Nate And The Invisible Girl: Gulf City High, #4 o2r68

Contents

1. Sam

2. Nate

3. Sam

4. Nate

5. Sam

6. Nate

7. Sam

8. Nate

9. Sam

10. Nate

11. Sam

12. Nate

13. Sam

14. Nate

15. Sam

16. Nate

17. Sam

18. Nate

19. Sam

20. Nate

21. Nate

22. Sam

23. Nate

Epilogue

We Thought We Were Invincible

A Note From Michelle

About Michelle

2020 Michelle MacQueen All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons is entirely coincidental. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Printed in the United States of America Image © DepositPhotos – GeniusKp Cover Design © Designed with Grace Editing by Cindy Ray Hale

For the people who don’t let me become invisible behind the illness.

1

Sam

The clicking of her camera overcame the crashing of the waves until it was all Samantha Reed heard. Open. Shut. Open. Shut. Her shutter resembled what she’d always felt about her life. Each time an opportunity came, it disappeared just as quickly. Dropping to her knees for a better angle, she watched the magnificence that was Brayden Madison as he ran from the water, his board tucked under his arm. She didn’t know when she’d fallen for her best friend. She’d loved him for as long as she could . His teeth flashed when he saw her. “You watching me, Sammy?” His grin widened. “You should feel what it’s like on those waves today.” He dropped his board next to her and shook water from his sun-bleached hair, oblivious to the pain such simple words could cause. Yes, she should be able to experience the waves. She should know what it was like to stand without leaning on her cane or to walk the length of their beach without her uncoordinated legs collapsing beneath her. Standing, she brushed the sand from her knees. “I’ll have you know, I am perfectly happy on more solid ground.” “Of course, you are, Sammy. Because you know nothing else.” He slung his arm over her shoulder and plucked the camera from her hand. “Hope you got a good shot of me.” “I always get good shots,” she mumbled, hating how much she enjoyed his arm keeping her steady. “Give that back.” She reached for the camera. He held it above her head. “You’re always so touchy about this thing.”

“Stop being a jerk.” What she hadn’t told him or anyone else was that the camera was the last gift her father gave her before he died when she was twelve. She’d been a girl just discovering her ataxia, a genetic disorder that affected her more than she’d it, and her father told her that through a camera she could see the world any way she wanted. She’d never forgotten his words. Shrugging away from Brayden, Sam turned on her heel, lifting her camera to catch his handsome face. He stuck out his tongue, and she laughed as she stumbled backward, snapping photos with one hand. She was still grinning when her foot caught on something, and she fell back, unable to catch herself. A moment of dizziness struck her until strong arms wrapped around her back. “I’ve got you.” Clinging to Brayden without shame, she steadied her breathing, counting in her head. His touch sent a shiver down her spine, but she tried to ignore his bare chest or the way his strong hands held her together. Righting herself, she stepped out of his grasp just as a voice called to them. “Sam! Bray! It’s on!” Sam lifted her eyes to where her other best friend Bailey—Brayden’s sister— leaned against the railing on the deck hovering over the beach. The Madison and Reed houses stood side-by-side, looming over a private section of beach where Sam, Brayden, and Bailey had grown up together with their moms. The families did everything together, operating more as one entity rather than two. Two adults—Sam’s mom and Brayden’s mom—and three kids. Sam’s feelings for Brayden would break the perfect world they’d created. Pushing away any remnants of dizziness, Sam climbed the steps to the Madison’s deck, pulling herself up on the railing while Brayden went back for his surfboard. Bailey led Sam into the living room where they plopped down on the L-shaped black leather couch. Unlike Sam’s house next door, the Madison’s space didn’t

scream “beach”. Instead, it combined contemporary clean lines and sophistication. “I can’t believe this is happening,” Bailey squealed, lunging across the couch for the remote. “My brother might make a professional surf team.” No, not Brayden. The other brother they hadn’t even seen since they were kids. Mr. and Ms. Madison divorced years ago, and they gave each kid a choice of who they wanted to live with. Bailey and Brayden stayed with their mom. But Nate… well, he’d always differed from them. With less than amicable relations between the parents, the kids’ relationships suffered. Sam couldn’t the last time she’d seen Nate. He must have been ten, a few years older than her. But age had never mattered between the Reeds and Madisons. Bailey was Sam’s age, but Brayden was a year younger. And now… Twenty-year-old Nate was competing in a national surf competition in Oahu, hoping to earn a spot on the Rip Curl professional surfing team. What kind of world was this? Brayden walked in and took one look at the announcer talking about the competition on the TV screen before shaking his head and walking to his room. As the time neared Nate’s turn, their moms appeared. Ms. Madison took a seat beside Bailey while Sam’s mom plopped down next to her. Nate’s picture flashed across the screen, and Sam’s mom whistled. “That boy grew up good.” “Ewww.” Bailey plugged her ears. “Don’t say things like that, Kylie.” While their teasing continued, Sam zeroed in on the tv, listening to every word said about Nate. They spoke of him surfing in competitions along the west coast and even traveling to Australia. In his picture, he didn’t smile, and his eyes were beautiful both in their intense ocean color and their hardness. He looked like a cross between Brayden and Bailey with chestnut hair, tips lightened by the sun, and golden skin.

Brayden ed them as Nate’s picture disappeared, and they moved on to talking about someone else. Wedging himself between Bailey and Sam, Brayden forced them to make room. He’d changed from his swim trunks into a pair of low-slung sweatpants and a soft cotton t-shirt. Bailey elbowed her brother. “Nate’s as beautiful as you think you are, bro.” Brayden only grunted. Sam had been on the receiving end of many of Brayden’s rants about his older brother. The two barely knew each other anymore, but Brayden blamed Nate, saying he’d abandoned his younger siblings. Frankly, there was no love lost between them. Bailey romanticized everything. To her, Nate only left because he had a greater destiny, one he couldn’t fulfill in their small town of Gulf City, Florida. Sam peeked at Ms. Madison out of the corner of her eye. A tear slid down the woman’s face. Sam supposed seeing Nate hurt her worst of all. Yet, none of them would have ever missed this. Watching his competition allowed them to feel like they were still a part of his life, like they still knew him. “Do you think he’ll win?” Bailey asked. “Probably not, Bails.” Brayden laughed. “There are actual good surfers there.” The need to defend Nate rose in Sam. She’d always hated the way Brayden saw him, but her feelings for Brayden usually prevented her from saying anything. Now, though, as Nate readied to take on monster waves, Sam couldn’t hold the words back. “You only wish you were as good as him.” Avoiding their glances, he stood and stormed from the room. Guess the truth hurts. “That was harsh, Sam.” Her mom gave her a disappointed frown.

But they didn’t understand. Sam had her first ataxic attack when she was seven years old. She’d lost control of all her muscle functions and couldn’t walk, speak, or see. It was the scariest moment of her life, a day she’d never forget. She was so young that her friends and family could barely her before the episodes. Sometimes it was hard for her to imagine a time before as well. Nate had been her friend, her constant companion when her life changed. I’ve got you, Sammy. I’ll take care of you. A year later, he left, taking her childlike semblance of safety with him. The boy they’d shown on screen was not him. Not anymore. She leaned forward, not wanting to miss a single moment as the camera panned over the rolling waves, zooming in on surfers finishing their heats. “Nate already made it to the semi-final heat.” Ms. Madison’s voice shook with excitement. “That’s next.” The ocean cleared out for only a moment before a new crop of surfers took to the waves. “That’s him in the blue rash guard.” Bailey bounced in her seat. “My brother is on TV.” Nate paddled out among the other surfers and sat up on his board. Sam didn’t take her eyes from him as he waited before choosing a wave. He paddled with a strength she’d never imagined in him when he was an awkward, gangly kid. And when he stood to conquer the wave, strength and grace collided. He twisted, and his board cut into the wave as if each move was an effortless dance and his partner was the sea. Sam could barely stand, but she’d always longed to feel the power of the ocean underneath her feet. Bailey and Brayden claimed nothing else compared. As he reached the end of his ride, Nate dove into the ocean, coming back up with a grin on his face. The camera zoomed in on him as he went out to catch another wave.

When the announcer told them he’d made the final, Bailey and her mom jumped from their seats. Even Brayden reappeared, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. Sam leaned back into the couch, trying not to let her pride show too much. They had to wait for another semi-final heat to finish and a break before the final. By the time it rolled around, the tension in the house choked the air. It seemed as though they worried they’d miss something if they spoke. Nate paddled out once more. He sat on his board, waiting. For what, they didn’t know. Maybe the perfect wave? Maybe for his nerves to go away? Whatever it was, he found it. A perfect roller came toward him, and he dug his hands through the water, looking in complete control of every moment. Sam saw the moment something went wrong, and she sucked in a breath, seeing his perfectly coiled control unravel moments before he toppled from his board. She recognized it because she faced the same loss of control every day. As he fell, she wasn’t sure she heard anyone in the room take a single breath. Like her, maybe their hearts were breaking as they considered what this meant. Nate hadn’t won. With such a quick fall, he’d be lucky to get onto the podium even if he found another wave in enough time. For a long time – too long – he didn’t resurface. Bailey gripped Sam’s hand, her fingers tightening. Now, it was their turn to wait. People on the beach stood, perfect strangers, as if trying to see the boy who could’ve been any of them. Emergency personal crashed into the water as Nate’s once unbeatable surfboard drifted ashore with the fizzling waves, the last remnants of a dream gone so wrong. Sniffles came from the people around Sam, but she only watched the search for Nate with wide eyes. She’d taught herself over years of heartbreaking illness that letting herself get emotional wasn’t an option. At least in front of other people.

Brayden moved to the back of the couch and put a hand on his mom’s shoulder. That was the thing about fear. It could be debilitating, but it could also bring change for good, like overcoming sibling hatred. Joy shot through Sam’s body as two emergency personnel pulled Nate from the water, and she felt like she could breathe again. The announcers chattered on about past accidents at competitions, but Sam didn’t pay them any attention as she watched the motionless Nate Madison. After what felt like years of torment, Sam finally saw his body convulse, and his eyes open. The beautiful boy who’d tried to conquer the sea was still alive.

2

Nate

The ocean used to be a refuge, but Nate Madison no longer felt its safe comfort. Instead, anger ripped through him as he sat on the beach where he’d spent so many years learning the be the kind of surfer who didn’t almost drown during the most important competition of their lives. Picking up a rock, he flung it into the water. It landed with a satisfying splash. “It’s your fault.” He stared at the contemptible waves and the men and women riding them with ease. When he moved to Long Beach, California with his dad, he’d been a sad kid. His brother and sister had stayed behind in Florida with his mom, but as much as he’d wanted to stay home, he couldn’t let his dad be on his own. He hadn’t realized the deteriorating situation between his parents would mean he was choosing which part of the family to never see again. The waves became his connection to home. When he was out there, he could imagine they were the same waves crashing against the beach behind his old house, the same waves Bailey and Brayden rode. But that was a child’s dream. And now the waves were nothing more than dark water threatening to swallow him whole. He’d faced the end. As that roller trapped him, tumbling him over and over, he hadn’t thought he’d make it out. And now that he had survived? He wasn’t sure what to do. A shadow loomed over him. His best friend, Oliver, plopped down in the sand at his side. “You moping again?”

“No.” Nate refused to look at him, because, yes, he was moping. “Look, I’m—” “If you say you’re sorry again, I’ll snap your board in half.” “That’s mean. Plus, I didn’t even bring my board.” “I know where you live.” They’d lived in the same neighborhood a mile from the beach since Nate had moved there when he was ten. Since the first day they met, they’d done everything together. Until now. Until Nate screwed up the biggest opportunity of his life, and they offered Oliver his spot on the surf team. A spot Oliver didn’t even want. It was hard not to hate him for how easy it all seemed to come. “I really am sorry, though, man.” Oliver dug his hands into the sand, a habit he had whenever things got too real. It was like he thought he could bury everything he felt. “But I don’t want it.” “You should take the spot.” He’d be dumb to refuse. Oliver sighed. “Surfing is cool, bro, but it was never my dream.” “Then why did you compete?” He shrugged. “It was fun.” Fun. Something Nate had worked toward for years, training all the time instead of enjoying his life. He’d rarely dated, never partied. He’d known nothing other than his goal. And Oliver thought it was fun. “How are you feeling, really?” That was the question, wasn’t it? Physically, he was fine. He’d been shaken up and gotten all the tests to make sure nothing else was wrong. But mentally… he

didn’t know what he was. “I’m fine.” Oliver looked at him out of the corner of his eye, a look that said he smelled bull. He didn’t ask why Nate fell in the competition. No one had. Maybe they all knew he wouldn’t give them a truthful answer. Did Nate even know the truth? For a moment, as he’d stood on his board, seeing the wave curl in toward him, he hadn’t been able to breathe. Fear wasn’t something he’d ever experienced while surfing, but in the biggest moment of his life, it was all he’d felt. Oliver sat quiet for a long moment. “I was sent here to find you.” “My dad or your mom?” Their parents had been dating for a few months. Oliver’s mom was not the person Nate would have picked for his dad. She lived off the alimony from her first husband and spent her time shopping and laying on the beach. Oliver got his work habits from her, but he was also a good guy, genuine. The same couldn’t be said for his mom. “Both. They… uh…” He sighed. “They want you there for the celebration.” “Celebration?” “They’re throwing me a party today for winning the competition.” Of course. For anyone else, Nate would have begged off, claiming more pressing matters. But this was Oliver, the best guy he knew. For him, Nate could get over himself. For him, Nate could pretend not to feel this hole inside himself. Oliver stood and held a hand down. Nate gripped it and pulled himself to his feet. As they reached the parking lot, Oliver stopped. “I feel like I should tell you something.” “Just spit it out.” Nate opened the driver’s side of his silver Miata convertible.

Oliver’s car matched his, except for the red color - gifts from their parents who’d bought them together. “I overheard my mom answering the phone at your house.” “Oliver…” “It was your mom.” Nate froze. For all he knew, his mom wrote him off years ago. She had her two other perfect children. None of them tried to get in with him after he chose his dad. “Do you know why she was calling?” Oliver shook his head. “But…” “What?” “Okay, so, we both know my mom is a piece of work.” “Yeah, and?” “I heard her saying your mom needed to stop calling, that your dad had been telling her that for years. I think…” He didn’t need to finish that sentence for Nate to get it. His mom had been trying to reach him and been blocked by his dad. “I’m not sure if it even matters.” “Of course, it does.” “My mom doesn’t even know me. Bailey, Brayden… I wouldn’t recognize them in a crowded room. You’re more my brother than them.” “We’re bros. But Nate… they must have been so worried after your accident.” Nate laughed at that. “I doubt they were even watching.” He sat in his car and slid his sunglasses down to shield his eyes. “See you at the house.” As he peeled out of the parking lot, he wished he could go anywhere but his own home.

The Mediterranean inspired home loomed over the street Nate parked along. Through the side yard, he spotted the canal, sun glinting off the water. When he first moved into the house with his dad all those years ago, he’d hated the canal because it wasn’t the ocean he’d had in his backyard in Florida. But he’d hated everything that first year. Now, the wide brick steps took him to the only home he had. A banner hung between two pillars, spanning the space in front of the hickory front door. It read “congratulations”. He knew his dad had good intentions, he always did. He probably bought the banner when he was sure his son would win the competition. He doubted anyone imagined he’d screw everything up so badly. It’d been three days, and still, the sting of defeat hadn’t lessened. When he’d stepped off the plane three hours ago, he hadn’t gone home like they’d all expected, because walking through that door meant facing what happened. It meant looking into his dad’s eyes and knowing he’d disappointed the only person he had left. Oliver ed him on the doorstep. “You planning on staying out here all afternoon?” “Possibly.” “I’m not going in there without you.” “It’s your party, Oliver. You have to.” “The only thing I have to do is to be there for you.” He’d never deserved a friend like Oliver. If the tables were turned, he’d have taken that spot on the surf team whether or not his friend wanted it. Nate’s father taught him a lot in his quest for legal godliness. Look out for yourself. The only person who will care about you like they should is you.

He was about to turn away when the massive double doors opened, revealing a slim Hispanic woman with long, curled dark hair. “There’s my boy.” She smiled, flashing white teeth as she reached forward to hug Oliver. “I am so proud of what you’ve accomplished.” “Ma.” He pulled out of her embrace, looking sideways at Nate. “You already saw me when I got home from the airport. Don’t put on a show just to prove something to Nate. It wasn’t his day, but he’s still better than me.” She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t put yourself down. You’re the best, baby. You proved it.” Oliver stepped around her and entered the house without another word, leaving Nate to face off against the woman. Ariana Lopez came from money and married into money. Her divorce settlement was more than most people see in a lifetime. Her keen eyes studied Nate’s disheveled post-plane/post-beach appearance. “Clean up before ing us to celebrate, Oliver.” Turning on her heel, she left him standing there, once again the unwanted presence in his own life. He’d considered moving out and finding his own way. At twenty years old, it was what he should have done. But he spent more time away at surf competitions than at home. It wasn’t the Rip Curl team, but he still got to travel with a surf team from Long Beach. The waves were his life. He walked through the immaculate home, kept clean by a host of cleaning people his father paid very little. There’d been a time when he hadn’t surrounded Nate with men and women he didn’t know. Not bothering to clean up as ‘suggested’, Nate dropped his duffel in his room and made his way out to the patio overlooking the canal. Tan bricks spanned their yard. White lights draped between columns, blinking as they swung back and forth in the summer breeze. The sun sank down over the canal as he ed his father’s business partners and clients. Most acknowledged him with a nod. Did they know of his failure? Men like that didn’t watch surfing competitions.

A few of Nate’s old friends sat with Oliver, but he wasn’t feeling social, so he lowered himself to a lounger overlooking the water. Someone sat next to him, and he turned to look into the face of Mr. Drake, one of the partners in his dad’s firm. Mr. Drake smiled. “Nathan, I haven’t seen you in almost a year.” Nate shrugged. “I haven’t been in town much.” “Your father tells me you’ve settled on UCLA in the fall. Law school like the old man, huh? Well, let me just say that we would be more than happy to have you interning at the firm next summer. Who knows? There could be a job waiting for you when you graduate.” He tipped his glass as if to clink it against Nate’s nonexistent one, stood, and walked away with a smile as if he’d just made Nate’s dreams come true. UCLA? Law School? He’d been putting off college for years and putting off his father’s expectations for longer. It wasn’t like his dad pushed. He let Nate chase his surfing dream. He’d only wanted him to have a backup. But now? After a single fall? His gaze drifted to his dad across the patio, laughing as his eyes danced in the light. No one would ever claim the man wasn’t likable. Ariana stood at his side, her hand clamped onto his wrist. And Nate couldn’t take it anymore. This wasn’t his life. Standing, he marched toward his dad. His dad’s smile widened. “Nathan! It’s good to have you home, kid.” And years ago, it would have been good to be home. Back when it was just the two of them, best friends, family. “UCLA, dad? Really?” His dad’s smile fell. “If you’ll excuse us.” He gestured to Nate to follow him back into the house. Ariana tried to them, but Nate’s cutting look stopped her in her path. His dad shut the double glass doors and turned to his son with a sigh. “I didn’t want to talk about this until you’re ready.”

Nate crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m ready now.” Rubbing a hand across his face, his dad fixed him with a concerned stare. “It’s time to move toward your future.” “And you know what this future is?” “Nathan, every door could be open for you if you follow my path.” He waved a hand around the large house. “Don’t you want all this?” “No. I don’t. I want to be happy, Dad.” “And you don’t think I am?” “You used to be.” He sighed. “Son, success can make you happy.” “Depends on where that success comes. I’m not a lawyer, Dad, I’m a surfer.” “Were. You were a surfer. I’m sorry son, but you didn’t make it. And I can no longer fund a path I don’t believe in.” He laughed at that. He’d been funding himself for a while with winnings from competitions and also work at various surf shops giving lessons. His dad didn’t get that Nate didn’t want his money. “I failed, Dad. Failed. Days ago. Don’t you think this is all a little soon?” “It’s never too soon to worry about your future.” “Unbelievable. Thanks for your faith, oh parent of mine. It means a lot.” He put a hand on each of Nate’s shoulders. “I have always had faith in you.” Nate knew the truth in his words. He was the child who’d chosen his father over his mother. He’d been at his side for everything. His dad let him be who he wanted to be. Until now. Once you teach a kid to think for themselves, you can’t expect them to allow someone else to make their decisions.

Shrugging off his dad’s hands, Nate stepped back. He opened his mouth to say something else but was cut off when the doors opened. Ariana pasted a fake smile on her face. “Randall, it’s time.” His dad met Nate’s eyes, some fear in there Nate couldn’t decipher. “Time for what?” His dad didn’t answer as he followed his girlfriend back to the patio. Oliver appeared at Nate’s side. “Want to get out of here soon?” “It’s your party.” Oliver laughed. “Come on, man. They may use me as an excuse, but if it was my party, it sure as hell wouldn’t be full of stuffy suits.” Ariana tapped her fork against her crystal champagne flute. A caterer ed out glasses of champagne to the rest of the attendees. Oliver took one, but Nate ed. Ariana’s lilting accented voice drifted over them. “Thank you all for coming to celebrate my boy, Oliver.” Beside Nate, Oliver groaned. Ariana slid her hand into Nate’s dad’s and raised it. “We have an announcement to make.” No. Nate backed away. This wasn’t happening. He saw the apology in his father’s eyes before Ariana spoke the words. But an apology wouldn’t fix this, it wouldn’t change the fact that Nate found out right alongside all the nameless businessmen in their thousand dollar suits. “We’re getting married.” The words almost didn’t . Nate heard Ariana continue to speak as excited chatter surrounded them, but he didn’t pay attention to her words. His dad tried to break free of her, presumably to reach his son, but she tightened her grip. Because they’d both known what he’d think. How couldn’t they? Did they see

the angry crash before the train came down the tracks? “Nate.” Oliver gripped his shoulder. His friend. His… brother? Ariana watched them with a sly smile on her vapid face, a succubus ready to suck the life right from Randall Madison, from his son. Nate took a step back. It was all too much. His dad’s demands about college. Losing his chance at a surfing career. And now this? “Nate, look at me.” Nate shook his head. “I can’t be here.” His eyes slid to the guests fawning over Ariana. He turned to walk inside. “Where are you going?” Oliver followed him. Inside, Nate stopped and whirled around to face his best friend. “Did you know?” The truth appeared as shame in his eyes. Nate’s father hadn’t felt the need to tell him, but Oliver’s mom told her son. “I’m out of here.” Nate rushed across the tile floor to the hardwood staircase. He ran up the steps to his room. After dumping his duffel, he refilled it with clean clothes and the few possessions he cared about. “Nate, stop.” Oliver blocked him from leaving the room. “You can’t just leave.” “As my dad said, it’s time I choose my future, Oliver. And that future isn’t here. Get out of my way.” He shouldered past him and thundered down the steps. It wasn’t until he retrieved his short board from the garage and threw it in the back seat, he realized Oliver was the only person watching him go, the only one who’d cared

enough to follow. As Nate drove away, he wasn’t sure where he’d go, only that it was time to figure out where he belonged. It sure as heck wasn’t Long Beach, California.

3

Sam

Samantha Reed had a superpower. She could make herself invisible. Okay, to be invisible, you probably had to be visible in the first place, but the fact remained, no one saw the girl behind the cane. And most of the time, she thought she was okay with that. The last week of class before summer always seemed like the longest week of the year. Sam hated school. She didn’t hate learning, but sitting in a windowless room, constantly worrying about her next episode was not her idea of fun. She never stopped thinking about it. No matter where she was, fear cloaked her surroundings. She tried not to worry about it. If an ataxia episode hit, she couldn’t do anything about it, but each time, it embarrassed her. The loss of muscle control coated many of her high school memories in an extra layer of shame. From falling down staircases, to standing still in the middle of a crowded hall unable to move, it was never fun. Even with the help of her cane, she couldn’t keep herself from these awful moments. Then there was Mr. Smith, the gym teacher who publicly yelled at her each time she needed to lay down in the office. The term “Lazy” wasn’t exactly a new one to her. Which was why summer was her savior. As soon as the week ended, she’d only have one more year in this school, one more year of never quite fitting in. Tapping her pencil against the desk, she glanced at the clock just as the bell rang. Time for lunch. With a sigh, she rose and bent down to pick up her books, holding them under one arm while she wrapped fingers around the handle of her

cane. Ever since the Gulf City High school shooting a few years before, the principal didn’t allow them to carry book bags. Most people didn’t mind, but it made getting from class to class more of a challenge for Sam. As she reached the door, a wave of dizziness washed over her, and her hand shot out to grip the wall. Her books crashed to the ground as students pushed by her, oblivious or uncaring that she was doing all she could just to remain on her feet. Stepping forward, relief spread through her when her muscles obeyed. Some episodes took all control of her body away from her. Brayden appeared near the door, his eyes finding her. “Sammy.” He reached for her, probably noticing the signs. She hated to take the help, but leaning on her best friend was better than collapsing in front of the entire school. “Bray, I need to get to the office.” She didn’t have to ask him twice. He picked up her books and wrapped an arm around her waist, lending her his strength. With him holding her up on one side and the use of the cane on the other, she managed to walk. Each time an episode hit, Sam went into strategic mode. She had no room for emotions or weakness when she had to think about each step she took. Her father used to tell her she was strong for how logically she dealt with what life gave her. But she didn’t feel strong. Their classmates stared as they ed. She doubted it was because the golden boy had his arm around the weird girl. They’d seen it enough times to know it wasn’t as it looked. The constant eyes following her used to irritate her, but it was now just another crappy part of life that became normal for her. She’d never let any of them know her. They probably thought they did because her cane made them privy to her personal struggles. She wore her biggest problem out for everyone to see. But beyond that, the girl she was disappeared behind the cane. She couldn’t blame them for not understanding. It wasn’t like she’d made the effort to get to know them either. Brayden didn’t talk as he helped her walk to the office and pushed open the door.

Ms. Madison, the vice-principal, appeared from her doorway at the back. “Sam.” She rushed forward. “Honey, are you okay?” “I’m just dizzy today. It’s not a bad one.” She wondered if most people would have considered the dizziness and lack of control as bad as it got… but Sam knew it could always be worse. Sometimes it was. Ms. Madison pointed to a chair, and Brayden helped her into it. “Can you drive her home, Bray?” He shook his head. “Mom, I have a meeting with next year’s surf team after school, ?” “You can come back.” “No.” He sent Sam an apologetic look. “Sorry. It’s the last week of school. Maybe you could stay here the rest of the day and then catch a ride with Bailey after her last class?” Sam had spent a lot of time sitting in the office as she tried to stay upright. It wasn’t anything new to her, but the prospect of an entire afternoon like that sounded awful. Brayden shrugged as he turned and walked back out into the hall. “Some best friend,” she muttered, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. Ms. Madison’s disapproval was clear on her face. She always expected more from her kids. Turning to Sam, she sighed. “I’m sorry, honey. Brayden is very busy.” Sam couldn’t fault him for that. He deserved to have a life. “Give your mom a call.” Ms. Madison handed Sam her personal cell phone. Her mom came immediately, driving the short distance to the school. Ms. Madison helped Sam through the now-empty halls to where her mom’s Kia idled out front. Sam’s mom offered her a sympathetic smile as she got into the car. The road spun around them as they drove.

Her stomach turned over, and she tried her best to hold her breakfast down as her vision blurred. By the time they pulled into the cracked driveway of their old beach house, she could barely make out her surroundings. Her mom jumped out and ran around to her side of the car, helping her out as she’d done a million times before. Sam vaguely noticed an unknown car in the Madison’s driveway next door, but she didn’t see the boy walking toward them until he stopped and dropped his duffel on the ground. “Hey…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m looking for the Madisons. Do you know where I’d find any of them?” Sam tried to respond. She tried to ask him why he needed to find them. But the moment she opened her mouth, the contents of her stomach exploded forth, and her knees buckled. She dropped to the ground, the crushed shells of the driveway digging into her bare knees. Her mom tried to help her up, but blackness crept into the edges of her vision, and Sam ed out at the stranger’s feet.

A drop of water rolling down Sam’s cheek woke her from her restless sleep. She couldn’t the last time she’d ed out from one of her episodes. She groaned as she wiped drool from the corner of her mouth and opened her eyes. The spinning no longer tortured her, leaving in its wake a bone-deep exhaustion. Rolling over, Sam pulled herself from the bed, stumbling when her feet hit the floor. Her mom walked in. “You shouldn’t be out of bed, but since you are, we need to do something about this depressing room.” She walked to the blackout curtains covering the ocean view and pulled them aside. Light poured in, and Sam covered her eyes. Her mom unlatched the windows and pushed them open. The sound of water crashing on the shore filled the space. “Mom, I like my darkness.” Coming from someone else, it would have been funny, but her mom rode her constantly about the hole she sank into after each episode. She wasn’t wrong. Sam wanted to believe the rest of the world didn’t exist. Her mom smoothed down her flowing white skirt. “I have some work to do.” Her Royal Hippiness worked for a non-profit trying to clean up the oceans. It had been a shared ion between Sam’s parents. While her mom secured funds for worthy causes, her dad did in-depth reporting on companies and governments harming the ocean. The job fit her mom with her massive earrings and loosefitting clothes. Not to mention the shark tattoo creeping up her collarbone. What they didn’t look close enough to see was that it contained a name. Camden Reed, Sam’s dad. Instead of leaving to get her work done, Sam’s mom watched something out the window. Sam stumbled toward her, gripping the bedpost for . Down on the beach, a lone figure sat, looking out at the water. Sam searched her brain for who would be on their private beach. Brayden and Bailey were still at school. Memories returned to Sam. Puking. ing out at some guy’s feet. “Did he tell you who he is?”

