The Story Of My Vegetarian Life 5d496u

Copyright 2013

Saudia Cunningham

Madewomen Entertainment

ISBN: 9781626759435

This book is dedicated to my mother and sister,

You’ve always ed me,

You are

My backbone

To My True friends,

You’ve always believed in me,

You are

My inspiration

And

To those who simply crossed my path,

You have helped me

More than you know…

I thank you!

Table of contents…

Chapter 1- The Beginning

The simple days

Going as planned

Tonight’s the start of something new

This only happens in movies

Chapter 2- The Mirage

Hiding behind grey clouds

What’s real anymore?

In the heat of the moment

A new attitude

Chapter 3- A New Day

Runaway train

Friend therapy

Take two and call me in the morning

Ready or not

Chapter 4- Isn’t It Always Sunny In Philadelphia?

The winter blues

There’s no place like home

Unleash the dragon

Chapter 5- Which Way Is Up?

The Shoe’s on the other foot

Clean up on aisle five

If at first you don’t succeed, try again

Chapter 6- It Only Gets Better

Picking up the pieces

Lemons to lemonade

Shimmy, shimmy girl

The ripple effect

Chapter 7- To Date or Not To Date

You’re not from the hood

Channel XXX

Better to ask than assume

Image isn’t everything

The one that maybe got away

Both ends of the fence

Chapter 8- The City of Sisterly Love

What’s done in the dark, eventually comes to light

Philly guys

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

It’s party time, oh it’s party time!

Forgiveness

Chapter 9- Back and Forth

Decisions

Change for the better

Game on

Maybe I caught the cue

Chapter 10- The Leaves Are Falling

People don’t change; it’s how you see them

The healing process

Revelations

Chapter 11- Shed Skin

No pressure

It’s show time!

Haven’t we met before?

Chapter 12- Coming Full Circle

The icing on the cake

What goes around comes around

About The Author

Chapter 1

The Beginning

The simple days… Even as a child, Angela had a hard time expressing herself. Well, providing that expression for others’ to understand, that is. Being unique was something this caramel skinned, freckled faced, brown eyed girl took pride in. Though never telling people in those exact words, her matchless personality was clearly evident whenever she walked into a room. Yes, Angela Michelle Glenn was special. In school, while other kids played hop-scotch and dodge ball during recess, it was not uncommon to find young Angela sitting in the corner writing poetry. She marveled about world wars, love, history, and asked, “Why is the sky blue?” and “How do birds find their way home?” Granted, this was all by preKindergarten. Angela’s mind was imaginary without a care of what others thought.

Growing up with an older sister and younger brother was exhausting. Life as a middle child was typical, leaving no specific place to fit in. As a result Angela often reverted into her own secluded space writing while observing the world around her. Not easily swayed, she worked obstacles out and developed her own opinions without conforming to most. The majority would agree she was out of the ordinary. However, to this fledgling Philadelphia girl filled with ambition, what other way was there to be?

Over the years, Angela kept up with writing. Elementary school poems became essays and essays became featured short stories. Continuing the path, Angela could now add columnist for a major magazine publication to her resume.

“I write about love and relationships, as I should. I have a loving and ive family and a boyfriend who is the love of my life.”

This was her notable quote told to any and everyone who would ask about the

column. In fact, that line had even become an inside joke between friends.

There was no doubt Angela considered Jamison, whom she referred to as “Sweets” because they were high school sweet hearts, the love of her life. They appeared to be the picture perfect couple, together for over thirteen years. Jamie traveled to Boston for college studying broadcast journalism and Angela, being grade behind, followed a year later. Most would agree that their unity was second nature. Angela hoped to make her mother proud by following in her footsteps. Angela’s parents too were high school sweet hearts. They raised a wonderful family and through the years, have continued to love each other unconditionally. Angela was sure that Jamie would be her first and last love.

Going as planned… During Jamie’s last college internship in New York City, he was given a permanent position with a major television network. This was the start of what they both dreamed of. While Jamie got settled in New York, Angela completed her last year of undergrad. With no distractions, Angela’s writing soared. Her achievements eventually lead to being offered the career opportunity of a lifetime in Chicago. Angela knew this was a game changer but believed everything would work itself out. A little more time apart couldn’t tarnish the love she and Jamie shared. They were unbreakable. She thought to establish her career in Chicago then move to New York with credibility. Or maybe Jamie would move to Chicago. Whatever the outcome, they would be together.

On a weekend visit to see Jamie, Angela was finally ready to share the news of the Chicago job offer. Procrastinating only because she wanted to tell him in person, they could celebrate together. While at dinner, Jamie spoke of how much he loved his career and the people he worked with. He also expressed that he couldn’t be apart any longer and was ready for Angela to move to New York. Now faced with a dilemma, Angela was defenseless inside. Going against her better judgment, she opted to turn down the job offer, never mentioning it to Jamie.

That was the moment Angela fully lost who she was. The once sole minded girl began to fade. For the first time Angela felt run of the mill, not willing to take a chance, a belief unfamiliar to herself. The disconnection was evident in her heart. Fearful of what may have followed had she taken the job, loyal hearted Angela relocated to New York City after graduation. Her word was bond and Jamie needed her. Love conquers all right?

In New York’s saturated writing market, with no permanent work and a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, Angela made it work. Temporary jobs and staying in the

writing circuit led to freelance gigs. After hustling in the city for five years, Angela finally got a break, her own column no less. Things had been working in she and Jamie’s favor and they were finally able to move onto the tiny island known as Manhattan. Life was going according to script for Angela, considering she had been writing this screenplay in her head for over a decade.

Naturally, wedding bells were next on Angela’s check list. It was New Year’s Eve. Jamie asked her to meet him at their favorite restaurant for dinner before going to a friend’s private party. Traditionally, the couple shared a special dinner to sort of, throw out the old and bring in the new. New Year’s Eve also marked the anniversary of when Jamie gave Angela a promise ring. Getting an engagement ring this night would make for the perfect story to tell their future children. That morning, Jamie left the apartment acting very peculiar. Certain he was anxious about the proposal, Angela didn’t fret too much.

Angela loved this time of year. Winter nights were perfect for cuddling, which she hoped to do a lot of with her new fiancé. Jamie mentioned he wanted to have a heart-to-heart conversation like old times. In college, they would sit for hours discussing their imminent life together. How many children they wanted, where they would travel; a life of bliss was pretty much set in stone. Angela was so excited about their date that she went well above her financial means on a new dress to match the sexy hair cut she was able to fit in on an extended lunch. Thinking,

“Maybe this will get my mom off my back about asking for more grandbabies. I want kids but the pressure is on…we have to plan the wedding and leave time for us as newlyweds. Anyway tonight is the night so I have to look HOT! I’m 29 and this is long overdue. It’s time to ring in the New Year!”

That evening, Angela had to stay late for the editor’s approval of her latest piece entitled “How much are you willing to take”. In Angela’s opinion, this was one

of her topmost written articles. The topic touched on race, self-esteem and specifically, black love. She felt confident about this subject matter after witnessing women, some being close connections, involved in situations where physical and mental abuse were common practices. She observed women struggle with men who controlled their whole livelihood.

Choosing to block most of those memories from her adulthood, Angela vowed to never fall victim to similar circumstances. She believed black women accepted unwarranted drama from black men because they’re dedicated creatures by nature. This article would be an interesting read for all, as long as her editor saw it her way. Waiting, Angela’s mind was racing while envisioning the future.

“Once I get approval, it should leave just enough time to change clothes and meet up with my Sweets! How is he going to propose, when did he pick out the ring? I see it now. He’ll start his own production company and I’ll become a world renowned novelist! We’ll travel the world adopting children while helping the global economy….and shall I say the White House? Ok, ok, but we will make moves! He gets me and I’m comfortable with that.”

Along hold, the approved sanctioned email from the editor came in. Angela got herself together and went on her way; off to meet her love with the fragrance of Hanae Mori trailing behind her in the winter winds.

Tonight’s the start of something new…

As bitter cold as it was outside, Angela arrived at the restaurant with sweaty palms. Unlike her usual self trained calm and cool demeanor, tonight the butterflies had taken over.

“This is what every girl dreams of whether they believe it or not, to make the ultimate commitment!”

Angela knew as a black couple, marriage didn’t happen every day. Believing the reason it took this long to get engaged was because of Jamie’s issues with his father, Mr. Greg. Mr. Greg ran out on Jamie’s family when he was 10 years old. He remarried, had another son and continued on with a new life. Jamie never even had the opportunity to establish a genuine relationship with his younger half-brother, blaming his self for years about his parents break up. Angela’s helped him see otherwise. They agreed to start a family only when they were both at the right stage in their lives. Something they made certain went according to plan.

Angela on the other hand, had a very different family dynamic. Both parents still together, her mother, Ruth Ann made sure there was a close nit bond between the siblings. Family was first in Ruth’s eyes and she would do anything to keep them together. Growing up in a full house, Angela understood why Jamie wanted their situation to be absolute before starting a family.

As Angela entered the doors of the trendy French restaurant, all eyes were on her. She definitely didn’t go wrong pairing the pink Miu Miu heels with the

purple Vera Wang dress, curved in all the right places!

“Oh, Sweets is here already? That’s a first” she thought noticing Jamie already seated across the room.

Waiting for Jamie was something she’d grown accustomed too over the years. Whether a dinner date or quiet night at home, Jamie was always last to arrive. Then it hit her,

“I know! He arrived early to have the chef place the engagement ring on my dessert plate. What I sweetie, but I’ll still act surprised when I see it!”

In proper etiquette, Angela addressed the hostess to be escorted to the table. Couples romantically touching hands, while starring into one another’s eye’s, filled the area. Laughter could be heard from the crowded bar as martinis were shaken. The jazz band was preparing for their next set while Jill Scott played as background music. Love was unquestionably in the air. Angela took her time as she approached Jamie, step by step examining the atmosphere. She wanted to every moment of the finest night of her life.

Jamie, mocha complexioned, dark fade and freshly trimmed beard stood to greet her with a kiss on the cheek. Angela was smitten he wore the grey sports jacket gifted by her on his last birthday. Though pretentious at times, Jamie had no problem taking a risk with fashion, pairing the coat with an orange cashmere sweater. The fit was perfect over his 5’11” broad shoulders.

Angela’s high heels placed her at eye level with Jamie’s round lips as she closed

her eyes to give him a kiss. After taking one last glance at the man of her dreams she sat. Noticing her favorite drink had already been ordered, Angela immediately took a sip to calm her nerves. The setting was just how she imagined it!

Jamie

“You’re finally here. I’ve been waiting for like 15 minutes.”

“Sorry, I ran late… but my article was approved! I can’t wait for this edition to print!”

“Right, how was work anyway?”

“It was good. Sorry I didn’t have a chance to call at lunch.”

“It’s cool. I was kind of tied up anyway.”

“So…”

“So?”

“My new cut silly! Do you like?”

“Oh, yeah, wow… its short…but… it looks good” while glancing down to his phone placed on the table.

“Thank you Sweets. It just felt like the right time for a change, to try something new…start over from scratch you know. I’m ready for anything now!”

“Right, right…is it hot in here” as he loosens his collar, still checking his phone.

“No, I’m comfortable but you seem a little edgy. Is there something you want to say or ask? You know you can talk to me right? I’m open to whatever” girlishly placing her hand over his.

“Yeah, anyway, how was work” pulling his hand away to check the phone again.

“Sweets, you just asked that. Is everything ok? Did something happen at the studio?”

“No, work is fine.”

“Then what is it?”

“Honestly, there is something I need to tell you.”

Angela wondered,

“Tell…what would he have to tell me? You ask for a hand in marriage.”

“Ok…honey what do you want to tell me?”

“There’s really no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it. I have a baby on the way.”

Instantly a deer in headlights appeared in the middle of downtown Manhattan as Angela’s life flashed before her eyes. He just blurted it out! No warning; appetizers hadn’t even been served. One sentence changed an entire existence.

“What are you saying” uttered from Angela’s mouth.

“I’m having a son and I need to be there for him. At least I’m being honest.”

“At least…” Angela responded practically in a daze.

All rage and emotions stood at a halt as Angela was literally frozen. Tears began to flow down her face like melted chocolate from the Chanel mascara so meticulously put on for this occasion. Angela was numb with silence…her world had been crushed.

Jamie

“I’m going through something major. I wanted to be with you but…”

“Stop” came out in a whisper from numb glossed lips.

Angela had no more words. She rose from the table and swiftly exited the restaurant holding her last shred of dignity, expecting this travesty to all disappear behind her.

This only happens in the movies… Walking home in disbelief, Jamie’s words kept replaying over again in her head.

“I have to know, but I don’t want to know… who is she, how, when, where?”

Thirty blocks walked were meaningless, as Angela’s mind remained in the same spot, a state of confusion. If Carlos, the door man hadn’t been present, she would have walked through the glass door of the apartment building. Upon exiting the elevator, the hallway became a walk of death. For this believably strong willed woman had to face the reality of walking in to a once happy home.

Hands shaking, she placed the key in the door knob. Once entered, something appeared very different. Looking around the living room,

“Where are Jamie’s things? I know he…wait a minute.”

She quickly began to go through the closets.

“What the… he moved out!”

Searching the bathroom, the office, nothing of Jamie’s was there.

“This no good mother…I don’t believe he left me. He got some whore pregnant and left me!”

Angela turned her head to the end table where Jamie’s African art sculpture use to stand and saw a white envelope with the name “Mitch”, Jamie’s nick name for her, written on it. In virtually slow motion she opened the envelope hoping to find a remedy to relieve her pain. Inside was a check; enough to carry the rent until the end of the lease. Tears began to fall uncontrollably.

“Where was my choice in all of this? What if I wanted to continue our life together? I am a part of this. I am important. I need him in my life!”

Angela allowed Jamie to selfishly make all the decisions in their relationship, defending his every move. This being no different, he did what he did best; made a decision without any input from Angela. Pacing back and forth on the living room floor, as much as it hurt, Angela began to realize maybe she wanted her sweet Jamie to stay. Questioning how much she was willing to take, she stood alone in the middle of the half empty apartment in total grief. As the strike of the New Year approached, the sound of neighbors counting down could be heard through the walls. Dizzy and light headed, with cheering and horns blowing in from the background, Angela ed out at the stroke of midnight.

Chapter 2

The Mirage

Hiding behind grey clouds…

Angela’s eyes opened the next morning to an empty bottle of Jamie’s favorite cognac and used Kleenex all over the bed. Though little memory of what took place over night could be recalled, by her headache, Angela knew paying for it the rest of the weekend was a definite. This wasn’t exactly the way she imagined waking on the first day of the New Year. Staring at an empty ring finger, lying in bed, visions of Jamie flashed constantly through her mind.

“We were so happy. Why wasn’t I enough?”

A door slammed rising Angela instantaneously from bed. She desperately peaked into the living room, only to realize it was the neighbor’s door shutting. Feeling empty inside, she lay back in bed.

“This nightmare has to end…”

At 6pm the phone rang. Tired and distorted, Angela knew it was Sweets. Without looking at the caller ID, the phone was answered on the first ring. “Angel” came from the voice on the other end. Angel was what her grandfather called her since she was a child. He would always say she glowed like an Angel. Those words got Angela through a handful of tough times growing up. When he ed, a part of that glow went with him. On the phone was her mother, Ruth.

“Happy New Year…! You never called me back. You sound like you had some

exciting news. Should I be on the lookout for something old, new or blue?”

“Sorry mom, I had such a late night. I’m running out now, I’ll call you in the morning” while holding back the tears.

Facing people and reality wasn’t something Angela was prepared to do at this moment.

“Angel, the last time you said that…”

“Mom, promise, I really should go…love you” hanging up the phone as fast as she answered.

Logically turning off the cellular was the next step. So she did, curdling back into bed, buried without an ounce of dignity under the pillows.

The sun rose again. Another day had gone by, awaking with the same tune playing in her head, “I’m having a baby.” It became a form of self-torture. She desperately wanted to forget, just not in this second. For now she slept. Shamefully, sleep was all Angela did for almost 48 hours before finally getting out of bed Sunday evening. The growl of her stomach was a reminder that she hadn’t eaten in days. Thinking maybe it wasn’t so bad after putting on an extra 10 pounds of weight in addition to the “college 20” from years ago; she slowly made her way to the kitchen to see what could be mustered up to eat.

Looking through the refrigerator, Angela couldn’t help but notice the beautifully

labeled bottle of red sparkling Italian wine on the top shelf. It was purchased to mark their anniversary. Only in this case, she imagined the anticipated celebration to be their engagement. Angela and Jamie vacationed years prior in the town of Italy where the wine originated; now a reminder of how far she would go for Jamie. Staying up late nights, working on Jamie’s school projects even when her work wasn’t complete, was something she often did. Without a second thought, Angela financially held them both down during college years when the funds were low. Rather than viewing that as a dreaded endeavor, Angela knew it was for the betterment of the team. Like the fermented grapes that filled the bottle, bitter sweet, as were Jamie and the events that took place after the Italy trip. Begrudgingly, Angela was forced to continued her life with secretes haunting in the background unmentioned again.

Without question, Jamie had control over Angela. When offered the position in Chicago, it was Sweets’ feelings that were put first. He was ready to start their life together. Even Jamie’s mother constantly urged Angela to hurry her move to New York, making comment that it was best to be near him. The Glenn family loved Jamie too. Her father, Bill was a little weary, but Angela was his baby girl so that was to be expected. There was nothing Jamie could do wrong in Angela’s eyes, she felt safe with him; believing he always had her best interest at heart and made the right choices for them as a couple.

There was a plan to Angela’s life. Build a successful career, get married at 30 years old and have three children, just like her parents. Now circumstances had changed and Angela had no clue how to get back on track. The fact of the matter was there was no plan B. Without her Sweets’ there was no direction and this smart intelligent girl was now lost.

What’s real anymore? No pain could express the way Angela felt, calling out sick to work for a week. The flu was going around the office so no red flags were raised. All phone calls were sent to voice mail. How could one write about love when it had failed them? Going through questions readers emailed while working from home, the love scorned girl wanted to give advice for them to run.

Hadn’t showered in days, Angela was slipping into a deep depression. She couldn’t bring herself to watch television because it reminded her of Jamie. No one knew of the break up and keeping it concealed as long as possible was goal number one. Angela felt like a failure for his infidelity. As if it were her fault for breaking their commitment, she was taking responsibility for Jamison’s actions.

Mind racing, it was difficult to sleep. When she slept, fearful dreams woke her in a cold sweat. One recurring dream went back to her parent’s house. In it, Angela walks quietly from her childhood bedroom, down back steps that lead to the kitchen. Ruth is seated at the table crying while stirring a cup of tea. Angela’s black and white vision in the dream was fitting for the coldness in the air. Glancing at her mother, Angela try’s reaching her hand out to Ruth but can’t get close enough. Suddenly, Bill appears in the kitchen doorway from the dining room. As Ruth looks up, noticing Angela standing by, she yells “run Angel,” and so, Angela ran.

Though Ruth and Bill stayed together, times weren’t always perfect. Angela’s mother kept a clean home, cooked every day and never missed a recital, all done with a smile. Her father worked two jobs, had a drink when he got home and prepared for another day. To the kids, he was a simply man who provided food and shelter for the family. He was gentle and Angela adored him but she also re her mother’s cries. All in all, Ruth kept appearances and stood by her husband. Soon enough, the tears would go away and the example of a happy

family resumed. Angela believed her parents love for one another was second to none. She yearned for a happy, long lasting marriage. With the bad times gone unseen and the good times placed forward, Angela decided to lead in her mother’s fashion to get what she wanted.

Most of the stories Angela wrote about as a child, were themes of love. After spending the day eating left over cake, Angela thought back to a special box she kept childhood poems in. She immediately jumped out of bed in search of the box. Possessive of its contents, Angela kept the box close through all her travels. Maybe reading the poems again would be comforting and give a sense of what life once was. On the top of box, was a picture she drew of her family that included her mother, father, older sister Deidra and younger brother Jacob.

Not having to search for long, Angela was calmed when she found the box exactly where it was last placed. That is until she looked at the drawing, wondering why everyone was smiling in the picture but her mother. Angela began to go through the box, reading white loose leaf page after the next. For some reason, instead of helping, the words written on the pages made her sad.

If she didn’t know her own writing, she would have thought the poems were written by another. For the words seemed to come from an insecure, delusional girl seeking love, not feeling love. ing her writing was based on what she saw and felt; now it was being interpreted as to the love she was missing. Since the drawing was placed, Angela carried this box around for years without putting another poem in. Maybe in a way, she thought the family drawing would offer protection. Or, did she really hope the love in the box would reach out to her family?

Without as much as a phone call from Jamie, Angela spent almost a week selfanalyzing. Attempting to make sense of how a man that deceived the woman he claimed to love; could still hold her happiness in his heart. In an effort to prove she still knew love, Angela tried writing one of those poems that use to come so

naturally. Was her vision of love as distorted as the pages in box had displayed. She began to think but the words of love weren’t coming…she couldn’t see it. As she hopelessly began to write, she believed it was the pen. After finding a ball point pen that felt comfortable in her hand, she blamed the hollow words written on the paper. Page after page was being balled up and tossed in the corner.

Thinking maybe she had it all wrong, Angela sat and thought for a while. When she wrote as a girl, she wrote about family love. ing back to her and Jamie’s time apart, their seeing each other again is what she held to most, writing about their love. She continuously tried again to write but the words wouldn’t come. Heartrending for a week, she was sulking more into the thought of being alone, now feeling she didn’t know how to love at all

In the heat of the moment…

Angela’s attempt to get out of bed landed her back to the kitchen she now dreaded. There it was the constant reminder. Angela didn’t blame Jamie for her foolish ways; however looking at that bottle of wine again, made eye brows raise. It was a sure sign of the need to take control of her life and do the things that made Angela feel right once more…like that little girl sitting in the corner of the school yard, happy because it was what she wanted to do.

Ongoing to look in the refrigerator, she suddenly became repulsed by all the food in it! For years giving up meat and living a healthier lifestyle was a personal aspiration for Angela. However Jamie did all the cooking in the house, forever quoting “I was raised on steak and that’s how I’ll continue to live.” With yet another recap of her dependence on this man, Angela was inspired to get back on track. She began by gathering up all the meat and meat products from the freezer and cabinets to take over to the shelter a few blocks away. She then set off going through anything in her closet that vaguely reminded her of Jamie.

“Someone needs a cashmere sweater, just not me!”

Liberation instantly took over. All the goods were bagged and placed in a shopping cart as Angela headed out to begin a new journey!

Not caring that it was 10pm, this determined woman was unwavering about getting these items out of her sight. Upon exiting the elevator and making it half way down the hall, she stopped directly in front of the building’s gym, which she hadn’t used since moving in to the building. After a glance at the bulletin board,

on neon green paper was a flyer for belly dance classes. Angela always had an interest in belly dancing until mentioning it to Jamie and his laughing at the thought. Ripping the info from the sheet, stuffing it in her pocket, Angela continued to haul the bags to the front door.

