Confessions Of A Bleeding Mind 5hu10

Confessions of a Bleeding Mind

Simple Addi

Copyright

© 2016 by Elliott Knick.

ISBN: Softcover 978-1-5245-0605-6 eBook 978-1-5245-0604-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 06/03/2016

Xlibris 1-888-795-4274 www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

Confessions of a bleeding mind

Round 2

Round 3

Thought 1

Thought 2

Thought 3

Thought 4

Thought 5

Thought 6

Thought 7

Thought 8

Thought 9

Thought 10

Thought 11

Thought 12

Thought 13

Thought 14

Thought 15

Thought 16

Thought 17

The Blood Has Pooled

A Foot Print

The Blood Splatter

A Hand Print

Bloody Knife

Broken Mirror

Ink Covered Soul

Let the ink flow

The Pen Glides on the Page

EK’s Chronicles

EK’s Perspectives

Money

Tragedy

Purpose

Love

Invisible

Psyche Ward

Reminisce

Work

Good Times

Car Ride

Time

Confessions of a bleeding mind

I know people around me don’t like this But I feel so fucking righteous Throw my hands onto my chest To feel my lungs compress Please don’t say to me that you care Cuz those words just turn to air And I can hardly feel the breeze Why’s it so god damn hard to breathe Bump bump how my heart should beat But here my heart is stuck to freeze And my lungs keep pumpin please believe These words come not from me But a past life and who I used to be So sit and watch me bleed And notice this while you read How my heart and soul come out this pen But hey than again I guess I’m just outta luck Cuz my heart just got stuck Watchin my soul turn to ash

And just like time this all will My sanity’s slowly slippin What the hell am I missin Is it love? Nope that’s just a lie Sometimes makes me wanna cry But I’m all out of tears Sat down and faced all my fears But didn’t help just made the pain a little deeper And the hill I’m on a little bit steeper Confessions of a bleeding mind Believe me we’re not hard to find Just take a look around And listen for our sound Thoughts snowball to a vision Just sit down and listen Cuz I don’t have 20/20 And sometimes the pictures get fuzzy They blur a little more each day I don’t know what else to say Except they’ve finally beat me And soon I’ll be lost completely

But wait a minute oh no I thought I was the brightest soul I can’t fall through the floor Into a place no one should go Please take these thoughts away from me Give me one more peaceful sleep But you know I’m gonna lose No matter what I choose My destiny’s to die So please don’t ever cry That would be one more failure And my lists already too long to tell ya So please read my words And understand that I’m cursed It’s no one’s fault but mine And I can take the pain its fine So knock me down 1 more time Go ahead and hit me till I bleed But it’s not my time to leave So I’ll deal with it once again Just me and this fucking pen

Round 2

Get these thoughts outta my head Sometimes I wish I was dead Hangin on by a thread Lying in my bed But it still feels like Fallin from the roof to a steel spike And I still might just recover from this mind set But I do bet That I’m gonna regret Being alive and not takin the chance To quit, but at a glance It looks like I already have Then my mind sags To this bottomless pit Of despair, oh shit Maybe I’m already dead And this is hell trapped in my head Seems like I’ve lost grip of reality And one more time man I’m brought to my knees But then it dawned on me

Finally the clock ticks on me And with one word I move the cosmos And with one verse I know what I know With one song I stop the time But I’ll start the time When I’m finished with my rhyme And once I’m done Don’t you worry I’ve just begun To move the stars in my favor But it’s takin too much labor I’m gonna stop drinkin It’s messin with my thinking Got me doin things Strange things That make no sense to me But it just might be I found my x factor in women I got a weakness my mind is swimming Thoughts of two bodies shinin Imagining the grinding The power and ion of lust

Got me caught up In my own head Man look what they said I knew it was all downhill So I grabbed my sled and still I guess I forgot the climb back But luckily I brought my back pack Full of paxil and seroquel To pick me up if I should fall My mom prayin please oh lord Grant my son pardon from his flaws Toss his story into the wind Get a blank book and start again Rewrite my pages Have it told by sages A great tale throughout the ages But I’m ahead of myself Sometimes I refuse the help Cuz my mind is racin And it’s got me pacin The same three halls

All these white fucking walls I trip slip and fall Off the wagon again No more happy calls This is the life I’m livin in My story soaked in sin And placed on my conscience Man this is fucking nonsense Dreams of bleeding out These thoughts keep creepin out Takin their place in my head While I lie up in bed Daymares turn to nightmares All the thoughts comin in pairs And triplets Every minute I mean shit Visions of streams of blood Fillin my bath tub And as I gasp and struggle Until the very last bubble This thought occurred to me

Man this what’s got to be

Round 3

Get the fuck up The time is now Don’t be a bitch stand up And I know how Quit the bitchin and the groanin And get these girls moanin The intellect has exploded Time to unload it Unto the masses And blow their brains out their asses Cause my mind is quick And my lyrics are sick Too sick to spit in your general direction You’re just an infection but hey, so am I We need to be immunized And next time it won’t be a try Next time I’ll float to the sky But then quickly plummet To my eternal punishment

We all got to go sometime And when I go it was just my time I’m left to this world of hurt I’m cursed Every time the pain stops A new one starts Only more intense Grabbin the electric fence With the voltage raisin higher and higher And I’m the lab rat that can’t stop touchin Until my hands stop clutchin Take this paper and give me a million paper cuts Toss me in the ocean Watch open cuts Bleed into the water Sharks around me don’t bother I want them to tear me apart Anything to stop my heart I’ve lost touch with reality Cause nothing ever seems real to me thousand thoughts runnin through my mind

See somethings wrong I find I can’t find the words Or articulate my verbs Everything’s a blur To me, images and words Seem to fly by like birds On their way to migrate I can’t even meditate I’ve been locked up too long And I’m runnin out of songs I hope someone comes along Cause I’ve sent the sos But still no progress Please won’t you come save me? The things I’m gonna do to you Some might make you swoon Some call me a sex genius Ill touch the right spot and have you screamin Oh my god what just happened The response I get when I’m tappin Girl I know your anatomy

So open those legs and you’ll see That I have my MD in gynecology Touchin parts you didn’t know were there Time to mess up that hair You’ll have a hard time walkin And might stutter while you’re talkin So come spend one night with me Guarantee it will set you free

Thought 1

Take a look in the mirror And as your face gets clearer Examine your features We’re all interesting creatures Don’t be ashamed anymore Open up and explore What your insides are for It may be hard at first Some things may hurt There are people who will help If you’re willing to reach out It would be good for your health To get all the poison out Accepting help you may doubt But give it a chance Though it’s hard at a glance Asking is a sign of strength To go to any length

To make things right Use your insight, so that tonight All your struggles disappear tonight

Thought 2

I push and struggle Still trapped in a bubble Broken up and jaded Cause of a single girl still hate it Shouldn’t give her the power Placed her up in a high tower With her stuck in my mind No relationship of mine Will ever be fine Sabotaging one after another It’s a bad state I do need a lover One will come along one of these days How to get rid of this ex Why can’t she go away Because the girl who’s next Will be punished For the sins of my ex I feel sick to my stomach

And once again I plummet Back to the cold and isolation Underground feeling the vibrations Of the living world above Needing someone to love That inspires me A woman that lights that fire under me We all need a good push at times To many nights I’m lost in my mind Hoping she gets here soon Before the sadness blooms And this depression becomes my tomb

Thought 3

An angel has now fallen The sky has now swollen A storm is coming Skies weeping over the loss Devil has thrown blood on the cross Poor angel she has been lost Without her wings she can’t come home Stranded on earth so alone She sits alone and weeps As the devil’s voice creeps Whispering deep in her ear Not inducing any fear Saying I can help just listen to me You’re lonely I can be your friend Unlike God I mean where is he?? Let me help you mend No more worry I’ll take care of you Look out for you too

Let me guide you Deep inside you, you know you want me to Now the devil, what a shame Has found an angel’s soul to claim

Thought 4

Walking the same path as before A little light is all I’m looking for So privileged, I get the grand tour Of the universe and what we’re here for Reality distorts and flips in this dimension With wonders too complex to mention So magical it’s captured my attention What to do with this gift I’ve been given Why can’t I be driven Everyone else makes it look so easy Bull dozers can’t move me Need the TV to center me Just haven’t found any reason Moods shift with the seasons Pluck my guitar for an audience of none Just playing for fun Still I’d give my left leg For writing to be my career

Convince myself I try, I beg On my knees I’m gone, please reappear Wake up and take over the earth With words, which might seem absurd But minds fall one by one with each word Every page is a combination That shows genius in variations All the knowledge in the world Knowing it all, against me? Just sit and twirl Knowing you’re out there waiting I won’t mess up, time you’re just wasting Back and forth I’m still pacing In my room plotting and scheming Woke up no longer dreaming Can’t say I like what I see Time to fix us piece by piece So this fits my needs cause you see Can be anything I want I will succeed my talent I’ll flaunt Dangle it across the country Setting every mind I meet free

The goal is to teach and change Take your thoughts and rearrange Each word in your brain Don’t follow too far, you’ll go insane Try not to feel bad I’ve lost it trying to take it all in Hold your head up no need to be sad You’ll get it before the movie says fin Now back to me again Ever since I’ve been back to this pen My life flows on a rhyme The words they seem to warp time Seeming to have unlimited strength The insanity going to new lengths Not suicidal just a gigantic ego Like it was long ago Me the number one MVP Other players wanting to be me But how could you blame them Cutting through each team putting shame to them Swift and fast as I am with the pen

Hoping to start a new trend Creating new thoughts as I get famous Readers yelling please entertain us Waiting to see if that happens Can’t predict if I’ll succeed and make a fuss Or maybe the book flops Doesn’t matter my writing can’t stop Need it for me whether or not I rise to the top

Thought 5

When I was young I wondered What spell I was under Not quite like everyone else Sat, kept to myself Couldn’t seem to maintain focus Didn’t know I was part of a group We run circles like locusts But now I’ve gotten the truth Sick with that ADD It’s something like Dee Dee Dee Sorry drifted off for a second Don’t worry you can’t get infected But my grades were effected I know I’m no fool Though I did bad in school Couldn’t last ten minutes Let alone a whole day in this Boring, locked in a class room

Mind dirty, what a messed up room Someone me a broom Need to clean this out Falling please don’t kick me out If I am it’s clearly not me Please just blame it on my ADD

Thought 6

As I wipe the fog off the mirror My face gets clearer The reflection whispers to me Hey there do me? I’m back to guide you But I was rid of you Relax I came back to help Grab that bottle no need to yell But I stopped drinking Really? What are you thinking? You’ll lose that creative edge Get out! Last time you came around I was stuck on a ledge Drink a little bit take off that edge Vodka will clear up what’s up in that head that’s how you got sex That’s all you wanted right?? Yes, but guess what happens next

I get locked up tight To the point I can’t breathe You were never a friend to me What do you mean? I love you Place no one above you I just know that liquor calms you All the pain’s gone, isn’t it? True but that is what caused it Too bad I own you, I’m taking you back Fuck this mirror I’m not going back This is the part where I walk away Couldn’t care less about what you have to say Then I’m gone peace…

Thought 7

Feeling like I’m by myself Marco polo, can’t see no one else All there is, are voices Calling, making my choices Choosing out of a hat, to follow Don’t want to end up in the deep end Again drowning the sorrow In the pool I know, cause it’s hard to move Can’t stop, forcing myself to push through Hang on, still got something left to prove Let myself down again, God dammit! Pacing in circles, I can’t stand it! All I need is a little direction Need some better protection Starting to side, with the dark side of me Nowhere to run or flee Exactly what it wants from me To get to the point of this short story