Her mom shook her head. “He just helped me get you to bed.” “You let a total stranger into the house?” “Well, kid, it was that or let you sleep it off out on the driveway.” Her lips curved up. “He seemed okay. Not like a serial killer or anything.” “He’s worse than a serial killer. He’s a beach crasher.” Her mom chuckled. “How is that worse?” “Can you hand me my cane?” “Sam, you’re not going out there. You just had an episode, and you can barely stand.” “Please?” She didn’t want to confront him, not really, but she needed to know why some stranger was sitting on their beach. What did he want? She saw the hesitation in her mom. Once upon a time, she’d been the strict parent. But Sam’s father had believed in children making their own choices, and her mom always said she wanted to do as he would. She waffled between giving her freedom and wanting to protect her - when she was around at all. Since her husband’s death, she’d taken to retreating to her office and losing herself in her work. Sam’s mom retrieved the black, four-pronged cane from the entryway closet and brought it to Sam. She hated the cane as much as she needed it. It instantly drew every eye in the vicinity her way. People thought they could ask personal questions about her health or pry into her life. Just because her illness was so visible, perfect strangers acted as if she owed them answers. It took every bit of concentration for her to walk from the room. Even with the cane, her uncoordinated feet didn’t want to cooperate. She managed to get to the giant glass sliders that separated the open living room from the back deck. Her mom opened the doors. “I’ll be right in here working if you need help getting back.” Sam nodded, grateful for her mom. She’d always had her back just as much as anyone else. There were worse people to have around if you were sick. Sam knew she lucked out in that regard. She basically had two moms and two best

friends who’d always take care of her. She just didn’t want to need to be taken care of. Gripping the wooden rail, she descended the steps slowly, just trying not to collapse. It was a dance she knew better than any other - managing not to fall or hurt herself when it seemed like she had no control over her movements. At the bottom of the steps, the tips of her cane dug into the white sand, leaving a trail as she dragged it along with each step. The stranger sat near the edge of the water, his arms resting on his knees, and his head bowed. He didn’t look up as she approached. It was almost as if he wasn’t there, like his mind had left him and only a shell remained. Sam took the opportunity to study him as she neared. He didn’t look much older than her. Chestnut hair, highlighted by the sun, curled around his ears as the wind blew it back from his forehead. He looked every bit the surfer with tanned skin and a lean, toned frame. Was he there to see Brayden? He’d asked for the Madisons, right? Beside him on the sand was a duffle bag and a short board. Did he plan to stay? “Um…” At the sound of her voice, his head snapped up. “Hi.” She tried to take a step, but her foot chose that moment to fail her, turning to the side. A soft cry left her lips as she pitched forward, her cane falling from her grasp. Her knees hit the sand only inches away from where the stranger sat. She’d almost fallen on him. Just great, Sam. “I’m sorry.” She scrambled to sit back. “I uh… hi. Just… who are you?” Smooth, real smooth. The stranger stared at her for a moment, and she got the feeling she’d seen him somewhere before. “It’s okay, Sam.”

“H-how did you know my name? Did my mom tell you?” He stared back out at the ocean. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be living next door. Even when I saw you get out of the car, I didn’t recognize you. Then you threw up.” The corner of his mouth curled up. “I definitely recognized you then.” Boldness struck her, and she reached out to grip his chin and turn his face toward her. A face she’d seen on TV two weeks ago. Her gaze met his, and she dropped her hand. “Nate?” “It’s been a long time, Sammy.” “No one calls me Sammy anymore.” Except Nate’s brother. His brother! Oh, crap. The Madisons hadn’t seen Nate in years. Ms. Madison tried so hard to reach her son and was blocked at every turn. Eventually, she’d learned the truth. He hadn’t wanted to see her. They weren’t the only people he’d left. Nate had been her family just as much as his siblings were. Of the three Madison kids, he’d been the one who understood her. When they’d gone off to run around and do things she couldn’t do with her illness, it was Nate who stayed by her side like a protective older brother. Until he’d just been gone. “My mom is probably looking for me.” She used her cane to stand. Nate watched her with deep sorrow in his eyes. Sam had never seen him look so sad. “Stay. Please.” She couldn’t. She didn’t know why Nate was sitting on the beach he’d walked away from, but it was too much. Pain pounded in her skull, reminding her she wasn’t just a normal girl seeing an old friend at the beach. When he’d left, she’d felt so alone. Brayden and Bailey couldn’t make up for the friend she’d lost, especially when they were dealing with losing their dad and brother. Nate jumped to his feet to follow her. “Let me help you.” “No, I can walk on my own.” He slung his duffel over one shoulder and grabbed his board. “Come on, Sammy.

You obviously need my help.” He was right. She stopped, unable to take another step as her legs locked up, feeling like they were stuck in concrete. With a sigh, she nodded. Nate wrapped an arm around her waist like he’d done so many times when they were kids. Memories flooded her. I’ll always take care of you, Sammy. They’d been the naïve words of a child. Leaving his belongings at the bottom of the steps, he helped her up and through the back door. Sam’s mom appeared from her office. “You good, Sam?” “Yeah. Nate was just helping me.” She fell onto the couch, thankful to get away from Nate. “You ran off so quickly after helping me with Sam, I didn’t even realize who you were.” She raised an eyebrow. “Welcome home, Nate.” Home? Was this still his home? Nate sat on the arm of the couch. Sam waited for him to leave. He’d seemed content enough out on the beach, and they only had an hour or so until his mom would be home. But instead, he slid from the arm down onto the end of the couch, making himself at home as if he’d been hanging out there for years. Sam’s mom only sent her a smirk before retreating back to her office. “Where’s your dad?” Nate scanned the room, probably noticing how little it changed over the years. They couldn’t afford to upgrade the worn beach look. The question ricocheted through her, hurting each cell it touched. Her dad. The truth was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t get the words out. “Work,” she blurted. “Is he on one of his trips? I thought he worked from home when he wasn’t

traveling.” “Yeah, well, a lot changes in ten years, Nate.” Like death. Like the progression of her illness. His expression darkened, but he didn’t respond. Why now? It was the question she wanted to ask. Instead, she decided to make their awkwardness even worse. “We watched you.” His jaw clenched, and she knew he realized what she meant. The surf competition. “I didn’t know anyone here cared enough what I did.” She let that one slide. “You fell off your board.” “I did.” “You could have died.” “I didn’t.” “I’m sorry.” He sighed. “Me, too.” Their eyes locked, and neither of them said another word until the front door crashed open. “Sammy!” Brayden’s voice called. “They canceled my meeting and everyone seems to be busy, so I figured we could play Fallout.” She hated how his words sounded, like she was an afterthought, a last resort to entertain him. But that was just Bray. He cared about her in his own way. Walking around the corner, Brayden froze as he caught sight of his brother on the couch. Nate stood to face him. “Hey, brother.” Brayden turned on his heel. “On second thought, Sammy, I’m going to hit the waves.”

She didn’t mention that there weren’t any surfable waves today, and Nate didn’t go after him. Instead, he sank back onto the couch. “Guess we know how this is going to go.” Sam leaned her head back against the cushions. “Brayden is… difficult.” She stared at the door he’d disappeared out of. “He always was.” He pursed his lips. “And you still have this obsession with him. I can see it.” She bristled, preparing to defend herself before realizing she didn’t need to. Nate wasn’t a friend; he wasn’t part of her life. Not anymore. “That’s not any of your business, is it?” “Sam-” “You left, Nate. That’s fine. No one said you needed to stay with your mom. But you never came back. They waited for you to respond to any calls. You lost the right to care about any of our feelings the day you decided we weren’t worth your time.” Nate opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His shoulders hunched, and he put his head in his hands, releasing a long breath. “Why are you here, Nate?” He lifted his eyes to hers. “Because I had nowhere else to go.” “You better come up with a better reason before seeing your mom and Bailey. If you hurt them…” “I know. They always deserved better than me.” Outside, a car door slammed. Nate looked to the door, longing in his eyes. Sam nudged him with her foot. “Go. We don’t let strangers sit on our beach, so try to stop being a stranger.” He smiled at that, but it dropped quickly. As much as the Reed and Madison

clans claimed to be a family, Sam wasn’t his sister. She wasn’t one of the people he had to face. Nate left her staring into the black screen of the television. She closed her eyes, letting her entire body relax. Nate was home.

4

Nate

Nate wasn’t sure what he expected when he decided to drive across the country with zero notice and show up on the doorstep of a mom he hadn’t seen in years. A mom who’d written him off with the same pen stroke she’d used on his dad. Sam said he couldn’t hurt his mom again, but what about him? He’d just been a kid when his dad convinced him to leave his siblings and move to California. He’d played the pity card, and Nate went for it, not wanting his father to be all alone. But at the time, Nate hadn’t thought it meant giving up the rest of his family. He hadn’t understood the nastiness of divorce. Months went by, and he hadn’t heard from his mom. His dad didn’t let him call home. So, he’d grown up with only his dad. A dad who was now marrying a golddigging woman who hated him. Sam wanted him to have a better reason for coming? Well, he had plenty. He stood on the front stoop of the Reed house, wanting to turn around and go back inside to hide with Sam. She’d always been his confidant, his best friend. But now it looked like his brother held that title in her life. A title he didn’t deserve if Sam was his last choice. He’d deciphered the meaning in Brayden’s words, and Sam would, too. She was the smartest kid he’d ever known. But she always forgave Brayden anything. It seemed time moves on, but little changes. Two women got out of the jeep in his mom’s driveway, and his heart jumped into his throat. The years aged his mom, turning her curly blond hair ashy. She tipped her head back to laugh at something Bailey said, and Nate’s gaze fell to his

sister. Gone was the chicken-legged squirt, running after her brothers. In her place was a beautiful woman. As a kid, she’d loved mud, and her hair was always a tangled mess. Now, not a thing looked out of place. She stopped as she noticed his car and circled it with one hand skimming the black paint. Their mom whistled. “That is some car.” “One of Bray’s friends?” Now or never. Nate walked down the front steps and crossed the side yard separating the two houses. Neither woman saw him at first, their eyes still fixed on his car. As he neared, Bailey looked up, a scream escaping her throat. She stared for a moment longer before sprinting the distance between them and launching herself into his arms. “Nate.” He hesitated for only a moment before wrapping his arms around her and squeezing, wondering how he ever let this go. A sob shook Bailey. “Nate, you’re here.” He held back his own tears as he rested his chin on her shoulder. She was older now, but still so familiar. A piece he’d lost a long time ago fit back into place. Their mom hung back, her lips quivering. When Bailey pulled away, she wiped the tears from her face with a laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m kind of a mess.” Nate only shrugged, not knowing what to say as his mom’s intense gaze bore into him. “Mom…” That one word broke her, and she rushed forward in a torrent of tears. The moment she wrapped him in a hug, he lost his battle with the emotions he’d held back since his accident in the competition. Tears spilled over his cheeks, and he buried his face in his mom’s shoulder.

“Shhh.” She rubbed his back. “You’re home. My baby is home.” She didn’t ask the question he knew she was dying to voice. The questions he wasn’t sure how to answer yet. Instead, she guided him into the house. Bailey scrambled to get them all sodas from the fridge. Handing him a root beer, she smiled. “You ed?” There’d been a few months as a kid where he’d refused to drink anything else. Luckily, he’d snapped out of it or he’d have died of a sugar overdose. Bailey slid onto a stool at the counter. Nate sat next to her, and their mom stood in the kitchen, not taking her eyes from Nate. “Are you…” She hesitated. “Are you staying with us?” “Is that okay?” “Of course.” Bailey nudged his shoulder. “How long until you leave us again?” She’d meant it as a joke. It was her way. She wasn’t good in uncomfortable situations. It seemed that hadn’t changed from when they were kids. But still, the words stung. Nate shrugged and took a long sip of his drink. “I don’t have a plan.” “Well, your old room is now the guest room, but it’s yours for as long as you want it. Where’s your stuff?” “I left it near the steps to Sam’s deck.” Bailey grinned. “You saw Sammy before us?” “She told me no one calls her that anymore.” “She tried to make everyone stop after you left, saying it was your thing. Now, only Bray does it to her face.” His mom leaned against the counter. “Is Sam okay? She had one of her episodes at school today.”

One of her episodes. Nate always hated how they referred to them in such a clinical way. Sam had been sick as a kid, but he’d never thought of her that way. To him, she was always just Sam, the girl who’d been able to eat more hot dogs than him and loved to sit on the shoreline, letting the waves crash over her. When he looked up, he found both his mom and sister staring at him, waiting for an answer. They had more concern on their faces for Sam than they’d had when he turned up. “She’s fine.” “That girl…” His mom sighed. “She deserves so much better.” And she wouldn’t want their pity. Sammy couldn’t have changed that much. Suddenly, coming here seemed like a gigantic mistake. They didn’t want him. How could they? He’d chosen to leave them. There was no forgiving that. And they’d let him walk out of their lives without a fight. He wasn’t sure that could be forgiven either. “Sooo…” He slid from the stool. “I’m going to go grab my stuff.” He walked away and didn’t realize Bailey followed him until he’d reached the back deck. “Nate, stop.” “Why?” She let out a frustrated huff. “Because my brother just came home after a decade, and it’s awkward. I don’t want it to be freaking awkward. I just…” Nate turned to look at her. “I’m here, Bails. What do you want from me?” A tear slid down her cheek. “I’ve been staring at you since the moment you walked toward me, scared you’d be gone the moment I stopped. I need you to tell me you’re staying. At least for a little while.” His expression softened, and he pulled her into a hug, resting his chin on the top of her head. When he’d left, his sister had been almost as tall as him, and the child-mind of his wondered if he’d ever be able to protect her. Now, she folded into his arms, and for the first time, he was glad he’d come. “I missed you, Bails.”

Bailey sniffled. “Will you stay? Please? I want a chance to know my brother.” He didn’t answer her, because he didn’t know how long he’d be there. Coming to Florida had been an impulse, a reaction to the possible end to his surfing career, to his father’s marriage. Steps sounded on the stairs, and Nate pulled away to face Brayden. His brother froze before settling accusing eyes on Bailey. “I’m going to go take a shower.” He set his surfboard on the deck and walked inside without another word. Bailey watched him go. “Bray will come around. He was seven when you left with Dad, and he took it harder than the rest of us. But we’ve been watching you, Nate. Even Brayden. Your surf competitions… whenever they were on TV, it allowed us to feel like we knew you, even just a little.” They’d all been kids put in an impossible situation by their parents. Nate nodded before running down the steps and crossing the sand to the Reed steps. As he lifted his bag and board, he glanced up to find Sam leaning over the railing of the deck, holding a camera to her face. He turned to see what she photographed, finding only the waves crashing on the shore. Not wanting to interrupt her, he reed Bailey. His sister talked a mile a minute, just as she’d always done as a kid, never lacking for words to say. He left his board outside and walked through the house, ing every inch of the space. None of the decorations or furniture were the same, but it still held the familiar feeling of home. Inside his old room, he threw his bag at the foot of the bed and sat on the corner of the mattress. His phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out, he smiled when he saw his best friend’s name.

Oliver: Where are you? We’re all worried.

Nate: You asking for my dad?

Oliver: I’ll rephrase. I’m worried.

Nate: Don’t be.

Oliver: So, help me, Nathan Madison, if you don’t tell me where you are…

Nate: I’m home.

Oliver: No, I was just there.

Nate: Home home.

Oliver: Oh.

Nate: Just tell my dad I’m okay.

Oliver: Are you? Okay, I mean.

Nate: I don’t know.

5

Sam

“I can’t believe you get to miss the last week of school.” Bailey sprawled across Sam’s bed with her feet in the air. Sam sat on the bed with her back against the wall. “It’s not like I want to. Mom says the last week is pointless anyway and wants me to rest after that last episode. She gets scared whenever I have them at school if she’s not around.” Brayden spun in the desk chair, making Sam dizzy just by watching him. “You’ve got us looking out for you, so she shouldn’t be scared.” Sometimes Brayden was such a jerk, but then he said stuff like that, and Sam ed why her feelings went from friendly to… more in the last year. He stopped spinning to fix mesmerizing green eyes on her. “You know we’ll always look out for you, right? You don’t need anyone else.” Bailey barked out a laugh. “Bray is just jealous because he found Nate and you together yesterday.” Brayden scowled. “He doesn’t belong here.” “Of course, he does. He’s our brother. This is his home.” “We don’t even know him, Bails. He left when he was ten to go live with Dad. If I had anything to say about it, he’d be just as dead to us as Dad.” Bailey sat up. “Then it’s a good thing you don’t.” Sam was experienced in Madison sibling stand offs, constantly being used in a tug-o-war between Bailey and Brayden. But now there was a third.

Brayden stood. “Whatever. I need to get to school. See you later, Sammy.” “Isn’t he your ride?” Sam asked after Brayden walked out. “Crap.” Bailey jumped to her feet and grabbed her backpack. “Bye!” Sam shook her head. She shouldn’t even be awake if she didn’t have to go to school, but Brayden decided to jump on her bed at the butt crack of dawn (like he called it). Apparently, she wasn’t allowed to sleep when he was awake. Brayden wasn’t his normal happy self. Nate’s reappearance seemed to be hitting him pretty hard. Sam scooted to the edge of her bed and stood, thankful the effects of her episode were gone. Her cane taunted her from the corner of the room, but she left it there and walked out into the rest of the house. The only sound was the clacking of her mom’s keys coming from her office. She liked to get an early start. Sam stopped in her doorway. “Morning.” Her mom looked up with a smile. “Hi, honey. You need anything today?” “No, I think I’m just going to go down to the beach.” She nodded and returned to her work. She reminded Sam so much of her dad. Both had this individualism about them, a uniqueness no one could take away, yet they worked hard. Her dad had always been chasing a story. He’d had a ion, just like her mom’s. Finding her camera on the kitchen counter, Sam wondered if that was what photography meant to her. All she knew was it let her see the world in a different light. Opening the fridge, she took out a yogurt smoothie before shutting it and slipping the camera strap over her head. She retrieved her cane and stepped into her sandals before opening the back door and walking down the steps, smiling when she hit sand. The beach meant different things to different people. Brayden loved to surf more than anything else. He wasn’t particularly good, not like Nate, but he once told her the waves didn’t judge.

Bailey preferred kite surfing in the inlets, but here at the beach, she enjoyed swimming. To her, it was a way to clear her mind. For Sam… the water held all her hopes. Out among the waves was the only time she felt normal, healthy. Swimming brought a weightlessness that took away the problems of her ataxia. She could move as freely as anyone else. This morning, she wasn’t the lone figure on the beach. Just as she’d seen him the day before, Nate sat facing the almost-calm water. There’d be no surfing on the tiny waves today. And still, his board sat in the sand beside him. Lifting her camera to her face with one hand, Sam couldn’t help taking his picture. A tiny smile spread across her lips as she watched him lift his face to the morning sun. They’d been apart for so long, but he had some of the same mannerisms as Brayden, a fact Brayden would probably deny to his dying day. A warm breeze blew the dusty brown hair away from her face. “I know you’re there.” Nate’s deep voice shocked her out of her immobility. Sam closed the distance between them and lowered herself to the sand. The tide rose, stopping right in front of them, before slinking back into the sea. Slipping her sandals off, she set them aside and dug her toes into the sand. Neither of them spoke for a long moment. Sam unscrewed the cap of her yogurt smoothie. “Want some?” The offer felt like a bridge between them. Nate hesitated for a moment. “Um… okay.” He took it from her and tilted it against his lips before handing it back. “Thanks.” He looked back to the sea. “Shouldn’t you be at school?” Sam shrugged. “I’m smart enough that they decided there’s nothing more they can teach me.” “Really?” Laughing, she took a sip of her smoothie before wiping her hand across her mouth. “No, not really. There are some perks to this whole sick-girl thing. I get to miss the last few days before summer break.”

“It seems weird to me I’ve been out of high school for two years, and you still have one left.” “Two years?” “I graduated early.” “Ah.” She grinned. “Smart kid.” His face fell. “No, just a kid with other opportunities.” “Like surfing all over the world?” “Yeah… sometimes I wish I’d just gone the normal kid route and graduated on time.” “Why?” Sam wasn’t an inquisitive person. She preferred to keep her quiet routine in hopes people didn’t see her, notice her. But Nate wasn’t just anyone. He’d been her childhood friend, practically family. It didn’t matter how much time had ed. That didn’t just go away. Nate didn’t answer her question. Instead, he leaned forward against his knees and turned his head to look at her. “Do you the day I learned to surf?” Sam nodded. “The waves were small just like today. My dad had been promising to teach Bray and me, but he was too busy at work.” He smiled, lost in the memory. “Your dad came outside and asked what was wrong. Brayden had thrown the surfboard dad bought him from our deck.” “He was such a hot head, even then.” Nate laughed. “Your dad took us out into the ocean one by one. It was my first time standing up on my board. Do you know the first thing I saw?” Sam shook her head. She didn’t the day. “Bailey and you stood on the shore jumping up and down, cheering as if I was surfing in some international championship.”

“I don’t that.” “You were only seven. But I knew then that I wanted Bailey and you to be cheering for me the rest of my life.” “We were family.” “And none of us knew how it was all going to implode a year later.” “Nate…” She released a long breath. “Can we get past the awkwardness of you returning? I don’t have a lot of people. Just your family and mine. It doesn’t matter that you left as a kid. Not now that you’ve come back. Sometimes, I feel like I can’t breathe in this town, but you always made me feel better.” He nodded. “I could really use a friend here.” She lifted her camera and snapped a quick picture. “Oh, come on. That couldn’t have been an attractive one.” He tried to snatch the camera. She leaned away from him. “No. But it captured the moment Sam Reed and Nate Madison became friends again, so I’m not letting it go.” “Do you view everything as a potential picture?” “Moments are important, Nate. They remind us that no matter how bad things seem, there are always the bits of time where happiness exists.” He bumped her shoulder, stealing the yogurt smoothie as he did. “All these years, and you haven’t changed.” She stole the smoothie back. “We all change, Nate.” Getting to her feet, she drank the last bits of smoothie and dusted the sand from her butt. “I want to go for a morning swim. Is my friend coming?” He stood and offered her a smile. “That sounds like the best idea since I got here.” They trudged up the beach, separating at their respective steps. Sam walked

inside and pulled her camera off over her head. After changing into a simple black one-piece suit, she grabbed a towel. Her mom walked into the kitchen for a drink, stopping when she caught sight of Sam. “You know I don’t like when you swim alone, Sam.” Of course, she didn’t. The disabled girl couldn’t do anything alone. She didn’t blame her mom. If Sam had an episode in the water, she could drown. But it still sucked. “I won’t be alone. Nate is coming.” Her brow arched toward her hairline. “Nate, huh? How does Brayden feel about that?” “It’s none of Brayden’s business who I’m friends with. Sure, he’s angry at Nate, but he’s angry at, like, half the world. He’ll survive.” “That boy doesn’t like to share you.” “Then it’s a good thing I don’t belong to him.” Sometimes Brayden’s possessiveness was too much, and she wished she could turn off her feelings. He only ever saw her as a friend but treated her as more than that. “Just be careful. Don’t use Nate to make him jealous.” Sam wouldn’t do that, would she? It had given her some small pleasure the day before when Brayden found Nate in her home, but she wanted to be friends with Nate, regardless of Brayden’s feelings. She only shook her head, not meeting her mom’s eye as she walked back outside and down the steps, using her cane and the rail for . Nate waited for her, standing impossibly still as the sun warmed his tanned skin. Sam’s steps faltered as her eyes scanned his bare chest. Sculpted lean muscles everywhere. Her cheeks heated. Crap, he was too good looking to be her friend. Friends didn’t drool over friends. Except when it came to Bray, but that was different. This was Nate Madison, surfing god and broody prodigal son. Swallowing back her nerves, Sam held her arms in front of her chest, trying to cover up as much

of her body as she could. Nate’s gaze found her, but unlike his brother, he didn’t scan her from head to toe when he saw her. Instead, he met her eyes. “Ready?” She nodded. They walked side by side to the edge of the water before Sam left her cane on the shore and used Nate’s arm for as they waded into the warm shallows. Rolling water swayed against them as they walked out further. When they reached the place where the ocean floor dipped down, Sam kicked into the deeper water, letting the weightlessness calm her. Suddenly, all incoordination dropped away, and she felt as if she could do anything. That was the power of the ocean. For a little while, it let her pretend she was like anyone else. Nate floated on his back next to her and closed his eyes. Letting her legs drift up, she mirrored his pose. The water carried them further out until it seemed like they were the only people in the world. Sam kept an eye on the beach as seagulls squawked overhead. The silence with Nate wasn’t uncomfortable as she’d expect. They didn’t need to say anything at first. They both just wanted to feel. Nate finally opened his eyes. “This is the first time I’ve been in the ocean since my fall.” The confession took her by surprise, but she didn’t ask questions. Instead, she let Nate say what he needed to say. “I still don’t know what happened. One moment I was on my board, and the next, I couldn’t pull myself from the wave.” “You must have been scared.” “I was, but not for my life.”

“Why, then?” He considered her for a long moment before shaking his head and swimming out further with long strokes. Sam followed him, her arms slicing through the water. She didn’t know how long they swam in silence, but as the morning wore on, it was like the burdens lifted from Nate, like he gave them all to the sea. His expression lightened each time he ducked under water and came up kicking. He’d been in Gulf City for less than twenty-four-hours, and already, she knew, she didn’t want him to leave again. I’ll always take care of you. His words still stuck in her mind, but she couldn’t help wondering who’d take care of him.

6

Nate

Day three of the great return. At least, that was what he wanted to call it. ‘Great’ was probably a stretch. Three days of feeling unwelcome in his old home with the people who were his family. They probably didn’t mean to make him feel that way. He knew his mom tried. She just wasn’t sure what to say to him, and the trouble was mutual. Brayden avoided anywhere Nate was. And Bailey tried too hard, pasting on a fake cheery smile every time she saw him. He loved his sister for wanting him to feel welcome, but it only added to the awkwardness. The only bright spot was Sam. They were no longer kids, scrambling along the beach, yet, they fell back into the easy friendship they’d once enjoyed. But it couldn’t last. Today was the final day of school. Soon, he’d have to share her with Bailey and Brayden. She smiled as he walked in, like it was the most natural thing in the world, like he’d been entering her room every day for the last ten years. When he’d first seen her the day he arrived, he hadn’t recognized her, even with the cane. A part of him wanted to believe she wasn’t Sammy, that she’d overcome her illness, not struggled with it for years. Flopping down onto the bed beside her, he sighed. “Isn’t there summer school?” Laughing, she moved the laptop from her legs to her bedside table. “They aren’t that bad, Nate.”

“Bailey isn’t, but Bray…” “He’ll come around.” “You always had more faith in both my brother and me than anyone.” More than the parents who separated them, that was for sure. In Nate’s memory, he’d chosen his father. They’d asked a ten-year-old who he’d wanted to live with, and he’d made a decision. But the more time he spent in Gulf City, the more warped those memories became. Why would he have left this place? He ed his dad’s teary plea to the soft-hearted oldest son. He hadn’t wanted to lose his entire family, so he convinced Nate to give the rest of them up. Not only that, but then he cut off all communication between them. Nate didn’t want to hate his dad. There’d been a time they were best friends. But recent events made blame easier. Would Brayden come around? Did Nate care if he did? He stared at the popcorn ceiling. “The last few days have been…” “Good,” she finished for him. “They’ve been good.” He didn’t know what he would have said. Maybe that they’d been just what he needed? Something to tether himself to. There were worse things he could hold on to than a friendship with Samantha Reed. “So, what are we doing today?” He met her gaze. “Swimming? I could get down with that. It’s blasted hot outside.” Sam’s eyes shuttered as her smile fell. “Not today, Nate.” “Why not? It’s perfect. I just need to grab my suit.” “I said no.” “Sam-” “Just drop it, Nate. Okay?” He sat up, turning to sit cross legged on the bed, and waited. Sam looked

anywhere but at him before her eyes settled on her cane. He was such a jerk. It was one of those days, an ataxia day. The trouble walking was nothing compared to what happened to her during an episode. “We can do whatever you want to do, Sammy.” She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “You barely know me, and yet, you can still read the signs.” “They’re not that hard to spot.” “Tell that to your brother. I have to spell it out for him. Sometimes, I think he sees me as this disabled girl he has to take care of, and other times I don’t think he considers me at all.” “My brother is an idiot.” One corner of his mouth curved up. “We’ve known that since the day he was born.” Nate didn’t know what it was about Sam, but he wanted to smile and joke and laugh when he was with her. It had been a long time since anyone brought that out in him. And when she laughed, his smile only grew. “So, you don’t feel good today, but how? What’s wrong?” She sighed. “Every time I try to get out of bed, the room spins, and I can’t walk three feet before needing to sit down.” “Then let’s just hang out.” He paused. “Unless you want me to leave so you can rest.” She shook her head. “Hanging out is good.” He lunged across her for her computer. “Let’s see what you were doing before I got here.” “No.” She tried to block him, but he’d already slid it out of her reach and opened the lid.

