Graveyard Of The Gods: A Poetry Collection w562d

Graveyard of the Gods

A Poetry Collection

Ian Skrivseth

Copyright © 2019 Ian Skrivseth.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4808-8314-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-8313-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019917845

Archway Publishing rev. date: 11/15/2019

Contents

Introduction

Dedication

365

Laurel Tree

Labyrinth

Fallen

Pleiadal Love

Defiance

Divine No Longer

Damaged Gods 1

Damaged Gods 2

Damaged Gods 3

Ascendant

Graveyard of the Gods 1

Graveyard of the Gods 2

Graveyard of the Gods 3

Veins

Condemned

Voices

Disintegrate Slowly

Hollow

Atonement

Pyrrhic Victories

A Friendly Reminder

I’m Here

Betrayal

Villains and Heroes

Chess Piece

Fight

Bravery

That Still Small Voice

Knight of Falling Stars

Star Stuff and Earthly Remains

Celestial Burdens

Perihelion’s Decay

Roads

The Highway’s Cure

The Last Chapter

Anyway

Vibrancy

Still

Falling Out of Love

Reminiscence

Fire Sale

The Art of Letting Go

About the Author

Introduction

Hi grandma, grandpa. I hope these words find a way, someway, anyway to reach you. I want to thank you for teaching me the power of words and imagination. It’s why I became a writer and I’m all the better person for it. I love you both and I miss you.

To the rest of my family thank you for endlessly ing me in all of my endeavors. I know I don’t always show my apperception, but thank you for everything. This would not be coming in the time or way I would have liked without you.

To my friends, thank you for being in my life through all of my trials. This book represents a small part of our friendship. A special shout out to Maria, Molly, Landon, and Jack when I came and said hey I’ve got a wild idea to publish a book you not only lobbied your , but you read through my drafts and gave me the confidence I needed to see this through.

To my readers; I hope this collection inspires you to think more, feel more, love more, laugh more, and even be angry or sad more if that’s what you need. If nothing else I hope you enjoy reading and thank you for ing me on this journey.

Dedication

Because not all of us Are Icarus, That our love, so bright, May be immortalized.

Because not all of us Are Odysseus With a home Worth returning to.

Because not all of us Are Perseus, Our bones are not Made of courage.

Because not all of us Are Galahad, We do not have

An epic quest.

Because not all of us Are Arthur; Born in the dirt, We stay in the dirt.

Because not all of us Are Gawain, Some vows We cannot keep.

365

Love’s a game I thought I was playing.

I wonder: Was it ever Going to be me?

You chose the distant, The one you can never have, But like a fool, so did I.

I won you the moon Knonsu lost, Yet I feel at a loss.

The books were wrong;

love doesn’t always win.

Laurel Tree

Useless? How dare you? I am emotion.

I have power Over hate Lead in your stomach.

While your affections Are beholden To my golden arrow.

Turning your power Into mere words Next to my poetry.

Have you crowned a winner With a laurel only half as beautiful?

who broke you. —Eros to Apollo

Labyrinth

They always mention Theseus killing the monster Of his labyrinth.

They never mention Ariadne, Who loved him.

Giving him a thread Of her own Heartstrings.

Searching For any ray Of light.

In a dim world Of gold and blood,

A terror of no equal.

She sacrificed Everything. And Theseus?

Theseus left her To find her own way out. That’s what I’m most afraid of.

Fallen

Orpheus, You enchanted A lost soul.

To cheat true love, Not death, You only get it once.

You couldn’t Trust In her spirit.

You strayed Oh, so far. Now you’ve fallen.

Unlike Hades, You had every chance

At a second.

Pleiadal Love

Tortured Sisyphus Saw beauty because She was faded, not in spite of.

He lived again. All for her: Always her.

Ethereal Merope Saw resilience In the way he fought for her.

She became less In the eyes of lesser; She became lost to be found.

Maybe that’s real Love, sacrifices

Just to see their glow.

They always leave That out, don’t they? How she loved him back.

Defiance

Chained by a false sin, Fated to suffer For my defiance.

