Research Paper Men Court Women 5n2940
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Men Court Women
Differences between the Way in Which Men Courted Women in the Past and Now Research Paper Silvia S. Ordaz Uco University of Quintana Roo
1
Men Court Women
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Introduction In the past, men were who court and women were the courted, since their desire was to win women‟s approval. The courtship process has evolved up to the present day. Nowadays, the ways to court someone are very different than in the past. Many women differ in their tastes in men. There is no a magic recipe. Every woman is a world apart, so a man must be very clever and creative enough to court her.
Men Court Women
3
Differences between the Way in Which Men Courted Women in the Past and Now Nowadays men court women in different ways than they used to do. Roles have been reversed; the concept of love and romance between men and women has changed a lot. The things men used to do to win women‟s heart are not the same as in the past, (insomuch) since they are considered old-fashioned today. All these attitudes pop out by society, culture and the new way of thinking. The new men‟s generation thinks that the gallantry and chivalry are for the weak. Background Since prehistory has existed ways to court women, but the things that traditionally were considered to win their hearts were the physical abilities of men rather than romantic details. They were looking for someone strong, tough and dominant to provide them food, security and protection, since what mattered was to survive. Women took care of the house and bore children; men ed the family. (Klasky) In olden times, relationships between men and women were a matter of business and they used to be arranged by the parents; everything had a political and economic character. Men usually did not court women to win their hearts and to fall in love with them, because they didn‟t need to. Everything was arranged.
Men Court Women
4
Medieval chivalry The concept of chivalry is due to the medieval times, in which the suitors took serenade and wrote poetry or love letters to the damsels. The most important were the chastity and honor in that time. Love became more and more important in a relationship. Young men and women were against the idea of arranged marriages. The most common thing to court a lady was buying her dinner. Men also opened the door, held it for them and let them first. They were the ones to first ask the lady out or who planned the dates and get-togethers. (ehow) Victorian Formerly During Victorian time, courting was very formal. It became a protocol in upper classes and everything was about etiquette and rules. The balls became very famous at that time, and there was where a man was introduced to a woman. A man had to wait for a girl‟s card in order to court her. Also the chaperone system arose. Ladies had to be accompanied by an older woman when they were with men. Suitors never paid for the expenses when they asked a lady out. It was a responsibility of the woman‟s father or relative. (Hoppe, 1998) Some costums and traditions In Mexico, the courtship patterns were almost the same as in others countries. Something that might distinguish Mexican men was that they used to take serenade with mariachi-traditional Mexican music- to the ladies‟ house (Gonzales, 1996-2005), they sang love songs and then, they talked to them. Men also brought flowers or chocolates. The haragana –serenade- was a Philippine tradition very
Men Court Women
5
popular during the Spanish period. (Raymond, 2006). Men tried to court women by singing below their windows. Women decided whether let them enter their houses or not. However, that was not the only thing they had to do to be with a girl. They should also have the parental permission. In Guatemalan Indian villages the process of courting is very interesting. Girls usually go for water to an area known as the playa and boys wait for them. The ideal time to approach the girls is when they hold the water jug on their heads. Young men grasp their wrist from behind and talk to them. Men usually don‟t say romantic words to try to court women, but they say the reasons why they should be chosen as future husbands (arte maya tz'utuhil). Dating, a new change in courtship Dating became part of courting a girl or woman. It started as a new form of socializing in growing cities in the United States during the second decade of the twentieth century (Mintz) which has witnessed several changes in social structures and notably with the birth of youth culture. Dating was regarded semi-formal at first. Boys still being the ones who ask a girl out. They usually went to the girls‟ parents‟ houses and asked them for permission. Also, they used to pay for the date. They never let women spend any money. They provided the transportation. Boys used to pick up the girls to their houses and then, they took them back home. Teacher Sonia, I added this information to do my comparison. The traditional sex roles changed dramatically in every social context with the new feminist ideology and attitude from women (Kass, 2010).They no longer
Men Court Women
6
