mark was gone, but that didn’t stop Cliff from looking for him. Cliff and Mark were ‘enemies’. I didn’t understand all of it, but I did know that Mark changed Cliff many years ago. He made Cliff into a monster—a werewolf. Cliff found a way to change, but still not to humanity; he changed into what one would consider a ‘demon’. He wanted revenge for Mark taking his life, and he’d been looking for me. Cliff was looking for me to steal me away, to demand where Mark was and use

me as ‘bait’ to get revenge against Mark. He would have hurt people to get to me, and that’s why I left to meet him here, at Mark’s house nestled in the woods of the forest so many days ago instead of convincing my sister and brother-inlaw, Drake, to leave as Marianne had insisted I do when she informed me that Cliff was looking for me. I’d left in hopes of protecting my sister and the man I loved. My only goal of leaving had been to protect them. Cliff was threatening Mark and he wanted to see me. I understood the risk I was taking when I came here. Behind me, I felt Cliff’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, but I didn’t turn to face him. I let my memory take me back to when I jumped from this very roof. It had been my only escape at the time. I knew that beatings and pain would be inflicted until I gave Cliff the information he would demand about Mark, which would never happen. Paradise had been in my reach when I jumped. It was just seconds away. I could almost feel the peace wrap around me and the relief that it was all over, but just as it was in my grasp Cliff’s steel arms had reached out and caught me seconds before I hit the ground. Thinking back on it, I thought it was about six days ago, but I couldn’t be sure. Had I really been here six days? Only once had pain been inflicted. Only once did Cliff come towards me and I jerked away so quickly that I lost my balance and fell, causing my front teeth to split my bottom lip. Cliff was very concerned about my fall and that had caught me off guard as it didn’t make sense. Mark changed his life and now Cliff was looking for Mark, wanting to kill him. He was using me for that. Therefore, why would he have showed kindness to me rather than coldness to get Mark? He did, however, ask me questions about Mark now and then. I wasn’t giving him what he wanted, though. I was offering no information and every time I spoke, I lied. When would he start hitting me? How long until the beatings would start? Everyday I waited for it, expected it, but it never came. Cliff just stayed with me

in this room, talking to me or sometimes just watching me. He asked questions every now and then, but I never had an answer for him. I did have some of the answers, actually, but I never spoke them. Mark was my whole life. He left because Kelsie slipped and killed someone. He left for the pack, but he didn’t leave me. He promised me that he would be back, and I held onto the promise. He would be back and the day he did, I would be happy. Whether I would be here when he came back or not, I didn’t know. Surely Cliff would get tired of my lies soon enough and kill me. I waited for that to happen, too. I was expecting pain right now. “Your lip is healing quickly.” Cliff noted, his voice slicing through the silence that had filled the room for several hours. Slowly, I turned to face the man who I continued to view as a monster sitting at the foot of the bed. Before I actually saw Cliff, I had this mental picture of him in my mind. I expected his hair to be stringy and dirty looking. I expected his eyes to be cold and heartless. I expected his voice to be mean and gruff. However, this wasn’t the case with Cliff. His hair was a deep brown color, curls of it continuing to fall onto his large forehead, his eyelashes brushing against his skin in a shy like way every time he blinked. Once, I got a glimpse of the blackness in his eyes, but now they were nothing but a ginger color, golden, almost, as he gazed at me, his eyebrow lifted slightly, waiting for something, though I had no idea what. When he spoke, too, his voice was very soft and calm. It was hard to that this was the monster who wanted Mark’s head on a stick. “What do you want to do, Olivia?” Cliff asked, glancing around the room as if to find something to do. I folded my arms tightly across my chest, noting the way my arms flexed. That confused me slightly. “I want to go home.” His eyes narrowed. “Why’d you come here?” “You were looking for me.” I shrugged, arching my eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Marianne told you to run.” He reminded me, his eyes smoldering. “I don’t do what I’m told.” “Obviously.” He chuckled before coughing, standing up. I immediately braced. He moved over to where I stood, running his finger over my healing lip. I wanted to back away from him, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. “I’m serious, Olivia, why did you come here? Why would you come to meet me?” “I wanted to protect Mark.” I answered honestly, turning my head so that his finger fell from my skin. “And you jumped to protect Mark, too?” He asked in a sarcastic tone. “The reason for jumping is my concern.” I answered frostily, stepping away from him and turning back to the window. Cliff had asked a series of questions over the last few days. Some of them made sense, some of them didn’t. He was getting at something, but he never came right out and said what it was. Everyday he got closer to me. He touched my skin at times, normally around my lip where it’d been cut, but mostly he just kept his distance and asked me questions. When he did get close and touched me, I felt truly sick inside. “Did you jump because you didn’t want to face me, or because you were tired?” I felt him standing behind me, but I didn’t turn. “Were you tired, Olivia? Tired of the pain, the struggling… of life?” My teeth clenched tightly until my jaws began to ache. “It seems odd that you would come to meet me to protect Mark, but you jumped. How can you protect him when you jump to kill yourself?” “I’m not dead.” I snapped. “No.” His hand rested on my shoulder, turning me towards him. I immediately shrugged his hand away, turning reluctantly to glare at him. “I made sure of that, Olivia. If you had died, I would have broken a promise.”

“A promise?” He was making up stories to confuse me, send me into a daze. That was obvious. He stepped forward, running the back of his fingers gently over the sides of my face. “What do you want to do?” He wondered again, his eyes smoldering as his fingers ran across my lips. I wanted to pull away, but I didn’t want to appear to be weak. “What do you want, Olivia?” I wanted many things. I wanted Mark, I wanted to be home, and I wanted Cliff to be dead. But above all… I wanted everything to go back to normal. “I want everything to be normal.” I whispered. Cliff brought his fingers up, running them through my hair to tilt my head back. He leaned his face closer to mine, his lips hesitating only inches from my own. My heart raced. “You won’t be normal with Mark.” “I won’t be normal with you, either.” I pointed out, lifting my eyes to stare into his. His lips curved into a soft smile as he leaned forward, his lips skimming over mine. “Maybe not.” He itted as he pressed his lips against mine. My heart screamed in my chest and betrayal ran through every pore of my body. But… I didn’t pull away. Cliff wasn’t holding me. I knew that I could pull away, but my thoughts twisted and confusion ran through my body as my lips began to respond to his. What were they doing? Why were they responding to his? Why were my hands suddenly reaching for him? Why did I step closer to him, rather than away from him? This was a monster. He wanted to kill the man I loved! Mark. I was betraying him. The least I could do was pull away, but my body wouldn’t move… it wouldn’t move! I gasped then, my body seeming to be frozen in place; I couldn’t move!

Cliff must have seen the panic in my face for he frowned, his hands closing around the top of my arms. “Olivia? What is it? What’s wrong?” “I… I can’t . . . move!” It felt as if something sharp slipped through my body. I gasped for air, feeling as if my body was being pulled apart. My mouth ached as if it were changing form. My heart rate grew faster, leaving me breathless. “Olivia?” Cliff asked in a deeply concerned voice, shaking me faintly. The room began to spin and noises filled my head. It was high pitched, but not really a squeal. It wasn’t a noise, but it sounded more like… voices? Something did squeal then and I thought my eardrums would burst. I gasped again as it felt like my spine was twisting, changing form. For the first time since I got here, I looked to Cliff for answers. “What’s happening… to… me?” His eyes were softer than they had ever been as he reached out, cupping his hand to the side of my face. “We’re running out of time.” “We? Time?” I asked in confusion, gasping from the pain. Pain caused tears to fill my eyes. “I came here to see you, Olivia. Not to interrogate you about Mark. I came to see you.” Questions whirled through my mind, but I couldn’t form any words. My spine continued to twist. The noises began to get louder and my eye sight blurred. What was happening to me? “Listen to me; I can make this pain go away.” “How?” I cried, tears dripping from my chin. I was able to be brave when he asked me questions and when my lip was split open, but this was something different. My mouth pulled again and a strange noise came from the back of my throat.

“I came here to make a deal with you, Olivia. You’re changing, and if you let me, I can help you. I can get rid of this pain and you can be mine. In return, Mark will be safe.” I fought to stay coherent, fought against slipping into the pain filled darkness. “Yours?” “Yes.” His fingers brushed against my face. “It’s your choice, Olivia. Be mine and Mark will be safe. This pain will go away and you can be normal.” A snapping noise came from my body and I suddenly fell to the ground. My hands dug into the carpet as it felt like my back began to pull apart. “Make it stop!” I pleaded. Cliff dropped to his knees beside me. “Tell me we have a deal, Olivia?” The pain was too much, but I had to think. The only thing I could really hear was that I could be Cliff’s, the pain would go away, and Mark would be safe. The pain would go away if I just said yes. Could I be his? “What if I don’t?” A sigh filled the room and something burned in his eyes. “I’ll continue hunting Mark and your family will be in danger.” His voice lowered softly at the last part. I gasped, falling over to my side where my hands reached through the air for something, but I wasn’t sure what. My mind buzzed with noises and smells. “My family… has nothing to do… with this!” I cried. “They will unless you say yes.” “You’re a monster!” I began to pant heavily. “It’s not just me who makes the call, Olivia. Please, just say yes.” “If I do?” “Your family will be safe, Mark will be safe, and you won’t become a monster.” “What am I becoming?” My mouth suddenly opened as large as it would go and

a sound erupted through my lips. “A monster,” Cliff whispered, his lips next to my ear. “Please, Olivia. Just say yes.” Tears fell from my eyes and my legs began to throb, feeling as if they were twisting, too. How could I not say yes?! “Okay! Okay! We have a deal. I’ll become yours, Cliff, just make this stop!” My body began to jerk without my permission and my airways felt as if they were getting cut off. I glanced once towards Cliff who hesitated, staring at me to make sure I meant to keep my word before his eyes closed and he leaned closer… Another snapping sound came from my body and it jolted, pain filling every pore of my body. I couldn’t stand this! I screamed at the top of my lungs. When would he make this stop? “Cliff!” I screamed as loud as I could… At that precise moment, glass flew everywhere. Growls erupted from the corner of the room and I got a quick glimpse of a white wolf. My body continued to spasm and the pain continued to engulf me. The figures in the corner were getting blurrier. I couldn’t tell if they were fighting or what was happening. I thought I got a glimpse of Cliff fleeing the room, but I couldn’t be sure, because my body jerked one last time. Then I didn’t recognize who—or what—I was anymore…

Two

So,” I began, cringing as my voice filled the room. Would I ever get used to that high pitched chime of it? “I’m a full blooded one, then? It was in my genes?” Mark was kneeling beside the bed, just as he’d done in the past week. After Cliff took off and I changed for the first few times, I truly thought I was in hell. Emotions raced wildly through me; emotions that I didn’t even recognize. Were they wolf or human? Or were they a combination of both? What was I now? That thought scared me, but at least Mark was here. He’d come to my rescue just as I’d feared he would. Unfortunately, however, Cliff had fled before Mark could finish him. But hopefully he would remain gone and we would have no more trouble from him, though I knew the chances of that were slim. “Yes.” Mark finally answered my question with a heavy sigh, brushing his hand over the side of my face again and again. I stifled a sigh, curling my legs closer to my chest. I lay in bed, my arms curled up in front of me, my hands—which were rolled into tight fists—rested just under my chin. It was the only way I could trust myself, the only thing I could do without risking tearing anything up, breaking or hurting something. Not only did pain still consume me from changing forms, and not only did my body ache and feel differently, but I was having to struggle with strength, speed, hearing, senses, smell, and so much more, too. It was frustrating! But most frustrating of all were the questions that raced wildly through my head. I had some answers to questions that always bothered me before, but I didn’t like the answers. I didn’t like what all I was able to ‘survive’ because of the ‘wolf’ in my blood. “That’s why I survived the car accident?” I asked quietly, already knowing the answer. “That’s why I was the only survivor; getting away with a few minimal cuts here and there while my parents died. That’s why I never saw the same

world out of my eyes, and that’s why I always felt so… differently.” Mark’s eyes closed. “I’m afraid so.” I inhaled deeply, staring up at the ceiling. I didn’t even have a choice. Even when Mark left with the pack and I told him I didn’t want to become what he was, I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to be a part of this world; I wanted to be normal. But I didn’t even have that choice. I was always this. It naturally ran in my blood. There was never a choice of whom or what I was. “Great.” I mumbled. “I’m sorry.” He whispered sincerely. “It’s not your fault.” “It is. I shouldn’t have even talked to you and brought you into this life. I should have stayed far away from you…” “Yeah,” I said icily, glaring at him, “and where would I be now if I turned and I didn’t know what the heck I was and I didn’t have you around? I would be freaking out right now, right?” “Livia…” “Stop!” I growled through my teeth. “Just stop it! Nothing you could have done would have changed this outcome. Everything was worth it.” As the words escaped, however, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was worth it or not. His fingers began to stroke the side of my face again. “Christine? Wes? Henry? Are they full blooded wolves, too?” That thought terrified me to the bone. Mark looked thoughtful for a minute. “Your dad is the one who carried the genes, Olivia. Your mother doesn’t have the genes—or at least not enough to make a difference—and I doubt that Christine’s and Wes’s dad had the genes, either. “Henry may change, but I don’t think he will. We change at all different times

and ages, but I think if Henry carried enough of the genes to change, he’d already be this. But that doesn’t mean, however, that his children won’t have the genes, though.” Mark stared distantly at the wall before continuing. “Everyone is different. But you having the genes would explain why you were tough enough to survive the car accident and everything that happened…” He winced, sighing. “Anyway, it could also explain all the different instincts you had. Probably the stress from being with Cliff is what made you snap. But these instincts you have now, they were always there, in the back of your mind. You just weren’t so aware of them before.” “So many different things,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes closed tightly. “Will the pain ever go away?” Would it ever be possible for me to get by with no pain —physical or mental? “Yes. It’s really hard for the first few times we change. Our bodies getting accustomed to it, but after a while it gets easier. I promise.” I hoped vehemently that he was right. My back ached. It felt as if my spine had twisted, and then untwisted and pulled as tightly as it could go. My arms felt as if they were extended, too. They’d gone from being like arms, to shrinking to the size of a dog’s leg, and back to an arm again. But it was my mouth and teeth that hurt the most. My head had changed form a lot more than my body had. It changed by flattening out. My mouth had been larger, my teeth changing into wolf fangs. Now I was human, everything was ‘normal’, and my body ached, still feeling as if it was continuing to change. The thought of having to suffer through this pain the rest of my life was definitely not something I was looking forward to. But Mark promised and right now I had to trust in that promise. “How did you know where I was?” I suddenly wondered, ing the promise that Cliff had made to make the pain disappear. “Your sister called Wyann in a frenzied worry. She said that you gave her his number before you left in case there was an emergency. She demanded answers.” He chuckled softly at the memory before turning serious again. “Then she called Marianne and Marianne called Kelsie and Brice. It didn’t take much to figure it out… especially since we left to lead Cliff away.”

“Wait a minute.” The mention of my sister’s name being a part of this conversation wasn’t something I particularly cared for, but that wasn’t what caught my attention. “You left to lead Cliff away?” A guilty look came into Mark’s blue eyes and he bit his lower lip, nodding. “So Kelsie didn’t attack anyone?” I hadn’t doubted Mark when he told me that Kelsie had killed someone. I trusted him wholly, even with that. But thinking back on it now I realized that I hadn’t heard any news about a body being found, or even someone missing. There had been no evidence to Mark about Kelsie attacking someone. How had I not realized that until now? “I had to make up some excuse, Olivia. Cliff was getting too close. I thought that if I left he would follow me and you would be safe. And… there were other reasons for leaving, too.” Guilt rode heavily in his voice and something strange seeped into his eyes, but I didn’t notice. I tried to focus and what exactly Cliff had said to me, but from the pain raiding through me and my body changing forms, I didn’t much. I thought I ed him saying something about him coming to talk to me, but was that true? “Olivia?” Mark asked aloud, shaking me gently. “Yeah.” I looked past Mark, staring at the wall and frowning. “Cliff knew you left?” “Yes. He knew. I thought he would follow us. Why didn’t he?” He growled the question, anger beginning to show in his eyes. I swallowed hard. “Maybe he wanted you to leave.” “What?” Mark’s tone was sharp. “Maybe he wanted me.” “Why?” “I don’t know.” I closed my eyes, trying to his words exactly though

everything was fuzzy. What I did , I repeated back to Mark. “He said that he wanted to make a deal with me. He wanted me to become his, and in return you and my family would be safe. He said he would stop the pain, too.” Silence hung in the air for several minutes. I opened my eyes slowly to see Mark’s red face. His eyes were focused on me, rage simmering in them. I immediately moved away from him. “You made a deal to become his?” He was almost yelling. “Mark…” I reached out to him slowly, reminding myself about the strength. “No.” He moved away from my reach, shaking his head angrily. “You were going to become his?” “Look, I didn’t think you were coming back. I was in pain, and truth be told, life didn’t hold anything for me anymore. If it meant that you would be safe, I could become his.” “What would have possessed you to do such a thing!” “Love!” I snapped angrily. For several minutes Mark stared at me in silence before he exhaled heavily, closing his eyes and raking his hand through his hair. “That’s enough talk about that. You saved me and everything is fine.” Awkwardly, I smiled at him, forcing my hand to open as I reached for Mark’s. The light from the morning sun caught his blue eyes as he entwined his fingers through mine. “I missed you.” I smiled, closing my eyes as he said the words I’d longed to hear him say. “What happens now?” “Now?” Mark wondered to himself, the bed twitching softy as he laid down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. Carefully, I nestled my head into his chest. “Now we forget about Cliff. We put that whole experience under the bridge, and we start over and hope that Cliff doesn’t interfere with our lives again.”

I nodded. “That sounds good.” “Yes.” Mark’s lips pressed against my forehead. “And us?” I inquired, inhaling the scent of him. “What do you mean?” “Well do I go back to living with Christine and pretending like none of this happened, or…” “No.” It wasn’t the sharpness of his voice that caught my attention, but the quickness of his response. “Didn’t anyone tell you, Olivia?” I pulled back to examine his expression, shaking my head. “Tell me what?” “Well…” His fingers ran through my hair as he searched for the right words. “You aren’t… normal now, Olivia. It’s a law that we can’t have any with family who don’t know . It just puts them in danger.” His words tumbled loosely through my mind. I couldn’t really understand them. “You mean I can’t have any with my family?” “I’m sorry.” Even though his voice was sincere, it wasn’t enough. Pulling away from him, I sat up in bed, shaking my head. “So even though I’m alive and I didn’t meet my death, I can’t see my sister or my brothers or any of my family again?” “It’s safer that way, Livia. The pack is your family now.” Tears stung my eyes and I fought against the wave of anger that crashed through me. “Maybe the pack isn’t enough!” I snapped without thinking. “What am I supposed to do?” I turned to look at Mark, frowning. “Am I supposed to just completely forget about them and stay a supposed ‘run-a-way’?” “That’s what we all have to do now.” He whispered. “Brice and Kelsie have their mom!” I argued defiantly. “By that, trouble came.” He stated calmly. “Kelsie wouldn’t be part of this pack

if Brice had stayed away from them.” I gasped aloud, fury blurring my vision. “What are you saying?” “Joey turned Brice. We all felt bad for him as he was concerned about taking care of his mother and sister as he promised his dad before he died that he’d take care of them. Therefore, we allowed him to stay with his mom and Kelsie. But they all knew something was different, and Kelsie got curious and followed him. He caught her scent and before he realized who it was, he attacked her. “Nothing but bad came out of that, Livia. They tried to avoid Marianne, but she wouldn’t have any of that. She caused quite a fuss, and we were almost exposed. “Keeping what we are a secret comes before anything else. We cannot keep us a secret and have with our family. People have tried, Olivia. I’m… I’m sorry.” Images of Brice attacking Kelsie leapt through my mind, but I pushed them away. I could see Christine’s hurt face in front of me and I could hear the pain in her voice whenever she spoke with Drake in the last week that I’d become this. I’d been gone just a little over two weeks, and Christine was already different, asking Drake every evening when he got home if he heard anything from me. I thought that after a few weeks, after I got used to who I was, I could go back home. I could make up some excuse to tell Christine and things could go back to normal… couldn’t they? “Please?” My voice cracked as I turned to Mark. “I can’t just turn my back on my family.” Reaching for my hands, Mark squeezed them, moisture swimming in his eyes. “Wyann is the one who made this law. He’s the one who makes the calls. I can’t go against what he says, Livia. I’m sorry.” Pulling my hand free from his, I scrambled out of bed. I ran down the stairs, taking three steps at time before I pushed the house door out of my way. I heard the wood splintering on it as I pushed it too hard, but I didn’t turn to see the damage I’d done.

As soon as I reached the edge of the trees, I felt the fire running through my body and rather than run away from it this time, I allowed it to fly through me. I allowed my spine to bunch up, my arms to twist into legs, and my head to pull back into that of a wolf’s. My arms and legs replaced by legs with fur, my feet and hands replaced by paws, and my mouth and nose replaced by a muzzle, I ran deeply into the trees, my clothes straying behind me. In the house I heard Mark’s heavy footsteps as he ran after me. He called my name once before he changed, too, but I didn’t turn to look or respond. I just ran through the trees. For the first time since I turned, I let my wolf instincts rule completely over my mind, erasing the pain and hurt I felt at the thought of never seeing Christine again. The only thing my mind focused on was the ground beneath my paws, the wind embracing me, and the long stretch of land that was just waiting for me to run through it. Nothing else mattered right now. Nothing.

Three

No word still?” “No.” Christine replied to Henry, my brother. “Oh, Henry,” Her voice cracked. “I thought, maybe…” His voice trailed off. My heart shattered into a million pieces. It was everything I could do to contain the growls and whimpers building up in my throat. It would have been so much better if I would have been a run-a-way. Instead, I was alive. I was right here, being able to listen in on my family’s conversations and see them through the window when the curtains were pulled back, but that was all. By our law, I was not to have any with my family. I had to go on being this ‘run-a-way’ and watching my family from a distance. Of course, I didn’t have to watch them. I could leave. I could pretend like they didn’t exist and I didn’t have to keep watching them the way I was, but Cliff had threatened them. He said that if I didn’t make the deal, Mark would not be the only one in danger. My family was in danger and the only way to protect them was from a distance. Or was there a different meaning to Cliff’s words? Was he saying that by me becoming this, my family was in danger of me, not of him or someone else, but me? A whimper made its way through my lips as I sat in the black shadows of the forest trees, watching. If I was indeed the one that would be putting my family in danger, I could give them space… couldn’t I? But how could I be sure that it was me who Cliff referred to? He could come back and attack them since I didn’t stick true to my end of the deal.

But Mark had come in. I was prepared to do anything to save them. I was prepared to become whatever Cliff was if that meant that my family and Mark would all be safe. It wasn’t my fault the deal didn’t stick, it was Mark’s. But that didn’t mean Cliff wouldn’t come after my family. “Henry, I’m sure she’s fine.” Christine stated, pulling me back towards their conversation. “Yeah.” Henry’s voice was weak. My legs began to shake badly beneath my weight. It had been just a little over a month since I left Christine’s to meet Cliff—supposedly to meet my death—but it seemed as if I’d been gone years already. And to prove that I’d been gone years, everyone was already changing. “She’s a strong, very mature girl. I know she’s fine. I just miss her.” Henry stated softly. “I know. I miss her, too. So, where are you going?” Another jolt went through my heart. Henry moving was something that reflected that I’d been gone years rather than a month, too. Everything was happening quickly and my ‘running away’ was the last push that Henry needed. Idaho had always been his home and now he was moving. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for that. If I hadn’t gone to meet Cliff, and if I would have done as Marianne said over a month ago and just left with Christine and Drake—if I could have convinced them into leaving in the first place—would I have still become this? Mark said that it was probably the stress that caused me to ‘snap’. Perhaps if I hadn’t gone to meet Cliff, I wouldn’t have been stressed and perhaps I wouldn’t have turned. But I would have turned sooner or later anyway, and when I did, I still wouldn’t be allowed to see my family. Being brutally honest with myself, I knew that my leaving to meet Cliff was not the reason for me not being able to be a part of my family now. Eventually this would have happened, and the outcome would probably be the same. But still, I

felt sick knowing that watching them from a distance and lingering on the edge of the forest was as close as I could get to them. And now with Henry moving, I didn’t even have that. I would probably never see him again, and that made my stomach churn. “I don’t know.” Henry answered Christine’s question, his feet shuffling towards the front of the house towards the living room. “Wes has been thinking about moving, too. He mentioned Oregon a few times so maybe I’ll move there.” From here I had a faint view of my brother and sister, but it wasn’t good enough. In only a matter of minutes Henry would be leaving and I may never get another chance to see him. I needed to get one last, long look at him before he left. I had to. Slinking closely to the ground, I moved around the front of the house, into the driveway and carefully peeked towards the window by the door. Luck was with me; Christine had pushed the pink colored curtains back, letting the sunlight flood in through the front window and lighting the living room where I had a clear view of my brother and sister. I recognized my brother instantly. Henry sat towards the end of the sofa. He stared down at the coffee mug in his hands, his red and blue ‘NASCAR’ cap hiding his face from my view. Christine sat on the other end of the sofa on the armrest, staring at her hands that she fidgeted in her lap. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a braid, a few stray wisps of her hair dancing around her bare neck from her low cut shirt that she wore. Rings were greatly pronounced beneath her eyes, showing how tired she was. From the conversations I’d overheard of hers and Drake’s, she hadn’t been sleeping well and she’d been neglecting her work. She stayed in the house a lot now, waiting for me to come home. Drake had told her just a few nights ago that I probably wasn’t coming back, but she still hung onto that hope. I wished there was some way I could tell her, Henry, and Wes that I was fine and alive, and that I wasn’t coming home. Home.

My heart tugged angrily and I thought I felt tears rim my eyes, but I was in my wolf form and wolves didn’t cry. My human instincts were dominating the wolf instincts. Though I knew it was impossible to cry right now, I still felt as if I was. “How is everyone at home doing?” Christine asked, glancing towards Henry. He frowned, shrugging. “Okay, I guess. Everybody has called everyone they know to see if they know where Olivia might be.” I heard him swallow hard. “I don’t think she’s coming back, Christine.” It definitely felt as if tears were stinging my eyes. “I don’t think she will, either.” She itted in a faint whisper. “Did she give any hint at all of why she left?” Henry suddenly wondered. “No,” Christine shook her head, the wisps of her hair swinging around her neck. “She was talking weird though before she left. I knew something was up, but she made up an excuse and I believed her. In the letter she wrote before leaving, she said something about protecting me… a bunch of bull.” They sat in silence for a long time before Henry finally sighed heavily, put his coffee cup down on the table and stood, clearing his throat. “I should get going.” He announced, reaching for Christine and hugging her tightly. “Have a safe trip,” She mumbled in his ear as they hugged. Right now I wanted to give anything, anything just to be able to hug my brother and sister. They were still alive and I didn’t have to be stuck with their dead faces all my life—like I would of my mom that day of the car accident that killed her and my dad both—but I couldn’t go to them. I couldn’t talk to them. Glancing towards Henry’s car swiftly, it felt like someone gave a hard punch to my chest. It was filled with luggage, boxes, and everything else. He was already traveling, already on his way to his new home. He didn’t even know where he was moving to yet, but everything was already with him… “Wolf! Get the gun!” Henry’s shouting alarmed me.

I spun towards the porch, freezing. He was standing on the porch staring at me, his face pale, body tense. That was my brother. He was my own blood; he was my family, the person who always talked to me, who tried to teach me things. He was there for me when our dad and my mom died, and he did a good job of making me feel better before the numb took control of my body. Now my own blood, my brother, was staring at me as if I was a monster. The thing that made me sick the most was that I was a monster. I knew that I should be running, but I didn’t. I just froze in the driveway, staring at him. Part of my wolf instincts wanted to attack him, while another part wanted to run away, but my human instincts that were so much stronger wanted to go to him, hug him and talk to him. His eyebrows were drawn tightly over his dark brown eyes that held a murderous look in them despite the way diamonds reflected in them from the way they caught the sunlight. A low whimper escaped my lips before I could stop it. “Here,” A large black item was ed from Christine to Henry. I yelped immediately when I made out the rifle. I yelped again, jumping back and staring at him. Was he really going to shoot me? Didn’t he know that I was his sister? After pulling the hammer back, he put the rifle to his shoulder. That’s when I reacted. I spun around, leaping towards the shelter of the trees. Once again I found myself running away from my family. One single shot pierced through the air behind me as I ran through the forest. That seemed to be the story of my life, always running away from something, leaving people I loved behind. There was never any end, was there?

Four

This is delicious!” Kelsie complimented, barely taking three seconds hesitation between each bite of her one pound steak. Of course, there were other things offered to eat such as mashed potatoes, broccoli, green beans, and chips, but none of them interested her. But I did have to it, the steak was the only thing that appealed to me, too. Not because I didn’t care for the broccoli or mashed potatoes or green beans, but because it was steak—meat. Meat was good and very healthy. Mark had talent when it came to cooking—especially meat—that made people forget about everything else that might be available to them. He was gifted in that way. Craning my head to the side to gaze at him, I couldn’t help but feel as if there was a wall being built right between us. I’d been ‘this’—the word ‘wolf’ still made me cringe—for almost two months now. The summer was ending and the first part of September was just rolling around. The Autumn season was in the air, and the colder the weather got, the colder our relationship felt. Why? Was it because he was afraid of me? Or was it that since I wasn’t human anymore, since I was the same thing as he was, he was pulling away? Was he unattracted to me? Or was it the pull and the thrill of dating someone other than what he was that drew him to me before? Or was it something else entirely? I didn’t know what it was, but it was beginning to scare me. I hoped vehemently that this ‘meeting’ tonight would put clarity to things. “Thank you.” Mark chuckled at Kelsie’s statement. “Mark?” Wyann asked suddenly, looking up from his plate to glance from me to Mark. “I was about to thank Olivia for the delicious dinner.” I giggled lightly, despite the whirring emotions tearing through my body. “Mark fixed dinner. When it comes to my cooking…”

“Watch out!” Kelsie interrupted with a sarcastic tone, grinning at me. “Oh really?” Unlike the rest of us, Wyann’s tone was always the same, and that was a business-tone. I rarely heard it change. Also unlike the rest of us, he showed very little emotion. One rarely saw him smile. He was the oldest of ‘our’ kind, the ultimate leader, and he’d taken that role well. “Olivia spent too much time searching for the truth to really let Christine teach her to cook.” Kelsie ratted on me. I cleared my throat, scowling at her playfully. “How do you know that?” “My mom tells me secrets.” “Really?” “Mm-hmm. She and Christine talk several times a week. I know lots about you, including incidents when you were younger.” A dangerous, mischievous look entered her eyes. Normally I would have gotten her back with a come back, or laughed, or said something jokingly, but my mind instantly took me back to the old times… when I was still young and living with my parents. There were so many incidents that Christine could have told Marianne about that would have made them laugh. She could have told her about the time when I went camping with my family and left my bill cap behind while I went way off the trail to go to the bathroom and then after reaching the end of the trail realizing that I’d forgotten it so we had to backtrack, which had made everyone’s day. And of course there was that time when I tried to ‘show off’ to my Uncle Drew and that greatly backfired—literally. Many, many incidents had occurred when I was younger. Henry, I was sure, would never let me forget them. He must have had a journal or something on hand as he could recite every childish, immature and funny thing I’d done. Course, Wes, my other brother, probably could, too. He seemed to always find a way to make fun of me, too.

But those times were over now. Christine, Wes, and Henry could only tell their friends about my ‘incidents’. We, as a family, could never talk about them. I was no longer going to be involved in their lives and that thought brought a hard lump in my throat, again. Would I ever really dislodge that lump completely? “She told Mom that cooking wasn’t the only thing you didn’t have time for,” Kelsie continued, seeming oblivious to my suddenly distant behavior. Brice, however, was staring at me. I tried to not let his suddenly short brown hair and different looks sidetrack me as Kelsie finished. “She said that school was not one of the things you were especially concentrating on, either. Apparently the grades on your finals at the end of the school year were very bad, despite my tutoring.” A grin pulled across my lips, but I wasn’t aware of it. It must have just been an automatic reflex. “My tutor left just before finals.” “I covered everything before I left.” “And you expected me to when you all left? Tutors are supposed to remind you of things.” “I don’t recall you reminding Bryan of things.” “Once again, because you weren’t here.” “Well…” Mark cleared his throat, holding his hand in the air to put an end to our friendly argument. “Okay, we get it. At least Olivia did .” Kelsie huffed sarcastically. “Barely. Bryan even ed with a better grade in History than she did. And she was the one who taught him everything about History!” It had been a while since I thought of Bryan—the boy I used to help in History class while in high school—but I couldn’t help but wonder about him now. Was he still living here, in Pinecrossing? Was he struggling with History again? Would he survive the subject of History this year without extra help? By the time I finished tutoring him when everything was still ‘normal’ last school year, he was excelling in History. I doubted he would need further help

now, but I still worried. And Kelsie’s words hit a nerve. Truth be told, I completely flunked the year end finals. I’d ed, yes, but by the skin of my teeth. After Mark and the pack left, nothing really mattered to me. I wasn’t in the numb state, but I might as well have been. Even the one place I had to hang onto while I was in that numb state—the calm creek—didn’t even help after they left. Nothing mattered. Except for my sister’s safety, that is. My life and schooling didn’t matter because Mark was not a part of either of them after he left. I had him now, but it still felt like he was gone. How long until this wall between us would be cemented and permanent? The thought made me shiver and I couldn’t help but reach under the table to curl my fingers around Mark’s hand. His thumb drew circles over the back of my hand, but that was all. “We get the picture.” Wyann spoke in a stern voice that he sometimes used to get things ‘under control’, as he’d once put it. It was also the tone he used when he was getting ready to start a ‘speech’. Automatically, we all turned towards him. Even Kelsie turned towards him with a heavy sigh. She hated these meetings. She didn’t have the patience for them. Mark and Brice didn’t seem to mind them. I, on the other hand, felt wary of these meetings. “While we’re on the subject of schooling, I think it appropriate to start with discussions about this school year as school will be starting in just less than a week.” His brown, patient eyes settled on every one of us—Kelsie, me, Mark— and then Brice. Kelsie shifted in her seat. “Isn’t everything the same as far as that goes? Brice and I are still ing… right?” At her question, Brice shifted in his chair, his eyes lowering to stare at the table. Some kind of silent message seemed to between him and Wyann. I leaned forward uneasily, pushing my plate away and resting my forearms on the table. I was a part of this pack now, but it still seemed as if there were secrets. Would the secrets never end?

“That has changed.” Wyann stated calmly. Mark’s hand stiffened around mine and he, too, leaned forward in surprise. I felt good knowing that I wasn’t the only one who was being kept in the dark. “What’s changed?” Clasping his hands together, Wyann pushed his shoulders back. “Brice and I have discussed his options for going to college.” “What?” Mark and Kelsie both asked in surprised shock. “I’m actually not opposed to it.” Wyann confessed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Kelsie turned in her seat to glare viciously at her brother. I couldn’t see her eyes, but there was little doubt in my mind that rage and hurt reflected in them. Brice turned to her, smiling softly as he shrugged his large shoulders. “I wanted to wait to see what Wyann said. I didn’t want to bring it up if I wasn’t going to go.” “Does Mom know?” “I’ve mentioned it.” “So your mind is already made up?” Hurt was deep in her tone. “Kelsie…” Brice’s statement hung, his eyes drifting to the table again. Mark cleared his throat. “How long have you been discussing this?” “Since the beginning of August,” Wyann stated truthfully. “Brice didn’t want to disturb you.” “Disturb me? Isn’t that my job, Wyann? Aren’t I supposed to talk to my pack about things like this?” “It’s our job.” Wyann corrected. “And I had it perfectly under control, Mark.” To my surprise, Mark stiffened rigidly beside me. I felt the tendons sticking out on his wrists as my fingers traced over them. It wasn’t like him to get angry like

this. Wyann continued. “Joey is spending a lot of time with the pack in Nevada—as I’m sure you’re all aware of. Brice is thinking about attending a certain college in that state. With the pack there, I think it would be safe. Besides, it would be nice for Joey to have some person that he is familiar with. It would help him transition into the pack more easily.” Everyone became silent. We all knew that ‘troubled’ of any pack went to the state of Nevada. Wyann spent a lot of time with them before that to help them, but some of them like Joey, who caused trouble, spent time in Nevada. I hadn’t been shared a lot of details about that particular subject, but I knew that the oldest of our kind were down there and therefore could keep the troubled safe and out of trouble. There was a lot of open land space in Nevada, also, making it easier for ‘us’ to roam and be far away from any kind of human society. But Brice wasn’t troubled. Unlike Joey, he didn’t go around spreading supposed ‘rumors’—spreading rumors was exactly what Joey had done to me which made me curious enough to search for the truth about the forest and Mark in the first place. Brice didn’t cause trouble. In fact, he seemed to be the best person in this pack. He kept to himself, but when he was needed he was there. He’d looked after Kelsie like only a true caring person would. He didn’t belong in Nevada. “Why?” Kelsie whispered, her voice cracking with pain. I assumed it was from the possibility of her brother moving away from her, and I could sympathize with that pain. Brice shrugged, tugging on one of her black braids. “College is exciting. It has a lot of excitement and new experiences. I’ve been around a lot of humans before, I’ll be fine. And like Wyann said, it would do Joey good to have someone near that he knows.” “But your place is here!” She argued. “The whole point of the Nevada pack is to stay inconspicuous and receive help when they don’t adjust well.” Mark stepped in, his eyebrows drawn down tightly over his dull blue eyes. “How will that be accomplished if Brice attends college?”

“Brice has proven himself well with handling humans.” Wyann’s eyes flickered to me then and my body immediately stiffened. “Besides, there is a need to have people like Brice helping with the packs there. He is more than willing to provide that necessary help under the grounds that he can attend college. He has graduated high school twice already. It’s time for the next step.” “I don’t like it.” Mark grumbled. “This pack has already split up enough with Joey needing to go there. I don’t like the idea of losing another member. We need Brice here.” “They need Brice there.” Wyann argued in a calm voice. “I’d like to go to college.” Kelsie whispered. “I could go with Brice.” “No.” Brice and Wyann spoke at the same time, making Mark frown further. “Why not?” Kelsie demanded. “Look,” Brice sighed deeply, his gaze locking on me for the first time. I felt a jolt of shock spring through my body at the way his brown eyes burned fiercely into mine as if urging me to see something that I didn’t. “I’ve ran with this pack a long time. It’s been over eleven years. I still look like a teenage boy. And people are beginning to notice me around town and we’ve only been here for what, fourteen years? We have lived here three years before I turned and for eleven years I’ve remained looking like a nineteen year old. I can’t stick around, too many questions are rising. And I don’t like the idea of sitting at home or hiding away in the forest. I want to do something productive with my life. I know that I’ll be all right in college, and they need my help in Nevada. It will be a change, a new beginning. I want to go.” “You won’t let me go with you?” Kelsie whispered. “Don’t take this the wrong way, sister, but I’d like to just be… by myself for a while.” Again, his eyes locked on mine, demanding something. “Great.” She threw her hands in the air, turning to face away from Brice. Her angry gaze locked on the far wall between Wyann and Mark. I swallowed hard, feeling a need to change the subject. “What else has changed?”

Wyann shook his head, pursing his lips. “Mark… I assume that you have no plans of continuing your high school education this year. Is that correct?” Mark turned to gaze at me, a slow, sad smile covering his lips. “You know the answer to that, Wyann.” “Of course. It’s three weeks away yet, isn’t it?” Something rang in Wyann’s tone —excitement, maybe?—but I couldn’t be sure what it was. His words didn’t make sense, either. “Yes.” Mark confirmed, his eyes lighting a shade before he looked away. “Kelsie,” Wyann turned to face her, “a difficult decision rests on my shoulders.” Her angry eyes flickered to meet his. “With Brice leaving for Nevada, Joey living there, and Mark not attending high school this year, and Olivia doing the same as Mark, I’m afraid I have to make the final say of your education.” She continued to glare at him. Mark’s hand patted my knee when I opened my mouth to speak. It wasn’t the fact that he’d intended to stop me from speaking; it was the heat from his hand that spread over my body that stopped me. It was something I hadn’t felt in a long time and that temporarily distracted me. “By the behavior you’re showing tonight, I’m half tempted to not allow you to attend high school this year.” Wyann threatened. “It would be safer that way, Wyann. I don’t like my sister being alone in high school.” “Of course not.” Kelsie grumbled angrily, rolling her eyes. “But I don’t have much say as far as you being alone in college, now do I?” Shaking his head, Brice looked away from her. “I think that settles it. Besides with Mark doing”—Wyann hesitated for only a second, his eyes meeting mine and another strange expression seeping into his

eyes—“that in three weeks, it would probably be better for you not to be in high school, Kelsie. When you make a date, Mark, for the we…” Mark cleared his throat loudly, cutting Wyann off. I got just a glimpse of him glaring harshly before he looked to me, grinning as if to cover something up. An uneasy feeling flipped in the pit of my stomach. “Oh.” Everyone’s eyes moved to me and a strange expression crossed each of their faces before they looked away innocently. “What?” I asked, glancing around uneasily. There was definitely something going on, and as always, I was the only one kept in the dark. “I’m sure the ‘date’ won’t be too far off, Wyann.” Kelsie whispered, her expression changing slightly. “Yes, Kelsie, I would have to agree on that.” Wyann winked at me before pushing away from the table, clearing his throat. “Does that settle everything, then?” “Brice is moving to Nevada, Kelsie is not entering high school, and as it stands right now, Joey will remain in Nevada for the time being. Is that all correct?” Mark asked, standing. “Yes.” “When are you leaving, Brice?” I suddenly wondered, glancing at him. “In about three days.” He stood from his chair, shifting uneasily before he gestured towards me. “Could I speak with you in private for a moment, Olivia?” “Sure.” I didn’t feel sure about talking privately with him, though. “Uh-oh,” Mark teased, grinning at me and winking as I moved towards the house door behind Brice. “Be sure and give her back to me, Brice.” Brice laughed, letting me step out into the dark night first. “We’ll see.”

Five

The night air was satisfying compared to being cramped in the dining room. Mark’s house was very large—three stories high with two bedrooms downstairs, three on the second floor, and then one and a half on the third floor plus a huge landing on the second and third floor—but it still felt crowded when everyone got together. Or maybe that was just me being paranoid. Only five of us had been sitting around the table. Even the table that sat eight people easily when the leaf was put in was not crowded. The dining room still held plenty of room, and the counter and sink weren’t lined with dirty dishes like other counters and sinks had been before when I was still human and we had people over for dinner. So really, feeling as if the dining room was crammed was all in my head. Nevertheless, the crisp night air felt good. It wasn’t sultry like it had been lately. Even in the darkness, I could see the green leaves getting just a light tint of yellow around the edges. This and the crispness in the air brought the first signs of Autumn. For the first time since I could , I was actually looking forward to the season. Feeling this way was something that used to be common, but not of late. Course, I didn’t really know where the uplifting mood came from for the Autumn season. The wall between Mark and I was getting bigger and stronger every day, and though I did have a lot of strength, I knew I wouldn’t be able to knock it down. Why was the wall there, anyway? I loved Mark with all my heart. We were finally equals and I was spending the rest of my life with him. It wasn’t exactly how I pictured it would be like, and I had been very angry with him for a short while when I found out that I couldn’t have any with my family, but I still loved him. Even knowing that this would have been the outcome if I went to find Cliff and save Mark and Christine, I would have done the same thing over again. But if the feelings weren’t from me, if it wasn’t me who was building the wall, it

had to be Mark, and that terrified me. I shivered even though the crispness of the night air didn’t chill me. I hoped Brice didn’t question the sudden shiver as we weaved easily and knowingly between the pine trees. The pack knew this forest. They knew every curve, every tree, every river; they knew it all by heart. I, however, looked forward to the fact of getting lost before I ‘accepted’ that my parents were gone. I used to think and dream about running through the trees and getting lost in the middle of the forest. There was no one I had to pretend for that way. I didn’t have to do anything but survive and think about myself. There would be no pain that way and no worries. However, that wasn’t an option now. Even though I still did feel a faint itch to run deep into the forest and just hide away, living off the land and caring for myself, I knew it was impossible. Not because of the incredible love I carried for Mark, who was for some reason putting distance between us, and not because I hated the idea of leaving Christine— permanently—but getting lost wasn’t an option for me anymore. I was getting to know this forest just like the rest of the pack, and that scared me. We moved further and further away from the house, the packs’ voices fading behind us. I expected Brice to stop as soon as we no longer heard their voices, but he didn’t. We kept walking, deeper and deeper into the forest. I allowed myself to take a sideways glance at him. If I didn’t know better, I wouldn’t recognize Brice as the guy who used to go to high school. Just in the last week, he’d completely changed. His long bronze colored hair that had been the longest of all the packs’ was now cut very short. The ridge of his hair line stopped halfway down his neck. Pieces of his hair couldn’t even fall onto his forehead like it used to now, for it was much too short. Just from his hair being so short, the rest of his features seemed to change, too. There was a light tint to his brown eyes, though I couldn’t really identify what it was. His eyes also carried a sparkle in them. Whether this was just from the hair cut or if something had changed in his life to cause this, I didn’t know. It wasn’t just physically that he had changed, however. It was emotionally, too. Though he continued to keep his distance still, he began to talk a lot more to me.

It seemed like just over night he suddenly wanted to be my best friend or something. He didn’t talk a whole lot, mostly he just stuck around me sometimes and when I spoke he listened. Lately, he’d been slightly closer to me than Mark had. Brice’s behavior scared me and I hoped that coming out tonight—especially this far away from them—I would have answers to all the questions. Finally, Brice sighed heavily, stopping in mid-stride to turn towards me. Even in the darkness, I saw his bright eyes. “Okay.” The night air was still and calm and my voice pierced right through it. I winced internally at that, but continued. “What do you want to talk about, Brice?” Interlocking his fingers, he brought both of his arms behind his neck where he glanced uneasily towards the dark sky scattered with millions of bright, twinkling stars. “You were awfully quiet in there.” I chuckled uneasily. “There was enough commotion; I thought you did fine without me butting in.” “What do you think? About me going to college, I mean?” He locked his gaze on mine. “I think it sounds…” I hesitated. Brice had always been truthful with me and I wanted to return the favor, but the fact that he wanted to go to college unsettled me for some reason, but I wasn’t sure why. But nevertheless, it did startle me and the least I could do was return the same truthfulness Brice had given me… right? I inhaled deeply, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake. “Honestly, I don’t feel comfortable about it.” He closed his eyes, hanging his head. “Figured you’d say that.” “What’s going on, Brice?” I took a step forward. “Like I said in the house, I want to get away for a while.” “And college is the way to do that?”

“I don’t like to hide away in the mountains like a criminal.” “You can get a job or something like that. College isn’t the only option so that you don’t have to hide in the trees.” “Maybe I want an education.” “Maybe?” I questioned back at him, arching my eyebrows. A heavy sigh escaped his lips again and he opened his eyes, looking through the trees. “Brice?” I stepped closer to him. My ‘inner wolf’ could sense the way he felt. He felt skittish and worried; anxiety was thick in his mood and that made me feel uneasy. “What is really going on?” His jaw clenched as he gazed at me. “Kelsie will never forgive me for leaving.” That wasn’t what was bothering him. I knew that. But maybe if I let him steer the conversation for a while, he would come back around to the truth. I hoped that would be the case, anyway. “Probably not.” “I need you to promise me something, Olivia?” “What?” My body tensed automatically. “As Kelsie’s best friend, will you watch her while I’m gone? She will be moody, angry, and seem like she has a split personality at times, but she’ll go crazy if she doesn’t have someone to vent to.” He shifted uneasily. “Kelsie is my friend.” I agreed. “I will continue to be that after you leave. I’ll watch over her.” “Thank you.” “Do you the first time I came over to your house?” I knew that I was beginning to walk on egg shells, but when he mentioned Kelsie’s name and watching over her took me back to a memory almost a year ago. It was that memory that made me feel slightly ‘uncomfortable’ about this whole college thing.

Brice nodded after thinking for a moment. “Yeah. You and Kelsie had that lab in Physics or something.” “I ed you for dinner… .” I pressed, confronting him. His body stiffened suddenly and his eyes closed slowly as if he’d been caught. I didn’t wait for him to respond before I continued. “Kelsie mentioned me going with her to college. Marianne and you immediately interrupted, saying that she didn’t want to go to college. You acted as if she wasn’t ‘allowed’ to go to college?” He swallowed loudly. “She isn’t.” “Then how can you go?” “My sister is…” He looked at me, searching for the right words as his eyebrows drew down tightly over his eyes before he came up with the right ones. “I don’t think she realizes the full danger of what she is and the damage that she can do. She is reckless and at times careless. You’ve seen that, haven’t you?” Though I disliked the way he was talking about Kelsie and I hated to it it, I knew he was right. She took several chances and she did act slightly reckless. I nodded. “That’s why Wyann isn’t real keen on letting her enter high school this year. He doesn’t really trust what she will do on her own. Mom sometimes worries that she has a split personality.” He shrugged helplessly. “Why go off to college then? It doesn’t make sense.” “There’s something I have to do.” He stepped forward, biting his lower lip as he stared intently into my eyes, pleading with me. “Have you ever told anyone what happened while Cliff had you?” I immediately stepped away from him, flinching at his question. Where did that come from? “That’s none of your business!” The words came out snappier than I intended them to and my heart began to beat painfully in my chest.

“Cliff talked to you, didn’t he?” Brice didn’t pay any attention to my snappy statement. “Of course he did.” “What did he tell you, Olivia?” Again, his eyes were pleading. I stiffened, grinding my teeth together. “What does Cliff have to do with this?” “Did he threaten you in any way, Olivia?” “Why?” “Did he?” Brice demanded almost angrily, continuing to come towards me. “No!” “Who did he threaten, then?” “What does it matter?” “Please?” He begged, his voice almost sounding as if he was in pain. Pain always made me break. I gave in, lifting and letting my arms fall to my sides. “He made a deal with me that said Mark would be safe…” “And if you didn’t make the deal?” He quickly interrupted; the deal was not what he was concerned about. “Mark will be angry if he finds out, Brice. He’ll go off to hunt…” “Mark has nothing to do with this! None of them do, Olivia. This is between you and me. Just trust me. Please?” Now my eyes closed as I inhaled deeply through my nose, my body shaking. “Cliff threatened Mark, the pack, and my family.” A long exhale came from Brice’s lips and he nodded to himself. “Thank you.” “What does that have to do with anything?” I demanded coldly.

“I… I can’t tell you.” “Oh good grief!” I threw my hands in the air in exasperation. “I’m part of this pack now, and people are still keeping secrets from me!” “Look, as far as you know, I’m going to college. I’m helping with the pack in Nevada, and doing a good duty. That’s all you need to know.” My head continued to spin. “And is that correct?” “Yes. I’m going to college and I will be helping out.” “And?” I pressed, knowing darn good and well that there was more. “And don’t be too hard on Mark for not allowing you to be with your family. He’s overly protective, especially of you. But it’s Wyann who makes the final call. Now, after you spend a few years at this and get used to it, Wyann might change his mind and you can have with your family. Just be patient.” That was not what I expected Brice to say, but it caught me off guard. “Do you think that’s likely?” “I’m being allowed to be in human society; in public. Kelsie is being watched carefully. You’re new, and they are taking more precautions than ever. Too many people have seen us; too many rumors are going around. They’re being extra careful. But if you be extremely careful, Olivia, I’m confident that in a few years, they’ll let you have with your family.” Even the possibility of being able to actually see my sister and both of my brothers in person and just giving them a hug was enough to make my heart swell with hope and happiness. Who knew that being distant from my sister, and brothers would cause this much pain and discomfort? “Do you promise to watch over my sister?” Brice wondered, turning back towards the house and beginning to walk again. Pushing away from the tree I had leaned against, I fell in step beside him, wringing my hands together. “Yes.” “Oh, and Olivia?”

“Hmm?” “Some of our ‘supposed’ enemies are a lot closer than you think. Be careful.”

The bed creaked softly as I laid on top of the covers, watching as Mark’s blue eyes narrowed and the corners of his lips pulled down into a frown. “What is it?” Reaching for his hand, I lifted it into the air, pulling it around my shoulders before laying beside him, staring into his beautiful blue eyes. The frown was still taking over his face as he gently traced his finger tips over the side of my face. “Livia, what are you doing?” His voice was gentle as his blue eyes smoldered. “It’s pretty simple,” I hoped that my voice sounded seductive as I leaned across to nestle my head against Mark’s chest, “I’m nestling against the man I love.” To my relief, Mark chuckled faintly, his fingers combing through my loose hair. I felt his lips press against the top of my head and hope began to stir in my heart. “Yes, that is simple. But I thought you went to bed.” “Technically, I’m in bed.” “No.” Mark’s lips pressed against the top of my head once more before he placed his fingers under my chin, lifting my head to where my eyes had to look into his. “You’re lying on my bed.” I swallowed hard. “We’ve shared it before.” “Olivia…” Mark sighed my name painfully, closing his eyes as he shook his head. Leaning away from him, I pulled myself up into a sitting position while glaring at him. “I don’t understand. Is it because I’m not human anymore that you don’t care for me? Do I not ‘attract’ you like I did when I was human? Make me understand.” “It has nothing to do with you not being human, Livia.” “Then what?” I threw my hands in the air. The whole night had been confusing. Everything was changing and Brice’s threat that he told me just a few hours ago

continued to roll around in my head. But all that would be bearable if Mark would just love me. Why didn’t he? “You’ve barely touched me since I changed. You have this ridiculous thing about sleeping in separate rooms. Sharing the same bed hadn’t bothered you before when I was still living with Christine. Or is that why? Now that I have no escape and have to live with you, you no longer care to have me anymore?” Anger laid thickly in my voice. Opening his eyes, Mark took my hand in his despite the attempt I made to pull it back. His eyes were burning with anxiety. “Never before have you been so entirely wrong.” “Then what is the right reason why you no longer love me?” “Again, you’re wrong. I love you, Livia. I love you more now than I ever have before, but…” “But?” I pressed before he could trail off as his voice threatened to do. He sat up, taking both of my hands in his own and his gaze locking on mine. “You’re seventeen.” A sharp gasp filled the room, but I didn’t realize it was from me. “My birthday has already come and gone.” “Yes, and you had already changed before your birthday.” “So what you’re saying is that you will never let me share the same bed as you because I will always be a minor?” Though I desperately tried to keep the pain out of my voice, I failed. “Livia.” Mark’s voice was soft as he pressed the palm of his hand against the side of my face. “Before we left last Spring, I made a mistake. I should have never taken advantage of you like that.” “I wouldn’t call it taking advantage.” “I would.” Regret flowed through his voice. “I loved you and I knew that eventually the pack would have to leave. I let those emotions override everything else. If I’d known how things would have turned out… If I knew that you would have changed anyway and that there could be a different outcome, I

wouldn’t have done what I did; I would have waited and done things right.” “It wasn’t taking advantage!” I argued defiantly. “Just… I want to do things right from now on. Please, will you just give me a chance?” How could he make it right, now? We’d made love when I was seventeen, before he left. We’d shared the same bed and we had no trouble at all being together. Now that I was already eighteen, ‘technically’, he wanted to do things right? How could that happen? I would always be seventeen until whenever I aged, and no one knew when that would be. “Technically, I’m already eighteen. How can you make it more right than that, Mark?” A slow, sly smile stretched across his lips as he picked up my left hand, tracing the outlines of my veins with his finger tips. “Give me three weeks, Olivia?” “Again with the three weeks!” I grumbled, rolling my eyes. The ‘three weeks’ had been mentioned over a matter of times tonight. It was beginning to drive me crazy. What was happening in three weeks? “What is so special about three weeks?” He grinned again, pushing my nose in with his index finger lightly. “You will see in three weeks. Will you allow me that, Olivia?” Every fiber of my body wanted to tell him ‘no’. I wanted to know what was going on right now. I wanted to tear this ridiculous wall down. But if this wall would be torn down in three weeks when he supposedly ‘made things right’, I could wait that long. Couldn’t I? “What about this wall?” “Wall?” Mark frowned. “Can’t you feel the wall building between us, separating us? I’m scared that it’s going to get cemented soon, and there’ll be no way to tear it down.” He chuckled again, shaking his head. “Oh, Livia. There is no wall. I promise you that.”

“And in three weeks…” “Things will be right and there will never, ever be a wall between us again.” “I’m going to start counting down the days.” Lines crinkled around Mark’s eyes as he continued to grin childishly. “I have been counting down the days since you ‘changed’.” Again, another gasp escaped my lips. It hadn’t been three weeks forever. I left to meet Cliff at the end of June, just shortly after school got out. When had I changed, then? Early July? I’d been this for two months, basically, as it was just the beginning of September. Whatever the ‘three weeks’ was, at one time it had been two months, which would have been what, eight weeks, maybe? Where had the wall come from, then? If Mark had been planning this for months, and if he truly wasn’t pulling away, where was this wall coming from? It started to build just a matter of weeks ago. Gazing into Mark’s shimmering blue eyes, however, I couldn’t imagine the wall coming from him. Was it truly me, then? Was I the one building this ridiculous wall, wanting to put space between us? If it was indeed me who was doing it, what would explain that? I loved this man sitting in front of me with all my heart and I couldn’t wait for the three weeks to be over. Why would I have been building an invisible wall between us? Why would I want that? The thought scared me and I shivered slightly, trailing my fingers over Mark’s bare arm. “Keeping my distance from you has been a feat I almost fail at everyday. But I made it this long.” He leaned closer to me suddenly, his fingers brushing lightly across the back of my neck. My thoughts began to scatter and I wanted to lean just slightly forward and press my lips to his. How long had it been since we’d last kissed? “Now you’re making it merely impossible to succeed, Livia. How will I survive the three weeks?” Sarcasm flowed heavily in his voice, but I could hear the sincerity in it. I grinned seductively, leaning forward to hesitate just centimeters away from his lips. My heart was not the only one that raced wildly. “Let me make it easier for

you,” I whispered into the darkness of the room, letting my eyes halfway close as I could almost feel his lips against mine, “I’ll sleep in my bedroom for three more weeks.” Pulling away from him, I felt a deep ache in my chest, but the hope was stronger than it had been for a long time, too. Our relationship wasn’t over, and though it would continue this way—distance between us—for three more weeks, I could handle that. In three more weeks I would be able to feel his lips against mine. As long as I had that to hang on to, I could wait. “I promise you that things will be different in three weeks.” Mark stated softly as I moved towards the door, the silk nightgown that Marianne had given me a few weeks ago sliding over my body. “They will be.” I agreed, kissing my fingertips and then blowing the invisible kiss towards Mark who grinned, his face turning a soft red complexion as I stepped out the door. “Good night.” “Good night.” He whispered in a faint voice behind me. My heart felt jagged as I moved to the end of the hall on the third floor, closing my two double-doors to my bedroom. My bedroom was the master bedroom, the one that Mark had slept in originally. He demanded that I sleep in the master bedroom. The fact that we had to sleep in different bedrooms unsettled me deeply, but I didn’t argue with him. After all, this was his house. But now that I knew it would only be three more weeks of which I would share this bedroom alone—at least I hoped that was the case—it made the pain bearable. As I crawled underneath the covers and stared out the window at the darkness and the millions of twinkling stars scattered throughout the sky, I couldn’t help but wonder what was so special about the date in three weeks. As I tried to figure out what it was, sleep quickly overcame me and I didn’t try to fight it. I welcomed the darkness and the chance to escape all the questions that whirled through me. But even in sleep, I couldn’t get rid of Brice’s threat and the cold sweat that beaded across my forehead of what, exactly, his threat meant.

Six

With the utensil in my hand, I pushed the eggs around the skillet. Over the last few weeks I could barely separate myself from Kelsie since Brice’s leaving for Nevada. She was always around, teasing me about this and that. For some reason she always came back around to teasing me about my cooking and I refused— refused—to remain ignorant on the whole cooking issue. I was going to get better. Mark stood in the background coaching me when Kelsie wasn’t here. I’d made several mistakes at my last few attempts, but I think I was doing better. At least, I hoped I was. Course, today it was hard to concentrate on cooking. Just as I’d promised Mark, I was counting down the days—as well as hours, minutes, and seconds—until the day of ‘three weeks’ arrived. That day was today, and the butterflies continued to fly wildly in my stomach. Today I would finally get the answer to my question; today things would be made right; today the wall would crumble between us. Apparently Mark’s train of thought seemed to follow mine as his arms encircled around my waist from behind me. He breathed against my neck and the butterflies scattered in my stomach. There was a faint snapping noise as I squeezed the utensil just a little too hard, snapping it in two. I reached for another one as Mark sighed contently, skimming his nose across my neck. “Mm, it smells good.” He murmured, his breath tickling my skin. “Aren’t you glad I’m such a good cook?” I teased, pushing the scrambled eggs around the skillet. “It wasn’t the food I was talking about.” My hand shook at his statement. I gulped. “Well, if the food will be any good, I

can’t afford any distractions.” Mark laughed. “This distracts you?” “As, I’m sure, it distracts everyone you’re with.” I pointed out, reaching for the hot pads. Again, Mark laughed as he pulled away. My heart pounded viciously in my chest as I got the table ready, anxious for the answers. “I wouldn’t know about that.” Mark confessed, leaning back easily in his chair at the table. “What do you mean?” My shoes squeaked against the polished hard wood floor of his kitchen as I placed the skillet of eggs on the hot pad. “I’ve never breathed down any one’s neck besides yours.” His confession caught me off guard. “Come on, you can’t be serious. I’m not your…” “You’re my first in every sense of the word.” Winking at me, he turned to dish up his plate. A shaky exhale escaped my lips. I didn’t know why, but for some reason I hadn’t anticipated nor thought of the fact that I was Mark’s first. I had an extremely hard time wrapping my head around that. Mark was so handsome, it was impossible. “Well, Mr. Walker, I have a very hard time believing that.” Clucking my tongue sadly, I followed his lead, beginning to dish up my plate. “Mm, why is that?” Mark wondered. “Because I just… I can’t believe it. You never had a girlfriend before?” He shook his head. “Not even before you changed?”

