The Road Less Traveled Summary 4t3t3s

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck, M.D. These pages are a summary of Dr. Peckʼs book that consist mostly of central statements of the various concepts. The page numbers refer to my particular copy of the book and may not be correct for other copies. This summary is not meant to be a substitute for the book but an encouragement to get one for your self. They are available on-line.

William Shaffer 2-9-10 [email protected]

SECTION I DISCIPLINE PROBLEMS AND PAIN p 15 Life is filled with problems and pain. It takes discipline to deal with them. It is only because of the problems that we grow mentally and physically. Many people attempt to avoid problems and suffering instead of dealing with them. But there are tools to deal with them. DELAYING GRATIFICATION p 18 This means to meet necessary pain first to get it over with and then experience the pleasure. “This is the only decent way to live.” Adolescents often donʼt get it. SINS OF THE FATHER p 21 Some parents ister undisciplined discipline and thereby set their kids off wrong. Good discipline requires time and love. This will make them feel worthwhile and foster their self-discipline. . PROBLEM SOLVING AND TIME p 27 Take the time to develop effective solutions. Problems usually donʼt go away of their own accord; itʼs best not to ignore them. Children often do not “grow out of it” RESPONSIBILITY p 32 We must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. NEUROSES AND CHARACTER DISORDERS p 35 The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the character disordered individual, not enough. The neurotic says, “I ought to”, “I should”. C.D. says, “I canʼt,” “I couldnʼt.” Big problem: to distinguish between what we are and what we are not responsible for. It takes self examination. Parents need to help kids in this. CDʼd people make poor parents ESCAPE FROM FREEDOM p 39 Sometimes we refuse to take responsibility for a problem. We may give away our power to “fate,” “society,” government, corporation or boss. DEDICATION TO REALITY p 44 Truth is reality The more clearly we see reality, the better we are able to deal with the world. Many people lack a good ”map” of the world because: (a) its difficult to make the

map or it is too small or incomplete. And the world is constantly changing. Since changing the map to match the new situations, many people will try to destroy the new reality.

TRANSFERENCE: THE OUTDATED MAP p46 Transference is the clinging to an outmoded view of reality and is the basis for much mental illness. One is using a childhood way of responding to the world after having become an adult (or assuming that all people are like your abusive or untrustworthy parents). “Truth or reality is avoided when painful. We can revise our maps only when we have the discipline to overcome that pain.” OPENNESS TO CHALLENGE p 51 The process of constant self examination and contemplation is necessary for ultimate survival. “The only way we can be certain our map of reality is valid is to expose it to the criticism and challenge of other map-makers.” Accept--donʼt avoid challenge. We need to accept a life of complete honesty so that the words we say and the way we say them reflect the truth or reality as we know it. “The reason people lie is to avoid the pain of challenge and its consequences.... Lying is an attempt to circumvent legitimate suffering and hence is productive of mental illness.” WITHHOLDING TRUTH p 59 “Lying can be divided into two types: white lies and black lies. A black lie is a statement we make that we know is false.” White lies may be as destructive as black lies.“ A white lie is a statement that in not in itself false, but leaves out a significant part of the truth.” Parents often white-lie to their children to “protect” them, but such protection usually amount to deprivation, in that the kids donʼt learn the necessary realities of life. And theyʼre also deprive of the assurance that might come from an open discussion of the “dangerous” topics. Selective withholding of insight or information may, at times, be appropriate. A decision to withhold the truth should never by based on personal needs but based entirely upon the needs of the person or organization from whom the truth is withheld--and to determine what these needs are is difficult and requires genuine love. “The energy required for self discipline and honesty is far less than the energy required for secretiveness.” BALANCING p 64 “The type of discipline required to discipline discipline is what I call balancing...” For example, we need to balance how we express anger--to match the right time with right style of expression. “Mature mental health demands...an extraordinary capacity to flexibly strike and continually restrike a delicate balance between conflicting needs, goals, duties, responsibilities, directions, et cetra.” You may have to give up well established patterns of behavior to “travel very far on the journey of life.” Scott relates the story of a chess game he had with his daughter when he was so intent to win that he was insensitive to her needs.