On the screen was a picture of four kids making snow angels on the beach. Three Madisons and one Reed. Sam shifted her eyes away. “Um, I was just looking at photos.” Unable to look away, Nate flipped through picture after picture of the same four kids taken over many years. Always together. Always smiling. “Your dad take these?” The picture he had in his head of Mr. Reed was a bald man with a giant smile and a camera glued to his hand. He hadn’t had a chance to see him yet but couldn’t wait. Having Mr. Reed next door was like having a second father. “Yeah,” Sam whispered. “He basically documented every bit of my childhood.” He flipped to a new picture, but this one looked more recent. In it, Brayden stood on his board, riding a beautiful wave with the sunset at his back. Whoever took the picture cared a great deal about the subject. “This one is yours, isn’t it?” Sam’s lips tipped up as she stared at the image. “Yeah. That was last winter. We had these crazy winds that brought the best rollers Brayden said he’d seen in years. He spent every moment he could out in the water for two weeks.” Nate set the laptop between them on the bed. “Back then, back when I lived here, I assumed you just had a crush on Bray you’d eventually get over. You never did, did you?” “Of course, I did.” Nate shook his head. “You’re in love with him.” She opened her mouth, looking like she was preparing to argue. Instead, her shoulders dropped. “I don’t want to be.” Three days. Apparently, that was long enough to have those words cut like a knife. “You can’t tell him.” She turned pleading eyes on him. Nate nodded in agreement. What he wouldn’t tell her was Brayden probably already knew. That was why he treated her like he owned her. And Nate wanted to strangle him for it. For not realizing the strongest person either of them had

ever known was right in front of them. Nate had known that since he was a kid. Sam clicked to a new picture. In it, she stood with her mom in front of an old building. Nate buried his anger at his brother and leaned close. “St. Augustine?” She nodded. “We went there last year.” Neither of the women in the picture smiled, and something in it struck him as very sad. “Is your dad behind the camera?” Sam’s breath caught. “I… sure. Yeah, he was there.” Something in her words didn’t ring true, but he let it go. “Come on, let’s go play some video games.” Her eyes lit up. She’d always loved shooting things on a screen. Struggling to move her legs, she tried to stand and fell back with a frustrated grunt. Nate jumped up and ran to her side of the bed, scooping her up before she could protest. He carried her into the living room and set her on the couch. “What are we playing?” “Fallout,” she said without hesitation. “You can use Bray’s character. Be warned though, I’m a level seventy-five. He’s only thirteen.” A satisfied grin spread across her face. “The mutants may be a little hard for you to kill.” “Don’t underestimate me, Sammy. I wouldn’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Check this out.” Nate made his character strike a pose. “Take a picture.” “Seriously?” Sam looked sideways from her spot on the couch as she killed another mutant. “That’s like the third outfit you’ve found in the last hour. Are you going to do anything useful?” “Um, I think putting on a nurse’s uniform is pretty useful. The pictures are epic.” They’d been playing all day, only breaking for food, and Nate couldn’t the last time he’d had so much fun just sitting around. He didn’t know what time it was when a car door slammed outside. Moments later, Mrs. Reed came out of her office, smiling when she saw them. “Did you two have fun today?” She scrolled through her phone before finally looking up. Sam shrugged. “Nate’s not bad company.” Faking offense, Nate shoved her shoulder. “You say the nicest things.” Mrs. Reed watched them. “Nate, I haven’t gotten to spend any time with you since you returned, but I just want you to know I’m glad you’re back. We missed you around here.” Her eyes misted up. “And you two… thick as thieves just like you were back then.” Nate swallowed down the emotion rising in his throat. His own mom hadn’t even said she was glad he’d come. It was harder for her. But Mrs. Reed was right, he’d found it so easy to fall back into friendship with Sam. It was almost as if they were those same kids sitting in the sand, watching everyone else run around them. Even back then, he’d never wanted to leave her side when the ataxia hit. “I’m just lucky Sam let me back in.” “Honey.” Mrs. Reed leaned forward. “She never locked you out.” She stood and turned toward the kitchen. “You might not know this, Nate, but Fridays we spend as one whole family. Your mom, brother, and sister will be here soon. I have to

chop the vegetables for the kabobs.” As if on cue, the front door burst open, and Bailey ran in with Brayden on her heels. “Summer is here!” Bailey sang, throwing her arms out to her sides. Brayden’s smile dropped when he saw Nate sitting next to Sam. “You playing with Braybay?” Bailey laughed into her hand. “Braybay. That’s the dumbest character name.” “And you say that every single time we play. I get it.” He fixed a glare on Nate. “You better not have messed anything up.” He wedged himself between Nate and Sam on the couch, snatching the controller from Nate’s hands. “He actually leveled you up… a few times.” Sam smirked. “Only because he was playing with you, and you’re like an expert in all things nuclear wasteland.” “Then why were you at such a low level, brother?” Bailey perched on the other side of Sam. “You always play with her.” Ms. Madison walked over, blocking their view of the TV. “No video games. You know the Friday rules.” “Friday rules?” Nate looked from Bailey to his mom. His mom’s eyes softened. “It’s family night, Nathan. No electronics. We play games instead.” Games? “Like board games?” She nodded before walking away to Mrs. Reed. Nate’s father wasn’t a board game type of dad. Their evenings had been spent separately. Nate would go out with friends or watch TV in his room while his dad worked in his study. The job never ended for him. “Bails, Bray,” Mrs. Reed called. “Table duty.”

Both of them jumped up without protest to set the table on the back deck. Nate stood. “Is there anything I can do?” “Just hang out with Sam, hun. We’ve got this.” “Ah,” Sam whispered as he sat down. “Sam duty. It’s the task that makes people feel useless around here. I can’t get up and help on my bad days, and they think I need a minder so I’m not just sitting here alone.” She leaned in. “It actually makes me feel worse than if I was alone. You shouldn’t have to stay with me.” Nate didn’t know what to say to that. He looked to his brother and sister bustling toward the table and the two moms conferring in the kitchen. Did Sam feel like a part of this? Like she fit with them? He certainly didn’t, not anymore. But her? As soon as dinner was ready, Nate helped Sam to the table and took a seat beside her, ignoring Brayden’s stare burning into him. Mrs. Reed set the platter of kabobs on the table. “Dig in.” At home with his dad, dinner had always been a quiet affair. When he was little, they’d eat together - usually takeout - but as his dad’s career grew, Nate spent more and more meals on his own. This, sitting here with a big family, was new, and he wasn’t quite sure what to think of it. Bailey’s fork clattered against her plate as she dropped it. “Alright, it’s been days. Am I the only one who is sick of this game we’re playing?” “Bailey.” Their mom sighed. “Not during Friday night dinner.” “Then when? This is the first time we’re all together where Bray can’t run off, avoiding anything that makes him uncomfortable, and you can’t go on some cleaning frenzy to keep busy. We’re here, and I want to know what’s going on.” Brayden, sitting beside her, took a long drink of his water before setting it down and fixing hard eyes on her. “Don’t, Bails.” “Don’t what? Ask my brother questions we deserve answers to?”

Nate sat watching his family argue about him. What did they deserve? He didn’t want to tell them the reasons he’d come, or that he hadn’t answered a single one of his dad’s calls or texts. Did they want him to say he’d missed them? Because the truth was, he’d barely thought of them in years. He’d been a kid when he left, and since then, he lived an entirely new life. It was only when that life started falling apart that he came back. Was that what they wanted to hear? “Is this what this whole Friday night dinner thing was about?” He kept his voice low. Anyone who knew him would have recognized the dangerous signs. Nate wasn’t exactly known for being even keeled. But these people didn’t know him. “You wanted to ambush me.” “No, honey.” His mom reached for his hand, but he slid it out of her reach. “We do this every week. I promise, no one had any plans to… ambush you.” Her hard gaze settled on her daughter. “Bailey has just been overwhelmed since your return.” “Overwhelmed.” Bailey laughed. “You people…” She shook her head. “Nate, I was happier than any of them to see you come back. When you walked toward me that day, I couldn’t believe you were here. But this isn’t right. You can’t just come back here and barely talk to any of us. We’ve resisted asking questions out of respect for whatever you’re going through, but come on, brother. Don’t we deserve more?” Brayden snorted. “He’ll talk to Sam of all people, but not you, Bails. I think that says all you need to know about him.” Sam twisted her hands together on the table, and Nate wanted to wring his brother’s neck for saying things that belittled her. “Have you ever thought, Brayden, that the reason I hang out with Sam is that she doesn’t ask me questions? That she’s actually a friend to me?” “She’s not your friend,” he growled. “She’s mine.” Sam flinched at those words. If Brayden was really her friend, he’d see how everything he said caused her pain.

“This isn’t about Sam!” Bailey looked to her mom for but found none. “Nate, it’s about you. Why did you come? Where’s Dad?” Nate stood, scooting his chair back. “You won’t have to worry about that any longer. This was a mistake. I’ll be gone by morning.” Without another glance back at his family, he walked down the steps from the deck to the beach and crossed the sand to stare out at the dark ocean. Anger burned through him, and he wanted nothing more than to paddle out and release it among the waves. But that wasn’t possible for a guy like him. Not anymore. Instead of having feet planted on a board, he found himself adrift with no waves to take him to shore.

7

Sam

After Nate left, everyone resumed eating as if it hadn’t happened. Everyone except Sam. She stared down at the red potatoes on her plate, unable to stomach the idea of eating now. Brayden spoke through a mouthful of food. “So, does this mean board games are canceled?” “Bray…” His mom rubbed her eyes. “What?” He shrugged. “I figured no one would be in the mood anymore. Elena is having a party tonight to celebrate summer. I’d planned on going later, but…” “Just go.” His mom wouldn’t even look at him. But Brayden didn’t notice. He grinned and jumped to his feet. Bailey followed suit. “I’m coming with you. I need the distraction.” “It’s okay, sis.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they left the table. “He’ll be gone in the morning, and we can all go back to normal.” Sam listened for the front door to close, once again left with the moms for company. It wasn’t anything new for her. Brayden and Bailey had their own lives outside of watching out for her. And Elena was nice. Brayden could do worse. But that didn’t make it feel any better. She pushed food around on her plate, waiting for someone to say something, anything. Nate walked out the door, and it was almost like they didn’t care. “How have you been feeling, Sam?” her mom asked, because, of course, that was the only worthy thing to talk about with Sam. It was the first question

anyone asked when they saw her as if the illness was all that mattered. She knew her mom cared, but sometimes it was hard to see. “Not great, actually.” Ms. Madison leaned forward. “Are you having an episode? Do you need to lie down?” She showed more concern for Sam than she had for her son. Sam’s next words came out only as a whisper. “What is wrong with you guys?” “Honey.” Her mom met her gaze. “It isn’t our business.” “Not our business? You two are always going on about how this is one big family, about how we need to treat each other like it. We eat together, vacation together. I get it. You two have been best friends since long before we were born. But if you’re going to say we’re one family, then I’m going to act like it. And guess what? That means caring about Nate.” Ms. Madison’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “I don’t know why he came back to me, Sam.” “Does it matter? Your son is here. It no longer matters that he chose his dad when he was a kid, or that he stayed away for ten years. You get one chance to make everything okay. One chance. And you’re ruining it.” She wiped at her cheek, angry at herself for letting a tear break through her emotionless exterior. “You’re not the only ones with missing family . Do you know what I’d do for just one more day with my dad? I’ll never get that. But you can have it. Nate is your son.” Ms. Madison didn’t even try to hold back her tears any longer. “I don’t even know him anymore.” Sam couldn’t believe the excuses coming from the one woman who was supposed to love him. She’d once had so much respect for Ms. Madison, but now… “Fix this.” She reached behind her chair for her cane and stood. It took every bit of will she possessed to move around the chair and into the house. Using the walls for , she made it to her room and collapsed onto the bed.

Rolling onto her side, she pulled her computer toward her and opened the photo album she’d shown Nate. Picture after picture of the two of them flashed across the screen. They’d been happy kids, unaware of the trials to come. Sam’s illness was relatively new, and they’d had hopes of finding a cure or a treatment. They didn’t know how it would color her future. Just like they hadn’t known Nate wouldn’t be there for any of it. She didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep, but darkness cloaked her room when a weight dropped onto her bed. “Sam,” Bailey whispered. “What time is it?” “Around midnight.” Sam groaned. “Go away.” “No. Get up.” Sam sat up, finding Bailey in the dark. “You just getting home from the party?” “Yeah. It was epic. Bray stayed at Elena’s because I couldn’t get his drunkenness home. He’s going to be in so much trouble.” “Why are you here in my room? You have your own house. Go there and let me sleep.” “I’m not tired. I want to go down to the beach.” Sam rubbed her tired eyes. “The beach? At midnight?” “Come on. We used to do this all the time.” “One condition. We invite Nate.” Bailey chewed on her lip for a minute before nodding. “Can you walk?” Sam slid to the edge of the bed and stood, taking a tentative step forward before

nodding. Bailey handed her the cane, and the two of them slipped out into the night. Bailey hesitated when they walked into her house. “You need to go wake him. He won’t come if it’s me. I was pretty terrible earlier.” Sam never lied to Bailey. Their relationship relied on brutal honesty. “You were. I don’t know what that was, Bails.” “I was so scared he’d decide to leave out of the blue that I pushed him to do just that.” She wouldn’t forgive her friend for what happened earlier. If Nate left, it was Bailey’s fault. But she also understood. “Wait here.” Walking silently across their house, not wanting to wake Ms. Madison, Sam knocked on Nate’s door. When no one answered, she pushed it open. Nate lay shirtless on his bed, his chest rising and falling with rhythmic breathing. “Nate,” she whispered. He shifted but didn’t wake. “Nate.” This time, his eyes opened, and it took him a moment before the fog of sleep lifted. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Sammy. Did something happen? What are you doing here?” She held one finger to her lips and gestured for him to follow her. He grabbed a shirt from his duffel at the foot of his bed and pulled it on over his head before trailing behind her, only stopping when he caught sight of Bailey. “Not here,” Bailey whispered. “Come on.” The three of them made it to the dark beach without a word spoken between them. Only the crash of small summer waves on the shore punctuated the night. Sam dug her toes into the sand and lowered herself to sit as she stared out at the black water. Growing up, she’d spent many nights with Bailey on this very

beach. Sometimes Brayden ed them, and for a few hours, it felt like they were in this life together, like nothing could separate them. But as high school began, Brayden spent more evenings out with various girls or his friends. Bailey wasn’t as social, but she didn’t sit at home every night. Not like her sick friend. Bailey sat beside Sam and hugged her knees to her chest as they waited for Nate to them. He took his place on Sam’s other side. “Why are we out here in the middle of the night?” He bent one knee and put his hands behind him to lean back. Bailey rested her chin on her knee. “This is what we do.” Sam laughed. “It’s what we used to do.” With a sigh, Bailey ran a hand through her chestnut hair, the same color as Nate. There was a strong Madison likeness between them. “Sam…” “It’s okay, Bails. Really.” “What’s okay?” Nate watched them. The silver light of the moon shone in his eyes. “It’s nothing. Just… nothing.” Bailey blew out a breath. “Bray and I can be jerks.” Nate snorted. He’d seen that for himself only hours ago. “It’s not easy being the sick girl’s friend.” Sam knew what Bailey meant by that. She’d spent enough time around Bailey to understand the meaning in each word. They struggled with wanting to be with her but also wanting to do the things she couldn’t. Then there was the guilt of not inviting her to things. But Nate didn’t know his sister. He shot to his feet. “Are you serious right now?”

“Nate.” Sam gestured for him to sit down. “It’s okay.” “No, it’s not. The way they treat you… like you’re an afterthought… it’s not right. Sammy, you deserve the be the first thought, not the last. You aren’t the sick girl. Even as a kid I couldn’t see you that way.” Sam shared a smile with Bailey. “Thanks for saying that, Nate. But Bailey didn’t mean it like you think. I get it. Being my friend has its challenges. I have to accept that. I have so many… limitations. They shouldn’t have to constantly take care of me.” “I would. I’d take care of you.” “But you’re leaving.” And that, right there, was the problem. As much as she wanted Nate in her life, he wouldn’t be. He sat down again. “I don’t know if I can stay.” “Because of me?” Bailey turned her head to look at him. Nate didn’t answer. “Look, Nate, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to turn the dinner into some kind of interrogation. Sometimes words come out of my mouth that I don’t mean.” “It’s true.” Sam nodded. “Half the people at school are scared of her.” “Hey.” Bailey knocked her shoulder. “That’s not true… or maybe it is. But you can’t leave because of me.” “It’s not only you.” He sighed. “This isn’t my home. I don’t know what I was thinking when I came back.” “Of course, this is your home. We’re family.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Bailey… when I left with Dad ten years ago, I never thought it would be forever.” “Me either. I waited for you to call us. Mom was a wreck every time she tried to get in and couldn’t. But Brayden, he probably took it worse than the rest

of us. You were his idol, even at ten years old. I think he blamed you for leaving. I used to, but I don’t think you can blame a kid for that kind of choice.” “I couldn’t leave Dad all alone.” “You were always closest to him.” She smiled sadly. “I’m not ready to ask you about him.” “I’m not ready to tell you.” She nodded. “Those questions you asked at dinner… I don’t even know if I have answers.” “Stay. Maybe you can find the reasons.” He didn’t say anything to that. Even as a kid, Sam hid how much losing Nate hurt her. She never shared the deeper parts of herself with anyone. Yet, here was Bailey, speaking so openly, so honestly. Sam envied that in her. “Soooo…” Sam hugged her arms across her chest. “I kind of yelled at your mom tonight.” Nate only stared, but Bailey started laughing and couldn’t stop. “Good-girl, even-keeled Samantha Reed yelled at someone? I wish I’d been there to see it. How did it feel?” “Good.” It was the truth. Defending Nate was what she’d needed to do. “It felt good.”

Water splashed Sam in the face, and her eyes snapped open. Lifting a hand to shield herself from the blinding sun, she focused on Brayden standing over her in last night’s clothing. Something soft stirred underneath her head, and she realized it was resting on Nate’s chest. Bailey had her head on Sam’s legs. They’d spent most of the night talking before falling asleep on the beach. By the time they’d closed their eyes, no more ice sat between Nate and Bailey. Progress. For a moment, she forgot the events of the day before, the fight. But Nate was still there on that beach, and she had no idea if he planned on getting into his car and driving away for good. Brayden cleared his throat, and Sam met his eyes. “Morning.” Her voice rasped in her throat. Steel flashed in his eyes. “What are you doing, Sam?” “Well, I was sleeping.” She scanned his rumpled clothes and messy hair. “You just get home from Elena’s?” He only grunted. “Why are you spending so much time with him?” Sam looked down at Nate to make sure he was still asleep then slid her legs out from under Bailey. “He’s family.” “He’s not one of us.” “Are you jealous, Bray? Is that what this is?” A part of her hoped he’d it he was, but a larger part couldn’t believe the nerve he had. He’d just returned from spending the night at his girlfriend’s. He had no right to tell her who she could spend time with. To him, she was just a meek girl he could control. Well, not anymore. “Of course not.” He scowled like that was the most ridiculous thing he’d heard.

Using her cane for leverage, she stood to face him. “You’re barely my friend these days. You don’t get to decide for me.” “I’m your friend.” Some of the patented Brayden anger faded away. “Of course, I’m your friend.” “No, you act like a brother but not a friend. I’m nothing but an obligation to you. Why is it such a threat for me to have other friends? These aren’t the halls of Gulf City High where no one sees me, where everyone thinks you’re this great guy for helping the weird sick girl. There are no popularity points to be gained from helping me now, Bray. Why are you still standing there?” He stared at her a moment longer before turning to march back up the beach. Her anger left her as quickly as it had come, and it deflated her. She hadn’t realized Bailey and Nate were awake and watching, but she didn’t need their sympathy. Not today. Plus side—her feelings for Brayden had gone from infatuation to irritation as she realized she deserved better than being his occasional friend.

8

Nate

These aren’t the halls of Gulf City High where no one sees me. They were the first words Nate heard when he woke up hours ago, and he hadn’t been able to stop them from rolling through his mind. Sam took one look at him before going back to her house, and he hadn’t followed. Bailey only picked herself up off the sand and walked home like Brayden and Sam fighting was nothing new. Was this what it was like between them? He rested on his bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to when they were kids. He could recall the big moments, but smaller ones always faded away with time, leaving behind only the feelings they evoked. It was no secret each Madison kid was volatile in their own way. Nate had his anger. Bailey her brutal honesty. And Brayden… well, he’d always been kind of a jerk, but only when he chose to be. A knock sounded on his door, and he sat up. “Come in.” He expected Bailey or maybe Sam, but his mom stood in the doorway, looking like she wasn’t sure she was welcome. She clasped her hands in front of her and rocked back on her heels. “Can I…” She gestured to the desk chair. Nate nodded, unable to swallow back the emotion. He still didn’t know if he could stay, but he hadn’t left, yet, so maybe that was saying something. His mom sat. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here.” He shrugged.

“Okay, you’re not going to make this easy on me. That’s probably what I deserve. Nate… I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say here.” “Me either,” he itted. He’d never imagined he’d be face to face with his mom again. Sure, he’d dreamed about it when he was younger, but then his life became so different from the one he’d led in Gulf City, and it was easy to push those thoughts away. “I didn’t expect to lose you. When I filed the divorce papers, I thought I was doing what was best for my three kids. Your dad was…” “Please don’t trash talk him to me. He’s my dad.” Even with all his faults, even though he didn’t want to be near him right now, Nate loved his dad. For so long, they’d been in this together. “I know.” She blew out a breath. “You have to understand something, Nathan. Things were broken between us for a long time. I knew his leaving would be hard on all of you, but I truly thought we’d get through it. Together. The five of us - including your father. We were a family, and I expected that family to move forward whether the marriage was broken or not.” She paused. “But then… the day he decided to move, to take a job outside Florida, it was hard. But still, I figured we’d work it out. When he convinced you to go with him, I told myself it was temporary. That you’d come back to me.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “For the first few years, I didn’t know where you were. By the time I found you, a lot had changed. I called again and again but was never allowed to speak to you. I even flew out to Long Beach, but you were out of town at a surfing competition. It was then I realized I’d lost you.” “I thought you’d given up on me when I chose him.” Nate surprised even himself with the honesty in his words. His chest hurt as he stared at his mom. She shook her head. “I’d never give up on you. You’re my son.” “Mom… I…” “I don’t know what made you come home, but maybe it doesn’t matter.” She stood and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “You can tell me when you’re

ready.” Lifting a hand, she touched his cheek. He scooted closer to her, hesitating only a moment before wrapping her in a hug. His mom buried her face in his shoulder, silent sobs shaking her. The door creaked open, and Bailey peered in at them, tears rolling down her face. Nate offered her a nod, and she bound into the room, practically jumping onto the bed to their hug. “Are you staying?” Bailey lifted her watery eyes to his. “Yeah, Bails. I’ll stay.” At least for a little while. Bailey released an excited yell, startling both her mom and brother. “I can’t wait to tell Sam. She’ll be so happy. We have you back!” His mom pulled back, wiping her eyes. “Be careful with Sam, Nathan.” He lifted a brow, ing how she’d yelled at both his mom and Brayden the day before. “I don’t think she’s as fragile as you all think she is.” His mom patted him on the cheek. “I’m going to go fix us some lunch.” She stood and looked down at him. “I’m glad you came, Nate. More than you know.” As she left Nate with Bailey, his phone rang, and a picture of their dad flashed across the screen. “Is that Dad?” Bailey asked, a new vulnerability in her voice. “I should answer him.” She didn’t take her eyes off him as he brought the phone to his ear. “Hey, Dad.” His dad’s voice boomed through the phone. “Nathan Madison, what on earth possessed you to leave without a word? We’ve been worried sick.” We. Him and Ariana. They were only one of the reasons he had for leaving. “I’m sorry. I just had to get away after everything.”

“It was one competition.” And a new stepmom and his father’s unchangeable plans for Nate’s future. Everything piled up until he broke. But his dad wouldn’t understand that. “I just… needed a break.” “Where are you?” He sighed. “Didn’t Oliver tell you?” “No. That boy won’t tell me or his mother anything.” Nate smiled at that. Oliver had always been a better friend than he deserved. But it wasn’t the time for any more secrets. “I’m in Gulf City.” Silence. That was his dad’s response. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” “There is an entire world of places to escape to, Nathan. You didn’t have to go there.” He dropped his voice. “Dad… I needed to.” His father sighed one of his “I’m disappointed in you but will let you make your own choices” sighs. Was he threatened by the thought of Nate going back home? “You know this doesn’t mean I don’t love you, right? Or that I’m not coming back.” “I know, son. I know. Just… answer your phone when I call. Please. I need to know you’re okay.” “I will.” “You know I love you, kid, right?” Sometimes he did. Other times he wondered if his dad loved his job or Ariana more than his own son.

But he didn’t say any of that. “Yeah. I love you, too.” When he hung up, Bailey sat with fresh tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m a crier. I can’t be like Sam and never let my emotions through. That was the closest I’ve been to Dad since he left.” He stood and pulled his sister to her feet. “Come on. I think Mom said something about food.”

9

Sam

Two weeks. Summer was two weeks old before Sam knew it, and Nate was still there. Each morning, she wondered if she’d see him when she went down to the beach. He never disappointed her. It was almost like she was stuck in a waiting game, knowing one day he’d be gone, back to his old life where she was only a memory. With Brayden and Bailey both working at the surf shop near the public beach all summer, Sam and Nate were left to entertain each other. It was rare he’d be down at the beach without his surfboard, but she had yet to see him actually paddle out among the waves. Instead, it seemed to sit nearby as a constant challenge to him. Sam shimmied on her stomach as she held up her camera, trying not to scare the translucent white crab burrowing in the sand as she aimed for the perfect shot. It scurried away as she snapped the picture. A shadow loomed over her, and she rolled onto her back to take a picture of Nate in all his tanned glory. He grinned down at her, an action she’d come to learn was rare from him. Even though his relationships with his mom and sister were developing well, he hadn’t shaken his broodiness. Two weeks, and he hadn’t yet divulged what happened to make him drive across the country to their little town.

Two weeks, and he’d told his family little about his life with his dad. Two weeks, and they didn’t really know him any better than they had. Still, Sam couldn’t stay away. On her good days, they spent as much time as they could at the beach. On her bad ones, they watched movies and played video games. Sometimes Bailey was around, but Brayden had taken to spending all his time with Elena, and his absence hurt. They’d always been one family, one unit. Some parts were coming together while others were splitting apart. Nate reached down a hand to help Sam up. “Keep taking pictures of me, and I’m going to get a complex.” Sam smiled. “Maybe I just like fascinating subjects. You know, the kind that look so far outside the norm people love to stare at them.” Yelling sounded from further down the beach as a group of guys Sam recognized from school came running with their surfboards. Brayden led them toward the water, not sparing a glance for Sam or his brother. A few of the guys laughed when they saw her, and then one stopped. Anderson Davis grinned as he approached. Sam shrank back and gripped her cane harder. She’d been on the receiving end of more than a few of Anderson’s jeers. But he didn’t seem to even notice her. “You’re Nate Madison.” His grin widened. “Dude, you’re a legend.” He shook his blond head as if he couldn’t quite believe it and stuck his hand out. “Name’s Anderson.” Nate only stared and crossed his arms. Anderson’s hand dropped but his smile didn’t. “When Brayden first made the surf team last year, it was only because of his connection to you.” Sam hadn’t known that. She searched the beach for Bray, finding him watching them with thinly veiled hostility. Anderson Davis was on the surf team at UNC, having graduated from Gulf City a year ago. Yet, even though he led one of the best college teams in the country, he couldn’t touch Nate’s record of worldwide tournaments. While Anderson was competing in high school, Nate had traveled

with a Long Beach team around the world. Yeah, she’d followed his surfing career. Sue her. “You should come out with us, man.” Anderson’s eyes lit up like it was the best idea. Nate shook his head. “I’m not leaving Sam.” “Ah, come on. Sam is used to being on her own.” He looked to her. “Isn’t that right, Sammy?” Nate took a step forward. “Don’t call her Sammy.” Anderson held his hands up. “I don’t mean anything by it. Just don’t let her hold you back. She does that enough to my boy, Brayden.” Anderson clearly hadn’t been expecting the fist flying in his direction. He crumpled to the sand, blood coating his lip and shock on his face. Nate lunged forward, and Sam wanted to let him. She wanted him to make Anderson take every word back, but not because they weren’t true. She felt those truths every day of her life. The other guys ran from the water, but Brayden was the first one to reach them. He didn’t pull Nate off his friend. Instead, he only watched. Sam stumbled back, a wave of dizziness breaking over her, pulling her under its current until she could no longer find her way out. The cane slipped out of her fingers, and she clutched air, to find something, anything to hold on to as her legs turned to jelly beneath her. She didn’t know if the fight had stopped because she could only make shapes out in her blurry vision. “Na…” She tried to call for him, but it only came out a garbled mess. When her butt slammed into the sand, she didn’t feel it. As she collapsed onto her side, helpless to do anything to stop the episode from ripping through her, she thought she heard someone calling her name.

But she was the invisible girl. So, that was probably just wishful thinking.

“Is she okay?” That was Brayden’s voice, but Sam didn’t have the energy to open her eyes. “Why are you here, Brayden?” Nate didn’t sound angry anymore, only tired. “Because she’s my best friend.” “Does she know that? Why are you friends with people who treat Sam like that? Bray…” “I don’t know if I’ll be friends with him any longer since my brother punched him.” “Do you care?” “I’m only a junior this year, but he was still going to have his coach look at me for a spot on the UNC team when I graduate. It’s the only way I can get into a school like that.” “No school is worth dealing with jerks like that.” He paused. “Anderson told her she was holding you back.” Not wanting to hear how he’d respond to that, Sam groaned, letting them know she was awake. Nate dropped beside the bed. “Sam, can you talk?” “Enough to tell you to stop being dumb and letting me ruin your summer.” “Sammy, you’re not ruining anything.” He brushed the hair away from her face. His eyes looked so open, so honest, but still, she couldn’t believe him. Her entire life, people had to make decisions based on her abilities. Which restaurants had chairs she could sit up in for any length of time? What vacations included too much walking? Don’t argue with Sam because the stress could trigger an episode. Be careful what you say to her. Take care of her. Defend her. Watch out for her.