Doorman

“Hello Ms. Angela. Do you need a taxi?”

“No, Carlos thank you, I’m not going far.”

Making it up the block…

“Ok, where is she? Any other night she’s out here, now that I have something, nowhere to be found…great!”

While looking for homeless Mary, Angela ed the woman sometimes sat outside the coffee shop in the next block too. So the journey continued in that direction. Sure enough, homeless Mary was spotted sitting by the curb, wearing a bright pink wool hat, holding a coffee mug for a change cup. That hat was worn year round by the way.

“I have some items for you Ms. Mary” said Angela.

Homeless Mary stared at Angela. Not knowing how to react, Angela took two

bags out of the cart and pushed them close to the woman, all the while keeping her composure.

“Well, good evening” Angela said before walking off.

With only food items remaining in the cart, she made her way to the shelter.

The assistant manager, Andrew, had become a good friend. Without full time work, Angela volunteered almost every day at the shelter and started a youth program. Unfortunately, since writing the column, as much time couldn’t be dedicated to the shelter; not to mention Jamie started to become a little jealous of her and Andrew’s friendship. A native New Yorker, Andrew showed Angela all the ends and outs of the city when Jamie was too busy. He was forever sincere in his actions, so Angela felt comfortable just hanging out with him. Even though Jamie introduced the two, he always believed Andrew had a crush on her but Angela always denied it. Though she hadn’t been by in a while, she was sure Andrew would be available to take the items. Arriving at the employee entrance the bell was rang. Andrew came to the door and was surprised to see Angela’s face.

Andrew

“Angela? Wow, how are you…did Ms. Pat know you were stopping by? We just cleaned up.”

“Actually no…this is a surprise visit. I have a few things; it’s not much but…”

“You know every little bit helps! Let me give you a hand!”

Angela knew she was in the company of good spirits. Pulling the cart in, they walked to the kitchen. Andrew began to take the bags out.

“You know I would have picked this up in the morning. Next time just give me a call.”

“I know…I just wanted it out, like now.”

“Oh, ok, well how’s everything, where’s Jay? We haven’t met up to play ball in a while.”

“Really, I thought you two hung out a couple of weeks ago.”

“Nah, I haven’t heard from him in a minute…like four or five months.”

“Hmm…” Angela said in a low voice.

“Matter of fact, the last time I saw Jay was when his cousin was here…the girl with the short blonde cut…not the cousin I met like two years ago. I ran into them up Harlem lanes. I think you were in Philly that weekend or something.”

A bad vibe immediately went through Angela’s entire body because Jamie didn’t have any cousins fitting that description. It was also two years ago that Jamie started to have a problem with her spending time with Andrew. Was he jealous or trying to keep his secrets safe?

“What’s up with him anyway?” Andrew asked.

“I don’t know, I really don’t know.”

Feeling faint, Angela sat as Andrew looked concerned. Angela continued,

“I’m ok, just need to release some stress.”

“Angela, it may be none of my business, but let me just say, it always works out.”

Hand on her forehead, Angela looked up and shook her head in acknowledgement.

Before the conversation went any further, they were interrupted.

“Well Angela, pleasant surprise!” Ms. Pat said as she walked in.

Ms. Pat, also referred to as Patty, was a 5 foot tall, heavy set, 53 year old black woman who wore every color stretch pants one could name. Her son was a runaway who died on the streets fifteen years prior. She lived to help others, especially runaways to prevent the same type of tragedy from happening again. Sponsoring this shelter after his death, hundreds of families had survived at Ms. Pat’s caring hands.

Together, she and Andrew were a funny duo. This made volunteering with them both that much more interesting. Sensing the mood, Ms. Pat gave Angela a hug before politely excusing herself from the room.

Angela

“Andrew, I really should go.”

“Yes, of course, but don’t be a stranger. I, or should I say we, miss you around here. You Aisha…that you practically taught how to read?”

“Of course, have you seen her lately?”

“Yeah, she got her GED and is taking classes at community college now…you really made a difference around here.”

“Oh my, that is great news. I miss you, well you all, too. I will return soon….I promise.”

Angela folded up the empty cart and headed for the door. As she looked back at Andrew, brown skin, 6’1”, bald head, perfectly proportioned with a beautiful smile, she felt a weight had been lifted.

“Thank You.” she said.

“For what…?”

“Just thanks…”

A new attitude…

Back home, Angela cleaned the apartment until no trace of Jamie had been left. If it was going to be a fresh start it needed to be such. The bathroom, the floors, the furniture, everything was cleaned! Before she knew, it was 3am and didn’t feel like an hour had past. After sorting through everything, with so many years dedicated to Jamie, she didn’t realize how much of her had gone astray.

Crashing on the bed, Angela was able to get a few hours of sleep before finally facing friends Maria and Diego at work the next day. They had been calling all week. Honestly, explaining the breakup to these two was going to be more difficult than telling her parents. Their personalities put together were like a circus on steroids. But she loved them just the same.

“Diego’s going to run after Jamie with a kitchen knife for sure!”

For now…she slept.

Chapter 3

A New Day

The runaway train… Three hours after Angela had gone to sleep, the alarm woke her at 630am. All circumstances considered she felt good and ready to take on the world. Tuned in to Hot 97 while getting dressed, provided the perfect dish of comic relief with a side of current music. Thinking to grab a wheat bagel without the bacon, egg and cheese, Angela headed out to start her day.

“Today I start anew!”

The train was actually on time and the crowd was seemingly small for rush hour. The stars were definitely aligning for this morning’s commute, that is, until the fifth subway car of the A train was boarded. Angela’s smile turned in the opposite direction as she came face to face with Jamie standing at the opposing doorway. Immediately turning to run, as she grew accustomed to do, the train doors closed before she was able to get off. She decided to change subway cars, while bumping into engers, barely getting by.

“Mitch, wait!” Jamie shouted following behind her.

As Angela swiftly moved between the cars, the train took a sudden bend around a curve. Angela’s favorite handbag flew out of her hand and onto the tracks of the moving train. With everything now lost including her wallet, keys and I.D, she made it to the last car, finally getting off at the next stop. Angela continued her flight up the exit stairs. All she could hear was Jamie’s voice yelling to her, but she continued to run.

In disbelief, Angela made it back home, where the superintendent was able to let her in the apartment. Not in a position to report to the office, another day was granted to work from home. The calls to the credit card companies took longer than expected but all got done. The thought of going to the DMV for a new license was another story. Therefore, Angela decided to save that for the next day’s task. She also came to the realization that progressing on wasn’t going to be as easy as she thought. It would take more than cleaning and getting rid of a few items to deal with reality.

Hadn’t had a chance to eat, she went into the kitchen to snack on anything. Of course by doing away with food on the shelves, one should stock up with more. Since she didn’t have a chance to do so, the faithful stack of menus was pulled out of the drawer. A foodie at heart, Angela didn’t have a problem becoming a vegetarian but the food still had to have flavor.

“Let’s see…Indian, Chinese or Mexican? I got it, pizza!”

A large veggie pie with extra cheese was ordered without delay, arriving 45 short minutes later. The smell of cheese hit the door before the delivery man knocked. Angela met him with opened arms.

Four slices and a diet coke later, Angela was fed and full. She didn’t know eating vegetarian could be this delicious! Stomach satisfied, she went back to work. At least the question of “where’s the ring” could be delayed one more day. The hours went by as Angela began doing research for another article. There were so many topics to choose from.

“Of course making relationships work is a big issue, but I didn’t think about how difficult it is to actually start dating.”

Now she was the subject.

Having nothing planned for dinner, the remaining slices of pizza were finished off. Only this time Angela’s stomach reminded her that she had eaten a whole pizza pie. It was early enough, thus she decided to get some use out of the treill in the building gym. After finding the yoga pants purchased a year ago buried away in the bottom of the closet, Angela went down stairs with an iPod full of new Angela songs and a bottle of water. She felt good entering the gym.

“This should be easy to do.”

Under estimating the power of endurance, Angela jumped on the machine starting with an intense aerobic program; then hopped off two minutes later. She was beginning to see a lot had been taken for granted, feeling the need to get ready for a mental and physical change. Back on the treill, set at an easy pace she began an uphill climb.

The workout became enjoyable after a while. The music blasted through the earphones as she watched residents walk the halls. Self-consciousness set in, as she began wondering if they were watching her too.

“200 calories burned…probably one slice of pizza, but it’s the effort that counts.”

By the time Angela finished the work out, her short haircut turned into a mini asymmetrical cut bobbed afro. Feeling awkward that she now resembled the

singer Cameo from the 80’s hit “Word Up”, she couldn’t wait to get back into her apartment to put herself back together. When the elevator doors opened the view of her hair flashed from the mirror and all Angela could do was laugh.

“I can still laugh? That’s a good thing!”

Accordingly she headed back up stairs to prepare for a better tomorrow.

Friend therapy… The next morning was a little easier to get by. Having adequate rest, preparation for a long day at work and the DMV was factored in. By the time she arrived at work things were just getting started; and by started I mean breakfast had been ordered. One of the rs sent all of Angela’s favorite food; carbs! Bagels, Danishes, cookies, just what a girl going through a break up needed. Naturally, she took a sample of everything.

No sooner than she could to her computer, Angela’s work BFF’s were standing in front of her desk.

Maria

“Let’s see it Babes.”

“You guys, I haven’t even finished my cup of coffee” Angela replied.

Diego

“Oh, no chica boo! The way you been talking about getting this ring, I was expecting a blimp over the 59th Street bridge this weekend saying he asked, he asked! So you better spill the beans!” Shaking his blonde tipped Mohawk, hands on his hips.

“Yeah, what he said…now let’s see it!” Maria says.

“There’s nothing to see” Angela shamefully responds.

“What happened, you guys didn’t go out?” Maria said while looking concerned.

“Not…exactly?”

“Well what exactly did happen?” Diego asked as he grew suspicious.

The words couldn’t come out. Angela jolted from the chair and headed for the ladies room. Maria followed two steps and Diego two and a half steps behind her, as they went into the ladies room one after the other.

“Diego, you can’t come in here!” Angela yells.

“No one is coming in and I’m not interested anyway, now talk!” Stomping his foot down.

Angela rested her bottom on the sink; arms crossed and head down as if she was guilty of something.

“It’s over…and he’s having a baby.”

All jaws dropped!

Maria

“That son of a bitch…”

“Did you just say…? Oh, no, where is my knife, I’m about to do some cutting!”

Diego says while looking around for a knife.

To make matters worse, Marie began to help Diego find the knife by looking in stalls and checking her pockets. Angela, looking at her friends in all their craziness, began laughing until tears started rolling down her face. Maria and Diego, staring at her in perplexity begin laughing too.

“I don’t know what we’re laughing at but hey” said Maria, throwing up her hands.

Angela reached her arms out and the three hugged for what seemed like an hour. Angela needed the indeed. She promised she would talk more at lunch.

Maria and Diego left the restroom and Angela stayed behind to pull herself together. Hadn’t put on any foundation, she splashed cold water on her face to

wash away the dry tears. Gazing closely into the mirror, freckle by freckle and lash by lash, Angela didn’t like what she saw. A glowing angel no more, distress had taken its place. This was a woman hiding from something. With no makeup on the outside, she still felt made up within.

Angela’s whole life was existed like this. Living up to standards set by her no less; believing there was one precise way to live. Far from the unique girl she used to be, without notice, she had been conforming into a role for Jamie’s approval for years. The truth was, she was holding on to an image instead of releasing the chains that bound her. Angela returned to her desk feeling as if everyone was watching, though no one was. Suddenly, after seeing the chocolate glazed donut left on the table, all was well.

The three amigos decided to eat lunch at the cafe in their office building. As they headed down, there was complete silence. Maria and Diego prodded each other for one of them to break the ice.

Diego finally gave in.

“So your hair is looking nice these days mama.”

Maria hit Diego with her elbow.

“Yeah Babes, the short cut looks really good on you.”

“Is that all you two can come up with? I’m going through a crisis here.”

A sigh of relief came from both of them as they began talking over each other.

“We didn’t know if you wanted talk now, later or what.”

“Huh, I didn’t want you jumping at me on this elevator girlfriend.”

“I’m tired of talking myself…let’s do it!”

Seated, Angela began to tell the whole story, reliving everyone disappointing moment of the dreadful week. The server approached the table to confirm their meal as she knew what they usually ordered.

Server

“Hey guys! Let me see, Greek salad, turkey club and potatoes skins with turkey bacon?”

“Right, no wait; I’ll have the skins but no bacon. Actually, the quesadillas are good, can they make it without chicken. Yeah, you know what…actually; I’ll just have the salad too” Angela rumbles on.

After finally making up her mind she turned to Maria and Diego who were observing her uncertainty.

“Mama, what was that all about? No bacon, no chicken?”

“Well, I’ve decided to make a few changes in my life. You both know how I’ve always wanted to stop eating meat?”

“No” both say laughing.

“Yes, you do, I always said one day I wanted to become a vegetarian. Well, with everything going on, I felt it was time to focus on me and my wants. It just so happens, giving up meat came first on the list.”

“You’re going to at least eat chicken, fish and things like that right?”

“No meat at all. I’m not going vegan just yet but maybe one day.”

“We’ll see about that girlfriend. You know my cousin is taking every vitamin under the sun trying that no meat diet.”

“It’s not a diet. I’m just trying something new.”

By the time Maria and Diego gave Angela the third degree, their food had arrived.

“This looks so good….going vegetarian may be easier than I thought” while pouring an excessive amount of dressing over the salad.

“Ok, let’s go with that” Diego responds cutting an eye to Maria.

As they ate, Angela couldn’t help but notice the tension around Maria and Diego’s opinion of her becoming vegetarian.

“Why are they taking my eating habits so personal? Probably just concerned…”

Still holding on to a sense of discouragement, she continued to talk.

Take two and call me in the morning…

It was Dr. Bennett’s late night so Angela made a 6:30pm appointment for a physical exam and blood work. As time drew near, she grew more anxious to leave work and put this whole ordeal in the rear. She and Jamie hadn’t used condoms for years. In all honesty, they had been using the pull out method until after the Italy trip. Indeed, that bottle of wine will always be a nostalgic souvenir. Angela quickly decided to go on the pill afterwards. Apparently, Jamie decided to continue using the pull out method.

As she sat impatiently in the waiting room reading about every disease and medical condition known to man, her name was finally called. The nurse escorted her to a room. Angela was slightly perspiring.

“This room may change my life” she thought sitting aimlessly on the table.

Dr. Bennett entered, cheerful as always.

“Angela! How are you?”

“Oh, things could be better.”

“Well you’re looking great…new cut I see. So what are we here for this

evening” looking through Angela’s chart.

“Well it is time for my physical.”

“It is and since I saw you last, you’re blood pressure is a little higher. Are you experiencing any stress or changes I should know about?”

“Well that’s part of the reason why I’m here.”

Angela explained the occurrences again to the doctor. Though she didn’t want to revisit the memory, each time she caught on to happenings missed before; almost awakened to obvious signs of denial once overlooked. Of course Dr. Bennett was concerned about the unprotected sex, so blood work for everything was performed.

Dr. Bennett’s daughter had become a vegetarian and ed the idea by giving Angela information on healthy eating. Overall the visit helped emotionally but the test results were something that couldn’t come fast enough. Not following doctors’ orders, Angela went home and tunneled into a half gallon of ice cream.

“I’m pretty sure this wasn’t on the good for you list” enjoying every bite.

After a few days of unwholesome vegetarian eating, Angela received a call from Dr. Bennett’s’ office. Thinking,

“Now, they only call if there’s a problem” as the number appeared across the caller ID.

Angela’s heart dropped. Apprehensively, she answered.

“Angela speaking…”

“Hello Angela, this is Carol from Dr. Bennett’s’ office. We have your blood work back and the doctor would like schedule an appointment to go over the results.”

“Can she see me today” Angela responded speedily.

“Let me see, can you get here by 4’o clock.”

“Sure.”

It was only 1 o’clock. Angela couldn’t sit and wait for her fate to be called; hope was all she could fathom. Politely she gathered her belongings and headed for the door nearly knocking down the mail girl on the way out. All she could see was the exit. Arriving two hours early, Angela sat in the waiting area with every undesirable possible thought running through her mind.

Knowing this only added to potential problems, she focused on an elderly Indian couple also waiting to be seen. The husband looked to be ill, with a slight cough. As she focused more on the couple, who looked to be at least seventy years old, she began to feel the love they had for one another as the wife ed her husband a tissue. There was a certain tenderness being spoken without words and this feeling of love made Angela feel the same.

After her name was finally called by the receptionist, Angela was brought to a small room where they drew blood to wait for the doctor. The room was so small that paranoia grew to claustrophobia. She looked over and noticed the nurse had pulled the test results up on the computer. Without getting caught, Angela tried to read the screen, just to be prepared. As the walls closed in more and more, the door flew open and in walked Dr. Bennett.

“Angela, it’s nice to see you again!”

“Now why is this heifer so chipper, I’m really about to lose it!” Angela thought.

“Yes, hello again…”

“Now let’s see. Your lab test came back…”

Dr. Bennett began scrolling at the computer chart and stopped at a page.

“Ok, it looks like your vitamin D is low. I’m going to give you a prescription and let’s test again in about three months.”

“That’s all, so everything else was ok?”

“Well vitamin D is very important.

“I’m sorry Dr. Bennett, but with the entire list of tests I just took, I’ll take low vitamin D any day!”

Dr. Bennett understood and responded with a kind smile.

“I also want to monitor your blood pressure in relation to your new diet and don’t forget about the exercise. Make sure you read the material I gave you and if there is anything else, don’t hesitate to call….we’ve all been there.”

Feeling like she just won a million dollars, a call to her main girl was in order for happy hour drinks!

Ready or not…

Marie

“Hey girly…!”

“So, where are we drinking tonight?”

“I’m sorry. I thought this was Angela Michelle Glenn. At least that’s what the caller ID says.”

“Shut up! It’s new Angela! …? And new Angela wants a happy hour drink or any drink at this point. So where are we drinking? I know you’re out somewhere.”

“You know me too well. I’m actually heading to the sushi spot. The one where we ordered take out a few weeks back.”

“I know where it is; see you in about a half!”

New Angela was on the move!

She entered and immediately spotted Maria surrounded by three men fighting for her attention.

“I don’t know how she does it. They just gravitate to her instantaneously.”

Angela tried to appear confident as she walked over.

Maria

“Here she is finally! Fellas…this is my very smart, sexy and successful friend, Angela.”

“Hi, oh, excuse me, hello I’m Angela” as nervousness began to set in.

Maria signaled Angela to relax, which she did eventually, as the drinks began to flow.

Maria’s male associates happened to be from the firm she resigned from a few years prior. With an MBA and an array of highly noted recommendations, Maria was set to work in any field of her choice. She was a natural people person and eye-catching to say the least. At 5’9’ with a great smile, beautiful sandy blonde hair, and an hour-glass figure that complimented her nice size booty; for a white girl, she seemed to be the total package.

Maria attributed it all to her Spanish roots. Sometimes Angela would try to exude Maria’s charm. The gentlemen spoke often about how much they missed Maria, making mention they wished that she didn’t have to leave so abruptly. All of this sounded a little bizarre to Angela, but after a few French martinis, what didn’t.

Angela was really enjoying herself until “Me, Myself and I” by Beyoncé began to play through the speakers. That song was definitely a remembrance of Jamie. Not wanting to disturb the good feeling vibe of the group, she decided to leave. The cutest of the three men, Ben, asked to share a taxi. Angela didn’t have a problem with it, so they headed uptown and arrived in a matter of minutes.

Angela

“Well, this is me. Let me give you something toward the fare” offered in proper manner.

“No, are you serious! I enjoyed your company. Listen, I have to be honest. I live downtown but I wanted to see you home.”

Angela was taken back and intrigued at the same time.

“That was very nice of you, to see me home that is.”

“I find you very attractive and would like to get to know you a little better, if it’s ok with you.”

Angela didn’t know if she was in shock because she hadn’t thought much about dating, not thinking it would be this simple, or the fact that her irer was a Jewish banker with curly blonde hair from Connecticut.

“Well, I just got out of a relationship and don’t know if I’m ready to date yet. It’s just really complicated.”

“Come on, its dinner” playful said. “I do however understand. How about this, I’ll leave you with my number and when you are ready, give me a call.”

“Ok, that sounds reasonable.”

While trying not to stumble exiting the cab, high heels on and all, she made it to the apartment and hibernated for a while.

Chapter 4

Isn’t It Always Sunny In Philadelphia?

The winter blues…

To the degree that Angela loved winter evenings at home, now being single, it wasn’t much enjoyable anymore. Reality started to set in night after night. Continuing to not reveal the breakup, made up stories about Jamison’s whereabouts was told. Pictures of a self purchased cake for Valentines’ day were sent to her family as a cover up for the pain she was going through. When Jacob came to New York to visit his friends, Angela met him away from the apartment and acted as if Jamie was sick. Every year Dee and Angela organized a spa retreat get-a-way for their mother’s birthday in the Poconos, so it wasn’t suspicious that Jamie wasn’t around then either.

With Jamie’s locality covered for all occasions, Angela had become an expert in depicting herself as a non-single woman. If she could render children alone in a few years, that would suit her just fine. Anything was better than explaining how she had been played like a fool. Another ten pounds of winter weight was put on. Comfort food was all she craved.

“I thought vegetarians are supposed to be skinny.”

Truly believing she was being strong, Angela was getting weaker by the day. If she wasn’t working, she was eating. There was no balance and definitely no social life. Still thinking pizza was a good dinner because it had mushrooms, the delivery drawer was over flowing. She hadn’t even noticed what her life was becoming until the day her fat jeans turned into extremely tight jeans!

Angela’s bedroom floor was covered as she went through all the clothes she

owned. It was a casual Friday but nothing casual fit. This left no question, the day she decided to wear sweat pants to the office, an all-time low was hit. Trying to go unnoticed walking away from the copy machine she ran into Diego.

“Oh, Angie, you look cute. Are those jogging pants or…what…I’m confused honey” he kindly pointed out in front of a room of people.

“I was in a rush, that’s all.”

“Honey, ain’t no amount of time gonna make me leave the house like that, alright!”

Angela was beyond embarrassed! She stayed behind her desk the rest of the day. After work while in the elevator with Diego and Maria, she remained quiet. Diego was being his usual playful self but Angela wouldn’t budge; paying him no attention.

Diego

“Angie, what’s wrong mama?”

Angela stayed silent. Diego kept dancing and playing around until she finally broke.

“I like my sweat pants thank you very much!”

“Then I like girls” Diego answers back snapping his fingers two times.

Angela spurted out laughing. Maria didn’t understand what was going on. Diego knew Angela’s wardrobe enough to tell she wasn’t in her prim fashion comfort zone, even for a casual Friday. Sure he was a little lurid about pointing it out but that was the vicariousness of Diego. Truth was she hated the sweat pants. At her biggest weight ever, the three changed plans and decided to go last minute shopping. Angela was becoming the “she has a cute face but…” girl. Buying only a few pieces to hold her over, followed by pity drinks, Angela called it a night.