Problem is everything bores me Every night, hoping to dream Of a life that’s more exciting A little thrill, is that too much to ask for? Tomorrow maybe get myself a port Leave go on a treasure hunt Or a ride on an elephant An elusive creature hunt See something that’s never been seen Don’t know if I still have a dream Do know that isn’t it Used to have one but I drank it, Away, went too far astray From the goal, life is a highway I’ve taken every single exit To delay or avoid it The end, what a mystery to we Or we, just don’t want to see What’s at the end of me Looks to be an empty box Buried in a pile of rocks

The limo ride to the depths of hell Far too many sins to tell Heaven can’t be that great How much good can a person take? Have to balance good with the evil Made that line that I won’t break Really there’s no God in people Good or bad strictly done for ourselves Even those outside stores with bells Save the poor cause hey, we’re doing well Poor or rich we get what we want Whether it’s a car or a blunt Humans are many things, very resourceful Too many sick, so many wards full Myself slumped over again Hung over can’t lift my pen Don’t know if I’m asleep or awake Thought life was a piece of cake Underestimating life was a big mistake So deep in this ditch, don’t know what it’d take To climb back out again

The pattern has become a trend In my life Can’t seem to keep a wife Missing being in a relationship Don’t see another coming, shit Better hurry and come, I Don’t know how to hold off the high Playing with clouds in the sky Not because I can, but it’s a need for me Understand I have no need to succeed Usually I sabotage, cut just below the knee Forced to the ground I crawl Memory, mind fucked from the alcohol The biggest sabotage Focal point of my collage Pictures, faces, and places that I’ve erased With booze, I don’t even like the taste Dreams of grandeur that have been chased Challenges, overcome that I have faced No pulse, am I still alive? Sitting here poking the bee hive

But settled down now Created a calm spot, but how? How did I calm the nest down? Or is it a break in time now? I’m not one to lie down And watch the clouds fall from the sky Usually doing something crazy Things I do confuse even me

Thought 8

Eyes get big as I open my case Drop ten pills yeah, I love the taste Pupils growing in size Focus amping up, eyes on the prize Problem, I run out too fast Need to learn to make this last Abuse running ramped through my history These blue ones don’t do shit to me Trade them out for the white ones Right let’s mix and match them for fun The right combination there has to be one It’s right, at least for the time being Prescribed dose I’m always exceeding Whatever I’m on has stopped the bleeding That action is getting old Trapped in the basement, stuck in the cold Trying to muster the courage to get out of here It’s been awhile since I’ve shed a tear

Still have this crippling fear How’d I get this fear of the unknown Didn’t have it as a child, but now I’m grown Like my mind has turned against me What did I do how could this be? Becoming a bitch ass pussy Afraid of the world it’s embarrassing Tried my hand at parenting Did fine for my first time Still I suck at relationships Just don’t know how to pick them Always picking the victim Halfway through, I switch with them Now they’re empowered and doing better I’m left in the cold I need a sweater But it’s my fault really Always put in too much feeling Too soon needing to pace myself Take some time before the next girl on the shelf Look at the warning label Make sure they’re not unstable

I’m fucked up enough for the both of us Don’t keep shit to myself, build some trust Things I do can be ridiculous Feels like I’m driving the bus Full of schizophrenics and whack jobs Brains leak, like songs on the web Hoping the next pitch is a lob Visions blurring from not going to bed This race I’m running I must be ahead Too far in front of the pack Maybe should turn and back track It’s lonely up here in the lead Just delusional, in last I plead Let me win, I can’t stand failure Had way too much of that as a player In this life, cause on more time Might have gone straight out of my mind Thoughts in my head still intertwined Start here, branch out like a weed Further, and further from the point indeed Scarier they are, and more twisted

Infecting every part of me, but get this Writing like a gardener, pulling them out Still a lot of work, there’s no doubt I’ll be poisoned, if I don’t get them out

Thought 9

Why can’t I seem to get over The girl who tried to take over Life changed everything I am Many times, made me feel down on myself How I miss you Sam Can’t seem to leave it in my past How long will this last Such torture can’t believe it Thought I am a glutton for punishment Using these pages to vent Out, all my frustrations Though I caused my misfortunes Needing some motivation To get up out of slow motion Ghosts of the past, I’ve let in Can’t get rid of her She’s clouding my judgement Brain’s still caught in a blur

She’s still the last broken component Until she’s out, I can’t move on Can’t seem to trust anyone else Social ability fading, almost gone Already living in hell Sexual tension, building up in my brain Might snap soon, if I don’t get laid Now that is a problem One of the few that are important Coming in first, I need to solve them Easily fixed in a moment But that moment, is harder to get than Calculus and microbiology Just need somebody like me Well not exactly just like me But at least understands the issues At least wants to help me get by So far haven’t had one that’s tried Need to help myself hope I can Want to be my old self again Mixed up in the past I’m trapped in

Trying to find out what happened Just a waste of my time though Accept what I did wrong and go Forward, don’t make the same mistakes Try to forget, forgot how long it takes Women, common factor in my mistakes Always try too hard to please Many times on bended knee Looking back, nothing to apologize for She’s on her knees, that little whore Long time ago, I dropped my pen It rolled under the couch, and then 2 years later tried writing again What happened? It was gone… Broken hearted, could’ve written a song Or poem, or even a picture to express When I’m down and hopeless Maybe those times could’ve been shorter Had I expressed what I felt on the page Instead, fell to boredom got lower Than a depression meter can gauge

Cutting, giving in to the rage Which, never had a problem with Until the store that I picked up a fifth Guzzle straight down that vodka, yum Forgetting the thoughts as they come Smart as I thought, should’ve ended it then Should’ve slowed down, and picked up that pen

Thought 10

My struggles have come full circle Back in the shell, just call me the turtle Running and hiding again Knowing this starts the sequence No good can come from this Falling again, there’s always a twist Mentality seems a little different Sadness it seems non existent This is what is called a rut Doesn’t matter still got to get up Too much time spent, to fuck it up A win I just have to have To be a working artist, I just have to have Can’t swirl the drain, because I’m sad Confidence, something I’ve never had Mustering courage in a hurry This attitude I have, it’s got me worried Vision’s fading, it’s getting kind of blurry

Thoughts going too fast I’m in a flurry Swirling, in and out of my head Screaming too loud I’m waking the dead Maybe let them out instead Of what I used to do Hiding them, they jump out and say boo! These evil thoughts meant to scare you Drinking dreams I’ve had a few Not enough to tempt me though Right now, there’s only a single foe It’s my mind, I mean whoa That fucker is quite cunning It’s power brilliant, I mean stunning Though it’s nothing I can’t handle But it’s time for bed, blow out the candle No sleep, please class just go fast Still sucks that, I know it will last Forever, it will seem Wish to sleep through, hoping to dream About life as a poetic genius Hoping the transition is seamless

To be back in the lime light Finally get a chance to shine bright Get back the feeling, of the old days Though the memories they’re all in a haze Still know they were good times Seemed to have less trouble in mind No expectations to be an adult Before my mind started to float Drifting away to dream land Letting my mind ever expand Instead of my mind closing slowly Trying to reverse the process Watching these thoughts far too closely Hope this works, hate feeling useless Need some effort put towards my writing Need a reason to keep on typing So this wasn’t written in vein Letting these thoughts fade would be such a shame

Thought 11

There’s someone following me Only shown in the light The light fades, they’ll flee Far away till the conditions are right When the darkest parts of me Are displayed for all to see No way to fight them Just have to watch my back They’re tricky, and will sneak up on me Distorts and shifts my image to black But they’re chained, so not free Cursed to claw and chase, never to catch me They’re in a different dimension Never clear in their intention Not only dark but mysterious Hiding secrets from even ourselves Let the pain you feel drift away Shadows catch it, so there it will stay

Keep the shadow realm close Never know when you’ll need it the most Just a reminder of how we felt The last time seeing the cards you were dealt Keep you from making the same mistakes All this time it’s been willing to take Your pain and bury it Your shadow friend, don’t forget to thank it

Thought 12

Speedy are the thoughts in my mind Tearing the fabric of space and time Every phrase said is a gem Don’t even try to pretend That you can’t feel me Nope, don’t even have to agree I’m in a lyrical shooting spree Spitting acid in every direction Don’t like it? Then you can suck my erection Swallow the balls, try not to choke Believe me, this isn’t a joke These are things that sprint through my head Lying awake in my bed People telling me to stay on my meds Thinking I’ll take a walk instead Losing too many hookers this way Just cause they’re dead, doesn’t mean we still can’t play Ewww what a necrophiliac

Images making me yak Shut up, don’t be so sensitive You should by now I only kid Oops look what I just did Blow through four or five girls running ramped Lock me up in a straight jacket Guaranteed that I still make a racket Minds been blowing up Words flowing from this broken cup Some might try to stop me Still they fail to kill me Slow flow filled with natural brutality Pulled out of the planet and fucked the galaxy Alien prostitutes giving endless head Euphoric lyrics floating through this head Flowing before we get up from this bed Still have no problems with sex Only wonder who’s gonna be next Hopefully soon I’m sick of all these tests

Thought 13

Take a drag of my cigarette Think of my life, what’s next? How can I be so young And feel so close to being done Always being the one to fast forward Running fast, didn’t hear one word That anyone said All these thoughts, keep me trapped in my head Let’s make peace, break this bread Only a little, I’m well fed Knowledge soaks in me, what a sponge Look in my mind, take the plunge Try and catch up with me Won’t hold your hand, I’m kind of busy Scheming on my next plot Your mind is simple, like connect your dots Oh, did I offend you? You looked so happy eating that glue

Surprised you can even tie your shoe Lonely, still trapped on my pedestal Stuck, wishing to be completely mental I am, but still a little too stable Paranoid hiding under the table When my mind starts tweaking Bleeding, my brain is leaking Dripping all over the floor The excess is ok, just try to keep the core There’s plenty to go around Statements, some considered profound Life’s so easy, just pay attention Um… dot dot dot thanks just don’t mention My love life is kind of stupid Poison arrows, shot by cupid Last choices, I know were questionable Underestimated, just so unstable I just want to live a fable Happy ending and all Next time choose wisely, make a good call At least I hope I do

Cause another one, I probably won’t make it through I hold on to this note It’s one that she wrote I shouldn’t, but still miss her Even though I always diss her Searching to find her picture Something’s wrong with me, it’s torture Why I can’t let her go One, two, pills I don’t know Hide these emotions can’t show Can’t show my weakness Women keep giving me stress Needing them I guess The cuts on my arm, telling a story Happy ending, but still so damn gory Blood soaking straight through the sleeve Flowing, hurting it brings some relief Mind blessed and cursed Look at me, still at my worst Won’t it that I’m at my bottom Problem, I’ve got them

Still another side of me though Call that side hero Quick witted and positive Insane, and considered over productive

Thought 14

Lit a match, set my mind on fire Watch it burn and light the sky up Maniac all day until I retire 20 minutes left in school time to kill Wasting time is my greatest skill Little bit down cause I’m all out of pills Got to make it two weeks without them Trying to maintain focus Need to I cannot blow this Especially because of abuse Cause that’s just no excuse Next month should pop them properly Not getting hopes up cause probably Do it again, still an addict How my mind works, it’s so tragic Step one, I do accept it Can’t deny they make me ionate Focused and driven for a bit

Less than two weeks still gotta make it Still have other drugs in the cabinet Life sucks, this is how I handle it Don’t judge, you don’t know shit Dive into my head, you’ll be a suicide risk Problems we have is a long list Take a quick left, twist Run straight to a girls’ tits Lately still on edge Staring down, off of this ledge All these voices in my head Take that step, you’re better off dead Take a left then a right See it first, look at my far sight Falling off the wagon It’s tragic again Everyone counting again Too much pressure Adding up all these stressors Life’s straight bullying me I don’t take that shit

