Can You Hear My Silence 6y3z6h

Can you Hear my Silence

Concelor

ISBN 978-1-64670-668-6 (Paperback) ISBN 978-1-64670-669-3 (Digital) Copyright © 2020 Concelor All rights reserved First Edition All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below. Covenant Books, Inc. 11661 Hwy 707 Murrells Inlet, SC 29576 www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

It was raining that day and all he could think was that it was gloomiest, and it further perpetuates his dilemma. He thought if he didn’t have this condition, what would his day be like? Most times when it rains, he likes to light a fire in the fireplace and watch television. But what does he watch? Does he watch horror movies, action movies, or soap operas? Then he thought, if he just watches television, it would only defer or postpone what he really needs to be thinking about. How can he help you to help himself? He doesn’t know! But he does know he needs help, desperately, or he will die. For the past year, he has lost all hope. He has given in to the voices; he has stopped talking. After night falls, he lives and eats in the dark because he feels if he has the light on, the government will see everything he does. So, all the lights go out, except the one in his child’s room. He’s wondering at this point if he can hear his silence. Most parents care about what their children think of them when they see strange things happening around them, and there is no explanation for it, and they go on about their life as if nothing is wrong. Does his son know that he sleeps on a mattress in the living room? Surely, he must have seen him at one time or another? And what would he think when he saw him, that his parent is weird or protective? Or is it better to sleep in the living room than the bedroom he just doesn’t know? Shall he ask? But if he asks, will it bring on more suspicion, or will he internalize it or just leave things be? Does he know that he’s paranoid about sleeping in the bedroom because he feels there are surveillance cameras in his bedroom and listening devices? Why are they watching him, what do they want from him, what did he do? He has destroyed the shower, faucet, the toilet seat, and the telephone looking for bugs. Is he paranoid because he feels guilty of his incarceration in his mind? He sometimes goes out late at night because he can’t stand to be watched, so he hides in the park, old buildings, and in basements. Why don’t they stop? Meanwhile, he can only stay out in increments of three hours because they may see him. However, he has taken chances where he would hide out all night, perhaps he may see them trying to surveillance him or his house. He hasn’t talked to anyone in over eight months to comply with the rules at the hospital so that they can release him and allow him to go home to his own mattress in the living room and the darkness of his environment. After he was released, it was two days that had past until he started to talk so he wouldn’t

arouse suspicion from his son Sean, so he had to say something to make him feel like he was in a home that had some sense of normalcy. But how could he camouflage his behavior from what he had observed watching him sleep in the living on a mattress. Besides in the past years, he has been on Risperdal, Zyprexa, and Seroquel, not the least of which would result in a gastrointestinal condition. That condition wound up causing him to have surgery seven years ago. The symptoms have returned since then and now they have him taking Prilosec to prevent the burning pains he suffers. As if he wasn’t already taking enough medication, however, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He was taking a lot of drugs at the time while wondering if they know or realize that it’s not helping him anyway, on his own he made the decision or at least he thought it was him making a rational decision, so he gave up. He stopped taking his medicine. What could the government do me if he stops taking his medication? Maybe the surveillance would stop, and he could start sleeping in his bedroom instead of the living room. He can start making his own decisions. He won’t have to go outside in the middle of the night anymore because they are no longer interested in him. Maybe finally they can go and surveillance someone else, or maybe they will realize HE isn’t any use to them. Maybe he’ll start talking to Sean. Yeah that will solve all his dilemmas. That didn’t work. He is not on any medication and he is going through hell and everyone have abandoned him. For some reason, he hasn’t been able to reach his doctor. Perhaps the doctor felt he needed to go through hell and to know his solace is in taking his medication. But he can’t reach his doctor. Do they hear his silence? Or do they think he’s well enough to make decisions on his own? Do they know he needs help? Suddenly, he had an epiphany, and he needed them to hear himself? He wanted to say to his doctor, “Okay, you won.” He is delusional and need your help because he has been this way for a long time. What if he told his doctor that going through hell without medication have made it worst and that their approach, or maybe they have given up on him and it doesn’t matter. Maybe that’s how they treat an individual with chronic depression that way. Or maybe he’ll undergo shock treatment and it will all go away. Although, shock treatment is very controversial, but perhaps he will experience a little reprieve from his dilemma. Would they consider him for that? Maybe that’s their way to have more control over himself? Will they make choices as to where he can sleep, or maybe they are part of the surveillance

network? Is he under an experiment? Is he the only one going through hell like this? Or maybe there are others who are walking around in silence and won’t speak because they feel like they are under surveillance as well. Does he even ask the other patients that were in the hospital when he was or will they turn him in, or are they are part of the surveillance too? Okay, yes, he knows he needs help. Yes, he realizes that he is delusional and have been for a long time, even when he was taking all of the medication, but who does he tell? Who would listen? After all, he has been experiencing this for a long time. Will they listen to his story? Can you hear him, can’t you see he needs help, does he seem strange, why do you ignore himself? As he said, he has given up. This is exhausting. He’s living within the hell gates of mental illness. He has been arrested by mental illness and incarcerated by pain. Can you hear him now! What would life be like if he had experienced a physical relationship with someone? Could that have been the caveat to mental illness? Would that have given him hope and diverted his attention away from hopelessness? Could that person fulfill the opening in his heart? And his mind could have been at peace. It’s been over twenty years since Sean was born that he has had a physical relationship. Should that have been the cure, maybe he would have had a normal life. He can’t help but think his relationship, if any, have been in and out of hospitals; and after a while, they all seem the same. And yes, he’s let out from time to time on furlough to breathe and experience another side of his hell. Sometimes when they let him out on furlough from his incarceration at the hospital, he thinks it’s so many people in his yard, how could he breathe? They are tresers because no one has acknowledged his presence except for the birds and the trees, he can hear them, and it seems as though they know he’s here, but it’s a secret amongst themselves. Is this the way of life to be in a constant state of suspicions, and he’s the only one who see it or hear it, or is it part of his delusions to even suggest that through his disillusionment there lies his peace because all he has to do is think and not speak and not be touched for another twenty years. Is he responsible to anyone in life, not even Sean who is an adult now on his own? Will they hear his silence then by searching for a relationship or searching for someone to hear himself? Maybe that’s the goal in his life to search for a relationship with someone who will hear himself. Throughout all his justification, the truth is he lives constantly in torment and

mental anguish most of the time where fear has saturated his mind and he is consumed by what it represents. One thing he does know is that he doesn’t want to die like this, but he also doesn’t want to continue to live like this. Where does he find that lasting peace that they talk about that death will bring? Is it available to him, or does he have to fight too? Aren’t we as human beings supposed to be higher on the food chain than birds or trees? Why do they get to live freely? Why can’t he live more freely than them? The birds get to sing all day and fly until they are tired, the trees get to dance all day, why can’t he have that kind of freedom? His consumption is filled with ways to that lasting peace, but even that has lost its potency within the saturation of his mind because he doesn’t even care for that anymore. Now his consumption is preoccupied with wanting the pain to end. And can it start with now? Sleep, if he was able to, he will at least be a temporary indictment on his saturation that consumes him. It would provide some relief to the many voices he hears that are conflicting to the stability of his mind. However, it awakes most of the time. What shall he do? Before when he was taking medication, he thought it will help him sleep, but it would not help because the voices would take command of his mind and yet here he is wide awake to the sounds of the cracks in the foundation of his house, the refrigerator, while watching every shadow at midnight. He would force himself from time to time when the voices would release its command, he attempts to focus on nothingness, and surrenders his eyes from the shadows from the midnight light. In his laymen efforts of trying to mitigate voices, he would explore the manmade rituals of mixing his medications with brandy, with this concoction of intoxication perhaps it will induce a drowsiness and maybe he would sleep. The caveat to this approach is that he did sleep. In fact, he slept for roughly fifteen hours, but when he had awakened, it attributed to his grogginess. His detestation of that feeling only exacerbated his dilemma. Now the preoccupation is of what’s next to a selfinflicting desire to only sleep and to arrest the voices and sounds and shadows. Next time with his momentary sanity perhaps he will try something different that will not cause the grogginess and he can experience some normalcy to his desire. If he prays then, it is only to die not to live. Did he just pontificate on his prayer to be only that he dies? Should he subject himself to what he was taught and to pray for good things to happen? In his world, however, to pray that he dies is a good thing if mitigating the pain that overpower his very being. Can you hear his

silence? As he cries for help again and again, he reconciles within the voices and the shadows of darkness that he will try one more time. With the grappling thought to a chance that someone will hear him and rescue him from agonizing war of constantly disseminating the voices and which one to surrender to as he wrestles with the pain while searching a way out. He may not have a lot of time to waste, but his despondent attitude about the way his life had turned out. However, he trapped a break within the seams of the coagulating voices to thrust a fragment of justification as to why it will be a next time. If he did kill himself, his prayer would dissipate because God wouldn’t forgive him. So, he said to himself while squeezing onto fragments of justification he would summon his self-determination to desire death because it would be justified. From the wrestling match with his pain, he lay down onto the mattress and barely moved. He was recovering at the time a lack of food and water for three days while surrendering to voices, sounds, and shadows during that entire time. There has been a cessation of dying, not that he no longer ponders over it, but because he doesn’t during the fragments of his sanity. All he re is Sean shuddering his body while preoccupied with the necessities of living and conforming to its requirements of currency to perpetuate his delusions. Yet Sean continues to supplement his life through the tyranny of influences that his dad agonizes with. The son notices his dad wearing a sweatshirt and jeans on top of the mattress in the living room soaked with urine before leaving for school. Sean cannot circumvent or navigate to its front door without conceding to what he observes. Not a word from Sean after he realized his dad was alive and coherent enough to signal; he is breathing. Sean have been around his dad long enough to know not to entangle himself with his father’s dilemmas. So, Sean tolerates time spent at the house implanted in his room only to leave to go to the bathroom or kitchen to eat. Sean took care of all the household responsibilities, including paying all the bills, only to interact with his dad for money to operate with his household duties. Whereas, he was only responsible for himself. However, his dilemma became a full-time undertaking—making his doctor’s appointments, hospitalizations, istering his medication, so he would get up from his soaked mattress and walk around the house until he could harness sleep. When the voices allowed him to peek through his agony and pain, it resembled the brief sanity he experiences when he thought about the relationship he never had after the age of seven. It gave him time to strip his mattress and scrub it until

it at least a try was attempted. Before his brief sanity faded, he was able to clean himself and appear presentable enough to hide imperfections of a delusional person who has been arrested by commands that are too many to obey. His brief sanity lasted long enough to distribute his attention to washing his clothes where he would only target the spots on the clothing that he wore and wash only where spots existed. He challenges the voices within his head for an answer by asking them “How much longer do you think I can live like this?” as he sits in silence as if he was expecting an audible response. During this period, he surrenders to any inclination it took to render a response. Now it is 4:30 in the morning, during the darkest part of the night and yet waiting to receive an answer. Tomorrow, he didn’t know what to expect and if an answer to his dilemma wasn’t reconciled with the voices in his head, then all hopes of a response would be lost. He then trapped enough energy to do research within the interiors of his mind to locate the genesis of his condition that have ruptured the continuity of his existence. He ed. He was in his twenties at his home on a sunny day when the trees were whistling in its natural habitat. He could hear birds from a distance and the roaring of cars as they steered through the neighborhood. Every now and again, he could hear people walking and their voices from a distant interrupted by laughter between their conversation. The blinds were open where he could view the houses across the street and trees and the sidewalk. He noticed that he hadn’t cleaned the living room windows in a long time while denying the brightness of the sun that would illuminate his living room and part of the stairwells, as he looked outdoors while trying to when was the last time he washed his windows. He didn’t , so he surmised his thoughts to compel him to wash the windows in the front of the house. It was a Saturday, so he compromises with his thoughts enough to toil with the idea of performing laborious tasks around the house. He would first start with the front windows because it was the culprit that was denying him full compensation from the sun. Afterwards, he continued his tasks of spring-cleaning his house because he manages to embezzle energy from the sun after cleaning the front windows. Meanwhile, Sean was sleeping, which he always does on Saturdays, because he reframes from requiring Sean any concrete responsibilities other than a store run for minor items that were to be consumed that same day. So, he realizes he must be as quiet as possible not to disturb and interrupt his sleep. He made sure of the

door to Sean’s room were shut so Sean wouldn’t hear him while he performs the task of spring-cleaning. Most people like to listen to music while performing various tasks around the house, but he couldn’t interrupt Sean’s sleep, so he denied himself this pleasure. He and Sean have practiced the ritual of eating breakfast together after Sean awakens on Saturdays ever since Sean was big enough to sit in a chair without any baby apparatus. Steve would always awaken early usually before Sean so that he could capture those moments of his supplanted ideas and plans or preoccupy himself with a mental itinerary of his agenda for the next day or next week when Sean is at school or after his release from what he always considered as prison and never enjoyed his job at the factory. He thought the recurrence of performing the same task day in and day out was draining his ability to be creative. After all, he worked the morning shift from seven in the morning to three thirty in the afternoon with a half an hour for superficial lunch. He always thought that the half an hour lunch was superficial because his supervision would from time to time ask questions whereas his lunch was shortening. He worked Monday through Fridays and off on the weekends, and he didn’t have any routine once he left work because it was his way of snubbing the routine work life. He would sometimes go home and watch movies on Netflix, or he would play some of the video games Sean owned, or he would take a nap because most of his friends worked the seconds shift for other companies and wouldn’t see them until later that evening if he was going to see them at all. And Sean was always involved at school with extracurricular activities and wasn’t much of a problem child. But this one Saturday morning while performing laborious task of springcleaning, he became dizzy and the room started spinning, and he became scared and started searching in his mind as to what could be happening. He wondered if time had caught up with him whereas he could not have late breakfast or wait for Sean to awaken, but they have always ate breakfast late, him and Sean. Then he did inventory of his body to determine maybe he had taken to sickness. Meanwhile, there was no one around to ratify his thoughts. As he tried to stand still, while trying to control himself from either fainting or falling, he concluded his inventory of himself and didn’t exhibit any of those obvious possibilities. He started thinking about his and Sean’s ritual of eating breakfast together, and they had plan to go shopping to buy winter clothes while they were yet on sale for the winter, knowing that he couldn’t honor any of those plans while he felt this way. He started mitigating possibilities of who he should call, and none of them seem

likely because he didn’t think it was that severe. So, he sat down in the chair in the dining room, which is next to the living room and the room he was cleaning at the time where he thought if he sat down perhaps the dizziness would subside. After about three minutes, he realized the inevitable and it didn’t subside. So he got up and he commenced to making a beeline to the couch in the living room and laid down and closed his eyes and dropped everything in his hand on the side of the couch and conceded to the couch where he remained the good part of the day. Meanwhile on the couch, he couldn’t resist the odor that permeated the living room. As he was preoccupied with the odor, he could hear his neighbors next door laughing and thought of why the laughter was sensitive to his ears After all, it was a beautiful day, and everyone who walked by appeared to be in a good mood. But it bothered him to the point to where he wanted to confront his neighbors and ask them why they were laughing so loud. It affected his concentration of trying to rid himself of the dizziness. In his mind, it appeared that they were laughing all day. Sean awakened and came downstairs without greeting his father in the living room and headed toward the dining room as if he was expecting to find breakfast on the dining room table because it had always been a family ritual he and his dad had started when he was a kid. Sean looked toward his dad with an expression that his dad seemingly could understand by the expression on his face and his dad immediately said, “Son, your dad isn’t feeling well today,” and went on to explain to Sean about an episode he encountered while spring-cleaning and the dizziness compelled him to lay down because the room appeared to be spinning. Sean seemed unsympathetic to his dad’s experience during springcleaning and headed toward the kitchen to find something to eat yet having not uttered a word to his dad. Sean found some cereal in the cupboards, and he went into the refrigerator to get milk for his cereal and sat both down at the dining room table then went back in the kitchen to get a bowl and spoon for his meager breakfast. Because on Saturdays in their home, the full breakfast was a hot meal on Saturdays and Sundays with no school or specific chores he would have to perform, so those were his days to relax. As he sat down at the dining room table, he spoke and said to his dad, “So we are not going shopping today like we planned?” And his dad responded, “No, son, I don’t think I will be able to do anything more today because I am still feeling dizzy.” So, Sean continued to eat in silence while his dad laid on the couch nurturing the dizziness he was feeling.

The next day, Mike came over, and he was still lying on the couch. Mike was looking through the screen door to see if anyone was home because he never calls to let his friend know he is coming over to visit, he just shows up. While Mike was at the front door looking through the screen, scanning the house to see if anyone was home, he looked to his right and saw his friend lying on the couch. So he knocked on the door and he looked up and saw Mike who beckoned him to come in because the son had left earlier to visit his friends because it was one of his free days that weekend. And when he left, he left the front door unlock, unafraid that a stranger would break in. The neighborhood was relatively safe and many families in the neighborhood had been living there long as he had and no one imposed upon each other’s space, but everyone knew who lived in the neighborhood. Mike asked him if he wanted to go with him to the flea market, which is a big event on Sundays because that’s when all the vendors are there with their wares. So, from time to time, they would go to the flea market in search of deals, eat lunch there, and occasionally find single women to meet. The two were known for going on double dates; that’s how he met Sean’s mother. Steve met his ex-wife at one of the flea markets in the city one day when he and Mike was looking for accessories for his house. Mike would tease him sometimes about his house not having anything on the walls, and that if he ever met someone and invited them over, they would think he was weird for not having anything on the walls in his house because it looked too plain and didn’t look like anyone really live there. Although, Steve thought it was fine because he justified it by being a bachelor who lives alone. So, Steve decided to heed Mike’s criticism and look for accessories at the flea market. While at one of the flea markets on Sunday, they stopped at one of the foods stands to buy lunch because that was part of the ritual at the flea market, and one of the attendants behind the counter was a lady name Stefani. When it was Steve’s turn to order, he placed his order then jokingly said, “You look like someone I know,” and she laughed and quickly replied, “Just like this cheeseburger you ordered, right?” And Steve said, “No, I didn’t mean it like that.” And she replied, “Yes, you did,” and Steve said, “Okay, but you have to work on a Sunday. I thought this is a fun day, to get away from the grind during the week.” And she replied, “Well, I’ve got to eat and have a roof over our head,” and Steve said, “You should have your man do the work on the weekends, and you have a

break.” She then said, “I don’t have a man. That’s why I work on weekends for myself.” At that time, Steve didn’t have anything to say, after all his corny pickup lines was limited, so he hesitated for a moment and smiled at her as if to say with his body language that he didn’t have anyone in his life either. Steve pickup his order and went to find a place to sit while Mike was still waiting for his order and on the phone, so he didn’t hear the conversation that Steve and Stefani had exchanged. After Mike was ready, he turned to look for Steve who was already at the table and went to sit down. The two started eating, and Steve said to Mike, “The lady who took our order was very friendly to me,” and Mike said, “She probably was friendly, so you would hurry the line.” So they laughed and Mike said, “Why don’t you go and get her number so you could at least call her? Maybe she will answer when you call,” and they both laughed again. While eating, Steve reached for his drink and suddenly ed he was distracted and forgot to order something to drink. He then told Mike that he forgot to order something to drink when he placed his order, and Mike said jokingly, “Awhhh…you are smooth. Forgot your huh, yeah right,” and Steve said, “No, we were talking, and I honestly forgot to order a drink when I placed my order while smiling.” So he got up from the table and went back to the counter, and she recognized him and said, “Oh, you’re back. You’re not going to tell me who and who not to have in my life again, are you?” And he said, “No, but I am going to ask you what is your name.” And she said, “Tell me yours,” and he said, “My name is Steve.” She said, “Steve. You don’t look like a Steve.” “Well, what’s your name?” She said, “Stefani,” and he said, “You look like a Stefani,” and she laughed and said, “Touché.” He said, “Stefani, I would like to order a Coke,” and then asked her if she always worked here on Sundays and Stefani replied, “I work on alternate Sundays,” so Steve then said, “Can I call you sometimes?”