Clasping his hands together, he met my gaze from across the table, sighing. “I wasn’t interested in that, actually. I have been single forever… until the day you walked into my life. Or, actually, I guess a better definition would be the day you walked into class for the first time and nearly sat on me because you weren’t really there”—he tapped his fingers lightly against his head—“mentally.” Again, I found myself gulping. “For that,” He continued, “I’m grateful because that means I can appreciate you all the more. You are my first and only person that I could love.” Emotions flickered and blazed in my heart that I never knew existed before. For the moment, all my wolf instincts vanished, replaced by pure human ones. “What about you? Am I the first person who’s ever breathed down your neck?” Mark asked in a very ionate tone. It sounded as if he’d dipped his voice in honey. “No… well, no, actually, you aren’t.” A frown ceased his face. “No?” “Nope.” “May I ask what he was like? Your boyfriend, I mean?” Though his face was casual enough, I could hear the raging curiosity in it. “He wasn’t my boyfriend.” I itted, trying to hold back violent laughter when the casual and curious face crumpled into confusion. “It was my dad.” “Really?” The curiosity returned. “Yep. I was driving our ATV that he’d just gotten. We were riding beside a canal and I saw something dark going up the water so I stopped because it looked odd. I asked my dad if it was a snake, because that’s what it looked like, and he said no it was a stick because it was too straight and still to be a snake.” I tried to hold back my laughter at the memory. “Anyway, as it got right even with us, it suddenly moved in a zigzag way, meaning it was indeed a snake. And I punched my thumb against the gas throttle and the ATV lurched forward. Dad immediately leaned forward to grasp the handle bars to keep from falling off the

back and he breathed down my neck in the process.” Even now I chuckled at the memory, feeling the familiar sting of tears when I thought of my dad. Mark chuckled softly, reaching for my hand in understanding. “That sounds very romantic.” I hooted with laughter. “Oh, it’s very romantic indeed to have your dad cussing in your ear because you almost threw him off the four-wheeler while he’s panting down your neck trying to reach for the brake.” He chuckled warmly. “That makes us all the more the same. You are my”—he lifted his hands, quoting—“‘first’ and…” “And you are mine.” Again, I smiled at the man I loved; I would always love him. I’m surprised my heart didn’t burst in my chest from all the love I held for this man. But still, there were so many questions. Questions about why we had been so distant if, indeed, we were meant for each other. Questions about why this date was so special. “Does that make us crazy?” Mark suddenly wondered aloud, pulling me away from my thoughts. “No. It’s sweet.” I knew my words had to be true, they had to be. This wasn’t awkward nor was it strange; it was sweet and romantic. Mark nodded, his lips puckering slightly as he continued to think this over. Clearing my throat as I finished the last of my food, I placed my forearms on the table. “Okay. It’s been three weeks.” “So it has.” Mark chuckled to himself, his eyes sparkling as he gazed at me from across the table. “Do you what happened exactly one year ago from today?” My heart rate sped up without my permission and the butterflies scattered again. I stood, gathering the plates to place them in the sink where the dish water was already waiting.

I tried to think back to what had exactly happened a year ago from today. I couldn’t place it. It hadn’t been a year yet when he’d taken me home for the first time and we ‘officially’ talked after Kelsie had squeezed my arm tightly. It hadn’t been a year yet when I finally allowed myself to grieve for my parents. It hadn’t been a year yet when I found out the truth about ‘them’. And it definitely hadn’t been a year yet since we made love for the first time. But something had happened a year ago from today, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. “Come on a walk with me,” Mark pleaded. He stood beside me at the sink, twining his fingers through mine as he began to move towards the door. Leaving the plates soaking in the dish water, I allowed Mark to pull me out of the house and lead me deep into the forest. It seemed that we spent more time out in the forest than in the house. But I guess that even when I was human, I spent more time outside with ‘my wolf’ than in the house. Even with Mark before I found out that he was a wolf, we spent a majority of our time in the forest. It was quickly becoming routine. Birds were chirping high in the trees as we moved deeply into the forest. Deer and elk were grazing contently in an open part of the forest just a few miles from where we stood. Flies and gnats were buzzing around while humming birds sucked the rest of the juices from flowers; all preparing for the Autumn and Winter season. Autumn was most definitely here now. The Quaky trees no longer had bright green colored leaves, but yellow and orange colored instead. Some were even brown, giving evidence for the quickly approaching winter months. Just thinking about the Winter season made me shiver. I never really liked Winter. The months were too cold, the snow miserable, and the roads bad with black ice. Of course, none of that mattered now. We, as wolves, didn’t really feel the cold. We never felt any temperature, really. But there would still be snow on the ground, and snow made things miserable. But we had a better way of getting around now that didn’t require driving, so did it really matter how bad the roads were? It wasn’t just the cold, the snow, or the ice that made me uneasy about the Winter season, however. There were too many holidays in the Winter. There was Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve and then New Year’s Day, Valentine’s

Day, and St. Patrick’s Day. But Thanksgiving and Christmas were the only holidays that I was really dreading. It was around Thanksgiving time when I lost my parents. I’d insisted on spending a few nights with my grandparents, which required my parents to pick me up, which resulted in them dying. Every holiday and Thanksgiving after that was hard enough, but now it would be even harder. Harder this year because it wouldn’t be just my parents that would be gone during these holidays. Christine and Drake, Henry, Wes and Shauna and their two kids, and sometimes my Uncle Levi and Aunt Poly, Uncle Drew and Aunt Karen had been there for the big turkey day, but this last year it had just been Christine, Drake, and I, and neither Thanksgiving nor Christmas was very fun. But this year it would be worse. The only family I would be spending those holidays with would be the pack, if even that. At least I would have Mark, and I gave thanks for that. My hand automatically tightened around his at the thought. Being so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t know where we were until we stepped through the trees. I gasped as the slow creek ran by in front of us with the large boulder as its shoulder. The bright blue water bubbled slightly as it traveled over a few rocks, pebbles, and a few small branches that had fallen into the water from a windstorm. It was my place. My haven. Or, to be correct, it used to be my place and haven. I hadn’t been here in forever. Since Mark and the pack left, I had no need to come here. The wolf who I’d poured my heart out to had been gone. The man that I loved and spent so much time here with was gone, too. Nothing was here anymore and I’d avoided this spot. Even after I changed, I avoided it. I didn’t really know why I avoided it now. Maybe because it was more open than any other spot in the forest and I feared being seen. Or maybe it was because it was close to Christine’s and I worried about meeting her. Or maybe it reminded me of being normal and I wanted to avoid it. I couldn’t be sure.

“Our place,” Mark announced, shaking our entwined hands as he spoke. “We shouldn’t…” I began to pull back, pulling away. My throat walls were closing in and it was hard to breathe. “Olivia.” Mark grasped my shoulders, holding me in place as he looked firmly into my eyes. “It’s okay.” He assured. “But what if Christine comes? What if she sees us? We shouldn’t be here.” Again, I tried to pull back. Mark held me while I continued to pull back, but why was I pulling back? I’d give anything to have my sister back in my life. Even if I could see her in person and tell her a good and proper good-bye, I would be happy. So it confused me as I continued to try to pull away from this place. I wanted to see her in person; I did, so why was I pulling away, claiming to be worried that she would see us? There was definitely another reason why I didn’t feel comfortable here, but I didn’t know why. I just knew that we shouldn’t be here, which didn’t make sense. Perhaps it was just that memories hung here. Memories of being normal, memories of first coming here with Mark and being near the ‘white wolf’. For a slight second, I was taken back to the first day I found this spot. I hadn’t feared the white wolf when I called to him, begging him to come to me. I loved him and I knew that I could trust him. Even now, thinking back on it, I felt more trust for the wolf than Mark, and that scared me. I stopped resisting then. “It’s fine, trust me.” Mark stated calmly and patiently, feeling my body relax from resisting. “Both, Christine and Drake are at work. We’re safe here, I promise.” “Why are we here?” I wondered, turning to him. A sly smile danced around his lips, his eyes sparkling, shining more than usual. He was definitely up to something. “It was the only place.” “The only place?” The odd feeling of uneasiness from being here eased as I

knew that Mark was finally going to tell me what I’d been waiting three weeks to hear. “Mm-hmm.” His face was actually glowing. “Now will you tell me what is so special about this date?” Mark smiled, a distant look coming into his eyes as he thought back to a memory that made his eyes sparkle. “Even though it was over a year ago when you started school and I saw you for the first time, it was a year from this date—two and a half weeks after school started—when we ‘officially’ met. I count that day as the day that we truly met and started our relationship.” Surprisingly enough, no gasp escaped my lips. Rather than gasping, however, my legs gave out beneath me and I sank to a fallen tree, running my hands over my face in shock. The memory washed clearly through my mind as if it had happened just yesterday: I could feel the stiffness in my body, the shock as everything was bright and fresh. I felt the anxiety with the baby faced boy—Joey—walking me to my English class, telling me ‘scary stories’ about the forest. I ed feeling shocked as I entered the classroom. It wasn’t the bluetopped tables instead of desks that I had sat at that had shocked me the most; it was the man sitting next to me. His hair was as white as snow. I’d gotten a glimpse of him in the parking lot with Kelsie before seeing him in the classroom, and at that first glimpse he’d looked older, but up close he looked young. He looked young in a distinguished way. Every time his blue eyes met mine, I was in a trance. I couldn’t breathe steadily and my heart was always beating too fast. The only thing to make me coherent was when that broke. Staring into Mark’s blue eyes now, I felt very coherent. My heart was racing, but was that from the love he had in his eyes or was that from the realization of what this date meant? “Yes.” I smiled at the memory, longing to reach for Mark and press my lips against his. “It was the official day of which we met and started our relationship.”

He stepped forward then, taking both my hands in his and rubbing them together. “I don’t know if I have a right to ask for your love anymore after what I’ve put you through, Olivia. Because of me, you can’t have any with your family. Because of me, you had been stuck with Cliff. I put you through…” The words continued on, but I couldn’t hear them. Everything droned out then and I couldn’t bear it. Without thinking about it, I stood, arching up on my toes where I weaved my fingers through his long hair and sealed his lips with mine. At first his lips were hesitant, surprised. I tangled my fingers in his hair, internally smiling at the way his hair felt tightly wrapped between my fingers. I ed the first time I’d been with him in his wolf form and tangled my fingers in his ‘ruff’. His hands were suddenly on either side of my face and his lips were no longer hesitant, but urgent. They were filled with ion, more ion than ever before. It’d been nearly two months since we kissed, and this was almost like a reunion. Unfortunately, Mark pulled away too soon, gasping for air as he pressed his forehead tightly against mine, his eyes closed. “You still bring out the worst in me.” He teased breathlessly. “At least I’m still bringing out something.” My quavering voice didn’t hold as much sarcasm as I’d hoped. Laughing, Mark pulled away slowly, running the back of his fingers over the side of my face. “You have every right to ask for my love, Mark. It feels like I’ve known you and loved you a lot longer than a year. It seems impossible to have only known you a year. I want to be with you forever.” “Forever.” Mark repeated, smiling faintly as he reached for my left hand. “Then let’s make it official.” “Official?” Confusion ran in my mind as a strange look entered Mark’s sparkling eyes and he rubbed his thumb across my fingers, hesitating at my third finger on my left hand.

Never releasing my hand, Mark slowly knelt on one knee, reaching into his pocket with his free hand. “I know that this is out of fashion now, and that no one ever drops to one knee to ask for a woman to become theirs now. “But what I’m about to ask isn’t new fashion, it is old fashioned. I’m not asking for you to become mine, Olivia Mayor, I’m asking for your permission so that I can became yours.” My heart pounded so hard in my chest it was almost painful. My eyes felt strange and it was only after I blinked that I realized tears filled them. Was it that Mark was actually proposing that made me cry? Or was it that he switched the question around so that it felt like he was becoming mine? It was always the men asking for women to become theirs, but he wanted to become mine. That alone made my heart pound harder. Before I ever met Mark, I never had any desire to marry. I didn’t want to be tied down to a man the rest of my life. I didn’t want to have to fix him meals and care for a family. I didn’t want to have to receive permission before I could go to the grocery store or something. And I didn’t want to get yelled at for being in town five more minutes than what I’d said before I left. But Mark wasn’t asking me to become his. He was asking if he could become mine. That put a whole different perspective to things. Even if he hadn’t changed to asking it in that certain way, however, I couldn’t picture myself saying anything but yes. I loved Mark, I loved him with all my heart and I did want to marry him, but what about everything else? I had a family, a human family still. If I said yes to his proposal, and if we did marry and have a life together, what would happen after that? Would we stay here, or would we move? What about my sister and brothers? What about my grandparents, uncles and aunts? What about my family? What about the past I had? However, marrying Mark wouldn’t change the outcome to any of those things. Even if Mark moved, I would have to move, too. I was part of this pack and though I was free to up with any other pack, I would stay with them. It was already demanded that I stay away from my family.

This choice of what answer to give Mark had no affect on my family at all. It just affected Mark and I. As he’d just put it, it made being together forever official. “Olivia Mayor, will you let me marry you?” His voice shook as he asked this question, his blue eyes burning into mine, almost pleading with me. I couldn’t help but laugh at the pleading in his eyes. “Yes, Mark Daniel Walker, I will let you marry me.” “Yes!” He slid the ring onto my finger then, the sparkle never fading from his eyes. “This is just the engagement ring. It’s nothing fancy, but your wedding ring will be different. I promise.” Wiggling my fingers, the steel band shimmered in the fall sunlight. It wasn’t really the ring at all that warmed my heart. It was just something that announced that I officially belonged to someone—or in this case, someone officially belonged to me—and the looks of it didn’t matter. Mark continued, reaching into his pocket. “Would you like to see your wedding ring?” “Of course.” It wasn’t really the fact that I wanted to see it, even if he didn’t have a ring it didn’t really matter to me, but his voice was filled with excitement. That excitement quickly spread over to me and I almost felt giddy as Mark carefully held the ring out to me. My fingers trembled ever so slightly as I took it, holding it in the sunlight just right. It was a small ring with a diamond on the very top, reflecting the sun rays in all different directions. It wasn’t the diamond, however, that caught my attention. On the inside of the band was an engraving, and I turned the ring in just the right manner where I could barely read it.

Livia, I’ll always be yours forever. Love your wolf, Mark.

“Oh, Mark.” Once again, I felt moisture swimming in my eyes as I ed the ring back to him and waited until he put it back in the box and then into his pocket before I lunged, wrapping my arms securely around his neck. Nestling my head deep into his chest, I let the tears fill my eyes as his arms encircled me and his lips pressed against the top of my head again and again. “I will always love you; no matter what.” Mark promised, rubbing my lower back gently. “You’re right.” I pulled away just enough to gaze into his blue, shimmering eyes. “You are my wolf, and I’m never, ever going to let you go.” He grinned mockingly, his eyes holding a mischievous edge to them. “Is that a threat, future Mrs. Walker?” A strange feeling seeped through every pore of my body as he used his last name that would be mine in the near future. It made little giggles burst from my lips. “It is.” “Hmm.” He frowned just as he reached down suddenly. He knocked my knees out from beneath my weight, his arm streaking out and catching me just before I fell. Holding me in his arms, he spun around. “It looks like I have you, now.” I growled playfully, running my fingers through his hair. “Don’t ever let go.” “Never.” He promised as he leaned down, his lips pressing against mine. His long hair fell over his shoulder, closing in around our faces. It felt like curtains being drawn with a play after the ending when the guy had the girl of his dreams in his arms, but this wasn’t the ending. It was only the beginning.

Seven

Would you hold still!” Kelsie screeched from her knees in front of me, pulling down the under skirt of the dress. A flood of strange emotions snuck up on me as I stared at my reflection in the mirrors—all three of them. My complexion was white; not red, not rosy pink, but white. I was pale. And this white wedding dress with a mile long train washed out the rest of the color in my face. The reflection in the mirror reminded me of someone else, someone I shuddered to think of. I couldn’t think about who, and what, I looked like drained of color. I couldn’t think about Cliff today. Since agreeing to marry Mark—or agreeing to let him marry me—the image of Cliff kept running through my mind again and again and fear held me captive. Not for the wedding, not from having second thoughts about being with Mark the rest of my life, but Cliff. I agreed to ‘the deal’ that Cliff offered so many months ago in order to protect Mark and my family—that I become Cliff’s in that Mark and the rest of my family would be safe. I did. But Mark got in the way. Would Cliff still come after him? Of course he would, it was silly to think that he wouldn’t. I’d said yes to the deal, yes, but I wasn’t Cliff’s now. And to make it far much worse than me not simply becoming his, I was becoming Mark’s. My hands were wet with perspiration and my heart never fully calmed down to the regular beat. Being in public in a small store with people—humans— certainly didn’t help. But they weren’t what made me so edgy. I’d had several nightmares the last few nights about Cliff hunting us down. What would happen then? Were we even safe? How long until Cliff would wait before he came for us? Was there any way I could protect Mark or my family? Brice’s words kept swimming through my head that he spoke the other night. I looked at his words from every angle. They meant that someone was on the

inside. They weren’t ‘exactly’ our enemy, but they were close enough. But was this ‘enemy’ who wasn’t really an enemy a part of us; someone we all trusted? The thought made me shiver and I couldn’t help but glance down nervously at my ring. What damage would be caused by my marrying Mark? Our wedding was in exactly one month from today—May. Now I had known Mark for over a year. It seemed that every day our love grew, but the wall was still visible. It couldn’t be Mark who was building it. Happiness never faded from his eyes and he always brought up the subject of our wedding. It had to be me building the wall, but why? Was it because of Cliff? Or was it that I was still —unconsciously—skittish about marrying? Deciding when we would marry was very hard to decide. We both wanted to get married as soon as possible, but like the date we’d gotten engaged, our marriage date had to mean something. If it wasn’t an ‘anniversary’ of some sort, the month had to bring something with it. May came up a couple of times, but it was on Christmas Day when we finally decided. Mark thought that New Year’s Day would have been a good date; the beginning of a new, wonderful full year. But to me, it wasn’t the beginning. May was the beginning. Flowers are blooming in May, animals are being born and Spring is in the air. Mark quickly agreed when I suggested it and we would be getting married in exactly one month, and the worry never left my veins. The actual thought of marrying Mark didn’t have me worried. Even Thanksgiving and Christmas were bearable with Mark there. Everyone ed us for dinner on Christmas—including Brice and Marianne—and that had been very nice. It still wasn’t the same without Christine, at least, but it was bearable. Mark made it that way. Therefore, marrying Mark wasn’t what continued to pull at my heart and make me wonder if I should cancel my future with him. It was Cliff’s face that leapt behind my eyelids time and time again that worried me. I shivered. “Well?” Kelsie asked, grunting as she rose to her feet; something a human would have done. “What do you think?”

Pushing Cliff and the fear away, I inhaled deeply before examining myself in this dress with the three mirrors again. My face was still chalky and pale, but was that from the dress or the worry? I wasn’t sure. Focusing on the dress, I couldn’t help but wince at the way it looked. It clung precisely to every curve of my body. Most of my chest was bare, and if it would be just barely lower, my breasts would have been exposed. It was frilly, and though it reached clear down to my feet, it was ‘skanky’, in my opinion. I didn’t like it. All the dresses I’d tried on so far didn’t work. But my wedding was in a month —I refused to even think about cancelling it—and I needed to get a wedding dress. Kelsie threatened that today would be the day, and it did have to be the day. There was much more work involved than simply buying the dress. After it was officially ‘mine’, Kelsie, Marianne and I would have to make adjustments to make it fit me just right. On top of that we needed to make arrangements for the church and find the perfect pair of high heels, and get flowers. Kelsie demanded that I choose which flowers I wanted. And there was the cake to pick out, too. Everyone seemed to be blowing this wedding way out of proportion. None of my family would be there. It would only be the pack and Marianne who attended. There was no need for flowers or music or cake. Even the wedding dress and the church almost seemed like too much. Searching for the perfect dress was tiring. I wanted it to be over with already. I wanted to just buy a dress and get it done and over with. Looking long and hard at this dress, I willed myself to like it. I tried to force myself to, but I couldn’t. Kelsie sighed heavily. It was a sigh I heard many times before as she hung her head. “You don’t like this dress.” Her voice was thick with disappointment. She loved frilly dresses like this with the mile long train and the trifles everywhere.

“Sorry, Kelsie,” I did feel sorry. I truly did. Why couldn’t I just make myself like one dress? After all, I would only have to wear it for a few hours and that would be all. It didn’t really matter, so why was none of them working? “Well point to the one you like best, please? We are not going home empty handed!” The threat in her voice was menacing. “Fine, fine.” I huffed, glancing around the store quickly. “Come on, it’s not that hard.” She argued, getting impatient as I took my time, letting my eyes swipe over each dress with time and care. At least she was right about one thing; it shouldn’t be that hard to find a dress. I kept that in mind as I moved my eyes over each dress. None of them caught my eye, except one. “That one,” With a flick of my finger, I pointed to the dress on the rack in the very back of the store. It was—for humans—hard to see as it was pushed into the back so far. It was nothing fancy, really. It was a pure white dress with skinny straps over the shoulders, sparkling sequins on the front, and it did have a bit of a train, but nothing too hard to handle. The veil hung gracefully beside it, and even that, too, wasn’t too out of proportion. It was white, sparkling a little bit, but it didn’t go all the way down the back like several that Kelsie had forced onto my head did. “That one?” I almost giggled at the horror in Kelsie’s voice. Of course, she would not approve. “I like simple.” I pointed out, making my way very carefully towards it. I had to keep reminding myself that I was wearing a thousand dollar dress and too fast or hard of movements could tear it in two. “Your mom would agree that it looks good.” I reminded Kelsie, knowing that I was right. By the frown on her face, I could tell that I was and I gave a satisfied grunt, reaching out carefully for the simple dress. “It’s beautiful,” I whispered, letting my fingertips run over it. Would wearing the perfect dress make me feel better about marrying the man I loved with all my heart? I hoped it would.

Kelsie huffed beside me, annoyed. “No, that one is beautiful.” She remarked, flicking her fingers towards the ‘fancy-smashy’, low cut dress I wore. “You definitely don’t have good taste, Olivia.” “You think this dress is ugly?” I held the hanger for the ‘simple’ dress firmly in my hand while turning to the dressing room. Beside me, Kelsie sighed heavily, surrendering. “It’s not ugly”—she made a face —“but it’s so simple . . . don’t you want something—oh I don’t know—a bit fashionable to make Mark’s eyes pop?” “Mark’s eyes pop every time he sees me.” I retorted, locking the door in the dressing room. She grunted in irritation as she unzipped the dress, pulling it down. “Here I go through all that work getting this all situated on you, and you hate it. Ugh!” “Sorry, Kels,” The guilt wasn’t as heavy as it was before. At least there was one dress in this universe that appealed to me. “Sure you are.” She griped, continuing to mutter to herself. There was a rap on the door that made both of us jump. “Is everything all right in there?” The employee’s voice rang through the store. She thought she needed to talk loudly for us to hear, but it sounded like she was talking through a microphone that was up all the way. It hurt my ears. Of course, it would only sound that way to Kelsie and I. “Yes, thank you, we’re good.” Kelsie spoke up first, reaching for the lock. “All right, well… Oh!” The employee gasped as the dressing room door swung open and her eyes settled on me. Shock and surprise was thick on her expression before it vanished into a warm, genuine smile. “Oh honey, you definitely need to go with that.” I heard Kelsie grunt beside me. “You do look nice, I suppose.” She reluctantly agreed.

Both of them helped me make my way to the middle of the room where I examined myself in the mirrors at every angle. They were right, I did look good. My face had some color in it now—apparently it must have been the last dress and not my emotions that made me look pale—and the dress wasn’t anything too fancy, but it wasn’t especially simple, either. The best thing about it, however, was that most of my neck was covered. That was very good. For the first time in our dress shopping days, I reached for the veil, carefully tucking it in place before I draped the piece over my face, swallowing hard. “Kelsie?” My voice was hoarse with emotion. “What?” She sounded preoccupied. “We’re going to be taking this dress home with us.” I announced, wincing when I didn’t have much enthusiasm or animation in my voice. The woman clapped, but Kelsie grumbled under her breath, too low for the woman to hear. I chuckled quietly despite the cold, gripping fear of what Cliff would do after I married Mark.

To me, Kelsie drove too slowly on the way back home. Due to my being marked as a ‘run-a-way teen’, we had to go all the way to Montana to get a dress, just as a precaution so that no one—hopefully—recognized me from the television. There were a few times when we went into Oregon and Washington, but the lucky winner was Montana. Now I just wanted to get back home. Now that that one ordeal was over with, I wanted to get home to Mark. I wanted to run beside him in the dark forest tonight, just the two of us and forget entirely about Cliff and convince myself that this was the right thing to do, but from the speed at which Kelsie drove, I wondered if we would be back before the wedding. Like my dad, she drove only about sixty-two miles per hour on a seventy-five miles per hour freeway. Just because we were bringing a dress back with us and I held it carefully on my lap with the plastic, protective case covering it didn’t mean that Kelsie had to drive sixty-two miles an hour. Then again, I was surprised she wasn’t driving like a maniac in attempts to destroy the dress that she hated so badly, but she was accepting my judgment and accepted the fact that I would be wearing this dress, even though she detested it. “Are you planning to get there before the wedding?” I teased, taking a sideways glance at her. The corners of her lips were pulled down at the corners, forming a slight scowl on her face as she glared out the windshield, focusing on something in the distance. She wasn’t paying attention to the road at all. Automatically, my body tensed. “Kelsie?” She still didn’t turn. “Hello! Kelsie, wake up!” I screeched loudly. Finally, she jumped, the car not swerving a fraction as she quickly shook her

head, turning to me. “What?” “Were you planning on getting back before the wedding?” I repeated. “Oh,” Even her voice sounded distant as she picked up speed, continuing to shake her head every now and then. “Okay. What’s up?” She shrugged. “Nothing, I was just thinking.” “About…” I pressed. “I think I know why you were having such a hard time picking out a dress… and why you’re worried about the wedding.” I managed to keep the gasp silent, but my heart twisted painfully in my chest and my breathing came faster. I was certain that my hands had a wet sheen of sweat on them. Worry made my body spasm faintly as I turned to gaze out the window. There was no way of knowing what her thoughts were. She was probably way off from the truth. At least, I tried to convince myself that. “So?” Kelsie pressed, dragging the word out as we took an exit that would take us back home. My hands twisted nervously in my lap. “You think I’m nervous about the wedding?” “Yes.” “Why?” I needed to know what she thought before I said anything. She sighed, flipping off the radio that had been just a faint background noise before she shifted in the seat. “Your parents are both gone, and now you can’t have any with the family you have left. When people get married, their family comes together. Yours won’t and that bothers you, right?” Worry was now replaced by pain as I processed Kelsie’s words. Since the

engagement, that had slipped into my mind on several occasions, but I tried to push it back and not think about it. But after Kelsie brought it up, I couldn’t help but think about it. Tears filled my eyes as I pursed my lips, fighting against them. “Yes.” “I’m sorry.” Kelsie whispered so softly that it was hard to identify the pain in her voice. Hearing the pain in her voice, I pushed my own away to concentrate on hers. “What’s wrong, Kels?” Tears filled her eyes. I’d never seen her cry before and an uneasy feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. “It’s my fault you can’t have any with Christine or the rest of your family . I ruined it for everyone.” “What?” I didn’t ask because I didn’t hear her clearly, I asked because her words couldn’t be true. They made absolutely no sense. “Kelsie, Wyann and Mark told me I couldn’t see or have with them, not you.” “No.” She agreed with a sniff, her hands tightening over the steering wheel. “But they never used to have that rule. If they thought someone would be safe with their family, they could be with their family. But I… I ruined it for everyone!” “That’s not true.” What on earth would make her think that? “It is true. Brice changed eleven years ago, and I was ten. For six and a half years I put up with him acting strange and always being gone. I… I couldn’t stand it! I was his sister and we used to be so close. Things for me changed, and I thought that was why he was always gone. I thought Brice didn’t care about me anymore. “Mom knew that he was different, too, but she gave him his space. Several nights she cried when he left, but after a couple years she stopped and just gave him his space. She was mad, as was I, but she couldn’t do anything about it. It didn’t do any good when she tried, anyway, so she finally just let him be. “Having enough of it all, I followed him one night after he left. I moved in the direction he had. Howls rose all around me, but I ignored them. Well, actually, I followed them. I didn’t know how or why, but I felt like the wolves were involved somehow.”

Kelsie hesitated, her hands tightening around the steering wheel as she glanced in the rearview mirror anxiously and then inhaled deeply as if summoning up courage before she continued. “The howls were closer, but I didn’t realize how close I’d gotten. Just as I heard the snarl rip through the air, I was slammed against the ground. I screamed for my life as the teeth ripped into my skin. Just as the blood started, though, the wolf stopped. “I wishing he wouldn’t have. My body already was in pain; pain was everywhere. My body was twisting. The wolf had already bitten me, and I even begged him to finish me. But he didn’t. He just stood in the background, staring at me. Before I blacked out two other wolves came up. The white one came right up to me and pressed his nose against my face before turning to the one who attacked me. That wolf—my brother—fell to his side and a loud, mournful howl filled the air. I thought I’d hurt him somehow.” She shuddered, squeezing her eyes tightly closed for a second as if the memory taunted her. I could imagine how it would; ing the pain you went through while changing and then realizing later that it was your brother who accidentally changed you. I felt for Kelsie and was relieved that no family member of mine had been responsible for turning me. “No one wanted Brice to go home after they turned him, Olivia. They thought that by him coming back, it would only cause trouble. Especially since we were so close as brother and sister. But Brice didn’t want to leave me and my mom. We lost our dad five years before we came here. I don’t really him, but Brice took the responsibility of the family and he just flat out refused to stay away from us; his two girls, as he called us. “With us, he never lost it. He never showed all his strength. The only thing that did show was his hunger. He was constantly eating. “He left a lot, especially on the night of the full moon. But he was still there and he took care of us. We had no idea that something like a wolf being inside him was there. We just knew that something was wrong. “But that wasn’t good enough for me. I had to know what was happening with my brother and I found it.” She sighed heavily as if she regretted it. As important as it was to find the truth, I couldn’t help but imagine that Kelsie now regretted

feeling the need to have it discovered now. Inhaling deeply again, she continued. “The next morning after the attack, I was exactly what he was, and my body was in pain for a long time. “Brice and I didn’t go home for like two weeks. Mom was very angry. She ed Wyann and Mark—Brice gave us their numbers way before then in case something happened. Mark and Wyann assured her that we were fine, but she just wouldn’t accept it. “It was getting scary, Olivia. Mom was beginning to tramp around the forest just searching for us. She was demanding answers. She went to the police and they began to investigate us. They came so close to finding the truth that it left us only one option. We had to tell Mom. For a long time, I still couldn’t live with her, though. I was too unpredictable. I was worse than any of them. I guess I enjoyed what I was too much.” She took a deep breath as if to calm her nerves before continuing. “If Brice wouldn’t have gone back home, I wouldn’t have gone after him. I would have hated him all my life for abandoning me, but we didn’t even know that Wyann and Mark existed. Mark didn’t go to school then. He was a recluse in that house and he would have remained that way if I hadn’t changed. Because of that, so many things have changed. “I didn’t make it especially easy. I insisted on going to school because I didn’t feel like I was dangerous. I was happy with who I was—what I was. I could contain the strength and everything else. Being a wolf was like second nature. I loved it. Though the others were skeptical, Mark had decided that since I felt so human with whom I was, they’d chance it. We all went to school, got a public life and then the rumors started. “No one associated us with the rumors, but with more in the pack, we were louder. And I have a problem with howling, course I guess you know that. I enjoy who I am, I do, and I don’t want to have to hide it. “That’s why I feel like it’s my fault you can’t be with your family. Maybe it’s not my fault that you’re part of us now, Olivia, but it is my fault that you can’t go see Christine or your other family. I screwed that up for you. If I would have left Brice alone, even if you would have still changed, I really doubt that they would have forced you to stay away from your family. They didn’t with Brice, and he

did fine. But it was me who changed that. It was me who screwed everything up. It’s my fault you can’t have your family in your life. “I’m really sorry about that, Olivia. I had my brother but it still wasn’t enough for me. And now you don’t even have that.” Tears ran down her face and she tried to choke them back, but they continued to run. Though I desperately wanted to comfort her, no words were forming in my head that I could speak. I wanted to sincerely apologize for the way she changed. Being turned by her brother was horrible. I was sure that he carried guilt for being the one to turn her, and she carried guilt because she felt as if she’d forced him to. I also wanted to tell her that it was not her fault that I was forced to stay away from my family. But as I tried to form the words in my head, I couldn’t help but wonder if they were true or not. They had to be true, didn’t they? If she hadn’t have gone after Brice, however, there wouldn’t have been so many rumors about the forest on the nights of the full moon, there wouldn’t have been so much noise, and they wouldn’t have been in public. It would be like it is now, and I would have been able to be with my family. But if she hadn’t gone after Brice and changed, they wouldn’t have been in high school and I wouldn’t be marrying Mark. Maybe it was her fault that I couldn’t see my human family anymore, but I wouldn’t have known Mark and I would have changed even without knowing any of this, anyway. Where would I be then? If Kelsie hadn’t gone after Brice, where would I be now when I changed? I sighed deeply, patting Kelsie’s shoulder as she gripped the steering wheel tightly. The tears were slowing, but they were still there. “It’s not your fault, Kelsie.” “That’s a lie and you know it.” “Maybe it is.” I agreed, thinking about it. “But if you hadn’t gone after Brice, and if you wouldn’t have insisted on going to school, I wouldn’t have known anyone in this pack right now, Kelsie. I’d be alone, and I wouldn’t have you as my best friend. Everything happens for a reason. God made life that way. I don’t blame you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

She gasped for air, closing her eyes. The car never swerved and the speed never faltered. “How did God get into all this?” Surprisingly enough, I laughed as she asked the question. “I have no idea.” We both laughed as we entered Pinecrossing, the car speed slowing considerably. “Do you believe in God, Olivia? I mean after all this, do you believe in Him?” There’d been too many hard questions to answer today, but this was by far the worst. I had no answer for Kelsie. I did believe in God, but that was not really what she was asking. She wanted to know if I still believed in Him since becoming this, and behind it were questions of whether I trusted Him or not. I had the answer to the first, but what about the second? Did I trust God? Did I still blame Him for my parents’ death? Did I feel angry that He could let things like us exist? These questions had no answer right now and I sighed heavily, shrugging. “God exists, and I know that. But I don’t know if He exists with us, or not.” That was the best answer I could give Kelsie. She nodded. “That’s the way I feel. I like being a wolf, don’t get me wrong there, but I feel like a criminal… a sinner. I don’t know if God could really love and trust someone like that. We’re monsters and people think we shouldn’t exist, and we shouldn’t. I kind of feel like we did something and deserve this punishment. I don’t know. It’s crazy.” “It is. But then I never really had a relationship with God. I tried, but it never worked. Course, some have argued that I wasn’t trying hard enough, and they were right; I wasn’t trying as hard as I could have. Maybe this is my punishment?” I made my tone lighter and arched my eyebrows. Kelsie giggled. “Maybe.” She was quiet for a second, thinking. “But then He sacrificed His son to forgive our sins. There was nothing about forgiving only a certain kind of sin. And God created everything on earth, so He must have created us, right? Maybe we aren’t a sin, after all.” She hesitated, thinking about that before continuing. “I’m just tired of being alone. I want something bigger. I want to know that I’m not a horrible, mean person.” “You’re not a horrible or mean person, Kelsie. And even being a wolf, I’m sure

that God can see that. You have a point, too. I think He still cares for us.” “I hope so.” Kelsie whispered faintly. “I hope so, too.” The words weren’t a lie, and I realized with a jolt that I really, really hoped that God hadn’t shunned me. My mom would be very disappointed in me if I didn’t have God. I’d broken enough promises, I at least wanted to keep that one I made to my mom so long ago. I hoped vehemently that God hadn’t given up on me like Christine had. We pulled up to the driveway that led to Mark’s house—or our house, now—too quickly. I looked over at Kelsie, grinning despite the emotions I felt inside. “Thanks for taking me there today, Kels.” She shrugged, a grin finally making its way to her lips. “Sure. You’re going to leave the dress with me, right?” “Is that safe?” I arched an eyebrow skeptically. “Won’t you tear it up as soon as you get a chance?” “Oh please. I don’t like the dress, but you do. I’ll keep it safe. Besides, it’s bad luck for the groom to see the dress until the wedding.” Superstitions. They’d been just that before, but now after being a ‘mythical’ creature, I couldn’t help but shiver at the possibility of them being true. “Right. Okay, well just keep it safe.” Kelsie rolled her eyes. “Of course. See you next week, Olivia.” I shuddered to think about the wedding stuff we would be going over then. “Next week.” I agreed hesitantly, climbing out of her car. Kelsie waved as she pulled away, leaving me alone to walk to the house. The thought of Mark waiting for me in the house appealed to me, and I turned away from the road, stepping inside the safety of the trees where I walked quickly. Mark would no doubt be happy that I got a dress. He couldn’t wait for the wedding. I couldn’t wait, either, but this fear would never release me from its grasp.

If I continued the marriage and did indeed marry Mark in a month, would this cause just that many more problems with Cliff? Course than again, would it make a difference? Would it even matter whether I married Mark or not with me already being a wolf? There were too many questions and my head spun. If I married Mark, there could be trouble. If I didn’t marry him, there could still be trouble and I would break Mark’s heart. What was the right thing to do?

Eight

You look very nice,” Marianne stated with a soft smile as she ran her fingertips over my hair before very carefully placing the veil on top of my head. “Thank you,” I whispered back to her. I felt everything and anything but ‘nice’. Fear pulsed heavily through my veins. I could barely keep my hands from wringing nervously together on my lap. For a month I’d been battling with myself. The question of continuing with the marriage or cancelling it hung heavily on my conscience. I hadn’t cancelled it, and I only had a matter of minutes to cancel it. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Mark. I wanted Mark. Cliff didn’t matter. He was just someone in the background who wanted Mark dead, and that mattered. Was I g Mark’s death certificate by marrying him? Or did it matter anymore? I felt the first signs of tears fill my eyes and I fought to keep them back. Why did this have to happen? Why did something always have to come up to make life so damn hard? I just want to be happy with Mark and I am ready to let go of Olivia Mayor and become Olivia Walker. My family can no longer be a part of my life, no matter how long I hoped. It would be impossible. The pain of being Olivia Mayor and the past wouldn’t let me go. I needed to change. If I became Olivia Walker, it would be a new beginning and everything could start over. But would it start over, would we have a new beginning, or would the past come crushing down on us and make it the end? My heart raced a hundred miles an hour as I thought all this over, staring at my reflection. None of the emotions I was having with myself showed in my expression. My eyes reflected the light in the small dressing room, but if one

looked closely, they could see fear there. My face was smooth, my cheekbones more pronounced than ever before because of the blush and all the make-up that Kelsie had put on my face. She took care of my face while Marianne took care of my hair and the dress. Like me, Marianne didn’t trust Kelsie to do much with the dress. Right now, however, my dress, face, and hair didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was Mark, who waited for me in the chapel, and my family. I had a choice, and if I made the wrong one, the consequences could be deadly. Could I let my happiness override the consequences? Could I let Mark and my family be slaughtered to get what I wanted and have a few minutes of happiness? I gasped for air as brutal images flashed through my mind. I grasped the edge of the vanity, trying to regain my breath. While I was human, I thought that I was powerless. I thought that if only I was the same as Mark and the pack, I could protect everyone. I would be invincible then. I viewed myself as a weak and feeble human, but what was my excuse now? Now I was exactly the same as Mark and the pack. I had strength, speed, fangteeth, anger, hearing, extremely strong senses, but I was still in the same boat. I still felt helpless. At least as a human I could do something to protect my family. But now it just seemed that no matter what I did, I’d cause trouble. I could choose to crush Mark’s heart and possibly still get him killed, or marry him and make him very happy, and get him killed. And that would leave my family where? Not marry Mark and they might live or die, or go ahead and marry him and they might live or die? I felt sick. My stomach turned and flipped and I could taste the first signs of vomit in my mouth. I couldn’t make any decision today one way or the other, I couldn’t think clearly enough. But I had to. I had to decide, and I needed to do so right now. The vomit taste grew stronger and I swallowed hard against it. I hadn’t been sick since I changed, I didn’t even think it was possible, but I had a feeling that it was and today would be the first time I would be sick in a very long, long time.

“Hey, you okay, Olivia? Your heart is going crazy.” Kelsie noted with open concern. Was I fine? Was my heart going crazy? Was I sitting at an angle that made the room look as if it was spinning? When I glanced in the mirror, I no longer looked composed. Terror reflected from my eyes and my face was paler than it had been before. It was probably just my eyes, but it looked like there was a thin sheet of sweat on my face. I needed answers. I needed to talk to someone before I made this decision. I couldn’t trust myself with any decision today, but who could I talk to? At that question, only one face leapt behind my eyelids. I could trust him probably more than anyone in the pack. He’d asked me about Cliff once already. Therefore, if anyone understood the problem of the situation I was in, it would be Brice. He’d taken a week off college to attend our wedding. I asked Marianne if he’d like to walk me down the aisle since my dad was gone and my brothers couldn’t be here. Brice said he’d be honored. I was sure he’d come to the wedding anyway, but for some reason it just felt right to have him walk me down the aisle. Maybe this was why. “Kelsie,” I tried to keep my voice calm and even as Mark stood just a few walls away in the chapel, patiently waiting for me. He could hear every word and therefore I did the very best I could to keep my voice steady. I heard Brice standing beside him. “Will you mind getting your brother for me, please? I’d like to ask him something.” Kelsie frowned, confusion reflecting in her eyes. She glanced at Marianne who gazed into my eyes for a long time before nodding at Kelsie. “Get your brother.” Confusion was heavy on Kelsie’s face as she nodded, turning to exit the room. As soon as she was gone the tears began to work their way out of my tear ducts and I folded my hands tightly over my face to hide from Marianne. Marianne wasn’t a fool, though. She could see me coming apart at the seams, but what did she think was the reason for this?

“Okay,” Marianne whispered, resting her hand on my knee. “What’s wrong?” She didn’t really ask the words. She whispered them so faintly that I didn’t hear them, but I could see the question in her eyes and by the set of her mouth. I rolled my shoulders helplessly. We stared at each other for several minutes. I could tell that Marianne had so many things she wanted to ask and say, but none of them could be said because Mark could hear every word spoken. Yet another reason I became uncomfortable. How could I talk to Brice with Mark hearing? I heard Brice excuse himself before Kelsie even got to them. I heard Mark telling him that that was fine. I even heard Mark tease Brice to not trip as he walked me down the aisle. I could hear Mark, but I couldn’t see him. Maybe if I could just see Mark, maybe it would make this easier. Or maybe it wouldn’t as I would fold when I saw Mark’s expression. I’d marry him because I wouldn’t be able to see the pain wash across his face. Was that a solution, or a tragedy? A slight tap on the door made Marianne jump slightly. It did catch me off guard, but I was too rigid to jump. She threw me a soft, gentle smile before opening the door to let Brice inside. Kelsie hesitated in the hallway and Marianne stepped out in the hall to her, the door closing behind them. Inhaling deeply, I focused on Brice. He wore a black tuxedo that made his eyes sparkle despite the concern in them. He held a bouquet of white flowers in his hand that he was to give me when he ‘got’ here to walk me down the aisle. Clearing his throat, he set the flowers down in the chair that Kelsie had sat in before he moved carefully towards me. Pulling up his pant legs, he kneeled in front of me. “Olivia?” His voice was concerned. I reached for the church stationary and a pencil, trying to think of a bizarre question to ask him that would satisfy Mark while I wrote. “Did you want me to move the same feet as you when I walk down the aisle, or how do you want to

do that?” “It’s your wedding. However you want to do it.” His voice sounded confused and I winced at that. The question I asked was bizarre and I knew that. I just hoped that it made sense to Mark as I scribbled quickly on the stationary:

Cliff made a deal with me to become his and he’d let Mark and my family live. I said yes just before Mark got there. Am I g Mark’s death certificate by marrying him?

I handed the stationary to Brice who frowned, meeting my gaze briefly before he reached for a pencil, scrawling a question of his own:

Is that what is worrying you, Olivia? I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his ridiculous question, nodding. I wrote another message:

Am I?

“I’ll have to be very careful with my footing to not step on your dress.” He muttered, just something to cover this little note-giving up as he scrawled another message:

I don’t know. Cliff might come after Mark anyway. And if you cancel the wedding that could be g Mark’s death certificate, too.

That made me wince and I glared at him before I wrote another one, ignoring his statement:

I’m becoming Mark’s, not Cliff’s. You said someone was an enemy that was on the inside. How soon will Cliff know?

Brice frowned, pursing his lips as his gaze locked with mine and he arched an eyebrow:

That’s just a theory of mine. I don’t know what’s true or not anymore. I’m looking for answers, too.

I cleared my throat, writing another one:

Do you know who it is?

Brice shook his head:

I’m investigating that. Do you love Mark?

“You’d better not step on my dress. You’ll have to pay for it if you do.” I said the words with a little bit more anger than what I’d intended as I glared at Brice, nodding. How could he ask such a ridiculous question?

He shrugged, scribbling some more:

Then marry him. Cliff will probably come after him either way, Olivia. Your family is safe, that much I can promise you. We won’t let anything happen to them. And this war between Mark and Cliff has been going on for a long time.

I sighed, closing my eyes. “Look, I just can’t get rid of this worry about walking down the aisle. I want it to be right… I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Brice got the meaning behind my words and he rolled his eyes, sighing. “It doesn’t matter how you walk down the aisle, Olivia. You love Mark; you want to marry him, right?” “With all my heart,” Had I not just answered that question for him? “So forget about how to walk down the aisle. You love him; you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Just forget about the walk. Heck, forget about the pace, too. Does it really matter either way, Olivia? Whether you walk fast or slow, the outcome will still be the same. Embrace love, enjoy it; don’t worry about stumbling and getting someone hurt.” Brice’s words were sincere, and though he wasn’t using the exact words, I got the meaning. He was telling me to forget about Cliff. Whatever I did, the outcome could be the same. I could sign Mark’s death certificate by marrying him or by leaving him. Brice was right. I had to forget about everything else. This war between Cliff and Mark has been going on for a long time. Would anything change that? Who knew, maybe the deal was even bogus; a trap to get me to change into what he was. Reality came then and I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. The deal never meant anything. I was in pain and Cliff had used that to his advantage, trying to trick me into becoming what he was. By doing that, I would have crushed Mark. I would have made him weaker and that would have made him an easier target for Cliff. I cringed, realizing just how much of a fool I had been. There was only one thing

I could do now, besides forget about Cliff and the past and live for the future. “You’re right.” I smiled at Brice. I’d made the right choice in ‘talking’ to him. “Let’s look to the future and forget about how to ‘walk’ to it.” I quoted with my fingers, a giggle threatening to burst from my lips. Clarity brought a fresh sense of hope, love, and peace. “Come on,” Brice rose, handing me the white roses before offering me his arm, his eyes sparkling. “Let’s get you married.” In the chapel, I could hear faint laughter from everyone. I tried to prepare myself for the sight of the chapel before we rounded the corner. I tried to picture Wyann standing at the alter in the front of the church in a white rob as he’d be marrying us. Kelsie had insisted on playing the ‘bridal march’. She’d be over by the piano while Marianne would stand off to the side to be my bride’s maid. Brice would place my hand in Mark’s before standing beside Mark, being the best man. I closed my eyes when we came within inches of the chapel. In a matter of seconds Olivia Mayor would be no more and Olivia Walker would take her place. With that, Olivia Walker would no longer think or worry about Cliff. She’d hang onto her future and she’d never, ever let go. I promised myself that. And with that promise, I couldn’t help but feel giddy as we rounded the corner into the church chapel where my future waited to be embraced by open arms.

Nine

How could they all be so calm? How could they sit there, perfectly at ease, eating their muffins and cookies while I paced around the kitchen like an idiot, their eyes staring a hole in my back? To them, I probably looked like I was a chicken running around with my head cut off, and in many ways, I probably was. My thoughts and feelings were in turmoil. More than that, my insides felt like turmoil, also. Not because it was my third month anniversary of being married to Mark—the month of August—but because there was change inside of me. Not like the change I experienced before I changed into a ‘wolf-woman’, but a different change—a change that shouldn’t exist or even be possible anymore. No one knew of this change happening inside of me except Kelsie. Of course she knew, how else could I explain what she saw in the garbage? Besides, it was nice to have someone know, someone who was actually involved in this pack instead of a mother, like Marianne. Kelsie knew exactly why Wyann was coming here today. She wasn’t fooled like the rest of them—Mark and Brice—who thought this was just a normal routine thing. Every few months Wyann came here to check things out, make sure everything was running smoothly and there were no problems. One could see that he kept the pack in order. He was the oldest of our kind; of ‘werewolves’. But that was not the reason for his visit today. It was something else entirely. He was coming here for me. Not to check on me, not to make sure that I was adjusting well, but to guarantee what I already knew but refused to believe or accept. Knowing how terrified I was—terrified was the only and best way to describe the mixture of feelings flooding through me so quickly that I couldn’t even get a grasp on them—he knew how important it was to me to not let anyone know yet. He made up this normal excuse that was common to the pack so that he could see me today.

Mark, too, was oblivious to what was going on. I wanted and needed to tell him. This was just as much his business as it was mine, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. Mainly fear held me back from telling him. Would he be mad? Would he be furious? Would he be happy, the exact opposite feeling of what I had right now? Or would we share the same feeling of terror and fear? “Gees, Olivia, chill.” Kelsie stated sarcastically as I spun on my heel and shoved the muffins out of the oven, dropping them on the counter. Mark’s gaze met mine and it was so full of worry and concern that it made me feel guilty at once. Why did he always have to look at me with so much love and concern in his eyes? Every time his eyes found mine, I could see the happiness and fondness in them. I could see how truly blessed he felt and how happy he was that we were finally married. He loved me with his whole heart and he trusted me the same. Now I was betraying that trust. It was my duty to tell him things, especially more so now that I’m his wife and this is definitely something he should know, something I need and have to tell him, but can’t. I can’t tell him. Maybe I can’t tell him because I’m a coward, or maybe I can’t tell him because I’m trying to protect him in a weird way. But whatever the reason, that gaze made my insides wrench together, but I still couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. Therefore, to distract myself—something I’ve been trying to do all morning—I spun on my heel and started digging around in the fridge, looking for anything, anything. “This is just a routine thing Wyann does every few months. It’s no big deal.” Brice tried to reassure me. It was a big deal! Didn’t they understand that? In a matter of hours, more like minutes, now, I would know if the test was indeed right. What would we do if it was? What would we do? I shivered, slamming the can of Cinnamon Rolls on the counter where it busted

and split in two. “Have you lost it?” Kelsie’s voice was gentle, but it made me cringe. Had I lost it? Was I crazy now? Was this a good enough reason and excuse to be acting crazy, to have lost it? “Olivia,” Mark’s tone was soft, gentle, reassuring. It was hard to resist relaxing whenever he spoke in that tone, but I couldn’t relax. This was exactly how he got me to talk and tell him what was wrong. No matter how badly I wanted to today, I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t tell him. “I’m fine.” I lied. “Obviously,” Kelsie snorted. I glared at her. “It’ll be fine,” Mark continued, placing his hands over mine to stop me from placing the rolls on the cookie sheet. “I know you’re worried and scared since it’s been so long since Wyann has been here, but everything will be okay, I promise.” “Okay.” There was no point in arguing. If I argued then he would know that something was wrong. His eyes narrowed as he took in my expression carefully. “There’s something else.” Damn! “Tell me.” His eyes were intense, probing mine, searching for answers; answers to the reason why I had been distant lately, why I had been pushing him out further and further, why the wall was being built again after three months of it being gone, and why every time I transformed into my wolf form I came right back into my human form without giving my mind permission to do so. I looked away quickly, stepping back and pulling my hands out from his, continuing to do my task. He sighed heavily—hurt—and leaned against the counter, his concern filled eyes following me.

“I’m nervous, that’s all.” Brice and Kelsie both looked doubtful about that. “Livia,” Mark pleaded gently. I spun on my heel to face him. “Stop it!” I snapped, unable to control the feelings inside of me any longer. “Stop worrying about me and stop looking at me with that concern in your eyes. Just stop it! I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself and I don’t need you looking out for my every step!” Shock and bewilderment were the first few expressions to cross his face, and then pain. At the pain reflecting in his eyes, my knees went weak. I felt as if color was draining from my face and I felt a bit nauseated. “Mark…” “Let’s go for a walk.” His tone wasn’t that kind, probing tone that I always confided to. It was a deep, gruff voice—the alpha voice. I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry…” “Let’s go for a walk. Now.” The alpha voice was more pronounced. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kelsie wince back. I’m sure I did the same thing. Mark rarely used this voice unless something major was happening, or if he was hurt and he was hurting now because of me. “Okay.” My voice sounded weak. Together, at least three feet apart, we walked in silence through the forest. Everything was silent and still except for the few occasional bird chirps here and there and a few squirrels. It was the sounds of the forest, the natural sounds. The creatures of the forest didn’t fear us. They feared even normal, regular humans more then they feared us. I suppose that’s because we are part of them; we belong here in this forest. As Brice put it once, we are protectors of this forest. We have a part in keeping it healthy and thriving for people are afraid to come into this forest because of us and therefore it’s clean of human destruction, for the most part.

Normally I liked this. I liked the stillness and the silence of no human conversation. I liked hearing the birds chirping and the animals roaming around. I liked belonging somewhere. Even if I belonged somewhere, in something that shouldn’t exist, I felt good, blessed, even, to belong somewhere, especially here. I’d always loved the forest and the animals there and I always had a ion for being in the quiet denseness. Now I did belong in the forest and I was welcomed. On this particular day, however, the natural sounds of the forest made me cringe. I longed for human conversation. I longed to hear one voice, Mark’s voice. Not the alpha voice, but that sweet, kind voice, even if it was hard to resist anything when he spoke in that honey tone. We didn’t stop until we were at least five miles away from the house. No one could hear us from here. Mark gestured towards a fallen tree. I shook my head. Sitting down and staring up at him was the last thing I wanted to do. He was my leader, he was my alpha, someone I had to obey, but he never did that role on me. I was his wife, his mate, not his follower and he treated me just like that, like his wife. But today he only glared at me when I shook my head and he gestured towards the dead tree again. He was my leader, the pack’s leader: I had to obey him. I sat down. He sighed heavily, folding his arms across his chest and turning away from me. “Mark…” I was at a loss for words. What could I say to make up for the harsh words I said? “Don’t do this.” Though it was impossible to see his face, I could imagine well enough what it looked like. It was probably crumbled by the sound of his tortured, heart broken voice. My insides jerked at that tortured tone. “I’m sorry, Mark. I didn’t mean what I said. I was just…” “No!” He interrupted, furious as he wheeled around to face me. His crumpled face was replaced by hurtful rage. I cringed back reflexively.

“This has nothing to do with you being worried about whatever Wyann is going to say to you today. Don’t try to fool me!” I swallowed hard, waiting patiently as he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. When he spoke again, his voice was calm, controlled. “It’s only been three months.” The words came out so quietly I could barely make them out, even with my superior hearing. My inside muscles and bones screamed at his words. My body felt weak and I could no longer sit up straight when I realized what he meant. My arm curled around my torso as I sank down, the unsteady ‘whoosh, whoosh’ of air being exhaled from my parted lips. Mark thought that I was already tired of him, that we were already having troubles in our marriage? “No.” I whispered, my head spinning. “No!” He sighed, annoyed. “Right.” “It’s nothing to do with that.” I argued weakly, everything beginning to fade in and out and becoming a complicated blur. “You’ve been distant and you’ve been avoiding me. Every time I get close to you, you always push or pull away. You are always running away from me, Livia. Even when I try talking, you avoid me and you snap at me.” He hesitated, breathing in deeply through his nose. “You want to get out of the marriage.” “No.” I wasn’t sure if I was saying no to his assumption or trying to deny and ignore what he was saying. How could he even come up with that conclusion? He was the only man I ever wanted and will ever want. There was no other man out there alive that was right for me. Doesn’t he understand that? Doesn’t he understand that marrying him was the best thing that ever happened to me? Even despite the possible consequences of Cliff?

“No? Don’t deny it, Olivia. I’m not a fool…” “I’m pregnant.” The words came out before I had a chance to think them over or to process them. Everything suddenly went quiet. There was not even one sound in the forest. A pencil could drop and it would echo through the woods. Even our breathing had stopped completely. The forest was completely blurred, I realized, from the tears in my eyes that were trying to push their way out. I tried to deny them that; I tried to hold them back, to be brave like I needed to be. Right now I needed to be brave, I needed to be strong enough, or at least act strong enough to handle whatever emotion Mark had with this confession. I can’t be weak and I can’t be crying. But the tears kept coming. Terrified to the core, I risked one glance at Mark. He was leaning rigidly against a tree. His face was completely wiped of all color, as pale and white as a ghost. His chest was frozen, his heart never beating. His eyes remained unblinking as he stared right past me through the dense trees, but he saw nothing. Finally, after he remained a statue, unmoving for several minutes, he finally blinked and his eyes focused on me. They were confused and pained. “You’re pregnant?” All control I may have had over the tears was now lost. My torso fell then. I buried my face in the palms of my hands so tightly I hoped that I could disappear. I had no control at all over the tears now. They came in floods. “Olivia,” His arm wound around my torso, trying to hold me up. I pulled away from him. I couldn’t look at him. I betrayed him, I hurt him. This was all my fault. It has been years since one of our kind became pregnant. I had to be the one to break that, I had to be the ‘special’ one, always ruining and wrecking things.

How come nothing could be right in my world? Just one time, why couldn’t something go right for me, just once? Was that too much to ask? I let myself get pregnant, carrying something that hadn’t been carried for at least a decade if not several more. It was all my fault. I did so many things wrong. “I’m sorry!” I still resisted going into his arms like he kept trying to persuade me to do. I felt him pull my hair away from my face and over my shoulder. “Why are you sorry? You did nothing wrong.” “Of course I did!” I sobbed loudly. “Why? What makes you think you did something wrong?” My voice was lost somewhere, I couldn’t reply. He sighed. “Livia, you did nothing wrong. Come on, let me hold you.” “I don’t deserve that.” When I heard him chuckle, I was almost convinced that I was delusional. “Deserve it? You deserve a lot more than what you are getting, Olivia. Now come on.” His calm pleas were beginning to work on me. I turned, burying my face in his chest and wrapping my arms tightly around his torso. I needed him right now. “Shh.” He smoothed my hair, rocking me back and forth like a mother did a child. “Everything is okay.” I took a deep breath. “It’s… not. No one of us has been… pregnant for years!” I explained in between my wild gasps. “So?” “I’m… a disaster. I ruined it. I made a mistake, I shouldn’t be pregnant. It’s all my fault.” The gasps were back that I’d experienced almost two years ago now, shortly after we moved here when I was trying to accept the truth of my parents.

“Ah.” Understanding flickered in his tone then as he grasped my upper arms, pulling me away from him. Carefully, he dabbed his shirt sleeve over my face to wipe the tear streaks away before smiling kindly at me, resting his hand on the side of my face. I leaned into his touch, welcoming it. “Aren’t you mad? Scared? Terrified?” Again, he chuckled, running his hand over my arm. “No, I’m not mad. I’m concerned about you and the baby and how things are going to be, for both of you. But why should I be mad? And why should you blame yourself? You did nothing wrong. In fact, this is unique and special.” “Special? How can this be special?” “You are special, Olivia. Like you said, no one has gotten pregnant for decades. And now you are pregnant. Doesn’t that tell you something?” “Yeah,” It did tell me something. “It tells me that I’m a big failure who has to ruin everything.” “Olivia, Olivia, Olivia.” He clucked his tongue sadly while repeating my name. “I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid that you would be angry with me.” “I could never be angry with you.” He paused, squinting into the distance. “That’s why Wyann is coming today, isn’t it?” “Yes. He’s going to do an Ultrasound, if possible, and do some other tests, too, and see if I’m really pregnant. I asked him not to tell anyone and he said that was probably best. I should have told you, though.” I should have told him. It would have been better that way. Wouldn’t it have? “What’s done is done. Now all we can do is live in the present. Wyann will probably be here soon. Come on.” He offered me his hand and I took it without having a second thought about it. No matter what we find out today, we can handle it. Mark and I could handle anything together.

“That’s ridiculous!” I was throwing a tantrum, kicking everything out of my way and pacing around the room. I wasn’t worried this time; I was angry, livid. How could he do that? How did he have the right? Yes, he was the oldest of our kind, he was the ruler, but how does he think that he has a right to tell us what we can and cannot tell our child? “I’m not going to do it!” I growled, folding my arms tightly over my chest. Mark sighed. “We have to.” I growled. “Listen, I don’t like lying any more than you do, but Wyann is right, there is a chance that he—or she—won’t be…” “How do you figure? We are both natural blooded, how is there even a slight chance that our child won’t grow up to be just like us?” “Wyann knows what’s best.” Mark argued calmly. “Does he? What kind of a person would tell parents that they cannot tell their child that they may turn into a wolf at any time until after it happens? We need to tell him, prepare him! Or her.” Maybe I was over-reacting. I knew that I was. I was still carrying our child and though I didn’t have eight or nine months to go, I still had months—months to carry him or her and to wait until he or she is born. Right now I should be worried about the pregnancy, about carrying him and bringing him into this world and taking care of him after, not worrying about keeping this from him. But I was right, too. People who had this fate needed the truth. They needed to know what they are and the truth in advance so they aren’t totally scared, freaked out and alone when it happens. I wished I had known. What if our child turns while Mark and I are away somewhere? What if he or she gets angry and leaves for some reason and changes while away?

According to Wyann, though, that was just a chance we would have to take because we were forbidden—forbidden—to tell him anything , the truth; nothing. At least, not until after he—or she—made the change. Again, a growl escaped my lips. “Look, Wyann does have a point. I know it’s hard to understand and I don’t like it any more than you do, but look at it this way; wouldn’t it be better for our child to enjoy life—the way it should be—like a normal kid, before he or she has to live in this world?” As much as I hated to it it, Mark had a point. Our baby deserved a chance to be normal. At least he could live his childhood like any other normal child. He didn’t need to know right away. “Fine. For now, I’ll let it , but when he gets older…” I let my voice trail off, biting my lower lip as I turned to stare out the window. Mark’s feet were silent as he made his way over to me, winding his arms around my waist and resting his chin gently on my shoulder. Entwining my fingers through his, I sighed, resting my head against his chest as we watched the pink setting sun. “Two more days,” A lump in my throat rose as I itted it. Behind me, I heard Mark give a heavy sigh. “I’ll help you,” He promised. I did want his help, I needed his help; I needed him to be there if I was expected to stay in my human form all three nights of the full moon—of every full moon until I gave birth. No one in this pack had succeeded in staying human on the full moon, except for Wyann, that is. Mark has tried, but he told me he failed. He told me how hard and painful it was to stay human when all your muscles and bones are tensing, trying to change.

I could understand why exactly staying human would be impossible when your mind was having an argument with your body. That is why everyone was always so tired after the full moon. Our bodies go through a major change, and we get very little sleep. After a while, we get used to the pain, but our bodies still show signs of exhaustion even if we don’t feel bad. But feeling bad when we even allow the change to happen is bad enough, but trying to stop our body from changing? Something it does naturally? I shivered. Staying human depended on a lot of concentration. According to Mark it took a big stress on your brain. You had to keep thinking to stay human. Only one slip, one slip of thinking about turning into your wolf form and that was it. I couldn’t do that. I had to stay human. If I was to carry this baby inside me, if I was going to bring him into this world safely, I would have to stay human, even on the nights of the full moon until he was born. To be honest, I was scared, terrified, even. I never thought of myself as a wife, let alone a mother. I had no experience; I had no idea what to do. I never considered being a wife, and I definitely never considered being a mother. But now those were happening to me. I was carrying a child. I was responsible for this child. Every time he moved, stretched, kicked, anything, I could feel it. Everything I ate, he ate. We were one, and he was growing inside of me, depending on me to grow and live. My baby depended on me to stay human. If I did turn into a wolf, Wyann had said there would be major complications and a good chance that my baby would die. There was only one thing I could do. I had to stay human.