THE HEALTHINESS OF DEPRESSION p 69 The feeling of giving up something loved is depression. ”And since mentally healthy human beings grow and since giving up or loss of the old self is an integral part of mental and spiritual growth, depression is a normal and basically healthy phenomenon.” Working your way through mid-life and other crises is painful but necessary for mental health and happiness. RENUNCIATION AND REBIRTH p 72 The giving up of the self is vital for the growth of the human spirit. This is called bracketing--putting oneʼs self aside--to make room for new material into the self. In other words, one can and should put aside (bracket) preconceived ideas and emotional distortions and welcome strangeness and novelty. “For us to develop a new and better idea, concept, or theory of understanding, means that the old idea, concept, theory of understanding must die.” Yes, the spiritually evolved person must suffer to arrive and continue. “Then why desire to evolve at all, you may ask. If you ask this question, perhaps you do not know enough of joy. Perhaps you may find an answer in the remainder of this book; perhaps you will not.” There are no shortcut to sainthood. You need discipline in employing these basic techniques: delaying gratification, assumption of responsibility, dedication to the truth or reality, and balancing..

SECTION II

LOVE

LOVE DEFINED p 81 Love is the force that provides motive and force for discipline. Peckʼs definition: “...the will to extend oneʼs self for the purpose of nurturing oneʼs own or anotherʼs spiritual growth.” Many acts that seem to be of love are not. We need to distinguish between conscious and unconscious purposes in the mind of the lover. The act of loving helps the lover to evolve to a higher state and our spiritual development is important for ourselves and others. ”When we love someone our love become demonstrable or real only through our exertion;...love is effortful. ”Love is an act of will. We chose to love. FALLING IN “LOVE” p 84 That ”falling in love” is love is a potent misconception. It is: sex-linked and temporary, a relief from loneliness, and a sudden collapse of ego boundaries. Falling in love is not an act of will. When kids grow up to be adolescent, they feel constrained by the boundaries of their flesh, the limits of their power, and societal pressures. Falling in love allows a temporary escape. When we are attracted toward, invested in and committed to an object outside ourselves, we “cathect” that object. And this can help us give up ego boundaries. THE MYTH OF ROMANTIC LOVE Some mythical elements are: --It will last forever.

p 91

--The match was “predetermined in the stars” --There is only one Mr. or Mrs “Right.” “The myth of romantic love is a dreadful lie. Perhaps it is a necessary lie in that it ensures the survival of the species and the seeming validation of the falling-in-love experience that traps us into marriage.” Yet “millions of people waste vast amounts of energy desperately and futilely attempting to make the reality of their lives conform to the unreality of the myth.” MORE ABOUT EGO BOUNDARIES p 94 Romantic “love” and real love both involve a going beyond our ego boundaries . The process of investment and commitment to a person or object beyond ourselves is called (by psychiatrists) “cathexis.” Cathecting a person or object or thing or activity gives practice in going beyond your ego boundaries and this is helpful toward doing real love. A mystical experience may, for a moment, free us from ego. DEPENDENCY p 98 “The second most common misconception about love is the idea that dependency is love. Dependency is “the inability to experience wholeness or to function adequately without the certainty that one is being actively cared for by another.” “People with this disorder, ive dependent people are so busy seeking to be loved that they have no energy left over to love.” ive dependent people are self-centered and lack love for others. They envision only one effortless state of receiving care. “ive dependency has its genesis in lack of love.” (from the parents of the p.d. person). When p.d. people do things for others it is to cement attachment and assure their own care. Lack of love from the parents is the cause of p.d. in their children. P.d. may appear to be love but it is a form of “antilove.” “It seeks to receive rather than to give.” CATHEXIS WITHOUT LOVE p 106 Cathexis means extreme involvement to a person or object beyond ourselves. “Sometimes, it is precisely because they are substitutes for self-development that hobbies are so popular. Itʼs unfortunate that we say he ”loves” golf. Some mothers will love their children until they get to be a “nuisance” (at about age 2) and then almost totally abandon them---thereby instilling a depressive and/or ive dependent personality pattern. Paternal instinct is not really love. “Love is judicious giving, withholding, arguing, confronting, urging, struggling, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting.” “SELF SACRIFICE” p 111 “The motives behind injudicious giving and destructive nurturing are many but such cases invariably have a basic feature in common: the ʻgiverʼ,under the guise of love, is responding to and meeting his or her own needs without regard to the spiritual needs of the receiver.” Peck relates the story of a minister who provided everything for his family except thoughtful guidance. A more serious perversion of love is masochism--”in which people unconsciously desire hurt and be hurt by each other through their non-sexual interpersonal relations.” A woman may allow herself to be continually mistreated by her