She said, “Sure but only to talk because, to be honest with you, I’m not looking for any kind of relationship right now.” So Steve said, “Have you ever been to a wine tasting event?” She replied, “No. They have those around here,” and Steve replied, “Yes, but not around here. They have them on the north side at a place called Barney’s”—in case she wanted to research and see if there are truly a Barney’s on the north side. So Steve said, “I will take you, you will love it,” and she replied, “How do you know that I will love it?” while smiling at him. He replied, “Because most people who have gone have given good reviews.” Feeling a little more at ease and comfortable, Stefani took off her plastic gloves she had on from working behind the counter around food and reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone and said to Steve, “Give me your number and I will call you,” so Steve already had his phone out and just stared at it as if he was expecting something to jump out of the phone and his phone rang, and he automatically saved it under new s and typed Stefani’s name and reached into his pocket to pay for his drink. He looked at her with a big smile and reached for his Coke and told her he would call her later that week and she replied okay as she returned her phone back into her pocket and starting putting on her plastic gloves. Steve look back at her as if he had won the lottery and waved, and she waved back while smiling as if to say, “He doesn’t appear to be dangerous.” As Steve made it back to the table where he and Mike were sitting smiling and grinning, and Mike asked Steve, “You were over there a long time. Did you at least get her phone number?” And Steve, feeling overly confident in his conquest, said, “I did better than that. I not only got her number, but also a date.” And Mike replied, “Whaaaaattt you got a date,” and Steve replied, “Yes, we’re going to a wine tasting event on the north side.” “A wine tasting? Man, when have you ever been to a wine tasting, and when did you start drinking wine?” Mike said while laughing at Steve. “Man, all I saw you drinking is beer.”

This all happened on Sunday and on Wednesday after work, Steve called Stefani once he arrived home, and she didn’t answer, so Steve panicked and thought she may not be interested in him and was only being nice to him to get him to move the line at the counter or maybe she was just a friendly person; however, he was interested in meeting and spending time with her. So, he went into the kitchen to prepare something to eat and said to himself that he will call the next day. When he sat down to eat dinner, about thirty minutes later, Stefani called and he answered and they both greeted each other. Steve said that he had called earlier, and she responded that she was driving and she don’t answer her phone when she is driving. Steve was accommodatingly understanding, so Steve asked how was she doing and how was her day, and she answered, and Steve told her he wanted to be real honest with her and wanted to get to know her. She responded saying, “What is it that you want to know?” Steve responded by asking her if she was ever married and does she have children, and she said no to both questions. Then she asked him the same question and he said no. Steve then asked her what she do in her spare time, and she replied that she’s a member of the fitness center where she goes three to four times a week and that she goes to the movies with her girlfriends sometimes, outdoor concerts, and she likes outdoor events and reads a good book, mainly mystery novels. And Steve asked her if she likes going to art museums and science museums, so he didn’t reveal any vulnerabilities in his voice while still being overwhelmed that she called him. So she asked him if he works, like any decent woman would ask a man before anything she would commit to, and asked what kind of work he did and if he was happy with the work that he does. Steve replied by explaining what kind of work he does and that he didn’t enjoy it, but he worked there for so many years, he couldn’t just walk away unless he found something better. So, she understood to a point, being that it showed stability, but how could someone work at a job that they didn’t enjoy? That befuddled her about people. She didn’t ask him about his parents or if he lived with them; she just assumed he didn’t because he worked a full-time job. So she asked him if he grew up here in the city, and he replied yes, thinking that it was him who should be asking all of the questions as he smiled over the phone. So Steve asked her if she had any sisters or brothers, and she said that she was the only child but had many cousins and that some of them lives here in the city. He asked her if she grew up in the city as well, as she said yes, so they exchanged grade schools and high schools yet trying to gauge each other. So they talked for about forty-five minutes exchanging information about each other until Steve asked if she will be available for the wine tasting event, and she asked him when it was supposed to

take place, and Steve said that it’s on Saturday, but he didn’t know the exact time so, she told him to find out and let her know and Steve said he will call the next day. So they said their goodbyes on the phone and hung up. She was meanwhile intrigued about going to a wine tasting event because she thought it was original; and besides, she’s never been to a wine tasting event anyway. Steve immediately opened his laptop and went online to find out the schedules, cost, exact address, and if he needed to make reservations for this event. Because he had never gone to a wine tasting event either, he didn’t drink wine, but he heard one of the guys talking about to other coworkers, and it was the first thing that popped into his head when he was trying to impress Stefani. He found out all so he could relay to Stefani when he called the next day after work. The next day, while he was working, all he could think about was Stefani and the conversation they had over the phone and how pleasant it was to talk with her. So, Steve managed to get through work during his lost in thought over Stefani and the level of comfort he felt about taking her to the wine tasting event. So, Steve finished his shift and headed home so he could call her because he agrees with her about talking on the phone while driving, so he hurried home. Once he arrived home from work, he right away called Stefani not thinking about eating, which is what he usually does when he comes home from work. Stefani answered and they exchange greetings, and Steve explained to her about the event and the time of the event and she agreed to go with him, so he then asked for her address, and so she replied with a suggestion by having Uber pick them up because she said since they both would be drinking, and without hesitation, he said yes and that it was a great idea. So, she asked him if he had the Uber app, and he said no and that he never needed to use Uber. So she asked for his address and that she would order Uber and swing by and pick him up, and he said, “Only if you allow me to order Uber on the way back from the wine tasting event,” and she said, “But you don’t have Uber,” and he replied that he would the app before Saturday and so she said okay, and he gave her his address and they set the time so they would be on time for the event. She then asked him what type of attire was required, and he said very casual even though he didn’t actually know because he had never been to a wine tasting event either. He just saw the pictures of the ment on their website, and everyone was dressed very casually. So, they talked for a few more minutes and hung up, after agreeing to the itinerary for Saturday afternoon. Steve hung up the

phone in total euphoria with the chance of going on a date with Stefani and finding out more about her because what stood out about her more than anything when he first met her was her genuine spirit, and she was very easy to talk to not like other dates he had been on in the past. And the fact that she exhibited so much responsibility by suggesting they have Uber take them rather than chance it by drinking and driving, and that made her more appealing and intriguing to Steve. Steve is a jean-wearing kind of guy, but he did put on a nice shirt and a sports coat for the occasion. The day of their first date, Stefani called Steve to find out if he was ready before she ordered Uber to pick them up, and Steve said that he had been ready all day waiting. She laughed as if she could imagine this guy sitting down looking at the walls and looking at his watch as if there were major gaps in time from when he last looked at his watch. So, she said it will be about thirty minutes, and she will be at his house so they both hung up the phone. The moment had come when Stefani arrived at Steve’s house, and she rolled down her window and the Uber driver blew the horn as she scanned the neighborhood as if she was trying to get an idea of what kind of person Steve is. And Steve immediately came out of his house and slammed the front door so that it will automatically lock and walk down the steps of the house and got into the car, both smiling, as they looked upon one another. While they were leaving, Steve started explaining to Stefani about the neighborhood as if he was a tour guide, and she asked how long that he lived in the neighborhood and he said all of his life and that he had inherited the house after his mother had died, and she said that she was sorry to hear about his mom ing and then she asked him how his mother died, and he said, “We still don’t know to this day,” and that she died in her sleep. And she continued to learn more about him by asking him about whether he had brothers and sisters, and he said that he had a brother and a sister who both live out of state and that he didn’t see them very often but occasionally talk on the phone, and they came for his mom’s funeral with their families, and they didn’t want anything but sentimental items and left everything for him so he had been living in that house ever since. Stefani asked him about his dad, and he said that he divorced his mom when he was a teenager, so he didn’t see him that much after and he had moved out of state. At that time, she couldn’t help but show empathy for Steve. And Steve asked Stefani if she misses not having brothers and sisters, and she replied that she didn’t know because she didn’t have anything to compare it to, but she sometimes imagine what it would feel like. So, Steve replied, “Having an older

brother means you wear the clothes that he no longer wants,” and she laughed and said that she could handle that. Steve continued, “And then there’s sibling rivalry where we sometimes have heated arguments and Mom always made us make up and apologize to each other at the end, which was very humiliating,” and Stefani smiled as if she was imagining how she would feel in the same situation. They arrived at the wine tasting event, and as they were walking in, they were met by a host and she asked for their names and asked them if they were going to be paying by cash or charge, and Steve right away said cash and gave the host a one-hundred dollar bill while trying to impress Stefani. The host told them to wait until she returns with their change, and she rushed to the counter and exchanged the one-hundred dollar bill and then told them to follow her. And as they were walking, she encouraged them to first eat some hors d’oeuvres before they start tasting the many different wines and told them that they will receive a bottle on their way out of the choice of wine that they taste and enjoyed the most. Stefani and Steve started eating the hors d’oeuvres that was provided as they continued to get to know each other. After that they went on to taste the many different wines that were available and started with the white wines and the first glass of wine, the wine connoisseur explained all of the values of the type of grapes and what its dryness means, and when it was time to taste the wine, Steve turned up his glass as if he was drinking beer, because that was the only drink he would drink, and Stefani started laughing at him as if he was doing it on purpose and she then asked the wine connoisseur what was the proper way to drink wine before she took a sip of hers. After the wine connoisseur had shown them the proper etiquette, they moved on to taste the other white wines, and Stefani tasted the sauvignon blanc. She told Steve that she liked that one the best and that she didn’t like the sweet wine. And Steve said that most of them taste the same to him but was glad that Stefani found a wine that she liked so that he didn’t have to choose. They both took a break before they went on to taste the red wines and more hors d’oeuvres; after all, that’s what the host encouraged them to do while tasting the many different wines. They continued to talk and ask each other questions, and Stefani appeared to enjoy Steve’s company and she thought he was funny at times and she felt very comfortable around him as well as thought he was a decent man. As time went on, they both became very relaxed around each other

whether it was the wine or not. After they finish with their hors d’oeuvres, they went on to taste the red wines; however, this time they were attentive to the wine connoisseur as if they were going to be tested at some later date. They were at the wine tasting event for over three hours, and neither had looked at their timepieces or look at their cell phones as they enjoyed each other’s company. After they tasted the final wine for the event, Stefani texted Uber for a pickup, and before they left, the host greeted them and ask if they had enjoyed themselves and which wine they thought had the best taste for their palate, and Stefani said she liked the sauvignon blanc and the host responded great and if they would give her a moment, she will return with a bottle for them to take with them. The host returned with the wine in a beautiful small gift basket with a gift card discount for their next visit and asked that if they go online and complete the survey at their website, they would appreciate it. Steve said, “Of course, and we very much enjoyed our visit.” The host then asked whether they were a married couple, and Steve and Stefani looked at each other and laughed and said no, so the host said that they looked good together as a couple because when she saw them tasting the wine she thought how cute a couple they were. They thanked her for the service she exhibited and left to event. On the way home, they talked, and the Uber driver took Stefani to her house first and Steve replied, “Oh, this is where you live. It’s nice,” and that he heard that it was a nice, safe area. So, they both hugged but not kiss as she got out of the vehicle, and Steve told her he would call her, and she said okay and that she had a great time. As the door shut, the Uber driver proceeded to drive and Steve informed the driver to wait until she was inside before he drove off and the driver complied with his request and waited. Once she was inside and safe, the Uber took off and dropped Steve off at his house. One hour after she was inside, she called Steve and he answered, and Steve said that she wanted to make sure he got home safe, and he said yes, and she then said that she enjoyed the wine tasting event and his company. Steve said if it means that they can go out again, and she laughed and yes and that so far that he seems like a nice and safe person to hang out with, and he asked her if she was going to be at the flea market the next day because it was at the time a Saturday night, and she responded yes. Steve told he didn’t know if he would go or not, but he will let her know and said that he will at least call her. She said, “Okay, that’s fine,” and they both hung up. Steve started smiling as he reminisced about how the evening went and how

comfortable he was talking with Stefani and that he was thinking that she might be a keeper. The next day, Mike called him and asked what he was going to do that day, and Steve said he thought about going back to the flea market where Stefani works, but he wasn’t sure because he wanted to clean around the house and wash clothes. Steve asked Mike what was he going to do, and Mike said that he was going to the hall (Jehovah Witness), so Steve said okay. And then Mike interrupted him and asked how the wine tasting event turned out, and Steve said it went good and that he had fun with Stefani and that he felt really comfortable around her and that they laughed a lot, and he think that she maybe a keeper. Mike laughed and remarked that perhaps Steve had fallen in love. Steve couldn’t conjure up a response but to say that she is fun to be around. So Mike suggested next time they go out that they go on a double date so he could size her to form his opinion, and Steve replied that it would be a good idea as everyone get to know each other, thinking about Stefani and her being an only child, she could meet new people who are friendly and good people. So, they both hung up, and Steve began to clean the house and wash clothes. While cleaning the house, Steve thought he should call Stefani so she wouldn’t be expecting him. Steve called Stefani and she answered and told Steve she about to walk out the door on her way to work, and he told her that he wasn’t going to the flea market that day because he had things to do around house, and he wanted to complete them before the work week started. All the while she was thinking how conscientious he was, and she replied, “Okay, no problem,” and Steve asked if he call her when she was off work and she said yes, and he replied okay and they both hung up. Later that evening, when Steve thought Stefani would be off work and home, he called her and she answered. He asked him how was work, and she said it was busy and there were a lot of people there because they were raffling off prizes from some of the vendors so she thought it was busy because of the raffle. And she then asked him how was his day and if he had finished cleaning his house and washing clothes, and he said yes and that it was more exhausting cleaning and washing than at his job. She laughed and said, “Well, you have a big house to clean,” and she knew it couldn’t be easy cleaning it by himself. And Steve slyly said yes and that’s why he needed someone to help him and she laughed again, and told him to keep hope alive, and they both laughed. Steve mentioned to her about his friend Mike wanting to go on a double date with the two of them and he and his girlfriend and Stefani thought that would be a great idea. So, Steve responded good and he was glad she didn’t mind going on a double date

after all they had just met, but he was thinking about her and being the only child that it would be good for her to know new people. Then Steve caught himself and how he was thinking by having the audacity to think what was best for Stefani as if she was his girlfriend already. So, she said, “I will plan the next outing since you planned the first one,” and Steve replied, “Okay, that would be good,” and that she set it up and he will inform Mike. So, Steve asked Stefani generic questions like what she wants to be doing in three years and what does she want to accomplish for herself. And she replied that she wanted to at least attend a junior college and work toward becoming a teacher and that if she started at a junior college it would be easier to transfer over to a university and get a degree in teaching because she always wanted to be a teacher and that she like kids, so she wants to teach either first or second grade. And then she asked him and he said he wanted to move up in his job to supervisor or at least foreman and that he didn’t have a timeline, but he wanted to have a serious relationship with someone, but he said he didn’t want to scare her off and that he eventually want to get married and have children because he wasn’t the hang-out type and that he didn’t want to have a lot of onenighters because he didn’t want to catch something where there wasn’t a cure for. She interrupted and agreed with him and said that’s why she is reluctant to go out with so many guys and said that he wasn’t scaring her off because she always wanted a family as well and always wondered what it would be like. It was obvious at this time it was love at first sight. Steve told her he wanted to settle down because he has a career and a home and that he wasn’t the kind of person who enjoys go out to clubs all night because he always hear of something bad at clubs, so he tries to avoid those kinds of events, and she said that she had been to some and they are okay sometimes as long as she feels safe. And she told Steve that she wanted a serious relationship as well, but she did not want to think about marriage until she attained a degree so that she would have something dependable where she and her mate could build on. So, Steve changed the subject and asked her if she knew how to swim and she said yes and why, and he said maybe they could go to the beach sometime and she said why not and that she loves the water and being out onto the beach. And so, they talked in that same vein of conversation for about two hours until Steve surrendered and told her he needed to get up early for work and that he would call her after work on tomorrow, and they both hung up. After they hung up, Stefani started thinking about what they had talked about and how Steve came across to her as a stable man that knew what he wanted, how much they had in

common, how she found him pleasant to talk with, and how he made her laugh, so she smiled as she turned on the television to watch a movie. She was thinking she didn’t want to tell her parents until she felt that it was serious enough to introduce him. She then thought while the television was looking at her, this guy has her thinking about him as if they are already in a serious relationship as she smiled to herself and continued to watch her movie. Meanwhile, Steve went to his kitchen to prepare lunch for work and thinking that his mom would have loved to meet Stefani and thinking about her responses toward the future and how she wanted to finish school and her love for children and continued to preoccupy his mind with all of the possibilities of what Steve and Stefani’s future would look like as he drifted off to sleep. Steve and Stefani didn’t talk to each other via phone all week. They just left messages on each other’s phones because both were settling into their routine for the week, so Steve didn’t purposefully talk to her because he wanted to gauge how he felt about after not talking with a few days, and Stefani’s attitude was that she didn’t want to appear like she was chasing him down or that she was desperate for a relationship so she felt what will happen will happen. Finally that Thursday Steve called Stefani a little later that evening, so he wouldn’t have to leave a message and she answered sounding excited as if she was happy he called and how she missed talking to him and said that she received his messages on the phone, but she didn’t want to call late because she knew he had to arise early for work and didn’t want to be intrusive. Steve right away said that he had missed her and missed talking to her and asked how she was doing, and she said that Monday she enrolled in the junior college and the semester starts in two weeks and how she was excited. He responded by saying that he wasn’t sure she was that serious about going to college or whether it was a wish for her. And she told him it was in the process all the time that’s why she was working on Sundays at the flea market, so she could save extra monies so she didn’t have to work as many hours while in school and that her mom agreed to pay for her classes and books, but she has to pay for her living expenses. Steve was elated by the pitch in his voice when he told her he was happy for her and congratulated her for being accepted into college. So she asked him what he had been up to, and he responded that he just worked all week and that he had an uneventful week because he stayed around the house and expressed to her that he doesn’t usually do much on weekdays but work and go to the grocery store if he needed something because sometimes he works overtime so he has been in a habit of not indulging in social activities unless it was something special going

on like a sports game or something like that. And she asked him what kind of sports did he like and he said he likes all sports, but if he attended a game, it would be either basketball, football, or baseball and the home team would have to be playing against a very good matchup for him to buy tickets and attend at the stadium or he would just watch them on television, and he then asked her which sports were her favorite and she said that she didn’t understand any of it so she don’t have a favorite. He reassured her that he would invite her over so they can watch a good game, and he would explain play by play, and she laughed and said he will be her personal announcer and teacher of sports. He said of course and she laugh again, and after talking with one another for about an hour and a half, Steve inquired as to when they were going out again and if she ed that he mentioned the possibility of a double date, and she acknowledged that she ed and said that she will think of something and get back to him and said she would plan something for the following weekend, and Steve asked if they were going to see each other before then, and she responded that she was hoping they will, and he asked her if she wanted to come over Friday night for dinner, and she said she won’t have time for dinner, but if he wanted, she could come over and they have lunch together and he right away said okay because she was thinking dinner at his house was too intimate for a second date, so she settled for lunch. He asked her if she was vegetarian because he didn’t know how to cook vegetarian food, and she said no and suggested that they cook something together and he asked her what kind of meat he should pick up from the store and if she liked fish and seafood, and he said he can eat just about anything. Stefani suggested he pick up salmon and shrimp and some vegetables and he said that he had potatoes, vegetables, rice, and pasta already and she said that’s okay. Afterwards, they finished their conversation and hung up and didn’t speak with each other until that Saturday morning. That next day after work, Steve stopped by the grocery store to pick up the items that Stefani suggested and ed she liked sauvignon blanc and wanted to impress her and show that he paid attention to her favorite wine, and he bought himself beer because he didn’t want to appear superficial as if he drank wine all the time, and he bought petite cupcakes for their desert and went home. He was able to call at his usual time to let her know he was thinking about her via message on the phone. That next morning, Steve awakened and went downstairs for breakfast and prepared himself a small bowl of cereal because he knew he would be eating a