The phone rang about ten minutes after she got home.

Maria

“Hey missy, I just met a couple of cuties! We’re headed to Element; I’m in a reggae mood for real! You wanna come back out?”

“Are they the same guys from last time?”

“Yeah…right! A whole new line up! Come back out!”

“You’re something else. How do you do it?

“What?”

“Date random guys without getting attached. I wish I had it in me.”

“First off, we’re not dating. Just hanging out with a few guys I literally just met. But to answer your question, it’s simple; never give them a name, just a description.”

“What, a description?”

“Yeah, names lead to feeling….feeling lead to broken hearts. Right now I’m with MTA guy and his friend, the detective. The detective is perfect for you! So come back out!”

“No, I’m done party girl. Besides, I have to face the family tomorrow. They still don’t know about Jamie.”

“Ah, that explains a lot.”

“Yeah, that explains the excessive consumption of alcohol tonight,” laughing.

“Babes, do me a favor, tell the family and then get back on the scene! You have your whole life and lots of hotties ahead of you. No one can see you while

you’re hiding out…hint, hint.”

“Point taken…I’ll see you when I get back…have fun!”

Angela went straight to bed after the call, but not before “Banker Ben” crossed her mind.

There’s no place like home… It’s Saturday or what Angela now refers to as dooms day. The plan was to take the train to Philly and possibly tell her parents about the break up with Jamie. Angela’s brother Jacob, finishing his third year at Howard University, was bringing a new boyfriend home. Anticipating more attention going towards them, maybe another month could go by without disclosing the skeleton in the cupboard. After a quiet two hour ride, Angela arrived in the city of brotherly love. Hadn’t been home in a while, her mother’s voice was playing over and over in her head,

“Angel dear, you never visit anymore. First it’s college, now New York City. I’ll be happy when you get all of this traveling out of your system, settle down and start a family like your sister.”

Ruth had given up on Jacob and surreptitiously blamed Angela for his “alternative lifestyle” though never itting it. Just so happens Jacob came out after visiting Angela one weekend.

Taking a car service from 30th Street station, Angela arrived in South West Philadelphia fifteen minutes later. Angela’s dad offered to pick her up but she enjoyed the ride through the city alone, to people watch. Pulling up to that cobblestone house brought back so many memories; from playing on the porch, to drawing a hop scotch on the sidewalk with chalk, to her first kiss with Jamie on the steps.

Yes, a lot of good memories but bad too. Like her father coming in late nights arguing with her mom. Some nights, Angela and her older sister, would shut themselves in the closet with a blanket around them. Dee was always the

protector, while Jacob was too young to understand what may have been going on. There were definitely demons in their house but it was still home.

Today was Laila, Dee’s only child, 4th birthday party. Laila was excited to see Angela; peeking out the window all morning looking for “My Angel” as she liked to call her. As soon as Laila saw Angela step out the car, she went running out the front door.

Laila

“My Angel, My Angel is here!”

“Laila, where are you going? Get back here!” Dee yelled running behind her.

Angela met Laila at the bottom of the steps with open arms.

“I’m here honey!”

“You came for my birthday cake?” running overjoyed.

“I sure did and to give you a big kiss!”

Laila jumped into Angela’s arms.

Dee

“You and these cabs girl! You know regular people don’t take them in Philly. At least let it be a hack! Tommy would have picked you up.”

“And miss this greeting, no way!” replied Angela hugging and kissing Laila.

Walking into the house,

“Did you get the cake from Denise’s?” Angela asked.

“You know it. And don‘t get it twisted, the kids will be in the family room early and the adult portion of the party starts later.”

“Good, I don’t know if I can deal with mom all weekend sober” Angela says jokingly.

“JJ went to get some ice and honey child his boy toy is a cutie.”

“What! This is too much, one thing at a time.”

“Ha! Mommy is just glad to be able to get a few more “grand babies” from you and Jamie, where is his crazy butt anyway?”

“Well….”

Then a voice yelled from the kitchen,

“Angel, is that you baby?”

“Yes mom.”

“Baby, let me take a good look at you. I see you been eating good” while checking Angela out from top to bottom.

“Thanks mom, I miss you too. I hope you made potato salad….that’s the real reason I came home.”

“Angel, you know better than to ask. Go ahead and catch up with your sister, I’ll get back to you later.”

It was later that Angela wasn’t looking forward to. Playing it cool, she helped Dee set the table with party favors. WDAS was blasting Luther Vandross in the background on this sunny afternoon. One of those days that made you feel like everything was going to be alright. From inside, Angela heard a car horn and her brothers’ voice.

“What’s up man?”

She ran to the door to greet Jacob. He stopped to talk to a high school friend from the neighborhood. Not wanting to be too pretentious, she waited to be introduced to his new boyfriend as he stood on the porch. Standing at the screen door, Angela looked over and noticed Ms. Alice looking from her window across the street.

“That lady is still crazy” Angela thought to herself.

Ms. Alice had a daughter named Tamara. Tammy and Angela were inseparable from the time they both could walk. Ms. Alice and the Glenn’s moved in the neighborhood during the same summer, when Dee was only a year old. Tammy, the same age as Angela an only child, was the only person Angela ever called a best friend. Though their personalities were complete opposite, they complimented one another.

One summer day after Tammy stayed for a sleepover, Ms. Alice came across the street in a fit of rage. She began shouting to Ruth about a missing doll from Tammy’s bag as the girls played on the front porch. Ruth invited Alice into the house and slammed the door. Ms. Alice was known for erratic behavior, which was part of the reason Tammy stayed often with the Glenn’s. But this argument seemed unusual. After ten minutes of arguing inside, Ms. Alice stormed out of the Glenn’s house, grabbing Tammy by the collar.

“Get up now! You’re going home!”

Tammy started pleading and fighting back with her mother to stay.

“Oh, you wanna fight me!” Ms. Alice yelled angrily.

“Let me go!” Tammy pleaded.

Ms. Alice let go of Tammy, slapping her across the face. Tammy stood crying uncontrollably. Angela desperately wanted to come to her friend’s defense. She turned to the doorway where Ruth stood as a call for help. Mrs. Glenn stepped out and asked Ms. Alice to leave as if nothing happened. This marked the last time the girls played together, both being told to never speak again.

A week later, Angela’s grandfather suddenly died making the closest people to her extinct. Angela began to close herself off to anyone who attempted to befriend, fearful they would be forced apart too. In fact, Jamie was the first person Angela let into her heart since that summer. Because she didn’t have a friend to talk to, she wrote her thoughts. Some may say it was a curse and a blessing what happened that day. A friend was lost but a talent blossomed. That school year, Angela commenced to sit in a corner alone every recess writing, while her only friend watched from across the school yard. Over time, Angela as an individual began to fade away. Her distinct personality vanished and she began to follow the crowd. It became easier to mask her feeling, convinced it was for the better.

“What happened to that damn doll anyway?”

Ms. Alice noticed Angela looking her way and quickly closed the curtains. Jacob finished his conversation and turned toward Angela.

Jacob

“Is that my big sister?”

“Hey lil bro…I miss you honey J!”

“Didn’t I tell you my sister was the bomb” Jacob says to his friend. “What’s up with these shoes? You are too much Miss Fashionista!”

“You’re a mess! Well…”

“Well? Oh, my bad, Rich, this is the fabulous Angela Michelle Glenn and… where’s Jamie?”

“Oh, he couldn’t make it, he’s working.”

Again, pride got the best of her.

“I’m gonna start calling him Jay money bags as much as he works!”

“Yes, well… nice to meet you Rich. We’re not as crazy as my brother may have

told you.”

“Are you sure about that?” Rich responds sarcastically.

“Humor, I like that. Let me get back in, mom is waiting to tell me how fat I’ve gotten. We’ll talk later, you and me lil bro.”

Angela hated lying to Jacob. 7 years his senior, they were still close growing up mostly because she was stuck babysitting him. JJ was humble, a listener, quiet at times and an all around honest person. A Libra, he was truly balanced able to give and take just the same without a worry in the world. No matter what, seeing the good in people; Angela hoped to reach this level of understanding. They went inside to continue the party set up.

Unleash the dragon…

One clown and a few hours later, Ruth cleaned up the kitchen while Dee, Jacob and Angela enjoyed talking with old friends around the dining room table. That was until Jackie, a girl from the neighborhood, stopped by to get her daughter from the party. Jackie and Angela always had a love/hate relationship. After Angela started dating Jamie and left for college, the friction grew worst. This night, Angela was particularly surprised because Jackie was all smiles with her as they sat at the table drinking. Angela poured her fourth glass of Malbec when Ruth entered the room.

“Here it comes, momma’s famous chicken puffs for the table.”

Everyone started to reach for one but Angela.

Ruth

“Angel, you’re not having any? They’re your favorite.”

“Oh, no I’m good.”

“You’re good! We don’t do that New York talk around here.”

“Sorry Ma, I’m just not eating meat right now, well anymore.”

You would have thought she said the sun isn’t shining anymore. With everyone looking in disbelief Angela continued.

“It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and now just seems right.”

“You know you love some beef bacon and ribs…what about that.”

“Well, there are lots of meat substitutes too…”

“You show me a substitute for my meat loaf and I’ll show you a cow made of vegetables. You’re a least eating fish right.”

“No, actually I’m cutting everything and I’ve already spoken to my doctor who gave me advice. Besides you’re acting like I’m the only person in the world that doesn’t eat meat.”

“Angel, don’t let the couple of added pounds send you on diet frenzy.”

“It’s not a diet, it’s something for me” now growing annoyed by her families’ reaction.

Unexpectedly out of nowhere, Jackie mockingly speaks out.

“So, what does Sweets think about your new diet?”

Angela looked over to the nastiest smirk on Jackie’s face and said,

“Why do you ask?”

“Well I’m just saying, he is the, oh how does it go, love of your life. I’m just wondering what he had to say about your new diet eating habits. If he even knows about it, that is,” while smacking gum with her lips twisted.

All of a sudden Angela jumped up from the chair.

“Do you have something you want to say to me?”

“If I did, it would have been said baby girl.”

“Really, because you’re talking real slick”

“Oh, snap…New York finally put a little attitude in America’s sweetheart!”

Everyone sat in shock for the first few seconds until Angela began to approach Jackie. Jacob leaped to pull Angela back.

“Jackie, what the hell is going on here?” Dee shouts.

“How does it go Miss Angela Michelle Glenn, I’m good.”

“No, you need to go and I need to talk to my sister!”

“No problem, I think y’all have a lot of catching up to do anyway.”

“I guess you are as crazy as Jay says” Rich intervenes with his legs crossed, sipping on his drink, watching the drama unfold.

Laila and the other kids were upstairs playing so they didn’t hear any of what materialized. Jackie picked up her handbag, calling for her daughter to leave and walked out the house. Everyone turned to Angela as soon as Jackie left.

“Angel, what is going on?” Ruth sternly whispered.

In tears, Angela could barely speak.

“We broke up and that bitch knows something!”

“Now I won’t have that language in my house and what do you mean broke up… is that the reason for this crazy vegetarian talk.”

“No Ma, I don’t want to eat meat, me!”

Angela ran from the dining room and up the stairs, locking herself in the bathroom. For ten minutes, she could hear everyone talking downstairs. Then there was a knock at the bathroom door.

“It’s JJ, can we talk?”

Angela opened the door to her little brothers’ face.

“What happened?”

“I wasn’t ready to discuss it but that bitch knew something. She was really trying to rub me the wrong way. I wanted to tell you guys when I was ready.”

“Angel, you’re worrying me, what’s going on?”

“Jamie has a baby on the way and it’s not with me.”

Jacob was in shock but not the way Angela had imagined it.

“Well don’t look so surprised” wiping tears from her eyes.

“No, it’s not like that, it’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“Well I didn’t have a good feeling the last time I stayed with you guys.”

“What do you mean, didn’t have a good feeling.”

“I don’t know…something wasn’t right. when we were little and daddy came in late at night when we knew he should have been home already?”

“Yeah”

“Well…I would try to entertain mommy so she didn’t feel bad because I felt something was on her mind.”

“Ok, I thought you didn’t any of that stuff. Wait. What exactly are you trying to say?”

“Well I felt like that, lately, around you and Jamie. The last time I stayed with you guys, Jamie seemed weird. Checking his phone every five minutes…trying to get us to have ‘brother sister’ time without him. It just brought that feeling back, like I needed to entertain.”

“Something didn’t feel right and you kept quiet. We were always on the same page, you and me.”

“I know, and I felt bad about it but you never mentioned any problems so I let it slide. A baby though, I can’t believe that!”

Angela went on to tell Jacob how everything transpired. Detail after detail she began to get angry. Dee came up with a bottle of wine and they sat on the bathroom floor drinking until her tears were no more. As much as Angela liked to keep matters to herself, she knew family was what she needed at this moment.

Jacob and his friend were going out that night and insisted Angela them. At least going to a gay club she wouldn’t be pressured. As they were leaving out, Ruth pulled Angela aside without knowing the full story.

“Did you try everything?”

Angela tipsy, pulled away.

“We all can’t be as strong as you!”

Ruth looked back appalled. Jacob honked the horn from outside and Angela ran to meet him.

“What was ma talking about?”

“I don’t want to even go there…let’s ride out!”

“Ride out? Someone did get tuff up in New York City!”

Twenty minutes later they were downtown and all the queens were out dressed in drag.

“JJ, since when did you start hanging out like this?”

“You know I’m usually low key but I thought this place would be fun, to cheer you up.”

Angela was more than ready to wild out. The whole night was filled with dancing and drinking. Angela was having the time of her life. There was an event going on in the city and celebrities were out too. Angela met Ru Paul a few years prior on a magazine shoot while on internship. Ironically, they bump into each other and she reintroduced herself. He ed her canary yellow jacket from that day. Just as they were parting ways someone came up to snap a picture and Ru Paul grabbed Angela for the shot. By 3am, Jacob, Rich and Angela were in the White Castle drive thru craving burgers.

Jacob

“Sis, what are you having, two or three burgers?”

“Three, no wait, no meat…just fries.”

“Just checking, the lady wants fries only.”

They made it home with responsible Jacob as the designated driver and Angela slept through the night without a worry. However, the tequila shots caught up with her the next morning.

The next morning, the family woke to the aroma of beef bacon. As tempting as it was, Angela poured a bowl of cereal and sat at the table watching her father eat every piece of that bacon.

Ruth

“You sure you don’t want any…I see your mouth watering.”

“No ma, I’m good.”

“Here we go with that slang again, you gone speak proper English in this house.”

“I apologize, no thank you ma.” cynically said as she turned to her father with a smile.

Angela went upstairs to get ready to head back to New York. Having not really spoken to her father the whole weekend, he drove her back to the train station. Bill wasn’t much of a talker. He never even questioned what the argument was about the night before. When they arrived at the train station, her father got out the car to help with the bags.

“Thanks daddy. I guess I’ll see you for my birthday.”

“That long?”

“This summer may be busy but I’ll try to fit another trip in” not wanting to disappoint him.

“Ok, sounds good sugar.”

Bill opened his arms to give Angela a hug. Doing so, whispered in her ear,

“You made the right decision. He didn’t deserve you.”

Angela held her dad tight and shook her head in agreement, unable to look him in the eye.

“Ok, I’ll let you guys know I made it back,” holding back the tears.

Angela got the last seat on the train. Feeling like her age was finally catching up; she slept the entire ride back. After a few loads of laundry and some Chinese takeout she was ready to start the week stress free. The remainder of the evening was filled with silent laughs at the events taken place over the weekend. For some reason, Angela thought back again to Banker Ben.

“Should I, no it’s too soon.”

Chapter 5

Which Way Is Up?

The shoe’s on the other foot…

At 6:30 am the alarm sounded and it was at 6:30 am that Angela wanted to throw the alarm clock out of the window. Jamie was always awake first, allowing Angela to know how much time she could buy before getting out of bed. As change was slowly coming along, so was Angela; on her way out the door with a glazed donut in hand.

“Ok, tomorrow I start eating right.”

By the time she made it off the train, five missed calls from Maria had already appeared on her phone. Rushing as she made her way to the 15th floor, Angela decided to wait on speaking to Maria. Off the elevator to suite 1504, Angela spotted Maria awaiting her arrival.

Maria

“Well, well, well. It looks like someone isn’t as innocent as they seem” arms folding with a devilish grin.

“Girl it is 8:45am, what are you talking about?”

“Let’s see….maybe, ummm, this!”

Marie flashed Angela her cell phone showing pictures from the night club she went to while in Philly. The photos exposed Angela dancing on tables with girls; essentially making a spectacle of her.

“You skank, you left me out!”

“Left you out…no, how did this happen? I took pictures with Ru Paul… paparazzi must have thought I was a celebrity or something…I don’t know.”

“It’s a little late for explanations babes.”

“When I tell you about the rest of the weekend, this is just the icing on the cake. Look at the caption, ‘the real Philly L word’…someone published this!”

“They must have thought it was worth it. You’re a star now!”

“O-M-G…this is horrific! My readers, what will they think?”

“That you have a life! This goody, goody image has got to end. Finally time you got loose.”

“Not like this!”

Angela swiftly went to her computer to log on. Just as suspected, the emails were flooding in. Only she soon realized it wasn’t the fan emails she really needed to be concerned with as her editor, Maryanne, approached.

“Angela can I see you.”

“Of course” Angela replied.

“A career lost over a cheap flick at a club would not be a good look.”

Angela walked behind Maryanne, watching her long red curls sway side to side. For a 45 year old, twice divorced woman with two children, she could run with the best of them. Angela heard stories of Maryanne from back in the day, choosing not to feed into the gossip, but boy was it juicy to hear.

Maryanne

“Darling, close the door.”

“Sure. Is it my last draft?”

“We both know I didn’t call you into my office first thing on a Monday morning about a draft. Talk darling.”

“Well, if it’s about the pictures?”

“It is.”

“Ok, well, it wasn’t what it seemed.”

“…and it never is. The point is the public believes what they see and we work for that public. Let me explain something. By all means live your life. Frankly, I would like to see you enjoy yourself a little more. You’re in your 20’s…if you only knew about my 20’s darling. I’ve been in this business a long time no? People will gossip and draw their own conclusions about every move you make. Unless you control its limits, it will destroy you.”

As Angela looked into Maryanne’s green eyes she knew…there was an understanding among women and Angela would not judge her again.

“We’ve already begun internet clean up…with your contract…I wouldn’t let it happen again.”

Rushing back to her desk, the now “not so innocent” girl began to read comments on the blogs. Angela was a scandal hound on Monday mornings. Tables turned, she dreaded visiting her favorite gossip site, but did. In bold colored captions the blog read “Relationship expert ditches own advise”. Angela was mortified. She didn’t half of what happened that night but the proof was in the pictures.

The media whore was now the whore in the media. It was similar to a train wreck, too afraid to look away. Website after website, blog after blog, Angela was there. Her readers’ comments weren’t so nice either. Finally, actual work began to get done and by the time the initial drama was calming down, it was her favorite part of day…lunch time!

Essentially, anytime to eat was Angela’s favorite moment of day. Having slipped out of the office without Maria and Diego noticing, she hoped the fresh air and a walk around the block alone would do some good. Stopping at a café in the area, Angela would have normally gotten tuna on a croissant with extra mayo and chips. Since she had become vegetarian, a croissant toasted with butter was opted for instead. It was eaten in about one minute and a half, so she went for another. Still hungry Angela finished lunch off with a double chocolate chip cookie.

“Ok, now I’m satisfied.”

More than satisfied, Angela consumed enough calories for two people.

“I’ve got to do better.”

While looking at an extra chin develop in her compact mirror.

Clean up on aisle five…

Having made it through the day, avoiding all non-work related calls, Angela decided to make an emergency trip to the supermarket. Grocery shopping wasn’t at the top of her things to do. Jamie took care of the food shopping and new Angela wasn’t looking forward to taking on the task. On the way she was mindful enough to purchase a few green bags.

“Next time I’ll change out of these work clothes beforehand. Stilettos may not have been the best choice for picking out produce.”

Up and down the aisles she journeyed. Fruits, vegetables and every other item with healthy labeling filled the shopping cart. Only her bank wasn’t going to be as happy as she stood in shock at the grand total while at the .

“I guess that’s the price you pay for eating right.”

Exiting the store Angela heard a familiar voice. Before she could turn to make out who it was, a hand touched her shoulder. It was Andrew.

“Andrew, it’s funny seeing you here!” Angela said surprisingly.

“Yes, it is! Jay always bragged about how he did all the shopping. You guys

changing roles?”

“I wish it were that simple. We actually broke up, well he…let us just say, it’s over.”

“What! You two gave me hope! It was his loss, definitely.”

“I’m dealing with it, mostly by staying in hiding.”

“Come on, we can’t keep that beautiful smile trapped in the house.”

“I’m smiling right now, but it’s been hard to keep it up.”

“I understand…so, you have a lot of groceries there.”

“Yeah, I’m cooking by myself tonight, well for myself …table for one here… ” sarcastically said.

“Do you need help with the bags getting home? I can always stop back by here later.”

“Nope, I can do this on my own, I know I can.”

“I see…well, I’ll let you go and we can catch up later.”

“You know, I was thinking of coming back to volunteer starting next week… Tuesdays and Thursdays, if it’s available. I need to stay out of trouble.”

“You in trouble, I don’t believe that but sure, those days sound good.”

“Ok, I’ll see you then!”

Angela turned away without looking and bumped into a display. Trying to play it off, she didn’t look back and continued out the door.

“What was that…really Angela?”

Shaking her head, smiling at her awkwardness, Angela went home to start dinner for one. Changed into her favorite tee, hair tied up in a scarf, Angela laid out would be ingredients for dinner. For five minutes, she stared at the food on the counter before lining everything up neatly by meals she thought to prepare. Finally, she searched for recipes on line. Decided on pasta, by 9:30 pm, dinner was complete. After a fork full of her first prepared meal, she could honestly say it was the worst dish she ever had! The noodles were over cooked, the sauce was bland and the garlic toast was burnt. Back in the kitchen, cookies were her only choice. Sadly enough, the night ended on that note.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again…

The following week, Angela succeeded at burning handmade pizza, under baking frozen lasagna, setting off the smoke alarm preparing stove top rice and over seasoning stir fry vegetables. She desperately wanted cook a decent meal but her heart wasn’t in it. Much like the rest of her life, she was forcing herself to progress too soon. The pain in her back and bulge on her side were obvious indications that her body agreed.

Weeks had gone by and although Angela had been doing well according to the universe, she had not advanced in either of her favorite areas, food and love. She experimented with a variety of dishes but somehow they all tasted the same. This led to more takeout and lonely nights in front of the television excluding when she and Andrew hung out. He had become a good shoulder to lean on. Her writing even began to take a toll from the slump she was in. Feeling like a fraud, Angela didn’t believe half of her own love advice.

