Shaelyn 1y3z5m

SHAELYN

Based on an inspirational real life story

A must read for: All those caught somewhere between sexualities and genders yearning to find love Parents and friends of these our most courageous and special of people Every male and female of every sexual orientation

E.T Martin

Copyright © 2017 E.T Martin.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Balboa Press A Division of Hay House 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.balboapress.com.au 1 (877) 407-4847

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of

any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-0848-9 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-5043-0853-3 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/22/2017

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1: Earliest years

Chapter 2: Adolescence

Chapter 3: Sam

Chapter 4: Final year of School and first year in the world

Chapter 5: God is merciful

Chapter 6: Doctors

Chapter 7: First surgery

Chapter 8: Internet

Chapter 9: Confusion for all

Chapter 10: Cameron

Chapter 11: He’s here!

Chapter 12: Cameron meets unconscious Sissy

Chapter 13: ¹st Drive—Getting to know us— Sissy’s sex change

Chapter 14: Disbelief

Chapter 15: Conspirators

Chapter 16: Final surgery

Chapter 17: Post op

Chapter 18: Pregnant Proposal

Chapter 19: Marriage

Chapter 20: Healing with Sissy & Helen

Chapter 21: Honeymoon

Chapter 22: Sissy

Epitaph: The author

Dedication

“For those we should love the most”

It was from the outset the wish of the sisters (Shaelyn & Shannon) portrayed on the cover that this biography serves as an inspiration and beacon of hope to those walking that tight rope between sexualities or genders trying to find their rightful path. The girl’s greatest hope is that this book helps and inspirers others.

This biography could not have been written without the uncompromising willingness of Shaelyn to be completely open and honest about the most intimate details of her amazing life’s journey or without Shannon’s near lifelong addiction to keeping her daily journal being the two principle s used to compile this shared biography affording me the writer; an incredible “under bright florescent light” (hiding nothing) insight and perspective into the life of a person whose sexual identity does not correspond with their physical body and just as importantly into the lives of those closest to that person.

Writing this biography has been one of the rarest most truly rewarding privileges of my life; seeing our family grow with the unofficial adoption of two of the most precious young ladies into our home and our hearts. My family gave their all in the of writing of this book. My partner’s tireless research provided me with so much information causing me to question “you want me to read all of that?” before I adamantly stated “I’m writing a book not reading a library” with my partner responding in her usual lovingly laughing manner “well it helps to know what you’re writing about”. My partner’s total love and for the girls and myself as all four of us worked on the book between intermittently ferrying cups of tea up the stairs announcing “I thought we could all use a cup of tea?” and the assistance given by our two beautiful, well adjusted, moral, law

abiding, hardworking, loving and openly gay sons who opened up about their own experiences sharing with their parents some of the most intimate details of their lives.

INTRODUCTION

This shared biography is the ionate, romantic, salacious, heart wrenching, erotic, hilarious and incredibly uplifting story of two twins who share the most beautiful of dreams; the correction that one of them was born with a sexual identity that did not match their physical body. Together they would stand united in the face of adversity determined they would face anything and everything in pursuit of their shared dream. Two siblings armed only with their love for the other would change their world and correct Mother Nature herself drawing on a bottomless well of shared single minded courage coupled with an unbreakable commitment to each other.

This biography contains medical facts, procedures and statistics in an easy to understand everyday manner within the context of this amazing shared life’s story but it is so much more than just a “Sexual Reassignment Surgery for dummies” or a “hot hands in the shower” of male on male sexuality although the manuscript was toned down just a little for publication so not to be seen as being too salacious (in your face erotic). More importantly past, behind and thru the sex scenes is a shared life’s story filled with triumphs and tragedies with twists and turns of fate right to the last page.

Put simply this is a must read for all those walking the all too often; unloved, lonely and silent razors edge between sexualities and genders and all those who once claimed or do love these most beautiful of people. Heterosexuals go through life knowing only that one station in life to which they are born however; these courageous people have the rare privilege of seeing life from a completely different perspective.

This story is one of never ending hope that is as truly awe inspiring as it is cruelly tragic, side splittingly funny and as erotic as publication will permit.

Anyone with half a heart will cheer, feel aroused, laugh out loud and cry openly however not in that order or in equal proportion. All names with the exception of the two sisters (Shannon and Shaelyn) have been changed to respect the privacy of the sisters and all those who shared in their incredible journey.

Before reading the book it is important to understand that all humans are initially and inherently female at the moment of conception. The female form is the default template for all mammalian species this is an undisputed irrefutable biological fact!

Human chromosomes pair together in a female as XX with the male pairing being XY. The X under the male pairing is the inescapable and undeniable legacy of the original “female” blue print design. Sorry guys but the girls really did get there first!

Furthermore validation of the female being the original design template is that a YY coupling is not possible and couldn’t produce a human anyway; the X chromosome is the base chromosome for all mammals. All males are conceived initially female from the biggest strongest most masculine male on the planet to the most sensitive and feminine of males secretly wearing a dress behind closed doors. All males are originally female!

How is gender determined in the womb? Good question; all zygotes (earliest embryonic stage) are female with the final gender being determined biologically around the ninth week after conception. Until this time all human fetuses only contain X chromosomes however any X chromosome can adapt to become a Y chromosome depending on the balance of pro-male and anti-male genes within each individual chromosome.

If the pro-male and anti-male genes are in equal proportion within the chromosome it will remain X producing a female and if there is an overbalance of anti-male genes the chromosome will also remain an X by default however If an X chromosome has an overbalance of pro-male genes an adaption from X to Y will result producing a male.

Individual human chromosomes have a 66.6% chance biologically of being female and a 33.3% chance biologically of being male. It is fortunate for humanity that chromosomes need to pair up to function and as such only one of the two XX’s in a female has to adapt to a Y making a XY chromosome coupling to produce a male; which somewhat levels the gender playing field producing an almost 50% female and 50% male birth rate in nature.

It is during the ninth week of pregnancy that an embryo which has adapted to a XY chromosome coupling produces a surge in testosterone from the activation of the SRY gene (Sex-determining Region of an adapted “Y” chromosome) producing a male; which is only more proof that the female is the human template as standard X chromosomes don’t have an SRY gene.

Previous paragraphs are why every pediatrician will tell you that should twins be born with one twin being male and the other twin female; the female twin will statistically have the higher chance of survival and the female will also generally be the stronger and healthier of the twins in the first few weeks of life. The rationale ing this medically observed fact is simple; the female twin has simply evolved and developed from the original default design template and hasn’t undergone the significant natural embryonic re-engineering to become male. Perhaps instead of God creating Eve for Adam it was considerably more likely that Adam was created for Eve.

Even the colors we choose to represent the genders “pink for female and blue for male” the fact that we are all conceived female as the colors are based upon females being born a healthy blood flushed pink color indicating a strong

circulatory system compared with the usually blue complexion of males at birth indicating cyanosis (bluing of the extremities) showing a poorer circulatory system.

With Mother Nature’s differentiation between the sexes so precariously balanced is it any wonder in light of these facts that there are so many males out there who are not exactly aligned towards what most western societies refer to as a normal heterosexual lifestyle?

The largest and most celebrated study into the demographics of human sexual orientation was conducted by Dr. Alfred Kinsley in 1948 and remains currently recognized as the undisputed corner stone in this field of study. Dr. Kinsley published his findings titled “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male” reporting 37% of men had achieved orgasm through with another male “after adolescence” with half of these men who had same-sex sexual experiences regarding themselves as heterosexual rather than homosexual. These numbers in comparison with female statistics are huge with females coming in at only 4%. There are over nine times as many men crossing the heterosexual line than women.

For parents who have or even for a second believe they may have a child that is not heterosexual please tread very lightly and seek professional counseling for your child and yourself as the suicide rate for males between 15-19 years of age indicates males are three times more likely to suicide than females with that rate jumping alarmingly to eight times more likely between the ages of 20-24. Depression is a symptom but the cause is all too often a sexual identity crisis.

Dr. Kinsley acknowledged his reported findings were very likely conservative compared to actual figures due to social stigma, embarrassment, shame and the reluctance of some interviewee’s to answer some of the test questions even through the test subject males were completely anonymous.

The William’s Institute paper of 2011 “How many people are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender” s for people who “openly” report as one sexuality or another and does not for the masses that don’t openly report or report falsely (closet) however both the William’s Institute and research used in the production of this biography concur with Dr. Kinsley’s findings with regards to the conservative outcome of 37% as current research via social media indicates a much higher percentage of males are in some way on a journey to reconnect with their inherited femininity.

CHAPTER 1

Earliest years

Shannon was born at four thirty eight in the morning and I was born seventeen minutes later at four fifty five (twins). We were premature by three weeks and identical in almost every way and with our parents naming us Shannon and Shane. The only obvious difference between us was that Shannon was taken home in a pink blanket whilst I was wrapped in a blue blanket. Shannon was female and I was male.

One of my first memories was of drinking too much cordial prior to leaving our house for our weekly visit to our grandparent’s house with our mother. I was only four years old and as a result of my love of cordial and having consumed way too much prior to leaving home I made my mother aware in the car, in traffic “I have to pee” with my mother urging me “hold on, we’re almost at nana’s”. Unfortunately I couldn’t hold on and saturated my shorts in the car just outside our grandparent’s house. I would need a change of clothes.

My mother was beside herself as she realised inside our grandparents house that she had forgotten a change of clothes for me and as my mother always seemed to be getting a little flack over her parental skills from my grandmother as we grew up I suppose showing up on grandmother’s doorstep with me wringing wet without having a change of clothes wasn’t going to improve their view of her parenting abilities. In our mother’s rush she had mistakenly packed two dresses instead of a dress and pair of shorts and shirt for me. Shannon my older twin sister (by seventeen minutes) was my only sibling who I apparently called “Sissy” from birth. Sissy will kill me (laughingly) for leaving her formal introduction into this book to the third paragraph. I can hear Sissy laughing “why wasn’t I introduced in the first paragraph?” With me pointing out her name was

the first word written down. “Sissy” was my first spoken word.

Sissy was always our mother’s secret favourite and perhaps because of this quiet unspoken favoritism or because our mother was beautifully forgetful especially on the build up to visits to our grandmothers house she’d accidently arrived without a change of clothes for me; the boy. I my mother saying “little boys who go to the toilet in their shorts will have to wear their sister’s dress today” scolding me as she changed me into my first dress at our grandparent’s house.

I liked Sissy’s dress much better than my shorts! I the sensation of the air between my legs was like being free and unencumbered compared to my shorts the dress just felt right; I don’t know how or why but the fact that I this sensation so early in my life speaks to the impact it had on me. Our mother was absolutely beautiful like most mothers and it wasn’t her fault or doing but I think this is where my journey started.

Sissy was not only my only sibling but also my only early childhood companion as we lived in a sparsely populated rural area. Sissy definitely very much influenced my thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes in my early childhood years, during my adolescent development and in fact my whole life. I’m not implying “nurture over nature” as I believe that’s a senseless and pointless argument anyway; if more people expended their energies just accepting people and less time trying to label or diagnose why or who they are and just accepted them for being them the world would be a much better place! Who cares about what people do behind closed doors between consenting partners; if it isn’t hurting anyone! Those last few lines above would be thanks to Sissy’s influence; fiery and fiercely protective of me whereas I tended to be the more reserved and timid which is ironic as she was the girl and I was supposed to be the boy.

I was growing up in a very much female orientated and dominated world with Sissy and my mother. My father worked away with us seeing him only every

fourth week (three weeks away and one week home, work roster) which I don’t blame him for at all. It meant he could really concentrate and spend time with the three of us when he was home, with every fourth week being like a holiday that came to us with all of us eagerly looking forward to my father’s arrival home. My father was an oil rig worker all of his life. He was a kind, loving, comionate man and my lifelong hero.

My father used to joke about my apparent femininity even at this early age and Sissy’s boisterous nature saying “do you think they got something wrong at the hospital before we bought them home?” before he’d add “he’s so pretty and she’s a thug” laughing with our mother as Sissy and I played (me getting beaten up by Sissy) on the living room floor in front of them watching TV. I was always envious of Sissy’s things; clothes, toys and pretty well everything else too! Down to the famous toothbrush incident where I didn’t want the batman toothbrush I wanted the little fairy princess toothbrush and refused to brush my teeth until I had a little fairy princess tooth brush like Sissy’s with my parents writing off the crisis to simple sibling jealousy but it was more than that to me.

Sissy and I like all twins shared everything; our first cot, stroller, toys and our baths as it was easier for our mother washing us together then separately. We later in life realized our water came from the tank at the back of our house and our mother was crazy about water usage; in case we ran out. When it came to toys I’d much rather play doll houses and dress ups laughing, fighting and sharing my time with Sissy. If we played a game due to her boyish nature it would Sissy’s game being older than me by seventeen minutes; a fact Sissy never allowed me to forget (“respect your elders” I love it when she rolls that old chestnut out making me laugh). Sharing anything with Sissy was a lot better than sitting in a stupid sandpit alone with a stupid dump truck. Sissy and I were inseparable we did everything together before we started school; played, watched TV, cried, laughed, dressed up, learnt to ride bikes, raids on our mother’s clothes and makeup with me always seeming to be the crash test dummy when it came to makeup.

We shared everything; we could almost read each other’s minds by the time we started school and that bond just grew along with us throughout of lives. Just prior to starting school Sissy and I were becoming a full time job for our mother and a considerable handful for anyone with our mother leaving us splashing water all over the bathroom, jumping in and out of the bath to get thrown toys whilst our mother cooked, washed and dried clothes and generally ran the house. Whilst playing “keep Sissy out of the bath” after she’d gotten out to retrieve her toy that I’d thrown. I truly realised for the first time just how different Sissy and I were physically as she straddled the side of the bath trying to get a foot hold back in. Sissy had a wee wee as my mother called her vagina and I had a pee pee as my mother called my penis.

It was during subsequent shared baths that we began inspecting each other curious about the other as children do; it wasn’t’ sexual just childhood curiosity. Our mother walked in during one bath as Sissy was gingerly lifting up my penis between her fingers to see my testicles as I stood in the middle of the bath. Our mother explained the simple version of the birds and the bees to us whilst still in the bath with both of us taking turns at standing up so the other could see wee wee’s, pee pee’s and ballyeeoo’s and receiving the appropriate explanations.

It was not long after this incident that Sissy had the first of many one on one talks with our mother about being female with my father taking me away to explain a man’s lot in life. Needless to say in spite of the water usage it was from around this time shared bath times stopped. Sissy was female, I was male, we were twin sister and brother and we’d had it all explained no confusion end of story. That was the last time I saw Sissy totally naked until she was eighteen. Sissy and I didn’t really understand at the time what all the fuss and secrecy was about; well at least I didn’t.

It wasn’t long after the bath incident that Sissy said “I wish you were a girl Shane then we could be sisters and we could share everything and I’d call you “umm” (thinking hard) before announcing “Shaelyn” the name of Sissy’s favourite mouseketeer on the Disney channel. It was only fitting that Sissy

named me as she saw me with the innocence of a child wanting a sister and she could already see Shaelyn not Shane. Sissy continued to call me Shaelyn till our mother intervened and insisted on me being called Shane but the deal was already sealed Sissy and Shaelyn would be secret sisters for life. I Sissy explaining to our mother “we like Shaelyn!” defiantly as I quietly sat to one side whilst Sissy spoke for both of us.

During our early school years our personalities really started to develop and shine through. I was reserved and Sissy was a well-meaning beautiful protective thug. Sissy was always the twin that would speak her mind whilst I remained quiet with Sissy constantly riding to my rescue; even if I didn’t need rescuing. We were twins but my father used to joke that we couldn’t have been any more different but the opposite was true; we couldn’t have been any more alike.

My father would say “he’s too pretty to be a boy” not in a mean or resentful way but just stating how he saw me and “he’ll grow out of it, don’t worry” to my mother after we’d gotten into our mother’s makeup but for me it was never a case of growing out of or into anything, I was just me. I my father stopping me from running through the house when I was ten as he sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee whilst my mother washed dishes saying to my mother as he lovingly tried to restrain and slow me up saying “he’s got the prettiest face, its angelic” with me kicking and breaking myself free as Sissy was hot on my heels and she was the reason I was running in the first place; to escape an angry Sissy.

It was during these younger years that I fell in love with all things feminine especially clothes and shoes with our/my favourite game being dress up with Sissy dressing me in her favourite dress and doing my hair before playing around the doll house. I loved the feel of the dresses and being one of two sisters playing together.

By the time we started school playing dress up was also prohibited so we just

played doll houses whilst our parents strongly encouraged me into the sandpit with new bought trucks and bulldozers which I hated and I would always end up back playing with Sissy and the dolls.

That was our early childhood.

CHAPTER 2

Adolescence

By the time we were in early high school I was getting very used to bullying with the most popular taunts directed at me being “ya pansy or girly boy” generally before I got roughed or beaten up by the other boys with Sissy coming to my defense. My teenage years were years of isolation and violence compared to Sissy’s years as the debutant social butterfly going out constantly with boys and friends. I was too scared of even going shopping with my parents because of the possibility of being taunted in front of my parents or beaten up if I was alone or even if I was with Sissy so I remained at home basically in solitary within my bedroom hiding from the world that just couldn’t understand me, let alone accept me for who I was.

Sissy was also changing and developing much faster than I was towards maturity, she had gotten her first period just before we started high school and she was also developing breasts showing off her budding new attributes within her sporty young training bra and had started shaving her legs too. We shared everything; thoughts, feelings and changes in our bodies. All I had was unwanted erections but overall I was just a slightly larger version of what I’d always been and I felt seriously left behind dreading what was going to happen to me; I didn’t want to be a man.

Our parents explained with the assistance from the books “every woman and every man” that girls mature much faster than boys but assured me that by the time Sissy and I were eighteen we would have caught each other up; which was of some little comfort to me. Sissy wasn’t just developing physically she was also developing mentally too with interests such as boys, boys and boys being her main three interests with our mother trying to raise a young lady and our

father doing his best to turn his pretty son into a young man. I loved the time and attention I was getting from my father initially as we entered high school but really started dreading the week he would be home as we’d be up at dawn while Sissy and my mother slept in. Dad and I started working around the property fixing fences, drenching cattle and collecting firewood. This would go all day with us finally getting back to the house in the late afternoon to find Sissy and mum home from shopping having had their nails done together and showing off their new hair colours and styles; not to mention the clothes whilst I was carrying wood in the mud, rain and the snow sometimes and being rewarded with boys clothes. I didn’t like the man’s lot in life at all, being a man seriously sucked! All I ever seemed to think about was how to tell my parents what I was feeling but I could never build up the nerve.

Every weekend when our mother took Sissy shopping and my father was away at work I’d be assigned chores that were to be done in my father’s absence but it was my day. As soon as I was alone at home I was secretly (even from Sissy) in Sissy’s room trying on clothes, shoes and stockings wishing I could be Shaelyn not Shane and somehow trying to wish it true. A full room of all the girly stuff I craved and was having a great time till I was caught just before our thirteenth birthday (lucky 13). This happened for a reason, it just took me a while to see the reason.

Sissy and my mother had come home very much earlier than usual to find me hurriedly trying to get out of Sissy’s school sports uniform which was impossible to explain; especially at that moment. I my mother freaking out as Sissy stood crying in the doorway of her room as my mother screamed pulling the black lycra sporting panties off me not forgetting the training bra stuffed with socks being near torn off me by my very distraught mother as she dragged me basically naked like a hairless monkey before throwing me into my room like an unloved and despised freak into a cage. Crying and shaking hysterically in the fetal position on my bedroom fall mostly naked I cowered like a kicked dog. I had two saving graces being I wasn’t masturbating like usual when they discovered me as I found anything to do with my femininity very arousing and that my father wouldn’t be home for two more weeks. How would I explain this to my father?

It was mid-summer but our house was as cold as meat locker and as silent as a crypt broken only by my mother calling me to the table for dinner after several hours of isolation. Sissy and my mother sat at the table as I approached warily and you could cut the tension with a knife. My mother finally spoke telling both Sissy and I that our father was never to know about this day, as it would break his heart and that I was definitely never ever to do anything like this again before being sent straight back to my to bedroom as soon as I’d cleaned my plate to be isolated again for the night. I felt wrong in every way a child could as I finally cried myself to sleep.

I was up early and out of the house to avoid my mother when she called me calmly to our back steps trying to understand me and what had happened yesterday but I couldn’t open up to her after her reaction yesterday so I said “I just wanted to know what it would be like, honest” implying it was only out of curiosity mixed in with sibling jealousy and after promising never to do it again (but I would) this is where this dirty shameful family secret would stay buried never to see the light of day. I always felt from that time onwards like I was being constantly watched and scrutinized by my mother looking for any sign of my perverted and freakish behaviour. My self-esteem was nonexistent.

I sat out behind our house under a tree alone and crying after talking with our mother as Sissy approached me cautiously “are you alright?” coming from the sweetest kindest voice I’ll ever know “go away Sissy I don’t want to talk to anyone” was my ashamed and hurt response to which she responded “I’m not anyone, I’m your Sissy and I’ll love you no matter what” as she refused to leave me crying and continued to approach me. Sitting down beside me with her arm around my shoulders saying “it’ll be alright Shane” as I angrily and immediately responded “I hate that name, it’s not who I am, why can’t I be like you?” as both of us burst into tears in unison. Finally the tears stopped and I said “I don’t want to be a man, I never have Sissy, I’ve always wanted to be a girl like you, all my life, why do you think with all the girls at school chasing me, I’ve never had a girlfriend? you’ve had heaps of boyfriends!” bursting into tears again crying “don’t tell mum or dad please Sissy, promise you won’t tell mum and dad”

sharing our tears Sissy responded “I promise, I won’t say anything Shane, I promise” as I barked “don’t call me that name, I hate that name!” as I sobbed through my tears with Sissy asking “what do you want me to call you?” with me responding “my real name the name you gave me when we were kids, ?” as Sissy paused thinking back over a decade before saying “it’s alright Shaelyn, it’ll be alright” holding onto me tightly trying to comfort me.

This was the first time anyone had called what I honestly believed to be my real name since we were toddlers and from that day onwards Sissy always called me Shaelyn whenever we were by ourselves and sometimes accidently when we were in public explaining it away jokingly to everyone that it was her pet name for me when I was acting like a spoilt little girl whilst she laughed. “Shaelyn” just caught on (we all know how kids can be with nicknames). All our friends called me Shaelyn and sometimes even in front of our parents with everyone including our parents being ok with Shannon’s nickname for me because I’d hidden my sexuality so well and “Shaelyn” was merely a joke name to them that they only heard on rare occasion. I heard it constantly which I loved and barely answered to that other name. Sissy was my trusted confidant and over our adolescence Sissy shortened “Shaelyn” to “Shae” as she thought it sounded sexier during our teens.

Thinking back now I never told Sissy I was gay or anything else she just accepted me for being me and because she knew I loved her with all my heart as she did me; nothing would ever change that fact. I shared my feelings, thoughts and experiences growing up and Sissy shared everything she was going through too. We discussed what it was like being Shae trapped in Shane’s body and she loved me dearly regardless. It was just after the cross-dressing incident and our thirteenth birthday we consulted the internet for answers and possible solutions to my dilemma and at almost the same time Sissy was placed on the contractive pill to regulate her periods with Sissy deciding we should share the medication as the internet said the estrogen would slow my male development. So we took alternate days from thirteen years of age. Internet sites stated “if a male takes the contraceptive pill over time he may experience larger breasts and less facial hair” and I was petrified of growing into a man.

We continued to talk and share everything as we grew which boys we liked, which boys we didn’t, what Sissy had done with the boys we liked was always entertaining and how it felt blow by blow as she shared everything she’d experienced and constantly reminded and reinforced “your day will come Shae”. There was nothing we didn’t talk about but mostly we talked about the latest fashions, anything girly and of course boys. Sissy used to smuggle her girly magazines to me and covered for me if they were found in my room saying “I threw them at him when we were fighting in there the other night when he was being a Shaelyn! Sissy was absolutely brilliant. Sissy was my twin, my soul mate and without her love and I doubt I would have made it to my eighteenth birthday without taking my own life.

I was suffering from greater and greater depressive bouts as I grew older and was incredibly sexually frustrated. Feeling like some sort of freak trying to somehow convince myself that I was male but knowing I wasn’t. The whole thought concept of being male was as foreign to me as Christianity is to Satanism; it just wasn’t who I was in my soul. I started smoking cigarettes being my first sign of my self-destructive behavior with Sissy starting to smoke because I think she thought smoking was cool and it made her look older.

I when we were fifteen Sissy saying “soon we’ll be eighteen and we can do whatever we want with whoever went Shae! We’ll be adults and no one can stop us!” That was the dream that sustained and stopped me taking my own life during my adolescence. The opportunity to be me was waiting on our eighteenth birthday! But before then I would have to endure my servitude trying to stop my body from turning into a man which would feel like an eternity in purgatory.

Our 18th birthday party arrived with Sissy getting smothered in lots of dresses, shoes some of them with six inch heels and more makeup and girly stuff than one girl could possibly use. My present was a dirt bike (yeah) not that I’d asked for one or really wanted one but I was gracious and pretended to be very excited

and happy about the choice of gifts as it was clearly my father trying to reach out to me trying to help his pretty feminine son get in touch with his inner masculinity; only problem was I didn’t have any. I had less masculinity than most girls. I was depressed all the time unable to share with anyone the reason why. These are huge issues for adult males and to adolescent males they are all too often the precursor to suicide.

During our birthday party whilst I was speaking to Sissy alone I jokingly asked if she wanted to trade presents to which she responded laughingly “whatever is yours is mine and whatever is mine is mine too” before turning quite serious saying “your my sister Shae we’ll share all our presents” hugging me whispering “I love you Shae” adding as she pulled back away from me a little stating “you got some really nice dresses and shoes this year Shaelyn” as she started laughing “you can teach me how to ride a dirt bike once you learn; there’s lots of cute guys that ride dirt bikes” before winking at me saying “and we can dress you up properly when mum and dad aren’t around” before throwing her arms around me again whispering in my ear “happy birthday Shaelyn”.

Three weeks after our birthday our parents sat Sissy and I down explaining they were going away overnight in a few days to celebrate their wedding anniversary and Sissy and I would look after the house and the farm by ourselves for the first time whilst impressing on us what a great chance it was for Sissy and I to show how responsible we could be.

Before our parent’s car had disappeared out of sight Sissy turned to me asking “wanna dress up? As if she had to ask! We ran to Sissy’s room with Sissy asking “What do you want to wear?” asking as if she didn’t know with me saying “I really like the pink chiffon dress you got for your birthday” with Sissy’s correcting response being “we got for our birthday” as she stated “when mum asked what dress I wanted; I choose this one for you Shaelyn” before she blurted out “I’ve got a surprise for you close your eyes” as I heard Sissy rummaging through her closet before announcing “Daa Daa” like a musical fanfare and then with equal glee screaming “open your eyes Shae” it was a shoulder length

blonde wig similar to Sissy’s hair color and length as Sissy asked “do you want hair like mine while mum and dad are away?” as I started to cry with Sissy saying “no tears it wrecks good make up” as she cuddled me. In between sobs I managed “where?” with Sissy explaining “I got it from the costume shop in town yesterday I have to take it back on Monday; I’ll get your hair ready while you go have a quick shower and get that bum fluff (as my father called the three whiskers growing on my chin) off your face”. I’d banned mums crew cuts when I was sixteen but my hair was still just longer than collar length but I was seriously trying to grow my hair so I could at least style it if no one was around”.

I got out of the shower shaved and masturbated (didn’t tell Sissy that) but I wanted this experience to be a shared experience focusing on my femininity with my sister dres special not my potential arousal from wearing woman’s clothing which would just be awkward and I didn’t want that. Getting back to Sissy’s bed room door wrapped in a towel with Sissy looking at me only to be told “we’ve got some serious work to do sister” like a home girl laughing “find yourself some knickers and a bra and you can wear my silk bath robe while we do our makeup” as she closed the door saying “call me when you’re ready to start work”.

Looking through the draws I found Sissy’s pink lycra bikini and I knew that the bottoms would be restrictive as I put them on tucking my penis away prior to sorting through the draws to find a bra (pink of course) wrapping the bra around myself from behind to do the strap up at the front like I’d seen Sissy do before swiveling it around fitting the shoulder straps before pulling the bra up into place; padding it out with socks from the draw. During my rife through Sissy’s draws I discovered her stocking stash and choose a pair of natural tan coloured stockings that would also be restrictive and would make my legs look shaved as I wasn’t that hairy but before putting the stockings on I put the silk robe back over my shoulders just in case Sissy burst in unannounced as she’s was always known for doing. I was feeling a little exposed even in front of Sissy, this would be the first time Sissy saw me like this and I didn’t want to come across as freak of nature. At least I could hide behind the robe even through it came half way up my thighs and was loose around the chest.

Sitting back on the bed pulling up the stockings with them barely over my knees Sissy burst through the door without knocking as usual saying “I thought you might need some help” with me thinking “more likely she’s curious about what I’m doing” as she stood there in the door way with the wig in her hand that I could see she’d brushed really well as she approached me scrambling onto the bed behind me (giggling) before bringing the wig around to my front with her out stretched arms around me with the hair of the wig hanging towards the floor in front of me as I explained “I haven’t got my stockings on yet” with Sissy apologizing “sorry got excited” as she laughed “hurry up and put your stockings on, I’ve been waiting for years for us to be able to share being sisters again hurry up Shae” as she removed the wig so I could stand and pull up my stockings with my back to her before tying off the belt of the robe. Sissy said “Sit back down and place your head in the wig and pull it from your fringe backward over your head till it fits properly which I did with her assistance with Sissy saying “this is great Shae, I love having my sister back”.

“Let’s go to work, stand up and loose the robe” which I did nervously with a bit of coaxing placing the robe on the bed making sure to keep my legs tight together as Sissy commented “nice legs Shae but we need to do something about the sock tit’s” smiling before ducking out and reappearing with balloons filled with warm water saying “get rid of the socks and give these a try” as she laughed stating “I tried to make them D cups like mine as she handed them to me to insert into the cups of my bra. It was obvious Sissy had prepared for our parents absence as she told me to wriggle around to make sure they’re comfortable as she started adjusting straps giving me a really good sisterly talk on bra and stocking fitting as she went about fitting me stopping only to enquire “do you hide your penis?” to which I said “yes my it really doesn’t go with the dress and makeup” as we both burst into laughter before Sissy asked “how?” So I showed her.

Sissy said “Put your robe back on and we’ll go out the back for smoke before we do our makeup” before a micro-second had pasted Sissy shrieked “stop!

Shae look in the mirror” silence … We both stared at the two of us in the mirror with Sissy finally breaking the silence “we look so much alike, same face, same height and same build now you’ve got tits same everything with me laughing pointing out the obvious “I’ll bring you up to date Sissy we’re twins” cracking both of us up.

Sissy always looking out for me informing me “better put some shoes on before coming out the back so you don’t tear your stockings” with me asking “which shoes” as she had close to forty pairs “whatever you like Shae, I’ll get the smokes” as she scurried under her bed to her hidden from the parents cigarette stash. This really was such a special bonding experience for Sissy and me. It was like everything that we’d been told or forced into was gone and we were free to be just us, it was magical and we were both having such a great time together.

Picking up Sissy’s highest and pinkest heels I slide my foot in as we were both size six in female shoes as I stood up and fell over onto the end of the bed trying to take my first steps in heels as Sissy quickly retreated from under the bed to assist saying “If I was you I would have gone straight for the six inch stilettos too” as she helped me to my feet before sitting me back on the edge of the bed telling me “higher the heel; smaller the steps”. Squatting on the floor like a real lady (not) in front of her closet grabbing a similar pair of stilettos and hurriedly putting them on before she stood up from squatting so gracefully in her stiletto’s and I could barely stand in mine. After a few minutes of assistance and singing “point the toe, place the heel, place the toe” I announced “I’m ok, I think, wanna go out for that smoke now?” as we walked like sisters beside each other for the first time in heels with me being very careful on the steps going out into our big enclosed outdoor area. Smoking cigarettes and putting music on as we stood there talking about everything and practiced walking in heels together with Sissy laughing and saying “everyone’s like this their first time in serious heels”.

It was during this walking, talking and laughing that Sissy became suddenly serious looking deeply into my eyes as if she was trying to stare into my soul

asking me “you really are my sister Shaelyn inside there, aren’t you?” to which I replied “I’m your sister but I’m trapped in here” as we hugged and cried cursing mother nature, god and everything else before turning to the internet for answers. Over laptops Sissy asked “what are we going to do Shae you can’t stay trapped forever?” showing her very real concern for me as I replied adamantly “I’m going to get a sex change so we can be sisters permanently!” turning the laptop to show her a site.

Sissy didn’t really look at the site I’d found because she was into another site before she yelled “yes” before running to her bedroom returning with a card of contraceptive pills saying “I’m 18 now, I’m old enough to see another doctor without anyone else knowing and we can get another script one for me so I can’t get pregnant and one for you to slow your male body up even further if you take one every day” as we both knew all the sites said if you’re going to get a sex change it involves lots of estrogen hormone treatment. So we upped my estrogen dosage by 100% there and then which did make me feel sick occasionally but I wouldn’t stop taking them for more than a few days and then I’d be back into them again. I knew the younger I started taking hormones and the more of them I took the less male I would be and I had dealer (Sissy).

Sissy looked concerned as she asked me “what are we going to tell mum and dad?” as I so bravely stated in our parents absence “the truth” before saying “ I’ve never been a son and if they can’t be happy for me then I’ll just have to be happy for myself, I can’t live as guy Sissy, I wouldn’t want to, I’d rather not live at all” as Sissy comforted me as the tears welled up in my eyes with Sissy declaring “well if mum and dad aren’t happy with two beautiful daughters we’ll just have to be happy for ourselves!” with Sissy declaring “you’re not in this alone Shae, we’re in this together, we’re sisters” as we both cried and held onto each other as we had always done when one of us was hurting. The deepness of our shared bond meant one couldn’t help but feel what the other was feeling.

It was around this time that I first realised the profound effect my situation was having on Sissy and I was scared to death about how it was going to affect my

parents when they were confronted with the news that I wanted a sex change but that would be years off as I’d leant on-line it could cost as much as fifty thousand dollars for the series of operations plus a period of dressing like a woman and taking copious amounts of hormones and I was still in school and wouldn’t be able to afford it for some time to come. I didn’t really want to do it in steps, I wanted to go into hospital male and walk out female so; I had lots of time to rehearse my speech to our parents. Maybe Sissy and I could ease them into the reality of who I actually was so; it wouldn’t be quite such a shock for them.

Either way with our crying over Sissy said “good we’ve got the tears out the way so it won’t spoil our makeup laughing as she gestured and pulled my hand as she started walking back inside saying “come inside Shae we have to finish what we started”. I just stared amazed by her unconditional love and for me as she said “your makeup silly”. Hot on Sissy’s heels (literally) I walked back inside on my new stilettos that were becoming somewhat more familiar and manageable as I followed Sissy into the bathroom where she instantly started teaching me the handed down from mother to daughter ancient art of makeup and all things feminine.

Standing in front of the mirror both of us in heels with me wearing Sissy’s very feminine silk robe over the top of my filled bra with blonde shoulder length hair with Sissy wearing jeans and a sports girl top; two sisters just being sisters. I was in heaven as Sissy began spraying and styling my hair to be just like hers and then both of us working on her hair. Finally Sissy gave the approval for our hair saying “we look great now for makeup, face me and I’ll show you how to put foundation on” as she shook the container and dabbed the brush with foundation before gently brushing my face leaving me looking very smooth and supple and very much female before giving me the brush “now you do my mine”. Sissy explained “we work from the top of the face down so we don’t wreck our lipstick when we’re doing our eyes ok” with me eagerly acknowledging “ok, eye’s first” “ahhh (buzzer sound for no) “eyebrows” as she went about tidying them up with scissors and tweezers (ouch) so she had something to work with but not going as far as we would have liked or our parents would notice. “Now eyes!” as Sissy went in to great detail that “eyes are everything Shae, I’ll show

you how I do those “bed room eyes” as you call them, I prefer to call them “take me eyes”, most guys just call them “come fuck me eyes” as she laughed cheekily as we began to discuss just who would be the lucky guy to win her virginity race. Switching the discussion back to color combinations and discussing eye shadow, eye liner and mascara as we began doing our eyes side by side in the mirror; eye makeup is a craft and even with great instruction, I needed help. Discovering the more time you take the better the result; we choose a soft hue eye shadow with black eye liner and black mascara for our lashes with Sissy asking “don’t we look great Shae?” I was stunned; eyes are everything and all I could say was “thanks Sissy you’re my best sister” with the biggest smile coming back from Sissy laughingly saying “I’m your only sister silly” which was our longest shared private life long joke.

Sissy was beaming smiles all happy having rescued me from my first makeup disaster and having set me up with brilliantly gorgeous “bed room eyes”. Trembling I stammered “I could be really pretty like you” as Sissy placed her hand on my shoulder “you’re beautiful Shae we’re twins, how different could we be” and then she interjected quickly “happy thoughts, happy thoughts, don’t cry you’ll wreck my work” half laughing as we continued staring into the mirror before she said “one day everyone will see you how I see you, like this Shae” throwing her arms around me saying “Fuck the makeup we can do it again, cry if you want” with me saying “no don’t cry Sissy I want to see what we look like finished”.

Our parents had left mid-afternoon and the sun was setting outside as the last of the sun filtered through the stained glass bath room window. I was getting a full education and appreciation of what women go through in order to look as attractive as they can. Picking up the lip brush Sissy saying “Soft carnation pink lipstick will really set us off; watch me do mine then we’ll do yours” with Sissy explaining “first we have to fill in the gaps on our lips with nude lip liner” as she squeezed a small portion from the tiny tube onto her finger running it along her lips saying “see how much smoother they are” then unscrewing the lip stick before dabbing the fine lip brush across the top of the lipstick “watch me do mine Shae and then I’ll help you do yours”. Watching Sissy put on her makeup was like watching Michael Angelo paint the Sistine Chapel; she had the hands of

a surgeon and the eye of Leonardo Da Vinci as she stroked the outline of her lips before filling in the spaces in between kissing her lips together to finish the look before including “oops gotta run the tip your little finger around the inside of your lips to make sure you don’t get any on your teeth”.

I was little anxious with Sissy asking “do you want me to do yours?” with me responding “it might be a good idea for my first time I don’t wanna wreck everything now” to which the master said “pucka up” with me looking curious as Sissy clarified “pout, like this” as Sissy gave me a demonstration of how she wanted my lips so she could do my lipstick as she started applying the nude lip liner before starting on the lipstick itself. When she’d finished our lips were soft pink, smooth and succulent like they were made to kiss. I was scared to talk let alone touch them for fear of wrecking them but Sissy assured me “I can fix anything you’ll get used to makeup catastrophes; just be mindful of them that’s all especially before you drink anything. This was the best type of learning monkey see, monkey do.

Under Sissy’s direction I turned around to look so Sissy could look at me as she gasped and started clapping her hands excitedly announcing “you’re stunning Shae you make the best woman” with me responding “you should do this for a living Sissy you’re so talented” with Sissy saying impatiently “look in the mirror Shae” as she asked “was it worth the effort?” as she proudly announced “we’re gorgeous!” I was standing there for the first time in my life getting a glimpse of who I actually was with both Sissy and I in full makeup, both of us had shoulder length blonde hair; I was wearing stockings and stilettos with a full busted bra draped in a sexy silk robe and I felt closer to right than at any other time in my life. This was who I was meant to be and who I always knew I was.