full meal later that day. So he ate and then started straightening up his home, and while cleaning up, Stefani called to confirm their lunch date and concurred. She asked him what he was doing and he said straightening up the house, and she laughed and said, “It seems like you are always cleaning house,” and she couldn’t wait to see it and he right away lowered the expectations of his house and said that it’s always something to be done in a house, so he paces himself by focusing on areas at a time. She laughed and said okay, so she said she will see him soon and they both hung up the phone. Stefani drove in her car and arrived at Steve’s house, walked up the stairs, and knocked on the door; and as she knocked on the door, Steve’s next-door neighbor was looking out their front window and saw Stefani in surprise because they had not seen women come over to Steve’s house in a long time and was happy to see he had met someone. She stopped by the florist on the way to buy a simple bouquet of flowers since it was her first invitation to Steve’s house. Steve came to the door and opened it and right away gave Stefani a warm hug and invited her in and gave him the bouquet of flowers, and he immediately took them into the kitchen and left them on the counter to come back and put them in a vase. Stefani stood by the door and viewed his house as much as she could see from standing where she was and asked Steve to show her around. Steve first showed her the upstairs and opened all the bedroom doors so she could see because he usually have the doors closed to the rooms that he doesn’t use, and everything was clean and fresh-smelling and showed her his bedroom as well, then the bathroom, and then they went downstairs and he went into the dining room and showed her the other bathroom, which was off from the dining room, and lastly, the kitchen. She laughed and said, “So this is where all of the magic happens,” and he said only to the point where it is eatable and won’t get sick, and she started laughing. So they started pulling out all the items they were going to need to prepare their meal while talking and asked if she wanted a glass of wine while they were preparing their meal because he was going to have himself a beer, and she asked him if he had white wine, and he said, “Yes, the one that you like,” and she smiled as an approval of his attention to detail while further being assured that he might be the one but to tread circumspectly before total surrender. They then discussed divvying up the chef and sous chef responsibilities as they prepared for lunch. As they prepared their lunch, they talked and laughed both being comfortable with one another and not impoon any new demands on

intimacy. One of Steve’s responsibilities was to set the table while she was putting the finishing touches on their meal, and Steve ed to put the flowers in a vase and sat the vase on the dining room table while setting the table. Steve set the table so that they would face each other as they ate. Stefani started filling the plates with food that they had prepared and then they sat down, and before they ate, Stefani looked at Steve as if she was waiting for Steve to initiate prayer before they ate. So Steve picked up on it right even though he doesn’t usually pray over his food before eating, but he did his mom always praying before they ate. So, Steve was able to conjure up a short prayer and then they began to eat. Stefani made a comment about Steve not saying his prayers before he ate, and Steve itted he knew better, but living alone it’s not automatic for him because he usually grabs and eats; and she understood it as perhaps a bachelor thing, so she didn’t dwell on it and they continued to eat and talk as if they had known each other for years. After they finished eating, Steve initiated the responsibility of washing the dishes, and Stefani cleared the dining room table. Later, they sat down at the dining room table because Stefani took the perspicacious approach to their intimacy by not wanting to send the wrong signals and become too intimate, being that they only met a short time ago. So, they continued to talk and learn more about one another until Stefani decided it was time for her to leave. Steve thank her for the flowers again and gave her a fond hug and she left. It was Steve who called Stefani this time to make sure that she returns home safe and without incident. Stefani acknowledged his thoughtfulness while continuing to feel giddy about her prospects of a serious relationship. Steve grew even more fond of Stefani out of the respect for herself she commanded during her visit to Steve’s house. Stefani reminded Steve while they were talking that she may not be available to go out as much as she would like because now that she has enrollment in college and her job; she knows she won’t be able to do anything during the week and for him not to think that she is ignoring him, and Steve thought to himself—she is someone who has her priorities right, so he said that he understood and that if she didn’t answer her phone, he would leave a message and encouraged her to focus on her schooling because its important, and it was her future and that he didn’t want to impede upon her time. So they talked some more and Steve further engaged her about her studies, and she excitingly explained the courses she enrolled in. Steve could tell that she was motivated, and by the way she explained her courses, she had been thinking about for a long time.

And they both hung up and Steve didn’t hear her voice or see her after leaving messages for about a week where their relationship pretty much went dark from not hearing from her, and finally, she called on a Sunday and Steve answered the phone and appeared excited to hear from her. They exchange “hellos and how are you,” and she said she was on her way to work at the flea market and asked if he was planning to come. He said he wasn’t sure because he was waiting on a delivery driver to deliver a washer and dryer that he purchased and this day was the only time that it could be delivered based on the driver’s schedule and during the week the store is closed by the time he returns from work. She asked him whether he purchased it on sale, or if he bought it at a regular price while trying to gage how he spends money, and Steve responded that he never buys anything at regular price and is always looking for bargains for necessities. And she replied fondly for his instinctive prowess. Stefani said that if he has time to stop by the flea market and he said if he comes, he will call her first to see if she is still there, and she said okay and they both hung up. Meanwhile, Steve was thinking about a missed opportunity if he didn’t come to the flea market, but he knew the painstaking process it took to secure a delivery time, so he said to himself that he will have to touch base with her later and that he hoped she would understand. After the delivery was made, which was later that afternoon, he called Stefani and she had already completed her shift at the flea market and was at home, so she answered and was elated that Steve had called her and told him that she had missed him at the flea market, but she understood. Steve told her that he missed her as well and would like to see her soon, and she right away told Steve that next Sunday she was off work and didn’t have to work that weekend. Steve replied great and wanted to leave that Sunday open for them so they could be together, and she said, “Okay, will do,” because on Saturday she has devoted that time for cleaning, shopping, and her running around time now that she has classes during the week, and she devotes her weekday for classes and studying. So now they have something to look forward to. While on the phone, Steve inquired as to which one of them were going to plan for next Sunday, and right away, Stefani said that she would and that she will call him either Thursday or Friday and let him know. They continued to talk about everything more about each other, like college life, work, and things they both enjoy doing. Steve then asked her if she has been receiving his messages, and she said yes and it’s good to know someone is thinking about herself and said that it’s very encouraging to her while she is studying. After talking and laughing for over two hours, they

both hung up. From the conversations that Steve had with Stefani, he really begun to miss her while anxious to see her at their next planned date. Stefani called as promised and asked Steve if he would like to go to the museum and that they have an Egyptian exhibit on display, and he said yes and that he re the ment on television and it looked very interesting. She said, “Well, you will be able to see where some of the pharaohs’ tombs and ancient history,” and he thought it was a great idea. And before she could say anything else, Steve didn’t want to miss his opportunity to finance their date so he said to her he will pick her up and she said, “Okay, sounds good.” Again, it will give him an opportunity for her to know more about him and he about her, so they agreed upon a time for her to be picked up, and they both hung up. He was reminiscing how their conversations are so lively with talking and laughing and how he is becoming more attached to having her in his presence to the point of obsession, all the while thinking that she is the one. That Sunday, Steve picked up Stefani at her place. She looked out of her window and saw Steve. She gestured that she was ready and would come out while being excited that she didn’t have to work, and no studying that day, and finally she and Steve can be together because she was having mutual feelings about him without revealing her zeal for his presence. They arrived at the museum and park, and when both were out of the car, Steve reached for Stefani’s; and when he did that, she looked into his eyes as if she was discerning his heart and smile as if she understood his intentions. Meanwhile, Steve grasped because he didn’t want to be perceived as too forward and exhibited a sigh of relief that she did not reject his gesture, and they went into the museum holding hands. Once they were in the museum, Steve released her hand as if to say that she is safe now, and Stefani picked up the brochure. They proceeded to survey the various exhibits, saving the Egyptian exhibit for last and after they had lunch. They both appeared to be in their element of comfort as they both asked the tour guide of various exhibits an astute analysis of the exhibits that they seemed more interested in. What’s more, they seemed to be immensely enjoying each other’s company throughout their time at the museum. On the way home, they stopped for coffee and an excuse for them to be together longer because for Steve it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask her over to his house or to hers, and for the time being, they would meet only in public places while postponing any time to be intimate with each other even though they often would hold hands, but Steve

didn’t want to jeopardize any opportunity of her being a “keeper” in his life. He wanted to take it slow despite his inner desires so that he wouldn’t appear as a “dog in heat” as he continued to know her. Steve and Stefani continued to have public rendezvous as their love for each other grew. He would go to her house at times for dinner and she visits him at his house while setting boundaries for themselves to just making out, public displays of affection, and intimate hugs where no sex was involved. They both had that much respect for one another, and they enjoyed each other’s company that they approached their relationship as “not wanting to interrupt what they had” for the fear of ruining a great relationship without complicating with sex at that time. Although the desire was there for both, but they were both seeking something long-term and not immediate gratification. And they both felt that, that what made their relationship different and special. It seemed like every time Mike would call Steve about an event, he had plans with Stefani and he quickly realized that he and Stefani had developed a very serious relationship. So not to be the third wheel, Mike would ask Steve about double-dating, and Steve would reply soon and that he would inform when the time comes. One day, Steve thought that their relationship had been going on for quite a few months now and he thought of proposing to her. Then he thought that it would be a great time to invite Mike and his girlfriend. Steve came up with this creative idea as if he was trying to create something he had seen in a movie; nevertheless, he thought that he would invite Stefani, Mike, and his girlfriend to Rollerblade along the lake, knowing that Stefani never mentioned about Rollerblading and thought it would be original and also invite Mike and his girlfriend since Mike was always hounding him about going on a double-date. Steve had this imagination of the four of them going Rollerblading because along the lakefront there was a place where one could rent Rollerblades. In Steve’s mind, he thought that they would go Rollerblading because he knew how to Rollerblade, and he and Mike went from time to time. Steve thought that while he was Rollerblading and showing Stefani how to Rollerblade and if she fell, he would pick her up; and while picking her up, he would pretend to fall and grab her while he was still on the ground and attempted to get and land on his knees and propose to her. That became Steve’s plan, so he told Mike for him and girlfriend to Rollerblade close to him and Stefani because he had a surprise. Mike was thinking that perhaps they were going to all Rollerblade holding hands or Rollerblade in a snake fashion so that satisfied his curiosity and besides their Rollerblading what more could it be.

The day came when Steve planned for him and Mike to double-date to go on their much talked about Rollerblading along the lake. Stefani thought it was exciting because she had confirmed that she never been Rollerblading before and if she had protective gear that she was in. Steve coordinated the transportation because he knew where everyone lived and wanted to make it as less complicated as possible because it was going to be a big day for him or at least he was hoping it would be. After he picked up everyone from just two stops, because Mike and his girlfriend were over Mike’s house, so that made it easy with coordinating the pickups. He first picked up Stefani, and they were talking while he was driving to pick up Mike and his girlfriend. Stefani asked if he had protective gear for her in case she fell, and Steve explained to her that when they rent the Rollerblades they provide protective gear automatically and that she didn’t have anything to worry about and that the area where they are going the ground is smooth and design so that people can Rollerblade as well as walk, jog, or even ride their bikes and that the area has a designated path for bicyclists so that it wouldn’t interfere with Rollerblades. By this time, they arrive at Mike’s place, and he honked his horn and the two of them came out. As they got into the car, Mike introduced his girlfriend to Stefani because Steve already knew her, so he greeted her. They made it to the lakefront. Steve had to park a block away because there were “no parking” signs everywhere along the lake and was for pedestrians only. So, they parked and got out of the car and proceeded to the lakefront toward the Rollerblades and then suggested that they go near the water first and said that they didn’t have to Rollerblade that soon. Steve panicked and thought that Mike could potentially mess up his plans, so he reluctantly agreed, and they went near the water both. Steve and Stefani were holding hands while Mike was walking while hugging his girlfriend around her shoulders. The four of them stood by the water talking until it was no longer bearable to withstand the fish smell emanating from the water. So, they went to rent their Rollerblades where Steve paid for Stefani and Mike paid for his girlfriend. Steve made sure he had protective gear as she received her Rollerblades and her protective gear while looking over at Steve smiling and thinking that she didn’t have to ask him to ensure he didn’t forget protective gear for her. And as Stefani was putting on her Rollerblades, Steve reassured her they he was going to be by her side and not to be afraid of falling because if she did, the protective gear will prevent her from injuries, and she looked at Steve and smiled as if to say that she trust him and felt safe. The Rollerblade event started out very slow because

Stefani had to first learn how to stand up and then walk with her Rollerblades on, and Steve appeared very patient with her efforts at the same time thinking about his moment of truth when he would propose to her. About an hour into Stefani’s initial training for Rollerblading, she wanted to sit down at the bench nearby for a moment and rest, so they rested and returned to her training by Steve. Later, Steve suggested that Stefani try and Rollerblade without his assistance and reassured her he would be by her side while anxiously anticipating his moment of truth. As Stefani tried to Rollerblade on her own, she began to move her legs but didn’t go anywhere, and she started laughing while everyone laughed along with her and then Steve suggested that she bend her body a little forward as he demonstrated. She tried and then Steve told her to try and move her to pick up one leg and try and move with the other so she did and was able to move a little as her entire body animated as if her body was a slinky, so Steve grabbed her arm and asked if she was okay, and she said yes. So he encouraged her to repeat the process and encouraged her to try and move a little faster so that she could keep her balance, and she tried to focus on his instructions and move a little faster and she did for a while until she tried to Rollerblade as if she was a seasoned Rollerblade and that’s when she fell. Steve right away went to her rescue and implemented the plan in his mind. As he went to assist Stefani with getting off the ground, he pretended that he was about to fall; and while helping Stefani up, he positioned his knees as Stefani was erect and went into his pocket and pulled out a small black box and opened it and proposed to Stefani. It caught her off guard that her body was performing as if it was a slinky trying to stay on her feet and keep her balance, she started screaming and everyone nearby stopped with expressions of not looking for a catastrophic event on a beautiful day at the lake. When everyone around realized what was happening, they all started clapping, and Stefani looked down at Steve and said yes as her eyes filled with tears of joy and even Mike’s girlfriend started tearing up. Meanwhile, the people who were near and around came and congratulated them on a beautiful moment in their lives. This was the first time that they had kissed each, and both seemed to be overjoyed that they could now show their affection for each other. Steve stood up as she tried to help him this time, and he asked her if they wanted to continue Rollerblading. She said that she wanted to go and walk with him by the water, so they turn in their Rollerblades while Mike and his girlfriend continue to Rollerblade, and they walked along the lakefront near the water. Stefani clung to Steve and kissed him again and told him it was one of the most surprisingly

happiest day of her life, and he smiled and said that he wanted to propose to her after they first met because he knew she was the one in his heart and that he always felt good and happy around her and that he always anticipated the time when they went out on dates. She said that she felt the same way but didn’t want it to seem too obvious, and they both laughed. And then Stefani said that she became even more fond of him because he didn’t try to rush things and was never inappropriate with her and never tried to force sex upon her, and she really appreciated him for that. He replied that he didn’t want to complicate things by having sex before the proper time and that he enjoyed her laughter and conversation so much. Stefani looked at him and smiled and asked if he wanted to know a secret and he said yes, and she said that she fell in love with him while they were at the wine tasting event, and she thought that he was authentic and was intrigued by him. They both stopped walking and looked at each other as if they both won the lottery and hugged and kissed each other. Later, they went to find Mike and his girlfriend so they could find somewhere to eat. After Stefani and Steve were engage, they became inseparable, and Steve began to see less and less of Mike during Steve’s free time and Mike would touch base with Steve to hear from and to find out how he and Stefani was doing. Although Mike understood that Stefani might have much of his attention, he still wanted to go to the ball games like they did in the past. However, from time to time, both Steve and Mike went on double dates with their fiancée and girlfriend. What’s more, Mike’s girlfriend had known him much longer than Steve knew his fiancée so she began to feel left out of the possibility of being engaged to Mike. The two women became close like sisters, however, Stefani had close friends before she met Steve and continued to have them up and until this day. Stefani and Steve begun to plan when and where they were going to get married. One day while they were planning their wedding, Stefani looked at Steve and he stopped talking and told Steve that she didn’t want a big wedding because they both weren’t in the best relationship with their parents, and Steve’s mother was not here so Steve replied that he was fine with it, but who could they get to marry them? Stefani mentioned the pastor at the church that she visits sometime, and Steve was a little taken back because she never mentioned that she attended church, but not surprised that she attended just that she never mentioned it all the time that they knew one another. Steve said okay and asked Stefani what kind of church it was, and she said that it was a nondenominational church and said that she thinks he would like it and then she asked him if he likes to attend and meet the pastor. Before he responded, he inhaled and then exhaled and looked at her

as if she was looking into his soul and out of guilt. He said that he hadn’t been to church in a long time, and he did attend growing up when his mom was alive. Steve paused and then said to Stefani as recalled the last time, he told her that he doesn’t attending church since his mother died. Stefani said okay then as she smiled as if at that moment, she had turned into a disciple ushering a lost sheep. Steve agreed to attend, and they continued planning their wedding and how many people and if they were going to have it at the church or not. Stefani suddenly grabbed Steve by the arm, looking like she had an epiphany, and touched his face with both of her hands and brought him closer and kissed him and said, “Let’s have our wedding vows take place at that place where we went to the wine tasting event.” Steve had a big smile on his face because that’s where he planted the seed of romance at that same event and was glad that it meant so much to her and said to Stefani it was a great idea, and then thought if the pastor would go along with it, and Steve said that if the pastor didn’t approve it that they would get Mike to perform the wedding, and they both burst out laughing. Stefani said, “Let’s wait until we visit the church and you meet him, and then we could ask him.” And then Stefani said that she ed other weddings that he performed when they put all the announcements on the screen and couples had their weddings at different places. And then she said that it was probably expensive to conduct weddings at the church because they would have to hire staff to do the behind-the-scenes work and because of the size it could be costly. Stefani and Steve agreed that after they were married that Stefani would move into his home because it was already paid for, so they wouldn’t need to have unnecessary expenses starting off in their marriage and because Stefani was still in college. However, Stefani insisted upon redecorating the house to make it a little cozier and to look like people lived there. When Steve’s mother died, he made changes to his house only to make it have a bachelor appearance where it was plain and lacking any kind of theme other than a place to eat, a place to sit, and a place to sleep. Steve was all for that idea and encouraged change even though he had always wanted to do it anyway but never got around to it other than keeping it as clean as he could. Between Stefani’s college coursework, her working part-time, and her time with Steve, they had full schedules, so they had to actually plan when they were going to the church that Stefani had suggested but knew that they both had to make

time and so they did. Steve would always drive when he and Stefani were together figuring that was the manly thing to do because her father was neither around or too drunk to teach him about those things, and he ed some of the things his mother taught him on what and what not to do in life experiences. They went to church and was greeted by friendly ushers who escorted them to a place to sit as the church service begin. Someone came out from the back with a mike and started praying, and Steve thought the prayer was unusually long because it sounded like the prayer leader prayed about everything as Steve was looking around survey the sanctuary. Both Steve and Stefani were moved by the praise and worship service, and Steve was thinking that he hadn’t experienced that before when he went with his mom to church. And then the pastor stood up and began to speak and he spoke about “loving your neighbor as yourself” and further spoke about how much Jesus loved us, and Steve noticed while the pastor spoke, he spoke with so much comion and sincerity that it aroused his reflection on some of things he was taught while attending church with his mother and thought how she would have enjoyed attending this church, which made him feel good. After the church service, they were starting to leave, and strangers would come up to them and hug them or shake their hand as if they were family ; and when they reached the lobby, Stefani saw the pastor off to the right side of the lobby and right away pulled Steve and pointed with her eyes trying not to appear too obvious that there was the pastor and that they should go and meet him and so they did. The pastor was obviously a hugger after they introduced themselves. He gave both a warm hug as if they were his children. Right away, the pastor asked them if it was their first time there and if they enjoyed the service, and they both responded that they enjoyed the service and Stefani said that she had attended many times before, but it was her fiancé’s first time. And the pastor responded cordially and with sincerity that he hopes both come back and perhaps make it their hope church if they are looking for a place to worship God. And Stefani told the pastor that she always felt that this was her home church that’s why she invited her fiancé to come to the service and hoping that they could meet him and then ask the pastor if he would be willing to marry them. The pastor suddenly held up his arms with a big smile and said congratulations and then yelled out to the people who were yet in the lobby that they’re getting married, and the people in the lobby shouted congratulations, and everyone