Lay down and give up completely Reached the limit, sick of it Interesting is how I react Falling, man I’m off my track Get me back to the top Awards, trophies falling from the sky My next big flop Understand the tie Between me and the devils’ mind Teetering on the edge The view off this ledge It’s peaceful All my life have been deceitful Twist and contort Out of worth Set up this fort Outside my worth No, don’t puff that dragon Pop pills and stuck this flag in Another mountain Climbing though it’s a risky business

So hard, can’t handle this sickness But now it’s back to business Inspiration, where does it come from? Is it hanging in the air? To be captured But now feeling the rapture Gods’ hand is coming down Pounding me into the ground Just another stake holding this tent Trapped, no window to vent Grew up fighting the system Simple pleasures, still I miss them Tried to stand in line Not once, twice, but three times Letting those opportunities fly by him On the porch, listening to wind chimes Sweet melodies surround him Decided to do something with them Play them back and record them Share the beauty with the world Missing a muse, a girl Find a soul mate to travel this path

Never want to be alone The distinct sound of her laugh The way she changed her tone A story for another day One last time, in school he tried to stay Things never go his way Gets dropped at the second test Though he said, did my best Wasn’t good enough I guess Under too much stress Heart jumps straight out of his chest Now without that direction Sadness creeps, what an infection Hoping to find a way soon Before he becomes consumed Wake up and pop two pills Little low, can’t wait for the refills Taken more than I should have Helps, it can’t be that bad No worries, downers are coming soon On uppers now, hello moon

All night not too much to do Bored now, but the day comes soon Got a problem with pills They seem to enhance these skills Getting me up and moving Seeming to know what I’m doing Really? I’m back off the wagon Saw it, feet were dragging Hooray! For the legality of it all Well aware it was my downfall For now I’ll crawl On the ground, where are my glasses? Once again, won’t these classes Sad story, so tragic Still make it, wait for the magic Sleight of hand, I’m here Wave of the hand, I disappear Then pop up out of nowhere Bounce back from this addiction Give myself quite the scare Wheels spin, till they catch friction

Still sober in the end For now, pills are my best friend Classic lust, my oldest sin Driving the wagon, hop right in Beat this addiction once again This is no end, but still I say fin

Thought 15

This road, walked a million times before Once again, need help for sure Can you walk with me? Grow tired, can you carry me? I’m complicated at times ittance to all of my crimes Absolved of all of my wrongs Getting them gone through all of my songs Ending my losing streak A new one, I still seek Answers to the unknown For now on top of this throne High up, looking down on reality Cutting deep into my humanity How could this be? No one could defeat me According to my inflated ego Can’t understand on one hand

Defeating any evil In me there’s plenty evil, damn In circles I’m dizzy Move on, but I’m still busy The needs to fall in line Foot one by one keep it in line Hurry, hurry I’m out of time Drunk, drunk, bottles are empty Shit, go ahead try to tempt me (ahhhhhh!) On earth, still complaining Everything I need here, just saying Remind myself each day In the mirror, don’t know what to say Pick up the guitar, start to play Songs need to be heard Kids memorizing every word Me not being a star, so absurd Doesn’t even cross my mind Just a matter of time One album, I’m about to shine

this day forever My rightful place at the top Falling off, that’s never Writing I’ll never stop Even when my fingers go numb Lately I’ve become A vessel, carry this message to the world The tapestry is unfurled To everyone, I bring the truth Deep inside me is the proof We can stop the rein of destruction Be a team that functions The greater good All I want is to be understood Everyone has a voice Speak up, let’s all be heard You have the choice Doesn’t even have to be words Pick that favorite median Spread that message across our kingdom Ignore people you are important

Pick a channel, your message is important The future’s still distant Still try to reach it Only matters if you reach for it Give it generations, maybe we’ll get there Till then, we’re only talking to air

Thought 16

Visions of razor blades Blood stained, it never fades Ripped your chest open Grab your heart and hold it Up, put it in front of your face See that last beat, what a waste You had a promise kid Consequences for what you did Should’ve known better, don’t fuck with me Smearing blood all over your white T’s Messing with my lyrics Forcing me to unleash the spirits This swift vengeance, Pandora’s Box Shut your mouth and keep those thoughts To yourself, can’t comprehend this rage Thought I was bad on this page Michael Meyers I’ll cut you up Desecrate your body when I’m done

Bury you, ass up, you can see where you’re going To hell, for messing with me Don’t like violence, though you see But have limits, still human Could beat you, I’m a shoe in Faster than someone in this Yukon Don’t worry about me though Just here to perform this show Curtain closing, hang up my suit Out back, pick that gun up and shoot Killing that personality Pick up a new one, restart the insanity Sorry, think I’m still rambling Seems to run in my family All these haunting memories Flying around my head like bees Scream and yell, let me be A living nightmare you see Can’t escape the past How long will this torture last? How to rid myself of them?

My brain still condemned Needs to be torn down Rebuild this past from the ground Up, start building my tower Needing to muster up the power Start the rebuild Hopefully with music and poetry A solid platform to build Plant the seed of this tree New beginnings and growth Give it my best in both They’ve become my rhyming diaries I’m the one, I’m trying to please Thinking this time what’s best for me? My escape, no one to sensor me Can’t be judged No longer am I tugged Or pushed in the wrong direction Just to ease my erection Someday I’ll look at my reflection Seeing someone who deserves some affection

Instead of the monster I see now Hoping to figure out how Need to hurry I can’t wait Have to fix this before it’s too late

Thought 17

Life’s just so frustrating Dammit I really hate this Stuck, idle I can’t take this Not for much longer, still think At my wits end, maybe just one drink Nope, can’t go down that road Learn patients, let events unfold Perfect is my craft, it works so I’m told Created this mind, then broke the mold Trying to boost my confidence Just ignore my own nonsense Remain vigilant and constant You’ll get your chance eventually Everyone gets ten seconds wait and see We’ve got talent that’s what they say Like all dogs I’ll have my day Get a job, and save some money You’ll get out in one piece

Don’t let rejection get you down Plenty of other places left in town One of them are bound to like it Never know if you don’t write it So keep the flow going on the page You’ll discover more of life with age Can’t get a job, still so stressed This resume, employers are not impressed How to spread my voice to the people? Can’t even work at this home depot I can’t believe this shit! One more problem that’ll be it Can’t give up that easy Still trying to stay so breezy But inside so full of turmoil So hot, my organs boil All the way to the top of my skull Any moment, I could explode Inside I fight with myself Only one holding me back from wealth Everything in life would be ok

If only I’d let go of yesterday I’m running out of shit to say So this time I’ll just let the record play Gather up, and bundle my courage Make a move, no time to be discouraged Don’t care what others think anymore Time to get up and explore Just need to set myself free To explore all possibilities Only one stopping me, is me I can’t go down this easily Now it’s time for me to succeed Become what I was meant to be The voices floating, trapped in the wind The one around, we all need a friend But for now, I’ll just pretend That parts of me, fade away in the wind Sorry to say we all have an end The tasks at hand require me to spend Some of my time, to look within

The Blood Has Pooled

A Foot Print

Watching the blood escape from my arm I never knew I could do so much harm With such a tiny razor who’d guess That it would cut so deep Can feel the tightening in my chest As I sit on the edge and weep Now I lay me down to sleep The darkness in the corner creeps Consuming my bed And from my toes to my head Is this what it feels like to be dead No longer hear the voices in my head Maybe this is a bad idea Still have so much left unsaid I move my arm I’ve got to break free of The shadows rushing in my head Look up at the clock what’s the time It’s 1 o’clock the perfect time

This is when I’m most active Sometimes wonder why this time is so attractive This is when my production is peaked Almost seems like I’m tweaked On cocaine Know it seems insane But trust me if you need me Just wait for this time to convince me Still don’t know why please tell me But I won’t fall back asleep Wide awake The clock I snatch and time I take I steal the hours stuff them in a box Torturous sound that tick tock Slowly moving toward the end of life Got me scared staring at this knife Do I go back to cut with this steel To remind myself that I’m real Shouldn’t take convincing but I feel fake And not sure what it would take For me to accept reality

One more cut a step towards tragedy One last night till the end of me Drive on this road all night Trying hard to chase the daylight But can’t move fast enough Can’t seem to catch up Living in the dark I tough The image of objects twisted by the dark Some scare me so where to start I’m more comfortable blind, the sad part Rather not see the evils and what they do to me Rather not see but hear all the beauty Music is a wonderful escape Notes and chords dance together on my plate Try to get a dose everyday I’m a master I wish I could say But with these tremors it’s getting harder to play Have to come to reality Might have to give in But I used it to keep my sanity A way for me to express my sins

I tiptoe through life lie I’m walking on pins No longer in with friends Sit alone in my lab working hard on my craft It’s been awhile since I’ve laughed But when I win this race that’ll come back Just need to stay on this track I’m considered scatter brained A single thought sometimes I can’t obtain Each day clarity is what I try to attain But for today it’s confusion again Though annoying it helps with the pain Can’t really any Think I blocked it out Self-preservation is what it’s all about If I don’t it can’t hurt me But I might repeat the action so you see There is no way around the pain Everyone has their own inside But with it knowledge we can gain Learning to protect our pride Some people run and hide

Others stand up and face them I tend to find my way around them Dodge and weave is my strategy It can’t hurt if they don’t tackle me There is a problem with this way When they get me I can’t get away And they beat me senseless But I stick with it to me it’s worth the risk My days grow longer As my urge to make it grows stronger Can’t ignore the hunger To be somebody in this world It’s spinning too fast Think I’m gonna hurl So many things I’ve started They’re stuck with me Got plenty things charted And as far as I can see We’re gonna be here for a while Stacked in a huge pile Of pending transactions

Waiting for publishers’ reactions Words come out and drip on the page Mystical powerful as if told by a sage Predictions and revelations Of destruction and creation Paint a picture of two great powers Throwing fire and bringing down towers Empires will fall with a whisper Such a tale told to a listener Who es it from adults to children Generations without a sound The stories are forgotten But now a new voice has come around As if summoned by powers of evil It has in its grip the majority of people Forcing isolation and obesity Grabbing hold of our soul never to be free It’s right underneath our nose you see Matter of fact it’s the tool that you now read

The Blood Splatter

There is turmoil in my head Creating a whirlpool of words I’ve said Thought this was controlled by my meds But focus has brought more doubt instead Maybe better off with the chemical imbalance The mood swings sometimes accent my talents Making me the tortured artist But without control I’m an easy target For the bad thoughts to consume me Making my spilt blood all I can see Off the meds I’m a suicide risk On them my treatment I can assist But like with all of life there’s a twist Off them my creativity flourishes But I cannot control nor record it And am dragged down past sore wishes Sometimes my creative side lets me access it And I come up with a peculiar kind of wit

I’ve slowed down Was running away fast Trying to put space between me and my past Now I’m healthier and might be able to face it This is where the last piece exists So I can finish the puzzle and move on Got plenty of issues to work on Like my social life has suffered since my sobriety Prefer alone when sober But yearn for another girlfriend Want my single life to be over Function better with one but it depends I need her to be ive And agree with the way I want to live Hope I find her soon That’s all for now but I’ll have more to say soon So visit me again As long as I’m not in the looney bin Keep rhyming those compound syllables Look at the ground down pinnacles Of poetic perfection

