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Bruised but Not Broken

MARY INGLAND

AuthorHouse™ 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.authorhouse.com Phone: 1 (800) 839-8640

© 2018 Mary Ingland. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 03/28/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-3560-6 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-5462-3559-0 (hc) ISBN: 978-1-5462-3558-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018903840

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Contents

1 Rough Start

2 While Waiting

3 Bootcamp Blues

4 Familiarization

5 Work Related

6 Big Girl Shoes

7 Roller Coaster Ride

8 Broken Promises

9 Bonding Again

10 Chaos

11 A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

1 Rough Start

CANDY WAS SO EXCITED SHE couldn’t keep a straight face. She had to tell someone what had just happened at school. She had a hard time holding it in and the anxiety had her moving fast and trying to keep too many things on her mind all at once. Candy had left school and went straight to her babysitting job. Chelsie the lady she babysat for, was standing in the door waiting for her. She said I was hoping you wouldn’t be late, I need to get to work in time to make out new schedules. I didn’t get it done yesterday so I thought I’d go in early and finish it today. Chelsie was in a hurry, so Candy didn’t even mention the news to her. Candy went inside and got the kids. She asked Chelsie, if the kids had eaten yet? Chelsie grabbed her purse and said no but, they asked for pizza, so I took one out and laid it on the stove, and continued out the door. Candy asked the kids if they were hungry. The three of them eagerly yelled; “Yeah, Pizza” and ran to the kitchen. Candy let them know that she had to heat the oven up first and that the pizza would probably be ready by the time they put on their pajamas’. Candy put the smallest one’s pajamas’ on for her, while the other two argued about whose pajamas were the coolest. Candy went into the kitchen and placed the pizza in the oven. When she came out the kids were in the living room fighting over what channel to watch on T.V. Candy grabbed the remote and said we’re watching the first cartoons that comes up. The kids settled down on the couch and started watching the cartoons as if there had never been a fight. Candy went back into the kitchen and got the pizza out of the oven. She poured three small glasses of juice and placed them on the table while the pizza was cooling. She cut the pizza into slices and placed a piece on three different plates, and set them on the table. Candy went in the living room to retrieve the kids and told them the pizza was ready. They had no problem jumping off the couch and rushing to the kitchen. They ate good and even had another slice. When they were done Candy told them to go back into the living room and watch T.V., while she cleaned up the kitchen. Candy finished and ed the kids in the living room. They had calmed down and were even leaning on each other. Suddenly there was a noise at the door. Candy knew it wasn’t Chelsie, she hadn’t been gone that long. Then she heard keys in the door. Candy grabbed the kids and took them to the

bedroom. She told them to get under the bed, in case it was an intruder. Candy got a picture frame from the dresser, and got behind the door. Whoever it was, entered the house with confidence. A man’s voice shouted out after closing the door; “Hey, where ya’ll at?” The kids started scrambling from underneath the bed with smiles on their faces. Candy tried to warn them not to make any noise but, they started running out of the bedroom yelling “Daddy”! Candy’s heart was racing, seeming like a hundred miles a minute, and she almost peed her pants. The man looked at Candy and said; “who are you”. Candy replied, I’m the babysitter, and may I ask who you are? He said, I’m their father didn’t you hear them. He said, where’s Chelsie? Candy thought that odd that he didn’t know where she was and seemed to live there, being he had a key. Candy answered, she’s at work. He said to Candy, you can leave now I can handle it from here. Candy didn’t like the way that sounded at all. She told him, I don’t think that’s a good idea, I was left here with the children and I think I should stay here until Chelsie gets home. The man replied, suit yourself. He sat down at the kitchen table and pulled out what looked like some weed, and started to roll some ts. Candy went and got the kids and put them in bed, they were practically falling asleep on the couch. He looked over at Candy and said, you smoke. Candy shrugged her shoulders not knowing if she should reply honestly or not, knowing she was the babysitter, and this was her job. She cautiously answered, yes. He lit one up and they ed it back and forth until it was gone. He lit another one and Candy got nervous and blurted out; I don’t want anymore, Chelsie will be home soon, and it wouldn’t be right for me to be high when she gets home, I don’t want to lose my job. The man laughed and said, what did you say your name was? Candy told him and asked him in return, what’s yours? He said my name is Clarence. Candy asked him why he didn’t know that Chelsie had a job and that she had went to work. He said because I’ve been in Rehab right up the street and I’m just now able to get es to go out on my own but, I must return in the evenings. Before she could get any more information, Chelsie walked in the door. Chelsie looked surprised and gave Clarence this wonderful smile as if she hadn’t seen him for quite some time. Candy figured at this point everything was good, so she stated to Chelsie; o.k. I guess I’ll leave now. Candy grabbed her things and ed when picking up her jacket, that she had gotten some very good news at school that day. She had been awarded a scholarship to college. Candy thought to herself; me, a scholarship, what are the odds. Even though Clarence was coming home some days, Chelsie asked Candy if she would still babysit for her after school. He showed up most of the time after she was already gone. Now, when Clarence told Candy she could leave, she did.

Some evenings they’d laugh, joke, and even smoke a t while waiting for Chelsie to come home. This went on until it was time for graduation. Candy hadn’t told anyone about the scholarship. Where she was from, it wasn’t really a topic of discussion. No one talked about school or scholarships. If the subject came up everyone laughed about it and moved on to the next subject. However, this was exciting news for Candy because no one in her family had ever graduated from school. This day however, Chelsie got off work early and Clarence wasn’t there. Candy asked Chelsie if it was ok for her to leave. Chelsie said yes and Candy couldn’t wait to get home and tell everyone the news. When Candy got home, no one was there. She went and put her things down in her room and then heard her father’s car pull up in the driveway. Candy went to the front door and waited for her Mother and Father to come inside. Candy’s mother walked in the house and abruptly asked Candy if she had something she wanted to tell her. Candy’s hopes dropped because she thought the school had called and already told her parents the news. Candy said; guess what, I won a scholarship to college. Candy noticed that her parents didn’t seem excited or even interested in what she had just said. Candy’s Mother said; with a straight face, “That lady you babysit for called today and said that you are sleeping with her Husband”. Candy’s heart dropped and her body temperature immediately went to what seemed to be two hundred degrees. Candy’s eyes got blurry from the tears that were building up inside. She got a lump in her throat that almost seemed to make her stop breathing. Candy couldn’t imagine Chelsie saying anything like that. Candy couldn’t believe that had even come out of her mother’s mouth. The pain in Candy’s eyes were showing and she almost felt ashamed. How could her mother even entertain such a thought knowing Candy wasn’t even interested in a boyfriend let alone a grown Man. She told her mother she didn’t have any idea what she was talking about and had no idea why Chelsie would call her and say such a thing. Candy ran to her room and cried until her face hurt. She still hadn’t told her parents that the graduation was that night and that she was being awarded the scholarship at the graduation. Candy’s Mother was returning to a job she had in the evenings and her Father was off work but always had something to do. Candy sat in her room and tried to figure out what went wrong. Why, would Chelsie call her parents and tell them such a bold face lie. The more Candy thought about it the madder she got. Chelsie had destroyed whatever trust Candy’s parents had in her before she made that phone call. Candy got out of her bed and went to her closet to find something to wear to the graduation. While looking through her closet she couldn’t help thinking about the reason for Chelsie’s actions. The school was

less than a mile away from Candy’s house and Chelsie’s house was somewhere in between. Candy would have to walk to the graduation because her parents weren’t home. She thought about what she was going to say as she ed Chelsie’s house on the way back to the school. No one else was home when her mother told her what Chelsie had said. She avoided her siblings so not to get into what had happened. Candy went to take a bath and when she got out proceeded to put on a dress that she had picked from her closet. Candy didn’t like dresses. She wasn’t the girlie type. She hung out with the boys for the most part, she felt more comfortable with them. Candy went to her Mothers’ closet and got a pair of high heeled shoes out. Candy didn’t like them either and hardly ever seen her Mother wear them. Sunday mornings for church was the only time she had seen her Mother put high heeled shoes on. Without even checking her appearance Candy walked out the door and headed for the school. When she got close to Chelsie’s house, Clarence came to the door because he could hear her clonking down the street in those high heeled shoes. Clarence asked Candy where she was going. Candy replied, nowhere, as if she didn’t want to talk and Clarence sensed right away that something was wrong. Clarence said; what’s wrong with you. Candy said, I can’t talk now, I have to hurry up and get to the school. Clarence asked, what are you going to the school for? Candy said, I am graduating tonight and being awarded a scholarship to college. Clarence said, graduating why didn’t you tell us? He said, congratulations, great job, stop by on your way home. Candy didn’t respond and continued walking to the school. Candy didn’t feel as angry as she had when she left her house. She even managed a little smile knowing someone had acknowledged her accomplishment, even if it wasn’t her parents. When Candy got to the school, they rehearsed how they would line up and be presented with their awards. There was only one other person who had also won a scholarship, so they didn’t need all that many instructions on that. Suddenly the lights went out and the principal of the school stood there at the podium and began to make his speech. Candy wasn’t paying very much attention, and the next thing she knew, they had begun calling names already. Candy got in line, crossed the stage, and was presented with her scholarship. Candy felt like that was the best feeling in the world being able to cross that stage, and at that moment looked out into the audience hoping maybe her parents would be there. Of course, they weren’t, so Candy accepted her scholarship and walked off the stage. While walking back to her seat, Candy thought about what she was going to say when she got to Chelsie’s house. Candy clutched her scholarship and her diploma in her hand and started skipping down the street, feeling like she was somebody. Before she knew it, she was in front of Chelsie’s

house again. She stopped skipping and started walking heavily so they could hear her. Clarence came to the door and said; hey, you ready to talk. Candy walked towards the door looking inside and asked if Chelsie was home. Clarence said yeah come on in, gesturing from the door. Candy stood fast and said, she didn’t tell you. Clarence said tell me what. Candy hesitated and Clarence said hastily; tell me what, this time anxiously as if he wanted to hear some good news. He gestured towards the door again. Candy said, I’m not allowed to come to your house anymore. Clarence looked at Chelsie and then gently grabbed Candy’s arm and pulled her inside. Clarence said go ahead tell me what you’re talking about. Candy took his tone as if he thought she was going to tell him that she had seen Chelsie with another Man or something. Assuring him that wasn’t it, Candy said; she called my parents today and said that I was messing around with you. Candy looked at Chelsie but, Chelsie wouldn’t look back. Then, scaring Candy this time, Clarence said; WHAT! They both were looking at Chelsie for answers. Candy said, so she didn’t tell you. Clarence yelled, every little girl around here that looks better than you, doesn’t mean I’m screwing them. I may have a drinking problem but, I’m not a pervert, and if that’s what you think then YOUR problems are a lot bigger than mine. Candy stood there, stunned, she had never heard Clarence raise his voice like that before. Chelsie finally broke her silence and said; well it’s true, she’s always stuck up under you. Candy couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Then Candy said to Chelsie; if you didn’t want me to babysit anymore all you had to do was say that, and it would have been over, but instead you asked me to keep coming. Then you called my parents with those lies. Candy explained to her that she had just graduated and her parents weren’t there because she didn’t get the chance to tell them about the graduation or that she was receiving the scholarship that night. Candy then told her she didn’t have to worry about her coming around anymore, and that she was never coming back. Candy clutched her diploma and her scholarship in her arms and walked out the door. Clarence followed Candy and told her he was sorry for what had happened and that he could get Chelsie to call her parents and apologize for what she did. Candy anxiously told Clarence, no because she wasn’t supposed to be there. Clarence then asked Candy if she wanted to smoke a t. Candy said; no. Clarence said well I’ll smoke one while I walk with you. Clarence told Candy that he was very sorry for what Chelsie had done, and said if it’s any consolation, I’m proud of you for graduating, Congratulations. Clarence turned around and went back home and Candy continued walking home hoping she wouldn’t run into her parents on the way. When Candy got home she felt

relieved, placed her degree and scholarship on her dresser, and couldn’t wait to take that dress and high heeled shoes off. She laid down in her bed and stared off into space looking up at the ceiling. She felt calm and gentle and before she knew it she was sleep. When Candy woke up the next morning, the thought crossed her mind that she had graduated and didn’t have any idea what she was going to do next with her life. Reality had set in that she had won a scholarship to college but she didn’t have a clue what she wanted to do, now that she had graduated. The thought never dawned on her that she was smart enough to earn a scholarship. Candy could have graduated the year before but, because of inappropriate behavior and misconduct had to finish out her senior year. It was unusual for any one in her family to graduate, she hadn’t seen it done in all her years. Candy was a straight A student and could have graduated in her junior year but got caught selling drugs on school grounds. She was suspended from school for the rest of the school year. Conditions for her to be itted back into school involved going before the board of education. After a lot of questions about how the drugs were getting into the school, (which Candy would have been telling on herself had she of answered them), and good reports from her teachers because of her grades, Candy was told her punishment would be for her to come back to complete her senior year of school. She already had enough credits to graduate. This was good news to Candy, aside from her misconduct she liked school. If it weren’t for her having to complete her senior year, she would never have had the opportunity to win the scholarship. Back to the issue at hand, Candy wondered what she was going to do now that she had finished school. She ed a recruiter coming to the school and talking about ing the military. She wasn’t paying attention to the spill but, did hear that they paid for everything. At the time, she didn’t feel it was something she wanted to do. Candy went to her parents and told them that she was thinking about going into the Military, not thinking clearly about it, just saying what was on her mind. Candy was expecting her parents to talk her out of it. Instead, her Mother said; good, you need to get away from here. Her Father said; yeah, that’s a good idea, the Air Force, they don’t do anything! Candy, at that moment, thought about her parents not coming to her graduation, and said, no, I think I’ll one of the other branches. It sounded good at the time. Candy thought that would hurt her parents by saying she was leaving. She wanted to hurt them because of the way they had made her feel when the Chelsie incident happened. Their acknowledgement was totally unexpected. Candy thought she had stuck her foot in her mouth because she hadn’t made up her mind that going into the Military was what she wanted to do, she had just said it out of anger.

2 While Waiting

AFTER GRADUATING FROM SCHOOL, PRESSED in thinking about what she was going to do. Candy caught the bus to the Mall. That was the place where all the students hung out. Candy didn’t like hanging out at the Mall because she hardly ever had money and didn’t want to be a victim of circumstance. All the kids would talk about stealing the stuff they couldn’t afford but, going to jail didn’t appeal to her. Nor did she want to face the wrath of her Mother finding out that she had stolen something. That’s a situation that she feared more than going to jail. Well, she went to the Mall to find the recruiters office. She walked the halls until she spotted it. Then, walked ed it a couple of times pretending to look interested in some nearby stores and at the same time making sure no one recognized her. When she felt like it was safe, walked inside the recruiter’s office. This man walked up to her and asked if he could help her. Candy felt uncomfortable but, she managed to ask him what it took to get into the military. He explained about having to take this aptitude test and from the test they could determine what field (or job) she would be best suited for. He made an appointment for her to take the test but, it was about two weeks later. She left the mall and got right on the bus back home. When arriving home, went to her room and started to contemplate on what it would be like. Feeling kind of proud, even though she hadn’t done anything yet. Candy got out of the bed and decided to take a walk. She went to the park and watched some of the fella’s play basketball for a while and then walked across the street to a Restaurant and got a float. Wondering how she was going to make some money while waiting to take the aptitude test. She caught the bus up the street and went to the Burger Max and asked for an application. To her surprise they called her about two days later and asked her if she could start work. She went up to the Burger Max with this confident feeling. She had gotten a job and without anyone’s help. After about two days of training, Candy was working at the counter taking orders, bagging food and loving it. After a while, some of the kids from school got word she was working there and it went downhill from there. They would come in expecting to get free food and Candy knew it was wrong. She didn’t want to get fired, so after about two weeks, she quit. Then she asked her aunt Reese if she could get a job

with her at the college. Candy’s aunt Reese was the head chef at the college. She had lots of pull and bragged about Candy winning a scholarship. Of course, she got the Job. Assigned to the salad bar, Candy had to prepare all the toppings to go on salads. She cut up onions, tomatoes, and all sorts of things that people like to put in salad. One topping she discovered while working there was garbanzo beans, which didn’t look appetizing to her but, after trying them, Candy actually liked them. Candy liked working at the college. She was able to interact with the students and learn a little bit about college life. Most of their time was spent partying though. They never took it seriously until finals came around and then the whole campus seemed to quiet down. When Candy got her paycheck from Burger Max, she was off that day from the college and took the bus downtown. Not wanting to go to the mall, which was the normal hangout. She didn’t want her siblings to know she had money because she wouldn’t have it very long once they found out. When she got downtown, she walked down the street to the Brushings store. Having only seen this store in magazines, it was her Grandmothers favorite store. She walked inside and looked around at all the things they had inside. They had an escalator which went to the second floor. Candy had never rode an escalator before without her Mother being there to make sure she and her siblings didn’t act up or get out of line. Her Mother had a very distinctive way of letting you know that if you got out of line, it was something you were going to regret for a very long time. They knew not to act out especially in public. Having occasionally to answer for some things, none of them really got into anything that they would have to face their Mother with later. Candy felt free however, at that moment and said, “I have money. I can ride that escalator” so, she got on it and rode it to the second floor. Getting butterflies going up. Arriving on the second floor, Candy didn’t even look around at the items they had on the floor. She turned right around and got back on the escalator going down and it felt good. Though she didn’t do it again, she got the feeling that someone was watching and went on out the door. It didn’t even matter that she hadn’t bought anything, she had finally walked in a store by herself and could have bought something if she wanted to. Nothing expensive of course but, could have bought a shirt at least. Then walking up the street, went to the bus stop. Which was in front of the Grand bus station. It was crowded and had a lot of different people standing around. There were prostitutes standing on the corner, people with baggage trying to buy tickets, bums leaning on the side of the building asking people for change, and ersby that were looking at all of those same people, the same as she was but, totally disregarding them as if they were just another

part of the scenery. Candy didn’t know if this was normal because she didn’t frequent downtown much either. After daydreaming about the surroundings, she saw a Charlie’s Burger Inn Restaurant right inside the bus station and walked over to the counter. Out of nowhere, asked the manager if he had or was accepting applications. Not knowing what came over her, to do such a thing. Having a job already, she wanted to see if it would work again or something. Not expecting the Manager to say “YES”. He asked; when can you start. Candy was caught off guard and her heart started beating fast, not knowing what to say. The Manager looked puzzled as if to say; “I thought you wanted a Job”. Candy hurried up and thought of something to tell him. She told him she had to ask her mom because she needed a ride to get back and forth to work. She informed him her Mom was at work at the time and that she would ask her when she got off work that night. Then told him that she had just rode the bus downtown for the first time and really didn’t know the bus schedule. Suggesting that she didn’t know if she could catch the bus at the right time in order to be at work on time. He said; if you’re serious, come back next week, after you’ve had time to learn the bus schedule and talk to your Mom. In shock, Candy told him o.k., went back outside and stood by the bus stop. She started thinking about what to tell her aunt. Only working part time, she figured she would tell her aunt she found a full-time job and would be making more money. In the midst of her thoughts, this guy walked up to her and said, that was real smooth what you did. Are you really looking for a job? Candy stated, no! I don’t know why I did that, I already have a job. He said, do you know how many people out here could have walked up to that counter and did the same thing but, wont? Looking around, feeling sorry for some of those people, Candy thought, they must really need help. He said, that’s why I was watching you. He said some people don’t want help, they just want a hand out. Candy looked around again and thought, why would people put themselves in this type of situation, if they didn’t have to? He broke her daydreaming again and said; “where you going”? She replied, home. Wondering how she was going to tell her mom and her aunt she had got another job. The guy laughed and said where you live? Candy said up north. I just really came downtown because I had never been down here by myself and wanted to see what was down here. He said I’m going up north too, I’m going to see a friend of mine. He was dressed really nice and he spoke with a very softspoken voice. Candy thought that was sexy! He was light skinned and had pretty teeth and some very pretty, long hair. The bus came and they both got on. He sat by Candy and asked; are you still in school? I just graduated she said, that’s why I was asking for work. I need something to do

since I’m not in school anymore. They got to Candy’s stop and she said o.k. bye, it was nice meeting you. He said wait, I’ll get off with you. I can walk the rest of the way. It wasn’t until then that Candy felt a little scared and wondered if he really knew anyone around the area. She got off the bus at a Drug store about a mile away from her house, so she could cash her check. Everybody knew her family there! She went inside and went to the cash , cashed her check and went to the front counter and bought some candy. Not really needing anything, just wanted to buy something because she had the money. When she walked outside, the gentleman was still standing there waiting for her. He said, what are you going to spend your money on? Candy replied, I don’t even know your name, you sure are asking a lot of questions. He said, my name is Derrick and what’s yours. She said, Candy, and left it at that because she felt like he was being too nosy. Candy started walking down the street and he called out to her, ‘when do you start work down at the Burger Inn’? Candy replied, I don’t know, I have to talk to my mom first. He said well I got to go, I have to go meet my friend. Surprised, Candy thought he was going to try and follow her home. Already planning not to go home, she was going to divert him until he went away. He said, I’ll probably see you when you get your job, and turned around and walked away. Relieved, Candy had this feeling he wasn’t just a good guy anymore, and that he had something else on his mind. He didn’t ask for her number or if he could walk her home or anything. She said “whew”, I actually thought that was going to end badly. Not thinking any more about it, went home to break the news to her mom. She didn’t know if her Mom was going to be home, because she had two jobs and sometimes would only catch her in between jobs and in between discipline. Her Mother was home and Candy told her about the job. She said o.k. but, how are you going to get back and forth to work. Candy said, I caught the bus downtown but, I need to learn the bus schedule and after that I should be o.k. Her Mother asked, “Did you tell Reese yet”? Candy replied, no, but I was going to call her and tell her. She was at home as well when Candy called around 6 p.m. She worked the early shift at the college and was always home around 3 p.m. or so. To Candy’s surprise, her Aunt Reese said that’s good, that’s what I’m talking about make that money baby. It wasn’t as bad as Candy had thought it would be. Not that bad at all. It went better than expected, because like her mom, Candy’s aunt Reese ain’t the one to be messed with either. But, she encouraged Candy and told her she would let her boss know. Candy got the job and was working from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. because the manager knew she had to catch the bus, and the busses stopped running around 9 p.m. He ensured she got on the bus

before it got too late. One day, Derrick walked up to the counter and said congratulations. Candy smiled. She had forgotten all about him. He was dressed nicely as when they’d first met. He had the prettiest smile a man could have. Of course, no man wants to be called cute but, he was very, very cute Candy thought. He asked her when she went to lunch. Candy replied, now. He said come and sit down with me, I’ll buy you lunch! Candy said o.k. While thinking, he can’t try anything, I’m at work and there’s too many people around. He said, I know you think I’m weird but, I’ve ired you from the first day I saw you here. He asked if she had a boyfriend, Candy replied no. She told him boys were trouble, and besides, her brothers wouldn’t let anyone get that close to her. He asked how many brothers she had, and she replied, two. He said, I don’t have any brothers or sisters, I’m an only child. Surprised, Candy thought, I don’t know anyone who didn’t have at least one brother or sister. It never dawned on her to ask him why he was always at the bus stop, or even if he had a job. He came to see her regularly at the Burger Inn and they became really good friends. One day he asked her when was she off, and that he wanted to spend some time with her away from the bus station. She told him she’d be off on Saturday. He asked if he could take her on a walk and out to have lunch when she’s off. He asked her how much money her paycheck was. Offended, Candy said, I knew you were up to something. He said, no really how much was it? About $600 dollars, she replied. He said take it and ask your Mother to put it in a bank for you. He then reached in his pocket and pulled out $200 dollars and gave it to her. He said, spend this instead but, put Your money in the bank. Feeling offended once again, Candy said, I don’t need your money, that’s why I got a job. He said, seriously, I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just trying to be nice. Candy took the money and when her shift was over she went home. She did ask her mom if she would help her open a bank . Her Mother said, I can’t believe you have enough sense to put your money in the bank and not go out and blow it. At that moment, Derrick came to mind, and Candy thought, it wasn’t my idea, it was his. She continued giving her Mother her money to help out with the bills or whatever she could. She really didn’t have anything she needed the money for anyway. Candy wondered why Derrick was trying to help her. She hadn’t asked for any help and couldn’t understand why he would give her money. She contemplated seeing him on Saturday and really wanted to know what his motive was. She had given him her number and he called on Saturday morning and asked if she was ready. He said meet me at the bus stop by the High School on 10th street. When she got to the school, he was sitting at the bus stop waiting. She said, where are

we going? He said, down south, I have something to show you. He acted as if he was excited about something, so, curiosity had Candy wanting to find out what it was. They got down south and got off the bus at a convenience store. There was a park across the street. It was very clean and had plants and bird feeders and benches to sit on, and a little pond that seemed so calm, the water just swayed, like you could take a bath in it. Derrick sat down on the bench in front of the pond and said; “this is my most favorite place in the world”. He looked very relaxed as if he was a little boy. Then, he grabbed Candy’s hand and said let’s go for a walk. They walked back towards the convenience store. Then went behind it and crossed a railroad track. There were houses across the street. Candy said where are you going? He said, right there, pointing to one of the houses. Who lives there, Candy asked? He said; “my Mom”! They went into the house and it was quiet and nothing was stirring. Then a voice came from the kitchen and said; “Derrick is that you?” He replied, “yeah Momma it’s me”! She said where you been, I haven’t seen you in a while. I been around, he said. I brought someone with me to meet you. Bring them in his mother said, and I need you to help me with my medicine. Derrick grabbed Candy’s arm gently and guided her into the kitchen. His Mother was “White”, Candy didn’t know why she hadn’t figured that out, with his nice, long, pretty, soft, curly hair. She said come on in baby and have a seat. Derrick guided Candy to a chair and she sat down. He said, I’ll go get your medicine Mom, I’ll be right back. She said what’s your name honey? Candy, she replied, looking around at her surroundings. Derrick’s Mom yelled “did you find it?” He said; “Yeah Mom” as he came around the corner. He was holding an injection needle in his hand and Candy jumped because she didn’t know what he was doing with a needle and she was scared as hell of needles. Derrick’s Mother said don’t worry honey, I’m a diabetic and I have to take insulin shots. She said, Derrick can you give it to me. I’m tired of shooting myself in the stomach, will you give it to me in my leg? He said o.k. Mom, hold still. He injected her with the needle and she said Thank you baby! She said “you gonna come and see me more often, now that you got a new girlfriend?” Derrick said “Mom, I always come and see you” she said yeah but now you can come more often, she’s cute. Candy thought “me, cute, I’m a tomboy” what do they see that I don’t see? Derrick said Mom do you need anything, she said no, I already went to the store. He said, you want me to do anything before I go. No, she said, just don’t take so long coming back! He said, o.k. Mom, I love you, see you later. She said o.k., and it was nice meeting you sweetie. Candy replied, it was nice meeting you too. When they got outside on the sidewalk, Candy asked Derrick, why he gave her that money? Stating, I have it right here, I didn’t spend it. Do you need to give it to your Mother? He said; No, I got money and my

Momma don’t need anything. I give her everything she wants and I take care of her. He said, I gave you that money because I wanted to. He said, I knew you probably wouldn’t save your money and I see promise in you. He said, you could use the money I gave you to buy stupid things but, the money you get paid from work, put it away to help you get on your own feet and start a business or something. Candy said why are you trying to help me, do I look needy or something? He said No, I told you, you look promising to me. He gave her money a couple of more times and she kept giving hers to her Mother. Candy started to wonder why he hadn’t asked to sleep with or kiss her or something. She braided his hair a few times at her mom’s house. Her Mother met him and liked him, she guessed. She never said much when he was at the house. He would always kiss Candy on the forehead and even then, she felt like he was the best friend in the world. All of a sudden, she didn’t see Derrick as much and would be at work looking for him to come around but, he stopped coming. One of Candy’s friend’s brother had just been released from prison, and they talked about what was going on while he was away. Candy told him about the scholarship, and that she had taken the aptitude test to get into the military. She waited until last to tell him about Derrick, that was a touchy subject being he wasn’t one of the fellows. “Derrick” he said, as if he knew exactly who she was talking about. He said girl, Derrick is a pimp, and lucky for you he’s in prison right now. I’m surprised he didn’t do anything to you because Derrick ain’t one to be fucked with (prison talk). Candy told him about how Derrick took her to meet his Mother and how he gave her money. He said, he knew it was time for him to go and he was trying to make amends. You caught him at a good time, he was trying to fix some things! You were lucky. Candy didn’t feel lucky, she felt stupid. How could she not see it. She’d been around that type of lifestyle all her life, why didn’t she recognize it. If her brothers saw her talking to a dude, she’d get snatched up and thrown into the car and taken home with a warning. “If you leave again, I’m calling Momma”! This was their way of protecting her from what they knew was already out there. But, Candy didn’t feel like she was in danger with Derrick, and what her friends brother had said, now made sense. Derrick never even touched her but, would do anything for her. Showing the women that worked for him any leniency, was a sign of weakness. So, he found Candy and wanted to do something good for a change to come to grips with what he had done. She couldn’t help but to feel sorry for him now but, also felt like he helped her as well. When you don’t put labels on people, you can see them better. Candy felt real down for a while but, then got the call from the recruiter that she had ed the aptitude test and could go in at any time. He

said that the job she qualified for (istrative Assistant) had a yearlong wait before it came open but, at the time, all that was available for immediate entry, was a cook. Candy thought about it and said; “what the hell” I don’t have anything holding me here, so when can I go. He said well it’s during the holidays now (Thanksgiving and Christmas) but, right after the holidays we can process you in. Candy wanted to leave right then but, thought about the holidays at home and she really didn’t want to miss that. Every Thanksgiving was the best. All the family came around and laughed, and cracked jokes at everybody. Eating at everybody’s house. Starting at Big Mamma’s house, everybody knew to go there first and show their respect. Then, branched out to everyone else’s house. Saving the best for last, everybody came to Candy’s Mom’s house in the end to get the party started. They danced, ate, and put on talent shows all night long. At Christmas time, nobody ever really looked for gifts. Everybody just waited for the food to get done and the party to be on once again. This was the only time that Candy’s Mom would allow them to get a glass of Champaign and not get slapped upside the head for it. No, she thought, she didn’t want to miss that. After the holidays, around Martin Luther King’s Birthday, Candy got the call that she would be doing her entry level physical and would be on her way around the 22nd of the month. She started saying her good byes to her family and friends and kept feeling as if it was a dream. Thinking, what in the hell have I gotten myself into. Then came her parents. Her Mom said do your best, it’s going to be hard but, you can do it. And, her Dad, rubbing his head said; I don’t know, I really think you should the Air Force. People say they don’t do nothing in the Air Force. Given the chance, he’d have just put her on an Air Force Bus. Candy wanted to laugh but she knew he was serious, so she left it alone. She took the physical, stayed at the Prep station for about two days until they cleared her from medical and was then on a plane for Basic Training!