“Happily ever after my ass… What phase is this?”

Chapter 6

It Only Gets Better!

Picking up the pieces… Late one night, Angela received a text from a college friend she hadn’t seen in years. Tiffany was going to be in Manhattan the following week for business. This excited Angela because she could dine out without feeling guilty. Tiffany was a no holds barred girl that laid down the law about everything. Angela ired her voice; Jamie, not so much. They arranged to have dinner when Tiffany got in to town.

Anxious all week, Angela made reservations at a restaurant in Chelsea for dinner and had a promoter friend of Maria put them on the list of a hot new club. When Angela arrived for dinner, the hostess said the table would be ready soon but her party was at the bar. As she searched the area a high-pitched voice came from afar.

“Angela!!!”

It was Tiffany, still vivacious as ever. She ran over to Angela screaming, without a care that the entire bar was eyeing.

“Girl you look good! Our table isn’t ready, let’s get drinks.”

Angela was overjoyed to see her friend too. They found seats at the bar and ordered martinis. Arguing over who would buy the first round, Angela felt a brush on her shoulder. Then she heard a smooth, deep voice from behind say,

“Jimmy…another vodka gimlet.”

“With five squeezed limes? Got it” the bartender replied.

Tiffany signaled for Angela to look back. Indiscreetly she did, looking directly into the eyes of the sexiest chocolate chip she had ever seen.

“Hello” the chocolate chip said.

“Hi” Angela responded with an innocent stare before Tiffany nudged her.

“You ladies want another round?”

“Umm, sure” Tiffany interrupts.

“Jimmy, another round for the ladies” motioning to Angela and Tiffany.

“Thanks!”

“Are you ladies new to the area?”

“No, I just haven’t been out lately” Angela answered back.

“That was cool…NOT!”

“I see, well let me get back to my party, enjoy your evening.”

As he began to walk away, the chocolate chip paused, turning his morsel back around and offered Angela his card.

“I’m John by the way; feel free to use it anytime.”

Angela took the card with a smile and turned back to Tiffany.

“Oh, just like that. I need to move my tail to New York. They’re making them like that…dizamm!”

If the night could get any better, their table was ready within minutes and girl time began.

Tiffany

“So catch me up on everything.”

“Ok, starting with the biggest shocker, Jamie and I broke up.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that…I think” taking a sip of her martini, looking up at the ceiling.

“You think? That’s all you can come up with? Tiffany, give it to me. I know you have more than that to say!”

“I can’t tell if it’s good news or bad news for you. I know its music to my ears.”

Angela put her head down in disappointment.

“I’m sorry but it is. You were too good for him and you couldn’t see it. ‘Sweets this, Sweets that’. He had you right where he wanted, controlling everything because you were too relaxed in that relationship. What you should have done was check him every once in a while to keep him on his toes. When he wasn’t around you were more secure with yourself…a decision maker. The minute Jamie showed up, you couldn’t make up your mind. And what was up with that damn nick name, Mitch? Like you were one of his boys…”

As Tiffany vented unrelentingly about Jamie, the attendant brought bread to the table. Angela’s mind couldn’t help but wonder off, pondering on dinners out with Jamie. Whenever bread was brought to the table, she would reach in for a piece and Jamie would immediately tell the server to send it back. Supposing he

was just looking out for their eating habits, she didn’t complain. On the other hand she really wanted that bread! Nevertheless, Angela went with the motto that “Sweets knew best” on no debating his decisions. Slowly over the years, Jamie had taken full control over all Angela had become without her realizing it. Zoning back to Tiffany’s endless rant…

“There was something about him that just wasn’t right!

“Not right…like what?” Angela looked surprised.

“I never wanted to overstep my boundaries with you two. If you asked my opinion, I most certainly would have given it but I always felt he was mischievous. He had some sneaky ways about him.”

“Really, well that would explain the baby he has on the way.”

“Hold the eff up! Stop that madness! You mean to tell me he was up in some other chick raw!”

“Can I offer you another cocktail” the head waiter asked as they both turn and looked.

“That would be a yes…” Tiffany retorted.

The ice had been broken. Angela and Tiffany soon set out for dancing. The night

air was awesome with summer just around the corner. As they entered the club, Angela spotted the promoter and went over to say hello. That led to more drinks on the house. Vodka gimlets with five squeezed limes, were ironically their drink choice for the rest of the evening. The two danced, made a few friends in VIP and partied like rock stars. Always wanting to uphold an image, Angela didn’t party too much in school. She and Tiffany had to make up for that lost time.

The next morning, still in her clothes from the night before, Angela reached for the phone to check on her friend. She saw a missed text from Tiffany saying she was safe in her room and would call the next day. This eased Angela’s mind as she lay back down for a few hours.

Tiffany met with Angela for brunch that Sunday morning. Today’s get together was definitely more toned down than the few nights prior yet, mimosas were on deck. Out of party mode, Tiffany was able to have a more mature conversation with Angela; going back to their college days and her observations of Jamie. Angela itted she allowed herself to be blind in their relationship. That same feeling for lack of self was preventing her from moving on and really taking control of her life now. Becoming a party animal could only put a bandage over the wounds temporarily. What Angela needed was an internal healing.

Lemons to lemonade…

After brunch, Tiffany took a car service to the airport for her return flight. Now with more thoughts to ponder, Angela decided to take the scenic route home with a long walk. Along the way, she ran into a street fair. The food smelled so great, Angela had to stop. Having just eaten, she decided to get fresh squeezed lemonade while shopping the vendors. Browsing handmade jewelry, hip scarves on the next table caught her eye. ing back to the flyer for belly dance classes, a spark flared in Angela. It was something she could feel inside. Now at the hip scarf table, Angela fell in love with the many colors, shapes and sounds of the scarves. In plain sight, a red chiffon scarf with gold trimming intrigued her attention even more.

“Try it on” the merchant says.

“Can I?”

The merchant tied the hip scarf around Angela’s waist; she moved her hips a little and sold! For the first time a feeling of joy was felt for something other than takeout pizza. She hurried home to locate the class flyer right away.

As if the flyer was looking for her, sticking out of a stack of papers was the neon green paper. The class was twice a week at a nearby dance school. Angela placed the info and hip scarf in a bag for the next day with intentions of going right after work. Feeling inspired by all the food at the street fair, Angela decided to try something new in the kitchen. Breaking open a new bottle of extra virgin olive oil, a sauté mixture of fresh spinach, onions, sliced portabella mushrooms

and red peppers was prepared. A can of chick peas and Indian spices purchased at the fair was added to the mixture. Something creative came from within. For a little background , the Caribbean music station was selected from Pandora as Angela danced around the kitchen while cooking.

With no idea of how the “street fair” inspired dish would taste, finishing touches of diced tomatoes and parsley were placed on top. Indian naan was warmed in the oven and Angela couldn’t wait to feast. Subsequently, her phone rang.

“Who is this?”

“Angela speaking” she answered.

“Hi Angela…”

“Hello person who’s number I don’t have stored in my phone” Angela replied jokingly.

“Yes, sorry about that. I’m not sure if you me but this is Ben, Maria’s friend from a couple of months ago.”

A big smile came to Angela’s face as she tried to play it cool.

“Oh, Ben…yes, I you.”

“I hope this call is alright. I kind of blackmailed your friend for your number and it cost me plenty…I’m hoping you’ll at least hear me out before hanging up.”

Angela giggled a little.

“I wouldn’t do that…besides, you caught me in a good mood.”

“I guess I lucked up then. So, how are you?”

They entered into an hour long conversation. Before Angela knew, she was falling asleep on the phone without having touched her food. Not wanting to go to bed hungry, she warmed up a plate. Scooping a portion of the vegetables up with a torn piece of the naan bread, every bite was savored. The flavor was amazing! The dish was a perfect follow up to an amazing conversation with Banker Ben. The future was looking bright.

Shimmy, shimmy girl…

Angela was more than ready to start up belly dance classes. After work, she went straight to the dance studio. With a beautiful hip scarf and the interest of a new man, she walked into the dance room feeling like a million dollars. Though shortly after, her enthusiasm started to fade. In that moment, Angela found herself in a room surrounded by skinny girls in glamorous belly dance costumes. The instructor was a gorgeous Egyptian woman with long black hair and a flat stomach only to be seen in a Victoria’s Secret magazine. Angela started to feel more and more like the hippo in the room, literally. Picking up her bags, preparing to run out, Angela caught the attention of the teacher.

Sarema

“Welcome dear, us!”

Angela, being put on the spot answered back.

“Yes, but I think I’ll just watch instead. This is my first class.”

“Don’t be silly honey, we’re all family here. us, follow and have fun!”

Now less nervous, she ed the class.

Angela couldn’t believe how intense belly dancing could be. Between the chest, waist and arm movements, she worked body parts unknowingly existed. Though only ten minutes had past, Angela was ready to lay across the floor instead of dance on it. Tired and more than slightly out of breathe, it turned out that was just the warm up! Given the first opportunity, Angela went to the fountain for water. Returning to the dance room, the music changed to a drum beat as the class started to move their hips side to side. For the first time in life, Angela embarked upon “the shimmy”. Baffled, she ed right in.

“Ok, left, right, from the hips? What, faster? What is going on?” she thought attempting to follow the instructors lead.

After a while, Angela looked more like she was having a seizure of the thighs. To make matters worse layers were added to the move. They did the shimmy while dancing on their toes and turning; adding waist and chest circles to the step. As perplexing as it seemed for a beginner, it was fun. Angela was excited to try again. The class finished with a slow song, where each person was encouraged to randomly dance on their own. Not knowing what to do, Angela tactfully moved to the side and observed. When the music stopped, each dancer appeared to be tranquil, as the class came to an end.

Sarema was like a movie star. Afterwards, students approached her for dance advice; some to take pictures. Angela, embarrassed by her own performance wanted to leave unnoticed and quietly. Belongings gathered she ran for the door. The elevator was taking extremely long. So long in fact, the instructor and a few other dancers caught up to her.

“Honey, you did great! What is your name?” Sarema asked in a lovely accent.

“I’m Angela.”

“Angela, beautiful name…it’s like an Angel.”

“Yes, that’s actually what my grandfather use to say.”

“Did you enjoy the class?”

“I really did. I just can’t move like you all…so graceful.”

Sarema smiled.

“You just have to be comfortable with yourself, mind, body and soul. That’s all it really is. The rest will come natural. Make sure you come back.”

“I will!”

Confidence was something Angela always thought she had. However, she believed it was a different type of confidence Sarema spoke of; to be comfortable in your true complete self. Not just confident in attitude. It was more than actual movements. It was the connection the spirit had with the body while moving. On her way home, thoughts of Jamie came to mind. Once in a while, she would still cry at night. Every time she got closer to forgetting about him, memories would arise. Angela hadn’t been with another man since the break up. Absent self-assurance, her body wouldn’t allow it. Jamie still held that

part of her.

The ripple effect…

The following morning Angela’s arms and abs felt tight, muscles sore. First thoughts as she struggled out of bed were of mind, body and soul. Then she had to stop focusing on that because she was running late as normal. Angela’s hair had grown at least three inches since getting it cut. With no time to curl it, she pulled back her jet black mane, added pomade, placed a cute headband on top and dashed out for work. As she started down the stairs of the subway station, making his way up was Andrew.

Andrew

“Ok, now I think you’re stalking me!”

“Well, considering you work around the corner from me…”

“True, true” head nodding.

“Still we never ran into each other so often before. Maybe you’re stalking me, ah ha!”

“You caught me!” embarrassed at the fact.

“Anyways, running late… I’ll see you later.”

“Cool, oh, Angie, I meant to call you this weekend. My frat is having an event… an all white party. I was wondering if you wanted to go.”

“Sure, of course I’ll !”

“It’s the weekend of Labor Day. I figured I’d give a heads up before you made plans.”

“You know what…hold three tickets for me. My sister and Maria will probably go too! But I’m really running late Drew, so I’ll see you later.”

“Ok, sure!”

Before he could get in another word, Angela rushed off. Feeling like he wanted to ask her as his date, she wasn’t ready to cross their friendship line. Jamie always teased that Andrew would “pushup” on her if he wasn’t around. Denying it so much, Angela convinced herself to never see Andrew in that light. Was Angela still trying to please Jamie?

Arriving to work, Angela got a text from Banker Ben requesting a lunch date. This being her first official outing with a man in months, lunch was a safe way to go. Not forgetting how he got the number, Angela made sure to let Maria know details wouldn’t be shared as punishment. The truth was Angela was nervous as hell.

“Mind, Body and Soul”

Chapter 7

To Date or Not To Date

You’re not from the hood…

Open to trying something new Angela didn’t want to prejudge that Banker Ben was attempting to sow his royal oats with a black girl. Arriving a few minutes early, she took a seat at the bar and ordered water. Before the first sip was taken, a handsome bald headed brother in a utility work uniform sat next to her.

Guy

“Can I get you something a little stronger?”

“No actually, this is good for me, for now anyway…still on the clock…” pointing to her watch.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Pretty sure…”

“I’m Colby by the way.”

“Angela, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Dining alone?”

“I’m meeting a friend that should be here shortly” looking around for Ben.

“Ah, a friend got it.”

“Got what? He’s a friend and we’re having lunch.”

“So how does one get on this friend list pretty girl?”

“Maybe, I’ll take your number and we can talk about that.”

Angela couldn’t believe what was happening. They exchanged numbers shortly before she noticed a curly blonde cutie wearing an Armani suit enter the door.

She left the bar area and greeted Ben with a friendly hug. They were immediately seated.

Banker Ben

“Do you want an appetizer, the mussels here are great!”

“Oh, no…I’m vegetarian. You can still get them if you want though.”

“You are?”

“, I told you on the phone. We spoke for about a half hour about it.”

“That’s right…but this is seafood” he said still looking through the menu.

“I was never able to eat seafood, I have allergies. I think I told you that too.”

“That’s too bad. What about the stuffed mushrooms or the duck spring rolls?”

“The mushrooms have crab meat and the duck rolls speak for themselves…I’m vegetarian…no meat at all.”

“No meat, that’s messed up.”

“Not really, it’s a choice” said slightly annoyed.

The server came over and Banker Ben ordered the mussels. After a rocky start, their conversation began to flow and lunch was going well. Angela ordered a

salad as she practically salivated over Ben’s chicken sandwich.

Ben

“So how is this vegan thing working out for you?”

“I’m not vegan, but its going. I have to find new dishes to create. Cooking was never my strong suit.”

“You probably had someone in the house doing that for you right?”

“I sure did, my mom.”

“Your mom cooked, that’s great!”

“How else would I eat? No nanny’s in the hood” she said joking.

“Who’s from the hood, you are? A Philly hood…There’s no way!”

“Yes way.”

“I’m sorry you just don’t fit that role…no offense. You’re educated, nice personality…”

“How can I not take offense to that? People from the hood can’t be educated or have pleasant personalities?

“I didn’t mean it like that…you just don’t give off an urban upbringing.

“Ok, you can stop right there. Let’s just move on.”

Angela had one thing in mind after those remarks and it was getting out of there. She tried not to judge but ended up getting judged. Co-workers, even college friends didn’t believe, but Angela was definitely from the hood. Most of the guys she grew up with were either in prison or dead. The girls from her neighborhood were a whole different story.

Growing up, Angela had an idea of how she wanted life to be. So, her actions followed on what seemed best to get there. It was all part of the plan. ittedly, sometimes she forgot where she came from. Along the way, maybe she got a little obsessed in concealing the truth from others. Forgetting the past meant it non-existent in her eyes.

Angela had mastered the technique of turning a blind eye for conveniences too well. Like when she saw unnamed text messages in Jamie’s phone that looked suspect. Not wanting to give the impression of being jealous or overbearing, she let it go without question. In spite of everything, she didn’t like the idea of being put in a box, even if she created it. It was time to break away from her entrapment.

After lunch was done, so was Angela. Nevertheless, it still felt good to get out there and date. No sooner than Angela walked in the office Diego asks,

“So how was the Jewish Stallion?”

“I don’t want to talk about it” she responded quickly rushing off.

“Damn girl, the hand and everything.”

Angela couldn’t get Ben’s chicken sandwich from lunch off her mind as much as she tried to get Ben out of it. This made for an unplanned trip to the market after work.

A meatless chicken breast that looked good enough to eat off the packaging was purchased, along with a few other items. For the first time, Angela was excited to get home and cook. Seasoned with herbs, the chicken substitute was lightly breaded with egg whites and panko bread crumbs. A cast iron skillet was coated with extra virgin oil which grilled the chicken to perfection on medium heat. 2 cups Basil, 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil, 1/4 pine nuts and a tablespoon of minced garlic was puréed to became what Angela like to call the “money green” pesto spread. Grated parmesan was added afterwards to taste. Cut in half, the pesto sauce was spread generously on the top side of challah bread, with lettuce and two beef tomato slices. On the bottom half, the chicken was placed with a “hood hot sauce” for that spicy flavor Angela always craves. Both halves were placed together and one hell of a sandwich was made! The curly fries, baked not fried, on the side gave an added crisp. Angela was amazed calling it the “Hollyhood chicken sandwich”.

“I guess something good did come out of my lunch date after all!”

As she was cleaning up the kitchen, Ruth called.

“Hey Ma…”

“Angel dear, it’s been a while since we spoke.”

“I know Ma; I’ve just been really busy with work and everything.”

“We missed you on Father’s Day.”

“Yeah, daddy said he really liked the watch I sent. Did you like it?”

“Yes, very nice…it was very Angela.”

“Don’t worry… I got a good deal.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about baby.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m worried about you. You haven’t been home in a while. Don’t let Jamison, those pictures on the internet and this diet change you. I just don’t want to see you…well…”

Before Ruth could go any further, Angela abruptly stopped her.

“Ma, I have a call on the other end, it’s my editor. I really need to take this. I’ll give you a call back tomorrow, promise.”

Angel…”

“Promise Ma, I have to go.”

There was no call on the other line. Angela had been avoiding a conversation with her mother since Laila’s birthday party. Though it had been working till this point, eventually the blinders would have to come off. For now, Angela was better off leaving unresolved issues and old memories buried.

Channel XXX…

After a few phone conversations, Angela found out that Colby was a cable technician. He seemed like a decent guy with a ten year old son. Unsure about how she felt about that, she was willing to see how it played out. He lived in Queens and was quite shocked that Angela could afford to live in the city alone. So much in fact, he kept commenting that “he didn’t have it like her” in every conversation.

Colby the cable guy wanted to start his own business but was the type of guy that found excuse in the world as to why he couldn’t do it. He had constant complaints about his setbacks, comparing his entire life to other people and what they had. Cable guy talked so much about the money he didn’t have, Angela was ready to give him a loan! Eventually becoming aggravated, Angela stopped the calls.

Then one Friday night while lying on the couch watching a movie, Angela heard what sounded like running water. Being that she was the only person in the apartment, it was rather peculiar, not to mention scary. As she got up with visions of a horror movie in her head, a loud “boom” came from the hallway. A pipe burst, spilling water and steam everywhere. The unit was a rental so she called 911 and the owner from outside. The fire department came and shut the water heater off.

After an hour waiting in the hallway, she was cleared to go back in. Still shaken up, cable guy happened to call out of the blue. Vulnerable, she took the call and told him what happened. He was very considerate and offered to come over to check out the piping in the apartment since he was also licensed in heating and plumbing. After some hesitation she agreed.

Angela had spoken with the owner, Mr. John a family friend who invested in properties in Manhattan long before the cost of living rose. When the condo was available, she and Jamie moved in. No one knew how little they paid for rent. Though someone was being sent to repair the heater the next morning, Angela appreciated that cable guy wanted to rush over and help.

Upon entering the apartment, cable guy couldn’t stop talking about how nice it must be to have money; checking out every square inch of the condo.

“Damn girl, I ain’t know you had it like that!”

It gave the impression he used this opportunity just to see the inside of the apartment. He eventually looked at the water heater and made a few adjustments to secure the piping. Angela felt weird having a man other than Jamie in the apartment, but started to loosen up after a glass of wine. Before long, she was on her second glass and the two were having a nice conversation.

Angela began to think cable guy wasn’t so bad after all. Two hours ed and she excused herself to use the rest room. Returning back to the living room moments later her eyes were in shock as cable guy was buck naked on the couch watching porn!

Colby

“Did you know you had these channels? I know where to find all the good stuff!”

“What are you doing?”

“What you mean? The wine…it’s late. Come on we’re both adults here.”

“Yes, adult enough to know what I want and don’t want. So, let me be clear. This…I don’t want. Get out of my house!”

“Oh, uptight city girl is too good for a blue collar dude” as he began to putting his pants on.

“Uptight…I can’t! Just get dressed and get out!”

Angela covered her eyes while taking a peek at the same time, totally offended.

“And what is this on my TV!”

“Maybe you should check it out after I leave to loosen you up a little.”

Cable guy finally made his way to the door.

“Oh, well…it’s your loss!”

Angela slammed the door behind him, chain and all!

Angela’s dedication of keeping up with the Jones’ was coming back to haunt her again. She worked very hard to keep up appearances. Now it seemed that was all people saw. A warm personality, kind heart and charity giving were being outshined by material possessions. Face to face with a self-created false reality, now aware of the truth, Angela had in fact lost her self. Checking the phone before bed, there were five missed calls from Ruth. Still in avoidance, Angela sent a text to Dee, telling the family she was ok. Speaking to her mother meant confronting demons and Angela wasn’t ready for that just yet.

The next morning all Angela could think about was Colby’s naked butt on her sofa. She wanted to make breakfast before the repair man was scheduled to arrive. Not wanting to go out, she decided to make breakfast at home. A ton of healthy food had been bought days before. As she went through the cupboard, spotted was a box of wheat flour. Thinking back to her horrific night before…

“I got it! I’ll call it “Buck-naked pancakes” with one small veggie sausage on the side!”

Angela couldn’t help but giggle and the thought of a tiny sausage tucked between two pancakes. She decided to combine 1 of cup oatmeal, 1 cup of wheat flour, 1 of cup fat free milk, 1/3 cup of brown sugar, 1 teaspoon baking soda and 1 cup of buttermilk. All was mixed together by hand with 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil and a large egg. Face and palms coated with flour, Angela felt like she stirred for hours. When the batter was just right, she added walnuts, flax seed and a few fresh blueberries. Once cooked, the pancakes were topped with pure maple syrup. The veggie sausage was grilled with non-stick cooking spray until brown. Everything was placed on a beautiful green plate with a slice of watermelon on the side. Finding humor in it, this breakfast was better than a

diner.

After writing down the ingredients added to the pancakes along with the chicken sandwich from the week before in a book, the couch was disinfected of course. By the time everything was complete, the repair man knocked at the door.