Like a cop’s heroic detection Solve an unsolvable crime Next up is the probable rhyme Catch yourself in the morning Looking eye to eye with yourself in the mirror Is a little bit boring at first glance But then it gets clearer Examine the lines on your face Even your body if that’s the case Wishing that you could erase All the mileage piled up over the years All the corrosion from tears Representing good times and bad All the gain and loss of things that we’ve had But the past is behind us work with what you have And look forward to what’s in your path And prepare yourself The future gets bumpy Everyone who has love, don’t let it go All of us without it, we know that it shows I won’t stop looking for it though

Had some bad love so I’m a bit of a pro It’s always hard to watch someone go But sometimes it’s best if they leave The damage that can be done you wouldn’t believe Twice now I’ve held on too long The scars are deep though I tried to stay strong The memories will never leave me I’ve tried to lose them believe me But there’s not enough liquor And that just makes me sicker Though it numbs the pain on the surface You’ll end up losing your purpose And go far from your path I look back now and laugh Barely escaped with my life But now I can do what’s right And believe me I’m gonna put up a fight Cause now I’m stronger than before Know what I’m looking for Came back from being so low To now back in my flow

Still a little beat up I’ll it But I will never quit I see what I want and I’m gonna get it No matter how many bricks I might get hit with Can feel the inspiration Refuse to be an imitation So while I write for this duration It’ll come straight from my soul Because this is what makes me feel whole So be original Every synapse is a miracle All my fellow writers reach for the gold We can hold it together And our words will be ed forever

A Hand Print

I walk this road on my own Some may think I’m alone But for me this is home I’m in my lab in meditation Reach to the stars for inspiration Working on my ego’s inflation Need self-confidence and fast To get back to how I was in the past When I felt like I was the best Because I aced all my tests MFP I rose above all the rest Did it for 7 years it was great And almost without any dates This was before all the tears Predating most of my fears Man how I miss all those years I can get those feelings back I know this for a fact

There’s more than one way to achieve I can get it if I believe That at this writing of music and poetry Must do anything to succeed There’s nothing like cartoons At least to me but I’m a loon Call me doc cause I know what’s up Life’s a trip so live it up This time I’ll try not to drop the piano on myself I don’t buy from acme Let that gather dust on my shelf Waiting for Wiley coyote to attack me Not too concerned, he usually fails I love every cartoon, enthralling tales It’s a way to escape real life It keeps me as a kid, I know I fight To stay young without responsibility Gave control to the kid in me It keeps me under the radar Only want to be old enough to drive my car Was lucky that I’ve gotten this far

Fought the inner me But it sapped all my energy Now I barely move, I stay by myself Cause I don’t want to be around everybody else So I guess I’ll put myself back on the shelf My confidence is rising At a rate that’s quite surprising I tend to dislike myself entirely But as of late things have happened to inspire me To try and look inside to find the answers Need to look deep to find me I’m locked up tight, not too many chances To escape and be free Cause once I find that inner me I have to get me out quickly Before my depression forces me to leave If I can define myself then be prepared I’ll open Pandora’s Box no one will be spared Ruler of this world self-declared Because with me out no one can compare And death waits for those who dare

To challenge me to anything Because I’ll be great at everything I’ll fill in all the holes in between But don’t you worry I’m not mean Just when I find myself I might be cocky But I need that to give me the drive In this art community I must survive Part of me misses the old days Back when the fans would cheer for me It was a time when I was the best Quick like a ghost I ran past the rest But there was a lot of pressure Everyone saying who I should be Tried to keep good company But like always it got too tough And I snapped, it was oh so rough I said now enough is enough So please don’t ask of me To be what you want me to be You have to give me time To make up my own damn mind

Now after I failed out of school I sat and waited like a fool Couldn’t figure out what to do next Wishing I would have ed the test But something came over me Something I could succeed And going back to the lead I picked up the guitar and started to play Handled it well I have to say Hopefully this time I don’t go astray Think I like the path I’m taking Seem to have a knack for this writing Just don’t want to make a mistake see All I know is I’m done fighting With myself, need to become one Then maybe can have some fun Learn not to be so serious The last two years I was delirious But I feel like I’m standing on solid ground Was so lost but now am found Have you ever sat and looked in your past

Look deep inside, it’s vast The endless knowledge from your mistakes You can’t do it, something you have to face Calm down and find your happy place Things in the past you can’t erase I know it’s such a bitter taste To feel helpless over what you’ve become But it’s still going we aren’t done No matter how much you pick at the past All you’re doing is slowing down And the future’s coming in fast But turn that frown upside down Cheer up you got a while to make more mistakes Life’s not over you’ve still got to open up gates Every minute that es Is time moving forward Get out your reading glasses Read the fine print before you head onward Don’t get suckered into something new Something you can’t possibly get through

Bloody Knife

The scent of your hair Starts this nightmare Have to face your ghost Know we were so close It’s like we were attached at the hip Making you hard to forget Tried to drink your memory away But that didn’t seem to work Having the laughing happy memory I say Somewhere deep in my mind you lurk I know it’s crazy, we were wrong for each other Because of you it’s hard to love another I when I first kissed you Damn you know I hate that I miss you Look deep inside you Pull out the best within you It’s kind of scary though, boo Can you control, I guess I have to

If I don’t it’ll just blast through And destroy everything around me Break through, destroy the boundary The technical term is manic Lets me get productive in an intense way Even though I rush like I’m panicked But I have a limited time to play As fast as the beast escapes It’s gone and leaves me exhausted Going over the play tapes I’m at the last film then I tossed it All my strength diminished I lay on the bed, I think I’m finished Music has the power to change a life If the rhythm hits just right It can enhance any pleasure Emotion comes with every measure It can communicate with anyone It’s around when we’re having fun Also picks us up at our lowest Creating it can take some focus

I’m proud to be one of the few Who can bring the music through It’s having the power to change a life I keep that in mind when I write I want the message to be right To bring back a happy memory And ease suffering so tenderly It’s a big responsibility I can handle it as long as my mind is free Don’t take your talents for granted It’s a seed that’s been planted Deep down in your DNA A desire you can’t live if you don’t play Can still feel the touch of your skin Most of my dreams you’re still in Why can’t I forget you You’re stuck to me like super glue Miss the way you held me And how you would always tell me Just how much you loved me Oh I miss you near me

Wherever you are please hear me I how safe I felt Knowing I had you there to help How did it ends so soon I really hate that I miss you the times we went to the park In the evening just before dark We’d laugh as we swung on the swings We weren’t bothered by the little things I’ll never forget your smile Picture perfect every time It made me feel just like a child I bet now you’re doing just fine Even though you were better off mine I guess toward the end we grew apart You moved on, got a fresh start I’m happy for you, I really am Hope he treats you better than I can I know he’ll never love you like I do Even though you’re better off it’s true I have to protect you from my demons

Don’t want to dampen your achievements I’m dead weight and you don’t need it Live like you know the answers But only take educated chances People only know me from quick glances I’ve decided to advance this Writing I mean too long to have no audience Or electronic applause even I will spread my word of truth Someone get me to a phone booth And go and get the papers I’ve got a headline statement So take a seat on the pavement All I have to say is listen to your heart It always knows exactly where to start Back in the day before the pen I kept all my feelings trapped within Athletics was my way out But still I had inner doubt So much confusion with no way out Thought it would last forever

Or one day I would erupt Eject like someone pulled a lever I was right when my life stopped abrupt Almost went off the deep end Until at last I grabbed my pen And I’ve been writing ever since then

Broken Mirror

Around these words my world revolves Look at my past I have evolved From a locked up vault of emotion To spilling guts into the ocean At this point I would love a potion To make you love me and set in motion A process that ends in bells Wedding ones but I can tell I’m gonna be alone for a little longer Need the time so next time I am stronger And so I won’t crumple the next time you leave But I know I won’t deep inside of me It’s hard enough just being me So I won’t blame you when you leave I’d leave too if it was possible Thoughts are hard to overcome The negativity unstoppable I want to take a break and have some fun

But there’s too much work left to be done Well time to get back to work Any more drama and I’ll go berserk You’re so hot you glow like the sun Tell me please what have I done I’m so lucky that you’re mine We’re so much alike babe Our souls have intertwined When we’re together it’s hard to behave Tell me why you make me feel that way I always have a devilish grin Can’t wait to be alone so we can start to sin You know to touch your heavenly form It’s something I would sell my soul for I will grant your every whim Even when things are looking grim I can’t get your scent out of my head It drives me wild You’re running all through my head When I see you I’m excited like a child On Christmas day

Open my favorite toy it’s time to play I’m sorry to objectify you, beautiful But you make my thoughts lose control Since I don’t know if we’ll last There’s just one thing that I need to ask It’s a simple question you’ll agree It’s will you share this dance with me? That’s not all, we connect on a deeper level Let’s explore each other, get the shovel We have more in common than just skin deep I’m falling in love, take the leap Now I’ll hand you this ring and say With me forever will you stay Without hesitation you nod your head Now I’m the luckiest guy to live And later that night while we’re in bed Good night we say and a sweet kiss we give Until tomorrow we will rest So lay your head down on my chest Knowledge that you try to attain Is only possible to gain

If you believe that it exists Because without that belief You’ll start to resist And will not feel relief Thinking there is nothing new Will flip around your point of view And the world will leave you In your empty pot to stew Cause without more knowledge in your head I consider that to be brain dead One million thoughts Only a few get across So many of them get lost In the garbage they get tossed Never to be seen again So I try and catch them with a pen Let your soul escape from within And set it free into the wind All the world should go free Peace of mind is all we need I have to take so many pills

Uncertain is how it feels Like am I that screwed up Thinking positive is tough When you’re told to change And not a little bit though No your whole mind needs to rearrange It’s got me feeling low My songs aren’t taking off But I’m being impatient, cool off The days are getting longer it seems So slow I’m losing ground on my dreams Discouraged for sure Can’t make the right video, it’s absurd It all sounds like s*** to me I’m still trying, I want people to se A twisted mind’s dream How my brain’s bursting through the seams Unravel and count the rings See how long I’ve thought these things Visions and thoughts of sex Take up plenty space, what’s next

To be on top, I’m pining about it The talent leaking like gas, it needs to be lit The rest, money, job, school, and family Are in a small corner but still important to me These are all surrounded by insanity Depression, mania, and creativity All these twisted thoughts scream and bend Their presence is there I can’t pretend Write songs and poems over and over again They still haunt, is there no end Maybe I need brain surgery That thought has occurred to me For now though I live with them And try to capture them with this pen Get in the car like so many times before No, not going to the store In fact don’t know what I’m looking for As I get in and shut the door I step into another world One I have created to hide my head like a turtle Once the car starts I feel the relief

Washing over me and I change my belief About the world being screwed up And with the wheels turning I’m not stuck No one can bother me here I feel secure no fear I don’t need a destination Just in it for the good sensation But I know it’s only pretend And that every soon it will end I’m 20 stories up high Standing on the edge Watch my thoughts float by But before I jump off this ledge I take a moment in my head So many words that I’ve bled Onto each rhyme that I’ve said I never a word Or look back on it, how absurd That I don’t proof read anything I want each thought expressed how it came to me There are mistakes but that’s just life

To get better I must fight But I feel as if I’ve said enough I made it this far but it’s been rough Time to put it to an end Go on, follow the next trend I’m taking my step over the edge The art inside me is now dead

Ink Covered Soul

Let the ink flow

The flow in my mind is intricate Take a seat and hand me your ticket I must warn you this ride is evil and wicked The track is broken and twisted The journey through my mind Is perplexing and you may find That I’ve been stuffing my closet with skeletons Weight on my shoulders like an elephant I think I need some relief It’s getting harder to breathe Well back to the tour There’s my common sense never used that before On to the memory that I’m trying to forget Probably can’t hurt but I won’t quit just yet I will erase it and move on I just need some kind of memory bomb Alright this is where the ride gets tricky The track gets sticky