Sissy said “Now you have to learn to drink without trashing your makeup” as she walked me into the kitchen opening the fridge asking “do you want a coke” as if she had to ask as it was all I drank then adding “do you want to put some of dads scotch in it?” “Yeh” was my agreeing response another of my destructive habits “alcohol”. Sissy continued teaching her very willing student saying “most

places will give girls straws but if there’s no straw just wet your lips gently before taking a sip and your lip stick won’t go all over the place and your face” as she laughed.

We sat on the stools in the kitchen drinking from our father’s extensive assortment of scotch’s taking small portions out of lots of bottles so not to be noticed with Sissy giving me deportment lessons about how to sit cross legged and talking about how we were going to change me and the world before Sissy piped up “we’re not even dressed yet”. Walking like a pair of eighteen old girls in stilettos that had been drinking their father’s whiskey we strolled back into the bedroom to get dressed. Sissy instantly grabbed the pink chiffon dress off the coat hanger without fanfare thanks to the uninhibiting effects of whisky saying “this will really complete your picture Shae” the dress was soft carnation pink with shoulder straps connecting to a sweetheart kneck line with a thin pink and crystal beaded waist line with a upper thigh hem line showing off heaps of beautiful long young legs.

“Lose the robe” as Sissy placed the dress down near the floor in front of me before she said “step in” as we lifted the dress up around me fitting the shoulder straps as we lifted with Sissy telling me to turn around so she could do me up. Turning around the dress felt so soft and freeing until Sissy started pulling the dress together to do up the zipper saying “breath in a little, the dress wears you not the other way around, get used to holding your body a certain way or breathing shallow if that’s what it takes to make the dress look good; welcome to being a girl”.

As the zip was fastened I could feel the three light layers of chiffon brush against my thighs as I walked with the shape hugging waist line sensuously and softly caressing my ribs as I twirled to the cheers of Sissy saying “any real man would have to want you, you look so good Shaelyn, hey help me get dressed; which dress do you think? I’ve got white heels” as she started to undress quickly striping down to her stilettos, knickers and bra. I couldn’t help it I heard myself say “your absolutely beautiful Sissy; your body I mean; ummm (trying to

recover from foot in mouth disease) not just your body but absolutely all of you!” with Sissy replying “don’t be jealous Shae you’ll be the same as soon as we get the cash” before asking “you’ve never had a girlfriend, do ya wanna good look at real boobs?” as she removed her bra saying “D cups” proudly before announcing “anything more is a waste and will only hurt your back as you get older; I know girls with bigger breasts and they’re jealous of these”. Open mouthed at the sheer raw natural beauty before me I confirmed “they’re stunning Sissy, really they are” with Sissy seeing my obvious envy saying “we’re special sisters Shae we’re not just ordinary sisters; we’re twin sisters so it’s alright to have good close look, feel them if you like”.

Putting my hands on her chest I could feel the weight, roundness and firmness of her young pert breasts under my iring ing hands and couldn’t help but marvel at the way her nipples turned up naturally. I continued my inspection just awe struck by how truly beautiful she was as I saw her nipples grow noticeably as I brushed over them with my fingers with Sissy sighing slightly before I could say sorry with Sissy saying “that’s alright my nipples are always pretty sensitive”.

Sissy was proud and rightly so as she asked “do you’ve wanna see my wuzz (vagina)? Sissy slid her thumbs into the hips of her knickers starting to pull them downwards with me awkwardly blushing “ok show me” as she dropped her panties to the floor. Sissy was a naked goddess that I could use as a role model and a guide on my way to my femininity. Her pubic hair was shaved and kept very neat unlike mine and I couldn’t really see her vagina maybe just the tips of her vaginal lips (outa labia) slightly longer than the surrounding hair. Without saying a word Sissy walked to the bed lying on her back fully opening her legs exposing the first vagina I’d ever seen in real life. Sissy had a beautiful vagina it was like a rose with petals of skin underneath a styled hood of short dark pubic hair and shaved smooth down each side of her vagina. Sissy was never shy, I was always shy with Sissy saying “you can touch if you want Shae” as I scrambled onto the bed between her open legs with my hand reaching out to her in amazement.

It would have looked like every heterosexual man’s dream come true; one eighteen year old twin sister playing with the other twin sister with one naked young goddess spread legged as the other in her best clubbing dress and stilettos explored her sibling. I was reluctant to touch anything asking Sissy “are you sure?” with Sissy saying “sure” with Sissy pulling back her outer labia to further expose her vaginal opening and clitoris properly as I touched her gently and asked questions.

Sissy told me “Taylor and Tanya Jenkinson (not identical but the only other twins in our town) that Taylor had told her she and Tanya used to spend a lot of time in the bathroom together and winked saying Taylor said it’s alright between sisters so long as it’s not a man” before adding “we’re sisters we can touch each other we just can’t have sex but we can have fun together if you want, you have to know what a female feels like at least once?”.

By now I was in between Sissy’s beautiful knees close enough to be overwhelmed with pheromones as she said “just kiss me right here Shae” pointing to her clitoris as I leaned forward breathing her in as my tongue protruded past my lipstick covered lips. As I ran my tongue around Sissy’s clitoris she moaned as I started to find my way before almost demanding “work me with your fingers as you kiss me Shae” she encouraged in between sounds I’d never heard Sissy make before as she said “take your stockings off so I can give you head”.

I was always a female and although I wasn’t really into females at all; I was getting to the point where I had to remove my stocking as I was aroused and it was becoming uncomfortable so; standing up I took off my stilettos, stockings and knickers before putting my stilettos back on as they were a real turn on for me. Sissy shifted around on the bed whilst I removed my stockings so her head was half hanging over the side of the bed and told me to position myself over the top of her so we could kiss each other at the same time, with us later realizing that was our first ever 69 position.

As she worked my near exploding body with her head and hands under my dress, I kissed and licked her with the same intensity. Sissy was going berserk beneath me and I was equally berserk on top of her sliding in and out of her mouth I think as she lifted and lowered around me. We were shaking, groaning and moaning with full mouths of each other as we shuddered and jerked simultaneously releasing the pleasure within us. We worked each other till we couldn’t bear to kissed or touched any further after our orgasms. Laying there in each other’s arms basking in the glow of our achievement (our first orgasms by someone else’s hand) Sissy said “we don’t need anyone Shae, we have each other; we even have orgasms at the same time how good is that” with me responding “yeh that was pretty awesome” with me curiously asking did you orgasm Sissy? Did you swallow?” with Sissy’s response being “yes and yes” proudly announcing “you’re my first head job Shae” before reporting like a medical examiner “it was so crazy hot, it felt like you exploded in my mouth”.

This was a one off performance and it was a great shared experience mainly for Sissy who itted she was being pressured into giving her new boyfriend a head job so now she knew what to expect. This was the first and last time we ever gave each other sexual pleasure; we had fun but it wasn’t how we wanted to live our lives. This really wasn’t that big of a deal to us; it was just the latest of our shared life experiences, twins sharing everything. Sissy was an absolute free spirit whilst I was a trapped shy romantic but if you’re going to be trapped it’s good to have song bird outside your cell window.

I announced “I’m hungry” giving Sissy a peck on the cheek as I got off the bed before telling Sissy “get some gear on and we’ll do waffles like we used to do when we were kids”. Getting to the kitchen I started cooking waffles in our pink chiffon dress and stilettos before Sissy appeared barefoot in shorts and T-shirt (feminine shorts and T-shirt but still shorts and T-shirt) with me commenting “I feel a little over dressed” as we burst into laughter. Sissy walked over to me put her arm around my shoulder kissed my cheek and said “you’re my best sister” with me responding “I’m your only sister silly”.

Serving up the waffles with maple syrup and a scope of ice cream we talked about what we meant to each other and how much we loved each other and how we were going to get Shaelyn female full time and how Sissy was curious about girls too with me thinking “if I was a girl I’d be probably be exactly the same bisexual craving a man but also not being able to help feeling attracted to the shared femininity and sensuousness of another woman but I wasn’t a girl.

Sissy announced “did you know according to Cosmo (magazine) the number one male fantasy is having two women at once that are into each other? Sissy made the quick connection we’ll be two gorgeous twin sisters we could make men’s fantasies come true after your operation?” smiling devilishly with me reminding Sissy “I have to get the operation first and it’ll cost fifty grand that I don’t know I’ll ever have” before saying “it’s not just removing my penis, you have to go through therapy before the doctors will do anything, then I have to dress as woman for a period of time depending on where you get the surgery done” which diminished Sissy’s devilish smile somewhat recognizing how far in reality her fantasy, our dream and my reality had to travel to come to fruition but as always Sissy the optimist “relax (her lifelong motto) we could work and do a bit at a time, something will come along, it’ll be alright, it will Shae” sensing my despair before adding reassuringly “you wait and see” holding my hand over waffles.

We continued long into the night visiting web sites and planning my operations until “we fell asleep on her bed in each other’s arms after having changed into nighties and taken our makeup off before waking up the next morning getting me dressed as a guy waiting for our parents to get home. Sissy lost her virginity two weeks later at a party to a guy I didn’t particularly like and had warned her about but Sissy was always head strong and full of life taking the plunge anyway; waking me whispering “got some big news for the dairy tonight, I lost my virginity” after she’d snuck back in to our house quietly. Sissy always went out and I always stayed at home in my room as I was scared of getting bashed. I’d been kicked, punched and spat on at school for being gay, Nancy boy, faggot, poof and the list goes on. I never tried to seduce any guys and I kept very much to Sissy’s side. My only crime was that I obviously wasn’t interested in the girls like other guys which were enough reason for the bullies!

Sissy’s new found love who she’d given her precious virginity to turned out to be the biggest mouthed creep in the state telling everyone in town and the state that she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose and fucked like a rattle snake which was quite a surprise to me; as she was a eighteen year old young woman bursting with life and in love or so she thought. Those last remarks were sarcastic for those that didn’t recognize it (I’ll it to being more than a little protective of Sissy). So Sissy’s romance ended in tears losing her so called “good name” and being branded a “town slut” by other girls who were doing exactly the same things with me comforting Sissy as she crashed through her first heartbreak.

It seemed every guy wanted Sissy now that she had learnt the game (lost her virginity) and being a slender five foot six inches tall with blonde flowing waist length hair and a body to die for with long sexy young legs, thin waist, tight butt and supple up turned D cup breasts topped with a beautiful face that just radiated loving innocence and sensuality at the same time; there were always guys around Sissy.

CHAPTER 3

Sam

The pain of Sissy’s first love would quickly as it generally does for teenagers with Sissy soon finding her next love interest being a guy called Sam. We had met Sam on few occasions around town and at church with both Sissy and I really liking him. Sam had just finished school and worked at the local timber mill after having recently moved to our town with his father who was in the military stationed at our small local military base on temporary duty to look after his critically ill brother, Sam’s uncle.

Sam seemed genuinely very nice and a little reserved which made him very attractive to me almost straight away. Sam had just turned eighteen also and was every girl in town’s dream guy but he wasn’t that much of a socialite so he mightn’t know about Sissy reputation as a scarlet woman (joke). Sam was taller than Sissy and I with short straightened dark hair that was obviously styled unlike my back yard hair cut from my mother more importantly to Sissy’s knowledge in spite of numerous girls attempts over the two months Sam had been in town he hadn’t taken any of the girls up on their gracious offers to be anyone’s boyfriend.

Sissy always loved the unobtainable and made a b-line straight at Sam at a party sitting next to him subtly running her hand up his leg and on to his crotch because Sam wasn’t responding to her charms quickly enough only to be told “I’m not into girls, I like guys” to which Sissy responded quickly “so is my twin brother Shae”. I was horrified when Sissy skulked home and woke me up telling me what she’d done. I screamed quietly so not to wake our parents “what if he tells everyone” with Sissy whispering “relax calm ya farm (Sissy’s other life motto) I’ve scoped him out for you, we talked all night and he’s gorgeous Shae

and he’s just like you! He likes guys too!” then fully assuming control of my life Sissy announced “Sam rides a dirt bike too! He gave me his number to give to you so you can call him about going for a ride together” all the time smiling absolutely chuffed with herself at what she had done on my behalf. Bubbling over with excitement telling me “he ed talking to us at the shops and said he thought you were nice”. I was in shock, excited and stunned by Sissy’s turn of events.

The following day Sissy and I were rehearsing the call that I was to make to Sam all morning. I called Sam only after Sissy and I had thought we’d covered all possibilities so with the speaker phone on, I dialed Sam’s number. Sam answered “hello” my heart stopped as I nervously went into the rehearsed speech with Sissy poking me in the ribs encouraging me and laughing without making a sound “umm hello Sam you spoke to my sister Shannon at a party last night about going riding with her twin brother Shae, I’m Shae” as I involuntarily and nervously half laughed like teenagers girls do on the phone trying to hide awkwardness to a potential boyfriend with Sissy sharing my every breath listening on the speaker hanging on our every word.

Sam said “I’ve seen you around with Shannon” then added “Shannon said you and I would have lots in common” this was my first encounter with gay etiquette; checking each other out without saying the gay word. I said “yeh she told me lots about you too, do you want to going riding next weekend?” with Sam replying “I’m going riding this afternoon if you want to come?” and with a big poke in the ribs from Sissy I asked “yeh where will we meet?” with Sam asking if I knew the forest trails just to the west of town and the top dam up there with me acknowledging that I knew where he was talking about as he ended the call saying “I’m leaving now, I’m hot and want to go up for swim, see you there Shae” with me responding “see you there” prior to hanging up to dancing and cheers from Sissy.

I was spending lots of time on my dirt bike to get out by myself so it was no surprise to my mother when I told her “just going for ride I’ll be back before

dinner” leaving Sissy waving from the porch as I rode off with Sissy yelling “I’ll be here when you get back Shae, have fun and take care”. My heart was pounding as I pulled up alongside a deserted bike next to the water’s edge of the dam that was about the size of a couple soccer fields and at first glance appeared empty. Turning my bike off and removing my helmet I heard splashing water and a voice calling “Shae come in the water’s great” getting off my bike I saw Sam standing bare chested waist deep in the water as my heart rate sky rocketed thinking every girl in town would want to be me right now as I responded “I haven’t got any swimmers” as Sam laughed “neither do I” before doing a little dive to his slide confirming he was swimming naked and encouraging me to him.

I froze for a moment looking around as some guys in our town had been set up, beaten up and assaulted in our very nice but horribly homophobic little town whilst trying to meet up with other guys. Some really nasty and horrific stories about pipes and barbed wire were being circulated through our lovely god fearing community but we seemed to be alone so I walked to the water’s edge and started to slowly underdress while Sam watched from the water.

I felt so exposed and alive as I entered the water walking towards Sam before pushing off into a smooth breast stroke getting closer as he used his arms like a lazy backstroke to go further into deeper water as I tried to make up the distance between us. Unable to touch bottom for some time Sam stated “I just wanted to see if you were for real” as we tread water in the middle of the dam close to each other but unable to touch each other without sinking as Sam said “you and Shannon really are alike” with me saying trying not to drown “well we are twins” laughing as I swallowed water. Sam told me “my dad is away with work for a few days” before he asked me “do you want to come back to my place? With me spluttering “yep” before he started swimming back towards the shore with me spluttering and splashing calling to him “wait for me”.

Getting to the shore Sam said “we can’t do anything here Shae you never know who’s watching in this fucking homophobic red kneck town, can’t shit in the

toilet without someone hearing the water splash” so we quickly got dressed looking at each other and rode to Sam’s house. Pulling up filthy dirty from our ride back to Sam’s house Sam asked walking inside “wanna shower?” with me following him inside as we kicked off our muddy riding boots and socks outside with me saying “bags first” as a matter of habit because at our house if you got the first shower you could possibly get an extra few minutes in before our mother would start tapping on the door telling you about the tank water situation. Sam commented “yeh Shannon told me about the tank water crisis at your house, that’s insane” laughing before saying “we’re on mains town water here so we can share a shower and take as long as we like” as I noticeably hesitated with Sam assuring me “no one else is here Shae no one will know except us, my dad won’t be back for another week” and finished the reassurance repeating the question again asking “do you wanna share a shower?” as I apprehensively responded “yep” following Sam into the bathroom.

The bathroom had a two person open tiled area with dual headed shower (town water and lots of it, I thought) as Sam set the water. I undressed quickly and modestly getting into the shower first with Sam stepping in behind me my heart pounding inside of my chest. This was my absolute first time being touched or touching another guy and I was feeling just a little shy and timid as I felt Sam’s hands run over my shoulders as his brushed over my hip and he was hard as he reached around me for the shampoo, I was instantly erect.

Standing behind me with his hard on brushing against me Sam could sense my nerves as he placed his arms around my shoulders saying “Relax Shae” (which did exactly that to me (relaxed me) as that was what Sissy was always telling me to do, so I did my best to relax). Sam said “I how nervous I was my first time” before explaining “your my third guy so just have fun and wash your hair” as he quickly pointed the shower nozzle right in my face laughing. Trying to reset the nozzle or get away from it was a great ice breaker as we laughed together with my back still facing him modestly.

Sam started to lather up the shampoo in his hair whilst I got control of the

shower nozzle that was making me look way less than experienced but that didn’t matter because Sam already knew I was inexperienced; what was I afraid of? Turning around finally pretending to be happy with the shower nozzle and temperature, I could see Sam was fully aroused and being eager to familiarise myself with him I just reached out and touched him, placing my hand around him as shampoo dripped all over him. He was circumcised like me and about the same size as I gently began stroking him using the shampoo for lube which is what I used for lube when I masturbated in the shower at home but this wasn’t home and it wasn’t me I was masturbating this was another guy I was stroking. I felt so nervous and so natural at the same time; my heart was racing and I loved doing this.

I could see and feel the effect my hand was having on Sam immediately as my hand gripped and stroked him with Sam starting to respond with his hips when he said “bullshit I have to rinse I’ve got shampoo in my eyes” with me instantly letting go of him so he could rinse his eyes. That was the first aroused male other than myself I’d ever touched and I really loved the experience.

As soon as Sam had finished rinsing his eyes and hair he informed me smiling “you have to wash your hair too! Put your hands out” as he poured shampoo into my open hands as I started to shampoo my hair expecting to be stroked also but instead Sam and his arousal did nothing, just watched me wash my hair before Sam said “now rinse”. When I had finished rinsing my hair we stood there naked under the shower with both of us fully aroused in front of each other surrounded by steam as Sam poured shampoo into his hands and rubbed them together saying “ready” as he half kneeled placing his hand around me and the other hand under me starting to gently stroke and play with everything I had to play with as he laughed “it’s gotta be clean” as my head spun out of control with the thought what he might do to with me once I was clean.

Continuing to stroke me for less than a few minutes Sam announced “there you go you’re clean, turn around and rinse off the shampoo” turning back around from rinsing I found Sam standing outside the shower holding a towel saying

“turn the water off, dry off, my bedrooms up the hall”. I dried of as quickly as possible following Sam up the short hallway and into his bedroom like a very aroused lost little puppy.

Sitting on Sam’s bed beside each other naked touching and fondling each other with me mirroring everything Sam did. After that incredible washing he just gave me in the shower he obviously knew what he was doing and I would follow his lead. Sam said “slide up the bed so we can lye next to each other”. As soon as I was positioned lying next to Sam, he half sat up still fondling me leaning forward as he began working on me with his mouth as I twitched and groaned at the sensation as he worked his hot moist mouth all over me. I’d literally never felt anything like it, it was excellent!

After more pleasure than I’d ever experienced in my entire life as a result of Sam’s oral expertise Sam stopped paying attention to me looking at me with his face against my stomach asking “do you want a go on me? As I timidity but hungrily replied “yep”. I was feeling like such a novice as we moved around on the bed with Sam adjusting pillows opening his legs urging me forward up between his legs towards him.

I had laid there flat like a nervous twitching corpse with my legs and eyes closed the whole time Sam devoured me but obviously Sam wanted to give me room to explore and wanted very much to watch me giving him pleasure. Halfway between lying and siting between Sam’s legs; I leant forward tasting him with my tongue and drooling wet mouth. He tasted salty and smelt musky (I always loved beef jerky and musk stick lollies) and the combination of the two was intoxicating as I started to work his body with my mouth and hand to the best of my abilities trying to copy what Sam had done to me.

This felt so natural, exciting and right as if it was what I was supposed to do, as I started to work Sam harder and harder with my mouth and hand as he groaned telling me “for your first time Shae you’re a natural”. I worked up the courage to

actually open my eyes to see what I was doing to this guy; Sam liked this as much as me as I worked him with my hand and mouth. I swallowed hard over Sam as he very much encouraged my debut telling me to go “faster Shae” which I did missing all the signs he was about to orgasm.

Suddenly Sam shuddered as he exploded in my unaware mouth; I honestly had no idea he was about to erupt as there was definitely no verbal warnings anyway and with me missing every sign due to my inexperience except for his shudder at almost the same time as he orgasmed, I was totally unprepared for this event. I tried to cope with the gush of warm liquid into my mouth as I gaged prior to releasing Sam still shooting hot salty spurts of semen over my lips, chin and cheek. I looked up asking nervously after he’d finished “was that alright?” with Sam asking “did you like it?” with me saying “yep” wiping my face clean with Sam saying “now it’s your turn Shae”.

Patting the bed Sam said “lay up here just like I was” with me quickly getting into position as Sam moved slowly between my legs as he started licking and kissing me everywhere before seriously swallowing down over me as he pulled me forward to get the fullest measure of me. I couldn’t believe how much of me Sam was taking into his mouth as his hand let go of me and repositioned his hands either side of me ing himself as he took all me into his mouth down to my pubic hair as he started seriously working me into a frenzy with his mouth. Within minutes I groaned loudly and made a “ahhh” sound as I exhaled announcing “I’m gonna cum” as he really stepped up the pace. I orgasmed really hard as I clutched the bed quilt; whilst Sam continued to work me till I was dry without spilling a drop or losing his tempo unlike my effort with half of his orgasm on my face. I fell backwards breathing heavily as Sam crawled up the bed next to me saying “Shannon was right we do have a lot in common” laughing and very happy with himself with me agreeing out of breath “yes we do”.

After talking for ten minutes about being gay, we cleaned up, got dressed and walked outside onto the verandah where Sam and I shared a few cigarettes. We

talked about our gay experiences which really was a one sided conversation as Sam was my first with Sam declaring “you aint seen nothing yet Shae”. Even now I didn’t know Sam well enough to share with him that I liked to dress as a female or that I was planning a gender re-assignment operation as soon as I could afford it; maybe after next visit.

Sam’s experiences seemed very guy on guy but I really wanted guy on girl with me wanting to be the girl!

It was getting late when I said “I had a really good time this afternoon” with Sam responding “me too” with me reluctantly itting “I’ll have to be getting home if I’m not back before dinner the “old chook” referring to my mother “will give me brain damage”. I seriously didn’t really care at this point what my mother would say or do but it would just be easier if I complied. Sam asked as I walked away “hey coming over after school tomorrow?” before adding “I finish work at four”. Starting up my bike I yelled “if I can, exams are finished but you know what parents are like” before waving goodbye to my first special friend.

Riding home that day on my bike along the country gravel roads back to our house as the sun set with my helmet off just slowly cruising along I couldn’t help but feel a sense of freedom and fulfillment and I could definitely see the irony that the dirt bike bought to increase my masculinity had instead given me the means, opportunity and alibi to spend time with a gay guy as I rolled through the front gate of our house arriving home just in time for dinner with mum and Sissy.

After saying grace Sissy piped up with “how was your ride?” looking at me like she’d been with me the entire time as I casually replied “alright” getting another fork full of food as I was uncharacteristically hungry with my mother commenting “I knew that bike was a good idea, gives you a decent sized appetite so you can put some muscle on” before saying “you don’t want to be the same build as your sister” with me thinking “yes I do”. Sissy who was always the

master of tact (not) followed up my mother’s comments asking “how’s Sam?” again smiling at me with her eyes to which I responded “good” and continued to eat my dinner. Immediately we’d all finished dinner Sissy announced “we’ll do the dishes mum you have the night off” with our mother thanking us before retreating to the living room to watch something on television.

Before I could pick up a plate let alone wash one Sissy was all over me with questions. The first question being a simple straight forward “well?” as she could barely contain herself before demanding “details?” Sissy was a fountain of questions and she was overflowing wanting to know every sordid detail of how Sam and I had spent the afternoon together so I told her every sordid detail of how Sam and I had spent the afternoon together with her intermittently throwing her arms around me saying “I’m so jealous and I’m so happy for you Shae, Shae’s gotta a boyfriend, I told you; your turn would come Shae”.

We could finally discuss boys properly with my new found knowledge of what they liked, what they didn’t like and how best to please them and ourselves also. Sissy was jumping out of her skin asking me “when are you seeing Sam next? with me responding “Sam asked if I wanted to come over tomorrow after school” with Sissy instantly responding “he must really like you, you’re so lucky, I’m so jealous” Sissy was green with envy as I stated “I’m going for another ride tomorrow after school” laughing cheekily.

Getting home from school the next day I was just getting on my bike when my mother started giving me brain damage about chores not being done and that I couldn’t go riding this afternoon saying “you’ll have lots of time on the weekend” with me kicking the dirt saying “but Sam was gonna show me a new game today” (which really wasn’t that fair from the truth) to which she responded so motherly (in a good way) “you can hang around with your friend when all your chores are done here; you’ll have lots of time to hang out but for now you’ve got a full week of chores right here young man” (I hated it when she called me that “young man”) before she added “I swear you’re getting more like your sister everyday” which quietly made me happy because I was behaving just

like a young sexually infatuated female and I loved it!

I called Sam and told him about the brain damage from my old chock and how I had to do chores here and I wouldn’t be able to get away probably before Saturday so we agreed that Saturday would be our next chance to hook up as Sam called it with Sam telling me “we’ll make it up to each other on Saturday Shae, I’m not going anywhere”. Texting constantly, talking on Skype and facebooking all week allowed Sam and me the much needed time to get to know each other better. We really did have so much in common other than the obvious enjoyment of each other’s body. We both liked the same web sites, games and pretty well everything. Saturday slowly rolled around with both of us agreeing it would become our favourite day as I would soon be on holidays, Sam didn’t work Saturday’s and Sam’s father worked all day Saturday so we would have Sam’s place all to ourselves all day; each Saturday. I was gonna love Saturdays!

This time in everyone’s life is the most magical of times, it’s a rehearsal for things to come and is generally a time of first loves, lost inhibitions and the mandatory first heart break and this summer for me would be all that and more. This summer was going to have a profound impact on my life.

Pulling up into the driveway of Sam’s house on my dirt bike to a “hey” from Sam as he walked up to me grabbing me and massaging me thru my jeans saying “you’re late” laughingly as I explained “brain damage” referring to my mother again with both of us laughing. Getting through the front door with his hand still massaging me intently with me returning the same; we started to strip each other naked rather rapidly. I suddenly found myself pushed hard up against the closed door while Sam knelt between my legs working my very obvious arousal with Sam pausing to say “we’ve got all day don’t cum straight away Shae, longer you hold on the more intense it’ll be” with me responding “I know; don’t talk with your mouth full” laughingly as I was the one pinned up against the door supposedly submissively.

I’d promised myself no more eyes closed and today I was gonna be a free spirit like Sissy following her advice just before I left home “just relax and enjoy” as I started running my fingers through Sam’s styled dark hair clenching just hard enough to synchronize the movement of his head and mouth with my gentle pushes and pulls of my hips responding to what he was doing to me. I was growing more confident every day and looking down on Sam working me harder and harder was a great view and an awesome experience.

I was still learning sexual control and I was rapidly getting closer to my orgasm so I followed Sissy’s advice “turn the tables” saying to Sam “my turn, up against the door big boy” as I helped Sam to his feet both of us laughing as I sank immediately to a squatting position in front of him and instantly began mimicking everything he had done to me, all the time my eyes remained wide open. Without holding onto him with my hand to steady him; Sam was suspended horizontal right in front of me as my tongue toyed and tormented him as he twitched and shook taking just a second to come back to steady as he responded to my touch.

I was learning so much getting to know Sam and his body and I was having the absolute best time just teasing the absolute hell out of him before hearing Sam’s plea “don’t just tease me Shae” as I instantly swallowed over him with my mouth. I felt Sam’s hands running through my hair gently pulling me onto him further till all of Sam was inside my mouth. Sam instructed “work it Shae, work it faster” being his catch cry for the day as I did exactly that; I worked him as hard, fast and as deep as I possibly could before he relented to my new emerging skills groaning “Stop Shae or I’ll cum” which didn’t much bother me I wanted a chance to redeem myself and do better than my last effort. I was keen to prove not only to Sam but also myself that I could do better this time but we separated with Sam saying “just let me catch my breath Shae, you work a guy like there’s no this afternoon let alone a tomorrow” with my reply being “maybe there won’t be a tomorrow”. I grew up on a farm not in a city and I knew life could be here one moment and gone the next and the way I’d been feeling before Sam that didn’t exclude me; but I felt so happy and alive with Sam. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic but I had such plans for us.

Leading me into his bedroom Sam suggested we slow everything right down saying “we have all day Shae you don’t have to finish this in minutes we can take hours if we want there’s no hurry” with me feeling a little like I was being scolded for being impatient. Sam disappeared back to his bath room yelling excitedly “I wanna show you something Shae” leaving me naked next to his big four post bed before reappearing quickly with a towel and a tube of lube gel with a huge smile on his face. Laying the towel on the floor next to his bed saying “you’re gonna love this Shae; stand over the towel, spread your legs and lean forward so you can grab the bed post” with me doing exactly as Sam asked as I was free spirit like Sissy; open to new and all experiences. I knew exactly where this was going as we might have lived in a rural community but we still had internet.

Sam started pouring and rubbing the lube up and down and all over me and working it gently in at first before working me a little harder as he gently stroked me from behind which felt a little uncomfortable and invasive initially but really good at the same time and the feeling just got better the longer he did it. I suppose Sam’s experience made him realise I was ready for what was about to follow; Sam applied more lube over himself saying “just relax it’ll hurt for a little while but after that you’re really gonna love this Shae”. Sissy and I had researched all week all the ins and outs “pardon the pun” about gay sex with us discovering that anal sex is 4 degrees hotter and a lot tighter for the penetrating male than vaginal sex and both females and males having an internal G-Spot (erogenous zone) which gives both males and females the strongest and most intense orgasms possible because of the size of the stimulated gland (about an inch long) and the ingredients released by the gland when stimulated.

Ever notice how women seem to have much longer, stronger and more intense orgasms than males. A male ejaculates a huge volume of semen which takes varying times of recovery before the male can ejaculate again. Whilst females although not appearing to ejaculate are actually ejaculating small amounts ittedly in comparison to the male ejaculation but a small ejaculation just the same being antigens and acid phosphates. Think of it this way “a male empties

his entire semen filled dam in a single release and a female has the same size dam but she empties it a bucket at a time”.

This is why woman can have multiple orgasms and a male obviously can’t; not via conventional sex anyway. Because of these facts women can literally make love all-night until they are chaffed and unable to continue. Clitoral stimulation actually feeds back via nerve endings to the vaginal G-Spot which actually produces the orgasm every time in a woman whether through clitoral stimulation or penetrative direct vaginal stimulation of the G-Spot itself both orgasms actually come from the same place being the vaginal G-Spot. Women; build, orgasm, build, orgasm and so on for hours and any well-adjusted female can out stay any guy or a number of guys in a sexual marathon as long as she’s lubricated and happy! Sorry to break that to all the studs out there but it’s a medical fact.

Compared to vaginal orgasms females go off the sexual orgasm charts when they are stimulated anally because of the larger G-spot. Compared to straight virginal or clitoral stimulation or both; the anal G-Spot (Skene’s gland commonly referred to as the female prostate) produces the strongest, hardest most intense orgasm possible for a female. All of this posed one question; where’s the mine, the male G-Spot? Hardly seems fair that females should have two G-Spots and a clitoris and a guy only has a penis (clitoris equivalent)!

Males only have one accessible G-Spot (a walnut sized prostate gland commonly referred to also as Skene’s gland or male prostate) which is located approximately two inches inside the rectum exactly the same as a woman’s anal G-spot and is stimulated internally the same as a woman’s (more proof that we are all in part female).

My moment of truth had arrived I was about to lose my virginity to Sam as he placed one hand on my hip and started working me up guiding himself with his hand to position himself. I looked backwards over my shoulder before facing

forwards breathing heavily with anticipation. Finally Sam stopped into position as he began to push gently into me. I involuntarily released an “aah” sound as if I was in pain because it did actually hurt as he entered me stretching my body to accept him with me screaming “it hurts” biting down on my lip with Sam saying “trust me Shae all virgins hurt just relax your muscles it doesn’t hurt for long I promise” as he withdrew giving me few seconds to catch up before I said “ok really slowly”. Now it was me who wanted to go slowly as he re-entered me very slowly going deeper inside me than before without me being able to think coherently as Sam kept sliding deeper into me.

If I could’ve strung thoughts together they would have reminded me that all the research Sissy and I had done didn’t mention anyone being permanently injured performing this carnal act, in fact; all the literature substantiated with medical reviews stated that this was the best and most intense orgasm a male or female could experience. I felt every inch of Sam sliding deeper into me as I groaned hard like a young debutant in a gang bang porn movie. In between my near hyperventilative short sharp breathes Sam continued to slowly slide and push further and deeper into me as my body stretched accommodating him with me thinking thru this whirlwind of pain and pleasure in my mind “how much more” as Sam slowly filled every part of me until finally after physically and mentally stressing moments wet by perspiration Sam was fully inside me and I loved every inch of him!

I was still hurting a little but my body was rapidly becoming accustomed to Sam’s presence as Sam started slowly sliding in and out of me. I moaned each time Sam did anything; if he moved I groaned and if he just stayed there motionless I groaned. Sam withdrew all together before placing himself ready to enter me again before pushing fully into me again till my body gave way and yielded to accommodate him with Sam repeating this many times over almost demanding my body submit to his. Each entry was getting incredibly more enjoyable and less painful as I willingly submitted to Sam’s body and will with me unable to help myself from pushing backwards on to him as he entered me with increasing pleasure and ease. The pain diminished rapidly and the pleasure exponentially grew within me like a grass fire about to hit the fuel of the tall timbers.

Sam realizing I was over the worst, started to increase his tempo slightly sliding his gorgeous body in and out of my ever more appreciative body with greater and greater ease and speed. The sensation of pleasure created by Sam penetrations and extractions over my G-Spot was so intense; it was constant which remaindered me of the violin lessons I was forced to take as a kid. A note played on a violin can be held indefinitely because as the bow gets to the end of the strings it just goes back the other way making a note that only ends when the bowman wants it to end. I was the violin and Sam was the bow.

I wasn’t in control at all; this would only end when Sam got tired or orgasmed. At eighteen and working at the local timber mill Sam didn’t get tired easily so that meant Sam losing his load was the only thing standing between me and infinite pleasure or at least prolonged pleasure. I would have to concentrate on Sam which just made everything more intense. I’d have to encourage him not to lose his load till I wanted him to (with Sissy later telling me welcome to being on the receiving end of a male). My body suctioned hard around Sam as his motions became freer and deeper. My body loved what Sam was to doing to it! Sam didn’t seem tired at all as he continued to work me harder; I could feel a buildup of tense warmth growing deep internally within me as my body internally began to spasm uncontrollably clench and release hard around Sam’s relentless motion as my legs partially buckled and my stomach tightened bending me over further and involuntarily pushing me harder backwards onto Sam. I was making Discovery channel mating sounds as my body jerked involuntarily as Sam continued to intensify his efforts pushing me into my first G-Spot full body orgasm.

My whole body was absolutely centered on and around Sam entering and leaving me as I strained and jerked. I couldn’t think straight and words weren’t an option as I behaved like a mating animal but unlike a standard orgasm this wasn’t an event that I was in control of or an event that had a set time limit like a normal male ejaculation. This orgasm would continue as long as Sam continued doing what he was doing to me.

This pleasure I’ve since learnt and experienced is as Sissy and I researched the “ultimate” orgasm (guys like girls can have different types of orgasms) for a guy there is only two ways to orgasm firstly by ejaculating a full load of seamen in one spectacular eruption by stimulating the penis and secondly from a full body orgasm from stimulating the G-Spot by anal penetration were semen just oozes gradually from the penis; with the second option being a far longer orgasm in duration and much more intense than the first. This is a medical fact that I can attest to from personal experience.

As a male I’ve looked and haven’t found anything that even comes close to a GSpot orgasm. No wonder women go off like they do when they cum because the orgasm lasts as long as the stimulation lasts. Comparing an anal G-Spot full body orgasm to a straight ejaculation is easy. I can eat a sandwich and talk during my ten to fifteen second ejaculation with a few momentary gut clenches to accommodate the actual ejaculation of my load but I can barely speak audible words with my eyes rolling back into my head or my eyes going in and out of focus with the pleasure as my body almost violently contorts for minutes at time and when I do regain control I’ve lost more than ten or fifteen seconds of time; what felt like forever was actually minutes and what felt like an instant lasted hours when my G-Spot let’s go! That’s the difference!

Lesson guys! If you ever wondered what your female partner feels as you make love to her as she plays with herself as she rolls through orgasm after orgasm then; get her to stimulate your G-spot or even better get a guy to take you and masturbate at the same time if you can. This is the only way a male can have the same level of sexual gratification as a women. I feel sorry for those that have never experienced what pleasure their bodies are capable of producing; never knowing such a powerful and prolonged gut wrenching teeth clenching screaming orgasm and release that can last for minutes not seconds at a time; just to subside and build again in seconds or minutes into another equally or better than the last earth shattering orgasm many times over!

Lesson girls! When I’m fully female I’m gonna let my man constantly love me in every way possible and if he wants I’m going to love him in every way also with sex toy or my fingers and he’ll never look at another woman, be forever happy and he’ll never ever leave me!

But for now the future was of absolutely no concern to me as I was caught in this moment created by Sam. I wasn’t ejaculating but I was cuming huge time and had been cuming for the longest of time as Sam relentlessly continued loving me without any concern of hurting me or my ability to accommodate what he was doing to me. Sam never let my body be empty of him as he was in me constantly but still kept the motion going at the same time.

My body was going insane; I didn’t want to touch myself as I was really quite flaccid (soft as the blood rushes to the aroused gland) I wanted what Sam was doing to me to go on forever; that’s the strength of orgasm I was experiencing (normal ejaculating was gonna be a real let down after this). Sam just kept loving me as I held on white knuckled to the bed post being pushed forward and upwards with his loving motion filling me all the way to his hilt (base of a sword) as I groaned like a bitch having the arse absolutely fucked off her as Sam asked “lovin this Shae?” with me answering with what started as a “yes” in my brain but manifested itself as a deep growling sigh “yes” during an expelled breath as a result of the sheer force of the hit between our bodies which was literally knocking the air from my body. Sam was working me really hard!

As Sam movements got even stronger and faster his hands gripped more urgently onto my hips saying “I’m gonna cum”. I’d been cuming forever and I wanted to say “harder Sam” but I was so caught up in this whirlwind that I couldn’t say anything, nothing audible anyway. I just kept going on him like there was no tomorrow as his thrusts lost rhythm but gained intensity pushing my hips down hard onto his ready to explode body. He pushed forward way harder and more urgently than before almost lifting my feet off the floor with not only the force of his thrust but also the push of his entire body behind it and stayed buried as deeply inside me as he could possibly get for the smallest

moment with the tips of my toes barely touching the floor. I could feel strong hot throbs coming from him before he pulled back just a little really quickly and then instantly pushed forward again (Sam’s vinegar stroke; those last strokes before a guy fully blows his load) as the throbs intensified travelling between us exploding and pumping his orgasm into me.