Better to ask than assume…

Trying to stay on track, Angela decided to hit the track, and field that is. The belly dance classes were really paying off. Angela was happy when she danced and her endurance was really building up. Accordingly, she was able to now run around the track alternating with a brisk walk. Because she was meeting Maria and Diego for dinner later that night, Angela decided to grab a light lunch.

Workout done, she ed a sandwich shop while heading home. Use to having cold cuts from sub shops in the past; she decided to give it a try the vegetarian way. The honey roasted chicken looked mouthwatering. As she starred through the glass counter, she observed a sandwich being made belonging to the guy ahead of her. He was kind of cute too. Though Angela wasn’t in any position to meet anyone after an hour long workout, she caught on to his flirtations. The sandwich looked quite tasty. It was made with a patty Angela hadn’t seen before. After asking about the patty, turns out it was a veggie patty so she requested the same sub. The cute sub guy sat down at a table inside to eat. As Angela made her way out, one last glance was made. Cute sub guy smiled, signaled her over and they ended up exchanging numbers.

By the time Angela got home, sub guy had already called her. With plans already made for that night, she decided to meet him for dinner the following night. Though it was a little soon after meeting, he was going out of town for business the next week, so the date was set.

The veggie patty sandwich tasted excellent! It was so good in fact, a nap was necessary when Angela was done. A few hours later, she was on her way downtown. One dinner and a comedy club later, Angela woke the next day looking forward to her date; getting a manicure and pedicure first thing in the

morning. Not that she expected anything to happen but one never knows. I mean it is new Angela, right? Walking in to the nail salon Andrew called.

“How are you lady?”

“I’m great! How was your weekend? Oh, before I forget, I talked to my girl last night and she’s in for the white party. My sister is still coming up too.”

“Cool, I’ve been waiting to meet her. Are you busy later? I ran across tickets to that new play you wanted to see?”

“You me mentioning that?”

“Come on, I listen!”

“Nice…but to answer your question, I am…I have a hot date. He’s really cute too. I’ll fill you in next week.”

Andrew tried to act as if he wasn’t bothered by Angela’s excitement about her date.

“Huh, they’re all cute but what else do they have to offer…”

Angela was distracted while looking at nail polish colors.

“What was that?”

“You’ve been out a few times lately right? to take a little time out for you.”

“That’s all I’ve been doing for the last 13 years. I’m ready, believe me!

“I hear you…”

“Listen, I’m about to get in the pedicure chair. I’ll see you Tuesday.”

Angela was so hype about her date, she didn’t pay attention to what Andrew was actually trying to insinuate.

Feeling fun, she went with a hot pink polish and was able to fit in a hair appointment. Sub shop guy was cute. That was all Angela ed except that they were about the same height. She was more into taller guys but didn’t want to be picky. Sub shop guy picked her up around 8 o’clock in a huge SUV. He wanted to go to City Island, known for its seafood restaurants.

Angela

“Oh, City Island, I haven’t been there in years! Do they have good vegetarian places too?”

“Naw baby girl, I’m getting the lobster.”

“Oh, I thought you were a vegetarian because of the sandwich you ordered.”

“I just like the taste. What, you’re one of those vegans?”

“No, not vegan but I just became a vegetarian this year.”

“I’m sure we’ll find you something.”

They zipped swiftly through the city. He was obviously familiar with the area considering he took every back road and short cut to get to City Island. Angela, being extra observant couldn’t help but notice his gas tank was below a quarter…and let’s just say driving slow wasn’t his strong suit. Though sub shop guy didn’t have much to say over dinner, as he sat with dark shades on in the dimly lit restaurant, Angela did find out he had two daughters. It was beginning to seem impossible to meet someone who didn’t have children. As the night went on, sub shop guy’s behavior grew nervous. He continuously looked behind his back and checked his watch throughout the night. Angela felt as if she was talking to herself through the majority of their date. His mind was preoccupied and not on Angela.

Against her better judgment, Angela opted to order another drink after dinner.

She figured that would at least get her through the boring conversation on the ride home. Half way though margarita number three sub shop guy said,

“Are you gone finish that up soon?”

Angela couldn’t believe his mannerism. It was as if someone forced him to go out on this date against his will. Angela was now ready to go more than ever!

“Aside from his acting as if the FBI was after him with his phone ringing every two minutes, he’s rushing my drink!”

Finally she gave up.

“Ok, I’m ready to go.”

“Yo waiter, check.”

“How rude is he!”

After the bill was settled, Angela got up from the table. Walking out, Sub shop guy was behind her.

Sub shop guy

“Oh, yeah, next time we go out don’t wear heels that high.”

“Excuse me” Angela replied.

“I don’t like my women taller than me.”

Angela just shook her head, thinking surely that was the low point of the evening. That was until the gas light of the SUV came on during the ride back. He was dipping and diving through every side street but refused to get gas! Now driving, with the Bluetooth equipped, the name Nikki displayed on the radio display’s caller ID when his phone rang. Still, sub shop guy kept ignoring the call.

Angela

“So, how are things between you and your daughters’ mother? Is the relationship good?” she asked to time.

“Yeah, you can say that, we still together.”

“I’m sorry, still together?”

“What, I never said I was single baby girl.”

Crazier was the fact that he was right. She would have known his relationship status, by taking time to get to know him first. They finally pulled up to her building. Angela couldn’t get out the truck fast enough. As she reached for the door handle, sub shop guy says,

“So when can I see you again.”

Angela gave him the dirtiest look and said,

“Good bye!” as she got out and slammed the door.

Still early and fired up by the ego of sub shop guy, Angela wanted to make the best of the remainder of her night. She recently bought a belly dance DVD from Sarema to practice at home. Needing to release some steam, Angela put on those now worn out yoga pants, a blue hip scarf and matching sports bra. She always wore a full length tank top in class but felt comfortable enough to let it all hang out at home. The chaise lounge was moved over to make space in the room for her solo dance session.

Two hours of chest movements, arm movements, waist circles, hips drops and combinations would normally have Angela ready to out on the floor. Except when the video was over, Angela didn’t want to stop. Keeping the momentum going, she placed the bonus CD that accompanied the DVD in the player and grabbed a blue chiffon veil. Unknowing of what she was about to do, the music began to play. Angela opened the veil wide open in front of her body placing the top end just below her eyes. All she could pick out of the rhythm was a mid tempo drum beat. Starting with that, Angela’s hips began to move side to side to the drum. Then a guitar rhythm came in. Her now toned arms began to move the

veil like the waves of the ocean to the guitar. Anticipating the next rhythm, a flash back of her date came to mind. When the beat dropped as did Angela; all the way to the floor in a dancers pose!

Entered now was a middle-eastern techno base line. Already on her knees, Angela began to twirl the veil above her heard while making her way back to a standing position. Hips drops and shimmy shoulders accompanied the dance. Angela was on fire as twirled the veil in all directions. As the song came to an end, a sitar dominated the rhythm. Angela started a slow spin. When the music built up again, so did the spin. She continued to move the veil, dancing about the room like a flying bird. She turned and turned like a merry go round. Just as the music stopped, the veil left loose from Angela’s hands. Disorientated, her arms flew out of control and knocked over the living room lamp! Laughing hysterically, Mrs. Rose the neighbor next door, knocked on the wall.

“Sorry Mrs. Rose!” Angela yelled through the wall.

It was time to call it quits for the night. Sweaty and wide awake, Angela cleaned up her mess feeling liberated at 1am. All’s well that ended well and ending well it did. For the first time in her adult life, Angela was okay with being Angela… clumsy and silly as could be.

The next morning, Angela craved something sweet to remove the sour taste left in her mouth from sub shop guy. In a small sauce pan, she melted a chocolate bar before thinly slicing a few fresh strawberries. In a large mixing bowl she whisk together 1 cup of all purpose flour, 2 eggs, 1/2 of water, 1/2 cup of skim milk, 3 tablespoons of butter and a pinch of brown sugar until the batter was smooth. Excited to use the griddle just purchased, in a circular motion, the batter was spread out evenly. Once flipped on both sides, she drizzled a layer of chocolate in the center added a layer of strawberries and rolled. The masterpiece was called “Creeping strawberry crepes with sweet gasoline sauce”. With enough left for two people, Angela made her way next door. Mrs. Rose’s daughter visited

every Sunday morning. She made a plate for them both and hand delivered it as an apology for waking the woman up the night before. Monday morning when Angela left out for work, a hand written thank you note was left on her door by the 80 year old widow. Angela beamed in gratitude and started her week.

Image isn’t everything…

Missing Brooklyn and taste of soul food, Angela decided to have lunch at a local Brooklyn eatery before doing some much needed shopping in Fort Green. When she entered the restaurant, her mouth watered for the fried fish. Having not changed her vegetarian lifestyle yet, she was extremely excited that a veggie entre was on the menu. Angela was elated to be able to eat some of the same food she loved without breaking eating habits. She ordered the Cajun grilled veggie salmon platter with macaroni and cheese and collard greens as sides. For a personal touch, Angela added a little barbeque sauce on top. It was pure perfection and Angela was in awe! After lunch, she walked around to shop the many stores. At a perfect 75 degrees, a few pounds had been shed over the months and dress season was here.

Walking down Fulton St. Angela heard a car horn,

Driver

“Thick-ems” he yelled while beeping the car horn.

Are you kidding me right now?

“Thick-ems” he hollered again.

Ok, now I’m about to lose it…the nerve!

“Angela” the driver finally calls out.

Angela turned and it was Biggs, her old neighbor. Laughing and pissed off, she stopped to talk to him. Biggs pulled over, getting out of a black SL500 Mercedes Benz.

Angela

“Biggs, you know you were wrong for that!”

“Come on man, you know me by now. What’s been up?”

“Not too much, decided to visit BK for the day.”

“That’s right; you guys are in the city now.”

“Well, it’s just me now. We broke up.”

“Oh, word! I saw the dude Jay like two weeks ago too…with some chick. I don’t think he saw me though.”

“Did she look pregnant?”

“Nah, not at all….Why, that’s what happened?

“At this point, I can’t call it.

“Homie was a little out there anyway. I thought you were aight with it.”

“I was alright with what? What do you mean…how he was out there?”

“Let’s just say I saw a few things when I was in and out of the crib during the day. He saw me too and didn’t act like he was hiding anything so I thought you knew how he was playing around. Besides, you were too cool for him anyway. Dude was uptight…I wasn’t really feeling him.”

“I see…Funny you think he was uptight and I was cool.”

“Yeah, why…?”

“That’s a story for another time but it definitely seems like everyone knew Jamie but me. What about Sasha, how is she?”

“Same thing…it’s a done deal.”

“You were together for a long time right?

“Yeah, like fifteen years, since high school.”

“So what happened if you don’t mind me asking?”

“She wanted to get married and all that. I wasn’t feeling it”

“Feeling it…?”

“Yeah man, I don’t think she was the one…I can’t really

explain it…I just wasn’t feeling it.”

Wondering if Jamie felt the same way,

“Why so long to come to that conclusion?”

“I knew for a while but stayed for convenience I guess. Lately she was really

pushing it and that’s when we ended it.”

“Hmmm…”

“But we should hook up sometime.”

“Yeah, that’ll be cool.”

Biggs aka Big Money was a basic guy that was flashy about everything. An entrepreneur, he dabbled in a few businesses; having a construction company, properties, a couple of stores and a car wash. His having money definitely wasn’t going to be an issue. He was a big guy; hence the name but there was always something about him that Angela was attracted too. With no children all his money was spent on material things. Both single, Angela was interested in seeing where this would lead.

Things were moving very slowly between Angela and Big Money. His calls were inconsistent. When they did speak, the conversation didn’t have much depth, consisting mostly of clothes, money and cars. Attempts were made to see each however, Big Money would never follow through. He wouldn’t call on the day they were supposed to meet; only to text the next day as if he forgot; then asking why she didn’t call him.

Once, Biggs was coming near her office and she asked him to bring her a slice of cheesecake from Junior’s. He laughed it off as if doing something for someone other than himself was unheard of, like he was being used. A month of random text, broken dates and “I called you last time” had ed. To top it off, Angela didn’t even know if he actually liked her because he never actually verbalized

interest.

Ignoring her instincts, Angela decided to step out of her comfort zone and initiated a date. Finally they went out and were having a good time. Angela was comfortable and secretly looking forward to something extra that night. Ready to leave, the server came over with the check and placed it in the middle of the table. Finishing the best apple tart she ever had, they sat a while longer. Continuing to talk, the check remained in the same place.

“Ok, it’s been a little long…when is he going to settle this bill so we can get out of here?”

The server came back to the table at least three times with no payment placed. Then Biggs says,

“You got that” said with a laugh.

“Got what?”

“The check…”

Angela didn’t know how to respond.

“Ah…”

“You asked me out, you paying right?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re independent women. I thought that’s what y’all liked to do.

“Really…this is our first date. Is it cute or funny to you, having a lady pay?”

“Come on man, Sasha use to always pay! People think because I got it, I should pay for everything.”

“First of all, I’m not a gold digger. I can take care of myself.”

“I know you good people, I didn’t say you were.”

“Ok, so let me make sure I understand…you expect me to pay?”

“You expected me to pay right.”

Still in shock, Angela pulled an Angela.

“Sure, just let me use the ladies room first.”

She went straight for the door, hailed the first taxi and went home.

It was the principle. Needless to say, that was the last of “Little Money.” In this new age dating were the tables completely changed? Did men want to play opposite roles, by now being pursued and taken care of? Jamie was insulted if the server didn’t directly hand him the check. Comparing another man to Jamie again and wrecking her brain over it all, Angela began to feel a cramp in her neck. Sitting on the couch, she moved her head left to right.

“Ahhh, this feels good.”

She began making shoulder circles to the front and back. Both arms extending up and down with deep breathes followed. Unaware of where the movement was coming from, Angela’s mind went from chaos to calmness. With every motion she felt less tension in her back. Still in boyfriend jeans and a sheer top she stood, kicked off her grey suede pumps and began stretching her entire body. Releasing negative thoughts of dating, family and life, with every exhale, Angela came to the realization that elongating her body was broadening her inner peace. Finally connecting mind and body, reaching for the soul became an eager endeavor.

After about 15 minutes of stretching, muscles warm, Angela went to grab bottled water. Leaning on her kitchen counter enjoying every sip, a bowl of red apples untouched on the counter was sighted. Then a light bulb went off! Angela began to rummage through her cupboard. She mixed 2 cups brown sugar, 2 tablespoons of flour, 1/4 cup nutmeg, 3/4 cup of cinnamon, 1 tablespoon of butter and a

pinch lemon juice for experiment purposes. She mixed and mixed until blended.

With no pie crust on hand, Angela improvised. She spread out individual layers of biscuit dough on a baking sheet. Slices of skinned cut apples, along with the sugar mixture, were layered thick on one side of each dough layer. The empty side was then folded over to make pockets, using her fingers to seal the gaps. Lastly, butter was brushed on each pocket before baked to a golden brown crisp. Jarred caramel sauce was swirled topped each off and the “Sugar mommy apple tart” was created! The next day, Angela invested in an electric hand mixer.

The one that maybe got away…

It was the middle of June, nevertheless Angela felt like summer was speeding by quickly. She decided to take up an invite, to hang out with the alumni group from college at a lounge not far from her home. Out of the loop and fearful she may run into Jamie, Andrew was asked along to keep company; and what better way to make Jamie jealous than with his nemesis. Angela had been an incognito member of the alumni association since moving into Manhattan. While living in Brooklyn, she attended all events, even hosted a few. That was until Jamie decided he didn’t like her with that crowd anymore. With all things said and done, she was now figuring out why he arose to that decision. Someone who knew Angela and Jamie as a couple probably stumbled upon of his deceitful ways. It was time to show everyone that Jamie didn’t get the best of her. All the more reason to shine bright, Angela’s best face was put on, preparing for the worst.

Meeting Andrew outside the apartment building, the two decided to walk to the party. The night was absolutely gorgeous. As Andrew discretely switched sides with Angela on the side walk, making his way closer to the curb, her face flushed. It was a lively Saturday night as they ed party goers on the way. With Angela’s 4 inch heels and low cut red bodycon dress, this unexpectedly seemed like a date. As the light turned yellow, Andrew grabbed Angela by the hand to guide her safely across 9th Avenue. When they reached the other side, he didn’t release her hand and neither did she. It was definitely a “Sex in the City” moment. Continuing north to 45th street,

Andrew

“So, you ready to see the old crew?”

“I don’t know about that. It’s been so long since I talked to anybody. I heard it’s a lot of new graduates taking over…should be interesting. I’m glad you were able to come with me!”

“What…and miss seeing you in heels…my pleasure,” as he playful checked her out.

Angela didn’t mind the attention. Finally at their destination, making their way through the crowded bar, someone familiar was found from a distance. It was an old friend from the dorms, Kelle. Even with her back turned, Angela recognized the strong Bronx accent projecting. The honey blonde tapered haircut only gave confirmation. Kelle was known for her crazy style not to mention, she could pull off any hair color. Fitting in perfectly as a music executive for major hip hop label, she definitely handled her business. Both from the northeast, they became friends on the first day of class. Angela quietly approached, tapping her on the shoulder. The look on Kelle’s face was as if she’d seen a ghost after realizing it was Angela.

Kelle

“What, are you serious right now? Girl, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good!” as she reached for a hug.

“We got a table in the back, come on” dragging Angela by the hand behind her.

They proceeded to a table in the back. Of course Andrew saw a friend by the bar because he knows everyone in New York. For a city so immense, people seemed to run in small circles. At least Andrew didn’t have to sit by while Angela caught up on the gossip. He made his way over to speak to his friend while Kelle introduced Angela to the other alumni . There were mostly younger graduates in attendance, which relieved Angela. At least they wouldn’t know of Jamie’s legacy. She and Kelle placed an order with hostess and took a seat.

Kelle

“So I heard about you and Jamie. Is that the new boo boo? I like!”

“No, it’s not like that. But what was that? You heard about me and Jamie?”

“Oh, my bad, are you back together now?”

“No, it’s just…how did you know?”

“Well…word gets around.

“Ok, I wanted to hear gossip…not actually be the gossip.”

“Girl, it wasn’t even like that! Kim thought saw Jay around her block in the

Harlem. Girl, her and Damien went and got a spot over on 132nd like they balling. Anyway, she wasn’t even thinking anything of it till she saw him again and caught up to him to speak. He acted all nervous, like he owed her money. She knew you guys lived in BK plus she’s just newsy, so…one day she saw him again, followed him to a brownstone on 127th. She said this trick opened the door, all hugging and kissing Jay. I was like, are you kidding me right now! I jumped right into detective mode and talked to Shane because I knew he and Jay were cool and that’s how I found out.

“Ok, first of all, how is Kim newsy but you’re a detective…you are true twins. Second, Shane? Jamie stopped talking to him a while ago.”

“They still tight girl. Shane said he was with Jamie when he met the girl, taking credit like he hooked them up or something. He said Jay was trying to move on after you said you needed more time to decide if you wanted to get married, blah, blah, blah.”

“What! That is so far from the truth! Are you telling me that not only did that no good bastard get a side chick knocked up but he lied on me to get good guy points?”

“Wait, what?”

“Yes! Can you believe it?”

“No, it’s not that. I can’t believe Angela Glenn just called Jamie a bastard and used the term side chick! It has been a long time!”

“You have no idea.”

“But seriously, Shane made it seem like Jay was the victim.”

“Well, just so you know…I was more than ready to get married before Jamie cheated and got some girl pregnant. Jamie was more than dishonest about what was going on in our so called relationship. So go tell Shane that!”

“Oh, that’s ill. Believe me, I didn’t know. That was over a year ago and you weren’t coming around so I thought you were on some other stuff.”

“Kelle, you know me better than that.”

“True, true…”

“Why couldn’t he do his dirty work outside of our circle? Every time he got caught out there, he found a way to cover it up by having me cut with people. You know what, that was my fault for giving him that much control…I just trusted him too much.”

“Jay was a bad habit for you, like a drug. I could just tell.”

“Obviously, I also had a habit for not seeing things right before me.”

“Yeah, like that girl pushing up on your cutie over there” Kelle said, pointing over at Andrew across the bar.

Angela looked over toward Andrew to see him chatting it up with another woman. The DJ switched the music to an old school mix and everyone rushed the floor to dance. Angela finished her drink and began to make her way to Andrew when a hand touched her wrist. As she turned to look back, the most sincere smile was facing her.

Guy

“One dance, please” hands placed in the prayer position.

Angela had a soft spot for nice teeth, which he definitely had. Hesitantly she began to dance.

After a couple of songs, the “girls” started screaming for a seat. As much as she loved high heels, they didn’t always love her back.

Angela

“I really need to sit down!” she shouted over the music.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, it’s just…my feet are killing me” pointing down at them.

“Ok, I got it!”

“I’m sorry, new shoes.”

“Can we talk? Let me buy you a drink. That’s the least I can do, I’m Fred by the way.”

Suddenly, Andrew didn’t matter anymore. As she sat waiting for Fred to return with a ginger martini, Andrew caught up with her.

Andrew

“Hey, here you are! I saw you dancing earlier and then you were out of sight.”

“I saw you too. I thought you were my date for the night.”

“Date, huh…”

Fred came up from behind,

“Here you are beautiful” as he ed Angela the drink.

She felt uncomfortable between both guys.

“Thank you. Where are my manners? Fred, this is Andrew.”

“How you doing my man…” reaching out to shake Andrew’s hand.

“I’m good bruh, just checking on my date.”

“Date…?” Fred says with a confused look on his face.

Angela

“He’s playing!” hitting Andrew on the arm.

Andrew

“Yeah, it’s all good” jokingly said.

“Ok, good to meet you.”

“I’ll check on you in a little bit, let me holla at my homie” Andrew said before walking away.

“Ok, I’ll be ready soon” Angela responded.

“Ready soon” turned into an hour of talking to Fred. Not only was Fred smart and funny, he represented one of New York’s finest; a sexy fireman. Who knew an old school dance could be so promising. Angela was tickled all over and optimistic about where this could go. With the crowd clearing out, Angela realized how late it had gotten and decided to wrap things up with Fred by exchanging numbers. He offered to see Angela home but she declined and parted ways.

Walking up to Andrew innocently,

“I’m so tired. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, did you?”

“I did surprisingly! FYI, there is no way I can walk back to my place.”

“I figured that. You want to say goodbye to your friends while I grab a cab.”

“Ok”

It was all hugs and kisses as Angela parted ways with her alumni family. Aside from meeting Fred, the group was nice company. She and Kelle made plans for lunch before going outside to meet Andrew.

Like a knight in shining armor, Andrew was awaiting patiently with the yellow chariot’s door open. Angela felt like Cinderella, only she wanted the glass slippers off. There was silence during the ride back. Angela felt easy around Andrew but Fred was on her mind. Arriving at her building, Andrew saw Angela to the door.

Angela

“So that was interesting, me meeting someone…you meeting someone.”

“Everyone was cool.”

“So you gonna call that girl you were talking to?”

“I just caught on to that, me meeting someone. Just friendly convo, that’s all. Besides, you may have met Mr. Right tonight by the way you two were talking.”