husband in order to feel superior. “In the case of genuine love, the aim is always spiritual growth. In the case of non-love the aim is always something else.” LOVE IS NOT A FEELING P 116 Love is action, an activity, not a feeling. “The misconception that love is a feeling exist because we confuse loving with cathecting. We may cathect an an object with or without a spirit. “The fact that we cathect another does not mean we care about that personʼs spiritual development. The intensity or our cathectilng has nothing to do with wisdom or commitment.“ “Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional.” THE WORK OF ATTENTION P 120 Moving ourselves against laziness is called work. Moving out in the face of fear is called courage. Love is a work (or courage) directed toward the nurture of our own or anotherʼs spiritual growth. “The principal form that love takes is attention. ”Attention is an act will, of work, against the inertia of our own minds. The most important way in which we can exercise attention is by listening. Here are five way one might respond to a six-year-old: (1) Forbid talking. (2) Permit the chatter but donʼt listen to it. (3) Pretend to listen. (4) Selective listening (5) Full and complete attention. This requires the most energy. You donʼt have to do #5 all the time What is required is a balance when listening to the kids. Donʼt be deceived. What you think is # 5 listening may only be # 3. Why bother? Your kid (s) will feel valuable, they will rise to your expectation of them; youʼll discover truly significant stuff; and the more you know about your child, the more you will be able to teach. Most couples never truly listen to each other. True listening will gradually improve with practice but it never becomes effortless. While listening is the most important form of attention, there are others: game playing with children, family activities, chauffeuring, etc. THE RISK OF LOSS P 131 Peck relates the story of that reclusive church-goer who sits in the back pew and leaves even before the minister can greet his flock at the exit. She is afraid to extend herself to meet and interact with people. “If you move out to another human being, there is always the risk that that person will move away from you, leaving you more painfully alone than you were before.” If someone is unwilling to risk pain, that person must do without many things, like getting married, having children, etc. A full life will be full of pain--and joy as reward. “The attempt to avoid legitimate suffering lies at the root of all emotional illness.” THE RISK OF INDEPENDENCE P 134 “Growing up is the act of stepping from childhood into adulthood. Actually, it is more of a fearful leap than a step, and it is a leap that many people never really take in their lifetimes. Peck tells the story of his own leap. Obviously, he survived--because of the excellent parenting he had received. Many never take the leap and remain “children” of