“Please leave,” she whispered. “Sammy.” Brayden stepped further into the room. “Please.” She held back the tears she never let herself cry for herself, but the cracks widened, and she didn’t want anyone to see what happened when she let herself fall into the abyss. “Go!” Both boys obeyed, despite the looks they sent her saying they wanted nothing more than to stay at her side. Pity. That was what she felt for herself. Overwhelming pity. As it rose up, rattling the cages she’d placed every other emotion in, she swallowed a sob. Crying over her illness never did any good. She’d told herself she had to be strong, just like her dad. In his final years of life, she’d watched him deal with the same illness. It hadn’t killed him. No, that had been the car accident he’d gotten into when an episode hit. He’d come to ataxia much later in life than her, but she’d never seen his smile dim or his strength wither away. So, that was what she’d tried to focus on since his death. She smiled through the illness, laughed at her limitations. If anyone asked her, she’d tell them the illness made her stronger, that by going through her episodes, it prepared her for any future problems. But that was a line she used to make others feel better about her struggles. Crawling from her bed, Sam forced herself to stand. Using her cane, she walked into the bathroom and stripped off her clothes before turning on the shower. As soon as the water turned from ice cold rain to steaming hot, she stepped under the spray, letting its steady drumming fill her mind with nothingness. Unable to stand any longer, she used the side of the tub to lower herself and curled her knees to her chest as water streamed down her back. Hot tears burned her eyes, threatening to wreck the carefully cultivated strength

she tried so hard to portray. There in that shower, where no one could see her, she let the facade slip away and became the girl she’d always known she was. Sad. Broken. Angry. So freaking angry. Why her? Why was she forced to live this life where people only ever saw her disability? A life where she held people back from doing what they really wanted. Her mom. Brayden. Bailey. Even Nate. Her back heaved as a sob ripped through her chest. Sam Reed was used to being on her own. Maybe she was better off that way. She lifted her face to the stream of water, letting it burn away her tears. Be strong, Sam. Those were her father’s words. None of this has to define you. He was the only person who’d ever understood, because he’d gone through it all. The gradual loss of abilities. The dark hole that was so hard to climb out of. Had he been scared of the future, too? Had he cried in the shower, refusing to let the people he loved see his pain? I love you, my girl. We’re in this together. Moments later, he’d walked out the door to get into his car. She’d been in the middle of a bad episode and couldn’t keep her promise to go to the surf shop with him - his favorite place in the world. He crashed when an episode hit. Ataxia took his life. It saved hers. How was that fair? None of this has to define you. But it did define her. It was who she’d become, at least to her peers.

Her lungs squeezed as she inhaled a deep breath of steamy air. “How were you so strong, Dad? I’m trying.” Before long, the hot water turned to ice, and still, she stayed. It was only when someone pounded on the bathroom door that she uncurled her body. “Sam, you okay in there?” The door muffled her mom’s worried voice. Reaching forward, Sam turned off the water. She breathed deeply and rubbed her eyes, knowing as soon as she stepped out that door, she had to be emotionless again. It was the only way to keep her mom from feeling the same pain. Using the tub side for leverage, she pushed herself to her feet. “Yeah, Mom,” she called. “I’m good.” Good. What did that word even mean? Probably nothing, just like the “fine” and “okay”. Words used to placate but also to protect. No one wanted to know how she really was. She toweled off and twisted her hair into a bun, using a hairband to hold it in place. She wrapped the towel around her body, opened the door, and pasted on a smile. Her mom stood, waiting for her. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She cocked her head to the side. “Yep.” Stepping around her mom, she made her way to her room. It wasn’t until she shut the door she realized she’d done it without holding onto the walls.

10

Nate

The front door slamming made Nate look up from his computer where he’d been staring at the photo of the new Rip Curl surfing team. Oliver’s face was suspiciously absent. Nate hoped his friend would take the opportunity even though he didn’t want it. Unlike Nate, Oliver had never lived and died by surfing. Footsteps sounded in the hall, and for a moment, Nate hoped Sam had come to see him. She hadn’t left her room in two days. Her mom claimed she was sleeping, but who could really sleep that much? The steps stopped outside his room and someone knocked. Nate slid off the bed and walked to open the door, surprised when he found Brayden on the other side. The two brothers had barely crossed paths since Sam kicked them out of her room. Brayden had been working lots of hours at the surf shop, and Nate spent most of his time walking along the beach, having staring contests with the waves he could no longer best. “Can I… uh… come in?” Brayden kept his eyes trained on his feet, refusing to look at Nate. “Sure?” When they were kids, Brayden and Nate always competed for everything. There was a three-year age gap between them, but back then, it never seemed like such a big deal. Not when they were racing into the waves or teasing Bailey. Not when they were vying for Sam’s attention. They’d always wanted the same things.

Brayden sat in the desk chair, facing the bed as Nate resumed his position. An awkwardness sat between them, reminding them how little they knew each other. Nate waited, sensing his brother had something to say to him. Brayden rubbed the back of his neck. “I want to know about Dad.” Silence followed his words. Nate sat forward, studying his brother. No one had asked him about their dad, not yet. He’d known they wanted to, but he avoided all talk of the man who’d convinced him to leave the rest of his family behind. Did he owe this to Brayden? Probably. “What do you want to know?” “Everything.” Brayden blew out a breath. “I just… I think about him sometimes. Or a lot. Why… why did he write us off? Me and Bails. We’ve been here all this time, and he just forgot .” Growing up without a father had probably been just as hard for Brayden as growing up without a mother was for Nate. Did he think he wasn’t good enough? That’s what Nate sometimes let into his mind. “Dad… things were good for us.” “Is that all I get?” “What do you want, Brayden? For me to tell you we spent every waking moment regretting leaving you guys? Do you want to hear that for a while, it was the two of us against the world? Or that his job became more important than his son? That I’ve basically been on my own since starting high school?” Brayden’s brow furrowed. “No. I liked to picture you two happy.” That made Nate pause. “I’m sorry if that wasn’t the reality.”

“Have you been happy, Bray?” He shrugged. “What do I have to complain about? I have a popular girlfriend and a mom who loves me. I’m not sick like Sam.” “Do you think just because nothing major is wrong in your life you can’t have problems?” “She deserves so much more than me for a friend.” “I will not argue with that.” His shoulders dropped. “I don’t… I can’t be who she wants me to be.” “Do you care about her?” “So much.” “Then maybe that’s enough.” Brayden chewed on his lip for a moment as if trying to force the next words out. “It’s good that you came back, Nate. Ever since what happened with her dad, it’s like she’s hiding behind this illness, unable to let anyone truly know her.” Nate sat up straight. “Her dad? She told me he was away chasing after a story.” Sadness shone in Brayden’s eyes, and Nate knew the truth would break him. “Mr. Reed died a few years ago.” “How?” Nate’s voice was barely above a whisper. “He had the same illness as Sam, though not as bad. He was driving one day, and an episode caused him to veer off the road and into a tree.” The blood in Nate’s veins turned to ice as he sat frozen, unable to comprehend what his brother told him. Mr. Reed was gone. Sam… “I need to see her.” “I already tried.” Brayden sighed. “She wouldn’t let me in.”

He had to find another way. Scrambling from the bed, he ran from the room, not bothering to grab his shoes. Bailey called to him from the living room, but he didn’t stop. Outside, the crushed shell gravel dug into his bare feet as he ran the distance between the houses and up the steps. Three quick knocks brought Mrs. Reed to the door. Her lips turned down at the sight of him. “Nate, she doesn’t want to see anyone.” “Please, Mrs. Reed. I have to see her.” “I’m sorry.” “You don’t understand. Sam needs me.” She raised a brow. “She went through much worse before you came back. What makes you think she needs you?” “Because I need her. Mrs. Reed, your daughter is important to me. I’ve only been back two weeks, and already, I feel like I can’t imagine not having her in my life. She’s my friend, and I’ve been short on those over the years. I won’t abandon one of the best ones I have because she’s trying to push everyone away.” “That was a nice speech, Nate. But I won’t pretend to know what’s best for Sam. Only she knows that. If she wanted to see you, she would. I’m sorry. Just wait this out. She’ll come back to herself in time.” She shut the door, leaving Nate standing on the front porch feeling rudderless. But this wasn’t over. Nate had no illusions he could save Sam. Only she could save herself. He could be there for her, whether she thought she needed to deal with this alone or not. Running around to the back of the house, he climbed the stairs. A narrow ledge ran from the deck to Sam’s bedroom window. Nate looked down, instantly wishing he hadn’t. He could do this. He had to. Shuffling his feet onto the ledge, he moved slowly, gripping the grooves in the wall for and forcing himself to keep his eyes on the window rather than the ground far below.

By the time he reached the window, he was pretty sure his heart lived in his throat. Reaching down, he tapped on the glass and waited before tapping again. The window opened, and a disheveled Sam peered out at him. Her eyes widened. “What on earth are you doing?” “Trying to get to you. Please let me in. I don’t think my heart could take the climb back to the deck.” She backed up so he could swing his legs in. When they hit solid ground, he released a long breath. “You’re insane.” Sam combed her fingers through her hair. “I’m not worth the risk of falling to your death.” He stepped closer. “I…” He’d had so much he wanted to tell her, but now that he was there, nothing came to mind. “I just needed to see you.” “Well, you see me. Can I go back to bed now?” “Have you been sleeping all this time?” She shook her head. “Reading mostly. And avoiding sleep.” He hadn’t noticed the bags under her eyes. “Why?” “Just… there are things I see when I close my eyes.” She looked away as if embarrassed by the ission. “I see things when I close my eyes, too.” Water. He saw water every time he slept. It surrounded him, not letting him reach the surface. Sam met his gaze. “Really?” He nodded. “Are you going to kick me out?” Sucking her lip into her mouth, she shook her head and turned to make her way back to the bed. An e-reader sat next to her pillow. “What are you reading?”

“Things that make me cry.” Shoving her kindle under the pillow, she sat with her back against the wall. “I’ve never seen you cry. Even as a kid.” He walked to the edge of the bed but didn’t sit down. “I’ve always had to be stronger than anyone else.” “Sam.” She didn’t respond. “Look at me.” Clear green eyes met his, soft and unsure. “You’ve always been the strongest person I know, but it wasn’t because you didn’t cry.” “It’s just an act. If you knew me, Nate, you’d know I’m terrified inside.” He sat on the edge of the bed and faced her. “Everyone is terrified. And I do know you. People may claim two weeks makes us strangers still, but when I look at you, I see the same girl who I made a stupid promise to.” “You ?” she whispered. “I’ll always take care of you. They were stupid words from a boy who didn’t understand anything.” “Nate, I don’t think you realized how much those stupid words meant to me.” “But they weren’t right. You didn’t need me to take care of you then, and you don’t now.” “Try saying that when I can’t walk and the world spins around me.” He smiled sadly. “Sammy…” She closed her eyes. “Why don’t you want me calling you that?” “Because it reminds me of a time when things seemed simpler, easier. Before you left.”

“When your dad was still alive.” Her eyes widened. “You know?” “Why didn’t you tell me?” She shrugged. “You still saw this world, this town as somewhere he existed. I knew I’d have to tell you, eventually, because his trips never lasted this long. But for a little while, I wanted to live in your world and expect him to come home any day.” Her eyes welled up, and Nate scooted to sit beside her, pulling her into his arms. “He didn’t travel in his last couple of years,” she itted, her voice wobbling. “The illness got worse, and he stayed home. He never had it quite as bad as me though, and I’m thankful for that. I didn’t want my dad to go through this.” He smoothed down her hair. “He’d be proud of you.” “I’m not so sure. I use this illness as a shield, protecting me from the rest of the world. I say that people don’t see beyond the cane, beyond the disability, but part of the reason is that I don’t want them to.” She lifted her face to peer up at him. “But Nate, I don’t want to be invisible anymore.” His fingertips fluttered against her jaw, and everything inside him screamed to kiss her. He’d never felt any urge quite as strongly. Sam had once been everything to him. What if his coming home had a reason beyond reconnecting with his family? She swallowed, and her eyes flickered between his. Did she feel it, too? They understood each other in their desperation. He wanted to tell her she’d never been invisible to him, that he didn’t see the cane when he looked at her. But those words never came. Because his stay was only temporary. He’d known it since the moment he

arrived. And he couldn’t leave a heartbroken girl behind, no matter who she was. It didn’t strike him until then how much his choice as a ten-year-old shaped every part of his life. If he’d stayed, Sam could have been in his life forever. He could have taken Brayden’s spot in her affections and returned them in kind. He didn’t know where his future was. That had never been more unclear. But Gulf City held no opportunities for him. And if he’d made a different choice, if he’d stayed and fallen madly in love with Sam, he’d never become the man he was. He’d never have ed a surf team and traveled the world. As his hand skimmed the hollow of her throat, he pulled her into a hug. It was a friendly gesture, he told himself. Not one meant to hold them together.

11

Sam

Sam stared down at the sleeping Nate, a small smile curling her lips. They’d fallen asleep watching a movie on her computer. For a moment, she’d thought he was going to kiss her, hoped for it even. The thought hadn’t occurred to her before. She was so focused on Brayden and how awful he made her feel that she hadn’t seen Nate coming. But then he’d shuttered his eyes. It was probably for the best. How long could he stay in Gulf City avoiding his life? And then there was Bray. Even with their rocky relationship lately, she couldn’t stop wondering what he’d think about all of this. He’d been such a large part of her life for so long, and she hated how distant he’d become. If it was because of her illness, she wanted him to say it to her face. Giving Nate one final look, she climbed over him to get out of bed. Sunlight streamed through the window, and Sam smiled at the thought of Nate creeping along the ledge. Glancing at her clock, she realized it was just past sunrise. Her mom wouldn’t be happy about Nate staying over, but Ms. Madison would be even more displeased. If she ever caught Brayden sneaking in after spending the night with Elena, she’d blow a gasket. This was no different. Slipping on her sandals, Sam didn’t bother changing out of her cow pajama shorts and tank top.

Sticky heat struck her skin as she stepped from the air conditioning onto the back deck. Brayden was an early riser, something Sam and Bailey gave him endless grief for. He got his surfing in before going to work or to his girlfriend’s. On the horizon, she could make out a small figure twisting through the waves, never one to simply ride them to shore. Digging her cane through the sand, she inched forward along the beach and lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the morning sun. The water shimmered like a diamond, uncut and wild. Perfect waves rolled toward the shore, an unusual sight in the summer. Sitting in the sand, Sam let her cane fall to the side almost as if it hadn’t been there at all. She’d sat in that very position so many times before watching Brayden surf. Before her dad’s ataxia worsened, she’d watched him as well. The ocean was in her blood just as it was in the blood of the entire Madison family. She belonged there, whether she could stand on some piece of foam and fiberglass atop a wave or not. She dug her hands into the sand, letting it trickle between her fingers. Since Nate left, Brayden had been holding a grudge against his brother. At first, it was a childlike sadness, but as he grew, it turned to anger. And Sam understood it in a way she understood few things, deep in her soul. Yet, having Nate back made everything bright again. She hadn’t noticed Brayden crashing through the waves toward her, board hiked up under one arm. “Morning, Sammy.” He grinned the grin she’d come to love so much. His beautiful face, so different from Nate’s, softened as he looked down at her. “I don’t like this, Bray,” she blurted. He dropped his board into the sand and swiped wet hair away from his face. Water dripped down his tanned chest, and Sam forced herself to look away.

He didn’t ask her what it was she didn’t like. Even at his worst, Brayden knew her. He just didn’t know how the things he said hurt her. Lowering himself to the ground beside her, he hunched his shoulders. “Sammy, you know you can talk to me.” “Do I know that?” She rested her chin on her knee. “I’m here right now.” “Okay, then can I ask you something and have you give me an honest answer?” “I’m always honest with you.” She snorted. “Sure. Have you been pulling away because of my illness? Because you no longer want me to hold you back?” “Is this about what Anderson said to you? That guy’s a tool. I’m glad Nate punched him.” “He didn’t tell me anything I don’t already think about every day.” “You’re my best friend. Of course, I don’t think you’re holding me back.” She didn’t believe his words, only that he wanted to mean them. “I have spent so much of my life trying not let anyone outside our families see me. I didn’t need anyone beside Bailey and you. At least, I thought I didn’t. But while I was hiding away, you guys got to create these other lives. Do you know that I have never once hung out around your girlfriend? You’ve been dating her for months now, and I don’t think she knows who I am besides the girl with the cane.” “She does.” Sam pinned him with a look she knew he’d recognize as her “bull” look. He sighed. “Why do you care? You have Nate now. You don’t need me.” “Is that what you think? That I’d just replace you?” She turned her entire body to face him. “Bray, you’ve been my best friend for so long that sometimes it was hard to separate that from other feelings.”

“What do you mean?” “Oh, come on.” She raised a brow. She’d never expected to have this conversation, but now that it was happening, she needed to jump in with two feet if she was going to save this friendship. “You can’t sit there and tell me you didn’t know how I felt about you.” “I… Sammy, I don’t know what’s going on.” “Even though you’re the most oblivious guy in the entire world, and possibly the most frustrating, too, I thought I was in love-” He cut her off by leaning forward and pressing his lips to hers. At first, she sat frozen, taken completely by surprise. But he didn’t pull away, and there was something comforting in the act. Like maybe he was telling her the friend she’d once known wasn’t gone, after all. What she didn’t feel surprised her more. Placing a palm against his cheek, she leaned back. “Bray, I barely know Elena, but I do know she doesn’t deserve to have her boyfriend kissing someone else in the wee hours of the morning.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I just… have you ever wondered if we’re close for a reason? Like maybe some bigger force is trying to put us together.” “Did you feel anything when you kissed me?” She didn’t know what answer she wanted. As his lips touched hers, she’d only known one thing. He wasn’t the person she wanted to kiss. Not anymore. Brayden’s eyes flicked to the fathomless sea. “No.” “Then that’s your answer. I think… maybe we’re meant to be together, but not like that.” “Because of Nate?” She hugged her knees to her chest, turning the question over in her mind. “You told him about my dad, didn’t you?” No one else would have brought up the subject.

Brayden nodded, still not looking back at her. “Do you want an answer to your earlier question?” “I’m not so sure anymore.” He laughed at that. “You can’t take it back. I haven’t been pushing you away because of your illness or for any other reason. Sammy, it’s you who has taken a step back from me. Even before Nate got here. I figured you didn’t need me anymore. I don’t know if you ever did.” She smiled. “I wish I had my camera right now.” “Why?” “You’ve always been a beautiful man, Bray.” “Men aren’t beautiful.” “To a photographer they are. But when you let your confidence drop, showing the Brayden very few of us know exists, it’s a magical thing. I just wish I could capture the moment.” He jumped to his feet and bent to lift her up before she could protest. “What about this moment?” He took off running toward the water before launching her into the waves. Her hair flew out behind her and a blast of warm water swallowed her scream. She came up sputtering, a giant grin overtaking her face. “That was mean.” “Aw, Sammy, but you love the ocean.” She looked down at her black tank clinging to her stomach in the waist deep water, and threw herself backward, letting the waves hold her up. She thought back to Nate, asleep in her bed, and then looked to his brother, cutting through the waves toward her, realizing she needed both of them. But eventually, they’d both leave Gulf City. Nothing could stay the same. She captured moments with her camera because she knew they’d never come around again. Her dad’s death taught her that.

Brayden had his back to her as he looked down the beach to where a few surfers waded out at the public area. “I’m never going to be as good as him, Sammy.” “As good as Nate?” He nodded. “No matter how hard I try. Surfing is in my blood, but it doesn’t love me nearly as much as I love it.” “Then don’t do it to be the best, Bray. Surf because it makes you happy. Don’t compare yourself to Nate or anyone else.” “We have to get him back out here.” “We?” She grabbed his arm and turned him. A wave struck them, forcing her to regain her footing. “Let’s go to the house. I want to show you something.” He helped her from the water to where her cane lay on its side. Every move was so familiar, yet it didn’t feel like the same life she’d lived only weeks before. They made it to the Madison’s deck, and Brayden left her outside, so she didn’t soak the house while he went to retrieve whatever he wanted to show her. Standing at the railing, she stared at the desolate beach that had been her safe place for so long. No matter what happened at school, she could come here, and it would all be okay. The day a police officer arrived at their door to permanently change her life, she’d sat in the shallows for hours, letting the waves steal the sand beneath her butt as she sank further and further into it, just wanting the beach to make her disappear. That day, as she mourned her father with only the waves for company, she’d let every emotion drift out on the water, promising herself from then on she wouldn’t let the feelings control her, that she’d be strong for her mom. It was when she was alone the cracks showed. Brayden returned with two mugs of coffee and his computer. He set it on the wooden table and handed her a mug. Taking it gratefully, she sipped the lifegiving substance and sat next to him, curious to see what was so important.

He typed into the search bar and surfing videos popped up. “Okay, so you know how we all watched Nate’s competitions whenever they were on TV?” “Yeah, it was like once a year.” He nodded. “But Nate did a lot more competitions than that. I…” He sighed. “I watched them all. They streamed most of them online.” “Why didn’t you ever tell us?” Nate had been competing since he was in middle school. Brayden kept track of him all that time? “I don’t know. I guess I saw how much it hurt my mom every time we watched him together. I didn’t want her to be constantly reminded.” “That’s not your real answer.” His shoulders dropped. “I just... He’s my brother.” “Then why were you such a jerk when he came?” “I never thought he’d stay. I still don’t. I don’t want my mom, Bailey, or… you to get hurt when he inevitably goes back to his life.” Sam had to it it was valid. She’d thought about the same thing every day for the past two weeks. “Show me.” She gestured to the computer. Brayden brought up a video. In it, Nate sliced through a wave before turning to let it curl over him. As he came out the other side, he jerked his feet, spinning before landing back on the water. “Look at his feet positioning. I’ve been trying to emulate his techniques for years, but it’s so advanced, I fail every time. His style isn’t something that can be taught or learned. Watch him in this next video. It’s like he just feels the wave.” Sam watched, mesmerized, as Nate conquered a bigger roller than they ever got here in Gulf City. “The way he moves out there. It’s…” “Yeah.” Brayden’s voice held a reverence she’d never heard in it before. “His Long Beach team did well for him, but it’s a shame he didn’t make a better one

like Rip Curl. That was his path to a long pro career.” Sam leaned over him and clicked on the video of the last tournament Nate had been in, the one they’d all seen. He looked so in control, so fluid. Until he didn’t. It happened in a split second. His loss of focus. His fall. The fear. Brayden’s voice lowered. “Do you when I was twelve, and we went to the public beach where I proceeded to wipe out and slam into the rocks?” She nodded. It had been one of the scariest days of her life. “Do you know what got me back in the water?” “Your stupid bravery.” He smiled. “No. It was you. Something you said.” “What did I say?” She couldn’t anything other than the gut-wrenching terror as blood tinted the water where he’d crashed. “You asked me how many rides I’d had without crashing. The number was too high, so I didn’t know the answer. Then, you said the one bad experience shouldn’t have more power than all the good ones.” “You that?” He shrugged, red tinting his ears. “I’ve had you for eighteen years, Sammy. You’ve been my cheerleader, my soothsayer, my kick in the pants… never my burden. But I’m okay now. I don’t think my brother is. Nate needs you more than I do. He’s hiding whatever it is that made him come here, so I don’t know how to help him. But I do know the healing power of the ocean. I see Nate bringing his board down to the beach every single day, yet never taking it out.” Sam wrapped her arms around Brayden. “You’re not nearly as big of a jerk as you try to seem.” “Thanks. I think. Just don’t tell anyone.”

12

Nate

Nate’s ringing phone woke him, and he rolled over with a groan before his eyes swept the unfamiliar surroundings. Sam’s room. He’d slept in Sam’s room, but where was she? Glaring down at his phone, he took note of the time. Who called someone at eight in the morning? Oliver, that was who. And he was out in California so that was like five his time. “Someone better be dying,” he said by way of greeting. “Bro, where are you?” There was too much pep in his friend’s voice for so early in the morning. “Gulf City. I already told you this.” “Well, yeah, but I mean why the heck aren’t you in your room? I did the whole awkward stranger thing with your mom just to reveal to her that you didn’t sleep here.” “I’m twenty years old, dude. She won’t care.” He shot up in bed as Oliver’s true meaning struck him. “Wait, you’re in my room?” “Already said that. You’ve gotta listen, man.” Nate got out of bed, phone still pressed to his ear and slipped into his sandals. As soon as he walked out of the room, he stopped. There, sitting in the living room with a mug lifted halfway to her lips was Mrs. Reed. “I’ll see you in a minute, Oliver. If I’m still alive.” He hung up and slipped the phone into his pocket. “Morning, Nathan.” Mrs. Reed gave him a tight smile. “Sleep well?”

“We just fell asleep watching movies,” he blurted. “I swear. Nothing more than that.” “Is something going on between you and my daughter?” She showed no hint of if she’d like that or not. “No. We’re friends. I care about her a lot.” “If you care about her, you’ll keep in mind that you’re leaving.” Why did everyone keep telling him that? He knew he didn’t belong in Gulf City, but it was as if they were all just waiting for the day he’d end the vacation from his life. “I think about that every day.” She sipped her coffee and stared straight ahead, not looking at him. “Good, because if you hurt my girl, I’ll break your legs.” There was no humor in her voice, but she had to be kidding, right? He swallowed thickly. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” She nodded once, dismissing him. He ran out the back door as quickly as he could and sprinted down the steps before crossing the bit of beach between the Reed and Madison decks. Climbing the stairs, he steeled himself before entering. Part of him was relieved Oliver had come. They were as close as brothers. But his presence also meant Nate could no longer hide certain things. Like his dad marrying a viper of a woman. Or his dad forcing certain colleges on him. Only Oliver understood what his life in California was truly like. Sliding the glass doors shut behind him, he walked into the kitchen to find Oliver sitting at the counter with a mountain of pancakes in front of him. Bailey glared at him from where she perched on a chair in the living room. Her expression darkened when she saw Nate. “Your friend is obnoxious.”

“Obnoxious?” Oliver feigned offense. “Me? But I made you pancakes.” Nate eyed his friend. “You arrived at a house full of people you didn’t know and took over the kitchen?” Oliver shrugged and jumped from his stool to wrap Nate in a hug, pounding his back. Nate had never been a small guy, but Oliver dwarfed him with his tall frame. Both of them sported lean muscles gained from spending years out among the waves. But that was where the similarities stopped. They were the light and dark sides of each other. Oliver with his inky black hair mussed on top of his head and amber eyes didn’t look the part of a California surfer. “It’s good to see you, bro.” Nate sat on the opposite stool and slid Oliver’s plate toward him. Oliver reached for it, but Nate stole his fork and tried to stab his hand. “When did you get here?” “An hour ago. I took a cab from the airport.” “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” He took a huge bite. “You’d have told me not to bother, that you needed this time away from all things California.” He leaned forward. “But, you forget how much you need me.” Bailey snorted. Nate smiled. “I’m glad you’re here.” He turned to his sister. “What did Mom say to me not being in my room this morning?” It was Oliver who answered. “She just mumbled ‘he better not hurt that girl’.” He didn’t understand how the two moms could think he’d hurt Sam. The night before, he’d wanted to kiss her, needed to kiss her, but he hadn’t for that very reason. Oliver raised a brow. “So, where were you? Who is this girl? Is she the reason

you’re still here?” “Can we hold off on the questions until I’ve finished your pancakes?” Oliver slid from his stool and moved to the living room to sit on the couch facing Bailey’s chair. “Okay, Nate’s sister, I need the dirt.” “Nate’s sister has a name.” She crossed her arms. “If you’re so close to him, shouldn’t you know it?” Oliver studied her for a moment. “Your brother didn’t talk about his family much.” Nate saw the moment those words struck Bailey. Her lips drew down. “Well, that’s unfortunate.” “What’s unfortunate is that I don’t know my beautiful soon-to-be sister’s name.” All the air left the room and Nate couldn’t breathe. He thought he’d have time before telling Bailey and Brayden, let alone their mom. But a gasp from her bedroom doorway told him his mom heard the words. Nate closed his eyes for a brief moment. Bailey’s jaw clenched. “Explain. Right friggin’ now.” Instead of revealing it to them, Oliver faced Nate. “You’ve been here for over two weeks. How could you not tell them?” His eyes swept from Nate’s mom to his sister. “Didn’t you wonder why he ran from California?” Bailey bristled at that. “The surf competition knocked a screw loose. Without surfing, he didn’t know who he was anymore, so he came home, hoping to figure that out.” Nate stared at his sister. Had she been psychoanalyzing him the entire time? She wasn’t wrong, but she didn’t have the entire story. At least until now. “Dad is getting married.” The words hurt to say. “Her name is Ariana, and Oliver is her son.”

Oliver grinned, oblivious to the shock choking the room. “Guess we’re family now.” “Bailey.” Nate sighed. “Her name is Bailey.” Nate’s mom walked through the room with a rigid posture, entering the kitchen to pour herself a coffee. Opening the cabinet, she retrieved a bottle of Bailey’s. “I think this morning calls for a little Irish with my coffee.” “Mom…” “I’ll be fine, Nate. It’s just a shock, even after all these years.” Bailey stood and approached her mom, wrapping her arms around her waist. “It’s still just us, Mom.” Oliver glanced at the doors to the deck. “Was that your brother I saw outside early this morning? He was with a girl.” Bailey nodded, releasing her mom. “He was with Sam. She’s not related, but she’s part of the family. I’m guessing her place is where Nate crashed last night.” Nate’s cheeks reddened, but he couldn’t deny it. “I definitely need this story.” Oliver laughed. Nate spared his mom and sister a last look as he put the dishes in the sink before deciding they needed their space to come to with everything he still hadn’t accepted. “Come on.” He gestured for Oliver to follow him into his room. Shutting the door, he leaned against it for a moment. “Thanks a lot, bro.” “What?” “You know I’m happy to see you, right?” “Of course. Who wouldn’t be?” “But you can’t just show up and tell them everything I haven’t been able to. I’ve

only recently gotten comfortable here. I don’t want my mom to start looking at me and only seeing Dad.” “I get it.” He flopped down on the bed. “Now, about this girl.” “She’s a friend.” “That’s good. Because she looked mighty cozy with your brother when I saw her.” Nate looked away, unable to hide the jealousy on his face. He’d known immediately upon arriving Sam Reed was in love with Brayden. And he’d been okay with it, because just having her back in his life was enough. But what if it wasn’t enough anymore? Oliver sat up, all bravado fading from his voice. “Tell me about her.” He put on a ridiculous front for the world, but when it was just him and Nate, he was an amazing friend. Nate rummaged in his bag for a clean shirt and pulled the one he’d slept in over his head, replacing it. “I don’t know where to start.” “When did you meet her?” Nate smiled. “It’ll be eighteen years next week.” “That’s, uh, specific.” He suppressed a grin. Nate hauled himself onto the desk he had yet to use in the room, sitting on the edge. “That’s her birthday. I was two, so I don’t it, but I’ve seen the pictures. Mom was eight months pregnant with Bailey, and she always told me I thought Sam was the baby ing our family. We went to the hospital, and I sat on the bed with Mrs. Reed to hold her. For the first month of her life, Mom says I claimed Sam as mine.” “Your families are close, huh?” He smiled. “Yeah. Sam was my closest friend until you. Mr. Reed taught me to surf. Mrs. Reed was always good to me.”