3 Bootcamp Blues

ALL NEW INCOMING SOLDIERS, WERE met by these very stern, very loud, and very serious Female Drill Sergeants. Their first directive was; get your bags maggots, ain’t nobody gonna carry them for you! You think your special or something? Not here, we ain’t your Momma, not your Daddy, and damn sure ain’t your boyfriends. Thought you were going on a vacation, did you? You are in the Army now and you belong to Uncle Sam. Don’t trot up those stairs, move like you got a purpose. Find a room, put your bags down, and you got 15 minutes to report back downstairs! Candy thought “WOW” I really put my foot in it. Approaching this room which had about 16 beds in it, followed the rest of the girls and went and set their things down on a bed. The last thing she heard was get back down stairs. So, she ran down the stairs and went back out the doors where the Female Drill Sergeants were waiting. They didn’t say anything, just watching the doors swing back and forth as the rest of the girls came downstairs. “Move it maggots, we ain’t got all day”! When all the girls were back downstairs, they said “if you smoke light’ em up”! So, all of those who smoked dug in their pockets and lit up cigarettes. Candy thought, well maybe it won’t be so bad. When they finished, one of the drill sergeants said; “line up maggots, Police call”! Candy thought, why are the police coming, what happened! Then the drill sergeant said; form a line side by side and start walking from here to the end of the street. Pick up every cigarette butt you see, and don’t miss any because I’ll line you up and you’ll do it again! Candy thought man, I only had one cigarette, and I have to pick up everybody’s? That was the start of her journey of learning from your mistakes! The first thing she thought about was when she signed the papers to enlist, she signed up for 2 years because that was the minimum at the time. The soldiers went through a series of classes introducing them to Army life. The rules and regulations, opportunities, and the consequences on everything, from learning the Chain of Command and what to expect if you were a failure. Like, if you didn’t the (PT) Physical Fitness test, you’d be held back until you did. They said if you had college that you could be recruited into Officer’s school. Candy thought about her scholarship. She was supposed to start college that fall but, it didn’t dawn on her until then

that she could have waited until she finished college to go into the Army. Candy was too scared to raise her hand and ask a question, so she waited until they got a break to smoke and she would casually ask one of the drill sergeants. While on break she noticed one of the Drill Sergeants who also smoked, and used that opportunity to ask about Officer’s school and her Scholarship. The drill sergeant was putting out his cigarette, so she approached him and asked him if he knew anything about the college deal they were talking about. He said that they (the Army) would allow you to go to college before starting your tour but, you would have to go directly into the Army after you finished. He also stated that you would had to have done that before coming into Basic Training. It was a part of the contract to enlist, you would go to college first and then you would fulfill your military obligation. He said it was a good program because all of your expenses would be paid for. He used the word “before” too often and it seemed Candy was stuck in the situation at hand! After classes that day the female drill sergeants said “o.k., maggots” it seems we’re going to need to put someone in charge of you while we’re not around, so we are going to assign a Platoon Sergeant and Squad Leaders to assist us. They said to look around and choose a person to take on these responsibilities or they would assign someone themselves. Well, if any of the other girls felt the way Candy did, they had no idea what the drill sergeant was talking about, so no one raised their hand. One of the female drill sergeants said; “well maggots, we see none of you can make decisions for yourselves so, we’ll make them for you”! She looked at one of the girls and said; “you there, maggot, you’ll be the Platoon Sergeant”! And in looking around again, she said; and we’ll also need 4 squad leaders. She started walking around and said, while pointing this stick that looked almost like a cane, “You, you, you, and you will be squad leaders”! One of those You’s was Candy. She was nervous because she still didn’t know what that meant and began thinking she was going to be a guinea pig. At that moment, the Drill Sergeant began explaining their duties to them. Platoon Sergeant, she said, your duties will be to give us the status every day, on the whereabouts, health status, and updates on these individuals in your platoons. And, you Squad Leader maggots, will be responsible to the Platoon Leader to give her this information on a daily basis. You will be assigned 6 or 7 individuals in your squad and you will get to know them personally. You will be there buddy, and ensure that they understand what we are trying to accomplish each day and hence forth. You will sleep together, eat together, shit, shower and shave together. These individuals will be your family for the next 90 days and hopefully at the end of those 90 days you will also LEAVE TOGETHER! That is when Candy learned that

people don’t have to have a reason to dislike you, they tend to make them up! When she was chosen as squad leader, (not even wanting the job), the other of the squad felt it was their job to make her life as miserable as possible, because she was chosen to lead them. They (the squad leaders) had to make sure the beds were made, and the rooms were spotless every morning before they came downstairs in the mornings. Even after, having to shower and dress in full uniform. That called for very early mornings every day. Candy’s job was to ensure those tasks were completed. However, after making those checks one morning, a few of the squad got together and decided they would go back into the rooms, after everyone else had gone downstairs. They retrieved some dirt and placed it in a dustpan and spread it over the floor. The drill sergeants would go through the rooms before the Platoon Sergeants had to make the reports in the morning, and check behind them to make sure they had done their jobs before first assembly. When they came downstairs and called first formation, they would have the Platoon Leaders report to them about the status of the platoons, which the squad leaders, would have reported to the Platoon Sergeants before that first formation. After making the reports to the Drill sergeants, one Drill Sergeant called out Candy’s Platoon and said someone had intentionally left one of the rooms dirty. She announced which room it was and said; “who is the squad leader for this room?” The Platoon Leader announced it was Candy that was in charge of this particular room. The Drill Sergeant said for Candy to come forth and follow her. She took Candy back upstairs and pointed out the trash that was left on the floor. It was almost like it was placed intentionally in neat piles on the floor. Candy stated, Drill Sergeant that was planted there. I made sure these rooms were clean before I went downstairs. The Drill Sergeant said; “I don’t want to hear your excuses maggot”, report to my office and wait there until I come back. Candy’s heart started pounding and she was getting scared. Not of the Drill Sergeant but, who would do this and why would they do it, knowing it was something they had to do. When the Drill Sergeant came into her office, Candy was expecting to explain that she had done her job and someone spilled that dirt there on purpose. Again, without asking for an explanation, the Drill Sergeant said, I see you don’t take your job seriously, so I have to set an example for those who think they don’t have to follow the rules. Candy started getting really mad now, feeling the Drill Sergeant insisted she had something to do with it or that she knew something about it. She said drop and get into the front leaning rest position. (This position being the frontal stance for a push up), Candy thought, I have brothers who did pushups all the time, so this shouldn’t be too bad considering I

know how to do them. Well, contrary to what she believed, Candy didn’t do any pushups. The Drill Sergeant made her stay in that frontal position with her arms extended out to the floor holding her body up, and every now and then telling her to straighten her back up parallel to the floor. That was the most excruciating pain Candy had ever felt in her life. Candy began thinking, I haven’t done anything, and about which one of the squad had done it. She couldn’t think of who or why, and her arms started shaking out of control and she began struggling trying to continue to hold herself up in position. She dropped her head in acknowledgement that she was in pain, and the Drill Sergeant said; “hold your head up, you ain’t tired”! Not only was she tired but, started feeling anger over the situation and tears started coming down her face. She didn’t want the Drill Sergeant to see her crying but, she couldn’t pick her arms up off the floor in order to wipe her eyes. This went on for about 10 minutes, but it seemed like hours. The Drill Sergeant said, now the lesson in this is “don’t assume everybody will do what they’re supposed to do, you check their ass, and check their asses again to ensure that what’s supposed to be done IS”!!! Now, she said, get up off that floor, wipe your eyes, and come up with a strategy to fulfill your position. Candy got up, wiped her eyes and thought about what the Drill Sergeant had said. Thinking; why didn’t she fire me? Then Candy realized the Drill Sergeant knew she had nothing to do with what had happened but, it was Candy’s responsibility to ensure that it didn’t happen again. After she thought about it for a while, Candy went upstairs and got with the rest of the squad and told them just that! She said, I don’t know who did it and I don’t care, but you can bet from now on, I will not be held able for the stupid shit you’ll do, because you didn’t get chosen as squad leader. You tried to set me up, and that you did. But, now that I know you will back stab me, be prepared to pay the consequences for your own actions. Instead of working with me you prefer to work against me and I’m going to help you out with that, by making you do what you are supposed to do, instead of asking you to do it, or reporting you every time you don’t. Then you can see how it feels to be punished for something you didn’t do! All of you were given the chance to raise your hand when the Drill Sergeant asked but, you chose to sit in the background and not step up, when that’s all you had to do. I will not give you another chance to backstab me. So, be very careful about what you do from now on! After that Candy didn’t have any problems out of her squad! They finished Basic Training as the second- best Company in the Battalion and that was pretty good. They ended up losing four people from their Platoon because two of them couldn’t the Physical Training (PT) test. One couldn’t qualify on a weapon,

and the last one got held back to go through another session of basic training, The Drill Sergeants felt that she had potential but, was just a little slower than others, so they decided to give her another chance at it. From there, they had to go to specialty training. Which was the job you qualified for on the aptitude test you took with the recruiters before entering. Even though Candy had qualified as an istrative Specialist, she had forgotten that she took cook as her specialty to keep from having to wait a year to get in. Depending on what your specialty was you were sent to different places for the specific training you qualified for. They didn’t get a break in between to go home either. Candy had to get on a plane straight for Specialty Training. Here they learned all about cooking. The fundamentals, utensils, safety, hygiene, potentially hazardous foods, cooking temperatures, and procedures of chopping, dicing, slicing, herbs, and their uses you name it, they learned it. This is where Candy got into trouble for the first time in the Army. Not for what you might think but, another Army Life lesson that was quickly learned. Every weekend after the first three weeks, they were allowed to go on . This meant going into town, being able to see the sites and enjoy some freedom away from the base. Candy worked hard all week long, paid attention in class, made sure her chores were done on a daily basis, always on time to formation, and even volunteered (which was never recommended) to peel potatoes in the kitchen, you name it, she did it in order to be considered for that weekend . Well, that weekend finally came. Candy looked up on the weekend roster and finally seen her name posted on the board. Happy to see her name on the board, Candy tried harder at everything that day. The morning formation for P.T., she tried to do as many pushups and sit ups as her body would allow. She normally struggled running the two-mile run, but this morning, kept praying for her legs not to give out on her. She made the run without having to stop or walk. She had an hour and a half to get ready for school after P.T. She hurried and took her shower and got dressed. Cleaned her room and made the bed with the best hospital corners she could do. Here the rooms also got inspected every morning before going to class. Candy felt like a new person the whole day. After the last formation of the day, the Drill Sergeant said; “those who were allowed weekend es, enjoy yourselves and have a good weekend!” Candy couldn’t wait to get back to her room and start planning out what she was going to do. She asked some of the other girls who had gotten weekend es before, what they did and how they got around. They began telling her about these wild weekend stays in motel rooms with their male counterparts who were also in school in the male portion of the barracks. They told her they had been sneaking out at night staying with the guys and

coming back in the wee hours of the mornings before formation. Candy stared at them, confused. She couldn’t imagine them getting away with that. She didn’t leave the room at night. Always under the impression that those Drill Sergeants were somewhere in the vicinity lurking around trying to find something to get you for. They were very excited telling those stories but, Candy was getting more scared as the stories went on. They asked if she wanted to hang out with them and have some fun. Immediately, lost for words, Candy asked them if she could just go along with them for the ride until they got downtown. She told them she had family in the area and was going to try and hang out with them. Candy had never been outside downtown in her own town, let alone in a place she had never been before. Candy didn’t know a single sole in that town. She had made that story up so they wouldn’t try and convince her to go along with them and get into town and possibly get into trouble. She asked them where the motel was that they were staying at, in case she needed to find a place to stay, and they told her. They all had money because they had gotten paid that weekend. So, after taking showers and getting dressed they told Candy to meet them at the gate and that they would leave from there. They were already at the gate when Candy got there and were laughing and giggling and talking to some of the guys who had also gotten es for the weekend. Candy felt uncomfortable because she didn’t know any of them and they acted as if they knew that this was her first time going off base. They hailed two taxies and the guys got in the first taxi and the girls got into the second one. Once inside the girls said; “follow that taxi” referring to the taxi in front of them which the guys were in. They laughed and chuckled all the way downtown where the taxi driver pulled behind the other taxi, in front of this cheap motel with two floors and about 50 rooms that went around in a circular motion. They all got out and they said they were going into the motel to get their rooms. Candy said O.K., I’m going to walk for a little while and look around. She walked off a little ways not really knowing where to go and saw a Geno’s Restaurant across the street, she walked over to it and went inside. She was hungry and just wanted somewhere to think for a minute about what she was going to do and where she was going to stay. She ordered some food and looked around the restaurant and noticed that there were other soldiers in there as well, just hanging out and kicking it. Candy’s food came and she started eating and wondering about where she was going to stay. She looked back across the street at the motel where they had gotten out of the cabs at and decided she’d go back over there and get a room. She thought about the other people who had gotten out with her and wondered if they would see her g in and ask her why she didn’t get a room with them. She didn’t have a place to stay and knew she needed one, so after she ate, went

back over to the Motel and booked a room. To her surprise, no one she had went there with was anywhere around. She got her room keys, went to her room, and noticed all the window curtains were opened. She looked outside and noticed everyone walking around and socializing. She could see a few stores on the street and figured she could go out and look around at some things. She felt uncomfortable feeling as if people could just walk by, and look inside. Candy took her bag off her shoulder and closed the curtains. She checked the room out for cleanliness. Being it had become routine to have clean rooms and bathrooms, she had gotten used to the fact of cleanliness wherever she went. It wasn’t bad, so she turned the T.V. on and started flicking through the channels. She started to feel at ease and then began thinking about her family. She wondered if they were thinking about how she was getting along in the Army. She had called home a few times telling them it was hard but, that she was going to make it, and that she wouldn’t be home before going to Specialty Training. Making sure she had enough change in order to make the call home, she went looking for a pay phone. Thinking about what she was going to tell her family and wondering if she should tell them about her being out in town and how she ended up there. Candy didn’t carry a purse, so she walked around everywhere with a back pack on her shoulder. She strolled by the stores looking in the windows. She didn’t go inside. Store clerks were looking at her as if they were expecting her to walk in, so they could haggle her into buying something. Candy wasn’t in a buying mood at the time. She was actually looking for a pay phone. She had gotten several blocks down the street before noticing a pay phone. She walked up to it, and sat her bag on the counter where the phone book was. She started gathering up all her change because she didn’t know how long she’d be able to talk. She dialed her mom’s number and the phone rang about three times. She couldn’t who answered the phone but, was so excited to talk to her family. The first thing she told them was that she was downtown and hanging out for the weekend. As if she were really enjoying herself. The truth is, at that moment she really wished she was home. After talking to them for a while, hung up and went back to her room and just watched T.V., until she fell asleep. The next morning (Saturday) Candy awoke to this loud noise outside. People were talking and conversing as if they had been at it for a while already. She decided to get into the shower and after that would go out and check out some of the stores. She got to this one store and went inside and just looked around for a while, not having really decided on what to buy. A store clerk walked up and asked if she could help Candy find something. Candy said, I really don’t know what I’m looking for.

She asked Candy if she was in the Army. Candy replied yes, I just got my first for the weekend and really didn’t know what to do. The clerk said yeah, all the soldiers come out here for the weekend but, most of them end up getting into trouble so, be careful while you’re out here. Candy said yes, I know, I’ve heard stories, not going into details. Candy knew then that she had made the right decision not to stay with her counterparts for the weekend. She ended up buying a shirt from the clerk for her kindness. She visited a couple of more stores and ended up buying a watch. She was always looking to check the time and didn’t have a watch. The clothes were too expensive for a weekend out! So, Candy went back to the Geno’s Restaurant across the street and ate dinner. Again, she went back to the room and fell asleep. She woke up Sunday morning feeling refreshed and thinking that was a good break from the base, even though, she really hadn’t done anything. She packed her things and got prepared to go back to base. When she arrived back on post, she got her uniform ready, took a shower, and laid on the bed and thought about what happened on the weekend. T.V.’s weren’t allowed in the rooms. All social activities were done in a common area of the barracks where they had games, television, vending machines and tables to play cards and what not. Candy didn’t feel like being social and talking about what had happened on the weekend because she knew her story was in no way what they thought a weekend away from the barracks should have been. So, she ended up going to bed. The next day at first formation, the Drill Sergeant called her out and said that she had to report to the Commander immediately following formation. Candy was shocked and didn’t know what to expect. She thought maybe she had been chosen to do some sort of off the wall duty that no one else wanted to do or something. When she arrived at the Commander’s office, the Drill Sergeant met her there and began running down how to salute to the Commander and stand at attention until he put her at ease, and that she would be waiting for Candy when she came out. This time, for some reason Candy wasn’t scared. Even though this was her first time, being one on one with the Commander of the unit. After she presented herself, and let him know she was reporting as directed, he said “At ease, soldier”, and she went to parade rest. He asked, if she knew why she was being called into his office. Candy stated; “No Sir, I don’t”, thinking here it comes. What are they going to ask me to do now! He said you are being formally charged with an Article 20, which is a Military Misconduct Disciplinary Action. Candy still had no clue what that meant but, the word “CHARGED” immediately sent her heart to the floor. Her eyes got big and she could tell the Commander knew she was scared as hell at this point. He said, did

you know that you were on the duty roster this past weekend? Candy said, no Sir, I didn’t. He said right next to the board was the duty roster and you saw that you were on the board but, didn’t notice the duty roster? She stated again, no Sir, I didn’t. When I saw I was on the weekend roster, I assumed I didn’t need to look at the duty roster. He said do you know what “assume” means? Candy said yes Sir, it means, and he cut her off instantly and said it means “you made an ass out of you and me” that’s what it means. I had no coverage on my CQ desk this weekend because you decided that you weren’t obligated to look at the duty roster. With that being said this Article 20 procedure will forfeit your pay for 30 days, and you will be on extra duty for two weeks. He said the sentence will be suspended. (Meaning it would not take effect on her pay, but that she would however, still have extra duty). You will be placed on probation until such time that the sentence ends, granted that you don’t get into any other trouble in the meantime. He then said, “Effective immediately”, and “that will be all soldier! The Drill Sergeant had told Candy that when the Commander was finished with her that she would have to salute him again. So, she saluted him, and he said “DISMISSED”! Candy did an About Face, and left his office, only to greet the Drill Sergeant waiting outside the door for her. She said did you understand what just happened in there? Candy said “No Ma’am, I didn’t. She said in a very stern and almost offensive tone, “Don’t you ever call me Ma’am, I work for a living“. Now, you were just punished under the Military Misconduct Disciplinary Action, get used to the terminology. This is a serious offense for dereliction of duty. The good side is, except for the extra duty, your sentence was suspended. Now, the lesson in that is, it’s your responsibility to check all rosters to ensure you have a clear understanding of what’s expected of you. She said, I’m sure we won’t have this problem again. She said, “Do you have any questions?” Candy said yes, (which also is not popular among ranking officials, unless it’s in a classroom environment.) Candy proceeded to ask the Drill Sergeant, how is it possible that I be put on the weekend roster if I’m scheduled for duty? She said that was no excuse and that Candy should have checked both rosters regardless of what she thought. Candy later learned that, the individuals making the rosters were not the same person, and somehow didn’t communicate with each other and that’s how she got on both rosters. Even though Candy was punished for their mistake, as a private in the Army, you’re always wrong, and no one is going to tell you that they made a mistake. They even have a motto for that, (suck it up, and drive on soldier). From that point on, Candy learned to be aware of and investigate all aspects of any situation, good or bad. After finishing

Specialty Training, Candy felt she had learned a lot about life. Not all were good lessons but, it taught her how to redirect. It empowered her to start looking at things differently. Which before, she always took everything at face value. She learned that not everything is what it seems. She finally got to go home before her first duty assignment. They (the Army) let you choose where you wanted to go for your first assignment. This being encouragement to stay in the Army. Candy couldn’t believe that after all that had happened, her choice even mattered at that point. But, after graduating from Specialty Training, the Drill Sergeant handed her a large vanilla envelope and said, “Your travel papers are inside, you’ll have 30 days before reporting to your next duty assignment”. All of your instructions are inside, and for the first time she smiled and said congratulations, you were one of my best soldiers, and you’re going to make it far in this Army! Candy managed to smile back and thought about Derrick when she said that. She was the second person in her life to make Candy think that she just might have a chance to become SOMEBODY one day! Candy got on the airplane at the airport. It wasn’t until then that she got butterflies. Not from the plane but, from the feeling that she had accomplished something. She felt like a new person when she got home. After arriving home and seeing all of her family, she was glad to be home with them again. However, she had this feeling come over her that she couldn’t wait to get to her new duty station. Now they (the Army) had her thinking there were big things in store for her. She didn’t talk about it with her family much. She was anxious to get on with her life and experience what the Army had to offer. She enjoyed being with her family again but, the longer she was home, the more she knew, there was nothing there for her.