“He was nice, time will tell. One of these days I’ll get it right and find the perfect guy…if there is such a thing.”

“For me, it always seems the one I want isn’t ready for me at the same time. I guess if it’s meant to be, it will be… and maybe we’ll cross paths when the time is right for both of us.”

“She’ll be a lucky girl.”

Andrew kissed Angela’s hand.

“With that said, let me be on my way.”

“Ok, thanks again for coming.”

Angela walked inside without acknowledging what Andrew may have been insinuating. Had she turned for a second, she would have seen Andrew still standing there. He was waiting for his special girl to give the signal that she was in fact ready for him. The next morning Angela’s thoughts were racing. Thinking of both Andrew and Fred, she was in total confusion. Before taking a walk to clear her mind, she made breakfast. Undecided on what to eat, Angela pulled out a medium sauce pan and a skillet. In the sauce pan, she began to make cream of wheat with honey and brown sugar. As the flavors marinated on a slow simmer, olive oil and cumin seeds sizzled under low heat in the skillet. Unpremeditated, she opened the vegetable drawer in the refrigerator and freely grabbed whatever she wanted, nothing was measured. An egg white omelet, stuffed with onions,

chili peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, spinach and goat cheese was the delightful end result. With both the cream of wheat and omelet placed on separate dishes before her, Angela contemplated once again. The omelet was spicy, exciting, and new, whereas the cream of wheat was safe and predictable. Both in her reach, both with the possibility of being equally satisfying, Angela went for the omelet.

Both ends of the fence…

Three weeks in and Fred was hot and spicy as ever! Angela was playful, sexy and intrigued when they were together. Their dates were fun. They had picnics, visited museums, went rollerblading; he even came to watch one of her belly dance classes. As embarrassed as she was dancing, she showed off a little in class that night. They were becoming friends first. Fred’s firehouse was a few blocks away from Angela’s office. She would stop by, bringing him lunch or they would meet for happy hour during the week when his three day tour ended. Fred was spontaneous, Angela couldn’t ask for anything more. Well, maybe a little more.

Fred was not stressed about moving to third base. Angela was all for taking her time after the train wreck of men she encountered over the last few months but nature was calling. She was missing the intimacy part. Besides, Fred was proving to be there for the long haul. Whenever they got close enough to go all the way, he would pull back. Not wanting to move too fast, he was a romantic at heart. Love was what he wanted. Angela respected that and it kept her on track for seeking true love as well.

Fred called Angela one Friday afternoon at work,

“Angela Glenn speaking…”

“That’s the voice I wanted to hear. How’s your day going?”

“Going well now…”

“I tried your cell but it kept going to voice mail.”

“That’s strange. Let me see…oh, it was still off. I had a meeting this morning and my boss hates to hear phones vibrate when she’s talking. All eyes and ears must be at attention, ha-ha-ha!”

“Wow, ok. Well I wanted to invite you over for dinner at my place tonight. I’m leaving work early and I thought we could do a pre-birthday dinner. Everything thing should be ready when you get there. You have to stay late for your edit approval right?”

“Yeah, I do have to stay late. Can’t believe you that…every second Friday on the month. Only thing is I promised Maria I would hang with her later.”

“Ah…It’s just…I’m on duty for the rest of the weekend. I took another shift, last minute thing. I won’t be off again until Tuesday.”

“Ok, let me see what I can do. I’ll get back to you in a bit.”

“Cool. Before you go…do you like eggplant?”

“Actually I do. My mom makes an awesome dish using eggplant!”

“Now I have tough shoes to fill but I’ll try to make something good for you.

“I’m looking forward to it!”

“Alright, I’ll speak to you later.”

Soon as Angela hung up, Maria walked up.

“Hey girl…! You ready to back that thang up tonight?”

“You still want to go out?”

“Wait a minute. I know where you’re going with this missy…you’re bailing out!”

“Fred…”

“Fred? Fireman Fred…?”

“No, just Fred…and he wanted to do an early birthday celebration tonight. It’s all last minute. He’s making dinner and hopefully giving me a little something

something….come on, don’t be mad.”

“Ohhhh…Ok. I can’t stand between a girl and her first time getting laid in a year.”

“It has not been a year!” Angela said covering her lips for Maria to keep quiet.

Laughing,

“A year, 3 months…it’s all the same to me. Just get some all ready!

“I’m working on it…sheesh!”

“When are we going to meet this guy anyway? You’re keeping him in the closet.”

“I don’t want you two to scare this one away.”

“True, Diego can be a caddy bitch!

“Diego…girl, please!”

“I promise I’ll be on my best behavior whenever we meet him.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

“By the way, Diego was busy tonight but I was going to meet him and a few of his fabulous queens tomorrow. That can be your make up time. The three musketeers will be together again!” As Maria did a little dance.

“It must be Friday; you are off the hook today!

“It is and I am, just don’t sell us out tomorrow.”

“I promise!”

Angela stopped home to grab a few overnight items, just in case, before making her way to Harlem. Fred shared a condo with best friend, Timmy from college. Tim, a sports agent, was always on the road. She had only met him once. He and Fred’s schedules were so different; it was like they lived alone while paying only half the rent. With no intrusions, Angela was optimistic the night would go her way.

Arriving about 9:30pm, it was late to eat but she snacked on fruit all day. Just as she reached for the door bell, Fred opened the main door to the building.

Fred

“I saw you pull up”

“Front view window, I forgot.”

“How was your day?” Fred asked as they made their way up stairs.

“It was busy. Edit was approved early so I stopped home and came straight here.”

“Well I hope I can make your night better.”

Fred opened the door to the condo walking in first. As Angela followed inside from behind she couldn’t believe what she walked in to. The room was lit with candles, Coldplay was playing in the background and the table was set for a private dinner for two.

Angela

“I can’t believe you did all this!”

“Special girls get special things. I hope I get a couple of cool points” as he handed her a dozen red roses.

“You get more than a couple. Roses…and Coldplay is my favorite band!”

“I . Now have a seat, relax and I’ll open a bottle of wine.”

Angela had forgotten what it was like to be wined and dined. Fred made an eggplant appetizer and a delicious pasta entree with a white wine sauce and vegetables. For dessert, brownie a la mode topped with caramel. As they sat on the sofa talking about childhood memories, Angela wanted to make a move. She sat the wine glass down, placed her hand on Fred’s face, pulling him towards her for a kiss. One kiss turned to many as things started to heat up. Angela started to unbutton Fred’s purple checkered shirt that went perfect with his dark brown skin. As she got to the last button he pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” Angela whispered.

“Nothing…I just want to look at you.”

“You can look and touch if you want.”

“Looking at your beautiful face is good enough for me.”

“Fred, what’s going on? The dinner, the mood is set just right. Is it me?”

“Are you serious? Not at all…!”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. Sex changes things and I want to make sure we’re both sure. I really care for you and I don’t want to lose our friendship. After my ex cheated on me…mentally I’m not there yet.”

“I guess I’ve had a little more time being single than you. How long as it been for you…two months?”

“Two months but I’m over that just taking my time.”

“I understand.”

Angela heard Fred but wasn’t listening. Feeling like the guy in the relationship, she decided it was time to call it a night. At least the brownie satisfied one of her cravings.

The next morning, Angela worked out in the gym to clear her mind. A salad for lunch and Fred’s left over pasta for dinner kept her disciplined for the day. That night she was ready to dance off her sexual frustrations. Dressed, ready to meet Maria and Diego, she got a text from Fred. He wanted her to know she was on his mind. As thwarted as Angela was about the night before, she recognized Fred was worth waiting for. She decided to call him back and they cleared the air. Content they were back to normal; Angela hurried out to meet her friends.

Angela hadn’t been to a gay club since the Philly fiasco. So tonight she made amends to have a good time within limits. After Maria arrived, they hit the dance floor. If anyone made the blogs the next day, it would be Maria for sure. Ready to take it down for the night, Angela went to the bar to get water. Club still packed, Angela turned with both hands full and bumped into a club goer.

“Oh, Excuse me!”

“It’ll dry.”

Angela raised her head and there stood Fred. They both gawked at each other in surprise.

“I thought you were working. What are you doing here? Angela asked.

Just then, a guy walked over, placing his arm around Fred,

“You made a new friend poodle?”

Fred didn’t say a word.

“Hello, I’m Angela and you are?”

“If you don’t know you better ask somebody, alright!” He countered and walked off, switching his hips side to side.

Angela was flabbergasted,

“What the hell Fred!”

“I can explain!”

“Explain what Fred, that you’re gay!”

“I’m not gay, but that was my ex…”

“What!”

“It’s not like that. He was my first.”

“So that makes it better! You’ve been lying this whole time! Who are you?”

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you Angela. I still want to see you.”

“Are you crazy? I’m done…never call me again!”

Maria glanced to Angela across the bar and went over to see what was going on.

“Angie, is everything ok?”

“No, it’s not! Maria, meet Fred! You were right…I was keeping him in the closet.”

Angela’s alarm sounded and Fred officially put out her fire. Running off., she couldn’t fully comprehend what was going on. Maria went after her, catching up outside.

“What is wrong with me?” Angela bellowed to Maria.

“Angela, you’re perfect! Don’t let that jerk take that away from you.”

“He was my last chance” crying hysterically.

“Angie, you’re better than that. You know that.”

“I’m trying, I’m really trying!”

Maria pulled Angela to the side,

“I’m your friend Angela. So I say this out of love and respect for you. Stop trying to make a relationship happen with every guy you meet. I know I’m the last person you want to take dating advice from but I speak from experience. One day, it will all come together. You will meet a guy worthy of you and nothing will be forced. The right guy will let it be known that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you without question. No excuses…a man knows; let it be…when you’re ready he’ll find you.”

Maria got Angie into a taxi and stayed the night with her. It was more comforting than Angela expected.

Maria had already left by the time Angela woke up late the next morning. She made tea and stayed in bed most of the day writing. No calls were answered, no text was replied to. Angela sat for hours scribing; letters to Jamie, her mother, sister, father, brother, Maria, even her first mentor. Addressing issues, expressing thoughts she didn’t know still impacted her life till this day; only ceasing when the ink ran dry. Mind still racing, she sat in a comfortable position on the bed, closed her eyes and began to breathe. Every thought that came to mind was thrown out. Focusing on breaths, relaxed her shoulders, neck and spine. Having no clue of what her body was doing, her head began to move on its own, making circles. A smile came to Angela’s face as she acknowledged her inner spirit. That instant could have gone on a lifetime, only lasting 20 minutes. Afterwards her mind was more at peace. That was a good start.

All day on an empty stomach, Angela wanted a small meal but couldn’t decide on what.

“Spicy or sweet” she thought to herself.

Reaching for lentils soaked a few days prior, she began with that. In the now trusty skillet, Angela threw in about a table spoon of olive oil, diced sweet onions, red peppers and a garlic clove. Once sautéed, the mixture was transferred into a slow cooker where the lentils, vegetable broth and canned tomatoes were already added with a pinch sea salt, black pepper, dried oregano, fresh coriander and chili powder.

“Sweet or spicy, hmmm…”

Giving the current circumstances, Angela went for both! Fred started out hot and spicy but turned out sweet. 1/3 cup of molasses and 1 table spoon of cayenne pepper was placed in the cooker.

If he can have it both ways, why can’t I?

Two hours later, Angela’s “Sweet and spicy fireman chili” was a success. She bought Maria a bowl the next day in appreciation for being a friend when she needed.

Chapter 8

The City of Sisterly Love

What’s done in the dark eventually comes to light…

It seemed like ages since Angela spent time with her family. Truth was she wanted to bailout on her usual birthday cookout. Turning 30 wasn’t what she hoped it to be. Preparing a wedding was the intended plan. Now, without even a birthday date, she was starting from scratch. Having gotten by with brief conversations with her mother, Angela was ready to face her fear of seeing Ruth’s disappointing face; all in all, understanding home was where she needed to be.

Besides, summer was almost over and most of it had been wasted on meaningless dates. Taking Laila school shopping would relieve her thoughts elsewhere. Wanting to make the best of her visit, Angela set out to Philly on Friday, planning to stay till Monday, if she could make it that long. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see her family; she was just feeling distant from it all. Since Jacob was bringing another boyfriend home, Angela counted on that occupying their parent’s time. With the office not far from Penn Station, she took her bags to work. Dee insisted on picking her up from the train station so they could go straight out for birthday drinks. Of course, this was an opportunity not to be missed.

Always the popular girl in school, Dee had beauty and brains. She set trends, was clever and athletic. Angie fit in by being Dee’s little sister. Angela never understood why her talented sister chose to stay in Philadelphia having the world at her fingertips. With numerous scholarship offers from out of state top notch schools, Dee opted to attend Temple University. While in college, she lived at home and followed a typical life. Not that there was anything wrong with that but it wasn’t Dee. She strived for the best, setting herself apart from others without trying. It seemed she fell into an expected lifestyle uncommon to her gogetting nature. Growing up, Angela depended on Dee for direction. That

direction she was now finding on her own.

Train arriving on time, the girls decided to hit a local bar in North Philly. Angela dressed down her work attire and they were off! Walking into the bar, heads turned. Dee was a show-stopper still! The bartender, who looked like the R&B singer Tyrese, waived them over.

“You are still married right?” Angela whispers to Dee.

“Yes silly, his wife is a co-worker of mine.”

“Ok, just checking.”

The bartender greeted Dee with a hug.

Dee

“Mike this is my sister Angela, she just got in from New York so make her something good.”

“Angela, I’ve heard a lot about you. So are you vodka, rum or brown liquor girl. Or do they make those fruity drinks in the big city.”

“Ha-ha, actually a Cosmo will be good to start.”

“You got it.”

“Make that two” Dee says.

The sisters were having a blast. The bartender bought them a round, as did a few guys sitting near them at the bar. Dee and Angela were catching up on much needed conversation and what a nice precursor to Angela’s birthday it was.

Angela

“Dee, I was a little surprised you wanted to hang out. You are getting old there sis.”

“Whatever! I needed a break though seriously! Tommy has been working my last nerve too, girl bye. Laila is starting a new school and she is just too excited. Tommy got a promotion, so now he’s talking another baby, bigger house and ma…”

“Ma? What about ma?” Angela asked as she took the last sip of her drink.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”

“What? Dee, what’s wrong with ma” she now asked nervously.

“She’s ok…things could be better though. We can talk about it after your birthday. It’s your weekend. Let’s just finish having a good time.”

“You know there is no way I can go the weekend not knowing what you’re talking about. What is it?”

At that moment more drinks arrived.

“First a toast to sisters and living a happy and good life” Dee continued before downing half her drink.

“Dee, what the hell is going on?” moving in closer to her sister.

“Well, maybe I should have toasted to three sisters.”

“Three?”

Angela had a blank stare on her face.

“Yes…you, me and Tammy.”

Angela burst out in laughter.

“What are you talking about crazy?”

“I wish I was crazy, but that’s why mom has been calling you so much. She was trying to find the right time to tell you…”

“What!”

“She wanted to you; well…daddy is Tammy’s father too.”

“Dee…you’re kidding right? Dee, tell me you’re kidding!”

“I wish I was. Mommy wasn’t herself after Laila’s party. For a week she didn’t want to talk to anyone, even Laila was worried. Finally, I had a chance to talk with her and that’s when she broke down, telling me everything. It wasn’t until she realized you could have followed her footsteps but had the strength to end it, that she understood why she was unhappy and resentful all these years. She’s been holding back from telling the family mostly because of pride.”

Too much pride was a phrase all too familiar to Angela. Watching her mother put a smile on her face every day, discerning that something was wrong in her heart, was like looking in a mirror. Still, Angela couldn’t believe the words coming out of Dee’s mouth. To add insult to injury, Ruth knew of Bill’s cheating and Tammy from the beginning. The affair started the summer they all moved on the block

and lasted for years. Those nights of arguing had nothing to do with Bill drinking or working too much. Angela’s mother was fighting for her man. Thinking to that box of poems, Angela knew her parents had major issues. Somehow, the bad memories she tried to suppress landed directly in her own relationship and she knew why. Those thoughts and beliefs subconsciously lingered in the back of her mind until they became a new reality.

Ruth, Bill and Ms. Alice all would have taken their secret to the grave. Years of abandonment from a father she never knew, while feeling hatred from a scorned mother placed a serious toll on Tammy. She started doing drugs before high school and dropped out shortly after. Word on the street was that she prostituted when the strip clubs wouldn’t take her. Later Tammy had a son which she lost custody of when he turned a year old. She was in need of help. Ms. Alice still bitter, decided to tell Tammy the truth after seeing Angela on the porch the day of Laila’s party.

Angela

“Crazy thing is I felt like mommy actually wanted me to work things out with Jamie. I thought she wanted me to live with a lie, like it didn’t exist. I feel even worse because I’ve been avoiding ma…using the excuse that I thought she was let down by me. The truth is I was blaming her for everything that happened between me and Jamie.”

“What would mom have to do with you and Jamie?”

“Dee you were always your own person. There was a point in my where I started convincing myself to believe what mom portrayed to the world; that everything was great even when it wasn’t. I tried living up to her standards but became the standard by following another instead of following my instincts. So I’ve been

blaming her allowing me to have too much pride. There were signs that I chose to overlook with Jamie. I acted like everything was great and look where it got me.”

“But you are your own person. Mom stayed, you made the decision to leave.”

“I need to be honest about that too. I did leave Jamie but I’m not sure it was my choice. I left the restaurant after he told me but when I got home, he had already left me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Dee, he already moved all his things out before I got home…he was leaving me regardless. He left a check for the rent and everything. I’ve seen him once in ing since then, but he hasn’t called or anything. I can’t help but wonder if I was almost Ma. Jamie was what I was comfortable with. I just don’t know.”

“You think you didn’t have a choice but maybe this situation was supposed to happen.”

“I’m heartbroken, what would justify that?”

“Perhaps you needed a push in the right direction… toward the life or person you really deserve.”

“I’ve given more of myself to Jamie than I care to mention. Did he take the best of me?”

“The best is yet to come. I know it.”

“That’s why I need you in my life Dee.”

“I’m sorry I had to tell you all this now and ruin your birthday. You deserved to know.”

“Clarity is exactly what I needed. I know you meant well.”

Dee and Angela stayed out a bit longer. Angela was able to talk about the emotional rollercoaster she had been on which helped a lot.

The next morning Angela honestly wanted to forget everything and go back to New York. But when she opened the guest bedroom door, sitting outside waiting was a beautiful little girl. Laila jumped up and gave Angela a hug. This made staying worth the while. Dee had already been up making breakfast and cleaning so they could have the whole day to themselves.

Angela

“Girl, I don’t know how you do it. You were drinking last night too right?”

“A momma got to do what a momma got to do!”

“It doesn’t get tired; I want the house and kids one day but sheesh.”

“I love it, I really do. I know people think Dee could have had it all but that’s just the point. I have exactly what I’ve always wanted. Growing up I had a set of goals and I tried and succeeded at them all. Now as an adult I have goals that I’m exceeding at and I still look good” said with a sassy attitude.

“That you do. I’m just glad you’re happy sissy.”

“I am. I really am. No one can take that happiness away from me.”

Words Angela wanted to live by.

Philly guys…

Not ready to face her parents, Angela, Dee and Laila went to King of Prussia mall. They were shopping mostly for Laila but covertly for themselves as well. Neither of the girls had brought up the subject of Tammy all day. In fact, Angela was trying to get out of dropping Laila off to her parent’s house later that night to avoid seeing them the entire day. She wanted to speak to her mom but didn’t want to see her hurt. Knowing she couldn’t hide forever, Angela was prolonging as long as possible.

They broke the bank this day. No better way to cover up your problems than with shopping. Afterwards, they sat for dinner at a restaurant in the mall.

Dee

“I haven’t been here in forever. after school…those were the days!”

Listening to her sister, Angela couldn’t help but notice a group of men at the bar. One of the guys couldn’t take his eyes off of her either. Before leaving, Angela decided to use the restroom, which just so happened to be by the bar. She smiled walking past the fellas, moving her bang shyly across her face. Staying in the restroom just enough time to touch up her lips, Angela walked out to a surprise. A man with a perfectly trimmed beard was leaning against the wall waiting for her. Not to seem easy, she smiled and continued to walk past him.

“Wait a minute love…can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked.

Angela paused and turned slowly.

“Me? I have someone waiting.”

“Just a moment of your time…please.”

“Well since you asked nicely, I think I have a moment to spare. I’m Angela.”

“I’m Karif; I couldn’t let you leave without saying hello. I’m not a stalker or anything…waiting outside a ladies bathroom isn’t really my thing, nah mean.”

He definitely had that Philly guy swag.

“It’s cool. I saw you with your boys earlier. My sister is actually waiting for me outside. I don’t want to keep her waiting too long.”

“Can we exchange numbers…get to know each other? I know you’re in a rush.”

Hesitant about making a long distance friend, she contemplated for a second.

“It’s really a bad time. I think I should give dating a break for now.”

“I’m not one to beg but if you’re single, I may have to go against myself right now. Let’s at least keep in touch for when you are ready for a brother like me.”

“I don’t know…”

“What do you say beautiful? I know your peoples are waiting.” He asked again with his sexy lips.

Angela, unresisting to his swag, agreed.

“I’ll make an exception this time.”

“Yes!” Karif responded.

Karif pulled out his phone.

“Its 646…” Angela said.

“646, what you live in New York?”

“Yeah, I’m from southwest but I live in Manhattan. Is that a problem?”

“Nah, that’s good money. I’m up there all the time.”

“Really, good to hear!”

She gave him the rest of the number and went to meet Dee.

Dee

“I was about to send the troops in for you girl. What were you doing, talking to that cute guy at the bar?”

“How did you know?”

“Girl, you not slick, plus I’m older…I see and hear everything!”

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…

Exhausted, Angela and Dee finally arrive at their parent’s house.

Angela

“Can I just wait in the car? I’ll see ma and daddy for the cookout.”

“Girl bye, if you don’t come on. I got two babies now?”

Laila, overhearing what’s being said, comments.

“My Angel, you don’t want to see mom grandma? Why?”

“Of course I want to see grandma, I’m just so tired. I didn’t want to get out of the car but I’m coming.”

Angela wasn’t prepared but she knew it was something that had to be done.

When the girls walked in the house, their mother was sitting at the table drinking

tea. One could tell her mind was somewhere else but as soon as Laila ran up to the table, Ruth’s face lit up.

“I missed you today!” Ruth said giving Laila a big hug.

“I missed you too grandma!”

“Now, go upstairs and pick out a book for bed tonight.”

Laila picked up a backpack, almost as big as her, dragging it up the stairs to the room.

“You girls want some tea. I just made a fresh pot.”

Angela interrupts,

“Where’s daddy?”

“He’s been sleep for about an hour now.”

Angela and Dee sat at the table as Ruth stood pouring them tea. When Ruth sat, Angela decided she couldn’t bite her tongue any longer.