“Sounds like you care about this Sam. I can’t the last time you talked so much about a girl.” “I do. But I know what you’re insinuating. We can’t be more than friends. It wouldn’t work.” “Maybe.” Oliver shrugged. “But Nate, the entire time I’ve known you, the only person you’ve let in is me. Even the rest of the surf team… you kept things professional with them, never letting them know you.” Like Sam. What was it she said? She made herself invisible, using her cane as a shield. Maybe he’d let surfing be the only thing people saw about him. Until he’d returned to Gulf City. “It’s different here. My mom, Bailey, Brayden, Sam, and even her mom… I think they’re getting to know me.” But maybe that was only because he didn’t have surfing anymore. The waves weren’t protecting him, dragging his worries and his doubts to their depths. As if reading his mind, Oliver asked, “Have you been out there since coming here?” Nate’s silence was all the answer his friend needed. “What if we paddle out together? We have to get you over this fear.” “I’m not scared.” Oliver’s brow arched. “Aren’t you?” Nate blew out a breath. “What if I’m just not meant for it? Surfing allowed me to do some really cool things, but when it mattered most, I wasn’t good enough.” “No, I’m not good enough. But you… you’ve got more natural talent than anyone I’ve seen.” “Says the guy who was invited to the Rip Curl team.” “I turned it down.”

Nate only stared at him. He’d thought it odd not to find Oliver’s photo on their site but assumed they hadn’t updated the roster, yet. Oliver stood. “I told them I wasn’t the guy they wanted. That one competition shouldn’t determine who is worthy of a spot, and they’d be fools not to give you a call.” Nate didn’t know what to say to that. “You gave up your dream? For me?” “Heck no. It was never my dream, Natey. I can’t count the number of times I’ve told you that. I’ve been accepted to NYU starting in January.” Nate’s jaw fell open. “Dude, that’s a good school.” He shrugged. “My dad is one of their prized alum. Plus, I was always good at school. I may be a couple years late to the college thing, but I can see myself as a city boy.” Nate had always liked Oliver’s dad when he came around. He cared about his son more than he hated his ex-wife. Despite not having custody, he made a good effort even though he lived in New York City working as a real estate investor. Somehow, it fit. Nate could see his friend enjoying the busier life. He slid off the desk and clapped him on the shoulder. “Good for you, man.” “You should have heard the woman who sent me the offer from Rip Curl. She couldn’t imagine someone turning down an opportunity like that.” “Well, only an idiot would.” He grinned. “So not really surprising coming from you.” “Just for that, I’m going to make you at least paddle out with me.” Nate’s gut clenched, but he couldn’t say no to Oliver. That wasn’t new. “I’m not promising anything.” Oliver walked out to where he’d left his suitcase by the front door and wheeled it back to the room. Both boys changed into swim trunks. Oliver didn’t have a board with him, so Nate took one of Brayden’s extras from the garage.

“Is this what surfing is like here?” Disappointment clouded Oliver’s voice. “It’s only good during hurricane season or when the winter winds come through. But it’s still better than nothing.” They were used to the incredible swells of California and Hawaii. Here, everything happened at a slower pace, including the water’s roll toward shore. Oliver wasted no time running out into the waves, water crashing around his legs. He glanced back to where Nate still stood at the shoreline. “You coming?” “Give me a minute.” Oliver flattened himself against his board and scooped his hands through the water. Nate, meanwhile, just tried to draw his next breath. He didn’t realize how tense his body was until a hand slipped into his and that tension started melting away. “You’re okay,” Sam whispered. Nate didn’t take his eyes from Oliver. “You weren’t there when I woke this morning.” “I went to see Brayden.” Of course, she did. Brayden was her person. They had a bond Nate could never hope to have with her. Maybe he’d be better off if he just left now. He tried to slip his hand from hers, but she held on tighter. “He kissed me.” Nate’s jaw tightened. He didn’t want to hear any more. This was what Sam wanted, dreamed of. The day Brayden would see her as more than a friend he had to watch out for. But Nate wasn’t supposed to be around for it. He wasn’t supposed to feel anger toward his brother slicing through him. “Why are you telling me this?”

She squeezed his hand. “Because I realized something.” He didn’t want whatever realization she’d come to. It would only hurt him. Pulling his hand from hers, he stepped into the water. He was doing this. It didn’t matter if it was only to avoid Sam or that his stomach dropped the further out he went. Having a board under him felt more like coming home than even his arrival in Gulf City had. But… still… as he turned the board, watching the waves slink in, he froze, unable to move. Sam stood on the sand, leaning on her cane and watching him. He wanted to make her proud, to prove to her he wasn’t nearly as broken as he appeared. Oliver paddled up beside him. “That the girl?” Nate nodded. “I don’t know what she said to get you, but-” “She told me she kissed my brother.” Oliver whistled through his teeth. “Yikes.” “They’re close, and it’s been hard to break into that. Brayden has the past ten years of earning her trust.” But also breaking it. How could Sam have feelings for someone who treated her as an afterthought? He hadn’t realized Oliver was still talking. “I don’t know, man. She’s not staring at you in an ‘I’m in love with your brother way.’” Sam sat down in the sand, still not taking her eyes off them. When Brayden crossed the beach to her, Nate couldn’t take it anymore. “Screw this.” He let a wave carry him into the shallows where he jumped from his board and crashed through the water. “Nate.” Oliver ran after him. He didn’t turn as he left his board bobbing in the water and stopped where Sam and Brayden sat letting the tide slosh over their legs. She laughed at something Brayden said.

“Bray,” Nate barked. “I need to talk to you.” Brayden eyed him warily as he got to his feet. “Be right back, Sammy.” Oliver took Brayden’s spot beside Sam, and she looked to Nate helplessly to save her from the grinning boy she didn’t know. He turned away and put some distance between them. “Who’s that guy?” Brayden glanced back over his shoulder, worry in his tone. “Our step-brother.” “What?” Brayden choked out. “Since when?” “He will be once Dad marries his mom, but that’s not important right now.” “The hell it’s not!” “You kissed her.” Brayden flinched and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah… not one of my finest moments.” “Do you realize she’s been in love with you since we were kids?” “She’s not in love with me,” he scoffed. “You’re an idiot.” “No, I’m not the one being stupid right now. Nate, stop yelling at me just because you can’t decide how you feel about her. Sam is the best person I know, and I don’t know what you are.” “I’m your brother.” “You’re right. You are. And there was a time that meant something. Back before Mom and Dad screwed us up and split us apart. You realize none of this is our fault, yeah? You were a kid, Nate. We both were. None of those decisions should have been ours. I know you think you’re leaving eventually, but have you ever wondered if that’s the reason you still feel like a stranger here? You see us as

temporary.” He gestured to Sam. “That girl is anything but temporary.” Nate opened his mouth to say something else, but Brayden only shook his head and walked back to Oliver and Sam. Oliver jumped to his feet. “You’re the infamous brother I know nothing about.” “Apparently, you’re going to be part of the family.” “Don’t hold that against me. My mom is a piece of work, but I’m pretty awesome.” Sam shielded her eyes as she peered up at him. “Anyone who has to call themselves awesome is anything but.” Oliver’s smile widened. “I’m just going to let you guys talk.” He pointed to Brayden. “Take Nate’s board. Come on, I need some competition for the waves.” Brayden stripped off his shirt. He wore cargo shorts instead of swim trunks, but he didn’t seem to mind as he followed Oliver. Nate hesitated a moment before sitting next to Sam. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and splashed her feet in the water. “I got the mom interrogation once I got back from the beach this morning.” “Does she hate me?” “Nah. I don’t think she ever could.” That surprised him. “Because I’m so charming?” “Is broody charming now?” She laughed and leaned toward him. “It’s because you were my dad’s favorite Madison. He always said Bailey got the brains, Brayden got the looks, but you got the comion, and of the three of those, that was the most important.” “He didn’t think I was a good-looking kid?” He smiled to himself. It didn’t matter if he was considered smart or good-looking. Nate always wanted Mr. Reed to be proud of him for less superficial things. Even after he left, it was a

driving factor in his life. “I miss your dad.” “Do you miss yours?” She met his gaze. “That’s an odd question.” “Is it? You’ve been hiding a lot since coming back, Nate. None of us wanted to ask why you were here, but I think your family assumed it was because of the surf competition. They think you needed to go somewhere few people knew you.” “And you? What do you think?” She lowered her voice. “I don’t think people disappear from their lives because they fell off their surf board.” He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking of all the compounding factors that had suddenly made his life unbearable. “Do you know why I haven’t told you?” She shook her head. “Because you deal with this profound struggle every day. I see it in everything you do, the fight for control. It makes all of my reasons, all of my problems, feel inconsequential.” “Nate, look at me.” He did. She cocked her head to the side. “Just because I have what seems like gigantic, life-shaping problems doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have your own. Never compare your struggles to mine or anyone else’s. Don’t diminish what you feel.” His eyes searched hers as her words sank into his heart. This girl... “I’ve never known anyone like you, Sam.” He lifted a hand to run a fingertip along her jawline before wrapping his hand

around the back of her neck. “What are you doing?” she whispered. “Something I’ve wanted to do for the past two weeks.” Her lips curved up, but he didn’t let a full smile form before pressing his lips to hers. Moving slowly, he tested her, feeling the shape of her mouth. She shifted toward him, and he hauled her into his lap. She didn’t break the kiss or seem to notice how his dampness soaked into her clothes. The only thing that mattered was them. It was like her pictures, capturing specific points in time. This was a moment, their moment. There was no past to a picture, no future, only now. And he’d never enjoyed anything as much as kissing Samantha Reed. She pulled back and leaned her forehead against his. “Nate…” “I know.” He closed his eyes. “You and Brayden. I just… I had to do that once.” “Open your eyes, Nate.” She climbed off his lap and sat facing him with the water at her back. “I need you to listen to me, okay?” He nodded, prepared for the words he knew she’d say. It was a mistake. They were friends. She cared about him. “It was just a kiss.” “I know.” “No, you don’t. I didn’t mean what happened just now. Kissing you was… something else, something good. But with Brayden, I realized I’ve been holding on to this idea of him finally seeing me. But I realized today he does see me. It’s just not in a romantic sense, and that’s okay. My feelings for him were me holding on, afraid of losing one of the few people I had. I love him. A lot. But I don’t want to be with him.” He breathed deeply. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“I’m saying… I’d really like to kiss you again.” He leaned forward, all hesitancy gone, as he gave her everything he had. All his fears, everything he’d been holding back. Before long, she put a hand on his chest to push him away. “We’re getting a bit sidetracked.” She smiled sheepishly. “There is a very strange boy out in our ocean cheering for us.” Nate found Oliver sitting on his board with his arms raised. His friend let out a whoop, and Nate covered his face in his hands. Brayden sat beside Oliver laughing. Nate wanted to punch them both. Sam slid her hand into his. “He says he’s going to be your step-brother. Let’s start with that. Does your dad getting remarried have anything to do with why we got you back in our lives?” Nate sighed. “Partly. It was more of a last straw kind of thing.” He stared into the distance, seeing only water on the horizon. “My dad wants me to give up on surfing professionally. He doesn’t think it’s a good long-term plan.” “Does everything have to be long term?” He shrugged. “To him, yeah. Then Oahu happened. I was so prepared for that competition. I breathed surfing for months and had every move planned. Nothing was going to stop me from winning and getting a spot on a team that could take me to a higher level and more recognition. Everyone told me I was the best competitor going in.” “What happened when you were out there?” He looked to her. “You know, no one has asked me that. I was standing on my board on the most perfect wave I’d seen that day, the kind we dream about. And I heard voices in my head. Coaches telling me I could make it to the top of the surfing world. My dad speaking with pride after I won meets, and his silence

when I didn’t.” “The silence hurts the worst, doesn’t it?” She looked away. “The people who make fun of me for my disability don’t matter because they’re just bullies. But the ones who won’t talk to me at all, who don’t see me, that’s what I feel.” He nodded. “Exactly. The past few years, it’s like my dad only sees me when I succeed. Everything started squeezing in around me, and I faltered for a split second, just enough to lose my balance and fall.” “And then you came here.” “The surfing, the college expectations, my dad’s marriage to an awful woman who hates me… It would be so easy to say those were the reasons I came.” Her brow scrunched. “But they’re not?” Nate looked to the gray sky where the sun broke through the clouds. “I think I just wanted to see if there was anyone out there who’d see me. I hadn’t been home in ten years, but they’re my family. They had to have my back, right?” Her eyes watered as she looked at him. “You didn’t want to be invisible anymore either.” He shook his head. They sat there, staring at each other, neither wanting to look away until fat raindrops fell against their heads. Nate lifted his eyes to see the sky erupt in a torrent of rain. Oliver crashed through the water, his board tucked up under his arm. “Come on, love birds.” Nate stood and pulled Sam to her feet before handing her the cane. Brayden ed them to catch up with Oliver. “You can go ahead,” Sam yelled over the rain. “I’m not leaving you.”

“I can’t run. All I can do is walk across the beach with a lightning rod.” She gestured to her cane. “Again, there is no way I’m leaving you.” They walked side by side as warm rain pelted them. Sam lifted her face to the rain, letting it wash down her skin. It took them a while to reach his back deck. His mom handed them both towels as they stepped inside. Oliver and Brayden, sporting dry clothes, sat on the couch playing a video game. Bailey ed Sam. “Come on. Let’s get you some dry clothes.” She gave Nate one final glance over her shoulder as she bit her lip and followed Bailey. Oliver grinned at him. “You’re so screwed, bro.” He didn’t quite understand what happened to them out on that beach, but he couldn’t help wondering if it was all a giant mistake. This wasn’t his life. No matter how much he wished it were.

13

Sam

Spending the night at the Madison house wasn’t anything new. Hearing a sound in the kitchen and creeping out of Bailey’s bed in the middle of the night was. Nate stood in the glow of the open refrigerator, his hair standing on end. He wore no shirt, only a pair of black sweatpants with the name of his old surf team stretched down the leg. It was weird for her to think he had this whole other life, people who knew him and cared about him. People he’d go back to. Still, she couldn’t help the smile sliding over her face. In the days since the storm, the boys had been going stir crazy not being able to go into the ocean. Following a big rain, runoff polluted the water. Today was the first day Ms. Madison would let them back in. Standing in the shadows of the living room, Sam studied Nate, wondering how she’d get him back out there. He pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and shut the door. Turning around, he jumped as he saw her. “You scared me half to death.” Using the furniture for , she approached him, wrapping her arms around his waist. They’d taken every opportunity to sneak off over the last few days, and she was learning every inch of him from the contours of his chest to the sensitive skin right below his ear.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and bent to kiss her. Sam still couldn’t wrap her head around this new reality. “Sleep is overrated.” He brushed his lips against her ear. “Want to get out of here?” She nodded, releasing her grip on him. Leaving her cane behind, she used him for as they crept through the house, sliding the back doors open as silently as they could. A full moon illuminated the night, casting its silver glow out across the water. Sam liked the desolate beach at night. It had always held a lonely quality that matched her own. She belonged there. It was home. But this time, she wasn’t alone. This time, someone shared the emptiness, making it not seem so dark. Nate kept an arm wrapped around her waist, lending her his strength as they crossed the sand to where the foaming waves crashed into the shore, punctuating the night with their song. “Those are the best waves I’ve seen since coming to Gulf City.” Nate’s voice held a sad tone. One that told Sam just how much he missed being out there. At the edge of the water, Nate stopped, and Sam lowered herself to sit, not caring that the ends of the pajama shorts soaked through immediately. Nate walked into the ocean, letting the water swirl around his calves and creep up his pants. A sigh lifted his shoulders. “You miss it.” There was no question in Sam’s words, only fact. He rubbed the back of his neck, not turning to her. “I don’t want to.” “Why not?” “Because if I miss it, that means I made a mistake.” “By coming here?” He finally turned. “No, Sam. That will never be a mistake. I want to be here with

you. I want to know my mom and siblings. I should have returned long before now. The mistake will have been letting everything else affect me. I put so much pressure on myself to be the best, to make the best team and to win. I forgot how much I loved just being out there.” “You’re here now, and your future in surfing probably isn’t so bright.” “Gee, thanks.” She laughed. “I don’t mean to be so blunt, but maybe this is your chance to fall in love again.” He didn’t respond, and Sam turned those words over in her mind, her eyes going wide at what she’d said. “I meant with surfing, obviously.” She couldn’t stop the word vomit. “Not me… you and I… we’re… it’s just so new, and I know we’re probably temporary.” She closed her eyes. “Ugh… just forget I said anything.” Nate sat next to her and bumped her shoulder with his. “You’re kind of adorable.” “Adorable is what you call a puppy or the little kid eating paste.” “Fine. You’re funny. You’re kind. You’re beautiful.” “Don’t forget brilliant.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Definitely brilliant. You chose me, didn’t you?” Her lips trailed his cheek to the corner of his lips. “You can’t keep deflecting, though.” When she pulled back, he let out a disappointed huff. “I don’t deflect.” “Okay, then tell me one reason you can’t fall in love with surfing again.” “Do you want to know what I see every night?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Water. I close my eyes, and I’m trapped in a wave, unable to break free. I thought I was going to die, Sam.” Brayden’s words came back to her. He’d been through something similar,

slamming into the rocks. She’d never been able to surf, so she didn’t understand on an emotional level. But she lived her life in fear. Falling down stairwells at school. Losing muscle control when surrounded by perfect strangers who couldn’t help her. Standing in the middle of a busy road, unable to force her feet to take another step. If she let fear define her, she truly would be the invisible girl. Her limitations created obstacles to overcome, but the fear they evoked was paralyzing. “I don’t know what my future looks like,” she finally said. “And that terrifies me. I don’t know what kind of life I can have. But if I let that stop me from moving forward, I’d never beat this disability.” “Sam-” “No, listen to me. I know what fear does to you. I know how all-consuming it can be. It’s a constant choice not to give in. I want you to do something for me.” “Anything.” “Close your eyes.” He did. “Think of your surfing career. Think of all the times you made a perfect run, waves curling around you. You’ve probably conquered thousands of waves in your life. Now, picture the competition in Oahu. Your fall. The wave that conquered you.” She shifted to face him, leaning in and dropping her voice. “How is it that the one time you failed is more powerful than the thousands of times you soared?” He opened his eyes, his face only inches from Sam’s now. The moon’s glow danced off his tanned skin and glinted in his swirling eyes, the only light in the darkness. “It’s not,” he whispered. “I won’t let it be.” “Good,” she breathed. “That’s good.” Her lips curved up as she pressed them to his, infusing strength into him, but also taking strength as well.

They each had their demons, but nothing was forever. Including fears. “I won’t be scared if you won’t,” she whispered against his lips. “Deal.”

By the time they made it back inside, the sun threw colors across the horizon. Ms. Madison stood in front of the stove, and the smell of bacon wafted toward Sam. “That smells delicious, Mrs. M.” Nate helped her onto a stool. “But why are you up so early?” “Your mom and I are heading into Tampa in an hour for some shopping.” “You mean you’re leaving all of us here alone?” Brayden grinned as he strode from his room, board shorts already in place. His mom leveled a look at him. “You, sir, will be at work.” “Nah.” He grinned. “Bails and I both have the day off.” As if her name called her forth, Bailey stumbled from her room, sleep still clouding her eyes. “You guys are up too early. Some of us were trying to sleep.” Oliver grinned at her from Nate’s doorway. He’d been sleeping the past few nights on an air mattress on the floor. “Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re grumpy?” “Ugh.” She turned back into her room, calling over her shoulder. “How long is Oliver staying again?” The two of them had been bickering since he arrived. The news of their father’s marriage hadn’t affected them quite as much as Sam thought it would. It seemed that the man was truly an afterthought in the family. But having Oliver around didn’t help, especially, when he seemed to enjoy annoying Bailey. Nate stole a piece of bacon from the plate on the counter. His mom swatted his hand, but he only snagged another one and handed it to Brayden. Both boys gave their mom closed mouth grins as they chewed.

Sam didn’t realize Oliver stood next to her until he spoke. “Those two are scary similar.” “It’s probably why they sort of hated each other when Nate first got here.” “Really?” He scratched his chin. “I’ve never known anyone to hate Nate. Other than my mother, of course.” “He wasn’t broody in California?” Oliver laughed. “Definitely not. Until Oahu happened, he was so smiley all the time even I wanted to punch him in the face.” Sam hadn’t seen that side of him. “Even with all the crap with his dad?” “You mean the guy being absent all the time? I mean, it kind of didn’t matter. With our surf team, Nate and I were gone most of the time, anyway. We traveled the world and met all kinds of people.” “Do you miss it?” “I don’t look to the past, Sam.” He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “And it seems Nate might be getting on board with that philosophy.” He nodded his head to where Nate watched them, his expression giving away nothing of what he felt. “How do you know?” “Because I know my boy. Every place we’ve gone has always been temporary for him. I’m not sure he knows how to change that, but I can tell he wants to.” He walked away from her, ing Nate and Brayden in stealing food from the unfinished feast Ms. Madison prepared. Needing a minute to breathe, Sam escaped to Bailey’s room, flopping down on the bed beside her. Bailey rolled over. “Oh, it’s you. If it was one of my brothers, I’d have kneed them where it hurts.” “Bails, I need you.”

She sat up, all sleep fading from her gaze. “I’m here. What’s up.” “Things are perfect.” “And that’s a problem because…” “Nothing in my life is ever perfect. I don’t trust it.” “Maybe you shouldn’t expect perfection, and then you won’t be disappointed.” This was what she needed. Some of Bailey’s tough love. But it wasn’t enough. “I’m sick, right?” “Uhhh, trick question?” “I have bad days and worse days. Rarely do I ever feel good. But on the occasion lightning strikes and I do feel good, I know it won’t last, and I spend the entire time just waiting for everything to fall apart again. I don’t actually enjoy it because I know what’s coming.” “And you’re afraid that’s what you’re doing with Nate.” She scrunched her nose. “It’s still so weird to see my friend with my brother.” “I know it’s what I’m doing. It’s like I can feel the train coming—Nate won’t be here forever—but instead of hoping it veers away, I just prepare for the crash.” “Can I ask you something?” Sam shrugged. Bailey picked at the edge of her sheets. “Why do you always see everything in relation to your illness?” “I don’t always…” She did. In every part of her life, she thought of the ataxia first. “Sam, you’ve never said it to me, but I know it can’t feel good to have the world see the cane first and the person maybe never. But what if that’s what they see because it’s what you see?” Sam sat up and rubbed her face. Was Bailey right?

“For the record, it’s not what I’ve always seen or Brayden. We love you, illness or not. You’re the one who has to find the girl behind the cane.” “Bails…” “I’m not finished. Things are good with you and Nate. I’m selfishly rooting for you because I think you’re the one person who can get him to stay. Maybe you should just enjoy this good period. If the train does come, deal with it then.” “Anyone ever tell you you’re a lot smarter than your brothers?” “All the time.” She grinned. “Now, I’m awake thanks to you and all the noise out there. So, let’s go get some food before those jerks eat it all.” Sam’s mom arrived as she entered the kitchen. She kissed the top of Sam’s head before helping Ms. Madison carry the food to the table on the deck. Sam couldn’t help but draw comparisons between this early morning family meal and the Friday night affair weeks ago. They’d come so far in such a short time. Instead of accusations and questions thrown across the table, there was laughter and shared smiles. Maybe Bailey was right. Sam should just enjoy this moment no matter what might happen in the next.

14

Nate

Having a board under his feet used to feel like the most natural thing in the world to Nate. Now, as he stood in the shallows with said board tucked under his arm, it felt like a hurtle. To his right, his brother stood, waiting for Nate to make a decision. On his left, Oliver looked sideways at him. Three boys. Three boards. A million waves. Bailey, preferring kite surfing instead, stood on the shore next to Sam. You’ve probably conquered thousands of waves in your life. How is it the one time you failed is more powerful than the thousands of times you soared? No matter what happened from this point forward, Sam Reed’s words would provide the soundtrack to his life. The wave that conquered you. That was the problem, wasn’t it? A wave beat him, stealing the peace he’d always felt out on the water. It drowned every hope, every plan he had. Now, he had none of that. No surf team. No dreams of spending his life among the rolling sea. Back to basics. It was just him and his board. Along with a brother he never imagined he’d get back and a friend who’d chased him after being left behind.

He wasn’t in this alone as he’d always felt. “You ready?” Brayden asked. Nate nodded. “As I’ll ever be, I guess.” Oliver grinned and flipped dark, wet hair out of his face. “Well, alright then. Let’s do this.” As a trio, they walked further out before flattening themselves against their boards. Nate’s muscles ed everything they needed to do. He didn’t know how he’d thought they’d ever forget. His hands scooped the water as his board cut through waves. A big roller came for him, and he pushed the front of his board down to dive under the water. As he emerged, he looked around, marveling at the perfect day. Ahead, Oliver and Brayden waited. Nate reached them and sat up, letting his legs dangle on either side of the board. “You good?” Oliver asked. Nate looked out across the water, closing his eyes as he bobbed up and down. This was where he was meant to be, not standing on the shore. Opening his eyes, he inhaled the salty breeze. “Yeah, man. I’m good.” Brayden wasted no time in choosing a wave. Nate’s eyes followed him as he cut across his vision, turning into the wave. No one would ever claim Brayden’s technique was flawless, not like they’d once said of Nate’s. But that didn’t matter. Not out here. Here, it wasn’t a competition. No one had to show off or best anyone else. Here, it was about falling in love. Oliver chased a wave, his arms flying through the water, leaving Nate to sit alone among his old friends. He skimmed his fingertips along the undulating water to the smooth fiberglass edge of his board.

Stillness settled in him, something he hadn’t felt since before Oahu, before surfing became a job, a path to something greater. As a teenager, before ing a professional surf team, he’d spent every spare moment in the water. Every morning before school, he met Oliver at their favorite spot. They’d show up at school with wet hair, and salt-sticky skin, but neither of them minded. It only meant they carried the ocean with them wherever they went. And he’d lost that. Oliver and Brayden stayed near the shore, watching, waiting. Bailey bounced on her toes in excitement, and Sam’s gaze stayed on him, steady, sure. She lifted her camera to snap a picture. You’ve probably conquered thousands of waves in your life. Not as many as her. She was the strongest person he knew, whether she wanted to believe it or not. If she could control the waves in her life, he could do the same in his. A perfect roller moved across the water, coming in at an angle from where he sat. Nate didn’t only know that was the one, he felt it in every part of his being. It called to him. It was time. Flattening himself against the board once more, he started an action he couldn’t take back. He chased the wave. Pain burned up his arms as he pushed them faster and faster. Water kicked up into his face, stinging his eyes. He blinked it away and looked over his shoulder for just one second. His board rose up into the wave, and he pushed his palms under his chest, sliding his feet forward to plant them on the board.

Straightening, he threw his arms out to the side as adrenaline pumped through him. He turned his board into the wave, his legs knowing what to do before his mind caught up. Water curled around him, and he bent his knees before twisting to spin into the wave. All fear faded away. The ocean depths no longer haunted him, trapped him. Now, they set him free. The wave fizzled as he neared shore, and he dove off his board. The leash tugged at his ankle when he kicked to break free of the surface. Unlike Oahu, the sea didn’t hold him prisoner this time. His head rose above the water as his feet hit the sandy bottom. He barely looked up in time to see Sam shove her camera at Bailey and crashed into the water as fast as she could. “You did it.” She grinned, throwing her arms around him. “You conquered your wave!” He held onto her as the enormity swept over him. She’d been right. He’d fallen in love out there, but it wasn’t only with the sea. He loved the girl who got him there, the one who believed in him. His board bumped against his legs as the realization set in. Oliver and Brayden ed them, clapping him on the back. Nate couldn’t have done it without any of them. His entire career, this had been what he’d missed. Family. Other than his dad and Oliver, Nate hadn’t cared about anyone since leaving Gulf City. Maybe it was because he knew what he’d left behind. On some level, he’d wanted to be standing here right now with his siblings, his best friend, and the girl he loved. Gulf City hadn’t felt like home since his return, but these people did. He belonged to them, and they belonged to him. “I want to go out again.” He kissed Sam’s head. “I have to feel that one more time.”

“Why only one more time?” she asked with an innocent smile. “That feeling never has to go away.” She was right, of course. The love never had to end. Maybe this life didn’t have to be temporary at all.

The next few days had an idyllic feel for Nate. His life in California felt like a faraway dream. All that mattered was now. He spent every day soaring atop the waves with Oliver at his side. Brayden ed them when he didn’t have to work. Sam took photos on the beach when she wasn’t swimming with Bailey. Their moms brought them food and stayed to lay out in the sun. The storm of the week before became a distant memory as blue skies provided them with hope. Nothing could break the summer glass they’d placed around their perfection. Nothing could hurt them. All that mattered was their combined family. No one mentioned Oliver’s status as soon-to-be step-brother again, and he seemed to have no desire to return home to his mom. Nate avoided his dad’s calls, worried he was the one person who could crack their bubble. Sam called something and pointed further out to see where fins rose and dipped below the water. She snapped picture after picture, her eyes holding a glee Nate wanted to bottle and keep always. The dolphins swam away, but the feeling never did. Setting her camera on her towel, she threw a shirt over it to protect it from the heat and walked across the blazing hot sand, wincing with each step. She left her cane at the water’s edge and waded in, kicking off the bottom to float on her back. Her hair spread out behind her like a halo. Nate paddled toward her and slipped off his board to tread water at her side. Her lips curled up, but she didn’t open her eyes. “Hi.” Nate ran a hand along her side, wishing he had the courage to tell her how he felt. She deserved to know.