I could be in love with this guy or at least be in love with what it could do to me! Standing there holding onto the bed with Sam bent forward leaning over my back still fully inside me still breathing hard I asked “did you like that?” with Sam responding out of breath “that was awesome Shae” as he playfully slapped my hip; I’d done well. I was very happy with myself and was showing a smile I couldn’t hide as I looked cheekily over my shoulder saying “you can do that to me anytime you want Sam!”

Sam withdrew slowly out of me saying “come on we’ll have a shower and clean up, you’re as greasy as a stuck pig” picking up on one of our colorful rural sayings as he laughed withdrawing from me sending a final shudder through my body. I asked Sam immediately “do you have any waffles?” with Sam looking confused about my question before responding “sorry no waffles” with me replying “I’ll bring some over next time, they’re great after sex with ice cream” as Sam laughed saying “ok we’ll do waffles next time”.

Walking down the hallway from Sam’s bedroom to the bathroom I couldn’t help feeling something was missing and then I got it; we hadn’t kissed or even held hands yet. I was enjoying my view of Sam showering after he’d absolutely loved my brains out as I sat on the toilet with Sam still dribbling out of me before wiping my very tender bottom and jumping into the shower in amidst the steam. The moment couldn’t have been any righter as I went to kiss Sam on the mouth with Sam balking and turning away slightly with me asking very concerned “what’s wrong?” before Sam replied “I could do the wild thing with you forever Shae and we can be best friends too but kissing is really personal for me and you know that me and dad may only be here for a little while; I just wanna have fun not break both our hearts when I have to leave”.

Not knowing how personal kissing actually was between guys (it’s a real game changer as far as gay relationships go) I blurted out “how much more personal can we get Sam think about what we just shared?” with Sam explaining “I was there Shae and I know how special it was but my last boyfriend and I were together for a year and the last few weeks before I came out here we kissed and kept kissing and it broke my heart Shae and I don’t want that to happen to us, I just want us to have fun, understand?” as I replied “no” like a disappointed child as he said “don’t be angry, turn around and let me wash your back” which I did.

I’d felt such a connection whilst we made love and now to be told he didn’t want to kiss me really confused me. I kept thinking how is a kiss going to change anything but with future experience I would realise Sam was very right; a kiss does change everything, it really does! It’s a border some guys cannot for a variety of reasons cross; at least Sam’s reason seemed to be because he’d been hurt and didn’t want to see me hurt also and I could live with that. As I thought who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Sam asked “tell me about waffles Shae” trying to lift my mood with my pouting reply “you cook them in a fry pan and serve them with ice cream and maple syrup” with Sam responding “keep having your shower and I’ll run down to the store and pick some up and you can show me how to cook waffles, I’ll only be five or ten minutes back soon” as I continued to shower washing my hair and gently checking the condition of my very tender body which as I found out would take nearly a whole day to recover from such an event. I was very sore but very happy, incredibly happy as I dried myself hearing Sam’s bike start outside and roar off down the short drive way immediately into a tremendously loud terrifying screech of brakes, shredding metal, breaking glass followed by a loud secondary thud before there was a shattering silence.

Wringing wet I threw my jeans and shirt on as I ran barefoot through the house knowing in my heart what had happened as I got to the road in front of Sam’s house. I couldn’t see anything prior to looking to my left as I dropped to my

knees absorbing the scene before me as I collapsed fully to the ground in disbelief. I knew Sam was dead; his moments before beautiful young body was now motionless and mangled under a car seeping an ever growing pool of bright red blood making its way across the road before running into the drain. Sam was underneath the car that was immediately following the original car that had hit him throwing him up and over as he smashed the windscreen of the first car with his body before being run over by the following car.

With people coming from their homes out onto the road calling emergency services I sat there half lying down in shock with tears streaming down my face. The unbelievable pain in my stomach and chest coming up to my aching throat produced a wailing sound like a wounded animal with people checking to see if I was hurt or involved in the accident. I couldn’t explain; I couldn’t stand as people asked “are you hurt?” all I could say was “no” it seemed the only word I could say as I kept repeating “no” as I wept into the footpath outside Sam’s house hitting my hands against the concrete unable to accept what had just happened “no”.

As the police and ambulance arrived confirming Sam was dead with the occupants of the two cars suffering minor injuries. I was still on the footpath seriously in shock when a very nice police woman approached me trying to comfort me and asking me what had happened, who I was, and who the young man under the car was as I shouted “his name is Sam, he’s my best friend, he went out the driveway, I heard a crash and the rest is pretty fucking obvious” as she kindly said putting her arm around my kneck and shoulders “I’m so sorry” as I dribbled “I’m sorry for shouting”.

The police woman asked “where’s Sam’s parents?” with me telling her “he’s Dad works at the army depot” with her asking “do you have a number for Sam’s dad?” with me crying “no” before she ran back to the police car to on the details as the area quickly became a crime scene. The police woman returned saying “we’re going to take you home now” as she assisted me into the police car with me telling her my address as she me helped in. Calling ahead the

police told my mother I was uninjured but I was very much in shock just in case they’d heard on the radio that “a youth had been killed on a dirt bike” small town cops are like that.

I fell out of the police car into my mother and Sissy’s arms weeping uncontrollably as Sissy helped me inside whilst my mother talked to the police woman. The following days and nights were a blur for me wrapped in Sissy’s arms and were some of the darkest days of my life. The pain was inescapable and all-consuming it was three days (I think) before I walking outside of our house on Sissy’s arm back into the sunshine. Sam and I had only intimately known own each for a short time, our parents knew each other socially and as both Sam and I weren’t generally that keen on socializing both parents were very happy to see their sons actually make and have a close friend never knowing how close our friendship actually was and the subsequent pain I was going through. I could only fully share my grief with Sissy, only she could fully understand my loss.

What a tragic waste of a beautiful young man. A young man that could have very easily become everything to me was suddenly and forever gone.

CHAPTER 4

Final year of School and first year in the world

The loss of Sam heralded a very dark period in my life with my spiraling depression caused by my sexual identity issues combined with grief saw my depressive state of mind becoming more severe with my outlook matched only by my ever increasing medication mainly anti-depressants as dark day followed even darker day in an endless cycle to the point of hedging and bordering on suicidal.

I pondered the big questions: how could God be so cruel? To Sam, to Sam’s heartbroken father and to me; God made me the way I was, I didn’t ask for it! How could God when I had finally found a chance at love sadistically and callously tear it away from me. I never really liked God because of the old chestnut recited each and every Sunday at church in our small town “God doesn’t make mistakes” all the while sitting in the middle of a silent all believing congregation with my burning fury exploding behind my apparent calm blue eyes unable to scream “well he made one with me!” it would take me a long time to forgive God and even longer time to see his plan for me.

My outlook and mood could not have been any darker; God had made me a freak of nature that was destined to live out my life as an unloved, lonely and isolated mutant devoid and separated from normal loving folk before sealing my fate by taking away my one shot at happiness, Sam. I really was a danger to myself during this time as I struggled to see God’s reason for me and for taking Sam!

Sissy was constantly by my side keeping unofficial watch (suicide) and trying to help me out from underneath this overwhelming darkness in which I had found myself banished. Sissy encouraged and fought for me trying her damnedest urging me to step back into the light of life; a light that was from her perspective so obviously dimming as it slipped from my grasp to both Sissy and my parent’s distress.

My salvation from my wholehearted acceptance and submission to this incredible dark force that was strangling my life was a plan with a timeline of hope and actions to see me become female as I should have always been that Sissy had cleverly devised. I had withdrawn to a place where I had lost all sight of everything especially hope and it appeared no action was going to help me become female or explain Sam’s death. Sissy’s plan involved a five year timeline; we would both study harder than we had ever studied before to get the highest college entrance scores possible, complete our college academic studies and move into high paying professional careers whilst saving every cent; we would correct God’s mistake in five years. That was the plan! By the time we were twenty four we truly would be sisters as we were meant to be. Placing dates and milestones to this plan of action to reach our ultimate goal really lifted my spirits; we were going to make this happen! It now seemed somehow almost possible but it was at least something to hang onto whereas before I had nothing.

Sissy and I threw ourselves completely into phase one (studies). Our second half of our final year of high school was ballistic compared to other students around us as we studies in preparation for our final exams. Sissy studied incredibly hard but I studied like my life depended on it because it did! Without the grades there would be no college, no gratuitous income and no me! Entering our final exams Sissy and I were already well in front of our friends with regards to scholastic outcomes and grades. Sissy and I were bidding for the honor of valedictorian and these exams would go to show just how much we could achieve academically!

The anticipation of over the next two months waiting for our results to be

publicized saw Sissy and me looking on line constantly to find the latest revised date of the release of our results which had already been postponed due to a teacher’s strikes for better wages and working conditions. These results would not only be from a school perspective but also from a state and national statistical perspective also.

I was awoken with Sissy and my parents jumping all over my bed shortly after midnight screaming “you topped the state in literature” with my father saying “you’ll get a scholarship for sure! You’re in the top five percent of the nation overall son” which was pretty well the only time I was ever proud when my father called me “son”. In between the celebrations directed at me I asked “how’d you do Sissy?” with Sissy looking down saying “not as well as you, I came in the top thirty percent” looking disappointed before adding “I probably won’t be offered a scholarship” as her eyes began to glaze over in preparation of tears. Seeing her disappointment I asked “can I speak with Sissy alone please?” before asking our parents “do you feel like coffee now we’re all up? We’ll be out in a minute”. As soon as our parents had left the room Sissy burst into tears “I’ve let you down” sobbing as I held her “no you haven’t, I’ve been like this all my life another couple more years to our plan won’t matter so long as we’re together” assuring her stroking her fringe whispering “we’ll always be together Sissy no matter what”.

The official mail came the following week with colleges approaching me with scholarships and offers to undertake a journalism degree based on my outstanding literacy results. Our parents were preparing to send me to college whilst Sissy would stay in this small God forsaken red kneck homophobic hick town without a college offer; I refused to be separated from Sissy and would not be parted under any circumstances! Deciding I was not leaving to study whilst she stayed in this town pumping out kids as the highlight of her life! We searched for a college suitable for me as far away as possible preferably on the coast; where we could both work our way thru phase two of our plan “Journalism College for me and now Beauty College for Sissy”.

After much debate we choose a college with an ocean view! My now near shoulder length blonde hair would be accepted there as a nothing more than beach goer rather than a transgender freak like around here with comments like “gay fuck or fagot” or questioning if I was “male or female”. My hair wasn’t cut or styled just messy and wasn’t long enough as to be burnt at the stake in the town square (slight exaggeration) but definitely banished if it got much longer. As if I was ever going to stay in this town. I would’ve walked barefoot across broken glass to get out of here!

Sissy and I had only been to the ocean once in our lives and we absolutely loved it! Vowing when we grew up we’d live near the ocean. With our parents (rent and utilities) we would move into a tiny two bedroom apparent together based on the premise that it would be less expensive for our parents to help fund a two bedroom apartment compared with one single bedroom apartment for Sissy and me in college accommodation plus we would be together also. Our parents agreed after finding out Sissy had been accepted into a beauty technician college and that we’d both found part time work at a beach side resort close to an apartment we liked and could assist keeping expenses to them down. Apartment, work and colleges were all in the same suburb. My father saying to my mother “we can’t separate them, Sissy deserves a chance too” to my mother’s disapproval like Sissy wasn’t following in her footsteps or the family business pumping out kids. Children are the most beautiful lifelong vocation but Sissy really did have so much to experience before taking up that role.

Prior to leaving our home a few days before our nineteenth birthday for the road trip from hell; our parents presented Sissy and I our combined birthday present a Toyota corolla with only fifty thousand on the speedo for us as transport in our “new life” as my mother called it not so laughingly. We packed Sissy and I up into a U-Haul moving van with the corolla as chase vehicle with the parents taking the opportunity to share a cross continental drive with us to help us establish ourselves in our new location before they would fly home. The best view of our home town was definitely in the rearview mirror with my only regret being I had to leave my dog, spike but mum and dad had promised to look after him.

Celebrating our nineteenth birthday in a road stop; there are some really classy establishments out there and we’d been forced into this “flee bit’ motel with café and garage as nothing else had vacancies. With our father toasting chocolate milk as we waited for hamburgers “happy birthday, you can’t change the direction of the wind but you can change the direction of your sails to reach any destination” and he was right; that was exactly what Sissy and I were doing! As our mother gave us what had become a family tradition with birthdays, a lottery ticket saying “it’s for good luck, you never know” as our chocolate milkshakes met in a toast over our hamburgers as they were being placed on our greasy linoleum table.

Road trips are generally over rated but we all had fun taking turns driving the van or the speedy corolla and arguing about music choices with me and Sissy happy to listen to country and western if it took us to where we were going. We were on our way to our new lives however; with a little over fourteen hundred miles behind us the novelty of our parent’s music was starting to fade when we caught our first glimpse of the coastline. Positioning ourselves like a family of rednecks smelling the clean salt air for only the second time staring out at the wide open expanse of ocean in front of us. It was breathtaking.

The next two days were hectic with enrolments and our parents rushing us from place to place; getting our apartment finalized, getting us put on the books for work at the resort and buying furniture for our apartment. Sissy and I now settled we took our parent’s to the airport where our mother would cry and our father would assist her onto the plane saying “call every Sunday after church” (we would not be going to church, trust me) leaving Sissy and I standing in the departure lounge alone for the first time in our lives as we high fived each other and cheered “yes”. We loved our parents dearly but were keen to test our own wings.

Arriving back to our apartment which was in large part thanks to our parents ready for habitation as our mother had made beds and stocked the fridge and

pantry ensuring we wouldn’t starve at least initially; the bathroom and kitchen had been scrubbed within an inch of their lives and mum had left written instructions with regards to everything under a magnet on the fridge along with our birthday card complete with lottery ticket for us to check “you never know”. I knew God hated me and anything I got I’d have to earn myself!

Our first night together was a walk along the beach front and pizza in front of our small television as Sissy facedbooked everyone back home with me getting ready for my first day at college and Sissy’s first day at work. We reviewed our plan coming to the consensus that I would have the operations to be female by our twenty fifth birthdays but for now we both needed sleep for tomorrow.

We awoke to the bedside alarms in Sissy and my room going off as well as our mobiles just in case the alarms didn’t wake us, they did. The alarms our mother had bought would wake the dead. Both of us stumbling like naked half asleep zombies as we brushed our teeth together in the bathroom mirror with me asking “do you want toast or just coffee and a cigarette” with Sissy responding “what do you think” as I headed to make coffee and get our smokes. Sitting out on our little but private balcony Sissy in her sexy silk little robe and me in my farm boy robe drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. We were free to do as we pleased as long as we got the grades and worked with both of us planning to do exactly that!

I yelled from our car “hurry up Sissy you don’t wanna be late for our first day at work” as Sissy came springing down the stairs so characteristically in her full of life approach to everything yelling back “relax Shae, calm the farm” laughing. Pulling up to drop Sissy off at work I said “see you after orientation, love you Sissy, your my best sister” with Sissy still half in the car leaning back in to kiss me laughing “I’m ya only sister silly, see ya after work, pick me up” with me smiling “yep call me”.

CHAPTER 5

God is merciful

Halfway into my first day of orientation week making my student counselor scowl at me as my phone rang. It was Sissy in tears saying “come pick me up” and that was about all she could say “come pick me up Shae” before crying again. I ran from my tour group which must have really pissed my student counselor off as I fled the group without explanation. Driving like I had stolen the corolla I broke several laws before screeching to a halt out front of the resort where I had dropped Sissy off earlier in the day; I could see Sissy sitting on a bench out front crying as I ran towards her.

Standing up as I approached I could see Sissy was visibly shaken as I threw my arms around her crying “what’s wrong, what’s wrong” with Sissy saying “look!” as she thrust the lottery ticket at me “we’ve won over a quarter of a million dollars Shae, look!” stunned I asked “what” before a long silence as I added “no” and after another long silence adding “that can’t be right” with Sissy saying “It is Shae! We won the second division! The lady and the manager at the news agency (as she pointed directly across the road) checked it three times! They want our details”.

Grabbing Sissy’s shaking hand with the ticket still in it saying “there must be a mistake, I’ll sort it out” as I dragged her across the road. As we walked into the news agency the lady behind the counter asked “is this the other lucky half of your win love?” with Sissy responding “he won’t believe me” as the manager stated “I’ve just been in with the lottery office, well they ed me when the ticket was scanned; the ticket the young lady is holding has been claimed as soon as she gives me a payee name, some identification and banking details and two hundred and fifty two thousand eight hundred and seventy four

dollars and thirty four cents ($252,874.34) will be paid to that nominated payee”. I shook my head in disbelief asking “are you sure?” seeking someone to bring me back to reality “sure enough to know you have some papers to fill in son (second time in my life I was happy to be called son), this is our store’s biggest ever winning ticket that we’ve processed”.

I collapsed onto the floor just as Sissy had done earlier crying as the manger assisted us to the office to complete paper work so we could receive our win. After congratulatory calls from lottery officials within the hour it was done and a quarter of a million dollars would be deposited into Sissy and my t bank within twenty four hours. We walked from the store directly back across the road to the bench where I’d found Sissy. I was absolutely stunned and dumbfounded with a hand full of paper confirming the win and our payment details. We were allowed to keep our original ticket for framing (lottery office idea after having taken a copy and made it so the ticket could not be claimed again).

Sitting on the bench Sissy said “you know what this means Shae” me still glassy eyed looking back still in shock of the morning we were having without saying anything as Sissy said “we can get your operations as soon we can get the doctors to do it” throwing her arms around me before adding “think of the clothes we can buy” crying as she held me. We stayed there on the bench for I don’t know how long before Sissy said I’ll have to go in and tell work I won’t be back in till tomorrow stating “I only went out for my lunch hour and I’ve been gone an hour and a half already, they’ll understand” and they did coming out to congratulate us on our good fortune. Leaving the resort Sissy said “we haven’t called mum and dad” “stop! We’ll tell them if and when the money comes through; still in disbelief that God could allow such a blessing to be bestowed upon me, it must be a mistake but it couldn’t hurt to dream, well perhaps it would.

Sissy and I went window shopping for clothes talking about what a difference quarter of a million dollars would make in our lives and what we’d tell our

parents before settling on; we’d tell them we’d won one hundred and fifty grand that would be split seventy five grand for our parents taking care of our college costs and would leave them with fifty grand; Sissy and I would spilt the remaining seventy five grand between us and we just wouldn’t mention the remaining hundred grand for my operations. We did this knowing our parents would insist on investing all of it and if we were truthful; investing would not include gender re-assignment operations for their son. It seemed like the only way.

Our second night in our apartment was also pizza and planning until Sissy realised we could buy beer in our new home state. Waiting up to mid-night behind Sissy’s laptop hitting refresh on our bank saying to Sissy for ten minutes “I knew it was a fuck up” and suddenly there it was “a quarter of a million dollars” at a little after twelve as we cheered jumping all over the bed and the apartment before running down to the auto teller (ATM) withdrawing twenty dollars to see our quarter of a million balance. We ended up two streets down on the beach making even more noise kicking up the foaming surf as it came ashore in the moonlight!

Walking back I said to Sissy “we still have to study and work, this will set us up but won’t last forever Sissy” laughing in her response “but I’m a quarter of a millionaires tonight and work isn’t till tomorrow” with me pointing out “it’s one in the morning Sissy it’s already tomorrow” as we laughed and playfully teased each other as we walked home. We were so elated with Sissy announcing “we’ll be sisters soon permanently, hope you’ve been rehearsing your speech to the folks (parents) with Sissy laughing loud enough to wake our neighbors which dampened my mood momentarily.

Our day started six hours later with our soon to be replaced air raid siren alarm clocks followed with the usual coffee and cigarette routine (it was only our second day but we both knew it would become routine, so it seemed fair to call it “the usual”) as Sissy and I sat on the balcony discussing our night and day to be. I told Sissy “I’ve got half day lectures” with Sissy’s response over coffee “me

too”.

Later that day I picked Sissy up from lectures at the beauty college with her announcing to me “I’ve booked us in on Friday to see a doctor and psychiatrist (forever to be referred to as my “shrink”) to get the ball rolling”. Friday was our only student and work free day for both of us. As I looked surprised she continued on with her plans saying “we’ll just plough thru the rest of this week see the doctor and the shrink on Friday and go shopping” with me responding “ok” before asking “are you assuming control of the mission” to which she said broadly smiling at me “yep”.

Friday came and after arriving at the doctor’s office it soon became apparent he didn’t get a lot of cases like mine (gender re-assignments) but he was happy to refer us to the surgeon and psychiatrist we’d already researched and requested. The doctor could however confirm if the psychiatrist deemed me suitable for gender re-assignment surgery that I would have to present as a woman for no less than six months prior to surgery under state laws. I was six months away from female! My journey was underway.

CHAPTER 6

Doctors

Arriving at the surgeon’s office Sissy and I took up residence in the waiting room nervously waiting before a kindly man of about forty years of age introduced himself as Dr. Eamonn Macintyre (pronounced “Aman” which Sissy and I thought later seemed pretty ironic for a man that turned males into females) invited us into his office. Dr. McIntyre mistakenly read my legal name from the paper work the receptionist had given him saying “well Shane” as I cringed making him aware “my preferred name is “Shaelyn” with him apologizing “sorry Shaelyn” before asking “do you intend to change your name officially to Shaelyn? with me responding “guess I’ll have too” itting to myself how little thought I’d given to some of the istrative logistics behind sexual reassignment and then consoled myself thinking I really don’t care what the government calls me; it wasn’t my priority; getting a sex change was but I would have to start looking at some details closer. After 15 minutes of discussion Dr. McIntyre who we were to call Eamonn was I believe very aware that I was a genuine candidate for SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery) and that Sissy and I had done some serious research.

Eamonn made me aware “before you go we’ll need some blood so we can start appropriate hormone therapy straight away” and then asked “please don’t take any more unprescribed contraceptive medication; you need specialized medication tailored to your unique physiology” before stipulating “I’d never advocate or condone taking unprescribed medication but in your case it appears the estrogen has helped you considerably both you and your sister share a striking resemblance considering your age and genders” before asking “what do you want Shaelyn?” with me responding “I want to be what I’m supposed to be, female” before adding “my sisters identical twin” with Eamonn responding “well we’ll start by getting some comparison photos and measurements you can both get undressed behind the screen”.

Stepping out from behind the screen naked Eamonn’s first observation was “you’re a D cup Shannon? As we got up onto the examining table with Eamonn saying “well D cups are a beautiful sized breast” as he inspected both our chests taking measurement’s and photos commenting that the contraceptive medicine had actually enlarged my breasts slightly as he asked “saline or silicone breast implants Shaelyn?” as he stood back looking at both of us in comparison and taking more photos with me responding “saline please” as I emphasised “we want to be as close to identical twins as we can be” with Sissy and I pointing out we want everything to be identical with Eamonn asking Sissy to lye back on the surgical table whilst he took photos of her vagina before returning to his examination of me.

Eamonn took close up photos of every part of our bodies which he later showed us after he’d overlaid the images on the computer showing us the differences between us. My nose, brow, jaw, Adams apple and butt were slightly more masculine than Sissy’s and what he could do to align us telling me “you really don’t require facial feminization surgery Shaelyn with the effects of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) you’ll be a perfectly attractive young woman” with me reiterating “we’re supposed to be identical twins” with Eamonn conceding “very well the facial surgery will be considerably less aggressive compared to most SRS surgeries as most surgeries are done on patients in their 30’s”. I don’t know how many times Eamonn said “you’re so lucky to be doing this whilst you’re so young, you’ll get great results Shaelyn age is the biggest enemy for all SRS patients”.

Eamonn commented “I see you have chosen Dr. Toni Hazelton as your psychiatrist” as Sissy and I nodded with Eamonn telling us “I know Toni very well; we’ve worked together on cases similar to yours Shaelyn, she’s lovely and I’m sure you’ll like her” before stating “you’ll have to present publicly as a woman for six months under state law but we can make the transition easier by doing everything other than the actual SRS first leading up to the final SRS operation”.

As Sissy and I dressed Eamonn’s recommendation was; “as soon as you’ve talked with Dr. Hazelton and we’ve have conferred we can go ahead with the breast implants, facial feminization and buttock argumentation (Brazilian Butt Lift as its most commonly known) before the final gender re-assignment in six months if all goes well”.

I wanted everything done in one trip and this was only the initial consultation. I wanted to arrive at the hospital fully male and leave fully female which just isn’t how SRS works at all with most people making the transition over two years and half a dozen separate procedures so gender re-assignment for my first procedure was definitely off the bargaining table and wouldn’t be on the table until we’d conformed to state law and had approval from the shrink!

I would have to wait for the re-assignment but Eamonn did agreed to do my breasts, facial feminization and Brazilian butt lift if the shrink agreed on the proviso that I could increase my BMI (Body Mass Indicator) by 7% or put on approximately 20 pounds for the procedures; which would see the excess fat being liposuctioned from various places around my body (I didn’t have a lot of excess fat, hardly any really) and re-injecting that fat back into me repositioning the fat at varying depths around my body to sculpt and shape me. In my case that meant more womanly hips and pad out my breast implants. Both Sissy and I had great butts however Sissy’s like any healthy female was really an upside down heart shape while mine like most males was smaller and squarer.

Leaving Eamonn’s office I knew that my non implant butt lift, facial surgery and breast implants augmented with liposuction would cost nearly twenty two thousand dollars with all of these procedures being done in one hospital visit and once the six month law had been satisfied and the shrink had given approval; the final SRS procedure would see the removal of my penis and testicles and using vaginoplasty (gender correction) Eamonn would sculpt my vagina from the remaining penal and scrotum tissue.

All of my procedures and medicines would total in vicinity of forty five thousand dollars with Eamonn saying it could go as high as fifty five because of a wide range of reasons with absolutely none of this covered by medical insurance or covered by the national medical assistance scheme. Which made me wonder; why has society just chosen to ignore or not assist all these people, it’s not their fault! We made Eamonn aware we had the cash and were happy to pay up to sixty thousand dollars as Eamonn was definitely considered the best in this field.

One the way home Sissy pointed out as she played “girls just wanna have fun” which was fun to listen to and sing along with for the first five hundred times “we have to go clothes shopping; we’re shopping for two girls now!” before directing me to the nearest DFO (Direct Factory Outlet). Arriving at the stores Sissy commented “I just wanna pick up a few things” with me interjecting “in a couple of weeks when I have my breasts we can shop together properly Sissy” but followed Sissy’s inside anyway.

Everything was happening so fast; what would college say? What would work say? What would mum and dad say?? In the not too distant future I would have D cup breasts and would have to dress like woman full time. We bounced around the shops like a ball in a pinball having the best time of our lives. Sissy and I were shopaholics going from shop to shop to shop and so on for the rest of the day with Sissy trying things on with us both knowing if it fit her it would fit me.

Sissy got a new full cosmetic case and I got my first. We bought our first lingerie as there wasn’t a lot of call for it back on the farm and came home with boxes full of bras, corsets, suspenders, stockings and an additional eight pairs of shoes to our already extensive collection that was already too big for our little apartment not forgetting; nine new dresses, four hats and two new alarm clocks that played music not produced a tornado siren. As we returned to the car for the last time I thinking “just a few things Sissy” as we drove away with a full car.

The following Friday Sissy and I sat in another waiting room; this time it was Dr. Toni Hazelton my psychiatrist or shrink as Sissy called her. Dr. Hazleton’s approval under pinned our entire plan; we needed her approval and everything depended on it! We were the only one’s there as a lady had just left as we were arriving. I sat there nervously fidgeting with Sissy saying “relax, she just wants to talk to you not preform brain surgery” as Dr. Hazelton a recognized expert in sexual identity crisis’s and gender re-assignment cases came out of her office. She was a strong confident feminine woman in her mid-thirties; she was well dressed in a female business suit as she extended her hand shaking our hands before saying “Shaelyn, I’m Toni, Dr. Macintyre has already told me so much about you; would you like to come in” gesturing towards her office?” as Sissy and I started walking towards the door as Toni asked “could I please speak with Shaelyn a little while before we all get together? As Sissy smiled sitting back in her chair with a magazine.

It was clear straight away that Toni wanted to gauge exactly what influence Sissy had over me with regards to me wanting a gender re-assignment. We spoke for over two hours with Sissy waiting patiently whilst Toni was getting to know me with very poignant questions; listening carefully to my responses whilst taking notes. Questions like:

“When was it you first questioned your male identity?” with me answering “four” “How long have dressed as female?” with me answering quickly “all my life in private” “Have you ever had a male sexual partner experience?” with me answering “yes” “What does your family think about your gender reassignment?” as I paused before answering “I’m looking for the right moment to tell them” before Toni responded “there is no right moment Shaelyn all families will have trouble adjusting and a lot of parents simply freak out sometimes with devastating consequences for all involved especially if they aren’t already aware of your sexual identity; I know mine did” as I gasped “you” with Toni asking “can you think of anyone more qualified? Toni explained “my degree, my SRS and my experience gives me a unique perspective with regards to transgender issues” before adding “I used to spell my name with a “Y” not an “I” as she

laughed before turning very serious and sincere stating “you’ve got serious mountains to climb Shaelyn”.

Toni put down the notes saying “well that’s the mandatory questions out of the way?” as she hit a nerve immediately asking “tell me about your relationship with Shannon” with me responding “what’s to tell we’re twins and she’s very ive” trying to keep it low key and casual. Toni leant forward in her chair saying “What makes you so sure you’re right for gender re-assignment” and I could see where this line of questioning was going; she wasn’t going to approve my SRS because I was young as I began babbling about everything that had occurred in my life before bursting hysterically into tears crying “I can’t live like this, I’ve known it from birth, if I have to go overseas to get the re-assignment I will!”

Pausing looking deeply into my eyes Toni said “I believe you Shaelyn but we’re going to have to talk a lot more between now and any re-assignment surgery; you’ll be required to attend fortnightly appointments and a weekly group” before stating “I expected to see you dressed more femininely when are you going to start dressing as a woman publicly?” with me responding “as soon as I get my breasts surgery” I responded hoping things were starting to go my way with Toni asking “why wait, why not dress like a woman now?” as I told her about my fear of being seen publicly as a freak; half female and half male being berated and bashed like in my home town by those that didn’t and couldn’t understand. I’d felt like a freak inside my own head and physically too all of my life and I didn’t know if I could handle the public ridicule on top of all that.

Pausing for the longest of time Toni finally said “ok how about we go as far as your initial surgeries as they are to a large part reversible and then we can reassess how you’re feeling” with my crying saying “thank you so much” with Toni responding saying “most transgender males don’t go full re-assignment and they are happy with breasts and hips” with me responding adamantly “I don’t want to be chick with a dick; I want to be a chick with a clit and tits” as Toni half chuckled saying “I’ll put you in with a group I attend with other

people going thru the transition some like me have had a full gender reassignment and some have transitioned as far as they wanted to go or as you so eloquently put it some are chicks with a dicks” laughing before turning deadly serious stating “you and I have to be sure we’re making the right decisions for the right reasons Shaelyn; you’ve done your research and you know sensate pedicled neoclitoroplasty (removal of penis and creating a vagina out of left over skin) surgery is an irreversible surgery and not without substantial risk” with me acknowledging her professional opinion but reaffirming my commitment saying “I know but I can’t and won’t go on like this, I can’t Toni” with Toni responding “I’ll speak with Eamonn; you’re very lucky Shaelyn Eamonn really is the best gender re-assignment surgeon in the country” before she said “now let’s meet your personal group Sissy”.

Toni like Eamonn kept telling me constantly how lucky I was saying “you’re young, very feminine especially in your facial features and all too many transgender people have little or no family with little or no resources to do what you’re doing”.

I Called Sissy in after a grueling two and half hours with Toni whilst Toni made tea for us to sit around and discuss exactly what we were up against; the hot topics being medical realities and most likely reactions towards my gender reassignment from the world at large, work associates, friends and specifically our parents. Toni informed me “before you get your breast implants I want you to officially change your name to Shaelyn right down to you driver’s license and produce written acknowledgement from your College Dean and your work supervisor that you have declared before them that you are in the process of gender re-assignment and that you will be presenting as a female and using female toilets after your breast implants”.

Toni handed me a simple page typed template letter for my college Dean and work supervisor to sign before kindly saying “you’ll tell your parents in your own time Shaelyn when you’re ready” before adding “you’re nineteen legally there is nothing your parents can do to prevent you but I wholeheartedly urge

you to try and see their points of view and work thru this collaboratively with your parents; we can work on how best to talk to your parents and friends later and you’ll make lots of new friends along the way to replace any that are shallow enough to shun or reject you and make no mistake Shaelyn some will”.

Sissy and I walked out of Toni’s office after three and half hours absolutely in love with this incredible woman and straight into my Dean’s office who told us very matter of fact “that’s not an issue Shaelyn we’ve had a transgender policy here for the last ten or so years, where do I sign?”. Work was even better with Stacey our supervisor who was about twenty five and very hip saying “excellent we’ll be Stacey, Shannon and Shaelyn, how cool” as she signed the acknowledgement.

Four days after speaking with Toni, I was seriously eating like an absolute pig and using a rapid weight gain supplement prescribed by Eamonn when I got the call from Eamonn’s surgery confirming my initial surgery (breasts, hips and face) would be performed in six weeks and that I was to drop by the clinic to see Eamonn for another medical examination and instructions about my HRT (copious amounts of hormones daily) and Eamonn wanted to discuss my blood work taken on my first visit. I would start my HRT immediately after this next visit.

Getting to the surgery Eamonn called Sissy and I straight into his office as he drank coffee and I ate donuts from a box trying desperately to create the excess fat the procedures would require; “Come in girls” gesturing we take our seats with Eamonn explaining “well girls (I loved it how he called us that, girls especially as I still looked male) as we’ve discussed a male chromosome binary is XY and a female is XX” with Eamonn pausing for what seemed a long time before stating “Shaelyn you’re XX” as I looked flatly dumb before Eamonn announced “at a chromosomal level you’re female in spite of being born physically a male”. I slumped forward in the chair with my head in my hands sobbing and crying “I knew I was female deep down inside, I could always feel it, I knew I wasn’t insane” as Eamonn explained “the chromosomal disorder you

have is called “De La Chapelle Syndrome” which affects an estimated 4 in 100,000 males being they are born physically male but they have the XX chromosomes of a female rather than XY chromosomes like other males.

This was a vindication of self; the vindication that I had always chased as an incredible mental burden was instantly lifted off my young shoulders. I knew all those years discussing with Sissy how I was trapped in the wrong body that I wasn’t mentally unstable but more importantly Sissy now knew I was telling her the truth when Sissy asked “you really are my sister, aren’t you?” as my tears continued with Sissy holding me and kissing the tears from my eyes saying “I always thought you were insane” with the biggest smile before finishing off her joke with “like me” as I began smiling asking Eamonn “how do we fix this?” “HRT from today and because of your chromosomal count and your age; you’ll only be taking ten or so tablets daily” with me saying shocked “only ten” with Eamonn picking up on my sarcasm responding “most transgender patients require up to three times that amount Shaelyn; you should consider yourself very fortunate”.

It was in this moment that I realised just how fortunate I truly was as I ed Toni’s comments also; I had the God given cash for all my operations whilst others worked and prostituted themselves to scrimp and save money for the next part of their transition without any at all in fact; most were severely ostracized by society and more disgustingly everyone they loved and especially everyone that should have loved them. I always had Sissy’s unchanging unconditional steadfast love and without question or judgment. Sissy loved me whole heartedly and totally without condition or caveat. All the pain and anguish I had carried my whole life would now give me a love and appreciation of life that others merely take for granted; perhaps that was part of God’s plan for me perhaps instead of being cursed I was blessed?

Eamonn continued explaining what I was to do pre-op with regards to weight gain, HRT and commenced explaining and demonstrating on me the use of a breast enlargement pump which would increase my already slightly enlarged

mammary (breast) tissue which was ultra-important as the implant would be sub muscular. I was to wear the pump as often as I could on the lead up to the implant surgery for at least three hours daily continuously; half an hour here and there wouldn’t cut it; it had to be continuous.

The pump worked by applying gentle suction to the breast tissue promoting blood flow to the mammary and surrounding skin tissues resulting in new tissue growth increasing the size of my breast. Male and female mammary tissue is identical until adolescence. The stretching of the mammary tissue would actually give the implant a better position for the implant with Eamonn explaining “imagine the different between putting an implant under a tight T-shirt and a woman with small breasts getting an implant to increase her breast size; well the HRT and the pump will give you those small breasts and after six weeks of using the pump you should almost fill a training bra (A Cup) so the implant will then have a pocket within the increased mammary tissue and elasticized pre-stretched skin tissue to accommodate your new breasts with no stretch marks; this will be combined with excess fat placement left over from your butt lift which will give your breasts a far more natural appearance than some you see walking around”. Eamonn obviously wasn’t a big fan of every other surgeon’s work which probably had a lot to do with him being so highly considered in this field; he was an extremely exacting type of man.

Eamonn also gave me an adjustable training bra of sorts with tiny little balls about the same size as match heads filling the D cups that I was to wear as often as possible (even whilst I slept) and I was to empty the cups slowly as the pumps increased my breast size to familiarise my body with the weight and feel of having breasts. After getting confirmation that we were “go” on “operation tits” as Sissy so called it we headed home to our apartment. I was so nervous on the way home I’d never had an operation before with Sissy telling me “relax; you’ll be fine woman get boob jobs all the time” with me adding “yeh but men don’t” with Sissy saying “let Eamonn worry about the medical; we have to get you ready first so you can walk out of hospital in a dress sore but looking fabulous” trying to laugh thru another headache with her elbow on the window sill as the cool wind played with her waist length hair.

Even with a headache Sissy smiled laughing “you’ll have tit’s like these in six weeks” lifting a breast cheekily and adding “it’s time to come out of the closet Shae; we’ve got six weeks to teach you how to look, dress, walk, talk, dance, act, feel, think and actually be female permanently and publicly” before laughing further “you’ve never even shaved your legs; you’ve got so much to learn Shae” with me replying “I don’t want to go public until after I have breasts or I’ll just feel like a freak; over the next six weeks I want to keep things under wraps and low key Sissy and after the breasts we’ll go public full time”. Sissy was never good at low key but this time I hoped she’d respect my wishes.

I know why Sissy was getting headaches lately; “too much thinking” as she asked “have you thought about how you’re going to tell mum and dad?” with me responding with old faithful “the truth” with Sissy coming back with “the truth is fine but how are you actually going to tell them, on the phone, in person?” as I sat there at a loss itting “I don’t know Sissy; the phone is too impersonal and in person is too personal; I’ve been thinking about sending you home with a laptop and telling them via Skype, they won’t know how to use Skype and you could help them set up plus speak on my behalf” adding “they can’t kill you!” with Sissy responding “yes they can! I’m your co-conspirator and your accomplice; you’re hurting my headache Shae, we’ll figure something out” as I said “I love you Sissy”.