As if it were sin itself To love your creation With all your heart.

They think to be godly Atop their unreachable mountain, Deaf to all cries of suffering.

Jealously coveting That which never belonged To the heartless.

So I stole A soul for humanity

To be ignited.

For is there not anything godlier Than to endure endlessly For what you believe in?

Divine No Longer

I walked across artificial stars, chasing this light. I Looked up to the sky to see how I should live only To find we were abandoned to a cold world. Against Our better angels, we became devils.

Was the world always like this? Or did we shape It into this impurity? Would it matter if the bones Are made of past sins? Those mistakes are not Our own. We didn’t take the stars, just bid To live among them.

And that’s when I realized starless skies Shine in a different way. We stole the coveted Because why shouldn’t heaven be here? Isn’t it Our birthright? Stardust in our veins? That’s what The poets always say.

Yet when I look around, I’m not surrounded by

Anything celestial. Stardust in our veins? As if We were born from anything but the bones of our Past. No, I don’t bleed hydrogen. I bleed blood: hardly The liquids of the heavens.

Is it really sin to want what we can’t have? Is it Really sin if we’ve already killed the gods that judged Us unworthy? Perhaps it’s wrong, but damned if you Do, damned if you don’t. Perhaps it’s wrong, but I Want to bleed stardust.

Damaged Gods 1

I Thoth puts down his book; there is no knowledge, no language, no magic in the existence of an infinite universe that will fill the hole in his empty heart.

II Set revels in the calm day; he does not wish to be this fiend. Instead, a chance to be more human, yet he knows

there is none.

III Maat lies; she pours one more bottle, breathing, drinking. She’s tired of being truth and order in a lawless humanity. All she wants to do is fall apart.

IV What makes a god when they are so human?

Damaged Gods 2

V Hestia fans her hearth, looking at the door and waiting with barely a memory, a person, or a reason to call herself home.

VI Persephone wilts; today, no sunshine graces her. She will not stay in spring or in winter.

VII Apollo teaches miracles,

healing the sick and giving hope with magic no longer meant for him. Maybe it never was.

VIII Morpheus’s eyes flicker; he wishes sleep would not come for his dreams are nothing with no one.

IX For once they wish forever would fade.

Damaged Gods 3

X Janus flickers, Like a choice He has already Made fading Into a never-ending End.

XI Jupiter cries. No wrath, No ruin Will sate His desolate Anger.

XII Vulcan breaks,

Tired of repairing Unfeeling machines Just to be un-alone. Just once he wishes He could be fixed.

XIII Pluto rots With death And disease. With no way up, All he can do Is continue.

XIV Even gods Eventually fade.

Ascendant

You were everything I hate about myself. A dark reflection Of past sins.

Unforgiven, You let go Of a falling star Decaying into nothing.

Faded and violent, I fell Further, Further, Till you rose

With your crown Of piety,

Unable to hold on To the starlight. Once worshipped, Now forgotten, You became Ascendant.

Like Atlas Bearing the world, I became Bitter.

I became Midas, Destroying With only a touch.

Just leave me Inert, Obliterating Everything.

Graveyard of the Gods 1

Tell me, How many young gods Have you killed?

You never saw Ares In bullets ejecting From a smoking gun, While the echo of death Clings to the air.

You never heard Artemis’s sorrow As the wasted youth Kill the stars and look At glass screens over Silver moons.

You never understood

Aphrodite’s lie In too much red wine And tear-stained pillows.

You never looked for Hermes In the hands on chain-link fences Overlooking overflowing streets And the hustle of cities always awake, With everyone constantly coming and going.

You never listened To Athena’s wisdom In the clenched fist, Nails digging in until You bleed, but never From your enemies.

So tell me, How many young gods Have you killed?

Graveyard of the Gods 2

The gods Have fallen.

There is no more Intimacy, Only internet Personas Created to hide Who we really are.

There is no more Thought and memory, Only what we see On yesterday’s Instagram photo. “I read it from Google.”

There are no more Sons and daughters and parents.

Only what we created, and we don’t care. We just want them to be a little more Like us than like them.