Instead, he went a different route. “You haven’t had an episode all week.” Her eyes popped open, and she lowered her legs, reaching for the board to hold on. “You know… I did notice that.” Her smile fell. “But it just means one is coming.” “Why do you do that? Expect the worst.” “Because I’ve been through this many times. I’m trying to enjoy the good moments, Nate, but that thought is always in the back of my mind.” “What thought?” “That the good days aren’t real.” She pursed her lips. “Have you ever really considered a rainbow?” “What?” He laughed. “Stay with me here. A rainbow doesn’t exist, not really. They’re a trick of the light. They take up no space. You can’t reach out and touch them. They’re beautiful and wonderful, but they don’t last. You can’t hold on to it and keep it with you.” “What does that have to do with you?” He still didn’t understand. She looked from Brayden as he rode a wave to Bailey to their moms on the beach. “Days like this are my rainbows, Nate. Eventually, the storm will come again.” He reached out and placed a finger under her chin to tip it up. “Today is real whether it lasts or not. Maybe you’re thinking about it wrong. Maybe today is a rainbow, but , rainbows always come again.” She closed the distance between them, kissing him harder than she ever had. He took everything she willingly gave. She intoxicated him. It wasn’t until Oliver paddled toward them that they broke apart. “Come on, Natey-poo. Get your lover-boy butt out there. The waves are calling.” “Go,” Sam urged him. “I’ll still be here when you’re done.”

Giving her one more quick kiss, he followed Oliver to where Brayden awaited them. On that perfect day, with powerful waves at their backs, the three of them were allies, ready to conquer anything that would drag them into the darkness.

15

Sam

Sam couldn’t help the feeling something bad was coming. June neared its end, and already, it was the best summer of her life. “Is that Orion?” Oliver pointed to the sky. Bailey rolled her head to glare at him. “Like you even know what Orion looks like.” “I don’t.” He frowned. “That’s why I asked.” Sam settled into the crook of Nate’s arm as they stretched out on the beach beside Oliver and Bailey. Only Brayden was missing. He’d claimed a need to go out with his girlfriend since he’d been neglecting her in favor of his family. The sound of swishing water filled the surroundings. The waves of earlier had fizzled out, leaving the sea calm in the night. Even as the sun went down, they hadn’t wanted to leave their sanctuary. Sam laughed at the rustling sound of a Dorito bag. “Are you eating again?” Bailey’s voice held not-so-silent judgement. “What?” Oliver asked through a mouthful of chips. “I’m a growing boy.” “Will you two stop bickering?” Nate pulled Sam closer. “I’m trying to enjoy the quiet.” No one said another word, but the crunch of chips broke the silence, and all four of them started laughing.

It was strange to Sam how only a month ago she’d walked through the halls of Gulf City High wanting to disappear from her life. It was a cop out to say Nate was the reason she’d changed. She’d always been the type of girl who thought you needed to be happy on your own before a relationship can make you happy. She didn’t need a man to make her feel good about herself. All she’d needed was perspective. She’d needed to feel like she could do something good, like her limitations didn’t define her. And Nate needed her. Before they’d ever kissed, he came to Gulf City broken. She wasn’t under any illusions that she’d fixed him. He’d done it himself. But she’d helped. She’d been needed. Closing her eyes, she sank into the soft noises of the night, letting the salt breeze cool her skin. Bailey moved to her side and threaded their fingers together. They’d always been friends, but now they were more like sisters. In the past few weeks, Sam let Bailey and Brayden into her life in a way she’d never had. She let them see her weaknesses as well as her strengths, and for the first time, they were beginning to understand her. She was still lost in her own thoughts when a snore sounded to her right. “What the…” Bailey sighed. “Oliver is asleep. And snoring. Figures.” Sam sat up, and Nate got to his feet. “Probably time to head up to the house.” He held both hands down to pull Sam up and handed her the cane. Bailey kicked Oliver. “Wake up.” When he didn’t move, she shook her head. “Well, I’m not carrying him.” She started walking toward the house. Nate took Sam’s hand and followed her. Sam glanced back at Oliver. “He’ll be fine.” Nate laughed. “He’s slept in worse places.” “I don’t want to know.”

They parted ways at their respective decks, and Sam climbed the stairs, stopping when she found her mom sitting at the wooden table with a glass of burgundy wine in front of her. “Hi, sweetie.” “Hey, Mom.” Sam sat down in the chair opposite her. “You kids remind me of when I was younger.” She’d grown up in the same house. “You couldn’t get my friends and me off the beach.” She sipped her wine, a wistful look in her eyes. “Your dad…” Shaking her head, she laughed. “He was just like that kid Oliver. Full of himself and too confident for his own good.” “But kind, right?” Sam leaned forward, putting her elbows on the table. Her mom rarely talked about her dad anymore. “I him being the kindest person I knew.” Her mom smiled. “Yeah, he was. The best thing about him was how much he loved you.” “And you.” She had memories from when she was a kid of her parents dancing in the kitchen or sitting on the deck late at night talking about anything and everything. Before his ataxia worsened. He’d been lucky enough to have many years without it. Sam envied that in him, but mostly she just missed him. “He’d be proud of you, kid.” She set her glass down and met Sam’s eye. “Why? I’m not doing anything important. I can’t win competitions or even ace my classes. Sometimes, I think he’d wish for a different daughter.” “Oh, honey. Your father only ever wanted you to be happy. He hated everything he knew you’d go through your entire life, but he would be so proud of you for how you deal with it. You were his hero, Sammy girl.” She got up and approached Sam, wrapping her in the kind of hug that always made Sam feel good. No matter what else happened, she’d always have her mom in her corner. And her dad. He didn’t need to be physically there to her. “I’m going to bed, Mom.” Standing, she took one more look at her mom before walking inside, the sound of her cane hitting the tile floor serving as a reminder

of her mom’s words. Inside her room, she changed into pajamas before sitting at her desk and opening her laptop. The photos she’d ed earlier were tiles on the screen. Clicking one, she studied the composition. In it, Nate stood tall on his board, his arms raised above his head as a wave curled beneath him, the foamy top kicking up around his ankles. His face sported a giant grin. She’d captured a moment of pure joy. Increasing the color saturation and adding some cross hatching, Sam turned the photo into a work of art. Once she was satisfied, she loaded photo paper into her printer. Moments later, the image shot into the tray. Scanning her desk, she found a framed picture of her and Bailey. Bails would understand. Taking out the current photo, she slipped in the new one and stared at it. Maybe Nate would find it silly, maybe he’d take too much meaning from it. But she wanted him to see himself this way. As she saw him. Satisfied with her gift, she crawled into bed and turned onto her side to peer at the image of her dad on her bedside table before closing her eyes, hoping to dream of him.

16

Nate

Nate should have known something was coming to bring him back to reality. Life couldn’t stay this good forever. When he woke up to a storm raging outside his window, it was an omen. Sometime in the night, Oliver made it back and ed out on the air mattress. Nate kicked off the covers and maneuvered around his friend to leave the room. Coffee. He needed coffee. They’d stayed out late, and he’d still be asleep if the storm hadn’t woken him. A flash of lightning lit the world outside the windows before thunder shook the house. He rubbed his eyes as he walked into the kitchen and glanced at the clock. Nine in the morning. Bailey and Brayden must have been at work already. Heavy knocking on the front door barely reached his ears over the storm. He almost didn’t answer it, and maybe he shouldn’t have. Sam and her mom didn’t knock, so it should have been a sign that whatever was on the other side of that door wasn’t good. He approached the door and pulled it open only to freeze, not believing what he saw. His father stood on the front porch as rain pounded him, drenching his wrinkled navy blue suit. “You going to let me in, son?” Nate stepped out of the way to allow his dad to escape the rain and shut the door behind him. He dragged a small suitcase behind him. They’d spoken on the phone a few times but seeing his dad in that place was like

a memory from his childhood. Only this time, his dad didn’t belong there. “Dad.” He hated the relief in his voice and hated how much he realized he’d missed the man. “You look good, Nathan.” “What are you doing here?” “We need to talk, but first I’d like to get out of my wet clothes.” “Of course. You can use our bathroom.” “Your bathroom, huh? I didn’t realize this was your house now.” He ignored the comment and pointed to his open bathroom door. “I know which one it is.” His dad grunted and left Nate dumbfounded. Walking into the kitchen, Nate took two mugs from the cabinet and filled them with coffee one of his siblings must have made before leaving for work. It was probably good they weren’t there. If Nate was lucky, they wouldn’t have to see their dad. He knew how they felt about him. And truthfully, Nate couldn’t blame them. He loved his dad, but he hadn’t been the one left behind. A few minutes later, his dad returned, wearing jeans and a button-down shirt. They stared at each other for a moment before Nate held out a mug almost like it was an offering of peace. He’d been in Gulf City almost a month now. Each time he spoke to his dad, there was a pressure to return home. But now, they stood face to face, and the reasons he’d left didn’t seem to hold much power anymore. His dad set the mug on the counter. “Come here.” Nate put his coffee down and obeyed. To his surprise, his dad wrapped strong arms around him. “I missed you, kid.”

No matter how old he got, his dad would probably always call him kid. Nate hugged him back. “I missed you, too.” He’d never regret coming. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t know his siblings. Sam would only be a childhood memory. And his mom… he hadn’t realized how much he needed her. Releasing Nate, his dad picked up his coffee and brought it to his lips. He liked it black. Years ago, before he became the serious guy standing there now, his dad would make a joke that he liked his coffee black like his soul. “Your mother always bought the best coffee.” Nate wondered if he imagined the smile trying to spread across his dad’s face. “She orders it from some free trade company that gets it from Costa Rica.” “I . And she still makes it strong.” “Brayden probably made that pot, actually.” Sadness entered his eyes. “You’ve… grown close to your brother and sister?” Nate nodded and perched on the edge of a stool. “They’re pretty great.” “Good. That’s good.” He glanced at the closed bedroom doors. “Are they here?” “No. They both work at the surf shop near the public beach.” “Jacks?” This time, Nate knew he wasn’t imagining the smile. “I always loved that place. Grant Reed and I spent a lot of time there. Do the Reeds still live next door?” “Yeah.” He dropped his voice. “But, Dad, Mr. Reed died a few years ago.” “Oh.” He looked away, and Nate wondered if it was so his son didn’t see the emotion on his face. “That’s… too bad.” “You didn’t come here to another life. Why are you here, Dad?” What he really wanted to ask was why he hadn’t come back before now. Why did he keep Nate away? And why would he risk the coming confrontation with his exwife?

He rubbed the back of his neck and took a long drink of coffee. “I wanted to see my son.” “You didn’t fly across the country for that.” He sighed. “I-” The front door flew open and someone ran in as they folded their umbrella and shook out their long hair. “It is quite the storm out there.” Nate’s mom had yet to look at them or see their guest. “We won’t be swimming for at least a few days.” “Mom.” Nate set his mug aside and approached her. Finally, she looked up and every muscle in her body froze. The umbrella, still in her hand, dripped onto the tile floor. Nate took it from her and put it near the door before stepping to her side. “Mom?” “What are you doing here?” she whispered. Nate’s dad breathed deeply as if he’d prepared for this meeting. He’d had to have known it would come to this. “I came to take my son home.” Nate whirled around to stare at him, but he didn’t get a chance to respond. “Haven’t you already kept him from me enough? Maybe Nate doesn’t want to leave.” “Of course, he does. His life is back in California.” “What life? A father who is too busy to see he’s struggling? A new stepmom who can’t stand him? Is that what you want to take him back to?” “He belongs with me.” “And your other children? The ones you haven’t seen in ten years? Were you just going to come in and take their brother? Again?!” Some things change, and others forever remain the same. When his parents were married, he’d huddle with Bailey and Brayden in one of their rooms while

screaming matches went on. He tried to protect his siblings from the worst fights. Especially Brayden. He’d always been the most sensitive to their parents’ struggles. Sometimes, when it got really bad, they’d sneak out and go hide next door. Mr. Reed would tell them stories and make them smile again. As his parents yelled at each other, Nate found himself, once again, collateral damage in their war. And he wouldn’t stand there and watch. Not bothering with an umbrella, he yanked open the front door and ran down the steps before sprinting toward the haven the Reed house had always represented. He knocked and waited as the deluge pounded down. Lightning lit the dark morning sky moments before Mrs. Reed pulled open the door. “Nate, honey, come in. It’s scary out there.” It was less frightening in the storm outside than the one in his house. How long would it take for them to realize he’d left? “Is Sam here?” “She’s still sleeping, but you can go wake her up. Make her give you some sweats to get out of your wet clothes.” She eyed his pajama bottoms and bare chest with one eyebrow raised but didn’t mention it. His bare feet slid on the tile, but he managed to stay upright on his way to Sam’s room. Knocking twice, he entered when a soft voice came through the door. Sam lay in bed, her eyes only partially open. When she saw him, she tried to sit up. “What happened to you?” He recognized the signs of a bad illness day, noting her glazed eyes and the way she could barely lift herself from the bed. But he wouldn’t ask if she was okay, knowing how much she hated that question. Instead, he just stated what he saw. “It’s bad today.” She only nodded. It killed him to see her deal with this day after day.

“But I picked a good day for it.” Her eyes flicked to the window. “You don’t need your cheerleader when you can’t surf.” He needed his cheerleader more than anything right now. “Sweatpants are in the bottom drawer.” She pointed to the dresser. “I wear them kinda big so they might fit your giant butt.” He smiled for the first time all morning. “You like this butt.” She hummed in the back of her throat and closed her eyes. He changed before crawling onto the bed and pulling her to him. She managed to roll to face him, and when she spoke, there was a slight slur to her words. “Tell my why you braved the storm to show up in my room without first getting dressed or even putting on shoes.” “My dad is here.” Her eyes widened. “Here as in inside your house right now?” He nodded. “As in currently fighting with my mom.” “Youch. That’s gotta bring back memories.” His phone dinged with a text.

Brayden: Bails and I got cut at work due to the storm. You up for some Fallout?

Sam’s phone lit up with a message from Bailey.

Bailey: On my way home. Fallout?

Nate shared a look with Sam before they both laughed. His laughter cut off as he realized what his brother and sister would find at their house. He responded to Brayden.

Nate: Don’t go home. Come to Sam’s. Please. Just trust me. Make sure Bails comes, too.

Brayden: Be there in five.

“Why is your dad here?” Sam asked. “He thinks I need to go home with him.” She was quiet for a long moment. “Won’t he realize you aren’t there anymore?” “After a while.” He shrugged. “I don’t know what to say to him right now.” She smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Come on. Help me to the living room. We have a nuclear wasteland to explore.” As promised, Brayden and Bailey came straight to the Reed house. Nate didn’t have the courage to give them a reason for his request, yet. They’d find out eventually, but he wasn’t sure how they’d feel about their dad being there. Sam only had two controllers, so the four of them sat on the couch taking turns shooting mutants and collecting supplies. When Nate was with Sam, Bray, and Bailey, it seemed like they had never been torn apart. But a part of him wondered if his dad coming here was the first step to losing them once again. Mrs. Reed brought them coffee and plates of pancakes. Comfort food. She must have found out what was going on next door. Maybe Nate’s mom messaged her. When the front door burst open, they all looked up to find a soaking wet Oliver striding into the room. “A little warning would have been nice.” He plopped

down on the other side of Sam, seemingly not caring about the water dripping from his hair. “I was screamed awake.” “Who yelled at you?” Brayden asked. “Who wouldn’t?” Bailey took a bite of pancake, delivering the jab so emotionlessly Oliver glared at her. “No one yelled at me. Just near me. There I am, sleeping like an angel-” Bailey snorted. Oliver continued. “Like I said, sleeping like a beautiful angel, and there’s a war going on in the living room.” He glared at Nate. “A little heads up that your dad was coming would have been nice. I half expected my mom to jump out of a cabinet, yell “surprise”, and start throwing flames.” “Hold up.” Bailey’s pupils dilated. “Dad is here?” Brayden caught on quicker than she did. “You knew.” He aimed the accusation at Nate. “That’s why you told us to come here.” “Why?” Bailey demanded. “Why now?” “Isn’t it obvious?” Brayden got to his feet and threw the controller onto the couch. “His precious Nate is here now. He has a reason to come back.” “I didn’t ask him to come.” Nate couldn’t take one more person yelling at him. “You didn’t have to. Why you, Nate? Why did he only choose you?” “I don’t know!” The words burst out of him. “Don’t you think I’ve wondered that every day for the last ten years? Why did he take me with him when he left? Why didn’t he let me ever come back? I love our dad, Bray. I love him like you love Mom. He’s been all I’ve had for so long. But I won’t make excuses for him. Not anymore. What he did was terrible, and no matter how much I love him, I’m not sure I can forgive him for it.” Sam slipped her arm through his. “Maybe he’s changed, Nate. I mean, he’s here, isn’t he?”

He leaned his head against hers. “I used to hope he’d change back into the dad he was when we first left. I spent way too many nights alone, wondering if he’d become the dad I wanted him to be again. He never did.” He met Brayden’s gaze. “You like to say I’m the one he chose, but part of me thinks he just wanted to take something from Mom. While I was taking care of myself, you were here with Mom and Bailey and the Reeds. I’m not the lucky one in this scenario, Brayden.” Brayden sat back down with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Nate. None of this is your fault. I know that.” Bailey burst into tears. “Someone hug me. There’s too much truth here for someone not to hug me.” Oliver moved to stand. “Not you.” Nate and Brayden, sitting on opposite sides of her, both wrapped their arms around her small frame. When the front door opened again, their mom walked in. She sent Mrs. Reed a grateful smile before approaching the kids. Mrs. Reed walked up behind her. “Sam, let’s let them talk.” Sam nodded and tried to stand. Seeing her struggle, Oliver helped her up. “I don’t want to be a part of this convo either.” Once they were gone, Nate’s mom looked over her children. “Your father is sitting in our living room right now waiting for Nate. Now that Bray and Bailey are off work, we can handle him as a family. I wish this was easier, but…” Her eyes misted. Brayden stood and hugged her. “It’s okay, Mom.” The four Madison’s shuffled out of the Reed house into the pounding rain. When they entered their own house, Nate’s dad stood, his eyes widening when he saw Brayden and Bailey.

“I didn’t…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Hello.” Brayden and Bailey wore matching frowns as they sat on the couch facing him and crossed their arms. Their mom made herself busy in the kitchen but didn’t take her eyes from the Greek tragedy playing out in her home. Nate stood to the side, stuck between his sibling’s anger and the dad only he really knew. “Dad, I think you need to start the talking.” Nate perched in a chair, not sure which side of the invisible line drawn down the center of the room he belonged on. “I know what you all must think of me.” Brayden snorted. “Ten years ago, my actions were reprehensible. They were the result of the turmoil I felt, losing everything I loved. I know that’s not an excuse, and I know I’ll probably never have the chance to earn a place in your lives, but it’s the truth. I couldn’t imagine leaving on my own. Having Nate with me kept me grounded. His presence saved me in the hardest time of my life.” “That doesn’t explain why you kept him from us.” Bailey folded her legs up under her. “It was easier. That’s the only answer I have. But, kids, I never stopped loving you.” Brayden stood. “I’m sorry, but we don’t know you. I was seven when you left, and half my memories are of you and mom yelling at each other. I don’t think we owe you anything.” He walked into his room and shut the door. Bailey released a breath. “Dad… this is hard.” “I know.” He hung his head. “We know you’re not here for us. If you were, you’d have come a lot sooner. We’d all be better off if everyone was one hundred percent honest. Please. You owe us that.”

“I wish I’d come sooner, but I can’t change that now. And you’re right. I came for a reason. Wait here.” He walked into Nate’s room where he’d left his suitcase and returned with a folded letter. He stopped in front of Nate. “Son, I know I’ve pressured you to go in a direction of my choosing, but I also think you deserve to see this. It came last week. I hold your future right here. It’s yours to decide what to do with it.” Nate’s hands shook as he took the paper. He didn’t know what his dad could mean, but the enormity of it stole his breath. His future. His dad sat back down, but Bailey stood and moved to perch on the arm of Nate’s chair for a better look. He unfolded the letter, and the logo jumped off the page. Rip Curl. His dream. He scanned the page, not comprehending the words. They wanted him. A spot opened up, and it took him a moment to realize which spot that was. Oliver’s. He’d turned them down and told them Nate was who they wanted. It seemed they listened. The letter gave him two weeks to respond and was dated ten days ago. This was what he’d wanted. All he still wanted. “Oh crap.” Bailey ripped the letter from his hands. “Does this mean what I think it means?” “I made the US Rip Curl team.” “Even after your fall?” “They must have looked at past competitions.” She let out a yelp of excitement. “My brother is a rock star.” Brayden appeared, probably having heard her yell. “What’s going on?”

“Rip Curl wants Nate.” “No way.” She nodded. Brayden strode forward and took the letter to read for himself. “You’re going to accept, right? You have to.” Did he? He thought of the last few days of surfing when he’d been learning to love it again. If he ed the competition circuit, would all that go away? “Sam.” The name was no more than a breath on his lips. If he accepted the biggest opportunity of his life, he’d have to leave her behind. Only Bailey seemed to hear him say her name. She put a hand on his shoulder and leaned down, dropping her voice. “Nate… Sam would understand.” That was just it. She would. She’d be so dang proud of him, telling him to go, to live his dream. It came from a good place. She didn’t believe she had the ability to reach her dreams, so she’d never hold anyone back. She’d never ask him to stay. He lifted his eyes to the prideful gaze of his dad. “I… I need to think about this.” “What’s there to think about?” His dad frowned. “Nathan, I know I haven’t always ed this path. I used to surf, too, you know. Grant Reed and I dreamed of doing it professionally one day. But we were never good enough. I’m ashamed to say I doubted your chances. I only wanted what was best for you. College seemed a safer option than your small team who barely covered your competition expenses.” He stood and crossed the room to Nate before taking the letter from Brayden. “This is your shot, son. Why are you hesitating?” His mom ed them, and for the first time in ten years, the entire Madison family occupied the same room. It should have made Nate feel light, good, but all he could think was that he couldn’t let them down. They wanted this for him. They wanted him to be great.

“Sam isn’t going anywhere, honey.” His mom’s voice was one he’d longed to hear in his time away. Now he just needed silence, space to think. “The Reed girl?” His father’s voice grew louder. “You refused to consider college, saying it would hinder your surfing rise. Now you’d let a girl hold you back?” Nate jumped to his feet, coming face to face with his dad. “Sam has never held me back a day in my life.” He’d punched Anderson Davis for voicing the same sentiment. He couldn’t hit his dad, but he could storm away. No one followed him as he slammed the door and sat on the edge of his bed, trying to catch his breath. He’d avoided his feelings for Sam at first, knowing he couldn’t stay in Gulf City. He’d known from the moment he saw her again he could fall irreparably in love if he let himself. And he’d never told her. Something held those words back. Maybe it was the feeling he still had that this wasn’t his life. He’d always been told he was meant for more. What if he no longer wanted more? But who was he kidding? He was a surfer, and that was all he had to offer the world. Someone opened his door without knocking. Oliver entered and shut it behind him. He had the letter from Rip Curl in his hand. “You knew.” Nate glared at his best friend. “That’s why you came here. You knew they’d choose me if you turned them down.” Oliver’s ever-present confidence dropped, and he hauled himself onto the desk. “I had to make sure you got back into the ocean.” It was what a best friend was supposed to do. For years, they’d looked out for each other, pushed each other. This wasn’t Oliver’s fault. Nate pushed out a breath. “When you chose not to take the spot, did you regret it?”

Oliver considered him for a moment. “Nate, I wasn’t you. I love riding waves at your side, and I’m lucky to be good at it, but it wasn’t my life. It wasn’t the most important thing. Not to me. To you, it always had been. We always knew you’d make it. It was only a matter of time.” The most important thing. He’d thought that once. Now, he didn’t know. “I love it. I’m more at peace out on those waves than anywhere else in the world.” “Then that’s your answer, isn’t it?” “There’s a competition in North Carolina in two weeks. It’s sort of like a trial run for my spot on the team. I just have to not mess up.” “You won’t.” “They want me back in California before then to meet with team officials. I’d leave tomorrow.” Oliver jumped off the desk. “Then what are we waiting for? I’m coming with you.” Nate sighed. He was doing this. Gulf City wasn’t his true home, and California was waiting. Slipping his phone from his pocket, he texted Sam.

Nate: I need to talk to you.

He only hoped one day she’d be able to forgive him.

17

Sam

Sam woke up around nine at night after sleeping most of the day. She got out of bed, testing her walking. Her earlier episode seemed to have faded. Finding her phone on her desk, she unlocked it to find a text from Nate.

Nate: I need to talk to you.

Maybe he needed advice about his dad. It couldn’t have been easy having him in the same room as Nate’s mom. She ran a finger over the edge of the frame where she’d placed the beautiful shot of Nate. She could stare at it all day. Their relationship happened so quickly, but she had no regrets. She smiled as she sent a text to Nate.

Sam: You busy?

Nate: Not for you.

Her smile widened at that. He made her feel normal, and that was the most

powerful gift he could have given her. Glancing out the window, she realized the rain had given way to an eerie stillness. As she walked into the kitchen, her mom looked up and scanned her from baggy sweatpants and an oversized shirt to her sneakers. “Going somewhere?” “Just to talk to Nate.” “You should eat something first. You missed dinner.” “Nah. Not hungry. Thanks, though.” Using her cane to remain steady, she crossed the gravel between houses as fast as she could and entered without knocking as she’d done a thousand times before. Brayden walked out of his room, his eyes dimming when he saw Sam. “Sammy, what are you doing here?” A petite Hispanic girl with dark hair and beautiful skin walked up behind him. “Bray, where d’you go?” He looked from Sam to his girlfriend and back again. “Hi, Sam!” Elena smiled sweetly. “You here to hang out with Bailey?” “Um, Nate, actually.” “Really?” Surprise flashed across her face, and Sam recognized it for what it was. Nate was a talented, attractive guy, and here was Sam in her oversized clothes clutching a cane. If Sam didn’t know Nate, she’d be surprised he fell for a girl like her, too. Brayden sent a scowl Elena’s way. “They’re dating.” His tone dared her to challenge him. She backed down. When he turned his gaze back to Sam, there were secrets in his eyes. She knew him well enough to know when he had something he wanted to tell her but couldn’t. “You don’t want to go in there.” He nodded toward Nate’s room. Most girls might suspect it was because another girl was in there, but Sam didn’t

believe Nate would do that. She pushed by Brayden and knocked on Nate’s door. Oliver answered. “Oh, uh, come in.” When he opened the door wider, Sam froze. Sitting on the bed was Nate’s duffel. He continued stuffing clothes into it and didn’t notice her enter. “What’s going on?” She hated the quiver in her voice. Nate stopped and turned, red creeping up his neck. “Sam…” “Nate, I asked what was going on.” Oliver slipped out, but the click of the door barely ed. “I need to tell you something.” Nate lifted the bag from the bed and threw it on the ground. He patted the now open space, but Sam refused to sit. “You’re leaving.” “I… yes. I’m leaving.” She gave her head one short nod and turned. “Well, okay then.” Yanking open the door, she walked out as she tried to keep her emotions in check until she got home. Samantha Reed didn’t let people see her cry. She didn’t let them see her angry or irritated. Until Nate. But now, she tried to force the familiar cool mask back into place. Nate ran after her. “Seriously? That’s all I get?” She didn’t turn. “What more do you expect, Nate?” “Something! Anything! Tell me you hate me. Tell me you want me to stay. I need more than calm acceptance.” She stopped moving when she reached the front door and turned. “This…” She gestured between them. “Is over. That’s what you’re saying, right? The minute you drive back to your real life, none of it matters anymore.” “Of course, it matters,” he yelled. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Sammy-” “Don’t call me that.” “Sam, Rip Curl wants me. Me! They’ve offered me a spot on their team.” She smiled at that. “Congratulations. I’m proud of you. It’s your dream, Nate. I’m always going to root for you.” “I never wanted us to be temporary.” “We didn’t get much choice in that, did we?” She stepped toward him. “We always knew the score. It was only a matter of time.” “I didn’t plan for us to end. I lo-” “Don’t say it now, Nate. Not when it can’t mean anything.” She looked down at her hands to the frame she carried. “You should have this.” He took the frame and stared at himself riding atop a wave. He looked so serene, so at peace. That was how she wanted him to see himself. “Just think.” She smiled. “You get to keep doing what you love.” “I owe it to you. You’re the reason I got back out there. None of this would be possible without you.” “You’re wrong.” She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. “It was all you.” He hugged her back, and she was afraid of having to let go. He’d the surf team and compete all over the world while she finished high school. Her life seemed so small compared to his. She wiped her face as she pulled away and turned, trying to hide her tears from him. “I have to go,” she whispered. “Will you come tomorrow morning to say goodbye?”

She gave him a tight smile. “Maybe.” As she walked away, the tears cascaded down her face. It was never supposed to hurt so much. Her mom was where she’d left her, and Sam walked straight into her embrace. “What’s the matter, Sam?” “I can’t say goodbye, Mom.” Her back shook. Her mom put a hand on each of her shoulders and pushed her back so their gazes could lock. “You listen to me. Boys will always come and go. People leave. People die. But it can’t destroy us, Sam. Not unless we let it. Nothing stays the same forever. Our family knows that more than most. But we have each other, and it will be okay. I promise you that.” “That sounded like one of Dad’s pep talks.” She sniffled. “I was married to the man for twenty years. I can channel the best of him when our daughter needs it.” “I know I’m going to be okay, but aren’t I allowed to hurt, too? Just for a little while.” “Of course, sweetie.” She smoothed Sam’s hair back from her damp face. “We’re all allowed to hurt.” After giving her mom one final hug, Sam retreated to her room where she proceeded to soak her pillow with tears. After a restless sleep, morning came. Unable to keep her eyes closed, she watched the hours roll by, listening for the slam of car doors. Around ten, they sounded with a certain finality that ricocheted through Sam’s chest. She didn’t say goodbye. She didn’t watch him drive out of her life. Moments later, two figures strolled into her room and laid down on her bed, sandwiching her between them. Bailey and Brayden each took a hand. Sam wasn’t the only person hurt by this departure.