started clapping like they had known Stefani and Steve for a long time. Then the pastor said that he would be honored to and that he enjoys much more bringing people in holy matrimony because it’s an honor to God as well. The pastor said that he didn’t have his calendar to confirm the date that they had set, but they can call the church and confirm the date with his assistant. He also mentioned to them that he also wants them to set an appointment so that he could meet with them prior to marrying them. Steve and Stefani agreed, so the pastor informed them that his assistant will go over everything with them because she handles all his appointments. The pastor congratulated them again as he hugged them told them that he hopes to see them back at church before they are married, and they both said that they really enjoyed the service and hope to return. Steve and Stefani left the church property happy as a lark and excited that it worked out for them, which took a lot of pressure on them as to who were going to marry them, and they agreed that they would find out if they could have their wedding at the wine tasting location. The date for the wedding was confirmed by both at the wine tasting location and with the pastor who they found out didn’t mind performing the ceremony at that location in fact he also thought it was romantic after they told him why they picked that place to be married. Steve and Stefani both agreed to tone down the bells and whistles for their wedding and invite close friends and Stefani’s mom would be invited but wouldn’t be disappointed if she didn’t attend. However, they made several attempts to find and invite the host who were at the wine tasting event until the manager gave in and told them her schedule after reminding them of her name because the way he figured was that these were satisfied customers who wanted to extend a good gesture, so he disregarded all of the workplace protocols so that they could invite the host that worked that night on their first date. The location was designed to have other venues at that location, so it wasn’t a problem with securing the place. The day of the wedding, Mike’s girlfriend was responsible for picking up Stefani and ensuring that she made it to the location, and Mike was responsible for picking up Steve and ensuring that he made it to the location where he and Stefani were to be married. Stefani arrived much earlier to the place than Steve where she was able to spend some time with her closest friends and not be seen by Steve until they wed. The plan was after they were married, they would go to Cancun at an all-inclusive resort for a week and the following week have the movers bring all of her belongings to Steve’s house and put most of the furniture and boxes in the empty rooms until they decided what they were going to donate

and keep when they redecorate the house. Stefani’s landlord didn’t make a big deal about her breaking her lease because he ed how nice she was to him and always paid her rent on time and never had any problems, and he was thinking that he wouldn’t have any problems renting it out anyway because of the location and congratulated her on being married and a newlywed. The pastor performed the wedding, and the women who were in attendance cried with tears of joy, and the decorations and location made it so intimate and special. In the invitation to the invitees, they requested that if they wanted to give a gift that they would prefer gift or money cards. In today’s world, ing at large department stores are not as popular, and people prefer gift card or money cards as gifts and the givers prefer it as well. The pastor stayed around after the wedding until the party started then he and his wife left after they said their goodbyes. Mike had friend of a friend provide the music, and Stefani and Steve purchased all of the drinks from that location and they also paid for the hors d’oeuvres. It was obvious it wasn’t a get-stupid-drunk type of event because the ambiance didn’t afford that type of behavior, so everyone who were in attendance exhibited their best manners. Steve and Stefani had arranged for a hotel near the airport, and Steve brought their luggage in Mike’s and his girlfriend’s cars when they picked them up, so they didn’t have to scramble to catch their flight. Steve and Stefani had already prepaid for all the arrangements so they didn’t have the laborious task of figuring out what was what so that they would reduce the stressors of their big day. They rented the venue from 4:00 to 8:00 p.m., and the wedding ceremony took thirty-five to forty minutes, so they had plenty of time to take pictures and entertain their guests. Everyone had a great time and was told to give Mike all the gifts and they did as the event on. Amazingly, Steve and Stefani didn’t have anything to worry about as Mike and his girlfriend took care of everything during the event. Stefani and Steve made it a point to spend time with the host and reminisced how that was their first date, and they ed how kind and friendly she was, and they wanted her to be a part of their celebration. The host was excited that they ed her and was glad they ed her and felt honored. After the pictures and party, everyone left and Mike and his girlfriend took them to their hotel in his car, and when they got to the hotel, the bellman took their things to their room, and Mike and his girlfriend had already paid for the room as a gift to them. And when they got to their room and opened the door, there were balloons and champagne on ice, and as they were about to enter, the

doorman blocked the doorway and said, “You two go in first.” Mike shouted out, “Don’t forget to carry her across the threshold,” and Steve looked back and laughed as if he already knew about that marriage tradition and carried her across the threshold. Mike said, “Okay, now let’s have some champagne.” Mike and his girlfriend stayed for about an hour performing inventory of their plane tickets, itinerary for Cancun, ports, in case he had to go back to their places and get anything, but they had everything and they all had another drink and said their goodbyes, and Mike and his girlfriend left. That night they consummated their marriage and woke the next morning greeting each other as Mr. and Mrs. Spencer. The two went to have breakfast while holding hands and smiling at one another and found that Mike and his girlfriend had paid for breakfast as well, and after they ate, they went back to the room to gather their things and the hotel shuttle took off to the airport and dropped them off so that could board their flight to Cancun. After they boarded the plane and it took off the first thing, they ordered beer and wine and they toasted. Their honeymoon began. They drank and talked about their plans and talked about the wedding event and their consummation. It was a lot of laughter, and the flight attendant went up to them and asked if they were on their honeymoon and that she could tell because the two of them look so happy together. And the flight attendant offered them more drinks, and they accepted both knowing it was a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. Steve and Stefani landed in Cancun, and the resort shuttle bus was waiting for them with signs held up with the name “The Spencers” on it. The shuttle took them to the resort, and the welcoming parties were waiting for with teal-colored margarita drinks and mariachi band playing in the background. They were still a little woozy from all the drinks they had on the plane, so they drank the tealcolored margaritas while they listened to the mariachi band before checking in. Once they checked in, they both agreed that they had to eat before they did anything else so sober enough to walk around and observe everything so they can get an idea of what they were going to indulge in. After they had eaten, they walked around and had an idea of what they wanted to do while there. They indulged themselves with more drinks and went back to their room and indulged themselves in the whirlpool, had music from the television playing, laughed, and talked throughout the night before making love and falling asleep. During the week of their honeymoon, they went on tours, boat rides, swam, ate at many of the restaurants, as well as visited many of the clubs and bars at the

resort. Stefani didn’t have to worry about college because they went while she was on a two-week school break so it wouldn’t interfere with her studies. And Steve was glad to take time off from work because he had years of vacation saved up and never took a vacation from his job before. So, it was a double treat for him whereas he is newly married to the woman he fell in love with, and he didn’t have to worry about getting up going to work for an entire two weeks. After the two return home from their honeymoon, reality hit and Stefani had to move her things out of her apartment, and they had to make sure there are enough space to house all the things that were in her apartment. They returned home Monday evening, and they slept at the house as Mr. and Mrs. Spencer. That next day, Steve awakened to the smell of breakfast that aromatized the entire house. He at first was stunned that there were cooking going on in the house, and he wasn’t the chef. He then got up and showered hurryingly and came downstairs to capture a view of his wife cooking their first meal as husband and wife. After kissing his wife and scanning the stove, he sat down at the dining room table not to disturb his wife’s preparation of their first meal as husband and wife. Stefani asked Steve to set the table for them while she prepared their food, and they both later sat down to eat. While eating, they begin discussing their plans and the need for them to call a moving company to move Stefani’s household items to the house. After breakfast, Stefani called the moving company and set an appointment for the next day because she had boxed her belongings prior to their honeymoon so that she would not have to stress about upon her return. Later that afternoon, she and Steve moved things around so that they would have room for her things and Steve suggested that they use her couch for the living and call Salvation Army to pick up the things that they are not going to need and donate them, so they ended up moving the entire living room decor and some of the bedroom furniture and donated to the Salvation Army who came and removed the furniture from the house along with other miscellaneous items. Steve mentioned to Stefani that he really liked the couch at her apartment and that it was very comfortable. After they moved items and decided where everything would go, Steve thought it would be a great idea for them to walk around the neighborhood so that Stefani could get an idea about the neighborhood and its surroundings, so they walked, and Steve became an instant tour guide again and pointed out different houses and who resided in them and to inform her that it’s nothing unusual to see people walking up and down the street

because it was mostly neighbors and their guests. That next day was the big move for them because they have the movers picking up Stefani’s household goods and the Salvation Army picking up donated furniture from the house along with miscellaneous items. Stefani prepared breakfast they ate. Stefani left to go to her apartment, and Steve stayed behind to wait the Salvation Army truck and to receive Stefani’s household items and to show the movers where everything was to be placed in the house. Everything went as planned that day although it was exhausting for the two of them, so they left everything and sat down and went to the refrigerator to get a beer and a glass of wine for Stefani, and they talked about their plans for the rest of the week before classes started for Stefani and back to work for Steve. They both spent the rest of the week decorating their house and bringing to a level that someone would know that a woman lives there as well and not a bachelor. Later that year, Stefani became pregnant after she finished her classes at the junior college. They both were excited, and Stefani starting putting down ground rules for them while she was pregnant and that they both would stop drinking during her pregnancy and that they would make preparation for the newborn and focus on work and school and reduce their partying and going out as much. At first, Steve thought he was being caged, but after processing it, he agreed with Stefani because he realized they weren’t single anymore and the need to focus on family. He ed how his dad and mom was and didn’t want anything like that for his family and do different. While thinking about his past growing up, he was happy that he has such a nurturing and caring wife who had brought such a warmth into his life and designed the house to reflect such love and comfort and thought how much better the house looked than when he was a bachelor. They were outside in front of the house one day, and their next-door neighbors saw them. They both came out and introduced themselves to Stefani because they already knew Steve and noticed that Stefani was pregnant and congratulated them and offered to help them any way they can when the child was born and expressed how they had been trying to get pregnant for a few years now, and it was the reason they bought the house so that they could raise a family. So they talked for about twenty minutes and congratulated them again. Steve was surprised that they came out to introduce themselves. Steve told Stefani that he had seen them in months, but they always wave or speak to him, and they never carried on a conversation like they did that day. And Stefani said she wasn’t surprise because he was single and had nothing in common, so they probably

didn’t feel the need to. She then said sometimes people are like that and they think it’s inappropriate. Stefani had her baby, which was a boy and named it Sean. Mike and his girlfriend came to the house to see the baby and was pleasantly surprised that the house looked the way it did and teased Steve as to how much better the house looks from the way it used to look. Mike and his girlfriend, while at the house, were asked if they would be godparents, and they both right away said yes. Stefani informed them that the christening will be held that next Sunday and for them to be there and that the pastor who wedded them will also perform the christening ceremony for them. Mike and his girlfriend said that they would be there. Then Mike made a snarky comment and said, does it mean that he and his girlfriend have to get married now? They all laughed and Steve said, “The two of you have been together for so long, why not? In fact, you two can get married right now. Let me call the pastor.” They all laughed. Mike and his girlfriend both liked their relationship the way it was and didn’t feel compelled to change it anytime soon. Steve and Stefani settled into family life, and Stefani resumed her studies where she transferred her courses over the university after a two-semester break. Stefani’s mom would sometimes babysit when she or Steve wasn’t available because she didn’t want Sean to be dropped off at a day care. She wanted their child used to having his father or mother around all the time because that had happened to Stefani where her mom had dropped her off at daycare understandably so being that her mom was a single parent. Stefani ed that experience as being lonely and isolated and wishing she could be with her mom where it was safe, so she didn’t want Sean to have that experience. Two years later in Stefani’s senior year at the university, she started her internship at the local elementary school while she prepared for her teacher’s exam. Stefani knew that if she were hired right after college, she wouldn’t have to pay for her degree and be reimbursed for monies spent trying to attain her degree in teaching. Meanwhile, Steve continued to work on his job and was promoted to supervisor, which Steve thought was good that he was making more money and good for his family, but the problems he was facing having to interact with all the employees and listen to their problems was becoming too overwhelming for him. What’s more, he was on salary, so he had to work more hours. And the interaction with management and wanting him to stay on top of the employees and hearing from employees complaining to him about

management was taking a toll on his health. He and Stefani would discuss some of the problems he was facing, and Stefani encouraged him to hold on and wait until she starts working then he could look for a job that he felt was more rewarding so he took her advice not realizing how much it had changed him but sticking with their plan anyway. Stefani graduated from the university, ed her exam, and accepted a teaching position at a nearby school so she and Sean would be at the same school and she would be able to take him and pick him up after school and leave with her, and she thought it was a win-win for their family and relieve Steve from some of the responsibilities after understanding what he was experiencing on his job. Steve continued to work as the supervisor at his job even though the stressors continued to escalate. Whereas after a while, he had stopped complaining about the conditions at work to Stefani and internalized them. Over the years, Stefani had settled into her teaching position, and Sean was turning seven before the year was out. Meanwhile, Steve’s problems at work had started taking its toll on him and his family. He became irritable, starting to withdraw from Stefani and wouldn’t talk as much, didn’t interact with Sean as much and stopped participating in outdoor activities with him, and wasn’t as happy as he used to be when they were first married. Steve started exhibiting signs of psychosis, and the directive he was giving the employees he was supervising became convoluted and became animated when they didn’t comply. Stefani started noticing Steve’s behavior changing, not to her but also toward Sean, and when she would question Steve, he would become agitated. When he did communicate with Stefani, he would always say that he didn’t get enough sleep, and she would reply that perhaps he is working too many hours and that he should ease up. Steve felt driven to work extremely hard and work long hours because he couldn’t complete all the tasks that the company had set for him in an eight-hour period, and besides, he has a wife and a child that he must take care of. Stefani was moved by his determination but rejected the idea if it meant that the consequences of him working long hours was impeding upon their marriage and his relationship with his child. One day, Steve was getting ready for work and going through the motions of their family routine. While Steve was putting on his clothes and looked in the mirror, he didn’t like the outfit he had put on for work and began changing, and

he didn’t like that outfit, so he continued to change clothes after clothes. Time had ed and his wife came upstairs to check on him because he was running late for work, and he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet; and when she reached the bedroom, she saw Steve naked with all of his clothes he had hanging up lying on the bed. Right away with a higher than normal pitch in her voice, she asked him what he was doing and that he was going to be late for work, and he said he couldn’t find the right clothes for work so he was not going. Stefani started picking an outfit for him and told him to put it on, and Steve snapped at her and told her not to touch his clothes again. And with the expression on his face, she knew something was wrong with him, so she asked him what was wrong with him and if he had lost his mind. And when she said that, it triggered something in his mind, and he became animated and told her to leave his house and started throwing his clothes at her that he had on the bed and kept repeating to her to leave and that he did not want to see her again. And to her surprise, as if she didn’t hear him or understand, he told her in a thunderous voice, “Get out of my house and don’t ever come back,” and she innocently replied, “But we are married.” He said they weren’t married and he didn’t know her and for her to leave his house or he was going to call the police and that she stole his clothes and asked her to give him back his clothes before she leaves. Stefani became even more confused by his behavior, but Steve would not hear of any more explanations about why she was in his house and still not satisfied by his behavior. She asked again for clarification and tried to explain to him that she didn’t touch his clothes, and he insisted that she did and for her to get out of his house. Stefani cried as she ran down the stairs trying to avoid being harmed and picked up her purse and keys and left the house. Later that week, Stefani returned with the police to gather her things, and when she looked at Steve, he appeared in the same state and was disheveled and didn’t say very much. Stefani gathered mainly her clothes and a few sentimental items and put them in her car. She didn’t attempt to move any of her furniture or pictures on the wall. Meanwhile, Steve appeared preoccupied with what appeared to be something going on in his head. Stefani suggested to Steve to seek help and that she is still his wife, and Steve remained silent as if his preoccupation was taking precedent over her suggestion or comments. Stefani tried to attain information from her son about Steve and what he was doing or not doing, and when she would talk to her son, he would just say that something was wrong with his dad and that he kept missing work and that he

said that he is resting and for her not to worry he has plenty of vacation time, so he is not worried about losing his job. Stefani asked her son if he ever talked about her or where she is, and the son said that he doesn’t talk that much to his dad and that he remains in his room most of the time except to go to school. Stefani continued to interrogate her son about the cooking, cleanliness of the house, chores around the house, and Sean could only say that he is washing his own clothes and preparing his own meals. Stefani then told her son where to meet her so that she could give him money and ask him if he wanted to come and stay with her and her mom, and Sean replied that wanted to stay where he is because it’s closer to his school, and he didn’t want to attend another school during the school year. She expressed how worried she was for him and his father and that she can no longer live with him and fearful that he might harm her so that she don’t think she will return, and that it is something that he will need to get used to and that she will be there for him anytime he needs anything and reiterated he being her son and that she loves him and didn’t have to live in his current condition either. After many attempts of her trying to reconcile with Steve, she felt that she should move on and hope that he could seek help with whatever it was that had arrested his mind and turn him against her. The rejection left her no recourse of them getting back together and thought about her son who was still young and require the nurturing and love from his parents. A year after separation, Stefani filed for divorce because she wanted to move on with her life and came to the realization that the man she once fell in love with and cherish his company was no longer the same and the constant rejection and the guilt as if she did something wrong and everything was her fault. When she filed, she didn’t ask for any monetary or material things, but she did seek t custody because she knew how Sean, her son, felt about stability and not wanting to move and wanting to remain around friends and continue with the same school. However, Stefani had difficulty when she thought about how that one day change the course of their lives forever that day when Steve baulked and demanded her to leave. And she didn’t want to claim the things in the house because her son yet lived in the house and didn’t want him to feel destitute. Stefani was granted t custody after an uncontested divorce whereas Steve didn’t show up at the court hearing. Stefani became heartbroken and not knowing where life will lead her without Steve and with limited interaction with her only son. So, Stefani buried herself in work and school to try to avoid the

emotional toll it had taken on her family. A few months later, Stefani decided to attend church services, and while there, she met the pastor and was surprised that he ed her after so many years had gone by and had not attended church. The pastor with a big smile asked her how her family was doing, and she said to the pastor that things didn’t turn out so well and the pastor looked shocked and asked her if there was anything that he could do. She said to the pastor that she wished that someone could talk to Steve, her husband, because she said that he needed prayers and someone to talk to. And Stefani took out a pen and wrote down Steve’s telephone number and address and gave it to the pastor, and without asking for any background information, the pastor said that he would go and see him, but he didn’t tell Stefani when because he didn’t have his schedule in front of him so he wouldn’t commit to a particular time. Afterwards, Stefani left and went to work at the flea market. Meanwhile, Steve continued to work and mask what he was feeling inside and trying to cope one day at time as the confusion and delusions continued to creep into his mind. Steve thought that maybe he was going through a period in his life where the stressors from work and family responsibilities took its toll on him, and soon it will . He never thought about seeking help or talking to anyone about it but felt it was him who had jurisdiction on his behaviors without the need of any outside consideration. It continued as Steve had some good days and bad, and he felt that it was part of life’s journey and that everyone experiences these times in their lives, and it wasn’t any different for him. Although he tried to cope, there were some days he would call in sick as it became too much for him to contend with on some days. On one of his off days, he felt drained and he thought it was exhaustion from performing the spring-cleaning. He told his friend he wasn’t feeling up to it that day because he was performing spring-cleaning on yesterday and started feeling dizzy to the point that the room started spinning, so he managed to make it to the living room and laid down on the couch and that’s where he remained until now. Plus, he didn’t have any money at that time to spend on anything but his bills, so it was pointless to go to the flea market with no money because when they went, they always bought lunch and sat down to eat while breaking from all of the walking. The flea market was two square blocks and sometimes we didn’t make it to all the vendors’ stations. So his best friend suggested they go to emergency because it could be something very serious or at least he should be checked by a