Getting back to the apartment Sissy poured me a bath saying I’m going to introduce you to one of a girl’s best friends Shae “a makeover” adding “before you get fat” laughing at her own humor saying “jump in, relax and soak for a while to soften the hairs especially on your legs as she left the room to find something for her head ache; only to return ten minutes later shattering the silence saying “enough soaking” as she stripped naked and climbed into the bath saying “stand up here beside me and I’ll show you how to shave properly; just copy me”. I mirrored every move she made as we stood there with one leg on the rim of the bath soaping up my previously never shaved leg with a cake of moisturising soap as Sissy explained “start from the ankle and shave upwards Shae”. I was slipping further into my femininity with every liberating draw back

and rinse of the razor.

After what felt like a long time one leg was done; it felt so silky, smooth, hairless, and feminine not to mention outright sexy and it looked just like Sissy’s. It was then that we both agreed that I had really great legs for a woman before starting to quickly shave my other leg. When both legs were done; Sissy showed me how to check for missed spots by running my hands over my now silky soft smooth legs. I ran my hands over every square inch of skin on my legs making sure I hadn’t missed a spot but also because it felt just so feminine, natural and right. I felt so instantly sexy, these really were “come fuck me legs” from any gender or sexual orientation perspective. I didn’t care if I had to wear jeans for the next six weeks publicly at home I had great legs.

Using Sissy as a mirror I continued shaving following my legs up into my groin when Sissy said “no girl would have pubic hair like that!” As Sissy stumbled out of the bath towards the vanity to get the scissors and after a little bit of deforestation with the scissors I had a blank canvas of short pubic hair to work with as I went about shaving a more feminine look. Idea! I could shave a shape like a love heart into my pubic hair with Sissy going one better laughing “let’s shave an arrow pointing down, a love heart is a bit high school but an arrow is out right sexy”. After 10 minutes we’d sculptured and shaved perfect arrows about two and a half inches long pointing straight at our genitals with Sissy joking “guys might even find my clit now” and mine pointed directly to the base of my penis; it looked so feminine and sexy, especially when I tucked my most masculine and unwanted feature (penis) away. I couldn’t believe what I was doing to myself, the level of detail I was going to and I couldn’t stop.

I was so lucky that I wasn’t that much hairier than Sissy with the only difference being she had a lifetime of grooming behind her and this was my first time out. Onto my fourth razor my attention shifted to my obvious arm pits so it was back out with the scissors followed by the razor again. Finally I lifted my arms facing the mirror and my arm pits looked great just like Sissy’s and we’d have to actually pluck the half dozen loose hairs on my chest too! As I continued the

deforestation (shave and pluck) of my entire body, I came to the realisation that I would have to shave a lot more than I’d previously considered; my bum, well up in between my legs, testicles and under them. I even shaved where there wasn’t really any hair to shave just to be sure that I would be hairless and silky smooth all over except for my face.

I was incredibly lucky that I only needed to shave my face once a week (I don’t know if that was the estragon or just how I was) with Sissy reminding me that Eamonn had said the HRT would soon see me having no need to shave my face again and it would generally lessen the amount of body hair and soften my hair across my entire body. Whilst cleaning up around my tiny side burns Sissy looked with horror at my eye brows and immediately started shaping them with scissors and razor under the bright light of the bathroom mirror. Finally scissors and razor had done all that could be done and even though my eye brows were now correctly and femininely shaped they would definitely have to be plucked as they were just too thick and bushy for any female (this was going to hurt).

Sissy scurried through the bathroom vanity draws to find tweezers and started plucking my eye brows teaching me as she went about her craft “pull up and away with the hair and then apply pressure to stop the sting”. It hurt but it was worth it as my whole face was taking on a very much more feminine appearance. Hair seemed to sprout from everywhere and we were determined I’d be smooth everywhere and we were winning the body hair battle as I was never really that hairy anyway.

After three hours and five razors in the bath shaving my entire body in between dashing to the mirror to pluck my eye brows and chest; I felt so much more feminine, I was silky smooth absolutely all over as I heard the water drain from the bath leaving a rim of hair like big foot had been shaved in there with Sissy saying “help me clean up and then we can have a relaxing bath together” as Sissy prepared lavender bath oils and a few drops of what was to become our favourite perfume “Coco Mademoiselle” to pour into our bath. With Sissy at one end of the bath and me at the other finally sharing a bath after fifteen years

unable to do so was great. We talked for the longest of times about love, lust, men, women and how we’d both cope with all four until the water was almost cold.

Drying off naturally in the bathroom with Sissy saying “this is the only way to dry off” as she put a small amount of baby oil in her hands rubbing it in all over herself as she handed me the bottle to do the same. The oil was quickly absorbed and I could feel my poor neglected skin cry out thanking me as the oil moistened and softened my skin as we discussed waffles and I could eat as many as I could hold down; which wasn’t many because like Sissy I was a small picky eater and 20 pounds was a huge ask but if making myself sick on waffles got me tit’s so be it.

We stood there drying off discussing what could be done with my blonde messy male now shoulder length hair before finally padding ourselves completely dry with fresh towels before finishing off by moisturising our entire bodies with intensive care moisturising cream with the exception of my feet which Sissy commented on “well your feet are only second to your to your eye brows” as she laughed. Walking kilometres daily had made the souls of my feet hard, cracked and masculine so Sissy gave me her skin file saying “there you go get rid of the dry skin then you can moisturize them”. I’d seen Sissy doing her heels heaps of times and after about ten minutes with the file they looked a lot better as I moisturised. Our feet were the same size and I wanted to be dainty and girly; feet included!

For the next six weeks I took my HRT religiously and never had my breast pump or my training bra off me at home with Sissy and I amazed at my budding little breasts as they developed with Sissy commenting “that just how mine started”. My body almost immediately reacted to the combination of treatments as my nipples became noticeably raised, larger overall and definitely more solid underneath the growing areola (dark area around the nipple) which grew from about half inch to an inch and half across in the first few weeks.

By the end of week five I looked like I had tits which had been deflated and stretched (not a good look but I could hide them under a heavy shirt in public) but more importantly I could sort of fill an A cup with Eamonn assuring me “your weight and breasts are exactly where we need them to be Shaelyn for the surgery next week” I’d hit my goal weight and was ready for my first surgery towards my awaiting femininity.

Eamonn announced “because of your exceptional circumstances I’ve invited two other world leading SRS surgeons to assist during your first several hour procedure” as he went on to explain “we rarely get a young, fit, SRS patient Shaelyn; in fact you’re my youngest and fittest patient in my 17 years of practice and because you’re a twin and have the resources to transition in only two surgeries we can really take some big advantages which will see your results being held up as an example to others contemplating SRS and to other surgeons around the world”.

I always fantasied about being a pin up girl but not like this as Eamonn told me about the other two surgeons proudly stating “Shane Evensford is one of the best facial plastic surgeons anywhere in the world and Craig Yeung is recognized as being at the forefront of SRS specializing in body sculpting; I’ve consulted with them about your case and they asked and offered their services “free of charge” just to be part of something so special”. Eamonn stressed “both are at the leading edge of SRS related surgeries”. I was spooked at this last minute change saying “I don’t want anything experimental, I just wanna be a girl” with Eamonn saying “nothing will be experimental and these hands are the most capable on the planet Shaelyn; your surgery will be just as we discussed however; yours will be a collaborative surgery between some of the world’s best surgeons” before Eamonn finished saying “both are excellent surgeons and what you’ll be getting Shaelyn, money simply can’t buy” with me nervously saying as I held Sissy’s hand “ok”.

Two days later; the night before the operation I was so nervous about the whole experience and fasting wasn’t helping with Sissy recommending “go have a bath

it’ll relax you Shae, don’t wash your hair” with me asking “why?” with Sissy smiling “it’s a surprise”. Showering and shaving I heard Sissy yelling out “put your silk robe on (we’d bought two) before you come out, it’s almost dinner time oops sorry” with Sissy making me aware “I’ve ordered pizza and Jessica will be here in a few minutes for free pizza and to do your hair” with me asking “when were you going to tell me?” laughing Sissy yelled from the kitchen “I just did” as the doorbell rang with Sissy yelling in response “coming” as she scurried to answer the door.

I’d met Jessica a few times before and we’d discussed what could be done with my shoulder length male hair that I was just wearing like a feral surfer but it was starting to get beyond even that excuse. I didn’t want to get my hair cut like a female till I could as one and tomorrow I was getting tit’s, a Brazilian butt lift and facial feminization surgery (time to look female). I was always scared of looking half male and half female especially after the bullying and bashings in the school yard back in our home town but Jessica and I were instant friends. Jessica was in her second year at the beauty academy specializing in hair, she was curious about me at first but also very ive as we got to know each other, she was a friend to both Sissy and I.

Over pizza Sissy and Jessica talked about me in the third person as if I wasn’t even in the room as they discussed how best to make my shoulder length hair look as feminine as possible with the verdict being “definitely in the same style as “Meg Ryan” with Jessica commenting “it’s just shoulder length and very feminine as they tuned the laptop around showing me a picture of Meg Ryan back in April 2002 on the cover of Marie Claire asking “do you want to look like Meg Shae?” as I screamed “YES, it’s as sexy as hell” with Jessica adding “it’s actually parted at the side, long layered with the longest sections in the center of the top, bang area and crown with jagged ends with a long fringe you can look through” showing of her expertise with Sissy saying bluntly “it’s a come fuck me look” as all three of us burst out laughing with Jessica saying “well yes getting laid is a good consequence of any good hair cut” as we all broke up laughing. I’d never been part of such a blatant display of sisterly sexuality and it was great.

Jessica started putting on gloves and mixing the blonde color (that looked more like purple) as she explained “first we’ll put in some blonde foils” (highlights) as Sissy chimed in with “lucky you stopped mum cutting your hair when you did, gives Jessica more to work with” as Sissy placed the towel around my shoulders as my butt hit the stool in front of the bathroom mirror. I couldn’t contemplate what these pair thought they could do so I asked “can you really make me look like this pointing to Meg on the laptop?” with Jessica saying “hell yes! It’s what I hope to be paid to do for a living” before reassuring me “you’ve got the length, you’ve got medium thickness hair that’s slightly wavy and it lends itself easily to being straightened” before adding “bitch” as she laughed before finishing with “a few highlights, a cut, straighten and style and you’ll look just like Meg with Sissy announcing “we’re gonna look just like Meg; Jessica and I have been talking about cutting our hair the same, people won’t be able to tell us apart Shae” throwing her arms around me as Jessica ed in the hug. I was always so envious of Sissy’s hair I had to ask “are you sure Sissy, you’ve always had gorgeous” and before I could finish Sissy finished my sentence for me “country blonde waist length hair and that’s exactly why I need to change it Shae, I’m sick of being a country pumpkin”.

Jessica started taking small portions of my hair painting the hair with the purple highlight and wrapping that part of my hair in foil and repeating this until I had a head full of foils with Jessica putting a cap on me saying “you’re done Shae for about twenty minutes” as Jessica turned her attention to Sissy saying “jump in” as Jessica started doing Sissy’s foils whilst I waited my twenty minutes watching intently. I marveled at Jessica’s prowess commenting “there’s so much to learn” acknowledging Jessica’s craft and obvious skill with Jessica laughing “not really you don’t have to know how to do this Shae, you just go to a salon and pay them a hundred and fifty bucks” laughing saying “but these are on the house girlfriend”.

Organizing Sissy and I; Jessica said “Ok Shae; rinse your hair thoroughly and we’ll have smoke while we wait for Shannon’s highlights then I’ll cut your hair while Shannon rinses. A quick smoke saw us back inside with Jessica’s

invitation to me “pull up a chair girlfriend” as she set about cutting my hair exactly how she explained before showing me how to style and straighten my new look before adding gloss and a little gel. Jessica whispering in my ear as she removed the towel from my shoulder “you look gorgeous Shae, you like?” with me responding “it’s exactly like Meg’s” as I started to frost up as Sissy bumped me off the stool laughing “enough of the tears ya girl” smiling at me and informing me “it’s you turn for coffee” with Jessica saying “you pair will be identical to look at when Shae’s finished but there’s no mistaking who is who between you” with me adding “I’m pretty and she’s a thug” laughing as I went to get the coffee.

When I got back to the bathroom the floor was covered with Sissy’s long blonde hair and I felt miserable placing the coffee on the vanity looking at Sissy as she smiled announcing “I really love this look Shae”. I thought if we were both born female we would have been truly identical twin sisters before Jessica said “you’re done Shannon” ushering me directly alongside Sissy in front of the mirror with Sissy bursting into tears saying “fuck you Shae for making me cry, I love you so much” as we wept holding onto each other with me clinging onto Sissy like she was my life because she really was; she was the other half of me and without her I would never be fully complete.

Jessica announced “enough tears for one night I’ve got to get home; work tomorrow” leaving Sissy and I to fall asleep on the fold out lounge in front of our television iring our new hair. We had our own rooms and our own queen size beds but we usually ended up asleep in each other arms in front of the television on our very uncomfortable fold out lounge.

CHAPTER 7

First surgery

We awoke to the new alarm clocks playing music instead of mum’s air raid sirens which were thrown unceremoniously into the garbage bin at first available opportunity as I said “wake up Sissy” with Sissy laughing almost immediately her eyes opened saying “if I look as good as you do with that hair I’ll be happy, where’s my coffee?” as I rushed off to make coffee.

We got to issions, signed in by the directed time and we were whisked to pre-op with a nurse asking after I’d changed into a medical gown “do you need a bag for these love?” pointing at the male clothes I’d worn in with me responding “no we don’t need those anymore” as the nurse got rid of my clothes. We’d taken every other piece of male farm boy clothing I had to a local charity; this really was a watershed moment for me as after this procedure I would present only as I knew myself to be, as a woman. Sissy held my hand as we waited nervously and within the hour I was being wheeled away with Sissy allowed no further towards theatre as she reluctantly let go of my hand saying “I love you, I’ll be waiting Shae”.

Waiting outside the surgical theatre after having talked to the anesthetist; Eamonn arrived taking hold of my hand introducing me to Dr. Evensford and Dr. Yeung before asking “are you ready Shaelyn?” with me responding nervously “Yes” as Dr. Yeung said “relax, we’ll take exceptional care of you” as Dr. Evensford said “promise” before I was wheeled into theatre under the bright lights next to the surgical table before being helped onto the table as the anesthetist leaned over me from above my head injecting the drip already in my arm from pre-op saying “this might feel a little cold, can you count backwards from ten for me?” as she positioned the mask over my face with me counting 10,

9, 8 …

Waking up in post op with a nurse tapping the back of my hand saying “wake up Shaelyn, come on darling; wake up” as my eyes flittered open unable to lift my head or speak without slurring my words. The nurse assured me caringly “don’t try and talk sweetheart, doctors said everything went very well, just rest”.

I felt motion underneath me and the sound of trolley wheels and sliding doors as I watched the ceiling move above me from within my medicated induced state as I was wheeled towards the recovery ward area. The next voice I heard was instantly recognizable; it was Sissy saying as she grabbed my hand “Eamonn said everything went really well” as she walked alongside the medical gurney cradling my hand. As the gurney stopped in its final position I asked still incoherent from anesthetic “how do I look?” with Sissy telling me “somewhere between “I’ve seen ya look better” and “Frankenstein’s monster” as she laughed saying “we knew this is how’d you’d look for a few days” as she asked “how do they feel?” with me not happy about the “Frankenstein monster” comment answering “it feels like I’m wearing the training bra” with Sissy lifting up the sheet from the side peeping underneath before saying “you’re not wearing a bra Shae, you’ve got boobs, they’re wrapped in a stretch gauze like a boob tube but you’ve got tits Shae”.

Closing the curtains around us so she could really look at my new tits; (tip for those in similar circumstances) don’t let excited loved ones operate the electric bed as Sissy almost launched me across the ward in her excitement and I was still literally off my face. I was painfully sore as she pawed over me as the nurse pulled back the curtain informing us “no talking if you can help it Shaelyn until doctors do their rounds later this afternoon” before adding “you girls seem to be in good spirits which is always a good sign” leaving us to explore my new treasures through the gauze with me unable to speak without it hurting my throat even with the serious medication.

My head was wrapped in bandages resembling “the Mummy” Sissy wasn’t exaggerating; I looked a mess. My nose was splinted with a solid metal thing, my jaw was strapped as was my brow; all done up with I don’t know how many feet of bandages and it hurt.

Eamonn, Dr. Yeung and Dr. Evensford arrived some hours later with Eamonn asking “how are you feeling Shaelyn?” with me painfully getting out “hit by a truck” before Eamonn smilingly replied “and I bet the rear wheels rolled over your chest, throat, face and hips” as he said “that’s to be expected Shae, it’ll . Each surgeon took turns examining me and it was easy to see what each was responsible for with Dr. Evensford looking at my facial and throat dressings before Dr. Yeung had me roll on my side to look at my hips with Eamonn pulling back the sheet gently prodding and examining my mew breasts through the light stretch gauze wrapped around me. Eamonn said “like we discussed you have a three inch incision directly under each breast and a smaller quarter inch incision high on the outside of each breast almost under your armpit, neither will be visible in a month especially with lots of vitamin E cream” before handing over to Dr. Yeung who stated “with regards to the buttock enhancement we took all your excess fat and put it where it should be, within a few days the swelling will have reduced considerably leaving you with very feminine hips and bottom before Dr. Evensford stated “your facial feminization surgeries went extremely well, the swelling will go down over the next week.

Eamonn closed out with “there were no problems or complications at all during any of the procedures; things could not have gone any better Shaelyn” with Sissy squeezing my hand like a proud parent as I smiled within the constraints of my bandages with Eamonn continuing “however; we do want to keep you in hospital and in bed for a few days over the weekend till Monday anyway maybe longer just to make sure we stay on top of your pain management and so you can start your displacement exercises (shoulder rolls, overhead arm stretches and extended arm circles used to help settle breast implants quickly, relieving pain and shortening recovery time dramatically) under supervision from the nurses and so you don’t talk any more than you absolutely have to and so you do absolutely nothing for at least the next forty eight hours!

My first rounds are at 8am on Monday and we’ll take the stretch bandage off your breasts then, see how the swelling in your buttocks has come down and remove your facial bandages so we can listen to your singing voice” (jokingly) before adding “no singing for at least the next few weeks”. I croaked out “Sissy” visibly holding tight onto Sissy’s hand indicating my wish she stay with me as Eamonn looked at the nurse getting a slight nodding confirmation before he responded saying “I suppose we could get a fold out cot for our special patients?” with the nurse reassuringly saying “we can do that Dr. Macintyre” as Sissy said “thank you” and I tried to smile.

Over that weekend Sissy was by my side constantly; she was the last thing I saw as I fell asleep and the first when I awoke, she spoke for me, fed me pureed food, constantly replaced and shifted ice packs and cared for me in every way, wheeling me to the smoking area to the disapproval of the nurses saying “it’s no good for you”, helped me to the toilet, put toothpaste on my toothbrush, gave me sprung baths, put fake nails on me that were pink with white tips (same as Sissy’s) and painted my toe nails a matching pink and pieced my ears with silver studs with Jessica’s piecing gun against hospital policy; so a smiling young nurse told us.

I was on some serious medication and as Sissy said “what better time to do your ears it won’t hurt with the meds you’re on”. Jessica and Stacey bought in a pile of woman’s magazines saying “thought you might like something to read” before blurting out “give us a look” as I lifted my medical gown with Sissy saying “grand unveiling is Monday morning at 8am girls” with both saying “damn we have to work but we’ll be over after work when you get home, wanna see these”.

When Monday morning came round I was in a lot less pain and was speaking short sentences hindered by the bandages around my jaw mainly in what Sissy and I thought was a slightly higher more feminine tone. I was sore but it was more discomfort than outright pain now especially around my new feminine hips

that looked very much like a pin cushion just two days earlier had already settled considerably with cold packs drawing most of the swelling out but clearly showing my hips that would someday really high cut bikini bottoms or suspenders. Sissy and I were having our hospital breakfast (yum) which really didn’t taste too bad as Sissy learnt quickly that there was a lobby coffee shop so we could enjoy our “usual” coffee and cigarette however; the nurses strongly encouraged us to include cereal or scrambled eggs and toast into our “usual” breakfast routine which we did.

Eamonn, Dr. Yeung and Dr. Evensford arrived promptly at 8am asking “how you feeling Shaelyn?” with me beaming smiles replying “good” as Dr. Yeung and Dr. Evensford were plainly keen to unwrap their present (me) with Dr. Evensford asking “how’s your throat feeling?” with me saying quietly “sore but getting better” with Eamonn commenting “we’ll keep the pain meds up to you for few more days” before asking “do you feel you voice is the same after the procedure?” as Sissy interjected “it’s definitely higher, Jessica and Stacey noticed it yesterday too” as Dr. Evensford explained “it doesn’t happen all the time but it does happen; imagine a sound coming along a thick walled pipe produces a lower resonance (vibration) than a tone travelling along thinner walled pipe; well Shaelyn’s tracheal tube is not as thick as it was before adding “your voice will settle into this slightly higher more feminine pitch.

Eamonn said “let’s have a look at you” as he gestured to Dr. Evensford to start removing my facial bandages along with the splint from my nose. Dr Evensford smiled the moment the bandages and splint were removed which is always a good sign to a nervous patient before examining me closely as his smile broadened further still telling he was very happy with the results as Sissy cried standing next to him. I hadn’t seen myself yet as I asked Sissy “it’s not that bad is it?” as Sissy cried “you’re bruised but beautiful Shae” as Eamonn lifted a mirror showing me my new face for the first time (tips for those in similar circumstances it the strangest sensation looking into a mirror and finally seeing the reality of who I was always supposed be). My Face was still puffy but the swelling and bruising had reduced considerably but we could all see my face was identical to Sissy’s as I cried softly saying “thank you so much” as Sissy held my hand with Dr. Evensford comparing both of us; telling us “it really

couldn’t be a better outcome” before telling me what care I was to follow up with after I went home before handing back to Eamonn and Dr Yeung.

Dr. Yeung asked me to stand up and turn around to look at my butt pointing out to Eamonn and Dr. Evensford the delicacies of his primary focus before measuring my hips and waist saying “they’ll settle to a .7 ratio” with Sissy asking “.7 ratio” as Dr. Yeung explained “the ideal female waist to hips ration is .7 being the ratio proven to be most attractive to males”.

Finally Eamonn asked me to sit on a stool and open the medical grown dropping it off my shoulders and keeping it around my waist Eamonn asked the nurse “no excessive bleeding, this is the original gauze from Friday?” to which the nurse responded “yes doctor” with Eamonn instructing “lift your arms Shaelyn” as he and Dr. Yeung started to unwrap me with Sissy now holding the mirror as we looked intently as the wrappings came off me layer by layer until we could see the distinct outline of the roundness of my breasts and as more layers were removed the darker raised nipples became apparent showing thru the final layer of gauze.

My heart was pounding and I was starting to get teary eyed as Eamonn and Dr. Yeung carefully removed the final layer of gauze exposing my beautiful breasts. In the mirror I could see the incisions they had made very much underneath each breast which was still covered with surgical tape over the top of the stitches. It was precision work of the highest caliber so hair line thin scares could never be seen and no stretch marks, my breasts were very full and firm. My nipples were very much like Sissy’s coned upwards and pointed but perhaps a little higher on the breast than Sissy’s and my areola (dark area around the nipple) a little smaller than Sissy’s with Eamonn explaining “it’ll take a few weeks before your breasts settle into final their position if not months; your breasts and consequently your nipples will drop slightly more in line with Sissy’s and your areola will also stretch larger over time from gravity making them closer resemble Sissy’s breasts” before Eamonn added “I couldn’t be happier with the outcome Shaelyn”.

All the time Sissy was standing there holding the mirror with tears rolling down her face as I placed my hands underneath my breasts cupping them for the first time as I started crying before being wrapped in a massive cuddle from Sissy before she turned her attention to Eamonn, Dr. Evensford and Dr. Yeung in turn cuddling them as she thanked them. They were a part of this journey too and you could see that as Sissy threw her arms around them as she cried “thank you so much” with Eamonn especially appreciative; patting her fatherly on the back saying “you’re both very welcome”.

Getting lose from Sissy; Eamonn said “we’d like to keep Shaelyn here for another five days” before assuring us “for no other reason than we’ll get the best results from inactivity and your case is a bench mark case Shaelyn; we need to work closely with you over the next few weeks and it’ll be about three months before you get the “all clear” for your breasts; after that you take up topless bungee jumping if you like” laughing as we all smiled before Eamonn added “then we’ll be aligning for the final SRS procedure” which bought more smiles from Sissy and I with Eamonn boosting “when we’re finished this journey girls; you will be identical twins in every way with not even a gynecologist being able to tell which of you was born male” as both Sissy and I beamed smiles.

Eamonn stated “when we release Shaelyn on Friday most of the swelling will be gone but even after release” Eamonn reiterated “absolutely no exercise or sex for six weeks and you have two appointments the following week with me to further monitor your post-operative condition” Eamonn said “usually I’d allow you home today but Shaelyn really has already drawn a lot of attention from the medical and SRS community and we all want the very best for her”.

Friday arrived slowly with the swelling in my face and hips all but gone, my stitches had been removed and Eamonn’s last question before releasing me was “do you girls have a sensible bra for Shaelyn to wear home or would you like a hospital supplied surgical one?” Up until now it had been a hospital bra which was more like boob tube with Sissy presenting a pretty pink but practical (for the

first time Sissy’s life) sports bra without wire s, thicker than normal straps and an additional inner cup to reduce bounce stating “the lady at the shop said it was the softest most ive bra on the market” asking “will this be alright?” with Eamonn answering “perfect; Shaelyn that’s the only sort of bra I want you to wear until you come see me next week and I want you to wear it 24/7 even when you sleep; we have to give your body time to adjust” before Eamonn announced very proudly “I’m exceptionally happy with the outcomes of all the procedures Shaelyn, I’ll get the nurses to do up a prescription for more mild pain medication and give you some ice packs to continue helping with inflammation and bruising; you’re clear to get dressed and leave whenever you’re ready Shaelyn” g the release paperwork with a “job well done” noticeable dotting gesture on his signature and handing it to the nurse with me and Sissy saying “thank you” as the nurses started helping us prepare of our departure as Eamonn left the room turning around in the doorway saying “I’ll see you on Friday at the clinic for a catch up” as I continued to follow him with my smile until he had disappeared around the corner of the ward.

Sissy asserted “come on we’ll get you dressed and get you home Shae” taking a caring role as she helped remove my medical gown whilst she laid out my clothes; the pink sports bra and matching stretch sports knickers (comfortable even if you have just had a butt lift and still have a penis) next to a sleeveless soft off white pink cotton dress with a below the knee free flowing laced hem that had a square neck line especially for this occasion and a pair of dainty white and pink female sandals.

Putting my first real bra on with my own breasts was such a liberating experience as I leant forward filling the cups with my own femininity not socks or balloons but breasts as Sissy and I started adjusting the straps before Sissy helped slide my dress over my shoulders before re-organizing my hair telling me how pretty a woman I was because I looked just like her and how I was leaving hospital looking fabulous before slowly walking me to the elevator before our short drive home.

Stepping into the elevator to goodbyes from the nurses as Sissy and I turned waving and pressing the doors closed as the elevator started to descend. I thought this is my first time in public as a woman and it panicked me as I grasped Sissy’s hand tighter with Sissy questioning “you ok?” as we descended the three floors door to the lobby I it took forever as my anxiety increased. By the time the elevator stopped my heart was racing; this would be the first time anyone other than Sissy or medical staff saw me like this, as a woman; would they know? Would they notice? Would they care” or would I be the brunt of jokes and sneers about the freak I was always so scared of becoming then; suddenly the moment of truth arrived signaled by a loud audible “bing” as the elevator doors slide widely open; clenching Sissy’s hand tightly we stepped out of the elevator straight into a perfectly empty lobby with Sissy asking again “you ok Shae?” with me smiling that I was.

Walking through the car park I saw people and people saw me from a short distance without incident till we were only meters from our car. A middle aged couple approached us walking directly towards us on the same footpath as we approached our car. The gentleman said as he and I ed each other almost shoulder to shoulder “afternoon girls” as they and we continued on our way. I’d arrived as a male but was leaving as a woman, a woman with tits, hips and a penis ittedly but a woman none the less! That was the first time I ever wore women’s clothing in public and would never again wear male clothing!

One week after leaving hospital I got the ok from Eamonn to wear whatever bra I wanted as my breasts really were settling into position well with my displacement exercises but he still wanted me to wear a bra 24/7 till the end of the third week of my recovery. My convalescent saw me slowly regain my new full voice over about a fortnight; a voice that sounded much more like Sissy’s (we even sounded the same) with our parents commenting on the phone during our weekly calls home. It was during this period that Sissy and I discarded our fake nails in preference of professionally applied soft pink French acrylic nails (white tipped, square shaped that over hung our fingers by about a sixth of an inch (5 millimeters) which looked so elegant, feminine and outright hot! It was also during this week Sissy and I discovered belly button piecing which we had seen and ired on other girls at the beach strutting their stuff with dainty

feminine trinkets hanging tantalizingly against tanned stomachs. We got matching studs and a matching set of three dream catchers each for our bellies. The set came with pink, aqua and clear stones/glass in the middle of dream catchers which were made from silver with three tiny silver feathers hanging from the ring; each was about an inch long and extremely feminine and totally sexy.

I was totally infatuated and mesmerized by my new femininity especially with my breasts unable to stop from checking them out, holding them to feel the weight whilst constantly rubbing moisturizer and vitamin E cream into them to lessen any possible scarring, or stretch marks to increase skin elasticity and increase blood circulation to ensure full nipple sensitivity. “WOW” did it increase the sensitivity of my nipples as I rubbed moisturizer in playing with them. I was amazed at how erect they became as I became more aroused and that wasn’t the only erection I had before having to masturbate with one hand taunting and teasing my new nipples. My libido (sex drive was definitely increasing). Eamonn had told me to expect that due to the HRT and the increase in size and blood flow would increase stimulation to my nipples but simply rubbing my nipples as a male had nothing like the effect it had on me now as a female!

In between being infatuated with myself; I did my nails, put on makeup, practiced doing my hair and tried on endless clothes, lingerie and shoes with Sissy going to work and classes whilst I kept up with my studies from home. It was during this week I met one of Toni’s criteria changing my name officially from Shane to Shaelyn down to my license and social security only thing I couldn’t change was the “M” for male to “F” for female on my birth certificate which I thought was fairly stupid as I was definitely more F than M and would be totally “F” after the SRS. I realised then that I was branded “M” by the government and that would stay with me for life with me thinking “If I was ever wrongly jailed; I’d be put into main stream jail as a male in spite of my tits and vagina how wrong would that be? Why couldn’t the government just let me be “F”? Because of that “M” if I were to marry even after SRS it would be considered a same sex marriage even though I would be for all purposes an “F”. I was thankful that at least I lived in a state that had only 12 months earlier

approved gay marriages but I still have trouble getting my head around the denial of the most basic of human rights (love) to anyone that isn’t purely 100% heterosexual. I’m a human but because of my gender re-assignment or my sexuality I don’t have human rights? How can our governments legislate against love and why do we allow them to do it?

Everything else that showed any evidence of Shane was gone and I was sad to see him go especially because I hadn’t fully arrived at Shaelyn yet and wasn’t scheduled to arrive for another few months but it would give me time to get to fully know myself as Shaelyn every minute of every day for the rest of my life and I yearned for that so much. When Sissy and I were given the approval to go for gentle walks in the afternoons; we strolled along the beach and broad water in our matching very short sleeveless tops or bikini tops and short shorts or skirts to whistles from guys in cars as they ed us by and after three months Eamonn said I was all clear, I had no scars; I didn’t even have to wear a bra if I didn’t want to; I could go proudly topless on the beach which I did once which was great for my feminine confidence.

Sissy and I had become regulars at our weekly transgender group counseling sessions that made both Sissy and I cry and feel inspired at the same time listening to the injustices directed at these beautiful misunderstood people by usually and worst of all their families. Toni was the very much loved and respected matriarch of the group for her experiences, expertise, her willingness to share and her beautiful caring loving nature. Toni had lots of sisters of which Sissy and I were very proud to say we were part of this most special extended family.

My individual meetings with Toni over tea really helped me to appreciate how fortunate I was and keep things in perspective especially with regards to how I was going to tell our parents. Sissy and I had a rapidly growing interesting circle of friends; my Facebook was going berserk with guys and girls wanting to know me because I was a “chick with a dick” which really amazed us and for the first time in my life I felt more popular than Sissy? It wasn’t what I wanted; I wanted

to be a chick with no dick” and never accepted an invitations to meet up with anyone but spoke to lots of people.

I just wanted to share my story with everyone; I was proud of myself and like they say especially in rural communities all too often “pride cometh before a fall” or to be more precise “pride goes before destruction” Proverbs 16:18.

CHAPTER 8

Internet

My story was out there for all to see including any parents that wanted to increase their communication with their distant children using the new technology available; which had apparently reached our rural community. Our parents mainly our mother messaging Sissy at first as they couldn’t find my page because they were looking for “Shane” and asking about who was this other girl with Sissy all other her page? Sissy urgently showed me her laptop saying “you have to tell them Shae; maybe everything will go well?” half smiling.

I loved my parents, I loved talking to them most Sundays on the phone after they’d gotten home from church but I hadn’t discussed anything with them at all; in fact I’d been deceptive about everything because I felt I was being forced into making a decision between them and me. If I wanted them I couldn’t be me and vice versa and the choice was one of survival for me as I couldn’t survive as their son. I had thought maybe I could keep them in my life by long distant phone calls and not have to deal with the issue but the issue was now on Facebook and so were they; well I wanted my story out there and it was.

Sissy and I walked for hours along the beach and there was no way I could see this going well as both our parents were devout staunch hard working rural Christians. They weren’t fanatical but I was crossing every line of their faith, values and would definitely be a source of embarrassment in that closed minded town.

I said to Sissy “I’ll just tell them, when we get home you call them and get them

to open your Facebook page and just give me the phone and I’ll just tell them who the other girl is”. Silence reigned supreme as Sissy and I reluctantly walked home to make the call we knew had to be made. I could hear every wave crashing on the shore, every car radio as it past us by and every leaf rustling along our slow tree lined walk home. This could be the day I’d been dreading; the day I definitely lost my parents and maybe Sissy would lose hers too!

Toni told me the initial response probably wouldn’t end well over the phone and suggested I post a letter explaining my love for them but how I had no choice in this; so after they hung up maybe in the days to follow they would receive and read the letter in a better frame of mind. I’d been working on a letter but it was never sent so now I would post it on Facebook maybe after the hurt and anger that they so rightfully felt maybe they would read the post and realise how very much I loved both of them and wanted them in my life and I’d send it via the mail too!

The call started with Sissy talking to our mother saying “hey mum it’s Sissy” with mum responding “hello dear why are you calling? your father and I are on Facebook now you know” with Sissy acknowledging “I know, that’s why I rang; is dad with you?” with our mother saying “yes he’s here” as Sissy instructed them to open their Facebook on Sissy’s home page and she’d call them back in five minutes.

Sissy dialed home again with our mother picking up with Sissy helping them to get the speaker phone on as we had ours on so everyone could hear everything said and then as our parents were new time s to Facebook Sissy helped navigate them onto Sissy’s home page and confirming they were actually looking at Sissy’s home page with Sissy asking “can you see me and another girl sitting on the beach towels in bikini’s with our parents saying “yes” Sissy said “I’ll put you onto Shane now” handing me the phone.

I started off with the pleasantries “hey mum, hey dad” and received back “hey

Shane” from mum and “hey son” from dad making this even harder for me than it already was. I asked “are you looking at the girl next to Sissy?” with mum asking who is she? with me not responding directly to her question but quickly pointing out “she wrote you a letter underneath the picture you can read it after” with my father saying “we wondered who she was, jeez they’re alike they could be twin sisters with me responding “they are twin sisters” as

silence came from both phones with me quickly saying “I’m that girl now, I’ve had a sex change operation, I’ve changed my name officially to Shaelyn” with more silence coming from our parents before I said “I love you very much; please don’t be angry, please read my letter,”. I thought it better to just say I’d had the re-assignment operation as they were looking at a young woman with breasts and I didn’t want it to be more difficult on them; as this news was coming as a complete and total surprise to my father and definitely broad siding my mother.

My mother reacted as she had done when I was thirteen calling me an “abomination and a freak no longer welcome in this family” as she shrieked thru the sound of breaking cutlery in the background of the call. My father never spoke before ending the call as I cried into the phone “I love, I love you”. Sissy immediately tried to redial but I stopped her saying “don’t” placing my hand over the phone “give them time Sissy, it’s lots for them to take in, if they can take it in” as Sissy grabbed the aspirin out of the cupboard complaining about the onset of another head ache as I added “I’m so sorry Sissy” as we both burst into tears holding on to each because that was all we had now; each other!

My post read simply:

God made me the way I am and with the help of a surgeon’s hands that God also made I’m now a woman and it’s not our place to know God’s plan. I love you both so very much and want you very much in my life. Please don’t blame Sissy.

It was as a result of the apparent excommunication from our parents over the following silent days and weeks; that Sissy and I started attending church on Sunday morning sitting quietly at the back of the parishioners praying for the return of our parents and for the knowledge of God’s plan for me which were both met with a resounding silence from God.

During the next three weeks Sissy, Toni and I spoke about our parent’s reaction and Sissy’s adamant approach was “if they do call and they won’t talk to both of us; then they won’t speak to either of us! They can go to hell!” she was hurting as I was and Sissy hadn’t done anything wrong; on the contrary she’d done everything right but the whole “go to hell” wasn’t the most constructive approach possible with Toni pointing out “they may never come around to accepting you Shaelyn but keeping that door even partially open is a good thing; while that door isn’t closed there’s hope”.

Two nights later; Sissy picked up the ringing phone and spoke to our father for the first time in nearly a month; he wouldn’t even discuss or acknowledge me saying “I’ve already lost my son and I don’t want to lose my daughter” as he put it. Our mother still livid with Sissy for her part in assisting me was less reconciliatory stating she could never trust Shannon again. As Toni pointed out, “it’s a start Shaelyn; all you can do is give them time”.

CHAPTER 9

Confusion for all

Returning to college was a little confusing for everyone involved as I had left Shane and returned as Shaelyn two weeks later creating mass confusion at the college for everyone especially my lecturers. I was constantly explaining after lectures that I used to be Shane and that I was now Shaelyn. I didn’t mind the thought of people knowing I’d had a sex change; I was ok with that but I didn’t want people to know I was only half way through the process; for me it was none of their business. All I had to do was present as a woman and that is exactly what I was doing.

Word soon got around like word does that I’d had a sex change and I actually became a bit of a celebrity at college. Funny thing was no one seemed to Shane at all; it was like Shaelyn was the new student to campus. I was getting a lot of attention from guys wanting to be the first to bed me, I’m sure and some girls too with one girl saying “at least you’d know what and where a clitoris is” as I blushed before declining her offer of coffee. This truly was an incredibly confusing time for me as before no one showed interest in me now both sexes were showing serious interest in me; it was here that I realized how much of a grey maladjusted shadow of a person I’d been as Shane, a man. I’d been caught in the middle between male and female all my life and still was but now it was a different middle; I was transitioning to where I should have always been. Nobody even noticed Shane or felt sorrow for his ing which only proved and reaffirmed in my mind that I was doing the right thing; everybody seemed to notice Shaelyn.