We have made it before so no fear Things aren’t always as bad as they appear I really need to clean out my closet Let it all out like I opened a faucet Let the evil circle the drain Hurry hurry before I go insane Well although the ride is at its end I know I’ll probably see you again Things travel in circles up here And no thoughts come in clear Poppin a couple of pills From which I draw forth my skills I used them to bury my past The knowledge behind it is vast If only I could tap into that power And build up a tower With unbridled defenses Electrified fences Call an invader ghost Maybe a hand will return home at most I’m on top untouchable

But till I get in I’m vulnerable I flinch at the slightest sound Sirens got me on the ground I might be paranoid One wrong move I’ll be destroyed My mind is fragile from what I put it through Some gaps in my thoughts there’s a few I seem to have enough to function As long as I stay in my dungeon Writing these rhymes to stay sane Locked in away from the pain No more relationships for now I can’t take it Need to know myself to make it I don’t know where I went I’ve checked the corners Looked under every blanket For now I’m a loner The ideas are stuck I must yank it Maybe one day it will be more than just me I don’t know right now we’ll see Tell me what will it take

For me to awake I’ve been asleep for so long Now I know I was wrong I’ve become so weak and frail I’m back to the start of my tale Two steps back I just might fail Thought I could run from my problems Instead just fell to the bottom Now I’ve got to dig myself out As soon as I get past self-doubt Need a partner to help me through Sounds easy but who? I’m searching for that one To complete my soul my other half Please hurry before I become undone I prefer someone who can make me laugh I try not to be codependent But stumble trying to be independent Hopefully she is musical or poetic Right now I don’t attract much pretty pathetic But this is the longest I’ve been single

Maybe because I don’t mingle Please help me find me Look deep inside me Help me see what I don’t see I’m a product of addiction It’s an unfortunate condition My brain wants a permanent high I seem to need it to get by To get away from it I try Treatment after treatment has gone by I understand it in and out But still have so much self-doubt The lack of love for myself Will be my downfall Looking at an empty shelf That I used to fill with alcohol Floods my mind with memories When booze was my centerpiece Can’t say I don’t miss it That sounds a little twisted But they weren’t all bad times

I will not drink anymore I’ll get through life with my rhymes That is now a closed door My main concern should be me Need to learn to love myself To see what others seem to see But think I might need much help It’s been a long time since I cared for me Can’t be sure how hard it will be But better start trying soon Sweep up all my broken pieces But can’t seem to find a broom Or find a girl and just do what she says My confidence was stuffed but I have let out enough To fill up a stadium All my fans fill the bleachers It’s opening day to them Mid field is filled with teachers To have you learn my bizarre ways Like learning brand new plays My play book is nothing short of brilliance

My flow is the ambience In my restraint to serve you I’m clear eyed you have a blurred view You can’t match me in writing My work is nothing short of exciting I get the people going And have no time for slowing My treasure chest is overflowing Soon it will erupt and spill Shooting people at will You try to stop me I’ll crush you Could just sneeze on the page Don’t require a bless you This paper’s my stage I’ll keep spilling these words Until my life ends by the sword I it a lot of my life was absurd The blood in my brain leaks It turns to ink on this page Slowly the thought leaks It turns to ink on this page

Slowly the thought creeps It grows steady with age Thoughts covered in pain My mind can never be the same I search within me What can the cure be So let the words flow Come and watch the show It’s my twisted production A dark form of seduction My ideas are brilliant And my will is resilient Eventually someone will hear them And agree to spread them The world needs to hear these Right now I’m stuck on freeze Waiting for my chance to be heard I’ll make it perfect every last word I’ve twisted reality Bordered on insanity I’ve been locked up enough

I know too much stuff I’m still a flight risk Fighting with my mind to exist It fights harder the more I resist Adding another struggle to my list

The Pen Glides on the Page

The cigarette smoke dances Hypnotizing enchanting as it dances Putting me in a trance Only took a single glance And now I’m stuck staring The sun poking through glaring It makes me think back to the beginning When I was still winning Before I fell flat on my face I dropped to last in the race Now I’m playing catch up Have to win won’t give up No need for sleep I’ve got to make up time Chanting motivation in rhymes Got to win I was born to I’m unstoppable I’ll warn you Don’t get in my way please I’d rather not trample innocent people

I move through these words with ease Smooth like the devil so evil But I have a good heart Put it back together it was ripped apart Women have been stop signs and speed bumps They left me with bruises and lumps But I’m healed now My true power revealed now I’m gonna win I don’t know how But when the show’s over I’ll take a bow I like the way you move girl Grab my hand and twirl We dance like poetry in motion I’m hooked I drank your love potion Hopin to take you home tonight Can make you feel alright Lay across my silk sheets I’m ready to turn up the heat We flow together with ion Lingerie is your bedroom fashion I remove it slowly

I make love I won’t hurry When it’s over I’ll lay and hold you I’m a gentle lover I told you Unless you want it rough To me you know it’s never enough I want all of you and more I know that’s what my heart is for Cause my love for you is growing I have no trouble showing We’ll travel across the planet And our love we’ll expand it Please don’t break my heart That would just tear me apart I’ve put all my trust in you That’s how I feel it’s true My heart I’ve placed it in your hands I hope on my side you will stand I play until my fingers bleed And write till I can’t even read My hand cramps in five places I’ve got to keep going

So I can rub success in the faces Of people who doubt not knowing That I’m a force to be reckoned with My story’s ancient written in hieroglyphs A tale of a master coming forth Just take a look to the north Always above you look up Look the page I always tear it up My verbs are sharp and twisted See that line no you missed it My intellect is too fast for most Your puny minds can’t even come close You say it I’ve said it You do it I’ve done it My flow is futuristic you’re stuck in the past I stood the test of time Yea I be you I’ll last I spit that alternate line rhyme Genius and maniac is a fine line I think I might of crossed it Words and thoughts I exhaust it

Running on empty need fuel Still can’t trick me though I’m no fool I’ll end this egomaniac’s eruption Getting tired it’s hard to function Goodnight for now my people Just wait patiently for the sequel I’ve completed treatment Like it’s an achievement All you have to do is show up Possibly have to pee in a cup As long as I’m clean for now I’ll slide through the sessions I can make it I’ve got the know how Each time I try I leave many impressions I don’t believe in god Though could use his help Exploring I’ll poke and prod But in my mind the confusion is felt Evil is patient and calm Waiting for me to sin I hold my fate in my palm

Can’t let the darkness win Surrounded by brick walls bruised and broken for the constant falls I’ve picked myself up every time No more falling this time Watching my step now Can I make it just tell me how I have too much insanity In me so easy to see Get it under control Time has taken its toll My closet is about to overflow Too many skeletons stuffed in They’ve got nowhere else to go Need to take some to the trash bin So I can feel the weight lift off My shoulders get em off And once the weight is lifted I can show you how I am gifted Also I can take a rest So I can get back to my best I’ve finished my first book of poetry

Written in my flow so you know it’s me 5 albums recorded 6 wrote down So why then do I frown Well I want the world to hear me Want crowds to cheer me Can I touch one person’s soul Help make them feel whole Feeling like it may not happen Unless the music and poetry scene I tap in Well I’m taking off space bound Hoping soon that I will be found Still looking to be in a band Where are the musicians I don’t understand I’ve got songs that could start a revolution And to help see through the illusion That life has put up in front of us So come with me hop on the bus You know it’s me you can trust I’ll save every last one of you And as a group we will make it through I’m underground perfecting my craft

I’ve looked in the face of death and laughed Each word typed is carefully thought out I want it perfect don’t want any doubt That I’ll be grouped together with the best I’m stressed out this must be a test Trying my patience I’m on edge I look down on the world from this ledge People look like ants their true form Soon I’ll tear this town apart I’m a storm Hurricane Edubs is my name The words that I writer will bring me my fame I’m an original no one’s even close to the same I’m the ring master I control the show I’ll tell you one thing before I go Every word I type has much power They inspire as they rain down from my tower I’m an example of instability with purpose Circ du sole is what’s in my brain A normal person would go insane You have to be a little crazy to control the madness Especially when you’re fighting with extreme sadness

Haven’t perfected it yet in fact Still fall victim to its devious act Everything’s cool for now it’s ok For now that’s all I’ve got to say In order for one to gain knowledge You must think there’s some to gain Arrogance can create a small wedge Between you and a growing brain So many people walk around with a barrier These people run the world that’s even scarier Don’t be a fool stay open to new facts Try not to take different views as attacks You need all eyes to see the big picture 360 degree views give you more than a fixture I keep an open mind Try to absorb whatever I find Even though some things are offensive But I feel no need to get defensive Conflict is useless and can be avoided Take the twisted fact and void it You don’t have to memorize views that you hate

Nor does every conversation have to be a debate Just agree to disagree it’s not too hard Each small fact glistens like a crystal shard Knowledge can be a beautiful thing And enough facts can build up and bring A mind blowing idea that brings about change Our view on what is might be rearranged I hope to reach out to others through song and word Some of what I say can seem absurd I’ll keep on trying to reach out and help There are many that suffer just like myself Having much I consider wealth So if you’re like me reach out and find yourself The illusions and masks circle the drain Once you see the truth it’s never the same We put up barriers to hide from each other Our lies and stories keep the truth smothered Open up let it out even though it’s scary You’ll feel just as light as a fairy The magic of an emotional outlet Is as revealing as it can get

So go ahead write it scream it You have the power to dream it For me it’s all repressed rage I release it like fire on the page I’m told to grow up and act my age But I’m a kid at heart that won’t change Wish I could how to draw It would give me another way to express my flaw I like to work out my issues internally Other people who’ve heard it tried to burn me It’s ok though I’m not mad Although my life right now has me sad But I can’t be down forever Especially since my mind is so clever It’s funny I used my intellect poorly Used it just to get liquor for me But I’m past that no more drinking Looking back I don’t know what I was thinking I like having a clear head I’m alive Plus I’m not paranoid when I drive Look at me I’m just rambling

Depression and art are the things I’m handling I think I can handle them both My ship’s doing just fine with staying afloat Promised my parents I wouldn’t drown Plan to keep that promise I’ve calmed down Well that’s a load off my chest This poem isn’t my best But it certainly was therapeutic But that’s a big reason why I do it I’ll write my way all the way to the top Once I get going my flow won’t stop You know that I’m quick witted Rhymes form in my head just before I spit it Every verse and line a masterpiece Even a blind man would see That at the top where I should be I’m figuring out what this game is Just what do I need to do to be famous I mean should I get weird and act outrageous Or pretend I’m Jesus come to save us You know extravagance isn’t really my style

But when I get my money I will make a pile And dive right into it like a child My writing’s on fire yours is mild Words I speak could start a revolution Cause people will think that I have a solution To all of life’s problems My words will inspire people to solve em Don’t get me wrong my ego’s not inflated It’s hard to be humble with the things that I have written Especially since I’ve been patient just waited And excited now that my spirit’s liftin Once again it’s the end of this writing Until next time I know the suspense is exciting Don’t think I can get any more conspicuous Facebook, myspace, youtube, twitter it’s ridiculous Might as well put my face on a billboard If I don’t get noticed then good lord Do I have to sneak onto a TV set People would see me then I bet It’s funny famous people want out of the spotlight I’m trying to get in and what a fight

Please record labels won’t you see me Just give me a chance you will see I promise not to disappoint you Listen to my songs just see the world from my view I’ve got so much material you’re bound to like some I have some songs that are fun to hum I’ve spilled out my heart and soul on this The least you can do is hear it And show me that I do exist Cause I’m falling in a bottomless pit Please reach out and save me I’m not asking for your pity Just a chance to realize a dream Show me it’s less impossible than it seems I am down and still being kicked What kind of path have I picked Maybe I don’t have what it takes I’ve watched as my crystal ball breaks Maybe there’s no future for me I lack the basic skills you see No hum drum life I wouldn’t survive