doctor. By the seriousness in Mike’s voice and the body language he exhibited, he thought maybe he should heed to Mike’s suggestion. So, he was able to mustard up enough strength and energy to briefly wash and groom himself and brush his teeth so that he can be presentable in public without prejudice of looking like a bum off the streets. So, Mike offered to drive him to the emergency to be checked by a doctor. They arrived at the emergency, and there were just a few people waiting, mostly families who were there to have their children examined, so it didn’t take long in triage before he was able to see the doctor who was on duty that day. They gave him a gown to put on before he met with the doctor and assign him an emergency room, so he can have some privacy and told him that by the time he changed, the doctor will be with him. After he changed, they were right. The doctor came in, who was a male and looked like he was in his late thirties, and asked him of the same questions given to him in triage. So patiently he answered the same questions, and as the doctor was giving him a physical, the doctor noticed a dark spot on his left leg and inquired as to its origin, but he couldn’t provide a definitive answer, so the doctor insisted that they obtain a biopsy because it looked foreign and didn’t appear to be a normal scare or spot on his left leg and by him not knowing its origin the doctor wanted to take precaution. The nurse came in and took a sample and left, and he kept thinking he came in here for dizziness, but what did that have to do with the dark spot on his left leg? Sometimes you see and hear about a doctor misdiagnosing patient, so he started reminiscing in his mind of stories that he had heard when patients got misdiagnosed. Like when a patient went into surgery for amputation of their leg and the surgeon cut off the wrong leg and he started thinking to himself, “Could I be the next victim? Should I be recording this on my phone?” After all, in today’s world people lie all the time; and if you don’t have a video of the incident, the odds are against you. Or maybe the doctor didn’t read the triage notes. Not only was he feeling a little dizzy now, he is stressing out because they were checking on something contrary to why he came to emergency. He was able to reconcile his rationality by saying to himself that even though a patient comes to emergency for one thing when they see the doctor, they checked for everything as a precaution. So the doctor returned to my bed and inquired about my dizziness, and he informed the doctor that his dizziness appear to be getting worst; and without delay, the doctor said that he need to be hospitalized so they can run more test and surmise that it could be due to stress without giving him

the results from the examination. Mike was sitting next to the bed on a chair they have for family and visitors and told him he was going to leave and check on him after work the next day. Meanwhile at the hospital, they moved him onto the floor and assigned him a room. And after meeting with all of the s who inquired about his insurance, consent forms, nutritionist, he was able to once again try to relax and watch a baseball game on television. The next first thing in the morning he was awaken by a psychiatrist, and he’s thinking, A psychiatrist? What he could possibly want? Because he was thinking that he may have a brain tumor or something in the brain that was causing his dizziness. So, he regrouped his thoughts to find out what a psychiatrist was doing in his room. So, the psychiatrist asked him a series of questions to determine Steve’s preliminary symptoms. Sometimes psychiatrist do this to determine the patient’s affect at that moment when the patient don’t either understand or know what is going on or a lack of an ability to articulate what is happening to them. After the psychiatrist subjected Steve to a sequence of tests, the doctor rendered his prognosis and communicated to Steve that he was going through a lot of stress and prescribed him medication and informed him to take it. Well, Steve thought that the medication would mitigate the dizziness he was experiencing, but the medication only put him in a drowsy state. Steve felt it only further exacerbated his condition. What’s more, Steve discontinued his cooking, cleaning, and altogether shut down all activities to where he only experienced an increase in his sleep pattern. Steve tried to conceal his condition by having Sean mimic his sleep pattern so it wouldn’t be as noticeable. Steve’s condition continued to progress to where his sleep pattern began to further increase. But Sean noticed the deterioration in the house to the point that the house became noticeably dirty —dishes weren’t clean and clothes weren’t washed for over two weeks—and that his father was wearing the same clothes he had on since he left the hospital. Over the two-week period, Mike had stopped by briefly to see how Steve was doing. In many of those visits, Steve managed to mask what he was going through because he would get away with telling Mike that he didn’t want any visitors at the time because he wanted to sleep. Incidentally, Steve never told Mike what had transpired during his hospitalization. Mike just presumed that everything turned out positively or the doctors wouldn’t have discharge him from the hospital, so he didn’t think to ask. Mike wasn’t in the house long enough to notice that the house was in a disarray because he always stopped in

the living where he would find Steve during all his visits. Mike didn’t notice the stacked dishes because the kitchen was at the back of the house. And he didn’t notice the clothes stacked up either because the washer and dryer were in the back of the house near the kitchen. So, Mike would leave telling Steve he had to run errands and couldn’t stay long and would occasionally call Steve to ask if he wanted to hang out and Steve would decline the invite. After a while, Mike would visit less and less and the calls became more and more infrequent. Meanwhile, Sean continued to notice his environment at home became more and more apparent that his dad’s activities around the house had diminish to looking like someone had abandoned their home. After school, Sean would perform small chores to at least show attempts were made because he didn’t want to challenge his dad about anything. After a few weeks of taking the medication that the doctor had prescribed, and resulting in constant sleep, Steve decided to read and understand what the medication supposed to target. After all, most people take for granted that the doctor knows best and sometimes don’t read about the medication they are taking only to trust what the doctor prescribed. So, Steve decided to further understand what was prescribed to him and ascertained that only one of the two medications prescribed to him targeted dizziness. So, he discontinued one of the medications prescribed and continued to take the medication that specifically targeted his dizziness. After Steve discontinued one of the medications, he noticed that the dizziness stopped. So, he felt he would resume cleaning the house and never went back for a follow-up. Although the dizziness stopped, he noticed now he had trouble concentrating. To overcome his ability to concentrate, Steve thought he would go to the library where he tried to read a book and found himself barely able to complete a paragraph. What’s more, the quietness in the library intensified to where he could hear every little sound, which started to irritate him. So, Steve got up and left the library. After all, it was an unproductive venture anyway, he thought. So, he went home not knowing what lies ahead once he returned home. Steve walked into the house and shut the door and proceeded to sit down on the couch in the living room, and while he was heading to the couch again through the walls, he could hear his neighbors laughing because the houses are less than an inch away from each other that had a small front yard and a small backyard so all the neighbors park onto the streets. So, he said to himself, “If I can harness enough bravery, I’ll go next door and ask my neighbor what was so funny,” but it took seconds and he changed his mind.

So later that afternoon, Steve retired to his usual location on the couch and tried to sleep because he couldn’t concentrate enough to finish cleaning his house, and he continued to hear his neighbor laughing in the wee hours of the night and he didn’t have enough nerve to confront them in the middle of the night, so he just lied there with his eyes closed. His son, Sean, had already came home and made a beeline to his room and didn’t go to kitchen to find something to eat because he had eaten while he was out, so he shut the door to his room and remained there until the next day when he had to get up for school. The next day came and Steve was agitated because he was awake most of the night and was yet awakened to his neighbors sounding even louder than the previous day. At this time, Steve had had it with his neighbors so he thought he would wait until his son was off to school because he was supposedly bedridden from the doctor’s orders, which excused him from having to work until he was given a release to return to work. Sean came down the steps and past the living room and headed for the kitchen to prepare himself some cereal because that’s what he usually eats during the school week. It’s fast to prepare and doesn’t require any cooking. As he sat down on the dining room table to eat his cereal, he looked up at him and asked him if he was going to work. Steve said, “I’m out on medical leave because of the dizziness, and the doctor don’t want me to do anything physical that would cause me to fall, and the medication I’m on is strong and impairs my concentration.” So, Sean told his dad, “Oh, that explains why the house looks the way it does,” and Steve replied, “You guessed it.” During the school week, Sean wasn’t required to do any chores so that he could focus on his schoolwork and the extracurricular activities he was involved in at school. Sean had never brought over any of his schoolmates or even talked about them or whether he has friends or not. Steve felt a little guilt because he never showed interest in what Sean is doing at school. He just assumed that Sean is a responsible boy and won’t allow himself to get into trouble. So, Sean set off to school after asking his dad for money to buy snacks after school. The school where Sean attends requires all students to pay their fees for any extracurricular activities and their lunch fees at the beginning of the year so the principals or teachers didn’t have to chase down the parents to pay fees and lunch for their child after the school system recognize and acknowledge that in the past it was unsuccessful because parents are usually busy working and would forget from time to time. His dad gave him five dollars, which he thought was plenty of money for snacks and that he would have some left over. Sean thanked his dad for giving him the money and said to him goodbye and left the house for school.

Steve was thinking, as Sean left the house for school, of how lucky he was that he didn’t have trouble with his son, that he didn’t have to worry about him doing the right thing and being responsible enough to do his homework and engage in after-school activities that interest him. He thought for a minute how he really didn’t know which extracurricular activities Sean was involved in and whether he should inquire about them. Then he ed that he was overwhelmed with his own problems and it’s good he doesn’t have to contend with Sean’s problems. Now he was ready to confront his neighbors. After all, he felt they were the ones who is contributing to his sleepless nights and interruptions during the day with their loud laughter and other noises he could hear that was coming from them. So, he went next door and his front door opened to suggest to anyone walking by that someone is home. Steve knocked on his neighbor’s front door and paused for what felt like an eternity and knocked on the door again and after put his ear to the door to try and hear if they were coming to open the door or not, and he didn’t hear any sounds coming from the other side of the door, so he knocked one last time before giving up and returning back to his house. He still didn’t hear a sound so he left. He didn’t have their number to call them and had forgotten their name because he would only see them from time to time while he was going to his car or they were parking theirs. When Steve returned to his house and shut the door and thought they were making fun of him because he knew they were there even though they didn’t open the door. For weeks, this kind of behavior went on and on—the laughter and the noise from his neighbors—and he felt persecuted and humiliated because he internalized it to thinking these people have no consideration to his well-being and to their neighbors who have been living there as long as he had. Steve felt they were humiliating and irritating him for their own gratification. Mike came over one day and he mentioned it to him, and Mike said he had seen and talked to his neighbors when he and two ladies from the hall when they were witnessing in the area. Mike is a practicing Jehovah’s Witness, and from time to time, he would go out to witness to people on the streets and at their homes with others to talk about God. And Mike said that when they talked to his neighbors, they appear to be nice and friendly people to talk to. Mike told Steve that when they talked to his neighbors and the conversation was mostly about him and that they had said over the years when they saw him that he appeared to be a nice person and that lately they noticed that he had changed and were acting snobbish

toward them. Steve went into a temporary shock and his mind started reminiscing what he had experienced with his neighbor just over the last few days and how he knocked on their house and went to the door, and they wouldn’t answer when he knew they were there. After Steve’s brief shock, he tried to compose himself and asked for clarification from Mike about which neighbor he was referring to. Perhaps he was talking about different neighbors so he asked Mike again about the neighbor he was referring to, and Mike said, “The people who lives in that house,” while he was pointing to the house as if Steve didn’t understand which neighbor. After Steve was sure that he and Mike were referring to the same neighbor, Steve then asked Mike what they were saying about him since he thought they were so pleasant to talk with. Mike said, “The lady verbalized her concern for you because she saw you from the window. It may be the time you returned from the hospital, but your neighbor said that you looked physically sick, and I told them that you had been experiencing dizzy spells and that you weren’t sure what was really wrong with you.” Steve became so upset by what he had heard because he kept ing the noise and the laughter all through the night that his face became flushed. And Steve was thinking not only did they humiliate and toy with him with the loud noises and laughter in the wee hours of the night, but the audacity to talking to his best friend behind his back and his best friend discussing him and telling his neighbors about his personal business that he should have kept to himself. Mike, for some reason, couldn’t understand his surprise and how he felt deep inside and for the most part neither could he. It had to be more to my condition because normally you wouldn’t find Steve revealing his emotions or enjoy arguing with anyone or his suspicions about people. Because he was always the corny guy and very friendly with people. So Steve told Mike these cannot be the same people because they would keep him up half of the night laughing and making loud noises where he went over there and knock on the door to confront them, and they wouldn’t even open the door for him when he knew they were home because he had heard them moments before he went over there. Mike looked at Steve nonchalantly, unmoved by what he was saying, and Steve interpreted as Mike didn’t believe what he was saying about the neighbors. Mike then looked around the house to the point of what he could see from where he was standing in the living room. When Mike would visit Steve, he never stayed long enough to sit down; and when he glanced around the house and saw that it

was unkempt as if to confirm the thoughts he had of Steve exaggerating about his neighbor because after all that isn’t what he had experience when he talked to the neighbors. Mike looked at his watch as if he had an appointment of importance and told Steve he had to go and run errands before he goes home so he left. A couple of days had ed, and Mike called Steve to find how he was doing or if anything changes with his dizziness and Steve said, “No, everything is about the same.” So Mike tried to encourage Steve to seek counsel, and he would get one of the elders from the hall who could counsel him. Steve replied and thought Mike’s suggestion was good but that he didn’t think the elders could counsel him on the voices in his head. So, Mike told Steve that it couldn’t hurt, and it wouldn’t cost anything to speak with one of the elders. So, Steve gave in to Mike’s suggestion and told Mike to go ahead and have one of the elders call him. Steve was never a churchgoing person nor was he a Jehovah’s Witness, but his mom would take him to church when he was a little boy, so he knew how to say brief prayers. What’s more, it wasn’t part of his lifestyle; not that he didn’t believe in God, he just didn’t go to church. After about a week, Steve received a phone call from one of the elders whose name was Larry. Larry said that he saw Mike at the hall and wanted him to talk with you. Steve responded by acknowledging that he knew Mike so Larry asked him what was a good time for him to come over, and Steve hesitated because he didn’t want to sound like he was available anytime, so he asked Larry if during the day he could come because his son would be in school so it would be a good time. Larry didn’t ask any more questions except to get Steve’s address. Steve panicked because he didn’t want the elder to come and visit with the house looking that bad, so after he got off the phone immediately and, with a sense of urgency, tried to put things in order around the house and wash the dishes because every time Sean ate he would always put the dishes in the sink. When Steve got ready to clean in the kitchen, he took one of his meds that controlled his dizziness so he wouldn’t experience dizziness while washing the dishes. At night, Steve continued to use the living room as his sleeping quarters and would sleep on the couch. Two days later, Larry the Elder from the hall came over after speaking briefly on the phone with Steve and knocked on the door, and Steve answered having feelings of suspicion as to what the elder had to say that would counsel a man who is experiencing dizziness and hearing voices. Steve let the elder in, and he led him to the dining room table because he didn’t

want the elder to sit on the couch fearing that he may get a whiff of the smell he was smelling and not wanting strangers to sit where he sleeps at night. Steve and the elder from the hall sat down and the elder began talking while Steve sat up in his chair guarded not really wanting to explain his idiosyncratic annoyances to an elder from the hall. Then the elder said to Steve, “Your friend Mike told me that you could use someone to talk but didn’t give any particulars of what if anything was wrong.” As the elder said that he was thinking that finally Mike heard his disdain for telling others about his business, so he became a little less suspicious and a little more relaxed. So, the elder said that he wanted Steve to tell him what is going on, and if he can help him or not, and at least pray and maybe he could recommend someone who could. Steve started verbalizing his thoughts and feelings to Larry the Elder from the hall about how he experienced dizzy spells and that he went to the emergency, and they hospitalized him for a few days and a psychiatrist had come in the room and said to him that the dizziness was due to stress and prescribed two medications and one made him sleepy and the other gradually stopped his dizziness. And he explained that once he was released from the hospital, the doctor put him on bed rest so he wouldn’t lose his job and be excused on medical leave, until the doctor said it’s okay to return to work. What’s more, he explained that after he returned home, he became irritated with his next-door neighbor because of their loud noises and laughter and how he tried to confront them, but they wouldn’t open the door. So he then told the elder that his irritability had gotten so bad that a few days of being discharged from the hospital he found himself wanting to sleep a lot and not wanting to even clean the house, so he told him that he stopped taking one of the medications and only took the one that targeted his dizziness. So, he then told the elder that as time went on, he started to hear voices in his head and kept smelling something foul in his house that he can’t seem find out what it was. And the elder interrupted him and asked if he smelled the odor now, and Steve said yes and it’s bothering him and the elder interrupted him again and said, “There’s no smell in here. Actually, it smells good.” Again, Steve thought here was another person telling him he doesn’t smell a foul odor as if he was the only one who smelled the foul odor. Again, Steve felt like the elder was trying to make him feel good, but Steve felt scared because he wasn’t the only person who told him the same thing. So the elder appeared perplexed by what he had heard as if it was outside of his comprehension and level of counseling, so he right

away said to Steve, “You know that’s why we look to Jesus because in the Bible it says that he is a healer.” He looked at Steve square in his eyes and said, “But Jesus sometimes has his people working in all parts of life that can help,” as he tried to Steve onto someone else because that level of counseling was outside of his comfort level and that it may be more to it than his understanding. So, the elder asked him if he had his own doctor that he could see. Because at that time the elder didn’t want to go into Steve’s problems any further. So Steve responded, “Yes, I have a doctor,” then the elder suggested he make an appointment to see his doctor and he recommend what he should do and if not maybe he could recommend someone while thinking he would have to research and find a psychiatrist because he didn’t know of any nor were there any at the hall. So, Steve was clear on his recommendation because that’s what he was going to do anyway, but since Mike had told him he was going to give the elder the benefit of the doubt. So, the elder suggested that before he leaves, if it was okay that they pray. And he ed what his mom told him while he was growing up that if someone offered him prayer, no matter who it is, that he accepts it. So Steve said yes to prayer, and the elder prayed with Steve and said that if it was alright with Steve he would follow up with him on next week, and Steve said that would be okay as long as he called first because he may not be at home. Just before the elder got up to leave, he asked Steve if he had ever been to the Kingdom Hall, and Steve said years ago that he had went with Mike a couple of times, but he grew up as a Baptist so he when he does attend church, he usually visits a Baptist church. The elder then encouraged him to attend a church sometimes, and it didn’t have to be Kingdom Hall and that God loves everyone. And so, Steve agreed and the elder then left. After the elder left the house, Steve felt paranoid, scared, and feeling like the elder thought he was crazy because he didn’t offer any counseling and that all he basically said is that Jesus can heal him, prayed, and left which intensified his paranoia; and by the fact that the elder confirmed what others have said about his house, that it smelled okay. The next day, Steve called his doctor’s office to make an appointment to go and see him, and there weren’t any openings until the following week, so he made it anyway. After he hung up the phone, he then called the psychiatrist’s office who prescribed him the medication and the receptionist said he had an opening on Thursday whereas at the time he called it was Tuesday, and Steve went ahead and made the appointment and kept the appointment with his main doctor so he