There is no more Music in life, Only the amount Of likes and views. We don’t want to listen; We want to tune out.

There is no more Strength; these storms don’t breed thunder. They only breed clouds mucking the skies. The heavens no longer shake at who we are. They cry at what we are becoming.

The gods Have fallen.

Graveyard of the Gods 3

And if the gods returned, I’d kill them too.

I do not recognize Their divine authority. As Horus’s wings Bleed from his back, He has no courage left.

I do not recognize Their divine authority As Geb spends another Season asleep while the land Withers under his forgotten watch.

I do not recognize Their divine authority As Shu’s winds topple

On palaces mightier Than he.

I do not recognize Their divine authority. Nut’s skies often seem Starless, empty Of awe and wonder.

I do not recognize Their divine authority As Ra’s sun boat Brings only dark; His dawns have faded.

And if the gods returned, I’d kill them too.

Veins

Gold in our veins for when we feel like our worth is less than the life we live. Because we are worth what we bleed.

Stardust in our veins because the heavens won’t call to us; so we leave a reminder we are heavenly. Yet there is nothing celestial about bleeding.

Paint in our veins. If we bleed art, maybe

they’ll notice its pain. They say it’s how we create these masterpieces.

Iron in our veins because our strength comes from within, but too late we realize it comes with a price.

Never blood in our veins. Otherwise, they won’t see how much it hurts to resemble something human.

Condemned

You turned me from an eternity Into A Short Second.

You so selfishly Hid a whispered soul Speaking volumes, Writing tomes To a cast away. Stay; it was all you had to do.

This blazing earth Houses a cold heart That will not melt From any scorched hearth.

The vitality Of this lethality, It’s so much finality. I can feel all of this lack Of morality.

And so I ask you to weave A travesty, so I can get caught In this tapestry of my own lies.

After all, I’m what’s left. Finish the deed, And leave me Consumed, Condemned.

Voices

Such a violence In my head.

I wonder, Does being good count If you’re tired of it? If it destroys me From within To be this person I tell myself so desperately I want to be?

I wonder How long before I snap, becoming numb To what my heart tells me, They’re worth your destruction, While a different voice—

Sinister— Tells me, We can’t all be heroes. We can’t all be good?

I wonder, Will I give in To this voice, To this anger? Is my choice Already made? Is it inevitable I become The villain?

Disintegrate Slowly

I won’t lie and say I still miss you. The way you cut the wires to my self-destruct button, preventing obliteration on a molecular level, just so I can grab the electrical tape and watch you do it all over again. Maybe this time you’d uninstall Et al. Sell the scraps; build something new,

a better version. Maybe this time without a defective computer chip, instead, a brain made of gray matter. Without a piston incapable of exerting life force. Instead, a heart that beats red, not this glossy black. Without emoticons, instead, emotions. Maybe you should just move on. Just let me disintegrate.

Hollow

There’s nothing left inside Except an ecstasy of persistence, Wanting to keep living In a jar of my own creation.

Holding my organs Vital to a survival That does not want me: A survival I cannot have.

Living in Anechoic chambers, People have searched For more than what’s there.

I always end up Disappointing them. I’ll always end up

Disappointing you.

Save me. Destroy me. It hardly matters Anymore.

I fear I’m cursed To an existence of vultures, Full of carcasses And dead hearts.

Counting all the shadows I’ve created. I don’t want to become one If only to save your light.

I wish I could change For you, But I’m afraid I’ll forever remain Hollow.

Atonement

I’d become Desolate, Bitter Before Cruel.

I’d move Heaven, Hell, But never, Ever Earth.

I’d shatter, Break Away, Isolated Too late.

I’m becoming Desolation, Bitterness. I’ve lost Mercy.

I’m moving Between Heaven, Hell. I can’t stay Earthbound.

I’m shattering. My shards Fragmenting Into those I love.

Listen;

This isn’t Me. Not who I wanted To be Anyway.

I tried, No longer Alone. I can’t Do this.

Maybe You could Save me, Unless It meant You Because …

Pyrrhic Victories

I don’t know Who I am. Or maybe I do know.