wanted to be visited at their homes under the gaze of their parents. They wanted to go out with the guy they wanted and to have fun without being looked down upon by society. Since then, rules changed and bring home a boy was no longer adequate. After this new revolution in courtship and romance, society split up into two camps. Those who still doing the things as in the past and those who adopted the new way of thinking. On the one hand, dating continues to rule. Men and women prefer dating over courtship. They want to go out with someone and have some fun without take it too serious. Both men and women begin to meet at public places. Phone calls become a means to communicate along with the internet. The system of sending love letters has disappeared. In the UK, for instance, new words such as “to pull” which is to initiate a seduction or “to hook up” which could be to start to frequent somebody or to engaged in any type of sexual activity come up (thesite.org, 2008). Women and men go to nightclubs and meet people just to have intimacy. Men and women prefer to hang out with some people before to start a relationship or something more serious. That‟s why men no longer do what they used to do. They have the things very easy and also women have made them think and act that way. As society is becoming more liberated, people are frequenting bars and other social gatherings looking for the right person or simply a one-night stand. Contemporary courting is generally characterized by expectations of physical or emotional intimacy without commitment. That is the reason why men go straight to
Men Court Women
7
the point and do not care about details. Divorce is becoming the new marriage, sex the new commitment, and the internet is substituting communication. In the twentieth first century, dating agencies and Internet dating have all exploded in popularity. Men and women are busy people, so they have employed these modern versions of courting. Although this time around, the power to choose is theirs. In countries like Italy or , women are very daring, they aren‟t shy nor reserved (Valle, 2011). There, men have to be ingenious to see which way they go back to take control when it comes to love and to court them. A professional dating coach of New York, Jessica Claire talks about courting women. She recommends to keep things simple and unassuming, to go step by step, in other words, to be interesting. Men should know when it is appropriate to call, give gifts, or compliments. She says „You should never do too much or compliment too often. One gift here, one complement there. These are like the fine ways of courting. If you do too much too soon, you've lost all of the excitement of the beginning of the relationship„. Both society and the media have made men believe that doing something chivalry or too formal is corny -sentimental in a sickly way- or old-fashioned. They have brought about the courtship should be taken less seriously and they have changed the ways to do it. They have imposed the places where people should go, the activities to be done, or the do's and don'ts. On the other hand, although things have changed and some traditions are considered outdated they still been preserved. Everything is not lost about
Men Court Women
courtship and romance. Women can still find men who follow the steps to woo a girl that used to work in the past. In fact, many men have realized that some women really want someone to treat them well and to care about them.
8
Men Court Women
9
Conclusion In conclusion, courtship traditions have changed drastically. In previous times, courtship was a much more formal process. Different cultures had their own courtship traditions. Men always were who courted and women were the courted. In modern times, courtship in most societies it is less structured, everything is more casual; both men and women are who woo or the wooed. However, some people still adhere to traditional ways.
Men Court Women
10
References arte maya tz'utuhil. (s.f.). Recuperado el 24 de March de 2011, de http://www.artemaya.com/artist_life_bp2.html ehow. (s.f.). Recuperado el 22 de march de 2011, de http://www.ehow.com/about_4616138_courtship-medieval-times.html Gonzales, S. (1996-2005). Puro Mariachi. Recuperado el 22 de march de 2011, de http://www.mariachi.org/history.html Hoppe, M. J. (1998). Literary Liaison. Recuperado el 19 de march de 2011, de http://www.literary-liaisons.com/article009.html Kass, L. R. (28 de july de 2010). Boundless webzine. Recuperado el 8 de may de 2011, de http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001158.cfm Klasky. (s.f.). rincondelvago. Recuperado el 16 de marzo de 2011, de http://apuntes.rincondelvago.com/relaciones-de-genero.html Mintz. (s.f.). digitalhisroty. Recuperado el 20 de marzo de 2011, de http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/do_history/courtship/flapper.html Raymond. (14 de Febrary de 2006). The Troy Philippines Culture Blog. Recuperado el 26 de March de 2011, de http://tpculture.wordpress.com/2006/02/14/the-harana-and-other-filipinocourtshipmarriage-traditions/ thesite.org. (11 de october de 2008). Recuperado el 8 de may de 2011, de http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/singles/dealingwithdates/thehistoryofco urtship Valle, M. F. (6 de february de 2011). suite101.net. Recuperado el 24 de march de 2011, de http://www.suite101.net/content/el-ligue-o-cortejo-en-diferentes-partesdel-mundo-a35356
Differences between the Way in Which Men Courted Women in the Past and Now Research Paper Silvia S. Ordaz Uco University of Quintana Roo
1
Men Court Women
2
Introduction In the past, men were who court and women were the courted, since their desire was to win women‟s approval. The courtship process has evolved up to the present day. Nowadays, the ways to court someone are very different than in the past. Many women differ in their tastes in men. There is no a magic recipe. Every woman is a world apart, so a man must be very clever and creative enough to court her.