could at least tell him what the psychiatrist said. It was Thursday and Steve went to see the psychiatrist Dr. Barnes because his main doctor, Dr. Nelson, who he has an appointment with next week. Steve made it to Dr. Barnes’s office and the receptionist confirmed that this was his first time at the office, and he said yes, so she immediately gave him a tablet with papers on it and ask if he would complete those forms. So Steve sat down to complete the forms and some of the questions on the forms was asking him if he was suicidal or if he felt like harming himself or others, and he thought about his neighbor who was so annoying and he thought if he answered yes that he may be arrested. So he said no then one of the other questions was, if he ever hear voices and he answered yes. It asked him if he had ever experienced dizzy spells, and he answered yes, and toward the end it asked him if he has ever been hospitalized and he answered yes and asked him if he had ever been hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital and he answered no. But he started thinking about what this psychiatrist was going ask him the same questions and would that result in him being hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital. Finally, he finished all the medical questions and glanced over the consent forms thinking that they were all the same in the medical field and waited to be called by the doctor. The doctor came out from his office into the waiting area and called out the name Steve. Steve got up and the doctor introduced himself as Dr. Barnes and, with a hand gesture, showed Steve to his office and followed behind him. Steve reached the office and sat down at one of the three cushion sofa and then sat across from him in an overly cushioned chair and picked up his writing tablet off the side table next to his chair and the first question that uttered out of the doctors mouth was “What have you come here to see me about?” Little did Steve realize at the time was it was the beginning of a long journey of doctor visits. Steve began to talk while the doctor was looking down writing on his notepad, and Steve had explained that he first started feeling dizzy and that he thought it was from performing spring-cleaning around the house and thought it would go away if he stopped and took a rest, but it didn’t, and his best friend came over and saw him lying down in the middle of the day; and as it was explained to him of the dizziness, he right away suggested that he take him to the emergency. Meanwhile, the doctor just kept writing and said nothing, so Steve continued to explain that when he went to the emergency, they ran tests and had a psychiatrist come in and ask questions and told me that it was stress and prescribed two kinds of medications, and they kept him there for two days and discharge him for

bed rest. And then the doctor asked him, “What happened when you arrived home?” and Steve said he was at home for a while before he started hearing his neighbors next door laughing loud and making a lot of noise that became irritable where he couldn’t concentrate on anything. And the medications were making him feel drowsy, so he slept most of the time but would hear his neighbor laughing and making noise in the wee hours of the night. As the doctor continued to write with head remained down, Steve said to the doctor that he stopped taking one of the medications and only took the one that reduced the dizziness. Steve continued to describe what he was feeling and mentioned that he was now starting to hear voices, and the doctor stopped writing and looked up and said, “Have you ever been treated for mental illness before?” Steve said no, and the doctor continued in his line of questioning and asked him if he was married, and he said he was divorced, and the doctor ask him if he had any children and he said, “Yes, one, and his name is Sean who is finishing his last year in high school.” The doctor asked him if any member of his family ever suffered from mental illness and Steve said, “Yes, my mother and my aunt.” And that time, the doctor sought no explanation from Steve and told him that he will run a series of tests and an exam. The doctor stood up and held out his arm and pointed to another room and told Steve to follow him into the exam room, and Steve followed the doctor into the exam room and proceeded to give Steve a physical exam and took his vitals and told Steve he can go back to the other room and sit down. Meanwhile, the doctor went back to the room and picked up his notepad and began writing down the results of the physical. The doctor went to his desk, which was in the same room and went into his desk and pull out test materials to ister to Steve. During the battery of test, the doctor asked Steve questions, showed him a series of shapes, pictures, and more questions. And then the doctor told Steve that he can’t worry about work right now and that he will write him a new prescription for medication and for his workplace. The doctor also told Steve to discontinue his previous medication and that he was going to schedule him another appointment for early the next week. The doctor said that he was going to prescribe medications for the voices and for the dizziness. So Steve followed the doctor’s instructions and went to the receptionist’s desk and told the receptionist that the doctor want him to schedule an appointment for early next week, and as he was standing at the receptionist’s desk, she asked him, “Did the doctor give you any prescriptions?” He said yes,

so she told Steve to have a seat and she would go and get his prescriptions from the doctor. When the receptionist returned, she handed the prescriptions and asked if he had any questions about the medication, and Steve said, “No. The doctor explained to me what they were for.” So Steve left and went right away to the pharmacy to fill his prescription, and while he was waiting for his prescription to be filled, he started thinking about his visit with the doctor and how thorough the doctor was and how these psychiatrists know how to get into people’s head. So, he finally received his prescription and the pharmacist asked him if he had any questions about his prescriptions and too embarrassed to say anything because they were prescribing by a psychiatrist. So, Steve said he didn’t have any questions and left the pharmacy. During the rest of the week, Steve kept thinking about the test that he had underwent with the doctor and what it could mean or not mean. Then he thought whatever resulted from the battery of test he knew what he was going through was not normal. So, he was contemplating his next visit with the doctor and was thinking he had to be forthright with the doctor and tell him everything that was going on with him and the voices in his head so that the doctor could help him. That next week, Steve met with the psychiatrist at his office, and when he opened the door, the receptionist looked up as if she ed him and what he told the doctor and his paranoia overcame him with fleeting thoughts. So the receptionist smiled and acknowledge him and asked him to have a seat there in the waiting area, and she would let the doctor know that he is present as if was an emergency, but he kept thinking that he needed to explain to the doctor about not only the voices, dizziness, his irritability, but also his paranoia as well. About three minutes later, the doctor came out from his office and called out Steve’s name and asked him to come with him. Steve got up from his chair and went into the doctor’s office. He had known where to sit because he ed from his first visit where he sat. The doctor picked up his notepad and sat down at the overly cushioned chair; this time he looked at Steve and asked him how he was feeling, and Steve replied that he was feeling anxious, and the doctor asked him if he was taking the medication that he had prescribe for him and Steve said yes, so the doctor went on to explain to Steve that the medication will take four to six weeks before he would notice the full effect of them. And next, the doctor asked Steve how he was sleeping, and Steve replied that it

was the same and that he was still hearing noises from his neighbors, and he found it difficult to sleep and his mind was constantly racing with different thoughts. And when he hears or sees something that appears different, he becomes paranoid. So, the doctor probed deeper about the voices that he hears. And Steve said that his neighbors always seemed to be laughing and making loud noises and that he thought they were laughing at him. As Steve was verbalizing his thoughts and feelings, he begun to see himself as the doctor may have seen, and he didn’t feel good about what he felt he was forced to see. He slowly began to open more. Dr. Barnes interrupted Steve and told him that he was going to refer him to Dr. Kelly. “She works with my patients and she is a psychotherapist.” Dr. Barnes said to Steve that he was going to put together a team to help him cope with his issues. Dr. Barnes also said that Dr. Kelly works there in the same building, so he didn’t have to go to another location. Steve then asked Dr. Barnes about his job, and Dr. Barnes told Steve not to worry about that because he was going to give him another prescription for his workplace with an open-ended return so that he wouldn’t lose his benefits and that he was also going to refer him to Leslie Stewart who is a social worker, and she will help him with all of his personal issues like his home, food, job issues, money issues, things like that and she will be his main person for anything he needed. After Dr. Barnes encouraged Steve to remain on his medications that he prescribed, he dismissed him, and Steve back to the receptionist to make an appointment to meet with Dr. Kelly and Ms. Stewart. Feeling overwhelmed and trapped inside of his paranoia that thrust him into the attention in which he had not experience before left him with the idea that he was being followed or that he was being spied upon. Here he had opened to Dr. Barnes and revealed some of his idiosyncratic thoughts that have arrested and held hostage the dilemma he was faced with. He then thought with this new “team” that he was finally going to get answers and felt motivated to continue this path that Dr. Barnes have organized for him. Steve went to his first appointment where he met with Ms. Stewart, the social worker who introduced herself in the reception area, and the two went into her office and the first thing Steve noticed was on the wall was “depression can be treated,” “hope food pantry,” “United Way is here for you,” “You are not alone,” and he thought as he sat down that this is serious and that it must be a lot of people having problems. So, as he sat down, he stared at Ms. Stewart who

appeared to be middle-aged and a caring person by the way she spoke, which was a soft nurturing voice like she was on his side. Ms. Stewart began to ask him questions about his living conditions, job, sources of other income, bills, food, friends, relationship, whether he had children; and if they live with him, whether he went to church and if he has a pastor who looked after his spiritual wellbeing, and then she said, “First things first, we going to make sure in the meantime that your job continue your benefits until they can do different.” And then she told Steve that eventually he may need to let his job go because in his condition he may qualify for disability, which will cover most of his needs. Steve sunk down in his chair, shock that the suggestion even came up, because he couldn’t imagine not being able to work and what he was going to do with his time. So, he reluctantly asked why he would need to go onto disability while not realizing that Dr. Barnes had given him a preliminary chronic diagnosis. Then she replied, “Don’t you know what you are being treated for?” And he said, “Yes, for my dizziness, and the voices,” and she replied correct and she said, “You can’t work with the medication that Dr. Barnes prescribed because one of the side effects is drowsiness, and one is for the dizziness, and one is to help reduce the voices. And with those combinations, you couldn’t sustain any kind of work day.” So, Ms. Stewart asked him if he had a car and he said yes, so she said, “Are you able to drive? Are you having problems driving short distances by yourself?” He said no. So she said, “For the time being, we will see how it goes. But if you have difficulty driving, you let me know right away, and we will find other ways for you to get around. And don’t concern yourself if you are not able to drive because there is a van service that we can enroll you into that will take you anywhere you need to go, and they are available seven days a week.” Now she said, “Let’s talk about your son because he has to be part of your team of treatment so you will need to inform him that you will not be going back to work anytime soon and that the doctor have you on various medications and that you may not have the energy to see to his needs all of the time.” So, Steve told Ms. Stewart that his son is very independent and a good son who also participates in after-school activities. Steve also informed Ms. Steve that this was his son’s senior year in high school and that he thinks his son wants to attend college after high school, so he has a

guidance counselor at school who he is working with. Ms. Stewart replied, “That’s good, but he still must be informed of your treatment so that when he notices you acting differently, he doesn’t panic.” Ms. Stewart asked Steve for the name of his son and he said Sean, and she said, “He sounds like a nice boy, and hopefully I’ll get to meet him.” Ms. Stewart wrote down what she wanted Steve to do prior to their next meeting and reaffirmed her commitment to his care and gave him her card and insisted that he call her for anything he needed and that she was there for him. Steve left Ms. Stewart’s office and headed to his workplace, so he could let them know he wasn’t going to return anytime soon. He went straight to human resources office, bying the workroom floor, and gave them the papers from Dr. Barnes and the human resources specialist acknowledged the paperwork and told him good luck, and he left the workplace without saying hello or goodbye to anyone. The following week, Steve met with Dr. Kelly, his psychotherapist, yet not knowing what his diagnosis was or what Dr. Barnes had written about him while he is writing all those notes when he saw him the last week. So, Steve went into Dr. Kelly’s office after she introduced herself to him in the receptionist office. In her office, he noticed that she had toys, anatomical dolls, games, and what was striking to Steve as he observed the way Dr. Kelly’s office is that she didn’t have anything on her walls. They were all white and had two bookcases, desk, chair, sofa, and an overly cushioned chair. After scrutinizing her office, he thought how plain and simple it appeared and nothing like Dr. Barnes’s office or Leslie’s office. Once they both sat down, Dr. Kelly was the first to speak informing Steve that she had a conference with Dr. Barnes, and he was telling her that you were having some problems and that she will be working him as part of the team and reminded Steve that everything that they talk about is strictly confidential and is limited to his team so they can assist him with improving his life. So, Steve at first thought about the word improving and felt he needed that so the dizziness and voices would subside. He also thought that if it was going to be confidential that he would have to be transparent about everything. So, Dr. Kelly continued by asking him how he felt and how his sleep was the night before and reminded him that his medication prescribed by Dr. Barnes should be noticeable after one week, but the full effect will take about four to six weeks to fully get into his bloodstream. So Steve started opening up by verbalizing loosely rhetoric and then slowly started explaining to Dr. Kelly that he had difficulty sleeping and that he is always hearing voices, loud noises, and his neighbors are always laughing and sometimes keeps him up at night with

their laughter and loud noises, and that there is a smell in his house that continues to bother him and he can’t seem to determine where it is coming from, and when he has asked others no one seems to smell it but him. Dr. Kelly probed for understanding about the voices as a start for his session that day. She asked him to explain the voices and what are they saying. Steve said, “They are telling me that I am being followed and that I am being spied upon and that someone put that smell in my house to get me to leave my house so I can’t find the smell. And that the neighbor is in on it.” Dr. Kelly asked Steve for clarification as to who was spying on him and what he thought they wanted. Steve responded, “They want my house,” and said that’s why he sleeps on the sofa in the living room by the door to guard my house. Dr. Kelly then asked him where his bedroom was, and he replied that it was upstairs next to his son’s room. Dr. Kelly asked Steve when the last time was, he slept in his own bed and Steve replied that he couldn’t when the last time he slept in his own bed. Dr. Kelly asked Steve how long he had been hearing voices and he replied, little by little he would be out and about with friends that he started noticing things happening to him that he did not understand. Then he told Dr. Kelly that he is divorced and never remarried. Going into his seventh year of marriage, he became apparent that something was wrong. He stated that he started suspecting his wife was cheating on him and that she would get up in the middle of the night, and he thought that she was calling her boyfriend. One day he, his ex-wife Stefani, and his son went to an outdoor concert; and while they were there, he looked down during the concert and the ground started collapsing in what looked like in slow motion. He looked around to observe the reaction of others, and everyone seemed to be enjoying the concert and didn’t react, so he became paranoid and told his family that they had to leave right away. They questioned him about leaving in the middle of the concert, and he said the ground was collapsing and they were in danger, so his ex-wife and son appeared confused as they were exiting the concert. His ex-wife kept trying to explain to him that there was nothing happening to the ground but conceded to his request and left the concert. Once they got into the car, his son started asking questions as to what had happen, and Steve told his son that something bad was happening at the concert and they had to leave to avoid danger. So it seems as though the son accepted his explanation and remained quiet all the way home; meanwhile, Steve’s ex-wife didn’t want to let it go by asking him if he was on

drugs, or did he think someone had put something in his drink, and trying to reconcile in her mind what was going on with her husband. After they arrived home, she asked Steve that maybe he needs to go to see a doctor and that maybe something is wrong, and he said that nothing was wrong and refused to go to a doctor. Dr. Kelly then asked Steve about his mother, father, and siblings and if any had ever been treated for mental illness, and he said yes, so Dr. Kelly probed Steve about family . At that time, he took a deep breath and said that within his family and relatives, there are at two people on his mother’s side that were three people diagnosed with schizophrenic, and two with that he knew of that were diagnosed with depression and have uncles who are alcoholics but didn’t understand what it had to do with them. Dr. Kelly further probed Steve about his mother and father, and Steve told Dr. Kelly that among his parents and siblings, they always avoided talking about his mom’s condition and brushed it off as if that was the way she was and no one discussed it and neither did his mom or dad. Everyone just lived in this denial and that his dad was a heavy drinker, and he told Dr. Kelly he always wondered why his dad just packed up and left all of them and that was it because of his mom because no one told them anything, and it was a big secret about his dad and mom’s relationship. Dr. Kelly went back to the concert episode and asked Steve what he did after that incident once he was home, and Steve said he just internalized it and tried to justify what he had observed and why no one else at the concert saw what he had seen. He said he just sat and watched television the rest of the evening, and no one talked while watching television. Dr. Kelly asked Steve how long before he had it been since he had experienced like the one at the concert. He said sometimes he was at work, and he would experience the floor collapsing and said that he thought that maybe he was working too many hours because he said that his ex-wife was finishing up her degree, and we had this child so he felt the need to work more hours so that his wife wouldn’t get stressed out from school and having to work part-time at the flea market and raising a child. Time was up and Dr. Kelly encouraged Steve to continue taking his medication so that it can fully be absorbed into his system, and Dr. Kelly called the receptionist and told them that she wanted to see Steve in two weeks, and then Steve left the room and went to the receptionist to confirm his next appointment. Before Steve saw Dr. Kelly again, he was scheduled to see Dr. Barnes, his psychiatrist, because Dr. Barnes wanted to follow up with Steve to take a blood

sample to determine how much of the medication had gotten into his system and if Steve was manipulating his medication as a precaution. Because in Dr. Barnes’s notes he had written down that Steve had manipulated his last prescription from when he was discharge from his last hospitalization, and Dr. Barnes didn’t want Steve to repeat the same thing with him. Steve made his appointment and Dr. Barnes and had his nurse take a blood sample from Steve, afterwards spent a few minutes with Steve and asked if he was satisfied with the team he had assembled for his care and Steve responded yes, and they were taking good care of him and no complaints. Dr. Barnes expressed the importance of opening to Dr. Kelly and communicating anything he needed with Ms. Stewart. Dr. Barnes asked when is he scheduled to see Dr. Kelly, and he said next week, and then Dr. Barnes asked when he was scheduled to see Ms. Kelly and he said he only see her once a month and that he had already seen her for this month unless he needed something before. She gave him her card to call her, and Dr. Barnes said good, and if Steve had any questions and Steve said yes. He then asked Dr. Barnes what was his diagnosis was, and the doctor replied that he didn’t have one yet and it will take some time, and that’s why he had a team working with him, and Dr. Barnes told him not to worry about a diagnosis and that they want to concentrate on treating him. Then the doctor said, “Right now, we are treating you for your dizziness and the voices that you hear.” The doctor asked Steve, “Are you experiencing hallucinations?” Steve said yes, and the doctor didn’t look surprised and said, “Yeah, once the medication fully absorbs in your body, you will begin to feel better,” and that he cannot stop taking any of his medication. He then told Steve that they must constantly monitor his blood so that they can see if there are any side effects and if it’s affecting his liver at all. Dr. Barnes also encouraged Steve to constantly drink plenty of liquids and no alcohol and Steve said okay. Then Dr. Barnes asked if there was anything else and Steve said no. Dr. Barnes said he wanted to see Steve in four weeks because he knew that the medication should be fully absorbed into his body. After Steve secured his appointment at the receptionist’s desk, he left and stopped by the grocery store prior to returning home. Steve returned home and cooked himself something to eat, so he could take his medication because his prescription said not to take on an empty stomach. Later in the late afternoon, he received a call from Mike who wanted to ask him if he wanted to go to a basketball game at the stadium, and Steve said that he wasn’t

in the mood to go out and be around a bunch of people. Mike asked him when he was going back to work, and Steve told him that the doctor gave him a note to give human resources that said his return is indefinite and was surprised and said that the doctors must have found something serious with him for him not to return to work and Steve said that the medication that have him on prevents him from doing any kind of activity because it makes him a little drowsy. Mike then asked him how he was going to take care of his bills, and Steve informed Mike that his job was still paying him from his medical benefits and his doctor said that he may have to go on disability because he cannot work and that there is a team working with him as part of his treatment plan, including a social worker who told him not to worry about food or bills because she would take care of that for him. Mike was surprised by the sound of his voice, and he said it’s that bad, and Steve said it must be, but they haven’t diagnosed him yet. So Mike took a deep breath and reaffirmed his commitment as a friend and told Steve if he needed anything to call him and that he was here for him. Steve said, “Well now that you ask, you can come and clean the house for me.” Mike said, “Anything but cleaning because we can hire someone for that,” and they both laughed, and Mike reiterated that he was being honest about helping him. Then Mike asked Steve if after all these years does he ever hear from Stefani, or does she call and check on her son? He said no, not that he heard, but said that Sean may hear from her and not tell him, maybe he thinks that he will get upset, so he may keep in touch with her. After they talked, they both hung up. Steve’s life became uneventful once he started on his treatment plan with Dr. Barnes. His life consisted of making all his appointments, getting his medication, sometimes cleaning the house, watching television, or listening to music. Steve hadn’t been to church since he divorced his wife. Sean was preparing to attend college so he was very independent and didn’t seem to need much from his father because he had clothes, and every now and again, he would ask his dad for money, any other money he was getting Steve thought maybe his mother was giving it to him or he had a part-time job at school, which was where according to Sean he spends most of his time with extracurricular activities. Steve stopped going to flea markets, ball games, any dating, whereas his life became a treatment plan developed by Dr. Barnes who was the center of his life now. He wondered if this was the same life everyone who were in psychiatric