Ten

Do you want me to stay?” Kelsie asked. She was willing to stay and go through all the pain of staying human if that meant she could help me in any way. She was the best friend I ever had. “No.” Mark replied, squeezing my hand tightly. “You should keep an eye on things, Kelsie. Make sure there’s no strays or anything.” Kelsie’s eyes flickered to mine. “It’s okay.” I wasn’t sick, but I might as well have been. I was lying on a few blankets on a table in Mark’s ‘office’ with everyone crammed into the small room because of me. “Go ahead, Kels. Besides”—as I spoke I moved my head to my other side, smiling up at Mark who squeezed my hand tighter, his eyes holding mine—“Mark is here.” She sighed heavily. “If you change your mind, let me know. I’ll be happy to stay with you.” “Thank you. You’re a really good friend.” She nodded once before turning and leaving the room. It was only Marianne, Wyann, and Mark left in the room now. Marianne insisted on coming here to help and me. She had no idea how hard it would be to stay human; she was just as clueless as I was, but also like me, she knew how difficult and painful it would be. It seemed every day it was getting easier and easier to like Marianne, even love her, almost as if she were my mom. Marianne was a lot like my mom. Strong, stubborn, defiant, courageous, kind, and most importantly, caring. I wasn’t related to her, we were just friends, but she put everything she needed to do on hold to be here, to help me…

“Olivia.” Wyann’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “Hmm?” “How are you feeling?” Odd. I wasn’t sick, I didn’t have any medication. Right now I felt fine, only anxious and worried about what would happen in a matter of hours. I was terrified of slipping. “How should she feel?” Marianne asked, winking at me once before she met Wyann’s gaze. He quickly looked away. “Should I feel nervous, anxious, and scared, or is that wrong?” I joked, hoping to lift the mood. Marianne chuckled beside me. Mark frowned, obviously upset with my sarcasm. I quickly cleared my throat, glancing at Wyann who had the side of his lips pulled up into a smirk. “That’s good.” “Feeling nervous and anxious is good? Well, that’s a relief.” He laughed. “No, but sarcasm and humor is good.” “Good.” I was slightly relieved at that. At least I could make everyone else in a better mood at my façade. “I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.” Mark, for the thousandth time, promised. His choice of words caught me off guard. Normally he called me either by my name or my nick name, Livia, but never once had he called me sweetheart, babe, sweetie, or honey; none of that stuff. He kept it formal. Now was the time he had to decide to change it. It was a sign; he was nervous. So nervous that he was trying to put it behind him and put on a brave face, trying to be as calm as he needed to be to keep me calm. But it was only a charade. He was freaking out, same as I was.

I inclined my head towards him—prepared to calm him down and reassure him —when something white and glossy caught my attention. There, on the south wall, was a huge white clock with hands made out of carved wood. The frame right around the glass on the clock was white, but it was attached to a huge wooden plank that was very glossy from polish to match the clock’s hands. But the beauty of the clock wasn’t what caught my attention. It was the numbers that the hands were on; seven forty-five. The moon normally finished rising at eight o’clock, that’s when we usually changed. Fifteen more minutes. Fifteen minutes was all I had to feel pain-free and normal. Fifteen more minutes and I would be in excruciating pain. If I slipped, my baby would die. Fifteen more minutes. Panic rose up. Everyone in the room disappeared in a black cloud of smoke as adrenaline and fear took control of my body. My throat walls closed and my heart thumped loud and hard against my chest. Even my hands and legs were beginning to tremble and shake in my panic. “Olivia!” Mark’s voice was close, his hands making ringlets around my wrists as constraints, holding me down, trying to keep me still. “What’s wrong?” Marianne’s voice was faint in the background. “She’s panicking!” Wyann stated, his voice no longer calm. “I think she’s seizing. Her blood is pulsing too fast, her heart is throbbing!” I heard his words and somewhere in my mind I knew what they meant, I knew I needed to calm down, but I was not in control. I was not in control of my brain or my body. Fear was the worst kind of disease. It completely overruled people, took over their minds. Fear is what makes people do crazy things. Fear makes people push their loved ones away and exclude themselves. Fear of being left behind is what makes people depressed. Fear of losing their wife and two kids is what makes people decide to take their own life. Fear is a crippling disease and right now it

was taking over me. I had no control. “Hold her down!” Wyann’s voice reached my ears just as I felt the heavy pressure on my legs. “Her eyes rolled back into her head!” Mark exclaimed frantically, increasing the pressure on my wrists. Not his words but his voice, the sound of it, the tone of it swam through my mind. It echoed off the walls in my brain repeatedly, never fading, never dying. This was the voice of the man I loved. This was the voice of the man I was married to. This was the voice of my husband, of my best friend, of the father of my baby… My baby. I was doing this for my baby. I had to stay strong for my baby. I had to endure pain for my baby. There was no pain yet, but there would be. There would be a lot of pain and panicking like this wasn’t going to help. I had two options; I could quit fighting the panic and fear. I could let it over-rule me, take over my mind. I could let myself escape into the darkness and then be turned in a matter of minutes and let the baby inside of me—my baby—die. Or, I could fight it. I could calm down, I could stay strong. I could grind my teeth together when the pain started and endure it rather than panicking and worrying. That was my only option. Exhaling sharply through my lips, I reached my fingers towards Mark’s hand, forcing my eyes to open and pushing the fear completely out of my brain. It was not needed here and it was not welcome. ing what my mother always told me of how to calm down and relax, I inhaled through my nose, held it, then exhaled through my mouth. It worked. “Olivia?” Mark’s face was inches from mine, both relief and fear reflecting in his crystal blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” My voice was hoarse, my lips dry.

“You with us now, Olivia?” Wyann asked. “Yes,” I didn’t look away from Mark to see Wyann. “How are we feeling?” I felt some pressure on my leg where Wyann was, but I didn’t look. I stared deeply into the depths of Mark’s brilliant blue eyes, trying to see into his soul. “I’m better.” Fingers tingling and feeling numb, I reached up, placing my hand on his face where he leaned into the touch. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be sorry.” Mark shook his head, frowning. “Don’t be sorry, just stay strong. Stay with me. Whatever happens tonight, it will be okay.” “Don’t say that!” I growled. He couldn’t say that. That was not what I needed to hear right now. If I slipped, if I wasn’t strong enough and I gave in, then my baby—our baby—would die and that was not all right. I concentrated on breathing, refusing to get upset again; in through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. “It’s true.” He argued. “Mark,” Marianne stepped in then, brushing some hair off my wet and very hot forehead. “It’s only five more minutes.” His jaw flexed. “You should go.” I urged, gesturing towards the door. “You don’t have to do this; you should go out with Kelsie tonight. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to go through this, too.” His fingers entwined with mine. “I’m your husband; I’m not leaving you.” “Olivia,” Wyann called. Reluctantly, I turned my head to see him standing beside Marianne. His face was serious, and prepared. I gulped.

“This is going to be very hard and very difficult. It will feel like your body is taking over your mind. But you have to concentrate. The only thoughts that can consume your mind are staying human. You cannot let your body out-rule your mind. Understand?” “Yes.” I did understand, but could I do it? Was I strong enough for that? “Mark?” “Yes?” Mark gave Wyann his full attention and only respect reflected in his eyes. “What she just did a few moments ago will be nothing compared to what will happen.” Marianne gasped in shock, her face turning pale white as her hands flew to her mouth and her eyes opened widely. Wyann continued. “It’ll be very painful for her and for you. I know you’re strong enough to get through this, but you’ll also have to be strong for her. It’s not the same for her as it will be for us. There are two things with her that want to turn: her and her baby. It will be hard enough for us to remain human for her, but then we’ll have to watch her going through doubled pain. Can you handle that?” I winced. In through the nose, out through the mouth; in through the nose, out through the mouth. “She’s my life.” Mark’s eyes settled on mine again as he gave me a reassured smile that was hard not to respond to. “I can handle it.” “Good, because it’s time.” The light changed outside through the curtains. One could almost see the full moon heaving the rest of the way up from behind the mountain peaks, lighting up the world and earth beneath it. . . . And my mind was lost. My body spasmed, my head jolted back and my whole body jerked. I grabbed a

handful of the blankets beneath me. I locked my teeth together and had only one thought going through my mind and that was staying human. No longer aware of anyone in the room, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I clutched onto the hand that was holding mine and squeezed, trying to hold onto sanity, trying to hold onto my human form. I didn’t know whose hand it was and I didn’t care, either. Wyann was right, my mind was lost. Something else was taking over my body, trying to change it. I protested with all my might and it took all my energy. My body kept jolting and jerking without my permission. A trickle of something wet slid down my neck and over my shoulder. I didn’t think nor worry about what it could be. There was nothing normal, nothing sane I could think about or concentrate on now. The room was there, sitting right before my eyes, but it wasn’t what I could concentrate on. “Wyann!” I scarcely recognized Mark’s voice, but I couldn’t concentrate on it. Even the panic in it didn’t affect me. “No, Mark, concent…” Wyann’s voice—it sounded like his voice, anyway— stopped suddenly and the hand on mine suddenly vanished. I felt alone! I wasn’t alone for long, however. Another hand took the place of Mark’s. It was bigger and felt much different, but I didn’t care or think about it. Once, as I turned my head, trying to escape the pain and the wetness that was thick on my face, I caught a glimpse of a white wolf backing towards the door. For a second, I saw his guilt filled blue eyes before he spun around and took off. That’s when the screams started. I couldn’t contain them any longer. I couldn’t deny the pain. I couldn’t do this, but I had to! I had to do this. I screamed. It didn’t make me feel better, but it helped keep my sanity. The rest of the night was filled with screams.

Eleven

I didn’t know how long it had been or how long I had been out and I didn’t want to know, either. Just like I didn’t want to what had happened—or was still happening—either. I didn’t want to the pain, the jerking, the convulsing, or the screams. I didn’t want to and relive it again. Once was enough. Whether I was over it or not, whether the moon had fallen and the sun rose, I didn’t know. I was still in pain, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was before. I wasn’t screaming, at least, and my body wasn’t convulsing as badly. It jerked every now and then, but it wasn’t anything too bad. My eyes felt as if they were swollen shut, but I still tried to open them. I would welcome the light of the new day. I would be pain free for a full day, at least, and then I would have to do the same thing over again tonight, tomorrow night, and then every three nights during each full moon of this pregnancy. I cringed. There were faint voices in the room but I didn’t try to concentrate on them and hear what was being said or who was saying it. Flickers of something else kept flickering behind my eyelids and when I allowed myself to look at them, my heart jerked. I had been staring at him, but there was so much pain I hadn’t seen him. I hadn’t seen his face crumple; I hadn’t seen his body jerking or his jaw locking. I didn’t see the change in his eyes from determination to a distraction, and then he was gone. He fell from beside me, his hand slipping from mine. I didn’t see Wyann rush over to me and take his place. I didn’t really see him as he ran out the door, guilt thick in his eyes. The truth sank in. Mark hadn’t been strong enough. He couldn’t do it. His promises had meant nothing; he had no control over it. He couldn’t stay with me,

he couldn’t refuse to turn. He wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t blame him for that, and I wouldn’t blame him, either. If I wasn’t the one who had to remain human, if I wasn’t the one who this life counted on, I would have probably slipped, too. Mark had slipped and I didn’t and couldn’t hate him for that. We weren’t completely human, but our human feelings were back there somewhere. Even only half human, the saying was still right for some of us, ‘we are only human’. “Look,” I barely made out Marianne’s relieved voice. “Impossible.” Wyann explained, a low gasp slipping through his lips. I struggled, forcing my eyes to open. When they did finally open and I saw what everyone was gasping at in the doorway, I gasped, too, leaning up a little bit on my elbows. Mark smiled tightly, stumbling his way through his office to stand beside me, once again taking my hand and brushing some of my hair back that stuck to my sweaty face. His face was tired and sallow looking. His eyes drooped and they were badly bloodshot. Purple rings stood out underneath his eyes and his body was slumped, looking as if it was a chore for him to stand. But he was standing. He was standing right beside me in a pair of shorts, nothing else. “Hey,” I whispered in a hoarse voice. “Hey,” He smiled, closing his eyes as he hung his head, pressing his forehead against mine gently. “I slipped, but I’m back now.” I nodded against his head. “I know.” “How are you doing?” “Better, I think. The night must be over, huh?” I only opened my eyes again when he pulled back, his eyebrows knitting together.

“There’s two more hours to go until the sun rises.” He looked confused, just as I felt confused. “Oh.” I slurred. If it was two more hours until sun rise, why wasn’t I in the same kind of pain as before? And how was it possible for Mark to be here? “How are you here? I saw you,” I paused to lick my dry lips, inhaling air to continue, “run out… in your wolf form.” A soft chuckle escaped his lips. “I did, but I came back to you.” Now it was my turn to scowl. “How is that possible?” “It’s very difficult.” Wyann stepped in then. “It’s a lot harder to turn back into your human form on the night of the full moon than it is to just remain human. It’s very difficult. You have to be very determined.” As the truth of that sunk in, I felt my lips part in what I hoped was a smile. I was too tired to really know. “I knew you were strong.” I whispered, barely coherent. Halfway asleep, I felt Mark’s lips on my forehead. I thought I heard him say, “knowing what I was fighting for, it was easy,” but I wasn’t sure for darkness consumed me. I was so exhausted.

Twelve

Again, I rose up off the bed to vomit into the bucket before collapsing back down on the bed. My body shivered and jerked and cold sweat lined my forehead. I didn’t think that this kind of pain would be possible after becoming a wolf. And when I fought to stay in my human form on the nights of the full moon, I didn’t think pain could get worse than that, either. But I was wrong. Pain ripped through my spine, my hips, and thighs. My stomach twisted painfully. For the past nine hours I’d vomited almost every fifteen minutes and it was only getting worse instead of better. My hand tightened around Mark’s as another contraction stole my breath away and brought pain with it. My hair was sticking to my face, making me feel just that much hotter. I wanted it to be over with already! “I can see his head!” Wyann explained excitedly while Marianne pressed a cool clothe against my forehead. It wouldn’t stay there long. “You’re doing great, honey.” She stated, removing the strands of hair that stuck to my face. “Make it stop!” I cried, rolling my head over to look at Mark. His blue eyes were intent on mine and sadness clung to them. “Please!” I begged, almost howling. “Make it stop!” “You can do this.” Mark whispered, tracing the back of his fingers over my face. “With everything you’ve done and gone through, you can do this.” I shook my head. “I can’t! It hurts too much. Please, make it go away! Let it stop.” “Olivia, it won’t be much longer. He’s already half-way out. Just stick it out a few more hours and you’ll be a mom and then you can hold your son.” Marianne

whispered encouragingly. I screamed at the thought of going through this another few hours. I didn’t want to go through it another hour! I wanted it to be over! Mark grasped my hand tighter. “All the pain you’ve gone through for these six months, Olivia. You can do this.” “No!” I shook my head, tears running down my face. I didn’t like to be weak and give up, especially not on my son, but I couldn’t do this! Pain screamed from every fiber of my body and it felt like I was being pulled apart—literally. I wasn’t strong enough to do this. I couldn’t. “His head is out, Olivia. Just a few more pushes, that’s all.” Pushing? That alone caused pain. It left me breathless and a lot of contractions in its place. I didn’t want to push anymore. I just wanted it to be over! “I want it over!” “Then push and it’ll be over!” Wyann demanded. “Come on, sweetheart.” Mark nodded encouraging, smiling faintly though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Just push a few more times.” “I’m tired.” I cried, longing to just get this over with and then collapse. “I know.” Mark whispered. “After you push only once more, Olivia, you can go to sleep.” Marianne promised. “Just one more?” I asked, feeling sick at the thought. “Yes.” All three of them said together. Inhaling deeply, I clutched Mark’s hand as tightly as I could. I growled as I pushed with all my heart. It felt as if I was pushing every single body part of mine out. The air left my lungs and it burned. I wanted to inhale the precious air, but that

would cause pain. I could feel that it wasn’t over yet. I wasn’t sure what I felt other than pain, but it couldn’t be over yet. I continued to push and strain as hard as I could. I couldn’t do this again… “Yes!” I didn’t know who the word belonged to, but I fell back onto the pillows, letting the tears roll from my eyes as a baby’s cry filled the air. “It’s over,” Mark’s voice was close to my ear and I felt him pull my hair away from my face. I heard the baby’s cry fill the room and I heard Wyann and Marianne talking, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I didn’t even move my eyes to look at my baby. My eyes closed without my permission and darkness quickly swept over me.

The days, weeks, and months went by in a blur. Everything was changing, everything was different and it seemed like time just flew by before my eyes; there was no way I could keep up with it. Jason—the name was Mark’s father’s middle name, so we decided to name our son after him—grew quickly; much faster and steadier than most children. It wasn’t to a big extent, but just after a few months of being born, he already looked at least ten or eleven months old. He was getting to be such a big boy. Marianne looked after him on the nights of the full moon and then she and Kelsie babysat him while Mark and I went off by ourselves. It was a relief to be able to be alone together after the pregnancy. We spent three days straight together in the woods. My mind kept wandering back to Jason frequently, worried about him, but I knew he was all right. Kelsie and Marianne were taking good care of him. Even Wyann had made the two hour trip here on several occasions to see how Jason was doing and to check up on him regularly. Everything was fine, and other than him growing quickly, Wyann had stated that he was the same as any other baby, which was a huge relief. Even though the thought could be biased with me being his mother, Jason was the prettiest baby I’d ever seen. He had bright blue eyes just like his father; his hair was a light dirty brown, like mine, with natural curls in it. His eyebrows were thick for him being so young, his nose was small and his lips a bright pink to match his already tanned complexion. He was very handsome. I felt blessed to have such a healthy baby. I would be heartbroken if something happened to my son. Therefore, it had startled me when Mark stated that I wanted to give up on him. Quitting was not something I liked doing. I didn’t quit on finding the truth of the forest. I didn’t quit on love—though I wanted to on several occasions. I didn’t quit and give in when my body was itching to change during the pregnancy of Jason. The fact that I begged to quit while giving birth to Jason was surprising and scary. Would I have done that? Would I have been that willing to give up on my son just from the pain I was suffering through? That was selfish, yet another

thing I hated doing. Soft sounds—snores?—came from his sleeping body as I held him on my lap. He’d grown so much in only the first year that it was hard to hold him like I used to. I ed that even with Wes’s—my brother—kids how when they reached a year old that I could still cradle them in my arms like a baby. They were bigger, yes, but they didn’t fit as well lying on my lap than in my arms. Jason was just the right size now where it was almost impossible to hold him in the cradle of my arms. Instead, I held him on my lap where he was curled up, sleeping soundly. Mark and I continued to hold our breath, waiting for him to change. We waited for him to jot up into a teenager suddenly… or worse. We imagined the worst, even though the best of what could happen in this scenario was happening. Jason was growing up faster than any other baby, but he was only just beginning to crawl. He was mumbling—or else trying to talk—in some strange language that I could only describe as baby talk. But he wasn’t running and tearing things down. The process of getting older and crawling just went by a little quicker than what was normal. However, I still couldn’t shed off the feeling that had kept me in tight holds for a very long, long time. Everything was going right in my world again. I was married to Mark, and for two years—almost—of being married, nothing has happened yet. Cliff has seemed to disappear, Jason is healthy and is normal—as normal as can be expected—and Mark and I are getting closer than ever before. The wall is still there, but for now it was draped over by an invisible cloth. Everything was perfect. Like before, however, I knew this perfect world would come crashing down soon enough. It always did. Like before, when Mark and I were first dating, something crashed down and separated us. After I learned the truth, yet something else separated us. It has just continued from there, and I shuddered to think what was going to happen next. Mark, who sat next to me, his arms curled around my torso while our son curled in my lap, felt me shudder and the back of his fingers trailed over the side of my face.

“What is it?” His voice was so light and gentle; one would swear it was carried in the gentle breeze. Jason’s snores never faltered. I sighed, resting my head against Mark’s chest. “Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is about to happen?” “Yes.” His lips pressed against my head and I felt his breath tousle my hair. “But nothing bad will happen to us now, Livia.” Another shudder threatened to creep up, but I pushed it away. My eyes flickered to my wedding ring that glistened in the faint dawn light. Mark and I had sat on this sofa all night long. We barely spoke, and when we did the conversation didn’t last very long. We didn’t need any words to be comfortable. Just being together in the silence was good enough for me. Right now, there were no full moons coming. Wyann was at his house in Montana and Kelsie was away with Marianne. They’d gone on a trip to Nevada to visit Brice for a week. Even Christine and Drake had gone to Idaho to visit Wes and Henry—Henry moved back to Idaho after a year of living in Oregon—for a week. Mark and I had never been so alone before—we’d never been alone as a family. It was always either Marianne coming in or talking, Wyann coming in to ‘check’ on us, or Kelsie coming by to keep from going absolutely crazy without Brice around. Mark and I didn’t have time to just spend time as a family, just the three of us. For the first time, we got that chance and we wouldn’t ruin it. We cherished this time, sitting together in the darkness of the living room, holding each other in our arms. It was perfect and romantic. It was right, but how long would this last? Worry once again found its way through my mind as I stared at the ring that announced that I belonged to someone other than Cliff. Deep in my gut, I knew that he was going to be coming for us. Even though the supposed deal was ‘bogus’, he would be coming for us, but when? My eyes trailed over Jason’s small body and my ears listened intently to his soft snores as he was in a deep, peaceful sleep. Cliff would be coming for Mark again someday. But it wasn’t just Mark now;

Mark had a family; a wife and a son. It would spread to all three of us, and if there was even the slightest chance that I could do something to protect this family, I would. If there was just an ounce of hope that said the deal to become Cliff’s to save Mark and my baby was true, I would take it. I’d do anything to protect my family. But the worry wouldn’t ease. Cliff was not the only thing that was about to crash this perfect world and I couldn’t help but wince again at what could happen. “I don’t mean just bad,” I whispered, pulling back to stare into Mark’s eyes. “Something really bad is about to happen. I can feel it.” Unlike I expected, Mark exhaled slowly, his breath fanning across my face before he pushed my head into his chest, his chin resting on my head as he ran his hand over my back, resting his other against Jason’s side. “I can feel it, too.” “What are we going to do?” To my surprise, my voice didn’t shake or quiver and no tears stung my eyes. It surprised me that I’d already accepted the fact that something inevitable was going to happen. “Anything we can to protect our son.” I nodded against his chest. “Yes.” No matter what it required, no matter what the threat was, I would do anything to protect my son and Mark. Even if that meant putting my trust in an enemy who hung an impossible deal in front of my face that would save my family, I would do it. This boy lying on my lap was precious. He was a part of me and a part of Mark. No matter what happened, I had to be strong enough to save him. I had to be. Nothing would, or could, make me risk my son’s life.

Thirteen

Holding Jason in my arms, it was hard to keep him there. He pushed and pulled to escape my grasp, wanting to run around the small office that Wyann used for an examining room. The whole sixth floor of this building belonged to him. One room he used for his ‘office’, the other an ‘examining’ room, and I didn’t know about the other six. So far I hadn’t been in them, and I felt oddly glad for that. “Be still.” I shushed harsher than I’d meant to as my anxious eyes continued to move to Wyann again and again. He sat on his stool, a deep frown covering his face as he read over some of the results from the latest test I’d taken. I was glad when Wyann had called, asking to bring Jason in to receive his shots. Glad because, like I had felt almost two years ago, I was sure I was pregnant again. Wyann ran a test on me and did an ultrasound to see if I was indeed pregnant, and he gave Jason his shots. Sitting beside Mark on the two folding chairs Wyann had pushed against the wall, I couldn’t help but feel as if I was sweating coldly despite the August heat as Wyann continued to scowl at his papers that held the results of my tests. Jason made a noise as he reached for something. This caught Wyann’s attention and he smiled as I pulled Jason back. “For an eighteen month old, he’s quite curious about everything, eh?” Wyann said in a somewhat casual voice, but then his voice rarely changed. “Too curious,” I agreed, standing to place Jason on my hip where he settled down a little. Mark reached out, squeezing Jason’s hand. “He takes after his mom in that way.” I scowled at Mark playfully, though I felt far from being playful.

Wyann chuckled. “That he does.” Shaking my head, I decided that my best option here was to keep quiet, though I strained to see what the result was that Wyann held. He noticed this and sighed, drawing his eyebrows together. “Kelsie has taken care of Jason by herself before, hasn’t she?” Wyann wondered, smiling faintly at the boy who tugged to get free from my arms as I balanced him on my hip. My mouth was too dry to speak. Mark spoke up for me. “Yes. Kelsie has.” “Good.” Wyann opened the door, poking his head out into the corridor. “Kelsie, would you come in here for a minute, please?” Kelsie jumped from the line of chairs where Wyann’s ‘clients’ sat. She came into the room warily, glancing briefly at our faces and then at Jason. “Would you mind watching over Jason for a while, Kelsie? There’s something I need to discuss with Mark and Olivia.” “Is something wrong?” Kelsie looked worried at once as she hesitantly reached for my son. Giving Jason to her was not something I really liked to do. Giving him up, period, bugged me. But whatever had Wyann scowling overrode the fear of Kelsie taking care of him for only a few brief moments. At least, I hoped it would be brief as I ed my struggling son to her. “Thank you,” I whispered, running my fingers through his light brown, curly hair and grinning at him as he mumbled something unintelligible. He’d been moved, but that was not the goal he’d wanted. “They’ll be along in a minute, Kelsie. Thanks for doing this.” “Sure.” Again, her eyes flickered nervously between the three of us before she moved out of the room, closing the door silently behind her.

Wyann nodded at Mark, a sly smile entering his eyes as he answered the unspoken question in Mark’s eyes. “Every room on this floor is sound proof. No one can hear us in here.” That made sense now of why he opened the door to call for Kelsie and it made me feel slightly comforted that no one could hear us, though I wasn’t sure why. “Am I pregnant?” Even with the knowledge of the rooms being sound proof wasn’t enough to ease the worry off my shoulders. When Wyann frowned deeply and lines etched across his forehead, I realized that my legs were numb. Sitting was the only safe thing to do. Mark’s hand engulfed mine as I sat next to him. The conversation we’d had just six months ago ran through my mind. Was this— whatever ‘this’ was—the very bad thing that I felt was going to happen? That we both felt? “Technically… yes, you are pregnant.” My stomach twisted painfully as Mark and I both shared a brief gaze before turning back to Wyann. “What does ‘technically’ mean?” Mark asked, leaning forward nervously in his chair. “Look for yourself.” Wyann handed the ultrasound picture to Mark. Leaning in the seat, I strained to see the picture. It was hard to make out with all the black and white, but I could make out the shape of a baby, but something wasn’t right. I leaned closer to the picture, trying to see what exactly was off, what was missing, when it finally dawned on me. Nothing was missing, in fact, two additional things were there. The room began to spin slightly as I comprehended what my eyes were telling me. “I’m carrying triplets?” I looked to Wyann doubtfully for answers. Surely this

couldn’t be true. “Yes.” He nodded. “From what I can see from the picture—though early—I think you’re carrying two boys and one girl.” Mark whistled softly. “Three boys and a girl. Now that will be fun.” His tone was casual enough, but under the surface I could hear the worry and anxiety in it. He was worried, too. “Are you sure about this, Wyann?” “I’m sure. There’s one more thing, though. There were signs that at one point, Olivia, you were carrying droplets.” I’d only heard the expression once before, but I knew his meaning. His meaning made my stomach drop and I felt the first signs of shock. “I lost a baby?” Wyann’s eyes reflected sympathy as he nodded slowly. “That’s what it looks like.” “What… what does that mean?” Mark asked anxiously, his hand squeezing mine. “I’ve seen this case only a few times before. This isn’t a normal pregnancy. Olivia… how did you conceive?” How could someone ask such a bizarre question? Fighting off the tears of losing a baby and not even knowing it, I glared at Wyann. “The same way I had before.” He shook his head. “No, you couldn’t have. This is different. How did you conceive?” “There is only one…” I began to argue until Mark’s hand squeezed tighter around mine, stopping me in mid-sentence as I turned to him, feeling sick to my stomach. Mark’s deep, steely blue eyes locked on mine. “There was that night a few months ago. It was just a… a mistake.” I groaned, folding my hands over my face. The memory that Mark’s words brought back to the surface did almost make me sick.

But could I have conceived that night? It couldn’t be possible. As he’d put it, it was an accident. I didn’t have any control at the time. My wolf instincts drove me and I couldn’t find my human instincts. Apparently, neither could Mark. Conceiving that night had to be impossible; it had to be. It wasn’t right… it couldn’t be right. Standing, I moved to the window where I stared out over the big city of Fillings, Montana, fighting back nausea. “You conceived in another form…” Mark quickly interrupted Wyann before he could finish. “It seems that’s possible.” I leaned against the window. “What does that mean?” Wyann sighed heavily. He hated this just as much as we did. “Have you been changing a lot, Olivia? From my predictions, you conceived about five months ago.” “Some.” I itted. “Mm-hmm. That’s what happened before.” I turned to face Wyann then, crossing my arms over my chest. “What does all this mean? I mean, what do we do?” “This isn’t normal, by any standards. But it’s something I’ve dealt with three other times before. Since you conceived differently, well, they’re different, too. For Jason, you had to stay human because he was human. But there is no way of knowing… It’s too hard… They will be changing and… Olivia… Ugh.” Wyann struggled with his words, running his hand over his face. “What you’re saying is,” My voice sounded detached and that scared me, “you don’t know what will happen?” “It was different the three times before… but the women weren’t naturally blooded. The mothers changed frequently, as their children did. Unlike Jason, they will change immediately. They are even trying to change forms in your

womb, Olivia. There is just no way of knowing what will happen. “You started off carrying droplets, and I’m guessing that it was about a month ago, maybe two, when you lost one. I really can’t help you with this, Olivia. If you turn into your wolf form…” “It can kill them.” I finished for him, my voice still sounding detached. “And if I feel like I need to turn and don’t, I could kill them.” Wyann’s lips were pressed in a hard, worried line. He nodded once. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and it felt as if my blood faded from every vein in my body. I hadn’t realized that Mark had stood behind me until his arms encircled my waist. “The other three that went through this, Wyann?” He asked in a gentle voice, worry thick in his tone. “Out of all the three…” Wyann hesitated, real pain reflecting in his eyes now as he glanced nervously from Mark to me. “Only one child survived.” That was all it took for my knees to buckle beneath me. I didn’t realize how hard Wyann’s office floor was until my head thudded against it. I watched as the room twisted into a funny angle. I saw Mark’s lips moving as if he was demanding something from Wyann or trying to make me respond, but I didn’t hear his words. Nothing really mattered. No tears stung my eyes, no gasping left me breathless. My body was just ice and I couldn’t do anything but lay here. I didn’t want to do anything, either. The truth of what was bound to happen wouldn’t let itself be processed in my mind. Wyann’s words and the truth swirled around, but I couldn’t make sense of them. I couldn’t accept them. Knowing that I already lost one child and I was bound to lose the other three I carried was disturbing, very disturbing. I couldn’t handle that. How could I lose four of my babies?

Already, I felt attached to all of them. I could feel their movements inside my womb, I could feel them stretching; I could feel every heart beat, every movement. I was in tune with them. How could I handle carrying them for however long this pregnancy would last and get this attached to them all, just to lose them? The thought was horrifying, and that was the only thing that made me coherent enough to voice a question to Wyann I’d promised myself long before my parents even died that I would never, ever ask. Now I didn’t have a choice but to ask. “Is there another option? An option to end their suffering before it begins?” I watched as Mark’s mouth gaped open and I felt air brush over my face, but I didn’t actually hear his sudden exhale. The only words I heard were Wyann’s and I hung onto them as darkness circled in around me. “There is that option, and I’m afraid in your condition, I would have to recommend it.”

The warm breeze wrapped around my body, embracing me. It lifted the hair from my forehead and made soft whispering sounds as it brushed the tree branches on the pine trees. Standing on the edge of the forest, I looked down at the town below. Pinecrossing looked small from up here, but I knew the town was fairly big. Not as big as some towns, but pretty close. Below and to the sharp north of the town I could see our house. The tall, three story house was deeply nestled in the trees, invisible from anyone in town. A few miles to the side was Christine’s house. My heart pulled tightly at that as I examined her house—the house I’d once belonged to. So many times I’d stared out my bedroom window, wishing for something different, wishing to get free. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, or what I wanted to get free from, but I knew this was not it. This was not the freedom I’d been hoping for. It was far from moving to Idaho— which I’d desperately wanted to do at that time—and it was definitely not spirit lifting. Knowing that no matter which option I chose could kill the three babies I carried, I couldn’t help but regret ever standing by that bedroom window and wishing for something, anything to get me away. “The house looks the same as it did before.” Wes’s loud voice came from inside Christine’s house and I longed to see him, my brother. “I don’t have time to rearrange.” Christine noted. “Even that didn’t stop you before. You were constantly changing.” “Shut up!” Happiness rang in her voice just as I heard a thump and Wes yelp in pain playfully. “Serves you right.” Christine snorted. He huffed. “Didn’t lose your mean streak, either, I see.” “Oh, you have no idea!” “Hey, hey!” I heard the playful edge to Wes’s voice just as I heard another thump.

For the first time in what seemed like years, true laughter echoed from Christine as she and Wes wrestled. Wes didn’t come here often, but when he did he usually stayed at least a couple of days or a week. He was coming here a lot more recently. The word ‘divorce’ had been spoken from him more and more on most of his visits here. He and Shauna had been having problems. I didn’t know all the details, but from a distance, I could hear him talking about getting a divorce. When that happened, he and Christine were both serious. But despite that, on each visit he made Christine laughed and I felt thankful for that. She’d become a down right angry person lately. She and Drake didn’t even do very much anymore. Marianne had taken me aside from the others in the pack a few times and talked about how tired, angry, and sad Christine looked all the time. Just from the few glimpses that I’d gotten of her in the past through the window or as she got into her car, I’d seen the emptiness in her blue-green eyes. They looked empty and her face was hard. Her jaw was constantly clenched and her body was stiff and rigid. Christine had changed from my leaving. I’d done that to her, and I had the opportunity now to screw the lives of three others up. That was why I was here. I heard his footsteps before I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder as he stood next to me, taking in the sight of the town. “Jason?” I whispered without turning to Mark. Like Christine when Wes wasn’t around, my voice sounded empty. “He’s with Kelsie.” Unlike me, however, Mark sounded stronger. This choice was just as hard for him as it was me, but he could handle it better. Surviving death and loss was something that he had grown accustomed to. How long until I would be the same? Emptiness rolled through my body. It had been so many years since I felt this empty and lost, but I did now. I had three options, and all of them could kill my children—one of those options would kill them. I was a strong person. I could run faster than a cheetah, I had enough strength to

stop a train. I was ‘mythical’, and there were so many things I was capable of doing. But with this, I might as well be a human. I was helpless. “What do we do?” I whispered, afraid to voice the question that had been swirling through my head for a week. Mark sighed, his hand squeezing my shoulder. “It’s your choice, Livia. Whatever you choose, I’m with you.” “And if I don’t do what Wyann recommends?” Turning my back to the town and Christine’s house, I fastened my eyes on Mark’s, waiting for some sign of whether he approved of this or not. “Especially then. You’re not a quitter, Livia. You fight and you try as hard as you can to make something right, or discover something, or whatever else. You fought to keep Jason alive, and you did it. You’re strong enough for this; I know you are.” Though his words were right, they didn’t give me any comfort. I was a fighter, yes. Giving up and quitting made me feel powerless—like I did now. But in this instance, did it really matter? I could fight as hard as I could, and still lose them. Wouldn’t it be easier to just do as Wyann recommended? At least they would be in peace before they would have to go through pain and misery. But could I do that? Could I just give up on them? “Jason comes first,” I whispered, ing the night that I sat in Mark’s arms and told him that I felt as if something really bad was going to happen. We promised each other that Jason would always come first. When I thought about it, thought about what would be better for Jason, I knew that that is what it came down to—what was better for Jason. I could stay human and lose these three babies I carried, or I could turn wolf and lose them. Or I could choose the ‘recommended’ choice and it would be the most humane of all. But it was an impossible decision, and the one thing it boiled down to was Jason. What would be best for him? “Every child wants a brother or sister.” Mark whispered. I nodded, wringing my hands together. “If I don’t do what Wyann recommends,

what do I do? Do I stay human? Do I turn? What?” “There could be another option.” My shoulders hunched. I’d thought over every single option. There couldn’t be another one. “What?” “There’s this phrase that a lot of people use, and it’s been running through my head lately. ‘Boys will be boys’. Olivia, no one can stop boys from being boys. They try, but in the end it doesn’t work. Parents just have to sit back and let them be boys. Even if the outcome will hurt them, they’ll learn their lesson.” My lungs stung as I inhaled the pine air sharply. For the first time in a week since talking to Wyann, my legs felt sturdier beneath my weight as I processed Mark’s words, letting them sink in. “What you’re saying is that I shouldn’t fight them?” “Maybe they know best.” He shrugged. “Anyway, if something does happen, at least we will know that we did everything we could.” In the distance I could still hear Christine and Wes laughing. It didn’t sound like they were wrestling anymore, but I couldn’t be certain of what they were doing. They were close, Christine and Wes were. They shared the same bond as Henry and I did, but it was different. They had each other in a way that I didn’t have Henry now. I wanted to go down and Christine and Wes in their laughter. I wanted to go see Henry. I wanted my brothers and sister back… When it boiled down to it, I only did have one choice. “It’s their decision.” I whispered, fastening my eyes on Mark’s as a soft smile shaped itself to his lips. “I won’t fight it; whatever it is they want.” Again, Mark’s arms encircled around me and he nestled his face in my brown hair. I closed my eyes, feeling a little bit of hope stir within me. At least I wasn’t the one g their death certificate with this as it would be their choice. “Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. We’ll be strong, no matter what.” Knotting my fingers in Mark’s hair, I nodded against his shoulder, tipping my nose to inhale his scent. Being in his arms was the only thing that could give me comfort now.

“No matter what,” I agreed, hope outlining my tone as well as stirring within my body.

Fourteen

You never did tell me what you did.” Up to my elbows in dishwater, I froze at Kelsie’s question. It was a response my body always had when she asked that question. My heart rate sped up while my body froze and tensed automatically. It had been over five years since the day I made my second choice of what to do as far as giving birth to my triplets. My choice had terrified me, but like Mark said, ‘boys will be boys’. I left it up to them, and though that choice had saved them—all three of my babies—it still sent chills in my body when I thought back to what I did. “Nope, I haven’t.” I agreed, resuming back to scrubbing on the dishes. Melinda’s footsteps thudded against the linoleum floor, stopping Kelsie from asking another question as Melinda wrapped her arms around me, her hazel eyes probing. “What is it, sweetie?” Drying my hands off on the towel, I squatted down to squeeze my daughter’s upper arms playfully. “Kyle and Jason are picking on me.” She pouted. Kelsie giggled quietly. “That’s their job.” Melinda twisted her face into an angry scowl that was directed towards Kelsie, of whom sided with the boys. Kelsie put her hands in the air, backing up a few paces. I chuckled at that, shaking Melinda playfully to make her laugh, too. “What are they doing?” I asked, pushing the white curl that fell onto her forehead back.

“They saying I too dupid to change the sheeds on my ‘ed. Mummy, make’em them be nice!” “Why do you want to change the sheets on your bed?” She growled at the memory. “Kyle got them wet with his apple ‘uice.” “Juice?” I looked away from Melinda to glare at Kelsie. Had I not told her just an hour ago to not give them any more apple juice? “I didn’t.” She promised, seeing the question in my eyes. “I did.” Mark stated, coming into the room to stand beside Melinda. He smiled at me and I turned my playful glare on him. “I told them that they could have one if they helped Melinda clean her room.” I straightened, tousling Melinda’s curly white hair. “And how did that work for you?” “Good, because now they’ll have their first lesson on changing the sheets and no one will be stupid after that, right, Mel?” “And who’s going to teach them this lesson?” I planted my hands playfully on my hips. Mark winked at me. “Me.” He pointed to himself before opening his arms and making a bow. “Why, who else?” We all burst into laughter at that. Melinda giggled, reaching up with her arms. In one scoop, Mark had her in his arms, tickling her sides to make her erupt in giggles. “They’re all upstairs with you, then?” He nodded. “Yeah. Brice is helping me assemble the”—Mark hesitated to put his hands over Melinda’s ears, dropping his voice to an exaggerated whisper—“car bed. The others are intently watching.” Kelsie rolled her eyes. “If it’s not about cars or car parts, it’s about car beds.

Maybe the next time Brice comes here on leave from college, maybe then he’ll spend time with me, huh?” “Sure.” Brice said from upstairs, sarcasm thick in his tone. Kelsie pursed her lips angrily. Mark whistled, shifting Melinda to put her on his shoulders. “Let’s go!” “Where’s Tim?” I asked just seconds before Mark rounded the corner. At the mention of our son’s name, the expression on Mark’s face fell and he sighed deeply. “He’s lying on his bed by the door.” “Okay. You’re free now.” He hesitated, staring at me. The same worry that I felt for over five years reflected back in Mark’s eyes, too. “Come on, come on!” Melinda urged, kicking her feet against his shoulders. “Let’s go, ‘ad. Broom, broom!” “Okay.” Mark winked once at me before ‘revving’ up his voice and running up the stairs, Melinda giggling the whole time. Leaning against the counter, Kelsie watched after them, her eyes sparkling. “You have such a wonderful family. How old are they?” Grabbing the towel from the counter, I wiped my hands off once more as I moved towards the living room. “Five years and two months.” “It doesn’t seem like they could be that old already. When did you have them, in August or July?” Outside of her question, I heard the real question burning on the surface and I threw her a sideways glance, letting myself laugh. “Good try, Kelsie.” “Please, Olivia! You at least deserve to tell your best friend how you managed to have them all without…” She hesitated, looking around the house before lowering her voice to make it impossible for all the little ears to hear, “losing any

of them.” Her words irked me. While she talked like that, it seemed like she was referring to them as dogs or ‘things’ rather than children—my children. I kept my lips tightly shut, however. I’d learned a lot more about Kelsie over the course of the years with Brice being in college. She had a different way of wording things and she, period, was different. I was getting used to it so I didn’t let her words bother me. The sight in front of me did, however, bother me. Like every time I saw Tim, my heart crumpled and it took great strength to get my legs to move. Swinging the towel over my shoulder, I kneeled in front of Tim. He lifted his head, his faint blue eyes looking at me curiously as his ears cocked. He laid on his ‘bed’ by the open door. Up until very recently, that is where he always laid since being born. Melinda and Kyle continued to grow rapidly, but they weren’t full grown yet. In fact, they were far from it. They looked to be between eight and ten years old rather than five, but Tim already looked like a full grown wolf, and his eyes were very mature. There was little doubt in my mind that he heard and understood everything. “Hey,” I whispered while kneeling in front of him, resting my hand on his head. He blinked, his eyes still focused on mine. “Don’t you want to go upstairs with everybody else and watch them put the bed together?” As if thinking about it, his eyes shifted to the twisting stairway and then back to me. He exhaled, lowering his head to rest it on his paws again. His answer was simple: no. “Okay.” The longing I felt inside to see him change, to see him as his human form never eased. I wanted to hold my son in my arms; feel his natural, human body in my arms. Then again, maybe this was his natural body. I shivered faintly at the thought. “I think he likes who he is.” Kelsie whispered. Tim’s eyes fastened on her. “Kelsie!” My voice was sharp as I warned her.

“We can talk in front of him. I think he likes being who he is. I mean, Kyle and Melinda can turn whenever they want to. They’re not stuck in one form or the other and they never were. But they choose to stay human most the time because they like it. Maybe Tim doesn’t. He has to like being this. Right, Timmy?” Kelsie’s voice was very gentle and soft as she directed the question at Tim. His eyes flickered to me and then back to Kelsie. I couldn’t tell if he understood her words or if he just wanted us to shut up so he could rest. Never being able to understand what he thought or what he wanted was only one more thing that ultimately disturbed me. Without waiting for Kelsie, I turned back to the kitchen, shaking my head. “Or maybe I just turned too many times.” I shrugged helplessly. “Maybe I should have tried to resist.” She rolled her eyes. “Wasn’t Tim in his human form for a brief second once?” “When he was born,” I agreed with a stiff nod, hesitating at the kitchen entrance. “You did what you needed to do. At least all of them lived, that’s what you have to be grateful for. Besides, I think Tim enjoys being a wolf.” She turned back to my brown colored wolf with white around his legs and smiled, before she turned back to me. “Please, tell me how you gave birth to them, please?” I grunted, my body having the same reactions it had just a few moments ago. “No. It’s not that big of a deal.” “Then tell me!” Pressing my lips in a hard, defiant line, I shook my head “Ugh! Are you going to keep it to yourself when someone else is in your shoes and needs answers of how to let her babies survive?” “I know what she did,” We both jumped at the male voice, turning to see Wyann standing in the open doorway, “and if someone is in her shoes again, I will tell them. Unless you are in those shoes, Kelsie, you’ll just have to wonder.” Normally I would have felt relieved that Wyann came to my rescue, but I didn’t feel that way as my eyes moved over him.

His black and gray hair that he always had in a tight braid that trailed down his back was messy. Pieces of his hair were falling out of the braid, and tight lines pulled his entire face down into a deep frown. Heavy bags hung under his eyes and his hands were in tight fists by his sides, his tendons sticking out. Kelsie and I both noticed this and I felt Kelsie stiffen beside me. We both knew what this meant. As Marianne’s face came into view, we definitely knew what this meant. Bad news. Fighting against the huge lump that lodged itself in my throat, I tried to find my voice. “Hi, Wyann.” “Olivia. Kelsie.” He nodded at us, his eyes in tight lines. For the first time since I’ve known him, his voice was tight with worry. “Hi.” Marianne’s voice was very faint as she moved around Wyann. She attempted to smile at us, but tears swam in her eyes. She barely began to form a smile when she turned away, kneeling next to Tim whose eyes were very alert as he looked between us. Marianne ran her hands over his body. From the side, I saw a tear run down her face. “Where are the kids?” Wyann asked with an empty voice. “Upstairs.” I whispered in shock, staring at my son lying by the door whose eyes were alert and… scared. He wasn’t a fool; he could sense the anxious atmosphere. “Uncle Wayne!” Jason squealed as several little feet flew down the stairs at once. Jason was the first to fling his arms around Wyann. Melinda came second. Kyle—his very light brown and gray hair pulled back into a ponytail—stood several feet away, holding his arms tightly across his chest. Brice and Mark were the last to step onto the flat floor. On cue, Brice moved beside Kelsie protectively, his eyes guarded as he took in Wyann’s expression. Mark moved beside me, circling his arm around my waist, his eyes glancing briefly at Tim and Marianne before his eyebrows pulled down and they moved back to Wyann.

“Hey.” Wyann’s voice, at least, changed from empty to husky. It was an effort, but the kids didn’t seem to notice the difference. “Are we going to get another lesson, Uncle Wayne?” “We going to go running today?” “Tell us stories!” “Come see our new bed!” Everyone spoke at once, taking Wyann’s hands and pulling him this way or that. They all called him Wayne as Wyann was hard for them to pronounce. He didn’t mind. Like his name, he didn’t mind when the kids pulled him this way or that, either, but today he stood his ground. “Ah-hem,” He cleared his throat loudly, catching all of their attention. They stopped, gazing at him with curious eyes. “How ‘bout you guys go with Marianne for right now, okay?” Marianne stood, wiping her tears away before she turned to them, smiling. “Do you guys want to come with me and have fun? I’ll fix cookies!” Though her voice was more ‘normal’ than Wyann’s was, I could hear the false note in it. Automatically, I winced into Mark’s side. What was wrong now? “Mum?” “Dad?” It was Melinda and Jason who asked these questions, looking at the two of us for answers. I could see the pleas in their eyes. They desperately wanted to go with Marianne. Forcing a smile on my lips, I nodded. “Sure. You guys can go with Marianne. Have fun!” “Thanks!” They all ran around Marianne, ecstatic. “See you all… later.” Marianne stated, her eyes hesitating on Kelsie and Brice

where fresh tears welled in her eyes before she turned around, stepping out the door with all of my children following… well, all of them except Tim. “Tim,” Mark began, noticing the same as I had. “You go with them, too.” Rising to his feet, Tim didn’t look back as he moved out of the house, walking after the rest of them without much animation. He didn’t like to leave the house without us. Today, I couldn’t blame him. “What is it now, Wyann?” Brice asked in a husky tone, not wincing as Kelsie’s fingers curled around his arm tightly as if to hold on to sanity. His face paling, Wyann sighed, gesturing into the dining room. “You all should be sitting when I say this.” This was going to be really, really bad. I felt as if the numbness wrapped its fog around me again as we all made our way into the dining room to hear what was very wrong this time…

Fifteen

A wolf hunt?” I snapped angrily, trying to wrap my head around it. Mark’s hand squeezed my elbow, trying to calm me down, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t release my grip on the table as the images and reality swam through my mind. Wyann had answered all of our questions before he left, of course. I was not the first to ask this question, but after he left I couldn’t help but ask it again. Surely I had misheard him. Surely there wasn’t going to be a wolf hunt. I waited, locking gazes with Kelsie, Mark, and Brice. When would they tell me that I’d heard Wyann wrong? When would they soothe my fears and tell me that everything was okay? That they had just made the whole thing up? The room was silent, though. My breathing grew heavier as I waited for this to happen, but their faces were grave and their eyes remained on the wooden table. Like me, they were probably hoping that this was false. Sinking into the empty chair beside Mark, I buried my head into the palms of my hands, resting my elbows on the table. The sobs would surely take over me soon and when they did, I would be ready. I wasn’t expecting Wyann to say that there was a wolf hunt. I expected him to say that Cliff was back in our lives. I expected him to warn us that Cliff was getting near and that our family was in danger. If that was the case, at least we could fight Cliff. We could do something! Could we do anything with this, though? Humans were getting licenses— permits—to hunt wolves, dogs, really. Because of a few stray wolves getting into their livestock and killing sheep and calves and other things, they had to start a wolf hunt. Fighting humans was impossible, and that would only make this whole thing worse. But there had to be something we could do.

Thankfully Jason still hadn’t turned yet so he wasn’t in danger, but what about the rest? Tim? Kyle? Melinda? What would this mean for them? Especially Tim—would a human even stop to consider that maybe Tim wasn’t just a wolf? Or if Kyle and Melinda changed, would they hesitate with them looking like wolf pups? The answer was simple and it made my body tense. My family was in danger, in danger from the most populated enemy of all, and we had no hope of surviving. There was nothing we could do to save them. To protect them now we would have to end all humans on earth, and that would be merely impossible. Besides, killing didn’t run in our blood. We protected our territory; we didn’t attack people. All the warnings that Joey had given me so many years ago when I first began to ‘emerge’ from my numb state ran through my mind. Everyone thought that wolves were killing people who ventured out into the forest on the night of the full moon. Very few questioned it. There was no other explanation; it had to be the wolves that were ending them. But that wasn’t what we did. I don’t know what got the rumors started, and I don’t know what really happened to those humans, but I know that we weren’t the ones to blame. People were getting too edgy now, though. No one had disappeared—that I knew of, anyway—but too many cattle and sheep had disappeared from the actual wolves. Of course, no one would stop to think that maybe we were the innocent ones. Would they even notice that we were slightly different? Would they notice that we weren’t like the normal wolves? If they did notice, would that be a good thing or bad? “What are we going to do?” Kelsie whispered. It almost sounded more like a whimper than a whisper. Her voice was frail and it cracked on the last word. We all expected Mark to straighten and take control. After all, he was our leader. Besides Wyann, he was the one who called the shots—with us, at least. We were all expecting him to have the answers; therefore we were all surprised when he just hung his head, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know.” Like Kelsie, he whimpered.

He had to know! Someone had to know something! My children’s lives were in grave danger. Actually, we all were in danger. Every single pack throughout the world was in danger. Or was this law just for the Wyoming region? I could understand why people hunted elk and deer and birds and that. From every one of those things people could get meat. And it was for the greater good for those animals. Otherwise they’d get overpopulated and several would die. But hunting wolves? How is that justifiably? Could someone even get any meat from a wolf? And wolves weren’t overpopulated, either. In fact, just a few years ago I’d ed seeing something about how the wolves were almost extinct and everyone wanted to repopulate them. Now they wanted to hunt them? To kill them? The whole situation was stupid and pathetic. But it wasn’t something to be avoided, and it wasn’t something that we could make the wrong decision on. If we wanted to be safe, we all had to clear our heads and take a deep breath. I did take a deep breath and closed my eyes for several minutes before I leaned forward in my chair, clasping my hands together. “We need to decide what we’re going to do.” My voice was stronger than what I’d thought, and this surprised me. “Yes.” Brice agreed, his voice better than the rest of ours as he met my gaze, nodding. A thoughtful expression covered his face as he glanced at Mark. They stared at each other for a long time before Mark looked back to the table and Brice pursed his lips, annoyed. “What?” Kelsie asked, noticing the same thing I had. Mark shook his head. “For the safety of your family, I think it would be in your best interest to move.” Brice’s voice was even and slow. Kelsie gasped, but no sound came from Mark or me. I wanted to argue with Brice. This was our home, and I hated the thought of leaving it, even if temporarily.

The only good news that Wyann had was that this wolf hunt would only last a few months, if that. Wyann was sure that it would be over with by the end of fall, but could that be right? Could we really afford to take chances? If we did leave, how long would we have to stay gone? Where would we move to, though? This was our home. There was nowhere I could think of to be safe. It was nestled in the forest, yes, but not far enough. Even during deer and elk hunting season, people found us and we talked a bit. Mark was very good when it came to talking to people. I, on the other hand, was a wreck. It would be worse now, though. Many, many people were itching to kill wolves. It was something different to hunt and this fact alone would drive people. They’d come here, right to our home and our family. They would shoot us without thinking twice about it. I shivered, biting my tongue as a distraction. I couldn’t think about the outcome of that. I had to keep my mind clear and think objectively to everything. Leaving, as Brice said, would probably be the safest thing to do. The safest place to move to would have to be very deep into the forest. So deep that no humans could find or get to us. “Brice is right. Leaving is probably the safest thing to do. But… we’d have to move deep into the forest.” I stated. Mark nodded, continuing to stare down at the table. “If we all stay inside, we can stay here.” Kelsie argued, her eyes brightening. “We just won’t go outside on the nights of the full moon, and we’ll have to watch Melinda, Kyle, and Tim very closely. When they turn, they will have to do it inside. We’d be safe that way.” “That wouldn’t be fair.” Mark spoke for the first time since Wyann said the disturbing news. Like we’d all expected him to do sooner, he sat up straight, pulling his shoulders back. “It wouldn’t be fair to leave them in the house. It wouldn’t be fair for any of us, either. Running is in our nature.” “And not being shot is in our nature, too.” Kelsie pointed out acidly.

“It’s not possible to stay in the house.” Mark put an end to that option. Once again, Brice locked gazes with Mark. From the corner of my eye, I saw him wince and his face harden. His jaw flexed and I immediately turned to Brice. “What’s that about?” Kelsie leaned forward eagerly, too. Mark shook his head. “Nothing.” “Mark.” Brice said menacingly. No one ever questioned the leader, and they certainly didn’t demand anything, either. For Brice to do this, whatever was going on was important. “Tell me what is going on!” I almost screamed the word. Too many things were spiraling out of my control and Mark continued to keep secrets. Mark sighed, turning to fasten his blue eyes reluctantly on mine. I arched my eyebrows expectantly. “A long time ago, shortly after I turned Brice, we built a cabin deep in the forest.” “A cabin?” I questioned with a hoarse voice. Mark hesitated, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “It’s about thirty miles into the forest—far away from any kind of mountain trails. No human would go that far into the forest. And even if they do, there are certain land structures that would make it impossible. You guys and the kids would be safe there.” Brice stated when Mark was obviously not willing to talk about it. Mark and Brice had built a cabin. Why hadn’t they told me about it? Why was Mark acting as if this bugged him? What was it about the cabin that had him too upset to tell me about it? If it meant that our kids could be safe, wouldn’t it be worth it? “Why didn’t we know about this cabin before now?” Kelsie wondered.

Brice glanced to Mark to answer and Mark continued to grind his teeth. He answered Kelsie’s question without looking up from the table. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.” “So.” I stated, my voice getting stronger. “What are our options of moving there?” The thought of moving did not settle well with me, but the thought of my children getting shot didn’t, either. “High.” Brice stated. “It won’t be easy. There’s no electricity. Which means no stove or oven to cook with, no source of heat except for the wood burning stove, no TV, no computer, no radio… no nothing. There’s only two different ‘bedrooms’, and there’s just a curtain separating them. “The water is a pump handle, and the only source of heat—and cooking—is the wood burning stove. Like I said before, it won’t be easy. In fact, it will be downright hard and it will be very crowded.” Mark seemed to come up with more and more excuses as he talked. “It would beat sticking around here and getting shot.” Brice stepped in. “We have to jump across a huge river.” “And walk through a huge, open part of the forest.” “People hunt there a lot. Getting past there will be tricky.” “After that, the land gets hard to walk on. It would be down right impossible for a human.” “It would be safer to find another spot.” Mark stressed the words. “The cabin would be the safest place to move to.” Brice argued. “I think I can manage to put wood in the fire and cook on top of the stove. There is always plenty of things we can do to stay busy, and I don’t think ‘roomy’ is something that matters right now.” I stated sternly. We were running out of time, and if this was the only option, then so be it. Brice claimed that it was safe, and I believed him.

Mark didn’t like the idea that I was considering this so strongly. “Olivia, it won’t be…” “What is it about moving there that has you so upset? Isn’t it the safety of our children’s lives that we have to worry about right now?” Acid ran thickly in my voice. Standing, Mark moved towards the dining room window. His shoulders were stiff, too stiff. When he spoke, his voice was hard. “Cliff… he knows about it. It’s the one place where no one is around for miles. It’d be easier for him to get to us.” I choked. Kelsie gasped, and Brice was silent. Tears rolled down my face but I didn’t notice them. I didn’t notice the stinging in my chest or the painful cramping in my stomach, either. I didn’t notice any of this as I stared at Mark’s back, not really seeing Mark at all. Either way I looked at it, we were in danger. We either moved to the cabin where we would be perfectly safe from humans and their rifles, and risk Cliff finding us and ending us. Or, we move somewhere else or stay here, and risk getting shot. Was there ever any end to this? When would we be able to just enjoy life without all this worry and panic and everything happening? It wasn’t right, and it certainly wasn’t fair. Was it too much to ask to just have a regular, normal life? “We all go.” Kelsie pitched in softly. “We can make a better stand against Cliff that way, and our pack will be together.” “And Brice’s college education?” Mark didn’t turn around to face us. “I need a break from it, anyway.” Brice rolled his shoulders. “I can start up again in the spring.” “Kelsie?” “I’d rather the pack live than attend high school, Mark.” It was only just a month ago that Wyann had finally given Kelsie the okay to attend and finish out high school. He had even given her a new name and the

files and documents to go with it. She was starting over, but a lot of good that did now. “Mom could even go with us, too. She’d enjoy living like that.” Kelsie suddenly suggested. Mark grumbled, pressing his forehead against the window. “You make it sound like a vacation.” Finding the strength, I pulled myself up to a standing position and moved over to stand beside Mark where I pressed the palm of my hand against his, looking up to meet his gaze. “Anything we can do to protect our children.” I whispered these words, knowing that Mark would understand them instantly. He did. His blue eyes rimmed with tears. “If that means moving to a small cabin where it will be crowded and unpleasant, but we are free from getting shot, so be it. Thinking of it as a vacation would be better than the alternative.” Mark’s hand squeezed mine and he nodded, his eyes burning. “You’re right.” “Okay, then. We’ll go home and start packing our things that we’ll need. When do you want to move, Mark?” Brice asked. The expression of pain was quickly replaced by the leader ‘mask’ as Mark straightened, turning to Kelsie and Brice where they hesitated in the doorway of the kitchen. “We should be gone definitely by the end of September, which is in two weeks. I plan to make a few trips before hand, though. We’ll need a good supply of things.” Brice flashed a grin. “I knew the storage tunnel beneath the ground would come in handy.” “Yeah, yeah.” Mark grumbled playfully as Brice and Kelsie chuckled, ducking out the door. Silence fell throughout the kitchen for several minutes as we waited until their

footsteps were no longer clear. Only then did Mark exhale in a big gust and encircled his arms around me, his knees buckling beneath his weight and collapsed. For the first time since I could , it was his face that was being buried into my chest as my chin pressed against the top of his head. He shook in my arms, sobbing. This scared me. He’d always been the strong one. He always held me like this when I fell apart at the seams. He always encouraged me and everything else. Never before had he broken down like this. I felt better knowing that, like me, the emotions must have been building up and building up inside Mark and he could no longer contain them. After all, how much more could we take? While carrying Jason, it was a struggle to remain human during the nights of the full moon. Then with the other three, there was the danger of losing them. If I turned into a wolf I could kill them, if I stayed human I could kill them. The birth was a whole other ordeal, too, and that had terrified Mark and myself. Deciding whether to have them in my wolf or human form was impossible; my body wanted to turn in both forms at the same time. I knew no matter which I chose, I would kill at least one of them, if not all. But as I’d chosen before, I left it up to them. Kyle and Melinda were the first ones born. They’d barely breathed air when the heat ran up and down my spine and I felt it twisting. I didn’t even have time to consider fighting it to stay human when I changed, and then came Tim. Terror ran through every fiber of my being as I lifted myself onto my shaky paws. I waited to feel the burning and pulling to turn back into my human form, but it never happened. Only for a second was Tim in his human form before he changed. A pup lay at my feet then, and the only feeling I understood was completely wolf. We remained as wolves—mother and pup—for a good three weeks before my body relaxed enough to change. Only once did I see my son in his human form, and it hadn’t lasted longer than

mere seconds. Guilt never left me for that. Maybe if I had tried harder, if I’d fought harder to stay human, maybe he’d be normal, too. Or maybe he would be gone. I shuddered at the thought, squeezing Mark’s shoulder. Throughout all of that, Mark had been brave. He smiled down at me, encouraged me, and took care of Jason, Melinda, and Kyle during my ‘absence’. Even when complete wolf instincts took over and I could care nothing less for Mark, he was strong. Cliff was a constant worry, too. I’d contained all this worry about Cliff coming for us and what he would do then to myself. By the way Mark was breaking down in my arms now, I knew that he’d done the same thing, too. He’d held all these things inside for so long while putting on a brave face that this wolf hunt was the final thing that made him snap. My body threatened to snap, too, but I couldn’t allow that. I had to be strong. I had to be. Mark finally pulled away after several minutes had ed, running his hands through his white hair and closing his eyes. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be.” “I shouldn’t have done that.” He heaved himself to his feet. Placing his fingers gingerly under my chin, he turned my face to where he stared intently into my brown eyes. “I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers, Livia. I’m sorry I can’t just sweep our family away and take you all somewhere safe.” I wasn’t sure how, but I’d managed to smile at him. “You’re not a miracle worker, Mark. I understand that. But the cabin will be safe from people, I can feel that. And Cliff has left us alone this long, perhaps he’ll continue.” “I doubt that.” “Anyway,” I sighed, placing my hand against Mark’s muscular neck. “It sounds like the next few days will be hectic, and then we won’t be alone for a very long time. Let’s enjoy tonight and just put all the worry aside. They’re safe with

Kelsie, Brice, and Marianne.” Mark nodded and his eyes burned with intensity and ion I hadn’t seen in a long time as his hands encircled around my waist again and brought me to him. His lips remained pulled away from me, though, and I didn’t like this. “You sure you want to move to the cabin?” “From the way I look at it, there’s no other choice.” I arched up on my toes, reaching for his lips. He pulled away again, his eyebrows curving down. “What about Christine?” “Christine?” He wasn’t going to let us enjoy the last night we had alone together; not until he was sure about this. Giving in, I moved away from him. “I will miss Christine. But she thinks that I’ve abandoned her. At least moving away, it’ll make it easier, because at least there’ll be more truth to abandoning her then.” Mark frowned. “You want to tell her that that isn’t the case?” “Of course!” That’s what I had wanted to do all along. How could he ask such a ridiculous question? “Then tell her.” “I’m not supposed to her.” I reminded him coldly. “Besides, I’m sure she would love to see me just walk into her life only to walk back out. That would be cruel.” “You’re a writer,” Mark pointed out, “write her a letter.” My body went completely still at that. It was such a simple answer… why hadn’t I thought of it before? I was not to see Christine in person because I could hurt her and she’d surely notice how after so many years—about nine years, I think, but wasn’t sure—that I looked seventeen still. Talking to her on the phone was out, too. I could give too much away that way and I would cave beneath the pain in her voice and give her anything she wanted to know.