their parents--even when their parents are long dead and buried. These leaps are acts of self love, which provides the motive and courage. “It is only when one has taken the step into the unknown of total selfhood, psychological independence, and unique individuality that one is free to proceed along still higher paths of spiritual growth and free to manifest love in its greatest dimensions.” THE RISK OF COMMITMENT P 140 “Whether it be shallow or not, commitment is the foundation, the bedrock of any genuinely loving relationship. Deep commitment does not guarantee the success of the relationship but does help more than any other factor to assure it.” Character disordered people seem to lack the capacity to form commitment; neurotics are frequently paralyzed by the fear of it. Peck relates the story of Rachel, who, because of poor parenting, was unable to “let go.” After several years of therapy (commitment from Peck) she came to realize that she might safely release at least parts of her being to become joyful and light-hearted. “It is impossible to truly understand another without truly making room for that person within your self. This making room... requires an extension and therefore a changing of the self.” Parents should be able to change to adjust to their growing (adolescent) children. THE RISK OF CONFRONTATION p 150 “...Possibly the greatest risk of love is the risk of exercising power with humility. The most common example of this is the act of loving confrontation.” Impulsive criticism and confrontation, “usually made in anger or annoyance, does more to increase the amount of confusion in the world than the amount of enlightenment.” Those who truly love must ask themselves “Am I being self-serving in believing that my beloved needs redirection?” Although one shouldnʼt confront impulsively, “to fail to confront when confrontation is required for spiritual growth represents a failure to love...” “Mutual loving confrontation is a significant part of all successful and meaningful human relationships.” Parents need to decide whatʼs best for their kids--confrontation or praise or increase attention or story telling or some other form of influence. With confrontation you are attempting to exert your will upon the world, that is playing God. Yet with “ humility and love, humans can dare to be God.” LOVE IS DISCIPLINED P155 We need to learn to manage our feelings (self-discipline).”If we are fortunate enough to be in a position in which many people ask for our attention, we must chose among them whom we are actually to love....Many factors need to be considered. primarily the capacity of a prospective recipient to respond to that love with spiritual growth.” Some people can love not only family but other outside their family. But great self-discipline is required to avoid “spreading oneself too thin.” Yet, “genuine love is self-replenishing. The more I nourish spiritual growth in others, the more my own spiritual growth is nurtured.” LOVE IS SEPARATENESS P160 “A major characteristic of genuine love is that the distinction between oneself and another is always maintained and preserved....In its most extreme form the failure to

perceive the separateness of the other is called narcissism...Since they donʼt perceive others as others, but only as extensions of themselves, narcissistic individuals lack the capacity for empathy, which is the capacity to feel what another is feeling. This lack of separateness can interfere with parenting and with marriage. It is the separateness of the partners that enriches the union...”sacrifices” on behalf of the growth of the other result in equal or greater growth of the self.” Marriage should be “a truly cooperative institution, requiring great mutual contributions and care,time and energy but existing for the primary purpose of nurturing each of the participants for individual journeys toward his or her own individual peaks of spiritual growth.” “Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss.” From Kahil Gibran, in The Prophet:

Let there be spaces in your togetherness

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you

Love one another but make not a bond of love

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls

Fill each otherʼs cup but drink not from one cup

Give one another your bread but eat not from the same loaf LOVE AND PSYCHOTHERAPY P 169 “ It is necessary to be honest in therapy at all times and to go out on a limb to truly involve oneself on an emotional level in the relationship, to actually struggle with the patient and with oneself.” True love between patient and therapist is normal and helpful. “For the most part, mental illness is caused by an absence of or defect in the love that a particular child required from its particular parents...” and so the the therapist should supply some of that missing love. But “in-love”-ness and sex are no-nos. You can, with maturity, even practice psychotherapy with oneʼs family. THE MYSTERY OF LOVE P 180 How us it that some individuals transcend a poor childhood to become mature and healthy? And that some fail to respond to even expert therapy? “Clearly, there are dimensions of love that have not been discussed and are the most difficult to understand.”