4 Familiarization

WHEN CANDY ARRIVED AT HER new duty station, the soldiers were buffered inside this building that said “In - Processing Station” on top and had a very large Day Room inside. Inside, there were stations with signs labeling what they did at that particular station. For instance, one sign read: LAC, (Legal Assistance Center), one of those acronyms the drill sergeant had said to get familiar with. Underneath the sign, was an explanation of what you could do at that particular station, it read; wills, power of attorney, and legal advice. While looking around at all these stations, a soldier came up and said, “Welcome to your new home for your first tour of duty”! Here today you will have the opportunity to fill out wills if you feel the need, find housing should you need it, or be oriented with the post and what this installation has to offer, and also about this community and what they have to offer in of recreation. You will be allowed to speak with these individuals and ask questions about your concerns. At 11:00 a.m., we will have an ability formation and you will be released for lunch. It felt strange not being told to go do some sort of chore or to go clean the bathrooms, or go on a police call to pick up cigarette butts. Candy was almost waiting for someone to come up to her and say, “You, go clean the bathrooms”! Instead everyone started moving towards the stations and sitting down and asking questions, just as the soldier had said. Candy suddenly felt at ease. Looking around at all the stations, she saw that they were all occupied with soldiers. Candy started to walk around and ease dropped on some of the conversations because she had no idea what she wanted to talk about. She saw some stairs leading to a hallway and eased her way to them, hoping no one would suddenly yell at her and tell her to get her ass back down those stairs! No one said anything, so she continued up the stairs into the hallway. Candy looked left and looked right. She heard voices but didn’t know where they were coming from. So, she went right slowly, ing small offices with soldiers inside talking about what they had done the day before and where they were going for lunch. Candy walked a little further and noticed a door that said “FEMALE” on it. This was the Army’s version of girls, and next to it was a sign that read: “MALE”, the Army’s version of boys (guys). So, she slipped inside thinking if anyone asked

her what she was doing up there, she would tell them she had to use the bathroom. When she came out, she noticed a payphone across the hall, and figured since all of the information stations were full, she’d take a minute and try and call home. Candy’s Mom answered the phone. Candy was glad to hear her voice. She told her that she had arrived o.k., and that she was getting inprocessed into the station and getting information on personal affairs and the like. While on the phone, Candy looked down the hallway and saw a sign that read: “Medical Screening”. Underneath, it said; hearing test, eye exams, and blood pressure monitoring. Candy talked with her Mother for a little longer and let her know that she would be calling her and letting her know how things were going from time to time. Candy got up from the phone booth and went down the hall into the screening room. A soldier stood up and said; “are you here for a hearing test, or an eye exam?” Candy replied; I don’t know, which are we supposed to do? He said it’s part of your in - processing, everyone will come through here eventually. So, Candy said o.k., I guess I am. She had her hearing checked and did an eye exam. Another soldier said “come over here and I’ll take your blood pressure. When she finished they gave her a sheet of paper with her test results on it. They asked her if she had a paper that they could sign off on. Which they should have given you in the day room when you arrived. Candy looked down and ed them giving her a folder when they had arrived and got the folder out and handed it to the soldier. He opened it and took out another sheet of paper that was inside which read: In - Processing Check List. After putting his initials on the blocks that read hearing test, eye exam, and blood pressure, he said take this to all your other stations when you go to them, so they can initial off on it as well, saying that you have been at their station. Candy said o.k., Thank you, and left out of the office. Candy returned back to the Day room. When going back down those few stairs, she felt like she was being pampered. No one was yelling at her and following her around and telling her to get down and give them 25 push-ups. Which was the punishment if you failed to come to the position of “Parade Rest” when someone of rank ed you. Lessons learned while in Basic and Specialty training. This was a different environment. In this environment Candy felt afraid of doing the wrong thing because she had no one there telling her what to do. She eased her way to one of the stations. She went to “Housing”. The first question they asked was if she was married or had any children. Candy said no! The female soldier asked for her paper, initialed it, and said you can move on to next station because when you get assigned to your unit, you will be provided with a barracks room and living quarters. Just point

blank, looking at Candy like you can get up now. Candy got up and moved on. She wanted to ask her where she should go next but, she seemed like she was irritated by the fact that Candy had sat down. Candy just continued on. Suddenly, she heard a soldier say “Formation”, and everyone started to go outside. There were no Platoon Sergeants or squad leaders. They all just sort of lined up next to each other in about four or so rows. The soldier said; you will now be released to go to lunch. There are Dining Facilities you can go to and eat by presenting your in - processing papers to the cashiers or, you can go down to the Exchange where they have fast food restaurants you can pay to eat at. He said you will report back here for formation at 1:00 sharp, don’t be late. This afternoon you will be assigned to your units and a representative will be here to pick you up and take you to your billets and get you settled in and let you know what you will need to do in order to finish in - processing. So, again, don’t be late. He then stated, “Dismissed”, and everybody started disbursing in different directions. Candy noticed some other soldiers had started walking down the street towards the Exchange, and followed them, walking a little ways behind them so they wouldn’t notice her. The Exchange wasn’t that far, Candy noticed the sign saying Exchange on it, as they walked down the sidewalk and thought, she wouldn’t have to follow them back. It was pretty much a straight shot. When Candy got to the Exchange, it was a sort of Mini Mall. It had all kinds of stores in it. Portrait Studio’s, a Blanket shop, a Mini Post Office Facility, a music shop, everything you could possibly think of. And, of course, a mini food court with everything from Burger Max to Pizza Palace, and sandwich shops and even a hot dog stand. They all had long lines extended from their franchise. Candy thought about what time it was and how much time she had in order to make it back to formation on time. Candy noticed a watch shop. So, she mossied on over to the watch shop and looked for a cheap little watch. She had already misplaced the one she had bought before. There were plenty of very nice watches displayed but, Candy didn’t feel the need to pay anywhere from one to three hundred dollars on a watch that she only needed to help her make it back and forth to formation on time. Candy got the watch and went back to the food court and looked for the shortest line to get in. She went to Burger Max and got a burger, fries and a small drink, and sat down and ate, looking at her newly purchased watch and checking the time. Candy got up and started walking back to the in processing center. She still had about 20 minutes left but, she didn’t know how long it took her to walk there because she didn’t have a watch. At 12:58, a soldier yelled “formation”! Again, everybody lined up next to each other in rows and the soldier said, this afternoon you will be assigned to your units. Someone

will be calling you up to the counter and telling you which unit you have been assigned to. Someone from that unit will be here to pick all personnel assigned to that unit up when we have finished giving you your assignments. At this time, he said, you are released to go into the day room and wait until your called up to receive your assignments. Everyone proceeded into the day room and they immediately started calling peoples’ names. There were about 15 people assigned to the same unit as Candy and a soldier came down that little stairway she had ventured into earlier and said; “If you’re assigned to the Quartermaster Company follow me”! All that were assigned, got up and gathered their things and followed him back into the hallway. He walked maybe ten feet down and turned around and waited until everyone had gotten into the hallway. He said; “This is your unit of assignment” and I will be escorting you to your living quarters, where you will place your belongings and will meet me back down here in the day room once everyone else has received their assignments and have been picked up. You will be required to set your things down and lock them up if necessary. If you need a lock, let me know, and when we go to the supply room to pick up your linen, you will be issued a lock as well. All male soldiers follow specialist Jones; he said. All female soldiers follow me. The male soldiers proceeded upstairs of the same building behind Specialist Jones and the female soldiers were led out of a side door and into another building right next door. The soldier turned around once inside and said; “My name is Sergeant Drake” these are your living quarters. There are rooms down this hallway that do not have names on them. In these rooms are two beds, so find a roommate and pick a room. If there is a name on the door, he said; that means that room is occupied, find another one and get settled in. At exactly 4:00 p.m., meet me back in the day room where you in - processed and bring only your in - processing papers. Immediately outside that door is the door we came out of, and you will go back down to the day room and wait for me there. They all walked down the hallway and looked for rooms that didn’t have names on them. Candy saw one at the end of the hall and went straight for it. This very tall girl followed her down the hallway and asked Candy if she had a roommate. Candy said no, and she said can I room with you then. Candy said o.k., and they walked in the room and looked around. Candy said; I think I want this bed behind the door, I don’t want to sleep by the window. The other girl said cool I like sleeping by the window. So, they sat their things down on these twin beds which had no linen on them, and sat down. There were wall lockers (2) standing side by side on the back wall of the room. Candy picked her suitcase up and went over to the wall locker to put it inside. There were no dressers for clothing, only a night stand next to each

bed. Inside the wall locker, there was a clothes hanging rod on one side and a few shelves on the other. So, Candy gathered they weren’t supposed to have very much clothing. Candy put her suitcase inside one of the wall lockers and the other soldier said, my name is Karen, what’s yours? Candy replied with her name. Karen got her suitcase and put it in the other wall locker. She said it’s almost 4:00, what do you think they’ll have us doing next? Candy said; I have no idea, I’ve gotten so used to being told what to do, I don’t know what to expect any more. Karen laughed and said; I know it feels strange doesn’t it. Candy said yeah but, I guess we should probably head on back over to the day room and find out what’s going on. Karen grabbed her purse and Candy thought, why would she need a purse, I’m sure we’re not going shopping. Then Candy thought, oh, she probably has been carrying a purse for a long time. Candy kept everything in her pockets, so she shrugged her shoulders and continued on out the door. Once in the day room the Sergeant said they would be going to the supply room to pick up linen and after taking it to their rooms, would report back to the day room and be taken to the Issuing Facility (IF) to be issued fatigues, boots, and TA 50 (tactical equipment) for training purposes. This seemed to be turning into a very long day and now night! After they took their linen to their rooms, they met back in the Day room and the sergeant said to line up. They got into a single line, and the sergeant said; you’re now going into the chow hall to eat. Everybody walked up those few stairs and went down the hallway. All you heard was the hustle and bustle of soldiers laughing and looking like they didn’t have a care in the world. The sergeant told everyone to pull out their in processing papers and that they would have to hand them to the cashier in order to eat. They slowly walked one by one through the line until they got to the serving line, where a soldier would ask, “What would you like”? Giving them the choice of about three meats, rice or potatoes, a vegetable and at the end of the line was bread and condiments anywhere from hot sauce to butter. A drinking fountain with about 6 choices of sodas were at the end, right before entering the dining area. There were plenty of seats and lots of other soldiers. Candy and her roommate Karen went to a table and sat down. Candy was hungry, so she immediately started to dig into her food. Karen asked her; do you think you’ll like the Army? As if she was having second thoughts about being there. Candy said; it’s a job, and right now I don’t have anything better going on. Karen looked down at her food and picked up her fork and started eating. After about twenty minutes the sergeant entered the dining area and said alright in - processing soldiers it’s time to round up. You got 5 minutes to put your trays away and meet me back in the day room! He explained that according to your

Specialty Skill you will be issued equipment for that particular skill as well. For Candy, that meant that she would also be receiving “Cook White’s”, a white uniform used for cooks working in the Dining Facility. Candy looked back over to the dining facility where they had just come from and saw some cook’s standing outside smoking. At that moment the sergeant said o.k., let’s go, there’s a bus outside waiting for us to load up. You will start filling the seats up from the back of the bus until everyone is loaded. He then said; “move out soldiers”! When they arrived at the (IF) building, the sergeant said; move quickly soldiers we’re running out of time. We went inside and immediately a soldier said pull out your in - processing papers, along the top next to your name, it should have a series of numbers with an alphabetical letter behind it. i.e., 55 (L) Lima, or so on. This identifies which type of additional gear you will be receiving along with your standard military issue. Candy’s read: 77F, which was the military identifier for cook. So, after they all went through the standard issue lines, were directed towards the lines where they would be issued their Specialty gear. When they had arrived there, they were given these big green bags which seemed extremely oversized but, after all the gear they got, which included Kevlar helmets, Tshirts, socks, boots, Fatigues, pistol belts, ammo pouches, ruck sacks, hats, almost everything except the kitchen sink, they then went to the Specialty line. The bag had gotten so full in a matter of minutes that Candy thought she would have to ask someone for help but, knew better. She was in the Army now and had to do the same as her male counter parts and “suck it up, and drive on”! Once they all had their gear the sergeant said o.k., now we will re - load the bus and you will put your duffle bags in the storage area under the bus. You should have been issued tags to put your name on and those tags will be attached to your duffle bags for identification. Do that now, and let’s line up. They got back to the barracks and Candy was so tired. She got a wash cloth and towel from her suitcase and went straight to the open bay shower to wash up. Candy got back to the room and looked at the linen they had been given. Even though she had been using this type of linen since Basic Training, she thought how ugly it was and that it was also very itchy to her skin. Candy asked Karen if they could get their own linen, or would they have to keep the Army issued stuff on their beds all the time. Karen said you’re not in training any more, we can have whatever we want in our rooms as long as we keep it clean. They still do barracks inspections. We were told in the day room that formation would be at 06:00 a.m. every morning in front of the barracks. So, Candy said to Karen that tomorrow after we get released for lunch, I’m going to the Exchange and get me some comforters and some pretty linen to put on my bed. Karen said cool, I’ll go with you so we both can have pretty linen and make our room look nice. Candy said o.k., I’m going

to bed now I’m really tired. Candy woke up the next morning to this glowing golden yellow streak coming through the window. It was the Sun, and it was so beautiful. Closer to the barracks, it was still kind of dark outside. Candy heard birds chirping, it was very clear and sounded like music. Karen had opened the curtains but, she wasn’t in the room. Candy sat up on her bed and looked out the window and wondered what time it was, thinking formation is at 6:00. Candy looked at her watch, it was about 4:55 a.m. She got up and started to get dressed. Karen came in the room in a robe and a towel over her head and said; “Good Morning”, I just got out of the shower and it was great. Candy said you’re going to go outside with your hair all wet? You don’t think you’ll get sick? It’s kind of cold in the mornings! Karen said; I always take my shower in the mornings, it wakes me up. Candy said; not me, I can’t stand being cold. Karen stated, you do know you’re in “SKI COUNTRY” don’t you! Candy said well, you don’t have to worry about that, I won’t be going skiing either. They won’t find me launched in a heap of snow somewhere in no man’s land! Laughing, Candy said I better get ready it’s almost time for formation. It didn’t take that long for her to get ready. So, Candy made her bed and made sure she had everything in her area cleaned up before she was about to go out the door. She looked over at Karen and she was still combing her hair. Candy said I’ll meet you outside, thinking, I hope she’s not late for formation. They were told at formation that they had the rest of the week to finish in processing. They said to go down our list and see what organizations hadn’t been checked off or initialed and those were the things that still had to be done in order to complete in-processing. The first thing Candy saw on her paper, was that she needed to go to the Education Center. Karen saw her looking at her paper and asked her what she still had to finish. Candy told her she still needed to go to the Education Center. Karen said, I’ve been there its right inside our building. She said I’ll go with you, I still have to go to Medical Screening down the hall. Candy said; I’ve been there, so we can meet up in the hallway after we finish. They had been told they didn’t have to report back to formation until the end of the day. So, they had until 16:00 (4:00 p.m., civilian time) to report back to formation. Candy and Karen hung out together all day. At lunch time, they went to the Exchange and bought blankets and sheets and more towels and girly things for their room. Then they went to the food court and ate. Everything left on their in- processing sheets was pretty simple. All they pretty much had left to do was show up. They would be asked a few questions and someone would initial off on their papers and they were released. They couldn’t wait to put their new bedding on their beds and decorate the room the way they wanted it. About

7:00 p.m., a sergeant knocked on the door and said that they needed to be dressed in their Specialty attire at first formation in the morning. This was the uniform that they would be wearing to work every day. Candy’s uniform of course being Cook White’s. Karen, her roommate however, didn’t have specialty gear, she got to wear her regular uniform. She was an istrative Specialist. The sergeant told them that they would be going to their places of assignment tomorrow and meeting their immediate supervisors of their duty assignments. He left and Candy looked at Karen and said, I guess the fun is over. Karen said, I can’t wait to get to work and find out what this Army stuff is all about. Candy said yeah, me too, at least I’ll learn how to cook. They both laughed and Candy told Karen she was going to take a shower. Her roommate already knew she didn’t like the morning shower thing. Candy ed her Mother always telling her that going outside after being wet was going to be the death of her. And, could many mornings in Training getting out of the shower and going to that first formation freezing her ass off. Candy said; I’ll take being too hot over being cold any day. When she got out of the shower and back to the room, Karen was lying in bed reading a book. Candy ironed her uniform and got it ready for work the next day. In training, they had learned how to shine their boots. Candy took about an hour shining her boots so they looked good. She started feeling anxious and wanted something to eat. The chow hall was closed at this time, so she went down the hall to the snack machine and bought some chips and a soda. After eating them, felt better so she went on to sleep.

5 Work Related

AFTER FORMATION, A SOLDIER DRESSED in Cook White’s came up to Candy and said, you can come with me, I’ll introduce you to the Mess Sergeant. He walked her inside the building next to their barracks, where they ate breakfast and lunch for the last two weeks, and took her into this office that she had never noticed before and said this is your Mess Sergeant, Sergeant First Class Arnold. This small man about her height and with an extended belly, reached his hand out to shake Candy’s hand. She shook his hand and he said, you ready to get to work? Candy smiled and said yes. He told the other sergeant to take her in the kitchen and show her around. The first thing Candy noticed was there were no other females there. All the other cook’s he introduced her to were males. Candy felt a little uncomfortable but, they let her know she wasn’t special. They continued around the kitchen and the sergeant showed her all the equipment that she would be working with and the work stations she would be working at. He said this is the meat area, we prepare all our meats here. This is the steam area and all starches and vegetables are prepared here. This is the baking area and of course all the baking is done here. He walked her over to this counter and said this is where you’ll find all the recipes that you’re assigned to. You get the appropriate book for which category you’re working in and look up the recipe for that particular item and the instructions are pretty much self-explanatory. Let me show you the store room where you will be getting all your ingredients from. He walked her into this room that looked pretty much like an enormous pantry which they (the Army) called the Ration Room. Then he showed her the refrigerators and freezers where the meats and fresh vegetables and condiments were stored. He said just in case you get assigned to meats this is where you’ll find them. He said if you smoke the break area is outside, pointing at a picnic table on the other side of an exit door. When you eat you’ll have to sign in with your in-processing papers until they issue you a meal card. Let’s go to the office and I’ll let you know what your schedule will be. We have two shifts and you’ll have to work them both at some point but, for now let’s see where they need you. The morning shift comes in at about 04:00 a.m., and the evening shift starts at 10:30 a.m. The morning shift does breakfast and lunch, and the evening shift

helps with lunch and does dinner. If you work the morning shift you’ll be off at about 2:00 p.m., after the kitchen is clean and inspected by the oncoming shift. If you work the evening shift you’ll be here until about 19:30 or 20:00 hours, that’s 7:30 or 8:00 p.m. to civilians, or until the kitchen is cleaned and inspected by the Shift Leader, the sergeant said after explaining everything to Candy. I’m going to assign you a buddy, he said, to help you get started and they will show you the ropes until you get the hang of it. It looks like you’ll start off on the morning shift, so I’ll assign you to Specialist Baker. Everything he’s assigned to, you’ll be working with him, so you can learn the operation of equipment and how to manage yourself around the kitchen. Candy was staring off into space now, thinking damn 4:00 in the morning, they had only gotten up that early in Training for training exercises. Candy thought “WOW” everyday! The sergeant got up and said let’s go find Baker and let him know he’ll be your mentor this week, and next week you’ll be assigned someone else until you become familiar with your surroundings. After meeting Specialist Baker, they released Candy and told her to come in tomorrow at 09:00 after P.T., (physical fitness training). The first thing Specialist Baker was assigned to was “Short Order”, which meant working on the grill. Candy thought fast food, this should be easy enough. He had already gotten his area set up with his burgers, utensils, and all the pans he needed to put his food in. He said o.k., first you need to learn how to start the grill and set up the deep fat fryer. We did that and then he said you’ll have to cut up the vegetables for burgers and get your condiments out. We did that. Then he went into the freezer and got about four bags of French fries out and took them to the deep fat fryer. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out tomatoes, onions, and lettuce. He said, go get a cutting board so we can cut up the onions and tomatoes, all we do to the lettuce is break it up. He said the onions and tomatoes must be sliced, so the soldiers can put them on their burgers. When you cut all the onions, place them in a pan so we can put them on the salad bar, and we’ll do the tomatoes the same way. Then we’ll break the lettuce up into bite size pieces and put them in a pan as well. Candy finally felt like she was doing something. After they had gotten all that done he said its’ 11:15 and the line has to be set up by 11:25 so we can start serving soldiers at 11:30. He started to place burgers on the grill and lined them up in rows and columns 5 by 5. He said watch the burgers and let them cook for about 3 to 4 minutes on each side. After they’ve cooked place them on the other side of the grill to start serving to soldiers and then place a new batch on this side, so we can continue cooking them and keep the line flowing steadily. Candy replied o.k., and at that time he said I’m going to drop the fries now, so they’ll be done

by the time we start serving and then when they come up you’ll have to drop another batch. Candy agreed while watching the burgers and before she knew it they were ready to be moved to the other side of the grill. She got another batch and started laying them out on the grill. The soldiers came and started making orders right away. One said I want two grilled cheese burgers and another yelled, so do I. So, specialist Baker said take your cheese and put it on the burgers and when the cheese melts they’re ready. Specialist Baker then said, take the soldiers’ plate and place the burgers on them. Candy agreed and kept taking orders and dishing out burgers and filling the grill up again. Then one of the other cook’s yelled Baker your fries are burning. Candy turned around and the deep fat fryer was smoking, and the fries were really burnt, and specialist Baker pulled them up and said damn she’s a dud. They started laughing. Candy left the grill and went to the fryer and said what happened. Specialist Baker said, you happened, you forgot about the fries and they burnt. Candy had this very confused look on her face because she was under the impression that her job was to watch the grill and thought she was doing a good job. Turns out it was Candy’s responsibility to watch all the stations associated with the short order grill. She felt bad and kept cooking on the grill, now concentrating on the fries as well. This guy was standing in line leaning against the wall looking at her. She wanted to ask him; what the hell he was looking at but, then thought he couldn’t know what had just happened, he just walked up. Candy turned some more burgers over and waited for him to say what he wanted but, he just kept staring at her. So, Candy said to him do you want some burgers or what? He smiled this little sheepish grin behind some sunglasses that Candy couldn’t figure out why he was wearing inside the building but, he managed to say, give me a couple of cheeseburgers. While getting his plate to put the burgers on, Candy asked him why he was wearing those sunglasses. He said, I just like wearing them. He grinned some more and walked on through the line. Candy continued to serve the other soldiers and before she knew it the Dining Facility was getting empty. They said o.k., shut it down, lunch is over. Candy sighed with relief and said that she had to use the restroom. Specialist Baker called out, hurry back you got to clean up this area and the grill before we can leave. Candy went into the restroom and started crying feeling that she had failed. She hurried up and washed her face before going back out there because she didn’t want them to know she had been crying. Specialist Baker said go grab a grill screen and a scrubber, so I can show you how to clean the grill. Candy really didn’t know what he was talking about but, saw some cleaning materials on the table next to the grill and went and got what else she thought might do the job. Specialist

Baker said put it down next to the grill and we need to put all the food we didn’t use away. Candy put the cleaning supplies down. Specialist Baker said throw away all the tomatoes, onions, and lettuce that weren’t used, it isn’t any good any more. Take the unused frozen fries, tie them up and put a date on the bag. Put the unused burgers in a line pan and put a label with the date on it, on the lid and stick it in the refrigerator. Candy did everything he said and tried to act like she knew what she was doing but, the instructions were clear this time. He then commenced to showing her how to clean the grill and noted that when she finished cleaning the grill it should always be spotless. And by spotless, he meant spotless. They cleaned grease traps, picked food out of the corners with a toothpick, cleaned the outside so there was no sign that the grill had ever been used. This went on every week and in every section that Candy cooked in. Candy finally got to the meats and was scared to tackle this section. The others were a breeze after she learned her way around. Candy had to cook oven roast and spaghetti. After looking at her recipes, she said this should be easy. And it was, until she pulled the oven roast out of the oven to check the internal temperature. She had placed four big oven roast, in what they called the Ration Pans and while trying to place them back in the oven, as they were very heavy, she pushed the pan into the oven and both her arms were squeezed against the sides of the oven and she was badly burned. Candy yelled out loudly and almost dropped the pans. She pulled her arms back and they were bulging up and turning red. One of her arms skin had stuck to the side of one of the ration pans. It was mushy looking, and you could see the white meat in her arm that quickly started to fill with blood. One of the other soldiers grabbed some towels and wet them with cold water and started wrapping them around her arms. He said we need to take her to the hospital she’s burned pretty bad. Of course, Specialist Baker and his friends started laughing again and said, I told you she was a dud! Candy didn’t get angry this time, she was too concerned about her arms and wondered what was going to happen. Candy wondered if she would be able to use her arms again, or if she would have to stay in the hospital until her arms healed. However, none of the above happened. Candy was taken to the emergency room where they immersed her arms in something like hydrogen peroxide and they immediately started bubbling up. But, the odd thing was, Candy said it didn’t hurt. It felt warm and comforting. The nurse told her to keep her arms soaking in the solution and that she’d be back to check on her in a while. Again, Candy felt this wasn’t so bad. After about two hours of soaking her arms they came in and took her arms out of the solution. The nurse told her they were going to wrap her arms in bandages and that she would have to change

the bandages every day and keep them out of water. She told Candy she would be given a profile (instructions for being released back to duty) with limitations as to what she could and could not do. Candy said o.k. She said you’ll have to come back here every week for physical therapy until your arms heel completely, and that’s stated in your profile as well. When Candy got back to work the Mess Sergeant released her for the rest of the day and said that she would be placed on limited duty (salad bar, beverages, condiments, etc.) until her arms healed. It only took about 30 days but, she became familiar with the kitchen by this time. Her arms had started to get their skin back together and she only had to put medication on them and wrap them lightly before going to work. Of course, when she got back into the swing of things again Specialist Baker said, is the dud back in action again? Candy looked at him and smiled and he looked offended. Candy asked the Shift Leader if she could be on meats. The Shift Leader said I don’t know if you’re ready for that yet. Specialist Baker said yeah, we don’t need to serve human skin for lunch, and he and his friends started laughing again. Candy told the Shift Leader, if you don’t let me learn now I never will. He said o.k. get the Production schedule and let me know what the meats are and I’ll help you get started. Candy got the Production schedule and it had Beef Stew, Lasagna, and Ham on it. Candy knew the Ham would be easy, all you had to do was season it and stick it in the oven. She wasn’t afraid, she thought to herself, physical therapy wasn’t that bad and I got a few hours to myself every time I went. But, as for the beef stew and lasagna, they both seemed to have a lot of ingredients and instructions that came along with them. The Shift Leader said on items like these, the first thing you need is organization. Look at all the ingredients you’ll need for both items and gather them together one product at a time and we’ll get started. So, Candy picked up the recipe card for Lasagna and got everything together, and then the beef stew. The beef stew called for diced potatoes and Candy asked the Shift Leader if she should start peeling potatoes so she could get them diced up. He laughed and said you don’t have time for that. The K.P.’s, (Kitchen Police, or Dining Facility Attendants) cut potatoes every day and store them in line pans in the refrigerator. Candy said oh, that helps a lot. She ed that’s all they did in training when they didn’t have any training going on, so she assumed she’d have to cut these as well. When you got into trouble that was your punishment, going to the Mess Hall and peeling potatoes. Well, she started with the beef stew because it takes longer to cook and then the lasagna. After placing the beef stew in the tilt grill to simmer until ready, and the lasagna layered and in the oven, her Ham was ready to be pulled out and sliced.