I need a career that keeps me alive I’m so lonely I need a friend Someone real who won’t pretend I’ve been hurt a few times before No more whims I have to know for sure Thought I knew who I was Tricked myself because I made myself look like a fool Drowning myself in this pool Filled full of lies and tears Built it up over the years No lifeguard on duty to help I’m just gonna have to save myself Can’t swim but better learn fast Weighed down by my fractured past Therapy keeps reminding me of what happened Old school tactics I write on a napkin My next song or rhyme to work it out But I don’t know if it helps I have doubt Oh well I’ll keep trying it could work It has been awhile since I’ve gone berserk

It’s dark, where’s the light This hole is deep no end in sight What’s my beginning and where will it end I guess on what I do, it’ll depend Standing still is how I feel Questioning reality what is real I constantly question everything Never getting answers to anything Just keep writing and writing Don’t quit now keep on fighting Still don’t understand why Why do I stare at the sky I can’t fly Why live when all you do is die A lot of what I write is depressing Can’t help it I’m obsessing On what it is or what it should be Don’t know I’m going crazy Well that wasn’t really a long fall Never wanted to fit in at all Always dreamt of being special But as time goes on I’m more pitiful

I think I have talents But no matter what I still doubt I walk around without balance Drunk trying to figure this life out I’m starting to believe life has no meaning Or maybe that’s just my life I’ve gotten myself to start believing Cut my self-esteem down with a knife Almost none left my mind still fighting Every time I sit down and start writing Could be the last time This session’s over I’ll end with a rhyme Unemployment really does suck Can’t get McDonalds don’t even have a buck I want a new guitar damn it No one will hire me I can’t stand it Something better happen soon with writing I’m bored I need something exciting My band forming would suffice It would be good to have a group giving advice I’d change my ways for a girlfriend

Be anything even if I have to pretend Not being myself I know it’s wrong Probably why it wouldn’t last long But I’m desperate for a companion I feel like I’m only half a man Alone at the top of this canyon Standin on the edge like, damn, Where’s the one for me? Maybe I’m supposed to stay lonely Don’t see myself ever succeeding I move too fast for life I’ve been speeding ing by all my opportunities This trying to get noticed is new to me Spent years hiding from the public Now I need to appeal to the masses Isolation I need to rise above it And see the world through different glasses Impatience is a quality that keeps me down Be patient put on that upside down frown Keep your head up I lost some time I’ve got to catch up

People tell me I’m doing everything right I’ve never done that so I don’t know what that feels like Ok I’m getting wordy and rambling So I’ll end this thing Thanks for listening Those compliments for them I’m fishing We were together for so long Against opposition we stood strong I thought we’d be together forever You hurt me no of course not never We spent every second together Involved in anything whatever Nothing and no one could get between us Didn’t even argue for the first 3 years not a fuss Should have known it was too good to be true Now it hurts to think of you What happened we drifted apart What caused the fights to start Every day at each other’s throat Trying hard to keep us afloat Then I found out you’re cheatin

I felt broken and beaten But stayed with you still I was sneakin smoking and drinkin Tryin not to let the truth spill Should have split up but I wasn’t thinkin But then it all came out in the hospital I was full of tubes hangin on You couldn’t forgive how’s that possible I forgave you now hold on I needed you then more than ever But you left cut my only tether You left me floundering in the water I was too weak or I would have fought her I spiraled out of control For two years my mind was on overflow I blamed you for two and a half years My nights were full of tears The tears have dried up now Got over you, don’t know just how I still think of you at times And you’re in a lot of my rhymes

But I don’t let it bring me down anymore Wounds heal that’s what band aids are for So I hope you’re happy now I wish nothing but the best for you I’ll never forget you I took that vow And I hope you me too Up all night trapped in my head That’s alright I can sleep when I’m dead For some reason I’m inspired around 2-5 I’ve gotta get the thoughts out to survive If I didn’t play guitar and write daily My mind would drive me crazy On medication just to keep me level Tend to keep my head on a swivel Paranoia bothers me constantly Just can’t trust what I don’t see Sorry god I just can’t believe Nothin against you it’s just me Don’t like it here I wish I could flee But escape is impossible from yourself At night I put my brain on the shelf

Without it is the only way I sleep Stupid ludicrous thoughts creep The road I’m walkin is steep I’m slowed to a crawl even with cleats To calm down I use these beats Music’s there to soothe my soul Warm my heart years ago it turned cold Now it’s hard for me to care My sympathy is just not there I’m focused on myself my success Until I’m at the top I won’t rest And if you think you’re gonna stop me You’re crazy my target practice you will be So watch out here I come If I were you I’d start to run… I have a lover that will never cheat Never lie or steal from me Always waiting always sweet I know you’re asking how this could be And I know without her I would be lost I’ll always be there no matter the cost

Her name is brandy and she is mine For her I always make time I gently stroke her supple body And she makes the sweetest sound Always allows it she’ll never stop me I’m so lucky her love I’ve found We never fight it’s perfect harmony She never complains that I have no money Our love is pure not superficial No marriage needed to make it official We are soul mates Predicted by the fates At this point we’ve come so far Now she’s helping me become a star We’re in our own world She would even share me with another girl She knows I’ll always have time for her She’s the one I know this for sure The world will know exactly who we are At the top it’s me and my guitar I’m out of things to say

I’ve covered my life to the day Probably should take a vacation Learn how to be patient Let some inspiration build Til my brain is filled Then I’ll come back with a vengeance Hopefully with less codependence Get to know myself again Without my crutch the pen Just me and my thoughts I’ll probably learn lots I’m tired of writing right now Too much too often that’s how Time for a break I’ll be back when I’m awake I’ve been told life isn’t fair Wonder then why should I care If I can cheat why not On principle I would not But what’s to stop others Can we really trust each other

People take advantage everyday Aces up the sleeve of life let’s play Watch the shifty eyed devil right across from you He’ll take everything from you Including your soul bag it up You drank too much starin at your empty cup Guess that means you’re drunk The cards aren’t on your side If this were a test you’d flunk Well enjoy your last ride Hell awaits your impulsive soul Screamin one more hand as you’re dragged down the hole Wake me up inside like evanescence I’ve been asleep since adolescence I’m sleep walking through life It’s dangerous someone get this knife I’m wandering in and out of reality What a waste a true tragedy So set the alarm I need to awake Hurry please my life is at stake My whole life people have said I’m on drugs

No love I don’t expect any hugs So I decided to do some My way of stickin it to em But I got caught up Now half empty is my cup Screwed up my damn life And now I have to fight With myself to stay clean How could I become a fiend I had total control then lost it To a stupid bottle ah shit Now out my life I’ve tossed it It was a tough battle I’m exhausted But I’m crawling up out of this hole Watch and see my legend unfold I feel so very lonely I miss having someone to hold me Cuddle on the couch watching TV Now that’s gone it’s only me I’m looking for someone to guide me A muse to inspire my art

Give me a pot to start Where are you my angel where Into space I stare Looking searching waiting A picture in my mind painting Beautiful eyes flowing hair Personality a perfect pair We will be others will see And envy our love As if it came from above Sometimes I don’t understand The power that I hold in my hand I could destroy everything around me Or let it go and be free People are always asking why And for some reason look to the sky Then they run right into a wall Or into a pit they will fall What I’m saying is look in front of you Cause while we’re here that’s what’s true Don’t get distracted by what will be

Just live in the moment be happy Things could always be worse For me that’s always but I’m cursed Every night I’m not in the hospital is a miracle It’s small and kind of pitiful But I have to cling to what I have After all life’s not so bad… How come I have this feeling To hate myself how am I dealing Not well you see Oh how I want to be A self-promoter that’s why I’m writing To get in the art world how exciting I was born a star child And for a while I went wild But I’ve calmed down now And I’ve ended it take a bow Because I have my message written And plan I won’t be quittin My whole life I’ve fought Against authority who would have thought

That I’d end up caught Well at least I have a style and flow that can’t be taught I have piles of finished works waiting For the chance to be heard anticipating My rise to the top where I belong Have to stay sober must be strong My time is approaching rapidly I’d take the crown happily Just keep killin the pen Over and over again My ion amplified by talent Not too good on balance But I’m good for the time being I’m not sure that I’m believing I’m up all night In this never ending fight My words are getting sloppy Somebody please stop me I want to write so bad But I’ve lost the inspiration I had I need a woman and a rhyme

A partner in crime This is the longest I’ve gone without one Don’t know how people do it Thinking back on what I’ve done A woman has been a part of it I know I’m codependent Should probably learn to be independent Though I’d rather not Need that partner to keep me in line I’ve given it all I’ve got But I’ll be alone for now that’s fine Time to work on myself Build up my inner wealth Of knowledge and inner peace Let my negativity decrease I’ve got something to offer society I see too much madness and despair I guess my problem is I care But don’t know how to fix it So I take reality and twist it Make it more bearable to live in

For everyone men and women I flow like a spirit You’re possessed once you hear it Become obsessed with the lyric Listen to it and learn to fear it No one can mess with my flow Like a cancer it grows And intertwines you with the words It’s so sick some might call it absurd But I was blessed with this mind So screwed up but you will find There is plenty of knowledge Fuck a degree I don’t need college I’ll make it all on my own My skills I will hone Until they bury me I’ll keep writing And until that day I’ll keep fighting Cause I know that I speak with wisdom Even though most things have been done Still I’ve seen plenty of pain Those thoughts still remain

Of how I should end it all No one there to catch me if I fall I’ll find another partner soon Then I’ll be singing a cheerful tune Unlike Mel who I let get away So stupid I would have done it different today We were perfect for each other But I hung on to a bad relationship A chance I would have taken had I had another If I would have jumped ship And chose her over the now bane of my existence Me and Sam never made sense But my codependency Made me stay when I should flee Oh well gotta get over that it’s in the past If I don’t no relationship I have will ever last But keep reading my flow is addicting A brighter future is what I’m predicting I hope it comes sooner than later I’ve laid out the structure in my road to success Forgetting the fact that I hate her

On independence road is my new address I hear a voice inside my head Whispers you better off dead Who is this I shout Show yourself come on out “I’m just a word among the trees A simple thought drop you to your knees I’m that little voice inside that hates you Tempts you to drink or cut yourself Or better yet just torture you” I thought the pills got rid of you I want you gone now get out “haha you can’t just cut me out I’ll be with you forever” Yea right man whatever “I’m serious I’ll wait till you’re weak Catch you while you sleep I’ll make you relapse again But that’s because I’m your friend” A friend you’re my enemy When I was down you kicked me

Almost had me end me Oh man these thoughts are swirling I’m dizzy from the whirling Let me off of this ride Hoew did I get stuck on this tilt a whirl Images flash whispers flow I’ve got to go and hide “Don’t be a sissy you little girl You’re so weak it sickens me You’re a loser” no I’m not I can see There’s a path still ahead of me So yea I’ll fight you tooth and nail And in the end I will prevail Oh I miss the days when I would see All the wonders of the world in front of me But as time moved on they were tainted A different view for me was painted One full of hate and destruction Filled with lies, cheating, and stealing It’s a masterful production But who’s doing the dealing I’ll tell you it’s corporate America