But no one said I couldn’t write her a letter. She wouldn’t know that I looked the same. She wouldn’t hear the same tone in my voice, and I didn’t have to be faced with a million questions, either. A letter was the answer I’d been searching for all this time. I could explain so many things to her in a letter. I could apologize for leaving, and explain to her that my leaving was for the best. I could explain that I’m happy now, that I have a family and that I did not abandon her. The thought made me smile and despite the ‘wolf hunt’ and the knowledge of hardship that we would soon be facing, I felt happy for the moment, and while it lasted—and while it lasted being alone with Mark—I wanted to cherish this night. I moved to Mark, wrapping my arms around his neck and arching up on my toes to press my lips gently against his. “I am a writer.” I agreed, skimming my lips back and forth over his as his arms encircled tightly around my waist and his heartbeat sped up. “And I am your wife.” I pressed my lips gently against his again. “I’ll write my sister a letter in the morning, but for now I just want to enjoy our last night alone together.” “Mm.” I wasn’t sure whether this was meant as a moan or a growl from Mark. He picked me up in his arms and I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, sealing his lips with my own as he carried me into the master bedroom, kicking both the doors closed behind him before laying me gently on the bed where the faint moonlight filtered down on us. In the moonlight, we made love to each other. It was different from the other times. Maybe it was from knowing all the dangers we faced in the future. Maybe it was because we knew this would be the last time in a long time we would be alone. Or perhaps deep, deep down, we knew this would be the very last time we would make love before all hell broke loose and we’d be separated from each other for several months to come…

Sixteen

Okay. We’re set.” My hands and fingers trembled as I zipped Jason’s jacket, smiling at him as best I could before tousling his dirty brown colored hair and straightening. Kyle and Melinda were both talking excitedly with each other about the trip. This was their first time to the cabin. Actually, it was all of our children’s first time there. Mark and I and Kelsie and Brice had made several trips to the cabin so far to stock it full of stuff that we would need. I realized that Mark was right; the cabin was very crowded. Tim stood between Mark and Kyle, his wolf eyes expectant and alert as he looked around excitedly, anxious to be running. As soon as Jason and I would take the lead and get a head start, Mark, Kyle, and Melinda would all change and come behind us. Mark thought it was safer this way. He felt better to be in his wolf form as he felt more prepared in case of danger that way. But Jason didn’t have the ‘luxury’ of being able to turn yet, and until he did, no one was to turn in front of him. Therefore, it was decided that I would go with him. Kelsie and Brice had already taken a head start. They would wait for us at the river where we would all have to jump across the wide, rushing river, or ravine, as they’d referred to it as a few times. Jason would need to be carried across. “Are you ready?” I directed the question at Mark, smiling at the way the sunlight made his blue eyes look like diamonds. “Sure.” “Okay. We’ll see you there.” We were separated, but Mark still blew me a kiss. I smiled at that before turning back to Jason, offering him my hand. “Let’s go, kiddo.” Shortly after we left the ‘turning’ point, I heard the rest of them change. Their

excited voices were cut off by heavy breathing and their paws hitting the ground. Jason kept in step beside me, never faltering. Soon he’d fall tired and I would have to carry him the rest of the way. The sun rose higher into the sky, but I knew we would get there by nightfall. What would happen once we got there though still worried me. As Mark promised, the cabin was not very roomy at all. It had a basement, and though half of it was full of food, Kelsie and Brice agreed to sleep in there. It would be cold—especially in the deepest winter months—but temperatures didn’t affect us. We offered to give Marianne the sofa, but she politely refused to leave. She was set in her ways and she hated the idea of leaving her house. Even when the pack had all left about nine—or was it ten, now?—years ago, she didn’t move with them. She stayed at her house and she remained that way now. I couldn’t blame her, really. She’d already given up so extremely much. Her normal children had turned into wolves unexpectedly and they were constantly leaving and changing. She’d gone through so much; I couldn’t blame her for wanting to keep one thing the same. Even with her not taking the sofa, however, we were still pushed for room. Kyle and Jason agreed to share the same room. Melinda absolutely refused. She didn’t want to sleep with her two brothers. She wanted her privacy and therefore she would attempt to sleep on the sofa, instead. Of course, I knew that would change once we got there. Mark and I would sleep in the bedroom on the other side of the house. Tim would, as always, sleep wherever he pleased whether on the foot of someone’s bed, on the floor, or the sofa. It wasn’t where people would sleep that bothered me, though. It was going to be crowded in the daytime. The cabin was so small that we would have to be pushing around each other to get anywhere and that did not settle well with me. Worry hung heavily on my shoulders about all this, but the decision was made and the only thing I could do now was make the best of it. At least I’d written a letter to Christine. I took Mark’s advice and wrote her a letter explaining everything I possibly could. Before leaving this morning I

dropped it in her mail box only after she and Drake went to work. She would get it tonight and I hoped that it would bring her closure. It at least made me feel slightly better. Surprisingly enough, Jason and I had made a good pace. We covered quite a good stretch of land in a surprising short length of time. So it surprised me when we reached the long, open meadow that always made me tense sooner that I’d expected to. However, it wasn’t the open land and meadow alone today that made my body go cold and freeze while I instantly reached out, pinning Jason against the side of my leg as a snarl threatened to burst through my lips. Danger. There was danger close by. I could sense it, smell it, and hear it. The growls in my throat built up and I was ready to spring if I had to—anything to protect my son—when I heard the voices ahead. Only one voice stood out among the others and that voice made my knees wobble beneath my weight. Henry. The longing to go to my brother and talk to him was intense. But I couldn’t put my need above my family’s safety. We needed to get to the cabin, but the only way to get there would be to cross this meadow. Peaking through the last of the trees, I had a clear view of them. There were four men, but the only one I recognized was Henry. Henry was the second to being the tallest in the group. He wore a camouflage hat over his bald head and a very heavy jacket with a bright orange vest over that. It wasn’t until I noticed the bright orange vest that I realized that all four of them had rifles and had on the same colored vests. They were hunting. My stomach knotted and I pulled away, turning to face Jason who stared at me with wide eyes. We could wait them out, I supposed. But how long would they stay hunting?

How long until they would get their fill and leave? Or, I could go talk to them. Maybe I could detour them somehow or get them to leave; anything so that my family could get across safely. That option seemed like the best one, but I couldn’t be sure if it was really the reasonable, most rational option, or if it was the intensified longing for my brother that made this option seem to be the best? I swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump in my throat and control my emotions. “Jason,” I dropped down to my knees, pulling his jacket closer around him. “Stay here, okay? Stay back in the trees, hidden. Don’t come out, all right? When our wolves get here, tell them that I’m fine and went to talk to the men ahead, okay?” Since we were forbidden to tell Jason —werewolves—Mark and I had told Jason that while Melinda and Kyle were playing outside, some friendly wolves thought they’d come in the house to keep us company. ‘Our wolves’ were wild wolves that were friendly and liked our family. Now, ‘our wolves’, and Tim—who was our wolf who didn’t like to leave us to the others—was following us to the cabin while Mark, Melinda, and Kyle came at a different time… Fear reflected in Jason’s blue eyes and guilt welled up inside of me. Was leaving him to talk to Henry the right choice? Was I making the right decision in going out and talking to them or did I just think I was making the right choice from so much longing to see him? Jason sighed in a big gust before wrapping his little arms tightly around my neck, burying his head in my shoulder. “I love you, Mummy.” Once more I took a deep, calming breath, patting his back once before I stepped away. “Stay here.” I said firmly before turning around and pushing out through the trees… It felt as if a boot suddenly jumped up and hit me right smack in the chest as I stepped into the clearing, the sun glinting off his clothes, his skin, and his face.

My breathing grew heavier and rasped as I took slow, timid steps towards him. He stood with three other people who were making their way very slowly across the clearing when his head suddenly shot up and turned, his eyes resting on mine where shock clouded his expression. “Olivia?” He choked on my name, his eyes confused as he took long strides towards me. “Henry.” My voice sounded just as choked as his did. He was nearly jogging towards me and I picked up my pace, too. A gradual smile spread across his lips as he met me halfway across the meadow before he wrapped me up in a hug. This was the first time I hugged an actual human—besides Marianne—and it worried me. Henry squeezed his arms around me so tightly that I could feel his hard biceps against me as he squeezed tightly to show how much he missed me and how glad he was to have me here. I longed to return the gesture, to squeeze him with all my might and show him that I’d missed him just as much as he’d missed me, but I couldn’t afford that. This wasn’t Marianne that I was hugging. He didn’t know what I was; he didn’t know how strong I was. He had no idea and therefore he wouldn’t know and understand why I couldn’t hug him tightly, why, instead, my arms circled around his waist loosely. Taking in his scent, a content sigh came from my throat. He smelled good. I was hugging my brother, the brother that I felt closer to more than anyone else, including Mark. Henry’s and I brother-sister relationship was one of a kind. Henry sighed, too, holding me for several minutes at least. That was how it always used to be. Before I left with Christine, Henry and I always hugged for several minutes until Henry let me go; normally, however, that time included him picking on me in one way or another. Jabbing me in the ribs with his keys or pulling the tiny little hairs on the back of my neck, but not this time, not today. He just held me, squeezing me tightly, so he thought.

He finally drew back, holding me at arms length to get a good look at me. His head shook back and forth as he did this, his right eyebrow pulling down in confusion. This was something he did often when he was trying to figure something out or hold his tongue. He wasn’t even aware of it. “Wow.” He cleared his throat as if something was constricting him from speaking. “You look… exactly the same as you did before… except bigger, stronger… prettier.” His statement made me laugh shakily as I purposely avoided his statement about my looking the same. “Prettier? Ha, how long has it been since you got your eyes checked?” He beamed at me. “A while.” “Shame on you.” I scolded, shaking my finger at him. That was how our relationship always used to be. We always joked with each other, giving each other a hard time. It was never serious, but I had a very strong feeling that this was going to change today and very soon. It would only be a matter of time before the questions started. “Come, meet my buds.” Henry was never one for having friends so when he had them he was awfully proud of it. He took my hand, squeezing it as we moved through the tall prairie grass towards the middle of the meadow. I couldn’t help but cast one glance over my shoulder where I barely got a glimpse of Jason’s scared face peeking from under one of the thick tree branches. There was a flash of color beside him and relief swept through me. Mark was there now. “This is John, Caleb, and Bill,” He gestured towards each one of the guys. Their grips only tightened on their rifles when they each nodded silently towards me. I didn’t know what they were hunting and a part of me didn’t want to know, either. “Guys, this is my sister, Olivia.” John was slightly on the chubby side, his eyes were small almond shaped but I couldn’t see the color of them from the dark sunglasses he wore. Caleb was built heavier. He wasn’t chubby, but his bones were thick and he was ‘husky’ looking. And finally, Bill was the tallest and slimmest one in the group. His facial

features were oddly distorted and a jagged scar ran from just below his left ear and clear down to where his coat and vest covered it. Bill spoke then, breaking the friendly atmosphere in a hurry. “Aren’t you the one who ran away several years ago?” My throat walls constricted and my head pounded as Henry realized that. Standing beside his ‘buds’, he turned towards me in a confronting way. Why couldn’t the teasing just last a moment longer? It felt wonderful to have my brother back. I didn’t want him to be taken away this fast. “Where have you been, anyway?” Though his tone was still light, for the most part, I could hear the sharper edge to it as well as the hurt. I swallowed hard, hearing Mark pacing uneasily behind the trees. He was impatient and worried. “Everywhere.” Henry frowned. “Be honest, Olivia. Please?” “I have been everywhere, honestly. I’ve been all over the place.” “What are you doing here?” He demanded. I sighed heavily. I knew this was going to happen, but it was still hard to come up with reasonable answers. “I came up here for a late camping trip and I was going for a hike. You?” John answered for him. “We’re hunting wolves!” Before I was aware of it, I gasped aloud. “John!” Henry groaned under his breath. “What? We are.” John sounded too innocent. “I didn’t think the season had opened up yet for that.” I stated, unable to keep acid from leaking in my voice. Henry had always loved animals, including dogs. I could not imagine him hunting wolves. John smiled tightly. “We’re just scouting the areas for when the season opens.”

“With rifles?” I arched an eyebrow purposely. “They’re for protection, of course.” “Of course.” “Okay, John, that’s enough. We are just scouting the area. We haven’t seen any wolves and I doubt we will.” Henry shot a pointed look at John before he looked back at me, his expression turning serious. “Where do you live now?” Why did this have to be so hard? “Right now I have a place in Montana. Like I said, we just came up here for a camping trip. We’re leaving tomorrow.” “We?” Henry demanded. Oops. I cleared my throat, fidgeting with my fingers where my wedding ring reflected the sunlight. “My husband and I.” “You’re married?” “Yes. I married a few years ago.” Henry didn’t ask anymore questions. He just stood, gaping at me with surprise etched all over his face. Like someone flipped a switch, however, his eyebrows pulled down tightly over his eyes and his face hardened, his teeth clenching with an audible pop. I braced, holding my breath. “You just left Christine’s.” His voice burned with accusation and pain. There was always too much pain. “Henry…” I reached out towards him in an attempt to soothe his pain, but he suddenly flinched away as if he couldn’t stand me. That stung. “Mummy!” The small voice rang across the meadow as light little footsteps thudded against the ground. Ice ran through my heart as I turned to see Jason running towards me. His head bobbed up and down as he ran across the meadow. Behind him was a

whimpering white wolf. My heart pounded as I glanced around at the guys. They were all wide eyed as they stared at the big white wolf instead of the little boy—my little boy—with their hands clenched tightly around their rifles. “They belong to me!” My voice was acidic as I stepped in between Henry’s guys and mine. Jason’s little arms wrapped around my leg tightly as he buried his face in it to hide. Henry’s eyes were wide as he stared at Jason instead of the wolf. “You… you have a son?” “Yes.” I hoped Henry wouldn’t notice how Jason looked older than what he really was. Old enough, in fact, that it would be hard to cram all the years to fit of going through the pregnancy and then of Jason growing up to be the age he looked from the time of my leaving Christine’s. Thankfully, Henry didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he scowled at me. “Why did he just now run out from the trees? Were you hiding him or something?” “I got a head start on the hike. Jason was with my husband back a ways on the trail. Guess Jason must have gotten away from him.” Even as the words left my mouth, they sounded like an awful excuse. Henry arched an eyebrow before gesturing to Mark. “And him?” “Our pet wolf. I took after my mom in having a love for wolves.” Scowling, Henry pressed his lips tightly together as if he was trying to figure something out. The three never let Mark out of their sight during our conversation, looking closely at him, never releasing their grips on their guns. “So I’m an uncle. Wow.” A pained look etched across Henry’s face as he once again stared at Jason.

“Henry…” Again, he stepped back when I reached for him. “Why did you leave? Why didn’t you ever call me? Or let me know that you were getting married and had a son?” Mark gave a low whimper that no one else heard. Without thinking about it, I dropped my hand and knotted my hand in his fur for . “I didn’t know what I was doing or even what I was thinking when I left; I was lost, Henry.” He shook his head defiantly. “No, there’s more than that! Give me the truth, Olivia.” Sweat began to pop out on my forehead. Mark pushed his head back against my hand, encouraging me. “Henry, I was a wreck. I didn’t know anything and…” “You told Christine that you were protecting her!” He interrupted angrily; the others gasping aloud in surprise, still eyeing Mark warily. “How could you have protected her by leaving?” “Trust me.” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. “That’s what you told her, too.” He snapped icily. “As much as I wish I could tell you, I can’t. You have to just trust me, please? There are things going on that you can’t understand. I’m fine, I’m happy, I’m moving on with my life. I regret leaving the way I did, but I would do it again if I had to, Henry. You have to believe me.” Shaking his head, Henry folded his arms over his chest, staring at the ground as if he was trying to figure something out. Mark suddenly drew away, whimpering, his tail tucking between his legs. The hair on the back of my neck rose when there was some rustling in the trees and a long, mournful whimper escaped. It was loud enough to reach human ears. “Holy…” Caleb didn’t finish his sentence as he grabbed his gun, holding it up to his shoulder and aiming it towards the bushes.

As much as I needed my voice now, it was gone. So much for my plan. It was going badly awry, it wasn’t supposed to be this way! My family was supposed to be invisible, not all come out. But they did. Tim stuck his head out further from the bushes, slinking around them. No! I wanted to scream the word, I wanted to run to him and stop him from coming out, but I couldn’t. My feet were frozen to the ground and no matter how much Mark whimpered and whined, telling them to go back, they didn’t listen. The other two followed. “No!” The word finally slipped through my lips. Mark heard it, turning to face me. Fear reflected in his eyes. I needed to act, fast. “Holy shit!” Bill cursed, holding his rifle tighter in his hands as if his life was attached to it. I panicked. “Put the guns down!” “Nah-uh,” John shook his head, his eyes focusing on the wolf and pups—my children. Mark turned back towards them, baring his teeth at John. Everyone else hesitated, halfway aiming their rifles, their expressions aghast with fear. Henry stared at me, accessing my reactions carefully. This was very bad. “Are they yours?” Henry asked warily, his voice cracking in anguish. He got a glimpse of my new family now. Even if he didn’t know that Mark was my husband and everyone else were my own children, he still got to see my family. “The wolf belongs to me and”—I swallowed hard, taking a deep breath—“these are her puppies. That one”—I pointed to Tim—“is her pup from last year.” Everyone else relaxed then, but not John. He glared at Mark, reaching for the hammer on his rifle. My heart stopped. He cocked the hammer.

I didn’t care about the consequences, right at that moment it didn’t even matter that Henry was standing there. It didn’t matter if they saw me change. A deep growl burst through my bared lips as I crouched lower to the ground, snarling at John, pushing Jason behind my back all in the same instant. Mark growled deeper, stepping up right beside me. “Damn it, John, put the damn gun down!” Henry screamed, holding his arms out in an innocent, surrendering manner. I wrenched myself upright, snapping my mouth closed with an audible pop. From the corner of my eye I watched as Mark stood straight, too. His lips still twitched as he watched John consistently who was slowly lowering his rifle while glaring at Mark as if he could see right through to the truth. Only after the rifle was completely lowered did I allow my eyes to move back to Henry. He was a God-fearing man. He never cursed or took the Lord’s name in vain. He was clean like that. This wasn’t his normal kind of behavior. Ice ran through my veins when I got a closer look at him. His hands were trembling slightly, not just from the confrontation or from seeing me again. He continued to chew on his lower lip, his nostrils were flaring as if he was trying to keep from crying and his eyes were rimmed with red as if he’d been crying. “We should probably get going.” My voice sounded strangled as I turned to go. Kyle, Melinda, Tim, and Jason finally all began to retreat and only after they did this did Mark follow, never moving his eyes from John. “Olivia,” Henry called behind me. I swallowed hard, clearing my throat before I turned to face him again. It was hard to leave him. This was my brother, my friend, the person I was closest to and now, after such a tense front, I was forced to leave him again. And again, it was on bad . Would I ever be able to leave my family behind on good ? Ever? Was that too much to ask?

“Are you going to Idaho, for the funeral?” His eyes flashed to mine, redder. My heart dropped to my stomach. Someone had died. Someone in my family ed away. Only one face jumped into my head; my grandpa. He was older; it would only make sense for him to be the one to go. The image of his face filled my mind. His soft face caressed in lines, his lips always puckered slightly, even more so when he made a joke, which he did quite often. All of his laughter and jokes filled my mind. Memories flashed through, too, especially of the time we had all gone camping and he meant to put some wood on the fire after drinking some Black Velvet, lost his balance and did a complete summersault over the fire by grasping the rocks on the other side of the fire pit and flipped himself right over the burning flames. Grandpa always had a sense of humor. He was rarely serious and he was strong. He liked to tell stories and he always had such a certain way in telling them… It was hard to believe that he was probably gone now. It was one thing convincing myself that I wouldn’t see my family again because I couldn’t go back, but death was something totally different. In death, there really was no way to see your loved ones again and to talk to them anymore. “Whose funeral?” My voice trembled and I began to sway back and forth. My head spun. In the distance I heard a whimper. Mark. He knew what I was like when I lost a loved one. He was always there after we moved here while I was grieving deeply for my deceased parents. He was the only one who made things feel all right. He mended my shredded heart; he fixed it. He was the only one who could get through to me. Now I was going to go through that all over again. I gasped for fresh air. “Haven’t you heard?” “No. I haven’t been in with anyone for a long time. What happened? Whose funeral?” I had to wet my lips and shake my head slightly to keep from going under.

“Shauna and Wes finally got a divorce.” Henry hesitated, gazing down. My heart stopped cold then, ice filtering into it. That wasn’t what I had counted on, that couldn’t be true. “Wes committed suicide. His funeral is on Friday.” No! Not Wes. Not my other brother. Not suicide… “No.” I gasped, my legs weaving beneath me. Mark’s pained filled howl filled the air. I had one brother who I was leaving now. My other brother was gone. He was gone. Suicide; he killed himself, and for what, because of a woman? That couldn’t be true. Wes was strong, he was rarely serious. He was strong and strong willed; he wasn’t weak. That couldn’t be true. “Olivia?” The world was spinning. I could barely recognize Henry’s voice. “Thank you, for telling me.” As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t break down right now. I needed to get back. I needed to take care of my family. “Olivia…” He moved towards me, this time he was reaching for me, and I pulled back. If he touched me in any way, if he followed or hugged me, I knew I would lose it. I was expecting it to be Grandpa or Grandma, someone older, but not Wes. Not him. “There are no wolves in this area. You guys should go look somewhere else.” My voice was dry and detached. I had to struggle to why I came out here to talk to him in the first place. “I should really get back to my camp before my husband begins to worry about me. Bye, Henry.” Before he could reach for me again, I spun around and darted through the trees. Mark and the kids weren’t by the trees anymore but I followed their scent away from the meadow. I was deep into the trees before I ran across them. “I’m here.” His voice ed in my mind, but I couldn’t turn to him. Instead, I took in the faces of my kids one by one, only seeing one face behind my eyes continuously.

Mark’s arms wound around my waist from in front of me, pushing my head to his chest. I didn’t refuse, but I didn’t cry or close my eyes, either. I’d done this before, so why did it feel like such a shock, a jolt? “Go home,” Mark whispered in my ear, “I’ll take them to the cabin.” “No…” I began to argue when I heard familiar footsteps. “Go on.” Brice was the first to speak, his hand resting on my shoulder when he reached us. “Yes. Go home, Olivia. We’ll take care of them.” Kelsie agreed, glancing at my kids. “They’re leaving now. In a few minutes it’ll be safe to cross. We got it, Olivia. Go home.” Brice’s voice was gentle. “I’ll be along in a while.” Mark promised, his voice filled with pain. There was nothing left in me to argue. I couldn’t even concentrate on the forest surrounding me. I vaguely nodded before turning around. I didn’t look over my shoulder as I ran through the trees. After I was away from them, I jumped into the air. When I came back down, I was staring at paws instead of hands as I shifted into my wolf form. Being in my wolf form was good. My human instincts weren’t as strong then; only pure wolf instincts controlled me. Wolves didn’t feel like their heart had been ripped completely out of their chest when they lost a loved one. In fact, it didn’t even in their minds. Wolves didn’t feel numbness when they lost a loved one, either. They didn’t feel any numbness or pain. They just kept on going with life as if nothing had ever happened. I couldn’t run away from the truth, I couldn’t run away from all the feelings I felt now forever, but I couldn’t think about it right now. Right now I couldn’t accept the fact that my brother was gone from suicide. I

couldn’t accept the fact that I would never see him again and I refused to think of the past that this brought back memories of now. Though refusing didn’t help, not when I was in my human form. As much as I tried to push it back and ignore it, it didn’t do any good. I could the past so clearly. I ed feeling like I was sinking in quick sand after I realized that my parents were gone. I felt like I couldn’t go on, like it was impossible for me to go on. Pushing my legs faster and faster through the trees, I pushed the thoughts clean away from my mind. I couldn’t think about that now, I couldn’t think about Wes or my family. I just needed to run and focus on the wind around my wolf body…

Seventeen

Everything was dark once I reached the house. We’d just left this morning but already it looked abandoned; as if no one had been here for weeks. Maybe that was just part of feeling alone. Again. As I pushed the door open it creaked and groaned noisily, again as if no one had been here for years rather than just a few hours. Without bothering to flip on any of the lights, I went straight upstairs, not bothering to shrug out of my clothes—clothes that I had picked up from the carved out stump outside—before I turned the water on as hot as it would go in the shower and stepped inside, closing the glass door behind me. Most of the night I’d spent laying outside Christine’s house staring into the darkness. Thoughts and memories threatened to capture my mind, but I always resumed back to only focusing on my wolf instincts, though I couldn’t do that forever. As much as I wished I could, I knew I couldn’t put this off any longer. I tilted my head back to where the hot water ran over my face, my nose, and my lips. It was too hot, burning, but I didn’t care. I let it wash over my clothes and body as I let the memories of the past flood through my mind. My stomach churned. I didn’t really have that many memories of Wes. We were never really that close; it was always him and Christine that were the close ones. They did everything together; they were their own little people. They understood each other in a way that no one else could. I was the outsider. I was the freak; the weirdo. I wasn’t outgoing like Wes and Christine. I was shy and stand-offish. I wasn’t brave; I was a wimp. I believed in things that they thought were stupid. I was always an easy target for Wes to tease and make fun of, and that he did every chance he got, which was almost twentyfour-seven. The only serious talk Wes and I had had was when I was fourteen, only nine

months before the accident. He had told me how much he regretted not finishing high school as he dropped out as soon as he turned eighteen to get a job. He told me how much he had struggled in life because of that mistake and how much better things would have been for him if he would have graduated and gotten a high school diploma. My mom had been home-schooling me at the time. I loved being home-schooled because I didn’t fit in with other people, other students, and I enjoyed being home instead of in a crowded class room. But Wes didn’t understand and like with many other things, he thought it was stupid. In a way, he was trying to convince me to go into public school because he knew that I would be getting into high school pretty soon after that and he was scared that I wouldn’t have enough education or whatever to graduate, therefore he tried to talk me into going to public school so I could graduate. That was the only real serious conversation we had ever had. I told myself then that I was going to graduate. Maybe if I graduated, I could finally do something that he would be proud of. Instead of looking at me and seeing a freak, maybe he would finally look at me and see his little sister that he was proud of. But I refused to go to public school. I was happy where I was at, I didn’t see a reason to change… But change did happen. My parents were taken away from me. I never saw them again and I never will, either. I was forced to live with Christine where she pushed me into public school, something I hated. After my parents died, I forgot all about wanting to graduate and make something of myself that Wes would be proud of. Instead, I crawled away, hiding within myself and pushing every one out. I didn’t want their help or their sympathy. I just wanted to be left alone; I didn’t care about anything, especially life. I found comfort in the numb world where I didn’t have to think about anything and I didn’t really have to converse with anyone, either. It was nice. Later on— two and a half years later only after we moved here—I realized what a mistake that was, but now I felt myself hiding again.

My mind was being reluctant, retreating further and further within myself. Numb was good. You didn’t feel pain in the numb, but I needed to feel that right now. I needed to feel pain; I needed to feel the denial that my brother was okay and alive. And maybe he was. Was there any proof that it was him, for sure? Unless there was proof, I couldn’t believe that he was gone. Wes was strong. He was strong, brave, and very outgoing. He wouldn’t have killed himself, especially not over a woman who was divorcing him. Even if Wes loved her deeply, Shauna was only a woman. He’d still have seen her from time to time, wouldn’t he? He would have eventually gotten over her and married someone else. Why would Wes have killed himself because of that? I cringed, closing my eyes and pushing my face closer to the water. A lot had changed over the past years. In many ways, I felt like I was stronger, but I still couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t live through it again. I told myself that if something ever did happen again, I wouldn’t reach for the numb. I wouldn’t even think about it because it didn’t do any good except prolong this pain. Eventually, it would leave me. I knew that by heart, I did. But still, I was reaching as far as I could for the numb state. I could see its fog. It was coming in closer; it was going to engulf me unless I changed my mind… Was I strong enough now, brave enough to go through this again without the aid of the numb? I was selfish before when I did that, and I would be even more selfish now. I had a family to take care of; Kyle, Melinda, Tim and Jason all needed me. They needed their mother and Mark needed me, too, though right now I needed him more than he needed me. It wasn’t just me now. I wasn’t just a young person who all depended on her was herself. I was a grown woman in the size of a seventeen year-old now. I had a family—my family—counting on me.

Did I really want to do that? Did I want to be so selfish that I would choose to feel numbness rather than push through it and be there for my family? “Olivia.” The bathroom door groaned as Mark pushed it open and slid the glass door open to the shower. His voice was all I needed to hear. In a puff of smoke, the numbness fog vanished into thin air, replaced by Mark’s concerned face in front of me. The hot water ran over his fully clothed body. Unlike me, however, he wore a tee-shirt where I wore a long sleeve shirt. “Are you okay?” His giant hands rubbed my upper arms as he stared intently into my eyes. I couldn’t talk yet, at least not what he wanted and expected me to talk about. “Where are the kids?” A strange expression crossed Mark’s face when he heard my voice. I didn’t hear the tone of it, but judging from his expression it was pretty bad. “Kelsie and Brice are looking after them at the cabin. Don’t worry, they’re in good hands.” I sighed. “You should have stayed with them.” “I need to be with you right now, Livia.” Without my permission he wrapped his arms around me, pushing my head onto his shoulder. I was limp in his arms. “I’m sorry.” He whispered faintly. A hurricane of emotions started to fly through my stomach and the rest of my body began to shake. “He was always so strong.” It scared me when my voice sounded dead and detached. Mark squeezed me tighter. “Depression does strange things to people.” Depression. Wes had depression. Wes had so much depression that he killed himself. Wes killed himself. Wes killed himself.

Wes is gone. “I can’t do this again!” Tears started to come when my voice cracked. The pain from last time was still too strong. All the nights that I was filled with pain, all the nights where I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die; it was going to happen again… Except this time, it wasn’t my parents. It was Wes. Big brothers are supposed to stay alive to be there for you. They’re supposed to give you advice, pick you up when you fall off your bike when you’re only a toddler; and they’re supposed to beat people up who hurt you. Big brothers are always supposed to be there for you and to protect you from everything bad. They are always supposed to be there. My brother wasn’t going to be there for me. He wasn’t going to be able to be there and be proud of me when I graduated. He wouldn’t be there when I was in danger, to come to my rescue and defend me. He wasn’t here to be best friends with Mark. He wasn’t here to be an uncle to his niece and nephews; he’d never know my children. There was still so much I needed a big brother for. There were so many things I wanted to talk to Wes about, but never got the chance, and now it was too late because he is gone. He is gone. Mark tightened his arms around me when I started shaking harder, tipping my nose into the crease between his shoulder blade and his neck where I let all my bottled up emotions out. “You’ll get through this.” He whispered, rubbing my back. I knew he was right, of course he was. I got through my parents death. I never forgot about them, I never got over their death and I haven’t gone a day yet without thinking about them and missing them, but he was right; I would get through this somehow. For right now I just had to cry and scream for Wes. I had to let it all out. When I

did that before, Mark was there. And Mark was here for me again now. In the shower we both stood, fully dressed, wrapped in each other’s arms while I broke down in Mark’s arms.

The reflection in the mirror wasn’t mine. My skin was too pale, too sallow. I looked sick with my face sunken in. I looked as if I had had my heart broken, and I did. Everything spun around me, not making any sense. It didn’t feel like I was even a part of this life anymore. My body was here physically, but my mind was thousands of miles way. I sighed heavily, turning from the mirror in the bedroom and took one step at a time down the stairs. Normally I took at least three steps at a time if not more, but not today. Everything was different today and again, nothing was going to go back to normal. Mark was sitting on the sofa and looked up, catching my gaze as I stepped into the living room. Sitting next to him on the sofa, I pulled my knees up under me and rested my head on his shoulder, taking in a deep breath. Maybe I was making this decision too early, maybe I wasn’t making the right decision, but I felt it was right in my gut. Sometimes, you have to take a big leap of faith, and if it’s the wrong leap, then you’ll just have to stand up, be strong, and get through it somehow, just like with this. “I need to go.” I whispered to Mark, nestling my face deeper into his shoulder as he curled his arm around me. “Okay.” He kissed the top of my head. “Maybe I’m making a wrong choice here, but I have to say good-bye.” Goodbye. I had to say good-bye to Wes. Now I had to say good-bye after he was gone and it was too late, but I couldn’t say good-bye when I left… why did people always have to wait until someone is gone and there is no way they’re coming back to say the proper and right good-bye? “I understand.” Why did he always understand? Also, why did he always try to comfort me?

“You want me to stay here?” I pulled away from him just enough to see his expression. It was completely understanding, of course. “No.” He smiled softly. “I want you to go. You need to go. You need to say ‘good-bye’, like you said. We’ll go on Friday.” I swallowed hard on that last part. “Umm,” I took a deep breath. “I need to do this on my own, Mark. I have to.” “Olivia…” Mark began to argue in a stern voice. “I’m sorry, but I need to do this on my own. I’ll be fine.” I tried to offer him a reassuring smile, but it felt completely fake on my lips. Once again his eyes softened, but a certain kind of sadness crept into them that I couldn’t pinpoint. It looked like an ancient kind of sadness, something that he’d encountered before. “Please, understand?” I pleaded, placing my hand on the side of his face. “Olivia.” Shaking his head sadly, he grasped my hand, entwining his fingers in mine. “Understanding I am. I understand you need to go and if you need to do it by yourself, I understand that, too.” “Then, what’s wrong?” My head was spinning. How could I wrap my head around Wes killing himself and then try to figure this out, as well? I felt on the verge of having an emotional break down very soon. “We live for no amount of set time, but normally, most of the time, we out-live all our family , Olivia.” He pressed his lips tightly together, closing his eyes. “This is going to happen a lot more.” My stomach dropped. “You’re right.” He was right. This was only the beginning. There was going to be a lot more deaths, a lot more of my family dying. That was too much. My head spun so fast. Before darkness completely invaded my mind I was barely aware of collapsing on Mark…

Eighteen

The long trip to Idaho was just that; long. There was no one to talk to. There was nothing to do except drive and think. Music was a comfort at first, but now it was just annoying. If I needed to listen to something I could listen in on all the conversations around me. One couple three cars down behind me were arguing with each other about disliking the other’s parents. The couple in the car next to me was all gooey, headed to Vegas to get married. It seemed that more people were silent or happy than there were angry people. Why weren’t there more people in this world that were angry and hurting? Was it selfish to feel that way? All these humans, all these people don’t even know about the other world. They think everything is sane and ‘honky dory’. They have no clue what kind of monsters there are in this world; they are clueless. Still, though, does that give them the right to all be happy-go-lucky? Can’t they sense that this world isn’t nearly as sane as they all think? What would happen, I wondered, if they had a surprise like I had, too? What if the couple who were going to Vegas to elope, what if someday the woman wakes up and discovers that she is very strong, very fast, and a wolf? What would happen if these normal people—who are so clueless to the outside world—did change? Was it better that I knew what else was out there when I turned? Did it make things better, easier, or was it worse? I knew what to expect, sort of, and I knew most of the answers to all my billions of questions anyway, way before I turned, but if I hadn’t known, would I have been better? Turned out better? If I didn’t listen to Wyann and take his advice like everyone else did, would I be making this trip to Idaho now to say one last, final good-bye to my brother?

Perhaps I wouldn’t have remained a run-a-way. After I turned, perhaps I would have gone back to Christine’s. I would have to leave her in the dark about what I really am, but at least I would still be there. I would still have my family. Teeth chattering together noisily, I turned up the heat, clenching my hands tighter on the steering wheel. There wasn’t any time to think about all the ‘what if’s’. What happened happened and there is nothing I can do now to change it. I just have to live with the mistakes I made and continue on with life. Besides, I had more important things to worry about today. Like saying goodbye to Wes, though if I go to his service people may recognize me. That is why I brought dark clothing and a very dark veil to conceal my face. Even though the veil to conceal my face wasn’t really the most appropriate thing to wear at a memorial service, I had no choice; not if I have a hope of people not recognizing me. Maybe it would be better if people recognized me. I didn’t want to do this again; I didn’t want to have to wait until someone was gone for good before I said good-bye. I had had enough of running away and hiding behind the shadows. I wanted my family back, I wanted to make amends, but today—and tomorrow— was neither the right time nor place. Besides, was making amends with my family and accepting them into my life again the right thing to do when I would outlive them in the end? Would it be just that much harder when I still remained the age of seventeen as one by one my family is taken from me? What was the use, then, to rekindle my relationship with my family and get to know them more when, eventually, they will be taken from me? I sighed heavily when I ed the great big green sign that announced that Barley, Idaho, was just seven miles ahead. Seven miles. Only seven more miles I needed to travel until I came to the town. How many miles was it after that to the small church? My throat walls constricted when I entered the town. The motel I was going to stay the night in was easy enough to find. It was only about three blocks from

the church where the service was going to be held. I shivered, refusing the tears that pressed against the back of my eyelids as I pulled up outside. Right now I couldn’t afford to break down. I couldn’t break down; I couldn’t let the tears go. I needed to stay strong. For Wes. My legs shook faintly as I stepped out of Mark’s blue Porsche. I wanted to take his pick-up but in case something happened and he needed to take one of our children somewhere, the pick-up had more room. Swallowing down vomit that was beginning to come up my throat, I clutched my purse and stepped into the motel office. The warm aroma swirled around me as I stepped up to the counter. Two guys sat behind it, staring at a computer screen. One was short with black, spiked hair. His eyes were big and buggy looking. The other male was taller and heavy. His hair was tousled in a very non-professional manner. It was loud here. Voices from the TV and other ing people swirled chaos around this place, but I was the only one privileged to hear. I hated it. “Can I help you?” The heavier set male asked suddenly, standing up from his seat. Though his hair was tousled and not very professional, his cologne smelled good. Old Spice. Again, it felt like someone kicked me in the gut. Wes sometimes wore Old Spice cologne… “I have a room booked already.” I stated. “Your name?” He asked while absentmindedly scanning through the names and files on the computer. “Olivia May… Walker.” I quickly corrected myself. It was hard to my

married name; hard to that I was Mrs. Walker now instead of Ms. Mayor. Course, I had had two brothers, now I only had one… “Ah, here you are. Your room is on the second floor, room two-o-five. Check-out time is normally by eleven in the morning. Drop your key off here at the desk before leaving.” He handed me the room key. “Enjoy your stay here.” He flashed me a smile before the other computer screen caught his attention. “Thank you.” I threw over my shoulder. Neither of them paid attention as I stepped out the office door, the room key held firmly in my hands. It only took one trip to carry my things to the room. I only had one bag, one purse, and one coat. That was all that was needed. The room was small and stuffy. I cracked open the window, breathing in the fresh air. For any noise to drown out the other chaos I flipped on the TV, not paying any attention to it as I hung up my clothes before stepping into the shower. After the shower I laid in the bed. My mind swam in every which place, but I tuned it out, too, leaving the TV on. I wasn’t tired, I didn’t sleep, but I laid in bed, thinking about the coming day, my family back home, and my life.

Car after car kept pulling in. The parking lot was full and still, more people continued to pull in. I sat, hunkered down in the seat in the very back of the parking lot. It was five minutes until the service started. Five minutes. The reality of what I was about to do and why was hard to wrap my head around. My brother was gone and I was at his memorial service, waiting until the very last second before I would go in to pay my respects and say good-bye. This morning I had gotten up extra early—around five—and dyed my hair. It was now a deep auburn color, not the very light and dusty brown it had been. I had so much make-up on my face that it felt like it was going to crack. My brother just died and I wanted to attend his service and say good-bye as me, but I couldn’t. I was still the run-a-way. I was still being broadcasted on the news every few weeks and my sister and Drake still talked to other people about whether they had seen me around or not. Refusing to miss this meant that I had to try to hide as best as I could. This was not the time or the place for someone to recognize me. I didn’t want to cause a fuss. I just wanted to be here for my brother one last time, pay my respects and tell him good-bye. But could I do that? Could I ever tell my brother one last, final good-bye? He had taken his own life. He had shot himself. He had given himself a way out of this world and what about the rest of us? What was he thinking? He survived our mother’s death and he’d survived many other things. Why couldn’t he withstand the divorce? It made no sense. Wes was always the strong one. He was the one who called every one else wimps, but he wasn’t one. He was strong and outgoing. He was my brother. I always thought that I could look up to Wes and he would be strong no matter what. But it wasn’t true. Now, when I need his strength the most, he’s gone. Why? Why? Why?

I shivered, wrapping my arms tightly around myself as the last minute was ticking by. I slammed the door to the Porsche, not bothering to lock it as I made my way towards the church. The whole place was packed. All the pews were taken up as well as all the extra chairs. People were standing clear back in the halls. I didn’t try to push past them and most of them I didn’t recognize, anyway. When I reached a spot where I could see the front of the church, I didn’t move anymore. This was far enough for me. I didn’t want to step closer. I wanted to remain by the open door that had the breeze blowing through. My stomach churned and twisted and I tasted vomit in my mouth. Looking past all the crowds of people in the church, I was able to see the front of the church and the sight was unbearable. A small table sat right in front of the ‘altar’ where the pastor was talking. In the center of the wooden table was the beautiful wooden box that held my brother’s ashes. On one side of that was a picture of Wes and his two kids that Henry had taken on one of their ATV rides. On the other side was a picture of Wes and Shauna that looked as if it was taken way back in the old days. All around the table and ‘altar’ were beautiful flowers and plants. There were streamer ribbons along the table and in some of the flowers and plants announcing who Wes was to everyone: son, step-son, nephew, grandson, best friend, husband, father, and brother… There should have been another ribbon there that said ‘uncle’. Tears welled in my eyes as I searched the church, my eyes falling back on the box that held his ashes. It was true. My brother was gone. Wes was gone and he wasn’t coming back… Having to lean against the wall for , I tried not to think about it, but I couldn’t help it. My eyes swept around the church again. Christine and Drake sat

in the front, Christine crying and falling apart in Drake’s arms. Her dad and stepmom sat beside her. Henry sat beside them, his head down. I couldn’t see his expression. My grandparents were even there with some of the family on my dad’s side, sitting in the third pew. Even some of those family were crying. I was going to be sick. My knees trembled terribly, but I locked my teeth together. Now was not the time to lose it. I couldn’t lose it. When I was younger I always got sick in crowds. Whenever I was in public— even at a simple restaurant—I felt sick. I was always worried about what people would think of me and what they were saying behind my back. I hated it. Wes had made fun of me about that, but he knew how I felt. Once when I spent the night with him to baby sit his kids for the next day, he let me stay at his house and watch TV while he and Shauna and the kids went to her parents’ house for dinner. He invited me to go, but he didn’t push the issue. He teased me about my anxiety ‘problem’, but he didn’t push it. He tried to understand—he did try—and that was all I could ask. I wished he would pick on me now. I wish he would tease and make fun of me for being sick in this crowd of people. But it wasn’t the people making me sick this time, it was Wes being gone. But I couldn’t get sick. I was stronger than that and I had to show Wes that I could be strong for him. The pastor started speaking then, but I didn’t hear him. Instead of listening to the pastor, I stared at the wooden box at the front of the room on the table, the box that held my brother. He was a big guy and heavy boned. He wasn’t overweight, though he had to wear extra large shirts—he had complained about having to wear a large shirt all day one Christmas, making everyone else laugh. He was good at that. According to my mom—years before the accident—Wes had wanted to be a comedian. He had a way of making people laugh and feel better about themselves. No one would have ever imagined Wes doing a thing like this. And where was I? The one time when he may have needed to talk, the one time when he may have needed to talk to me, I was gone.

But I wasn’t gone. I was close. I was only a few miles away from Christine and Drake. I was there. I could have been there for him. At least I was here for him now. It was too late and I would never get a second chance to be there for him, but at least I would be here for him now. Unlike the shy, timid girl that used to be his little sister before everything happened, I could stay here. Though my heart wanted to run outside into the fresh air and get away from these people and the truth—just like when I was little and we were at a crowded restaurant—I didn’t. I stayed firmly in place. “Wes,” The words didn’t even make a sound as they slipped from my lips, but I felt the heavy weight on my heart when I spoke his name. Prying my eyes away from the box that was holding my brother, I stared at the ground in front of me; the pastor’s voice just a noise in the background. I was vaguely aware when he stopped talking and played music. The song was picked by Wes’s wife. According to her, it was his favorite. I strained to hear it, wishing I knew a lot more about my brother. It wasn’t playing long until I recognized the song; Careless Whispers. It didn’t seem like church appropriate music, but it matched Wes. He liked that kind of music, but it also hit home, as well. It spoke of never being able to dance again, and Wes wouldn’t be able to dance. The last time I danced with him was at my sister’s wedding. That had been the first day that Wes had really looked at me and in that teasing voice of his, he had said, “You look nice today, Sis.” Wes rarely gave me compliments like that, so I didn’t know what to say or do. I just blushed and told him thank you. We didn’t really dance to the song, more like shift our weight back and forth in time with the music, and that was all. Actually, I had felt very uncomfortable. In my head, I always thought that Wes hated me. Maybe he did. Or maybe he just didn’t understand me. But I didn’t hate him. I loved him. This pain of grief was harsh. It wasn’t the same as when my parents died, it was different, but it was just as painful. How long after the service was finished until I would fall apart? Already my

body was shaking and I fought back against the tears defiantly. “Drake.” That name caught me off guard and my head snapped up, my eyes searching the front of the church where Christine’s face was turned in my direction. Her blue-green eyes were big, rimmed with red from crying. She looked directly at me. Drake was in the middle of turning to face me after Christine drew his attention. There was little doubt in my mind that she recognized me. Of course she would. I had different hair and different coloring on my face, not to mention the dark veil, but it was the same face, the same body; of course she would recognize me. I froze. New music was playing now, Irish music. I hadn’t been aware that Wes was that much into Irish stuff until I overheard the pastor talking about it. There was a lot about Wes that I didn’t know. Now was the perfect time to know, I thought grimly, looking away from Christine to stare at the big white screen where pictures of Wes were slowly scrolling across. Now, the battle was lost. A tear ran down my face and then another as I watched the pictures of Wes’s life scroll across the screen. First of him as a baby, then a toddler, then a little kid, a teenager, and then his adult life. In every picture he was smiling. In every picture he was goofing off. Wes always goofed off. This was a silly, out-going, care-free guy. Though he put on an act, he was a really caring guy. This was my brother. This, however, was not the man or my brother that would kill himself. It didn’t make sense. After the last picture flashed across the screen the pastor resumed speaking, preaching about life and death and how it affects people differently. I listened for a while, but then I drowned him out, staring at the floor. I wasn’t paying any attention to who was around me until I felt a strong male hand on my shoulder. My head snapped up in surprise.

This was not a person I’d seen before. His face was glowing, even though his eyes, too, were rimmed with red from crying. He reached for my hand in a shake, his grip was firm. “I’m Dennis, Wes’s uncle.” He pointed out, smiling carefully at me. It was out of place and it looked like it took work. “Wes talked a lot about you, Olivia.” That, I couldn’t quite comprehend. My knees nearly gave out beneath me. “He did?” Dennis nodded. “Yes. He said how proud he was of you. How proud he was to be your brother, and how proud he was of your writing. He talked about his young aspiring-sister-author frequently.” My throat walls began to constrict. For the moment I forgot what I was. I forgot that no one was supposed to recognize me. The only thing I could think about, the only thing that kept running through my head was Dennis’s words. Was it true? Did Wes really talk about me like that? Could he be that proud of me? I had always thought that he thought my writing was stupid, a joke, but did he think that, really? Was it possible that he even looked to me as more than just his geeky little sister? Dennis patted my arm, no more words, before he turned and started making his way in between the crowds of people towards the front of the church. I caught a glimpse of Christine, weaving in and out of the crowds of people, her red rimmed eyes on me. I couldn’t stay here a moment longer. I spun on my heels, bolting for the door that was already propped open. I ran straight to the parking lot, jumping into the Porsche. I gave one more, last glance at the church before I drove away…

Nineteen

Tock, tock, tock; there was no ticking. Clocks were supposed to have a tick-tock sound, not just the tock. It was annoying and nerve racking. I didn’t want to be here, but at the same time I did. I wanted to go back to being here all the time, to being normal. For the first time since I woke up in this new world, I wanted to give everything back. I wanted to give my kids back, Mark, everything and just go back to being the weird girl who was moving here with her sister and brother-in-law. My brother was gone and he wasn’t coming back. My mom was gone, and she wasn’t coming back. My dad was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. I still had a family. Not only my family that I’ve had since I was born, but I had my own family now. I had Mark. I had Jason. I had Melinda, little Tim, and Kyle. I had my own family, my own children… and I actually wanted to give them up to go back to the normal and sane world. What was wrong with me? Sighing heavily, I pushed my arms out in front of me and placed the side of my cheek on the cool table top, closing my eyes. The reality was simple; I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t give up what I had. Even if that was a possibility, I couldn’t do it. They were my children, my husband; the man I loved. I could not, would not, be selfish enough to give them up. Once upon a time I used to day dream about being this; being equal to Mark. If I were equal to him then we could run forever. Nothing could and would separate us, we would be inseparable. It would be a happily-ever-after. But nothing worked like that. Wes was just the beginning.

One by one the rest of my family was going to start fading away, dying, and I would have no choice but to sit back and watch, completely and utterly helpless. How could I do that? How could Mark do that? He just simply had to watch as his whole family died. He had to stay hidden. He did, however, go to their funerals and stayed completely hidden. But how could one do that? Stay frozen at a certain age for however many years, watching as your family died? Would you have any family left after several hundred years? Wyann’s face flashed before my eyes and I shivered, a cold, stray tear trickling down my cheek. All of his people were gone. They had first been forced onto reservations as they were all Native Americans and probably some of them were killed. Wyann had to sit back and watch as the rest of his people died. All the change he must have had to go through. Going from just the wilderness, no white people, to white people taking over the land, vehicles, computers; it all must have been hard. Would it be like that for me? In another hundred years will they come out with flying cars and ships? The possibility of what could happen in a hundred years was endless. But there was one thing I was quite sure of, all of my family I had right now, not my children or Mark, but my family that I’ve had all my life, will all be gone by then. Maybe that was why I was here now. Maybe I was here because I couldn’t stand back and watch helplessly as they die. I would see all my family , give them a proper good-bye before leaving, permanently. The simple letter alone that I gave Christine before leaving—had that really been only a week ago?—was not enough. I needed to talk to her, apologize to her. I didn’t care how mad Wyann and Mark were at me for breaking the rules and going behind their backs. I didn’t have a choice. I had to tell her good-bye, in person.

Good-byes were going to happen now; I had to do it before it was too late. I screwed up with my dad, my mom, and now Wes, but I wasn’t going to screw up anymore. I would say my final good-byes to all of my family , and then they would never see me and I would never see them again. The thought made my stomach churn and I inhaled deeply, trying to keep from getting sick. “ . . . that’s okay”—Christine’s voice was in range suddenly and I jerked my head up, staring out the kitchen window—“you can just drop me off at the driveway. You already missed four days of work.” Though I knew she was at least three miles away, I still watched, waiting for her to walk in the house at any second, like she would if I were human. Drake huffed and the seat in the pick-up shifted ever so faintly as if he had picked up her hand. “I don’t want to leave you alone.” “I’ll be fine.” Christine falsely assured him. I didn’t need to be there to know that she was avoiding him, more than likely staring out the window to avoid his concerned gaze. My heartbeat sped up, pounding against my chest in heavy guilt. It was my parents’ death all over again. It was like a re-run, except this time I didn’t escape into the numbness that was in sight. I didn’t lose myself and not pay attention to anything and feel sorry for myself. I was wide awake, and I hurt. This pain was just as painful as it was when my parents died, but it was different. It felt like another piece of my heart had been stolen and I didn’t know how long it would take before I would get it back; or would I ever get it back? But hearing my sister’s pain was even that much harder. I ached from the loss of my parents. I ached from the loss of my brother. I ached for my sister’s pain. I ached to go back to the way things were. She was in crisis. She needed me now more than ever before. I was okay now. I could be there for her now. Now, I could talk to her. I could cry with her. I could share her pain. Though, again, I knew it felt different for her than it did me. Wes was her best friend. She and Wes did everything together. They understood

each other. They told each other their secrets. They were just like best friends that nothing and no one could separate. When we moved here, it was hard for Christine to say good-bye to him. Though it was hard for me to , I think she was more distraught from leaving Wes than our other family. At that point in time, I was too numb, too out of it to really know what was going on. I was dead to the world. I hated moving, but nothing really mattered so it didn’t matter, either. Thinking back on it now, I couldn’t even saying good-bye to Wes. I shivered, sitting up and wrapping my arms around myself. The gravel on the driveway crunched as the pick-up turned onto the shoulder, just getting enough off the road to avoid the traffic. “Thanks.” Christine mumbled to Drake. There was a thud as her feet hit the ground from jumping out of the pick-up. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you? I can take another day off work. It’ll be fine.” There was hope in Drake’s voice. I stiffened automatically when I heard Christine sigh, debating. He couldn’t come in. I had to talk to my sister. This was the one time I could talk to her, be there for her, share this pain with her. Drake needed to leave. “I’m sure. Actually,” She hesitated, air whizzing through her nostrils as she inhaled deeply, “I need to be alone right now. You go to work. I’ll see you tonight.” Drake hesitated, waiting to see if she was going to be okay, before he pulled away, the engine fading as he went down the road. Drake, too, knew Christine’s pain before. He had to comfort her before. He was the only one after we moved that Christine could talk to and lean on. It was supposed to be me. But it wasn’t because I was selfish. He knew what she would do. He knew what she was like when she grieved for a lost loved one. He had to deal with it all before when he didn’t lose anyone.

At least this time she could be sharing it with someone else besides her husband. She could share this pain with her sister who wasn’t in the numb state now. I wanted to help Christine, I wanted to be there for her and I was. I listened intently to her footsteps as she walked slowly to the front of the house. The steps creaked as she took the three steps, wiping her feet off on the mat and sticking her key in the door, unlocking it and shoving it open. The chair groaned faintly as I sat up straighter, stiffening as I stared at the entrance to the kitchen, listening as she dropped her keys onto the small, round wooden table by the door, followed by her purse. Changing from her shoes to her slippers that she kept by the door, the faint ‘clocking’ filled the quiet house as she made her way to the kitchen. Reaching back quickly, I grabbed some of my hair, pulling it over my shoulder, hoping it would help to make me look more like me and not a stranger. The dye I used in my hair had already come out; it vanished last night when I took a shower. Apparently you couldn’t change the color of your hair for long after turning into a wolf. Holding my breath, my whole body stiffened as Christine entered the kitchen. It only took a second before her eyes fastened on mine. No spark of surprise or hope flitted into her blue-green eyes. There was nothing but darkness in her dull, empty eyes. Her face was hard and no grin threatened to stretch over her lips. Not even a frown. Her face stayed composed, just angry and hostile. Without a word spoken, she moved around the table, turning her back on me while she flipped on the water in the sink, squeezing the liquid dish soap into the water before pushing the dishes into the sink. I was surprised they didn’t shatter as they hit the bottom. It felt as if acid was burning my tongue while I wrung my hands together, staring at my sister’s back. Her blonde hair was shorter than it was when I left. It was barely long enough to fit into the braid that trailed between her shoulder blades. I waited for her to turn around to face me, but it shouldn’t have surprised me when she didn’t. What else did I expect? I’d abandoned her. I left and I only left

her a note as an explanation. After over nine years—or had it been ten? I still wasn’t exactly sure—went by, I wrote her a letter. This behavior was expected, but still, how could I explain anything when she refused to even look at me? “Christine?” My voice shook as I spoke her name. It was the first time in several years that I actually spoke to her, and my nerves were not helping me by any standards. “You sent me a letter.” Her voice broke through the ice, but it was hard and angry. “Did you really think that that would help anything, Olivia?” Dropping the plate that she’d been scrubbing on, she turned around to glare at me, leaning heavily against the granite counter top. “That… was the only thing I could do.” I itted, hating to lie. Pursing her lips, she reached onto the counter, flinging me the small white envelope that I’d put her letter in. My stomach twisted uneasily as the letter skidded to a stop in front of me. “I had to do something, Christine.” “You could have called, at least! Do you know how many years I’ve sat, staring at the door waiting for you to come home? I knew you hated it here, and I didn’t blame you for leaving, but being gone for ten years without even any word? That’s cruel, Olivia. And a letter hardly cuts it!” Ten years. That was good to know, at least. I inhaled deeply, refusing to let this upset me. Christine had every right to be upset. “I’m sorry…” “Sorry!” Christine interrupted, her eyes filling with rage as she took one step forward, curling her fingers around the spindle on the chair that sat across the table from me. “Don’t you dare sit here and tell me that you’re sorry!” “What do you want me to do?” The question came out as a whisper. “Here.” Leaning across the table, Christine pushed the envelope against my folded hands. “Read this.” “I know what it says.”

“Read it out loud anyways.” Folding her arms tightly across her chest, she leaned back against the counter again, fuming. “Christine, I really don’t think…” “Read it, damn it!” She demanded, interrupting me. Her words didn’t scare me, but it was the anger and rage in her voice that made me flinch. Giving in, I peeled back the flap and pulled out the wrinkled letter. It looked as if someone had balled it up to throw it away several times, but never did. After flattening it out so that the wrinkles weren’t quite as bad, I held it up to read, glancing questioningly at Christine who nodded for me to go ahead. When I did read the damn letter, my voice shook and I couldn’t control it. “‘Dear Christine. I hope this letter finds you and Drake well. I can’t imagine how angry you must be with me right now, and I don’t blame you for being angry.’” I should have put a different word in there besides angry, I realized, but I continued before Christine could get after me. “‘I should have written to you sooner, but I didn’t know what to say to you. I guess there’s really nothing I can say or do that would justify my leaving and being gone for this long. “‘It wasn’t you or Drake who pushed me away. I left because I had to. Something happened, and I can’t tell you what it was, because it’s not my secret to tell. Leaving was the only thing I could do to protect you. I’ . . .” My voice began to falter and I struggled to keep it casual. “‘I tried calling you several times throughout the years, but what could I say that you would believe or listen to? I thought about seeing you, but then that would probably cause more heartache than if I just wrote this letter. “‘I’ve heard a few rumors, saying that you felt as if I abandoned you. I didn’t abandon you, Christine. Never did I want to do that. You’re my sister, and I love you. Being gone for this long has nearly killed me. I don’t expect you to believe that, but it’s the truth. “‘This letter is way out there, and I guess with all the emotions rolling through me right now, what can you expect, right?

“‘I guess I just needed to tell you that I love you, and that my leaving had nothing to do with you. And right now I’m happy. I’m married and have children of my own now. I’m settling in and I’m finally being able to understand this life. Everyday I think about you and the family, and I wish that we could go back to all four of us—you, Wes, Henry, and myself—spending time together. “‘But I guess that’s impossible now…’” My voice shook harder and the tears I’d so desperately tried to keep at bay rolled down my face because it was impossible now. Even if I was human and not a stupid wolf, it would be impossible. I heard Christine sniff in front of me, but I didn’t look up at her. I had to finish reading this letter, and I had to get a grip on my emotions. I pushed the tears back, staring at the text on the paper in front of me. “‘Anyway, I hope you can at least not feel guilty for me leaving. And I hope you embrace life, Christine. Once you accept it and let all the bad things go, it can be enjoyable. “‘This is a good-bye letter. I can’t tell you in person, and I know that I probably won’t see you again, but I needed to do something proper to tell you good-bye. You will always be my sister, and I will always regret leaving. I promise you that, sis. Love you always, Olivia.’” As soon as I was done reading, I pushed the letter across the table back to Christine. Glancing at her, it felt as if someone had taken a very sharp knife and was slitting my heart in two. Christine’s face was pale, her eyes rimmed with red. Finally, hurt reflected in her eyes rather than rage and she pressed her lips tightly together, trying just as hard as I was to not let emotions take control of her. “I meant every word, Christine.” My voice shook. She nodded faintly, her eyes finally shifting over to me. She already knew this, but she needed to know for certain. The written words were not enough. “You were especially right about one thing.” She whispered, shaking her head. “It will be impossible for the four of us to be together again.”

Without thinking, I stood and began to move to Christine. I didn’t really know what I was expecting when I wrapped my arms tightly around her, but it did surprise me when, after a few minutes, she wrapped her arms around me and began to sob deeply. “Oh… Wes!” In those two words of hers, pain crashed down hard on me and it was a struggle to keep my weight steady, let alone Christine’s. The pain raging inside of me was hard enough to bear, but now I had to share her pain, too. I had to hear her crying again and again, calling out his name in so much pain. The pain doubled up on me and I was sure that my heart was breaking. Had this been the way Christine felt? All those nights when I woke up screaming from a nightmare and she came in to hold me? When I threw fits all the time, screaming at her that she was a liar and my parents weren’t dead? Had this pain been this bad on her then, or was it worse? Worse because she didn’t have to deal with her pain and my own, but because I argued with it; argued and called her a liar and claimed that she made the whole thing up? I didn’t know if I could stand it if Christine would tell me that I was lying about Wes’s suicide. Pushing those thoughts as far away as I could, I wrapped my arms tighter around Christine, running my hands comfortingly up and down her back. She’d never comforted me—though she had tried to on several occasions—because I didn’t allow her to, but now I didn’t know how to comfort her. “Olivia.” She turned her head faintly to whisper in my ear. It cackled with pain and tears. “Hmm?” “Wes loved you, you know.” Had my legs gone out beneath my weight yet? Had the room gone dark? I thought so, because I couldn’t feel or see anything anymore. Wes had always picked on me. No matter what I wore, said, or did, he always found a way to make fun of me. But he’d done it all in fun and only now did I realize that, though.