Guys wouldn’t leave me alone asking me constantly “can I carry your books Shaelyn?” or offering “we’re going out on Friday night do you wanna come

Shaelyn? I was being asked out daily by guys with me coyly saying “I’d love to” before making up an excuse not to go. Nobody knew I still had all the running gear (penis and testicles) or I would have definitely taken some of those guys up on their offers should I have been fully female. I was a kid in a candy shop unable to try the sweets.

Sissy coming to have lunch with me in the college court yard made it worst still but I enjoyed it too I’ll have to it. My feminine sexuality was growing more confident daily; hell I could be a she wolf after my re-assignment if I was so inclined devouring men at will. In short; I was lapping up the attention like a kitten at a bowl of milk as the whole stunning young blonde identical twin sister’s thing pulled lots of attention from the guys. It drove men crazy; doing anything to get our attention but these were the guys I saw daily. They were nice however they weren’t what you’d call loaded with maturity in fact the only thing they were loaded with was “cum” which gave rise to our saying “young and dumb and full of cum”. I wasn’t going to risk exposing myself to potential ridicule as a half male/female breasted freak for their amusement. If I was fully female I would have opened my legs to someone just out of curiosity if nothing else; because then all they could come back with to hurt me would be “she used to be a he”, if all of that makes sense?

Sissy and I decided to alleviate any overwhelming and sort of unwelcome attention by me wearing a friendship ring so I could tell guys I had a boyfriend but the guys still paid me a great deal of attention even with the declaration I was with someone else with Sissy not being surprised saying “a stiff cock has not conscious”.

Work was so much easier with my boss Stacey stunned as I walked back into the restaurant for the first time after my initial surgery; coming up on three months of HRT before saying “no” in disbelief “Shane?” with me saying “my correct name is now officially Shaelyn but I prefer Shae” as she put her hands on my shoulders saying “turn around girl, give me a look at you” with the comment “you girls are identical, how cool, guys have to love you pair, you’re absolutely

gorgeous, love the sexier hair”. So work wasn’t an issue with Sissy and I confusing customers to our and their amusement as our clientele actually increased producing a noticeable increase in mostly guys coming in off the beach which made Stacey really happy as that resulted in a fifteen percent increase in turnover and profit proving “tits and arse” really does sell.

We were insanely popular everywhere we went especially with males; older men really played up cheekily to us ing their glory days with Sissy and I cheekily and lightheartedly playing back to their delight. Young men trying to kick start their glory days saw us as potential trophies for their memories mantelpiece with them obviously wanting to talk to us but all too often were unable to approach us which Sissy and I didn’t really understand because Sissy and I would talk the ears off anyone who spoke us, male or female of any age. We weren’t pretentious at all; we loved talking with everyone but the thought of approaching what appeared to be confident attractive identical twins intimidated more than a few young guys though that was never our intent.

Sissy used to say “players” as she called them being men between twenty five and thirty five treated us very well buying us drinks at clubs and bars even though we preferred to buy our own, opening doors, pulling out chairs and offering to lavish us with sometimes very expensive gifts; all the time hoping to seduce us individually or preferably as a couple and whilst we appreciated every gesture responding in a ladylike manner by smiling and saying “no thank you”; we took no offers or accepted any gifts. We wanted to be our own persons and not owing to anyone, we were strong as well as soft.

Getting the all clear to exercise again after the breast surgery finally after seven weeks saw Sissy and I hit the 24 hour a day gym pretty hard with the single aim of achieving one objective; matching 34D-24-34 figures and BMI (body Mass Indicator) score of less than 19 for each of us. I found almost immediately that my body had changed significantly after nearly four months of HRT my always puny muscles had lost what little strength they had; having to ask for a guy’s assistance to move some chairs at work when previously I would have coped

easily lifting that weight. As a result of muscle shrinkage my arms and legs were now more slender and my male strength was gone but I could exercise with lighter weights for longer as my stamina had increased immensely.

We both had the 34D breasts and I had 34 inch hips with Sissy coming in at 35 inches around the hips with me constantly teasing her about her child bearing hips that were one whole inch wider than my surgically perfect ones with Sissy laughing “least I didn’t have to pay for mine” before poking her tongue at me smiling. So it came down to the waist with both of us needing to lose one inch to get to our twenty four inch waist lines. Within a month of eating properly (no pizza), daily exercise, jogging on the treill at the gym and doing the hardest aerobics video we could buy at home we were both 34D-24-34ish and we both had a BMI score of less than 19. We were really proud of our selves getting to our objective prior to R-day (Re-assignment day) with Sissy laughing “as soon as you’ve recovered from surgery we can take over the world and all the men in it will be our willing slaves” with me interjecting “well the straight single guys anyway” as we broke into laughter on a natural high of getting to our weight and measurement targets.

We were both in the absolute prime of our lives!

CHAPTER 10

Cameron

Sissy and I were near inseparable as we rapidly approached “R” day only nine days away; we’d worked hard with both of us slender, very fit (going to the gym every second day) both at 5 foot 6 inches tall with young firm D cup breasts and at about one hundred twenty six pounds or fifty seven kilograms without an ounce of body fat on either of us; we attracted a lot of attention due to us being so insanely into the whole twin thing.

Adding to our allure we both had shoulder length sexy blonde hair, glowing tanned skin and we really looked hot in just about anything. In our size nine matching very short revealing dresses and heels we looked absolutely drop dead gorgeous. We used to wear really sexy clothes just to watch guy’s reaction to us. Sissy suggested we apply to do a playboy cover after my final surgery as I ended that dream reminding her “small town and parents, as if we have problems enough”; our only problem in the world was I was still a guy for another nine days.

Walking home from a work “resort” function along the local beach front two thirds intoxicated (not stumbling but noticeably happy) from the free alcohol beach party, volley ball and barbeque where Sissy and I were carried into the surf wearing matching black bikinis with sarongs around our hips (me hiding anything that could spring out) by Christian who was looking like a real stayer with regards to Sissy but she seemed to go off him a little but he was still in there swinging. They’d been seeing each other on and off for the last couple of months casually. “No Christian” I protested as he picked me up in his arms off the sand with the same apparent ease as picking up Sissy as he whispered in my ear “relax Shae” before running carrying me towards the water’s edge before

gently putting me down in the surf next to Sissy unlike how he’d thrown Sissy into the waves as she laughed. Christian was just trying to include the quiet one (me) in the fun and it was great to be included and I was very thankful for Christian’s friendship and the way he treated me and my sister.

As the daylight came to an end so did the beach party and as Sissy and Christian had gone back to his apartment a couple of streets over; I was left alone tramping the half hour stroll back home dressed only in my bikini and sarong wrapped and hanging from my surgically perfect hips carrying my cool girl beach sandals barefoot along the beach just as the sun was setting. I was crossing the sand to get onto the broad water footpath contemplating the degree of difficulty associated with the steps leading up on to the footpath when I first met Cameron.

He was sitting on the steps halfway up alone as I said “hello” probably a little overly cheerfully as I approached as he asked “hard going on the sand?” chuckling quietly almost to himself smiling with me asking “was I making it look that hard?” as we both laughed. He offered me a step next to him saying “catch your breath” and we started talking straight away as though we’d known each other all our lives; it was that sort of feeling. I found out he was a 28 year old unmarried (so he told me) marine engineer and third generation boat builder who was coming up to few weeks holidays after having just completed a boat.

Cameron was 6 feet 2 inches tall, clean shaven, very masculine and equally muscular. I could tell by his exposed shoulders under his white singlet that he looked after himself physically and he was remarkably tanned and accustomed to the beach lifestyle. The wining factors were his styled but short blonde hair; blue eyes and the fact that he was ten years older than me; I just couldn’t’ help feeling instantly attracted to him. I kept thinking why couldn’t this happen after my SRS? Somewhere between my rest on the steps, walking and talking our way along the beach front and broad water Cameron offered to give me a lift home in his car, which I accepted.

We ended up sharing drinks at his car; a near new white BMW convertible which impressed me no end as we drove an old Toyota. We’d bought drinks as takeaways along our beach side stroll at a liquor shop across the road from the beach. I was drinking heavier than Cameron as I’d already been drinking but more so because I was so anxious and nervous. I’d never been with a real man like him before and I knew very well how I was feeling towards him but things were complicated for me and he thought he was taking a girl home and he was but this girl had a penis which is a bit awkward. I could feel the sexual tension building between us by how things were being said, what was being said and all of the body language all said Cameron wanted me badly.

Cameron’s car was parked in near total darkness at the very back of the car park on the furthest and most secluded part of the quiet end of the beach front; sitting on and leaning against a picnic table right beside Cameron’s car it felt like we’d been there for a long time checking each other and the car out with the emphasis on each other. It was getting late and I was getting drunk when I heard myself say “I’m not a full girl yet, I’ve still got a cock”.

Before I really knew what was happening; I was leaning forwards over the picnic table with my sarong on the ground with Cameron behind me trying to get around my bikini bottom. I wanted him as much as he obviously wanted me with my only regrets being this wasn’t the way I envisaged this moment at all. I wasn’t prepared properly being dry, salty and sandy from the beach and I wasn’t fully female. I was relieved when another car pulled up about ninety seconds into the activity and about fifty metres away facing the other direction forcing us to stop immediately and leave.

Cameron said “jump in, I’ll take you home” with me thinking the car might be more romantic than the picnic table and definitely better to walking home after being what felt like being skewered with a dry pole. Cameron drove me back to our apartment and I was feeling very sore, sick from the alcohol and generally pretty miserable about the whole experience. Cameron could see how I was feeling and apologised for being so rushed asking me if I was alright and

promising me that he’d make it up to me sometime if I let him but for now he had to get home cause of a very early start at work in the morning as he had a lot to finish up on his last day before he started he’s holidays. Not the best first experience as a sort of female!

As we drove I became more upset; almost in tears and trying not to cry as I told Cameron that he was my first real man and this isn’t how I’d imagined it would be. He responded really caringly and tried to comfort me whilst he drove which made me feel somewhat more re-assured of his good intensions towards me and as we pulled into our driveway; Cameron confessed about being curious about the whole she/male thing which obviously really excited him and which drew an overwhelming silence from me before he followed up with “I start a few weeks holiday after I finish work tomorrow” with more silence coming from me before he asked “do you want me to come back over tomorrow night so we can get to know each other properly?” more silence came rushing out of me as Cameron smilingly announced “it’s Friday night Shaelyn, come on, tomorrow night will be different, promise?” as I got out of his car hearing myself say “I’d like that” and returning his smile. In spite of tonight being an absolute disaster, I couldn’t believe my luck as Cameron responded “see you at seven o’clock after work” handing me his business card saying “call me tomorrow if you want to chat about anything” as he pulled out of the driveway.

I got myself up the stairs and inside our apartment, managed to shower and then fell onto my bed happy that the night had not gone as bad as it could have gone; thinking I could have been bashed, assaulted, raped or worse before falling into a deep sleep. I woke to the alarm at my normal time to go to work and realised what I’d arranged last night with Cameron and like any girl preparing for such a big Friday night I seized the opportunity and took the day off work to prepare for my big date. I called in sick which really pissed my boss Stacey off; who was also a friend and especially as we were the main drinkers at the office party. Stacey had managed to drag her sorry arse in to work, her exact words before I explained before she got too wound up telling her “I’ve met someone Stacey” which seemed to get me off the hook just a bit.

I had so much to do and to organize; dress, lingerie, shoes, jewelry, hair, nails, make up and clean our apartment. I started to clean the apartment within an inch of its life so I could concentrate on getting ready for Cameron. I was a cleaning machine unlike most of our friends with Jessica’s place constantly looking like a pigsty. I was happy that our place was generally pretty tidy so it would leave me more time to prepare for Cameron. I really wanted to impress Cameron and myself tonight. I really wanted this night to be perfect for both of us and how I’d imagined and fantasised about how a night with a real man would be. Finally this would be my first chance to dress up special for a man and not just any man but a real hot blooded tall, sexy, very masculine and equally muscular tanned handsome man.

I wanted to be fully female and I didn’t really want to be a chick with a dick but the whole she/male thing seemed to be my ticket with Cameron. I hadn’t had sex since Sam’s death and in nine days after the operation I could look for love and romance as a woman properly. I was incredibly lonely; this couldn’t have a future but it could be fun and I desperately needed fun! I was going to go all out on my preparation for tonight and really wanted to enjoy the whole girly getting ready thing too.

I started straightening up around the place and ended up cleaning everything, carpets, tiles, windows, toilets, bath and shower and pretty well everything in our apartment. When I’d finished cleaning I positioned new candles and filled essence burners all over the apartment as I didn’t want a single fluorescent light on tonight but I wanted to be able to see everything plus candle light and essences are so romantic. I even walked a few streets over to a florist to pick up a small bunch of flowers to fill an empty vase in our lounge room. The florist was a lovely lady in her mid to late thirties and was very inquisitive as to the occasion and I told her I had a very special date tonight. I bought a small bunch of very girlish pink lilacs with some delicate white baby’s breath flowers interwoven between the lilacs. We were both so excited and she didn’t even know why but we had fun together and I learnt that lilacs symbolise a new found love; I’ll never keep an empty vase again.

Back in the apartment in between loads of backed up washing Sissy arrived from Christian’s place asking immediately “what’s going on?” with me responding “I’ve met someone” with Sissy saying “that’s what Stacey said when she called me to come into work this morning” with me apologizing with Sissy assuring me “I’m not going to work with everything happening here, Stacey got some else from another crew to cover the shift, who is he? Details?” and of course I shared everything with Sissy before she asked “are you sure Shae?” with me responding “he’s seems really nice; I know he got outa control for a while last night but he seemed so genuine afterwards plus you can stay in your room with the taser dad gave you and the phone just in case” as we laughed (I was serious) still laughing as I added “I’ve sat in my room heaps of times listening to you and Christian” before finishing with “Sissy it’s time to take one for the team” with Sissy stating as she laughed “I was taking one for the team with Christian” before I came back with “I know, the whole apartment block and the street knew” as we absolutely burst into full belly laughs with Sissy saying “ok so do I taser him then call the cops or the other way round” nearly wetting herself laughing with me saying “don’t give me details Sissy” still hunched over laughing.

We immediately started checking out what I was going to wear on this most special night. I was feeling very excited as we throw clothes all over the apartment that I’d just cleaned. First item we would have to agree on would be the dress and after trying on every dress we had and there were heaps, we decided on our new favourite short black spandex dresses that we’d bought a couple of weeks prior as we usually bought clothes as pairs now because of the entire twin phenomena (two for one concept which was a playful fantasy of ours).

The dress was fully backless, sleeveless with a curve hugging bodice (torso) and a straight hemline that would just cover my suspenders when I walked but would put on a tantalizing show should I sit down. The cowl neckline hung low almost to my belly button showing off all my cleavage and taught fit stomach like a draped curtain over my uned young breasts (no bra with this dress) with the curtain ed from two small feminine silver rings on my shoulders with simple elegant ties going over my shoulders crossing in between my shoulder blades before threading thru eyelets (small silver rings) on the sides of the open

back line before finally being tied as a simple knot in the center of the small of my back.

This dress was; timeless, up straight erect sexy, classy, elegant, intimidating as not many girls had the body to wear this dress but it was also extremely feminine, soft and just yelled out “take me or lose me forever” any man would love to see this dress filled. I wanted to be taken as a woman so; Cameron could get to all of me but I wanted to keep a hold of as much of my femininity as possible whilst he did what I was hoping he’d do to me.

My other reason for choosing this exquisite dress over so many was simple; I wanted to show off my new breasts to their fullest advantage and more to the point I wanted Cameron to have easy access to them. My plan being with just one pull on a string hanging teasingly from the center of my back the curtain would fall; the top of the dress would fall away but not the dress complete as my hips and butt were hugged like a stretch mini-skirt. I’d never seen a dress that captured my emerging sense of feminine sexuality better.

We’d only worn my dress once quickly in the change rooms where we’d bought them and it didn’t need to be washed but following the washing instructions to the letter, it got washed (hand wash delicate in warm water with fabric softener only and sun dried) as I just wanted everything to be perfect and loved the feel the fabric between my fingers. Hanging this work of art out to be sun dried on our little clothes rack on our little balcony of our little apartment.

So while the dress dried we switched our attention to what was going underneath with Sissy saying “well you’re not gonna fit a corset or anything like that under that dress (she knew I had a thing for corsets and suspenders) sort of leaves a suspender belt, knickers and stockings I suppose; if this was after R-day I’d say nothing at all under it but I understand where you coming from Shae”. Finally after about half an hour we settled on a black silky wild lace suspender belt that was very hip holding with about three inches of lace garter belt around my hips;

it was so feminine and it allowed for a seamless look under the dress that didn’t change the smoothness of my spandex covered hips and butt; with the four suspender straps hanging to be attached to my favourite brand of stocking “Leg Avenue” floral laced toped, extra sheer black stockings. These weren’t ordinary suspender stockings they were so soft and so sheer we bought five pairs thinking we’d be forever getting ladders but they had proved to be as strong as they were sheer and soft. They just gave my legs a soft natural shine in the sheerest stocking imaginable with the top three inches of stocking being a beautifully black feminine floral lace design. Underneath my garter belt and suspenders I would wear my high cut but very restrictive “press and go” (quick release) panties; these would allow me to remove my panties discretely and quickly without wrestling with the suspenders (sexy not clumsy was the look I was chasing).

I switched my attention to my favourite stilettos which just oozed sex. They were patent (shiny) black leather with six inch chromed silver spiked heels with inlaid fake diamonds around the top of the heel where it attached to the shoe; they were femininely double buckled just above the ankle and being they were a sandal design stiletto (not an enclosed shoe) with three thin nonadjustable straps across the toes with the highest of the three straps having a single sparkling fake diamond just above my little toe (glorious) and I loved the half inch platform sole under the toes which made them more comfortable and I hadn’t been able to stop myself from wearing these since we bought matching pairs two weeks earlier.

I still had my hair to do (call Jessica), makeup and it was rapidly approaching mid-afternoon. Cameron’s plan was to finish work hopefully by 5pm, have a few drinks with work friends before coming over; so we had a pretty tight time line. With Jessica’s arrival I felt somewhat calmer with not only an extra set of hands but a set of expert hands that could only help. From my perspective my plan was simple; I didn’t have a plan but over coffee with Sissy and Jessica assuring me that there was loads of time and that I would look gorgeous for Cameron, I took Sissy’s advice and breathed deeply and relaxed saying “bath, makeup, lingerie and dress” with Jessica saying “something like that” as she laughed and added “over the last months you’ve gotten as good as any woman, if not better than

most at doing yourself up including makeup, hair and nails we’re just here for ya hun”.

I poured the bath with just a few drops of Coco Mademoiselle to give me an alluring scent all over, I then soaked for a little while before shaving my legs, underarms and changing out my belly stud with my new very feminine inch long pink sapphire and white gold dream catcher hanging off my belly button with the three tiny silver feathers swinging from the dream catcher swaying around the edge of my belly button; it looked and felt so sexy I had to masturbate to take the hardness out of my already hardening arousal just thinking about tonight. Masturbation for me these days involved using my six inch vibrator whilst stroking myself; I also wanted to make sure I was clean and pre lubed for the night ahead.

Whilst I was in the bathroom Sissy and Jessica unbeknown to me went into full over drive getting my makeup laid out with Jessica poised standing by to do my hair the instant I was dried and laying out my agreed clothes on my bed; basically bringing everything together for me. As my HRT was really kicking in I hadn’t shaved my face for the last two months and wouldn’t have to ever again. Getting out of the bath and drying off naturally rubbing baby oil and moisturizer all over every part of my young supple body when Sissy entered the bathroom bringing me my quick release panties and silk bath robe to put on whilst Jessica did my hair.

Coming out of the bathroom wrapped in my silk robe which really looked good on me now separating my braless breasts with my up turned nipples sticking slightly through the thin silk covering them as I was still partially aroused from masturbating with Sissy commenting “you really are looking forward to seeing Cameron tonight” playfully drawing Jessica’s attention to my raised nipples as I blushed.

Sissy decreed “smoke and Smirnoff (ices) then hair” laughing with Jessica

confirming “I’ll have one” with me getting in last “not for me I was drunk enough last night” with Sissy laughing saying “and that turned out alright for you” with me saying “I’m never drinking again” with Jessica saying “I say that every weekend”. Standing out on the little balcony the three us planned my special night, in between questions from Jessica like; “is he nice?” with me only saying “yes” as Jessica kept firing questions “have you been with him before?” with me offering a very vague and non-committal “sort of” as Jessica looked puzzled repeating “sort of? Before she asked “does he know you’ve still got all your running gear (penis)?” with me coyly saying “yes” with Jessica saying “that’s good news” Jessica wanted to know all the details like girls do as she asked “what’s he look like?” With me boosting “tall, tanned, fit, handsome, clean cut with sexy short blonde styled hair with blue eyes” with Jessica asking as she laughed “does he have a brother”. Generally we bought Jessica up to speed quickly on Cameron before we returned to the bathroom to do my hair which only took Jessica and Sissy about half an hour between them with Sissy and I seriously having our “Meg Ryan” look down to a tee and it suited us so well.

I started getting ready to do my makeup as Sissy said “just sit on the stool and trust us” with Jessica laughing “we’re just here for ya hun” with me saying “I can do it” as Sissy said “let us share in your fun Shae” as Sissy and Jessica went to work on me lightly applying our favourite all in one Giorgio Armani luminating foundation. Sissy and I weren’t fair skinned at all, if anything we were sun smart and enjoyed a healthy natural looking glow. I wouldn’t say I was tanned like some of the solarium folks you see walking around just a nice healthy natural glow. Sissy picked up the eyebrow pencil and began shaping my eye brows before moving onto highlighting our best facial feature; our pale sapphire blue eyes.

Taking up the black blue eye lining pencil Sissy began to sharpen the pencil to the finest point before licking just the tip to moisten it before applying. We’d had a bad experience once with pieces breaking off and falling into my eye and as this was such a special night we didn’t want a repeat performance. Sissy gently traced around the bottom of my eye first as she pulled the lid slightly down towards my cheek and then holding the top eye lid steady looking upwards under the lashes doing the inner top and telling me close my eye to do the upper outer

between the lashes then; moving quickly to repeat the process on my other eye.

Sissy was an absolute perfectionist and master of her craft when it came to makeup; every detail was exacting and had to be ultra-feminine. She was quite adept at what a little bit of spit could do when it came to covering mistakes or blending colours. I was looking so closely at the detail of her work that I was missing the beautiful woman Sissy and Jessica were developing in the mirror.

I’d chosen a very soft electric blue cyan colour combination for my eye shadow because it very closely matched the colour of my eyes and just made my eyes shine piercingly bright like blue diamonds. Closing one eye Sissy started to lightly apply the eye shadow very lightly (less is more) on the outer side of the top of my eye lid blending the two subtle colours together getting just a quarter shade darker towards the inner corner of my eye lid approaching my very feminine girly little surgically correct nose; my father used to say I was too pretty to be a boy and he was right. This blending eye shadow colour tones around the eyes and other places was handed down to me from Shannon (sister to sister/brother) she used to say it gave our eyes a wider, deeper and shouldering look which it did; best description I could use would be my “young fawn eyes that could turn into a sexual predator if you treated her right eyes” and I practiced it hundreds of times and loved this look; subtly blending the colours but tonight was special and I was very happy letting the master do what she did best!

Still I was looking at the detail as Sissy applied my Revlon “longer” “thicker” “maximising” mascara to my eye lashes. Making sure the curling brush wasn’t over loaded as Sissy applied the mascara ensuring she rolled the tightly wound curling brush across the top of my top lashes, pulling the lashes forward, downwards and finally upwards curling up the ends making my lashes look fuller and much more feminine before shifting her attention applying the mascara to the underside of the top lashes before finishing with the bottom lashes. All my life people had commented on our beautiful blue eyes and Sissy had done her best to highlight our most flattering facial feature and she’d done

really well.

Jessica moved straight in a Sissy stepped aside with our intimate rue blush and brushed the lightest dusting over the underside of my surgically enhanced cheek bones highlighting the symmetry of my face and bone structure commenting on my high feminine cheek bones as she dusted giving the smallest hint of flushed cheeks (a sign of sexual arousal in women making us more attractive to men). My eyes and bone structure were without question my most seductive and alluring facial features; any man would love them and any woman would love to have them.

All that was left was my perpetual rose (natural soft pearl pink) Maybelline super stay on 14 hour lip stick and I was done. Firstly Jessica did my outline with our lining brush to where my lipstick was going and also because the liner was not quite a shade lighter and softer pink it would give my lips a fuller more natural and less defined boundary which really would very much soften my whole face; before taking the top off the lip stick and unscrewing the base so the colour appeared as she traced my lip out line before filling in the gaps. Finally I took out my little spray on deodorant of “girl’s best friend” and applied some under my arms.

Standing looking at this beautiful woman in the mirror really for the first time made me think; that’s me or what I could or should be as Sissy and Jessica discussed the benefits of their work with Jessica commenting “Cameron’s gonna go ape shit, he’ll love fall in love with you, ready for big night Shae” with Sissy responding “those eyes just invite a man to do rude things to you” with me blushing “I hope so”. I knew tonight had no future but I sure could do with some serious fun. I always liked elegant much better than whore and my makeup said exactly that.

The three of us walked back into the bedroom as I dropped my robe wearing only the little pair of restrictive black quick release knickers and a silver dream

catcher belly ring as Sissy gave me the suspender belt with me fitting it over and around my hips with Jessica straightening it attending to every detail. I’d never felt so scrutinized or so cared for. I very carefully took my new “Leg Avenue” black sheer stockings out of the plastic being very careful not to catch them on a nail (didn’t want a ladder). I stood next to the bed working the stocking up in between my fingers as if I was rolling a really large sock and lifting my leg onto the bed as I placed my toes into the darker toe of the stocking pulling it onto my foot making sure it remained straight over the toe and foot with my freshly painted soft pink toe nails just visible through the stocking before gently unfurling and pulling the stocking up over my calf, knee and thigh till the 3 inches of black lace at the top of the stocking were snuggly wrapped around my upper thigh about three quarters of the way up between my knee and my bikini line.

I felt so sexy watching my hands with my soft pink French nails fitting and molding the stocking onto my leg and then fumbling with the suspender clips front and back making sure they were in exactly the right place. I always loved suspenders; the feel of the stretch of suspender straps against my thighs as I walked was an absolute turn on and one of the most sensuously feminine feelings possible from an article of clothing.

Stockings on; sitting back on the bed Sissy handed me my stilettos whilst Jessica stood by with the dress as I slide my toes into my heels before doing up the thin double buckles on the outside of the leg just above the ankle before standing up with Jessica commenting “any man or woman so inclined has to want that” with me blushing from such a compliment coming from a girlfriend. Sissy said “look in the mirror Shae” as I strutted confidently towards the full length mirror wearing only black panties under a wild lace hip hugging black garter belt, suspenders, stockings and six inch stilettos with my perfect fully tanned D cup breasts defying gravity with every sensuous step I took. I was drop dead gorgeous with tit’s that could grace the pages of playboy, legs that just kept going all the way up to a bikini line to die for and as my father stated when I was young; the most angelic face. I was truly fortunate in so many ways with so much to be thankful for which was quite a turnaround from my outlook on life not so long ago.

I was always amazed at how sexy, long, feminine and hot my legs looked thanks to stockings and stilettos. I’d stay on these heels now; if I was going to casually walk around in them like I’d grown up in them when Cameron arrived after all; who knows what sort of sexual gymnastics I may have to perform in them, practice was a good idea (ing sexy not clumsy).

Jessica stepped forward with the dress holding it open at my feet for me to step into as she and Sissy helped me wriggle the dress over my hips before each taking a side of the cowl curtain top of the dress and raising it over my breasts that were already aroused with my erect nipples noticeably visible through the material as they fed the ties over my shoulders with Sissy doing the final tie off in the center of my otherwise naked tanned back with Jessica saying “make sure Cameron can undo it easily” as we all cheekily giggled like school girls in anticipation of one our friends being kissed. This dress really was a real hip hugger; it was more like an exotic performance car than a dress; it hugged every curve like a Ferrari with a sleek fast sexy dry wet look. I loved this dress and it loved me; we both wore each other really well.

I contemplated for a moment how far I’d come along my journey as I stood in front of the mirror and in nine more days I would be Shaelyn complete. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and who was this woman staring back at me from the mirror. I just looked and looked again playing with my shoulder length blonde hair amazed and marveling at the woman I was yet to become. Would Cameron like her, would he be gentle and understanding with her and would he lust after her? Really for the first time I thought about what I was doing and what was I possibly getting myself into?

Thoughts and feeling from last night resurfaced in spite of reassurances from Cameron during the day that tonight would be nothing like last night and that tonight really was my night. I’d told him I had a special dress and things planned for him; what could possibly go wrong! With the answer echoing through my brain; everything! I’d never dressed up specifically for anyone like this; let alone

a tall very masculine man and I was so nervous.

What if he didn’t like me like this, don’t even want to go down that path and if he didn’t like me or god forbid wanted to hurt me there was very little other than scream that I could do to protect myself as I half whispered “hope Cameron likes this” quietly in between my thoughts with Sissy saying “he knows you you’re guy down stairs Shae, he’s said he’s curious about the whole she/male thing” adding “I think they all are” referring to guys in general before stating “trust me he’s gonna love this!” and if not I’ll taser his arse and call the cops” as she burst out laughing before finally saying “relax Shae”.

Then I caught a look of myself in the mirror and thought stop! Cameron and I had talked all day well text all day and he seemed genuinely very nice, he knows (sort of) what he’s getting into tonight and if he liked me drunk bent over a picnic table without lube last night he would absolutely love me tonight. I could hear myself reminding myself “don’t be silly Shaelyn any man would love you like this”. I walked into the lounge room defiantly with Sissy and Jessica right behind me as I put on my favourite cd and set the volume just slightly louder than usual but not enough to get neighbors banging on the walls or front door. I started to settle feeling a little less anxious and little more secure and confident about how tonight would go. Helping was my favourite Cher song “Jessie James” from the “turn back time” album dancing around with the three of us singing “if you can give it, I can take it and if this heart is gonna break it’s gonna take a lot to break it, tonight you’re gonna go down in flames just like Jessie James” a song about a strong sexually aware young woman mixing it up with a would be Romeo and a bit of an unofficial feminine anthem.

I felt so alive, so feminine and so naturally hot and extremely sexual as the three of us danced and sung. The dress settled on my upper thigh just hiding the top of my stockings and suspenders. Smoothing the material as I danced with my hands over my body, breasts and bum; I was a woman on fire. I couldn’t believe the woman I had become. As the song stopped I quickly ran my new carnation pink nails and hands from my heels to my shoulders working up my body checking

for any imperfections, none; as Sissy and Jessica went about straightening up and adjusting everything around the apartment but something was missing.

I looked in the mirror before saying “jewelry” as I rushed back to the bathroom to my jewelry case and took out my favourite two inch long very slender feminine white gold thin tear drop earrings that caught every bit of available light through the open single pink sapphires hanging from the end causing them to sparkle. These earrings came with a matching very delicate tear drop single white gold pink sapphire necklace that sat up high on my chest but way lower than a choker and a white gold pink sapphire ring which I rarely took off; all of this absolutely crowned all that I had become. White gold and anything pink! Delicious!

Packing up the bathroom vanity a bit, I took our bottle of Coco Mademoiselle and just lightly sprayed a little into the air and walked thru it lightly catching the scent and just one tiny little spay towards my bikini line and in between my breasts. Walking back into the bedroom as Jessica and Sissy straightened up around the apartment; I stopped in front of the full length mirror and stood gazing at who I’d become. Would Cameron be amazed? How will Cameron see me? So I posed in front of the mirror trying to identify any issues from all angles but honestly I looked like the perfect young dream date for a 28 year old man in his prime. I would have made love to this gorgeously sensual and beautiful young woman in the mirror myself and I was getting ready for a guy to come over, she was beautifully feminine and scaldingly hot!

Standing close to the mirror as the sun was setting outside I moved closer to check my hair and makeup for the final time before Cameron arrived. I loved my look; soft carnation pink lipstick, shouldering soft young lustful eyes that were just partially sheltered behind my platinum blonde fringe and a body that I’d worked and suffered so much to get. I couldn’t have felt more feminine or sexy but I was wrong. I glanced at the bedside clock it was 6:30 and Cameron would be here in half an hour. I returned to the lounge room and placed my diva’s most romantic songs of all time albums (6 hours of music) in the stacker and pressed

play. With Maria Carey’s “power of love” playing softly in the background while Jessica was leaving kissing me on the cheek saying “have a great night Shae, you look absolutely stunning, I do good work” with me saying “yes you do” as she smiled walking out the front door.

Sissy started lighting oil burners and candles all over the apartment as it gradually got darker and at quarter to seven we took a bottle of Cabernet Merlo out of our little wine rack popped the cork and poured two wine glasses and stood there in silence except for the softest background music with Sissy saying “relax, don’t be nervous” as seven o’clock came so slowly; that fifteen minutes felt like forever and then seven o’clock went with no Cameron.

I was pacing around the kitchen wearing a path in the polished timber floor boards asking myself “where is he? what if he’s drunk?”, what if, what if, what if roaring through my brain with Sissy saying “relax he’s probably just caught in traffic” when at quarter past seven the doorbell rang with Sissy hurriedly kissing me saying “good luck, have fun, I’m just in the next room” before finishing with “taser then call the cops right?” smiling at her own humor as she retreated quickly into her room closing the door behind her.

CHAPTER 11

He’s here!

He’s here! This is it! What am I doing! I thought all at once! I was a nervous wreck as I hurriedly rushed to the door in my stilettos as they clicked along the polished timber floor having just barely enough presence of mind within this whirlwind in my head to take the prepared glasses of wine Sissy and I had poured to preposition them near the front door so I could welcome Cameron. I felt like I needed several drinks; I was totally sober and clear headed except for my current panic attack.

My heart was pounding so hard in my chest as I cautiously opened the door half way hiding behind it scared of what I might be confronted with and I could instantly see why Cameron was running late; he’d been home after work showered, shampooed, shaved and was dressed really nicely in good ironed tan swade (mole skin) dress tros with gorgeous matching tan leather shoes topped with a short sleeved collared royal oxford light blue dress shirt that showed off his only piece of jewelry being a beautifully masculine dress watch that looked really expensive and he could see me! Well half of me hiding behind the timber and stained glass door.

We were both stunned into silence starring at each other for a few long moments (one of those breathtakingly awkward silences that I’ve since learnt to love). Cameron looked at what he could see of me and seemed to be thinking “what’s behind door number two” as he smiled and quietly asked “can I come in?” instantly returning his smile feeling somewhat more assured with me simply replying “yes” opening the door wider looking slightly downwards to appear timid, vulnerable and feminine which was pretty easy because that was exactly how I was feeling! I needed Cameron to see my most feminine side straight

away in my vulnerable sexy smoldering big sapphire blue eyes just underneath my platinum blonde fringe.

Our apartment was a candle lit sanctuary where I felt safe, sensuous, sexy, uninhibited, feminine and gorgeous. As Cameron walked past me in through the doorway I could smell his soft but masculine aftershave mixing with his chemistry and the scent was intoxicating and erotic to my senses! Entering the doorway Cameron placed his hands gently on my waist just above my hips lifting me slightly like a lustful husband greeting his eager young wife after a hard day at the office; kissing my cheek softly like a gentleman as I heard him noticeably inhale smelling my soft Coco Mademoiselle perfume infused with my chemistry as he whispered in my ear “evening gorgeous” and from that moment, I was always his.

With our brief introductory embrace in the doorway broken temporarily; I could feel Cameron’s stare taking all of me in as I turned nervously to close the front door before turning back picking up the prepositioned wine glasses trying to act experienced and sophisticated as I offered Cameron a glass without speaking; I’d only shared one word “yes” since he walked through the doorway. I extended the glasses at the end of my young sexy slender arms as my heart raced shaking my hands slightly. Cameron softly took both glasses wrapped by my small hands tipped with my pretty pink French nails and gently helped me place both wine glasses back on the hallway sideboard. All of this happened in moments with the tension between us already palatable and building further with each new moment we shared.

The glasses safely back on the sideboard Cameron stepped closer to me, towering over me even in my six inch heels as he wrapped his muscular arms around me for the first time as I shook and trembled inside with the anticipation of what he could do to me and what this night would bring. I could see and feel Cameron undressing me with his hungry blue eyes as he physically pulled me closer to him at the same time looking at me from above getting an absolute eyeful down the front of my dress which seductively covered my tanned firm

young breasts.

Almost instantly I felt one of his hands slide down my back softly and into the small of my back whilst the other arm remained wrapped around my shoulders with both arms pulling me still closer to him as his hand in the small of my back slid further down my baby smooth skin settling onto my silky spandex covered butt gently forcing my hips to his. I could barely breathe, suffocating in the pheromone produced sexually charged atmosphere around us. I felt intoxicated and smothered in the absolute best way possible; feeling his growing arousal already pressing hard against my hip.

Considerably compounding my anxiety was the differences between us; Cameron was a real man and I was the exact opposite of that. Cameron was twenty eight years old and I was still six months away from my twentieth birthday. Cameron was an accomplished professional whilst I studied and worked part time at a local resort. Cameron had a wealth of experience in all aspects of life and I was young and very inexperienced in everything, especially lust, romance and love specifically in that order.

I pulled slightly away from Cameron’s embrace only to get my arms free; running my hands and nails sensuously tracing the outline of his strong shoulders and chest through his shirt as he’s intense eyes met my timid anticipating eyes with me asking nervously through our second awkward stare “do I look alright?” adding before he could answer “Cameron likes Shaelyn?” playfully trying to quote a Tarzan and Jane movie with just a little poetic license to which Cameron instantly and obviously recognized responding smiling “Cameron likes Shaelyn” before adding “you look absolutely stunning Shaelyn”. I couldn’t help but smile before reminding him before things got too out of control between us “I’m not 100% female yet that happens in nine days”; as I stared into his eyes with Cameron responding “I know, let’s just take things one day at a time for now and see how things plays out” as our stare intensified and the silence between us grew.

I’d never kissed a guy before let alone a real man like Cameron; my heart was thumping under my breasts. What if Cameron didn’t want or like to kiss me like Sam? After all I was still half female and reluctantly half male for another nine days? I continued to trace Cameron’s strong masculine shoulders holding our stare with my hands pulling him downwards to my level as I strained upwards standing on the tips of my toes as our lips gently met sharing our first kiss. This was the first time I’d ever kissed a man and it really was a life changing event for me (Sam was right). Our kiss was soft, gentle and all too brief. This kiss wasn’t just a kiss; it was an assurance, an acceptance and an acknowledgment of wanting between both of us.

I rose again slowly onto the toes of my stilettos femininely running just the very tip of my tongue along my carnation pink coloured lips subconsciously indicating I wanted more. I felt like a young woman who was unaware of the power she had over a man or was it the intoxicating feeling of a man’s power over her either way; I wanted more. As we kissed for the second time our gentle probing hot tongues met together in an embrace that almost saw my feet free of the floor being lifted and ed by Cameron’s strong muscular arms.

By now our hips were pressed together locked in Cameron’s embrace and I could feel what was a growing arousal only a few minutes earlier had grown substantially and was straining to be released from its constraints. I started undoing the buttons on Cameron’s shirt instinctively and seductively working my way downwards kissing, licking and running my hands and nails all over his all but hairless chest as his bare skin became more exposed with each newly opened button.