Where it’s “ “ fair and a Mountains majesty golden plains sea to sea But the biggest landmark is green We’re all guilty of greed Taught as teens that money will set you free The only reason we go to school Not just so we aren’t a fool But just keep stacking that cash Buying everything building up a stash It’s quite disappointing But not too surprising To lead us millionaires we’re appointing Maybe I’m wrong because I have no money Does that make me envious No degree, am I considered a dummy? All my rants and writings are superfluous Because most likely they won’t be published Which I think is rubbish Just do it for free huh come on guys Are you saying my cracks aren’t wise Do I not entertain you enough

Eventually I will Huff and Puff And force you to market my stuff My eyes are red No I didn’t go to bed Played a video game all night long It’s 4 pm still goin strong Got AA in an hour and a half Sometimes in those meetings I want to laugh They base all their strength in a club Or give it to the man up above I think give yourself some credit man Just the phrase yes I can It’s not all up to god or the collective It’s learning to live from your own perspective Don’t get me wrong if it works work it I just think you should make it worth it Because we’re all special in our ways Some do sports others write poems and plays Getting along in the world is hard But if sometimes we let down our guard We can get hurt no doubts there

But if it’s someone who truly cares It could be a life changing move And if you’re on rock bottom you can only improve So dig those fingers in the soil deep Because the road we’re on is steep Just trust in yourself it’s a plan And the phrase yes I can What is love Is it the sky up above A kiss or an embrace It seems to be a race To see who can get there first It’s like an unquenchable thirst Why do we pursue it so I know it can be beautiful I thought I knew what it was twice I guess that was just an illusion Once again I’ll roll the dice I’ll never stop chasing my delusion Because love is a powerful feeling That can have your layers inside peeling

Make you open up to the world The beauty of your true spirit unfurled It’s such a euphoric feeling you get Drugs will never ever match it You would throw your life away for another hit Love it like heroin you never wanna quit But it’s hard to find that special someone I know I want her to fall from the sky Like an angel where did she come from It can’t be real I must be high You’re the love of my life the twinkle in my eye When that moment comes I’ll be ready Just might be hard to stay steady Inside my mind is a warrior invisible Not a solid being not physical But there backing me up none the less He helps me out in times of high stress Takes control when things get rough When I have to fight or be tough Which isn’t often, good to say He’s with me here to stay

There is a problem though He’s unstable crazed And very powerful That’s ok I’m dazed And confused end this poem now Whoa was that a cow? I’m losing my artistic capability Without it I will lose stability I don’t know what happened My reserve tank I can’t tap in I’m floundering in this open water Can’t breathe I’m swallowing water It’s filling up my lungs I can’t let my song go unsung I scream out but no one hears me I guess this is it I can’t see I don’t know how this could be My boat was taken by the sea And as I lose my life This is the last thing I’ll write maybe someday I’ll come back and do more But nothing can be said for sure

Up at 530 in the morning And before I’m even yawning I’m counting the seconds till liquor time Being drunk is all that’s on my mind I mean I’ve got to stop the shakes A couple shots that’s all it takes Then I can start my day Looking for different ways to pay For the two or three pints I’ll need Just to feel normal, sick, right? My addiction needs to feed I gave up at this point I don’t even fight I’ve succumbed to the sickness To all those I’ve harmed I beg forgiveness You don’t have to give it to me though I guess I do reap what I sow Paranoid while drinking hide from the world The booze has put my thoughts in a swirl Spinning and stumbling through each day Not knowing a word that I say Got to be careful driving don’t want to get a DUI

But I ended up with one though I did try To get out driving that day I plead So drunk clinically brain dead Black out into a seizure wake up in the hospital The events of the day I couldn’t recall I’ve since quit drinking I am having an easier time thinking I still have work to do I know But I know back to drinking I will not go I wanted to lock myself up again I didn’t feel safe around me But then I picked up my pen And wrote some lines to see If my mind was really losing it Or if I was just getting sick But the lines had wit It displayed my talent for writing I’m still not sure if I have any But my insecurities are many I’ll never think I’m good enough So getting what I want is tough

I need to believe in myself now I’m just figure out how Therapy and meditation relieve the pain But my self-esteem has remained the same Perhaps one day I will like myself To me that would be my wealth I’d rather have knowledge than money Right now that’s what matters to me I’ll keep fighting the good fight for my soul So one day I can feel whole

EK’s Chronicles

My words swoop in like a hurricane Filling the air with pain The struggles I face internally My nightmares inside burning me It’s like I’m already in hell I know I don’t feel well Maybe I died in that tub I tried drowning in I know I’ll have to pay for each sin I’ve committed a lot in my time They crush and burden my mind I feel the vultures’ ravenous glare Why are they following me no fair I can’t be that bad right? I think I deserve to see the light For now I’ll just pay my dues floating In this sea lonely is my boating My crew has jumped ship O well I can handle this lonesome trip

I will conquer all obstacles Nothing survives that crosses my opticals My words will cut you down So clever they spin you around You forget where you were standing It’s gonna be a rough landing When I’m finished and done There won’t be a doubt who’s number one So many words and phrases Fill up these empty pages Written by poets and sages The books will last through the ages Home is where the words will take us Back where we feel the safest So let the words consume you And soak in the message it’s true No need to fear them they’re here to help Say things we only think to our self So keep an open mind And all the answers you will find Are right there in front of you

Let my words guide you through The rough parts of your life And we will cut through with a knife Made of wisdom and confidence Or even just some common sense So come with me I’ll take you there Where we will live in peace without a care Gather around the tree of knowledge Next to the fallen bridge Together we can rebuild the connection To ourselves the bridge leads to our reflection Once it’s built we will find ourselves And will fill up our empty shells I’ve been asleep for so long I’m waking up slowly I’ve got to get where I belong I need someone to show me Where it is that I should go I want the stage light’s glow To surround me as I play Play so good I blow you away

Have my songs change a life And my name screamed from the crowd I cut the audience in half with a knife Like parting the red sea won’t my dad be proud When I realize my potential Fame for me is essential I need the fame I want to play the game I can’t wait I know I’ll win This is my time now let me in I’ll take my spot in history To escape from my current misery I will make it I have to I put down the best every rhyme is true I never am fake I’m real as it gets there’s no mistake My beats and rhythms will move you While melodies and words soothe you I stimulate the dopamine is affected And have to go to AA Forever everyday

Just to keep me out of your head Or you could just give in instead On this page I’ve bled It’s a piece of me each word I’ve said I won’t stop till I give every piece away Until I’ve said all there is to say And that day is not today There’s still plenty of inspiration I find it all in meditation So I’ll stand on top of the pedestal Now I will be gentle I’m making love to the page And standing center stage I need you all to see me shine C’mon you know it’s my time The days are growing longer My boredom getting stronger I’m running out of things to do Hope I get a job soon This grey cloud brings gloom At the horizon awaits my doom

The sun is blood red As it sets so awakes the dead To creep through the night When it’s dark you lose your sight I need a flashlight Or someone to guide me Get to the end of the tunnel I see There’s no one to help I’m on my own Find a place I can call home I’m writing in this ancient tome Magical spells and stories of heroes I hope to one day have my story told I don’t have to exaggerate my words will show The story of me is solid gold A tale of defeat and maybe someday success There are three buttons which one should I press I hope I pick the right one Two more riddles at the dragon’s keep I’ll be done Oh those video games A fantasy to escape the pains Of everyday life take me away

I can be someone else and succeed I get hooked when I play Success is addictive indeed I keep playing I’ll stop next level up I can beat the game Too bad life can’t be the same Life makes me go insane Constantly racking my brain Not in the game In there it tells me where to go I’m strong and brave a true hero My inner warrior can show A heavenly glow Surrounds my character’s soul While on the outside it’s more of a hole Maybe one day we’ll have the technology To get me inside the game we’ll see Till then I’ll use my imagination And save this made up nation I went through 3 years of pain Changed me I’ll never be the same

I was classified insane Bipolar with psychotic features Maybe I should have listened to my teachers All the way through school Maybe I wouldn’t have been a fool Chasing a dream now is it too late? I now have pills to concentrate Will I make it I don’t know If I don’t I’ll still put on a show I’ll go out with a bang And touch the wolf’s fang He is my spirit guide In his cave with him I hide I’m afraid of the world Afraid of success so much stress In this ball I’m curled Asleep I will wake up at my peak I want to stand on my own two feet I never look both ways before crossing the street I like to live in danger The world through my eyes is stranger

Than a Dr. Seuss book just read it I can’t lose I must defeat it Understand when I get to the top I want more I won’t stop To be the best there ever was Is my mission and my cause Sometimes I sit and think What if then I blink A million images flash A single moment in my past I walked off that football field I didn’t what results it would yield Perhaps if I had stayed I would have done better in school Instead of feeling like a fool It would have given me discipline Would have given me an out instead of keeping things in Maybe I would have been somebody have a label Instead of now knowing who I am unstable But then again I might not have discovered music My inner emotions I use it Oh football how I wonder

How my talents I have plundered I won’t make that same mistake again I’ll stick with writing till the end This is my new label And it keeps me stable So I think I made the right decision Now I can fulfill my visions I’m so lonely Need someone to hold me Even if it’s just briefly I need to be comforted please I’m begging on my knees I want to be loved To be kissed and hugged I even miss the fights a little At least had her to talk to But no I’m alone feeling blue Which is my favorite color I swear I’ll treat her with respect Place no one above you A statue of you I will erect

I know I look pathetic at a glance But if you would only give me a chance You’ll see all the ion in me And how great our life would be A couple minutes of your time And you will want to be mine At least for a while we’ll be fine Then it’ll fall apart And I know that from the start But I will never mistreat you It’ll be like a dream I’ll obstruct your view Until you wake up it seems I can make you believe that Me making it is a fact But then I’ll let you down Then no more will you come around My words are magnetic I have what it takes to be poetic Although my thoughts are hectic The words pop out when you least expect it

So girls be careful not to get sucked in I flow on the page like the wind Don’t even try to pretend That you can’t feel me I opened my eyes to see The world again I woke up Finally from my long slumber time to get up I see some things have changed, what? It’s not like it was in the past Being on top is what I last Now I’m on the bottom clawing at the walls My phone’s off I can’t get any calls Though don’t know who would Doubt anyone is trying Spent two years crying Was down and out I almost died My brain was completely fried I was stuck on pause Never ing any cause I stand for nothing I don’t know who I am I know I’m bipolar1 with psychotic features

Trying to not let it get out of hand I was knocked backwards sent reeling Through my past I’m flying Want to forget keep trying But nothing is happening for me now I can’t seem to move forward It still racks my mind how I’ve got nothing to move toward So I’ll stay awake I just don’t know what it would take I’m reaching out for inspiration Bordering on desperation Don’t want to repeat myself I’m sure deep inside me there is a wealth Of knowledge that I need to tap in to Words are the glue That keep my thoughts together Will I think like this forever Or someday will I lose this ability I mean once I gain stability If I’m okay will my writing suffer

Does my sadness fuel these words Perfection is what I’m after But does happiness stop me from going forward I seem to write of despair And looking for someone who cares But once I’m happy And have found that someone Will that sap me All my writing come undone What will I do for fun Do I have to go back to sports My body is weak now I can’t contort I’m out of shape rotator cuffs torn I still have a problem with being born It just would have been easier I ask my counselor please sir Take away my addiction This is a terrible affliction I won’t give up As long as it’s never enough Your eyes your skin your touch

My heart I clutch It beats so fast when you’re with me Won’t you be free with me Settle in a meadow of peace Hold on to you You move away what a tease You be the glue I’ll stick to you Together our love will blossom The light created will be awesome Blinding everyone scaring the dark We’ll leave on this world our mark Like when people carve their names in the bark The universe will know of our love It will shake the heavens above So if you would be the one I promise we will have our fun I will never let you down And I’ll always be around I would treat you like a queen Nothing would ever come between Us not even time