Even before my parents died, I felt as if Wes loathed me. We weren’t the same. He was an out-going ‘people’ person. I was shy. I didn’t like people. He was brave and big and ‘tough’, and I was little and wimpy. I never ‘got’ jokes or anything like that. But to make it worse, Wes and I never spent much time together, and when we did I was always tense. When we did, on a few rare occasions, spend time together with other family around, I didn’t make it a point to say good-bye to him when he left. I should have said good-bye. When we left, I should have said more than just “see ya, Wes”. Even if I would have just gone over and hugged him, it would have been better than what I did do. But I never thought Wes loved me… or was proud of me. Why now, why after it was too late, did I find all this out? Why didn’t I know that he loved me and was proud of my writing and me long, long before now? Now that it was too late. It wasn’t fair. My heart longed for my brother, and so did Christine’s. Together, we cried in each other arms, crying for Wes, longing for him, and wishing that we could all be together again. At this moment, I was neither a human nor a wolf. I didn’t have a husband and a family. I just had a grieving heart that ached for my dead brother. At this moment, that was the only thing that mattered.

Twenty

Why’d you leave?” Sitting on the sofa beside Christine, I couldn’t tell how long we’d been in each others’ arms crying. Maybe three hours, maybe four. It was hard to tell. But only in the last few minutes had we started talking, and that was something I now regretted. It started out innocent enough. I asked Christine how everything was going after she said that she didn’t want to talk about Wes anymore as it was too painful. I was all but anxious to agree. Actually, it had been really nice talking to Christine. She told me about all the new things in town and how well her dress shop was doing. It was after that when she stated that being on the news with a run-a-way sister had brought in a lot of business. That had caught me off guard and it was then that Christine had pounced, asking me the question I dreaded the most… well, almost the most. Inhaling deeply, I stared straight into her eyes. “I left because I didn’t have any other choice.” “You had a choice.” She argued angrily. “You could have stayed here.” “Didn’t you hear me read you that letter, Chris? I left to protect you.” “From…” She hedged, her eyes getting big with the expectancy for me to answer. I shook my head hard and fast. I hated lying and I’d done that enough already today. But I couldn’t tell her the truth, either. “I can’t tell you.” “Yeah, yeah.”

“It’s not my secret to tell, Christine.” Why did I have to go and say that? She arched an eyebrow while processing my words. “You said that you were married and had children? As in children? The plural?” I had to be extremely careful here. One wrong word and that could be very dangerous. “Mm-hmm. I met my husband about a year after leaving. We had a lot in common and we eloped. I got pregnant and had a son, Jason. A while after that I was pregnant again with triplets.” “Triplets!” Christine gasped, her face paling slightly. A chuckle escaped my lips at her expression, and that made me feel better. “Melinda, Kyle and Tim are their names; two boys and one girl. It’s very”—I hesitated only for a moment, searching for the right word—“interesting.” “Triplets? Holy cow, that’s rare.” “Some people have had droplets.” I didn’t add the part that I had been carrying droplets before I lost a baby. “Yeah, I’ve heard of it. I bet the pregnancy hurt.” “A little bit.” I shrugged as if it were nothing. “It’s funny, though. They’re all triplets, but just their features match. Their hair color is different as well as their attitudes, their tempers, their build, and so much more. My doctor says that’s very rare.” As soon as those words escaped my mouth, I regretted them. “That is rare.” She agreed, scowling in thought. “It’s fine, though.” I scrambled to get onto another subject “My husband is very good with them. He’s always willing to help in whatever way he can.” Christine nodded, scrutinizing my face carefully for the first time. I stiffened. I didn’t need a mirror to know what Christine was seeing. It wasn’t the higher cheekbones, the lighter eyes or the sharper curve of my jaw line, my smudged nose, my muscular shoulders, or my thick brown hair that had caught her attention. It was the age at which I looked. Over the years I had changed, but it wasn’t a big enough change for Christine to notice. No, the only change she

would really notice was that I was the same, and really, that wasn’t a change at all. “You look the same as you did when you left.” Christine whispered, her eyebrows pulling down in confusion. Pushing against the lump in my throat, I tried to reply to her, but I couldn’t. Instead, I shrugged innocently. “Not your secret to tell.” She muttered these words to herself, as if she was trying to figure something out. I stiffened further, trying to swallow. Christine was smart, but would she put it all together? “It’s not your secret to tell… and you don’t look as if you aged. Let me guess, you’re a vampire?!” Her eyes widened dramatically at the thought as her hands clasped around her throat protectively. Only because she guessed vampire did I manage to get a laugh out but it sounded wrong and not convincing at all. I rolled my eyes then, hoping it would look like heavy sarcasm. “Gettin’ superstitious are ya, Chris?” “No! That’s you. And don’t call me Chris, you know I hate that.” “Yep, I do.” Grateful that she was only joking, I flashed her a toothy grin and she rolled her eyes, sighing as she stood up from the sofa. “Drake will be here soon. He’ll be surprised to see you here…” She stopped in mid-sentence as if realizing something. She turned to me slowly; the pain that had temporarily subsided from her eyes was back. “How long are you going to be here, Olivia?” This was the question I dreaded almost the most. I wanted to come up with an excuse, another lie, but I told the truth. “I should be leaving now.” “At least stay for dinner.” She pleaded. “And if I do then you’ll ask me to spend the night.” “So? Then you can spend the night.” “Christine, I need to get back to my family.”

“One night won’t hurt anything!” She argued. “Just… eat dinner with us, spend the night, and leave in the morning. Please?” There was no way I could argue with her when she pleaded with me like that. Besides, I was already breaking the rules by simply being here. Why not break them further? “Okay.” “Yes!” She wrapped me up in a tighter hug before grabbing my hand, pulling me towards the kitchen. “Since you’re here, I’ll let you do the cooking. I imagine you must be a pro what with having four kids and all.” “I don’t know how to cook.” I itted shyly. “Three sons, a daughter, and a husband, and you don’t even know how to cook for them?” She asked in disbelief. I shrugged innocently, holding my hands out, palm up. “Guilty.” Her laugh filled the air as she handed me a spatula. Despite the look I recognized well in her eyes, I loved the sound of her laugh. Maybe my coming here would do her good, after all. I only hoped it would. “Well, you’ll just have to learn then. Spaghetti will be your first lesson.” Before I could argue, she darted out of the room, coming back a few minutes later and pulling an apron over my neck. “Seriously? An apron? Isn’t this what wives used to wear back in the old, old days?” For a brief second I wondered how long it would be before I would consider this year, this time and era, back in the old days. “You look in style that way. Besides, I had to bring home a butt load of aprons from my work to make room for more dresses. You’ll get used to them.” She promised with a wink, tying the strings behind my back. “Now, tell me, how much do you know how to cook?” Before I could respond, I hesitated, looking her long and hard in the eyes. Deep pain was buried beneath the surface. She was aching for Wes, but she was able to put that pain aside for the moment. If this meant she would feel better, if even temporarily, I could handle whatever silly thing she threw at me.

I shook my head guiltily. “Dinner rolls and cinnamon rolls. Oh, and baby formula.” “Oh no!” Christine groaned, collapsing in the kitchen chair behind her and sweeping her hand across her forehead as if completely exhausted. “Well, you’re going to be busy then.” It was a threat, but I laughed at the humor in it, grabbing a chunk of hamburger from the refrigerator and peeled off the packaging before setting it in the already warming skillet. “It sounds fun.” Hesitating for a second, Christine froze, her eyes staring at my face until she began to breathe again, her breathing slow and irregular. “It does, doesn’t it? Teaching my little sister how to cook…” She giggled in excitement before standing up, patting me on the back. “I’ll be easy on you.”

The rest of the day flew by quickly. By the end of the day we were covered in dough, mixes, and several other things that I couldn’t even keep straight. We’d made cake and brownies from scratch and Christine taught me how to make spaghetti, pasta, home-made burritos, steaks, and so many other things. Her kitchen was stocked full of food that she was putting some in packages to save for later and for me to take when I left. By coming here, I’d hoped to tell her a final good-bye. I expected her to be angry and yell at me. She’d done exactly that, but it hadn’t lasted long. Now we were giggling with each other while we worked on cooking side by side. The best thing I’d been hoping for was that I could leave on somewhat good . At least leaving knowing that Christine didn’t feel like I’d abandoned her was the highest hope I’d allowed myself to have. But this, this was far from what I’d been expecting. “That was fun!” I explained, following Christine’s gesture from earlier and collapsing—gently—into a chair and resting my hands over my stomach. Her face was bright red and her stray blonde hair stuck to her sweaty forehead. “Yeah, it was. We should do it more often.” “Sure,” I agreed, ignoring the pain that ripped through my heart at the lie. I would never see her again. “Here,” Christine pushed her big cooking book towards me, “take this. You’ll need it more than I do, what with having four kids and everything.” Staring at the cook book, I tried to stop the urge to ask her the question. Today had been wonderful and I didn’t want to spoil it, but I needed to know if she had the genes. How much risk was there that she would become this, someday? Even if Mark thought it came from my dad’s side of the family, could I really be sure about that? I had to know. “You don’t know that.” I said smoothly, drumming my fingers lightly on the wooden table. “You might have children.”

“I can’t have children, Olivia. I went to the doctor a couple months ago. He says that there is no chance of me having children. There are no treatments or anything that can be done.” She rolled her shoulders. “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. Both relief and fear swept through me. I could have children. Did her not being able to have children mean that she wouldn’t be this after all, or was I different? Kelsie never had kids… “It’s fine.” She assured me. “I don’t want kids anyways; I’d be a crappy Mom.” “Hey, at least you can cook.” She grinned at me. “That’s true. I keep my husband satisfied, at least.” “And me.” I reminded her. When silence fell and she didn’t offer to say anymore, I took a closer examination of her. I looked at her facial features, staring deeply into her bright blue-green eyes. Her nose was small and skinny, her face a bit round. Her lips were small but curved in a soft way. Her hands were small, and her arms were not pulling and rippling with muscle. I didn’t know what to look for. I’d only seen what people looked like after they were already wolves, not before. I didn’t have any of the same features as they did. My hands weren’t too small, but they weren’t nearly as big as Mark’s. My hair, however, was longer than most people’s hair was at my age. Christine’s hair was short, but then she could keep it short on purpose, like Brice had been doing for the past few years. Her skin was tanned. But she looked normal, completely normal. “What?” Christine suddenly asked, glowering slightly. “Hmm?” “What are you doing? Do I look bad or something?” I chuckled, clearing my throat. “No. I was just… trying to put your looks deep in

my memory. I never want to forget you after I leave.” That was the wrong thing to say. Her expression dropped and she hung her head, staring at the table. She sighed, finally looking up to meet my gaze. “I just want to ask one thing.” I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to tell her that it was water under the bridge. But I needed to hear her question. I wanted to tell her everything I could, but could I tell her this? “Okay.” “Where were you? I mean, Henry said that he saw you up in the mountains. Course, he also said that you were married and had one son, not a son plus triplets, but then again I guess he wouldn’t know that. But… do you live here? In Wyoming, I mean? Are you that close?” Crap. I shouldn’t have let her ask that question. “I met my husband Paul, in Oregon. We travel a lot, but we don’t live in Wyoming.” “Can you tell me where you live?” She inquired, hope thick in her voice. I wanted to. I wanted to tell her where we live. But how could I? If I told her that we lived in Idaho, Oregon, or Montana—like I told Henry we lived—would she try to find us? “Paul just got laid off from his job in Montana. That’s where we had been living. I don’t know where we’re going to move now. He was talking about moving to like Pennsylvania or something like that.” Christine exhaled sharply. “So far away?” Though I wanted to answer her, I didn’t. “Oh.” She sighed heavily, closing her eyes and running her hand through her hair. “You really did come here to say good-bye, then?” It was harder to answer her question than it should have been. A simple yes was all that was required, but I couldn’t say that. I couldn’t even get the word to form

in my mouth. I didn’t know why, but her question brought me back to a time so many years ago that the memory seemed hazy. But pushing through the haze, I could it clearly enough. That day, Christine had told us all good-bye. After graduating high school, Christine had waited until a weekend when Mom was off work before she left to move in with Drake who lived in Pokey, Idaho. Mom and I had watched as she rounded the corner in her little green Probe, waving as she drove past the corrals and then disappeared out of sight as she was on her way to move in with Drake to enroll in college in that city. I ed feeling happy when she left because I would finally get her room. I wanted her room. It was neat and big and had all kinds of horse pictures on the walls that she’d left behind. Amazingly, I thought it was going to get so much better after she was gone, but it wasn’t. She hadn’t even been gone a week when I missed her, wishing that she would come back. My thirteenth birthday was spent with her at Drake’s place. That was really neat. It was almost my best birthday. It wasn’t too long after that that she and Drake had gotten married. Thankfully, they’d agreed to have the wedding in Barley, Idaho where most of her family and Drake’s lived. They went back to their place after the wedding, however. Then all heck broke loose. The accident happened and… I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind, focusing on my sister. I’d always thought that if Christine would ever move back in, it would get better. We would have a terrific relationship and we’d never argue again. When I finally did get the chance to be with my sister, I was out of it. When I wasn’t out of it, we were arguing, and I’d hurt her again and again, and then I left her, causing her pain once again. Now I had a chance to make amends. Now it seemed like we could have that terrific relationship that I’d missed so much, except it wasn’t going to happen.

That was gone, buried in the past. This was a one day thing only. Tires crunched on the driveway then, pulling me back to the present. Christine was still squeezing my shoulders. I could hear steady, normal breathing from Drake. The brakes on his truck squealed slightly as he stopped in front of the house. The gearshift stuck ever so faintly as he shoved it into park. Beneath his feet, the gravel crunched as he took five steps, three steps up the porch steps, and then two big steps across the porch before pushing the door open. “Christine!” He hadn’t even taken two steps inside yet when he called out her name; concern thick in his voice. Pulling away from me then, she giggled, clamping her hand over her mouth to shush it as she grasped my hand, her eyes full of excitement. “Imagine his expression when he sees you!” She whispered excitedly, clamping her hand down tighter over her mouth to contain laughter. “Christine?” He called again, taking a couple more steps. “Is she laughing?” He whispered to himself, too quietly for anyone but me to hear. Clearing her throat, Christine stood, patting my head before moving around towards the stove, taking the lid off the spaghetti. “In the kitchen,” She called back to him, her voice ringing. “Dinner’s ready.” From the hallway I listened to his steps slow and him inhale deeply—probably trying to prepare himself for whatever state Christine may be in—before he rounded the corner. “Chris…” His voice trailed off when his eyes settled on me. Smiling faintly, I slowly stood, facing my brother-in-law. I felt Christine staring at me to see what would happen. “Olivia?” Drake asked in disbelief. “Hi.” I greeted him, my voice ringing like Christine’s.

His expression was that of shock. His eyebrows shot up and his nostrils flared on the sides. Slowly, his eyes moved over every feature of my face. Unlike Christine, I knew he’d notice the littlest difference in my facial structure and the muscles rippling down my arm. Even through my long sleeve shirt of which I wore, one could see the muscle. But like Christine, he’d still notice that I looked the same age. “Wow.” He breathed, his eyes sweeping over me again before they finally rested on my eyes. He shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve… changed.” I laughed quietly. “Thank you.” Drake stepped forward then, wrapping me up in a tight hug, squeezing me a little tighter than normal, probably trying to see just how muscular I was. “It’s good to see you.” He whispered in my ear as he pulled away. “It’s nice to see you, too, Drake.” Christine giggled as she stepped around us, placing the spaghetti in the middle of the table and handing me three plates and forks. “Mind setting the table, Olivia?” “No problem.” I assured her, having much practice at doing that. “You’re staying for dinner?” Drake asked in awe behind me. “I guess so. Your wife threatened me.” I teased, winking at Christine when she turned around to scowl at me. “She’s good at that.” He noted, kissing her quickly before sitting at his normal spot at the end of the table. “Drake, what do you want to drink?” Christine asked, hesitating in her reach for the glasses. “A beer will do.” After Christine rolled her eyes, I reached into the small refrigerator, the

fragrance of our meals that we’d cooked today filling the air, to grab him a beer. “Mm, that smells good. What all have you girls been up to today?” He was already dishing up his plate by the time Christine and I sat down. “All kinds of stuff. Olivia needed cooking lessons.” Drake laughed. “Is that why she came here suddenly, to get cooking lessons?” Behind his joking words, I heard the real question, and my body grimaced slightly. I forced myself to swallow the bite of spaghetti in my mouth “Not the only reason.” “So how long are you staying?” “She’s spending the night. I talked her into it.” There was no way of arguing with the tone in Christine’s voice. I’d hoped to talk to her tonight and find a way out of spending the night, as I did need to get back home—or to the cabin—but no one argued with that tone. “Really?” Drake’s eyes widened with surprise. “Your room is just the way you left it, Olivia. I didn’t touch anything.” Christine promised. My room. It had been a simple word, but it still sent strange emotions spiraling through me. The urge to be normal and go back to how things used to be ran deeply through my veins. I wanted to go to my room and spend the night, pretend that I’d never found the truth about Mark and the wolves out, pretend that I’d never gone to meet Cliff. It had been so long since I’d seen my room. Now tonight I was going to have a chance of sleeping in it again. Would I feel like things were normal? Would I forget that I was a wolf? I was anxious to have answers to those questions.

“Do you mind if I go up and take a look around?” I asked Christine, leaning against the counter after finishing eating and placing my plate in the sink. She huffed as if it were a ridiculous question to ask. “Of course not!” She growled. “This is your home still.” “Thanks.” I threw her a smile before stepping out of the kitchen. As soon as I was out of their sight, I let out a sigh of relief, letting my eyes flicker around the house. Memories were everywhere here. Memories of Mark holding me on his lap on the sofa on the night of our first—and only—date; memories of him and Kelsie stepping in here and looking around in awe when we were working on the physics lab; memories of Christine yelling at me. Shoving those particular memories away, I hesitated at the edge of the stairs, pressing my hand against the hand railing. That’s when I smelled it. It wasn’t the aroma of food or even of nature. It was a mixed scent between human and something else. That it wasn’t one of us was obvious because it smelled completely different. A part of me thought I recognized the scent from my human days, but it was different and so strange… It was danger.

Twenty One

Forgetting about the memories—both good and bad—I followed the scent straight to the end of the hall on the second floor where Christine’s and Drake’s bedroom was. I didn’t want to pry, but I had to look. I didn’t have a very good feeling about this at all. My stomach churned uneasily as I pushed their bedroom door open. The scent was the strongest in here. It lingered. Inhaling deeply through my nose to try to recognize it better, it burned my nostrils, causing my throat to flare. Refusing to think about the stinging, I moved around the room, trying to figure out what this person—or thing—was after. They had gone through Christine’s and Drake’s closet; the scent was on every piece of clothing Christine and Drake had. The bed didn’t smell, however. Following the rest of the scent to the stand next to the bed, I slowly picked up the lamp where the scent lingered most. There, under the lamp, was a neatly folded paper. My fingers trembling slightly, I picked it up, unfolded it, and quickly scanned the too pretty handwriting:

Hello, Olivia,

I knew you would find this note eventually. It would only be a matter of time before you would have to see your sister again, after all, she is so important to you, you would’ve died for her. I do hope that I am not interrupting anything. I just wanted to send you a message to let you know that it’s not over yet. You may be different, you may be a mother and a wife, but nothing is over yet.

You know what I want, and until I get it, your sister, and your family will never totally be safe. Things are going to be fun now! By the way, I’m sorry about your brother. It was a nice funeral though. You looked dashing.

Yours sincerely, Cliff.

No! Spinning around faster than what was normal, my eyes searched frantically around the room and down the hall. He was gone, but still, my senses were too sharp. He had been here. Our enemy had been in my sister’s house; in her bedroom! Nothing was over yet. Nothing was ever going to be okay until someone took him down or until he had what he wanted and killed Mark. “Olivia?” The first step creaked as Christine began making her way up the staircase. Without thinking, I shoved the note in my pocket, putting her lamp back that had a slight dent in it from loosing track of containing my strength, and I quickly ran —silently—to my bedroom. I froze once inside the doorway, slowly taking everything in. Christine had been telling the truth. Everything was the same. My bed was still pushed against the wall, the covers and blankets ruffled, my clothes heaped in the hamper against the corner, my book case filled with books and my stuffed animals and beanie babies on top. This room was normal. It screamed of a normal teenager room. It was hard to believe that it used to be my room. That I used to be a normal teenager.

But I’d never been normal. From the day I was born, I wasn’t normal. I was destined for this life. I didn’t regret it, I didn’t hate this life, but still, seeing what life I used to be a part of brought tears to my eyes. “I never touched anything.” Christine whispered, coming up behind me to place her hand on my shoulder. As much as I wanted to put my arm around her, I couldn’t. It felt like a vivid dream, like a replay, almost. This is where it all began—this is where I began to learn the secret about the forest and Mark. Cliff never had anything to do with this place, so why was he specifically targeting this place? I understood why he was targeting me. Or at least, I tried to. But why here? How long had he been here, though? How long had he been watching my sister? “Christine?” Anyone could hear the change in my voice. It had gone from being excited and bright to dull and worried. “What?” Her voice changed, too. It was panicked now, concerned. “Do you know anyone by the name of Cliff?” Waiting for her to answer, I couldn’t turn to look at her. I couldn’t take in her expression because I already knew the truth. “Yes.” My knees buckled. “How long have you known him?” “A while,” She itted, still concerned. “He showed up here in a rainstorm a couple months after you left. His car broke down on the road and he needed a phone. We talked a lot and we keep in touch. We e-mail and talk on the phone sometimes. Why? What’s wrong?” What was wrong? The better question was what wasn’t wrong! My enemy, the man who’d forced me away from my sister in the first place, the one I nearly surrendered my life to, was here. He knew my sister. They talked. They kept in touch. My sister was in danger from the very thing I thought I was protecting her from in the very beginning!

Now I couldn’t help but wonder what it was all for. I left when Marianne told me about him being here. I left to seek him out. I left so that he wouldn’t track me down and find Christine and hurt her. I was the one who chose to leave and end my life to protect hers. That’s all I’ve been doing since. I’ve been trying to protect my family while protecting her. What good did any of it do? If Cliff was here and if he was in with my sister, what was the point of doing everything I’ve done to protect her from him? The mere thought of him being here all along, watching as I failed entirely at my weak attempts to protect her and the rest of my family from him was humiliating. Normally, my body would have swayed back and forth right now and tears would have filled my eyes. I needed Mark’s arms to encircle me now more than ever to keep me standing, to give me comfort, to let me know that my life hadn’t all been a waste. But that couldn’t happen right now, though. I needed to stay strong, I needed to be brave and just like always, I needed to put on a fake expression. A mask. “Did you tell him about me?” The words sounded numb. Christine gasped and inhaled sharply. She was very familiar with that voice. I wanted to have any other expression, but I knew that if I let the set of my jaw or my hands move just an inch, I would lose this feeling and I would break down. I couldn’t do that. “Olivia?” Her hand slid onto my shoulder, begging me to look at her. I stared at my room, my eyes running over the walls automatically, but his face stayed before my eyes no matter what was ed in front of them. “What happened? What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” I tried to assure her, clearing my throat and squinting. It was the only change I could make from my frozen state. “Nothing is wrong. It’s just… a shock to be back and digest how much everything has changed. Will you answer my question, please?” Beside me, she inhaled deeply. “Of course we talked about you. Your face was

plastered all over the news there for a while. Cliff even asked me about you. He sent us all the very best to find you.” “What exactly did you tell him about me?” The fear of what she could have told him made it hard to breathe. “Why?” She wasn’t giving in easily. I knew that. “Was he here? In my room?” My eyes fell on the perfect white stuffed wolf that lay on my bed, the fake eyes staring at me, making goose bumps appear on my arm. I pointed to it. “Did he leave me that?” Christine nodded. “Yes. He said he wanted to leave a gift just in case you came back home. He was pretty confident you would. He left a set of wolf sheets, too, but I have them in the closet. Why?” “How long was he in here?” I asked, never hesitating in my questions. A part of my mind wondered how all this would seem to Christine, but I couldn’t stop the questions. There were so many questions I had that she couldn’t answer. Where was Cliff now? How close was he? Was he watching me? Was he watching my family? Did he know about my family? Did he know about my children? “I don’t know!” She shrieked. Downstairs, the recliner groaned as Drake stood. His bones cracked as he stretched, yawning loudly. “The phone rang when I showed him your room. A minute, maybe? Maybe a few minutes, but nothing more. I swear.” A few minutes. She had no idea how much stuff he could find in two minutes. How could she let random people come into my room? She didn’t know Cliff, how could she fall into his trap so easily? How could I protect my sister? “He knows you like wolves because I told him that it made you sick before you left about what everyone was saying about the wolves and that you were bound and determined to find out what was going on. Knowing you, I told him you

probably did. Did you?” There was an accusation behind her question. She was in potential danger, but she was challenging me? “No.” Her frail shoulders rolled. “It sounded as if he knew you.” “He does.” I finally answered truthfully, forcing my legs to carry me across the threshold into my room. Everything was the same… everything except for the white wolf on the middle of my bed—a gift that Cliff had left to cause fear—and the scent of him everywhere. It was hard to stay coherent when the constant voice inside my head told me over and over again that there was danger; that my enemy was here. It was hard to that Christine and Drake were the innocent ones here. “How?” She wondered. “I saw him a few times at school. He’s Mark’s older brother.” It was amazing how swiftly the lies continued to come. “Mark?” Christine asked. “My ex-boyfriend from high school. Actually, my only boyfriend in high school.” “Oh.” Christine whistled. “The one who left and caused you to pine over him until you left. I .” Is that what I had done after Mark left? Had I pined over him as Christine said I did? I knew that I missed him a great deal and knew that despite his promise, he probably wasn’t coming back, but had I been pining over him? “Well, Cliff sure did seem very fond of you.” She declared, leaning against the wall with a suspicious glint in her eyes. “Should I be worried?” Should she be worried? Yes! She should be terrified. I wanted to scream at her, curse at her for what she’d done. I’d cared for her so much that I was willing to give my life up for her, and for what? It obviously didn’t do any good! I wanted to persuade her to leave. If she left right now, maybe he would let her

be. But would she listen to me? Would she leave? Those thoughts took me straight back to the last normal day I’d spent with Christine, helping her at her dress shop. Marianne’s aghast, pale face was too real in my memory. The gripping terror in her voice was all too real, too. The only thing she wanted was for us to leave since Cliff was looking for me. “Just…” How was I supposed to put this for her? Drake’s heavy footsteps began to come up the stairs. “Just don’t talk to him anymore, okay, sis? He’s a bad guy. He’s dangerous.” Dangerous? Ha! That didn’t even come close to covering what he was. She nodded once. “He said the same thing about you.” I swallowed hard, not allowing myself to break. “Please, just promise me that you won’t talk to him anymore?” Drake’s steps were halfway up the staircase. Christine just began to hear him approaching, too. “Fine, I promise.” She said in a rush before he got there. “Thank you.” I mouthed to her, turning away quickly just as Drake stepped inside the doorway, curling his arm around Christine’s waist and kissing the top of her head. “How’s it going in here, girls?” The word girls brought a smile to his lips. I could see his reflection from the glass in the window. Christine was good at acting, too. “Very good. We were talking about old times and how glad we are to have her back. Right, Olivia?” “Yep.” Though it wasn’t completely back to normal yet, my voice didn’t sound quite so numb. “Well, it’s nice to have you back, Olivia, and I hope you stay, but I’m bushed. I’m going to go to bed. Are you coming in pretty soon, babe?” “In a minute.” She gave him a quick peck on his lips.

He waved at me before disappearing down the hallway, their bedroom door making a tiny click as it closed. As soon as it was closed, Christine turned her suspicious eyes on me. “You still have Wyann’s number? The number I left you before I left?” I’d given her Wyann’s number the morning before I left in case there was some kind of emergency. She nodded slightly, her lips pressed in a hard, worried line. “If you see Cliff again, call that number. Promise me you will?” Cliff, I’m sure, knew by now that I was here, knew that I knew. The next time he saw my sister, I was convinced that it wouldn’t be just to chit-chat and leave me ‘gifts’. “Okay.” She surrendered. “Promise me.” I insisted. “Why is it…” “Promise me!” I hissed louder, clamping my hands—gently—on her shoulders and shaking her slightly. “Fine, fine!” Color flashed up her cheek bones in embarrassment. “Okay, I promise I’ll call this Wyann dude if I see Cliff again.” “Thank you.” It should have relieved me, but I felt little of it. “Will I see you tomorrow?” She asked with bright eyes, her lower lip puckering out ever so slightly. In that way, she instantly reminded me of little Melinda when she pouted because there was something she wanted. It was almost impossible to turn her down when she made that kind of an expression, just as it was hard to turn my sister down now. “Sure.” I knew I should leave at first light. If I was smart I should leave now, tonight. Search for Cliff, make sure everything was safe. But it felt good to be home. It felt good to be standing in my bedroom, back in

my home, even if there was a killer running around out there somewhere looking for revenge. Mark, Kelsie, and Brice were all together tonight—I was sure of that. They would be able to protect my children. They were in good hands and I felt confident that Cliff wouldn’t try to hurt them. Not tonight, anyway. He liked playing games. I’d realized that while I spent that short amount of time with him so long ago. “Good.” Christine smiled half-heartedly as she stepped closer, bringing her arms tightly around me. A large lump lodged tightly in my throat as I slowly returned the gesture. “Good night, Christine. I love you.” I whispered, pulling away from her. She sighed heavily, her blue-green eyes beginning to fill with tears. “I love you, too.” She closed the door behind her as she left the room. At the little ‘click’ of the door latching, the emotions came crashing down on me all at once. Despite what I was, my knees shook beneath me and I felt hysteria coming on. Here I was, back in my old room. The walls were the same white with the exception of the green, murky colored wall to the south. The books were exactly in the same line they’d been in before I left, the pile of clothes pushed into the corner. It was all exactly the same. A strong sense of dé jà vu came over me. For here I was, standing in my bedroom. This would be the last night in which I’ll spend here. I never thought I would be here again, but here I was, standing in the same spot I stood in so many years ago when I knew that in the morning, I was leaving to meet my fate. Tonight would be the same way. I’d sleep here for tonight. I would eat breakfast with Christine and Drake. And, as soon as I got the chance, I would leave. I would leave and I knew I wouldn’t return. No matter what danger I faced, I would find Cliff. I would track him down and I

would end this myself. It was one thing when it involved just him, me, and Mark, but now to involve my sister? I would not have any of that. Yes, he and Mark had started this enemy-war thing between werewolves and whatever he is. They started it, and maybe in their eyes they should finish it, but I was going to finish it. I’d had enough. I’d hid enough through the past years. I took care of my family, I took care of Mark and I was technically included in the pack. But I never completely let the senses of this new life take over. Every day I held what I could back. Everyday I fought the wolf inside of me. When I did change forms and run and hunt and everything else, I continued to hold back. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and a part of me didn’t want to be what I was. This world was supposed to be normal. There weren’t supposed to be werewolves with enemies that were stalking their human families that meant so much to them. But it was. I was no longer on the outside. I wasn’t that fragile human that the only defense was lying in order to save someone. I had a lot more power now. I had the strength, the speed, and everything else it would take to take Cliff down. This would be finished, and soon. I would hold back no longer. There was no point in arguing with what I was. I was what I was and my only choice now was to accept it. And I was going to do that. I was going to be every part of the wolf inside of me that I could be. Even if it was the last thing I did, I would take Cliff down. Even if someone killed me afterwards, I would take Cliff down. I would free my family from him. I would make sure that Christine, Drake, Henry, Jason, Melinda, Tim, Kyle and Mark were safe. Cliff was going to die. Whether I died in the process or not, he was going to. For tonight, however, I had other obligations. For now I was back home, back in my old bedroom. Drake’s faint snores were seeping through the walls. Christine, on the other hand, kept changing positions on the bed; she was restless.

Sighing, I moved forward, grabbing the stuffed white wolf. It was harmless, I supposed. It was just a stuffed animal that Cliff had gotten at Wal-Mart, but it stunk of his scent and it sent silent, vicious shivers down my spine. I threw it into the garbage can. I was surprised, however, when I pulled the blankets back and revealed the brown sheet set. I’d changed the sheets right after Mark left so many years ago when all this broke loose. They left because Kelsie had “supposedly” killed a tourist and Mark promised me that he would come back eventually. That was a very hard time for me. Blue colored sheets weren’t good because it matched the color of his eyes. Green and yellow seemed to be an uplifting color, and they, too, were wrong. I didn’t feel ‘uplifted’ during that dark time. I didn’t feel happy and inspired like the color seemed to say. I had been depressed. I’d lost the man I loved; the man that I believed only existed in a fairy-tale for what he was. But I hadn’t just lost Mark. I’d lost everyone. Brown—for me, at least—seemed to be a depressing color. It didn’t ‘reveal’ happiness and pain-free. It revealed pain and depression, exactly how I felt at the time. No color tonight could match my mood. I felt sick, angry, and powerful. Angry and sick because Cliff had managed to sneak past me and get to my sister. He had been stalking the people I loved. Powerful because I knew, deep in my veins, that I was going to take him down. Sleep would be impossible, I knew that. It seemed that it was impossible for Christine, too. The bed continued to creak and groan as she kept tossing and turning, trying to find sleep. It didn’t bother Drake any. His snores grew louder and louder. I was sure that even human ears in this room could hear him. Outside, I heard what sounded like panting. Pads were faint on the earth floor and a twig snapped beneath those heavy paws. Moving across my room quickly to the two glass sliding doors, I pulled the curtains apart, looking into the dark night. Across the yard and on the edge of the trees was a white wolf that paced back and forth, his head turned towards my window.

Nothing was wrong. I could see it in the way Mark moved. His body was graceful, his shoulder muscles rolling beneath his perfect white coat, and his long white, bushy tail flicked back and forth with each gracefully. He was not upset. There was no tension in his body. He seemed completely relaxed. He didn’t seem angry or agitated, either, that I was here, spending the night with my sister who was a human that I could hurt within seconds. For tonight, I didn’t think about that. I pushed Cliff away from my mind. Even my children, I pushed from my mind. The whole pack didn’t exist, either. There was not a law for hunting wolves, and there were no werewolves that existed. For tonight was different. Tonight was innocent. I was merely a human again. I’d just moved to Pinecrossing, just emerged from my numb state… I sat on the floor and rested my head against the cold window that was beginning to frost in the chilly night, and watched the white wolf. Again, I felt connected to him. I felt like he was drawing me near to him, calling my name. I pressed my fingers against the glass, trying to reach him. It was easy letting my mind take me back to when nothing was out of order. My worst problem then had just been that I ached for my parents, that I longed for them and felt completely lost without them. Now, I had so many concerns, so many worries and things to take care of. But I didn’t want to think about that. And I didn’t. I escaped into that world so long ago when I was human and I just concentrated on the white wolf. The way he moved when he paced, the way his muscles along his back seemed to roll when he finally sat down. I watched the way he tilted his head back and a long howl filled the air that wasn’t of pain nor fear, just a pleasurably howl. I watched the way he laid down then; resting his head on his paws and gazed at my window. All night I sat on the floor, leaning against the cold glass. Nothing existed but Christine, Drake, me, and the white wolf outside. As soon as the sky began to turn blue and the first birds woke and started a song for the new day, I had to snap out of that world. Mark moved, too. He lifted himself up from the spot he laid. He stretched and then shook before watching

me with his blue eyes for a long time before he turned and trotted off into the trees, disappearing out of sight. I wanted to follow him. Cliff could be anywhere; he could be waiting for Mark right now, waiting to set a trap for him. But Mark was a lot better at this life than I was. He knew what to look, listen, and smell for to see if there was potential danger nearby. He would be fine and I had to believe that. Christine and Drake were beginning to stir in the next room. Christine, who had snored only a few times during the night, stepped onto the creaky floorboards. The glass door slid shut noisily in the bathroom as Drake stepped into the shower. The water began to seep through the pipes then. Yawning, I moved, too. I stretched my legs and pushed my arms out in front of me, just like I used to do when I was human. I did feel tense from sitting so long throughout the night, but other than that I felt fine. I made up my bed so that it was nice and tidy. Afterwards, I walked around my room. I ran my fingers along the spines of my books and sifted through each piece of clothing in my closet. Somehow, all those things felt like they belonged here. I wanted to take them with me, but I couldn’t. They belonged here and they were meant to stay here. My books and my clothes; they all were meant to stay here. Only after Christine went downstairs and moved into the kitchen did I step out of my room, closing the door behind me. By the time I reached the kitchen—as I moved slower than normal—Christine was already in the process of breaking eggs and mixing them in a large mixing bowl. At my approach, she glanced over her shoulder, her lips parting in a wide and surprised smile. “Well, good morning.” “Good morning.” I returned her smile warily, stepping beside her. “How can I help?” I offered.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” She waved the fork at me that she was using to mix the eggs. “You just sit down there, little sister. I’m making your favorite.” “Mm. Cinnamon rolls, scrambled eggs, and biscuits and gravy. Mm!” Christine laughed and I tried to memorize the way it echoed throughout the house and chipped off the glass in the china cabinet. “No.” She giggled again. “Everything but the cinnamon rolls.” “Oh. Well, that sounds good, too. Are you sure you don’t need my help?” “No, I got it all under control.” I shrugged, surrendering. “How’d you sleep?” Christine began, searching for casual conversation, something I forgot how to do. “Very well.” I lied. “You?” She rolled her shoulders, stirring the eggs around in the skillet and then the gravy. “All right.” Placing my elbow on the table, I pressed the side of my face against my palm, careful not to put too much weight on it. Marianne wouldn’t question why her table suddenly burst into pieces from a simple gesture like that, but I’m sure Christine would have far too many questions. “Good morning, girls.” Drake said cheerfully, kissing Christine quickly before grabbing his coffee. Before taking the place beside me, he gave me a quick peck on the side of the face before he sat down, tossing me a crooked grin. “You sure do brighten up the mornings, Olivia.” “Ha!” I snorted. “I wouldn’t know about that.” Drake laughed, sipping his coffee. Throughout the morning we kept conversation light and casual. Christine filled me in on everything that was going on at her dress shop. Apparently she’d hired a woman, Mimi, who was around nineteen years of age to work for her in the

shop. “She doesn’t ask for much and I need the help, so it works out well.” Christine explained over breakfast. That was good news. I was pleased to know that Christine was not alone in her dress shop. It was enough work when I was helping her out—as far as keeping the paperwork and all that under control went—with it, so I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for her to do it on her own. When she wasn’t filling me in on everything that I missed, Drake would start up his own conversation. He talked about all the remodeling he’d done in the attic, very pleased with himself at all the shelves he’d installed. He’d remodeled the stairs to the attic, too, so it was a lot sturdier than it was before. The whole morning went like that. I never volunteered much of anything. I didn’t like talking and explaining things, always worried that I would slip. When they spoke casually like this, I didn’t try to offer anything. Besides, it was nice hearing unimportant stuff like fixing up the attic and what kind of customers Christine was getting and the new dress styles that were coming out. Every now and then, however, when there was no conversation or sometimes when Drake was talking, she would glance at me with a suspicious look in her eyes. I guess I couldn’t blame Christine for looking at me like I’d disappear in a sudden puff of smoke. I’d been gone for many years and she didn’t trust me now that I was back, especially after what transpired between us last night. She wasn’t stupid. She knew that I wasn’t normal. She knew that something was different and very, very abnormal. I just wished that I could explain everything to her. I hated keeping secrets. As soon as the dishes were cleared away and Drake left, the casual talk ended. “I want the truth.” Christine said sternly, her chair scraping across the linoleum floor.

“What?” “Cliff. Why are you so… worried about him?” My stomach ached. “He’s dangerous.” She huffed impatiently. “You said that before.” “But you don’t believe me?” I guessed aloud, gasping when she glanced down at the table, running her fingers in each different grain of wood on the table, her mind miles away. A guilty look etched across her features. She was hiding something. “Christine?” I demanded. “Olivia… I don’t know what to say.” Her shoulders began to tremble. “I… I’ve been lonely for a long time. Drake has been leaving a lot for work and… Cliff is a good friend. The way he talks, it’s beautiful. And he seems to know everything about me. I needed that.” Her eyes met mine for a split second before she glanced away quickly. If I hadn’t been sitting I was sure that I would have collapsed. All this time I’d done the best I could in protecting her, and in that way, I basically forced her to like Cliff. The thought made me wince. “Do you love him?” That was the hardest question I had to ask yet. It wasn’t about lives anymore; it wasn’t simply about protecting Christine’s life, but protecting her heart, too. She spoke fondly of him and grimaced every time I said ‘dangerous’. “I… He… It’s just that he’s so… Yes! Not like… We never slept together or anything like that. I’d never betray Drake that way. But he’s a good friend. He just…” She hung her head, squeezing her eyes closed. “He was nice. And, he seemed to understand my pain. And he talked like he knew both of us, our past, our family, everything. He was just… very nice and understanding.” I couldn’t help but groan, pressing my face into the palms of my hands. “I’m sorry!” Christine whimpered as her voice cracked.

What could I say? I couldn’t be mad at her. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know. She had no idea that another world existed and I didn’t know how I could protect her unless I told her the truth, which was forbidden. “No, I’m sorry.” The adrenaline that pulsed through my veins made me edgy. I stood from the table, squeezing the coffee cup in my hand as I moved towards the window, staring across the yard into the forest, into the trees. “If I wouldn’t have left, none of this would have happened.” I mumbled. Behind me, Christine gasped. “What are you saying? That if you stayed you could have prevented this?” “Maybe,” Maybe I could have. If I stayed, maybe I wouldn’t have met Cliff. Maybe Mark and the rest of the pack would be off somewhere, enjoying themselves without all the drama. And Christine, well, she wouldn’t have been forced to talk to and fall in love with Cliff because he gave her companionship. I’d acted too quickly. “I shouldn’t have left.” “Oh!” She snorted, stomping her foot on the floor. “Are we talking about you leaving here, and running away, or you leaving mentally after Mom and your dad died?” That was all it took. My shoulders began to shake uncontrollably and the tears once again began to roll down my face. Wouldn’t they ever run out sooner or later? I wasn’t simply thinking about leaving and running away, but all of it. If I wouldn’t have gone and stayed the night with my grandparents, my parents wouldn’t have met them for dinner. If I would have stayed at the house, they wouldn’t have gone anywhere that night and they would still be here today. If I hadn’t left and escaped into that numb world after they died, I could have helped Christine. I could have talked to her and helped her. Instead I avoided everyone because my pain was too much. But if I was truthfully honest with myself, there was another reason why I avoided her. I didn’t know how to handle the pain. When people cried around me, I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know if I should hug them or just stand quietly in the background. I didn’t know whether to talk about my mom and Dad, or avoid talking about them all together.

Tears scared me and I didn’t know what to do. I avoided Christine for that reason and the reason of the numb. And I was mentally avoiding her now because I didn’t know how to comfort her when she broke down again—and I was sure that was coming. But now I’d broken down. Tears ran out of my eyes like a river flooding from the mountains and I couldn’t stop it. They rolled down my cheeks endlessly. When Christine came up and wrapped her frail arms around me, I didn’t try to shrug them off. Instead, I hugged her, too. I hugged her gently, but enough to let her know that I appreciated her. This, I realized, was what I needed all along. I needed someone on the outside, someone who was absolutely clueless of what was gong on to talk to. She didn’t know about the wars that were coming between werewolves and our ‘enemy’— some called them ‘demons’—that had all the same ‘strengths’ as werewolves, just without the wolf part. I stood by the window for a long time, shaking in my sister’s arms as she comforted me. When my tears began to slow and I could breathe again, I placed my hand on the back of her head, inhaling deeply. “Christine,” I whispered, holding her tighter in my arms. I was a few inches taller than her, which was surprising. “I’m sorry about everything.” Christine stiffened in my arms for a few moments before she pulled away. “I think that’s enough for the day,” She said with a sniff, shaking her head while leaning against the back of the kitchen chair for . “I should call Mimi and let her know that I won’t be coming in today.” While she spoke, she glanced up at the clock. It announced that it was almost eleven in the morning. “No, that’s all right.” I protested, gesturing towards the door. “I should get going, anyway. It’s late.” Christine’s face paled and she dropped her gaze, hiding her feelings under a mask that she seemed to have a lot of practice at making. “That’s okay. I won’t be able to go in today, anyways. Mimi can handle the shop.”

Tuning out her conversation with Mimi, I stared out the window. I watched as gray, murky colored clouds were beginning to bunch up tightly in the sky. Snow was coming. I could feel it in my bones and in the animals in the forest. They were uneasy and the weather was shifting, preparing for the coming snow. I had to leave, and soon. Staying until this morning had not been my plan. When I agreed to spend the night, I planned to leave at first light. I didn’t even consider seeing Christine and staying for breakfast. But I had. And even thinking about saying a final goodbye to Christine was hard. I accomplished what I came here for. I wanted to end things on a better note. I wanted Christine to know that I loved and cared about her. I think I accomplished that. Saying those two words—good-bye—I couldn’t do. But I had to leave soon. “Okay, I’m free for the day.” Christine announced. “You should rest.” I noted the purple bruise-like markings underneath her eyes from sleep deprivation. “I’m serious, Christine. You need some serious sleep; you look like a walking time bomb.” “I won’t keep in with Cliff anymore, if it’s that important to you.” She finally declared, ignoring my comment all together. “He sounds like he cares a lot about you, though.” I huffed, pressing my hands tightly to my hips and pacing the small space in the kitchen. “Thank you, that means a lot to me! I don’t want to tell you how to run your life, Christine. I just care about you and I know Cliff. I know what he is.” “And what is he? A rapist or something?” I gulped loudly. “Yes… and worse.” This time she gasped in horror, her hands flying to her throat. “Really?” It was a lie, a big fat lie, but at least it was a lie that said just how dangerous he was, especially when Christine loved him. “Really.”

“All right. I promise that I will break all with him. I promise.” “Thanks.” “Did he… rape you, Olivia?” Again, I gulped loudly, unsure how to answer. “He tried, but he didn’t succeed, luckily.” “Now he thinks that I can lead him to you, is that it?” I nodded, playing along. “Great! So this whole time he’s been playing me?” Again, I nodded. I couldn’t trust myself to talk. My voice may crack or break and give me away. I couldn’t take my chances. “Well, as far as telling me what to do and running my life, you can do that all you want to. It would, at least, mean that you’re here to do that.” “Christine.” I sighed, smiling at her sadly while rubbing the side of her arm. It seemed that our roles had been reversed. I seemed older than her, somehow. I’d gone from a little sister that counted on her for everything, to the more mature sister who was protective. How odd. “I love you.” She smiled warily. “I love you, too, Olivia. Please bring Jason, Kyle, Tim, Melinda and your husband by sometime. I’d love to meet your family.” “I will.” I nodded, knowing that the promise was broken as soon as I made it. “What do you say about going to lunch or something?” She offered, glancing down at the robe she was still wearing. This would give me the opportunity I needed. I jumped at the chance. “That sounds good.” She beamed, hugging me quickly before turning to the stairs. “Just let me change and we can be on our way.” “Okay.” As soon as she disappeared upstairs and the door closed behind her, I

was out of the house. Waiting until I escaped into the shelter of trees, I leaped into the air, closing my eyes as I felt the warmth, speed, and power explode from every fiber of my being. When I touched the ground, it was paws I stared at instead of hands. My clothes were left in a line behind me as I ran through the forest. Finding the cabin would be easy. But it wasn’t worry about finding the cabin that pushed my legs faster. Miles behind me, I heard Christine gasp in horror as she came back downstairs and found me gone. Guilt flooded through me, but there was nothing I could do. I’d done what I came there for, all except one thing, however. I couldn’t see her face when I told her good-bye. I couldn’t bear to hear the excuses she would come up with to try to convince me to stay. Staying would only put her in danger, and I couldn’t do that. Course, even without me staying and keeping as much distance as possible from her, she was still being threatened by Cliff. Shivering, even in my wolf form, I pushed my legs even faster. If I had any hope of catching and taking Cliff down, I needed to be fast. He had years at this. More years than even Joey, Brice, and Kelsie had. Even though I was born to be this, had the genes of this life running through my blood, it didn’t give me an advantage. Cliff had years of experience and years of strength and speed built up that I had nothing on him. I had to prepare. I had to train. Nothing except the sounds of my paws hitting the ground ran through my mind. In this moment, Christine’s sobs didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was my speed and the open stretch of land in front of me.

Twenty Two

However slowly, the cold winter months seemed to eventually. The freezing trees began to thaw; the heavy snow that had pressed down on the branches began to thaw and drip onto the damp ground. Spring was just around the corner. The trees were thawing; the roots of flowers and plants were beginning to get sturdy again. Winter was leaving and spring was coming. That knowledge should have brought relief, but it didn’t. Staring out the window, I watched as the snow dripped from the branches. I watched as tiny little leaves were beginning to bud on the Quaky Aspen trees. The top branches of the pine trees swayed in the wind easily now. Only weeks ago they were too heavy to even move in the strongest wind gusts from the snow piled on them. This time, however, the signs of spring weren’t bringing new life; it wasn’t bringing birth or happiness. For me, it was just the opposite. It was the beginning of hardships. Cliff. I shivered, bringing my arms around my torso as his name floated through my mind. My family was outside playing in the snow. They were excited for the coming spring. Next week we would go back home. The ‘wolf hunt’ was officially over for the season—it had been over for months now, but Mark and I waited just in case anyone pushed their limits and stretched the hunt for wolves out illegally— which meant my family was safe now. There was no more need to stay in the forest, hidden away from public so that we wouldn’t be shot. This was what Cliff counted on. He wasn’t searching for us because he knew where we were. He knew exactly where Mark lived, and by now he knew that I was with him. There was a slim possibility that he didn’t know about my family yet, but I wasn’t willing to risk it.

For a long time—maybe even since I ran away—he’s been with my sister. He stalked her, he tricked her, and he manipulated her. Not only was I angry with him for what he did to me before, and hunting Mark and endangering my family, but he used my sister. He made her fall in love with him, a monster! Before I could stop it, a low growl slipped through my teeth. Cliff was nothing but a monster. It wasn’t right for him to cause all this trouble. To him it was a game. He knew how much Mark hated him, and he used that to his advantage. But it was going to stop, and it was going to stop soon. I flexed my fingers, noting the strength rippling through my arms. A slow smile stretched across my lips. The strength I tried for so long to hide and to contain now slipped forth from my body and I wanted it to. First I viewed the strength, speed, power, and muscle as a curse. I wanted to cover it up, hide it, but now it was a tool. A tool I desperately needed to use to take Cliff down. “Entering,” Mark’s voice floated from the doorway just as his feet thudded against the floor. I turned away from the window, smiling at him. He always warned me when I was alone and he came into the cabin. He was still always concerned about startling me, even though it was almost impossible. “Hey.” His voice was soft and gentle, the voice I’d fallen in love with. I walked the space separating us until I stood right in front of him. He lifted his hand, resting his palm against the side of my face and smiled. His blue eyes continued to sparkle even in the dim light of the cabin. “No running today?” A sigh escaped my lips as he wrapped his other hand around the side of my neck, warmth radiating throughout my body. “Not today. Kelsie and Brice are running the perimeter so we can be alone.” He arched an eyebrow, surprised. “And when has that stopped you?” I didn’t reply.

“Maybe you were afraid to fall in the mud?” He asked those words sarcastically, but I heard the real question in his voice. Forcing a smile on my lips, I shrugged innocently. “Or maybe I wanted to spend time with my family. We’re leaving in a week and I feel like I haven’t spent much time with you guys lately; since arriving here, basically.” Mark frowned, rubbing his fingers over the tight knots in my neck. “And how is hiding inside the cabin spending time with us?” Words tried to form in my mouth, but I couldn’t speak them. I just hung my head guiltily. “What’s going on?” Mark’s eyes fastened on mine. There was nothing that I could slip by him. He seemed to notice everything. “Ever since Wes died and you spent the night with your sister, you’ve… changed. You’re gone almost every day.” I closed my eyes, inhaling the fresh scent of the warming weather. “My brother died, Mark. He died and I didn’t even get a chance to tell him good-bye. Can’t you give me time to grieve?” Surprise flitted across his face and I instantly regretted going that direction, but what other direction was there? He lifted his hand as if to caress my face. “Livia…” “Don’t.” I pulled away from him, taking several steps back. I lied to him and it wasn’t right for him to comfort me. It was wrong. “There’s a lot to get ready if we’re moving back home next week.” “We have a week to get ready.” Mark pointed out, concern thick on his face. “Why wait until the last minute?” I challenged. He sighed, exasperated. “Our children are outside playing in the snow. We survived the winter without getting shot. We can spare enough time from packing to spend time with them, no?” His eyebrows up in a hopeful expression and before I could stop it, I laughed at

his expression, reaching up to caress his face. “Okay.” As he covered my hand in his, a tremor crept up my spine as the same warmth from when I first met him swept through my body. My knees would have shaken if I was still human. But today they weren’t shaking because of the feelings I had inside of me for the love I felt for Mark. Rather, they were shaking because I could not dislodge the feeling that I was going to be torn away from him. The wall between Mark and I that had started being built shortly after I became a part of this life was back and it was getting bigger and bigger everyday, but it wasn’t from me pulling away from him because I no longer had feelings for him. I did have feelings for Mark, too many of them, actually. I loved him with all my might, but what would that mean now? Cliff was coming after us, and if I had any hope of taking him down, I needed to separate myself from Mark. Being with him now was dangerous, but I couldn’t find the strength to pull my hand free from his. I couldn’t find the strength to pull away from him. Not yet, anyway. The snow crunched beneath our feet as we made our way towards the bench that sat just outside the cabin—Mark and Brice had made it in the dead of winter when boredom was driving us all crazy. Mark pulled me to sit down next to him before wrapping me in his safe and comforting arms. Sighing, I rested my head against his chest, watching our children. Kyle and Jason were attempting to build a snow cave over Melinda who laid completely still in the snow. She pressed her lips tightly together, obviously trying to keep from laughing. Her long white hair strung over her shoulders, completely soaked from the snow. “Where’s Tim?” Mark shifted, rubbing my shoulder as he pointed with his other hand. “Over there.” Following the direction of his finger, my heart dropped. Tears threatened to sting my eyes as I watched my son. Without my permission, I’d hoped that Tim would have changed sometime this winter. But like the frozen, iced over river, Tim

seemed to be frozen in his wolf form. “Mummy!” Melinda cried excitedly, her face the only visible thing from the snow that Kyle and Jason continued to pile on her. Laughing, I rose from the bench to kneel in the wet snow beside her. “Are you stuck?” She giggled. “Sort of.” “Want some help?” “No, no!” She giggled again as Jason poured some more snow on her. “Look, mummy, I in a’s-no cave.” Smiling, I pressed my hand against the side of her face. It was as warm as if the sun was shining on her. “You certainly are.” Her little teeth folded over her bottom lip. “Wanna be in a cave too, Mummy?” “Oh yes, yes, please Mum! It would be so much fun!” Jason exclaimed, clapping his little chubby hands together excitedly. “You, too, Daddy. You need to come too. You and Mum can both be in a snow cave.” Kyle stated, gesturing eagerly for Mark to us. Laying flat on my back—my fingers entwined with Mark’s—I watched as my children covered us with snow. They all wore coats and stocking caps, but their faces were not red with cold and their eyes only radiated happiness. This was my family. Happiness flooded through me as I caught Mark’s expression. Yes, Cliff was a threat. He was toying with my family, but could I let him take my last days away from me and the people I loved? I wouldn’t give him that, I wouldn’t. When the time came, I would fight him and one way or another, I would win, but until then I was going to spend every chance I got with my family. No more running in the frozen woods, my heart feeling just as frozen as the trees I ran past. I would be warm inside; I would be

warm and happy, filled with smiling little faces, and bright, intelligent blue eyes.

“Boy, you’re lucky.” Kelsie leaned against the granite counter top, facing the window. I laughed, stooping over to grab a pot from under the counter. “Why?” “You have a husband, a man that loves you very much, and a family. You’re very lucky. I don’t even have a man.” Kelsie pouted, sighing painfully as she turned away from the window. “Why Kelsie Youngg, are you jealous?” I couldn’t help but tease her, offering a small smile as I filled the pot with hot water. “Yes, actually, I am. I want a man. And I want a family. Is it hard? Being a mom, I mean.” “It depends.” Kelsie huffed. “On?” “On what’s happening. When they play out in the mud, it’s hard. You have to get them all bathed and into clean clothes before they go to bed. Try washing up three kids with their own ideas, not pleasant. And then comes the arguing, and all the ‘why’ questions.” “Why questions?” “Mm-hmm. ‘Mummy, why is the sky blue?’, ‘Mummy, how come trees have branches?’ They never end.” After flipping the stove on, I turned, rummaging through the fridge for the hot dogs. “Wow. They can think of all kinds of questions, can’t they?” I laughed, glancing at my best friend. “Like you.” “Ha!” She reached out to smack me, but I was quicker. She laughed so hard she began to snort, clutching the counter for . “Breathe, Kelsie.” I reminded her, shaking my head while jumping up onto the

edge of the counter. The window drew my attention and once again, I felt happiness swim through my body. We were finally home. Pine trees surrounded us on one side of the house; the other side was nothing but tall prairie grass. At the edge were trees and beyond that was the faint trail that Mark and I had worn from hiking here from where the garage was that held his truck and the Porsche. We were still hidden in the forest. But at least it was just a few miles through the trees, and then we’d be on the paved road that goes to town. It felt good to be closer to civilization after being deeply hidden in the forest. Plus, we were closer to Christine now; closer for me to hear if something was wrong. I wouldn’t have to run circles around her house anymore; I could just listen if something was wrong. “Still, you’re lucky.” “Lucky that I have you for a friend? Lucky that Brice left for college again so that I can spend just that much more time with you?” My voice carried heavy sarcasm. Wrinkling her nose, she laughed slightly, resting her head against my knee. I patted her head, my eyes straying towards the window again. “Of course.” She chimed in a high pitched voice. “How’s Brice doing, anyway?” Kelsie huffed, straightening up quickly and folding her arms over her chest. “Fine! It’s been like what, almost nine years already? He’s practically living there. I didn’t even think people could attend college that long. And what about his ‘appearances’? It’s not like he’s getting any younger.” “Maybe he took a couple years break.” I suggested. “And done what?” She barked in irritation, pressing her lips in a hard line. I regretted bringing the subject up. “Kelsie, Brice is discovering himself. He’s finding out who he is. Unlike you, he

probably struggles with what he is. He just wants a little human interaction. You can’t blame him for that, can you?” His threat from so many years ago ran through my mind and I couldn’t help but shiver at the thought of who the enemy was that was ‘on the inside’. I still couldn’t help but wonder if Brice was truly going to college, or if that was just an excuse, a façade, to find the truth, but the truth about what? That was what really begun to bug me. With Cliff being around and Brice being in college so long and all this, I was not feeling content at all about anything anymore. “I’m sure he’s had plenty of interaction over the course of the years.” She stated angrily. “Okay.” Holding my hands in the air, I surrendered. She rolled her eyes at my gesture before we both started chuckling. In the living room, I overheard Mark chuckling at us. Obviously he’d broken his promise to give us privacy and concentrate on nothing else but the movie he was playing for the kids. Kelsie’s thoughts must have been the same as mine. “So much for privacy, eh?” Mark laughed in the living room. “Hey, I tried. You two were too loud in there. Not my fault.” Kelsie moved her head back and forth, her lips curling up in a complaining manner. Shaking my head, I hopped down from the counter, stirring the water with the hot dogs. “Hot dogs for dinner?” Kelsie asked. “Shh!” I snapped, cringing at the thought of them all running in here demanding their dinner. Thankfully, there was nothing but silence, except for their heartbeats and the movie. “Don’t say that.” I whispered in a hushed voice, rolling my eyes before turning my attention back to the hotdogs. “Sounds good. Can I stay for dinner?” “Mm, let me think about that. Probably…” “Well, well, Eli, look at what we have here. Aren’t you pretty, darling? You know how much that blonde hair makes your blue eyes pop?” A strange male voice

growled in the distance. My heart stopped in my chest as I strained, listening harder. Two heartbeats were beating slowly, reluctantly, as if they were either high on drugs or completely drunk. But a third heart beat was beating fast, the blood pulsing faster and faster. “I don’t mean to cause trouble. I was just going for a walk. Excuse me.” Christine. Slamming the spatula down on the floor, I ran out of the kitchen, headed right for the open door. “Olivia!” Mark called after me, his footsteps heavy as he ran after me, meaning to catch me. By the time he reached the doorway, I was already on the ground, running on four paws straight towards the voices. Straight towards Christine. “Stay with the kids!” Mark barked at Kelsie before his two footsteps were chasing after me. The right thing to do would be to stop; stop and listen and wait. Wait. Wait until my brother dies before I come back to my sister. Wait until my brother dies to find out that my enemy was using my sister. Wait until after these strange drunk or addicted men killed my sister? I wouldn’t wait. I was wrong to go, but I would be wrong to wait. I would not wait. No more waiting. Not anymore. Waiting no longer existed for me. Not after this. Not after everything that’s happened. Trees whizzed past me as I pushed my legs faster and faster. Mark’s footsteps gradually began to slow as he got further and further behind me. I was faster than him. Even if he was in the same form, I would be faster than him. It was a little comforting to know that all my running and training was finally paying off. “Where are you going, sweet buns? You can stay a while, trust me. We won’t bite, much.” Bitter male laughter filled the air and I growled even though I was too far away still. Where was she? “Let me go!” Christine’s voice was panicked, scared. She was terrified.

A tearing noise caught my attention and I pushed my legs faster. The trees’ shapes didn’t even make sense anymore as I ran. “Oh, come on beautiful, stay and have some fun. We won’t hurt you, too badly.” “Please?” Christine cried, her voice quivering. My sister was one of the strongest women I knew. She never let anything upset her and she was good at keeping her emotions at bay. She’d had a fair share of men try to ‘win’ her before, and never before did she show them any fear. Almost always, she out-smarted them. For her to be pleading with them now meant that the situation was serious; they had to be very threatening. Finally I caught her scent and followed it. The heartbeats got louder. “Let me go, please? Help! Someone, help m . . .” “Shh! Don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” Let’s not, I agreed. Leaping into the air through the last of the trees, my body hit Christine’s, knocking her to the side and out of the men’s grasp. Turning my back on her, I faced the two men…

Twenty Three

I faced the men head on, baring my teeth. Every bone in my body was tense, ready to spring if the opportunity presented itself. One of the men had bushy blonde hair that barely touched his shoulders. His eyes were a cold, steely gray color as they fastened on my eyes. There was something in them that I couldn’t pinpoint. I hunched closer to the ground. In the blonde’s right hand was a very long, sharp jagged edge knife. The other guy was shorter and chubby. The sun gleamed off his bald head. His brown eyes were wide with fear. His whole body trembled as he took several steps back. “Chuck?” He asked nervously, his eyes flickering to the muscular blonde— Chuck—before they fell back on me, showing every ounce of fear that did not enter Chuck’s cold eyes. Chuck didn’t look towards his buddy—Eli. His eyes remained on mine, his lips slowly turning into a cold smile. Pulling my lips up further, I growled, flattening my ears against my head. What would it take to get them to leave? “Oh my God!” Christine’s voice was still panicked as she dug her hands into the dirt, scooting herself back. She was scared… of me. For a split second, I was attacked with a pain that I didn’t know existed. All this time I’d been trying to protect Christine. Everything I did to protect her, and now she was scared of me. She was scared of me. Even Eli was slowly retreating away from me, his hands held out in front of him, palms up as if he held some sort of a weapon and that would matter to me. It didn’t. Soon he would turn and take off running blindly through the forest and I would let him. He didn’t matter to me.