SECTION III GROWTH AND RELIGION

WORLD VIEWS AND RELIGION p 185 “...No matter how limited or primitive or inaccurate--everyone has a religion. This fact, not widely recognized, is of the utmost importance: everyone has a religion.” (or world view) We tend to define religion too narrowly. “But the fact of the matter is that everyone has an implicit or explicit set of ideas and beliefs as to the essential nature of the world.” “Usually a personʼs religion or world view is at best only incompletely conscious.” “What we learn about the nature of the world when we are growing up is determined by the actual nature of our experience in the microcosm of the family.” “But the most important factor in the development of the religion of most people is their culture...We tend to

believe what people around us believe.” The most important part of our culture is our particular family. “...Most of us are not fully aware of our own world views, and much less the uniqueness of the experience from which they are derived.” THE RELIGION OF SCIENCE P193 “The road to spiritual growth...lies in distrusting what we already believe, by actively seeking the threatening and unfamiliar, by deliberately challenging the validity of what we have previously been taught and hold dear. The path to holiness lies through questioning everything.” “There is no such thing as a good hand-me-down religion.” By science, Peck means that our beliefs should be grounded on trusted repeatable experience that can be verified by other people. THE CASE OF KATHY P197 Peck relates the case of Kathy, a young woman who was so terrified that God might punish her for sins, that she had developed a system of chanting abbreviated prayers. This derived from narrow and misguided mothering and unsophisticated views of what the Catholic Church considered sin and what to do about it. It took several years of therapy to get Kathy to think for herself and become a fully functional woman. THE CASE OF MARCIA P 209 Marcia was a “poor little rich girlʼ whose life was completely joyless. She professed being a strident atheist Yet, with therapeutic help,”the concept of God began to assume increased influence.” THE CASE OF THEODORE P 210 Ted had been living as a hermit for several years--unable to make any significant decisions. Although he had an ordinary childhood in a stable, well-to-do home, he got ʻmessed up” after several disappointing love affairs when he was entering college and,also, a few months later. He had a lack of enthusiasm. It was revealed that his best friend had died. Although, in earlier years, he had been active in the church, these events evidently triggered a rejection of God. It was revealed that in Tedʼs younger years, he had been picked on by two older brothers (without parental intervention). “All life seemed a maelstrom of death and suffering, danger and savagery.” Ted, with Peckʼs help, overcame his neurosis and went to divinity school and used his whole name, Theodore, which means lover of God. THE BABY AND THE BATH WATER P 221 “In their desire for simple solutions, scientists are prone to fall into two traps as they question the reality of God. The first is to throw the baby out with the bath water. And the second is tunnel vision.” Some of the dirty water is: holy wars, inquisition, animal sacrifice, human sacrifice, superstition, stultification, dogmatism, ignorance, hypocrisy, self-righteousness, rigidity, cruelty, book-burning, witch-burning, inhibition, fear, conformity, morbid guilt, insanity. etc.” Yet scientists, themselves may be immature and dogmatic. Peck suggests that it is possible to “mature into a belief in God.” “There is reason to believe that behind spurious notions and false concepts of God, there lies a reality that is God.”

SCIENTIFIC TUNNEL VISION P 225 This probably results from the notion that pertinent fact must be measurable. Things not easily studied do not merit study. In recent decades, however, technology has helped to expand the range of scientific study. “The other development that is assisting us escape from scientific tunnel vision is the relatively recently discovery by science of the reality of paradox. for example, is light a wave and a particle at the same time? The unification of science and religion is beginning. Peck states that his work with patients, at times seems to be “remarkably assisted in ways for which I had no logical explanation--that is, ways that were miraculous.” Peck cites a work by Stark and Washburn in which the miraculous is described not as extraordinary phenomena but as a way of perception of the world, ie,”paying full and close attention to the givens of life.” Peck urges caution. “This interface between science and religion can be shaky.”