Now I ask you girl will you be mine? Take my pills if I want to stay sane They help me deal with the pain Keep me on a level plane I need to see what I can gain From staying sober it’s like a game I will not use the lord’s name in vain Even if I don’t believe or do any prayin I respect people’s opinions I’m just sayin I can make it to my goal engulfed in flame On fire I will reach the fame And everyone will know my name I will win this game And my glory will rain Unstoppable my talent can’t be tame Take me higher please Pick me up off my knees Rid me of this disease Once again I ask you please I don’t know who the fuck I’m talkin to Cause there ain’t no one there

That’s the one thing that’s true Cause nobody really cares They’re too busy with problems of their own To sit and hear you bitch on the phone I’m keeping my pain in Only releasing some with this pen No one can help me once again I wish I would start a new trend But it’s hard to ignore or pretend Like the thoughts aren’t there I’m breathing psychosis like air Going stir crazy I might tear out my hair Or fall into darkness and despair Wouldn’t be the first time And probably not the last it’s fine The inner complications in my mind Thoughts are creeping of the absurd kind Will it kill me probably not Hell’s frozen over I’m skatin on flames That’s where I’m livin workin out a plot To start a war yea I play dangerous games

Back to earth I won’t leave it yet Until I finish what I’ve started I won’t give up don’t fret I’ve got to win somehow my spot I’ll mark it People will my name And I will get a taste of that fame I am a winner in this game And when I leave nothing will ever be the same People will all wonder how And I won’t tell em even after my final bow Let me tell you what I think That if you stay in sync With the rhythm of the street You just won’t be beat Lay in the grass and close your eyes Just…come on and dream… And as crazy as it seems I will believe… Somehow some way I will achieve… Because the fire burns within me Look in the flame and you will see

To the rhythm my heart does beat So come on and feel the heat Get up out your seat And dream… So keep pushing forward Nothing can stop your progress Just write some more words Talent is something we all possess Create your masterpiece right now You’ll find that you already know how I was born on labor day A perfect day for me I would say I’m not really as lazy as it seems Just tend to float off in my dreams I’m a chronic dreamer And an impulsive schemer How will I play this game All the pieces look the same People will sell their soul for fame The world started turning when I came I’ve excelled in sports and music It wasn’t that hard for me to pick

Music is my one and only love I draw inspiration from the stars above I create songs at will Sometimes I show off my skill So many voices in my head Lying here in my bed Like whispers from the dead I listen to everything they’ve said What do they tell me you ask They gave me a simple task Rise to the top they say That’s the only way To ever see the sun We’ll let you know when you’re done This is no easy task you see How do I get to be Ahead of everyone else in line Do I have enough time All I need is a single chance To put this world in a trance What will I do all the way up there

It’s lonely and thin is the air I can hardly breathe But I’ve got to fight harder All the voices will recede And for my soul back I’ll barter My eyes are heavy all day long To stay awake I need to be strong It’s hard for me to be sober Underground like a gopher I pop my head up to see if it’s all clear Or at least if it appears My feelings are so dramatic Thoughts are psychopathic When I see it I’ve got to have it My mental state is sort of tragic Peace of sanity I try to grab it But it bounces back stuck to elastic I will remain this way Just wait for the exit music to play Don’t follow me this way I will lead you astray

All of this lasts only one day It’s the music that calms me I’ll love it till the mortician embalms me Sit back close your eyes and drift into ecstasy Let it flow over you the melody And the beat make you tap your feet If you have rhythm get out your seat Let the song over take you It’s my medicine I take two Every day it’s a new song Keep my creative muscles strong Can’t let my voice go unheard Can anybody hear me I’m unsure I’m focused as I pick each word Gotta make every line the best it can be It shouldn’t be hard just have to be me Oh how I’ve squandered talents that I’ve had Sometimes I think of them at night It makes my inside mad This time I will fight I won’t give up this talent

I’ll save the world call me valiant My words will pierce your soul A storm is coming so grab hold To something stable To keep control I might not be able And if I should get out of control To my mind I’ll grab hold And try to tie it down Before it blows away Into the storm it swirls around But I won’t retreat on the front lines I’ll stay I don’t stand back in war I’m the first in if I think it’s worth fighting for I can’t avoid it my lines are perfect Chop them apart and inspect You won’t find any flaws I roll the lines up in balls Each contains a bit of knowledge I it some of it was learned in college Now I was born an outlaw Runnin from the law

I lie, cheat, and steal I’m ghost phantoms must be real I’m smooth in and out of your house I may have my way with your spouse Try try as you may You won’t catch me I’m here to stay Cause I ride off in the sunset Still hungry ain’t full yet Don’t even try to capture me I am destined to be free Now I’ve made a few enemies Sheriffs want me in Tennessee But I’ll hang here in Chi town Till the heat has died down I’ll find me a gal to hang off my belt I’ll touch her in places she’s never been felt I’ve accumulated vast wealth I want to stick around better watch my health Now as I say goodbye I’m getting ready to fly Time to move on to the next city

I hate to leave here what a pity But baby I’m a rolling stone The road is what I call home Just to live free And when you see me say hi to me

EK’s Perspectives

Money

This is just another expression So let’s dive in my mind for another lesson I want to be an artist I told my father He said it’s a hard road to follow In this picture in my head of what it would be like To have my name up in lights But quickly I’m finding That money is needed for everything And these contracts are binding I mean I need money for an agent So they can pitch it to the publishers While I sit and write in my basement Learning the meaning of patience I work a shitty job with no hours I need some money to gain power Money makes people listen And money gives you existence I find it sad when I see

So much pain caused by greed People will do anything for money That’s no joke not funny One day the world will sit and watch The world end and get lost I guess they didn’t see the tag to know what it cost So just think about your daily struggle to get a buck And wonder is it really worth that much

Tragedy

There is a man who walks among us No one sees him as he gets on his bus The same one he travels every day But this time oh there’s something different about today He rides with a strange smile as if to say That he’s got something planned for himself when he gets home There’s a pep to his walk as he exits the old worn out bus He gently runs his hand up the rail just a light touch He moves quickly but not in a rush He looks around him as to take in all of life’s lust He gets to his room the one he spent most of his life in He glides to the center where he sits in his favorite chair and Pen He writes smoothly with purpose We stand by as just observers questioning what he wrote A surprise as he pulls a pistol out As he puts it in his mouth You can see the fear leave

In a lonesome last tear He ends his life But what did he write He wrote “I finally feel alright” And who among us could judge him We might not have survived his war within

Purpose

People walk around searching for some meaning No one ever wants to stop dreaming No matter what our age We move trying to turn the next page But do we really have a purpose We must have one since it concerns us I believe that we are here for a reason A short life off hollow movements And useless events Then we try to put meaning on nothing We all are after the same thing Whether we like it or not Our main goal is recognition Every morning we wake up with a plot To beat our competition Whether at work or the race for glory Our purpose is quite simple really We all want an interesting story

In essence we’re all stealing

Love

Oh this mysterious force we chase That feeling which warms our face So hard to explain the feeling You become captivated by its call Feel so good you’re worried you’re stealing It’s an obsession blurring your mind A grandiose feeling oh so high You and her spin around You’re lifted so far up but with no fear of falling It’s a feeling that can’t be described I guess he heard my lonely callings And helped me to find my bride Love can revitalize you Have you completing tasks with no dispute Some love lasts forever for those who are lucky And some get bits of it but keep looking Don’t get discouraged you’ll get the right one Then you can fly up and the fun

Anyways even though short these loves are Enjoy the feelings and loves warm hug Just those times of intimacy in your car Be patient everybody plenty of chance the love bug Is out looking for a warm hug

Invisible

me from high school Of course you don’t I wasn’t cool I wasn’t nobody I floated around Going from crowd to crowd Never really having a single place Just like getting third place No one re that person I don’t know if it’s worse than Being the one being picked on At least you know what pedestal you sit on I float through the halls whispering in ears I’m the person who said that quote But you can’t who said or wrote Exactly in the middle The person who is perfectly forgettable

Psyche Ward

I’m in a haze as they roll me in Strapped to a table to hold me in Asking me questions about my life The whole time distracted by the lights My arm still stings from what I did to it I’m hung over I feel like shit Can’t quite how I got here Too much happening for any fear Put in a room with a total stranger Wonder what he’s in here for I’m scared that I might be in danger Just keep my eyes staring at the floor Just go to bed uneasy sleep indeed Wake up its morning time feeding Time I’m not too hungry Just want to learn about the people around me Make sure I stay away from explosive ones Try to stick with the somewhat fun

Not much here to the time Once or twice a day therapists pick my mind Try to find out what’s wrong While I bounce off the walls like I’m playing pong A week’s vacation and a change in meds Still not sure what’s in my head Oh well I’ll continue on the path ahead The way that no one else should tread

Reminisce

Sometimes I think back to the earlier days Times of youth and summer haze Wondering if the decisions I made Could have been changed and my life saved But understanding there is no time travel And knowing I made those choices in battle I think I came out the way I was supposed to Even the bullet holes you can see through Each one tells a painful story But for each one there is a badge of glory Would the stats be any different Had I picked a different path Had I stayed in school for instance It wouldn’t have changed my psycho path I would have still lost my mind Just would let it out at a different time Everything that’s wrong with me Would still be there

And now I can see All my thoughts now can fill the air And people that listen will be there

Work

Work is meant to be fulfilling The thing that gives our life meaning Or is it just a time filler Mainly just a buzz killer That consumes most of our time Does it ever cross the line Into a whole life take over People lose relationships over It but without work is our life legit? I mean most of the jobs we have are pointless Just there to put cash in our coin purse That we throw away on objects But then again no one seems to object We measure our self-worth by our job Who wants to be a homeless slob But sometimes we give up integrity And throw away all our dignity Just to have better possessions

Or maybe to an obsession I agree these things needs to be done But we shouldn’t split up based on cash sums No job is any less than another And shouldn’t affect the way we treat each other Work hard at what you believe in Only then is it truly an achievement

Good Times

Yesterday seems like just today I can the curves of your face The way you laughed at my stupid jokes The day I had you meet my folks You were the only thing I cared about And all the time I couldn’t figure out What made you mine You seemed too good to be with me Every moment with you was frozen in my mind With you in my life my spirit was set free I thought it would last forever But just like that you pulled the lever Switched from fantasy to a nightmare Fights and arguments flare And as I thought I hit my bottom When I said I had a problem with the bottle You pulled the rug from under me Smashed my heart into pieces

I’ve never felt so lonely That was the moment my heart it freezes

Car Ride

Time to grab my keys and go Nobody has to know Don’t really have a place to be Just want to feel so free The car is my own personal spot for thinking No one can interrupt my process Mind slows so much I can see my blinking I’ve had most my best songs thoughtless Seem to hit every green light The road I’m on feels right Plotting on how I can rule the world Or maybe how to get another girl To fill my time cause that’s what they’re good for No disrespect just what I’ve seen before Put the pedal to the floor and go Run away from my fractured past Get back into the flow Never go too fast

No need to speed not late My car gravitates Towards the right lane Turn the signal and make the change Wish life was the same But in life it’s a lot of work to do the same So goodbye for now I’m on my own Out here on the open road

Time

What is time but a pool we drink from It’s a liquid that is vast and deep It controls our very kingdom Sometimes it seems steep Racing down on us like a missile Or slow down turning into crystal Whatever the rate it’s important what we do Accomplish what you’re put here to do Because time does run out on us Though it never runs out thus The universe will forever expand Making every answer not the whole truth So don’t stop looking when you seem to solve A problem because it will evolve Always changing this is life Time brings changing that is right But this time does not take the light Merely watches it as it moves

So use time and take flight Which will be easy when you’re in the groove