I’m the monster I had to become To save myself From the real ones.

Another lie I tell the mirror. Another lie. Another life.

You stare Into darkness. Inevitably,

It stares back.

What happened To fall so far, Screaming so long To go back?

I’ll atone For their sins Are now Mine.

A Friendly Reminder

When my brain Is in turbulence, When I don’t know Who I am, When all I see Are demons, When I’d rather be Alone in the dark, When all is so dim I don’t see an end, Laughter reminds me My soul is still beautiful. It’s just a little cracked. Laughter reminds me Mirth and merriment Are far stronger Than all the demons in the dark. Laughter reminds me

Each light in the dark Gives life to a million others. It’s high time I To laugh More than I despair, More than I hate, More than I give up.

I’m Here

I exist. I’m still here, Looking outside A window While I write, “I’m here.”

I’m here. I’m alive.

I’m alive, And for once, That’s enough. I just wish It could stay Forever.

I just wish

I could stay Forever.

Betrayal

You asked me to survive, So don’t be surprised When I go to depths You call selfish And emerge Different.

I say I’ve become A monster. It’s easier Than saying The way you Hurt me Was Ugly.

Filled with the malice You surely used,

I want to End.

Villains and Heroes

Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

I feel like I’m at war. My heart, my soul, my brain Cannot coexist Inside this vessel Created just for them.

Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

There are days upon days I don’t even fight anymore.

I just let the star collapse, Unleashing every emotion I was taught was toxic.

Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

I’ve slayed no dragons, Conquered no kingdoms, Saved no princesses. After all, I can’t even save myself.

Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

It’s a crime

I’ve surely committed. I let myself slip into decay. I didn’t love myself Even after everyone else. So please, Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

I constantly dive Into murky, black thoughts, Knowing full well What the waters will do To my already fractured existence.

So please, Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

That mirror, It does not reflect The firing of my neurons. Just an echo Of long dead choices.

So please, I’m begging you, Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

All that’s left inside Is a hate I fear I must fan In hope its flames Will burn my corrupted Thoughts and deeds.

So please,

I’m begging you, Remind me again, Just one more time, Why I am the hero Of my story.

Chess Piece

Am I the knight, a noble defender? No, my horse has run off, and my armor is brittle.

Perhaps I am the rook, strong and fierce, but this castle? This castle has cracks.

None of these sound like me. Could I be the bishop, faithful and intelligent? No, I have lost my faith.

How about the queen, mighty and proud? My crown

no longer sits on this head.

Or maybe I’m the king, free but trapped, burdened by a meaningless importance.

The truth is I am none of these things. I am a pawn, one of many.

I just sit here like wire waiting for electricity to run its course through me, never reaching for more.

I am always waiting. Waiting to see when I will go, afraid for my turn.

Then, all of the sudden, I could be anything. I could be brave. I could believe in something, anything but me.

My golden opportunity only a few turns away. My next moves right in front of me.

Yet, I hesitate. I look around this battlefield of chess pieces.

I don’t see the queen in all of her elegance. Nor do I see the rook and his fortress of brick and mortar.

Where did the knight go? All I see is his shining armor rotting away.

Is the bishop in his robes of faith, planning and planning? What good did that do?

I see me and the king in a war of pawns that I fought.

With this victory within my grasp, I ask myself but one question.

Is there anything wrong with being me?

I am still here. I am a pawn, and a pawn can change the game.

Fight

People so often ask, How do you do it? How do you stay so strong Amid the fray?

I’m not strong; I just look it Because showing the chaos within Only sows more misery, And that I do not wish to reap.

So I keep it all in. I choose to keep the demons Locked in a cage, Away from those I love.

I choose to fight them Even when they tower Like a looming fortress.

I put them under siege.

Especially on the days They think they’ve won. I choose to show them Just how wrong they are.

Maybe one day I’ll fight the voices That tell me All these words are lies.

Bravery

My head feels like a volcano, Angry and dark. I want to watch the world burn.

I’ve been stolen From my essence For so long. I’m guilty Of so much. When I look back, All I see Is what I want to forget. Is my life.