SECTION IV GRACE

THE MIRACLE OF HEALTH P 235 “What follows will demonstrate grace to be a common phenomenon and, to a certain extent, a predictable one but the reality of grace will remain unexplainable within the conceptual framework of science and “natural law” as we understand it. It will remain miraculous and amazing.” Peck is aware of many cases of mental and physical health that are so much better than expected they could be called miraculous. ”There is a force, the mechanism of which we do not fully understand, that seems to operate routinely in most people to protect and encourage their physical health even under the most adverse conditions.” THE MIRACLE OF THE UNCONSCIOUS P 243 The conscious mind is only a small part of the mind. The rest (some 95 percent) is unconscious. Dreams reveal the unconscious and therefore help psychotherapists with their work. And, the unconscious may communicate with us when we are awake. For example, idle thoughts. “Freud and his followers tended to perceive the unconscious a a repository of the primitive, the antisocial, and the evil within us.” Jung, helped to correct this contention with the phrase: “The wisdom of the unconscious.” Peck has found that many with mental illness are that way because they repressed unconscious feelings in order to avoid the pain of dealing with them. Sometimes the unconscious sneaks out with a “Freudian slip.” THE MIRACLE OF SERENDIPITY P 253 “The fact that highly implausible events, for which no cause can be determined within the framework of known natural law, occur with implausible frequency has come to be known as the principle of synchronicity.” Peck relates the story of his serendipitous stop on a mountain curve to avoid a terrible crash. There are freak accidents and well a freak non-accidents, but these, says Peck, are in the minority.

THE DEFINITION OF GRACE P 260 There seems to be a powerful force, “originating outside of of human consciousness that nurtures the spiritual growth of human beings.” It, perhaps, is responsible for phenomena with the following characteristics: they and enhance human life and spiritual growth; their mechanism is obscure or paranormal; their occurrence is frequent; their origin is outside of conscious will. This is grace. Does it come from God? THE MIRACLE OF EVOLUTION P 263 “Spiritual growth is the evolution of an individual.... Our lifetime offers us unlimited opportunities foe spiritual growth until the end.” Evolution (spiritual or physical) is miraculous. The second law of thermodynamics states that energy goes from greater to lesser states of organization. The end of this winding down or measure of disorder has been termed entropy. But there seems to be a process (evolution) that works against entropy in that animals and humans, over time, develop more complex physical and mental systems.--thus defying the “natural law.” Regarding spiritual evolution, Peck says: “There is a force that somehow forces us to chose the more difficult path whereby we can transcend the mire and muck into which we are so often born.” Although human behavior seems “bad” today, in generations past such “bad” was acceptable. We have, through love, evolved. A miracle! THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA (the Beginning and the End) P 268 Where does love come from? Or grace? We cannot answer these question with present-day science. We may answer, however, by affirming the existence of a loving God. What does God want of us? “God wants us to become Himself (or Herself or Itself). We humans do not want to work that hard. But “growing toward Godhood is the goal of evolution.” “The idea that God is actively nurturing us so that we might grow up to be like Him brings us face to face with our own laziness.” ENTROPY AND ORIGINAL SIN

P271

If we overcome laziness, other impediments to spiritual growth will be overcome. .”Laziness if the force of entropy as it manifests itself in the lives of all of us.” “Our failure to conduct --or to conduct fully and wholeheartedly--this internal debate between good and evil is the cause of those evil actions that constitute sin.” Human beings “fail to consult the God within them, the knowledge of rightness which inherently resides within the minds of all mankind.” This failure to listen to the God within Peck calls laziness or original sin. a force of entropy. It may take the form of fear of having to change and make adjustments. “Those who are in the advanced stages of spiritual growth are the very ones most aware of their own laziness.” THE PROBLEM OF EVIL P 277 Peck states the four conclusions he has reached regarding the nature of evil. (1) Evil is real. There are people and institutions...who respond with hatred in the

presence of goodness...” (2)