As the last of the shirt buttons released I very femininely pulled and tugged the shirt free from his still done up tros. Kissing and caressing Cameron’s exposed muscular and well defined chiseled chest and torso as I slowly and seductively slide the shirt backwards from his shoulders; pausing momentarily while his arms were constrained behind his back by his shirt taking the opportunity to kiss him on the mouth harder and hotter than before with

Cameron returning my kiss as his shirt fell to the floor.

Both of us simply stood there face to face silently with so much being spoken in the chemistry and electricity between us. Instantly Cameron’s arms were back around me again with his hand back on my bottom forcing our hips together. I couldn’t seem to take my hands off his shoulders and chest before sliding them down his wash board stomach as I started fumbling with his belt buckle trying to undo his tros. I felt extremely aroused and sexually very hungry if not starving as I tried to appear more sophisticated than desperate. As the belt buckle loosened Cameron’s tros dropping them to the floor suddenly with him stepping back out of them, kicking them and his shoes and socks free in the process; then again he stood right back in front of me with his hands around my waist. Looking down between us I could Cameron was very well endowed and he was keen to escape from his near tearing underpants.

My heart was pounding so hard and so fast as I slowly instinctively dropped to my knees grabbing his white cotton underpants on each side of his hips as I ran my hands down his very muscular torso (six pack). He was straining hard against the stretched fabric as I pulled the material forward to free him and then downwards to discard his underpants completely before watching them momentarily fall to floor as Cameron kicked them away distracting my attention before looking back up at Cameron in all his masculine glory. I’d seen horses on the farm that would be embarrassed to stand next to Cameron and he was immediately in front of my face standing there naked. Cameron didn’t stand horizontal like Sam; he was straight like a gun barrel but hung less than horizontal due to his sheer size. Cameron could see my surprised reaction which he told me later was the usual reaction girls had given him in the past as he asked “Shaelyn likes Cameron” (Tarzan and Jane) with me responding to his question “Cameron very big” as I ed the “foot long Subway roll” Sissy and I shared coming home from the gym days earlier. My vibrator was nowhere near these proportions of this man. No wonder it hurt so much last night; any girl would balk at something of these dimensions and apart from feeling like I was being torn in two last night, a small vibrator and a brief male on male experience; I was feeling very unsure if I would be able to accommodate Cameron.

I was feeling more than a little intimidated, virginal and sexually hungry all at the same time. I was going several directions at once mentally. Realizing the pain of last night wasn’t due to only lack of lube obviously sheer size played a part also and I was just getting over the soreness of that experience. Cameron reassuringly said “we’ll just take things a lot slower tonight Shaelyn”.

There were no coherent thought processes behind any of my actions now as I really wasn’t prepared for Cameron to be like this as I nervously reached out placing my hand sort of around him. Cameron really was magnificent and he got more magnificent the closer I got to him. I was amazed at how the fingers of my small hand holding him couldn’t even interlock around him. My nails extended and over hung the tops of my fingers by about a sixth of an inch and my index and thumb nails couldn’t even touch each other. I’d never even dreamed of handling a man like Cameron.

Though my small fingers couldn’t completely encircle him, I could at least control were he pointed as I began to run my mouth and tongue all over him not taking him head on into my mouth as I wanted that be really special for both of us. Shifting sideways slightly with one hand around his thick base with my other hand literally ing the weight of the rest of him horizontally by cupping the underside of this monolithic man as I began to lick and kiss every hot hard inch of him until he was dripping with my saliva.

Pushing Cameron hard upwards against his stomach as I repositioned myself directly in front of him with the top of him near his belly button as I began kissing and nuzzling him as I breathed him in whilst I cupped and massaged all of him with my free hand. I still hadn’t tried to take him head on yet so while he was still pointing skyward; I began to run my tongue and wet dripping drooling mouth up the full underside length of him rising slightly off my knees as I was bringing Cameron down to the horizontal to take him into my mouth as soon as I got to the top him and in one very smooth motion he was in my wanting mouth. I literally shivered feeling my skin tingle at the sensation caused as my lips

encircled and ran over him; all the time cupping and stroking him whilst circling and tracing around him with my tongue within my mouth. I felt like a cannibal as I continued to kiss, lick and suck on every inch of Cameron that I could fit into my mouth. I was seriously drooling now as I began to slide my stretched mouth and fingers up and down over him being careful not to hurt him with my nails as I worked as much of him as I could handle with my mouth and hands.

Cameron was now standing well over me with his legs spread slightly apart as I massaged him from underneath with one hand, stroked him with the other and worked him as best I could with my lips, mouth and tongue. I was milking him like a new born calf on a cow after its first warm milk. My eyes were largely closed with ecstasy as Cameron encouraged my efforts by saying in between groans of pleasure “good girl Shaelyn, good girl” which I absolutely loved; a man calling my name and referring to me as a girl as I slowly and intently licked and kissed him intimately. This was both my dreams and fantasies coming true together. I thought briefly; it couldn’t get any better than this but I was wrong. Cameron was an accomplished lover and he had many more ways to please me and himself.

I soon realised that not only was I working Cameron but so was Cameron; gently rocking backwards and forwards sliding in and out of my mouth in time with the motions of my mouth and hands. I opened my eyes with my mouth full of Cameron with Cameron looking down at me smiling in between groans at the ceiling in between assurances that I was a good girl; I might have been a good girl but I felt naughty as hell and I loved doing what I was doing to Cameron.

Without taking Cameron out of my mouth for a moment I stopped moving my head and let go of him altogether as I looked up cheekily with Cameron taking a few moments to realise what was happening as we shared our third awkward silence with me on my knees looking up at him. Our eyes met as all motion slowly stopped between us. I felt so feminine, yet so in control; I was his entire world at that moment and we both knew it.

Looking down at me I very playfully fluttered and winked my long sexy mascara covered eye lashes at Cameron as he smiled in acknowledgement slowly reaching down gently placing his hands on my head as he began to slowly slide in and out of my mouth by himself (which is what we both knew I wanted). Every girl’s secret pride is how much she can take? I had been taking about two thirds of him into my mouth already but started gaging with Sissy laughing later telling me “I thought he was choking you by the sounds through the door” with me laughingly responding “he was” as Sissy burst out laughing “I almost ruined your whole night; I was ready with the taser when I realised what you pair were actually doing!”

I was determined to take him whole and Cameron tried to lessen the pressure I was placing on myself telling me “don’t worry about it, most girls can’t” with my reply being “I’m not most girls”. Cameron suggested whilst cupping my chin to position me so my throat and mouth were in more of a straight line to receive him and I was keen and eager student of Cameron’s lessons and after lots of attempts, gagging and chocking; I could finally feel all of Cameron on his deepest thrusts. Cameron seeing I was becoming accustomed to him began working my mouth getting slowly faster and stronger then slowing down to a short stop with all of him in my stretched wide open mouth. I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t care! I could do what most girls couldn’t that was all I was concerned with; I’ll never look at a foot long Subway the same again after this night. If I was going to suffocate; at least I’d die happy!

As Cameron enjoyed the benefits of my new found skill with him working my mouth, my hands were free and with Cameron otherwise entertained; I quickly and discreetly without Cameron’s knowledge unclipped and removed my quick release panties without getting up off my knees, fumbling with my suspenders or opening my legs exposing my now extremely hard and most unlady like arousal. All Cameron could have seen from above was my shaved pubic hair. Holding onto my head and pulling me harder on and off him getting faster; I couldn’t believe how I had gone from in control to super submissive and so ultrafeminine in no time at all? I loved being vigorously violated like this as every well-adjusted woman does with a gentle and understanding lover, they just can’t it it publicly.

Cameron was definitely in control now working my mouth clutching himself with his strong masculine hand whilst tormenting me with what he knew I was starving for, urging me to lick him whilst still leaving his other hand on my head to control my movement. In between groaning I could hear Cameron encouraging me saying “Shaelyn likes, good girl Shaelyn”. It felt so hot, naughty and natural giving myself over to Cameron to be used as a sex toy as he playfully teased me pulling back away from me as my mouth opened to receive him or letting me only briefly kiss him or allowing me to deeply take him for a few seconds then quickly pulling back away again so; when he was in my mouth during these playful games I wrapped both my arms around his hips and pulled him forward locking us together so he couldn’t take away what he knew I so desperately needed.

I was back in control; I was a girl who was out to show that I could match any girl in any way and I was going to prove it by holding my own as a sexual equal in this contest. I edged Cameron backwards onto the lounge refusing to release him as I continued to treat him like a large salvia covered candy cane bringing him towards his bursting point for all I as worth. Finally he shuddered and his whole body stiffened as I felt he was about to explode by the throbbing within the candy. Cameron groaned loudly as he pulled back suddenly away from me withdrawing completely from me; I would have gladly taken his orgasm in my mouth, on my face or even on my stunning dress but that wasn’t want he wanted. He wanted this night to last for me, this was my night.

After promising to be a good girl; Cameron again allowed to touch him again whilst I very gently licked his tremblingly hard body; which I did very and ever so gently making a saliva bridge between us while Cameron watched my shameless display of feminine lust for him. I wanted Cameron to see how delicious he was to me and he really was. He tasted so incredibly good to me just like I’d ed a guy tasted and had imagined Cameron would taste. Cameron tasted salty with a sweet mixture of masculinity and I hoped one day I’d get the chance to swallow all of his love; I was intoxicated and infatuated with him. It took a few minutes for Cameron to settle after the tongue lashing I’d

given him before he finally stood up from the lounge I forced him into, helping me up off my knees as he placed me onto the lounge as we swapped positions with me undoing the knot to drop my top exposing my breasts in the move.

Cameron looked really hungrily at me before leaning over me cupping my breast in his hand before placing his warm wet mouth on my very hard erect young nipple as he began kissing my breasts whilst gently fondling them. I was in heaven with this incredible sensation; I could have orgasmed just from this. I was unable to control myself as my legs naturally parted exposing my most unwanted physical feature (my penis). Half sitting beside and half over me Cameron started rubbing his hands teasingly all over my body whilst he tormented my breasts driving me crazy with desire but when he ran his hand up the inside of my silky soft, lingerie covered, freshly shaved smooth leg I swooned as a hot flush ran thru my entire body. When his hand got to the lace covered tops of my stocking and onto the bare skin of my inner uppermost thigh I melted groaning most unladylike as he took hold of me in his strong masculine hand. Finally a real man wanted me just how I was; and he could feel my willingness to let him take me in the hardness of my arousal.

Spreading my legs further as he knelt and positioned himself kneeling between my knees, Cameron went straight at me with his mouth sucking and licking me like there was no tomorrow which is usually my style of loving and after a few minutes started lubing me up with spit and then used lube gel that Sissy and I’d positioned in various locations throughout the house as Sissy laughed “all girls like a little bit of lube”. Finally the pleasure of being licked and kissed whilst being lubed up by Cameron’s thick masculine fingers at the same time caused me to shudder and almost orgasm which was nowhere near as long as Cameron had held out. Cameron had mastered control a skill that was still very new to me.

Cameron had tried to have sex with me last night when I was totally unprepared, dry and unreceptive but tonight I was prepared, dripping wet and extremely receptive leaning back into the lounge purring like a kitten as Cameron got me ready for what was to follow. Cameron giving me a little time to regain some

resemblance of my composure after having come so close to my orgasm; as he stared up at me from between my black stocking covered sexy young legs with a contented look on his face asking and playfully mocking me “let me know when you’re ok and you want more”. Leaning up over me intermittently running the tip of his tongue over my nipples teasingly before drawing them in and pulling back raising my breast off my chest stretching my nipples to absolute breaking point in the best kind of way; in between minutes of this pleasurable torment finally my breath settled as Cameron was back kneeling between my legs as I said one word softly, huskily and sexily from beneath my platinum blonde fringe “more”.

Cameron immediately responded straightening up surrounded by my suspender clad legs like he was going to stand up but seemed to stay on his knees? I thought he wanted me from behind like last night and although I was a little apprehensive, I started to turn over to accommodate him but as we both moved Cameron’s hands grasped my thighs lifting my legs towards the ceiling, sliding and pulling my whole body suddenly forwards to the very edge of the lounge where I could feel the rock hard swollen explosive head of his missile seeking its target. I’d never even considered Cameron might make love to me on my back like a real woman; this was absolutely heavenly, incredible, exciting and extremely excellent!

Tonight after proper foreplay; I hoped it wouldn’t hurt as much as it had done last night as Cameron said “just relax Shaelyn” with Sissy trying not to laugh out loud only six feet away on the other side of a closed thin door listening to everything and thinking “finally someone else telling Shae to relax”. Sissy could hear everything I was going through which is probably why she would later confess “I had to put the phone and the taser down and started masturbating; it sounded so hot listening to you guys”. Well I’d done the same listening to her and Christian. We were the closest of twins one could not feel without the other also feeling the same thing.

Kneeling between my very wide open legs with one hand under the top of my

suspenders holding my leg positioning me, Cameron like a craftsman quickly applied lots of lube to himself before very gently rubbing himself all over me. I sighed hard as he brushed over the top of me before returning finally settling against my tight anticipation. “Relax” was the word thundering though my brain as I reminded myself trying to allow Cameron entry. My muscles slowly yielded and gave way to his patient manhood. Both pleasure and pain rushed thru my body simultaneously as Cameron was absorbed into me before he gently withdrew to apply more lube. Using himself like a tool to fully work me up; Cameron never penetrated far showing incredible restraint. I was shallow breathing and biting my lip from the pain of my body being strained and stretched to what felt like breaking point trying to accommodate Cameron but I ed there was another competitor in this race “pleasure” which was slowly overtaking pain and pleasure was being fuelled by the sensation created as Cameron slid deeper and deeper into me.

Cameron’s pushes were gentle and then he’d partially withdraw back a little or out of me altogether to apply more lube so not to hurt me and then he’d push gently back into me deeper than before allowing me to become slowly accustomed to his size. I could barely think with the sensation created but as everyone who has ever bore on such a well-endowed man knows; through the frenzy of sensation you can’t help but have momentary glimpses of clarity in amidst that world of blissful ecstasy where you wonder how much more? This experience would prove if you initially doubt you can accommodate a new lover, it’s going to be one of the best nights of your life!

Cameron continued his journey into me; burying himself still further and further as we shared moments and all the time he showed the greatest of respect and restraint for my fragility and femininity until finally I felt our hips together with Cameron entirely inside of me and the sensation was truly breathtaking. Our bodies molded perfectly together as Cameron filled absolutely every part of me. The feeling of fullness was insane with Cameron remaining there fully inside me for a short while as I breathed for what felt like the first time in minutes; relaxing my entire body around him taking the full measure of him as Cameron looked down into my eyes asking “Shaelyn likes Cameron? I was in “split in half” heaven as the pain of his entry had all but gone and the pleasure of

his fullness completely overwhelmed me to the point of non-comprehension as I signed hard “yep”. I was very; very happy with myself as I asked perspiring and breathing shallow “more”.

After a few moments of this blissful full sensation; Cameron pulled back as gently as he had entered me in one smooth motion till he was out of me altogether before gently applying more lube to both of us. This time he seated himself just over me and holding both my legs now as he leant forward tilting my pelvis upwards to meet him; my body and mind went into free fall as I absorbed him causing me to moan really hard as our hips quickly met again but without missing a beat Cameron leant backwards withdrawing out of me in one continuous motion before leaning forward again repeating the motion that was almost stealing my breath away!

Cameron was like a mechanic checking the oil on a tractor with a very long thick dipstick as I groaned like I’d never done before. I’d never felt such a powerful sensation, I felt like such an absolute sexual goddess and I was getting more divine every time he checked my oil. The sensation was better than excellent and to my delight Cameron continued repeating this motion with each thrust firmer, faster and stronger than the one before. I could really feel his strength not only in his manhood but also the strength of his entire body pushing and withdrawing in and out of my very tight hungrily craving body.

I could barely control myself and the noises I was making trying to speak as Cameron loved me like this saw me thinking words but the words were coming out of my mouth not even vaguely sounding like words; not being able to three words together I subconsciously settled on only two words over and over again “yes Cameron, Cameron yes, yes Cameron” repeating them very much in a jumbled procession reflecting the electrical short circuiting in my brain between gut wrenching groans as my silent cheer squad on the other side of the closed door silently applauded. All thought of any control I might have had previously faded as Cameron really started to love me harder and that’s just how I wanted it! I was his girl now and he was my man absolutely driving me insane with

desire. As Cameron hit his rhythm my breasts were sliding and banging on my chest in time with Cameron’s motion; arousing me even further.

Releasing my legs all together Cameron took hold of my hips just above what was left of my dress so he could really love me proper as he took turns at working me slowly and very deliberately and then he would speed up like a mad man working me so fast and hard that I could barely tell when he was in or out of me. This insane tempo produced a constant sensation of penetration and extraction at virtually the same time; then he would slow down again to grind his love fully home into me as far as it could go creating an overwhelming but still increasing feeling of fullness and warmth spreading internally throughout my entire body. I was groaning “Cameron, Cameron yes, Cameron yes, yes” like a female in season or at least a female being paid really well to perform in front of the cameras as Cameron continued to love me relentlessly. I couldn’t believe the involuntary internal spasms that his body was enforcing on me as I clenched and released around him.

My legs were pointing at the corners of the ceiling and I was sort of wearing my favourite little black dress which was now nearly nonexistent exposing my breasts swaying in time with Cameron. A girl can’t feel any more feminine than hitching up her little black dress and lying on her back with her legs in the air actually watching a man making love to her whilst wearing lingerie and heels. I had lost all rigidity from what was left my manhood as a consequence of the breath stealing motions that Cameron and I were sharing. I was cuming but I wasn’t ejaculating fully just oozing what felt like a constant orgasm over minutes at a time (multiple orgasms) without either of us even touching me in any other way.

In between the buildup and ramping down between my near constant orgasms Cameron paused saying “wrap your arms and legs round me” which I did eagerly wondering where this was going as Cameron said “hold on” as he stood up with me wrapped around him in every possible way. Standing there with my arms round Cameron’s strong masculine kneck leaning back slightly with my

legs wrapped around his hips was the very best feeling I’d ever experienced as I couldn’t help but kiss him fully letting him know what I was feeling. I thinking he’s so strong he could kill me with single punch but all he wants to do is absolutely love me to death and I was happy to let him deliciously defile me in any way he wanted!

I felt helplessly feminine as I kissed him on the mouth as he cradled me in his arms with me asking “did you cum?” to which he responded “no we’re just getting started Shaelyn, come for a walk” laughing as he began walking around the apartment with me hanging off him. I asked cheekily grabbing a glass of wine as we ed the sideboard “where we going?” with Cameron saying “somewhere I can love you better” before asking me “Shaelyn likes?” Cameron was getting good with the whole Tarzan and Jane thing by now to which I responded “kitchen in here” directing him with my wine carrying hand pointing the way. Metaphorically speaking; I wasn’t sipping from the cup of life, I was drowning in the sea of sensation created by Cameron.

Entering the kitchen Cameron set me down on the table in the center of the kitchen surrounded on three sides by built in benches still fully inside me whilst we shared a couple of sips of wine as we kissed before he asked “what’s Shaelyn really want?” as I sat up slightly before gently pushing him away as he withdrew slowly out of me with me sighing instantly feeling an emptiness within my body at the absence of him. Cameron was breathing heavy like he was running a marathon as I said presumptuously “if you lay down; you can take break for a while and let me pleasure us both? With me thinking of the bed but Cameron just looked around the kitchen in reply to my suggestion before he laid down between the table and the oven on his back with me thinking he was collapsing after our sexual marathon but he was fine as he positioned himself on a narrow kitchen throw rug that was barely wide enough for his shoulders. Cameron laid there laughing “you’re a gym girl it’s time for some squats, while I take break”. Pulling my dress down over my thighs before discarding it altogether I walked forward unashamedly naked with Cameron seeing me exactly how I was at that moment but not for long “a chick with a dick”.

Placing one hand on the edge of the table as I grabbed the oven door handle with my other both being perfectly positioned for this activity which is probably why Cameron picked this spot in the first place; I began to squat lowering myself downwards towards Cameron; I was back in control. My body was very accommodating to Cameron by now as I painlessly and effortlessly took a good portion of his pleasure into me as I groaned loudly breathing hard with the ecstasy created and then raising myself a little like a disengaging hydraulic vice before lowering myself again swallowing even more of him with each lowering of my hips. I was the mechanic now; I was the one checking the oil and doing the dipping and my dipping’s were getting deeper each time I slide further down onto Cameron. After flirtatiously playing at this game for a few minutes I felt Cameron quiver, spurring me to ask “Cameron likes Shaelyn?” as I worked most of him in and out of me before suddenly swallowing him entirely within me as I started wriggling and grinding my hips with him filling me completely as he half smiled between groans not able to give a direct response. Cameron didn’t have to say he liked me, I knew Cameron liked me and just as importantly what I could do with him!

I was so impressed with myself that I actually leant backwards with my hands on Cameron’s knees spreading my legs wider as I slide my stilettos slightly forward almost under Cameron’s armpits so I was sitting completely impaled. My entire body quivered and shook towards the start of another orgasm. There was no room for me in me as Cameron filled every part of my being; physically, emotionally and spiritually as I began to instinctively rock backwards and forward skewering myself on him as the hot spasms within me intensified with my muscles seizing hold of him clenching and releasing involuntarily around him as another rush of warmth burst free from deep within me.

I managed the will and the strength in amongst this release to raise myself a little whilst clenching Cameron hard with my legs forward I found that I could slide and swivel my hips with most of Cameron inside me; then plunge down hard onto him which just rocked my world producing a near constant orgasm as I ground his manhood into me effectively allowing me to control the pace and intensity of the loving we were sharing. Feeling the strain of him where he’s manhood ed to his body against my frenzied thrusts forward knowing I was

taking absolutely all of him inside of me was truly incredible; my body absolutely loved every bit of Cameron with one bit being my extreme favourite and seriously I couldn’t get enough of that bit. I’d gone from timid and nervous to a man devouring she wolf which only served to reaffirm my femininity with each and every movement between us. This was natural; I was meant to love a man and if I didn’t have a vagina taking one like this would be close enough until I did!

As any girl will tell you doing squats on her man is great fun but really hard on the thighs so after a while of orgasmic squats especially in six inch heels the burn in my thighs was getting too much as I announced to Cameron “I’ll have to stop, cramp” as I rested sitting there on Cameron’s sun dial absolutely impaled by him whilst leaning forward running my nails and hands over his chest and stomach catching my breath not capable of being any happier with Cameron fully home inside of me. I didn’t have the strength or the will to lift myself off him but I couldn’t slide off him either because of his sheer size deeply within me. I was stuck and deliriously happy just to stay there all the time subconsciously patting myself on the back for being able to accommodate such a well-endowed lover.

I was intoxicated by the pheromones and endorphins being exchanged between us and I was feeling very fine and feminine as Cameron commented “pretty happy with yourself ace?” with me responding giggling “yep” as we began to speak more intimately with Cameron asking me “is that a dream catcher on your belly button?” with me asking “do you like it?” with Cameron saying “I love them just haven’t seen one for a few years” and then he quite unexpectedly asked me “what do you want from a relationship Shaelyn? Which caught me quite by surprise as I laughed responding coyly “I want a man that can do this to me constantly” as I clenched the base of him noticeably with my internal muscles as I shrilled at the sensation before responding more seriously “I want a man that can love me for all that I am and all that I will be”.

I started to frost up a bit getting ready to cry before blurting out “I’m going to be

fully female; vagina and all in nine days, fully female” with Cameron saying “that’s gotta be worth sticking around to see” as he paused before adding “your beautiful now Shaelyn” which made me smile thinking that this guy could do all this to my body and he may actually care a little bit about me as a person as well. Cameron confessed “your my first not totally female lover Shaelyn and honestly when we met on the beach I couldn’t believe a stunningly hot young blonde beach babe like you was interested in me but when you told me later you still had all the running gear downstairs you hit two birds with one stone” with us laughing at his analogy as he continued “I’ve always been a bit curious about guys and you’ve answered my curiosity Shaelyn; you’re better looking than any woman I’ve ever been with and you make love like there’s no tomorrow” with me jumping in with “maybe there won’t be” as Cameron stated “I realise now I’m not that into guys, sorry” as my heart absolutely broke into pieces, he was still inside me.

I could see Cameron smiling through the tears welling up in my eyes like he was dealing with a confused but loved child that hadn’t let him finish his sentence before he quickly said “I’m a man who loves to love Shaelyn and I’ll make love to you in every way all day and every day if you’ll let me” before announcing to me and the ceiling “we’re perfect for each other Shaelyn”. I didn’t care if he was lying or playing with my emotions he was my ultimate man “handsome as hell and hung like a horse” it was what I’d always dreamt of hearing as I asked “will you wait a couple of weeks for me to be fully female?” with his reply soft and sincere “no” before adding “I’ll be loving you all the way to the hospital and then as soon as we can afterwards, I’m not waiting for anything; as you say we may not a tomorrow Shaelyn” as he smiled that smile again. Cameron liked to take me higher by letting me free fall for an instant first and I loved that light hearted way he had about himself.

Impatiently letting go of my thoughts I announced “wait till you see what I’m like after the operation” and then even prouder announcing “even a doctor won’t be able to tell I was born male, you’re gonna get a real woman! That does great waffles” with Cameron looking at me totally confused about the waffles comment and in the same instant before Cameron could say “waffles, what the?” my cramp let go as I laughed “If you start to go soft I can help” clenching

around him with my internal muscles with Cameron laughing “soft, I haven’t even cum yet and you wanna talk about waffles”. There is no better communication between partners.

“Hop off” was Cameron’s next comment to which I stood up withdrawing him from me but not before sliding up and down more than a few times slowly squeezing hard around him again putting the lead back into his pencil and letting him know; he only looked after it for me before we both stood up. Both of us now standing next to the kitchen table Cameron ran his hand along the edge of the table saying “perfect” as I thought “odd time to be looking at furniture” as he started redeg the kitchen and shifting the table sideways till it was touching the wall as I laughed “odd time to be shifting furniture” and continued laughing “perfect for what?” as Cameron disappeared back into the lounge room returning with lounge cushions, pillows and a blanket I had on the lounge as he started making an improvised bed of sorts on the table before saying “perfect for loving you, it’s a strong stable table and it’s the perfect height for me to really give you some good lovin” as he lifted me effortlessly onto the table where I sat like a school girl daggling her legs from a swing whilst he disappeared again into the lounge room to return with the lube gel as I waited anxiously anticipating what he would do with me.

Cameron was now standing between my legs whilst we kissed and applied lube to each other laughing as he pulled me to the very edge of the table by my hips lifting my legs upwards as he’d done earlier in the night as he entered me with little resistance. Cameron positioned the pillows between my back and shoulders against the wall whilst his manhood held me in place and I loved how he knew I couldn’t fall off the table because my only movement could be forwards or backwards along him (sexy not clumsy ) the pillows sat me up a little more upright than before facing Cameron as I used my arms slightly behind me for as I tilted my hips upwards as far as possible making entry as smooth as I could for us. I’d been cuming coming for hours, it was only right it should be Cameron’s turn as he began to work and slide gorgeously in and out of me again.

Cameron was soon loving me so fast and hard as I used one hand on the table to myself and the other on his shoulder with my legs flayed wide open uned by Cameron as he relentlessly kept to a pace that defied description. I encouraged him screaming my repetitive chant “Cameron yes, yes, yes Cameron” as I could feel my body tightening again towards another orgasm as I clenched and released around him as his pace never faulted but intensified.

I was groaning and making discovery channel mating noises that I’d never even considered I’d make let alone hear myself make; these were sounds of absolute pleasure as my eyes rolled back going in and out of focus as Cameron loved me for the longest of times without even looking like he would take a break. During this unbelievable sexual loving my orgasms lasted for minutes at a time before subsiding and quickly building to my next. I didn’t have a single drop left in my body but I was still cuming!

Cameron was leaning very much over me now in between my stretched wide open legs holding onto me with one hand on my waist and his other on my shoulder working me so hard but not only was he loving me mercilessly; he was also pulling my whole body forward sliding me effortlessly forwards and backwards on the blanket between us and the polished timber table top. Cameron’s loving was so intense I could feel and hear the slap of our bodies against each other. I was absolutely his for the taking and anything he could do to me, I was only too happy to encourage as I continued to groan and scream “Cameron, yes, yes Cameron, yes”.

Our faces fixed on each other as he buried his love deep inside me and I could feel him getting more intense with every thrust as I pleaded “bring it home Cameron” urging him to lose his load. I’d never looked into the eyes of a man as he orgasmed before and that thought excited me no end as Cameron continued to work me even harder. Cameron’s eyes were so intense and such a turn on as he continued loving me harder and harder and by the increase in his tempo and the louder “uff, uff, uff” sounds he was making at the end of each incredible thrust; I knew it wouldn’t be long before Cameron came inside of me.

Suddenly his thrusts became noticeably more urgent and his groans louder still like an injured animal as he expelled deeply from between his tightly grit teeth my favourite word “cum” not “I’m cuming” just “cum” as I reached up urgently clenching his neck and face in between my hands so I could capture every distortion of his face as he came inside me; after all it was me that had bought him to this moment.

I could see his growing orgasm in his face as his face flushed red and the muscles and veins in his kneck noticeably strained under my hands with the underside of his conduit between us throbbing hot as his body involuntarily started final preparation for pumping his orgasm. Cameron’s final thrusts (vinegar strokes) just before ejaculation almost welded our hips together with him as close as he could possibly get to pushing himself right thru me as his body prepared to deliver its full load.

I could feel a distinct hot throb between us as Cameron’s eyes rolled back immediately after he managed to say “cum” as his final movements became completely involuntary with each and every thrust having each and every ounce of his entire body and being behind it, almost lifting me off the table with each very sporadic and yet somehow deliberate motion completely impaling me as he prepared to explode inside of me.

Cameron wasn’t in control and neither was I; this was Mother Nature taking control of both of us making sure his seed was planted as deep as possible but his thrust just kept going further and further into me. This was not like before as Cameron’s hands released from my hips and immediately reappeared in a quarter of a heartbeat with his strong biceps under my armpits with his hands clasped onto my shoulders from behind forcibly pulling my whole body hard down onto himself as he stood bolt upright lifting me free of the table exploding within me; fully and I mean fully impaling me like a limp scarecrow on a post as he exploded delivering his load. I was hanging caught on him with my feet off the floor. This was raw delivery at its very best as gravity and Cameron pulled me

hard down securing the bond between us as we looked intently into each other face to face.

This was the single most intensely gratifying and heavenly experience of my life as my head floated in an almost shared trance like state with Cameron forging our souls together. This was a higher plain of experience; at least it was for me.

We collapsed backwards onto the table, Cameron still inside me breathing heavily with his chest heaving from the loving we’d shared. BOY had he made it up to me! I held onto him as he trembled still shaking from his ordeal feeling the last of him dribbling into me as he throbbed and twitched still going thru his final motions. Lying on top of me wrapped in my legs with his head on my shoulder breathing heavily and trying to recover his breath as Cameron complemented me on my part of our night saying “you’re the best I’ve ever had Shaelyn” as I tenderly pushed his beautifully masculine blonde fringe out of his blue eyes and stroked his back, shoulders and arms with my hands and nails saying “Shaelyn likes Cameron” trying to keep the mood lite before really saying what I thought “thank you so much for sharing that with me”. I was almost crying with tears of joy; what a release for both of us. Cameron had made all my dreams and fantasies come true and if I died tomorrow at least I would have had tonight.

I asked “do you like waffles?” stressing the importance of the question as Cameron look confused before answering my question with a question “store bought or homemade?” with me responding “come on, we’ll have a shower and we’ll have some waffles”.

The strength of Cameron’s hands on my body pulling me harder onto him, my spasms and contractions around him as we made love, the look on his face immediately before he came, the intensity in his eyes as he orgasmed inside me and the hot pulsating throb of his body within mine are things I will never forget.

CHAPTER 12

Cameron meets unconscious Sissy

Kissing Cameron in the kitchen doorway I took his hand leading him down the hall and into the bathroom not letting go of his hand even to set the water to a lovely warm steamy temperature as Cameron jumped straight in and began showering whilst he watched me take off my stilettos, stockings and suspender belt off before commenting “how good are you going to look after the operation” with me replying “let me rinse and I’ll show you” jumping in next to Cameron quickly rinsing off our loving so I was clean before asking “do you really wanna see what I’ll look like as a 100% woman?” with Cameron responding “yeh” excitedly asking “do you have a computer enhanced picture or something?” with me responding “better” as I stepped back out of the shower pulling the shower curtain closed saying “don’t open till I tell you” as soon the shower curtain blocked Cameron’s view I tucked my penis away out of sight, positioned myself and checked my look in the steaming up bathroom mirror saying “you can open the curtain now” as Cameron pulled the shower curtain back with me shouting “Daa Daa” trying to sound like a trumpeting fanfare with me standing there with my legs close together with my hands on my hips totally naked pivoting enough for Cameron to see only my front and sides asking him “what do you think?”. I’d known for months what men thought of me as a female, I just wanted to hear Cameron say it but I’d definitely never posed nude for any.

Cameron was obviously into me, like I was into him as he said “you could be a penthouse pet or a playboy bunny Shaelyn” before adding “seriously Shaelyn” as I blushed under his compliment as he pointed out “I thought that was an arrow?” referring to my shaved pubic hair with me laughing “so you could find your way” as he easily started laughing saying “did you think I’d get lost” as we continued to laugh before Cameron stopped laughing and got out of the shower his eyes fixed on me saying very seriously “your absolutely gorgeous Shaelyn you’re not pretentious like most women who look only half as good as you, you

have no inhibitions, your honest, you are who you are and you’ll be an absolutely truly heartbreakingly stunningly 100% sexy woman that any man would be proud to have on his my arm” which bought out my biggest smile of the night as I looked down embarrassed by such flattery thinking “he couldn’t be talking about me but he was”.

Almost crying I reached out holding his now soft large penis gently in my small hand and bought my gaze up to his beautiful big blue eyes as I placed my other hand open palmed on his chest above his heart saying “I’d be proud to take your arm” as we looked into each other’s eyes for the longest of times (I’m a sucker for the long loving stare) before kissing as Cameron wrapped me in his arms laughing “Cameron and Shaelyn shower” (Tarzan style) lifting me back into the shower with him. There’s something more meaningful about a man’s compliments after he’s had his fun as you stand a lot better chance of getting the truth. From this moment onwards in spite of my earlier unashamed display until my operation; I would take every opportunity to hide my most unwanted feature away trying to ensure Cameron saw me as female only!

Holding me in the shower Cameron said “you’re one of a kind kido” with me correcting him laughing “I’m actually an identical twin” “bullshit” was Cameron’s immediate response with me stating “seriously I don’t know when my sister will get home, after all it is Friday night and I stayed here to be with you” with Cameron asking quickly with a cheeky grin “was I worth it? With me unable to stop smiling “yes, I had lots of fun” as the warm water ran over us; me wrapped in his arms with my head on his chest before Cameron asked “how identical?” as he tried to clarified his question “is she?” unable to find the words to complete his question with me assisting him saying “she was born female but you won’t be able to tell us apart without looking down the front of our knickers” as Cameron laughed and again commented “bullshit” with me saying “yep me and Sissy are peas in a pod” smiling at Cameron’s astonishment while inside I was conflicted and far from smiling because for the first time in my life I really didn’t want to share with Sissy.

I asked quickly “do you want to get out of here” thinking to myself “before Sissy comes out of her room and Cameron falls for her instead of me” with Cameron asking “is that her name? Sissy” with me confirming “her actual name is Shannon but I’ve called her Sissy since forever” with me again trying to keep Cameron wholly to myself diverting him away from the whole Sissy subject again suggesting “I know a great all night café that does great coffee and waffles” realizing that Sissy and I always frequented that café because it’s where we worked through the day and because we got staff discount that’s why we were always there! Not real clever on my part but I was thinking on my feet and it was definitely better than being here!

Trying to speed up our escape in the hope of avoiding Sissy I told Cameron “I’ll go get your clothes while you finish showering, we’ll get changed and we’ll get outa here”. Soon as Cameron had his clothes and a towel and I’d draped my silk robe around me doing up the tie as I shot straight into Sissy’s room barefoot slipping on the timber floor as I turned the corner ready to tell her “don’t come out” expecting to have to warn her off my man. I opened the door assertively and was instantly humbled seeing Sissy sleeping soundly in her bed. She was a like a naked angel under a single sheet from the waist down lying on her side next to her dimly lit reading lamp with a opened packet of headache tables on her opened daily journal that she kept religiously since we were ten years old with her headphones still on. She must have gotten a headache whilst writing todays entry and barely managed to place the journal back on the bedside table as she drifted off to sleep.

She was a shit of a personal protection system but she was the best sister, my only sister and I felt so badly for feeling threatened by her. Sissy was always there for me and always would be, Sissy would never take my man nor would we ever allow anyone; man or woman to break our bond.

Trying not to speak too loudly I called Cameron up the hallway whispering “hey Cameron, come here” as I insisted “quietly” as Cameron stumbled noisily up the timber hallway whilst putting on his shirt. As I gestured “Shhhh” with my finger

over my mouth signaling “quiet” as he crept closer approaching the dimly lit shards of light coming from the half open door that I was standing next to. Cameron reached me putting his hands on my hips giving me the quickest softest kiss on the cheek imaginable before asking quietly “what, why are we whispering” with me pointing into the room coyly whispering closely in his ear as his head peeped around the corner of the door “meet Sissy” as he stared at her angelic raw natural beauty before looking back at me before kissing me again as he closed the door saying “let her sleep”.

Tip toeing as quietly as possible we made our way to my room with Cameron pausing briefly doing up his shoes siting in the lounge as I tried not to look like I was sprinting hurriedly pulling on a pair of new knickers tucking my penis away out of sight while Cameron put on his shoes before catching up with me as he entered my room with me standing there facing him wearing only a little pair of black high cut stretch lycra knickers as he quietly moved towards me putting his strong hands under my arms lifting me and kissing me ionately on my mouth but this kiss felt more emotional than lustful (maybe it was just me) either way I loved it as he set me gently back bare foot on the floor saying “get dressed let’s go”.

I quickly pulled on a pair of skin tight soft peach colored stretch straight legged low cut hipster dress jeans on before throwing on my favourite short white crop top without a bra pulling the stretch fabric of my top over my breasts leaving my shoulders and belly exposed highlighting my glistening silver and pink dream catcher swinging from my belly button which Cameron seemed to be so taken with. This was exactly the look I was after.

I wanted Cameron to see me as very much the ordinary beach girl next door as I scribbled a note for Sissy “Sissy having a great time with Cameron gone for a drive, love you, Shae” sticking the note to Sissy’s door with sticky tape before grabbing my pink and chocolate “Juicy” handbag before picking up my white and pink cool girl beach sandals at the front door. I was barefoot carrying my sandals and handbag leaving the apartment hand in hand with Cameron almost

running down the stairs into the night out along our long apartment complex driveway. I’d never held hands before let alone ran through the night bare foot with total abandonment I felt so incredibly blessed and fortunate and I knew with Sissy ing me and so long as Cameron held my hand my life and everything in it would work out fine; it was that sort of feeling.

No other cars were parked close to Cameron’s car and I could see why, I’d be embarrassed to park our Corolla next to it. Cameron’s car was a piece of mechanical sex candy which was beautifully framed by empty concrete car spots around it and the wall of tropical palms behind it looking through onto the apartment pool area; it looked like motor show exhibit. I expected to see a sign saying “tamed beast waiting to be unleashed”. Sober tonight saw me taken aback by its sexy and sleek appearance way more than I ed drunk in the dark from last night.