After panning up the ham, she scooped the beef stew out into line pans and it was ready, and then the Shift leader said take your Lasagna out of the oven so it can cool down before you slice it. Candy couldn’t believe she had done it and three items at that. The shift leader said get your recipe card and it will tell you how to slice your lasagna by portions. Candy said o.k. got her recipe card, cut the lasagna and all her meat items were on the serving line. She felt great. Candy looked around for Specialist Baker but he was busy getting things ready on the short order grill. So, she left him alone and didn’t bloat. The Shift Leader said; alright everybody you got 15 minutes to eat and get ready to clean the kitchen so we can be released. So, everybody on the morning shift went scrambling to get their plates. Specialist Baker came over to the main line and looked at the meats and decided on the Lasagna. He sat down in the dining room by himself. He finished his plate pretty fast and then went to the Shift Leader and said that was pretty good Sergeant. The Shift Leader said you know I didn’t do that. Specialist Baker just shrugged and went on into the kitchen to start cleaning. He didn’t say anything to Candy but, he didn’t make fun of her anymore either. Candy asked if she could be on meats for the rest of the week so she could get used to it and the Shift Leader agreed. After a while, they started asking her to do the meats. Candy had become very good at it and the Mess Sergeant started having her train new sergeants coming into the unit. Her unit went to the field, where they would go out in the woods and learn how to cook on mobile kitchens. Candy hated going out there because it was always cold. She had to learn how to drive a 2 ½ ton truck, which they called a deuce and a half, and learn how to do maintenance on it as well, so their vehicles were always ready to roll. Then once they returned from the field it was the cleaning process that she hated most. They had to clean weapons, clean the mobile kitchen, clean field equipment; tents, vehicles, clean individual equipment and so on, taking days at a time to complete. When all the cleaning was done it was back to work as usual. One day when Candy was placed on short order, which she had also become very good at, that soldier with the sun glasses came up and stood up against the wall and started staring at her again. Candy had gained a lot of confidence by this time so she asked him, “what are you looking at? You want a burger or what?” He smiled and said; Oh, now you know what you’re doing? Candy said, “You trying to be funny”? He said no, I’ll take a couple of cheeseburgers. He said are you in this unit? Candy replied, yeah! He said what time do you get off? She said about 2:00 this afternoon. He said I don’t get off until 4:30, but do you want to go down to the food court later and get something to eat, maybe around 6:00. Candy said; yeah, sure. He said you stay in that building next to us? Again, she replied; yeah. He said o.k., I’ll be over to get you around 6:00, agreeing, Candy said o.k., and he

took his plate and went on into the dining room to eat. Candy felt happy for some reason. Not because he talked to her or because he asked her to go eat with him but, because at that moment she didn’t feel like she was in a shell anymore. After she got off that afternoon she went straight to her room and went and jumped in the shower. Most everybody else was still at work so the water was really hot and felt good. Candy stood in the shower for a while just letting the water run down on her. When she got out of the shower and went back to her room she started to panic about what to put on. She really didn’t have any girly things or dresses and didn’t know how she was supposed to look outside of her uniform. Candy finally decided to just be herself and dress like she normally did. She felt she looked appropriate enough for just going to the food court and eating. Her pants were pressed, she looked neat and was clean and smelled good so it felt right to her. She turned on the T.V., and watched jeopardy because she still had about 45 minutes. She hadn’t even asked him his name, she thought. Then ed seeing his name tag on his uniform, and it said Bevels. At about 5:50 p.m. he knocked on the door. When Candy opened the door, he had that same little smirk on his face. She said should I get a jacket? He said you probably won’t need one it’s not that cold outside. Candy said, I never asked you your name, do I call you specialist Bevels or what? He laughed and said, No, my name is Sam. I said oh, my name is Candy. He said, so what kind of food do you like, Candy? She said everything, I’m not picky. They left the room and started down the sidewalk towards the Exchange. They sat in the food court and talked a little bit about why Candy had ed the Army. He started making small talk asking about where she was from, why she ed the Army, did she like it and so on. When they finished eating they got up and started on their way back to the barracks. Sam started pointing out points of interest on the post as they ed them. He pointed to a small building outside the exchange, and said that’s where you will do drivers training. He said everybody has to go through Drivers Training and when you get your own personal vehicle you’ll have to go there to it on post. Candy said oh, o.k.! Then they ed this building with flags flying and a few government vehicles all black in color and he said that’s the Command building, that’s where all the top brass on post works. He said at 4:30 every day they play reveille and lower the flag to signify the end of the duty day. He said if you’re in civilian clothes and standing outside you still have to salute the flag, out of honor and respect. Everybody in uniform has to salute. That was something Candy didn’t know being she was at work most of the time when it happened. He pointed across the street and said that’s the Commissary in case

you want to buy some food to take to your room. Candy didn’t respond but, thought to herself, that’s a good idea for when I don’t feel like leaving the room. He showed her the gyms, the clubs, and an after- hours mess hall for drunk soldiers to go to and eat so they didn’t have to drive or leave post and could just walk back to their barracks without getting into any trouble. Candy laughed but, it was a pretty good idea she thought even though she didn’t drink. They went on a few more of these outings and then started to hang out regularly. One Saturday Candy was off and could hear these guys outside the window on the basketball court yelling and talking stuff to each other. Candy sat up and looked out the window and Sam was out there too. She watched them for a couple of minutes and started to laugh to herself because he looked almost awkward as if he was just there to be with his buddies. Candy’s roommate got up and said you feel like hanging out today? Candy said sure, and do what? She said I don’t know we’ll find something. She said let me go take a shower and I’ll be right back. Candy said o.k., and started looking for something to put on. While Karen was in the shower, Candy brushed her teeth and washed her face and got dressed and was ready to go. Candy told Karen she was going outside and that she would wait for her by the basketball court. Sam didn’t notice her when she sat down on the bleachers so she watched them play for a while and one of his friends said uh oh, slick, you got some fans out there. He turned and looked at Candy and then tried to get the ball from his friend. Karen came out and asked Candy if she was ready? Candy said yeah, and got up and they started walking down the sidewalk. Karen said you know those guys? Candy said yeah, one of them anyway, I think they all are in our unit. Karen said so, where we going? Candy said let’s go check out the Commissary and see what kind of food we can buy for the room. Candy asked her if she knew they could have food in the room. Karen said No, where would we keep it? Candy said I guess we’ll have to invest in a small refrigerator. Karen said cool, so we should go to the exchange first and find a refrigerator. Candy said o.k., but how will we get it back to the room? Karen said I’ll ask my friend he has a car. They found a refrigerator and a few other things they liked. They left the refrigerator at the store and Karen said when we get back to the barracks, I’ll find my friend and ask him to take us back to pick it up. They split the money for the refrigerator and then Karen’s friend took them to the Commissary to get some food. They only had little things like milk, cereal, lunch meat, bread and juice but, it was very convenient.

6 Big Girl Shoes

CANDY AND HER ROOMMATE GOT along good. Though they didn’t spend a lot of time together, they had no issues with each other. Karen and her boyfriend were always away most of the time so, that left plenty of time for Candy and Sam. So much time in fact that we both got an article 15 for Sam being caught in her room. They only had to spend about two weekends painting the hallways but, that was better than getting their pay taken away. Candy’s roommate ended up moving out of the barracks and into an apartment with her boyfriend. After about 3 months Candy found out she was pregnant and would have to move out of the barracks as well. She found an apartment not too far from post, and of course Sam suggested he move in as well. Sam had asked Candy to co-sign for him a car so they could get back and forth to post. Of course, being pregnant and needing the transportation as well, Candy said yes. They became very close, So Candy had thought, but come to find out there were things she didn’t know about him. One very important thing she didn’t know was that he was on the verge of being kicked of the military for misconduct. Candy had her son and things were going o.k. Then Sam went to jail for 3 months. While he was there, Candy had gotten behind on bills trying to pay everything and a babysitter as well. She had come down on orders to go overseas while he was gone. When he got out, there was no more money coming in on his end. They talked about what they were going to do about her having to go overseas. He said he was going to move back home with his sister. Candy said o.k., but, it would only be for a little while because she was authorized to take her family with her. She told Sam she would move on post first and then get an apartment and send for him and the baby. They flew to meet his parents before Candy had to leave. His mother fell in love with the baby right away but, she wasn’t crazy about Candy. Candy overheard Sam’s Mom, asking him in the kitchen if he thought he had made the right decision. After being overseas for about 3 months, Candy got a letter from the car dealer saying no payments had been made on the car and that they had the car but, were going to take her to collections. She started crying on the phone and told them she had no way of trying to make it right, because she had to get housing, and pay for plane tickets

for her family, and didn’t even know how to go about trying to get help to resolve the situation. Lucky for her, they said; since we do have the car we will drop the issue. Candy couldn’t have been happier than she was at that moment. They didn’t have to drop it, they very well could have had her still pay for the car. Candy called Sam and asked him what happened. He told her don’t worry about it they got the car. Candy was worried because this could affect her credit and anything she wanted to purchase in the future. Then she got another letter, this time from the apartment complex, it was an eviction notice saying they hadn’t been paid rent in months. Candy started crying again, knowing at this point she had made a very bad mistake. They informed her that they had confiscated all her furniture and possessions in the apartment for nonpayment of rent. Candy felt naked. She didn’t know what to think at this point. She called them the next day and said o.k., will my possessions be sufficient not to press charges? They also, said yes and agreed not to pursue the issue. Candy hadn’t even been in the Army long enough to encounter such devastating blows all at once. She became very depressed and shutdown. All she would do is go to work and go to her room and cry. She thought about Sam and started to make herself believe that maybe he didn’t know what to do either. Being he did have their son and was trying to do the best he could on his own. So, Candy went to the housing office and asked for housing for her family. She felt like since the debts were forgiven, that she could forgive Sam, and they could learn from their mistakes and try again. Sam and their son arrived overseas and Candy had gotten them an apartment that was very nice. It was already furnished so they didn’t have to buy any furniture. Things were great at first and then, Sam, out of boredom, accumulated a few friends. He started going out, often, every evening, when Candy would come home from work. Candy didn’t mind at first because she understood him being at home all day with the baby, and he probably needed some down time. It went on for quite some time and then, one day some of the girls from work asked Candy if she would go out with them. They said you don’t do anything come and go out with us and have a little fun for once. So, Candy said o.k. Then when she got home, she asked Sam if it was alright with him. He immediately went off on her and said, “I ain’t staying here while you go out”! And he made a big deal out of something Candy thought was nothing. She ended up not going of course and he went instead. A few weeks later Candy found out she was pregnant again. After that the thought of going out didn’t interest her anymore. But, Sam kept at it. He started coming home drunk and late at night on a regular basis. It was like they didn’t know each other anymore. He did his

thing and Candy came home and took over. She dealt with it because it wasn’t much else she could do, being they were in a foreign country and didn’t have any . He had Candy’s commanders direct phone number and called him a few times, drunk, saying that she wouldn’t have sex with him. Candy got called into the Commanders office and he told her to bring her husband with her. He asked what the problem was and Candy told him that Sam was coming home drunk and very late and that she had to work in the morning, and if he wanted to have sex, that he needed to come home at a decent hour. The commander told them they needed to work it out because he didn’t appreciate the late phone calls. Candy suggested to Sam that they go to marriage counseling because it seemed they had issues that neither of them were aware of. Candy couldn’t believe Sam agreed but, he did and they started going. The first issue that came out was that Sam didn’t like the fact that Candy was making money and he wasn’t. And then, that Candy should be the one staying at home and not him. Candy was sympathetic to those feelings but, she was the only one employed at the time. She expressed her feelings about him always going out and being away from the family, and he said; I don’t want to stay home, I’m there all day every day. The counselor intervened saying family time was more important and Sam didn’t agree with that at all. Needless, to say; they went to about two or three more sessions and that was over. It seemed they had grown further apart. One night Sam came home drunk wanting to start a fight and he made Candy so angry she socked him in the eye. Thank GOD, he wasn’t a violent man. He just said; “you hit me” and she doctored his eye up with ice and he went to bed. Another night they got into it and he quickly threw Candy in the bathroom and locked her in. For some reason in Panama the locks were on the outside of the door. Candy looks back now and laughs but, again thanks GOD he wasn’t a violent man. One night, Candy started having bad stomach pains. She went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet for about an hour. Sam asked her if she was o.k. Candy said my stomach is cramping and it really hurts. He said try to get up and I’ll call an ambulance. Candy got up off the toilet and turned around to flush it and it was full of blood. She started crying frantically telling Sam “Oh my GOD, I think I lost the baby”! The ambulance took forever so Sam called a cab. Sam put Candy in the cab and told the driver she was in labor and asked him if he had a rag or something he could put down on the seat. The cab driver said don’t worry about it, put her in the car let’s go. They got to the clinic and they said she had dilated 4 centimeters but, that there wasn’t a labor department at the clinic and that she would have to be transported about 30 miles up the road to the main hospital. The ambulance finally arrived, and the medical response

technician helped Sam get Candy into the ambulance, and he says to Candy, ma’am, this is my first time with a pregnant woman so please, please, could you not have this baby until we get to the hospital. He was holding Candy’s hand and holding on for dear life it seemed like. It was so funny to Candy that she started laughing and for some reason he made her feel safe, and she felt like everything was going to be o.k., When they got to the hospital they had a labor table already waiting for her and said they had called her doctor and that he was on his way. The nurse examined Candy and said, “I thought they said she had dilated 4 centimeters already, she’s only dilated 2”, the technician looked at Candy and said; “Thank you”! Candy smiled and said “No, thank you”! The Nurse and Candy were fighting all night because what Candy felt was an emergency, the nurse treated as normal procedure. Which Candy concluded, for her it was. Candy’s water broke, and her bed was wet, and she asked Sam to ask the nurse if she would change her bed pan. The nurse was standing right there. Sam became the mediator because Candy didn’t want to talk to the nurse. The Nurse didn’t pay Candy any mind and said before Sam could repeat her, I’ll change it in a minute, I need to set up the monitors. As soon as she got the monitors connected Candy started having contractions. The nurse immediately called the orderly and told him to get the labor table ready. She checked Candy and said that she had dilated to 4 centimeters again. She said your doctor is on his way. Candy said the baby isn’t going wait for him. The nurse told Candy to just hold on, he’ll be here soon. Candy started screaming with pain. When they got to the labor room, the nurse looked down and said; I can see the head. She said o.k., were going to have to do this ourselves. She said the babies already coming, so all you’ll have to do is give me one big push, so do your breathing technique and give me one big push. As she said “Push” the baby came out. The nurse Candy had fought with all night had delivered her baby. She said it’s a beautiful little girl, and she held her and looked at her and wrapped her in a blanket. Then she took her over to a table, to weigh her, and Candy’s doctor walked in. He came over to Candy and said how do you feel? It seems you didn’t need me after all. Candy said I’m o.k., but, can I see the baby? Candy was watching the nurse who was seeming to be having such a wonderful time with her baby. The doctor said are you done, talking to the nurse, he said she’d like to see the baby now. The nurse said “OH, o.k., and she brought the baby over to Candy and said we did a good job, she’s so beautiful. Candy held her baby for the first time and she was wiggling around, and with her little hands reached out, she touched Candy’s face. Candy felt loved like she had never felt it before. And thought to herself, “Yea, I’m the mommy not the nurse”! But, for

the next few days she was in the hospital, she and the nurse became close and she came to see the baby all the time, and made sure Candy was feeding her, and would even ask to watch her while Candy rested. Sam and Candy got along good for a long time after that. Then one day at work Candy heard that a carnival came to town and suggested that they take the kids. He said o.k.! One weekend they got the kids ready, called a cab and went to the carnival. They only had one stroller at the time so they put their son in the stroller and Candy carried the baby. They walked around for a while and then went to a snack shop to get something to eat and drink. Before their order was done, Sam said I’ll be right back and walked off. While Candy was holding the baby and trying to push the stroller to a table to sit down, they said your order is ready. Sam was nowhere in sight, and Candy didn’t want to put the baby down. So, she got the drinks first and took them to the table, while pushing the stroller, and then went back for the food. They sat there, her and her son shared a burger and some fries, and while her son was eating on the last of the fries she started to feed the baby. Sam Finally walked up with a glass of beer in his hand. Candy asked him where he had been and what took him so long. He acted as if she had some nerve asking him that. He sat down, ate his burger, and got up again and said I’ll be back. He was gone for about 30 minutes. Candy got frustrated and didn’t want to go through the drama of asking him again. So, she got up, got the babies together and walked to the entrance of the carnival and flagged down a cab and went home. Sam got home at about one or two in the morning and the cycle started all over again after that. The girls from work asked her again to go out with them and again she went home and asked Sam. This time he said “whose going to watch your kids”? Candy felt very hurt at this point. But, this time she didn’t even argue. She said o.k., no problem. A few weeks after that Candy got a call from her commander telling her she needed to come in to see him and to bring her husband, again! This time Candy had no idea what it was about. When they got there her commander told her that her husband had gotten into some trouble and that the Police were going to put him in jail or he would have to return to the United States. Candy looked at Sam and again the thought of not knowing him at all ran through her mind. She asked Sam what he had done and he just looked at her as if to say, don’t ask me nothing. So, Candy asked him what he wanted to do. Again, he looked at her as if she had no right to ask him anything. Candy turned to her commander and said o.k., he’ll go back to the United States. When they got home, Candy didn’t ask him what he did anymore, she asked him where he was going to go. Candy told him if he went back to her Mom’s house, her mom would help him take care of the babies until she returned home. He

agreed to that, mainly because he didn’t want his mother to know he had gotten into trouble. Candy didn’t tell her mother what had happened either she just asked her if Sam and the kids could come and stay with her until her tour was up, so they could start getting ready to settle back into the United States. Of course, her Mother agreed. Candy didn’t even find out what Sam had done until he left. Her Commander called her back into his office and told her she had made the right decision because Sam would have been in jail for a long time. It wasn’t anything horrifying, but he was stealing liquor from bars and selling it on the market and they didn’t take that lightly. He took the babies and went to her Mom’s. They seemed to be doing just fine with Candy’s Mom. Then when Candy called it seemed Sam was always missing in action. When Candy finally got to talk to him, he said he had this friend that worked for a pizza delivery place, and that he was helping him out. Candy wondered why men didn’t know that women can always tell when they’re lying. But, she went along with it for the sake of her children. And, she didn’t want to leave that burden on her Mom. Candy already knew that she and Sam weren’t going to work out. But, she didn’t have a game plan and wanted her children to be with her. When she returned to the States, So, she asked Sam if he was seeing someone else and if he wanted to get a divorce. He said yes, he was seeing someone else but, now that she was home he wanted to work things out. Candy knew they wouldn’t be together long but he was all she had to help her get to her next duty station and get situated with the kids. Candy was a little familiar with where she was going to be stationed and it wasn’t very far away from home. And no sooner than they got situated Sam started going out and staying out late again. So, Candy got on the defensive and told him they needed to find a baby sitter just in case he found a job. He agreed and almost in the same instance they were walking out of their apartment and this girl walked up to them and said you all live here now? They answered, yes. She said my name is Lisa and I baby sit if you all need a babysitter. Candy looked at Sam and said Wow, we were just talking about that. She said well I live right across the hall just come on over and talk to me if you need me. Candy said o.k.! Thinking to herself the Lord works in mysterious ways. Candy smiled, and felt like one problem had already been solved. Candy had bought a car before she left from overseas, so they at least had transportation too. Sam did end up getting a job, but every time the bills were due he was nowhere to be found. Fortunately for Candy, while she was abroad she had learned how to budget her own money and only do what was in her budget to do with what she had. They began to see him less and less. So, they also learned to adjust without him. They barely even had conversations when he was home. Meanwhile, at the job Candy was all the talk. All the guys were saying whose

women she was going to be. Not knowing she was married and had children. Candy despised men at this point, and wasn’t paying any of them any attention. She had enough things to worry about and a man wasn’t one of them. However, this one guy was very persistent. Candy caught him staring at her all the time to the point where she had to tell him to stop looking at her. One day he came to her and said; they need you to move your car, the ration truck can’t get into the back dock. Candy was on meats at the time and she couldn’t stop what she was doing. The guy said to Candy; give me your keys I’ll move it for you. Candy said o.k., and gave him her keys. Candy finished her meats and got the line set up for lunch service. She was tired at this point, so she went to the Dining room to take a break for a minute, and it dawned on her that the guy hadn’t bought her keys back. Just as she was about to get up and go check on him, he walked into the Dining room with her keys and said here you go. Candy told him she was just about to come look for him because he was probably out trying to drive all the gas out of her car. He said; “Naa, I wouldn’t do that”! So, Candy went into the kitchen and started to clean up so they could leave. Candy started to think about divorce lawyers and how much it would cost to file for a divorce now that she had a baby sitter. Candy felt like since Sam was never there, she may as well let him go so he could do what he wanted to do and not have to worry about her and the kids. When her shift was over she went outside to get into her car and didn’t see it. She looked for that guy and he said it’s right outside didn’t you see it. He walked Candy outside again and pointed to it. Candy was shocked, it was clean, it looked brand new. He had taken it and washed it and vacuumed it out, and even cleaned the wheels. Candy didn’t even recognize it, it was so clean. Candy smiled and her heart felt something at that moment that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. Not everyone is awful. She turned to him and said thank you. She asked him if the ration truck got in o.k., and he said today is Tuesday there was no ration truck. He said your car was dirty and needed washing and that he knew she wouldn’t have given him the keys, so he made that story up while she was busy so she wouldn’t question him. Candy looked at him for the first time right in the face, and thanked him again, and said; I have to go. It was very nice what he did, she thought to herself, and then almost in an instant, she lost that train of thought and immediately started thinking again about how to get a divorce lawyer and what it would cost. Candy got home, picked the kids up and walked across the hall. She changed the kids’ clothes and got them into their Pajama’s and sat them down in front of the T.V. while she prepared to make dinner. While dinner was cooking she sat the kids down on the couch and read them a story. It seemed everyday as soon as dinner

was done Sam would walk in. He’d sit at the table and eat with them, and as soon as they would finish eating he’d say; I’m going out. Candy started not to pay any attention to it anymore. She’d put the kids in the bathtub, and they’d laugh and play together, and then she put them to bed, sometimes reading a book to them until they fell asleep. The kids were her pride and joy and nothing else really mattered. Her baby boy was very smart and learned to read and write very quickly, he took a little longer however, learning how to tie his shoes and it was funny watching him try. But, everything he learned he felt like his sister should know also so, it was even funnier watching him trying to teach her. This guy at work was named Staff Sergeant Gants but everybody called him “G”. All the guys had nick names for each other. One of his friends last name was Rockaford, and they called him Rock Solid. Another was named Goldman and they called him Money. “G” asked Candy if she wanted to go to lunch after work one day and she said; I got kids to take care of, thinking that might throw him off. Then she thought about what he had did to her car and didn’t want to be rude so she tried to say everything she thought would turn him off so he would leave her alone. He said so get the kids and we’ll take them too. Candy looked at him real crazy. She didn’t tell him she was married, at the time it didn’t cross her mind, because she thought after she mentioned kids he’d back down. That didn’t work so she said o.k. Where are you taking us. He said meet me at the mall after you pick up the kids, in the food court parking lot. Candy said o.k., and as she drove away she started thinking of more things to do so he would stop asking her out. She got home took a shower, changed her clothes and then went across the hall and got the kids. She told them they were going for a ride. They were happy and started jumping for joy. They drove to the mall and there he was in the parking lot waiting. When she pulled up he came over to the car and helped Candy get the kids out of the car. He said; what’s their names. Candy said this is Little man, and this is Angel. They both looked at Candy and said; who is that Momma. Candy said that’s “G”. They thought nothing else about it and started walking towards the mall. They walked around for a while just talking and stopped at a shop with kids toys. Little man and Angel found something they liked and picked them up. Candy said not today babies we’ll come back another day and get them. “G” said no, go ahead let them get them, I got it. I said no they don’t need them, he said no kid does but, they want them, so let them get ’em. He put the toys on the counter and pulled out his wallet and paid for them. Candy thought to herself o.k., that didn’t work. So, they walked some more and Candy purposely went into a jewelry store and asked this clerk if she could look at this

watch. Candy pretended to be really interested in it. It was about two hundred dollars, and the clerk asked her if she wanted to try it on. Candy said; no, I was just looking. “G” said yeah, let her try it on. Candy said; no, I don’t want it I was just looking. Candy started to feel like he was trying to trap her into owing him something. She told the kids to come on and they walked out the store. “G” asked Candy why she didn’t try the watch on and she said; I was just looking. He asked her if they were hungry. Candy said yeah, the kids probably haven’t eaten yet. “G” asked what they wanted to eat. Candy said it didn’t matter because the kids wouldn’t eat much anyway. There was an Italian restaurant across the street and he asked if they wanted to go there. Candy said; no that’s too much for the kids they wouldn’t eat all that. She said there’s a Soup and Salad Bar across the street they’ll probably eat pizza or something from there. He said o.k., let’s go. The kids got excited and started jumping around again. They had a good time and the kids had fun. “G” took them back to the car and helped Candy put the kids in. He said see you tomorrow at work, and Candy replied, o.k. As she was driving home, she realized she hadn’t cooked and Sam would come home looking for something to eat. She said to herself, oh well, I’ll deal with it when it comes. They got home and she made the kids some bath water and took them their bathes. She put them in bed and got a book out to read but, Little man had already fallen asleep before she could even put their clothes away and Angel of course, wanted to know if her brother was sleep so she could go to sleep too. Sam didn’t make it in before they went to sleep nor did he ask for any dinner. Candy took a shower and went to get a drink from the kitchen before going to bed, and Sam was laid out on the couch in the living room. Candy was almost happy, she could go to bed thinking about the good time she and the kids had that day. “G” took them out on several more occasions after that and the funny thing is, Sam never even noticed. It was funny how the kids never mentioned “G” around Sam. Candy started to think about the way “G” was treating her and the attention he gave her. She started to feel good about herself. She had never gotten intimate with “G” but felt as if they had a strong connection. It could have been that she had just never been treated like Sam was treating her. Whatever it was, Candy felt good about it. Then it came! He asked her to go out with him. Candy was shocked at first and then realized she still had never told him she was married. It was ironic that all the time they had been spending together Sam was never around. Candy told “G” that she couldn’t and that she had something to tell him. She said my baby’s dad is here. “G” said; I know but, I never see him. Candy replied, he just doesn’t spend a lot of time at home. He said o.k., well can I come over. Candy said; did you hear what I said? “G” said yeah, that he’s

hardly ever home. Candy got quiet for a second. She had to think about what she had said, because “G” was sure listening. Candy said o.k., I’ll tell you what, I’ll let you know when you can come over, and what are we going to do? He said we can watch movies, something the kids will like! Candy wasn’t expecting that but, was overwhelmed that he had even brought up the kids because that was nowhere near what she thought he was going to say. Just that fast she forgot all about Sam and said o.k.! Sam was back into his old habits and going out every night and coming home so late that Candy would just see him when she was taking the kids to the babysitter in the mornings. So, she figured she’d let “G” come over when Sam went out on one of his overnighters on the weekend. “G” called one night and asked if he could come over and Candy said yes, it was alright. He bought some Disney movies just like he said and they all sat down on the couch and started watching them. Little man and Angel were really into the movie. Candy made some popcorn and they sat there and enjoyed it. After putting them in bed she went into her room and decided she’d put her pajama’s on. While in her room she heard some keys dangling at the door. First, she thought it was “G”, and he was getting ready to leave. Then she noticed something moving across her mirror from the corner of her eye. Then she looked again and seen Sam going into the bathroom. Candy’s heart dropped. She wondered why he wasn’t yelling and screaming. As he was coming out of the bathroom, Candy heard little man say: “G” what you doing in there. Which explained what she saw move across her mirror. Sam said; “what the fuck is this”. What is this man doing in my house. (Which he had never contributed to paying rent, but, “G” had done so on a couple of occasions and had told Candy to spend a little of her money on herself). Candy couldn’t say anything because she knew she was wrong but, at the same time, thought to herself, if Sam hadn’t of forgotten something he had left, he still wouldn’t know. Then “G” said hey man I’m sorry it was my fault. I asked her if she and the kids would like to watch some movies. Sam said fuck you man, you disrespecting me in my house. I can’t which one said let’s take this outside. But, they both moved towards the door and Candy followed behind them and said I’m going too. Simultaneously, they both said; stay in the house. Candy said fine but, she really wanted to tell “G” that Sam doesn’t travel alone and that his boys were probably waiting outside for him. But, she couldn’t so she closed the door and locked it and went to check on the kids. Candy heard a knock at the door and it was Sam, he came in calling her all kinds of names, and saying that she was fucking a nigga right in front of his kids. Candy said; you can call me all the names you want but I wasn’t doing anything but watching movies. Sam said Yeah, right, tell

me anything. He muttered; “I can’t believe this shit”. Then he picked up his keys and left. About 10 minutes later the phone rang. Candy thought it was Sam but, it was “G”, he said are you alright? Candy said yeah, I’m alright, are you crazy? He said no, I just wanted to make sure you were o.k.! Candy said I’m fine, where are you. He said he was across the street and that he saw Sam leave with his boys’. I said what happened; he said, nothing we both said our peace and parted ways. He said he drove across the street and waited to see if everything was going to be alright, but then he seen Sam get into the car with his boys’ and leave. Candy told “G” he was one crazy dude. He said, no, I’m crazy about you. Candy told him she had to go to sleep because she had to get up early in the morning, he said sleep well, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Candy said to herself, this dude is really crazy, I couldn’t deal with anything like this. They only talked at work from then on and “G” was always asking Candy if she was o.k. Candy said yes; but things at home were not o.k. Sam hardly ever spoke to her. “G” asked her again if she would go out with him and this time she said yes without even thinking about it. He said we’ll go out on Friday night and bring an overnight bag. Friday came and Candy was excited and kept getting butterflies. She was thinking about what to say, as a reason to get out of the house. When she got home from work Sam was on the phone with his mother. Candy overheard him telling her that he caught Candy in bed with another man. Candy just looked at him and when he got off the phone she asked him if that made him feel good to tell his mother that lie. He said; it don’t make no difference I’m leaving anyway. Candy replied; really, you just gone leave just like that. Sam said yeah, ain’t nothing here for me anymore. Candy said; I couldn’t tell there was anything here in the first place. She let him know that he could take all of his belongings with him even though she had bought most of them, and that she didn’t want anything from him because she hadn’t gotten anything from him since they’d met. She asked him where he was going so she could forward him divorce papers. Sam said; don’t worry about it I’ll let you know when I get there. Candy went and took a shower and put on some decent clothes to go out in. She thought Sam was going to ask her where she was going, but he didn’t even notice she had gotten dressed up. Candy had already packed an overnight bag and put it in the trunk a few days earlier. Sam never noticed that either. Probably because he never attempted to wash the car. Without saying anything, Candy picked up her keys and walked out the door.