“Evil people hate goodness because it reveals their badness.” “Ordinary laziness if non-love; evil is anti-love.” “Evil is laziness carried to its ultimate, extraordinary extreme.” (3) “MY third conclusion is that evil is inevitable, at least at this stage in human evolution. (4) “I have come to conclude that while entropy is an enormous force, in its most extreme form of human evil, it is strangely ineffective as a social force.” Most of us are so horrified by evil that we attempt to purify ourselves and others. “Our personal involvement in the fight against the evil in the world is one of the ways we grow.” THE EVOLUTION OF CONSCIOUSNESS P 280 Spiritual growth is the growth or evolution of consciousness. “The development of consciousness is the development of awareness in our conscious mind of knowledge along with our unconscious mind, which already possesses that knowledge.” In other words, we come to know consciously what we already “know” unconsciously. ”But we still have not explained how it is that the unconscious possesses all this knowledge which we have not yet consciously learned.” Possible answer: “The unconscious is God within us”. This is the same as the Christian concept of the Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit. “It is because our conscious self resists our unconscious wisdom that we become ill.” THE NATURE OF POWER P 285 There are two kinds of power: political and spiritual. “Political power is the capacity to coerce others, overtly or covertly, to do oneʼs will.” It derives from a personʼs position and not from the person. The capacity of spiritual power is the “capacity to make decisions with maximum awareness. Most people most of the time make decisions with little awareness of what they are doing.” But, with spiritual maturity, we can. ”We can come to power.” Those who have “succeeded in coming into alignment with the mind of God” have a joyful humility. “The experience of spiritual power is also terrifying.” Our greater awareness may involve us in complex decision-making situations. Those with spiritual power can make those decisions wisely and with awareness and not shrink from the job. Another problem with spiritual power is aloneness (not loneliness). Politically powerful people have their cronies; spiritually powerful people “will likely have no one in his or her circle of acquaintances with whom to share such depth of understanding.” GRACE AND MENTAL ILLNESS: THE MYTH OF ORESTES P 289 All of us employ defense mechanism to limit our awareness of unpleasantries. The unconscious may, however, attempt to wake us up through bad dreams, anxiety attacks, depressions, and other symptoms. This attempt of the unconscious to wake us up, Peck call “grace, a gift of God.” Peck relates the story of Betsy, whose anxiety attacks prompted her to get help--which she did through Peck. Sadly, most people reject this gift. Orestes, in the myth, takes responsibility for murdering his mother--even though Apollo was willing to take the blame. Eventually,Orestes was relieved of the curse.

psychotherapists would like us to be like Orestes and take responsibility for our mental illness. RESISTANCE TO GRACE

P 297

Why do so few people chose the path of spiritual growth? Typical pattern: Psychotics come from parental deprivation in early childhood (first nine months) Neurotics received poor parenting between the ages of two and five. Character-disordered. [not clear how or when] Some types are more difficult to heal than others. In any case the individual must have “the will to grow” in order to regain mental health. Lack of this will to grow is lack of love--or resistance to grace. Why? Laziness! --”the original sin of entropy with which we all have been cursed. ”The call to grace is a call to a life of effortful caring, to a life of service and whatever sacrifice seems required.”...”It is a call to total adulthood.” THE WELCOMING OF GRACE P 306 Some who experience the new life of grace do not feel that they have earned it. “Those who are closest to grace are the most aware of the mysterious character of the gift they have been given.” And this awareness will give them a surer sense of direction and provide encouragement. “The paradox that we both choose grace and are chosen by grace is the essence of the phenomenon of serendipity...the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.” “While the words of the prophets and the assistance of grace are available, the journey must still be traveled alone--”and it is so lonely and difficult that we often become discouraged.” Yet,”once we perceive the reality of grace, our understanding of ourselves as meaningless and insignificant is shattered.” AFTERWORD P 312 Peck relates comments and questions from some readers of a prior edition of this book. Some questioned the efficacy of psychotherapy. Many, however, contributed letters and other things that were enriching. If you think you need a therapist, donʼt hesitate to shop around. Do trust your feelings and intuitions. Is he or she genuinely caring? Ask the the therapistʼs take on issues that are important to you. Word of mouth is a good way to get started in your search. Government or hospital ed clinics are available for those who need financial help.