But this Chuck person showed no fear at all. His eyes stayed glued on mine. There was nothing in them but that of a mean man. A killer. I braced myself, preparing to attack. I didn’t want to hurt him. Once I sunk my teeth into his warm flesh his whole life would be changed. If I kept attacking him, his life would be gone. But if I pulled away, he’d be turned into this. Into what many people viewed as a monster. At the moment, however, I didn’t care if I killed or turned him. I just wanted him to retreat. If he’d retreat, and if Christine wouldn’t just sit there staring wideeyed at me and high tail it back to the house, I’d let both of them go. But there was just something about Chuck that didn’t settle well with me. The way he looked into my eyes, almost daring me to bite him. Behind me the trees rustled followed by Mark’s human footsteps. He stepped out of the trees directly behind me. For only a second Chuck glanced up at him, the smile fading slightly but still there, before he locked those steely eyes on mine again. Mark swallowed hard behind me and I could sense him moving towards Christine. He stepped between her and me, protecting her from Chuck and myself. Chuck took a step to the side, closer to Mark and I shifted to copy the movement, growling another warning. Why wouldn’t he run? I would. If I would be faced by a wolf in my human days, I would retreat slowly, never turning my back on the wolf. But I would retreat. Any human would, unless they had a gun. It was common sense. I waited for Chuck to make one move, just one, and I would take him down. It would all be too easy to get rid of the knife that he pointed at me. “Mark.” Relief swept through Christine’s shaky voice when Mark took a step back, closer to her. She must have ed him from when I was still human and we were dating. “Christine, go home.” Mark told her between clenched teeth. I didn’t have to look to know that he was glaring at Chuck as well.

Mark was worried about me as I was worried about him. But at least he could communicate to my sister. He was human; Christine would understand him. But she was afraid of me. “No, sugar buns, don’t listen to him. We can have so much fun, you and I.” Chuck argued. A gasp escaped her lips. From my peripheral vision, I watched as Mark reached out, grasping her arm to steady her. She was halfway standing while halfway still sitting on her rump. Mark pulled her to her feet and tightened his arm around her shoulders. “What? Do you really think you can protect her? You and this mate of yours?” Chuck’s cold eyes once again fastened on me and I was startled. Mate. Not dog. Not wolf. Not companion. Not man’s best friend, but mate? It was just a word, but it tore through me. I felt like I was taken back to when I was watching Mark, Brice, Joey, and Kelsie, trying to figure out what they were so long ago. I knew that something had to be different; I knew there was something I was missing. And I knew what that was now. Out of all the words he could have chosen, he chose mate. It wasn’t right. Slowly, I lowered myself closer to the ground. This man would not retreat and if he took one more step, just one, he’d have a date with my teeth. “Christine,” Mark spoke sternly, deliberately. “Go home.” “No.” Chuck argued, never taking his eyes off mine. “I can take care of her. I won’t hurt her… much.” An amused smile stretched across his face and I took a step towards him, growling. “No!” Mark hissed at me, but I didn’t listen. I took another step, always keeping a sharp eye on the jagged knife blade. “I’m not scared of this bitch. She doesn’t scare me at all. I ain’t backing down from a stupid bitch! Never have, never will.”

Bitch? I cringed internally. Did this man know what I was? Was this planned? I was missing something. Did he want me to attack him? Was that what he wanted? Was that why he argued with Mark, and sweet talked and threatened my sister, because he was hoping I’d attack? Reluctantly, I retreated, moving towards Mark until I felt my bristled tail brush against his leg. Just being near him brought me a little comfort, but it didn’t make this situation any less tense. In response to my being so close, Christine gasped. I could imagine her pale face and wide-eyes all too perfectly. She was frozen in fear of Chuck and me. There was only one way to scare her back and I desperately didn’t want to do that. In Mark’s eyes, though, I could see his reason for wanting Christine to go back. If she went back that meant he could turn. He hated me doing this on my own, I knew that. He still hadn’t accepted the fact that I’m not the fragile human I used to be. “All right, honey, why don’t you go on back and let me kill this bitch and her mate, all right?” Chuck looked up at Christine, his face all innocent. It felt as if I was getting hit a dozen times over in the gut. What did he know and what did he want us to know? “Shut up!” Mark growled, stepping closer to Chuck. I whined at him. He couldn’t step between us. I was the one who was ready to kill. He would be hurt. If he stepped between us, I couldn’t help him. “You follow your ‘mate’. He was wise in running. If you want to keep your flesh, go back.” Again, Chuck’s steely eyes settled on mine and I lowered myself even closer to the ground. Christine’s breathing increased. She was almost to the point of hysteria. I never wanted her to witness anything like this. She shouldn’t be in danger. It was my job to keep my family safe, all of my family, and now she was facing two dangers; this man and me.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way! I was closer to her now, and I still didn’t get here in time. She was still facing danger and I felt powerless. “Go back!” Mark snapped, wrapping his arms tighter around Christine as her legs began to go out. For only a second, Chuck hesitated. He glanced at Mark and then stared at my eyes for a long time. I growled, stepping forward. There was something in those eyes. Before I could pinpoint what it was, however, he looked at Mark. Everything happened so quickly then. Chuck lifted the jagged knife blade, but instead of focusing on me, or Christine, he focused on Mark and rushed right towards him, knife blade ready to sink into Mark’s heart. I threw myself into the air… “Olivia! NO!” Mark shouted, turning to shield Christine as I crashed into Chuck, the knife sliding across the ground as my teeth sunk into his warm flesh…

Twenty Four

Instead of blue, the water in the ravine beneath me was white. It rolled and churned angrily, ready to snatch up anything that it could get a hold of and keep. The fast rushing river wanted something to grab, to push around, and kill. Kill. I wanted to kill. That was the only thing I could think about. Not from the mouthwatering, warm, fresh blood. Not from the warmth of the flesh tearing between my teeth, but because of what was said and what reflected in those steely cold eyes. Pushing myself to my feet, I paced back and forth on the edge of the cliff. Falling wasn’t something that worried me. I’d fall what would feel like forever before the water would catch me. And then it would just knock me around for a while. I would survive. But it would be a long walk back home; a long walk that I did not care to walk. Then again, walking might clear my head. Everything was jumbled in it, not making sense. Words kept floating around in my mind and the color of red. Shaking my head, I continued to pace. Every now and then pebbles on the edge would get loose from my pacing and fall into the river below. Even the biggest rocks didn’t make so much as a ‘splash’. “Livia,” I stopped in mid-step, cringing inside when I heard that voice. That voice was the only voice I’d heard for days now. I refused to go home. I couldn’t face my children, not after what I did, not after what was tumbling through my mind. But I wasn’t ashamed of what I did, nor did I feel guilty. Mark sighed, stepping out further from the trees, closer to the edge of the clearing. Refusing to look at him, I began to pace again, focusing on the angry churning white water below me.

“How long are you going to do this, Olivia?” Mark demanded, stepping forward. Even as a wolf, we can communicate. We can nod, howl or whine, and, of course, use our body language. We can even shrug our shoulders, but I choose to do nothing. I had no answer. I had many words to speak, no doubt. I got that chance once, but Mark wouldn’t listen to me. He cut me off short before walking away angrily. I would not speak again. I knew that something was wrong, I knew that, but no one would hear me out. Why bother talking? Until he listened, or until I could make sense of things and somehow change my mind of what I knew, I wouldn’t do anything else but pace on this bluff. Mark sighed heavily, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck. “Chuck is awake now. Brice and Kelsie are with him.” Great. That was wonderful. Brice had just really gotten back to college and was getting good grades again from hiding away all winter long, and now he had to come back because of Chuck. Already, Chuck was disrupting things, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that this was only the beginning for disruptions. “There’ll be a full moon in three weeks. It’ll be Chuck’s first.” Mark brought his hand down, interlocking his fingers. He was nervous, anyone could see that. I might be able to calm him down if I would stop pacing, but I refused to do that. Pacing didn’t take any concentration. It was simple. I could just concentrate on moving my feet and listen to the steady rhythm of my paws against the ground. Thump-pat, thump-pat. “Look, it’s normal to feel remorse and guilt after attacking a human.” I growled, digging my claws deep into the dirt. Guilt. Ha! I didn’t feel guilty or remorseful. The only guilt I felt was not finishing the job and killing him. “Okay, okay. I get it. You only had to tell me once.” Once, right. Only once I told him and that once he cut me off. I wouldn’t tell him again. He knew how I felt and I wasn’t about to change my mind. Letting Chuck live was wrong. Mark should have never pulled me off him.

“The reason I came here, Olivia, was to tell you that Chuck is your responsibility. You turned him; it was your teeth that went into his flesh. By law, we are to teach the ones we change the rules. Chuck is your responsibility, Olivia.” My responsibility? He threatened my sister and then he went after my husband with that knife. Now suddenly he was my responsibility? I growled again, my speed of pacing increasing. “He’s slowly coming around. He’s too tired now to tell him much of anything. Go home, Livia. Go home and rest for a few days. Then you can teach Chuck everything there is to know. I’ll help you.” Go home, right. Go home to a man who thinks I’m crazy. Go home to say words that won’t matter anyway. I can’t go home. “You’re late, again.” Christine’s bitter voice filtered through my ears as the door to their house opened and heavy footstep hit the tiled floor. “I know. I’m sorry. Work held me up.” Drake replied in a tired voice. I tuned their voices out then, slowing my pacing to look at Mark. He understood my expression and nodded. “Christine is better. She was pretty shaken up there at first after I took her back home. It took quite a while before she calmed down, but she’s fine now, Olivia.” A growl escaped my lips. How could she possibly be fine? And what would she possibly think of what had happened there that day? Mark had shouted my name seconds before I attacked Chuck; how had Mark explained that one to my sister? Mark, again, must have recognized the expression on my face for he shifted his weight uneasily. “A long time ago Wyann made up some pills to erase the past twenty-four hours of a human’s memory. I gave Christine one of those pills, so she doesn’t even what happened. That day is just ‘erased’ for her. She’s fine. Trust me.” Erased? Because of me, my sister had to have twenty-four hours of her memory erased… and she is fine? Ha! She couldn’t possibly be fine. She lost her brother, her best friend last fall. She betrayed Drake by falling in love with Cliff who she later found out tried to rape me—which was a lie, but enough to get the meaning

across that he was dangerous—and then she was almost attacked by Chuck and that other chubby man, Eli, and then she watched a wolf—me—attack the other man, even though she won’t any of that now. Of course she was fine. What was I possibly thinking worrying about her? I growled again, shaking my head and staring over the edge of the ravine. Maybe it would do good to jump into the freezing cold water. Maybe it would knock some sense into me, some kind of understanding to all this nonsense. “Livia.” Mark stepped closer, hesitant, before he dropped his hands, his blue eyes full of hurt. I stopped in mid-step, staring into his eyes. He was hurting deeply. He didn’t understand me, he didn’t believe me, but would I let that come between us? “I… I miss you.” His voice cracked. I was being ridiculous. Whining, I moved away from the bluff to stand in front of Mark. He dropped to his knees, putting his hand under my muzzle to lift my face. His eyes met mine and he smiled, tangling his free hand in my ruff. “I love you.” I couldn’t talk to him, but I put my head down, pressing my head into his chest. He had to know that I loved him. Chuck brought Brice back from college. He interfered with Brice’s education. And now I was out here avoiding Mark and my children, letting him interfere with that, too. He was destroying everything and he didn’t even have to lift a finger; all he had to do was lift a knife. “Mark, we need your brains!” Kelsie’s voice rang across the mountains. Mark chuckled softly before sighing. “I need to go.” Nodding, I pulled away from him, staring into his eyes as he rose to his feet, sweeping his hands over his jeans to remove the dirt before turning away towards the trees. He took a step before looking over his shoulder. “Will I see you at home tonight?”

I couldn’t let Chuck come between us anymore. Deciding to end the no talking and no gestures, I rolled my shoulders at him. He nodded before turning and disappearing into the trees. Moving back towards the edge of the bluff, I stared at the rocky ledges. If a human would jump into the ravine, they would surely die. Either the water would take them or the rocks. So many people had jumped in there. Maybe if I was human I could jump and the sharp edges would hit me hard enough to knock me out so that the river could sweep me under and take my life away. Would life be easier that way? Wes had thought that it would be easier for him to end his own life, but it was causing a great deal of pain to his family. Beneath me, my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. I stayed there, resting my head on my paws and closing my eyes. One good thing about not being human was that you couldn’t cry. In this form, I could only whine. I couldn’t cry, and if I chose to tune out all my human instincts and turn completely wolf, I wouldn’t feel sadness. Inhaling the deep air, I let my wolf instincts take over. I listened to my surroundings—a bird chattering easily in the nearby trees, a chipmunk jumping from tree branch to tree branch, distant unintelligible voices, deer moving restlessly around the river upstream… . It was easy to forget about everything for the night. Like before when I just laid with Mark when he was a wolf—before I knew what he was—time got away from me. The sky darkened without my noticing. Night ed by quickly, too quickly. By the time I moved and opened my eyes again, dawn was brushing across the dark sky. A new day was here and with that came new responsibilities. I couldn’t just sit here again all day, pacing back and forth. I couldn’t think about my brother and mourn him. Not anymore. Mark was right. I had a duty. Even though I hated this duty, even though I hated Chuck, I had a duty and I would fulfill that duty.

Whether he was a good guy—like Mark so desperately believed—or whether he was a traitor like I felt in my gut, I would be there, I would teach him. And I could keep a close watch on him and make sure that he didn’t come near my family. Mark would be pleased. Everyone would be pleased, really. I’d do my duty. And in doing that duty I would keep my mouth shut about as much as possible. I would not tell Chuck anything about this pack. My lips would be kept tightly sealed and I would share nothing with him. Nothing.

The forest was still and silent as I made my way through the thick trees. The bright sun just began to peak over the horizon and filtered in the first rays of sunlight through the thick cluster of trees when I found the small stack of clothes inside the hollowed out tree. Quickly changing into my human form, I pulled on a pair of white shorts and a white spaghetti strap tank top to go with that before I turned towards the voices. It didn’t take long to find them. Mark was the closest to me. He sat with his back towards me, facing Chuck. Kelsie sat next to the blonde with cold steely eyes. Brice sat a few yards away from Kelsie, his eyes slightly guarded. Joey, of course, was the only member of the pack whose life Chuck would not disrupt as he was still in the pack in Nevada. Chuck couldn’t be trusted. We were supposed to trust him, we were supposed to welcome him into our pack with open arms, but it didn’t feel like he could be welcomed or trusted. Before it had all been accidental. Mark had accidentally turned Joey. Joey had turned Brice and Brice turned Kelsie, but none of them had forced turning upon themselves. Chuck had. He threatened Christine. He seemed to know that I would attack him. He wanted it. That didn’t settle well with me at all. But maybe Mark was right. Maybe I was just being silly to think this. This was my ‘first’, as Mark put it. Chuck had been the first human I bit. It was his flesh that had been first in my mouth. Maybe feeling cautious and apprehensive was normal. Or maybe it had nothing to do with Chuck at all. Cliff was around here somewhere. He’d been stalking my sister, he’d betrayed her, and now she believed that she loved him. Everything was turning upside down. Now, with Chuck new to the pack, everyone was hovering over him, teaching him, watching him, treating him as if he were one of our own. Meanwhile my children that I so needed to protect were at home unprotected. Marianne was there, yes, but she could do little against Cliff or anyone else.

They weren’t safe and I just wasted days pacing the bluff when I should have been with them. I was no better than the pack was and that credit, too, was due to Chuck. He was tearing us up without even lifting a finger. I cleared my throat loudly to announce my arrival. Mark turned his head to me slightly and a smile threatened on his lips. Kelsie looked up cautiously and Chuck looked up quickly. Unlike the rest of them who looked slightly alert and cautious, flickering anxious glances between Chuck and myself, Chuck simply smiled tauntingly. Coldness and hatred flashed through me, but I turned my back on it. I didn’t look away from Chuck as he leaned down, resting his head on Kelsie’s shoulder and sighing. In return, she put her arm around him, smiling pleasantly. He was taunting me. “Hey,” Brice was the first one to speak. He had a slight edge to his tone as he gazed at me. Unlike Kelsie and Mark, however, he didn’t look at me cautiously. He looked like he trusted me. “I’m glad you made it.” He glanced at Chuck uneasily. I nodded, stepping behind Mark to put my hands on his shoulders. I had to to stay calm. “Well, I had to. Like Mark says, I have my duty.” “Duty? It’s Olivia, right?” Chuck fastened his cold gray eyes on me. “Olivia Mayor Walker.” Kelsie clarified, a bit of a squeal in her voice. There was a different expression on her face, one that made my heart double thump in my chest. It felt like I was staring into a mirror, taken back to the first few months I was with Mark. I was so happy, so in love with him that my face radiated and I felt absolutely giddy. Kelsie had the same expression and she gazed at Chuck with those same gooey eyes. My stomach turned. “Olivia Mayor?” Chuck directed the question at Kelsie, but stared at me. My hands clamped down harder on Mark and his shoulders braced beneath my

hands. “It’s Walker.” “Olivia, Chuck is a part of our pack now. We keep no secrets amongst each other.” Mark reached up to casually wrap his hand around mine as a restraint. He was cautioning me. “Right. It was Olivia Mayor, but now it’s Walker. Olivia Walker, that’s all you need to know, Chuck.” “You’re the one that attacked me.” There was no question in Chuck’s voice, but I answered him anyway. “Yes.” “Oh.” His eyes danced with triumph. I bit my tongue hard. “You were a very pretty wolf.” He elongated the word pretty. Kelsie giggled beside him, patting his arm in more than just a friendly nudge. “If I may say so myself, Chuck, you’d make a nice looking wolf, too.” He laughed, stroking her hair softly. “Thanks, Kels. I’m still waiting to see you.” She blushed. “It won’t be long now.” “I can’t wait.” A grin spread across Chuck’s lips and he winked at me. This was wrong. He was excited. He couldn’t wait. He was happy. It wasn’t right. In fact, it was downright wrong. He should be mad. He should hate me, he should hate this situation. He was too comfortable with Kelsie. It was too early for her to be flirting with him. All of it was too early and this was my fault. “Mark.” His name came out of my mouth much sharper than I intended. He was to his feet in an instant, eyes guarded. “What is it?” I took a deep breath. Calm. “We need to talk.” “Livia,” He lowered his voice, arching his eyebrows. “Livia? Is that like a nickname? That’s pretty.” Chuck interrupted from the sidelines.

I glared at him. “Shut up.” “Ouch.” He pursed his lips. “Hey!” Mark grabbed my hand, his eyes angry. In this instant, he wasn’t my husband. He wasn’t the man I fell in love with. He was supposed to believe me, or at least try to believe me. My opinion didn’t matter at all to him. He was the leader of the pack and he refused to believe anything or do anything, but that was the traditions. He was not going to make any exceptions for me. “Chuck is one of us, Olivia. And that is on you!” “Thanks for reminding me.” I grumbled under my breath, pulling my hand from his. After being free, I turned my back on Mark, glaring at Chuck who looked at me with an amused expression, his head tipped faintly. I narrowed my eyes at him, hoping that I could look just as cold as Chuck could. “Was it worth it?” Chuck grinned wider, nodding. “Oh yeah.” Kelsie squealed, Brice began to stand, Mark stood speechless, and I lunged at him. Everyone moved quickly then. Kelsie’s eyes widened as she wrapped her arms securely around Chuck’s head and pushed him down toward her. He enjoyed that, a broad smile on his lips as he buried his head conveniently in her chest. Brice jumped to his feet, running towards me. Mark was also pursuing me. Mark was faster than Brice. His arms locked around me just seconds before, unfortunately, I reached Chuck. “Olivia!” I fought against Mark’s grip. His voice was hard with no hint of persuasion. His arms were like jail bars, pulling me away from the smiling Chuck and deeper into the trees. Flailing my arms and feet didn’t do any good. “Let me go!” “No! Chuck is one of us, Olivia. We don’t fight him!” We didn’t reach the trees before he put me down, unable to carry a crazy flailing person. He spun me around to face him but he kept his hands hard on mine. “Stop this. There is to be

no fighting among us!” “He’s not one of us!” “Yes, he is. You turned him. You did this. Don’t try to complicate it.” “I’m not complicating anything, you are! I know what I heard and I know what I saw in his eyes. He’s a traitor, Mark. He does not belong here!” Mark lowered his eyebrows angrily over his eyes. He was angry, angrier than I’d ever seen him before and for once guilt didn’t ride me the way it did before. “Is that what we should have done with you? When you turned into this, should we have called you a traitor before we even gave you a chance?” “That’s different! I was not threatening to take away a life. Me changing into a wolf was inevitable, and you know that. But he threatened… someone. He was asking for it. He wanted this, Mark!” I was screaming. My voice echoed through the forest and I felt surprised eyes on my back, but I ignored them. I was right and I knew it. “Olivia,” Mark stepped closer, lowering his voice. “Listen to me carefully. We have our duties and we are supposed to trust one another. Chuck is being adopted into this pack. He is our friend and we will share with him everything we can. We cannot afford to have enemies in our own pack.” “Don’t you see what he’s doing? He’s tearing and splitting us up. He brought Brice back from college, he’s making Kelsie fall in love with him, and he’s causing us to argue!” “I also have your sister shaken up,” Chuck added, standing up now with Kelsie right by his side, standing slightly in front of him like a guard. Mark tightened his grip when I tensed. “She wasn’t my sister.” I had to lie to him. We couldn’t trust him and I was not going to put my family further in danger. “Then why’d you bring me here?” There was nothing but a tease in his voice and goose bumps popped out on my arms. My legs stiffened.

“A helpless, innocent girl was who you were endangering. You were threatening a stranger, but you pointed the knife at Mark.” “Right,” He nodded to himself, chewing on his lip, “you attacked me to save your mate.” He emphasized the word mate and I was lunging at him again. “Enough!” Mark screamed, bracing his arms so hard around me there was little doubt it left bruises. It left me stunned and breathless. I stopped fighting. Kelsie interfered then. “It was Olivia’s sister, Chuck. Olivia was only protecting her. We explained to you how she feels, with you being her first. She’s not even spending time with her family right now. She’s too emotional for that.” My heart fell to my stomach. Kelsie, of all people, was supposed to be my friend and she was turning her back on me. Did she realize what she was doing? Did any of them realize that Cliff was here? Cliff was here. He’d threatened my sister; he was coming after my family. And now Chuck was here and I couldn’t stop this feeling of hatred I felt towards him. They had to be connected somehow, but how? Something was missing and I was going to find it. Mark sighed in front of me, stroking his fingers over my bare arms that were now beginning to bruise badly. “Calm down, Livia. Go back to the bluff and cool down. Come back when you realize that Chuck is all right. I wouldn’t go home, however. The kids shouldn’t see you like this.” Before I could stop myself, I raised my hand that he’d just released and slapped him across the face. It left him stunned and his other arm slipped from mine. “Don’t treat me like a child!” Without waiting to see their reactions or Mark’s, I turned away from them, marching blindly through the trees. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care. I couldn’t stay there, not when everyone was against me. Kelsie was against me, Mark was against me, and Chuck was just taunting me; playing with me; teasing me.

Brice, as always, was silent. He hadn’t said anything throughout all of this, but his eyes looked like he didn’t trust Chuck completely either, but was that just a false pretense? Were my eyes playing tricks on me? Shaking my head, I marched further into the trees. The voices began to fade out behind me and for that I was thankful. It hurt knowing that they didn’t trust me. They thought I was a basket case. Mark, rather than act like my friend and husband that he was, treated me as if I meant no more to him than someone under his command. Was this what I’d signed up for? Was everyone right? Was falling in love and holding hands and trusting each other only happen during the beginning of a relationship? Does it all just fade out and disappear after you marry and have kids? Was this what I had to look forward to? Being commanded by my leader—literally? I cringed, the soft soil squishing under my feet. No matter how much I hated it, I had to obey Mark. He was my leader and I had to obey him. But more than that, he was right. I couldn’t go home being this way. I would scare my children. The rock casting off the glare of the sun caught my attention first. My heart dropped further into my chest and tears threatened to break through when I recognized the heart shape of it. Brown leaves left over from last fall scattered around it. It looked as though it’d been untouched, but had it been? The only thing that seemed peculiar was the scent, which I recognized right away as Chuck’s. I cringed, dropping to my knees. Just like before, I began to gasp for air. It was as if someone was smothering me and no matter how much I fought, I couldn’t breathe. But I wasn’t human anymore. I was ‘mythical’. I had a perfect body in perfect condition. There was nothing to describe this behavior except pain. Pain, grief, and loss. I needed their advice now. I needed to talk to my mom. I needed to press my head against her chest and feel her loving arms wrap around and comfort me. I needed to talk to her, her and my dad both.

A tear slid down my cheek as I moved the rock. The soil was darker than it had been before and the feel of it was different, but it’d been years since I’d been here. My fingers shook as I scraped away the dirt, feeling the metal box. My heart thumped harder in my chest as I opened the lid, running my fingers over the letters. One paper was smoother, newer. It didn’t hold the evidence of weathering. It was new. Hands shaking harder, I pulled the paper out, flipping it open. My heart stopped all together as I read the very nice, very straight forward writing.

Our deal still stands.

The words were simple enough, but they had me in a cold sweat and my body shook harder. Cliff. “Olivia.”

Twenty Five

Olivia?” Again, my name was called, and the fear slipped away when I recognized the voice. This voice wasn’t the cold, mean, luring, but seductive voice I’d expected. It was sincere and soft. I jumped in start before crumpling the paper in my hand, shoving it in my pocket. Before he stepped through the trees into the opening, I quickly closed the lid to the box that held my letters, pushed the dirt over it, and replaced the rock carefully. I stood just as Brice stepped around the trees. “Olivia?” Surprise flitted across his face when he saw me standing there, the same spot I’d stood years ago when Joey threatened to attack me in his wolf form before I knew the truth. Just as Brice looked surprised, I’m sure I did, too. He was the shy guy. He kept to himself. For him to follow me was strange. But then again, maybe Mark had given him an order, too. It seemed he was doing that a lot lately. Course, Brice had been stranger lately, too. Again, his statement from so many years ago ran through my mind. I suppressed a sigh, shaking my head and turning towards the road, the note deep in my pocket. I wanted to throw it away but there were clues on it, maybe. I needed that note, but for what I wasn’t exactly sure, but I couldn’t get rid of it. That much I knew. To my surprise, Brice followed me in silence as I moved towards the garage. If Mark had sent him to follow me, to talk sense into me and bring me back home, wouldn’t he be talking by now? Brice fell in step behind me as I moved closer and closer to the road. Car engines were getting louder, voices on the radios were becoming clearer, and conversations were getting louder. I was almost there. “What are you doing, Olivia?” Brice spoke softly after several minutes ed by.

I shrugged, not hesitating. “I’m going to Fillings.” That caused him to stop short. “Fillings? As in Fillings, Montana?” “Yes.” I kept on walking. He ran to catch up with me, his footfalls heavier and sloppier than they had been. “What do you need there?” “I need to talk to Wyann.” “Oh.” He pulled in air through his parted lips and exhaled it with a big gust. “I’m sorry, Olivia. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know you. I know how much you love Mark and how much you hate fighting with him. Whatever caused you to hit him”—I winced at the reminder—“it must be pretty important. I… I believe you.” He believed me? He didn’t even know what was going on. He continued. “Chuck’s making me uneasy. He’s not sad, he’s not scared. He looks…” “Like he won.” I finished for him, not caring that I was revealing too much. The garage came into sight then and I felt slightly better. That was one phase complete, at least. Brice sighed in a thoughtful manner. “I don’t like the way Kelsie’s getting close to him. I don’t want to leave her with him, but then again I can’t stand to sit there and watch. She won’t listen to me.” I continued to press my lips together as I stepped into the garage, flipping on the lights. “And I know what it’s like, what you feel after you change your first—” “Stop!” I spun to face him, shaking my hand in the air wildly and glaring at him. Mark had sent him to talk to me; that made sense now. “Not you, too. Mark’s given me the whole drill, so has Kelsie, and now you. I don’t need it. I know you feel emotional after you change a helpless human into this. I’ve heard it all before and I don’t need to hear it from you.” I yanked the cupboard door open,

turning my back on Brice to find the keys to the Porsche. He leaned against the Porsche, continuing as if I hadn’t spoken at all. “—person into a wolf. And I know that this isn’t the case with you. When I turned Kelsie, I felt sick. I couldn’t face her or my mom, I couldn’t even face Mark. I was sick with myself. But I didn’t hate her. The only person I hated was myself. I shut myself away, trying to believe that I didn’t do this. Joey felt the same after he turned me. Don’t you see, Olivia? When you turn someone the only person you hate, the only person you don’t trust, is yourself? Not the one you turn. And no one that we turned had begged for it the way Chuck had. I’m on your side.” “Why?” My back was still turned to him though I held the keys in my hand. I couldn’t face him because I couldn’t trust myself to. “Because I know you and I know Chuck’s type. We can’t trust him. No matter what Mark says, he’s not one of us. I’m on your side.” Again, his words surprised me. My hands began to shake all over again and the keys threatened to fall from my grip. Mashing my teeth together, I slammed the cupboard door, marching past Brice and opening the driver’s door to the Porsche, sliding into the seat. To my surprise, Brice slid into the enger seat, reaching to close the door. “What are you doing?” I asked, gazing at him doubtfully. Had Mark asked him to talk me into going back home or to baby sit me? “I’m going with you.” He straightened his shoulders and closed the door behind him. “Going with you to Fillings, Montana will be a lot better than sticking around here to watch Kelsie fall deeper into Chuck’s trap. And I can’t do anything about it, not with Mark around and Kelsie would hate me if I did.” He shrugged in a helpless manner. “Where else am I supposed to go? I want answers, too.” I huffed, slamming my door. “Who said anything about answers?” “Isn’t that why you’re going to see Wyann? To get answers about Chuck? To see

what you can do about him?” Again, I huffed, ramming the keys into the ignition and glaring at Brice. “I need to go alone, Brice. This is something I need to take care of. Privately. Stay here, please?” He shook his head, staring out the windshield. “I’ll stay in the car and give you your privacy, but I can’t stay here.” I wanted to argue with him, but he had a point. If he was telling the truth, Mark wouldn’t even let him question Chuck because he was part of us. And Mark wouldn’t let him try to get Kelsie away from Chuck. If by some chance Mark did leave and Brice tried to act then, Kelsie wouldn’t allow it and she’d hate him forever as he would end her trust in him. I sighed, shaking my head as I opened the garage door and pulled out, watching as it closed behind us in the review mirror.

I didn’t think about Brice sitting beside me while I drove to Montana. I had other things on my mind now, and my emotions were keyed on a tight wire. Chuck was not the reason I was going to Fillings. He might have had a part in it, sure, but Cliff was the reason I was going there. Wyann told me once that it was always rumored where he was and that Mark had understood those rumors. Cliff and Mark had their own secret code. They had a way of communicating with each other and finding each other, no matter how many different places it spread that Cliff would be. But what if he wasn’t playing the game with Mark anymore? He was playing with me now. I could feel that and it was obvious. He’d been with my sister, he left me a note in the box of letters to my parents, and Mark didn’t even have a clue that Cliff was near. No, he wasn’t playing Mark anymore. He was playing me and it would only be a matter of time before he got bored and went back to Mark. I was supposed to figure out this puzzle and find him. That’s what he wanted and I only had a set timeline to figure it out in. Telling all this to Wyann wasn’t exactly something I wanted to do. There were no guarantees that he wouldn’t call Mark and warn him and there was no guarantee that he’d help me to begin with, anyway. But I had to try. For my family’s sake, at least. Mark made it very clear that I couldn’t go home until I got a hold on my emotions and I couldn’t be around Chuck. Not when all I wanted to do was strangle him. Going to Fillings and talking to Wyann was my only option, even if it did mean that Brice had to come along. “Did Mark ask you to come and baby-sit me?” My tone was harsher than I’d intended, but Brice didn’t seem to notice. He gazed out the enger window, shaking his head at my question. “No. He was too stunned after you hit him that he didn’t even notice me get up to follow you.”

“Why did you follow me? I know, you want to get away from Chuck and that, but there’s another reason, isn’t there?” He turned away from the enger window, staring down at his hands that he twisted uneasily together. “Brice?” I pressed. “I came because you’re my friend, Olivia, and I care about you. I thought you might want to talk.” My heart thumped harder in my chest as I processed that. “Did Mark put you up to this?” “No!” He groaned, running his hand back and forth across his forehead. “This has nothing to do with Mark.” “Then why?” That’s what I couldn’t get my head around. If Mark hadn’t put him up to this, why was he here? There had to be a different reason. “Couldn’t you have just gone to your mom’s and pretended like Chuck doesn’t exist?” I turned sharply onto the road, shifting the car into a higher gear. Brice grumbled. “I tried that. It’s still too easy to hear them.” He made a disgusted face. “I don’t know why Mark is being so stubborn about this. Chuck can’t be trusted… why can’t he see that? Or Kelsie?” “The rules are rules.” I was beginning to realize how much that truly meant now. It didn’t matter that I was Mark’s wife. It didn’t matter that I had his children. Rules were rules and they weren’t changed for anybody. “The rules are stupid.” “Couldn’t agree more,” I shifted into a higher gear again. “Why are you here, Brice? Tell me the truth of that. Why are you on my side?” “It’s easy.” He shrugged as if it made perfect sense. To me, it did. But he wasn’t there. He didn’t hear Chuck’s wording. He didn’t see what really happened. He wasn’t there. “You’re different, Olivia. You’re smart. I can’t explain it, but I just know.”

I was stunned. “How can you know me so well?” “I observe. I’ve observed you a lot, Olivia. Before you even turned, there was something different about you. I like you. Heck, if I wasn’t in love I would have had a major crush on you.” At his confession I gasped, my foot automatically relaxing on the accelerator. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm down. Getting upset and going to talk to Wyann and demand answers being upset like this would not do any good. I needed to calm down. Besides, Brice and I had never been alone together before except for that night in the forest, of course, but we still weren’t this ‘alone’. I took another deep breath, lowering gears. I needed time to think before we got there and maybe talking to Brice would calm my nerves. At least, I hoped it would. “You were in love with someone, Brice?” He shifted uneasily, staring at his hands again. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. “I’ve been in love for a long time.” That was a major shock. “I never knew.” He grinned slyly. “That was my goal. You know the rules, Olivia. We need to keep away from humans and I tried to.” “What happened?” Without realizing it, I shifted into a lower gear yet again, taking time going through the curves. Brice didn’t seem to notice. He shrugged. “I met her in college and one thing led to another. It wasn’t supposed to go as far as it did, though.” “What happened?” I asked gently, finally turning onto the freeway where I changed into a higher gear, speeding. “What?” He blinked suddenly, turning to me with a puzzled expression. “What happened with her? I mean, what’s going on now?”

“Oh.” He turned back towards the window, sighing painfully. “I just… I was supposed to observe and pick the best person…” He suddenly trailed off as if he’d slipped. I glanced at him, full of questions now. “Pick the best person?” Pressing his lips in a hard line, he shook his head. “Is that why you went away to college?” I inquired, peeking at him from over my shoulder. “Were you on like… a mission?” A heavy sigh escaped his lips yet again as he closed his eyes, leaning against the headrest of the car. “Do you think I wanted to leave Kelsie, Olivia? Do you think I wanted to leave anyone in the pack so that I could make things easier on Joey, of all people?” Realization struck home then. “You were on a mission. Wyann?” “Yes. Wyann is a smart guy, but when it comes to all the medical stuff, he gets lost and confused. I was supposed to pick a college that seemed inconspicuous and find someone who was smart enough to figure medical things out for and . I figured taking veterinary classes was the best place to start. But…” “You fell in love?” I guessed. “Yeah. I hadn’t meant to. I just asked her a few things and we started doing a lot together and one thing led to another. Now Wyann is pushing me to ask her a lot of information as her parents are veterinarians and she’s very well educated. She is also training to be a nurse, as well. She would be very handy.” He pinched his face up in disgust at the word before continuing. “I haven’t been able to ask for anything yet. And we both ed the course a few years ago.” I swallowed hard, squinting against the sun glaring off the black pavement. I was confused. “How is she supposed to give you answers ? Doesn’t that require telling her?” Brice was silent. “Isn’t that against the rules?”

“If it’s convenient, the rules can always be broken.” Brice whispered in what sounded like a pained voice. “And you don’t want to break them? This one, at least?” “I’ve broken enough rules, Olivia. I don’t feel as if I need to break this one, but I may not have a choice.” “You always have a choice.” I checked my review mirror, apprehensive that someone was following. “You could lie to Wyann or something. You could go against him.” Brice pinched his face up again. “I’ve already been doing that, but that’s not what I meant.” “What did you mean, then?” My foot automatically eased off the accelerator. “Err. Well…” He squeezed his eyes closed, literally forcing the words out of his mouth. “She’s pregnant.” The car skidded sideways down the road suddenly. Turning the wheel sharply, I pulled onto the right shoulder of the road, clenching my hands tightly around the steering wheel and trying to how to breathe. Suddenly, that explained everything. That explained why Wyann was persistent about Brice going to college, and why Brice had spent so much time there. What started out as a mission ended up with falling in love. But now she is pregnant. She, a human, was pregnant and Brice, a wolf, was the father. Everyone knew how those turned out; normal human women aren’t strong enough to carry children who have the werewolf genes and they often die in giving birth—just as Mark’s mother had. My heart reached out to Brice when I knew why the pain was etched so deeply on his face. “Oh, Brice.” I desperately wanted to comfort him, but how? Brice nodded, tears filling his eyes as he looked out the window. “I can turn her.” He whispered miserably. “That would kill the baby.” I whispered, my heart reaching further than ever

before towards Brice. “I know, but if I don’t the baby will kill her.” I swallowed hard. “Have you talked to Wyann?” “I’m afraid to. If I tell him, he’ll be just that much more eager to change her. That will kill our baby and ruin her—our—very bright future. But if I don’t tell him…” His voice trailed off. Frantically, I searched for any words to say, but nothing came to mind. I was clueless. “She’s carrying my child inside of her. It’s not like I can just leave her now. And I can’t exactly use her for what Wyann wanted me to. I don’t want to use her at all. I don’t even want her to know , but that seems impossible now, but at the same time, I want to tell her the truth about what I am. I hate basing our relationship on a lie… especially when there are lives at stake here. “I… I’ve thought about her getting an abortion. I don’t like the idea of losing her. But I don’t want to kill my baby, either. It just seems wrong all around.” Pain was heavy in his voice. Tears were beginning to fill my eyes when Fillings appeared before us. No matter how slow I drove now, we would still get to Wyann’s seven story office building all too soon. I sighed heavily, patting Brice’s leg. “I’m sorry.” His eyes welled with tears as he took my hand, looking away from me out the window. “She doesn’t want to give up the baby.” “Forget about how it started out. Forget about what Wyann wants, Brice. Maybe you should tell her the truth. Wyann can’t be mad about that; he put you in this situation.” Brice shook his head, frowning. “If I tell her, she’ll leave.” “Make her stay until she understands.” “Would you have tried to understand this—us—if Mark held you against your

will, Olivia?” Brice asked. We were getting dangerously close to the city. I pulled my foot off the accelerator all together, thankful for the slow moving traffic. “If I truly loved him, I would’ve listened.” Groaning, Brice ran his hands over his face. “I don’t know what to do.” “We’re mythical creatures. Some may like that, others may not. But she deserves the truth. At least give her that.” “If I do and if I marry her—like I so badly want to—I will never be here. I know that I can trust you and Mark to watch over Kelsie, but now with Chuck…” His voice trailed off again as his eyes flickered to Wyann’s office building. I inhaled deeply as we pulled up to the curb. “This thing with Chuck will be resolved.” “Hope so,” Brice muttered angrily under his breath, looking up at the building as I grabbed my sleek black purse, stepping out of the Porsche. “I’ll be right here.” “Okay.” After slamming the door, I moved into the building. To my relief, no one lingered outside his office on the sixth floor outside his actual ‘office’. I pushed the door open quickly, closing it quietly behind me. Wyann stood with his back towards me, looking out the window. I noted the luggage pushed against the wall before I turned to him. All the previous questions and anxiety came up as I stared at his back. “Olivia.” He turned from the window then, nodding professionally at me. “It’s a pleasure to see you.” Swallowing hard and promising myself to stay calm, I quickly took the seat in front of his desk. Leaning forward, I clasped my hands together, eyeing him warily before glancing towards his luggage. “Were you going somewhere, Wyann?” “I’d planned on coming to speak with you, actually. It is a surprise to see you here. I assume this is about Chuck.” He lifted his eyebrows.

“Mark called you.” “Yes. He called me this morning and informed me that you were having troubles. I’d hoped to resolve the conflict. But now that you’re here…” Letting his sentence trail off, he swiped his hand in the air, gesturing that the floor was open. I leaned back in the chair, rubbing my fingers across the back of my neck. “Chuck can’t be trusted. It’s as simple as that.” Wyann’s eyes narrowed. “Why? Why do you think he can’t be trusted, Olivia? Is it because he threatened your sister?” “No.” My voice was like ice. “He begged for me to turn him, Wyann. His word choice suggested that…” I stopped suddenly, watching something cross Wyann’s expression. “Go on.” He encouraged. My eyes narrowed into slits and I ran my fingers through my hair, inhaling deeply. “No one will believe me about Chuck, and that’s fine. I didn’t come here to talk about Chuck, anyway.” “Oh?” Fake surprise crossed his expression. “You have to know where Cliff is now, Wyann.” I hope I hadn’t said too much. Wyann suddenly leaned back in his leather office chair. He removed his glasses. “Are you worried about Mark?” “This has nothing to do with Mark.” “Why the sudden interest in Cliff, then?” His voice sounded guilty. I glanced uneasily at his luggage. He never brought any kind of luggage when he came to talk to me. “What if his game has changed?” “Game? You mean his hatred towards Mark?” I nodded. “Oh, Olivia. It’s not a game. It’s more like a war. Nothing would change his

hatred for Mark. It’s always been just Cliff and Mark.” “What if it’s not that way anymore, Wyann?” “It’s always been that way.” Frustrated, I stood, running my fingers through my hair again and staring at his luggage. Something about that was off. “It’s not just Mark anymore, Wyann. He has me. He has a family. It’s not just him now. What if… Cliff is taking advantage of that?” “Olivia…” “And what about Chuck, Wyann? His scent is all around Christine’s house, not just at the spot where he threatened her. He’s been around. He’s watched her. He’s not upset at what he is. He’s too… settled. He acted as if he knew what I was before I even turned him.” Wyann stood. “Are we talking about Cliff or Chuck?” “Both.” I shook my head mechanically, trying to wrap it around everything. Wyann took a long, calming breath. “Chuck was human, Olivia. You know that. There is no way that he could be working for Cliff, if that’s what you’re suggesting. As far as Cliff goes, he doesn’t care about anyone else. It’s always been Mark.” I didn’t really hear what Wyann was saying. I froze in mid-step towards the window, everything freezing. Yes, Chuck was human, he wasn’t what Cliff was. But could they be related? Could he be working for Cliff? Cliff had already gotten close to Christine. He knew where she lived, he knew that she looked for me, and he knew everything about her and Mark and I. Cliff knew how much I was willing to give for Mark’s life. He knew that I wasn’t taking chances. If Chuck had gone for Christine, would I have acted differently? Would I have acted later if he’d gone for Christine than I did with Mark?

I shivered at the possibility. What if they were related? That was the only thing that made sense, but how could that happen? He was human; he wasn’t what Cliff was. Shaking my head, I collapsed into the chair, putting my hand over my face. “I feel like my family is in danger, Wyann. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for Cliff to come and destroy everything.” Wyann’s footsteps were light as he came over to the chair, placing his hand softly on my shoulder. “I’m sorry that Cliff had you, Olivia. I’m sorry for whatever he did to you. But he’s after Mark. You have to trust me.” His voice caught on the last word. “I can’t be sure of that.” “You have to just trust, Olivia.” His eyes had a certain edge to them. For the first time, I noticed that he seemed edgy. I scowled at him. “Do you know where Cliff is now?” “I told you before; he and Mark communicate and have a way of finding each other. I don’t know where he is.” His nostrils flared slightly. I stood. “Before, you told me that there were always rumors about where Cliff is. There’s rumors now, isn’t there? He’s near Pinecrossing, isn’t he?” Cliff had to be at Pinecrossing. He’d spent a lot of time with my sister. He’d gotten close to her. Heck, he even made her love him. The thought made me sick, but he was close to all of us. He was close to my family. Maybe he’d been close to the rest of my family, too. Maybe it hadn’t stopped with Christine. Anger boiled in my veins. Before I could stop it, a growl escaped my lips. “Where is Cliff, Wyann?” “I told you, I don’t know!” My body was out of control then. My fingers were suddenly locked tightly around Wyann’s neck. I pushed him against the wall, glaring at him viciously.

Fear suddenly entered his eyes as I slammed him up against the wall again, growling. “You weren’t going to talk to me, were you, Wyann?” His eyes widened. “Olivia, let’s just calm down and talk ration…” I slammed him harder against the wall, making him wince. “Where is Cliff!?” “This isn’t like you.” “You have no idea what I’ll do to protect my family!” I tightened my hands, watching the way his eyes grew even wider. “We aren’t supposed to fight with each other, but my family is at risk, Wyann. You have no idea what I’ll do to protect my family! You may be older, but I’m younger and stronger!” His eyes narrowed at my threat and he stiffened his neck. “Do you plan on killing me? Do you think you can get away with that?” Another growl burst through my lips. “This room is sound proof. No one will hear you scream.” I lowered my voice. “No one will hear me snap your neck. No one will hear you begging for your life.” My hands tightened until his skin began to turn blue. I stopped there, eyeing him for a long time before I released my hold ever so slightly. Wyann immediately gasped for air, coughing. I kept my hands firmly around his neck, though I wasn’t choking him. I wasn’t a murderer. But right now, I knew I could kill him. Anger rocked so viciously through my body that it would take nothing at all. I was stronger than Wyann. If I truly intended to kill him, I could. But I wasn’t a killer. “I don’t want to kill you, Wyann.” I kept my voice low and I hoped that I spoke in a somewhat soft manner. “Just tell me where Cliff is.” “Is this about that deal you made with him before? You’re going to do something dangerous that you are going to regret, Olivia. You have children.” “Exactly. And I can’t let him hurt them. I don’t care if this is between him and Mark. He threatened my family and I’ll be damned if I’m just going to stand by

and watch as he picks my family off one by one! “Now, you weren’t going to talk to me. You were going somewhere else with that luggage. Where is Cliff?” “You’re making a mistake.” Slamming him against the wall again, I tightened my hold on him, baring my teeth. “Where is he?” His face began to pale as his oxygen was cut off. “If you don’t tell me, so help me…” I tightened my grip. “Okay!” He squeaked. I released just enough for him to talk. He gasped for air. “He’s been skipping towns. He’s been at Pinecrossing, Fillings, and Riverton. Nothing is going to happen until he makes with you. And he will make with you, Olivia. It’s you he wants… but only when he’s ready.” So Wyann did know, after all, and he didn’t tell me. That wasn’t the worst part, though. Cliff was close. Closing my eyes and counting to ten, I dropped my hands from Wyann’s neck, stepping back. He leaned over, gasping for air and coughing. I turned from him, grabbing his desk phone and yanking out the jack before crushing his phone in my hands. His eyes grew wide as he watched this. It was easy to find his cell phone inside his desk drawer. That, too, I crushed before throwing the pieces at him. His car keys lay on the desk and I swiped them up quickly, shoving them into my pocket. “Thank you.” I turned towards the door. “You’re going to regret this, Olivia. Let me protect you!”

I hesitated in the doorway. “I’ll regret standing by and watching as my family gets slaughtered.” “This is between Mark and Cliff. You shouldn’t get involved.” I turned to glare at him. “It’s not between them anymore, Wyann. Even you just said that Cliff wants me. Things have changed.” With that I slammed the door, moving quickly down the flights of stairs and out the door so quickly that no one saw me. Brice had his seat pushed back all the way when I got back to the car. His hands lay intertwined over his stomach as he stared at the ceiling of the car. He didn’t look at me as I got in and started the engine. “Go well?” “No.” My voice was hostile as I rammed the car into gear and sped away as fast as I could from the building. My heart pounded fiercely in my chest as I drove away from Fillings. It surprised me when my hands around the steering wheel shook. Brice noticed this and sat up slightly. “Are you okay?” “Not really.” How could I be okay? Cliff was playing a game and he did want me, but only when it was ‘time’. I hated playing games, I hated them! How many of my family would he kill before he would finally me and make the ‘deal stand’? How long did I have? His words from so long ago ran through my mind: It’s not just me who makes the call. We’d been discussing my family being in danger when he said this. It felt as if he felt sad that my family would be threatened, but was that possible? Was it possible that he was working for someone else, someone on the inside? “Brice?” My voice was shaky. “What?” He seemed all too anxious to answer my question.

“You said a long time ago that some of our ‘supposed’ enemies are a lot closer than we think. And you said you had a theory the day of my wedding. What does that mean, Brice?” I glanced at him to see his body stiffen. He did not like this question. “That’s something I’m still working on, Olivia.” “Is someone on the inside? Is someone, one of us, working against us?” The words sounded crazy, but could they be true? Brice sighed and his next words were spoken very carefully. “I’m not positive, but I do have this theory. There is someone, or more than someone, on the inside —someone who we all trust—working against us, I believe. I have no proof and until I do, I’m not naming any names. Just be careful.” “Is it Chuck?” “No. He’s definitely not right, I agree with you there, but it had nothing to do with him when I started this theory. You can’t tell anyone else about this though, promise me?” Things were getting too complicated. Millions of questions were rising, leaving too much confusion in its place. I couldn’t help but agree to keep it to ourselves. The freeway continued to stretch on and I couldn’t help but think about what I had to do now. There was only one thing I could do that would save my family from Cliff. I didn’t know who this other enemy on the inside was, but Brice was doing what he could. I had to have faith in Brice right now. I would have to become Cliff’s to save my family, and for now that was the only thing I could concentrate on. I pushed the worry and thoughts about Jason, Tim, Melinda, and Kyle far out of my mind. I couldn’t bear the pain of not seeing them once I ‘became’ Cliff’s. Before I could stop it, tears welled in my eyes and my body shook as I drove blindly down the road. Brice reached out, placing his hand comfortingly on the side of my arm. “Whatever is going on, Olivia, I promise you that I’m here for you. I’ll help you.”

The tears slipped from the corner of my eyes and beneath my hands the steering wheel began to shake. Swallowing hard, I fought the tears, taking in a deep breath. “If”—I knew there would not be any ‘if’—“something happens to me or Mark, Brice, will you promise me something?” Even though I tried hard, my voice still shook. I hated that. “Nothing’s going to happen to you. You have us, ?” He smiled halfheartedly. I shifted into a lower gear. I was in no hurry to get home, yet I was in a big hurry so that I wouldn’t miss out on anything with my family. “Just… if something did happen to me, do you give me your word that you’ll watch over my children and Mark?” A deep scowl formed between his eyebrows as he turned to me. “What are you planning?” “Just promise me, please?” “Olivia… should I be worried? Should I tell Mark?” My insides quivered at that. “No. If Kelsie was in danger, wouldn’t you do whatever you could to protect her?” “Yes, but…” His scowl deepened. “This wasn’t about Chuck, was it?” “Let’s just say that I might have to do something and there’s no way around it. Before I do that, I need to know that my children will be safe. And that if something happens to Mark, you’ll watch over them.” “I don’t like this.” He stared at his hands uncomfortably. “Neither do I.” I sighed, chewing on my tongue. “Do you promise me?” “Yes. They’re like my kids, too, Olivia. I’ll do whatever I can to protect them. You have my word on that.” It felt as if a thousand pounds of weight just lifted off my shoulders. I inhaled

deeply. “Thank you.” “Don’t do anything ridiculous.” Brice wouldn’t tell Mark, I knew that. He was too loyal to go behind my back and tell someone that I was going to do something. He would keep his word, and for that I was grateful. We drove the rest of the way back in silence. My stomach never got any easier on the way there…

Twenty Six

Sitting on the sofa with Tim’s head resting on my lap and Kyle and Jason sitting on either side in front of me on the floor in front of the sofa, I tried to focus on the cartoons that were playing on the TV, but my mind was distant… the same as it had been for a long time. Outside, I heard Mark chuckling with Melinda as he swung her around and threw her up in the air. She didn’t have patience for cartoons like the ‘boys’, so Mark always took her outside when the boys wanted to watch cartoons. We were ‘balancing’. Further out in the distance I could hear Chuck running through the forest playing tag with Kelsie. Rather than keep him at bay and pushing him away from the pack and trying not to exert his strength, Kelsie was doing the exact opposite. He was definitely being accepted quite rapidly into this pack and I didn’t like it. Worse than being accepted into the pack, however, was the way that he’d stitched himself into Kelsie’s heart just in the three weeks since he’d been here, it made me just angrier about this whole situation. I wished that he could just… “Mum!” Melinda’s high pitched voice rang through the house. Tim lifted his head and looked over the back of the sofa at her just as I stood to see my daughter standing in the doorway. Her eyes were wide and her expression was scared. “What is it?” My heart throbbed painfully as I moved towards her. Had I run out of time? Was Cliff waiting for me now? Did something happen to Mark? So many things had been happening that the possibilities of what could be making her pale were endless. But something was definitely wrong. Melinda rarely looked scared, especially like this.

“There’s someone here to see you.” She whispered with anxious eyes, glancing out the doorway uneasily. A lump lodged itself deep into my throat. Cliff had to be here. That would only make sense. Squeezing Melinda’s hand, I gestured into the living room. “Stay inside with your brothers. I’ll be back in a while.” “Mummy.” Melinda began to whine before I glared harshly at her. “Stay inside. We’ll be back in a while.” She nodded, folding her bottom lip underneath her teeth. “Dad’s talking to him.” Talking or fighting? I didn’t voice this question, but I wanted to. “Stay in the house.” Stepping around Melinda, I closed the door tightly behind me. I wished there was a lock on the outside to keep them all in the house, but they were usually good about minding. Kyle was the only exception, but Tim would keep him in his right place. Inhaling deeply, preparing myself to see those black, empty eyes, I turned to see the two men standing a few feet in front of the house. The man standing next to Mark was not the man I’d been expecting to see. Gasping, I felt my eyes widen and I thought my knees would drop beneath me when I squeaked out his name. “Uncle Drew.” My heart stuttered in my chest as my eyes ran over every feature of my Uncle Drew’s face. His eyes were narrowed, like they always were, though the sun was covered by dense clouds. His eyebrow was arched, though no anger made an appearance on his face. That expression was familiar, however. He always had that eyebrow arched, his eyes squinting in his darkened complexion. Years before Christine and I moved here, he was a mail carrier and he got sunburned a lot—course, he spent a lot of

time in the mountains, too—but I didn’t know if he was still delivering mail after all this time. Heck, I didn’t even know if he was still alive or not. From all the eavesdropping I’d done with my sister over the years, Uncle Drew’s name never came up. He was my father’s brother, and she didn’t really talk much with my father’s side of the family. Knowing that he was alive and looked the same as he did before we left was spirit lifting. But why was he here? How had he found me? I didn’t even know whether he was alive or not, but he knew how to find me? He knew where I was… how was that possible? Clearing his throat, Uncle Drew took a step toward me timidly, smiling faintly. The smile was the only thing that I hadn’t seen very often. Like my dad, he smiled when he laughed, but when that happened I rarely got to see his smile as his back was normally turned towards me. His smile startled me now, but what caught my attention the most was his white teeth that seemed out of place. Maybe he’d lost his teeth and those were dentures. He had to be old enough to be going through that. Looking old, however, didn’t set in his features at all. His body was still muscular and he held his shoulders back, his black hair sticking out from underneath the bill cap that he wore. Just a few white streaks touched the end of his hair. No lines caused his skin to sag—except from the lines around his eyes from squinting so often. He had to be old, I knew that. He was already nearing mid-fifties when Christine and I moved. That was well over ten years ago. He had to be at least mid-sixties by now. Where was his gray hair? Where were the lines that should etch themselves onto his leathery face? “Olivia.” He spoke my name gently and nodded his head in greeting. This was a reunion, sort of, but the air felt tense. “Uncle Drew,” As I spoke his name aloud, memories crashed through me and I fought against them to stand strong and coherent. The memories were a thing of the past. It would gain me nothing now to dwell on them.

“You’ve been gone for a while.” He noted, stopping just a few feet in front of me. My body ached to hug him. He was a member of my family and I hadn’t seen or heard from him in years. He was my dad’s brother and that fact alone made me want to hug him—something I rarely did even before—but I pulled against that urge. Something was wrong. I stayed planted in place. “How did you find me?” I hadn’t meant to ask this question, it just slipped out. Uncle Drew dropped his gaze to the ground. “There are some things I need to talk to you about, Olivia.” Another lump lodged in my throat. Mark silently moved beside me, squeezing my hand for reassurance. The warmth from his hand spread through my body. Chuck and Cliff had definitely put a strain on our relationship and the wall between us had been getting bigger. But now that my uncle was here and I was confused, now Mark squeezed my hand as if everything was fine. I didn’t like that. Wiggling my hand free from his, I fastened my eyes on Drew. “Okay.” I whispered, closing my eyes. “Talk.” He shifted uneasily, glancing towards Mark before gesturing towards the trees with his head. “May I borrow your wife for a while, Mark?” Mark? Wife? Uncle Drew spoke as if he knew Mark, as if they were old buddies. To make it worse, he acted as if he knew things that had to be impossible. They had to be… didn’t they? Mark inhaled deeply, chewing on his lower lip. “Are you sure you want to do this, Drew?” My mouth gaped open. Mark knew my uncle, and he didn’t want him to talk to me. More secrets. More lies. Would I ever be more to this pack than just

remaining on the edge? It seemed that’s where I fit best anymore. “I don’t have a choice.” Uncle Drew almost sounded in pain as he confessed this. “If you’re sure…” Mark rolled his shoulders. “Mind if we go for a walk?” Uncle Drew’s brown eyes reflected some kind of guilt that instantly made me feel for him. “I guess.” I didn’t glance at Mark or the house again as I stepped behind Uncle Drew, following him deeper into the forest. We walked in silence for a long time until we neared a waterfall. I doubted that Mark could hear us this far away. Had that been Uncle Drew’s goal? A pained sigh came from his lips as he turned to face me. I suddenly regretted coming on this walk with him. As much as I wanted to know what was going on, I had other things on my mind right now; Cliff wanted me and he was playing games, threatening my family, but he wasn’t the only one who made the call. I was on a deadline for that. Chuck was another priority, also. I had to keep a watchful eye and ear on him. I couldn’t trust him, especially with him getting so close to my best friend. My family needed my protection and I had so much to do. Right now, I couldn’t afford distractions. I couldn’t afford to let my uncle who had nothing to do with my life for years, to suddenly walk in. Even the question of why my uncle who’d never showed me much attention in the past was here now, wanting to talk to me, distracting me. I couldn’t afford that. But there were secrets, and Uncle Drew needed to talk to me; might as well get all the secrets, no matter how unbearable, out in the open now. I inhaled deeply, preparing myself. “We need to talk.” He stared at the ground as he spoke, tipping his head and kicking a mound of dirt with his toe. I wanted to look down at the ground—or the waterfall, or the mountain side—

but I couldn’t. My eyes were glued to him and my stomach gave an uneasy twist when he kicked the dirt hard enough that specks of it flew everywhere. “Okay.” The word barely managed to make it past the lump in my throat. My body felt apprehensive, which made no sense. I knew this man, or at least, I thought I did. This was the man who my father used to spend hours talking with about anything mechanical. This was the uncle who I’d tried to impress on numerous occasions while we went camping. This was the uncle who used to make bear sounds while my cousins and I had gone into the ‘restrooms’. He’d scratch the sides and Grrr! This was the uncle who used to ‘eat’ our hair while we sat in front of him on the ATV, leaning down low over the handle bars so that he could see to drive. I knew this man, or I thought I did, so why did I feel apprehensive, and why were there secrets that involved my uncle, my family? My stomach grew even more uneasy. His stance didn’t help my stomach any, either. He stood tall and firm, his jaw clenched. I never saw it clenched before and for the first time, his eyebrow wasn’t arched. It was set in a deep furrow over his eyes as if he was struggling with what to say. “Uncle Drew?” My voice came out shaky. He sighed heavily, shifting his weight. “Your grandma is in the hospital.” Everything became clear suddenly. He was simply here to let me know about the family. He had friends in high places which would make it easy to find me. He was normal. Normal. I almost gave a relieved sigh. Being normal always had consequences, though. “What happened?” “Her kidneys are shutting down and she has pneumonia and cancer. Her body is just…” He hesitated, looking past me into the forest and shrugging. “Her body’s shutting down. The doctors really don’t expect her to make it very long.” Like my dad, it was easy to hear the pain in his voice. Also like my dad used to do while upset, Uncle Drew turned around, running the back of his finger under his nose. My dad and Uncle Drew had a lot of similarities. Similarities that made me ache for my dad.

The ache in my heart only intensified when I thought of Drew’s words. I ached for my dad, mom, my brother, and now my grandma. Everything was happening at once it seemed like, and there seemed to be no escape. Pain threatened to knock me down when I thought of this and knew that this was only the beginning. The rest of my family would follow in a stream, and like now, there was nothing I could do to escape. But still, the health of my grandma caught me off guard, though I knew this day would come. “Oh no.” Only seconds had ed since Uncle Drew’s statement. He wouldn’t have known the hesitation. I stepped closer to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. I wasn’t sure if hugging him would be the right thing to do or not. “I’m sorry.” He sniffed, continuing to look into the forest and avoiding my gaze. Just like Dad. “We all knew this time would come.” “Thank you for telling me.” Why couldn’t I think of something somewhat comforting to tell him? Finally, he met my gaze. “I think she would like to see you.” “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” I quickly backed away from him, leaning against a tall fir tree. Beneath my weight, I felt it buckle and I strained to my own weight. Knocking a tree over in the presence of my uncle would not be a very good thing. “She hasn’t seen me in years, Uncle Drew. Seeing me now might not be a good thing.” “You mean you can’t see her.” He challenged boldly, fastening his light brown eyes on me. “Grandma holds a very special place in my heart. I love her, I do. But I don’t get along with sickness and I don’t think I can help her. Besides, I can’t just leave for Idaho.” “You mean, you can’t leave because of the rules?” He challenged again. It felt as if the breath had been knocked out of me. I gasped sharply. “What is

this about rules?” “Life is full of rules, Olivia; more for some than others.” Pain crept into his eyes as he pushed up his sleeves, revealing his muscles. My knees began to tremble again. “Like I said, thank you for letting me know about Grandma. Tell her that I love her and I’m sorry that I can’t see her.” Truth was, I wanted to see her. I hated seeing people sick, but I needed to tell her good-bye. It’d been years since I’d seen my grandparents. In the last few years it had only been Christine and Henry that I saw. I never got a chance to give Wes a proper good-bye. I at least owed my grandma that. But Uncle Drew was partially right. There were rules. Those rules had been laid out solidly in front of me after I changed. I was not to have any family and I was to stay as far away from my family as possible. I was a monster now. It would be all too easy for me to hurt my family. If I saw my family, if I just went to tell them a proper good-bye, I was putting them in danger. Of course, there was always the possibility of them noticing that I hadn’t aged in these years since I’d become an official ‘run-a-way’. But I still owed them a good-bye. The rules were unfair. Uncle Drew took a step forward. The twig beneath his foot never snapped. My body tensed in response. “Listen, Olivia, you and I aren’t as different as you think we are.” Now I was really beginning to get worried. “Trust me, Uncle Drew, we are very different.” Each step he took forward, I took backwards. “We’re not different.” How could he say that? Of course we were different! He was normal. He was a human. He had a family. He could see Grandma on her death bed. We weren’t the same! “No, we’re not. We aren’t the same.”