7 Roller Coaster Ride

CANDY GOT IN HER CAR and started thinking about her kids. She thought; I know he’s their father, but, I wonder if they’ll be safe. She thought about pulling over and calling back to the house but didn’t want him asking her any questions as to where she was or when she was coming home. Then she thought; why should I feel guilty, he does it all the time. “G” had told Candy to meet him at this apartment complex. She didn’t know if he lived there or what. Candy didn’t even know what time it was. When she got to the apartment complex, “G” was waiting in the parking lot and wiping down his car. He flagged Candy over and came up to the window and said; where’s your bag, Confidently, as if he knew they were going to be together all night. Candy said, in the trunk. He said open the trunk. Candy opened it and he pulled her bag out, shut the trunk and put her bag in his car. He came back to Candy’s car and said you ready. She said yeah! He said come on get in my car. When Candy got in the car, he said you hungry? She said yeah, I can eat. So, this time he didn’t ask where she wanted to eat, he took her to this seafood place and said; “We’re going to be drinking so you need to eat so you don’t get sick. Candy thought; that was very thoughtful of him but, then thought; how much does he think I’ll be drinking because, I really don’t drink. Candy also didn’t know the affects so she went on and ate a good meal. When they finished eating they went on to this club. He walked in and walked on to the bar, with Candy in tow. He asked Candy what she was drinking. Candy said; I don’t know I don’t drink. He said o.k., try something light, you like wine coolers? She said, I don’t know. He said that’s good for now, it’s not too strong. So, he ordered her a wine cooler and he got a Rum and Coke. They sat down by the dance floor, and he asked her if she was comfortable. Candy said; I guess so. They listened to the music for a while and then he asked her if she wanted to dance. The music sounded good and she had drank her wine cooler up already. Candy thought; this wasn’t so bad, why hadn’t Sam ever done this. But, answered yes, and got up and went to the dance floor. It was a slow song playing and she suddenly had second thoughts because that meant they’d be dancing together. Candy felt awkward because she really didn’t know what to do. Then, “G” grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms around her as

if they had been doing this forever. All of a sudden, Candy felt comfortable. She felt this warmth that made her feel safe. She felt new, like a different person. When the song was over “G” pulled away from Candy and said you want to dance again or sit down? Candy had to think about what had just happened. She didn’t want him to know that she wanted him to hold her again, so she said, sit down. When they sat down she asked him if she could taste his drink. He handed it to her, and said don’t drink it too fast, just sip it. Candy sipped it and it was stronger than she thought it would be but, sweet at the same time. He said you want another wine cooler? Candy said No, I want what you’re drinking. She felt like when she got home she was going to be in so much trouble and would have to deal with so much bull shit, that she was going to enjoy herself and do something for herself for a change. The drinks came and she started out sipping it but, before she knew it, it was gone. They danced awhile, laughed a lot, and Candy was really enjoying herself. But, then she thought about her kids, and told “G” she should probably be leaving. He didn’t respond, he just got up reached for her hand, and walked her outside. Candy looked through the parking lot and kept looking around. He said what you looking for? She replied; my car! He said you came with me ? She hadn’t ed, but wasn’t drunk. Her mind was on her kids and that’s all she was thinking about at that time. He said, I’ll take you back to your car if you want me to. But, I really wish you’d spend a little more time with me. Candy suddenly ed what the game plan was. She said; I really am enjoying myself but, I’m worried about my kids. He said Sam got them, he might be mad but, he ain’t going to do nothing stupid. Candy didn’t know why she was listening to him. But, she knew he was right. Then she made her mind up to go ahead and finish what she had started. So, she turned to “G” and said o.k. what’s next? He said you want to go back in the club or you want to go somewhere and chill for a while. Candy said we can go back in the club for a minute, I’d like to dance one more time, and then we can leave. He said ok. They walked back in the club and he asked her if she wanted another drink. Candy said yeah, but, I want what you were drinking. So, he ordered them two more Rum and Coke’s. They sat down for a minute laughed and talked, and then a nice song came on and Candy asked him if he would dance with her. He held her again and Candy didn’t want to let go. She guessed he felt it as well, he pulled back looked at her and for the first time, they engaged in a kiss. Candy felt like Cinderella! He said you ready to go. She said yeah, where we going. He said; let’s get a room and spend the night together. This emotion came over her that she shouldn’t do it, but, in the back of her mind she knew it was going to happen and had actually, already agreed to it. (The

Overnight Bag). So, she said o.k., let’s go. When they got to the room Candy asked him if she could take a shower and change her clothes. He said; why are you asking me that, do what you feel like doing. She took her overnight bag into the bathroom and took her shower and put on a sleep shirt. She didn’t have any sexy under ware, hell, she couldn’t the last time she slept with Sam. She wasn’t scared and that seemed strange. When she laid down beside him in bed, is when she got scared. “G” turned and looked at her as if he knew what she was thinking and said, don’t be afraid, I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do. Immediately, all fears went away. The whole night was all about her. He kept asking, are you o.k., you comfortable, am I hurting you. And quite a few times it was painful but, Candy was in bliss. She didn’t want the night to end. But, it did. She woke up and the sun was shining, and “G” walked in the room with some breakfast and coffee. He said good morning, I went and got you something to eat, you’re not hung over are you? Candy said No, then a brick hit her upside the head. She said; Oh shit its’ morning I have to get home. She jumped out of the bed and into the shower. She said; oh, my God, what am I going to say. “G” said eat first think later. She grabbed the sandwich and started eating frantically. Her heart was pounding out of control. “G” said; slow down, it’ll be alright it’s only like six in the morning. Candy said; shit he’s going to be waiting for me at the door, what am I going to say! “G” said calm down it’ll be alright. Candy said take me to my car, I have to go. She was so scared when they got to her car she didn’t even say bye. She threw her overnight bag back into the trunk got in the car and took off. She was speeding and started thinking what if he tries to hurt the kids, she started crying and thinking, I FUCKED UP!!!!! She didn’t care what he did or said to her she just wanted the kids to be alright. She walked in the apartment and it was quiet. She ran to the kids’ room, to check on them and they were sleeping soundly. She looked in the bedroom and Sam was knocked out as well. She felt relieved. She quickly changed into another sleep shirt and went into the kitchen and started making breakfast. Little man woke up first and came in the kitchen and said; “good morning Mommy”, she smiled this loving smile and picked him up and hugged him, and said good morning baby! The kitchen was smelling good by this time, but, Little man said, Momma can I have some cereal. She said sure baby, and fixed him a bowl of cereal. Angel came in next and said, Momma I want some meat. She was one not to miss a meal, and cereal wasn’t going to do it for her. Candy said get up to the table baby let me fix you a plate. Candy made a plate for herself and Angel and they sat at the table and ate together, Little man took his bowl of cereal into the living room and sat

in front of the T.V. Sam woke up a few minutes later and came into the kitchen, looked in the refrigerator and said, we don’t have any Orange Juice. Candy said, I guess not, waiting on him to respond with something like; oh, you can stay out all night but, you can’t buy orange juice, or something of that nature. He didn’t make any remark at all. Then it dawned on her, he doesn’t even know I stayed out all night. It kind of hurt her feelings at first because who doesn’t know when their partner isn’t at home or in the bed. Then she thought about it again. They hadn’t slept together since God knows when, and he was hardly at home enough to know what kind of habits she had. He had no idea when she went to bed, woke up, or nothing like that. Then she thought about “G”, he said don’t worry everything will be alright. Why was he so sure, did he know this pattern. Was he just hoping it would work out. Does he prey on women like me. All kinds of things started going through Candy’s mind. Then, for a brief moment, she reminisced on the night before. She had really enjoyed herself and had a wonderful time. Candy tried to carry on as usual at home. Things never got any better. She still could not believe Sam had no clue what she had done. That’s when she realized they didn’t love each other they just had kids together. Candy went to the lawyers’ office and asked what the holdup was on the divorce papers. He said; you have to wait 90 days after filing in case the parties change their minds, and want to go to counseling or something. Candy said what if you don’t want to wait, and he said well you still have to wait 90 days. Candy said o.k. and left. A few days later when she came home from work Sam had his bags packed and sitting at the door. Candy said you leaving? He said yeah, I’ll call you and let you know where I am. Candy said o.k., you got a ride? He said yeah, one of my homeboys will pick me up. He said I left my albums because they were too heavy, maybe you can send them to me later. Candy said o.k. but, all of the albums aren’t yours. He smiled that smirkish smile she was used to seeing and it made her smile back, as if to say, they were alright. And, she felt like it was. They just weren’t meant for each other. Candy didn’t hold any grudges against him, and hoped the kids wouldn’t be hurt too bad. Candy and Sam may not have gotten along but, in all honesty he was a very good father to the kids. To her surprise, life went on as usual. The kids went to the babysitter every day. She picked them up, ate dinner, took baths, and read books as always and it seemed life hadn’t really changed at all. “G” started coming around more often. He still included the kids in everything they did. The kids got used to him and started looking for him. One day, Candy got a letter in the mail saying Sam had been served his divorce papers. It had a court date on it and stated that if he failed to show up in court that the divorce would be

approved automatically. Candy knew at that point she was divorced. Because she also knew Sam would make no attempt to go to court. Candy didn’t tell “G”, she didn’t want him to know she would be single soon. Candy was happy with where they were. She started going to work looking forward to seeing him. Every time she saw him she thought about that night. One day he came up to her at work and said would you like to go to a retirement party with me, one of my friends are retiring and I’d like you go with me. Candy said; when is it? As if she had something to do. He said it’s this Friday. Candy said; I have to make arrangements but, I’ll see what I can do. Candy couldn’t wait to get home and ask Lisa if she could baby sit for her. She went and got the kids and asked if the kids could stay over with her Friday night because she had this retirement party to attend. She said sure, but it’ll cost you. Candy said o.k., took the babies across the hall and when they got inside she picked them both up and hugged and kissed them and thought to herself life might not be so bad after all. She fed them and put them in the tub, and asked them to pick out a book to read. Of course, they both picked something different but, Candy said we can read both. Candy read to them until they fell asleep, and then she went and got in the shower. She got out and started looking through her clothes to see what she had in there that looked appealing. She never got to dress up much so every time she had to look for something to wear it was always a task. Candy quickly got tired of looking and decided to go to sleep, saying to herself, I have time I’ll do it later. When she got to work the next day, “G” was waiting for her and asked her if she had thought about it yet? Candy pretended not know what he was talking about, and said thought about what. He said the party, can you go with me. She still hadn’t told him Sam left, so she said; well if I do decide to go I’ll have to meet you there, you can’t come and pick me up or anything. “G” said I know, that’s o.k., you can meet me there. Candy said o.k., just let me know where it is before Friday. He said o.k., and they went back to work. While at work Candy tried very hard to focus on work and not what was going on in her personal life, because she didn’t like people in her business or trying to be her friend just so they could get information, so she pretty much kept to herself and treated work as just that WORK, and left everything else at the door. She believed “G” knew that because he stopped confronting her so much at work and would catch her off guard sometimes when they were not in everybody’s presence and sneak a kiss when she was going out for rations or something. Friday came and he walked up to Candy and gave her the address where the party was and asked her if she thought she could find it o.k. on her own. Candy said yeah, looking at the address, I know where that is. “G” said o.k. then I’ll see

you tonight. Candy said o.k.! When she went home she went over Lisa’s and got the kids and took them home with her. She fixed them some finger foods so it wouldn’t take that long. Lisa had told her that she didn’t have to pick them up and that she could just let them stay but, Candy wanted to spend time with them first. Little man said; Momma, Lisa said we was staying at her house tonight, how come you came to get us. Candy said; I just wanted to spend some time with my babies before I left. He said; do she have our pajamas, so we can go to bed? Candy said yeah, is there anything else you need. Angel said; Momma I want some more meat. Candy chuckled a bit, and gave her some more food, and asked them if they were going to be good at Lisa’s. They both said yeah, is it time to go? Candy said o.k., I’ll take you back over there. She took them back and returned to the apartment to get ready. She picked an outfit out. She thought it looked rather nice. She took a shower and put it on. Candy looked at herself in the mirror and wondered if she should have on some make up. Which is something she knew nothing about. She never took an interest in it because even when she was pretending to wear it, after putting it on she felt like a manikin. She never felt like herself with it on. As soon as she put it on, she was going to the bathroom wiping it off. Candy got to the party and there were cars everywhere. She was anxious to get inside. She knocked on the door and this lady answered saying, “come on in”. She said every bodies down stairs pointing to the stairway, you can go on down, and there’s food in the kitchen if you get hungry. Candy noticed there was about three or four women sitting in the living room but the lady made no gesture for her to them. So, she proceeded to go downstairs. There was a lot of people from work down there, mostly guys and about only three or four females. Candy didn’t see “G” so she walked over to the bar. Before she could ask for something to drink, “G” grabbed her from behind and kissed her neck. Candy smiled because it tickled and felt good at the same time. He held her like that for a few minutes and then turned her around and said did you have any trouble finding your way here? Candy replied No, it was pretty easy. So, they stood there talking for a while about work, and he pointed out some people there and let her know who they were. The guy they were throwing the party for came up to “G” and said hey man we’re running out of ice can you go to the store and pick some up for me. “G” said yes, and asked Candy if she wanted to go with him. Candy said o.k. “G” started walking up the stairs and Candy followed. He walked outside and said my car is over there, come on get in. Candy got in the car and they drove up the street to this store about four blocks away, so it didn’t take long to get there. They pulled in the parking lot and “G” cut the car off but, he didn’t get out. He turned to Candy and said can I kiss you, I really want to kiss you right now. Candy said yes, and he leaned over

and started kissing her very ionately, and then he stopped and said; I think I’m in love with you. Candy didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t respond. He said; I have something to tell you. Candy got nervous now because she wasn’t ready to just jump into another relationship like that, not this soon. Then he said, I’m married. Candy said what!!!! He said; I wanted to tell you before but, I didn’t want to stop seeing you. Candy said; are you fucking kidding me right now. “G” said don’t get mad, I know I should have told you. Candy said; where is your wife, is she in another state or something? “G” said no; she’s at the party. Candy said what!!!!!! And I just walked right out the fucking door with you. Are you serious right now? He said don’t freak out, there won’t be no problems. Candy said take me back right now!! I can’t believe this shit. “G” said hold on I’ll take you back, let me go inside and get the ice. Candy sat there like a dummy and waited for him. He took her back to the party and Candy said oh, shit I left my coat in there and I’m not going back in there. “G” said hold on I’ll get it for you. He went inside with the ice and came right back out with her coat and said; I’m still not going to leave you alone, I told you I love you. Candy was already in her car so she grabbed her coat and pulled off. When she got home it was late but, still went over to Lisa’s and got the kids. Candy wouldn’t have been able to sleep knowing she was at home and they were across the hall. They were already sleep so when she got them home they crawled in their beds and went right back to sleep. As bad as it may seem, she really wasn’t mad at “G”, because she hadn’t been extremely honest with him either but, was trying to protect herself. Candy pretended to be mad at him but thought about him all night and couldn’t wait to see him at work, so she could pretend to be mad at him some more. All week long at work “G” kept saying we need to talk, and she kept replying we have nothing to talk about. On Friday she knew neither of them had to work that weekend so she finally told him they could talk. He asked her where and she said; meet me at the mall parking lot after I pick the kids up so we can be out in the open. He said o.k. Candy picked the kids up and told them they were going out for ice cream. They were excited as usual and couldn’t wait to get there. Candy pulled up in the parking lot and “G” came over to the car and the kids yelled out “G”, where you been. They said Momma brought us to get ice cream, you want some? He said yeah, if your mom will let me. Looking at Candy as if he was really asking. Little man looked up at her and said, can he momma? Candy said; I guess so. They walked inside the mall and went to the food court. They got the kids their ice cream first, and then sat down at a table. “G” said I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before but I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I know I’m married but all I thought about was you, all the

time. I knew if I told you then you wouldn’t talk to me anymore and I just had to have you, I didn’t care at what cost. He told Candy that he and his wife are separated but she’s waiting until their kids finish school before she leaves. He said; I know you’re mad at me but, I’m hoping you’ll let me see you again. He asked her how Sam was doing. Candy didn’t want to answer him at first and then thought about how she wasn’t being honest either and then said; he’s gone. “G” said what! When did he leave? Candy said he’s been gone for a while now. “G” said; so why did you have me meet you here at the mall? Candy said because you’re married! Then she thought about what she said and felt stupid. She was married the whole time he was wooing her, and she let him do it anyway. She said; I’m sorry I was being sarcastic. He said I know. Candy looked at “G” and started smiling because in the back of her mind she had never felt this way around a man like she felt when she was with him. After the smile, he said so can I come and see you still. Candy said what about your wife. He said we’re separated at the time and I actually am renting an apartment until we figure out what we’re going to do. We take turns with the kids and I have to make sure she has enough money when she leaves and all that stuff. At the same time, as wrong as it may seem Candy wanted to be with him too. So, like a fool she said yes. It was nothing like she thought it would be. Like seeing him every now and then and sneaking off for a night every once in a blue moon. They were together almost every day and some nights. They didn’t even focus on sex all the time. He would bring movies for the kids to watch and when the kids went to sleep they’d watch a movie and just fall asleep right there on the couch. Candy became very comfortable. Almost to the point where she forgot he told her he was married. Then one day she felt the need to ask. How is it that you can spend so much time with me, is your wife out of town or something. He said; No, I told you we’re separated and I think she’s seeing someone else anyway. Candy asked how old his kids were. About the same age as yours, he said. Candy said how come I never see them? He said because they’re with their mother most of the time, but, I’ll bring them over for you to meet them one day. Candy’s mom had come to visit, so she told “G” they’d have to chill out for a while until she left. He said; o.k., but I don’t have to stop coming around do I. Candy told him no, he could still come over just not stay the night or anything. “G” said o.k. Then he showed up one day with his kids. Candy had never met them before but, welcomed them in just the same. She asked him if he told them about her and he said yeah, that’s why I bought them over. He introduced them to Little man and Angel, and her Mother and the kids went off on their own and started playing together. The grownups sat at the kitchen table shooting the

breeze, and things went real good. The kids came out of the room and asked if they could have something to eat and Candy said sure I’ll call you when it’s ready. They ran back in the room and started playing again. Candy said; I have to make something quick because they may be hungry. “G” said go ahead and get something started I’ll take them over to the park until the food gets ready. Candy said o.k. that sounds good. She had already thawed out some ribs she was going to cook since her mom was there so she seasoned them and put them on while they were gone. They all came back with happy meals and Candy told “G” that’s too much for them right now, they’re not going to eat. He said that’s alright. So, Candy continued cooking while “G” and her mom continued talking. When the food was done everyone sat down and ate. The kids, even Little man ate some more food as well. The evening went great. Then “G”, said goodnight, and that he had to get the kids home. Candy’s mom said it was nice meeting you, and “G” said and you as well. He said I’ll probably see you all tomorrow, as if to say I’ll be back. He came back the next day with the kids again, and said your mother said she could put a blowout kit in my sons’ hair. Candy said when did this happen? You already talked about this, because I missed that conversation. Candy’s mom said; yes, I told him I could do his sons hair. Candy said o.k., I just didn’t hear the conversation. So, “G” asked her mom to go to the store with him so they could get what she needed and the two of them left. The kids were playing and Candy asked them if they wanted a snack or something. They said yes and she fixed them some chicken salad sandwiches and chips and gave them some koolaid to drink. They were almost done when her mom and “G” got back from the store. The kids wanted to go play again but, “G” told his son that he had to get his hair done. He didn’t fret about it, he just turned around and sat down at the kitchen table. Candy went into the kids’ room and asked them if they wanted to color or paint. They said yes and she took them in the living room and sat them down around the living room table and laid out construction paper, crayons, and water paint and they went at it. It kept them occupied for quite some time. Candy was now able to get dinner started. By the time her mom finished with “G’s son hair, dinner was done and they all sat down and ate dinner together. Candy cleaned up the dining room table and had the kids put the crayons and paint away. She asked them if they wanted to go outside to the park for a little while. She already knew the answer, so they all went outside to the park. The kids played good together while “G” and Candy watched. When they went back inside, Candy’s mom had washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. “G” told her mom thank you, and said; how much do I owe you. She said “boy”, you don’t owe me nothing I was happy to do it. He said well if you

need anything just let me know. Candy’s mom said, I sure will. He said well I guess we’ll be going now, it’s getting late. Candy said o.k., and “G” reached over and kissed her on her cheek and said bye to little man and Angel, and they said goodbye to the kids. Candy’s mom said; I like him he’s a nice man. Candy just smiled, because she liked him too. When her mom left, “G” called Candy and said he had something he needed to talk to her about. Candy said o.k., come on over. He said; my wife and I got the divorce papers together today. He said that she told him that she wanted to leave. He told Candy the divorce lawyer said the same thing that her lawyer had said. That he had to wait 90 days after the time of filing. Candy didn’t say anything to him about that, because that’s what she was told. Candy’s unit was deploying down range for a field training exercise. She hadn’t thought about what she was going to do with the kids if she had to go away for long periods of time. She told “G” she would have to call her mother and ask her to come out again to watch the kids for her. It was only going to be for a week but, she didn’t know what to do. “G” said don’t call your Mom, I’ll keep the kids for you! Candy looked at him real crazy, and wondered why he was playing at a time like this. He said I’m serious, I’ll keep them. I’ll take them to Lisa in the morning and pick them up when I get off work. Candy didn’t know if she should take him seriously or if he was just kidding. He said; for real I will. Candy said o.k., I guess I’ll try it. So, the time came and Candy left for the field. “G” did exactly what he said he was going to do. Candy called them every day. When the weekend came, Candy called and “G” wouldn’t answer the phone. She started to panic. She had no other way of trying to get a hold of him. She couldn’t concentrate on working. When breakfast was over she went to call again. Again, there was no answer. She walked back over to the site. As she was walking past the parking lot she saw “G’s” car. Her heart dropped and she ran over to his car. She said; I’ve been calling you all morning I didn’t know what happened. He said; I thought I’d surprise you and bring the kids down here to see you. They were in the back seat screaming Mommy, Mommy, “G” brought us down here to see you. Candy got them out of the car and hugged them. She said; come walk back over to the site with me, I have to start getting lunch ready. They stayed with her all day and ate both lunch and dinner. “G” got the kids and got back on the road and went home. This was another moment Candy cherished. That was the most thoughtful thing he could have done. Candy felt overwhelmed that he brought her kids to the field to see her. She was in a great mood for the rest of the exercise. They loaded up Thursday morning and headed back to base. She couldn’t wait to get home. After cleaning and turning in weapons, they cleaned

the field kitchen and equipment, and then were released to go home. Candy had to stop by “G’s, job and let him know she was back. He took her to the back dock and started kissing all over her. He said I’ll be home as soon as I get off. Candy looked at him and wondered if he realized what he had said; “he’ll be home”. She didn’t comment on it, just said o.k., and left to go pick up the kids. Candy was so happy to see them, and all they could talk about was what they did with “G”. That’s all she heard, “G” this and “G” that, they didn’t even say we missed you Mom. That made Candy feel good that they enjoyed being with him. She thought about him bringing them to see her, and started crying. She was overjoyed and it seemed like she was falling in love with him. “G” came over one day and said; I came down on orders. Candy looked surprised, but in the Military this is bound to happen. She said what are you going to do? He said; I’m divorced now so you can come with me. Candy said; you know I can’t just up and come with you. He said; when are you do to re-enlistment? Can you can re-enlist to go? Candy said; I don’t know, I’ll have to check. He said; I’m going to see my kids for a few days and then I’ll come back here and spend my leave with you until I leave. The fact that he said; “come back here and spend his time with me” made Candy think he really did want to be with her. He had 30 days before he was due to report to his new assignment. “G” told Candy that he’d be back in a couple of days. It took three maybe four days, and then there was a knock at the door. Candy looked through the peep hole and no one was there. She hesitated for a minute looking around the hallway through the peep hole, and then saw “G” coming down the stairs. She opened the door and ran to him and started kissing and hugging him. Then they walked in the door and the kids ran to him and jumped on him saying, “G”, where you been at? He said I had to go somewhere for a couple of days but, I’m back now. He asked them if they had been good and they said yeah, at the same time. “G” had a suitcase and he took it into the bedroom. He called little man and Angel into the living room and asked them if they wanted to go eat. Of course, they said yes. He said get the kids ready let’s go eat. He took them to an Italian restaurant. It was a nice setting inside and when they went to their table he asked the waitress if she could bring a booster seat for Angel and he asked little man if he would be alright sitting in the booth. Little man said yeah, “G”, I’m a big boy, Angel is little. They both laughed and sat down. They sat there and laughed, talked, ate, and then went home. When they got home Candy got the kids ready for their baths. When they were done “G” asked the kids if he could read to them for bedtime. They screamed yeah!!!!!! And ran to their room. “G” sat on the bed with Little man and asked

Angel if she could hear him. She said yes. Candy walked into the kitchen and found a bottle of wine in the refrigerator which she couldn’t for the life of her, where it came from. She poured two glasses and went to her room to put on a sleep shirt. As she was ing the kids room, “G” was pulling the covers over the kids. He came into the room and said are you tired? Candy said; No, I just poured us a glass of wine. He said that sounds good, and they walked into the kitchen. He picked up both glasses and leaned over and kissed her slow and ionate, then pulled back and handed Candy her glass. He said; this is where I want to be, I don’t want to leave.