hospitals was like. However, he ed his mother always telling him to not forget God or go to church. Then again, he felt what would church do since he was diagnosed with a chronic illness. He quickly disquieted that thought because now he relied on a team of practitioners who were going to help him get through his illness. Steve had an appointment with Dr. Kelly; although he didn’t feel like going, he just wanted to stay at home where he continued to search for the smell in his house and yet hearing voices. He managed to attain enough strength to make his appointment so he cleaned himself up as much as he could because he didn’t want to appear disheveled because he sat around the house all the time and hardly ever go outside and just isolated himself captured by the voices that continues to seemly arrest him. He went inside and the receptionist acknowledged him and told him she would let the doctor know he had arrived. Moments later, the receptionist informed him that the doctor was ready for him, and he could go to her office since he now knew where it was. He walked in and the doctor greeted him, and he sat down at his usual spot and the doctor begun by asking him how his day was going, and he bashfully said okay, feeling anxious and yet hearing voices and preoccupied with imaginations. The doctor right away asked him if he was still hearing voices, and he said yes and that he couldn’t seem to get the smell out of his house. She asked him to describe the smell, and he said it was difficult to describe because it’s different than anything he smelled before, so the doctor further probed by asking him if smelled like an animal, musk, something sour, hospital smell, something dead, flowers, trying to trigger his memory of the smell. He said it smelled like something between dead and flowers. Dr. Kelly asked him how long had he had the odor in his house and he said, “It started just before I got a divorce, and it seemed like everything had changed. The voices came, the smell, and the neighbors started irritating me with their loud noises, and I no longer wanted my wife around me because we would argue about the smell because she was working with his next-door neighbors trying to get me out of the house so that they could take it over.” Dr. Kelly asked Steve what his wife was doing that made him think that she was trying to take the house from him, and he said that she was the one who caused the smell, and she kept denying it. His son said he didn’t smell anything, and he stayed inside the room all the time. Steve said when she would get up in the

middle of the night he knew she was plotting against him, but she would always deny it, so he became irritable when he was around her and that he no longer wanted to sleep in his bedroom and that her and the neighbors were plotting against him and wanted him out. Dr. Kelly asked Steve where the voices telling him that about his wife and neighbors and he said yes. And Dr. Kelly further probed in that line of questioning, and he said that the voices were telling him that he might as well end his life because they were going to take the house and he would be out on the streets and nowhere to go. Dr. Kelly asked him if he was hearing voices now, and Steve said he was, and Dr. Kelly asked Steve what the voices were telling him now. He said that there are spies in his house hiding and waiting for him to come home. At that time, Dr. Kelly asked Steve when he is scheduled to see Ms. Steward again, and he said next month because and that he had seen her already for the month. And Dr. Kelly asked Steve if he minded waiting in the receptionist’s room while she spoke with his team. Dr. Kelly called the receptionist and asked if Ms. Stewart was in today and the receptionist said that yes and she had a patient now then Dr. Kelly said to the receptionist to let her know as soon as she finishes with her current patient. Then she asked the receptionist if Dr. Barnes was in and the receptionist said that he is scheduled to be at the office at 11:00 a.m., which was about thirty minutes from their current time, and Dr. Kelly asked the receptionist to let her know as soon as he arrives. Dr. Kelly asked Steve to wait in the receptionist area because she wanted to speak with Dr. Barnes and Ms. Stewart before he left for home and asked Steve if he was hungry and did. He wanted anything to eat or drink because he can have one of the front office staff go and pick up whatever he wanted to eat or drink. And Steve said that he only ate cereal for breakfast, and he was a little hungry, so Dr. Kelly said to Steve to follow her as they went to the front office and she asked one of the front office personnel to go and get something to eat and drink for Steve and that she didn’t know what he wanted to eat so they will have to take his order, which was very common for the office personnel to get food for their patients all the time. So, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, and they would carry petty cash for those type of requests and bus tickets and taxi tokens for their patients. Dr. Kelly reassured Steve that one of the office personnel will get him something to eat and drink while he waits for his team to have a conference about his treatment plan. Steve appeared confused and stressed out. Dr. Kelly asked if he

will be able to eat while they were in conference and he said yes and that he could watch television while he also waits. Across from the reception area there was a small break room for the patients who wanted to eat or watch television, so they didn’t disturb others. This room has vending machines, table, chairs, and a television. Steve went into the break room where he felt a little more tolerable to the unexpected wait he encountered by his treatment team. He managed to contain himself while eating his meal and watching television. Meanwhile, Steve’s treatment team was finally available to have a conference and review Steve’s treatment plan. Whereas Steve’s treatment team who normally scheduled their conference for the end of month after everyone completed their treatment sessions, Dr. Kelly wanted to obtain the team’s opinion and suggestions regarding Steve’s treatment after she shared her treatment notes with the team and recommended that he be hospitalized. She questioned the team as to why did they allow Steve to drive on his own and on all the medication that he is on. Then Ms. Stewart said that she had been working on the transportation because she didn’t want him driving either, and she didn’t want to tell Steve until alternative transportation was available. Dr. Barnes inquired about the taxi tokens, and Ms. Stewart said that when she first asked the receptionist, they told her they had ordered more bus es and tokens and was waiting for them to arrive. As Steve’s treatment team discussed his present state, they agreed that it would be the best course of action, and Ms. Stewart agreed to speak with Steve and coordinate an ambulance to pick him up. The conference ended, and Dr. Kelly went to speak with Steve and informed him that they were going to make changes to his treatment and that Ms. Stewart would come to the break room and bring him to her office and discuss the changes. He said okay, ing that if there are any changes or information that it was understood it will come from Ms. Stewart. Ms. Stewart greeted Steve and asked that he come to her office and once they sat down, she began to explain to Steve that they, his treatment team, just finished their conference regarding his treatment and that they wanted to monitor his medication and to do that they would have to hospitalize him. He appeared confused and his thoughts were racing, so he was able to be coherent enough to ask about his home, his car outside, and his son and food for his son, so Ms. Stewart quickly reassured him that he had a team of and that she would take care of everything and for him not to stress over that, and that is why he has a team of and she wanted him to focus on his treatment and comply with the things they ask him to do. Next, Ms. Stewart prepared Steve for the expectations during his

hospitalization. Ms. Stewart next explained to Steve what a typical day was like in the hospital, so she could minimize the stressors he was feeling with the sudden changes in his treatment. Also, she informed him that the team will visit him more frequently than prior scheduled times. Ms. Stewart also informed Steve that they will be able to adjust his medication and run more tests than in their office settings and that he may or may not have a roommate and that it depends upon their availability and that they were going to request that he has his own room. She told him that nurses will constantly check up on him and ister medication and ensure that he had everything that he needs. Steve was trying to understand some of the boundaries and asked Ms. Stewart if he will be able to make phone calls, and she right away said yes but that he had to leave it at the nurse’s desk and just ask for it when he wanted to call someone. Things were moving fast for Steve and he didn’t have time to process everything before the ambulance came to pick him up, which also surprised him, and Ms. Stewart asked him for the keys to his car and his house so she can make sure everything is secure. This request, however, further exacerbated his paranoia and started to confirm that someone was after him. Ms. Stewart continued to reassure Steve that everything was going to be fine and for him to allow the paramedics to transport him to the hospital. Reluctantly, Steve complied and allowed the paramedics to strap him down on the gurney, and they took him and dropped him off to the local psychiatric hospital under Dr. Barnes’s orders. Once he arrived, his triage and ission were brief because Dr. Barnes explained via orders his purpose for being hospitalized. The nurse who performed triage and ission explained to Steve what the expectations were so that he could adjust to the milieu and had him sign all the necessary consent forms. Thirty minutes later, a nurse from the floor where Steve was assigned to come to receive him and escort him to his assign room, which at the time they had assigned him to a single room. Afterwards, they asked him if he wanted to eat something because he had just missed lunch and they could provide him with a snack until dinner was served, and Steve declined the offer and sat down on his bed still hearing voices and in his paranoia state. Next, there was the nutritionist who came to his room and explained to him how to complete his meal request for each day and left. Later a nurse who istered medication came to his room to explain to him about his medication and when they would be istered. All the attention made him feel more isolated with his

preoccupation of hearing voices and his paranoia. That day, Steve remained in his room most of the day except to eat dinner while the nurse came to his room to ister his medication. From all the excitement of the day, Steve went to sleep early and slept the entire night except for bathroom breaks. Early the next morning, Dr. Barnes visited Steve’s room where he was asleep and woke him, which startled Steve and Dr. Barnes asked him if he settled in and further explained to Steve the purpose for which he was hospitalized and reassured him that it was part of his treatment plan and asked Steve if he had any questions or concerns. Steve said no, while thinking that the sooner his treatment plan start the better he would feel and finally be able to sleep. Dr. Barnes informed him that Ms. Stewart and Dr. Kelly both would stop by sometime that day and speak with him, so he then left to visit his other patients. Steve managed to sleep a few more minutes until it was time for breakfast, rather he wanted to or not he had to eat something prior to the nurse istering his medication. Steve continued his isolation and remained in his rooms except to leave for meals. Dr. Kelly came to visit Steve that day just before lunch and spent fortyfive minutes with him while explaining her part of his treatment and reassuring him that she wanted him to feel safe and open about his feelings and the voices in his head. Meanwhile, the voices continued to ravage his mind, and they were telling him that everyone was crazy whereas he was beginning to believe them. After which he shut down trying to explain his paranoia and voices to Dr. Kelly because he felt that everyone was crazy for not hearing the same things he was. In silence, Dr. Kelly sat at the desk in an office on the floor and wrote notes and encouraged Steve to participate in the milieu activities and group therapy sessions on the floor and then she excused Steve, and he went back to his room and laid down while waiting for lunch. Later that day, Ms. Stewart came to visit Steve in the hospital, and he met her in one of the offices on the floor, and he appeared anxious to meet her and rightfully so. After all, she had the keys to his house and car, and he said to himself that she had his entire material life in her hands. Ms. Stewart right away let him know that she was returning his keys and would leave them at the front desk on the floor and explained to him that patients are not allowed to have contraband in their possession and his keys was considered contraband, and Steve thanked her for returning them. Ms. Stewart further explained what she was working on in regard to his treatment and informed him that he would not be returning to work and that she was working on his disability because with his condition, he would not be able

to work at a regular part-time or full-time job and also informed him that she had his car parked in front of his house and that she had gone inside his house to ensure that everything that could pose as a hazard would be turned off. Next she asked Steve about his banking and that if his checks from his job were set up on automatic deposit and he said yes, and she asked him how he was paying his bills, i.e., utilities and his rent. Steve informed her that his house was paid for before he inherited, and he only has to pay the taxes on it once a year, and she asked him if everything was current and he said and that his bills are on auto-pay, and he only pays his property tax when they become due. She was surprised that he had everything in order considering his condition. Steve questioned his fringe benefits given that he had been on the job since he had been working on his job since he was eighteen. And Ms. Stewart said that they would address that issue once his disability started and not to be concerned with those sorts of things right now because he is technically still employed by his company. Steve appeared to be okay with the explanation that was given to him. He then asked Ms. Stewart how long before the disability starts, and she replied that it does take a while; but since he was under a psychiatrist care, they may be able move it along rather quickly. She then reiterated why she was on his team of treatment so that he can work on feeling better, and she would take care of the other things and that he can call her anytime and if she is not in her office just leave a message and she would return his call and that he is allowed to use the phone anytime during the day on the floor, and that he can only have visitors on Sunday’s between 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., and that his visitors are not allowed to bring him anything from outside unless its clothes and that they would have to leave it at the front desk on the floor. His paranoia spiked when he heard that because of his hallucination and the voices were telling him that he was in prison and that they were taking everything from him. During his hospitalization, he would often isolate while preoccupied with his hallucinations to the point where he started responding to the voices in his head. What’s more, he couldn’t reconcile the dilemma that had arrested him and consumed him like it did. He asked himself how could it be that in his marriage he was happy, had a child, and then one day everyone turned against him and now he is labeled a schizophrenic, which he found out after he was hospitalized that Dr. Barnes gave him a diagnoses and noted it in his medical record when he was hospitalized. As he continued to have conversations with the voices in his head, while isolated and withdrawn in his room, he felt that there has to be

something that he missed during those years while in his preoccupation of reconciling the dilemma that has him hostage. He told the voices that although he couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t sleep in a dark room, and with his invisible friend name Melvin who he thinks is a real person while carrying around in a recycled green piece bag, he thought he was a positive person. However, Steve was relentless in his conviction that they were not going to make a guinea pig or drug addict out of him. What Steve didn’t realize was that throughout the episodes of his delusions, voices, paranoia, hallucinations, is that he had encountered multiple hospitalizations before his current hospitalization and that everyone on his team of treatment went along with his delusions, voices, paranoia, and hallucinations after they had tested him years ago, plus the genetic component, because they didn’t want to trigger any animation or if it would incite a reason for him to shut down and not continue his medication regime. That which arrested his thoughts and preoccupied him with delusional reasoning wouldn’t allow him to reconcile why every time he went to a public event, he would end up in the hospital, which prevented him from ever ing those episodes and for him always troubles the innocence of his heart that this was the first of his hospitalization and that the rehearse rhetoric from those around him who would attempt to appease the innocence of his heart rather than to compete with the dilemma that have arrested his mind. As he grasped with the submission to mental state that arrested any kind of rational explanation to the voices he constantly hears and the hallucinations that search for that directive that leads to dizzying turmoil, yet brings him back to the same environment that he thought was a onetime visitation that time calculated numerous hospitalizations that he had mistaken for déjà vu. It took him nine times before his mind accepted his delusions that interrupted his false sense of lucidity until the full effect of his medication. The recurrence sequence of the veil of voices manipulated the illness to cogitating unreasonable deductions to sojourn medication and hospitalizations during brief visits of sanity. During those brief visits of sanity, he was able to deliberate what his son might be enduring from the constant changes from one family member to the next during his multiple hospitalizations, and all of whom he had ed judgement on as distant undesirables. During the intermissions of voices, he surrendered to a treaty between the voices and his brief sanity that he will remain on his medication as his travels with delusions at least will be prisoned. He then governed his medication with the hope that his incarcerated voices will bring a

stability to give voice to his sanity. As he continued respirations of his treaty while continuing his hospitalizations, his team found a medicine that would be more of a comfort than previous attempts. It didn’t resolve the deliberations of voices, but it did minimize the hospitalizations for over a year. He delighted in the milestones that once cheated him through moments of hopelessness. Although he was told that the medication had side effects that Steve did not consider, but the prolonged existence of the hope he had imagined, he continued to disregard the thoughts that could silence the brief sanity he had envisioned interacting with both his family and friends and how they may perceive him in his dilemma. Whereas some thought he was weird, some thought he was demon possessed, and some thought that his mind snapped and would never be the same. After hope became a reliable pastime, he acclimated himself to the norms of society where he works as a volunteer at a local nonprofit charity organization that serviced the underserved in the community. He became one of their food servers when the homeless individuals and families came for meals. During this time, he was on weekly appointments with different of his team as they cultivated a treatment that minimized any inducements of his psychosis. After time ed from multiple hospitalizations, he was awarded SSI (supplemental security income), which meant that his once commitment to his job and working long hours mitigated the stressors of that part of his environment that sponsored some the symptoms that he now controls with medication. Although Steve’s psychosis was never mitigated, the hope that haunted him was that he felt he would one day overcome his mental illness. Dr. Barnes through his attempts to modify Steve’s medication to reduce the psychotic episodes brought on more side effects that exposed new symptoms. Steve would become frustrated with his condition to where he would bang his head against the wall, self-mutilating, and at even set himself on fire. Sometimes the voices would pierce through his medication and convince him that he was evil and the fact that he is volunteering doesn’t make him good. The longest he had gone without hospitalization was two and a half years, afterwards for a moment or two. However, there were two things that continued to jeopardize the treaty he had established between his sanity and his psychosis and that was the voices coercing him to self-destroy. One day after a long drought of not hearing from anyone, he received a phone

call from Mike, his longtime best friend, and he picked up the phone and answered it. They talked and reminisced about the good ole days, and Mike said that he was finally going to get married to his longtime girlfriend, and he wanted Steve to be there even though he knew of the setbacks Steve had experienced, he wanted him to come anyway. Steve hadn’t smiled or been this genuinely happy for a long time, and he told Mike that he would be there. Mike asked him if he wanted to be picked up because he knew Steve didn’t drive anymore, and Steve said he would have Uber pick him up and drop him off. Steve arrived at the wedding location where Mike was to be married and suddenly realized that he didn’t buy the bride and groom a gift, so he said to himself that he would go and buy a gift after the wedding vows and during the reception when everyone was busy. After the wedding vows, Steve immediately set off to buy a wedding gift nearby because the location was near a mall, so it was convenient for him to walk being that it was close. He stopped at an ATM machine, which was down the street from the mall in the same direction. He put in his card to get $200 because he wanted to give Mike and his newlywed cash and a nice wedding card. As he was taking his cash out, two guys had been watching him. And as he proceeded to walk toward the mall, the two guys came up from behind him and stuck something into his back that felt like a gun by its distinct impression into his back, and they directed him toward a nearby park and by it being on a busy street people mostly drove in that area. When they got to the park, they took all his cash and credit cards, cell phone, and begun to beat on him as if he was a targeted terrorist. Steve became unconscious. When he finally came to, which seemed like hours, he attempted to walk back to the hall where the wedding was being held and when he arrived everyone was gone. Not having any money or cell phone, he proceeded to walk home. It took Steve almost two hours to walk home, and when he arrived, he went into his house and sat on the living room sofa and went into a catatonic state and remained there for the next day and a half. Afterwards, Steve became depressed and he made an appointment to see Dr. Barnes. Dr. Barnes prescribed medication for his depression, but Steve felt it worked against his psychosis, so his depression further exacerbated where he experienced a catatonic state on three occasions. After the robbery incident, Steve was convinced that he was an evil person, and the voices was telling him that during the robbery they should have killed him and was telling him to kill himself. Steve surrendered to the voices once again

where he made several suicide attempts that resulted in hospitalizations. The voices started telling him that he would never be anything and that he is a nobody and will always be beaten up because he wasn’t strong enough to protect himself and that he would never have a girlfriend or wife again. Steve attempted another treaty with the voices while fighting for another moment of sanity and ed a gym where he worked out as if he was training for the Olympics. Steve became huge and his appearance changed and his body broke out from a case of acne and weight gain from the many medications that was prescribed. By this time, Steve’s treatment team started noticing his face breaking out and the changes in his physic and asked him if he had been working out or if he had bought weights or ed a gym, and he replied that he had been working out at the gym. Ms. Stewart inquired about his face breaking out and that she would discuss it with Dr. Barnes, and they may be able to prescribe medication to help him get rid of the acne. Steve became very animated and said that he wasn’t going to take any additional medication, and he left his treatment meeting and went home. That next week, the receptionist from the office where he was being treated called and informed Steve that Dr. Barnes want to see him on that Thursday, and he confirmed his appointment by assuring the receptionist that he would make his appointment. When Steve arrived at the treatment building, the receptionist called Dr. Barnes and informed him that Steve had arrived, and Dr. Barnes informed the receptionist to have him come straight to the office. When he arrived at the door to Dr. Barnes’s office, he saw his entire treatment team sitting around a table, and they all spoke as he entered. Dr. Kelly started the conversation by apprising Steve of their desire to change his treatment plan. Next, Dr. Barnes asked Steve if he had ever heard of ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) and Steve said no. Dr. Barnes began to explain the therapy to Steve and its effects and side effects. Dr. Barnes tried to persuade him to undergo this treatment and that it will give him some degree of relief whereas it would reduce the number of medications that he was given and place his psychosis in remission. Steve agreed to the ECT and underwent treatment where he noticed a 180-degree change to the point that he thought he had mitigated his mental illness. He said he would do anything to salvage what’s left of his life and bring relief to the pain of bowing to the voices and the turmoil that have taken over and held him