Men Court Women
3
Differences between the Way in Which Men Courted Women in the Past and Now Nowadays men court women in different ways than they used to do. Roles have been reversed; the concept of love and romance between men and women has changed a lot. The things men used to do to win women‟s heart are not the same as in the past, (insomuch) since they are considered old-fashioned today. All these attitudes pop out by society, culture and the new way of thinking. The new men‟s generation thinks that the gallantry and chivalry are for the weak. Background Since prehistory has existed ways to court women, but the things that traditionally were considered to win their hearts were the physical abilities of men rather than romantic details. They were looking for someone strong, tough and dominant to provide them food, security and protection, since what mattered was to survive. Women took care of the house and bore children; men ed the family. (Klasky) In olden times, relationships between men and women were a matter of business and they used to be arranged by the parents; everything had a political and economic character. Men usually did not court women to win their hearts and to fall in love with them, because they didn‟t need to. Everything was arranged.
Men Court Women
4
Medieval chivalry The concept of chivalry is due to the medieval times, in which the suitors took serenade and wrote poetry or love letters to the damsels. The most important were the chastity and honor in that time. Love became more and more important in a relationship. Young men and women were against the idea of arranged marriages. The most common thing to court a lady was buying her dinner. Men also opened the door, held it for them and let them first. They were the ones to first ask the lady out or who planned the dates and get-togethers. (ehow) Victorian Formerly During Victorian time, courting was very formal. It became a protocol in upper classes and everything was about etiquette and rules. The balls became very famous at that time, and there was where a man was introduced to a woman. A man had to wait for a girl‟s card in order to court her. Also the chaperone system arose. Ladies had to be accompanied by an older woman when they were with men. Suitors never paid for the expenses when they asked a lady out. It was a responsibility of the woman‟s father or relative. (Hoppe, 1998) Some costums and traditions In Mexico, the courtship patterns were almost the same as in others countries. Something that might distinguish Mexican men was that they used to take serenade with mariachi-traditional Mexican music- to the ladies‟ house (Gonzales, 1996-2005), they sang love songs and then, they talked to them. Men also brought flowers or chocolates. The haragana –serenade- was a Philippine tradition very
Men Court Women
5
popular during the Spanish period. (Raymond, 2006). Men tried to court women by singing below their windows. Women decided whether let them enter their houses or not. However, that was not the only thing they had to do to be with a girl. They should also have the parental permission. In Guatemalan Indian villages the process of courting is very interesting. Girls usually go for water to an area known as the playa and boys wait for them. The ideal time to approach the girls is when they hold the water jug on their heads. Young men grasp their wrist from behind and talk to them. Men usually don‟t say romantic words to try to court women, but they say the reasons why they should be chosen as future husbands (arte maya tz'utuhil). Dating, a new change in courtship Dating became part of courting a girl or woman. It started as a new form of socializing in growing cities in the United States during the second decade of the twentieth century (Mintz) which has witnessed several changes in social structures and notably with the birth of youth culture. Dating was regarded semi-formal at first. Boys still being the ones who ask a girl out. They usually went to the girls‟ parents‟ houses and asked them for permission. Also, they used to pay for the date. They never let women spend any money. They provided the transportation. Boys used to pick up the girls to their houses and then, they took them back home. Teacher Sonia, I added this information to do my comparison. The traditional sex roles changed dramatically in every social context with the new feminist ideology and attitude from women (Kass, 2010).They no longer
Men Court Women
6