8 Broken Promises

AFTER THE FIRST WEEK “G” was back, one of the girls from the istration Office came into the Dining Facility and handed Candy some papers. Candy said what’s this? She said you’re on orders. Candy said; On orders, what!!! Her heart dropped. She said can I take my kids with me. The orderly said; it doesn’t say it on your orders but, you can put in for it. But, you have to hurry because you have about 45 days before your due to leave. Candy said, “SHIT!!! Why did I come down on orders? She said you must be due to reenlist soon, they always put people on orders then, so they can stay in. Candy couldn’t wait to get home and tell “G”. After telling “G” and showing him the papers, Candy said how do I get out of it? “G” said; you cant. But, since you’re due to re-enlist, you can request to re-enlist to come to with me. After a year, you can already be on orders to come where I am. I said Oh, then that’s not so bad. He said I want you to come spend time with me before you have to leave, will you do that? Candy said yes, of course. He said you need to call your mother and tell her. Candy said I’ll call her tomorrow. Candy thought was thoughtful of him to be thinking of that. She felt protected and safe about everything. The time came for “G” to leave and Candy didn’t want him to go, but, she knew he had to. Candy called her mom and asked her if the kids could come and stay with her until her tour was over. Candy’s Mom said yes. Candy spent the next few weeks packing up and getting the kids ready go. “G” was already at his new assignment. The kids were going to be starting school when Candy left so, she had to get their Physicals done and have papers drawn up so her Mom could enroll them in school. When Candy got home she told her mom that she was going to leave a little early to go visit “G” before she had to report to her new duty assignment. Her Mother said o.k. Candy got the kids situated and settled in with her Mom. As soon as Candy had been with “G” about a couple of days, Little man and Angel had gotten sick. Not really sick, they both came down with the chicken pocks. Candy was overwhelmed. She felt bad that she wasn’t there with them. Candy went to the store to get some stuff to put in the refrigerator where she and “G” were staying, so they wouldn’t have to go out all the time to eat. At the store this lady in front of Candy pulled out some food

stamps to pay for her food. Candy couldn’t believe it. Candy had no idea they could use food stamps overseas. “G” took Candy to this really big Flea Market, they even sold cars there. They went to stay in this cabin on the beach, and went to this club that also sold sea food. Candy had a blast, and really enjoyed herself. As always, it was time for Candy to leave, and she wasn’t ready. But, had to get back and see the kids before going to her next assignment. The kids had settled into Candy’s moms’ just fine. When Candy got to her new assignment, it was hectic. They changed her unit about three times while she was at the in processing station. When she finally got to her unit and got settled in all they talked about was all the training she had to do. Driver’s training, language training, physical fitness training, and so on. Candy was sick to her stomach for almost a whole week after getting there, trying to adjust to the climate. It took almost a month before she got used to it. It rained constantly almost every day when she first got there, they called it monsoon season. Candy was called into the istrative Office because it was almost time for her to re-enlist. They asked her to pick some duty assignments that she would like to go to. She could also choose the commander who she wanted to re-enlist her and where she wanted to re-enlist. Candy said wow, I didn’t know I had all these choices. They told her she could take the papers with her and think about it, you don’t have to answer right now, they told her, just have it filled out before your actual re-enlistment date. candy said o.k. She called “G”, she couldn’t wait to tell him that she would be coming to where he was soon. That’s where she was going to pick because that’s what they had planned. Candy couldn’t get a hold of “G” that day, so she tried again the next day. Candy finally got him on the phone and was so excited. She said do you know of a specific unit I can re-enlist for because they said I can re-enlist for a specific unit. “G” was very withdrawn on the phone Candy thought, and didn’t seem to be as excited as she was. Candy asked him what was wrong. He hesitated for a minute and said; I don’t want you to come now, because they have me in the field all the time. Candy had been around a few blocks in the military by this time and knew right away, that statement was a crock of shit! Candy felt betrayal in her heart. Immediately she took to the defensive and said o.k., that’s fine, I wont come, and hung up the phone. When she got off the phone she knew something was wrong but, didn’t know what. But, had already made up her mind that she was going to re-enlist to go back to where she came from, something she was familiar with, something she knew. “G” called her back several times making excuses for why he had changed his mind. Candy said don’t worry about it, I’m not coming there anyway. He said; I’m going to come

visit you. Candy said; (being sarcastic) don’t bother I go to the field too much. Candy figured they were already apart so why let it affect her. This Master Sergeant named James had been trying to get with her since she arrived and she kept blowing him off, and telling him about “G” all the time. “G” was hiding something but, Candy was too far away and unable to do anything about it, so she decided to let it go. The master sergeant came up to Candy one night after talking to “G”, and asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink or something. Candy thought to herself, I don’t know why everybody assumes I drink but, at that point didn’t care and said; sure. They walked out to the town, and down the street and went inside some shops and looked at some clothes. He took her to this shoe shop and he asked the man inside where his shoes were. The man said, not done yet, maybe tomorrow. James said o.k., I’ll be back tomorrow for my shoes. They kept walking and he asked Candy if she had tried the food out here yet. Candy said no and frowned a little. He said it’s not that bad. He stopped and asked this woman for some of the rolls filled with meat. He paid for them and handed Candy one saying; try it. Candy was hesitant but took it and bit off a small piece. Candy said it tastes like egg rolls. James said; see it’s not that bad, when we get ready to leave if you’re still hungry I’ll take you this noodle shop. They made it to this club. The music was loud and they had strobe lights turning everywhere. James and Candy went over to the bar and he pulled a stool out for her and said; have a seat. Candy sat down and James said you want a drink. Candy said naa, not right now. So, he ordered himself a drink and stood up next to Candy’s chair. Candy started looking around the club and it was full of half- naked women, dancing all around the G.I.’s that were in the club. It was way more men than women in the club, and only a few couples. Even the American women were dressed as if they had no home training. Candy looked at James and said, is this a competition. He said naa, the women, don’t like the American women because they hold up their business. And the American women are here to let the other women know, they ain’t running shit. Most of the women are looking for a GI to take them back to the states. And they feel the American women are mes their game. Candy asked him how come he didn’t have a woman. He said I’m not into these women, my preference is strong black women. Right away Candy asked him if he was married. He said no,. my wife died but, I do have two grown sons. Candy asked him, where he was from? He said North Carolina, and asked her where she was from. Candy said a small town in the midwest. He said; they got black people there? Which is what everybody says. James said can I have breakfast with you in the morning? Candy said breakfast? I have to work tomorrow. He said; I know. You worked late

tonight so that means you go in, in the morning. After I release my company from P.T. I’ll come into the Dining Facility and I’m asking if you’ll have breakfast with me. Candy thought “My Company”, he’s a Commander or 1st sergeant, then said; I’ll be at work. He said you’re in charge of the shift, you can sit down and have breakfast with me. Candy said; how do you know so much? He said I’ve been watching you since the day you got here. He said besides I’m a First Sergeant, I ask questions, I get answers. He said all you do is work, that’s why I asked you if you wanted to come out here with me tonight. He said you need to loosen up a little. Then he said well, how about it, can I come have breakfast with you. Candy said sure. James said o.k., I better get you back you got to get up early tomorrow. Candy said yeah, I do. They walked back to the barracks and James stood outside her building and said, o.k. I’ll see you tomorrow. Candy said o.k., and went inside. She took a shower and got her uniform ready for work. After making sure breakfast was out and the soldiers were being fed. Candy got the lunch schedule out to see what had to be cooked for lunch, and decided to go out into the Dining room and sit down with a cup of coffee and start asg products to her shift. When Candy walked onto the serving line, James was standing there but he hadn’t ordered anything to eat. Candy asked him why was he standing there like that. James said you told me you’d have breakfast with me so I waited. Candy walked onto the other side with him, got in line and ordered her eggs from her cook and said now what are you having? James made his order and they went and sat down. Candy still had her production schedule in front of her and James said put that down, you are supposed to be having breakfast with me, not working. So, she put it down on the table. James said how do you like your coffee? Candy replied; how do you know I drink coffee? James said you don’t pay attention to a whole lot of things do you? Candy said; what does that mean? He said I watch you all the time and you always get coffee, and you always put something in it, you never drink it black, but I just don’t know what you put in it. Candy looked at James, puzzled now, because with all the information he was telling her, it seemed as if this man had really been watching her for a while. Then the thought entered her mind, is he a stalker? He went and got her a cup of coffee and came back with cream and sugar and sat down. He said; o.k., I asked you to have breakfast so I could ask you, if you would like to go to this Mason gala with me. It’s at the officers club and their doing a little presentation. Candy asked; are you a mason? He said yes, I don’t participate much because of my position, but I pay my dues. And, again I’d very much appreciate it if I could escort you there. Candy said; I don’t have anything to wear to something like that. I wouldn’t

even know what to put on. He said you’re already beautiful, we just need to find you a dress or an outfit, which ever you prefer. He said you get off early today, and I took the day off, so I could spend it with you. When you get off this afternoon I’ll come and pick you up and I’ll take you out on the town, so you can shop for something to wear. Candy smiled, because she kind of liked the way he just commanded the situation, had a way of visualizing what he wanted to happen. Candy said o.k., but, right now I need to get back to work so I can make sure lunch gets out. He said I don’t know where your room is, so I’ll just wait in the day room in your building for you. Candy said o.k., I got to go. As she walked back to the kitchen, she thought to herself, he knows everything else, how come he doesn’t know where my room is (sarcasm)? After that she immediately went back into work mode, and forgot all about it. After work, she showered and put on some jeans and a short sleeve shirt, it was hot that day. When she got down stairs he was watching something on the television with some other guys that lived in her building. He quickly turned and saw Candy standing there, and said alright guys I got to go. The other guys responded, “later, TOP”, which is short for First Sergeant. He looked at Candy and said you ready? She said yeah, let’s go. Candy was expecting to see the outfits she had seen the girls in the club in but, he took her to some shops that had some very nice, very appropriate clothing in them. Candy liked several items she had looked at. James said take your time pick out whatever you want. Candy only looked at one or two outfits for the gala, everything else she just wanted to wear for herself and thought that she’d look good in them. James asked her which outfit she was going to wear and she told him she really didn’t want to wear a dress, and if it was o.k. she’d rather wear a pant set to the gala. James said you’ll look good in anything and whatever you pick is alright with me. Candy had about five or six outfits in her hand but, decided to pick two of which she could choose from to wear to the gala. She placed all of them on the counter and went into her purse to get the money to pay for them, and James said No, I got it. Candy said I can pay for it. He said; I know you can but, I asked you to go out with me, and if I hadn’t of asked you, you wouldn’t be out here buying anything right now, so I got it. He went on and paid for them. They left the store and James carried the bags too. They stopped by that shoe store he had went in the night before, and the man noticed him right away, and said your shoes are ready! James said good man. He opened the box and let James look at the shoes. James said, my man, they look good! They were some nice gator looking shoes and they really shined. James said I know this other shoe store where they make women shoes too, I’ll take

you there one day so you can check them out. They continued walking down the street. They came to this store and James stopped. He said wait right here for a minute. Through the window Candy saw panty hose, stockings, scarves, hair accessories, and jewelry. She thought; why is he going in there. James came out with this nice pair of earrings, not too big, not too small, and the design was very nice too. He said try these on, I thought they’d go good with either one of your outfits. He started walking down the sidewalk again, and Candy said; Hey wait, I haven’t even tried them on yet. James said its o.k., I already bought them. Then asked Candy if she was hungry? Candy said yes, I would like to get something to eat. James said I don’t want to eat out here though, let’s go back on post and eat at the club. Being Candy worked at the Dining Facility, She didn’t venture out much to eat anywhere else. When they went into the Dining Room at the club, it was set up very nicely. With table clothes, silverware wrapped in napkins, and had chair covers with bows on them. Candy thought she was special. They sat down and the waitress brought them some menus and asked what they would we like to drink? Candy said; I’d like an iced tea. James said I will too. He asked Candy, what type of food she liked. Steak, fish, chicken, what? Candy said; I like all foods, I’m not particular. On the menu Candy saw this Tilapia fish in a picture and it looked good. She said that looks nice, I think I’ll try that. James said, what would have been your second choice? Candy replied; probably the lemon chicken and rice. James said so you like light foods. She said yeah, I guess. He asked if she would like a salad as well? Yes, Candy said, I love salad. James said; I thought so. When the waitress came back with their teas, she asked if they were ready to order. James said yes, and immediately told her what Candy wanted and then ordered for himself. The waitress said would you like soup or salad before your entrée’s? James said yes, bring her the salad wedge she’ll like that, and I’ll just have a house salad. Candy didn’t get to say anything but James had gotten her exactly what she wanted. And then he just started a conversation as if to say, “that’s how I do”! Candy was impressed. Then he said, are you o.k., with going with me to the gala? Candy said yes, of course, we just got all those clothes, I’m sure it wasn’t for nothing. He said that’s not what I meant. Candy said; well, what do you mean then. He said I haven’t heard you talk about that guy “G”. Candy said Oh, not even thinking that was what he was talking about. She said well the last time we spoke, I kind of got the impression that he has moved on. James said I thought you were re-enlisting to be with him. Candy said yeah, I thought so too. Candy felt hurt again in that moment, and felt her eyes start to well up. So, she picked up her tea and starting drinking it, so he couldn’t see her eyes. James said, I know this probably isn’t the right time, but, I’m single if you haven’t noticed. I mean really single, like no one waiting for

me at home, no girl in another part of town or anything like that. He said as a matter of fact I wasn’t even interested until you came along. He said although you hurt my feelings with this “G” character, I wasn’t going to push the issue because of my wife. That’s why I was always asking everybody else about you, but then I decided that I needed to talk to you myself. He said I’ve imagined us taking that walk in the town a million times before I asked you. I asked you to go to breakfast just to see if you would agree to see me again. And I knew from the start I was going to ask you to go to the gala with me. Candy felt overwhelmed again, he was throwing all this stuff at her all at once and she sat there not even eating her food trying to process it all. What you also don’t know is, he continued, I’ve seen other guys trying to approach you, and in the back of my mind hoping you were blowing them off too, like you did me. But, I figured I’d better stop waiting before I lost my chance. Candy said before you get too comfortable, “G” said he’s coming here to visit me. James said; I can respect that, I’m sure you’ll let me know when I’m overstepping my bounds. He said for now, thank you for accompanying me to the gala. He asked Candy if she played slots? Let’s go into the club and have a drink before we leave. Candy said o.k.! They got up and went over to the slot machines. James said I still don’t know what you drink you never got one last night. He said let me guess, something lite! Candy said yeah. He called a waitress over and got him a Hennessy and coke, and told her to bring Candy a Martini. Candy had heard of it but really didn’t know what it was. They started playing the slots and Candy noticed he was still carrying around the bags. When the waitress came he said taste it before she leaves in case you want something else. Candy tasted the Martini and liked it, it wasn’t that bad and it had some fruit on it, so she kept it. When she finished her drink James said are ready to go? Candy got up, and they went back to the base. When they got to Candy’s barracks, James handed Candy the bags and said; I really had a nice time. I hope we can do it again someday. After that he came into the Dining Facility every so often, and always having to speak to Candy while he was there. He said the gala is this weekend you haven’t changed your mind have you. Candy said No, what’s the plan? He said come sit down with me, let’s talk about it. For the first time, Candy didn’t think about work and went on out into the Dining Room and sat down with him. By this time everybody else was starting to take notice. One of her female cooks came out into the Dining Room and said “TOP, you sure been spending a lot of time in here lately”, smiling at Candy. She was one of his soldiers but they were in a different company from Candy. James told her, you should be concentrating on working and not on what I’m doing! They both chuckled and she walked on

away still smiling. When she left he said, that was one of my informants. Candy said you mean to tell me they know about this? He said how do you think I got my information? She felt really dumb at that point. He said now, the gala will start at 7 pm on Friday. He said you get off early that day so I’ll come and pick you up around 6. We’re going to walk to the club and I can get to know you a little better on the way. Candy just kept smiling because she just loved the way it seemed like he saw all this stuff before it happened. That night Candy couldn’t figure out what to do with her hair because she was used to just putting it in a ponytail and calling it a day. So, she swooped it into a swirl and let some bangs hang down, and said that’ll have to do. She walked downstairs to the dayroom expecting James to be there but, he wasn’t. The guys in her building that were in the dayroom heard her footsteps because she was wearing some pumps, and turned around and started staring at her up and down. She assumed because they had never seen her dressed up before. One of them even had the nerve to whistle. Candy turned around to walk out and James was coming in. The guys started Clapping, and saying, “Go, TOP, Go TOP”, and Candy said what is this a circus. He smiled, and said No, they’re happy for me because they used to tell me I needed a life just like I told you, and they say I’ve changed since you came around. Candy said; I’m amazed at how everybody knows about this except me. James said; I told you, you don’t pay attention to a whole lot. We started walking up the street and he said so, do you have any kids? Candy said yes two a boy and a girl, and they are my pride and joy. James said; where are they? Candy replied; with my Mom. He said is “G” their father? Candy said No. James said where are you going when you leave here? Candy said; I re-enlisted to go back to my last duty assignment. She said by the way did I ask you where you were from? He said North Carolina. Candy said; I went to Basic Training there. Quickly changing the subject from “G” because she didn’t want to talk about that and hoped he wouldn’t keep asking. They were arriving at the club and immediately people started coming up to James saying; What’s up TOP, glad to see you could make it. He was very popular, everybody wanted to talk to him. James said come on lets go to our seats. He pointed to some empty seats close to the stage. There were a lot of people there and even around those seats but, no one was sitting in them. When they got over there, Candy saw why, James’ name was on them. They had some skits, a couple of people spoke, and they had drawings at the Gala. Candy didn’t know they were going to serve dinner, but they did and ate good. Then towards the end of the night they opened up the dance floor. The music sounded good and up to date, and everybody seemed to be having a really good time. Then, the

dreaded slow song came on. James stood up grabbed Candy by the hand and walked her onto the dance floor. Candy said how do you even know if I can dance? James said; I don’t care, I just want to hold you. And he did just that, they slow danced through a couple of songs. Then they played this song that the Masons’ dance to called, “The White Horse”, and they really got rowdy after that. James grabbed her hand and took Candy to this line and they started doing this step dance that they do and they really looked good doing it. After the dance, they sat down and James ordered him a Hennessy and coke and told the waitress to bring Candy a Martini. When they finished their drinks James said, so, did you enjoy yourself? Candy said yes, I really did. He said I’d like to thank you for coming with me again, and just let me know when you’re ready to go. He placed his hand behind her seat and started socializing again, this time with his hand still behind her chair and never to anyone outside of her direction. Candy finished her drink and James said you want another one? Candy said No. He said are you ready to go? Candy replied; yes. James got up and put both his hands on her chair and waited for her to get up. People noticed right away and started saying, “You gone TOP”, and James replied, saying yeah, I’m gone call it a night. On the way out everybody kept saying “thanks for coming out TOP”! They started walking back and James said I’m scheduled to go back to North Carolina when I leave here, you ever thought about living there? Candy said No, I don’t know anybody there so I’ve never thought about it. They got to Candy’s barracks and James stopped outside. Candy said how come you never ask to come in? James said because it’s inappropriate for me to be in your barracks because I have soldiers that live there. Candy said; I’m really not tired can I come to your room. James said you don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to ask me that. He reached out his hand for her and pulled her towards him and held her hand all the way to his room. His room was much bigger than hers. James had a full size refrigerator, a couch, end tables, a beautiful stereo system put together all nicely, and his room was very neat and clean. Candy thought, Nothing I’d expect from a man living in a room. He said there’s some snacks in the refrigerator if you want something to eat, the restrooms over there, and the remote is on the end table if you want to watch T.V. Candy looked again for the T.V., because she didn’t notice it at first. Then she saw this big ole thing next to the stereo system that she thought was the wall. Candy had never seen a Big Screen T.V. before. She never had anything over a 19”. Candy picked up the remote to turn it on, just to see what it looked like and it was shocking how life like everything looked. Candy said WOW, this is how the other side lives. James said I don’t have anything else to do so I get things to occupy my time while in

my room because I do a lot of my work in here as well. He got a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and Candy asked him why he was drinking water. James said I need to stay hydrated for those big battalion runs. He said you need to drink some water too, it’s good for your body and helps with those big battalion runs you’ll be going on soon. Candy said; I don’t have a problem running. James said; I know I’ve seen you run but, you haven’t run with me yet. He said; you’re gonna have to be hydrated to run with me. Candy said; I don’t run with you. He said you will, there’s a Battalion run this Friday and your first sergeant will be the third company back, but I’ll be leading the run.

9 Bonding Again

CANDY LOOKED SURPRISED BECAUSE SHE hadn’t heard this and didn’t know if she would be working that morning. James said No, you won’t be working, as if he knew what she was thinking, your company has motor stables for sergeants training that morning, so you will be doing P.T. with me that day. Candy said Oh, well then, I guess that’s settled. He got up and turned on some music and put in Keith Sweat, Candy loved Keith Sweat. She didn’t want to seem too excited so she just started moving her head to the music. James started singing along and knew the words very well, and didn’t sound that bad. He grabbed Candy’s hand and pulled her up to dance with him. They danced, talked, laughed, and Candy glanced over at the clock and it was two o’clock in the morning. Candy didn’t have to work the next day and was off for the weekend, but that was far too late to be in his room. Candy said; I better go I need to take a shower and go to bed. James said I have a shower and it’s clean. Candy laughed and said; yeah, but I don’t have anything to put on when I get out. He said I do! Candy said; I don’t want to be seen leaving here in the morning. He said you’re in my arena now, no kids live here just grownups. Candy stood there at the door thinking. James walked towards her but then went into the bathroom. He came out with a wash cloth, and a bath towel, and said; I don’t have any female soap but, I won’t mind if you smell like me. Candy smiled, and laughed and James said, I’ll get you one of my shirts to sleep in. Candy went into the bathroom and James came in with the shirt. He said I’ll hang your clothes up when you’re done so they don’t get wrinkled. He walked out and closed the door behind him. Candy finished and put on the shirt he gave her. She actually felt pretty good because that was what she was used to wearing anyway. Candy came out of the bathroom and James asked her for her clothes. He hung them up and Candy asked him what he was doing while she was in the shower. He said looking at pictures. Candy said pictures of what? He said my family and my club. Candy said; your club? James said yeah, and showed her a picture saying these are my son’s and that’s our club behind them. He said; my brother is helping them run it until I get home. He said; my wife and I opened it and she ran it before she died. He pulled out a picture of him and his wife standing in front of the club. Candy

asked, do you miss her? James said all the time. Candy then asked; how did she die? He said she was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Candy said I’m sorry! He said that’s o.k., I’m still trying to get over it, and it happened about three years ago. He said; but it’s time I moved on now, I think I’ve grieved long enough. He was laying back on the bed with one of his arms lifted behind his head, and said is the music too loud, I’ll turn it down a bit. Candy hadn’t thought about it, she was wondering at that time how does someone deal with something like that. She reached over to kiss him and he grabbed her and kissed her back very softly, and then on her forehead. Candy laid down beside him and he hugged her close, and didn’t say a word. They both fell asleep just like that. Candy woke up to this light shining and turned to look out the window. James said where are you going, you don’t have to work today. Candy said; I know, I was just looking out the window. She said I still need to go to my room because I don’t have anything to put on. He said ok, go change because I have the day planned for you already. Candy said; what do you mean? He said I’m taking you shopping today, were going to have some fun and enjoy just being together today. Candy said what are we going to do? James said, walk around, shop, eat, I don’t care really, I just want to spend some time with you. He said so, go get changed and I’ll be over to pick you up after I take a shower. Candy said o.k., and left. After he picked her up, he said; I want to go to the commissary first and get some stuff for my refrigerator. In case you decide you want to come over again, I can stock it with some stuff you like. Candy said o.k., they walked to the Commissary which was right up the street. Candy had never been in there before. It was small but everything looked fresh. Candy said look at those oranges, they’re so big! James said and they’re sweet too, they’re really good, you want some oranges? Candy said; yeah, like a kid in a candy store. They got some more fruit, some bread, some sandwich meat, and then he asked her if she wanted some chicken and fish? Candy said chicken and fish, how are you going to cook chicken and fish? He said, I have cooking utensils in my room and I can cook. You didn’t see them because they were clean and put away. And besides, I didn’t have to cook for you because we already ate. He got both and they finished shopping. They walked back to his room and put the food away. He said o.k., lets’ go, we have to get to the bus stop before the next bus leaves. Candy was excited now. On the way to the bus stop he was talking to her but Candy was in a daze thinking to herself that she’d really like to get know him better. While her mind had been so tied up with “G”, (who had better things to do, she thought), It dawned on her that she could be pas the best thing that ever happened to her. They got to

the bus stop and James said this because you might want to ride the bus up here yourself one day. And Candy thought, maybe not. They got down town and it was all he said it was, bigger for sure if not anything else. There were Gucci shops, Nike shops, even Fubu shops. For the life of her, Candy’s favorite of them all was the blanket shops. And at every shop, even though everything was on display, you could have what you wanted made especially for you. James held Candy’s hand the whole time and wouldn’t let it go. They got back on the bus to go back to the base and James said did you enjoy yourself? Candy replied, yes. James said, I just wanted you to see some of the things they had so when we can come back you’ll have an idea of what you want next time. We got off the bus and he said you want to come and watch T.V., or something? Candy said yes. James said would you like to stop and get some noodles first? They had vegetables, eggs, and soy sauce and meat in them, and were really filling. They went to James room and he turned on the T.V., but turned it down low, and then turned the music on. He asked Candy if she wanted something to drink, and said; no I don’t have any coffee, smiling, but I do have orange juice would you like a glass? Or do you want something else to drink? Candy said like what? He said all I have is Hennessy here but I can go to the store and get you something to drink if that’s what you want. Candy said no that’s fine, what are you drinking? He said Hennessy and coke of course, you know what I drink. Candy said I’ll have some of yours. He said; I don’t know about that I don’t want you saying that I got you drunk and took advantage of you, and then said I’ll just go to the store, it won’t take that long. Candy said no, it’s alright, I’m a big girl, I know when to say NO! James said are you sure, it won’t be a problem for me to go the store. Candy said I’m sure fix your drink and sit down. James made his drink and sat down next to Candy on the couch. He said you got anything you want to watch, I can turn the T.V. up! Candy said no, I like listening to the music. James said I’m going to leave it up to you if you want to stay here with me or not. Candy said, almost immediately, yes, I want to stay here with you. James got up off the couch and went and got the shirt she had slept in the night before, he said I even folded it up and everything. Candy said; I’m going to take a shower. James said you’re always taking showers, am I making you hot and bothered, I hope I am. Candy started laughing and went and took a shower. When she came out he was naked with a towel wrapped around his body and he walked towards her. Candy grabbed her shirt and wondered what he was doing and he said, “What, I’m going to take a shower too”, Candy had butterflies in her stomach, and felt embarrassed, we all know what she was thinking. He got out of the shower and

smelled good. Candy liked men that smelled good with their clothes on but, really liked how he smelled with his clothes off! He still had his towel wrapped around him but not for long. He fixed him another drink and dropped the towel and got into his bed and covered up. Candy was sitting on the couch. He told her she could sleep on the couch if she wanted to, and that there was a cover and pillow under the end table. Candy smiled because he knew she wanted to get in the bed with him, but he wanted to be sure that it would be her decision. Candy quit thinking so much, and got in the bed. She pulled the cover over her and he said what you hiding for, you still got your shirt on, I can’t see anything. He pulled her towards him and hugged her with one arm and placed his other arm behind his head and started watching T.V. He said I won’t bother you if you don’t feel comfortable. Candy turned to him and kissed him, and he in turn laid her back and started kissing her real softly as if he didn’t want to break her or something. Then he took one hand and started unbuttoning her shirt, and then pulled it off. She started thinking about all the things he said to her since the first day he asked her to go shopping with him. He kissed her, hugged her, and caressed her until suddenly she felt like she belonged there. Candy felt like she was dreaming and didn’t want to wake up. That night they became a couple and everybody knew it. He cooked for her, wine and dined her, and they went everywhere together. When they shopped he always wanted to pay, until one day Candy said why do you think you always have to pay for everything? He said; you have kids and I want you to put your money away for them. My kids are grown and I don’t have anyone but me to spend my money on, so I enjoy spending my money on you, so, don’t ruin this for me, and try to make it out to be something that it’s not. Candy felt like she had hurt his feelings and felt bad. But that didn’t stop him. He bought her a television, stereo equipment, speakers, bedding, if she looked like she wanted it he bought it. OH, yeah, in the mist of all this attention she was getting, she had forgotten “G” had said he was coming to visit her. She had gotten really comfortable with James by this time, and “G” didn’t let her know when he was coming. He just showed up one day. So, Candy let James know that “G” was there and he said I’ll respect that. “G” stayed in her room the first night he was there. Since he hadn’t let her know he was coming she didn’t have time to get a room for him to stay in. The next day “G” said let’s go find a room. Candy said o.k. because she didn’t want to stay in her room with him with James now in the picture, and as soon as they walked outside she was looking for James. They walked to catch a cab into town to find a room. Candy’s mind was preoccupied with James because they hadn’t been apart for a long time. Candy was having second thoughts and didn’t want to get a room with