I always loved exotic looking cars declaring “it’s so hot” as I went into my rehearsed speech after a quick internet search earlier in the day trying to show Sissy Cameron’s amazing car as I referred to it. We correctly identified it in a Google image search the car was as a BMW Z4 Roadster with my speech starting off; “Z4 Roadster, 3.2 liter, in-line 6, aluminum block and head, port fuel injected, 6 speed manual, 0-60mph in 4.5 seconds with the standing quarter mile in 13.3 seconds” with Cameron looking stunned responding “beautiful and brainy that’s dangerous” as he laughed with me firing back “if you haven’t noticed I’m the best of all worlds, I can be your best friend, I’ll never get moody or have periods and you can fuck me senseless whenever you like” as we both laughed before I proudly announced “and I’m smart; in three more years and I’ll have my journalism degree with a few units in meteorology, I want to be a weather girl on the television” with Cameron saying “I don’t doubt that you’ll do it too!” before adding “but you missed a few things on the car Shaelyn; yes it’s a Z4 but it’s not just a standard Z4 it’s been modified with all the s being made from carbon fiber making it lighter and faster, lower profile tires and wider rims for better handling with an enhanced braking system, racing seats and harnesses, lowered suspension for better cornering and the engine has been fully worked, balanced and blueprinted pushing out the back through a racing exhaust and it does 11 seconds flat over the quarter” as he smiled proudly placing his

hand on the door adding “I only bring it out on very special occasions my everyday car is a Suzuki Wave” with me looking puzzled with Cameron saying “it’s a sort of soft top SUV that I use for work and going up the beach”.

Completely not listening to the Suzuki part of the conversation unable to take my attention away from this piece of performance racing under my pretty pink French acrylic nails asking sexily from under my fringe “can I drive?” with Cameron laughing “no maybe after you get a feel for her from the copilot’s seat” with me asking “so she’s female?” with Cameron saying “I’m the only male allowed in her” which subconsciously meant so much to me that Cameron like Sissy saw me as female even though I wasn’t fully there yet before inviting me to get in by opening the door for me and assisting me with the racing harness.

So many people just take life for granted not stopping to smell the roses as they rush through their busy lives but that wasn’t my way. Men had opened doors at restaurants and bars for Sissy and I but this was the first time a car door was ever opened for me alone and it meant so very much to me.

CHAPTER 13

¹st Drive—Getting to know us— Sissy’s sex change

Within minutes we were speeding (literally) along a tree lined road that paralleled the breaking ocean waves only a stone throw away listening to Bruce Springsteen “Born to run” with the wind blowing through our hair accelerating into the warm cool night air of this magical night. Cameron shifted into sixth gear for the first time since we left our apartment on a straight away and as he let go of the gear shift placed his hand on my thigh startling me for a second as this was a whole new experience for me. Nobody had ever done that to me before as he leaned over smiling taking the chance to kiss me quickly as I yelled in the breeze “I’m having so much fun” with Cameron yelling “me too” leaving his hand on my leg at every available opportunity.

Driving underneath overhanging beach side trees through this late night quiet tight winding ocean road accelerating in and out of corners then flying along wide open straightaways with the ocean constantly at our side was truly invigorating and totally romantic with Cameron ensuring to place his hand on my thigh when not shifting gears as I sang, lit cigarettes, talked and I got to know the sound system as we drove alongside the ocean for about three quarters of an hour. Maybe it was the copious amounts hormones I was taking or maybe it was the wind in my hair or maybe it was the mind blowing sex we’d just shared but I was having the best time of my life being romanced in this a way. I always thought the romance came before the sex but this was incredible!

I asked “where’re we going?” just as we rolled to a stop high on a headland which turned out to be the exact same headland where our family had stopped to

take in the view months earlier. Cameron pulled up close to the stone wall that encircled the lookout. The little wall that was no more than waist high but it was about three feet wide making it an ideal place to sit and talk. Cameron got out quickly running round to open my door and help me get out of the racing harness. The pair of us moved straight to the wall only feet away to take in the breath taking view.

Life is all too often cold and cruel and yet it’s also too seldom romantic; my life so far had been devoid of romance but even I could recognize the romance in this evening. The lookout was about two hundred feet above the waves with the coastline stretching as far as the eye could see in both directions, palms overhung the beach immediately below us with the silver waves crashing against the shore and we could see the road we’d just driven along snaking its way along the coast going from resort to city lights tracing the division between ocean and land; probably acting as guide for the ships that we could see traveling up and down the coastline. Putting both my hands on the wall as the breeze played in my hair and taunted my already tingling senses; I declared “this is my favourite place”. In the next moment I had climbed the wall and was urging Cameron to do the same as he said “wait there I’ll get a blanket from the boot” as the music from the car continued to play immediately behind us in the background.

ing me on the wall Cameron draped the blanket around our shoulders as we stared at everything before us for the longest of times. This was one of those comfortable silences when people don’t need words they are just happy to share an experience or their time not feeling the need to clutter it up by talking but I had a burning question I just had to ask “why aren’t you married?” with Cameron taken back by my open honesty as he said “I was” as a sad and solemn look came across his face which made me realise I’d hit a very raw and tender nerve as I quickly said “sorry” feeling that I’d over stepped a mark before Cameron told me his story. I’d been so centered on myself all night that I never enquired about Cameron’s life. What shadows, secrets or pain could Cameron possibly have in comparison with my life? I wasn’t trying to sound conceited just stating the obvious hell I’d spent my life in the wrong gendered body, my parents had disowned me and I was a girl who had an unwanted penis between her legs; there’d been lots of shadows, secrets and pain.

Cameron told me that he had been happily married for two years when Livy (Olivia) his wife fell pregnant and by the time their third wedding anniversary had arrived Cameron had lost both his wife and his unborn daughter during childbirth. I sobered uncontrollably at his harrowing of his loss with Cameron visibly upset saying “it’s been 5 years since I lost them and it still hurts like yesterday” as he struggled trying not to cry trying to be “a man” with me encouraging him to let his tears finally fall with mine which he did crying the tears that should have fallen five years earlier; which made him a far better man in my eyes not a lessor one for weeping. Sometimes it takes more strength to cry.

Cameron won the saddest story contest hands down with me thinking I was so fortunate at having never suffered such a loss and at the same time feeling unfortunate to never having known such a love. We sat there wrapped in each other’s arms under the blanket taking shelter from all that life had thrown at us in this idealic setting against a backdrop of blue ocean and soft music, kisses and hugs. It was during this night that I realised vagina or no vagina I would never be able to fulfill the most basic design of womanhood, the provision of children. Cameron had emphasized his love of children and the disappointment of never having had any which hit me really hard and I would never be able to give him a child either.

We talked all night with me telling Cameron he was only my second sexual partner and Cameron telling me I was his first since Livy with me asking “why me, why now?” With Cameron explaining “I wasn’t looking for love; in fact I was having a pretty hard time of things when we met on the beach but you looked so beautiful and full of life walking straight towards me and I couldn’t get away in time” as he told me “you seemed so genuinely friendly and nice albeit in a slightly inebriated way which is similar to how Livy and I met”. He also explained that running away from a beautiful woman isn’t a good look for any guy before he said “it felt like the more we talked the more I enjoyed a very familiar conversation that I’d missed for five long years” which broke my heart and at the same time was such a huge compliment.

Cameron told me he’d met and talked with other women but most just came as across as selfish and pretentious falling hopelessly short of possibly filling the hole that Livy had left behind. I was starting to feel like the rebound girl that I’d read so much about before Cameron said “you and Livy couldn’t be any more different; Livy was the same age as me and you’re young, you’re a pocket rocket and Livy was tall, you’re blonde and Livy was a brunette but I swear you are so much alike to talk to; same have a chat nature, open, honest and totally unpretentious with a love of life that people can’t help but smile around” which made me feel very happy that I wasn’t some sort of stand in for Livy. Cameron and I had so much in common with Cameron telling me “I’m a big believer in signs and fate” before saying “it was Livy’s birthday a few days ago and I dreamt she told me I was about to find love again, someone that was special and unique and I met you that afternoon; let’s face it Shaelyn you’re unique” before he said “I’m now starting to realize how very special you are” as I kissed his him tenderly.

Maybe Cameron and I were meant to somehow heal each other from the hurts of our pasts to bring us back into the light of our otherwise dark worlds? Well that’s how I felt and as Sissy always told me just say what you feel, when you feel it; so I told Cameron on our first night together “stay with me a while, see the woman I become and I promise; if you give life a chance, I’ll help you to love and laugh again” with Cameron falling to pieces telling me that one of the last things Livy had said to him as he was driving her to hospital for what would be emergency surgery; Livy had told him that should anything go wrong “don’t give up Cameron, give life a chance and I promise you’ll laugh and love again”. Livy knew how badly her condition was as their car sped to the hospital with me thinking how horribly dramatized this man was having gone through such a harrowing experience.

Cameron and I watched the sunrise over the ocean as Pachelbel Canon played on in the background. I’d never heard this piece of music before and I instantly fell in love with it begging Cameron to put it on repeat so it played continuously. Both of us very much appreciated the symbolic significance of such a

majestically beautiful event unfolding in the eastern sky; “each new day truly is a miracle and a new beginning for everyone” and as the day grew stronger with each ing moment I finally said to Cameron “if you let me drive I’ll buy you breakfast with Cameron responding “deal”.

This night in its entirety would for me looking back become one of my favourite memories and one that I would see as a truly life changing event. This night with hindsight would prove to be the pivotal moment of my life. A moment that lasted all night but it would echo through my life like a distant ringing bell through a valley ultimately tolling for who I really was and for who I’d be for the remainder of my life.

I’d promised laughter and boy had I delivered cautiously driving back in record slow time along the coast line, stalling it four times and the car park incident where we finally got breakfast will be laughed about forever. Cameron pointing out after we got into the car park that I had to negotiate speed bumps sideways adding an unexpected degree of difficulty and then in the same breath pointing and telling me “drive thru” with me concentrating seriously on slowly negotiating a speed bump with me asking “drive through” where?”. As a consequence of me going the wrong way we basically embarked on the world’s longest and slowest victory lap around a fast food outlet in history with Cameron laughing “there’s the “drive thru” again” near falling out the car laughing as he used exudation to further his chuckles saying “another lap and we can get lunch” as he fell apart next to me laughing from the enger seat.

After finally getting through the drive through Cameron directed me down towards the marina and his apartment with me almost falling out of the roadster swiping his security card before parking cautiously in the underground garage in the vacant spot between the Suzuki Wave and a little red very sporty Alpha Romeo. It was still early morning as Cameron ushered me inside the lift asking me “wanna have some breakfast and have a sleep for a few hours?” as he pushed the button for the 34th floor with me thinking “why wouldn’t it be the penthouse” with me responding feeling a little more than a little tired saying “a

rest would be great”. As the elevator doors opened into a private tropical fern lined lobby complete with running water feature as we stood there with Cameron swiping the card and me following closely behind with breakfast in a paper bag, real classy.

Cameron opened the front door for me and I walked through into a tropical paradise lined in glass 34 floors up overlooking the ocean. Placing the breakfast bag down on a table I stated the obvious “it’s beautiful Cameron” with Cameron smiling “just make yourself at home Shaelyn” as a white shaggy dog less than half knee high appeared from nowhere with Cameron patting him profusely before introducing “Gus” with me asking “what breed is he?” as I became acquainted with Gus. Cameron said “the vet thinks he’s part Maltese and part poodle which makes him a Moodle I suppose. Everyone has a story and so did Gus as Cameron explained; “not long after I lost Livy, Gus and I found each other wandering, he was obviously lost and so was I at that time and he just followed me home and he’s been together ever since”. Cameron explained “we usually go everywhere together and he sleeps at the foot of my bed” before announcing raising his arms like an ancient roman governor holding up a takeaway bag in one hand stating “well this is our family’s home port make yourself at home” as he threw his keys and wallet into big bowl on the kitchen bench before carrying the bag outside onto the terrace with Gus and me hot on his heals with me thinking “what I wouldn’t give to be this dog”.

Sitting down at a setting next to the rimless pool overlooking the ocean Cameron tried to enjoy his breakfast but I just couldn’t sit still there was just so much to see; they had a yard up here with a small tree for Gus. I was like a kid inquisitive of everything as I told Cameron “I need to check in with Sissy so she doesn’t worry” with me taking covert pictures with my mobile while Cameron wasn’t looking so I wouldn’t look “dirt poor” to attach to the texts “having g8t time and WOW” with Cameron saying “come on we’ll take Gus for a ten minute walk and we’ll crash (sleep) for a while and then I’ll give you the grand tour if you’re not going to eat any more breakfast”.

Throwing the breakfast rubbish in an ordinary bin just like ours Cameron took my hand leading me open mouthed through the main living area towards the front door as Cameron told Gus “ten minute walk” as we went back through the private lobby into the elevator. Getting out in the undercover garage Gus took off obviously knowing his way up the ramp to the small public park fronting onto the water and the apartment complex. After ten minutes of sniffing, running, peeing and poo’s with Cameron picking it up with a plastic bag as I looked on disgusted and laughing saying “wash ya hands before ya even think about touching me” with Cameron chasing me with the poo bag yelling “you hold it” with me yelling “no” as we laughed with Gus running around us enjoying the game.

Back in the apartment Cameron took my hand as Gus led the way up what looked like glass stairs uned by anything as we ascended with me amazed by the stairs before turning right at the top into a bedroom that was bigger than our whole apartment. Pulling back the covers of a king size bed Cameron so romantically informed me “I need to pee” with me adding “wash your hands too” as we laughed ing our doggy dodo game. Cameron walked back out of the ensuite naked which was a huge affirmation of my feelings towards him. He was so handsome and more of a man than I could have ever wanted.

He was beautiful as he climbed into bed pulling up a single sheet and patting the bed next to him saying “come on” with me saying “toilet first”. I got undressed in the ensuite and checked my look before coming out wearing a only a pair of knickers sitting on the side of the bed with my back facing Cameron as his strong hand lightly gripped my shoulder gently pulling me backwards into him spooning up behind me as he pulled the sheet up over me saying “Shaelyn and Cameron sleep” Tarzan style with Gus looking on curiously at this new addition (me) before taking up his position at the foot of his master’s bed.

Lying there feeling Cameron’s body molding into mine from behind with his arm draped over my hip watching the long white curtains breathing in and out in time with the sea breeze seeing glimpses of blue ocean as Cameron’s breathing

slowed before I released “he’s asleep” with my eyes growing ever heavier thinking “this is so special I never want to wake up”.

Waking up a little after midday next to Cameron was heavenly as I just laid there looking at him and texting Sissy wishing this moment would never end. Cameron rolled off his side and onto his back and I could see he was aroused, it was actually hard to miss under the sheet looking like a not so little tent in the middle of the bed with me taking a picture as a keepsake. I thought of ways to wake him before thinking I know how to best wake him up. Putting the mobile down as I scurried under the sheet and he was exactly as I ed from last night; I again began to feel intoxicated by the pheromones trapped between us under the sheet. I positioned myself next to his hard beautiful erection before I started to kiss and lick him gently as he twitched in response to my tongue’s touch before swallowing him gently into my wet mouth. Cameron started to awaken fully to the sensation of what I was doing and within minutes Cameron was groaning as he awoke proper with his hand already subconsciously placed on my head running his fingers threw my hair as I slide my mouth up and down him as he got groaned half asleep.

Pulling the sheet back off Cameron’s muscular torso so he could watch me absolutely loving every moment as I worked him with me keeping the sheet wrapped around my hips hiding my arousal when the door behind me suddenly flew open with a young blonde woman not too dissimilar from me bursting through the door screaming “Cameron you can’t keep going on like this” with me releasing Cameron instantaneously pulling the sheet up to cover myself as Cameron quickly responded “Helen I wish you’d knock, Shaelyn this is my sister Helen” before telling Helen “get out” with Helen smiling broadly as she closed the door saying “obviously you can go on like that, sorry” embarrassed by her interruption.

I asked laughing “what the hell was that?” as Cameron apologized saying “Helen lives here with me; after I lost Livy, Helen’s marriage fell to pieces so she shifted in here with me” as Cameron explained I think the whole “you can’t go on like

this” comment refers to me working myself to death and sleeping my life away thing. I smiled saying “well we’ve both been introduced to family now” as I reached out to Cameron realizing he was still erect as I bent down beginning to work him up again. In minutes he was rock hard in my mouth and I was milking him hard like there was no tomorrow because maybe there wouldn’t be. I’d read on line if a girl keeps her thumb on the underside of her man she wouldn’t get any surprise ejaculations and I could feel a really noticeable deep throb within Cameron as I quickly took him out of my mouth telling him “do it Cameron” before resuming my hectic pace on his aching manhood. Tasting the prelude briefly as Cameron groaned louder “I’m cuming Shaelyn” as I braced myself to take his orgasm.

Last night was all about me but this was solely for Cameron as he looked down on me with my eyes wide open looking up with my mouth full of him as he’s eyes closed briefly as he shuddered before his entire body stiffened starting to orgasm. Not breaking my the seal around him I could barely believe the rush as he erupted into my mouth filling me with a sense of warmth as I worked up and down over his exploding manhood without spilling a drop of him.

Laying there cleaning him up with my tongue Cameron said “that’s the best way to be woken up apart; from the bit with Helen in it” as we laughed loudly in each other’s arms. I was hard during the whole thing but soft now I was back in his arms with Cameron saying “we’ll have a shower and you can meet my insane sister?” with me responding “couldn’t be any worse than my insane sister” laughing as both of us realized we both had sisters that cared greatly for us as I told Cameron “you go shower first, I have to call Sissy or she’ll be getting worried”.

Sitting on the bed talking to Sissy as I looked out over the ocean with Sissy stating “I’ve left seven massages” with me replying “I was indisposed” with Sissy laughing “you dirty stop out” with me announcing “I’m in heaven Sissy, he’s perfect” just as Cameron came out of the ensuite hearing my announcement looking at me saying “I used to know someone who said things like that” before

resuming his smile before snatching the phone off me quickly saying “hey Sissy, you won’t me but we met last night, I’ll bring Shaelyn home after coffee” as he handed the phone back to me saying “I’ll get your coffee, come down when you’re ready”. With Cameron leaving the room with the phone up close to my ear I whispered to Sissy “I think I’m in love Sissy, gotta go, be home soon” as Sissy cheered saying “see ya soon Shae” before hanging up.

I showered and got dressed back into my apricot jeans and crop top and started to barefoot explore my new surroundings finding my way to the top of glass stairs that seemed to float in midair with Cameron later explaining the engineering sophistication behind this allusion. Looking down from the top of the stairs at Cameron and Helen talking as Cameron made coffee reminded me very much of Sissy and I. Helen was as I later found out later Cameron’s older sister by one year and she was dressed for work in a power suit and heels. I could see she had long blonde hair but it was up in a bun. Helen was a little taller than Sissy and I but she looked like a real man eater with a strong sexy workout type body hidden under that feminine business suit and she just appeared to have an air of confidence about herself even from this distance.

Both of Cameron and Helen saw me at the top of the stairs taking in the scene with Cameron saying “and here she is” waving me to come down like a timid fawn being coxed into a trap. As I tentively stepped off the bottom stair making my b-line straight for the safety of Cameron but Helen moved quickly towards me blocking my path as she threw her arms around me whispering in my ear “thank you” as she held me close with me rigid like an ironing board in her embrace with me thinking “thank you” for what? Before Cameron said “Helen let her have some coffee, don’t make a big deal”.

Well you can’t always tell a book by its cover; Helen was surprisingly chatty and very nice asking a million questions at once; we’re you from, what do you do etc. This was exactly the interrogation I knew I’d get when I got home to Sissy “details” with me coyly answering Helen telling her I live, study and work locally as I sipped my coffee before Helen asked “wanna come out on the terrace

for a smoke? with me saying “yep” with Helen adding “what’s a coffee without a smoke” as she instructed Cameron to go back up stairs and try again in the wardrobe department Helen said “something nicer than your old shorts and a Tshirt this time” with Cameron mumbling “these are comfortable” as he returned up the stairs to get changed.

Soon as we stepped out onto terrace Helen “thanked me profusely for dragging Cameron out of his depression” adding “since his wife Livy died; he’s done two things “work and sleep” and that’s it! I’ve tried to introduce him to women but he’s so happy this morning what did you do to him last night?’ with me responding “great sex” as we laughed loudly together. Helen would later tell me about just how hard Livy’s loss had been for Cameron and how dark his outlook had been recently. Cameron’s family wanted Helen there to him; like Sissy had ed me. Helen was on watch (suicide).

Where do you work was the next question with me telling her with Helen saying “that’s the place with the hot twins every ones talking about” before adding “rumor has it one of them used to be a guy?” which drew a resounding silence from me instantly going into defensive mode before saying “I’m one of those twins” the silence was back in Helens court before she said “I think you’re so very special standing by your twin whilst they do that” implying I was the one born female and I was happy to let her think that if it kept Cameron by my side.

Cameron arrived back down stairs dressed nicely in dress shorts and collared shirt saying “I have to drop around to see dad, I’ll drop you home on the way Shaelyn” as soon as we were in the elevator I blurted out “what did you tell Helen?” with Cameron responding “nothing, I met a girl called Shaelyn, she’s coming down for coffee was pretty well the highlights” with me explaining she knows about the two hot twins at the resort and that one of them has had a sex change and she thinks I’m the one that was born female with Cameron saying “so let her think whatever she wants and in two weeks’ it won’t matter both of you and Sissy will be female”. I felt perplexed and in two minds about not telling the absolute truth with the ole rural chestnut “oh what a web we weave

when we practice to deceive” ringing through my head as the elevator descended.

Getting back to our apartment Cameron stopped me at the foot of the stairs saying “what happens between us is between us Shaelyn” before kissing me tenderly on the mouth holding my face in his hands saying “let other people think whatever they wanna think it shouldn’t make a difference to us” as he stared into my eyes before smiling saying “let’s compare insane sisters”.

Opening the door Sissy met Cameron like a tornado just as Helen had greeted me with Cameron hugging her back in a sisterly fashion before holding her back next to me for comparison saying after the longest stare “you pair really are identical” before adding “two for the price of one” laughing as Sissy responded equally laughing “only in your dreams” with Cameron stating “I’ll have to keep track of what Shaelyn is wearing, I’m buggered if you both wear the same clothes” with Sissy saying “if you try and kiss Shaelyn and she slaps you up the side of the head for no reason it’s probably me” as we all laughed with Sissy dragging Cameron in for interrogation as he announced “sorry Sissy family calls my dad and I hangout each Saturday afternoon as he asked me “can I call around tonight Shaelyn?” with me responding under my fringe “yep, see ya tonight” before he tenderly kissed me right in front of Sissy as she frosted up being so happy for me as she yelled “see you later Cameron”.

As soon as Cameron was gone Sissy was dancing and crying, she was all over me “details” so I shared all that had happened with Sissy dancing again on our balcony and cuddling me whilst we smoked cigarettes reliving the night that was with Sissy saying “I’m so happy for you Shae he seems really nice and from what I heard last night through the door “he’ll more than fulfill all your needs” as she laughed with me realized she’d heard every word before I blurted out “I could seriously fall in love this guy Sissy, he says he’ll wait for me to be female and he opens doors for me and treats me like a real lady in public and an absolute wench in the bedroom, he’s so special” before quickly sliding into the conversation “by the way his sister Helen thinks you’re the one getting a sex

change” with Sissy responding “what the” as Sissy laughed saying “hell I don’t care, I’m in” as I tried to explain why Helen thought that.

CHAPTER 14

Disbelief

As the afternoon progressed Cameron called informing me that his whole family was abuzz with Helen’s news that he’d met someone and as they were going fishing on their family boat tonight; it had been decided that Sissy and I should be invited. Cameron explained “It’s a bit of a family thing every month or so we get together to share time and relax on the boat, mum cooks, dad and I try to catch fish, Helen goes backwards and forwards delivering beers and telling mum that we still haven’t caught anything, wanna come?”.

I was instantly in a state of panic asking “what should we wear? before asking “what are you wearing? With Cameron’s cheekily responding “my old shorts and T-shirt I had on this morning” before Cameron added “don’t get all dressed up or anything” with me replying “that’s easy for you to say” as a panic attack loomed large on my nautical and relationship horizon. An epiphany came to me as I asked Cameron “what’s Helen’s number? I called Helen frantically asking “what should we wear tonight and to make sure it was ok to bring Sissy with Helen assuring me “your both really welcome we’re a very open minded accepting family” following that up with “besides I’ve told them all about Sissy” with me thinking what did she tell these people before Helen said “smart casual, I’m wearing a light cotton dress, gotta go mums calling, see you tonight”.

Sissy and I had two hours of shopping daylight left as we ran down the stairs with me saying it’s probably the QE2 from what I’ve seen of Cameron’s family so far with Sissy laughing “relax, calm the farm as long as it’s not titanic” on our way to the car before hitting the shops in the hope of getting that special outfit to meet Cameron’s parents. Arriving home in record time Sissy and I had bought matching “Pure Princess” white cotton blend dresses that had a modest v-kneck

with a visible silk slip underneath covered with white lace cotton flowers with half-length sleeves and as the brand suggested they were incredibly feminine and elegant and very becoming for such an occasion.

When Cameron pulled up in the Suzuki which he’d cleaned immaculately; he stopped dead in he’s tracks at first sight of us walking towards the car. Opening the front enger side door saying “Shaelyn” with an out stretched hand waiting to see which of us would respond. As I took his hand Cameron stated “ladies you look absolutely heavenly it’s hard to tell you apart” with us both holding up our wrists with me saying “Shaelyn is wearing the white gold bracelet” with Sissy saying “Shannon is wearing the yellow gold bracelet” as we smiled in unison as Cameron helped me into the front seat and Sissy into the back seat with Cameron smiling still amazed and playfully confirming as he got in the driver’s seat “mine’s the one wearing the white gold” with Sissy laughing from behind “if you try to kiss the one wearing yellow gold she’ll let you know” as she gestured a playful slap with Cameron acknowledging “right got it” as we took off all three of us laughing towards the marina in the Suzuki.

Getting to the marina I could see straight away which boat was Cameron’s family’s; the big one at the back as Helen yelled out “hey” waving wildly from the second level back deck where she was setting the table. This was Sissy’s first taste of what I’d been exposed to over the last 24 hours. Cameron’s family was obviously wealthy but both Cameron and Helen were very nice as I thought how bad could their parents be? ing our parent’s as I cringed which obviously showed on my face as Cameron stopped taking both of us by the hand saying “relax you’re amongst friends” before letting go of Sissy’s hand and taking both of my trembling hands asking me “do we make each other happy “white gold bracelet?” smiling playfully mocking me as I said “yep” with Cameron responding “my family only want me to be happy and they’ll love anybody that does that!” with Sissy saying “Shae if you don’t want him, I have him” as we all laughed walking along the dock as Gus appeared running flat out to greet his master and us as we approached the boat.

A boat was an understatement; it was a 145 foot long European styled pleasure yacht as Cameron so proudly informed me as I gazed at the majestic beauty of it with its three tiered levels above the water line as Cameron showing the utmost pride and rightly so said “that’s what we build; dad and I”. I could tell by the looks of things they’d had to go without a few of the expected luxuries (not). It was impressive as it was immaculate! I looked at Sissy as she looked at me smiling trying to take it all in her stride.

Getting on board was like going home to the family I wished I had as Helen said “hey Shaelyn” with a sisterly hug before Sarah (Cameron’s mum) and Mat (Cameron’s dad) stood in line to hug and welcome us aboard the “Ocean Spirit” with Sissy and I very much on display with everyone saying how beautiful we were and so identical with Cameron saying “mines the one with the white gold bracelet” with Sarah stating “she not a car with shiny wheels Cameron” hitting his arm playfully. Helen seemed very curious of Sissy and quite taken with her probably because she thought Sissy had a sex change, it’s the reaction I usually got. Cameron’s parents were as unpretentious as they were wealthy; both parents were in their fifties and it seemed they could not have been happier to see us aboard and their son happy for the first time in half a decade.

As we got underway Sissy clumsily half stumbled as Cameron caught her laughing and helping her to a chair saying “take a few minutes to get your sea legs” as I jokingly ed in saying “that’s how you tell us apart; elegance and outright dangerously clumsy and we take turns at who does what on different days” as I asked Sissy “you all right?” with Sissy trying to smile “I’ve got a bad headache coming on Shae” before apologizing “sorry” with me asking “do you want to go home?” as Sissy was turning greener by the second. We’d only just left the dock 5 minutes ago and were still in the marina.

I was apologizing to everyone as Sissy violently vomited with Sarah stepping in saying to Sissy “don’t worry love” going to her aid with Sissy trying to say sorry in between bouts of vomiting. Mat said “we’ll get her back to the dock and she’ll be fine Shaelyn once she’s back on terra firma” (solid ground) was Mat’s

reassurance as he turned the boat around. Getting back to the dock Sissy could barely stand and was vomiting like a poisoned animal foaming at the mouth as Cameron carried her to the ambulance we’d called with me running alongside him on the dock distraught beyond belief as Cameron threw both of us into the back of the ambulance saying “I’ll follow in my car”.

Going to the hospital Sissy was only getting worse as I noticed her left eye lid droop ever so slightly and I knew running up the dock this was more than sea sickness and in that moment I really knew. Screaming hysterically at the paramedic pointing it out as he placed a drip into Sissy’s arm injecting into the drip with medicine that would hopefully help with the vomiting as we sped away from the marina with me crying holding onto Sissy’s trembling hand and clutching her face noticing her eye slightly on a tilt as she asked “what’s happening to me Shae?” with me telling her “I don’t know Sissy but it’ll be alright as soon as we get to the hospital”.

Getting to the hospital 15 minutes later was a great relief and so was the fact that Sissy’s uncontrollable projectile vomiting had all but stopped as the back of the ambulance sprung open with Sissy being immediately enveloped by medical staff as she was wheeled away from me with me being told to “wait in there” by a nurse pointing to the appropriate area with empty chairs. I was pacing the floor when Cameron burst through the double doors with me running to him crying and holding on to him saying “she’s in there, they won’t let me in to her” with Cameron responding “relax, breath Shaelyn, she’s in the best place” before dragging me over to the triage nurse confirming as soon as there was any news we’d know it.

Sitting there stunned beyond belief Cameron and I waited under the florescent lights of the waiting room with me pacing the floor arms crossed crying for three quarters an hour before a doctor came out. The doctor was in her thirties and seemed very nice asking “are you Shae?” with me confirming “yes, I’m Shannon’s sister” before sitting me down telling me “Shannon has stabilized and you can see her shortly; thanks to you noticing her eye we took her straight in for

an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imager) scan in case it was a cerebral hemorrhage of some kind but it wasn’t” as I breathed a sigh of relief before the doctor said “however we have identified what looks like a well-developed intracranial solid neoplasm” with Cameron and I looking dumb faced before hearing words we did recognize as the doctor said “brain tumor”. I shrieked “is she going to be alright?” with the doctor saying “Shannon is seriously ill and she will require further tests over the next day or so to fully identify the exact nature and extent of her condition accurately” before telling me “we will need to see your parents as they are the nominated next of kin on her electronic medical records, we’ve been trying to call but the number isn’t responding”.

I getting up, standing there immobilized for I don’t know how long before slowly walking into the corner of the empty room then quickly turning around asking the doctor “is she gonna die” just as Cameron’s parent’s and Helen walked into the waiting room hearing my question with Sarah and Helen instantly bursting into tears with the doctor asking them “are you the parents?” with Mat replying “family friends”. The doctor told all of us “I’m only a general practitioner, we’ll know more in the morning from the specialist but if it is what we believe it to be the prognosis isn’t good I’m sorry, you need to your parents”.

Mat caringly asked Cameron who was standing next to the doctor “is this a complication of her surgery?” with the doctor asking “what surgery there nothing on her records” with me hysterically crying “there is no surgery” at the doctor before turning to Mat, Sarah and Helen “I’m the one with the surgery not her” as I fell apart in tears as Cameron rushed to me saying to his parents “I’ll be home as soon as I can” urging them to leave as they silently left with Sarah and Helen crying.

Cameron sat me down holding me when the doctor spoke to me again saying sternly “listen up young lady; this isn’t about you, Shannon doesn’t need tears right now she needs strength she’s scared” before she added “put on your most uplifting face and come in and see her when you’re ready” as she went back

through the doors.

Walking outside into the warm cool night air noticing the difference between last night and this night as I shakily lit a cigarette whilst Cameron consoled me saying “they don’t have all the facts yet Shaelyn, there’s treatments, they may be able to remove it or they could just be plain wrong” with me shaking silently puffing on my cigarette before I announced “I better call the folks”. My father picked up on his mobile, I don’t know what was happening with the home phone as I stated quickly so he wouldn’t hang up on me “Sissy’s in hospital really sick” before I heard a familiar voice using an unfamiliar name “what’s wrong Shane?” with me crying “they think it’s a brain tumor dad and the doctors want you and mum here, the doctor said if it’s what they think it is the prognosis isn’t good” with the response coming back “we’ll be on the next flight stay in we’ll be there in the morning if we have to drive all night” with me ending the conversation “thanks dad”.

Walking back into the hospital was a surreal experience as if for the first time in my life I was truly walking in someone else’s body with Cameron holding my hand as the glass doors slide open as I said “I need to throw some water on my face before I see her”. After a few minutes at the sink splashing water at my tears I began to rummage through my purse fixing up my face so I could present the most uplifting, strongest and ive face that Sissy could hope to see before finally walking out to Cameron saying “I’m ready to see her”.

Sissy was sedated but was fighting back the effects of the medication refusing to sleep without seeing me first. I leaned over her carefully holding her amongst the cables and cords attached to her as she apologized saying “sorry, about your special night” with me saying “there’ll be others, we just have to get you well first” as she whispered “I love you Shae” succumbing to the medication falling peacefully asleep holding my hand; a hand that I would never let go.

Cameron and I saw our second sun rise together that morning through the open

hospital window looking out over the rose gardens below another night without sleep. Sissy awoke proper at about 7am with me instantly going about fixing up her hair and telling her “mum and dad will be here before lunch” as she half chuckled looking at Cameron as she reached out for Cameron’s hand saying her first words of the day “brace yourself, this ort to be good” she was in good spirits, hungry, no headache, no vomiting, maybe Cameron was right maybe it was an incorrect diagnosis? With me thinking “medicine isn’t an exact science doctors get it wrong all the time on the television”.

By 9am Jessica and Stacey had arrived both bringing flowers from the hospital lobby shop with Jessica first to arrive going about rescuing Sissy’s hair from my sleep depraved attempt to a “more glamorous hospital look” as she called it trying to avoid the “tumor” talk with Stacey arriving shortly afterwards asking “how ya feeling Shan?” Stacey used to call us Shae & Shan with Sissy responding “I’ve had worse hangovers I don’t feel that bad” with Stacey jokingly asking “well why you aren’t at work? Before Stacey told us “I closed the café for the day! If they wanna fire me they can” Stacey and Jessica were our best of friends.

Stacey was going about decorating the room with flowers to everyone’s amusement obviously trying to keep the mood lite trying to distract everyone from the obvious topic of discussion when at 9:30am the specialist surgeon a woman in her early forties arrived introducing herself as Dr. Angela Corby who immediately commented on Sissy’s good spirits and poor taste in flower decorations before telling Sissy as I held Sissy’s shaking hand and the close group of friends listened in “I’ve examined your scans from last night Shannon and we are looking at a larger than golf ball size tumor at the base of your brain stem” touching Sissy behind her kneck at the base of her hairline indicating the tumor’s position but there’s no reason to panic! We don’t know anything about it yet; it may be a benign non-aggressive tumor that we can remove or treat with chemotherapy or a combinations of several treatments, truth is we just won’t know anything for certain till after we’re run a couple of tests this afternoon; first we’ll do a radiogram which is where we put radioactive isotopes into your drip which will highlight the extant of the tumor against surrounding tissue and then we’ll get a small biopsy sample from the tumor itself for testing both

procedures are relatively painless compared with what you went through last night then we can discuss prognosis and treatments options late this afternoon, any questions?

Sissy stated “what I felt last night didn’t feel very benign or non-aggressive” with the doctor replying “I can see you’re an intelligent young woman and the only outcome I can promise you; is I won’t hide anything about your condition from you and I will always tell you the whole truth” before adding “last night isn’t the best of signs granted but I just won’t know fully what we’re dealing with till after these tests, we can sit here and “what if” ourselves silly for no good reason but I can tell you’re not in immediate danger now”.

Sissy announced “good enough” before asking Dr, Corby “can I have a smoke and a coffee?” before adding “and I want to change my next of kin to Shaelyn” with Dr. Corby saying I’ve scheduled the test’s for mid-day and you can have coffee, some breakfast if you like and smoke if you wish though I wouldn’t recommend the latter before leaving Dr. Corby remaindered Sissy saying “we need you back in bed ready to go from eleven o’clock Shannon; just ask the nurse and she will update your next of kin after you’ve signed the authority, I’ll be back to see you before the procedures”.

Just getting Sissy back inside after she signed the next of kin responsibilities over to me whilst she had a smoke with a coffee my mobile rang as we were helping Sissy back into bed. It was my father as I half mouthed whispering “they’re here” to the group surrounding Sissy as I covered the mouth piece with my father saying “we’re down stairs in the lobby come and get us”. I stood up reluctantly from my chair saying “I’m just going down stairs to get mum and dad” as Cameron rose from his chair almost in unison with me asking “do you want me to come Shaelyn?” with me responding “I have to face them some day and this day is going so well already (my face saying “not”) it may as well be today” before asking Cameron to stay with Sissy till I got back.

I’d walked silently out of Sissy’s room into the long sterile hallway that lead past the coffee machine to the elevator pausing at the elevator door before pushing the button as the doors instantly slide open with me thinking “life isn’t gonna give me a chance to think about this” standing alone in the elevator hitting the lobby button as the doors closed like a prison in front of me. I’d ridden this elevator a couple of months ago towards a new life but this time; I felt very much like a condemned death row prisoner descending to the execution chamber it was slow, deliberate and completely unavoidable.

When the audible “bing” went off just prior to the elevator doors opening I thought for a split second “wonder what my chances are of the lobby being empty this time” as I stepped out into the lobby looking like the night before girl still wearing my “Pure Princess” white cotton dress albeit with some vomit stains that I’d tried to clean off in the ladies toilet straight into the eyes of my mother thirty feet away on the other side of the lobby. Rising from her chair my mother said “Shannon” she thought I was Sissy as her eyes lit up with my father rising smiling from his chair as I said “it’s me mum” as her whole demeanor changed immediately sharply stating “I don’t won’t to talk to you” asking “where’s my daughter?” as I immediately sharply replied “one of your daughters is standing right in front of you” with my father interjecting “not now both of you” with me pouting defensively before saying “I’ll take you to Sissy!”.

Waiting for the elevator to come back down was unbelievable and the ride back up was even worse than the ride down. The atmosphere in the elevator could have produced rain it was that oppressive, it was palatable and cold as ice going both ways primarily between my mother and I and I’m not proud to it that; all the time without a word being spoken or a glance shared between us. With the elevator behind us we arrived at Sissy’s bedside with Cameron holding Sissy’s hand making her laugh as Stacey and Jessica ed in doing floral arrangements and doing Sissy’s hair before parting immediately to allow our rushing mother access to Sissy with my father shaking Cameron’s hand asking if he was Sissy’s boyfriend when Cameron proudly replied “please to meet you sir, I’m your other daughter’s boyfriend” as I thought “yes” with my father pulling back his hand under the controlling gaze of my mother’s disapproving scowl before her scowling gaze shifted to me crying “why Shannon, why couldn’t this have

happened to you” as Sissy hit the fucking roof sitting bolt upright!