“Ma, you’re just going to sit there like everything of ok? I know everything.”

“Don’t judgment on me” Ruth abruptly responds.

“What do you mean? I’m not here to judge. That’s what you think of me?”

“Angela Michelle Glenn, I raised you…you are my child or don’t you . I know that you like to view people though a smoky mirror.”

“Ma, I’m really hurt by that! With everything going on, you would actually say that.”

“Angela, why do you think Jackie acted the way she did in my house? She knew, the whole neighborhood knew.”

“Knew, what?”

Angela’s voice was raspy as her eyes turned watery.

“What did everyone know? I’m talking about daddy. What are you talking about?”

“Jamie…that Jamie was no good for you!”

“Ma, what are you talking about?”

“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you. I hoped it would all go away until he acted as stupid as your father by leaving a mess behind.”

Stunned by this point, Dee interjected.

“You never said anything to me Ma. What did you know about Jamie?”

Ruth began to explain.

“It was the weekend of my church retreat last year. I was waiting for your father to pick me up and I saw a man that looked like Jamie leaving a restaurant. I started to walk over and that’s when I saw a young woman walk out after him. As I got closer, I realized the woman was Paula. Jamie put his arm around her and they kissed. I turned around as fast as I could. I didn’t know what to do! I rushed around the corner before they could see me. Thinking of you, and how you wanted life to be perfect, there was no way I was going to break your heart. I couldn’t see you go through the pain I did. I saw Paula’s mother the following week. I tried to figure out if she knew anything but I don’t believe she did. Wishing it was a onetime thing, I let it . I’ve heard church gossip before about Jamie and other girls but asking you would have made it real. I wanted to protect you. For that I am guilty. One thing is for sure, Paula is not pregnant.”

Angela’s upset came from anger among other emotions. Dee was in tears from witnessing her family break apart.

“Ma, I’m not mad at you” Angela said.

Angela knew that living a lie was a horrible feeling and it wasn’t the time to punish her mother for Jamie’s deceit. Angela continued,

“I was living in an invented world myself. I wanted to believe in our relationship so much that I let it take over my life… chasing waterfalls. I really can relate to that meaning now. At least all those trips to Philly can be explained. Now Tammy…I can’t.”

“Angel, I always wanted the best for you all. I’m dealing with it. I made a choice to stay; you made the right choice for you. I’d like to think I raised you well enough to stand up for yourself. I came from a different time. Your granny lived with your grand dad’s lies too. I did what I knew best. You’re breaking that cycle. I just never thought a doll could do so much harm. Every time I see Tammy, I’m reminded of another life I ruined.”

“Doll…ma, are you talking about the day Ms. Alice came to the house?”

Ruth put her head down before taking a deep breath.

“It was the doll Tammy got for her birthday…the same one you wanted. Your

father and I were out one day and I showed him the doll I wanted to get for your birthday. I knew how excited you were about that doll and he agreed to put extra money aside for it. When the time came to purchase it, the money was gone. I asked your dad about the money and all he would say was he needed it for something else; saying he would make sure you got the doll before your birthday. Being the woman, I didn’t question.”

Ruth continued as tears ran down her face,

“I didn’t know it would hurt Tammy like that…taking you away from her.”

Dee ed Ruth a tissue.

Ruth

“When Tammy came over with the doll, I knew. I knew your father gave it to her. That hurt more than all the cheating. The night of the sleepover I took the doll and threw it away. Tammy needed you! You two were sisters at heart, without the title, and I took that way from you both. If she had someone by her side, maybe she…maybe, you both would be better now. I thought I was doing it for you but selfishness took over. I was broken.

Dee

“You can’t guilt yourself forever. You are not solely responsible ma. Daddy played a part; Ms. Alice played a part…heck I probably even contributed to the

heart ache. But you can’t live in the past. You’re truthful now and I think what you’re doing, being honest with us and yourself, is a good place to start.”

Angela spoke up,

“Perfection was always my way of reflecting you. I think I knew in my heart you weren’t happy ma…but you always kept it together. You never let us see your pain. Losing Tammy and then grand daddy shattered me like you’ll never know. Seeing you always hold it together made me want to do the same. I figured maybe it was easier that way…to act as if the hurt didn’t exist. I didn’t realize how much I diverted from my true self in the process. I went from being curious and speaking my mind to doing what was pleasing to others and bottling up my feelings. It wasn’t evident to me until I went back to a box of poems I kept as a child. The day I closed that box, placing the last poem inside, I closed my heart and who I really was. I ired you so much ma but I haven’t been Angela Michelle Glenn in a long time. Denying it for so long, I convinced myself into accepting this new identity. Still the panic and worry in the back of my mind caught up to me. I was engrossed in an ideal. I blamed you for my conforming to being flawless but really I was angry at myself for losing me. It’s taken this long to figure out that disconnect. This is why I’ve begun to take my life back…mind, body and soul.”

Angela held her mother’s hand.

“We’re human, not perfect.”

Angela went on to tell her mother and sister about her new found joy for healthy eating, belly dance class and spirituality. Finally, there was a sincere bond. Angela put on music to show off a few dance moves. The family silence had been broken. Angela had been judging her mother for years without realizing the

reason why.

Angela ired her mother, while seeking her whole life to be different from her. Ruth made a choice to stand by her husband. All she needed was and an open ear. We often believe it’s easier to save face by keeping details undisclosed from the ones we love. Only we damage ourselves more internally by not being honest to the one who matters the most…our self. Others don’t need protection from our faults, we do.

It’s party time, oh, it’s party time!

Driving home, with a burst of energy, Dee wanted to take advantage of another kid free night and release some stress.

Dee

“Hubby is with the boys, so I’m free to play. What you want to do?”

“I don’t know. So much has happened tonight.”

“It’s not often I get two free nights. Take one for the team…I think we both need it.”

“That’s true.”

Angela received a text from the guy she just met. Glancing at the message…

Dee

“Who is that?”

“The guy I met today. He wants to know if I have plans. Says his group is performing downtown. Let me make sure it’s room for two.”

Angela sent a message back.

“He said yeah! He’s sending the address and my name will be on the list. Problem solved!”

They rushed to Dee’s place to change for the night. Angela was glad her sisters’ fashion sense allowed her to always be wardrobe ready. Making her hair curly and adding a few accessories from Dee’s jewelry collection, Angela was ready to go. Dee didn’t care where they went, as long as liquor was involved. Upon arrival, there was a long line outside the club.

Dee

“Damn, your boy’s group got it like that!”

“I know right, who knew? I never heard of them and you do know I’m in the industry…” brushing her shoulders off.

“Girl, bye” Dee said laughing.

Angela sent Philly guy a text letting him know she was outside and how long the line was. He immediately came to the door to meet her with VIP treatment. They went right in, no lines or hassle.

“That’s how they do it up in New York, huh baby girl?

“Something like that,” modestly said.

Karif had to tend to his artist, but not before giving Angela and Dee es for backstage and open bar. This made Dee very happy.

Two melon martinis and a shot of café Patron later, the stage opened. Philly guy’s artists were really good. After performing three songs, Angela finally recognized one. Not a huge rap fan, the song was familiar from riding in the car with Dee. The crowd was hype and Angela liked Philly guy slightly more now.

Later, the girls went backstage to meet everyone. Dee was the people person, so Angela just followed her lead. Philly guy was not shy about letting everyone know Angela was with him. Feeling like a big shot, they partied for the rest of the night. At 2am, they proceed to a diner and before they could recall, it was 4am.

“Wow that felt like a New York night” Angela says.

“Let’s hope hubby sees it that way.”

Angela gave Philly guy a nice hug before they parted ways.

“I haven’t had this much fun in Philly in a while. I have a lot going on.”

“We all do, nah mean? That’s life baby girl.”

Already planning her next trip home in her mind, Philly guy assured Angela that he visited New York on the regular. So they promised to see each other again soon.

Forgiveness…

Beating the sun home was all that Tommy asked. Dee called on their way home and he stayed on the line until they reached the parking lot, seeing them to the door. Angela was so focused on this idea of a happy relationship, not seeing the best one in front of her. In clear sight, she felt the love between Dee and Tommy, like the old Indian couple in the doctor’s office. She wanted that tenderness, no labels, no expectations, just love. That night, Angela experienced that reoccurring dream, only this time she was able to touch her mother’s hand. Her father never entered and the energy in the room was serene. There stood Angela and her mother in calmness.

After a world wind of a night, Angela didn’t know how to face her father the next day. She almost put all the blame on her mother like she had done herself with Jamie. Understanding Tammy’s bitterness, Angela was an emotionally torn. Still the cookout went on. When the girls got to the house, Bill was already on the grill.

“Sugar, I got veggie burgers for you.”

“Thanks daddy” Angela said rushing into the house.

Unsure of how she may react, Angela managed to steer clear of her father almost the entire day. She didn’t want to make a scene in front of their guest. Beside Jacob’s new boyfriend was taking care of that. Throughout the day, she couldn’t help but look over at Ms. Alice’s house; thinking about her father and Jamie. With the party going great, there was so need to complicate a perfect the day so

she remained quiet. Friends and family stopped by for Angela’s 30th birthday and Ruth made the best cake. There wasn’t much more she could ask for at this point.

As the night ended, everyone was inside the house. While helping cleanup, a phone call came in to the house. Angela answered but no one was on the line. It rang two more times, both resulting with hang-ups. Angela felt a chill over her body for this was Jamie’s signal for her to come to the back door when they were in high school. Reluctantly, she went to the door. Contemplating for a moment, she finally opened the door to a gift bag sitting at the top of the steps. Hesitantly she looked in the bag. There, in red metallic wrapping paper with a bow around it, was that special bottle of sparkling Italian wine. Attached was a note that simply said ‘My first’.

No one would have known what that note meant, not even Dee whom Angela told everything. Jamie was the only person who knew Angela’s one secret because it was his too. The town in Italy where the wine originated was also the place where she and Jamie conceived their first child; a child that wasn’t in their plan. Angela cried day after day trying to convince Jamie that they should keep the baby. Ultimately the stress became too much, causing a miscarriage. That wine would always be a lasting memory of their commitment to each other, though the commitment was soon forgotten.

Angela was hurt that another woman was getting the joy she wanted. The joy of giving Jamie, the man she loved a child. Seeing the bottle now made Angela realize everything was as it should be. The bitterness was fading. She was living and learning every day. Jamie wasn’t responsible for her actions nor could she hate on a woman who made a choice for herself. As Angela sat on the steps, her father came outside and sat with her. He put his hand on her shoulder, rubbing it without words. Angela leaned her head on Bill’s shoulder as he hugged her tight.

“I’m sorry” he said.

Angela remained silent and took in the moment. Those words meant more than Bill could have imagined. Angela was entering her 30’s in forgiveness.

Chapter 9

Back and Forth

Decisions…

Back in New York after a crazy weekend, Angela was ready to sleep it all off. Andrew called as she walked in the door.

“Hey Drew, what’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to grab a birthday drink. I’m near your place now.”

Not really wanting to go out, Angela could tell Andrew had something on his mind. She also felt a friendly conversation would do her some good right now. They met at The Film Café a few minutes later.

Angela

“Andrew, I was surprised to get your call. You haven’t reached out to me on nonvolunteer time in a while” jokingly said.

“I know, something just told me to call and I enjoy talking to you. It was a win, win you know.”

Angela eventually opened up about everything, from Jamie, to her parents, to her recent string of dating mishaps. She connected with Andrew in a special way. He was a listener. She also found out tidbits and pieces about him she never knew; like his mother was abused by his father. They lived in a shelter for almost a year when she was able to get away from his dad. Andrew had personal reasons for doing the work that he did. His work came from a place of goodness.

A few hours had ed without Angela realizing.

“Oh my, look at the time.”

Andrew smiled.

“You’re always so put together.”

Angela didn’t know how to take that comment.

Angela

“What do you mean put together.”

“It’s like you’re always on point, you don’t miss a beat. I don’t even know what bothers you, if anything bothers you, and I’ve known you years. You just went through, what I believe was a major break-up and a family crisis and its life as normal. You’re a strong woman I guess.”

“Is that what you think? I can be a little conservative at times…don’t like to show too much emotion.”

“We talk, I know but I want to see your ion. I wanna get to know the real Angela.”

“Let me process this and get back to you on that.”

Andrew detected Angela’s need to get away. He walked her back home. Standing outside the building,

“I would invite you in but I’m beat.”

“No, I need to get back to Brooklyn. I’ll take a rain check if that’s possible.”

“Absolutely…!”

Andrew reached in for a hug and Angela didn’t know how to respond. He held her close and Angela exhaled. As she got use to his touch, Andrew stepped away.

“So, you and your girls ready for the party?”

Completely thrown off Angela responded,

“Yes, absolutely…”

“That’s the word of the hour, huh? Ok, I’ll see you later.”

Andrew kissed Angela on the forehead and walked away. Angela stood, moist inside as she watched Andrew walk away. Longtime friends, Angela hadn’t strongly considered Andrew as a lover. The thought was beginning to scare her. Why mess up a good thing? Being put together was a way of not loosing herself in the moment of just being, making it easier not to hurt, however hurt was all she’d been facing lately. Before going to bed, she wrote a few notes in her journal along with a recipe she wanted to try.

“The just go with it salad”. Maybe I’ll add fresh spinach, dried cranberries, nuts, broccoli oh, and radicchio! Or maybe I’ll just go with whatever my taste buds desire!”

Change for the better…

Angela’s writing had begun to go to the next level. Articles more relatable to current dating situations, she gave readers a sense of confidence whether in or out of a relationship. While this was great, Angela had work of her own to do. It was volunteer Tuesday and she was looking forward to seeing Andrew. Entering the shelter, only Miss Pat and a new volunteer, Mika was present.

Not wanting to be suspicious, she casually asked of Andrew’s whereabouts. Mika responded that he was working on final plans for his fraternity’s party. Angela was disappointed about not seeing him. After all this time maybe he was part of the reason she continued to come to this particular shelter. The next few days were the same. The party couldn’t come fast enough just to see Andrew’s face again.

The Friday before the event, Angela and Maria decided to shop for something last minute to wear.

Angela

“I hate all white parties. What a way to show me how fat I am. Where are the all black parties to slim girls down?”

“Doll, that’s why I’m wearing a skirt; to leave room for my spanks! Are you ready?”

They both stepped out of the fitting room to see each others’ clothes and Maria’s mouth dropped.

“Wow, Angie! What a minute, look at your curves!”

Maria walked closer to Angela practically groping her entire body in a fitted white strapless dress.

“Where did all of this come from…your belly is so flat!”

Angela oblivious, decided to take another look in the mirror. With everything going on, she didn’t notice how great she actually looked.

“I’m amazed myself!”

“You are working that dress! Love it!”

Now checking herself out, she was certainly ready for the party.

Game on…

Dee came up Saturday morning and the two went out for lunch.

Dee

“You look great sis. What have you been doing? It’s only been a couple of weeks since I last saw you.”

“I don’t know. It seems like it just happened. I’ve been really happy just finding myself.”

“How so…?”

“I started writing down my recipes, eating better at home and belly dancing more; and between you and me, meditating.”

“What, so you’re a guru now.”

“See that’s why I can’t tell you anything! But seriously, I didn’t know what to expect from all of this.”

“All of what? Tell me everything. The only stories I hear now days involve crayons and nap time!”

“You are crazy! All of these changes with my…and I hate to sound cliché, but my mind, body and soul. When I decided to become a vegetarian it was mostly out of anger. I couldn’t control Jamie so; it was like, if I can control one thing, it would be what I ate. I soon realized it was truly a whole lifestyle change I needed to make…my whole way of thinking. At first, I felt like everyone was attacking my choices but maybe I wasn’t sure about them myself. Now I love what I’ve become for the right reasons. My body is alive for the first time! I have so much to learn about my existence sort of speak…that’s what I’m most excited about. I had an idea of what was holding me back, then after I came back from my birthday party a friend made it clearer. I was holding myself back instead of just going with the flow and accepting the blessing coming my way. It was there, I was resisting.”

“That sounds good, Angel. Now how can a sister get down with that new waist line? Girl bye, you see this gut, ha-ha-ha!”

The truth of the matter was, with all things in consideration, Angela looked and felt great. The cover on the outside was fading. Now her inner beauty was shining through. Angela couldn’t help but mention Andrew to Dee. She was excited to see what the night would bring.

Maria came to Angela’s place before the social so they could “get right” as Maria liked to call it. Angela made up appetizers and they had shots before venturing out. On arrival, these girls were in full party mode. Angela couldn’t help but seek out Andrew upon arriving at the banquet space. Dee and Maria found seats and hit the bar.

There were so many people in attendance Angela was having a difficult time locating Andrew in the crowd. Suddenly, it was as if the dance floor parted ways as Andrew was spotted dancing across the room…with what looked like a date! Before Angela could turn away, Andrew waived her over. Acting as if she hadn’t noticed him first, she walked over.

Andrew

“Angela this is Mika. Did you guys get to meet yet?”

“Actually we did. Mika, I see you’re getting adjusted quickly.”

“That’s me, I just go in” Mika quickly responded.

“Lovely. Well, Andrew, I have my sister and friend already at the bar so let me them.”

“I’ll be over to your table to introduce myself in a minute” Andrew said.

Angela’s heart was racing as she walked away.

When she got over to the bar, Dee asked who the cutie was.

“That was Andrew, let’s just move on.”

“Oh, snap…it’s time to get it in now!” said Maria.

Angela was fooled again. Unable to depend on a nice guy like Andrew, who could be trusted? The food and drinks were first-rate. The girls danced, having a great time. Angela tried not to pay too much attention to Andrew but every time she did, he was looking back at her. Maybe it was the belly dance moves she used on the dance floor, or maybe it was just her. The night ultimately came to an end.

As they headed outside to the warm September breeze, Andrew was standing at the door thanking guest as they left. Dee gave Angela time to say good bye while Maria chatted with a guy she met.

Angela

“This was a very nice event. I hope you raised the money needed.”

“We did, the youth group will really benefit next year. So what was all that on the dance floor. I didn’t know you had moves like that!”

“That was nothing.”

“That was nothing? Then I’d like to see something then” reaching for her waist line.

Angela bashfully pulled away.

“What about, I mean, I’ll let you get back to your guest. We really enjoyed ourselves. Tuesday…?”

“Tuesday…”

Angela walked away.

“What did he say” Dee asked.

“Nothing much, I didn’t bother. Did you have fun?”

“Girl it doesn’t take much but that was awesome. Andrew was super nice too, just saying.”

Maria walked over still dancing,

“Ladies you will be thanking me in the morning for giving you the BC’s…no hangovers over here!”

They ended the night on a good note. No harm, no fowl.

Maybe I caught the cue…

Up all night writing, Angela’s thoughts brought more questions and topics to mind. So much a book, rather than a magazine article, was coming to premonition. Learning so much about herself at the same time; reading messages readers sent gave a glimpse of old Angela. Comprehending what she hadn’t before.

Using words as inspiration, lead to more cooking and placing new recipes in the binder daily. Dishes were simply coming out. Her dancing was steady improving too. Imparting judgment of her parents liberated Angela’s waist to move. Letting go concern of others opinions, her inner shimmy was released. With every new experience, Angela’s body became more flexible. Her self-image and character were more on mark.

Nevertheless, with Andrew on the mind, Angela was a little zoned out one night during belly dance class. In spite of improving individual techniques, the combined flow of the motions was a problem. It wasn’t a smooth transition. There were defined separations in body movements; similar to her life at the moment, her body wasn’t adjusting “to go with it.”

This night, the instructor’s song choice to end class was a slow, sensual, romantic Greek song. As the music began, Angela could feel the energy travel up her spine. It was amazingly beautiful. She tracked the teacher’s lead in the dance as they all had done. However, this time when everyone was instructed to engage in their own freestyle performance, Angela led with her heart instead of her mind. She began to experience the love she was deserving of, believing it would come precisely when it should. Replacing her trained self, with independence and what came effortlessly, she danced freely around the entire

floor. By the end of the song, she stood in a graceful pose and when she looked up, Sarema nodded at her.

After class, a few new students told Angela how wonderfully she danced asking how long she had been in the class. Coy at the mere fact she was getting attention,

“I feel like this was my first class” she responded.

On the way to the elevator, she ran into the Sarema who was with some of the other girls from the dance class.

“Angela, stunning dance, you opened yourself today. Did you sign up for the student showcase?”

“Me, no, I don’t think I can perform on a stage.”

“Think about it. You dance beautifully…I think you’ll enjoy it and we all bond.”

Angela was happy to be asked. It was liberating as she was ready to take matters to a new level.

Chapter 10

The Leaves Are Falling

People don’t change; it’s how you see them…

Fall had come. The leaves were turning bright orange, yellow and red. Pumpkins were on door steps as more joggers ran along the West side highway preparing for the marathon. Yes, fall was here. Philly guy had been persistent with pursuing Angela. Against her better judgment, she decided to give him a fighting chance. Though they had fun the night of the show, Karif wasn’t exactly the type of guy Angela ever imagined dating. Alleging he was too hood for her, all the while in the back of her mind, feeling his vibe. Born and raised in North Philadelphia, Philly guy was more than rough around the edges. Forget about attending college, he didn’t even have a GED. Having left the drug game nearly missing prison time, he made use of his hustle money by investing in his brothers rap group. While managing the group, he opened a studio in his house where artist from all over the city now recorded.

Growing up not far removed from the street life, Angela also understood choices. She knew one had a choice to get caught up in the streets or not. Trusting Philly guy learned from his mistakes, she took a risk. Despite being a product of his environment Karif was respectful and seemed genuinely interested in Angela. It didn’t hurt that he was single, with no children and wanted a meaningful relationship as Angela watched her biological time clock tick. Over the last month, they had been talking on the phone almost every night. She hadn’t been back to Philly since they met and he had been traveling everywhere south of New York. He spoke often about wanting to see her so what was the hold up? One night she decided to ask why they hadn’t seen each other. He called at his usual time.

Angela

“So, when am I going to see you?”

“Awww, you miss me already?”

“That would be hard to do since we’ve only met once, well technically twice but in one night, so that doesn’t count. But seriously, when are you coming up here?”

“I thought you came to Philly a lot to see your family.”

“I never said that. You said you came to New York all the time.”

“Yeah, for business…haven’t had to in a while.”

“So when was the last time you were up here?”

“Like a year ago.”

“So, you don’t come up here too often.”

“I mean, I go to Camden a lot.”

“Ok, granted you have to cross a bridge to get to Camden but that’s only 15 minutes from Philly. I’m talking about traveling up the turnpike and crossing another bridge. Besides, what does business have to do with seeing me? Don’t you want to go out on a real date…spend time with me?”

“Why can’t you come here?”

“Call me old fashioned but I believe a man should make the first move. I come to Philly for family first. If we got serious, I would have no problem visiting you. I’m just getting back to dating. I explained my situation.”

“Yeah, but…y’all women always want a man to do something for you.”