“At least he took Oliver with him.” Bailey sighed. Brayden laughed. “For now.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Something tells me we’ll see him again.” “I hope not.” Sam leaned her head on Brayden’s shoulder. “He’s your soon-to-be stepbrother now.” She tilted her head to meet his eyes. “How was the visit with your dad?” He sighed. “He just came for Nate. I think he realizes we’re lost to him.” “I’m sorry.” “Me too.” His sad gaze burned into hers. Only a month ago, she thought she’d loved Brayden. But she hadn’t realized what really being in love felt like. Heartache. That was what it was. Pure and utter heartache. “What are we going to do the rest of the summer?” Bailey asked. “Bray lost his surf buddies, and the winds have been awful for kite surfing.” “We’ll figure it out.” Together. Sam’s eyes misted up again. “I don’t think I’ve seen you cry since we were kids.” Brayden wiped a tear from her cheek. “I have to be stronger than everyone else.” “I call bull.” Bailey lifted her hand in the air. “Sam… you and Nate…” “Were always temporary.” “That doesn’t make it hurt any less.” “No, it doesn’t.” Squished onto her bed with her two best friends, Sam wished she could make

herself disappear once more. But she wouldn’t. Because she wasn’t the invisible girl. Not anymore.

18

Nate

How did he get here? Standing in front of cameras on a platform on Wrightsville Beach in North Carolina, Nate wiped sweat from his forehead. The intense morning sun bore down on him. He used to love this. As part of his Long beach team, he’d never had as much national attention, but the local media came around. “How does it feel to step onto this team during one of their most successful years?” Nate didn’t know who asked the question, but it didn’t really matter. He’d spent the last two weeks in California g paperwork and meeting with team coaches and consultants. They’d given him a crash course in media appearances. And he hadn’t wanted to be there. This was the biggest opportunity of his life, yet it didn’t feel like it actually meant anything. Nate forced a smile at the reporters. “It feels like the start of something great. This team is good. With me, they’re better.” He’d always known how good he was. In truth, surfing was the only thing he’d ever really been good at. Coach Teigan stepped in front of him. “Nate has to prepare for the first heat. He’ll be available after the competition.” She ushered him off the platform to where a row of tents sat. Once inside and away from the scorching sun, she turned to him. “You good, Madison?” She tapped his head. “How’s this?” “In the game, Coach.”

Teigan nodded. “I know we’ve kind of thrown you to the lions here, but we had a spot to fill in this competition.” “I understand. I’m ready.” This wasn’t his first rodeo. For years now, he’d traveled with his Long Beach team, taking on minor competitions with small payouts to winners. But this, here at Wrightsville Beach, was the big time. It was the kind of competition only a big team could get a surfer into, the kind of opportunity most only dreamed of. He wouldn’t mess this up. “Now,” Coach went on. “I know you haven’t competed since your fall-” Nate cut her off. “I’m ready.” A smile stretched her tanned face. “Well then, let’s show the world our recruit.” Nate picked up his board from the ground and gave her a fist bump before exiting the tent and running down the beach to start his heat. A few Rip Curl teammates he didn’t yet know cheered him on, reminding him he was part of a great team. Two other competitors lined up next to him, and when the horn blew, all three of them sprinted into the water. Fizzling waves crashed against his calves, and he waded deeper before pulling himself onto his board and paddling past the breakers. Out here, the waves were as large as any he’d surfed in California. Beautiful rolls of water came toward him and everything disappeared. There were no other competitors in the water, no cheering crowd or judges ready to catalogue every mistake. It was just Nate and the waves. He kicked his board around as a monster called to him, ready to drag him down. But this monster wouldn’t beat him. He swung his arms through the water so fast his biceps burned. As the wave lifted him up, he straightened his arms and brought his feet under him.

For a moment, no sound reached him, and it was as if he soared high above the ocean. Then the scene crashed in around him, and he became part of it. Adrenaline pumped through him as he turned his board and entered a tunnel with no end. But end it did. He managed to stay on his board and came out pumping his fist in the air. People on the beach stood to watch him, wondering if what they saw was true. Nate Madison, Rip Curl newcomer, didn’t own the ocean. They worked as one. And together, they’d win.

19

Sam

Sam couldn’t watch it. She’d spent two weeks avoiding all things Nate Madison when all she’d wanted to do was call him and tell him how proud she was. He’d made it. This was his dream. Part of her wished he’d stayed, but every other bit inside her knew this was the right thing. It didn’t make it any easier. She sat on the Madison’s deck while Bailey and Brayden were inside with their moms. They had a live stream of the surf competition pulled up on the TV. It was different this time. Before, they’d barely known him anymore. Now, he was one of them, a brother and a son. Sam would never take their excitement away. She just didn’t want to see it. Brayden slid the glass door open and came to take a seat across the table from her. “It’s almost his heat.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “Bray…” “I know it hurts, Sam.” “Do you? Have you ever found someone who accepts you so completely and then lost them?” “We all accept you, Sammy.” “It’s not the same, and you know it.” He sighed. “Yeah. I wish he were here, too.” He stayed quiet for a moment. “Did

you love him?” “‘Did’ implies that I stopped.” She met his eyes. “What did he say when you told him?” She only shook her head. Brayden groaned. “He wouldn’t have left if you had.” “And you think I wanted him to stay when he could be out living his dream?” He shrugged. “I never got the sense that surfing was his dream. It was just what he was good at. Nate seemed just as happy sitting on the beach as he did out chasing waves.” “It doesn’t matter now.” Brayden pushed his chair back and stood. “I guess not.” “It’s starting!” Bailey called. Brayden walked back inside where excited squeals came from both moms. Bailey cheered, and the high-pitched sound rang in Sam’s ears. “I’ve gotta get out of here,” she muttered to herself. Listening to their reactions to Nate was too much. Jumping to her feet, she ignored the small wave of dizziness that jolted through her and grabbed her cane before crossing the deck to the stairs. She just had to get to the beach. Then she’d be okay. It was always her place of calm. Gripping the rail with one hand and the cane with the other, she took a step and descended. Halfway down, her limbs seized up and the small dizziness turned into gigantic world spinning. Stranded in the middle of the stairs, it was all she could do to hold on to the rail. Fear gripped her as her knees buckled. Was this what Dad felt before the end? A staircase was not a car, but she knew what came next. She tried to scream, but

only a slurred mess of sound escaped as her grip weakened and she could no longer hold herself up. She fell forward, and the last thing she saw was splintered wood rising to meet her face as her head slammed into it, sending her into darkness.

20

Nate

He should have been excited. Nate obtained the highest score in his first two heats and made it to the semi-final. Rip Curl would know they’d made the right decision. But what about him? What about his decision? He dug his hands into the sand at his sides as he sat watching the next round. The sun pounded into his bare skin, but he enjoyed the heat. Tilting his head back, he let it bathe his face as he wondered what was happening back home. No, not in Long Beach. Sometime in the last month, he’d begun considering Gulf City his home. Were they watching him on TV? He could just picture his mom and Mrs. Reed huddled together on the couch, their nerves running wild every time he paddled out. He saw Bailey bouncing in excitement, never able to sit still. Brayden was more of a mystery. He’d either sit quietly, wondering how his brother would screw up, or he’d yell and scream at the TV as he cheered. And Sam? A part of him hoped she couldn’t take her eyes off the TV, that she missed him as much as he missed her. But the other part? The one who never told her he loved her… well, he liked to imagine Sam down on the beach with her camera, looking for beauty instead of pining over some guy who left her. “This seat taken?” A familiar voice pulled Nate out of his thoughts. He looked up into his best friend’s face. “What are you doing here, Oliver?”

A grin stretched his lips as he sat in the sand beside Nate. “Enjoying the beach, bro. Same as you.” Nate scanned the commotion of the tournament happening around them. “Not here. What are you doing here? In North Carolina? I thought you were going to spend the rest of the summer working at the Surf Shack in Cali.” “And miss your first big boy tourney?” He shoved Nate’s shoulder. “My little Nate is all grown up.” “Shut up, man.” He shook his head with a laugh. Oliver pointed to the board shorts Nate wore. “They say Rip Curl, dude. Just like your board. How does it feel?” “Honestly?” “No, lie to me.” He bumped his shoulder again. Nate sighed. “I don’t know, man. I just don’t know.” “Those aren’t the words of someone who is getting everything they ever wanted.” Was it what he wanted? Surfing had been his way to see the world, to get out of Long Beach and away from his empty house and absent father. But now? When he no longer had something he wanted to escape, it didn’t seem to matter so much. He loved it. He’d never say he didn’t. But it wasn’t everything to him. Not anymore. “Oliver, do you what you said to me the day we met?” Oliver chuckled and ran a hand through his dark hair. “We were ten.” “But you do .” “I said you had to be my friend because you needed me.” He sighed. “I didn’t know you’d been separated from your siblings the week before.”

“But you sensed something was wrong. You’ve always been able to read me. What do you feel now?” Oliver looked out at the surfers, not answering for a long moment. “You don’t want to be here. And I’m not the person you need this time.” “What if I made a mistake?” He dropped his face into his hands. Oliver didn’t get a chance to answer because another familiar voice interrupted them. “Son.” Nate’s dad approached. “Dad?” He lifted his eyes. “Oops.” Oliver shrugged. “I probably should have mentioned he came here with me.” Nate jumped to his feet. “You’re here.” His dad rubbed the back of his neck. “Well… this is a big deal for you, right? I’m sorry we were late. Our plane was delayed, and then Oliver pissed off the people at the rental car counter, and they moved slow as a result. I just… I missed so many of your competitions. I didn’t realize it until you left and went back to Gulf City. I missed you, son, and I realized I’ve been a terrible excuse for a father.” “You haven’t.” “I kept them from you. I thought I was making it easier, doing what was best. I’m sorry. But I’m here now. I know this is important to you.” Nate sighed. “Dad, I need to ask you something.” “Sure, son.” “Are you only here now because I made the Rip Curl team? If I was still some small-time surfer, would you be standing in front of me?” His brow furrowed. “It doesn’t matter how good you are, only how much you

love it.” Nate barked out a laugh. “That sounds like something Sam would say.” “Close. Her father used to tell me that when we were teenagers and I couldn’t muster up half the surfing skill he had.” Coach appeared to Nate’s right, arms crossed over her chest. “Nate, distractions are for after the competition.” “I-” She turned to Nate’s dad. “I’m sorry, he’ll have to talk to you later.” She jerked her head, telling Nate in no uncertain to follow her. Sending an apologetic look to his dad and Oliver, Nate said goodbye. “Find me after the finals.” “Good luck,” they both called. Nate tried to get his head back in the game. Now wasn’t the time to mess this up. It doesn’t matter how good you are, only how much you love it. Mr. Reed probably said that to him at some point in time. He hadn’t taught him a lot of surfing technique. Nate learned that from coaches in California. Mr. Reed focused on something more important: respecting the waves and loving the sea. And his daughter? She taught him to love something other than the ocean, something more powerful than the tumbling water and briny air. He inhaled the salty breeze as he ed the rest of his team. The last heat before the semi-final began. Nate watched surfers battle for supremacy, marveling at the combination of strength and grace it took to be the best. Coach spoke to the team, but he barely heard her. Only he and one other member made the semi-final. Out there, each surfer was in it alone.

Focusing on the drumming of the waves on the shore, he tuned out all other sounds. An announcer called for the semi-final surfers, and Nate stood, leaning down to lift his board. He walked slowly toward the edge of the water before movement nearby caught his eye. His dad and Oliver glanced at him, worry in their gazes as Oliver spoke to someone on the phone. Nate didn’t know what made him turn. He didn’t understand the dread curling in his gut. His coach yelled for him as the other surfers crashed into the waves. When he reached his dad, neither he nor Oliver spoke. Instead, Oliver held out his phone. Nate took it, pressing it to his ear. “Hello?” “Nate.” Bailey’s voice shook as if she’d been crying. “It’s Sam.” His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to catch his breath. “She’s…” “She fell. It isn’t good. We need you.” “I’m coming, Bails.” As he hung up the phone, he couldn’t help but think he shouldn’t have ever left.

21

Nate

To say the team was pissed he left was an understatement, but at the moment, Nate couldn’t care less. He ignored the calls from his coach as his dad pulled onto the interstate in the rental car. Neither he nor Oliver even questioned Nate’s decision to go, and he appreciated that more than they knew. Surfing no longer occupied his mind as he changed into dry clothes in the back seat of the car. Now, his thoughts rested on a girl he’d known his whole life, one he’d missed the last ten years with. I’m sorry, Sam. Maybe if he’d been there by her side this wouldn’t have happened. Oliver turned on some music, but Nate barely heard it as he stared out the window, worry coating his every thought. “Oliver, I need you to tell me every word Bailey said to you.” He leaned his head back against the headrest. “Sam fell.” “I know, but how? Where? Why wasn’t anyone with her?” He’d hung up on Bailey before getting to ask her the questions himself. “She barely got a chance to tell me before you came charging over. But she sounded wrecked, man.” “Sam will be okay, Nate.” His dad gripped the wheel tightly, sounding like not even he believed his own words. “We don’t know that.” The words exploded out of him. “Her dad-”

“This is not the same thing.” “But it could have been. He had an episode at the wrong time, and it killed him.” “Sam is still alive.” Oliver turned in his seat to look at Nate. “She’s alive.” He blew out a breath. “I know.” But this worry… would it ever stop? By the time they reached Gulf City, the sun no longer lit the sky. They drove through the tiny downtown area where two story Italian style buildings lined Main Street. In their sleepy town, restaurants and shops closed early, giving the area an eerie silence. At the end of Main Street, another road curved around into the hospital’s parking lot. Nate pulled on his tennis shoes as his dad took a ticket, and the gate swung up, allowing them into the lot. He barely waited for the car to stop moving before jumping out and running across the pavement to the beige concrete building. Vacant ambulances sat near the emergency room entrance as he waited for the doors to slide open. As soon as they spread wide enough, he darted through, bying the nearly empty waiting room and the nurse at the desk. Few people wandered the halls at the late hour, and the faint beeping of monitors drifted from behind the curtains of the emergency room. Nate stopped in the middle of the wide-open space and put his hands on his head as he turned, searching for anyone familiar. “Can I help you?” The nurse from the front desk walked toward him. “I’m looking for my…” For his what? The girl he left, abandoned so she could get herself hurt? Panic built in his chest, and he couldn’t breathe. Were the machines getting louder? “Sam,” he croaked. “Samantha Reed. I need to find Sam.” She looked down at a tablet in her hands and tapped the screen. “We had a Samantha Reed here earlier, but she’s been taken up to a room.” “How…” He swallowed. “Is she okay?”

“I’m sorry, young man, I can’t give you any information.” “Where is she? What room?” He needed to see her. His pulse pounded in his ears. Why wasn’t anyone taking him to Sam? “Are you family?” “No, I’m her… friend.” He’d lost the right to call himself her boyfriend when he chose surfing over her. Even if she told him to. “Even if I could give you her room number, visiting hours have been over for quite a while. Go home.” She eyed him in sympathy. “You look like you could use some rest. Come back tomorrow.” She turned and walked around the corner. Nate couldn’t move. There was no way he’d leave without seeing her, without making sure Sam was still here. He walked down the hall, stopping as he heard footsteps coming after him. Slipping into an alcove where a soda machine hummed, he waited for them to . When he saw Oliver, he released a breath and stepped out. Oliver jumped back with a curse. “You scared the crap out of me.” “They won’t tell me where she is, Oliver.” He put a hand on Nate’s arm and squeezed. “East tower, second floor. She’s in room 203. I just talked to Bailey. They headed home, but Mrs. Reed is still here. Your dad and I are going to go back to your house. Sam doesn’t need us all crowding her.” Nate nodded, trying to take in the words. He met his friend’s sympathetic gaze. “Thanks, man. For getting me here.” “We’d be bros even if my mom wasn’t marrying your dad.” He walked backwards toward the doors. “It’s what we do.” Nate gave him one final nod before slipping down the hall and around the corner. He found the east elevators without any doctors or nurses stopping him, but he wouldn’t breathe easier until he reached Sam’s room.

Mrs. Reed was the first person he saw on the second floor. She sat in the lobby by the elevators with her head in her hands. Her silent sobs shook him to the core. “Mrs. Reed.” He rushed forward. “Sam…” Mrs. Reed lifted a tear-stained face at the sound of his voice. She released a tired sigh. “Nate. Sam will be so glad you’re here.” “Is she okay?” “They think so. She took a pretty big fall, and her head bore the brunt of it. She hasn’t woken up, yet, but the doctors seem to think it’ll happen by morning. They’ve done all sorts of scans and say we don’t need to worry, yet.” “And if it doesn’t happen by morning?” Her shoulders dropped. “We worry.” “Can I…” He cleared his throat. “Can I see her?” A small smile tilted her lips, and she nodded. Standing, she led him down the hall. A few nurses sat behind computers at a long desk. Another stood near the wall at a desk on wheels writing something onto a chart. Mrs. Reed paused at the door. “Your mom and siblings wanted to stay all night, but everyone was so tired, and I didn’t want Sam waking up surrounded by worried faces, so I sent them home.” “Is it okay that I’m here?” “Yes, honey. I know my girl, and no matter what happened between you two, she needs you right now.” “I need her always.” He hadn’t meant to blurt the words, and warmth spread across his cheeks. Mrs. Reed patted his back. “The last time I spent the night in this hospital, Sam’s dad slept instead of her. He never woke up. This time is different.” She sounded as if she spoke the words to reassure herself, not Nate.

He entered the room, his eyes scanning various pieces of equipment monitoring her. A rhythmic beeping told him the still girl before him lived. Sam lay on her back with her wild hair matted around her face. A bruise marred her skin, stretching along the side of her face. Stitches held the skin together on the side of her nose, and she’d split her lip. “I cleaned her up as best I could.” Mrs. Reed gestured to Sam’s mottled face. “There was blood, and…” She didn’t finish, because her words held little meaning other than to fill the silence. Nate dropped into the chair on the far side of the bed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the mattress to get a better look at Sam. He’d have done anything for one of her shy smiles or her sayings on life he knew she only spouted to feel closer to her dad. “Well, Sam, you didn’t need to end up in the hospital just to feel close to him.” Mrs. Reed laughed, but there was something desperate in the sound. She sat in the vacant chair near the door. Both of them watched the girl they loved, waiting for her to realize they were there.

“You should try to get some sleep, young man.” An older man in navy blue scrubs smiled down at Nate. As the night nurse assigned to Sam, he’d come in regularly over the last few hours. “I’ll sleep when she’s okay.” “Visiting begins in two hours. From what yesterday’s nurse told me, you’re going to want your energy to deal with the lot who’ll come for her.” Nate tried to smile and failed. “Yeah.” He still barely knew Bailey and Brayden, but they loved Sam like family and probably annoyed the nurses with questions and demands. “Where is this young lady’s mother? She finally take my advice and get some shut eye?” Nate shook his head. “She couldn’t sit still, so she went for coffee.” “Well, this girl is lucky to be so loved. Many of our patients don’t have friends sneaking in past visiting hours to sit vigil.” Nate averted his eyes. “She’s worth it.” “A lot of people are worth a lot of things.” He stopped at the door. “Doesn’t mean others see it. My shift is almost over, so I’m heading home. You tell this young lady she’s a lucky one.” Nate watched him leave and rubbed a hand over his face. Lucky. That word wasn’t one most people would use to describe Sam. Her life would always be a struggle with this illness. He leaned forward to brush his lips over her forehead. “But I’m going to be in it,” he whispered. Whatever she’d let him have. If she didn’t want him because he’d left, he’d do whatever he could to retain some part of her, even if it was just her friendship. I’ll always take care of you. He’d broken his childhood promise too many times to count. This time, he wasn’t going anywhere.

He slipped his phone from his pocket and powered it on. After the millionth call from his coach and representatives at Rip Curl, he’d turned it off. Ignoring the missed calls and texts, he stared at the time. Still an hour or so until daylight. The only sound breaking the silence was the beeping of Sam’s monitors and a sigh rattling through Nate’s chest. Setting his phone aside, he leaned forward again, this time resting his chin on his arms as he folded them on the bed. “I was going to win, Sammy.” His voice was no more than a whisper. “I could feel it. If I went into that semi-final and then the final, I’d have come out on top. But on top of what? What would it have meant? Everyone wants to be the best at something. We all want others to envy whatever talent we have.” He paused. “What if it doesn’t mean anything? What if the only action I’ve taken in the last few weeks that has any meaning is when I walked away from you?” A tear tracked down his cheek, landing on his arm. “You needed me, and I left. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe you wouldn’t be in this bed right now, unable to fix those infinitely deep eyes on me.” He squeezed his eyes shut to prevent more tears breaking through. “You have to wake up, Sammy. I feel like I just found you. As kids, I’m not sure we knew what we lost when my dad took me away. Now I know, and I can’t lose you again.” A sob shook his body. “I’m sorry, Sammy. I’m so, so sorry. I love you. You wouldn’t let me say it before, but now I’m taking advantage of your inability to respond. The day I saw you again… Sammy, I could finally breathe.” Soft fingers grazed the back of Nate’s head, and he jerked up, his eyes snapping open. “Sam.” She didn’t open her eyes, but her hand hovered above the bed. “Puke,” she whispered. He lunged for the bed pan, but she shook her head. “I puked on you that day.” Relief spread through him like a wave washing away all remaining bits of worry. His Sam was here.

“You did.” He grinned. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Tired.” Her head lolled to the side. Nate sprinted into the hall where he almost smacked into Mrs. Reed. “Slow down, Nate.” She steadied the coffees. “She woke up.” His words tumbled out. “Only for a moment, but she spoke.” “Sam talked to you?” Her eyes misted over. He nodded. A nurse walked by, and Nate waved her down. “Samantha Reed’s awake.” He put his hands on his hips and tried to catch his breath. “She’s awake.” He couldn’t stop the grin from overtaking his face. The nurse smiled. “That’s wonderful news. I’ll alert Doctor Ahmed, and he can come run some tests.” Nate ran back into the room. It looked like nothing had changed, but he’d felt her touch, heard her words. He wasn’t imagining it. She’d woken up. Mrs. Reed handed him a coffee, but he didn’t need the caffeine when adrenaline buzzed in his veins. He set it on the table and resumed his seat by the bed. Taking Sam’s hand in his, he kissed her palm. “You’re still with us, Sammy. Wake up, and I’ll let you puke on me any day.” He rested her hand against his cheek and stared at her as if she’d disappear. Mrs. Reed put a hand on his shoulder. “While that’s a… nice sentiment…” She raised an eyebrow. “Sam will wake again in her own time.” He nodded and put Sam’s hand on the bed. Leaning in his chair, he rubbed a hand across his face. “I don’t even know if she’ll want me here when she wakes.” Mrs. Reed crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knee. “Nathan, no one blames you for leaving. We all knew you didn’t move here. Your stay was always meant to be temporary.” There was that word again. Temporary. Sam had said the same thing as if it

protected her from what permanence could mean. Relying on someone else. Letting another person in. Not actions Samantha Reed excelled at. Temporary. It was the worst word in the English language. “I hurt her.” Mrs. Reed pursed her lips. “Heartache is a part of growing up. You can’t protect others from it as much as we wish we could.” Sam’s life was built on heartache. Her father’s death. The illness that controlled everything she did. People who didn’t understand her. “I never wanted to be another source of pain for her.” “My daughter has a higher pain threshold than anyone I’ve ever met. She is the strongest person I know.” Anyone who knew Sam could see that strength every day. It was in how she smiled as her world spun around her, how she tried to move forward despite her life trying to make her stand still. “I should have stayed.” Mrs. Reed sighed. “Do you think that would have caused her any less pain? Nate, Sam has it in her head that her illness keeps all of us from living our best lives. She’s wrong, but she won’t listen to me. She’d never have forgiven you for letting the ataxia keep you from chasing your dream.” “It wouldn’t have been the ataxia keeping me here, it would have been her, Samantha Reed. She claims the rest of the world only sees the illness, not the girl behind it, but…” “It’s Sam who can’t see herself,” Mrs. Reed finished for him. “Am I screwed either way, Mrs. Reed? If I leave, I lose her. If I stay, she gets this thought she’s holding me back from the life I really want.”

“Son, my girl has been sick almost her entire life. She doesn’t really know another way of living. She’ll tell you this is a good thing because it means she doesn’t truly know what she lost. But because of this, it also colors everything in her life. Every thought. Every action. She processes the world differently than you or me. To her, it’s not a wide-open place full of opportunities. Instead, she sees everything as an obstacle, a barrier. Now, imagine growing up knowing it’ll never get better, only worse.” She rubbed her eyes as if the conversation exhausted her. “My girl doesn’t only want to be strong for herself. She thinks she needs to be strong for us as well, so we can still see the world as a beautiful place.” Nate looked at Sam’s still face. “Without her…” The cheesy line was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t choke out the words. She made his world a beautiful place. Mrs. Reed offered him a tired smile. “Don’t give up on her, Nate.”

22

Sam

Sam tried opening her eyes, but her heavy lids stuck like they’d been glued. Bits and pieces of conversations reached her, and she wanted to cry out, to tell Nate none of this was his fault, that it wasn’t his job to protect her. But the words didn’t come. Instead, all she’d spoke about was puke. She could only manage a single sentence, and it was that. She groaned. “Did you hear that?” Nate’s voice sounded close. Sam parted her lips, but only air escaped. Nate, she screamed in her head. The first time she woke, all she heard was the beeping of machines and panic built in her chest until he spoke. His voice calmed her, letting her know he’d come. A hand brushed against her cheek, and she managed to pry her eyelids open. Her breath caught in her throat as she met Nate’s clear gaze only inches away from her. He leaned over the bed in his rumpled clothes and disheveled hair. His lips tipped up into a smile. “Sammy.” That one word was enough to send tears streaming down her face. Nate backed away, letting Sam see her mom hovering on the other side of the bed. “Mom.” Sam forced the word. Her mom’s glassy eyes matched her own. She wanted to tell her she was okay, that this wasn’t the same as the last time they were in this hospital.

But she only managed to lift her hand to take her mom’s. A young man in a white lab coat bustled in. He took sight of Sam and grinned. “Miss Reed. It is an honor to have you back with us. I’m Doctor Ahmad, and I’ve been keeping an eye on you overnight.” He squirted antibacterial spray onto his hands and rubbed them together. The scent of rubbing alcohol filled the room. “Hi.” Sam breathed heavily as he came closer with a flashlight in one hand. “Mind if I do some tests?” Sam shook her head. Really, she just wished he’d leave so she could spend time with her mom and Nate. She wanted to ask why Nate was there when he should be off in some exciting corner of the world with his new team. After Doctor Ahmad decided she still had her mental faculties, he left. Barely a moment ed before more voices sounded out in the hall. Bailey rushed in, but Nate stepped in her path. “Slow, Bails.” Brayden appeared in the doorway, smiling when he saw her. Pushing by Nate, Bailey climbed onto the bed and sank into Sam’s side. Dr. Ahmad had removed the monitors and the IV, leaving Sam with freer movement. Still, the jostling of the bed made her wince. Brayden sat on the end of the bed and rested a hand on her calf. “We’ve been worried, Sammy.” “I’m…” She sucked in a breath. “Okay.” And she would be. The doctor said she had a concussion and couldn’t go head banging or playing football anytime soon, but she’d be fine. Bailey slipped an arm under her back and squeezed. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” “Yeah, so don’t die or anything.” Brayden shrugged.

“Bray.” Bailey scowled at her brother. “You do know how insensitive that is, right?” To everyone’s obvious surprise, Sam laughed. “I won’t die. I promise.” “Good. We love you.” “I love you, too, Bray.” Sam barely noticed Nate slipping out past Ms. Madison who now stood in the doorway. She didn’t know where he went. Probably back to the life he left for, the one he couldn’t have in Gulf City. And maybe it was for the best. He was her friend, so he’d come when she was hurt. Now that everyone knew she’d be okay, it was best to return to normal. Even if normal hurt. Focusing on Brayden and Bailey once more, she laughed at their bickering as they tried to put her in the middle of it. “What time can we spring you?” Brayden looked from Sam to their moms. “Not until tomorrow morning.” Mrs. Reed crossed her arms. “Sam needs her rest, so you two only have a few more minutes.” “Where’d Nate go?” Bailey climbed from the bed. “He needed sleep.” Ms. Madison glanced at Sam. “He’s been here all night.” He had? Sam looked to her mom for confirmation, and she nodded. After a while longer, the Madisons left, and it was just the tired Reed girls in a hospital that held too many memories. “You need sleep, Mom.” Her mom shook her head. “I’ll sleep when my girl is home.” “I’m okay. You can relax now. This isn’t years ago when dad died.” She’d needed to say the words, to get what she assumed they were both thinking out in

the open. It wasn’t only Sam living with this illness. Her mom lost a husband because of it. Since then, she’d worried over Sam as if afraid she’d lose her, too. Patting the spot vacated by Bailey, she looked to her mom. “Come here.” Her voice grew in strength the more she spoke. Her mom crossed the room and sat next to Sam, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. A tear dripped from her cheek onto Sam’s. “Mom,” Sam whispered. “Yeah?” “I’m sorry.” Her mom pulled back to look down at her. “What on earth do you have to be sorry about?” “Everything. I know this isn’t how you saw your life turning out.” Her mom pulled her close, and Sam rested her head on her shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Samantha girl. I got everything I’d ever dreamed of. I got you.” “A sick daughter who can’t take care of herself.” “Oh, my girl.” She brushed a hand over Sam’s head. “You need to stop telling us all what we deserve. I didn’t get a sick daughter, I got one who overcomes every obstacle put in her way. I didn’t get a daughter I have to take care of. I got one who will stay close to me.” She put a finger under Sam’s chin to tilt her face up. “You don’t get to decide what we see when we look at you, just like you don’t get to decide who loves you.” Sam stared at her through teary eyes. “Nate.” “That boy…” Her mom shook her head. “This huge part of me wants to say

you’re too young for life-changing feelings, but I know what your dad would say.” She lowered her voice to imitate him. “Kylie, if you’re telling me you didn’t love me at that age, you’re a liar.” Sam smiled. “Then he’d laugh. He’d always laugh.” “And go on to tell me you’re a lot smarter than we ever were.” “Well, I am.” Her mom laughed at that. “I don’t know what your future looks like, Sam. This illness isn’t going away. But you’re so worried about holding other people back that you can’t see maybe choosing you is the way forward instead.” “He has dreams, Mom.” She rested her chin on Sam’s head. “So, did I. I wanted to leave this town and change the world. But do you know what my bigger dream was?” Sam shook her head. “Your father.” “Do you ever regret still being here?” “Never.” She wiped a tear from Sam’s cheek. “I wouldn’t give up a moment of the time I had with your dad, and you’re my world, Sam.” “Is that enough? Shouldn’t you have more than your kid?” “Why?” She bumped Sam’s shoulder and looked toward the window where sunlight poured into the room. Sam sank lower on the bed. “Mom, I’m tired.” “Okay.” She got off the bed. “I’ll be here when you wake.” “No. Go home and get some sleep. I promise I’ll be okay without you.” She studied Sam for a long moment before nodding. “Okay, but I won’t be gone long. Just a nap and a shower.”