It’s time I draw My sword My pen

Once more.

To war To write I go.

With a purpose Of bloodshed. To heal My soul.

By razing All who opposed me. By writing Every word I was never brave enough To say.

I hate you I forgive you. I’m sorry.

I love you.

That Still Small Voice

Don’t listen to anger; He’s a liar. You’re the truth. Banish fear; He’s only in your head, A mere fabrication. Push away hate; He is not eternal. Never listen to greed; He can give you nothing For everything. Ignore pride; You can always Be better. Forgive jealousy; She doesn’t know What she really has.

Instead, listen To your heart And its beating wisdom. Listen to your laugh; It spreads so much Happiness. Listen to your consciousness And its still small voice, Trying to break free. It’s okay If at first you can’t hear it. You’re human, and so am I, But it’s the ones you listen to Who win. So listen to what you know Is right.

Knight of Falling Stars

I looked up One night And saw Catastrophe.

In the cathedral Of the heavens, They were gone.

They left all these Scars in the sky In an effort to avoid All these veiled truths. They left us empty.

We became Oh so formless.

Did we chase them away, Into the endless black, Never to be seen Ever again?

With all of Our vain wishes, Did we love the lights That weren’t ours?

And hours ed Till I realized How disillusioned I was.

We Are All Falling Stars.

Star Stuff and Earthly Remains

So many lights, So little time.

Let me soar With the halos High in the sky.

Let me ride These star waves Into meteors and minerals.

Show me Space particles. Intoxicating. Rich. Does it matter How long I drift?

Just let me go Into the event horizon Of my occhiolism.

My orbit is slowly Decaying. Send me a satellite To take me home.

Back down To the person I was.

Someone who looked Into the stars and wished For a better earth Instead of another life.

Someone who could Live and laugh, Once a beautiful person. What would happen

If I could love the ground again More than the stars above?

Would I stop looking up To the lights of the sky? Could I stay anchored To myself?

Celestial Burdens

Why do we wish on shooting stars? We know they won’t come true. A shooting star isn’t magical. Maybe we are that naïve To believe in space debris Burning up in the blue. It never asked for our weight.

Wishes become their scars, Even upon a gracious impact Creating craters, a permanent reminder. No more pacts will be made Until loss of hope cascades, And stars are no longer celestial.

Wishes will lose their power. Shooting stars will stop falling and failing Unto a planet that no longer cares

About what was secret and sacred. It’ll just stay grounded till it forgets Why we ever made our wish.

No longer blazing across skies and bedroom Windows; perhaps it’s for the best. Wishes lose their power; shooting stars would Exude space dust with relief washing over them. Clear as a starlit night finally free from these Celestial burdens.

Perihelion’s Decay

Do planets regret being locked into orbits dependent on uncaring stars for light and warmth? Yet when they’re close, they want nothing more than to stay.

But the stars never cared. They watched untold planets drift into the aphelion, striking further into darkness with no will but the star’s.

Orbiting what would surely be sadness, I wonder how they continue. Is it by necessity or a mere lack of choice?

How different are we really? Orbiting those who give us light, no matter how much we may try not to,

we need their gravity.

Perhaps that’s why we worship stars. We need a little more light in our lives, yet inevitably, we can’t escape our aphelion.

Roads

The roads Are where I live.

Towering trees, Ever green, A fortress.

Mountains Looking over me. Gentle child, Have no fear. Just breathe.

An open field, Miles of open land. I can go Anywhere.

Desolate deserts Scorching anger, Waiting For release.

Skyscrapers, City lights, Chasing shadows Unknown to people Living their lives.

Small towns Saying It is possible To belong.

The roads Are where I live.

The Highway’s Cure

Highway, Take me away From this nightmare To anywhere else.

While the night shrouds All my pain, While the radio Plays all my favorites.

Driving through the dark clouds, Angry at the world for villainizing them, I will scream with the thunder And cry with the rain.

Is there any better feeling Than driving eighty miles per hour On a glistening road

Without a care in the world?

Knowing you are free, If only for a moment, You realize Everything will be okay.