“You’re wrong.” “No. I’m not. I’ve changed in these past few years, Uncle Drew. I’m married and I have four beautiful children. You’re normal and I’m… I’m living in the mountains. You like people, I don’t. You’re good with directions, I’m not. I’ve… I’ve put the family behind me. We aren’t the same.” I was babbling. “Believe me.” He pleaded, his eyes brightening. They almost looked wild. I’d seen that look before on Mark before I knew the truth about him; about this life. I gave a defiant shake of my head. He had to accept that we weren’t the same. It wasn’t that big of deal, I supposed. But he wasn’t a wolf and the fact that he thought we were the same meant that he was. The very thought of him being… well, it sent shivers down my spine. “No. We aren’t…” I was cut off suddenly. Something I would once have thought as magical flashed before my eyes. Uncle Drew shook his head fiercely, pulling his head back all the way. Like on Beauty and the Beast, I watched as he launched himself into the air. Wide-eyed and heart stuttering in mid-beat, I watched as he changed. My uncle’s hands changed into paws, his nose turned back, his clothes left a trail behind him as he stretched in the air as if running. Finally, in what would seem like an explosion, he fell to the ground, landing on four paws. Tears sprang to my eyes as I stared at the black and white wolf in front of me that stared at me with patient, light brown eyes. Suddenly sprinting away from my uncle through the trees, I gasped harshly for air. My lungs throbbed painfully and the wind stung the tears swimming in my eyes. I wasn’t a runner, not anymore. I was brave and I had to be to protect my family. I didn’t run away anymore, I embraced it—whatever it was. There was so much truth, so many secrets, so many things that I couldn’t afford to run away from. But here I was now, running away. I wasn’t running away from the truth or the

secrets or my uncle. I was running away from what it meant. My own uncle was a wolf. My uncle changed right in front of me. I couldn’t deny the truth, not when it had been staring right at me. My uncle was a wolf and that meant so many things. Had my whole life been a lie before? Did everyone in my family know what I was? All this time of being separated from them, did it gain anything? Did they already know? Tears rolled down my face and I continued to gasp for air, though it didn’t sound like gasping at all. In fact, it almost sounded like an animal being beaten or strangled. An animal. That’s what I was now. That’s what my uncle was. I ran faster. “Olivia!” Uncle Drew’s voice was worried and I heard his heavy footsteps behind me. He’d already changed and now he was pursuing me. Pushing my legs faster, I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from it all. I wasn’t a quitter, and I considered myself strong, but I couldn’t do this. I could become Cliff’s; I could kill Chuck, even though it’s against the ‘rules’. I could visit my grandma if I wanted to, and I could take this constant distance between Mark and I. I could be brave and strong enough to handle all of that, but this? I couldn’t do this. “Olivia!” His voice was closer. “No!” My voice sounded strangled. I meant to push my legs faster, but for the first time since I became a wolf, I stumbled over a stupid tree root and fell hard to my knees. I didn’t get up as Uncle Drew stopped behind me. I couldn’t find the strength to get up off my knees. So I remained on them, burying my face in my hands as I sobbed. “Olivia,” Uncle Drew’s voice was soft and gentle. “I’m… I’m sorry.” I felt his hand on my shoulder to comfort me, but I couldn’t find the strength to shrug it off. “You were supposed to be normal!” I thought I’d shouted the words, but they

came out as a strangled whisper. “My family was supposed to all be normal and safe from this. That’s what I was supposed to do!” “Hey,” Beside me, I felt Uncle Drew drop to his knees, also, his hand still against my shoulder. “Was any of it normal?” Pulling my hands back, I turned to face him. I didn’t care whether he saw me like this or not. I didn’t care. “Were my parents at least… shielded from this? Tell me they were normal, please.” What if he said they weren’t? What if my dad had been a wolf at one time and aged sometime while I was growing up, or even before I was born? Or what if he knew the truth, knew about what I was? Were all my memories a lie? Was nothing normal and right anymore? I ached for normality, but I would always ache for that. Uncle Drew sighed heavily, glancing towards the sky as he wet his lips, reaching for my hand. “Your dad wasn’t a wolf, Olivia. The blood ran in Grandpa’s side of the family, but he didn’t turn, either. I was the only one who made the change.” His fingers squeezed my hand. “But what about all those times when I was growing up? You were always there, Uncle Drew. We went camping, we laughed, we joked, and you scared us cousins. How…” I let the question trail off. It hurt to voice the questions, but I was sure the answer would hurt much worse. “I went through the change four years before you were born. Once I got accustomed to it, I came back into the family. The full moon was the only time that interfered with what I was. “This family sticks together, no matter what. I resumed back to being normal. We’d gone camping when I was little, and I didn’t want to give up that tradition. Besides, it was easier for me being in the mountains. If you recall, we never went camping on the night of the full moon. “If we let ourselves forget about what we are and the wolf inside of us, Olivia, we can be normal. The only thing that has to control us is the full moon, that’s it.” His eyes smoldered as the clouds in the sky gave way to sunshine.

Clearing my throat in attempt to dislodge the lump, I forced myself to speak. “How can we forget? The wolf is such a part of us, how can we separate ourselves from it?” “Practice.” “I’m not supposed to have any with the family.” “That’s the rules now.” He glared into the distance, angrily. “It’s a stupid rule. As soon as Christine said that you ran away, I figured it out.” I swallowed hard, fighting against the tears. “You knew I’d be this?” To my surprise, Uncle Drew threw his head back and laughed softly, patting my leg with his other hand. “We all kind of figured that…” My brain switched gears then. He continued to prattle on, but I didn’t hear. There was one word that I’d caught and I couldn’t think about anything else. I gulped loudly. “We?” For now, the tears had subsided, but anger boiled in my veins now. Drew blinked suddenly. With a big exhale, he shook his head, closing his eyes. “Olivia…” “You said ‘we’? Were there others that knew about you? Did you tell people? Who’s ‘we’? Did my parents know about this!” My sight blurred and was clouded with red and dark spots. I couldn’t think about what it would mean if they knew that I… . I couldn’t think about that. Rather than simply holding my hand now, he constrained it. “Yes.” My stomach curled angrily. “Olivia, I had to tell them. They realized right away that something was off. I had two choices; answer their questions or be on my own. I found Karen, I married her. I told her the truth. If I lied that would mean she would have to lie, too. “Besides, Grandpa guessed it. He ed old family histories . He

put two and two together and figured it out. When your mom became pregnant with you, I couldn’t help but tell your dad. “Your dad loved your mom so much. I got the genes from Grandpa’s side of the family. Even if your dad didn’t change himself, he still had the genes and he ed them to you. Apparently, the genes given to you were stronger than your dad’s. There was a strong chance that you would have been… well, this. I had to warn him. If I stood back and allowed your mom to die he would have never forgiven me. “After you were born, we all looked after you. We were all afraid of what you would become.” He hesitated, biting his lower lip in what seemed like an unconscious manner. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t move. Everything had frozen in me except for one question. “And Mom?” “She knew, too. Grandpa and your parents knew.” He said simply, continuing to restrain my hands. He’d managed to grab both of them somehow. I shook my head back and forth angrily. This couldn’t be real! “But everything was so normal! Camping, hiking, swimming, going places, celebrating holidays together; it was all so normal!” To the side, I felt Uncle Drew move, but I didn’t turn to see. “That was our goal. I didn’t want this to happen to you, Olivia. You have to believe that. But your parents wanted you to have a normal life. And we all knew that it was better to be in the mountains. “Your dad made me promise to protect you and to let you have a normal life, or as normal a life as possible. That’s why I’m here now; I’m fulfilling that promise.” My eyes burned as I glared at him. “Now? Why weren’t you here sooner? Why weren’t you here ten or eleven years ago?” A strange sound came from the back of his throat as his eyes closed. “I couldn’t come sooner.” “Why?” I challenged coldly.

“You’ll understand sooner or later. I made a promise, Olivia, and no matter what that means, I will do whatever it takes to keep that promise I made to your dad.” Pulling my hands free from his, I continued to glare. “You promised my dad?” “Yes.” “That sounds as if he knew that he wouldn’t be here.” The confession felt like my mouth was on fire. Drew exhaled deeply. “He did.” Gasping, I jerked to my feet. Uncle Drew followed the gesture and reached for my hands again. I was too angry to think clearly. I dodged out of his way. Before he could make any other move, however, I ran behind him, pulling both of his arms back behind his back. His heart beat wildly and blood pulsed quickly through his body. The fact that his bones were popping in protest to the way I was holding him wasn’t enough to make me release him. The fact that he was my uncle didn’t matter now. He knew that my parents were going to die, and he did nothing? Behind him, I growled. “Did you tell him that he was going to die?” His muscles flinched in my grasp. I tightened it. “Answer me!” “Yes! I told him that there was going to be an accident and you would be the sole survivor.” “How’d you know?” My grip tightened. “I have dreams, Olivia. Sometimes I can dream about what’s going to happen.” My body shook uncontrollably. He knew that my parents were going to die in that accident. He knew and he didn’t stop it! “Why didn’t you stop it?” “I didn’t know when or where it was going to happen, Olivia! It’s not like he can just stop driving. Even if I was able to stop it, something else would have

happened. And it’s not like I didn’t want to stop it if I could have, Olivia. He was my brother. But the accident and their death was meant to be!” I wanted to kill him. I wanted to tear into his skin and shred him to pieces. That wouldn’t be enough to kill him, but it would cause him to be in misery. Clenching my teeth together, I released his arms. I was out of control. I was wildly angry and that made me crazy. Cliff and Chuck. Uncle Drew and my family. It was all too much right now! I wanted out. I wanted to just crawl in a huge, black hole and die. Nothing held me to this universe anymore. Not even Mark or my children were enough to make me want to stay here. What did life hold for me now? If it wasn’t for my family being threatened by Cliff—and possibly Chuck—I would jump into that stupid ravine with the angry white, foaming water and let it kill me. Anything would be better than this. But none of that was an option. I had duties and to fulfill those duties, I needed to have a clear head. I made myself exhale the extra air in my lungs, taking a couple more steps away from Drew. It wasn’t just Cliff and Chuck that intensified heavy worry on my shoulders. Since talking to Brice, I couldn’t help but worry about him and this woman he was in love with that he hadn’t given me her name… “Mom didn’t die.” Uncle Drew coughed behind me. “What?” “She didn’t die when she had me.” My mom was human, normal, but she was carrying me, a wolf. She was in the same boat as Brice’s girl was in now. I at least could help Brice with this. “Why?” “Oh, well, she had what is known as a C-section… or whatever the actual ‘medical term’ for that is.” “Did you tell her to do that? Is that why Grandma didn’t die while having you, either?” I turned around to observe his reactions to that.

Surprise flitted across his expression at my bold statement. He ran his hand through his smooth black hair. He must have forgotten about his hat after changing. “Grandma had to have an Emergency C-section with me. I was cut out of her womb two months before my birth date. I ed hearing about that. “When your mom started feeling more fatigue and sore than other expecting mothers, I figured that you’d be… this. I talked to your dad and we convinced her to have a C-section a month before you were born. “The last month is often times the hardest for mothers who carry children with the genes. But it’s normally during child birth where they don’t make it. Your dad didn’t want to risk going through the last month.” “Okay,” It surprised me at how calm I sounded. “Thank you, Uncle Drew, for coming here and explaining all this to me. But I should be going now.” I began to move away. “Olivia.” He called behind me. “I never abandoned you.” I swallowed hard. “What?” “You think I did. I saw it in your eyes a minute ago. I wasn’t there when you turned, and I haven’t been for a long time.” Fighting against the urge to turn around to see him, I bit my bottom lip. “After you moved here with Christine, I called Wyann and told him that you might be turning. They were all keeping an eye on you, Olivia. I knew you were in good hands. I thought it would be better if I didn’t have any interference.” My knees threatened to go out beneath my weight as memories from the first few weeks of being here crashed through me. Kelsie sat next to me on the bus everyday before I started talking; Mark was always there, protecting me from something or another. I’d thought all this was just fate. I thought Kelsie had truly cared about me and Mark was ‘attracted’ to me. But that was all a lie. Uncle Drew had warned them, asked them to watch me in case I was going to turn. Being friends with me wasn’t from their good nature or from their heart, but

because they were asked to. Did that mean that Mark actually, truly loved me, or was he just doing what Uncle Drew asked? Or, what Wyann had asked? Like Brice, was Wyann having Mark ‘use’ me for something? Unable to contain it, I ran blindly through the forest, turning my back on Uncle Drew. I didn’t say good-bye, and I didn’t hear his footsteps behind me. He let me go. The tears that I had finally gotten contained now splattered down my face, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care where I was going, either. I just needed to get away. I ran.

Twenty Seven

The car shook and the steering wheel beneath my hands threatened to break. I didn’t really how I’d managed to get here. I ed leaving, but how I got here I wasn’t sure. When had I gone to the garage? When had I told Mark and the kids bye? How had I driven up all the roads with the curves and the steep hills to here and not even any of it? Did it matter? That was the question I’d been asking myself in the past few hours. Did things really matter? The answer to that was no. Things didn’t matter. Nothing was normal or sane anymore. Everything we thought was normal, was a part of our lives, wasn’t. It was all just a bunch of lies. When it boiled down to it, life was a lie. Making my way through the misting dark night, I only hoped that Brice was here. Maybe things didn’t matter to me. But this mattered to Brice. All around, Brice was a nice, good guy. We hadn’t spent much time together and he’d kept his distance a lot. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was better than Mark and Kelsie shoving themselves into my life. Uncle Drew had asked Wyann to watch over me. In return, Wyann had asked Mark who asked Kelsie. Brice and Joey were just on the sidelines. Closing my eyes for one last time, I rang the door bell. In a matter of minutes Brice would come downstairs, open the door to the little house he rented in Nevada, and the questions would start. When that happened, I had to have my emotions under control. I couldn’t cry or scream like I so badly wanted to. I would just tell him the information I had and then I would leave.

But where would I go? I couldn’t face Mark, not yet. I wanted to spend all the time I could with the man I loved and my beautiful children because before long, I wouldn’t be able to be a part of their lives anymore. But I couldn’t face Mark. Not until I knew whether our love and our marriage was real or based upon a lie like my whole life had been. The wooden doorknob turned, the door opened, and Brice appeared in the frame of the doorway. After recognizing me, his eyebrows immediately drew down close to his eyes and his stance softened. “What’s wrong?” “I figured out how… how…” Brice’s expression only softened as he stepped forward, taking my shaking hands in his own. I lost it. Tears ran like a waterfall down my face. My knees buckled and Brice’s warm arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him to my weight. “It’s okay.” He whispered, pressing my face into his shoulder where my tears immediately soaked his shirt. “It’s okay.” He continued to whisper over and over again. “It was all a lie!” Though I was shouting, my voice was muffled by his shirt and for that I was thankful. “Not even my childhood was right and normal. Everything was a lie! My whole life was based upon a lie, Brice! My parents knew that I… that I would eventually become this. Everything revolved around something that… couldn’t… exist.” It was hard to talk through the tears, but somehow I managed. “Oh, Olivia.” Brice whispered, rubbing my back softly. “I’m sorry.” “Is nothing normal?” “No.” He answered honestly, holding me in his arms in a friendly way; something that I desperately wanted. Maybe the love Mark had for me was a lie, and maybe this friendship with Kelsie was a lie, too, but this wasn’t a lie. Brice had been nothing but honest with me since the beginning, and now instead of trying to convince me that it wasn’t a lie, he just held me in a comforting way; a way that true friends did

when one was upset. It gave me comfort and I was thankful to at least have one thing be true. I didn’t know how much time had ed as we stood on his dimly lit porch, his arms wrapped securely around me as I cried until there were no more tears left. Sniffing, I stepped away from him, touching his face gingerly and giving him a soft smile. “Thank you.” He nodded, standing close enough to catch me if I fell apart like that again. “I’m sorry about everything, Olivia. I truly am.” “You understand.” “I do.” Brice chewed on his bottom lip, never breaking eye . “I wasn’t on your end, though. I wasn’t betrayed. Instead, I was the betrayer. It was me who was putting on the charade of normal, lying to my mom and Kelsie. Even after I bit into Kelsie and she went through the change, I still put up a charade of normal. I feel guilty about that.” He shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “But you were trying to protect her. There’s a difference.” He frowned. “Not really. If I hadn’t tried to make everything normal while pushing her away, she wouldn’t have followed me that night. She wouldn’t have caught me off guard and I…” He hesitated, inhaling deeply. “She just wouldn’t be where she is today.” Facing Brice, watching the torture that showed behind his eyes, I realized that nothing was ever normal. Nothing. Everyone could act. Everyone could put a smile on their face and have a good time, but nothing was normal. Nothing was right, even for humans, life isn’t normal. Lies were a part of everyday life. People’s childhoods and the rest of their whole lives were based upon a lie. I was no special case. There was no reason for me to act like I’d been the only victim here. It was selfish. “It wasn’t your fault.” I said softly, watching the way my words just hurt him worse. “It was the wolf inside of you.”

“I’m still in there somewhere, though. I should have been able to stop the wolf side of me from doing that.” “It’s hard to control.” “But she was my sister!” “I wanted to kill Mark.” I confessed suddenly, something I hadn’t even thought about to myself. Thinking back to that time, I felt sick to my stomach. “While I was carrying Tim, Melinda, and Kyle and in my wolf form, I tried to kill him. The time was getting closer and my human instincts were gone, replaced by wolf. I was looking for a den to have them in when Mark and Wyann showed up. I tried to attack Mark and the aftermath of what I did shocked me enough to make me turn.” “What happened?” Brice whispered in a faint voice. “The love I felt for him was enough to make me change. And Mark forgave me and we lived ‘happily ever after’.” I rolled my eyes sarcastically. A soft smile caressed Brice’s full lips as he looked down at the porch steps, nodding to himself. “It’s a powerful thing.” “Love or our wolf instincts?” Brice chuckled, shrugging. “Both.” I nodded, looking towards the darkening sky. “That it is.” Sighing, Brice glanced towards the house and back at me. “It’s getting early.” He noted, jutting his thumb towards the sky. “My first class with Suzanne starts at seven.” Her name—which I just learned—reminded me of the whole reason I was here. “Right. I came here—believe it or not—not to cry but to give you some very valuable information.” “What?” His eyes lightened and he leaned anxiously towards me. “My uncle is one of us, and my grandma is still alive, and my mom was still

alive after bringing me into this world. Both of them had C-sections before their child was born. My grandma had one two months before the due date. My mom scheduled a C-section a full month before I was due. “The last month is the worst. I looked back through the records”—that’s where I’d gone between here and leaving the house. I’d gone to the library, I suddenly ed—“and I discovered that every child born during C-section that is one of us, their mothers lived.” “Plan a C-section a month before the due date for Suzanne. All the babies that were born this way were all safe. You will have the woman you love and your child.” I watched as relief washed across Brice’s expression and he smiled warmly, stooping to give me a hug. “Thank you!” He gasped, picking me all the way up off the ground and spinning me in a circle before putting me back down on my feet. I caught myself laughing at his behavior. “Thank you for saving my fiancée` and child, Olivia! Thank you.” “Of course you’re welcome. Just your promise to me.” The smile vanished from his face. “Promise?” “You promised that you’d take care of my children if something should happen to me or Mark.” “Oh.” His eyebrows drew down again in that upset manner of his. “You have my word on that, Olivia. But I don’t plan on that happening. You are going to be around.” He was wrong. I wasn’t going to be around. I was convinced of that just as Brice was convinced that I’d be around. “I won’t be.” He gazed at me for a long time, but before he could ask anymore questions, I patted him on the shoulder and moved around him. “Thanks, Brice. I’ll see you sometime.” I doubted I would ever see him again. “Olivia.” He didn’t ask or say anything else.

I felt his eyes on me as I got into the Porsche, drove down the road, and disappeared around the corner. My insides twisted uneasily. Deep in my heart, I knew that I wouldn’t see Brice again. My deadline was getting closer. Everything had been said. All the truth was out in the open. I’d done all that I could do. The end was coming. There was just one thing that I had left to do. It was time for proper good-byes.

Twenty Eight

Beep. Beep. Beep. Goosebumps spread over my arms, up my neck and into my face. A shiver crawled up my spine, but I fought against it as I stepped onto the elevator, pressing the button for the second floor. Once the doors closed, I leaned against the wall, squeezing my eyes tightly closed and breathing in deeply through my nose. Being in a hospital was a very bad mistake. It went against my very nature. By law, wolves were wild animals; forest, mountains, rivers, streams, ravines; that’s where wolves belonged. That’s where I belonged. It was also instinct for wolves to kill the sick. While hunting in packs, they took down a sick or old deer, moose; whatever they could find. If a member of the pack was sick, wolves finished them. Murder poured through every pore of my body and I struggled against it. I wasn’t a wolf. I didn’t hunt animals and I didn’t kill those who were sick. I’d done well at fighting against my inner wolf nature. I’d succeeded in containing my strength and speed. I was doing well. But stepping into a hospital where sick people were around every corner was really pushing it. But I didn’t have a choice. My grandma was in here and she was dying. Hadn’t I learned my lesson with Wes? I never got to say a proper good-bye to him and I never would get the chance again. If I didn’t say good-bye to Grandma now, I doubted I ever would. There was no other choice but to struggle with the wolf inside of me. I had to constantly remind myself that I was a human, not a wolf. I wasn’t an animal. The elevator doors opened and the stink of hospital filtered in strongly through

my nostrils. Sickness was everywhere. Refusing to give in, I held my breath and stepped off the elevator. It wasn’t hard to find my grandma’s room. It was only down the hall a short ways from the elevator. I thought I’d prepared myself to see her. I’d rehearsed every single word that would be spoken in my mind, but when I turned the corner, I wasn’t prepared. My grandma lay in bed, an oxygen mask covering her face and her eyes closed. The bed was almost completely flat and her arms lay listlessly on either side of her. A machine beeped by her head, noting her weakened heart rate. I could hear the dripping of fluid into her IV and then into her veins. I could hear the whistling of the oxygen running through the oxygen line. I could hear Grandma’s organs pumping weakly to keep her alive. Uncle Drew was right; her body is shutting down. Tears suddenly stung my eyes when I searched her face. Her thinning gray eyebrows were arched down tightly over her small gray eyes in what looked like a painful manner. The lines that had once gracefully etched across her face no longer looked graceful. It looked as though they were hovering, just waiting to take her life away. The sight made me sick. Why had I come here? I needed to say a proper goodbye, yes, but I couldn’t handle seeing her like this. I wanted to keep my good memories of her. I wanted to her radiating face. I wanted to the way she constantly cleared her throat. I wanted to the way she flossed her teeth and then pressed the floss against a napkin. I wanted to the way she used to tease my grandpa about scarfing his food down too quickly or constantly drinking Diet Pepsi instead of water. She was always picking on Grandpa about something or another. There were so many memories. But would those precious memories be overtaken by the way she looked here? Would I her pale face instead of it radiating, would I her

closed eyes with blue veins running over her eyelids, instead of the life and happiness in them? Would I her listless body instead of the way she used to try to teach me how to dance in the living room while listening to a record playing? My stomach knotted and my eyelashes began to dampen. The urge to leave was strong, but I’d come here and I had a plan. I had to follow through with it now, no matter how painful. Swallowing hard, I stepped forward. In two long strides I was beside her. Her eyelids fluttered for only a second, and then they quieted. Gently, I wrapped my fingers around her cold, fragile and wrinkled hand. There was a green chair on the other side of her with my grandpa’s navy blue colored coat leaning against the back of it. I didn’t hear him near, but there was little doubt in my mind that he would be back soon. He wouldn’t leave her alone long. “Grandma?” My voice sounded hoarse and it betrayed the emotions rolling through me. Once upon a time I thought hiding my emotions and keeping my voice level was something that I had honed, but it seemed that, too, was a lie as my emotions seemed to be taking over me completely now. Grandma’s eyes moved slightly and very slowly, her eyelids opened. For a few long minutes, she stared at the ceiling above her before they slowly rolled to find my face. There was a slight look of recognition in her eyes, but that was all. “Hey,” I whispered, squeezing her hand ever so slightly. “Olivia,” Her voice crackled at the word and she closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. The whistling in her oxygen lines increased. “Good to… see you.” “It’s good to see you, too, Grandma. How are you feeling?” Surely there had to be a better question to ask than that, but I couldn’t think of any. She arched her eyebrows faintly before letting them fall. “I itch… all over.” “Can I do anything?” “I don’t think… so.” She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply again, her lips parting, foaming up her oxygen mask. “I’m tired.”

My chin began to quiver at her statement and I struggled against more tears. “You’ll be okay, Grandma.” She nodded weakly. “Pretty soon you will get to go home and bicker at Grandpa. Someone has to keep him in line.” I forced a smile. A pained sigh escaped her lips and she closed her eyes. “Sure.” I didn’t want to leave, yet I wanted to run as fast as I could away from here. I couldn’t bear to see her this way. It hurt and it tore at my heart, especially knowing that I would never see her again. But she knew that it was her time to go. She knew. At the same time, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay here with her and just be with her until she went. Would that make her feel better? Probably not, I decided. With a hard swallow, I forced my legs to take a step back. I squeezed her hand once before laying it beside her. She looked at me one last time, her eyes full of moisture. “I love you, Grandma.” A faint smile etched across her white, cracked lips. “I love you… Olivia.” “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Even as the words fell from my lips, I knew they were a lie. “Yeah.” Grandma must have known that it was a lie, too, but she didn’t say anything. I took several steps back towards the door. “Bye.” She closed her eyes, sighing. “Bye.” And I was gone. I turned the corner as fast as I could. I nearly sprinted to the elevator. I was surprised the button didn’t end up pushed deep into the wall from the strength I felt radiating through me.

The ride down to the main floor of the hospital wasn’t short enough. It felt like a lifetime before the doors opened and I sprinted down the hall, outside. The fresh, crisp night air was refreshing, but it still didn’t ease the pain that built up in my chest now and the pounding in my head. Once inside the Porsche, the tears streamed down my face. I wanted to drive away from the hospital, but I couldn’t think. I couldn’t think or make my body do anything. Instead, I hung my arms around the steering wheel and pressed my forehead against my arms, crying. Crying seemed to be something I was doing a lot of lately. Crying for the death of my brother; crying for the danger of my family; crying for pulling further away from Mark; crying for the past that had turned out to be a lie. Crying for leaving my grandma… Death was truly a part of life. It was everywhere we turned. It happened everyday, sometimes several times a day. There was nothing anyone could do to escape death. Nothing but separate ourselves from society completely. As I sat there crying, I considered all my options. Maybe I could just run away from everyone. Maybe I could run away from Mark, away from my family and just hide myself deep in the mountains. Death wouldn’t find me there. And if it did, it would only be for me. I wouldn’t have to suffer through the pain that nibbled away at me now. I wouldn’t have to go through any of it. I’d be hidden and no one would be able to me to let me know that someone died. Maybe the pain would just go away then. It seemed like a good idea, but I couldn’t do that. Inhaling deeply, I pushed myself away from the steering wheel, sitting up straight and pressing my head against the headrest. Running away was impossible. I had to think about my family. My children were in danger, their lives were at risk. I had a deal that I still needed to finish and make good on. I needed to fight for all of my family. I needed to save them. In order to keep death away from them, I had to stay here. Who knew, maybe death would find me quickly and then I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Blue and pink colors were beginning to stream lazily across the sky when I finally pulled out of the hospital at sunrise. I didn’t pay attention to where I drove in town. I stopped at every red light and every stop sign. I drove safely, but I didn’t take notice of where I was driving. It was only after I drove by the Wal-Mart parking lot when I recognized the yellow and black striped Mustang—the Mustang I’d only seen once before—and slammed on the brakes. As soon as I was stopped and the gear shift was jammed into neutral and the emergency brakes set, I jumped out, jogging right for the entrance of the WalMart. I didn’t care if I was parked in a parking spot or not or if someone saw me running faster than normal. Nothing mattered, not anymore, not with him being so close. The automatic doors pushed out in front of me and I quickly submerged myself into the store, stopping as I glanced around. People were everywhere. They pushed around things, they crammed in with one another, and then I saw him. His back was turned to me as he retreated further down an aisle. Goosebumps prickled my arms, but I ignored them as I followed him. His brown colored, curly hair, and tall frame were all too familiar. It was the same build that had once terrified me. But that was when I was a weak and feeble human, unable to protect myself. No longer was I weak and human. I was ‘mythical’ now. I was something that shouldn’t belong and I never felt more grateful of what I was than at this moment. I finally had the option to be able to protect myself and my family. I was finally able to do something extraordinary and I was about to do just that. Muscle pulled every fiber of my body as I followed Cliff further and further down the aisle. I could feel my body turning and twisting in an unnatural way. Changing into a wolf was sometimes painful and heart stopping, but not now. Now I was looking forward to it. The pain had been replaced by a ionate burning, and the growl that threatened to push through my lips was a gift, not a curse. The hotness that swelled over my veins and threatened to light me on fire was not something that made me cringe away from, but rather cringe into. All of this was proof that I could take Cliff down, and I would.

Human voices were tuned out, just an annoying hum in the background. Their bodies did little to remind me of whom I was and where I was. Nothing would stop me from turning right here, right now, and take Cliff down. The hotness intensified, the muscle flexed, the growl built higher and… He disappeared. I froze in my tracks. Where did he go? People pushed and shoved around me; a couple laughed at each other with their hands entwined; a woman’s high heels tapped annoyingly on the linoleum floor and her voice annoying as she spoke on the phone. Quickening my pace, I attempted to shove or push around the huge crowds of people. I finally did get a fleeting glimpse of Cliff just before he rounded the corner into another aisle. I began to sprint after him until I heard a familiar voice call my name. Henry. Henry rounded the corner just as Cliff disappeared all together from sight. Henry’s eyes were fastened on me and his face was flushed with red. A lump lodged itself in my throat and tears sprang up before I could stop them. Cliff was gone now and Henry was walking towards me. If I turned now, I could escape Henry and I had a hope of catching Cliff, but I couldn’t move. My feet were welded into place. Before I had a chance to decide, Henry reached me. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me in the kind of hug that should have taken my breath away. I didn’t notice. I barely managed to swing my arms listlessly around him before he pulled away. “Hey,” His voice was choked up and his face was now radiating. I cleared my throat. “Hi.” Craning my neck to look around him, there was no sign of anything or anyone but unfamiliar people. Straining my ears, I tried to hear Cliff’s footsteps, but

there was nothing. He was probably already gone. Why was he here in the first place? Why was he in Idaho? Why was he in the store? And why hadn’t he turned on me? He had to have recognized my footsteps or my scent… something. The only thing that made sense of why he didn’t attack me was if he was luring me… Henry shifted in front of me. “I’m surprised to see you here.” Glancing into his face, my knees threatened to buckle beneath me. Henry. That’s why Cliff was here. That’s why he didn’t turn on me. He was luring me! My airways suddenly constricted. Henry had something to do with all this and Cliff was leading me to Henry, but why? What did my brother have to do with this, or did Cliff use him to send me a message? “Oh.” I leaned forward, hugging Henry as tightly as permitted. Carefully and inconspicuously as I could, I slipped my hand into his pocket. The piece of paper was easy for my fingers to find and grab. I quickly engulfed it in my hand as he pulled back. Slipping the paper in my pocket, I forced a smile, pushing all my other emotions aside as I stared into my brother’s big, brown eyes. “It’s good to see you, Henry.” He beamed at me. “I never thought I’d see you today. What are you doing here?” “Visiting.” Another lie. More excuses. I fought against a sigh. How many more lies would need to spill from my mouth by the time I arrived back home? “Visiting Grandma?” Henry guessed, stepping forward as someone pushed around us. I nodded. “Yeah. I heard that she was in the hospital. I’m just on my way out.” “What about lunch?” His eyes sparkled with hope. “I should really get going.” I wasn’t even supposed to be in Idaho. I told Mark that I was going to talk to Brice and be back home by tomorrow—at least, I

thought I told him that. I left just yesterday, but had I told him where I was going and when I was going to be back? I couldn’t . “Oh, come on.” Henry wrapped his hand around mine. “It’s just lunch, Olivia. It won’t be that long, please? We wouldn’t even have to leave here. We can head over to Subway.” Having lunch with Henry meant we could talk for a few minutes and get caught up on things. It would give me a chance to spend some more time with my brother and say a real good-bye to him before I leave. Good-bye. I sighed. Saying good-bye was the whole reason I came here in the first place. I said good-bye to my grandma, the least I could do is spend one last time with my brother and tell him a real good-bye. “Okay. Let’s go eat.” Beaming from ear to ear, Henry led me down a vacant aisle, pulled me off to the side of the store and nudged me into the little Subway building. Only a few people were there. One group was just gathering up their things to leave. Another was in the middle of eating. The smell of meat, sauces, and sweets filled my nostrils. My stomach gave a violent growl at the smell and I realized that I hadn’t eaten since yesterday. This was a good idea. At least I hoped it was. “Do you want me to order for you and you can find us a table?” Henry asked, eyeing me carefully. “Sure. I think I’ll have…” “Let me guess,” He interrupted with a smirk, “you want a ham sandwich on wheat bread, American cheese, and mayonnaise, right?” After all these years, all this time being separated from him, he still ed the kind of Subway sandwich I ate. I couldn’t help but be touched even as the reminder of why I’d ran into him lay in my pocket. “Perfect.” “Okay, I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” He threatened, stepping up to the counter where a woman waited patiently to make the sandwiches.

“I won’t.” I promised, moving over to a table closest to the window. As soon as Henry turned his focus on her, I pulled out the paper in my pocket. Cliff’s scent was all over the note and it made my insides coil. I didn’t realize what Mark had meant before about being natural enemies until earlier when I was so willing to change and attack him even with all the people around. I was reckless. Fighting against the heat and the wolf inside me, I quickly skimmed over the page, my fingers trembling at the short message:

See how close I can get?

Tears threatened to fill my eyes as they skimmed over and over the six words. It was only six words, but it was enough to make my heart skip a beat and cold sweat push against my forehead. Henry was still at the counter working on his sandwich. The place was empty besides the crowds of people throughout the store. Outside the window, I could see Cliff’s car parked in a different spot, one that made it easy for him to leave. I could hear his slow heartbeat and his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. Glancing once more at Henry to make sure he was taking care of the food, I pulled out my cell phone, pushing it against my ear and clearing my throat. The cell phone was unnecessary, it was merely a prop. “Cliff,” My voice didn’t tremble like my hands, and for that I was grateful. “Olivia,” His voice sounded as if he dipped it in chocolate. It was sweet and innocent and made goose bumps pop up on my arms. “Did you get my message?” “Is that what you’d call it? I thought it was more like a threat.” He chuckled and there was a faint movement inside his car. “Perhaps. Are you worried yet?”

I didn’t answer his question. “You don’t have to threaten everyone I love. Our deal still stands. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.” “What about Mark?” I heard him inhale slowly as if this gave him great pleasure. “Isn’t he your, ah, mate? I heard a few rumors that you were married, but that’s only rumors.” “If he lives, it doesn’t matter. Tell me when and where, Cliff. This doesn’t have to be a game.” That is exactly what he was doing. He was making this into a game. He was playing me, threatening me. Just how far would he take it? “Now you’re just being a party pooper. Games are so much fun, why wouldn’t I play them?” “I’m willing to carry out my end of the deal. These ‘games’, as you call them, can stop.” My voice was rising without my permission. “It’s not time yet, Olivia. Games are my middle name. Trust me, when I decide for them to stop, I’ll let you know.” Fighting down a growl, I clenched my jaw, squeezing my eyes closed. “How far are you going to take it?” “As far as I have to.” “My family has nothing to do with this.” I repeated the words I’d spoken to him so many years ago. But this time pain wasn’t rushing through my body and my mind was coherent. “Like I said before, I’m not the only one who makes that call.” It sounded as if sadness crept into his voice, but I couldn’t be sure. “Tell me who does, Cliff. The deal stands; I’ll do whatever you want. Just make the games stop. Who’s making the call?” “Your brother is coming. I believe this nice conversation has come to an end. Good-bye, Olivia.” “No!” My eyes flashed open just in time to see his Mustang pull out on the street and mix in with the other cars.

It felt as if someone had punched a huge hole in my gut. The very man who threatened my family was in my reach, and now he was gone. I knew what he wanted and I was willing to give it to him. Why wouldn’t he take it? There was something that he had planned. As he put it, this was a game that was going to get much bigger and complicated. I couldn’t help but wonder how many would die. “That sounded intense,” Henry noted as he slid the tray on the table, “maybe you should hang up on them.” I closed my phone at the reminder, inhaling deeply as I reached for my sandwich. It was time once again to take control of my emotions and put a ‘warm’ smile on my face. “Was that your husband?” Henry asked while unwrapping his sandwich. “Yes,” I lied smoothly, “I was supposed to be home yesterday, but something came up so I’m late. He’s not too happy.” I took a large bite. “Is being married all that you hoped it would be?” Henry pressed. I didn’t mind these questions. At least I could answer them honestly. “For the most part it’s nice. Sometimes it gets hectic and complicated, but I don’t regret getting married.” The words were honest and true so why did it feel like acid burning my throat? Uncle Drew’s words ran through my mind and I couldn’t ignore the questions that once again came up. Had Mark spent so much time with me because of Uncle Drew’s request? Did Mark take it to the extremes of marrying me, because of Uncle Drew? Doubts did swirl through my head. After everything I’d learned in the past year, how was I not supposed to wonder? My life had been a lie, my uncle was exactly like me, my family was being threatened and I couldn’t protect them. How was I not supposed to wonder if the love between Mark and I was real or just something else that was a lie? I shivered at the possibilities. “Does he know that you ran away?” It was the first time that Henry’s voice had betrayed him and pain leaked out.

Guilt raided through me like a waterfall as I reached for Henry’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Yes.” “And he isn’t making you come back? Why is he hiding you?” Anger filled his expression now and I felt his tendons flex under my hand. “Henry, he’s not hiding me. He’s not jailing me away from my family. I’m not running anymore. I’m settled. I have a family of my own now, I have a house… I have a life. I’m not running. I’ve been found and you and Christine both know that I am okay. What am I supposed to do?” “Stay in touch would be nice. You ran away, you blocked off all communications. And then when you did come back, you left right away again. It’s like you’re still running. I want my sister.” I wanted his sister, too. I wanted to go back to the way things used to be. Even if they weren’t normal, I wanted to go back. I wanted to go back to Perkins Lake in the summers and camp with my family. I wanted to go back to riding my bicycle down the steep hill when we lived in the valley when Mom and Dad had separated for a short time. I wanted to go back to when Christine and I would ride Mom’s Mustang, Black Night. She had rescued him from slaughter when she was volunteering at a local horse rescue. We knew we weren’t allowed to ride Black Night because he wasn’t properly ‘trained’ and some considered him ‘dangerous’. Not being allowed didn’t change the fact that Christine and I did ride him—on several occasions. I wanted to go back to when Wes and I played basketball and he slammed me down time and time again on the hard cement. I wanted to go back to screaming and hollering for help while laughing as Henry hung me over his shoulder. All in all, I wanted to go back to being a little girl. “I want that, too, Henry. But I’m getting older. Things change. Whether we like it or not, everything changes.” I didn’t realize until recently how much that entailed. He sighed, staring down at the empty table in front of him. “So… you’re leaving again?”

“Yes.” “Will you at least tell me where you live if you aren’t running anymore?” I knew it was wrong to give out that information. It was forbidden and dangerous, but how was I supposed to refuse those brown, pleading and painful eyes? “We live in the mountains now. My husband is a forest ranger.” When he and Christine had asked the question before I lied to them both, telling them we lived somewhere else. It was another lie. I’m sure they’d both probably be mad, but I was tired of the lies and the secrets. I wanted to be honest, for once in my life. “The mountains?” Surprise flitted across Henry’s face. “Here? In these mountains?” “No. The mountains in Pinecrossing, Wyoming.” I reluctantly itted. “Wow.” Leaning forward, he clasped his hands together, shaking his head. “Will you give me your address so I can at least stop in and see you?” “I’ll give you my phone number.” This was getting too close. After scratching my number down on a piece of paper and handing it to Henry, I stood. He looked upset, probably from me ignoring his question entirely, but he nodded as he read over the number on the paper before glancing at me. “You’re leaving already?” “I’m already late.” I teased, jabbing Henry in the side. “You men aren’t very patient.” Henry rolled his eyes, wrapping his arm around my side as we walked out into the crisp spring air. “That’s what April keeps telling me.” “April?” Leaning back to see his face, I arched my eyebrow.

For the first time in a long, long time, I heard Henry laugh as we moved towards the parking lot. “April is my, well; I guess you could call her my girl.” I gasped. “Your girl? Henry, are you in a relationship!” Before my parents’ accident, Henry had always been single. He was nearing his thirties quickly and he was still single. I felt for him, though I wasn’t really aware of relationships and all that stuff growing up. To hear that he finally had someone now made warmth flood through me. “Hello?” I waved my hand in front of his face when he ignored my question. Chuckling again, he stooped down, picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder where he spun around. My memory took me back to so many times before when he’d done that. Laughing openly and tucking my ankles together, I flailed my arms faintly as if I truly wanted down. After a few spins, Henry dropped me, laughing so hard that his face began to turn purple. “Man… you got… heavy.” He panted in between laughter. I went to jab at him again. “Thanks!” “Well.” He arched his eyebrow, jabbing his thumb towards my stomach. “When you don’t watch what you eat…” He let the sentence hang. “And this is coming from you?” I patted his slightly bulging stomach. “Hey!” He straightened up, making a professional face. “April cooks too well.” “So she’s a cook, too, huh? You mean she actually fixes you meals so you don’t have to ask everyone to buy your breakfast?” He’d always asked my dad before the accident to buy his breakfast on the weekends when we went out to eat. “Well, they stopped buying so I had to find me a girl. She loves cooking.” “Do you two live together?” Although he didn’t answer with words, his red face gave me an answer. I

squealed, spinning around. “She’s actually living with you! I’m very happy for you, Henry.” His eyes were bright when he leaned down, giving me a tight hug. He was still about a foot and a half taller than me. “You’ll have to come by sometime and meet her.” “I will.” I instantly regretted the words as soon as they slipped from my mouth. I knew it was a promise I wouldn’t be able to keep. “Thanks for having lunch with me.” Henry said quietly, fishing out his keys. “Thank you, Henry. It was good to talk. Call me whenever you want. I love you.” This was the whole reason I came here. I needed to say a real, proper good-bye, something I wasn’t able to do with Wes. Why did it hurt so badly to do that? “I will. I love you, too, Kiddo.” Smiling at the nickname and waving, I took several steps back. I knew that I should have said good-bye to him, but I couldn’t get the words to form in my mouth. Even starting to form the word ‘good’ felt like my tongue was literally on fire. I didn’t say the words. I waited until Henry got in his car before I turned and headed to the Porsche. By the time I pulled out of the parking lot, the sun had set and darkness was beginning to fill the sky. Instead of turning towards Wyoming on the highway, I turned the opposite direction, heading into town. There was one more thing I needed to do before I left.

Twenty Nine

As the hours ed and the sky only darkened, the world began to quiet. Traffic on the roads began to ease, only a few cars coming through occasionally. Dogs’ barking stopped, people talking on their cell phones, radios, and to each other began to stop. Everything began to get quiet. I was aware of this, but it didn’t matter to me. I stood as still as a statue, standing between the two little Fir trees, looking down at the green grass that covered my parents. No tears stung my eyes. No pain or hysteria built up. Nothing existed. The night was still, and so was my body. Occasionally a few pieces of my hair would lift from my neck with the breeze, but that didn’t matter. My parents’ headstones were clean except for a few wisps of dirt smeared across them from the wind and the lawn mower when the owners mowed the grass. Unlike my Grandfather Leever’s headstone, theirs had no grass clinging to it, covering it. I didn’t know who was responsible for that. Wes had always cleared Grandpa’s headstone before, but now he, too, was gone. Pain twisted at the reminder. My parents were gone. My brother was gone. My grandma would soon be gone. Mark was right—soon my family would all be dead. At least Mark had nieces and nephews, and then their kids, and so on. But I only had one niece and nephew. Soon my family would all be gone that I knew and that did matter to me. It would be better to just say good-bye to all my family now and get it over with. That would surely be easier, or would it? I’d come here with the original intention of saying good-bye, but the words wouldn’t form. I couldn’t say good-bye to my parents. And in the same way, I couldn’t say good-bye to my past, either.

The pack was my family now. I had Jason, Melinda, Kyle and Tim to think about. I couldn’t afford to have a life of any kind with my real, past family. I had to let go. I promised Mark that I would let it go a long time ago, but I couldn’t. My kids needed protecting, Mark needed protecting and the whole pack needed protecting as well as my ‘human’ family. I had to do my duty and protect them. I couldn’t skip back and forth between those worlds. I had to choose the world that I fit in and stay there and protect that family. But how could I choose? How could I say good-bye to either family? The mere thought of losing my kids made a lump rise in my throat, my heart constrict in pain, and every breath in my body felt like agony. I had the same reaction when I thought of losing Mark. But when I considered losing Christine or Henry, I couldn’t breathe. If Cliff killed off my family one by one, what would be left of me? Would I even my past? Would I who I really am? The question made unease settle on my heart. Who am I? Half the night I stood in the cemetery, never looking away from my parents’ graves. I’d stood here thinking, but it seemed that nothing was resolved. I lifted my face towards the dark sky and inhaled deeply. “Who am I?” I whispered in the darkness, watching all the stars twinkling down at me. So much time had ed and so many things happened. I’d had no time to prepare. One second I was a wimpy human who couldn’t protect herself. I’d done what had to be done to protect my family at the time. Then, without my permission, my body had changed and I had no choice but to be a part of this ‘mythical’ world. The love I felt for Mark consumed me and then I was pregnant with Jason. After I was able to breathe and think again when he was older, I had the rest of my children. Now suddenly here I am: lost.

What happened to being a care-free seventeen year-old girl? What happened to the Friday night barn dances? To joking with my sister? To screaming at her when I stayed outside with ‘my wolf’ so late? What happened to that girl? How had I become this? When did the change occur when I was suddenly a wife and a mother who carried all these responsibilities as well as worry about Cliff and hold all these secrets? How many years had ed since that day when I left Christine’s house to meet Cliff? The years had strung together so much that I didn’t have any idea. Was it ten years, or eleven? Or was it twelve? I didn’t know. So much time had been lost. Time was so precious. People don’t realize just how precious time really is until it’s taken and swept away from them. For me, time hadn’t ed quickly enough. It always lingered too much. Things took forever to happen. And overnight it was as if someone had flipped the switch. Time began to slip so fast that I couldn’t even keep the years right. “Who am I?” The question repeated itself again and again in my heart. “What do I choose?” I asked myself silently, turning back towards the graves. Mom always wanted me to be happy. “I don’t care what you do, Olivia. I just want you to do something that makes you happy,” she’d always say when I asked her about the future and what I was to do. Dad, however, had different ideas. He and Mom both wanted me to go to college. Though I had a long time to think about it at the time, I’d been concerned. “It might do good to be a nurse, Olivia. Everyone always needs medical attention; there’ll always be jobs for nurses,” Dad told me almost every time I asked him. Course, neither of them really cared. I could do whatever I wanted to do. Being a nurse was just a certain opinion my dad had. Even if I went to veterinarian school, he wouldn’t mind. He wouldn’t be mad or angry. He’d be proud, just like Mom would be. They just wanted me to go to college. College was an unimportant aspect of my life right now. Education, college,

animals, friends, working; none of it mattered. What did I do with my life? What do I do from here? “Olivia,” Mark’s gentle voice carried in the breeze as he hesitated at the edge of the cemetery, watching me. For the first time tonight, tears began to sting my eyes when I observed him. I smiled faintly at him and watched as he slowly walked towards me. Mark. He was the true love of my life. He was the whole reason of why I was in the kind of life I was. Meeting him had changed my life. But was it based on a lie? As I watched him come towards me, I couldn’t help but feel love towards him. Maybe I should hate him. Maybe I should feel angry towards him for the life I was in. If I hadn’t met him and fallen so deeply in love with him, maybe I wouldn’t be in this life today. But I had fallen in love with him. And I am in love with him. None of this was his fault. I’d pushed myself. I had dug and searched for answers. I finally had them. When he was in danger, I had to save him because I loved him. And now I had to give up my ‘human’ family because I love him… even if his falling in love with me was a lie, me loving him wasn’t and nothing could change the way I felt about him. Nothing. “It’s been nearly three days,” He noted as he stopped in front of me, scrutinizing my expression carefully, “I began to worry.” Moisture swam in my eyes as I stared into his deep blue eyes. Those were the eyes of the man I loved. I wanted to stare into the blue depths of them and get lost forever. I couldn’t live without him. “After I called Brice, I thought I might find you here.” He glanced at my parents’ headstones and graves before he glanced at me. “Are you okay?” Tears began to slip from my eyes then. “I came to say good-bye.” Mark took my hand, squeezing it lightly.

“But I can’t. It’s like I just… I can’t let go. They’ve been gone for so many years, and I still can’t let go. I can’t move forward. I can’t get close to something. Sometimes it feels like I can’t get close to you, either. Every time I take a step forward, I have to take two steps back.” “You don’t have to choose, Olivia.” His sincere voice didn’t surprise me. There were rules—there were always rules—but he never pushed me to do something I struggled with. Well, almost never. “Don’t I? I switch between our world and theirs”—I gestured towards a couple standing on the sidewalk across the street to demonstrate—“and I get confused and lost. I can’t be in both.” With his free hand, Mark cradled the side of my face. “At least before, I ed normality, I all the ‘normal’ things I used to do with my parents and my family. Knowing that I’d once been normal was enough to switch into this world of wolves and ‘demons’”—though no one had a certain ‘name’ for what Cliff and the people ‘following’ him were called, we thought of them as ‘demons’, as that seemed to match what, exactly, they were pretty good—“and whatever else Cliff is, but now…” I hesitated, inhaling a breath of fresh air before I could finish. “Now I don’t even have that.” Mark stepped forward slowly, cradling my face between his hands. “You still have that, Livia.” “No.” He was wrong. I didn’t have that. Not anymore. “Uncle Drew is a part of us, Mark. He told my parents and Grandpa about what he is. My parents knew that I would likely be this… wolf. They knew. They were expecting it. Everything they did was to make the switch somewhat easier. “That’s not normal. They altered their whole lives because of this life. I was never normal. I was always in-between worlds. I don’t even know who I am anymore. “I had so many dreams before they died. For a child I was very mature. I wanted to graduate high school; I wanted to go to college and earn my degree and be a veterinarian. I wanted to have my own business. Most of all, I wanted to write hundreds and hundreds of books and novels and be a famous author.

“I haven’t graduated. I haven’t even written in so many years I lost count. There is no changing now. I can’t go back to being a human. That would be impossible. And I can’t go to college, but… I still hold onto those dreams—human dreams. I’m not human. I have to let that go. The past, overall, I need to let go. But I… I can’t. I…” “Take two steps back with very one step forward.” Mark finished for me, running the back of his fingers from my temple to my jaw line. I nodded. “That’s what everyone in this pack has gone through, Livia. Everyone is still struggling with that, including me. I still haven’t let everything go.” His voice pitched slightly and he closed his eyes, pressing his lips together as he ran his fingers through my hair, tilting my head back slightly so that when he opened his eyes again, I was peering right into them. “I can’t get close enough to you, either.” I sniffed, struggling against all the tears. “We love each other. This shouldn’t be this hard.” “I know.” Mark whispered as he encircled his arms around me, pressing his face into my hair as I nestled my head in his chest. “I know.” “Does it get easier with time?” “Has the pain of losing your parents and Wes gotten better?” Mark countered, running his hand in circles over my back. I shifted in his arms to gaze at my parents’ graves. The accident was still fresh in my mind. “No.” Mark kissed my head. “Neither does letting go.” “I’m sorry.” I turned away from where my parents lay for eternity and pressed my head into the darkness of his chest. “I’m sorry that I keep pulling away from you. Away from this pack and life.” “Oh, Olivia.” He chuckled as he pulled away, cupping his hand under my chin. “You’re forgiven for all that a hundred times over. I understand. I do. It’s not fair

what’s happening with you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t prevent this.” “I’m happy now. I really am. I love our children and this pack. Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets. I just wish this would have happened differently.” “Everyone does.” The sun began to lift over the eastern ridge and bright blue spread across the sky. Night began to ease away to dawn; it was the beginning of a new day. “We should probably leave before people see us standing here.” Mark had his head tipped towards the brightening sky. “Do you want a minute alone?” The time had come where I had to leave, and I still hadn’t said good-bye. I nodded to answer Mark’s question. He slipped away silently, giving me time alone. He understood parts of me that even I didn’t understand and a wave of gratitude that I was married to such a fine man swept through me. Ignoring the worries and fears that bunched up in my mind, I moved towards their graves, wringing my hands together nervously as I knelt in front of my mother’s headstone, brushing my finger tips over the simple engraved name, birth date, and death date. “Mom,” The word alone made my voice pitch and years of memories wash through me, “I miss you.” Every part of my mom I could vividly. I ed her bright smile that made her dark skin crinkle around her mouth and the way her yellow teeth made me cringe. I ed sitting on the master bed with her and Christine before Christine moved away; Christine running her fingers through Mom’s short, brown, curly hair time and time again trying to get it to spike. All the while Mom would laugh and joke, saying that Christine was just wasting her time, and she was. I ed walking with my mom while she irrigated for our friend. I’d get so tired and want to stop and rest, but like a true champ, she’d keep walking and encourage me. When I fell into the ditch from being a smart-’alec’, she would just laugh with me and help me out. She was almost always smiling, and always putting people’s needs before her own. She was my mom.

“You don’t blame me for your death, do you?” I rested my hand beneath her name. As if she answered my question, “no” rang in the wind and the tree branches. Through the wind, I could feel her warm skin and bony fingers and arms embrace me in a hug. This was my forgiving, loving mother. She would never have blamed me for that accident. I swallowed hard against the torrents of emotions, wishing that I could hug her. “There are so many things I want to talk to you about and tell you, but I guess most of it isn’t real important. The only thing you really need to know is that I’m happy. I am. And you have four beautiful grandchildren that are all healthy and happy.” The sun edged more over the horizon, casting pink rays through the tree branches. I was running out of time. I drew in a deep breath, patting her grave before I stood. “I love you.” Taking two steps over, I knelt beside my father’s grave. It was just as clean as Mom’s with the same engravings only a different name and birth date. I refused to the pieces of him that were strung out on the road that day. I couldn’t him that way. I had to the way he used to look. I laughed at the image of his balding head and the way pieces of his food would stick to his beard, shaking my head at his grave. He never shaved his side burns, beard, or mustache. He always had it and towards the day of the accident, his hair began to turn gray mixed in with his dark brown—which I continue to say was black more than brown. Whenever he ate, pieces of his food would always fall onto his beard and he never knew it was there unless someone said something. My dad was quick to laugh. He’d always laugh when someone made a joke. Every time I’d make him laugh, he’d always respond with an “oh you!” remark. His brown eyes would always capture the light somehow and sparkle. This was my dad that I knew and loved. Whenever he went into town or somewhere and I was bored, I’d always call him and we’d talk about nothing important. I’d tell him every detail of a movie, book, something. Even if it was something that he cared nothing about, he listened to everything I’d say and comment something about it. He was a good listener.

But the memories that I had most vividly of my dad were camping. Camping was one big thing that my Dad and I could really share. Another one was Butterfly Kisses. He used to read that book to me all the time. I memorized every word and showed off to him how well I could read. It would’ve worked, too, if I hadn’t held the book upside down! But as usual, he just laughed about it. That was my dad. “Daddy,” I ed sitting on his lap with him reading me “Butterfly Kisses” and always saying ‘Daddy’ when I wanted him to read it again, “please, can’t we have just one more dance, please?” From the wind, I could hear him saying “It’s getting late. You should go to sleep. We will tomorrow,” but in this case, tomorrow would never come. My fingers shook as I stood, standing between their graves. I squeezed my eyes closed. “I love you both very much and miss you.” I took a step back, my knees shaking as I looked at their graves one last time. “Good-bye.” I glanced towards the sky, my eyes swimming with tears. He didn’t have a grave. His ashes were with his ex-wife somewhere, but I didn’t know where. I wouldn’t run into him at the store, and I couldn’t kneel in front of his grave and tell him good-bye. This was the only thing I could do to tell my brother good-bye, though I desperately hated to do that. A slight breeze picked up as I inhaled deeply, swallowing hard. “I will always love you, Wes. Maybe we weren’t the same, but you were my brother. I don’t have many memories of you, but the ones I do have I will always cherish. I’ll always be your sister, and I’ll always be proud of you because you were my big brother. I love you. Good-bye, Wes.” My heart ached as I turned around, walking away from my parents’ graves and the cemetery. The wind rustled the tree branches and tousled my hair as I walked away, my feet squishing against the grass. “Good-bye.”

Thirty

What are you doing?” Not only was Mark speeding down the road, but he was speeding on a road that was familiar—a road that he shouldn’t have been driving on. Mark chuckled, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand before he shifted gears. “Is my driving worrying you?” Brice had picked him up and brought him to the cemetery before leaving. I was grateful for this as I didn’t feel like driving right now. I was very grateful for that, especially now as the scenery laid out before my window. “Hello?” He shifted gears again. I exhaled deeply. “Has your driving ever not worried me? You’re either driving too slow or speeding.” He threw his head back with laughter. “True.” “Besides speeding, what are you doing?” “I’m driving.” I rolled my eyes at his sarcastic remark. “Mark?” “Pushy, pushy.” He snorted, slowing down as we flew by the little town with the small hamburger and ice cream shack. It stood right next to the big gas building —Fairlield. “I’m taking you somewhere.” My heart pounded in my chest as he flipped on his right turn signal after a few miles past Fairlield. At least once every summer my family went down this road. We drove down this road, around the Anderson Reservoir, turned right onto another paved road that took us through some small towns before the road turned to dirt and then down

the long dirt road we’d turn right again into the Baumgartner Campground. Inhaling deeply, I glanced briefly at Mark to see him smiling proudly. “You’re taking me to my family’s camp spot?” “Not just one”—he corrected with a sheepish grin—“I’m taking you to the place where your family camped in different camp spots every summer. I thought it might do you good.” That was my husband. He was always thinking of me. He did anything that had a possibility of making me feel better. I leaned against the seat, gazing at the side view of his face. “Who’s staying with the kids?” He checked his side mirror. “Marianne.” “Marianne.” I tried not to choke on that. “Is anyone helping her?” My body froze. “Of course,” Mark explained casually, reaching for my hand again. “Kelsie is staying with them and…” “And Chuck.” I finished for him, acid in my mouth. “Olivia, Chuck is part of this pack now. We can trust him.” I snorted. “How could you leave a complete stranger with our children?” “He’s not a stranger, all right? He is one of us. Besides, if he did have bad intentions, Kelsie and Marianne will defend them.” “Kelsie!” I scoffed, turning away and staring out the window. “She’s in love with him.” “I’m failing to see the danger in that.” Though he kept his voice steady and calm, I could tell that he was beginning to get aggravated. Mark didn’t understand things like I did. He had no idea, even, that Cliff was getting closer and closer to our family every day. He had no idea that we were being stalked. He had no idea that his enemy had been near my sister, making her fall in love with him.

Thinking that made me wince and I quickly bit my lip. Mark was failing to see a lot of things, including the danger in Chuck. He was a dangerous man… possibly even more dangerous than Cliff. But Cliff was an enemy and Chuck was a part of our pack, that was the only difference and that difference made everything in the world change. “Chuck was about to hurt my sister. He went after you with a knife, Mark. Did you forget that?” He rolled his shoulders, turning easily around the curves when we were following the reservoir. “The only fault there was alcohol. Alcohol makes people do weird things, trust me.” “It’s not just about that.” I refused to raise my voice, even though I wanted to. I inhaled deeply, forcing myself to speak quietly. “It was his words and the way in which he worded them. I think he wanted this to happen.” Mark turned to me then, his eyebrows knitted together in doubt. “He wanted to be one of us?” I gulped loudly. “Yes.” “Impossible.” Mark turned away, shaking his head. “No one knows , Olivia. The only reason you did was because I gave you too many hints. I broke all the rules to get close to you. Normal humans with no what-so-ever with one of us couldn’t even guess. Chuck didn’t know. He was just being stupid.” “Was he?” “Yes. Give it a little bit of time, sweetheart, and you’ll see. Soon Chuck will be just as much a part of our family as Brice, Kelsie, and Joey.” I ignored his previous statement. “What if Chuck did have with one of us? What if he knew and they refused to change him. What if…” Mark slammed his hand against the steering wheel, cutting me off sharply. “That’s enough!” He didn’t use the alpha voice to me very often, but when he did it was serious. I bit down on my tongue, instantly hanging my head. He inhaled deeply before he reached up, brushing the back of his fingers over my

neck as he drove across the bridge and began the curves on the other side of the Reservoir. “You have your doubts about Chuck, Olivia, and I get that. I do. But today isn’t about him, okay?” I stared out the windshield, watching the way the water in the reservoir captured the rays of sun and reflected them. The sight used to make me breathless. “Look, I brought you here today so that you can clear your head and maybe have some fun. Let’s just forget about the rest of it. Everyone is fine. Marianne and Kelsie won’t let anything happen to our kids. Now let’s just have fun and enjoy the day, okay?” He squeezed my ear lightly in a playful manner. “Okay.” Smiling, I turned away from the window and rested my head on his shoulder. “I love you.” Mark chuckled, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “I love you, too, Livia Walker.” Just as it had on our wedding day, my last name made a jolt of happiness spring through my heart and I leaned closer to Mark. Heat still radiated from his body and wrapped around me. Why did I have to ruin such a perfect moment with my fretting? My mom told me once that I was a dark person and I had too much of a negative out look on things. Maybe that was my problem with Chuck. Maybe it was impossible for me to see the brighter side of things and think optimistically. However, I never had a negative thought towards Mark. I’d worried once that he was killing wolves before I knew the truth—that he was a wolf—but I never distrusted him. I loved him with all my heart even knowing that he wasn’t ‘right’. I still loved him. In the same way, I trusted Kelsie and Brice. I didn’t trust Joey as much, but I still liked him. I had an optimistic vision for each person, even Bryan of whom I helped teach History to back in high school when I was still ‘normal’. Maybe I was just acting too paranoid with Cliff being so close and me being helpless in ending his life. I had to stop this. Mark had to be right about Chuck. I just distrusted him because I was a naturally dark person and had a negative outlook on him. Chuck could be trusted.