“Love you, Mom.” She paused at the door. “I love you more than life itself, kiddo.” Sam only waited a few moments after her mom left before pressing the button to call a nurse. A curvy redhead entered the room and smiled. “Sam, what can I get you?” “A phone?” She didn’t know where hers was. “I need to make a call.” This time, there was no way she could let Nate leave without knowing how she felt.

Sam spotted the wheelchair before the person pushing it entered her room. Bailey shot her a grin before looking back over her shoulder to where Brayden slipped in, looking ridiculous in a ball cap and oversized sunglasses. He slid the blinds on the window closed and turned to face Sam. She bit her lip to keep from laughing. “I thought the idea was to not attract attention.” “What?” He glanced between the two girls. “I’m hiding.” “You’re not a movie star, Bray. If they see your face, they won’t be any more determined to stop us.” Bailey stuck out her tongue. “I told you it was dumb.” “She asked for a jailbreak. I’m giving her a jailbreak.” He leaned down over the bed. “Just call me Michael Schofield.” Sam barked out a laugh. “Did you just Prison Break reference me? Does that make me the brawny, moody Lincoln?” Bailey eyed them. “Are you two finished talking about your shared love of ridiculous shows? I mean, really, how many times can a guy get himself thrown in prison?” She shook her head. Brayden grinned. “Time to go, Sammy.” He scooped her out of bed so suddenly she yelped. Her skull pounded, but it wasn’t enough to keep her there. Not anymore. Bailey bounced on her toes. “Mrs. R. is going to be soooo mad at us.” “The doctor said staying another night was just precautionary.” She settled into the wheelchair as Brayden bent to adjust her feet. Bailey gathered up Sam’s few belongings before opening the door and sticking her head out.

A nurse ed by, but as soon as she was gone, Bailey gestured for them to follow her. “Coast is clear.” Brayden pushed Sam into the hall and paused. Sam listened for any doctors or nurses, but they only saw a few patients and their families walking around. The nurse’s station sat abandoned, and they ed it without issue. “Miss Reed?” Someone called. “Go. Go. Go,” Brayden hissed. Bailey took off running, and Brayden followed suit, steering the wheelchair around nursing carts along the walls. They veered around a robed patient. Bailey got to the elevators first and slammed her hand against the button. The doors opened, and Brayden didn’t slow until he reached them. A startled woman in scrubs made room for them. As the door shut, she looked at them. “You kids okay?” “Yeah.” Brayden put a hand on the wall to catch his breath. “Just taking this patient for a walk.” She nodded as if that was a believable excuse. Sam struggled for breath even though she hadn’t had to do any of the actual running. As soon as the elevator stopped, and the doors slid open, Brayden picked up speed again. Sam held on to the arms of the wheelchair as if her life depended on it. Maybe it did. They skidded around a corner, almost colliding with two nurses before taking off again. Bailey kept pace beside them. They made it to the busy emergency room and swerved around people before having an open lane to the doors. A lady sitting at the front desk stood as they went by and yelled after them, but Sam didn’t hear the words as her heart thudded in her ears.

They made it to the doors and out to freedom. A woman stood in the alcove, talking on her phone. Brayden pulled Sam to a complete stop when she turned. Her creased brow smoothed as her eyes widened. She said something into the phone before hanging up and slipping it into her pocket. “Sam, thank heavens.” “Uh…” Sam bit back a grin. “Hi, Mom. Didn’t think you’d be back so soon.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes shifting from Sam to Brayden to Bailey. “You three…” She shook her head. “I was just on the phone with a very harried nurse who said you literally ran from the unit. What were you thinking?” She stepped closer. “Sam has a concussion. We’re lucky it wasn’t worse, but we have to be careful.” “I’m tired of being careful!” The words exploded out of her. Her chest heaved. “Sam, you were hurt.” “I know, and I know I need to take care of myself. But being careful got me to where I am. Can’t I just take a risk for once in my life?” Her mom tilted her head in sympathy and… pride? “You’re not talking about your health, are you?” “I know, shocker. There’s more to life than this crapfest.” She met her mom’s gaze. “You were right, Mom. I can’t make choices for anyone else, but I also can’t let them make choices without first knowing all the facts.” Understanding shone in her eyes. “I’m going to walk away now. I’ll enter that hospital and sign discharge papers—against medical advice, I might add. You three caused quite a commotion. I’ll figure out what to do with you when I get home.” “So, I can go?” Her mom nodded. “Get out of here.” She pushed herself out of the wheelchair to wrap her arms around her mom.

“You’re kind of the best.” She released her as Brayden stepped up and scooped Sam into his arms once more. They left the wheelchair for her mom to return and crossed the parking lot. “I can’t believe my mom caught us.” She laughed. Bailey shot her a wink. “Helps being a sicky. You can get away with anything.” “Bails,” Brayden hissed. “You can’t say that.” Sam held in a laugh, but then another overtook it, and her body convulsed as Brayden put her in the car. “There have to be some benefits, right?” She grinned through another bout of laughter. “You get handicap signs for the car.” Bailey tossed a smile over her shoulder as she got in the enger seat. Sam nodded. “Old people think I’m cool because I have a cane like them.” “Everyone has to get out of your way basically all the time.” “Oooo, don’t forget all the school I get to miss.” She met Bailey’s eyes, and they blurted the last thing at the same time. “Gym class.” Their giggles filled the car. Sure, all those things actually kind of sucked—except the handicapped sign for the car, that was pretty sweet—but for once, Sam didn’t feel the weight of her limitations weighing her down. Nate was leaving, and she doubted anything she said was going to change that. But still, she’d broken out of the hospital because he deserved to know what he was leaving behind. And that no matter where he went next, she wasn’t giving up on him.

23

Nate

For probably the hundredth time since leaving the hospital that morning, Nate stared at his phone, waiting for Sam’s name to flash across the screen. How much of what he’d said to her had she heard? She only mentioned the puke thing, but his guilt-laced words ran through his mind like the text at the bottom of the screen on a news program informing watchers about a tragedy. He shouldn’t have left the hospital. When Brayden and Bailey showed up, the three of them looked so close, so together, making Nate feel less like one of them and more like an outsider who wanted what they had. He slammed his palm down on the counter, making both his dad and Oliver jump. “Sorry.” Shoving that hand through his hair, he sighed. His dad shared a look with Oliver before both got off the couch to slide onto stools on either side of Nate. Oliver stole the bag of chips from in front of Nate and dug in. Before anyone got a word in, Nate’s mom breezed in from the deck. “The waves are kicked up today.” She slid the glass door shut, and her wind-blown hair settled around her shoulders. “Why don’t I make lunch?” “Sure, Mom.” She’d done her best to take his mind off Sam, despite her surprise when he showed up at the house with both his dad and his soon-to-be stepbrother. It seemed Sam’s accident could be good for something. His parents were practicing civility with fake, overly cheerful smiles on their faces.

“I’ll help.” His dad jumped up and rounded the counter into the kitchen. Nate didn’t have the mental capacity to watch their interactions. He turned in his stool to gaze out at the rolling seas. His mom was right. The waves approached the land in epic fashion. Any other time, Nate would have spent the entire day enjoying the rarity of perfection in Gulf City. Oliver nudged him. “Wanna get out there?” He thought it over for a moment. Surfing was the one thing that could take him mind off Sam, at least for a few hours. “Sure.” After changing into their board shorts, Nate and Oliver grabbed boards from the deck and thundered down the steps. They jogged across the white sand as it scorched the bottoms of their feet, not stopping until they reached cooler damp ground. Oliver didn’t hesitate, crashing through the ankle-deep water, but Nate stopped, his feet frozen in place. He was right in that he could forget when he stood on his board. But what if he didn’t want to forget? He may never have the kind of relationship Bailey and Brayden had with Sam, but all he wanted was for her to be happy, to be cared for. He’d leave if she wanted him to. He’d stay if she asked. The only thing he knew for sure was he didn’t want to go back to his old life. He loved surfing, and he didn’t want to lose that love. He could still see the intrusive cameras and clambering reporters. Photoshoots. Promotions. Paperwork. Something flashed, and at first, he thought he imagined it. But then it flashed again. He pivoted on one heel, turning slowly. His heart nearly stopped, because there she stood. Sam held her camera in front of her face, snapping a third picture of him before lowering it.

“What are you doing?” He didn’t move. She gripped her cane and stepped forward, letting her camera hang around her neck. “Finding beauty in the world.” “Beauty, huh?” One side of his mouth curved up in a half-grin. Even if she was there to tell him to leave, he couldn’t help smiling around her. She nodded and bit her lip. “Shouldn’t you be in the hospital still?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was going to come back. I—" “Nate,” she cut him off. “It’s okay.” She tried to take another step, but her legs wobbled and gave out beneath her. Nate dropped his board and jumped forward to catch her before she fell to the sand. Her body collided with his, sending him off balance. He hit the ground, and she landed on top of him. Neither of them made a sound for a long moment before a laugh burst out of Sam. “Yep, I should definitely still be in the hospital.” She stopped laughing as her eyes latched on to his. Nate didn’t want to let go of her, not again. He pictured her lying in that hospital bed with machines beeping in the background. Pulling her down, he crushed her against his chest. She released a contented sigh and relaxed into him, her fingers curling in his hair. “Hey,” she whispered against his neck. “I’m okay. I’m here.” “I was so scared, Sammy.” “I know.” He closed his eyes, resting his chin on her shoulder. “You heard me?” She nodded against him. “None of this was your fault, Nate.” “Sa-”

“No, hear me out.” She pulled back to look at him. “You didn’t cause this accident. If you’d been here, I may have still ended up in that hospital. I need you to tell me you understand that. These kinds of things happen to people like me.” “People like you? Sam, you’re no different from anyone else.” She scrambled out of his arms, and he missed her warmth immediately. Ri on her knees, she stared down at him. “Don’t do that.” “Do what?” “I am different. And it’s okay that I’m different. But, Nate, I can’t be your responsibility. That’s not how this love thing works.” Her eyes widened as if she just heard her own words. A grin slid across Nate’s face. “Love thing?” “Of course, that’s all you’d hear.” He got to his knees and inched closer to her. “Samantha Reed, are you trying to say you love me?” “Definitely not.” “You can’t take that back.” He didn’t stop moving until his knees bumped hers. She crossed her arms, a frown turning down her perfect lips. “I don’t love you.” “Oh, but you do.” He reached for her arms and uncrossed them. “But it’s okay because I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you when I first saw you puke.” “You’re disgusting.” “You were a beautiful puker.” “Stop.” “No.” His grin widened, but she had yet to smile. “Why?” She sat back on her heels.

“Because I’m going to kiss you, Sammy, and it’s going to change my life.” “Oh.” Her mouth popped open. “Yeah, oh.” He twined his fingers through hers and hauled her to him, pressing their chests together. Her eyes met his moments before he brushed a kiss against her lips and then another one. She held him tighter and kissed him back with every emotion she didn’t let the rest of the world see. Her lips parted, allowing him to deepen the kiss. He could have stayed in that moment for the rest of his life and not missed a thing. It was then he realized he couldn’t leave again. He’d come to Gulf City needing to fall in love with surfing again, but he’d found something better, something more powerful. Samantha Reed held more power over him than any wave. She was stronger than any current. And he’d been willingly swept away. In Oahu, he’d struggled to reach the surface, to escape the rough seas. Now, he’d be happy drowning in Sam forever. She rested her forehead against his. “Did that change your life?” He didn’t answer her question. Instead, he kissed her again. “I want to stay.” “But what about your team?” She pulled back. “I called them this morning and thanked them for the opportunity. Surfing isn’t my future, Sam. I love it, and I want to keep loving it.” “Then what is your future?” You, he wanted to say. “I don’t know.” “Are you scared?” Was he scared to not have a plan? “No.”

She rose up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m happy, Nate.” Good. That was all he’d ever wanted. “The Sam Reed I know would be telling me I’m making a mistake letting an opportunity like the surf team slip by.” “Someone recently told me I can’t make choices for other people. That I need to be okay with them choosing me.” “And are you? Do you still feel like you’re holding me back?” “I come with complications. This illness isn’t going away. I can’t live a normal life. Many days, I can barely walk. Sometimes, all I want to do is lay in a dark room and hate the world. I’m difficult and moody.” None of that mattered to him. He tried to interrupt her, but she put a hand to his chest to make him stop. “I’m trying to get over my fear of that. It’s not easy. I broke out of the hospital because I was terrified you’d left, and I had to tell you how I felt this time. Even if you broke my heart, I had to know I hadn’t held myself back either.” “You broke out of the hospital?” A gleam entered her eye. “It was pretty epic. Bails and Brayden ran through the halls pushing me in a wheelchair. We thought we’d made it until we ran into my mom.” “You’re crazy.” “In a ‘weirdo with a cane’ kind of way?” He put a finger under her chin and tilted her face up. “In a ‘weirdo who loves a surfer’ kind of way.” “How about a ‘weirdo who wants another kiss’ kind of way?” “Yeah,” he whispered against her lips. “Definitely that.” She melted into his arms, and he didn’t know how he’d ever walked away from her.

It took almost losing Sam to realize how much he couldn’t live without her. Someone yelled up the beach, and they broke their kiss as Brayden ran toward them. He scowled. “She has a concussion, bro. As happy as I am that you two got over your crap, Sam should get inside before her mom gets home.” Nate felt like an idiot. He’d been so focused on Sam and him, he hadn’t taken care of her. Jumping to his feet, he scooped her into his arms. Sam squealed and then winced. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “Don’t be. Every girl wants carried to their bed like this.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault someone took a jackhammer to my brain.” “I’m stealing your board.” Brayden stripped off his shirt and kicked off his shoes. “Take care of her, yeah?” It felt like some ing of the torch. Sam wanted to take care of herself, but it didn’t change the fact that they cared about her. The Madison boys would always be team Sam. Hooking her cane onto his arm, Nate carried Sam across the scorching sand and up the steps. She grew heavy in his arms, but he didn’t want to let go. Mrs. Reed hadn’t returned, yet, and he took Sam into her room, laying her on the bed. She rolled onto her back and looked up at him with a smile on her face. “I should let you rest.” He sat in her desk chair. “What are you doing?” “I’m not leaving you.” She smiled at the words. “Come here.” She patted the bed next to her. Nate crawled over her and laid down, his head resting beside her on the pillow. Reaching back, she pulled his arm over her and fit herself against him.

“I see you, Nate.” Being that she was turned away from him, he knew she didn’t mean physically. They’d both lived their lives never letting people get close enough to see the cracks inside them. Sam called it invisibility. She didn’t let people view the girl behind the illness. She’d never been invisible to him. “I’ve always seen you, Sammy.” He kissed the side of her neck. “Always.” She hummed low in her throat as her body relaxed into sleep. Giving up a surfing career was easy. Staying in Gulf City was right. But being in love with this girl… that was everything.

Epilogue

Sam

Six Months Later

“B rayden, you’re not supposed to shoot me. I’m on your team.” Sam leaned forward in her seat on the couch, her fingers hitting buttons on the controllers rapidly as a host of mutants attacked. Nate stood behind the couch watching them. “I don’t think he means to shoot you, Sammy. He just has really bad aim.” Brayden flipped him off. Bailey laughed from her place underneath a blanket on the other end of the couch. “It’s not untrue.” Someone blocked Sam’s view, and she looked up at her mom. “You’re going to cost me a life pack, Mom, and I’ve already searched the area for more. Come on!” “I’m not going to even try to understand what that means, but it’s Friday, so—” Brayden and Sam both cut her off, repeating the wording they heard every week. “No video games.” Sam frowned. “At least turn it off, so I don’t die.” Her mom took mercy on her and reached behind her to press the off button.

Nate leaned over the couch to wrap his arms around Sam and kissed the side of her face. She’d never get used to that. Grinning, she stood and gripped her cane to round the couch. Her mom and Ms. Madison took the casserole dishes to the table. With the January winds, it was too cold to eat outside, but that hadn’t stopped the boys from surfing in their wetsuits. Nothing could keep them out of the ocean. Sam tugged on Nate’s hand before they got to the table, pulling him back to press a kiss to his lips. “Hey.” Brayden covered his eyes and pretended to run into the wall. “None of that. I don’t want to have to bleach my eyeballs.” Sam pulled away with a laugh and pinched Brayden’s side. “Jealous?” She already knew the answer. Any feelings either of them ever had for each other were purely platonic now. It took falling in love to realize she didn’t love Bray. At least not that way. He was her brother. Shooting her a wink, he laughed. “Always.” Their family of six sat around the table, and Sam couldn’t help but draw comparisons to the first Friday night dinner they’d had with Nate. Now, no strangers sat at the table, only family. Sam looked at each face nearby, realizing just how lucky she was. Being sick sucked. Disability was pretty awful. But she wasn’t alone in it. It was okay for the people who loved her to never truly understand what she went through. All they had to do was love her, her. “I can’t believe we have to go back to school on Monday,” Bailey whined. Winter break couldn’t last forever. “I have news,” Nate blurted before a sheepish smile overtook his face. “Sorry, I just can’t hold it in any longer.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, surprised he didn’t tell her before now. Nate stood and walked toward the living room where he’d left something, returning with a rolled-up magazine. He handed it to Sam, and she unrolled it, flipping to the page he’d folded down. She gasped as she saw the picture she’d taken of Nate atop his board, the one she’d given him before he’d left to the Rip Curl team. Nate rubbed the back of his neck. “So, uh, you know how I asked if I could have a digital file for the image?” She nodded, unable to speak. “Florida magazine wanted to do an article on me and my surf lessons here in Gulf city.” He’d been making a name for himself as a professional surfer teaching kids how to fall in love with the ocean. It was about more than surfing. Sam’s mom helped him incorporate ocean conservation into the lessons. “Nate, honey.” Ms. Madison reached across the table to grip his hand. “That’s wonderful.” Sam couldn’t take her eyes from the article. Nate originally taught lessons at the surf shop by the public beach, but they’d cut the program as snowbirds replaced tourists for the winter. He’d started up his own surf school, using their beach. It grew quickly in popularity with both locals and tourists. “Did you make them use my picture?” She lifted her eyes to his, unable to comprehend why they’d put a simple picture she took in a professional magazine. He shook his head. “Sam, I gave them about twenty options. And they have their own photographers. They wanted that one.” “We’re…” She sucked in a breath. “You and I are in a magazine.” He grinned. “They’re paying for the picture, too. You’ll be getting the payment soon. This is big, Sammy.” Her picture. Everyone who read that article would see the world how she saw it

for just a moment in time. She blinked away tears and ed the magazine to her mom. Bailey and Brayden crowded around her to get a look. Sam locked eyes with Nate, unable to look away. The first time they all sat here together, he’d brought nothing but arguments with him. Now, he was nothing but hope. And hope was something she’d been short on in her life. Slipping her hand into Nate’s, she pulled him back into his chair and leaned toward him. “Thank you,” she whispered. He kissed her in front of both their families. This time, Sam didn’t care about Brayden’s gagging or Bailey’s cheering. She only saw Nate and a future that seemed a lot more open than it had before. Not because of him. But because of what he’d brought out in her. No matter what limitations life placed on her, she was strong enough to still see the beauty in the world. Loving Nathan Madison was the best kind of bonus.

This series is over, but there’s plenty more from the World of Gulf City. Check out the first story to ever bring this fictional town to life, We Thought We Were Invincible. Get it here.

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We Thought We Were Invincible

Chapter One: Callie

The waves rolled toward the shore in perfect formation. Days like this didn't happen much on Florida's Gulf coast; when the surf was perfect, making every board-toting salt water junkie forget for a few hours they didn't live in California or some other surf destination. I was born into a life of tide reports and surf watches. Mom was a selfproclaimed hippie who always said they'd have to pry her board out of her cold, stiff fingers when she was old and dead. Well, she didn't get the old part right, but we buried her with her board six years ago. Eyes stinging from saltwater, I lifted my chin and pushed my board away from my chest as it sliced through another wave. The water crashed over me. I drew a long breath when I surfaced and scooped my hands through the water. Almost there, I told my burning arms. Just keep pushing. This here was what I was used to, what I savored. It reminded me where I was meant to be. The ocean called me with its silence; its understanding. All my secrets, my feelings, were buried here. I carried them along to watch them sink into the depths. Once the beach was far enough behind me, I sat up, legs dangling on either side of the board. The water lashed against my thighs as I scanned the oncoming waves. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, and my legs kicked the board around. I flattened myself against it and paddled. The only thing on my mind was conquering that roller. My hands flew through the water until they pushed up. I tucked my legs under me and planted my feet on the board, feeling at home as I leaned in to turn.

I focused my eyes on the beach and knew it would come too soon. Adrenaline buzzed through my veins as the water sprayed up around me. I didn't see it coming, or I should say I didn't see him coming. Some jerk dropped into my wave, catching me off guard. Flinging my arms out to regain my balance, I leaned right when I should have leaned left, and my board flew out from under me. The board leash tugged at my ankle as I crashed into the wave. It flipped me over, throwing me about. I kicked my legs as hard as I could to be free of the sucking, pulling force. My head broke the surface, and the wave tried to drag me back under as I gasped for air. My board, still attached to its leash, tumbled nearby. I lunged for it and pulled myself up, opting to let the wave push me the rest of the way in. I was done. Being knocked about was nothing new, but this time it wasn't my fault. Anger built from the pit of my stomach that was now full of saltwater. I coughed much of it out, and my throat felt raw. A pounding headache made it hard to see anything but red. The wave broke, dissolving into a line of foam rolling toward the shore. It pushed me forward until I could stand. I tore the Velcro on my leash and heaved my board up under my arm as my feet crashed through the water. I reached the small beach and threw it onto the sand before marching over to the boy who was running out of the water. He stopped when he saw me. “Jamie Daniels, you idiot!” I shoved him backwards. “That was my wave.” He shrugged, a smirk appearing on his tanned face. “Hello to you too, California.” “The name is Callie, numb nuts.” “Numb nuts, huh?” He laughed. “Yeah, as in your nuts will be numb when they connect with my knee.”

I raised my leg to kick, but he caught it, sending me off balance. He let go as I fell to the sand. “Looks like someone can't seem to stay on her feet today.” He nudged me with his foot. I stood up and huffed out a breath. “I wasn't expecting anyone else to be out here this early.” He cocked his head to the side. “You know you shouldn't surf alone.” “Yeah, because you have so many buddies with you.” I gestured to the nearly empty beach around us. "Besides, I'm not alone.” His face fell, but he tried to hide it. “Ah, yes. Where is my brother?” “He ran to the car. It's a good thing he didn't see you try to kill me.” “What would you say if I told you I was too lost in my own thoughts to notice you out there?” “Two things. First, that you're full of crap. Second that I don't believe you actually have a thought in your head.” “Why aren't we friends?” he asked, grinning. “Because I hate you.” “Are you two fighting again?” Jayden came up behind me and draped a lazy arm over my shoulders. “He's just being his usual douche-like self.” I turned away from Jamie to look at his brother. “I should go. I promised Kat I'd be at the diner for the Saturday morning rush.” “Waves are dying out here, anyway,” Jamie said. “Some of your aunt's waffles sound good right about now.” “Ugh, that was not an invitation for you to come.” I led Jayden across the beach. We climbed over the rocks that sat between the

sand and the gravelly parking lot, stopping when we reached my pickup truck. It'd seen better days - peeling red paint made that obvious - but we were old friends. Jay threw my board in the back as I stripped off my rash guard. He didn't surf, but he loved the beach so he was usually up for hanging. I grabbed my clothes from the front seat and pulled on a black t-shirt and knee length jean shorts over my bathing suit. Brushing my hands through my sopping light brown locks, I twisted them into a single braid that hung over my shoulder before hoisting myself into the truck beside Jay. He leaned in to brush his lips over mine and frowned. “Our last beach day of the summer.” “I wish you didn't have to leave,” I whispered. “This summer has been so much fun.” He leaned back and stared at me, his lips curving up. “Anyone ever tell you your eyes look golden when the sun hits them?” “If you don't want to talk about leaving…” “You're beautiful.” He reached out and ran a hand over the top of my head. “I love how the sun lightens the top of your head. That's how I know the surf has been good. Your hair changes color.” “Jay.” I pushed his hand away, coughing uncomfortably. “You the deal.” “I do.” He nodded and looked out the window as I started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. “Okay then, how about this? I'm only going to be a few hours away, and I'm sure I'll come home from school for visits and stuff. If both of us are single, let's go out when I'm here.” I glanced sideways and smiled. “It's a date.” I didn't say that it would only be a matter of if he was single because I doubted I'd be anything else. I didn't like people. My Aunt Kat laughed about it as if it was some big joke. She was socially adept in a way I could never hope to be. Even my twin brother

Colby, in his quiet way, had mad skills in the area. I was different. I preferred my solitude to anything else. That was why I loved the ocean. It gave me strength, peace. Then there was Jay. He'd been such a huge part of my life. So had Jamie, whether or not I liked it. We'd all been friends since before I could . Unlike Jamie, Jay had always been there for me. He was about to start college, and when school ended for the summer, we'd tested our friendship on a new level before he left. It was nice… but I didn't feel the things I think I was supposed to feel. I loved the guy, just not in that way. I parked in front of the diner that was already half-full with hungry tourists. Checking the clock on my phone, I realized I was over an hour late. Jay followed me in and sat at the counter as Kat stood in front of me, hands on hips. “You and Allison.” She shook her head, unable to hide a grin. Allison was my mother and the namesake of Ally's diner. Kat liked to tell me I reminded her of Mom, her sister. “I hope the surf was good at least.” She tossed me an apron, which I caught midair. “It was.” “Table five needs their order taken.” And just like that, my tardiness was forgotten. Kat was good like that. Colby and I were twelve when mom died. Our dad was never in the picture, and Kat was the only family we had. She was a twentyeight-year-old travel photographer who lost her older sister. Her response? She quit her adventurous job and moved to the small town of Gulf City, Florida to take care of two heartbroken and lonely kids and one failing diner. I took care of table five and started running food out from the kitchen. Anna, the head cook, cranked out orders.

“Duck,” Colby called. I obeyed, and he sidestepped me, swinging a bucket of dirty dishes over my head to get to the dishwasher. Leaning on the counter next to my brother, I noticed the bags under his eyes and the tired tilt of his shoulders. “How long have you been here?” I asked. “A couple hours. Kat needed help opening since someone ran out super early.” “Sorry, I know it was my shift, but-” “The waves,” he finished for me. “Yada yada yada. I know. You've been my sister for seventeen years, and Jamie has been my best friend for almost as long. I know you guys have that obsession.” “Oh, come on, we rarely get to surf, especially in the summer.” “It's always too flat,” he cut me off again. “I know that too.” “Callie,” Kat called. “Colby.” “Coming,” we said in unison. He rolled his lean shoulders and straightened his glasses as he walked off, looking every bit as confident as he was. At school that confidence paid off. He was quiet, but strong; well liked, popular even, without trying too hard. The perfect combination. He was so very different from me. Our brown hair and dark eyes might give us away as twins, but he was calm and I could be volatile; a fact everyone knew. I followed him to where our aunt was ringing bills into the . He took over for her as she stepped back into the kitchen, and I grabbed the warm plates from the -through, setting them in front of Jay and Jamie, who now sat beside him. “You guys going to the beach party tonight?” Jamie asked.

“The end of summer thing? I don't know.” “It'll be fun.” Jay sent me a charming-do-it-for-me smile. “One last hurrah before I leave tomorrow.” I laughed, knowing full well I had no other choice. “Fine. Let the debauchery begin.” Jamie clapped his hands together in excitement as I heard my aunt calling me again. “Duty calls.” Wiping my hands on my apron, I got back to work.

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A Note From Michelle

Surprisingly, this was the first book in the Gulf City High series I wrote. Which is one of the reasons it has much less crossover with the others. I have been trying for years to write a character like Sam who suffers from episodic ataxia, but something always blocked me. Maybe it was a worry that people would see me in her or assume her thoughts about life with the illness were mine. Because it’s not an imaginary illness. It’s mine. Episodic Ataxia—and all ataxias —are genetic diseases that cause way too many complications in life. I have episodic ataxia. I’ve lived with it since I was eight years old and it’s what brought me to writing as a way to deal with this life of disability I was given. Sam sort of just came to me one day and I started writing and couldn’t stop. I wanted to show a girl who didn’t let the illness defeat her, but still wanted to at times. A girl who tried to be strong for everyone around her but couldn’t always stay strong for herself. Because that is reality. That is truth. I feel like I’m baring my soul a bit in this book while also holding enough back so that Sam isn’t me. I hope you’ve enjoyed Sam’s journey. Thanks for sticking with me.

About Michelle

Michelle MacQueen is a USA Today bestselling author of love. Yes, love. Whether it be YA romance, NA romance, or fantasy romance (Under M. Lynn), she loves to make readers swoon. The great loves of her life to this point are two tiny blond creatures who call her “aunt” and proclaim her books to be “boring books” for their lack of pictures. Yet, somehow, she still manages to love them more than chocolate. When she’s not sharing her inexhaustible wisdom with her niece and nephew, Michelle is usually lounging in her ridiculously large bean bag chair creating worlds and characters that remind her to smile every day - even when a feisty five-year-old is telling her just how much she doesn’t know.

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