wanted to be visited at their homes under the gaze of their parents. They wanted to go out with the guy they wanted and to have fun without being looked down upon by society. Since then, rules changed and bring home a boy was no longer adequate. After this new revolution in courtship and romance, society split up into two camps. Those who still doing the things as in the past and those who adopted the new way of thinking. On the one hand, dating continues to rule. Men and women prefer dating over courtship. They want to go out with someone and have some fun without take it too serious. Both men and women begin to meet at public places. Phone calls become a means to communicate along with the internet. The system of sending love letters has disappeared. In the UK, for instance, new words such as “to pull” which is to initiate a seduction or “to hook up” which could be to start to frequent somebody or to engaged in any type of sexual activity come up (thesite.org, 2008). Women and men go to nightclubs and meet people just to have intimacy. Men and women prefer to hang out with some people before to start a relationship or something more serious. That‟s why men no longer do what they used to do. They have the things very easy and also women have made them think and act that way. As society is becoming more liberated, people are frequenting bars and other social gatherings looking for the right person or simply a one-night stand. Contemporary courting is generally characterized by expectations of physical or emotional intimacy without commitment. That is the reason why men go straight to
Men Court Women
7
the point and do not care about details. Divorce is becoming the new marriage, sex the new commitment, and the internet is substituting communication. In the twentieth first century, dating agencies and Internet dating have all exploded in popularity. Men and women are busy people, so they have employed these modern versions of courting. Although this time around, the power to choose is theirs. In countries like Italy or , women are very daring, they aren‟t shy nor reserved (Valle, 2011). There, men have to be ingenious to see which way they go back to take control when it comes to love and to court them. A professional dating coach of New York, Jessica Claire talks about courting women. She recommends to keep things simple and unassuming, to go step by step, in other words, to be interesting. Men should know when it is appropriate to call, give gifts, or compliments. She says „You should never do too much or compliment too often. One gift here, one complement there. These are like the fine ways of courting. If you do too much too soon, you've lost all of the excitement of the beginning of the relationship„. Both society and the media have made men believe that doing something chivalry or too formal is corny -sentimental in a sickly way- or old-fashioned. They have brought about the courtship should be taken less seriously and they have changed the ways to do it. They have imposed the places where people should go, the activities to be done, or the do's and don'ts. On the other hand, although things have changed and some traditions are considered outdated they still been preserved. Everything is not lost about
Men Court Women
courtship and romance. Women can still find men who follow the steps to woo a girl that used to work in the past. In fact, many men have realized that some women really want someone to treat them well and to care about them.
8
Men Court Women
9
Conclusion In conclusion, courtship traditions have changed drastically. In previous times, courtship was a much more formal process. Different cultures had their own courtship traditions. Men always were who courted and women were the courted. In modern times, courtship in most societies it is less structured, everything is more casual; both men and women are who woo or the wooed. However, some people still adhere to traditional ways.
Men Court Women
10
References arte maya tz'utuhil. (s.f.). Recuperado el 24 de March de 2011, de http://www.artemaya.com/artist_life_bp2.html ehow. (s.f.). Recuperado el 22 de march de 2011, de http://www.ehow.com/about_4616138_courtship-medieval-times.html Gonzales, S. (1996-2005). Puro Mariachi. Recuperado el 22 de march de 2011, de http://www.mariachi.org/history.html Hoppe, M. J. (1998). Literary Liaison. Recuperado el 19 de march de 2011, de http://www.literary-liaisons.com/article009.html Kass, L. R. (28 de july de 2010). Boundless webzine. Recuperado el 8 de may de 2011, de http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001158.cfm Klasky. (s.f.). rincondelvago. Recuperado el 16 de marzo de 2011, de http://apuntes.rincondelvago.com/relaciones-de-genero.html Mintz. (s.f.). digitalhisroty. Recuperado el 20 de marzo de 2011, de http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/do_history/courtship/flapper.html Raymond. (14 de Febrary de 2006). The Troy Philippines Culture Blog. Recuperado el 26 de March de 2011, de http://tpculture.wordpress.com/2006/02/14/the-harana-and-other-filipinocourtshipmarriage-traditions/ thesite.org. (11 de october de 2008). Recuperado el 8 de may de 2011, de http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/singles/dealingwithdates/thehistoryofco urtship Valle, M. F. (6 de february de 2011). suite101.net. Recuperado el 24 de march de 2011, de http://www.suite101.net/content/el-ligue-o-cortejo-en-diferentes-partesdel-mundo-a35356
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