The Last Chapter

Every story Is a love story. So why did ours Have to end?

I wasn’t ready To read the last chapter, To close the book On us.

I wanted more 3 a.m. conversations While the stars looked upon us, Unaware of what love truly is. They envied you and me.

Jealous of your smile, That was like what day Was to night.

They stole you.

How the heavens coveted you. They put you in front of the world, Shining bright when all was dark, And called you the moon.

Anyway

I wonder if I can be brave enough to tell you How I feel because I feel I should say it if only Once. So here goes.

I found myself falling again, and I was unsure if I Should fly or sink. If it’s all worth it. After all, I only Offer these words. Yet,

I find myself here, trying to put these feelings into Words. The elation I feel whenever I see you, only Elation doesn’t quite cover it.

It’s more like I feel like I’m among the stars when I’m with you; I know its cliché, but it’s true. When I’m with you, everything feels bright.

I can’t help but think how beautiful you are. I want to hear you laugh and watch your

Eyes light up.

Anyway, I just figured you deserved to know how I Felt. I needed to tell you these words if only once.

Vibrancy

When you smile, I try to paint So many words With the colors Of my melted heart. I’m sorry It’s not always In the yellows Sunflowers are born of, Or in the blues Of clear skies While driving eighty Down roads untranslated. I’m sorry It’s not always In the greens Of a Christmas tree With presents underneath,

Waiting to be unwrapped. I try to bleed them To show you How vibrant The world feels When I’m with you.

Still

To the one I love, What you will Always mean To me:

Thoughts of you, Like a sunrise, Brighten my day.

You’re the stardust In my heart. I wish it would coalesce Into a star.

I catch myself wishing For more time Just to see you smile,

To hear you laugh.

I’m not asking you To love me back. I’m asking you To understand What you mean to me, And maybe we go from there.

Falling Out of Love

How do I fall out of love? How do I stop seeing the magic In your smile and that laugh? I’m in love all over again.

I don’t falling. I just wishing For just one more minute To spend with you.

I know you and I Will never be. So how do I fall out of love? I’d ask you to stop.

Stop being so kind. Stop being so radiant. But that’s the last thing

I would ever want.

Even when my chest aches And I feel like looking away All because us is merely A fantasy I can’t stop seeing.

I don’t regret loving you. I could never; I regret not being What you needed. I regret not trying harder,

Because you are worth Everything, but I’m afraid To lose you to this aberration. So for now I’ll walk away And fall out of love.

Reminiscence

But that’s our story, Full of far off what ifs In a kingdom I wish Weren’t called regret.

But I’m tired of being The one who fights, So I want out Of this storybook.

To no longer be A knight; Maybe I was never Supposed to be.

But I can’t let go, And so we dive Deeper still

Into pages.

With words we it Mean little more Than nothing Yet are everything.

We call love magic, Yet we treat it Like a curse Till we resent.

Turning pages And chapters Into crumbling Memories.

Left for the moss, Would they realize These ruined fairy tales Were once us?

Fire Sale

You drew first blood And said time heals all.

Leaving scars most Would say were war.

Yet I want them To remind me.

Only love can leave Wounds so hideous.

You care like stars, Unfeeling and cold.

Yet I want them To remind me.

Despite everything, I can’t let go.

Even if the fire started Burns more than bridges.

I want to say hate Burned these bridges.

I want to take these ashes Away to a lake and hold a funeral.

But I don’t want to be dead, So just tell me you’d burn too.

The Art of Letting Go

I imagine it begins With gentle brushstrokes Painting softly words Like love, and it’ll be To a chorus of laughter. A dance to the joy Will spill some colors.

In the ensuing hues, All the yellows And blues Meld.

Becoming my new Favorite color. If only I knew.

Splashing colors

Violently collide Till nothing’s left; All the vibrancy Becomes shades.

Sometimes To love Means Letting Go.

I imagine it ends

About the Author

Ian Skrivseth has been writing stories for most of his life and poetry for the past two years. To date, he has penned over two hundred poems—the best of which are included in his debut collection, Graveyard of the Gods. Ian resides in Iowa City, Iowa.