“Really, you think coming to visit me is equivalent to doing something for me? It’s not a chore. You gave the impression you wanted to see me…I guess not.”

“I’m only playing with you! I do want to see you but I don’t like driving my car far like that. I would have to rent a car or take the train. I’ll see if I can rent something this weekend.”

Angela was uncomfortable with this conversation. In an effort to change the subject she began to talk about something totally different.

“So, I decided to do the belly dance showcase. We started rehearsals after class and it’s going really good!”

“You the only black girl I know that belly dance.”

“Yes, well… like I said it’s really fun. I’m happy with how far along I’ve come.”

“How you get into that anyway?”

“I wanted to try something new. Don’t you want to try new things?”

“Not really…I’m cool with what I know.”

She could feel his distance and decided to end the call.

Angela didn’t hear from Philly guy for the rest of the week. Saturday morning she got a text saying he couldn’t make the visit. By this point she was over it, painting yet another false picture. Philly guy seemed to have his ducks in order but once again, a book couldn’t be judged by its cover. She brushed it off by not responding.

By the end of the weekend, Philly guy had called and text at least twenty times. At long last, she responded. He was apologetic about everything explaining that all his money was put into the group’s last show and it was a rough week. Angela, a er of living your dreams, became empathetic. After hearing him out, agreeing to start again, they continued talking as they were.

Weeks had gone by and Philly guy hadn’t made any endeavors to see Angela.

They spoke so much on the phone that the relationship was growing nonphysically. With Thanksgiving around the corner, Angela hoped they would see each other when she went to Philly for the holiday. Ruth was excited to have the family together again. The last time was Angela’s birthday and that didn’t go as planned. Ruth was astoundingly on board with Angela’s vegetarian lifestyle, making dinner substitutions for her. Let’s not forget, Jacob was bringing home yet another new boyfriend. This was going to be a Thanksgiving to .

Rehearsals, writing and cooking was coming to be all Angela dreamed of. A nice visit to Philly would do her well. This trip she opted to rent a car with Dee’s college roommate Beth, who lived in Brooklyn but was also from Philly. Relying on public transportation was not favorable during the holiday weekend, and the rental would allow ease to sneak off for black Friday shopping. Holiday traffic wasn’t great but at least they had comfortable seating. Listening to Beth complain about her boyfriend the whole ride made Angela wonder if there was such a thing as a healthy, happy relationship. Pondering if we all endure and remain complacent until circumstances change?

Three hours later they hit city limits. Beth dropped Angela off at Dee’s place. They were going to swap the car after Beth made all her family stopovers. Angela was looking forward to seeing the family needless to say, but Philly guy was in the back of her mind the entire ride. She sent a text to hi after hitting town and another one once she arrived at Dee’s house. Since they hadn’t set a time to hook up, Angela was expecting him to have a plan in the works. His replies were basic to say the least. After settling in, Angela gave Philly guy a call. They chatted as usual, but still there was no sense of urgency on his part to meet up. As the conversation progressed…

Philly guy

“So when are you coming to see me?”

Angela pulled the phone from her ear and gave it the dirtiest look.

“I’m sorry, when am I coming to see you? I traveled almost three hours to get here and you want me to back track to see you?”

“Yeah, I’m saying…what’s up with you? I’m chilling right now.”

“And… I’m tired from driving.”

“What’s up? Why you acting like that?”

“Like what? It’s just etiquette that when a person travels from out of town, meaning me, the person who lives in said town, meaning you, would at least attempt to let’s say…go to see, pay a visit, stop at the person who has already traveled. You see where I’m going with this? It became a journey for you to drive an hour up the turnpike…now we’re in the same city and you’re scared to go on the expressway? I mean, did you have any intention of seeing me?”

“Come on…of course I want to see you. But your sister all the way out Chestnut Hill nah mean. Plus, I’m waiting for my man to drop off something.”

“Just for my information, after I figured out a way to get to you…what exactly did you have planned for us tonight?”

“Like I said, I’m chilling…we could just chill.”

“I see…you know what, I get it. Talking on the phone is convenient because there’s no effort. I really get it; it was in front of me the whole time. I’m not taking this BS! In case you didn’t know, I’m not the typical girl and I won’t settle for anything less than what I warrant!”

Angela continued, utterly blacking out on him. She reached a breaking point and couldn’t hold back. Giving multiple chances to unworthy guys, accepting dates just to get out; she knew better. Trying to cover the pain by letting anyone in her life was an unhealthy place to be. There had to be a medium. The conversation did not end well. Nor did she ever talk to Philly guy again. Another chapter closed and recipe written. The “I never leave Philadelphia” cheese steak was born. Soy crumbles and onions grilled to perfection, covered with mozzarella cheese on a wheat hoagie roll, topped with coleslaw never taste so good!

The healing process…

Early Thanksgiving afternoon, the Glenn family got together. When Angela entered her parents’ house, the smell of greens hit her from the door. This was the part of home she missed most. Ruth was in good spirits and Bill was too. Music playing, Bill grabbed Angela by the arm, spinning her around, dipping her like a ballerina. It was surreal. Her parents weren’t like this in their happiest days. ing back to something she read, Angela went downstream and let the seconds flow. By dinner, Jacob showed up alone. He decided to dump the new guy before introducing him to the family. This small family gathering was turning out perfect. Ruth’s all vegetarian greens were the best!

With everyone home, Angela was surprised to hear the doorbell ring.

“I’ll get it” she called out.

Singing as she opened to the door, it soon stopped, as Angela stood face to face with Tammy. Only her parents knew Tammy was stopping by. In fact, it was Ruth who invited her over. Almost immediately, Angela began weeping as she reached out to Tammy, wrapping both arms around her. When they made it in the house, the entire family was tearful. Angela was surrendering.

Angela and Tammy stayed up all night talking. It was as if they never parted ways that summer day. Their sisterly bond was still present. Tammy lived a life that one couldn’t imagine. With no father figure, she made bad choices with men. With a father figure, Angela made bad choices on another end but just the same. Ruth was tired of waging war with the truth. After seeing Tammy a few

weeks prior, she decided to ask her in. This opened her heart and thought it would be best for everyone to be at peace.

Aside from not having the date she hoped for, Angela overslept, causing her to miss out on the early holiday shopping sales. Things didn’t go as planned. Maybe that was the plan, to not be planned or put together. Angela simply enjoyed the rest of the day. She and Ruth had desert and tea later that evening and just talked. Before she knew it, Beth was calling to see when they were traveling back. They reached a consensus to leave on Saturday night, which was best to avoid the return holiday traffic.

The visit was ending too soon. For years Angela thought leaving Philly would erase suppressed memories. But home is always home and you can only deal with issues at the root. For the first time Angela didn’t want to run away. She invited her family to New York for the belly dance show the following month. It was the perfect opportunity to cook a nice dinner displaying her new recipes. Everyone was excited, especially Tammy.

Revelations…

Arriving home late, Angela had a thought. It didn’t matter if she went on 5 dates or 50 dates. Finding just another replacement for Jamie would never suffice. Proving she could be accepted or loved by another couldn’t fulfill the joy of accepting and loving her own being first. Releasing the fear of loneliness, she was finally coming into her own. Running from the truth led to a false embodiment of love and life. Young and naive, one expects such but as a woman, she knew better. Knowing better meant doing better and that was exactly what Angela was going to do. Learning to face hardships head on and acknowledging imperfections to be as they are, Angela’s new approach on life was to reach for a better self. Living life to the fullest no matter the odds and following dreams no matter how crazy they seemed, were now her only expectations. This was a plan she could definitely live with.

The next few weeks Angela continued writing and cooking, placing yet more recipes in her binder daily as they continued to manifest. “Three minute queso” was inspired by a guy who talked about how much he hated his job every three minutes. Angela enjoyed cooking so much, she began packing breakfast and lunch to take to work. Back to Dr. Bennett, her blood pressure was normal. Finding new ways to clear her mind, she chose a personal mantra, started a new journal and made time to sit in the corner every night to write a new poem. With every release of negative energy, came less tension, physically and mentally.

The more Angela danced, the more she took hold of her essence. Her chest moved about without restraint. Her hips shifted to all comers. Like a calm fluent stream, the wave of Angela’s arms rose and fell like a current as she danced about the room. She was uplifted from the core without restrictions. Conscious, as she came to with the emergence from her outer shell, she was attaining a natural state of joy. Belly dancing class was more than undulations, it was life

changing. Sovereignty was back in her hands. A work in progress, each day she allowed the expansion of her mind, body and soul. It was all starting to connect now. She felt empowered and limitless!

Chapter 11

Shed Skin

No pressure…

The week before the show Angela, Sarema and the other dancers ed for drinks after rehearsal. It was sort of a holiday, pre-show, and thank you celebration. Sarema specifically wanted to go to this bar for their warm cinnamon holiday red wine. The inside of the tavern was completely covered with Christmas decorations. Each section had a colored theme. It gave the feeling of being in an actual Christmas tree! They found a table, ordered drinks and commenced to chatting.

Aside from Sarema owning an entertainment company, the other dancers were well established in their own right; some being lawyers, teachers, professional dancers and mothers. Dancing for them, much like Angela had become a means of self-indulgence, while keeping fit. Everyone had an interesting story of how they came to belly dancing. None as dramatic as Angela’s, she topped the charts. As she shared her story with so much zeal, she glanced over at Sarema, noticing a grin on her face. Angela couldn’t figure what the look was about. By the time the story was done, Sarema ed Angela at the bar to order more drinks.

Sarema,

“My dear, how long will that be your story?”

“My story…?”

“Yes, the story about your boyfriend. How long will it define you? You tell it with some much ion; much like it is who you are.”

“Well, it was something major that happened in my life and I’m trying to move on.”

“Moving on with it still in your head is different from letting it go. That story, what you just explained definitely happened to you. It was an experience. But the way it was told was similar to reliving it…like how do you say…déjà vu?”

Angela laughed inside because she knew what Sarema meant.

Sarema

“I still get a little confused with English sayings you know,” smiling herself.

“I know what you mean.”

“When we first try to just move on we sometimes cover up the hurt with other things like shopping and eating. Even though we think we’re over it, something else begins to take on the burden like your back, head and other things like that. But when we start to let go, even though that thing in your life still happened, it’s left where you last saw it. There’s no ion in it, dropped like a bad habit or outdated jeans, ha-ha!”

“Now there’s something I can relate to!”

“I saw it in your dancing, when you first started. You’re mind wanted to do so well…kind of like, prove a point but your body didn’t allow it. Now I can see a difference. You’ve begun to move on the dance floor but I believe you have more of yourself to give…no pressure…but I know it. We all have work to do on ourselves. Once one obstacle is conquered, you just want to reach higher and do more. I see that in you. And this loser boyfriend of yours was obviously too blind to see the beauty you have inside and appreciate the person you are. It takes time but I see you’re getting there, at least with dance…mind, body and soul!”

It was as if Sarema knew the whole story without knowing anything. As much as Angela thought she concealed her pain it was exposed in other aspects.

“I have had a lot on my plate these last couple of months.”

As Angela summarized the legend of Jamie, she started to grasp that winter night had become her story. Catching herself caught up in negative emotion, she shifted to the new story being written. It was the tale of a girl, who through adversities paved a new path in life; a path of self-love, self-worth and understanding.

Sarema placed her arm around Angela,

“Now let us celebrate the new chapters of your story!”

They walked back over to the rest of the group and conversed a little while longer.

It’s show time!

In a week, Angela’s dancing had enhanced so much, the day before the show Sarema placed her center front. With no new men in her life, truly being single and happy she devoted as much time as needed to her creative side. She had been going to the shelter on Sundays too. In the midst of it all, Angela was doing what felt good; helping others while helping her. It wasn’t a second thought. In fact, she was more inspired than ever before.

One day, leaving the shelter, Angela bumped into Homeless Mary. She was wearing a sweater that Angela had given to her almost a year ago. As they ed each other Mary said something very strange.

Homeless Mary

“The other fella wasn’t right for you. This one is real.”

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” Angela said back after pausing for a second.

Homeless Mary pointed to Angela, then to the sweater, smiled and kept walking.

Later that night, Angela checked her phone to a surprise text from Andrew. She beamed, and then took a few seconds to think, before texting back. He just

wanted to say hello. After the white party, Angela kept things casual between them. Never addressing that night, Mika came and left the shelter in a flash. Still Angela didn’t understand her feelings, so she remained distant.

With less than a week to go, she invited Andrew over for dinner with her family and the show. He accepted and dinner was planned. Rehearsals doubled that last week. The rest of her time was spent writing and preparing the menu. Angela could now navigate through Whole Foods in record time. Books on herbs and spices were like a bible. She was undeniably a new woman, excited when seeing whole grains.

The night before, Angela started prepping the meal. She was very nervous. No one in the family had tasted her cooking, yet alone seen her in a kitchen. Rushing home after work, final preparations were complete. Tossing and turning the entire night, she worked the next day on two hours of sleep but was ready for the night. The apartment was cleaned and Angela was proud of herself. By 7:30pm, her family arrived and the party began.

Andrew showed up about 8pm with a bottle of wine. Angela had appetizers laid out for everyone to sample. Too nervous to eat, she took every ones word on how good the food was. The main entrée was a veggie meatloaf drizzled with a red wine sauce, roasted red potatoes, grilled asparagus and garlic toast. The presentation was top notch but could she win over Ruth? Bill blessed the table and everyone ate. Angela waited for her mother’s reaction.

Mrs. Glenn took one bite into the meatloaf and said,

“Baby, I guess there is a cow made of vegetables, you got a winner here!”

The rest of the evening they laughed, drank wine and shared stories. Andrew fit right in, not missing a beat with Jacob’s questions. With the time near, Angela had to be at tech rehearsal early the next morning. Getting late, she saw Andrew to the door.

Angela

“I’m sorry, I should have invited Mika. You two are still seeing each other right?”

“Seeing each other? We were never seeing each other. She’s a friends little sister I was looking out for. You see how long that lasted; she’s back in Tampa.”

“Oh, I thought…”

“Nah, not at all… I’m still waiting for the one .”

“Interesting… so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course” he said with a smile.

By the time Angela closed the door and walked to the kitchen she got a text from Andrew saying…

“Wait, were you jealous.”

“Don’t flatter yourself…you’re not getting that emotion, goodnight” was her reply.

Truth was she was more than elated that Andrew was available.

The next morning, the family had sightseeing plans while Angela went out. She was staying by the show space for the day and everyone would meet her there. Closer to show time, butterflies began to form. Still she kept on. Makeup and costumes were stunning. Having made friends with some of the other dancers, they talked and bonded behind the scenes. It started to feel like another family. Before she knew it, the curtain was lifted and the show began.

Truth be told, the belly dancing portion was the most delightful part of the show. It was something about the energy mixed with all the colors. It was moving and daring at the same time. As they gathered near the curtain waiting for the cue, Angela had a brief flashback of the last 12 months. After years of preparing for a fictitious life was destroyed in a flash, she picked herself up, changed her lifestyle, found a new ion, embraced the sister she never knew she had and began to learn what true freedom meant.

It wasn’t Jamie; it was Angela holding Angela back. No one else was to blame.

“Go, go” Angela heard from behind.

The music began and the dancers ran out on stage. With Angela in bright red, you couldn’t miss her. Standing up cheering was her entire family including Tammy, Andrew, Maria and Diego. Gliding across the floor, visions of Jamie became hurdled obstacles. With every spin, thoughts of Jamie were emancipated, while every twirl opened a new segment. She was opening her heart to let love back in. It was dreamlike. Nothing else mattered. Angela was in another world, dancing like never before. The crowd must have agreed as they gave a standing ovation in the end.

Haven’t we met before?

After the show, Angela, Maria, Dee and Tammy hung out for drinks.

Dee

“Stay away from this hot mama right here Tammy,” pointing to Maria.

“What, everyone should the mile high club!” Maria replied.

“The what?” Tammy says confused.

“Long story, I’ll explain next time.”

Tammy didn’t know what hit her dealing with these ladies. She also didn’t know what sisterhood felt like. It was nice that they were able to share that together. A few cocktails later, they asked for the check. The server informed them that their tab had been taken care of by the gentleman at the bar. Angela looked over to a drinking a vodka gimlet.

Angela

“I’ll be damned, the chocolate chip.”

“Who…?” All responded simultaneously.

“Excuse me ladies” Angela said.

Angela made her way over to bar.

“So we meet again. That was very nice of you, thank you.”

“I see a man has to work hard to get a phone call.”

“Funny, I’m Angela Glenn….and you are again?”

“John, but people call me…”

“I’d like to call you John”, as she stops him before he finishes.

“Ok, Miss Angela Glenn?”

“Yes, Miss…”

“Are you celebrating something? You seem to be having a good time over there.”

“I actually just performed in my first belly dance show. My family is here from Philly to me.”

“Wow, belly dancing, impressive.”

Angela couldn’t take her eyes off this chocolate chip of a man. There was an attraction that she missed feeling all year.

“I hope you’ll use my card this time” as he ed her another one.

“I will, I look forward to speaking with you John.”

The chocolate chip finished his drink and walked out, as the girls looked in awe.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Maria says clapping hands with Dee.

The next morning Ruth made breakfast and the family hit the road back home. Angela was sad to see them go but there was always next time.

Chapter 12

Coming Full Circle

The icing on the cake…

The office was closing early for the holidays. Angela had a few tasks that needed to be finished and decided to go in to work early. Leaving no time for breakfast, she grabbed food left from the weekend to share with the office. By the time she took a quick break at 10am, the entire platter of food was gone.

Walking back to her desk, Angela overheard Maryanne asking about the mini bites.

“They were the best I ever had. Where did we order from?” Maryanne asked another coworker.

“We didn’t order, I made them” Angela chimed in softly.

“You made them? Was that thyme I tasted, they were amazing! Where did you get the recipe?”

“I made it up myself. The spinach puff idea came from a guy I met with puffy eyes and the stuffed mushrooms were inspired by a guy I met who let’s just say, stuffed his mushroom but I guess you don’t want to hear about that. I have a whole book of recipes I created from some bad dating experiences.”

“Honey if they’re anything like the food in that room, you may be on to something!”

The next week, Maryanne set Angela up with a friend at the food network to put some of the recipes to the test. The powers that be were impressed with Angela. Offering her a book deal; this was the best Christmas present she could ask for! The stories behind the recipes would be used to market what Angela refused to lose faith in…food and love. Things are simple when you allow it. Those hardhitting periods may lead to the doorway of your desires but you have to be willing to step through.

What goes around comes around…

The New Year was days’ away. Jamie always made their New Year plans. Thinking back to how this year came in; Angela was okay with staying at home. She was thankful for so much, foresights succeeded past her wildest dreams. With plenty more to learn and experience, she was eager to take on the world especially in the love department.

On New Years’ Eve, Angela treated herself to gourmet take out. Undoubtedly her family wanted her home, but she wanted to start new, in her own space. The meal was picked up along with party favors. Spending the night creating a vision board, Angela Michelle Glenn was in a good place. About an hour after arriving back to the condo, the doorman called.

“What, who could this be?”

“Yes…?” she answered.

“Miss Angela, front desk calling…Mr. Jamison is here to see you.”

“I think I misunderstood, who?”

“Mr. Jamison is…”

“Uh, I got it, just a second.”

Angela paced back and forth in the living room biting her nails just as she did the night Jamie left. She didn’t know what to do. Though it had been almost a year, she never prepared for this day. Still a lady of etiquette, she pulled herself together and went to the lobby. When she got off the elevator and walked down the hall, she could see Jamie standing outside the main door. Her nerves grew more anxious as she approached the entrance.

“Thank you Carlos”

Angela stepped from the foyer wearing a black sweat suit with a pink scarf wrapped around her neck. The air was windy and brisk similar to their last encounter. Jamie’s back was towards her as she walked out. Turning around his eyes opened wide.

“Wow, Mitch!”

“Jamison, this is unexpected. What do you want? ”

“Mitch…”

“Don’t call me that! What do you want?”

“You look great. Just the way I like.”

He placed his head down.

“Jamie, you didn’t come here to say that. If you’re done, I’d like to continue my evening.”

Jamie looked up and Angela.

“Did you get my birthday gift?”

“The wine Jamison…? Yes, thank you for the remembrance of how foolish I was. You’re first…as if anything we had ever mattered.”

“It wasn’t mine.”

“Excuse me?”

“The baby, it wasn’t mine. I messed up, I know. I just…”

“Just what Jamison…just wanted to ease my mind that you cheated and lied but don’t have a child? Or ease your mind about what you put me through after Italy? For thirteen years, I was more dedicated to you than myself. You never

deserved me. Letting go of you opened my world and I’m so much better for it now. I’m boundless and you’ll never experience the bliss of what I’ve evolved in to!”

Jamie was speechless. This was a side of Angela he hadn’t witnessed; her authentic self, confident and sure. Angela too stood in front of an unfamiliar man she once knew and loved. The man that stood before her was tired and worn out. This man was living out his Karma.

A side of her felt empathy for Jamie but the other part felt relief. Relief she was able to see the truth of their relationship, a different aspect of life and face it head on. It wasn’t the first edition of her storybook life, but Angela was creating segments only she was able to write. Like a shining Angel, she stepped toward Jamison. Taking her hand, she moved his head to look directly into her eyes.

“Let me finish where we left off. I wanted us to be together but I’m fortunate we’re not. Good bye.”

Angela turned and walked away. There was no fear, fretfulness or animosity. Only the thought of a phone number to dial once she reached upstairs….

About The Author

Saudia Cunningham, known by many as Dee, was born and raised in the inner city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. With a long standing interest in arts and science, she completed her undergraduate education at Florida A&M University. There she became a member of the prestigious Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. While obtaining a Bachelor of Science Degree, she continued expanding her creative side co-founding Kuumba Dance Ensemble on campus. Upon graduation Saudia relocated to New Jersey to begin a career with the US Department of Agriculture.

A performer at heart, Saudia balanced full time work while pursuing artistic dreams. Releasing a hip hop CD in the spring of 2001 entitled “M.I.N.K.” built a following on the east coast. By fall 2001, Saudia ed an International Entertainment Company as a key dancer featured in fitness videos and OffBroadway productions including “Secrets of the Desert” and “Raw Love” whilst performing professionally throughout New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Pennsylvania. Later transitioning into acting, Saudia studied at HB Studio in New York City. Debuting with a principle role in the short film “Desperation” in 2009, additional acting appearances were made on “The Hambone Show”, BCAT TV, music and promotional videos.

Not ready to put away her dancing shoes, Saudia became a licensed Zumba® instructor in 2010 and is now moving forward into the fashion world. ing her roots and the community she came from, Saudia aspires to give back. As a volunteer dance teacher, mentor, and public speaker, she hopes to raise awareness that by believing in you, one can achieve greatness no matter the circumstances. Her first published literary work “The Story of My Vegetarian Life” is just a preview of what’s to come. An inspirational read for many, it’s sure to enlighten your soul as you laugh, cry and continue to enjoy life!