I closed my eyes as we went through the small towns before entering the dirt road to the Baumgartner Campground. Ponderosa trees and mountains rose towards the sky on either side of us. It was the same as Pinecrossing, but my parents didn’t have any connection with Pinecrossing. This was something that I’d done with my parents. Now I was sharing this place with my husband. We were finally going somewhere, dong something that I did in my past. I should just concentrate on that and forget about everything else. After all, how much longer would Cliff continue to play this game of his until things started to turn serious and he expected me to ‘be his’ so that my family would live? My time with Mark was limited. While it lasted, I should enjoy every minute with him and forget about the rest. I was going to do that. Wrapping my arm around his and shifting slightly, I watched as the trees and the houses embedded through the trees whizzed past us. Eventually I caught a glimpse of the tall dead tree with the huge eagle nest on the top of it after driving several miles on the dirt road and I smiled, squeezing Mark’s arm. After a few minutes we pulled into the beginning drive of the campground, crossed the paved bridge, and turned right, away from the paved campground of Baumgartner and towards the dirt campsites of which my parents always camped in. Instead of continuing down the dirt road, however, Mark pulled off to the side near the pay phone, killing the engine and exhaling as he looked around at all the green Ponderosa trees and the tall, lingering mountains. Down below us in the river the red colored Salmon clustered together, making the water colorful. “This place is beautiful,” Mark noted, continuing to look all around, “no wonder you like this place so much.” The wind lifted the hair from around my neck as I stepped out of the car. I inhaled the strong scent of pine deeply, tears stinging my eyes as memories of camping here flooded through me. Coming up behind me, Mark wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on the edge of my shoulder, breathing onto my neck. I smiled, entwining my fingers through his on my waist.

“It’s perfect.” I whispered, breaking the forest silence. Mark kissed my neck. “Absolutely perfect.” “I want to show you something.” I pulled away from him carefully, holding my hand out for his. He smiled cautiously, sliding his hand against mine. Everything was almost the same as it had been before, though some of the ATV trails had been closed off. I gestured towards the sheep corrals known as the “Kelly Creek Corrals” and then towards the ATV trail known as “Ponderosa Beginners Trail”. Dad had let me drive the ATV up that trail several times. I also showed him the campground where my dad and I had seen the brown bear up on a flat bed trailer eating dog food. The memories here brought up several laughs; the memory of our family mutt, Festuz, swimming across the fast current of the river to cross to get to camp when the bridge was right next to him made me laugh as tears filled my eyes. When we reached the outhouses and the road that went off to the right and curved near the river, my legs began to shake slightly. I followed the fork in the road, going right to our old campground. The dead tree that Christine and I used to climb on was still there, but it was different. Several of the branches had come loose and the bark was peeling off badly. It was in no shape for climbing on now. After getting back on the main road, I went across to the Kelly Creek Trail that led up to Iron Mountain, squeezing Mark’s hand. “When I was really little, my mom and dad, Christine, Henry, and Uncle Drew all went up to Iron Mountain. Mom and I rode with Henry on his ATV, and I think Dad and Uncle Drew were on dirt bikes and Christine was with Uncle Drew, but I’m not really sure.” The memory made me giggle and I tangled my fingers through Mark’s, turning to face the shimmering blue in his eyes. “I was really too little to much, but after we arrived at Iron Mountain I needed to go to the bathroom. I was too shy to go by the group because of all the men, so Christine took me down in the rocks and shells a little ways for privacy.” I giggled at the memory. My face was hot suddenly as I felt a blush creeping up

my cheek bones. “I tripped and fell down quite a ways and broke my nose. I had to wear band-aids on it for a long time after that. No one let me forget about that.” I covered my mouth as I continued to laugh hysterically. Mark laughed with me before stepping forward, wrapping his arms around me. I placed my palms against his chest, staring into his blue eyes. “It wasn’t all a lie, Livia.” He leaned his face closer to mine and my heart began to beat wildly out of control. “Your childhood was real. It wasn’t ‘mythical’. Maybe your parents took you camping because of the likelihood that you’d change, but even those camping memories aren’t a lie. It was all real.” His words were real and they were true. They drifted through my mind and I quickly grabbed them, refusing to give them up. He was right. Maybe they changed their lives slightly. Maybe my parents added camping to their lives because of the possibility of me being a wolf, but none of it was a lie. It was all real. And, for my family, normal. As if someone turned up the heat, a rush of warmth, understanding, and peace rushed through every pore of my body. I finally understood. I finally got it. The sun dipped towards the west further, making blue and pink diamonds sparkle in Mark’s eyes. As if my eyes were suddenly opened somehow, I was no longer looking into the eyes of my husband who I’d been married to for several years. Instead, I was suddenly back in high school, staring into those eyes for the first time. And, like in high school, love and ion knotted in the pit of my stomach and my heart fluttered wildly. Mark arched his eyebrow at my wildly beating heart before his lips slowly curved into a warm smile. Knotting his shirt in my hands, I arched on my toes, pressing my lips to his. A breeze kicked up, gusting around us. Mark tightened his arms around me and I knotted my hands tighter in his shirt. Why did I hate this life? Why had I ever regretted being what I am? I was exactly where I wanted to be and I had to be happy with that. I wasn’t going to be with Mark forever, not if Cliff had anything to do about it. But right now I was with the only man on the earth that I loved this way, and I was going to cherish every second of it, even if it was because of Uncle Drew.

When we finally pulled apart after several seconds, we were both breathless. Mark pressed his forehead against mine, trying to catch his breath while his eyes were closed. “That… hasn’t happened in a long time.” I pressed my hands against his chest, trying to calm the knot of desire in the pit of my stomach. “We’ve lost track… of what’s really important.” I panted. “I think that’s true.” Mark whispered, curling his hand around the side of my neck. “I’m not going to lose track again.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his statement as I pulled away. “Neither will I.” I lifted my head towards the sky. The sun was easing closer to the peak of the mountain where it would drop down out of sight and bring darkness with it. “I want to run.” Mark smiled slyly. “That sounds very good.” “Forever. I want to run as fast as I can, and never stop.” “That sounds very… tempting.” He hesitated for a second, searching for the right word while his grin grew wider. “There are hundreds of miles to run.” I glanced around quickly. “Will it be safe?” “Safe?” Mark hooted with laughter. “Listen. You have better hearing than all of us; do you hear anything?” “No.” I’d been listening all along. In the distance I could hear a herd of deer off to the north grazing. Further away in the east I heard a bear snorting and even further yet I could faintly make out an elk bugling, but no human voices. “I think we’re the only ones around.” “I thought your far ranged hearing would fade after you got older—so to speak —but it seems like it’s just getting better.” I arched my eyebrow at him. “You make that sound like a bad thing.” “It’s not a bad thing. Actually,” He stepped forward, rubbing the side of his face against mine before moving to where his lips hesitated just centimeters from my own, “that’s a very, very good thing.”

“Mm.” I agreed, arching up just enough to skim my lips against his before jumping back, grinning sheepishly at him before I flung myself through the trees. Behind me, I heard Mark laugh loudly before he chased after me. After being completely surrounded by nothing but Ponderosa trees, I slipped out of my clothes and flung myself into the air. When I landed, I was running on four paws instead of two feet. Mark had already switched and was quickly catching up to me. Soon we ran side by side. We never out raced each other, we ran with each other. Forgetting about being human, forgetting all my human thoughts, I concentrated solely on running. I thought of the way my paws felt on the soft soil; the way the moon cast slivers of light through the tree branches; the way Mark’s and my running harmonized; I thought of the night freshness. Letting my wolf side fully take over, I felt completely free. I was free.

Thirty One

Soon we eased around the familiar curves as we drove through Pinecrossing, heading up the hills towards home. Home. The same feeling of peace that took over me yesterday was still seeping through me and I had no complaints about that. I lifted my head from Mark’s shoulder, pushing my arms out in front of me to stretch my muscles. “Last night was…” Mark began. “Perfect.” I finished for him, grinning as he took a sideways glance at me. “I was going to say romantic.” “Oh.” I shrugged. “It was that, too.” “We should do it more often.” “Agreed.” In all actuality, there really was no way to put what happened last night into words. We ran together deep into the night last night. When we finally reached the very edge of the mountain and a town spread out below us, we spent the night on the ridge. We didn’t change forms. We just laid, wolf and wolf, side by side and watched the way the moon slivered down through the clouds. We didn’t leave until dawn erupted. It was hard leaving Baumgartner, in a way. But I knew that it was going to be okay. No matter what happened from here on out, I knew that I was going to be okay. My life hadn’t all been a lie, and the love Mark and I shared wasn’t a lie, either. We loved each other and not because of Uncle Drew asking Mark—or whether, asking Wyann who asked Mark—to look out for me, but because of who we were, nothing more.

We turned off the highway into the driveway then and soon the garage came into sight and a smile spread over my lips. I’d been gone for several days; it felt good to be back now. In the distance I could hear Melinda and Marianne all laughing about something that Kyle did. Kelsie was talking to Jason about movies, trying to persuade him to watch Beauty and the Beast, while Melinda insisted on watching Snow Dogs because she ‘wanted to pull a sled’. Mark and I both rolled our eyes as the garage door groaned while it opened. We would be home soon. “Call her.” “Please . . . don’t do this.” “Scream for her, sweet cheeks. I promise that she’ll hear you and come running to your rescue. Scream!” “Ouch! Okay, okay. Olivia! Olivia!” My fingers dug into the seat beneath me and my body began to shake with anger. “Olivia?” Mark turned to me, concern etching across his features at my suddenly odd behavior. “Just you, Olivia.” Christine whimpered while her voice hitched. I gulped loudly. Mark couldn’t hear them. His hearing wasn’t as good as mine. “I just ed that I forgot something in town.” Mark scowled. “Oh. Well, can’t it wait?” Hundreds of lies whisked through my mind. “No. Your birthday will be here soon and there’s something at the store I ed I wanted to get for you. I won’t be very long.” Before he could argue, I stepped out of my side, moving around towards the driver’s side where Mark stood up hesitantly. “You want me to come?” He looked suspicious.

I tried to put a reassuring smile in place as I reached up to give him a quick kiss before I slid behind the wheel. “I’d rather go alone. It’s hard to shop for someone when they’re with you.” Mark continued to look unsure. “I’ll be back in a little while, I promise.” “Okay. Well, be careful.” He closed my door and as soon as he did I stepped on the gas and backed—too slowly—out the driveway. I waited until after he turned and disappeared through the trees when I really punched on the gas, heading towards Christine. She was sobbing in terror and I could hear that she was beginning to gasp and cough. She had a little bit of asthma, but it normally didn’t act up unless she became really scared and right now she sounded terrified. My foot never eased the accelerator off the floor as I swerved into her driveway. I only lifted my foot off the gas to hit the brake once, killing the engine and jumping all three steps at a time as I ran into the house, not caring about what I was walking into. My sister was in danger, how could I wait to view my options? The scene in front of me made me almost sick. My gut twisted painfully and my knees threatened to give out beneath my weight. Tears slid down Christine’s fragile face as Chuck stood behind her, holding the point of the knife right against my sister’s throat. My hands began to shake as Christine caught sight of me, squeezing her eyes closed and shivering despite her clenched teeth. She was trying to be brave. “Well, well.” Chuck smirked, leaning closer to Christine to whisper in her ear. She winced away from him as much as permitted with the knife at her throat. “I told you she would come.” Christine gasped. “You weren’t supposed to, Olivia!” I ignored her, fastening my gaze on Chuck. I couldn’t afford to get sidetracked. “I’m here now. Let my sister go.”

His lips parted to reveal his sharp teeth. His eyes gleamed evilly in the kitchen light. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. See, this precious cupcake is my bait, I can’t let her go.” “You have what you want: I’m here.” I held my arms out to the sides, taking a cautious step forward. “At least drop the knife.” “The knife?” He peered over her shoulder to examine the knife. After a few seconds he shrugged, dropping it to the floor and placing his hands on my sister’s shoulders. She squeezed her eyes closed. “The knife doesn’t make that much of a difference, does it? You know how quickly I can kill her.” He moved his hands to touch the skin of her neck. “Just a split second and I can break her neck. Or, worse yet, I can sink my teeth into her.” He leaned closer to her, parting his lips to reveal his teeth. He was too close to her skin. “That would really spice things up, wouldn’t it? Then both of you would have to hide from your family.” Evil laughter rang through the empty house. The knife didn’t make a difference, but I’d hoped it’d at least make Christine feel better. Instead it made her feel worse. “What do you want, Chuck?” His cold eyes fastened on me. “Gotta it, I didn’t think it would be that easy. In fact, I didn’t think it would work at all.” I glanced quickly at Christine, trying to figure out a way to get him away from her. “What?” “Getting bitten.” He smiled slyly, cocking his eyebrows as he ran his fingers back and forth across Christine’s neck. She looked close to vomiting. “When ‘he’ told me to go towards Mark, I thought I should go for your sister, instead. But he was right, you didn’t miss a second.” There were no words I could think of to sidetrack him, so I kept my mouth shut. “Now I’m included in the pack. Poor Mark. He’s so convinced that I’m right and good and part of his pack.” He laughed loudly, making both Christine and I cringe. “Everyone except you is really quite welcoming. Even your kids are very welcoming.” Now I stepped forward, my body beginning to shake with anger. “You leave them out of this!”

“Ew!” He wiggled his fingers at me. “I know all the secrets. All the secrets of the pack and your kids’ weaknesses. Poor Kyle, he’s just so un-careful. It would be very easy for him to just—boop!—wander away. How long would it be until you realized he was missing? How easy it would be to get him in a trap.” He laughed again, his eyes showing nothing but evil and hatred. Panic began to trickle up my spine, but I couldn’t get upset. My sister was in his hands and if I wasn’t careful, he would snap her neck. Despite my anger, I inhaled deeply to calm down. “We’ll have to take it easy with him. Teach him the rules. Kyle will understand soon enough.” Chuck tipped his head faintly, his lips close to Christine who continued to shake violently in his arms, though her sobbing had subsided. Was that good or bad? “Such the optimist, aren’t you?” “I’m reasonable.” I countered, eyeing Christine carefully. She glanced up at me once, her light blue-green eyes full of tears. I fought against the rage that held me hostage. “Did you bring me here to tell me how easy it would be to pick my family apart?” “You catch on quick, Mrs. Walker.” Christine’s head snapped up with the name and her eyes were full of questions as she stared at me. “Olivia?” She whispered. Chuck smiled coldly. “This peach cup doesn’t even know what you really are, does she?” I glared harshly at him for what he was trying to do. He continued to smile at me, nudging Christine. “Go on; tell your precious sister what you are.” Christine shook harder. “Olivia…” “What do you want, Chuck? Playing games, is that what all men like to do? Get

to the point.” He inhaled the scent of Christine, closing his eyes. “Think of me as a spy.” I continued to glare at him. “I know all the details, all the secrets. I can go back to my boss now and report everything back to him. If you think the games are bad now, just wait until I give him all my secrets. Oh! how easy it was for me to just walk in and be accepted. Mark and Kelsie—especially Kelsie—are very generous. I’m actually taking a liking to Kelsie.” He rubbed Christine’s hair between his fingers. “It’ll be real easy to lure her away from her pack and—bang!—she’s not a member anymore!” Christine coughed. “You son-of-a-bi…” Before she could finish, he clasped his hand around her mouth. She coughed, struggling against him. I stepped forward uneasily. “Let her speak!” “If you’re referring that phrase towards your sister, sweet cheeks, you wouldn’t be far off. She literally is a bitch.” “Who is your boss?” I nearly screamed. “My boss. Hmm.” A cool, evil smile lifted his lips to reveal his teeth at me. “He wants me to tell you that ‘the deal still stands’.” Chuck quoted with his fingers. The breath was knocked out of me and I leaned against the table for , gasping for air. It had been true. “Cliff.” “He’s having fun with you, but he thinks it’s time that the games stop, or get better.” He elongated the word ‘or’ while running his fingers over Christine’s lips. “You get to choose which one. He knows everything about your kids. I’ve spent quite a deal of time with them. It’ll be exceptionally easy to lure them out of the house and then we’ll send them back… in pieces.” I shook my head violently. This man was a monster. He worked for a monster and he’d come into my home, spent time with my kids, and was in love with my best friend. How did I let this happen? Worse, how could I have given in and given him what he wanted? I should have killed him!

“The deal still stands.” I whispered helplessly. All the little hope I had of fighting Cliff and killing him and then being safe was gone. I had no hope of fighting him now. I could only give in and give him what he wanted. It meant I’d no longer see either of my family—human or wolf—but at least they would be safe. I hung my head. “It stands.” “Cliff wants you to meet him on the other side of the mountain tomorrow at eleven o’clock sharp. If you’re there, your family will be spared and this precious little thing will live. If you’re not there…” His voice trailed off as he tapped his fingers threateningly on Christine’s throat. He’d just have to push a little bit and her throat would be torn out. “I get it.” I coughed, fighting against sudden tears. “Tell the son-of-a-bitch that I’ll be there.” “Too bad that you will be. This could be so fun.” He ran his finger along Christine’s jaw line. “How much fun it’ll be for me, a member of the pack, to lead each one of your kids and then every member of the pack to him where he’ll crush them, burn them, and, in the end, kill them.” His eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. I had no energy to interrupt. “Of course, your human family will get the same treatment, too. Henry would be first. Then Christine, and one by one your precious little children. After that, it’ll be Mark’s turn. He’ll have a hard, slow death while you watch. Cliff will let you live with the guilt afterwards.” Christine gasped, her knees giving out. Chuck wrapped his arm around her, holding her up. “No!” She screamed suddenly, staring wide-eyed at me and shaking her head. “You can’t do this, Olivia!” Chuck fastened his eyes on mine and I immediately stood straight. “Eleven o’clock sharp.” I stated vehemently. Chuck yawned as if this suddenly bored him. “All the fun I’ll miss out on…” He shook his head sadly. “Tell me, does Christine know what her sister is?” She looked at me, her eyes full of questions still. “No.”

“Doesn’t she have a right to know?” He pressed. “She isn’t any part of this. She doesn’t need to know.” I glanced at her briefly before fastening my eyes on Chuck again. “There shouldn’t be secrets in a family.” “If it means her safety, then it does.” He laughed. “Safety? Would you call this safety?” A growl threatened to erupt between my clenched teeth. I fought against it. “You gave me your message, now go.” He hesitated. “Christine, don’t you want to know that your sister is a monster?” “Get out!” I yelled severely, a growl threatening to burst free. Chuck hesitated, staring at me for a long time before he suddenly reached for Christine’s neck. She screamed… . . . And I flung myself over the table. I was barely aware of my clothes tearing as the growl erupted from my lips and the side of my body slammed into Chuck, sending him across the room. Christine fell to the ground, but I faced away from her, baring my teeth at Chuck and growling. I felt the hair standing between my shoulder blades and my tail bristle. We were not supposed to fight each other, but Chuck wasn’t part of us. He was a traitor; an enemy on the inside. I wanted to kill him. I bared my teeth further at him and cornered him against the wall. He continued to smile as he stood, dusting himself off. I snapped at him, urging him towards the door. Heading towards the door, he turned once to Christine and nodded. “I guess the secret’s out. Or, rather, in this case, the wolf’s out of the bag.” Once more I snapped at him and he laughed, jumping down the steps and

running through the trees where he disappeared out of sight.

For several minutes I stood in the doorway, waiting for him to come back. After his footsteps finally faded in the distance, I turned to Christine. She stood with her back pressed against the wall. Her hands were knotted in fists and her white, wide eyes were staring at me in horror. A whimper escaped my throat when I realized that she was scared of me. All this time I’d tried to protect her from this. I tried to keep this secret from her. I’d pushed her away and now all my efforts were for nothing. My temper had gotten the better of me and now she knew the truth. With one last whimper, I turned towards the door, placing one paw on the porch… “Olivia.” Christine’s voice was faint and scared as she spoke my name. Despite my wolf instinct to run, I hesitated, looking at her over my shoulder. She stepped forward, her face so pale. She looked like she was in shock and she probably was. She came towards the door until her legs suddenly collapsed and she fell to the floor, gasping as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, her eyes full of tears as she stared at me, sniffing. “Olivia…” She held her hand out to me, tears falling from her eyes. “Please don’t leave me!” My heart broke into a million pieces. The wolf in me wanted to run. It wanted to run for as long and as far as it could, but the human part of me wanted to change and go to my sister. It had been years since I’d seen her cry like this. She cried desperately after Wes’s memorial service, but even that wasn’t as severe as this. She was gasping for air now and the tears never showed any sign of slowing. Giving in, I stepped away from the door, pushing it closed with my nose before closing my eyes.

I ignored the burning fire as I felt my body shifting until I felt the cold hard wood floor beneath my human feet. I turned to where Christine sat. Grabbing the blanket from the sofa, I wrapped it around my bare shoulders before I knelt down a little ways in front of Christine. I wanted to reach out and hold her, but would that make everything worse? I squeezed the blanket tightly about my shoulders. “Christine.” I spoke softly, waiting for her to look up at me. She sobbed uncontrollably, her eyes looking up to where they met mine and her chin quivered. “You… you came.” I quickly stepped forward, encircling my arms around her. To my surprise, she buried her head in my chest, her body shaking. “Christine,” I whispered, hugging her tightly. “It’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen to you, I promise. Shh. It’s okay.” We sat on the floor of the living room for several minutes until the sobbing began to subside and she sniffed once before pulling back. “Upstairs. Clothes may… fit you.” Christine sniffed before nodding towards the stairs. I stood, clearing my throat. “I will be right back.” “Okay.” Christine stared straight ahead, concentrating on something out of sight. I took the steps three at a time. I moved into my old familiar bedroom and the closet. Like before, everything was how I left it. I didn’t take time to look at my room, however. I quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt—I hoped they looked fairly close to the ones I had before. What would I tell Mark if he noticed? When I came back downstairs, Christine was sitting on the edge of the sofa with her legs pulled up underneath her. She’d splashed water on her face while I was upstairs and she held a glass of water between her hands. Grabbing the blanket that I left on the floor, I wrapped it around her shoulders before sitting on the other side of the sofa, curling my legs up underneath me and

leaning my head against my hand, my elbow braced on the back of the sofa. Christine glanced at me briefly with a tense smile before she looked back down at her water. I tightened the blanket around her, sighing. “I’m sorry about all of this, Chris.” She shrugged, looking away. “I didn’t want to scream for you.” She whispered faintly, her voice unstable. “But he didn’t give me any other choice. You shouldn’t have come.” I reached out, patting her leg gently. “That’s my job, Christine.” “Job.” Christine scoffed, staring down at her glass again. “Jobs are selling dresses or being a cashier or a nurse or something. Not saving people.” “Police officers have an actual job of saving people.” “That’s different. Brat.” Christine huffed, trying to be teasing while still avoiding my gaze. The blanket began to slip off her shoulders and I readjusted it, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry about today, Christine. I never meant for that to happen. But I promise you, it will never happen again.” Christine dipped her finger in the water before running her finger around the rim of her glass. “It’s funny, isn’t it?” “What’s that?” Was she in shock? I’ve heard of shock, but I couldn’t tell if she was in shock or not. “Our roles are reversed. I’m the one who’s supposed to be taking care of you. I’m supposed to wipe your tears away and protect you. Our roles are reversed.” Her statement touched me and I couldn’t help but smile as I gently placed my hand over hers. “You’ve wiped a lot more of my tears away, Christine. You helped me a lot after we moved here.” She huffed. “That seems like a century ago.” She finally looked up, meeting my gaze. “I miss you.”

I swallowed loudly. “I know.” “Will you answer something for me?” She lifted her eyebrow carefully. “Of course.” “What happened today? What is this about a ‘deal’?” She scowled, shaking her head in confusion. I stood up with her question, rubbing the back of my neck with my fingers as I moved to the window. Christine didn’t follow and for that I was grateful. How was I supposed to answer her question? She was justified in asking it. She had a right to know why she’d been held at knife point and what the whole conversation meant, but even I was still struggling with it. Everything made sense now. Of course Cliff would have gotten an innocent human and did his little mind tricks so that he could have a spy inside. It made perfect sense and I felt horrible that I didn’t discover this earlier. “I never meant for you to be a part of what happened today. All this time I’ve tried to protect you from it.” Christine swallowed, continuing to run her finger over the rim of the glass. “You can’t protect everybody all the time. I’m not as weak as you think I am, Olivia. Talk to me.” She patted the place beside her. “Please?” How could I resist her? Giving in, I sat beside her, sitting cross legged on the sofa to face her, clasping both of her hands in my own after setting her glass on the coffee table. “What happened today doesn’t matter, okay?” “No, not okay.” “Christine…” “Olivia.” She interrupted with a stern voice, arching both of her eyebrows in the same expression that Mom used to use whenever she was serious. “Tell me the truth about what just happened. Don’t sugar coat anything. I can handle it.”

“I thought I could, too. But now I’m not so sure.” “Why?” Christine leaned towards me intently. “What’s wrong, Olivia? Please.” I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. “When I ran away, I went to Mark’s house because Cliff was looking for me. Cliff is a very bad man who wants to kill Mark for revenge. Marianne told me that Cliff was here looking for me because he thought he could use me to get to Mark. “If I didn’t leave, Christine, he would have hurt you and Drake. I left to meet him at Mark’s place. Once I did, I made a deal with him that I would become his if he’d let Mark and you guys be left alone. You’d all be safe. Then things changed and… now that deal still stands.” “Isn’t Cliff Mark’s brother?” Oops! I forgot I told her that. “Sort of. I’m not certain on all the details, sis, I just know that I had to meet him to save you and Mark.” “I’m… confused.” “Confusion is always there, isn’t it?” That was something I constantly struggled with. Christine lifted and dropped our hands. “So the main line is; you have to leave your family and be with him?” “Yes.” “And you’re married to Mark Walker, your high school boyfriend?” I almost laughed at her expression. “Yes.” “You two have four kids?” “Yes.” I whispered. “So, you’re just supposed to turn your back on them and me to make the deal?” “I don’t have a choice, Christine! I’ve tried to protect my family, and look at how well that worked out. I have to do this or else he’ll destroy my family piece

by piece. You heard Chuck.” She winced at the reminder, shivering. “Are you okay?” I asked. Her face was still pale and her eyes were still red. She still looked like my sister, but she was still scared which was perfectly normal. I was still scared. “I can’t believe that you’re a… Did that… Are you really a…” She bit her lower lip, embarrassment coloring her face. “What you saw is a reality that I never wanted you to see.” I looked into her eyes closely and I could see fear. Withdrawing my hands from over hers, I leaned back, away from her. “Do you want to forget what happened today?” “Yes. I can still feel his fingers on me and his fingers in my hair…” She shivered, squeezing her eyes closed. She was justified in wanting to erase today from her memory, and I couldn’t blame her, but I couldn’t help but feel pained as she didn’t want to what I was. “That can be arranged.” “Really?” She opened her eyes. “It’s possible to erase the past twenty-four hours of memory.” There had only been once that Mark talked about the pills that erased human’s memories who on a few occasions got a glimpse of what we really were. I never thought I’d ever need them, but now this would be the second instance of Christine taking them. “I’ll call and…” I began to stand. Christine grabbed my wrist, stopping me. “If… if my memory is erased, will I you? Why you left? And what you are?” Unable to find my voice, I shook my head. “Then no, I don’t want to erase my memory.” She pulled her shoulders back stubbornly. “Christine…”

“I finally know the truth. I can deal with the rest, but I can’t forget this. I can’t forget the reason why you abandoned me all those years ago. We’re finally together, spending time with each other again. It feels like we’re finally sisters. Even if you are a… a werewolf and I don’t have all the details, I don’t want to forget the truth… not that it does a lot of good now because you’re leaving again.” I glanced at the clock at the reminder and nodded. Mark would begin to get worried and if this was my last night, I needed to get home. “I should be leaving.” “You don’t have to do this.” She begged. “Yes, I do.” “That number you gave me—I think you said his name was Wyann—is he part of this whole… wolf thing?” At times, Christine’s blue-green eyes were really easy to read and I could see her intentions. I shook my head, moving around her towards the kitchen. “I gave you that number for emergencies only.” “But this is an emergency!” She argued, following me into the kitchen. “He’d be able to stop you from making this huge mistake, wouldn’t he?” “No.” I shoved the drawer open and rummaged through it, but I couldn’t find the paper that his number was on. I glared at Christine. “Where is it?” She folded her thin arms, arching her eyebrow stubbornly and setting her jaw. “I moved it to a safer place.” Huffing, I searched the next drawer. No number. “Christine, please. Cliff has the power to destroy my family and I can’t let that happen. I have a chance to save them. Please, don’t call Wyann.” “You’re my sister. I won’t let you ruin your life.” I searched the whole kitchen almost and there was nothing. I could search the house all day and still not find it.

I went over to the phone jack on the wall, pulled it out, went to the phone and crushed it in my hands. Christine gawked as I dropped the remains of the phone on the floor. Afterwards I grabbed her purse off the counter before she could grab it, pulling out her cell phone and stepping on it, crushing the little black thing. “Olivia!” Christine screamed, looking at her non-working phone. “I’m sorry.” I rolled the phone jack around my hand in case she had another phone lying around. “I can’t let you stop me from doing this. If something happens, I’ll be able to hear you scream. And you’ll be able to have your phone fixed tomorrow afternoon.” “Sister, I’m begging you, please don’t do this.” “I don’t have a choice.” She threw her hands in the air. “Life is full of choices, trust me. Don’t make this mistake.” “It’s already done.” I argued, moving towards the door. “We just got our relationship back.” Christine whispered, jogging behind me. Her whisper made guilt flood through me. I wanted to spend more time with her, especially now that she knew the truth. But I couldn’t. All of my families’ lives were in danger and I couldn’t risk their lives so that I could visit family. I wasn’t that shallow. “I’m sorry.” I hugged Christine tightly before I opened the door. “Take care of yourself, Christine. I’ll… try to call sometime.” She groaned behind me as I moved towards the Porsche. “I love you, Olivia. I wish you wouldn’t do this.” I waved before getting in the car. “Love you, too, Christine.” And I drove away.

Thirty Two

Mommy?” Jason whispered, pushing down the sheets to gaze at me. Putting the same smile on my face of which I held all afternoon, I slowly walked back to Jason, leaning down by his bed and tucking the sheets closer up around him. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” “I’m scared.” Jason confessed, his chin quivering slightly and tears filling his light gray-blue eyes. “I feel like something’s happening.” “It’s okay to be scared sometimes.” I promised him while my emotions tore apart. My son had wolf in him, and wolves—animals, period—could tell when something was about to change. That was what Jason was picking up now and I didn’t know what to tell him that would make him feel better. The floor boards creaked out in the hall. All the other children were quiet and sleeping. After I tucked them all in, Mark had gone in their bedrooms to read them all a bed time story. He stood against the wall by the doorway now, waiting until he could read to Jason. Swallowing down my emotions, I pushed Jason’s hair from his forehead and smiled as brightly as I could. “I want to tell you something, Kiddo. Okay?” He nodded, looking wary. “Sometimes people feel guilty about something. When something happens, they sometimes feel like it’s their fault. Do you understand?” Jason nodded. “I feel like I’m the reason why you’re gone all the time. I’m sorry, Mom. I really am trying.” “It’s not your fault, Kiddo.” Tears began to blind me no matter how hard I fought them. “I overheard you telling Aunt Kelsie that the other day. That’s why I want to tell you that it’s not your fault.

“When my parents died, I felt extremely guilty for the accident, just as I did when your uncle—my brother—died. I thought it was my fault. If I could have been better or done something different or if I was closer to him and he felt like he had a friend, he wouldn’t have done what he did. “But you know what? That wouldn’t have made a difference, Jason. Things happen that are out of our control. We can blame ourselves as much as we want to, but it’s not our fault. “Whatever happens in the future, it’s not because of you. If your dad and I argue or if one of us leaves or if something else happens, I want you to know that it’s not your fault, okay? Nothing is your fault.” My voice began to crack and I struggled harder against my emotions. “Do you promise?” Jason’s little kid eyes bore into mine. Though he was eight years old, his mind was much more mature than his age. I would miss those beautiful child eyes. I would miss being called ‘mommy’. I would miss all of them. I reached down and kissed his forehead softly before rubbing the side of his face with my hand. “I promise. You’re absolutely perfect, Kiddo. Now, get some sleep.” Jason sighed heavily with relief. “I love you, Mommy.” “I love you, too, sweetheart. Do you want Dad to read you a bedtime story, or do you just want to sleep?” He thought about it before shaking his head. “Just sleep.” “Good-night.” I closed the door behind me, leaving it open just a little so that some light could get through before I leaned against the wall, inhaling deeply. Mark stood against the wall on the other side of the hallway, his eyes on me. I was different. I was upset and he could sense that, too. I wasn’t fooling anyone by keeping this smile on my face. Worry ran up and down my spine. How was I ever going to get to the other side of the mountain tomorrow without tipping Mark or someone else in the pack off?

“Hey,” Mark whispered with a hoarse voice, reaching his hand out for mine. Offering him a slow smile, I slid my hand into his. “Hi.” He began to lead me up the third flight of stairs into our bedroom. “All afternoon I was trying to figure out what was wrong. I didn’t know you blamed yourself for what happened to Wes.” My brother’s name on Mark’s lips sounded funny. I’d always said his name and my family spoke of him, but never Mark. Mark never really used my families’ name except for Christine. It made me feel like my two families weren’t separated and that; instead, they were together and knew each other. I wished Wes could have met Mark. I had a feeling that he would like him, especially when Mark sat down on Sunday afternoons and watched Football. Fighting off another wave of tears, I nodded at Mark, going around the side of the bed to straighten out the sheets. “Sometimes I do.” Mark paused in the doorway. “Why?” “Because…” I shrugged, moving to the other side and tucking in more of the stray sheets. “My brother was going through a divorce, he felt alone. Mom was gone, Christine lived in Wyoming, and I was a ‘run-a-way’”—I quoted with my fingers—“so he felt alone. Maybe if I would have talked to him or something, I could have talked him out of it. Every time he meant to talk to me when I was little, I just ignored him.” My neck felt heavy suddenly. “Livia,” Mark breathed my nick name, coming around the bed until he stood in front of me. “If something would happen to Christine, Henry, or me, would you still find a way to blame yourself?” I knew exactly what Mark was getting at and the answer to it. I avoided his gaze, refusing to look at him. He sighed heavily. “You can’t blame yourself for everything, Livia. Take your advice that you gave Jason. Things happen that are out of our control. Besides, if you want to blame someone, blame me. I’m the one who brought you into this life. I’m the one who’s forcing you to stay away from your original family. It’s my fault. Not yours.”

“Your fault!” I scoffed, glaring at him. “My parents’ accident was far from your fault.” “Maybe it wasn’t.” He shrugged. “If I was near, I could have stopped the truck— physically—or bitten your parents and changed them into what we are. I could have prevented it somehow.” “That’s not fair.” How could he suddenly push himself into feeling guilty? It had nothing to do with him. If anyone was to blame for their accident and for me changing, it was Uncle Drew. “You’re not to blame for where I am today. I pushed and pushed and researched and searched and did everything I could to discover the truth. Once I did, I kept pushing and pushing until I got to where I’m at today. Where I am now isn’t your fault, it’s mine.” “But I allowed it. I allowed you to push and research. I should have put a stop to it. But instead I gave you some secrets, some hints. I broke all kinds of rules to get closer to you, Livia. If you need someone to blame, blame me.” I glared viciously at him. “That’s not fair!” “And I think if Wes was here, he’d say the same about you.” “But he’s not here!” “And that’s my fault.” I clenched my teeth together, squeezing my eyes closed. “You didn’t even know him!” Mark exhaled heavily. He stepped closer to me, cupping his hand under my chin to lift my face. I slowly gazed into his ocean blue eyes. “If this was our last night together and say I suddenly had a heart attack, would you blame yourself?” Pain as broad as a boulder crashed into me full bore then. Mark had no idea how true his words were. Tonight was our last night together, and for that I felt guilty. I truly was the one to blame for abandoning my family in a matter of hours, but I was doing it for good. I was doing it to save all my family. But Mark’s words were true; tonight was our last night together. I did not want to spend this last night arguing with Mark while he tried to take some of the pain

off my shoulders. Mark brought his hand up to my neck where he rubbed softly to try to ease the tension. “You carry too much blame and guilt, Olivia. That is one good thing about what we are. If you let your wolf become part of you and let your human instincts drift more to the side, you’d be able to breathe.” “I’m fighting it.” I whispered in the dark, meaning something different than what Mark was talking about. “I know.” A soft smile spread over his lips. “It takes time to let the wolf become part of you, even though it was already part of who we are.” Entwining my arms around his neck, I rested my forehead against his. “Let’s not talk about this anymore.” I pleaded softly. “If this was our last night together, I don’t want to argue.” “Me neither.” Mark’s arms circled around my waist and we weaved back and forth slowly as if to dance. “I’m sorry you can’t be a part of your family.” He kissed my forehead as he spoke. “Forcing you away from your family is what I hate most.” I nestled my head into his neck, inhaling the scent of him. He smelled of pine, oranges, and wilderness. I’d always his scent. “Like you said, I have to let the wolf take over. Then maybe it won’t be so hard. But I have what I want right here in my arms.” I pulled away from him just enough to look into his eyes. “I’m willing to make sacrifices.” Mark smiled slyly and a strange emotion knotted in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t identify. “Look, I’ve been talking to your uncle and Wyann a lot lately. Your uncle is one of us, but he still has his real family, Olivia. I talked it over with Wyann, and we decided that we can try and fit into both worlds.” My heart stopped. “What?” “It’ll take some practice and time. We’ll have to talk to the kids a lot and help them with being normal, especially Kyle, but I think we can do it. It’s not fair to block you away from your human family. If your uncle can do it, I see no reason why we can’t fit into both worlds, too. I can meet Henry, Olivia. And I can meet your grandparents and all your uncles and aunts and maybe even some cousins.”

His smile widened at the thought. “Both of your families can be a whole family. You wouldn’t have to sacrifice.” My voice was gone. I couldn’t find it. I couldn’t find words. All this time I’d hoped that we could do this. I tried to figure out a way that both of my families could be together and be a true, real, full family. But it never happened. It was ‘forbidden’. Now that I was out of time and I had to go with Cliff tomorrow and be gone from both of these worlds, now they said they can bring them together? Bring my family together. Now that it was too late, everything I wished for was happening, only I wouldn’t be part of it. At least my kids would still have part of my human family, hopefully. Tears began to swim in my eyes as I stared into Mark’s. His eyes were bluer and brighter than I’d ever seen them. A frown crossed his expression when he saw tears welling in my eyes. He reached up to catch a tear that slid down my face. “Livia, what’s wrong?” His frown deepened. Lies. I had no choice but to speak them now. “I’m just happy.” Mark leaned closer to me. “I knew you would be.” Before he could say anything else and before I was expected to talk, I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to me where I pressed my lips urgently against his. All the time we had earlier and all the years that we’d spent together were going to be gone tomorrow. They suddenly seemed like a mere second than almost eleven years, if that was even the right amount of years as time slipped by so easily. I felt as if I hardly knew my husband, and after tonight I wouldn’t get a chance to know him any better. I didn’t want to think about what I wasn’t going to be a part of anymore. I didn’t want to feel the hurt and pain that was threatening to take over me for what would happen tomorrow. I refused to feel that. Tonight, the only thing I wanted to do was concentrate on Mark and the love we felt for each other. Mark picked me up in one swift movement before placing me on the bed,

reaching for the light switch…

Morning colored the sky and lit the walls of our bedroom too soon. Birds sang cheerfully outside as the sun threatened to break through the window. In the rooms on the second floor, I could hear the soft snores of my children. Soon they would all get up and it would be time to fix breakfast. After that I would normally start doing the laundry, cleaning their rooms, and then playing with them. Of course, on Friday mornings I normally ran for a few hours to think clearly. That would be the excuse I would use today to leave, though I shivered at the thought. I stared at the man lying beside me. His white hair sprawled across the pillow and his mouth was slack as he slept peacefully. My slender fingers moved back and forth across his bare upper arm. All the muscle that had once captured my eye years ago and that I’d made a vow to memorize, I had. I knew exactly where every twist and every curve of his muscle was. I knew all the expressions he held and the meaning behind them. No longer was this man a secret like he had been about eleven years ago. Now I knew him inside and out; how long would it be before I forgot? How long would it be until my children forgot about me? The thought was painful and I wanted to escape it, but I couldn’t. I stared at my fingers moving rhythmically back and forth across Mark’s arm while I thought. It would probably be only a year or perhaps two until they forgot about me completely, even Jason. I’d just be the woman in all the family pictures. I’d be their mom that they didn’t even ; their mom who ran away. A lump lodged in my throat, but I let it sit there. They would only have the pictures as a reminder of me. But that would be good, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it be better for them to soon forget about me than it would for them to and always wonder why I left? Why I’d abandoned them like Jason can see happening? Fighting down nausea, I sat up in bed. Biting my lower lip, I hoped that the top drawer of the bed stand wouldn’t squeak as I pulled it out. It didn’t. After pulling out the notebook of paper and popping out the ink of the pen, I began to write. I hadn’t written a letter for years and that made my hands tremble.

Mom & Dad,

I haven’t written you guys in so long that I feel guilty. It’s been two or three years, I think. Unfortunately, this isn’t a letter where I tell you about how happy I am and how excited I am for having children. I am still happy; don’t get me wrong about that. My children—Jason, Kyle, Melinda, and Tim—give me joy each and every day. It’s hard to imagine how life would be without my precious children. But even having a family and receiving joy each day from them isn’t enough to keep bad things away. Mom, you said that this would happen—that great days would come. I’ll never forget when you came to me in a dream and told me that. And Dad, you always told me when I was younger to never get my hopes too high, and be prepared when something bad happens. Well, something bad is happening. I tried to prepare for it and not get my hopes too high, but I didn’t, and sometimes hope is our enemy. The time has come when I can’t stay with my family anymore. Danger is around the corner and the safety of my whole family—including Henry and Christine—depends on me doing this. Therefore, this isn’t another letter of how well I’m doing. This is another goodbye letter. Except this time, it’s for good. I doubt I’ll be coming back. I don’t know what will happen to me from here on out, but I don’t have a good feeling about what it is. I know how much you two love me, and I only hope that you can forgive me for saying a forever good-bye when I promised myself and you several years ago that I’d never say good-bye. I actually said good-bye to you both at the cemetery, and I thought it would only be right to write a good-bye letter to make it that much more official, though I hate to make it official at all. But I’m afraid I don’t have a choice. I love you both with all my heart and I regret having to do this.

Love your daughter, always,

Olivia Mayor Walker.

Inhaling deeply after I folded their letter and put the envelope on the bedspread covering my lap, I started on the next and most difficult letter.

Dearest My Beloved Mark,

I regret having to write this letter to you. I never imagined that I would have to write this letter so soon, but I guess I always knew the day was coming. I expect that when you finally read this, you’ll be angry and hurt. Believe me when I tell you that I never wanted this to happen. And please, obey my last wish and not be angry and feel hurt. I know how very much you’ll hate me for doing this, but I have no choice. I have to do this. You would have tried to stop this, I know you would have. But I’m tired of reading books and watching movies where the man always saves the day —for once I want to be the hero. Our family needs you a lot more than they need me. You know the rules, you know what they need; you guys will be fine. Cliff wants me and if having me means that my family—human and wolf—can be safe and our children can live their lives to their fullest, then I can be his. Please, please understand that. Maybe it isn’t fair for me to be writing this letter to you. Maybe making a clean break would have been better, but I needed to explain myself to you. I needed to try to make you understand. But I also needed to tell you to please let our children know that I didn’t abandon them. I would never do that. I love our children with all my heart, and if they ask about me, tell them. When they start forgetting about me—which I know they will after some time—let them. It wouldn’t be fair for them to keep being reminded about me when they think that I, their mother, abandoned them. Tell Jason that my leaving has nothing to do with him. Tell him that I left to protect all of my family. You can do this, Mark. You are such an incredible man; I couldn’t leave our children in better hands than you.

You’ve been a fine husband, friend, and father. I will miss you every day. I do love you dearly. I wish I could tell you that we may be together again someday, but that would be providing false hope. In life, we have to face reality, and reality is that I will probably never see you again. I hate that fact, but knowing that you and our children and my family are alive will give me peace of mind. I hope it will you, too. I love you with all my heart.

Your wife, Livia Walker

To my surprise, no tears came as I finished writing the letter. Maybe I’d cried out all of my tears during the night and I had none left. Or perhaps my body went numb, like it had the two years after my parents’ accident. Either way, it didn’t matter. Pain and tears wouldn’t do anything. My mind was made up and there was no going back. I inhaled deeply as I folded the letter and placed it gently in the envelope. I hesitated in putting Mark’s name on the envelope. Should I wait and put it somewhere where he’ll discover it after a few weeks or months, or should I put his name on it and let him open it right away? Before I could decide Mark shifted, stretching his arms above his head and gazing up at me, smiling as his eyelids slid closed again. “Good morning.” I smiled down at him, tugging on his hair. “Good morning.” “Are they up yet?” He pushed his legs as far as he could in a stretch while he yawned before pushing himself up further in bed. I continued to hold the envelope. “No, they’re still snoring. I thought I’d procrastinate in here as long as I could before they got up.” I bent down to give him a kiss. He smiled as I pulled back, sighing contentedly.

“Procrastination can be a wonderful thing at times.” He sat up higher when he caught sight of the envelope in my lap. He arched an eyebrow. “Writing another letter to put in your box?” His question caught me off guard. I gasped, staring at him. “You read my letters? Those are private. You had no right.” “I didn’t read them.” Mark lifted his hands above his head in surrender. “The first time you went out into the forest and Joey almost attacked you in his wolf form, I was curious as to what made you linger in that spot. I checked it out the next morning and after opening the box, I figured it out pretty quickly. I put it back, Livia. I would never have read your letters. Like you said, they were private. I’d never invade your privacy.” Guilt fled through me at accusing him so quickly. I hung my head. “I’m sorry for accusing you of that. It’s just something that’s between my parents and I. Someone reading my thoughts is disturbing.” “This may seem odd, but I do understand.” “With everything else that you already went through, I kind of already figured you would.” Mark grinned childishly. “Aren’t we a match made in heaven?” I stretched my arms over my head and listened as my muscles popped. “After last night, that would be a definite yes.” Mark laughed. Beds began to creak and many yawns filled the air before several voices at once said “good morning!”. Mark and I laughed at the same time. “The herd is up.” “Yep. And they’re hungry. I’ll start fixing breakfast.” I glanced anxiously at the clock as I crawled out of bed. It was almost nine o’clock. “I can get breakfast.” Mark pulled his pants on quickly, slung his arms into his green and white striped shirt before leaning over to kiss me quickly on the lips.

“You just ‘procrastinate.’” He laughed as he closed the door behind him and ran down the stairs, talking to the kids. I stared at the closed door. The routine had been a routine all these mornings. At first I loved the thrill and excitement of a new day, but lately it had started to become dull and routine. Now I regretted feeling that way. I wish I could do this for several more days to come. After quickly pulling on a pair of jeans and a loose-fitting long sleeve shirt, I flipped Mark’s envelope over and wrote his name on it. Before leaving the bedroom I placed it gently in his top drawer of the dresser before closing the drawer silently and running downstairs with my parents’ envelope safely tucked in my pocket… Fixing breakfast beside Mark went fairly quickly. He busily flipped three and four pancakes at a time while I scrambled the eggs and tended to the toast. “A commercial on the TV yesterday showed kids eating toaster Eggo’s.” Kyle stated, sitting backwards in his chair while he watched us fix breakfast.” “Yuck!” Melinda frowned while pretending to wince. “Eggo’s? That sounds disgus-ting.” Mark and I rolled our eyes at each other. “They’re probably good.” Kyle argued. “I don’t care what it’s called as long as we eat.” Jason stated. “Pancakes and scrambled eggs is good with me!” Melinda said during a yawn. “How do you know eggs that we eat aren’t Eggo’s?” Kyle asked quickly, desperately trying to get back into the spotlight. “Gees.” Jason rolled his eyes. “If you watched the commercial better, you’d of seen that it was waffles.” “Waffles?” Melinda and Kyle exclaimed at the same time. “Yes, waffles.” Mark finally intervened, setting several plates down in front of

each of them. “They’re almost the same as Pancakes.” He tousled their hair before turning back to the stove. “Not either,” Kyle said defiantly, poking his nose in the air. “They flipped no Pancakes on the commercial.” After grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and closing it with my foot, Mark held each one’s glass while I filled it with the juice. “And you know what?” Jason and Melinda turned to me. “What?” They asked at once. I smiled at each of them, memorizing all their faces. “With those Eggo waffles, they put them in the toaster. Now, isn’t Pancakes that your dad flips and puts on a show much better than simple food you toast?” The kitchen became silent for several seconds while they all glanced at each other before they all grinned, nodded, and spoke several different things at once. Mark began making another batch of pancakes while I knelt in the corner of the kitchen where Tim sat staring at me. I petted my son’s head tenderly as I set the plate on the floor. “You can still eat at the table, you know.” Tim wagged his tail faintly as he looked from the table down to the floor. He enjoyed eating from a plate on the ground. At night after the others were asleep, Tim would always leave which ever room he’d stayed in and move to the living room where he curled up on his ‘dog bed’ that Mark and I bought, where he could keep an eye on the door. I hugged him around the neck quickly before I stood and made another batch of eggs. “Where do kids go?” Melinda asked suddenly in between bites of her Pancakes, eggs, and toast. Mark leaned against the counter where he worked on eating his first pancake. “What do you mean?” “On the TV it shows kids—like us—going into brick buildings with some kind of packs on their backs. It also has a big yellow car dropping them off.”

Mark glanced at me with worried eyes. We’d talked about enrolling them in school several months ago and we hadn’t agreed at all on the subject. I sat down at the head of the table, turning my back to Mark and focusing on my children, including Tim. “Kids your age go to school.” “School?” Kyle gasped in shock. “What’s school?” Jason interrupted. “Do they kidnap kids?” Melinda’s eyes widened. “I bet…” “Hold on!” I raised my voice over theirs, holding up my hand until they quieted. “School is not a prison and they don’t kidnap you. It’s a place where kids go for a certain amount of hours to learn.” “Learn what?” Melinda asked quietly, tipping her head slightly. “Well it’s kind of like when Wyann comes here every now and then and talks to you guys about all this cool stuff.” I glanced briefly at Jason who stared down at his plate. Wyann rarely spoke to Jason. Yet another rule: we weren’t to tell Jason about wolf-people on the off chance that he wouldn’t turn, though the others already had. Mark noticed my gaze and he went around the table, tousling Jason’s hair. “Why don’t you come help me make the beds, Jason-kiddo?” “Sure.” Head hanging, Jason stood and scooted the chair up to the table. He knew that he was being kept in the dark and my heart went out to him. He was going to have a rough several years until he turned and could be let into the truth. “See ya, Kiddo.” I whispered to Jason.

“See you later, Mom.” Before going upstairs, Jason wrapped his arms around my neck, kissed my face quickly, and then followed Mark into the living room and up the stairs. My heart was already breaking as I watched Jason disappear around the corner. How could I leave my kids? How could I stand the pain of leaving them behind and never seeing them again? Refusing to give in to the pain, however, I turned to face the rest my kids. “What does Wyann do when he comes over and talks to you guys?” “He talks about rules.” “What happens to us.” “What we should do.” Everyone spoke at once, making it impossible to hear. Again, I raised my hand. “Quiet, I can’t hear everyone at once. Let’s raise our hands and talk one at a time, okay?” Melinda was the first to raise her hand. “Wyann talks about the rules of ‘us’.” “Yes. What else?” Kyle raised his hand slowly. “Kyle.” “He explains what happens in our bodies when we turn.” I smiled at each of them, wishing I could do this every morning. I glanced briefly at the clock that stated it was a quarter after ten. Time was running out. “School is kind of like that. Except that instead of teaching us about what we are, we have to keep that a secret. We can’t tell anyone that we’re wolves, but we still learn. We learn about math and science and a whole bunch of different neat things. The yellow long cars are called buses, and that’s what takes many kids to school.” “Do we get to go?” Melinda asked excitedly. “That depends.”

“On what?” Kyle interrupted. “On how well you guys can do at keeping our secret.” I arched my eyebrow at Kyle who looked down shyly at his plate. “Oh.” “But you know what? You guys don’t have to worry about that right now. Why don’t you guys start on the dishes, okay?” Before they got up to work on the dishes, I hugged each of them, feeling nauseated as I turned and moved towards the living room, away from them. Just as I neared the stairs, Mark came down, his eyes cautious as I reached for the door, gesturing for him to me on the porch. After checking to make sure that they were all working on the dishes, he followed me outside. “How’d it go?” I shrugged. “They want to go.” He scowled. “You know my view on that.” “I do.” It was almost ten-thirty. “But they’re still kids, Mark. They have a right to go.” “And tell the world the truth.” “They’re kids. How many people take what they say seriously?” “I don’t like it.” I arched up on my toes, running my fingers through his hair. “I know. But you’ll know what’s right when the time comes.” Kissing him quickly, I leaned down, heading towards the steps. In the distance I could hear Christine running into her dress shop. She’d find the letter I left for her after leaving her place yesterday soon. “Where are you going?” Mark asked as I moved down the first step.

I battled an onslaught of breathless sobs as I turned to him. “I’m going to go running.” “Running? Now?” Disbelief crossed his expression. “Yes. You said last night that I needed to connect with my inner wolf, and what better way than running? Besides, I run every Friday morning.” My body tensed. This was going to be hard. “Is this another two steps back with one forward?” Mark asked warily. My throat tightened. “I enjoy running. I like the way the soil feels under my feet.” He still looked hesitant. “Look, I’m fine. I’ll… see you later.” I stepped up on the flat surface of the porch to give him a long hug. Warmth wrapped around me from him and I wished with all my heart that I could take it with me, but I couldn’t. I pulled away to give him a quick kiss before I jumped down the steps. “See you later.” I waved at him as I jogged towards the trees. “Love you,” He whispered. I glanced once more over my shoulder as I ran towards the trees to see hurt reflecting in his eyes. I immediately regretted glancing back, but it was too late now. Time was running out and I couldn’t turn around and make it up. I had a job to do. Therefore, I ignored Mark’s expression and I did my job. I ran.

Thirty Three

Running. It poured through every pore of my body effortlessly. My long legs ran steadily beneath me and my air supply was steady. There was no huffing, no aching muscle—nothing but running. I only paused long enough to put my last letter to my parents in the box. Afterwards, I removed my clothes quickly, locking them between my teeth as I took off running again. In the distance I heard Marianne and Brice enter Christine’s shop. They began to ask her what was wrong instantly. Panic welled up inside me. If Brice kept trying to calm Christine down the way he was to get the truth, he’d have it in no time at all. I didn’t know why Brice was here. I thought I’d overheard something about him coming as he had a few weeks off college or something like that, but I really didn’t know. And for now, I couldn’t care, either. Clenching my teeth tighter around my clothes, I thought of nothing but running. Heat and fire ran up and down my spine as I continued to run. My eye sight began to blur to red as my body shifted. My back lengthened, my mouth and teeth hurt as they took a different shape, my feet lifted off the ground for a split second… and I kept running. Once the heat faded into the distance, I was pushing myself forward on all four paws. Soon I was halfway up the mountainside. The urge to turn back and look at my home one last time was strong, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t look back. My decision was made and I had no choice but to keep going. “Its okay, Christine. Calm down. I know Olivia, I know her better than probably even you do. Tell me what’s wrong. It’s okay.” I could hear Brice’s persuasive voice in the distance. I hoped that Christine wouldn’t fall for it.

“Are . . . are you part of it?” Christine’s voice shook and I felt like squeezing my eyes closed as I ran further through the forest. I was getting closer to the meeting point. Cliff’s scent was getting stronger. I suddenly wanted to stop and turn the other direction. The smell made me stiffen and my hair stood on edge. We were natural enemies, which hopefully made this feeling of pure hatred and rage come up. But was it the wolf part of me that wanted to stop and go back, or the human? Which one was pushing me forward? “Yes.” Brice answered Christine’s question. “Do you know Cliff?” “Yes. Is Olivia going to meet him?” Christine sobbed heavily. “She’s supposed to meet him on the other side of the mountain at eleven today. She disconnected all my phone lines—even the one here—so I couldn’t call for help. She’s finishing some kind of deal. I’m worried she’s doing something stupid!” “Good, Christine. Thanks for telling me. Mom.” Brice’s footsteps were heavy and urgent against the floor and I heard him dial a number while Marianne spoke in a soothing voice to Christine. I didn’t stop running. Closer than their voices, I heard Mark’s as he answered the phone. If I was human, I knew that tears would be burning my eyes. But I kept going. “Mark. We have a problem . . .” Brice began. After that I stopped listening. I knew what would happen now. Brice would tell him everything and Mark would run after me to try to stop me. I was beginning to run down the other side of the mountain now. Would Mark be able to catch up to me quickly enough to stop me? A part of me wished that he would stop me. I wished that he could stop what was about to happen and we could be a family. But I knew that wouldn’t happen. No one could stop Cliff and all their years of fighting and this ‘war’ wasn’t going to stop unless something changed, and I was that something. “Olivia!” Mark screamed my name at the top of his lungs as his feet hit the

ground hard and fast. He was running after me. It was bad enough that I had to leave my family in the first place, but it made it that much harder when the man that I loved with all my heart was screaming at me to stop. His voice was hoarse. He rarely lost his calm, but he was definitely anxious now. The urge to stop and run to him was strong, but I couldn’t. I’d already said goodbye. Somewhat. I couldn’t turn back, not now. Even if he was getting closer, I couldn’t stop… Cliff’s smell got stronger suddenly and I could hear a few faint voices in the distance. I froze, dropping the clothes from my teeth as I allowed my body to change. Fire swept through me as my legs stretched, my back pulled me up to a standing position and my legs grew into arms. I was human again and I quickly pulled on my clothes before I stepped through the last of the trees into the opening…

Thirty Four

Chuck was the first one I saw. He leaned heavily against a tree with a rifle pushed against his shoulder. He wasn’t aiming it at me, but something else that stood in front of him. His eyes, however, were on me, but the gun pointed in another direction. There were two other men there, too, that I didn’t recognize. One was a skinny, tall fellow with a bald head that glistened in the sunlight. His eyes were dark red and I winced away from them. The other had real bushy dark hair that swept almost down to his waist. His eyes were darker than the other one and I still grimaced, though I braced myself. Cliff stood closer to me than any of them. His light red eyes were fastened on me as a slow, evil smile seeped across his lips. I immediately pulled my shoulders back and looked straight ahead. I would not show them any kind of weakness or fear. I had to do this. “Olivia, I know what you’re doing. Please, please don’t. There’s another way!” Mark screamed into the open sky as he almost reached the top of the mountain. Cliff looked utterly amused as he narrowed his eyes. “I see you came with a follower.” “That wasn’t supposed to happen.” I replied bitterly, tensing. He rolled his shoulders, looking ahead where Chuck aimed the gun. I glanced in that direction to see two wolves—normal, wild wolves—tied to trees. Just as I saw them, Chuck pulled the trigger to his rifle and a white and brown wolf dropped with a loud yelp just as Chuck fell to the ground, flinching. Before I could stop it, a gasp rose from my lips as I turned to glare at Cliff. Having me this way wasn’t enough for him. I needed to change. I needed to turn into the enemy. ing what Mark said so many years ago when I first discovered the

truth, my stomach turned. To become an enemy—a ‘demon’—one of us— wolves—needed to shoot a normal wolf. After shooting a wolf, you broke all ties to the person you are and then become an enemy of the wolf: a demon. That was the point of having the wolves and the rifles. In order to make good on my end of the deal, I needed to shoot a wolf to break the tie with the wolf inside of me to become what Cliff was. I felt sick at the idea. “The deal still stands, as I’m sure you well know.” Cliff began. “I know.” My voice was hard and dead. “You know what I’ll do in return.” “Yes.” “And you also know that you don’t have to do this.” I growled. “My family gets slaughtered if I don’t do this.” Cliff clasped his hands together in a business like manner. “Yes.” “The deal will stand.” “No! Please, please Olivia. Think about this for a minute. He’s a traitor. It’s a trick. Don’t do this!” Maybe Mark might be right. Maybe this was a trick, but I couldn’t go by whatif’s. Cliff hadn’t hurt my family yet, and he was offering a way where my family could be safe. I couldn’t back out on unsure facts. Even if it was a trick, I couldn’t stop. “Are you sure?” Cliff grabbed a rifle and handed it to me. Before I took the gun, I glanced at the dead wolf that lay bleeding on the ground. Chuck grasped a tree tightly, gasping and choking for air. Just a few seconds ago I’d felt some kind of a connection with Chuck. I felt that he was the only one in this group that I could trust, but now I felt nothing but hatred and anger towards him.

Cliff pushed the gun closer to me, gesturing to the wolf. “You can’t really be mine if you’re that”—he jabbed his hand towards the last wolf, white, that paced anxiously—“because we’d want to kill each other all the time. That wouldn’t serve the purpose.” Though fear ran through my body, I stood straight and erect as I took the rifle from Cliff, moved around him and aimed it at the wolf. I stood next to the man who I was giving myself to to save my family and I felt nothing but sickness. “Olivia! No!” Mark screamed angrily as I pulled the hammer back. The white wolf stared boldly at me, his eyes gentle and scared. I suddenly ed my first year in Pinecrossing and I believed that Mark was killing wolves. I was willing to break off our relationship because I could not love an animal killer, which he obviously hadn’t been, but now I was going to have to be the killer. My hands began to tremble on the gun. “The games will be fun.” Cliff whispered, rubbing his hands together. The white wolf continued to stare at me. Also like my first year in Pinecrossing, this wolf reminded me of all the times when Mark used to sit in his wolf form outside my window and watch over me at night. That, I’m sure, was why Cliff got the white one. “It’s your choice, Olivia. Be mine, or let me kill your family.” My hands shook harder and my breathing came in gasps. I pulled the hammer back further. “No!” Mark screamed one last time, extremely close to where we stood. He leaped over the underbrush… My mind was made up. I pulled the trigger…

Coming Soon!

On The Edge of the Heart Book three of the On The Edge series

A new chapter begins in Olivia’s life. She is faced with many more difficult decisions in her journey and she has to make more sacrifices.

Danger, love, and secrets are around every corner…

Be sure to be a part of this journey roller-coaster ride of Olivia’s!

Look for it in 2013 or 2014!

Acknowledgements

First and foremost, I would like to thank every single member of my family for helping me, encouraging, and believing in me with writing and publishing my books. I also would like to thank my Mom and Dad and Grandma for helping me in editing both of my books, and for being patient with me from all my ‘questions’! I want to thank all of my readers for their and words of encouragement, too. I’d also like to thank my second grade teacher, Mrs. Giesler, and everyone else at Kimberly Elementary School for teaching me how to read, and write! I also want to thank all the staff at Xlibris Publishing for their help & patience.

A very special thank you goes out to the following for various reasons:

• Editing:

Angie

Marilyn

My parents

My grandmother

• Sponsoring

Most of my family

My very close friend, Bob Esterholdt

Everett

• Words of Encouragement

Bette, Cliff, Renee, Anne & Norman, Shauna, Mark, Nancy, Diane, Suzy, Maxine, Lana, Alvin, Sandy, Lea, Jean, Angie, and many others!

Finally, there is one more person I need to thank, and that is God. God gave me a wonderful gift: writing. If it wasn’t for that gift, I think I would go crazy. I thank God every day for the gift of writing that He blessed me with. I would not be writing, period, if it wasn’t for Him.