hostage for so many years. After Steve underwent ECT, the pain had dissipated, and he was on minimal medication and overall felt better where he thought it was over and that he could enjoy a near normal life. Those moments of superficial utopia lasted for almost a year, and his symptoms came back with a grudge and vengeance where he had lapse back into a more submerged state of despair. The ritual captivated his attention and systematically started hearing the voices and banging his head again with an added ingredient of cutting himself that wasn’t part of his prior ritual. During his sobriety of recessed pain, Steve not only worked out intensively but also read up on the characters of his dilemma and found that some people undergo treatment and nothing works for them where they venture through life of treatment, experimental treatment, multiple hospitalizations, and life of loneliness whereas the culprit is their mind. Steve was determined not to be a part of the statistic that surmised the small percentage of patients who never recover. Once he had experienced the moments of superficial utopia, he wanted it back and chose to live even if it took him to undergo ECT again. Weighing the odds of captivity and moments of superficial utopia, he chooses ECT. Steve rationalized within the space where a sanity resides cheered for his life’s future and not a time in his life. From nights of not sleeping, Steve felt the need to call his son who was now a college student and asked him to call his doctor, Dr. Barnes, who was the head of his treatment team and speak with him about his illness because it would explain all the episodes he was experiencing so that his son wouldn’t blame himself or his mom. What’s more to ensure that if anything happened to him that someone would handle his affairs. Although his son resisted his behaviors and rebuked his actions, Steve could recall the hurt that his son must have felt because he cried even from a young age every time he was hospitalized. And as Sean grew older, he always rejected his mental illness either out of ignorance or because he didn’t want to be associated with someone who were mentally ill. It also made Steve sad that he could never reconcile when the many times he had awaken in the hospital not knowing how he had gotten there and knowing that his son was being moved from family member to family member and how it must have taken toll of his life. From the jolt of not having the Saturday morning breakfast and hearing him

talk about what he wants to do in life, and now having no one to talk to about his dreams and his future. However, Steve squeezed hope and bravery to not let go even through his episodes of being held hostage and the relationship his head had with the wall that received the echo of his pain as if it was a pacifier to his suffering. The hope that he harnessed had him believing that his illness would surrender to hope and not return. Although Steve wanted his son to know everything; but his son, Sean, just wanted his dad to get better and regain some sort of father and son relationship without having to see and hear the darkness that life exposes in a person who exhibited suffering. Steve could recall how his son would avoid him and stay in the room, and Steve thought that it was what young people do stay in their room, but Steve realized it was his son’s way of surviving the unexplained behaviors his father was exhibiting. One time, Steve ed when his son left him in the living room for two days wallowing in his confusion where he was saturated in wine with no food or water. Steve often deliberated in his mind between the psychosis and brief moments of sanity of how mental illness had raided his household and his friends of experiencing life with him and without mental illness. When Steve finished his second treatment of ECT, he resumed his volunteer work but with limited time spent each day and his treatment team continued to monitor his treatment for compliance with his medication and other task they scheduled for him. Dr. Kelly, his psychotherapist, no longer needed to schedule him for intense therapy and would only see him on a monthly basis unless he needed to talk about his issues. However, Ms. Stewart became the point woman for his treatment because she was responsible for his ADLs (activities daily living), which included ensuring that he had food, bills were paid, the upkeep of his house, and reminded him to maintain his medication regiment. After Dr. Barnes had concluded thoroughly examining Steve, his prognosis after Steve’s preliminary diagnosis, he was diagnosed with dual diagnosis major depression and schizophrenia. Therefore, most of his treatment after ECT was medication management and with his social worker, Ms. Stewart. Steve had a terrible time coming to grips with his family and friend’s avoidance of his mental illness and his desire to interact with them rather than they are attaching a stigma onto him as “demon possessed.” Also, he couldn’t reconcile the lack of concern, love, and the isolation imposed upon him as if he had leprosy other than mental illness. And he thought that now his treatment team’s

answer to everything is whether he took his medications or not. So, he wondered where the comfort in that was, his family and friends didn’t understand. He thought about others who were in the hospital at times when he was itted and noticed that they had systems in place, he noticed that others family and friends would visited them and sit with them and bring cards and sometimes letters during visiting hours and where was his family and friends. The self-pity would set in and that portrayed leprosy would extend beyond his mind to the point where the response was not that anyone would come to his aide, but family and friends’ response was that they hoped and prayed that it didn’t happen to them. Steve felt that society’s answer to your mental illness is that one should go away or be hidden and not in public the “out of mind out of sight” attitude rather than accepting mental illness as a chronic illness as with any other chronic disease. Notwithstanding their fears that they are one mental breakdown away from experiencing the same pain and suffering as he has undergone. Whereas the good day he experiences with mental illness consumes the brief sanity with hope and that society would at least label him as crazy rather than the treatment of a leper. During those good days, he tried to take inventory of societal norms that he concurred with while seizing the likeness of listening to music, walking in the park, cooking, watching television as if it’s a tally on his equivalence of similarities, although superficial as he tries to pierce the veil of acceptability, without alluding to the partition of what society view as normal and abnormal behaviors. However, he felt that society didn’t understand that it is a death sentence, and when suicidal attempts are carried and not successfully executed, it becomes a postponement of that death sentence and the medication is the appeal process until the next execution day. Steve felt that Dr. Barnes, his psychiatrist, was responding as a human being who doesn’t want to accept failure when he is told that the medication isn’t working and that it is him who is doing something wrong by either manipulating medication or not abiding by the instructions given to him. Where is the dignity in that if you can’t hear my silence? Or he thought would, it be more acceptable to society for him to walk down the street and persevere with a conversation with a miniature plastic army man to supplement his argument against the voices inside his head or would that be weird as well? Or he thought would society want to confiscate miniature plastic army man rather than deferring judgement to hear my silence.

Schizophrenia is like going to war for him and he is outnumbered and confused as to which command to obey, and when he attempts to avoid the commands, he tries to silence the commands by employing the executioner but only to find that it wasn’t the time. But he finds that his spirit in constant battle to convince him that he overshadows the commands by invoking his nuclear options to counter the commands with hope. It suffocated him to the point of force-feeding hope into his spirit. To walk around unknown surroundings while unable to bring together enough words to pierce through the voices and ask for directions without the repercussions of hearing how weird you act or look, Steve would observe people casting judgement upon his silence as a way disregard his presence and his spirit which cry for help. And he felt people would shred the leftovers of his dignity and replace it with such insult as if he was faking that which consumed so much of his life. The fears and anxiety he would feel from day to day while having his mind ruptured and torn apart by the delusions and voices that had arrested him and weren’t letting go anytime soon. However, he continued to be befuddled by the illusion that perhaps one more diabolical challenge could be overcame by another ECT treatment and that maybe this will be the panacea for hope of a resolve that lingers inside of him. Steve underwent another treatment of ECT, and after a few days, he was feeling better and began to engage in activities that once he enjoyed. He wanted to go to the flea market that he and Mike so often visited and walked around while enjoying interacting with others. As so he thought, but he would need to ride the bus and on Sundays the bus service was very slow so that was discouraging enough for him not to attempt, so he chose to stay at home and watch sports entertainment. Out of the blue, Steve received a call from Larry the elder at the hall and Larry asked him how he was doing and apologized for not following up with him until now. Steve told Larry that he was doing good although even if it was superficial and said that he has been in treatment, and they seem to be trying everything they can to help him, but he does have some good days. Larry asked Steve if he wanted him to visit for counseling, and Steve said no but thanked him anyway for the call. Larry then asked Steve if he would like to come to the hall and Steve said no plus, he no longer drives because of his condition, and Larry said that could come and pick him up. Meanwhile, Steve felt that Larry was probing into his business after not hearing from him in so long, so Steve rejected the thought of anyone from his past showing concern after what he had experienced in the past. Steve finally ended the call after Larry realized that Steve wasn’t interested.

After the call, Steve started realizing that he verbally chopped Larry’s head, who may have been sincerely concerned and that he may have called after a long time because others took his time away and that maybe he wasn’t being nosey but genuinely concerned about his welfare. Steve went back to watching sports entertainment until it begun watching him, and he began to settle in his thoughts about life’s outlook for him will truly be a revolving door of medication every day and treatments of ECT and if this was going to be defined as his quality of life. As Steve was thinking about how every time he attempted to go anywhere other than the doctor’s office, pharmacy, and the grocery store, and sometimes performing volunteer work was that going to be the summation of his life. No one other than his treatment team came to the house and no longer interacted with neighbors at all. Steve’s determination to get better became an obsession where he was willing to try anything that would improve his outlook on life. One day while trying to tidy up the house, he ran across a picture of his mother, which gave him pause. So he started looking for more old pictures, and while he was rummaging through the dining room china cabinet drawers, which was a place he rarely looked through because it was a favorite of his mom’s, so he held on to it and forgot that his mother kept a lot of keepsakes in those drawers. Because every time she wanted him to see something when he was growing up, she always reached for something in the china cabinet. He ran across a Bible and pictures fell out, and it was pictures that were taken at the church she attended while he was growing up. And on the inside of front cover it had her writing and it wrote: “Only God Can Do It.” That caused him to ponder so he started wondering, was his mother sending him a message from her grave on this day at this time, or could it be a coincidence that he happened to see a picture and one thing led to another, or was it God who wanted him to see the inside of the Bible at that particular time? Then he wondered if it was guilt because he hadn’t been to church in a while. He ed when he was growing up and attending church how radical they were back then and would say things about hell and the devil that had him scared him, and he didn’t really enjoy attending when the pastor spoke about hell and the devil. This was his justification of why he doesn’t attend church. However, it had Steve thinking about the last time he attended church was with his ex, Stefani. He thought maybe his mother, God, or somebody was giving him a sign that he might want start going back to church, so he quickly ruled that idea out and thought that his mind was playing tricks on him. So he suddenly put all the pictures back and the Bible and shut the drawer to the china cabinet. Steve’s

mind started racing as to why the china cabinet was his mother’s favorite piece of furniture in the entire house and why he went through it out of all the days he has been living there and why today. So, Steve resumed his cleaning of the house but couldn’t shake what he read on the inside cover of the Bible. He then wondered if another voice was introducing itself; however, he couldn’t shake off the age he had read. After cleaning the house, he wasn’t tired like other times when he cleaned the house. Steve had this wild idea since he no longer drove and he didn’t want to ride the bus to the flea market that he would go outside and walk around the neighborhood since he hadn’t attempted to that in years, so he saw that it was a nice day outside so he changed clothes to go outside for a walk, which was something completely out of the norms of his day and which was limited activity and not the least of which changing clothes on the same day. Steve started walking in the neighborhood and about three blocks over from his house, he happened to look around the area as if he was on tour. And as he was looking around, his eyes caught this car that had license plates that said “GDCNDOIT,” and he suddenly looked around to see if someone was following him and saw no one so he kept walking occasionally looking back and over his shoulders. And as he was walking around in his neighborhood, he ed grocery stores, liquor stores, clothing stores, various eateries, and churches; and as he was ing by this one church in the neighborhood he saw on the marquee, “GOD CAN DO IT,” and then he said to himself that’s it somebody is messing with his head. He thought about his ECT treatment he underwent a few days ago and that maybe it wasn’t working anymore for him, so he proceeded to walk toward home and that his idea to walk around the neighborhood was over. Now this became the preoccupation obsession of his thoughts. It appeared Steve couldn’t elude what he had witness while cleaning the house and walking around the neighborhood. Once he returned home, he started thinking back to when he was growing up and the influence his mother had on him and always reminded him that when God is part of your life that he could overcome any adversity. As Steve slumped down on the couch, he thought of how rarely he went to church after his mother had died, and it didn’t occur to him before about God or attending church and resisted going to the hall by invitations of his best friend Mike nor Larry who was one of the elders of the hall. He then started thinking and asking questions to himself as to where God was when he started having these mental problems. And he thought that maybe he

wouldn’t have to undergo ECT if God were there to help him. After all, he thought when he did attend church, he ed people saying that they were healed and delivered, he felt that it should have happen to him. As the thoughts continued to overshadow him, he ed how his mother died of diabetes and she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was never delivered from her illness. So, after he realized that his questions were unanswerable at the time, he gave God a of his mother’s death. Steve felt he was thinking too much into what had witnessed with the writing on the inside of the Bible and the license plates and the words on the church marquee and decided that it was nothing but a mere coincidence. A few weeks had gone by and Steve was at his home, and he was looking for his prescriptions that Dr. Barnes had given him to renew his medication and where he thought they weren’t there. So Steve started searching through the house as he was trying to where he had put his prescriptions, and it seemed like all of his special places where he had placed things so he wouldn’t forget wasn’t in those places. He was looking through all the drawers in the house and the prescriptions were nowhere to be found. He stood still in the middle of the dining room and started scanning the room, and he looked over at the china cabinet and ed that it was the only place he didn’t check for his prescriptions. But then he thought as to why they would in the china cabinet drawers because that’s where his mother kept all of her things, so he didn’t ever placing anything in those drawers, so he decided he would check since all of his special places he checked he didn’t find his prescriptions. Steve ed that the last time he saw his prescriptions was when he was cleaning up the house and looked through the china cabinet draws and was looking at some old pictures of family . So, while standing up in the middle of the dining room, he thought that by some unknown reason that his prescriptions could be in the drawer where he spent time looking through pictures. So, as he was looking through the china cabinet drawers, he didn’t see his prescriptions. Steve started looking through opened envelops, scanning through pages of books, pamphlets, shuffling papers that were in one of the drawers; and he still didn’t see his prescriptions until he picked up the Bible and turned it upside down and out fell his prescriptions. Steve was perplexed as to how they could have ended up in the Bible of all places. And he thought maybe that could be a sign that he should attend church or his mother was trying to communicate to him. He said to himself that he

hopes the ghost of his mother wasn’t creeping around the house because he had heard about people’s loved ones coming to them in dreams. So he thought it couldn’t be his mother because he hadn’t thought of her since her death, and he thought either way it was getting a little creepy because he had never put anything in those china cabinet draws and how did it end up there. Then Steve ed the day when he first went into the china cabinet and found the pictures and the writings inside of the cover of the Bible and what he saw when he walked around the neighborhood that day. He then paused and said to himself that maybe he needs to start going back to church. As he was having his inner conversation with himself, the voices and his delusions could be coming back and that he needed the prescriptions filled and so he went to fill his prescriptions. For Steve to have his prescriptions filled, he had to take a bus to the pharmacy, which is a mile and half from his house, and he never walked in that direction. He wasn’t too familiar with the area and didn’t want to leave anything to chance because he had been robbed once by walking in unfamiliar areas, so he rode the bus. While standing at the bus stop, he could see the church that had the letters on the marquee “GOD CAN DO IT,” so it convinced him that maybe it was a sign that he needs to start attending church services like he did growing up and that he felt now it may be time to do something different. His bus arrived and he rode it to the pharmacy and rode another bus back to his house. What’s more, he couldn’t shake off the intensity he was feeling, so he was convinced that he had to do something different, but he didn’t really know what he should be doing. When Steve arrived home, the first thing he did was try and find the number to the church that he once attended while his mother was living because he knew that they provided bus service to and from the church. So, he found the telephone number and called, and the voice mail came on and gave instructions on how to reserve a pickup for church and to call back the day before pickup to make reservations. The day before Steve wanted to attend church, he called and made reservations for that Sunday to be picked up. After he hung up the phone, he started feeling anxious, and his mind raced with “what-ifs” until he was able to deflect his anxiety while preparing his dinner. After he ate his dinner, he sat down on the sofa; and before he could turn on the television, he began a series of rationalizations as to why he was going to attend church at this time in his life. He knew it couldn’t hurt or harm him by attending, but he started thinking about all the attention he would receive if some of the people were there who were

attending at the time he last attended. Steve started panicking while justifying if it was really a good idea, and perhaps he should attend another church where no one knew him where he could be in/out right after the service and at least he could satisfy doing something different. The morning of church, Steve awakened to his big day to do something different. He first went downstairs to prepare breakfast, and while he was preparing breakfast, one of the bus drivers called to ask for directions. Steve gave him the address and asked the driver for his estimated time of pickup, and the driver explained to Steve that they pick up based upon the call-ins and that he was one of the last ones who called in, so he would pick him up for church around 10:30 a.m. and that he would arrive at church before it starts at 11:00 a.m. so it would give him plenty of time to be seated in the main auditorium. Steve said okay because it knew it would give him plenty of time to eat, take his medication, and shower without having to rush. After Steve was dressed and waiting on the sofa, his mind started racing again with all kinds of thoughts as to why it wasn’t a good idea. The driver from the church arrived and blew the horn twice and finally called Steve on the phone and asked him if he was ready. Out of the blue, Steve told the driver that he had changed his mind, and he wouldn’t attend this Sunday and the driver said to him okay, but whatever he is going through in his life and if he needed someone to talk to, save his number and that he would pray for him so that “God can do it.” Steve hung up and was wondering how he knew to say that and with exaggeration was thinking that he had seen signs everywhere that was saying the same thing and what it really meant, maybe it was this church who was following him. He then quickly ruled that idea out of his mind because he hadn’t attended that church in so long and hadn’t seen any of the parishioners so that couldn’t be it. Steve decided to watch television, so before he sat down, he went upstairs and began to change the clothes he had on for church. And while he was changing, the thought resurfaced in his mind: “God Can Do It.” And suddenly, his mother’s voice echoed through his mind, and he heard her say, “Son, don’t forget to pray every day.” He thought about it as he was changing clothes how he hadn’t prayed in a long time and in fact since his mother died. So, he litigated those thoughts and convinced himself that he would add prayer to the list of things to do during his daily routine. He finished changing clothes and proceeded to go downstairs to watch television, and when he reached the foot of the stairs, a quiet

voice came to him and it said, “Pray.” It stunned him, and as he was heading toward the sofa and before he could reach the sofa, he felt something pulling him toward the dining room, so he resisted and stood there looking around and saw that he didn’t put the Bible back into the drawer, and he ed when he was looking for his prescriptions he was pulling things out of the china cabinet so he thought that’s what was pulling him so he went over and picked up the Bible and the other things that he had taken out of the drawer and while trying to pick up everything at once off the dining room table, he dropped everything. And as he was picking up the Bible, he saw where his mother had highlighted some of the scriptures, and he read one that said in Psalms 145:18–19: “The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear him: He also will hear their cry and save them.” Tears began to fall down Steve’s eyes and his knees buckled, and he couldn’t maintain his posture and Steve blurted out while the tears rolling down his face and knees that could barely keep him standing erect and said, “Lord, can you hear my silence!” “If anyone among you suffering? Let him pray” (James 5:13). “This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his comions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. He sitteth alone and keepeth silence” (Lamentations 3:21–28). He thought that after all of his suffering, next he will share what God did for him after God responded.

About the Author

Over the years, Dr. Davis has been involved in community organizations where he has sat on boards and worked in hospital settings where he worked with patients with mental illness as well as professional clients. The author later streamlines his commitment to helping individuals and families to where he primarily counseled couples who had experienced an ime in either their relationship or their marriage from a biblical perspective. The author is well grounded in clear understanding of marriage and family development as well as its pathology and deficits. He brings a sound balance of methodical treatment planning and ability to spontaneously respond to all interactions with clients. He developed the “Eyroy Method” where he integrates cognitive-behavioral techniques and a psychodynamic appreciation for their needs along with biblical principles and been able to help many effect changes. The author is a gentle, bright, and caring man who offers an authenticity and depth of concern for other that pervades his work.

Dr. Alicia Ross.

For more information, please go to www.Heartfeltcounselor.com or email [email protected]