“G”, she had gotten over his betrayal. They didn’t find a room that night so “G” said; I’ll find a room tomorrow, while you’re at work. Candy said o.k., when they got back to the barracks she was still looking for James. They went to her room and Candy said; I need to take a shower. She got her things ready and went down the hallway into the shower room. Unlike James’ room where the shower was right there. When she got back she had just finished drying off and was putting her clothes on. “G” said why didn’t you put any lotion on? You normally put lotion on when you get out of the shower. Candy said; it’s too hot for lotion, and sat down on the bed. The next thing she knew there was a knock on the door. James had never come to her room so she didn’t think it was him. It was!! He said; hey how you doing. Candy glowed and smiled and couldn’t get the smile off her face. She closed the door and James said I just came by to ask you if you wanted to go get something to eat. Candy said James this is “G”, “G” this is James, and then said; I can’t I have company. “G” said no that’s fine, Yeah, let’s go get something to eat. Candy looked at him, knowing he was trying to be smart, but said o.k., I need to change clothes. James said o.k., I’ll wait downstairs. He left out and the room was real quiet. But, candy put her clothes on and said o.k., I’m ready. So, she and “G” walked down stairs and James said you’ll ready. Candy realized now, it was a competition. They walked to the club mostly in silence but managed to speak a couple of very short meaningless words to each other. When they got to the club, James pulled Candy’s chair out and said sit down, and sat to her left. “G” sat in the chair to the right. The waitress came to the table and asked what they would like to drink. James said two iced teas please and looked at “G” and said; what are you having. Candy thought, Oh my God, here we go! “G” looked at Candy, but then told the waitress that he’d have just water. She laid the menu’s down and said I’ll be back to take your orders. James asked “G” if he liked where he was stationed? “G” said it’s alright. Candy wanted to be smart and say except for going to the field all the time, but didn’t want to make it any worse than it already was. The waitress came back and said are you ready to order? “G” picked up the menu, and started looking it over. James said; she’ll have the Creamy Lemon Chicken and rice, and I’ll have the Portobello Steak, bring her the salad wedge and me the house salad, and bring her a martini, and I’ll have a Hennessey and coke please, and he closed his menu, grabbed Candy’s and handed them to the waitress and then asked “G” if he was ready to order and said don’t worry about nothing I got it! Candy put her head down and said, “Oh my GOD!!!!” and believed, “G” was just as outdone as she was and he said no, I’m not ready yet. The waitress looked

at James and said I’ll have your salads right out. “G” wouldn’t even look at Candy after that. So, James started a conversation with Candy saying, “have you had a chance to go to the commissary?” Candy said; no not yet. He said they have some really good fresh fruit in there now. He said did you like that battalion run? I see you kept up pretty good. Candy started smiling because at the Battalion run James showed out, he led the formation for real and kept swaying back to Candy’s company to see if she was still running. She was tired as hell. James is a good runner, she thought. He called cadence the whole run and Candy thought it sounded good too. When she got tired, he raised his voice and even sounded soulful like Brian McKnight or Keith Sweat. When Candy heard that she got her second wind, and started running to his voice. She wanted to say something to James about it but, didn’t want to keep the conversation going and “G” was sitting right there. So, just smiled and kept eating. James said man we’re to be done by the time your food gets here. “G” said I’m not really hungry, but I will have a drink. He waited for the waitress to come back and asked her to bring him a Rum and coke. They finished eating and James said you’ll ready to go. Candy started to get up and James came around to her chair and placed his hands on the back. When Candy stood up he pushed her chair in and started walking behind her. They walked back to the barracks and James said you’ll have a good night. Candy didn’t look at him because she didn’t want him to go. So, she just started walking up the stairs. “G” didn’t say much when they got in the room. Candy took her clothes off and put her sleep shirt on and sat down on the bed. “G” took his clothes off and got in the bed. Candy sat up for as long as she could and then got tired, So she laid down. “G” tried to put his arms around her but she turned as if to give him some room. He said; Oh, I can’t touch you now, Candy said; I thought you were trying to move. He put his arm back around her, hugging her from behind. She laid there thinking about James the whole time. The next thing she knew “G” was snoring and snoring loud. So, at this point Candy couldn’t sleep. She got up to go to the bathroom and he didn’t budge. Candy stood at the door waiting for him to get up and ask her where she was going but he never did. She put her house shoes on and took off to James’ room. The door to their building was locked. He lived on the first floor, so she walked over to his window and knocked on it. He must have been up because he came to the window right away. He said go to the door I’ll let you in, as if he was waiting for her. He grabbed her hand and walked her back to his room. Once inside they embraced each other and he held her like she had been gone for months. He pulled away from her and said come on and lay down with me. Candy went right behind him and laid in bed. He took her to that place she liked to be in, whenever they were together and before she knew it, it was morning.

Candy said; I have to go, I have to get ready for work. James said take a shower over here, so you don’t have to when you get back over there. Candy said that’s a good idea and jumped in the shower. When she got out James said; I wasn’t afraid of you being with him, because I know you care about me just as much as I care about you. Candy kissed him softly but sweetly, and just left. When she got to the room “G” said you just get out of the shower? Candy said yeah. Then she thought about it. He must of just gotten up, and thought she had gone down the hallway. Candy said to herself WOW, it’s funny how things turn themselves around. “G” said you getting ready to go to work? Candy replied, yeah. He said I’ll go find us a room and I’ll have one by the time you get off work. Candy said o.k., finished dressing and left for work. She couldn’t get her mind off James. She looked for him to come to breakfast but, he didn’t. She wanted to leave work and just go look for him. They were already serving lunch and Candy hadn’t seen him. Then he came in the Dining Facility about twenty minutes before closing. Candy went up to him and said; where you been, I’ve been looking for you all day. James smiled and said I had to work, I had meetings to go to this morning, getting ready for this field exercise, I had to go do a weapons check to make sure we don’t have any problems before we leave and I had an Article 20 proceeding I had to issue this morning for this soldier getting drunk and hitting this civilian. Candy jumped back into reality and realized he had a job to do. And as usual felt embarrassed. He said what you got planned tonight? She said Oh, I guess “G” is out looking for a place downtown. He said that’s o.k., I’m not worried about it, when is he leaving. Candy said I don’t know. James said you know he’s just trying to get you away from me don’t you. She replied; yes, I know. He said don’t worry, I’m fine, I understand it’s hard to let things go, and trust me I know he doesn’t want to let you go. He said I have to get all these op orders done for the field exercise and check my company out to make sure they’re ready, so this will give me some time to focus on my job. James said, besides when we go to the field I’ll have you all to myself. Candy smiled and James said you gonna be o.k.? Candy said yes. She felt much better now that she had saw him. And when she got off “G” said you ready I found a room! Candy said yeah, I guess so, let me pack some things. They caught a taxi to the hotel, and went inside. It wasn’t very big at all. It had as much space in it as her barracks room did. A bed, a dresser, a T.V. on the dresser, and a bathroom. She turned the T.V. on and looked at it as if she was interested in it, and they were speaking a foreign language. “G” asked her if she wanted to go out. Candy said I didn’t bring anything to go out in. He said so what you wanna do? She said I don’t know! He said look I didn’t want you to come where

I was, because we’re always gone. Candy couldn’t believe he was still trying to push that story and as if she didn’t know that people go to the field. Then he said; I ed the Prominent Group (something like the Mason’s). He got Candy’s attention then because at the other base they were at, he always said he didn’t like the Group because he thought they were phony, and not true to the cause. Candy said “Really”! Then it clicked, he was over there hoeing around, and didn’t want Candy to encounter his victims. She said Oh, now I see why you didn’t want me to come. He said why you say that? She said ok, I get it. Then he started to make small talk. You hungry, you tried any of the food out here yet, you bought any clothes yet? All a diversion from the subject. Candy kept quiet because at this point she really felt they didn’t have anything to talk about. He said what’s wrong is it that guy James? All of a sudden, changing the subject to Candy, when they hadn’t talked about the issue at hand. Candy said it’s not James it’s you. Who makes plans to be together and then all of a sudden the field stops the show. NO, don’t try to make James an excuse when you knew nothing about him before you came here. But, it’s alright, I’m o.k. with it now. She stared at the T.V. listening but not understanding shit they were saying until she got tired. She went and took a shower and laid down. “G” took a shower as well and came and got in the bed beside her. He kept pulling her towards him and she kept turning away. He said you don’t want me to touch you anymore? Candy said I’m sure you’re touching enough people already, no need in me making it complicated for you. He finally gave up and before they knew it, were sleep. Candy woke up to sunshine again and looked out the window. Thinking about what James was doing. She turned to look at “G“, and almost freaked out, he wasn’t there. Candy thought, Oh, maybe he went to get something to eat. She got up and went to the bathroom. When she came out, she noticed his bag was gone. She said Huh Oh, what’s going on. She walked to the service desk and asked the clerk how many days did they have the room for, because she didn’t want to ask her if she saw him leave, but the desk clerk gave her all the information she needed. She said GI, paid for room and said you’ll check out today. Candy said Oh, o.k. and went back to the room, her feelings were hurt. How could he just leave like that and not say anything. She sat down on the bed for a minute, and thought about what happened and came to the conclusion that he really didn’t want to resolve anything he was just trying to cover up the wrong he was doing abroad. Candy said to herself, Oh well, I guess I can move on now. She got her stuff together and couldn’t wait to get back on base. When she got to her room she put her things away and decided to go for a walk until James got off work. She just aimlessly wondered around until she

knew it was time for him to get off work. She was walking to her barracks and saw him walking towards his. She just watched him and didn’t call his name or anything. Then he turned around and saw her, and just stood there. Candy went to him and when she got close he reached his hand out for her and they went to his room. Her eyes filled up with tears and he wiped the tears away and kissed her gently and then kissed her on her forehead and held her close for a few minutes without saying anything. Then he took her clothes off laid her in the bed, and covered her up. He went to his desk in his room and did a little work and then he took his clothes off and laid down with her. He just held her real tight and she fell asleep. They went to the field and Candy snuck to his tent every night. When they got back and the cleaning was done, James took Candy one weekend and they shopped til they dropped. Candy went into that Blanket store and had her a blanket set made. Well, she chose the material and had them print her name and a little message on it. They told her to come back in a couple of hours and it would be done. James took Candy to the officers club, and they had lunch while waiting on the blanket to get finished. At lunch James said our tours will be over soon and I want you to know that I had the best time of my life with you. He wrote down his home number and the number to his club back home. He pulled out a business card from his club, and said if you ever need to reach me or decide you want to come be with me. You have all my numbers. Candy looked at him strangely but realized what he was saying was true. Candy had less than 60 days left, but he had less than 30. They went to pick the blanket up and got back on the bus to base. They both were quiet for the most part. For the next two weeks James was always waiting for Candy when she got off work. Sometimes they’d go straight to his room and others he’d walk her to her barracks and say, I know you have to get up early so I’ll let you rest tonight. One day he didn’t come and Candy even waited outside for a while thinking maybe he went to the store. He never showed so Candy went on to her room. When she got to the building the C.Q., said TOP left you something. He handed Candy a box that was wrapped with a bow. Candy took it to her room and unwrapped it. There was a gold necklace made of hearts with pearls in them, and a card, and another envelope that had nothing on it but, was very thick. Candy put everything down and read the card. It said: I couldn’t say goodbye because I love you too much. I tried to get my orders extended but they said I had to have done that when I first arrived. I thought about just staying here and just saying f… everything else, but you leave in 30 days. Nothing I came up with made any sense. So, I came to the conclusion that I had to be happy with the time we spent together and cherish the fact that I was able to love again, which is something I

never thought I could do. I left you 1,000.00 dollars in the envelope. Go shopping and think of me, or save it and take it home to do something nice for you and the kids. I love you and will never forget you. Candy laid in bed and cried. It was over and she didn’t want it be. He was gone and she didn’t want him to be. She cried for the next few days and then got it together, she was going home to be with her kids. She felt betrayed once again but, it didn’t feel like the betrayal she had went through with “G”, it felt like a life lesson, like everything happens for a reason. Candy acknowledged it was time to put her big girl panties on and try to provide a healthy, happy home for her children.

10 Chaos

CANDY GOT BACK WITH THE kids and settled in. Moved into this apartment because she despised staying on post. After spending all day with soldiers, she didn’t want to go home and sleep with them too. Candy got back into the swing of things pretty quickly. She hadn’t been there four months, before they told her they were going to deploy. Candy panicked, being she had just got back. Candy had to call her mom and tell her that she was leaving again. Her Mom told her it was ok because everything was still in order. She had left all their things there, because she didn’t know where she would moving to, so they didn’t have much to do. Candy got the kids back to her mom’s house and went back to prepare for deployment. About four months into the deployment, Candy got a letter from her cousin. She was really close with Candy’s mom. She told Candy her mom had gotten really sick, and that the kids weren’t making it to school all the time. She asked Candy if she wanted her to take the kids and make sure they were alright. Candy said yes but wanted to talk to her mom first. Candy called her mom on several occasions but she didn’t answer. Finally, she got a hold of her and sure enough, her speech indicated she wasn’t in her best state. She couldn’t even focus on the conversation. Candy called her cousin and told her that she had no way of getting any money to her because there were no facilities where she was to send money. Her cousin told her not to worry, and that she could get the money from her mom if she needed it. That wasn’t ok with Candy. She said No, don’t do that, I’ll call you back in a couple of days and let you know if I come up with something. Candy called her probably three days later and told her she had an extra debit card that she could send her and that she could withdraw six hundred dollars a month, to help take care of the kids until she returned home. She had no way to check her bank but she wasn’t spending any money so she knew the money would be there. Needless to say; when she returned her bank had been drained. She went to withdraw two hundred dollars to buy a ticket home, and the machine said insufficient funds. Candy panicked, and immediately thought it was the banks fault. She went inside the bank and told them something was wrong, because her kept saying insufficient funds. Candy said; I’ve been deployed for almost a year and I should have well over

thirteen thousand dollars in there. The banking Agent told Candy to sit down so they could take a look at it. The Agent said; well it looks like someone has been making major withdrawals from this . During Christmas there was a three thousand dollar withdrawal done at one time. Candy looked at the agent and almost started crying, she said I’m real sorry, there’s nothing we can do unless you contest that you knew nothing about these transactions. Candy looked at her with a blank look. Again, she said, I’m sorry. However, you do know you have money in your savings . Candy looked at the bank rep and said yes, I do, I was saving that money to get a house. She said we can put some of that money into a CD, or something of that nature, to get your funds built back up. Candy said; no it’s going to take a long time to do that being I just returned and will have to use all that money to start over again. The Agent asked Candy if she wanted to transfer all of it over to her checking . Candy said No, I want to close that and open a new one with the money in my savings . The Agent said ok, let’s get started with that. She asked Candy if she wanted to go ahead and use some of the money to open a CD. Again, Candy replied; no, not right now, maybe later. They were being placed on block leave in order to get their affairs in order again, and that’s exactly what Candy had planned on doing. Getting her kids back, buying a house, and wishing this would be the last time they’d have to get settled in anywhere. Candy went home with some of the money from her savings. She still had plenty left to do what she needed to do. When she got there, she couldn’t focus on anything but finding her cousin and asking her where her money was. Her cousin avoided her calls and was never there when Candy went to her house looking for her. Her kids were at her moms house when she got there. Someone must have informed her cousin she was coming. The second day she was there, she caught up with her. Candy pulled into her driveway and ed her car on the way in. It was an old beat up Chevy. The windows were down and Candy noticed a pull out stereo inside. Candy thought wow, who does that. I have an updated car, and it doesn’t have a pull out stereo in it. Candy continued inside and on the table sitting by the front door, she noticed a large assortment of flowers in flower pots spread out around this indoor waterfall. As she continued into the living room she saw this beautiful plush white sofa set, the kind you don’t sit on. Sitting on both sides of the couch were two Lion statues as big as a child. Candy’s cousin finally walked into the room and Candy asked her immediately, where’s my money? Her cousin said what money are you talking about. Candy got angry. She didn’t want to start crying because she didn’t want her cousin to know how bad she had hurt her. She said, the money you owe me.

Her cousin said; I don’t owe you anything, I earned that money. Candy said; I gave you access to six hundred dollars a month which was more than sufficient for your troubles. I did not give you permission to take all of my money. Candy’s cousin said well, I don’t know what you want to do, because I don’t have the money. Candy said I see. She looked her cousin in the eye and knew it was time for her to go. What she was feeling was gonna make her do something she would later regret. Without saying a word, she left and drove around until she came to her Mothers’ pastors house. She really didn’t want to talk to the pastor, she was hoping his wife the first lady was home. She was and she recognized Candy and said girl I ain’t seen you in a long time, where’s your Mom? Candy couldn’t help herself and started crying right away. The First Lady told her to come on in and sit down. Candy told her everything all the way up until she arrived at her front door. The First Lady said; child don’t ponder on what’s done. You have a bright future ahead of you. You will overcome and conquer what’s been done to you. Your cousin really doesn’t have that money, she’s already been here asking me for money to help pay her rent. Nothing good is going to come out of that because it was done out of spite and greed. Go back and get yourself in order. Ask your Grandmother or one of your aunt’s if they could keep an eye on the kids until you come back for them. Candy left the Pastors’ house and called and got a ticket back to base. Her Grandmother told her she would keep the kids for her until she came back. Candy hadn’t been home three days but, that was the start of her not wanting to be there at all. When Candy got back to base she immediately found a realtor. She didn’t want to rent another apartment, and wanted to invest in a home. After about three houses, she found one she really liked and signed the paperwork. Candy couldn’t wait to go get the kids and bring them HOME! She had spent all the money from her savings getting the house and furnishing it before the kids came. So, now was literally living from paycheck to paycheck. After paying car payment, insurance, mortgage, phone bill, buying food, clothes for the kids, and gas to get back and forth, there was hardly ever anything left. Meals consisted of ground beef. Meatloaf, spaghetti, hamburger helper, and even a made up a stew so it wouldn’t seem like they were eating the same thing every night. Then Christmas came. As time got closer Candy had to cry herself to sleep every night, because she knew she didn’t have the money to buy them Christmas presents or anything. She had an old Christmas tree that she had packed away before she left. One night she told the kids they were going to put the Christmas tree up and for them to put on their P.J.s’. As they were putting on the ornaments Candy decided to tell them what was on her mind. She told them she didn’t have the money for

Christmas this year, and that she had taken their favorite books off the bookshelf and wrapped them up, so they could have something to open on Christmas. Candy explained to them that she had spent all the money getting the house, and that it wouldn’t be like this next year. To her surprise, they both said that’s o.k. mommy next year is gonna be awesome. Candy got chills. The kids weren’t sad and even wanted to continue decorating the tree. Candy felt relieved and all the weight dropped off her shoulders. She couldn’t have appreciated her kids more than she did at that moment. All she thought about after that was how she was going to make it up to them. She worked harder than she ever had and made up her mind to put a little money away every payday no matter what. Unexpectedly, one day, she got a call from “G”. He tells her he’s on his way back to the same base again. Candy said; good for you. He asked her if she could pick up his car for him because he shipped it and it would arrive before he got there. Candy told him she couldn’t pick the car up because they wouldn’t release it to her without any paperwork. He said; yes they will, I put your name on it. Candy said why would you do that, how did you know I was here. He said you know I have my boys in Colorado, they hit me up and also told me you ain’t seeing anyone, so don’t even try to tell me that lie. Candy said; how is it that everybody knows about me but, I have no idea about what’s going on with them. Candy said; so when will it be here, and whose paying for it. “G” said don’t worry about that, it’s already paid for, all you have to do is pick it up. Candy knew he was only trying to get established but, like a dummy, went along. She wasn’t seeing anyone and assumed since he asked her to pick up his car, that he had gotten a divorce by now. Candy picked his car up and parked it. She didn’t want anyone on post associating her with his car. He arrived and asked her to pick him up at the Airport. She picked him up, drove back to the house, and handed him his keys to the car. He said; can I come in for a minute, do the kids know I’m here. Candy said No, that’s why I didn’t bring them. “G” said are you gonna let me see them. Candy also knew what that meant but, Like a dummy, let him come in. She figured they probably wouldn’t him anyway. They walked in the door and the kids saw him and ran for him screaming; “G”, “G”, Candy thought, OH boy! They laughed, and played, and showed him their rooms. Candy asked him if he had eaten, because she had just made dinner. He said he only had snacks and hadn’t had dinner. Candy told him he could eat with them if he wanted to. He said; I’d like that. After dinner, she told him it was getting late and she needed to get the kids to bed because they had school. He said do you mind if I wait, we haven’t really got to talk yet. Candy said you got your car, what do we

need to talk about. He said; I just want to catch up on what’s been going on with you, is that alright. Candy said; I’ll be back let me put them to bed. They talked about the present and not about the past. Candy didn’t want to bring up old wounds. She told him she was tired and needed to go to bed also. He said it’s too late to get a room, can I stay here tonight, I’ll sleep on the couch. Candy said; I know you will, where else would you sleep. She showed him where the bathroom was and told him if he needed to take a shower, the towels and everything are already in there. She said goodnight and went to bed. The alarm clock rang and scared her out of her sleep. She turned it off, and got up and brushed her teeth and washed her face. She went into the kitchen to start the kids’ breakfast before she went to wake them up. Then, “G” scared the mess out of her, she had forgotten he stayed. He asked her if he could help with anything. Candy said no, I’m going to wake the kids. He said could I have a cup of coffee. Candy told him to let her wake the kids and she’d be back. Candy made his coffee, got the kids ready and they ate breakfast. Candy said ok, we have to go. He said; can I come see you later. Candy told him she probably would be working late, and didn’t know what time she’d get off. “G” said; I’ll just keep calling until you do. Candy didn’t respond because nothing she said would change his mind anyway. She took the kids to school and went about her day as if nothing happened. She was a Food Service Manager by this time so her schedule was pretty much what she made it. She was at a Dining Facility doing an inspection, and heard some of her female soldiers saying “G” what’s up, when did you get back. Candy looked up, and he was looking at her, not paying too much attention to his welcoming party. Candy continued working as if not to notice. “G” pushed his way past his entourage and made it over to where Candy was sitting. He said; it’s almost lunch time, can I take you to lunch. Candy asked him, if he knew she was working. He said; you can come and go as you please, so will you go to lunch with me. Candy really didn’t have anything else to do. She completed the inspection and notified them that she would return tomorrow. She could hear them all whispering about their assumptions of what was going on. Candy got smart with “G” and asked him why he didn’t ask any of his fans to lunch. He said; they all know why I’m here, it’s not a secret. Candy said; it is to me. Why do you have such an interest in me, all of a sudden? “G” said; Candy, don’t play dumb, your my woman, and I ain’t gonna give anyone the chance to take you away from me again. During our time apart we had some issues, but I’m not gonna let that happen again. Candy asked him what made him think she felt the same way. He said; because you haven’t tried to get with anyone since you’ve been here. Candy said; I’m not like you. I don’t need

to get with anyone just for the sake of getting with them. My kids are my priority, and I don’t have a need to get with anybody. Needless to say, they got together. Things went good for quite a few years. The kids had grown up and were getting close to graduating from school. “G” had retired and was looking for a job paying good money. He found this IT company that he really enjoyed. The kids were graduating soon, and Candy was getting ready for retirement. She figured the kids would be graduating from school and move on to college, and she would be free to travel the country. Go to some of the places she had never been and those she had already been to. Candy started entertaining going to Stewardess School. That way she could travel pretty much for free. Then, she found out she was pregnant and was too outdone with herself, she couldn’t believe it. The kids had gone to a sports summer camp, and Candy was beside herself thinking about how she was going to break the news to them when they got back. She hadn’t told “G” yet because with all the plans she had envisioned, she was having second thoughts about going through with it. About a week before the kids came back from camp, she finally told “G”. He was so excited as if he hit the jackpot. Candy on the other hand didn’t see the humor in it. When the kids got home from camp, they sat down to dinner one night, and Candy thought this would be as good a time as any to break the news. Little man laughed so hard, Candy thought she had told a joke or something. Angel said; mom you’re too old to have a kid. Candy replied; I beg your pardon, all of my organs are in perfect order, thank you. Candy had the baby just before she retired. Little man was on his way to college and working, and Angel was graduating soon. Candy had another girl. Candy was still transitioning for retirement, so she still had to go onto post on occasion. The kids helped her out tremendously with the baby. “G” was working nights as an inventory stock manager at the Commissary. It’s like they took shifts with the baby. He was good with her. When she learned how to talk, she called him Ga Ga, not da da, like most kids. He bathed her, combed her hair, and was always buying her something every time he went to the store. Little man went off to college and Angel was now working until she graduated from school. Candy finally retired and Angel graduated. She continued working while she attended college. It seemed funny to Candy that her kids were all grown up. Angel went to a state college so she was close to home. Candy had asked her to watch the baby on occasion so she could enjoy some free time to herself. Little man would come home from college on break every now and then, and spend time with his little sister as well. “G” had a friend that was a mechanic, and he had propositioned “G” to start an auto garage with him. “G” had also taken the mechanics course and could fix cars pretty good. He always kept the kids cars in good running

condition. However, he didn’t think it urgent that Candy’s car needed fixing when it was having problems. He started spending more and more time with his friends at the auto shop. For some reason, Candy never got discouraged about it though. She depended more on the older kids and they were very close. With Little man going back and forth to college, Angel was expressing her need for independence. They both had cars that Candy had managed to purchase with her income tax checks, one year after another. Angel had become overwhelmed with all her responsibilities, and didn’t seem to have much time for herself. They would take trips to see her brother in college and Candy loved that because she hoped seeing him would encourage Angel to keep pushing forward. She loved her job and kept working because she liked making her own money. She met a young man and they dated for about a year. By this time Little man had graduated with his bachelor’s degree, and had already enrolled into another college pursuing his Master’s Degree. He and his girlfriend would always pick baby girl up when he was home, and take her out and spend the day with her, giving Angel a little relief from time to time, whenever Candy wanted to do something. Angel said she wanted to move out and start being responsible for herself. Candy knew this meant she was ready to start her own life. The young man was very nice, and seemed as responsible as she was, but Candy wasn’t ready to let her go. Candy kept thinking she and Little man were still babies, thinking to herself; how did they grow up so fast. Candy didn’t want to be selfish and knew Angel had to experience life on her own. Candy would get on her knees and pray that her children would find good jobs and be successful. And that by pushing them to stay in school and get an education wouldn’t back fire on her, being she pretty much raised them on her own, and was a home body herself. Giving all Honor and Glory to God through her prayers Angel and little man both graduated from college with Master’s. Both having their dream jobs, and are very successful. Angel got married, and her husband is a wonderful father as well, blessing Candy with grandchildren. Candy often thanks God, Angel didn’t go through what she went through with the men in her life. Candy was so proud of her and looked up to her in that respect. Candy now worked for a contractor on post managing all the shopettes on post. Candy’s boss didn’t like her and seemed to always be in competition with her about something. She was always coming around looking for fault in anything Candy did. Candy was best known for her exceptional organization of the shopettes on post, and everyone knew it. She personally trained all of the employees and made sure they were the best by standards. One day one of the refrigerators in one of the shopettes went

out and Candy ended up having to get rid of all the food inside. The clerk had failed to check the internal temperature and all the food started going bad. Candy’s boss came down and said; what happened? We now have to spend all of this money reordering food, and hopefully we’ll get it in time to continue operations. Candy looked on the refrigerator and noticed the temperature log hadn’t been checked for at least four days. There were no initials on the log saying it had been checked. Policy states it should be checked at least three times a day. Candy asked the clerk while her boss was standing there, why he hadn’t been checking it. He boldly said; (lying all the while) that he didn’t know he was supposed to check it. Candy lost it. Knowing she had trained him and gave weekly classes on standard procedures and keeping all operations in order. Candy’s boss seemed to be impressed with this dilemma, and smiled and left the building. Candy’s scheduled day off was Friday. Candy was tired and was glad to be off that day. Then she received a call from her boss’ assistant. He said don’t worry about coming back to work until you hear from us. Candy said what, what’s going on. He said the boss is doing an investigation and wants to talk to everybody about what went on with the refrigerator incident. Candy said ok, do I at least need to come in and check the status of the orders. He said no, she has me doing that for now. Candy waited a couple of days and didn’t hear anything. Then a whole week went by and it was Friday again. Candy called her bosses assistant and asked him what was up. He said you’ve been fired. Candy wasn’t even surprised. She said ok, when will I get my check. He said as soon as the investigation is complete. Candy said no, I’m sure when someone’s fired their supposed to get their last check within 24 hours. Candy really didn’t know that, she had just heard something like that before. He said; I’ll talk to the boss and see what she says. Candy waited until Monday, and called the unemployment office. They called her back and said that she couldn’t get an unemployment check, because her boss said she wasn’t fired, she had walked off the job. Candy said; what, and then called the boss’ boss. She told her what the unemployment office said and that she had no idea what they were talking about, this is the first she was hearing about this. Her bosses boss said give her a couple of days and I’ll call you back. She called Candy back the following week and asked her if she was ready to go back to work. Candy said sure, I need a job, that’s why I was applying for unemployment. She said there’s no need for that. Report to the Staff Manager’s building on Monday. They’ll brief you when you get there. Candy said ok but, didn’t know why she wanted her to report to the Staff Manager’s building, she already knew her job and what to do. When Candy reported there

that morning, everybody looked at her like they were surprised to see her. Another one of her boss’ assistants said come inside and I’ll brief you on what’s going on. Candy said no, I want to see the boss because there’s a few things I want to discuss with her. He said she’s not here. Candy said well when will she be back, I’ll wait. The other assistant that had told Candy on the phone that she was fired said; she’s on istrative Leave. Candy said what. And the other assistant said that’s why I told you I needed to brief you. Now, come on into the office. Candy followed him into the office, and he said; this is your desk, you now have a company phone, and you have your own company car outside. Candy said wait a minute, I didn’t come back here to play games with you all. I just want to go back to work and get on with my life. He said no really. Candy said where’s the boss, I want to hear it from her. The other assistant said they fired her and you now have her position. Candy didn’t trust them, so she still didn’t believe them. Then they pulled out this big wooden name board, with her name on it, and placed it on the desk. They proceeded to brief Candy on the operations of two more shopettes that needed to be taken over because of an deployment of soldiers. Candy immediately went to work. She only engaged in interactions with the assistants for work purposes only, she still didn’t trust them. One day while doing daily rounds of the facilities, she saw the assistant who called and fired her, standing behind a dumpster, talking to an employee. It seemed as though they were making plans about something. Candy got a real bad feeling about it. She went inside the building and told one of the managers who used to work with her before she got fired, and told her that something suspicious was going on. She told her to call the other assistant and tell him to watch his back, because she didn’t want to talk to or warn him herself because they both had it out for her because she had been chosen to take the boss’ position and not them. Candy got a call from corporate office saying to place the assistant on istrative Leave. (Sound familiar), Candy said; WOW, may I ask what happened. They told her an employee had filed sexual harassment charges against the assistant, (not the one who fired her but the other one). Of course, it was the employee that she had seen behind the dumpster with the other assistant. Candy had known something was up, and also knew not to trust either one of them. An Army officer came up to Candy one day and asked if she would like to work for the Army. He said we need you on our side to help control who does what with these contractors. He said you’ll be in charge of all these people your working with now. Making sure they abide by the contracts and so forth. Candy said of course, where do I sign. He said you’ll have to go to the Army

contracting building and put in the paperwork and they’ll tell you what to do from there. So, Candy started working Civil Service. With the kids gone, she managed to start saving a little more money. It took her a very long time to save up one thousand dollars. “G” had finally gotten on with a government contractor. It was only Candy and Baby girl home now. Candy couldn’t believe she had saved up that money. She couldn’t the last time she had that much extra cash on hand. She continued working on post and placed Baby girl in the daycare there. She loved going there and interacting with the kids. She was used to being around adults. With the help of her brother and sister, Candy never needed a babysitter. Babygirl went to daycare thinking she was in charge, and it was her job to take care of the kids. She ended up being suspended a couple of times because if the babies (as she called them) didn’t co-operate, she would bite them. Candy thought a lot about what she would do with the money she had saved up. It wasn’t enough to go on a trip, but she wondered what she could spend it on. Candy had never been in a place where she didn’t have to sacrifice one thing to get another. She ed having to go to those payday loan places in order to make it from one paycheck to the next, only having to pay them even more money to do it. Candy felt good about herself, and was finally making it. And to no avail, the hot water tank went out. Funny though, Candy didn’t get upset. Now, she felt even more thankful. Thankful she didn’t have to borrow any money, or go to the loan place, or put it on a credit card and get herself into debt. She felt bold that she could call the repair man, get the hot water heater fixed, and not have to look back and ask herself how she was going to get out of it. Candy felt really good. When she thought about the money, she said; I did it once and I can do it again. She went to work happy and worked hard every day. She organized meetings with Commanders of deploying soldiers about where they would be staged for deployment, when and where they would eat, the time frame they had for movement, and so forth. She arranged luncheons for Generals and Senators, and Briefed Commanders on their itinerary. She ended up getting employee of the month and got several awards from different units. The Director even gave her, her own parking spot for a month. Candy wasn’t dating anyone at this time, nor did she miss it. After getting the job with the government “G” seemingly faded out of the picture. Besides Babygirl, Candy’s work was all she concentrated on. After being there for a couple of years, she got a call from the Regional Distribution Office. They said they had gotten her application and had an opening if she wanted it. Candy had forgotten she had applied, it was so long ago. She sent that paperwork in right after she retired. The on the

phone said there was an entry exam she had to complete, and that she had to act fast because she didn’t know when the next exam would be. Candy said wait a minute, don’t I have to give my current job at least a two-week notice if I except. She said; go ahead and take the exam and if you , you can put your notice in then. candy said ok and hung up the phone. Candy was scared to let her immediate supervisor know since things were going so well for her now. When she told him, he said do what you feel is best for you, not for us. He said that’s a pretty good job, I don’t know what I would do either. Candy took off from work one day to take the exam. The instructor talked about all the benefits, and job security and that caught Candy’s attention quickly. The instructor made it seem like because she had agreed to take the exam, she and everyone else applying pretty much were already in. Candy didn’t want to leave the job she had but, this job seemed more promising. So, when she returned, she put in her two-week notice.

11 A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

BABYGIRL COPED WITH HER DAD not being around better than Candy had thought because she didn’t talk about him much. Candy got the job at the Regional Distribution Office, and loved it. She moved around a lot so that kept her very busy. She learned the ins and outs, the do’s and don’ts and worked hard and tried to learn everything she could about the job. She even filled in as Supervisor from time to time. Candy encountered a racial incident with one of her coworkers. He ended up being fired for inappropriate conduct, which had nothing to do with the racial situation. He apparently had a side job of selling goods to brokers, only the goods didn’t belong to him. Some of the employees at Candy’s job got together and bought lottery tickets together. All hoping they could be like those people you see on tv, who win the lottery through a lottery pool. Candy had been purchasing lottery tickets for years, so she always bought her own tickets as well. One particular day, they split the money up amongst a few of the workers that were in the pool in order to get a variety of tickets. Candy was given a portion of the money to buy a couple of tickets. When she got off work she went to several different places to purchase tickets, as well as to purchase her own. She bought ten dollars’ worth of tickets at each store for herself. She got up the next morning and woke Babygirl up, so she could get ready for school. Candy subscribed to the newspaper, so she went outside to get it. She likes to read about what’s happening in the world, so she can be better informed and aware of her surroundings. Candy turned the first page after reading it and noticed the lottery numbers. She had forgotten she had purchased them, and went upstairs and got them off the dresser. She brought them back down stairs, and asked her daughter if she was ready for school. Candy went through the tickets one by one checking the one she purchased for the pool first. There was no match, other than maybe one number on the whole ticket. She then got her tickets and went through the first two sets of ten dollar tickets and barely had one number that matched either. Then she got to the last set of tickets and started reading them off one line at a time. She got to the last line and the first number matched. She said that’s a start. Then went to the second number, and it matched. Then the third and it also matched. She said; well at least I’ll get ten

dollars of my money back. Then noticed the fourth number matched as well and said; ok that’s at least two hundred dollars. I’ll take it, that’s a lot more than what I spent. And then while summing up the four numbers, Candy looked at the last number and it matched too. She said; OH MY GOD, what’s the power ball? It was thirty four in the paper but Candy’s was eleven. So, she had matched five numbers and looked it up on the computer and it said; match five for a million dollars. Candy jumped out of her chair and starting screaming, I’m rich, I’m rich. I’m a millionaire. She got babygirl off to school and came back home and immediately got on the phone to call her two older kids. She called her son first and he said; Yeah, right mom, call me when you get the money. Candy said; no for real, I hit the lottery. He said ok, call me when you get the money. So, she hung up from him and called Angel. She said; guess what baby, I hit the lottery, I’m a millionaire. Angel started screaming loudly, and said; Mom, shut the front door. Candy loved it when she said that, it made her laugh to no end. Then Angel must have turned to her coworkers and said; Oh, excuse me, my mom hit the lottery she’s a millionaire. Candy thought about Little man and figured out why he didn’t get excited. What if she had been joking and he announced it like Angel did. Candy guessed that would have been embarrassing. But, Angel knew in her heart, that Candy wasn’t lying. Candy suddenly realized, she had to get ready for work. It was then that it dawned on her, she was going to have to explain this at work. While checking her schedule to see where she had to go that morning, one of her coworkers said; I wish I could win the Lottery, so I could quit this damn job. Candy said; I hit five numbers last night. Then one of the other coworkers said; that’s a million dollars. One of them that was in the pool said; did our ticket win? Candy said No, it was a ticket I bought with my own money. Candy already knew what was coming, so she prepared herself at that moment. They said let us see the ticket. Candy pulled the ticket of her pocket that they had given her the money to purchase, which was only a two-dollar ticket, and showed it to them. Then she went and got a newspaper out of the break room. None of the numbers except one matched on that ticket. Candy laid the ticket down on the table for everyone in the pool to observe, and they looked it over real good. Then Candy pulled out her ten-dollar ticket and showed them that it was a ticket she had purchased with her own money. Everybody’s head dropped. They gave Candy and whoever else all the money to purchase the tickets normally but this particular time they decided to split it up. Candy felt the tension in the room and started to imagine what they were thinking. The first thought being she knew they were going to say that Candy should split the money with them since they were all in the pool

together, even though the money they gave her didn’t produce the winning ticket. Candy stood there in the break room waiting for someone to say something. They all just looked at each other and had very blank faces. No one talked much at work after that. Needless to say; Candy withdrew from the pool and didn’t purchase any tickets anymore. She didn’t have the same relationship with her coworkers anymore. Everyday, she felt like they were thinking she had cheated them or took their money. When she finally went to claim the money, it was even worse. She kept feeling paranoid and was always looking over her shoulder. She got to the lottery office and was afraid to walk up to the counter. She took Babygirl out of school that day, so someone could be with her, because no one else could take off that day to go with her. Candy and Babygirl walked back and forth through the hall, and went to the restroom a couple of times before Candy got up enough courage to go inside. She spoke ever so softly to the window clerk because people were going in and out, buying lottery and scratch tickets at the counter. She let the clerk know she had the winning lottery ticket and that she would like to claim her prize. The clerk said; let me see the ticket. Candy was hesitant to hand it to her, even though she had already signed it and filled out all the information on the back. After examining the ticket for a while, the clerk handed Candy a packet of paperwork and said; fill this out while you’re waiting, they’re going to ask for it when they come, have a seat, someone will be with you shortly. Candy sat down and filled out the paperwork. This lady came out to the lobby where Candy was sitting from an employee only entrance door and said; (not being discreet at all), Hey, we have a winner. She said to Candy; I’m from PR, and I’ll be handling all of your media issues. So, should we call a television station, or a radio station, or would you rather have it posted on the internet. Candy said; ma’am, is there a room we can talk in. People were coming in the lottery office staring at Candy now, forgetting what they had come in there for. Some just stood around listening to the PR lady as she was talking to Candy. Candy said I feel very uncomfortable and would like to talk privately, if you don’t mind. She said; oh, yeah, sure, it’s just that we haven’t had a winner in so long, it’s exciting news to us. She told Candy to follow her and took her back inside the employee only door, and went down the hall to an office. She said would you like some coffee or something. Candy said; yes, please. She made Candy a cup of coffee, and brought the creamer and sugar and sat it down beside the coffee. She said make yourself comfortable, I’m going to get the boss. She returned with this man who entered the room and said congratulations, that’s gotta be one of the best things that could happen to someone, it must feel pretty astounding to be the winner of

a jackpot. Candy said; yes, it does. He said Kelly has a gift bag for you, we provide those for our winners. He said so, do we call the media or did you decide how you wanted to do this. Candy said; Kelly had told me that I could have it posted on the internet. I would prefer to do that because I don’t want to gain any friends, and anyone that knows me and has to know, can find out about it there. He said; ok that’s you’re option and we’ll do it however you want. He said I’ll be right back with your check. He entered the room with this big check like you see on TV, from organizations that have donated a lot of money to a charity or something. He said don’t be alarmed, we always bring out this big check first. Candy was thinking just give me my money already she just wanted to get it over with and leave. Kelly said we need to take a picture to post on our wall. So, Candy and Babygirl stood up against the wall and held up this big check that they must have had printed out already because it didn’t take them long to bring it in. Kelly handed Candy the gift bag, which was full of all kinds of goodies, a coffee cup, T-shirt, a goblet, a blanket, a notepad and pen, a rubics cube, a champagne glass, a stuffed animal with the lottery printed on it, and a very nice tote bag it all came in. People were still standing in the hallway waiting for them to come out. Candy told Babygirl, (it sounds funny calling her that, now that she’s older), let’s go across the hall to the Deli and have some lunch. Candy didn’t want people following them around or trying to ask any questions. So, the spectators kept walking past the window, pointing. They sat there for about an hour until everything died down, and then hurried out to the car. Candy went straight to the bank with the check because she didn’t want to risk losing it or having it stolen from her before she had the chance to spend it. Candy continued working. Everyone who knew about it at work was telling everybody else and had people coming out of the woodwork, who she didn’t even know, just walking up boldly and asking her to give them money. This lady came inside the office one day and said; Hi, I work right down the street, and if I don’t come up with one hundred thousand dollars, I’m going to lose my business. Candy gave her this blank stare, and said; I’m sorry, do I know you? She said I work right down the street. Candy said I’ve never seen you come in here before, and just so we don’t offend each other, I think you know I’m not going to give you any money. After that Candy approached her coworkers and told them that she would appreciate it if they would stop telling everybody that she won that money. Candy started getting paranoid and asking her supervisor to walk her to car when she got off work. About 6 months had ed, and Candy got a call from home saying that her mom had fallen very ill. Candy asked her supervisor if she could take some of her vacation time to go home and be with

her mom. Right after she got back to work, not even a month later, her mother had gotten sick again. Candy had to go home again. She had plenty of vacation time, so time wasn’t an issue. Her coworkers started complaining that she was leaving too much, and it was mes everybody else’s schedule. She went home anyway, and came back after another month had ed. Candy got back to work and worked hard while she was there because she knew they didn’t appreciate her leaving but Candy didn’t care what they thought, her mom was more important than they were. Candy could feel that resentment had finally set in, no one felt remorse about her mom’s condition. Every time Candy would mention at work, how they could do something better, or how some unfinished work could get done, it was always the same reply. We ain’t doing anything, and if you don’t like it, quit! Candy became more and more irritated, hearing that statement. The problems at work kept pouring down. Everybody had a sob story to tell, everybody needed money for something. Candy felt as if she had become this new bank corporation with no s. Every time she answered her phone someone had a problem. Some people had the same problem all the time. In the beginning, Candy didn’t mind because she felt as if God had blessed her, and didn’t know why, she had never prayed for that. But, He must have done it for a reason, so Candy felt like it was to help others. She gave money secretly to some people because they had been kind to her in the past and didn’t have to be. Like the Convenience Store Clerks who would make her a fresh pot of coffee in the morning before she went to work. Then made donations to charities like the Heart and Cancer foundations. After a while Candy noticed the money started to dwindle…fast! So, she put the brakes on and cut everybody off, and started thinking about herself and her children. Lucky for her, she came to her senses. She paid off all her bills, and paid off her house. She thought that would be a good investment for her children. She told people that continued to call her the money was gone and she didn’t have anything else to give. Of no surprise to her, no one believed her, they kept calling anyway, despite what she told them. Her coworkers asked her all the time, why hadn’t she bought a new car. Candy said; why, I have two cars and they work just fine. I can only drive one at a time. Candy wasn’t the best dressed person in the world, and most of the time, only wanted to be comfortable, So, dressed comfortably. She went to a furniture store to purchase some new furniture to change the scenery in her home. The salesman saw her looking at this somewhat expensive furniture. He said; Ma’am, can I show you some of our other furniture. I have some real nice things in our clearance room. Even though Candy could have purchased the furniture she was looking at, she let him take her to the clearance room. Candy spent two thousand

dollars when she was willing to spend ten. That was a commission he could have taken a nice vacation on but because of the way she looked, he opted to save her a lot of money. Candy said she’s still thanking him right today, for thinking she wasn’t capable. A car dealer did the same thing. Candy said she saw this really nice car for fiftyfive thousand dollars. It was clean. She said; maybe I should get a new car, I can afford it. She asked the salesman if she could take it for a test drive. The salesman said; let me get the paperwork for you. He went inside got the paperwork for the car, circled the price, handed it to her, and said; if you’ll excuse me, I have another customer I need to tend to. Candy thought about the money he also just walked away from, and in her mind, thanked him as well. It’s amazing that people really do judge books by their covers. Which doesn’t always seem to work in their favor. But Candy thought gratefully, thank God for those who judged me, they saved me a lot of money. Candy’s mother had gotten sick once again. Immediately, her coworkers said they weren’t going to change their schedules anymore, and were going to take their vacations whether Candy was there or not. Because of union issues Candy knew they were right so she just decided to resign. Still, her mom was more important than they were. Candy thought about everyone’s reaction to her winning that money. She didn’t know who she was fooling anyway. No one was happy she won that money. Everyone around her was waiting patiently for her to fail in one way or another. After all the ups and downs she had gone through, then came the IRS. They proclaimed her a millionaire and said she had to pay taxes on the money. Candy had thought that she had already paid taxes. They said you’re in a different tax bracket now, you have to pay millionaire taxes. Candies heart dropped. She didn’t know what millionaires paid in taxes. They acted as if she was born a millionaire. They said don’t worry you don’t have to pay it right away. We can make payment arrangements and extend the payments out over a five-year period. Of course, twenty percent will be added on, if you decide to make payments. Take your time and think about it they said., you have until April 15th to make the payment. Candy started making phone calls to everyone she had given money to. She also knew, before even making the calls, that, they were in vein. No one could help her or wanted to. Just as quickly as she had become everybody’s go to person, she had now become the person to stay away from. It gave her a valid reason to get everyone off her back though. It was fortunate for her, she wasn’t the showboat type, and didn’t like being the center of attention. Candy had the money to pay the taxes, thank God; He was watching over her, and revealed to her that money wasn’t everything, and it didn’t solve peoples’ problems. All the problems people had before Candy had given them money, they still had

when the money was gone. It took a very steep toll on Candy’s finances to pay the IRS but she was more than joyous that she had the money to pay them. Candy was thankful, she saw people’s true colors come out when she had won that money. No one even made the statement that she had changed. Candy knew the money didn’t change her, it changed everyone around her. Candy was going to church regularly now, and started attending more often since she had resigned from her job. Candy couldn’t understand why these things were happening to her, being she tried her best to do the best she could and always put others before herself. She learned after attending church frequently that God had been with her from the very beginning, even when the lady she babysat for had set her up. Candy pronounced; I couldn’t have made it through those times without Him (GOD), because her temper, impatience, and stubbornness wouldn’t have allowed her to do it herself. Candy had never been materialistic and figured since she was getting a retirement check, and all of her bills were paid off in full, she really didn’t need much more than that and could manage to survive. Candy confesses; I still have my faults and I’m not perfect by any means. I still have trouble finding scriptures when the Pastor directs us to go to one, but I do my best, and read my scriptures every day, however imperfect. She says; I am thankful and grateful to the Lord, for what he’s done for me. The saying is true, everything happens for a reason. She says; I’m still unsure of what that reason is, but I am fortunate to have been through the situations I’ve gone through in my life. I’m much happier now, not having to answer to others for my wellbeing. Just as they think, so do I, why did it happen to me? Candy hasn’t heard from or seen any of the people whom she encountered throughout her journey. She never gets any phone calls asking her how she’s doing, or if she dropped off the end of the earth. Candy has always been thankful for what she has and it’s never been in her nature to try to be like everybody else. She says she takes time out to watch the sun come up in the morning, looks forward to reading the newspaper, and says she’d be lost without her cup of coffee. She says she talks to her pets and treats them as if they really understand her. She says she has learned to appreciate the small things in life. Candy believes through all the trials and tribulations she’s been through, should any storms come her way, she’s learned how to weather them. And when she feels something is too much for her to handle, she knows where her help comes from. She said she takes one day at a time, and tries to make each day better than the one before. Candy said she looks at people differently now. Most of the time, she’s skeptical of everyone but doesn’t judge them. She said she just doesn’t have good judgement when it comes to the people she’s encountered in her life. She always tends to think the best, just to have it turn out to be something she would never have expected. On

the other hand, she has a very good judgement of character. She said; I can pick up on someone’s authenticity just by the vibes she gets in their presence. She said; An elder in church said in a sermon one day; I’m glad I don’t look like what I’ve been through. That was the most appropriate statement, if I’ve ever heard one. Candy now volunteers at a retirement home, where she loves to spend her time every day. She enjoys being able to help the elderly. She reads to them, takes them on their outings to go shopping or on their appointments, and enjoys helping out with all the activities they do, like planting flowers, playing bingo, and keeping up with their raffle tickets which they can use to win prizes. Candy told one of the staff ; when I grow up this is where I want to live. The Charge Nurse told Candy she needs to get a bed there because when she’s not there, the patients complain and get defiant. Candy enjoys life and doesn’t take anything for granted and praises God for every day He wakes her up. She looks forward to hopefully being a blessing to someone each day. Candy says; looking back, she wouldn’t change a thing because God put people and circumstances in her life for a reason, and she’s learned a lesson in every one of them and it’s made her a stronger person because of it. She said she doesn’t regret anything because she was Bruised but not Broken!