Sissy shouted at our mother “don’t you fucking understand what a brain tumor is? You might lose one of your daughters don’t lose both” to our mothers astonishment before Sissy finished with; “if you can’t accept both of us then you don’t accept either of us, I might have a brain tumor but your fucking brain dead! Our mother stood there motionless and shocked into silence at Sissy’s declaration and excellent use of profanity before mum hurriedly shuffled from the room in tears with our father trailing behind her as Sissy said “that went well” breathing heavily from her displayed anger as she laid back down with the matron telling her “the last thing you need is outbursts of that nature young lady and they wouldn’t be tolerated in this hospital” asking finally “do we understand each other?” with Sissy apologizing profusely “sorry matron, I really am, no more outbursts, I promise it won’t happen again”.

Cameron said “you should go talk to them Shaelyn” as Sissy interjected “don’t you dare Shae the shrink said give them time, well they’ve had time!” before asking furiously “what’s mum’s problem anyway?” and then immediately answering her own question “maybe we’d embarrass her at a church social?” before announcing “as if we’re ever gonna go back to that homophobic hick town anyway!” Sitting there I was truly shocked and dismayed by my parent’s reaction towards me especially as they had some time to adjust and today wasn’t about me it was about Sissy. Set against this backdrop of Sissy’s ranting my mind swirled with possible scenarios; running down the hallway taking the stairs to catch them with me bursting through the side exit out into the gardens finding them crying sitting on a bench with my father staring back at me; as I stopped dead in my tracks before walking slowly closer feeling very vulnerable and exposed in my “pure princess” dress in the warm sun silhouetted by a the roses in the gardens behind me.

I screamed exalting “I’m still me; you haven’t lost a son you’ve gained a daughter” before declaring “I want you in my life, I love and miss you with my father asking “why didn’t you tell us?” with me responding “I didn’t know how,

I should have tried harder with my father standing up from the bench with one hand still lovingly on my mother’s shoulder saying “I’m going back inside” looking at my mother and in turn looking at me saying “I’ll let Shannon know her mother and sister are talking in the garden”.

My father’s acknowledgment moving me to tears with each step he’d take towards me stopping in front of me looking into my down turned eyes saying “I always said you were too pretty to be a boy” with me throwing my arms around him crying “I love you dad, I love you” as I held onto him with all the strength of a daughter that had found her lost father hearing him say “talk to your mother” before he walked back inside to Sissy and back into our lives.

I stood there for minutes unsure of what to say approaching my mother warily as I’d felt her scorn last time she saw me in a dress softly saying “mum” with our eyes finding each other through our tears with mum asking me “was it because of how I treated you when I found you in Shannon’s clothes?” with me crying “you’re the greatest mum it’s just God’s plan for me” with her rushing towards me calling my name “Shaelyn” with her arms wide open before wrapping them around me with Sissy, dad, Cameron, Jessica and Stacey cheering from the third floor balcony above the garden. The war over, the rift healed and a family was united.

I was suddenly bought back to my reality; I hadn’t chased after them at all, I was still sitting in my chair and Sissy was still going off her head saying “I’m over their shit! Shae If they don’t come back, I don’t want them back!” As I realized my momentary dream scenario would probably never come true but I would always hold onto the hope that one day it would. Our parents had turned their backs on us; we were alone and there would be no happy ending today. Sissy was angry with our parents, the world and more to the point her and my lot in it, Sissy was angry at everything. I’d just sat there as Sissy wanted; we all did trying to make sense and light of recent events hoping for our parents to return.

Our halfhearted hollow nervous laughter was a shared mask we used to try to cope with the unfolding situation and even the halfhearted laughter was short lived as the nurses started to prepare Sissy for the tests as Dr. Corby talked us through the procedures “we’ll do the radiogram under the MRI like you had last night first which can take up to an hour and will probably make you feel a little more nauseous this time because of the isotopes then we’ll do the biopsy after we get you into surgery which will take about 20 minutes” before explaining “we can’t put you under a general anesthesia to knock you out Shannon when we’re doing the biopsy but the brain hasn’t got nerve endings like the rest of the body so it doesn’t feel pain so it won’t hurt” as the reality of our situation read plainly on everyone’s faces especially on Sissy’s with Dr. Corby reassuring Sissy “we numb the area so we can drill a tiny two millimeter hole right above where the tumor is; take a sample of the tumor and that will be it; won’t even mess up your hair with the worst you should feel being a mild pressure which is why you have to be awake for the procedure so you can tell us what you’re feeling” before adding “I have to go get ready the nurses will bring you down in about 20 minutes I’ll be waiting for you downstairs Shannon”.

All the unspoken big questions and what if’s were running through my and Sissy’s brains not so much about the tests but more about the findings. We all tried to keep smiling and sub consequentially hoping and looking at the doorway for the return of our parents but the doorway remained empty except for the two interns entering to take Sissy down stairs.

I’d told Jessica and Stacey no matter what “no tears” and they were holding true to their promise unlike the parental promise; the god given right of a child to be loved by its parent’s that our parents were obviously reneging on. As they wheeled Sissy away with all of us remaining in the room kissing Sissy and smiling with me saying from the doorway “see ya in a little while, mum and dad will be back by then” before bursting into tears once Sissy was out of earshot as a stunned silence engulfed the group at the absence of Sissy. I stood up declaring “I have to try” before asking Stacey to call on our behalf stating “they’ll hang up on me”. My mother answered with Stacey introducing herself before my mother said “Shannon doesn’t want us there and we have no other reason for being there, we’re going home” with Stacey appealing to our mother almost in tears

“Shannon may get told she’s going to die today and you’re leaving what sort of mother are you?” as my mother hung up. We huddled crying together pledging to each other that we were all the family Sissy needed and that we would stand beside her and each other no matter what! The group consensus was definitely with regards to our parents “Fuck em”.

My father seemed to be under control of my mother and she was so angry! Who could do this; leave one child at a time like this and disown the other altogether? The waiting silence gave me lots of time to think of how my sexuality had destroyed my entire family with no one getting away unscathed. I’d not enforced or inflicted my sexuality on my parents in fact I’d done everything possible to conceal it from them but there was no doubt my sexuality had fractured and shattered our family immeasurably. I felt so much guilt and sorrow for all concerned but none more so than Sissy who was essentially forced to choose between her parents and her sibling.

I couldn’t understand our parent’s reaction but I could definitely see the driving force behind this distain towards me was my mother which really confused me as I thought it would or should have been more likely my father but dad seemed very much to be following mum’s lead. The only rationale I could understand would be later given to me by Toni (my shrink) who experienced the same thing; an aggressive mother and a semi-reluctant father with Toni explaining “I believe having a gay or transgender son perhaps makes the mother question the father’s sexuality. After all; the apple doesn’t usually fall far from the tree”.

Toni pointed out have a look at the unbelievable number of closet gays, cross dressers and want-a-be transgender males out there; most have been forced into living a lie and end up getting married and having children trying to conform to society and social pressures. I didn’t know of any non-heterosexual tendencies that my father had or didn’t have but it was obvious dad was definitely more likely to accept me than my mother was and that’s generally what most guys who stray from the heterosexual path find when they come out. Maybe I was doing what my father had always secretly wanted to do but for whatever reason

was unable and maybe my mother knew that? Maybe I was painful reminder of an experience her and my father had shared or maybe she saw me as threat to my father being who he really was? I don’t know but it’s the only explanation that even sort of made sense at all.

This situation was totally hopeless; if I had taken my own life a year ago before Sissy intervened; my parents would still be a family but my parents would have still lost both their children regardless. One child lost to their sexuality driven suicide and the other to a brain tumor. The whole scenario read like a creek tragedy, this was a classic “no win” situation for everyone regardless of how I thought about it”. That is how I spent the next two hours in between cuddles and kisses from Cameron as he assured me “things have a funny way of working out Shaelyn just because you can’t see the answer now doesn’t mean there isn’t one”. My mind went into over drive trying to figure out a way for at least some body to win but I couldn’t. It was at this time Jessica offered to go get something’s for Sissy should she remain overnight and a change of clothes for us if she was to be released with me placing the caveat “make sure it’s happy and we match, thanks Jessica”.

Jessica was back within the hour with an overnight bag and two matching light cotton, cyan blue one piece sundresses that were high low hemmed dresses (high at the front and low at the back) with round bust lines and quarter length sleeves as she bragged about the two pair of matching electric blue swade open toed stiletto sandals with 3 inch heels. Jessica knew this ensemble was a Sissy favourite. It was casual but sleek and very flattering if you had the legs and we did! I showered and got changed quickly in Sissy’s toilet with Jessica and Stacey helping to straighten me up before Sissy’s return.

Finally turning my attention to Cameron asking “do you wanna duck away for a shave and a shower?” with Cameron’s reply coming swiftly “I’m not going anywhere without you” as Stacey and Jessica both proposed marriage to him laughing with Cameron saying “sorry girls I’m off the market” smiling at me as Sissy was wheeled back into the room responding to everyone asking in unison

“how do you feel?” With Sissy eloquently stating “I feel like shit, I feel like someone has drilled a hole in the back of my head” dark humor was always our way but she looked alright and seemed very well considering, there was no bandages around her head which I expected. I was bracing myself for a completely shaved and hairless Sissy and looking at the back of her head there was only a shaved area about a 16th of an inch across and a dot of congealed blood with us showing Sissy with mirrors.

I immediately asked “when is Dr Corby coming up to let us know how things went?” with Sissy informing us saying “they’re rushing the biopsy sample through pathology now and as soon as she’s reviewed everything she’ll be up to discuss”. One hour, two hours and finally at just before 5pm after three hours Dr. Corby walked into the room holding the scans and test results as I took Sissy’s hand with Cameron, Jessica and Stacey in flanking positions around the head of Sissy’s bed for whatever the outcome we all wanted Sissy to feel and know that we’d all face it together.

Dr. Corby started with “I promised you one outcome Shannon “the truth” pausing longer than you’d expect for good news before saying “we’ve identified a relatively slow growing grade 4 glioblastoma multiforme on your brain stem” with Sissy and all of us obviously looking confused with Dr Corby clarifying “it is a tumor but the good news is it’s slow growing” before Sissy asked “what’s the bad news?” as Dr. Corby swallowed down “it’s inoperable Shannon based on the extent of its growth and position” with Sissy asking “what does that mean?” as I felt the instant sweat of Sissy’s trembling hand “it means we can’t remove it but we can treat it with chemotherapy and medications but we can’t cure it” as Sissy started to cry with me taking up the questioning “so if you can’t remove it and you can’t cure it what does that leave us with?” with Dr Corby repeating “treatment” we can treat the symptoms and hopefully slow it further however statistically this type of tumor will normally result in the loss of the patient even with the best of treatments within 18 months and 12 months if no treatment is undertaken”.

Silence reigned supreme for the longest of long moments whilst Sissy cried with Dr. Corby breaking the silence saying “I’m so very sorry Shannon” before adding “with treatment you can have a very good quality of life, do all the things you usually do even go to work if you want, I’ll be doing my rounds tomorrow and we’ll talk again” with Sissy responding “I won’t be here! I’ll be at home! I’m g myself out!” as Dr. Corby said empathetically “that’s your right Shannon; I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now and I’m happy for you to go home and take a few days to yourself to think about things. You’re not in immediate danger but the sooner you start taking the appropriate medication the better the outcome, promise me you’ll take the medication and I’ll arrange an appointment for you to see me before the end of the week and we’ll look at treatment options and I can arrange a counselor for you and for Shaelyn” with Sissy stating “We already have a shrink Dr. Hazleton” with Dr. Corby saying well I’ll arrange for your medication and your release” with Sissy thanking Dr. Corby for her honesty as she left.

Stunned silence was left behind after Dr. Corby left the room with no one really sure of what to say before Sissy announced “let’s go get pizza and a movie” before adding “I can choose the movie every night for the next 12 to 18 months” as we all burst into tears crying holding onto Sissy with her saying “no tears” I want to be as happy as I can for as long as I can” with me asking “you’re not going to make us watch “it” are you? as everyone but Sissy and I looked confused with Sissy stating “those who are dying chose all movies and yes we are going to watch the “Kurt Russell and Goldie Horne” classic romantic comedy “Overboard” with me responding “I know you’re dying Sissy but that movie really kills me” with both of us laughing with everyone ing in with me as I pointing out “don’t laugh you’re watching it too!”

CHAPTER 15

Conspirators

Getting home that first night saw Cameron showering as the girls ordered pizza with Stacey going out and getting drinks. If anyone had not been part of our day they would have thought it an ordinary night but it wasn’t. Sissy had been told she had no longer than 18 months to live and I’d been told I’d lose all that I loved and we’d both lost our parents with Cameron, Jessica and Stacey trying to us as best they could.

So we pulled out every mattress (2 queens and the fold out faithful from the lounge) and ate pizza whilst we laughed and got mildly inebriated as we watched “Overboard” for me as I worked out my 67th premier viewing as Sissy and I joked and laughed about her movie choice with me laughing “we could go down to the store they have lots of movies” with Sissy laughing “but we have “Overboard” on our shelf here and you haven’t watched it for months with me” with me laughing “what’s that tell you Sissy” half falling over her as we sat on the mattresses watching her favourite movie drinking our favourite ices (Smirnoff) with me bragging to Cameron “if it wasn’t for these referring to the ices and Stacey making me drink them we mightn’t have met” as I kissed Cameron laughing as he comfortably shared a collection of beds across the lounge room floor with four young attractive women under 25 all the time holding me close and clearly caring very much for Sissy. If I was a natural female this guy would be my choice to father my children!

The movie ended with the Hollywood classic romantic “happy ending” with four girls in tears and Cameron saying it was a good movie but I realised our lives weren’t a movie and our nights like this one were strictly limited and would end tragically for Sissy and I and our parents if they cared. I kept hoping maybe at

least they’d come back for Sissy but I also knew Sissy would never allow them back into her life without them including me too. I would have to think and discuss that whole situation with Sissy but not tonight, not now. Today was the worse day imaginable; we’d really lost our parents today, they’d turned their backs on us and we’d received the worst possible news but we still had each other. Such was the strength of our bond and I/we had Cameron and we both had Jessica and Stacey.

Turning the lights out to watch Sissy’s second movie choice “Titanic” as we all fell asleep exhausted before the boat sank with Sissy and I spooning in the middle of the mattresses on the lounge room floor with Cameron spooning up behind me with Stacey lying close on the other side of Sissy with Jessica up behind Stacey. It was like we were all subconsciously trying to wrap her in so much love that she’d get better but I knew these moments were even more precious than they would have been before. I’d need something better than a phone for pictures to capture these moments I’d need a good camera and video camera too!

I awoke to Sissy whispering “come on” as we got up quietly as Cameron mumbled “where are you two reprobates going?” with me whispering “come on” as the three of us snuck out of the apartment under the cover of darkness walking towards the beach with Cameron walking 20feet behind us in the predawn twilight saying “I’m just the adult supervision you girls go do whatever, I’ll just tag along” as Sissy and I strolled towards the beach hand in hand with Sissy saying “I don’t want to miss the sunrise” with Cameron commenting “I’ll run back and get my camera out of the car”.

Sissy and I pulled up on a grassy knoll overlooking the beach only 50 feet away as the sky started getting lighter with Cameron walking around taking pictures in the darkness as we laughed before Sissy’s laughter gradually reduced to crying in the predawn darkness as she said “I only have 500 of these let, we used to do this all the time when we first got out here, I wanna see all of them Shae” with me holding her listening intently to her thoughts as she cried sobbing “I’ll never

get married or have children, I would have been a good mum and you would have been a really cool aunt” before she paused sighing “I probably won’t even get to see my 21th birthday” with me saying “every birthday I have will always be yours as well” holding her close as she cried. I promised Sissy I’d never let her see me cry and that was a promise I intended to keep! She needed an anchor to hold onto and a happy loving face to focus on; not tears she had enough of those herself.

We sat there silently watching the wonder of the new day and the miracle of creation as the sky above the ocean lightened before the golden orb of the sun crested the water chasing away the darkness for another day illuminating the whole world with its warmth. Sissy was my sun and I died a little inside at the thought of a world without her warmth; that world that would be barren, cold and devoid of light but we had 499 sunrises and sunsets to share first and that is what I’d concentrate on just to function and fulfill my role as Sissy’s anchor. Sissy told me she wanted to live, work and study for as long as she could and reaffirmed her intent saying “I want to live and love not wait to die”. By 6am the sun was fully up and making its presence known as I asked Sissy “waffles” as she smiled calling Cameron up from the water’s edge yelling “waffles” as Cameron started making his way towards us saying “I got some great shots”.

Getting back with Sissy waking Jessica and Stacey as I started cooking waffles whilst bopping around the kitchen to early morning radio as Cameron dragged his work laptop and assorted computer paraphernalia (this boy really loved electronic gadgets) from his car to review the eighty something photos he’d taken as we laughed and Sissy cried. They were beautiful moments captured in time; Sissy laughing as she held onto me looking into the soft glow of the sunrise and Sissy’s tears as I held onto her. I announced proudly due to my man’s obvious skills behind the lens “that’s it sports fans Cameron’s the official “Sissy paparazzi”.

Stacey was the first to bring the whole reality thing back into focus with “I’ll have to go home and get ready for work” before adding “I’ll get someone to

cover for you Shae” with Sissy insisting “I’m not dying today, Shae will be there and I’ll be in tomorrow” with me questioning “are you sure?” with Sissy responding “I want to live not wait to die” before adding in a very feminine policeman’s voice laughing “there’s nothing to see here people move along” as we all did exactly that; we went about our days stopping only to kiss Sissy before each left with all of us in turn promising a reunion tonight for the sunset with me and Cameron being last to leave as Sissy was having a smoke and coffee on our little balcony as I said running late “I love you Sissy, see you this afternoon about four” and Cameron chiming in with “me too”.

The day dragged slowly for all of us but we re-converged on Sissy at almost the same time with Stacey and I arriving to find Cameron sitting with Sissy on the balcony deep in conversation as Stacey and I intervened with the trivial news of our day and our thoughts about what we could do tonight. For the first time in my life I felt like I’d interrupted something important with regards to Sissy as they both happily changed subject to our nonsensical ramblings about our day at the café.

That afternoon as Cameron wondered taking pictures and video footage of everything I left Sissy with Stacey and Jessica discussing dinner plans (pizza) and leaving strict instructions that “Overboard” was a great movie but two nights in a row would ruin its appeal as we laughed before running after Cameron on the beach telling him “Sissy put her diagnoses with a “500 sunrises to go” count down of Facebook” with me asking “kind of morbid don’t ya think?” with Cameron replying “yeh but I suppose she wants to keep track of where she’s at” adding “it keeps her focus on having a good time too, instead of dying”.

It was bugging me so I just asked Cameron “what were you and Sissy talking about on the balcony this afternoon when Stacey and I got home?” with Cameron looking straight at me solemnly stating “death” Sissy wanted to know about Livy and how she died, so I told her. We were discussing how I still see Livy every day all over the place; in the reflections of window’s, at sunrise as the light hits the water and in you” as I smiled up at this man who was absolutely

winning my heart over as he continued “I told her I believe people go on past death, I don’t know how but your living proof sometimes when you say and do things I swear I’m sharing time with two people you and Livy and I’m not just talking about things you do or what you say but also how you and sometimes it’s what you don’t say” as I probably looked a little confused with Cameron saying “it’s probably hard to understand and I probably haven’t explained it very well but it’s how it feels to me, you’re the best of so many people Shaelyn” with me throwing myself at him wrapping my arms around his kneck kissing him desperately and ionately as the surf rolled up the sand and around our feet as the sun set.

I thought “there mightn’t be a tomorrow” I couldn’t help it, I felt it, so I just said it; “I love you” looking deeply into Cameron eyes as he said without hesitation “I love you too Shaelyn” as I started pounding on his chest excitedly like a loving but excited pet monkey.

The “goon squad” Sissy, Stacey and Jessica right on time topped off our special moment yelling “we’re hungry it’s getting dark, come on you pair” but they yelled it out very romantically similar to starving zombies. Cameron and I kissed again before walking back up the beach towards them holding hands with me obviously very happy as I swung his hand whilst I skipped barefoot along the water’s edge. Next to Sissy, Cameron was the best human being I’d ever know; he was kind, caring and genuinely loved making loving to me and that’s all a relationship needs right? Everything else is just inconsequential bullshit that really doesn’t amount to anything.

Getting back to the apartment with Stacey and Jessica leaving as soon as the pizza was gone to get ready for work the next day; Sissy, Cameron and I were left to ourselves sitting on our balcony drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes with Sissy reminding me saying “if I need to go back into hospital next week we’ll be in there together at the same time” with me gasping “I almost forgot I was gonna postpone the op till after things settled down a bit” with Sissy saying “no way Shae” before Sissy asked Cameron “what’s your spin on all of this”

with Cameron laughing “I just like doing rude things to her” before adding “I’m having great time except for you dying and all” looking at Sissy so she recognized the black humor with Sissy responding “yeh bummer hey” with Cameron agreeing “major” before continuing with “I’ll be happy when all of the operations are behind us and Shaelyn is happy so we can get on with our lives” with Sissy never taking a backwards step asking “lives? Are your intentions honorable towards my sister? With Cameron fairly hard under interrogation confessing again laughing “I really like doing rude things with her” before cheekily asking “is that the right answer” with me saying “that’s the best answer” as we all laughed with Cameron following up by explaining “soon as Shaelyn’s happy I can’t see any reason why we just wouldn’t continue doing rude things to each other” as he leaned over and playfully kissed me whilst cupping my chin in his hand making sure our eyes locked saying “as you are or as you’ll be, I’ll still love you Shaelyn” as Sissy came in over the top making a three way hug.

Sissy showing uncharacteristic “responsibility” excused herself saying “first day back at work tomorrow I’m going to bed so guys can do rude things” as she laughed walking back inside with me asking Cameron “rude stuff?” with the excitedly replying “yep”. I lead Cameron down the hall way towards the bathroom with me walking backwards hunched over undoing this belt and zipper trying to get to him of his shorts which I achieved as we got inside the bathroom with him kicking his jocks and shorts into the corner whilst he removed his Tshirt as I started to work his soft but hardening body. I wanted to feel his arousal and hardness grow in my mouth as I worked him up to full operating temperature. Within 90 seconds all flexibility in Cameron was gone and within minutes he was more than ready to fulfill his role. What first felt smooth warm and soft was now a fully erect weapon as I blatantly worked him with my mouth and tongue really savoring and enjoying the textures and taste relenting only to stand to drop my skirt, panties, bra and top to say “love me?”. I was fully aroused in every way I could be which was bit awkward with my most unwanted physical feature featuring prominently as I thought “to hell with it” as I reached for the lube gel and applied it to myself and Cameron simultaneously with different hands.

Standing there both of us naked I worked the lube up and down Cameron and myself preparing myself for what was to come until both of us were ready before turning around placing my hands on the bathroom vanity half bent over and spreading my legs slightly inviting Cameron to take me from behind with my posture and my eyes before saying “Love me more”. I didn’t have to extend the invitation twice as no sooner had I spoken Cameron took himself in hand rubbing himself up and down and over by bent over awaiting body circling himself inwards till I felt the pain of him stretching my body to allow him entry. I exhaled “Cameron”; the pain was the same but my body ed faster and within a couple minutes of holding onto the white porcelain sink breathing heavily until I felt his hips pressing hard up against me as I pushed hard backwards ensuring we had gotten the measure of each other. The sensation of fullness that Cameron created in me was insane and it wasn’t just the physical it was on every level, I was falling for Cameron, falling hard!

I could see Cameron’s face and shoulders in the mirror behind me and he could see me as he began to work his body forwards and backwards inside of me; filling and emptying me with each motion gradually getting easier and easier, faster and faster as my body again reacted to his love. The sensation as Cameron penetrated me was to die for and I wouldn’t want to live a life without such a sensation! My body yielded so quickly to Cameron’s, I loved being his girl! As he stood behind me holding my hips loving me for all he was worth with me moaning those two words again “yes Cameron, Cameron yes” this is the effect this man’s loving had on me.

Cameron was an outstanding lover in every way; the size of him filled me completely and I am sorry guys but any well-adjusted and honest girl or anyone else that likes to be on the receiving end of loving male likes to be filled) size is important but he was also patient, caring and understanding and I was so very fortunate to be able to be his lover sharing these moments with him. Showing my appreciation by urging him “yes Cameron yes” as he went about his business of making my body quiver, shake and spasm through gut wrenching body orgasm after gut wrenching body orgasm. Cameron’s thrust’s keenly followed my obvious appreciation with my feet almost lifting off the floor as he made love to me before he unexpectedly stopped suddenly with us locked fully

together. He was breathing really hard but remained motionless within me as I felt his body start to throb between us with Cameron saying urgently “don’t move Shaelyn or I’ll cum” as he breathed erratically over my shoulder with me laughing “I can’t move I’m on tip toes” before adding “ I can’t stay on my tip toes all night as I moved slightly.

Instantly I moved; he fell over the orgasm edge as he clenched my hips pulling me backwards as if he needed to, as I was pushing as hard as I could backwards to secure our bond taking all of him inside of me, as we pressed hard up against each other as the throb between us got stronger and stronger. I could feel his load being delivered far more intensely being bent forwards as the underside of him where most of the throbbing seemed to come from was actually hard against the front of my body inside of me. He groaned but never moved as he exploded into me letting me get the full sensation of his orgasm as I continued to orgasm as well.

Two nights ago I was facing Cameron as he came inside in a lust filled frenzy with Cameron only stopping to cum but tonight he got so into me and what he was doing to me that his orgasm snuck up on him causing him to pause, throb briefly, get the green light from me before barely moving at all releasing his orgasm into me. I couldn’t pick a favourite “fast and furious” and we aint talking movies or “slow and snug” either way I was deeply in love with what this guy’s body could do to me and falling even deeper in love with the man attached!

I asked “had enough big boy” as his breath settled withdrawing out of me as I said “damn” with Cameron asking “what?” with me smiling “I just hate it when you go” as he through his arms around me saying “you know there’s more to me than what’s between my legs” with me saying “yes, you’re a truly remarkable person and a wonderfully beautiful man and I shouldn’t be shallow but I can’t help it; the thing between your legs is my favourite bit” as we laughed as I started running us a shower.

We quickly rinsed before I put a plug in the bath under us to fill the bath which was luckily a bigger sized bath; well just big enough with Cameron lying between my legs his head between my breasts immersed in warm water both of us looking at the ceiling listening to “the Eagles” which we both realised each of us really liked as we lay there in the light of the candles I’d lit. I bathed him gently running a washer over his chest like a geisha girl. Cameron stirred a little asking me “you scared?” with me replying “of everything” as he laughed turning around in the suds “your operation, it’s the final one where they remove your penis, that’s gotta scare anyone” with me reassuring him smiling cupping my breasts asking him “do you like these?” with the correct response coming back “you’ve got perfect tits they’re beautiful Shaelyn” with me saying “well the same body shop is doing your vagina too!” before adding “we’ll have two play grounds for you without my oversized clit (penis) getting in the way”. I explained to Cameron “I don’t look at it like I’m losing my penis; I look at like I’m getting my vagina and a clitoris which is how I was always supposed to be”.

I didn’t care what they did to my penis as long as they left me with a vagina that Cameron and I enjoyed and hopefully leaving me with sensation to it and my clitoris as I thought “in a couple of days I’m going to have a vagina and a clitoris that would be modeled and shaped just like Sissy’s with slightly inverted labia and if my vagina looked anything like Sissy’s I would be more than happy regardless of sensation. That’s how much of a man I wasn’t; I would rather be a woman feeling nothing than a male or a she/male feeling everything.

Cameron snapped me back to reality asking “how long are you going to be in hospital?” with me replying one to three weeks” with Cameron asking “what about Sissy? Before adding “I can stay here with her and ferry her backwards and forwards to the hospital if you like?” as I thought how special is this man before saying “thank you” with Cameron saying “I’m on holidays and we’re both going to want to be at the hospital with you anyway; I might take her up to my place” as he commented “a change is as good as a holiday” with me softly saying “I love you so much, thank you” with Cameron kissing my forehead saying “I love you too; Sissy can get to know Helen and mum and dad better whilst she’s with me and she can tell them about you”.

I’d forgotten about Cameron’s parents and Helen as I asked “they must hate me, right?” with Cameron saying “no they don’t; I talked to dad yesterday and he said “those two girls are the pretties little things and all he and mum wanted was for me was for me to be happy” my sex change didn’t matter to Cameron’s parents if he was happy with a male or a female as long as he was happy (what an intellectual and enlightened family) and I’d move mountains to make Cameron happy in every way. I asked “so; a girl that used to be a guy qualifies as long as I make you happy?” as Cameron smiled saying “sure does, they’ll love you like a daughter and Helen always wanted sisters, they’ve been so upset about Sissy and they don’t know about your final operation yet, I just wasn’t going to tell them, I thought it might make you uncomfortable with them, I was going to let everything settle for everyone before trying to go out on the boat next month with all of us”. I loved this guy he’d realised I had no issue with people knowing I’d had SRS it made people look at me like I was complete but being in the middle of the transition made me fear being perceived as a freak of nature. I couldn’t wait for the final procedure so I could live my normal female life and hopefully Cameron would want to be part of that life.

CHAPTER 16

Final surgery

The day before R-Day Sissy became very guarded and private about her pending appointment with Dr. Corby in relation to her possible tumor treatments with Cameron saying in the waiting room “let her go in by herself if she wants” holding my hand as I sat back down in my still warm chair. Cameron whispered “they can’t give her any worse news than she’s already got, maybe Sissy just wants you to focus on you; I don’t know but let her do things her way”. I was confused and perplexed as I’d never been excluded from anything in Sissy’s life and it was definitely sounding alarm bells in my head.

Sissy came out from Dr. Corby’s office really happy like they’d just found a cure smiling saying only “meds and counseling no change” with me asking “what about chemo?” with Sissy saying “maybe in a couple of months they’re still looking at the best treatment options” with me asking “how long do they want? the sooner you start Chemo the better” with me announcing “I wanna see Dr. Corby” with Sissy saying “relax calm your farm what’s best for me right now is “meds and counseling “no change”. As always I took Sissy’s word for everything; Sissy had never lied to me before but I had an uneasy feeling that refused to leave me as we left the clinic. On the short drive home I just couldn’t shake this feeling that Sissy was withholding something from me but ignored it to get ready go see the sunset and get ready for R-day in the morning.

Sitting on the beach as we did every evening watching the sunset I asked Sissy “is everything alright?” with Sissy responding laughing “relax Shae other than me dying, I’m fine” with me not accepting that answer asking “really?” as Sissy looked straight into my eyes and said “really Shae everything is good” before she asked “you ok about tomorrow?” with me itting “I’m a little scared it’s

only five hours this time referring to my final SRS operation” as Sissy smiled “well the hardest is behind you then” throwing her arms around me before sharing “we’ll be sisters properly tomorrow as it should have always been” with me quietly saying “yep”.

Pre-dawn on R-day saw Sissy drag Cameron and I out of bed and down to the beach as we’d done every morning since she was diagnosed. Sitting there; the three of us each with thermo “non-spills” mugs complete with our names printed on the side drinking coffee as Sissy and I smoked with all three of us enjoying the sunrise realizing today was a very special day for all three of us not just me. I felt like a phoenix that was about to arise from the ashes when Sissy broke the moment with “do you realise how special today is?” asking a general not directed at anyone type of question as I responded “what’s so special about it” as Cameron instantly followed my lead saying “hadn’t given it any real thought” as Sissy paused before laughing “I get to meet my sister later today and you” pausing again looking intently at Cameron saying “you get to meet your wife” before either of us could respond Sissy added “I’ll have to start thinking about an appropriate wedding present” as I instinctively said trying to silence her from my shame “Sissy” before apologizing “I’m sorry Cameron” with Cameron saying “well it makes sense if you want your sister to be your bridesmaid”. Cameron wasn’t horrified or embarrassed by Sissy’s statement in fact he seemed alright with the notion of marrying me however I was embarrassed enough for both of us; as Sissy fired up again “well somebody has to organize your life Shae and I won’t be around forever I only have 490 days left and there’s a lot to organize” before I said sternly “drink your coffee Sissy” before I added “you’ll be around a lot less if you keep making statements like that” as we both smiled at each other with me saying “love you, shut up”.

Hours later R-Day had arrived properly and so had the three of us standing on the front steps of the hospital with Cameron carrying my little suitcase with Sissy demanding we get coffee from the lobby shop so she could take her meds before we went up to pre-op with me joking pretending to be a scolding parent “couldn’t you do that before we left?” trying to cover my nerves. I was trembling and the surgery wasn’t scheduled for another three hours but I knew pre-op would easily take up to an hour and an hour getting itted and settling into

my room so at least I wouldn’t be idle and waiting.

After pre-op I was again lying on the gurney waiting outside the theatre talking to the anesthetist when Eamonn, Dr. Evensford and Dr. Yeung arrived asking “are you ready Shaelyn?” as I again nervously answered “yes” with Dr. Yeung again saying “just relax, we’ll take exceptional care of you” as Dr. Evensford picking up on the similarity of the moment said “promise” before I was wheeled into the cool sterile theatre under the bright lights next to the surgical table for my final procedure. The anesthetist again leaned over me from above my head injecting the drip already in my arm from pre-op saying “this might feel a little cold, can you count backwards from ten for me?” as she positioned the mask with me counting 10, 9, 8 …

Coming around this time in post-op felt familiar however it was a different and unfamiliar nurse tapping the back of my hand saying “wake up Shaelyn, wake up” with my eyes squinting from the light above my gurney as I asked slurring and having difficulty getting my words out but finally got out “am I female?” with the nurse caringly saying “yes Shaelyn you’re female; doctors said everything went very well just rest now” as I cried a little with the nurse asking “are those tears of joy” with me crying “yes”.

I don’t know how much later but I was still in post-op with the effects of the medication hitting me really hard this time and I could still barely manage to lift my head from the pillow but I could slide my hand to my crutch which felt like it was deeply padded with surgical gauze where my penis used to be with the nurse lifting the sheet so I could sort of see that I was wearing a big nappy with a yellow tube sticking out the front where my penis used to be saying “be careful Shaelyn that yellow tube is in your urethra don’t bump it darling just relax and we’ll get you out to the recovery ward soon”.

CHAPTER 17

Post op

I awoke automatically and instinctively to the sound of Sissy and Cameron’s voices as I entered the recovery ward area. Sissy excitedly clutching my hand and stroking my forehead asking “how’s my 100% female sister?” as we cried holding onto each other before she smiled saying “Eamonn said everything couldn’t have gone better Shae” all the time my other hand was held by Cameron with Sissy saying to him “meet the woman of your dreams” as Cameron leant forward gently kissing me saying “I love you Shaelyn” as I think I managed “I love you both” before quickly falling back into my medically encouraged sleep with both my hands being held by the two people I cared most about and I was happy to sleep. I felt incredibly tired this time and I knew when I awoke Sissy and Cameron would be waiting for me; to me it felt like painlessly dying and they would be waiting for me in heaven.

Next time I awoke it wasn’t heaven it was back in the room we’d prepared before surgery but now there were flowers with floating balloons everywhere and Sissy and Cameron were there and it was close enough. As Cameron said “there’s my girl” as my eyes opened to see him by the side of the bed as he said “sleepy” kissing my forehead with Sissy pressing the nurse station button announcing “she’s awake” before telling me from the other side of the bed “you slept right through the afternoon and night except for when the nurses checked on you”. I didn’t even being checked on by anyone let alone how long I’d slept.

Sissy excitedly said “you did it Shae” bouncing around too excited to stand still as I responded “we did it” before jokingly saying “you’re my best Sissy” with Sissy laughing “I’m your only Sissy silly” as she hugged me so tightly as

Cameron held onto the pair of us leaning over the bed as the nurse arrived asking “how’s our special girl?” just as Sissy asked urgently “do feel any different?” with me half instantly answering to both saying “really sore” half laughing before half crying and choking up through the kaleidoscope of emotions and thoughts in my head trying to explain what I was feeling managing only “I wish, I thought” as my dam of raw emotion broke along with my tears “I feel so happy and finally complete; I can finally be who I was always supposed to be” as Sissy and I cried with Cameron asking “pretty happy with yourself ace?” with me recognizing our private joke with me responding in kind with what was to become my customary response to pretty well everything “yep” as Cameron held the pair of us. My dream had come true I was female and identical to Sissy in every way.

The poor nurse caught in this emotional cross-fire interjected half crying herself and wiping a tear away from her eye as she announced “It was lucky you woke up when you did because Dr. Macintyre, Dr. Evensford and Dr. Yeung will be here soon to see “their girl” as the nurse informed us that’s what they and everyone here is calling you” before she said “I was just coming to wake you before they got here” finishing with “I swear; I’ve never seen three surgeons so proud of themselves or so excited” as Eamonn humbly and a little bashfully entered the room hearing the nurses last comment with Dr. Evensford and Dr. Yeung right behind him.

Eamonn instantly smiled at me and asked “how’s our girl?” with me smiling back saying “sore but good” as he took my hand saying “the procedure could not have gone any better Shaelyn” adding quickly “you’re an excellent patient; you’re understandably sore and will remain sore for a week or two but it will as it did before however we’ll stay on top of your pain medication especially for the next few days” before stating “we intend to keep you here for probably the full three weeks as we discussed based on your previous rate of recovery” with me nodding acknowledging.

Eamonn pretty well spoke for Dr. Evensford and Dr. Yeung as they didn’t really

say much at all but smiled a real lot as Eamonn seemed to do all the talking for all three as he said “based on your excellent outcomes of your previous procedures we want to stay with what obviously works for you and we’ll release you after most of the swelling has gone and all your stitches have dissolved or have been removed and you’ve had a chance to get your dilation and sensation exercises schedules underway; not before”.

It was at this moment that Toni “my shrink” who had become a good friend during our fortnightly counseling sessions and weekly group meetings walked into my room smiling saying “I had to be here Shaelyn” before hugging Eamonn affectionately like a long standing friend and shaking Dr. Evensford and Yeung’s hands professionally. Eamonn was like a proud parent announcing “well, everyone’s here we’ll remove that nappy and catheter and she how you are?” as I shrieked “stop” as everyone looked at me instantly as if I was in pain before I explained my outburst pointing at Cameron saying “this is the man I one day dearly hope to marry I don’t want him to see me like this; swollen and stitched” as I shifted my comments directly at Cameron “I only ever want you to see me as your beautiful woman”. Cameron smiled and replied “I love you Shaelyn, I’ll just wait outside till after you’re done” winking at me as he walked from the room saying “call me when you want me back in Shaelyn”. He never called me Shae, babe or anything else always Shaelyn and I felt as though I would always love him.

As soon as Cameron was outside the room Sissy and Toni stood either side of my bed holding my hands for as Eamonn pulled back the sheet asking me to keep my legs closed whilst he cut the sides of the large nappy and then the front around the yellow tube before asking “open your legs half way Shaelyn”. I could feel the surgical gauze sticking to my body as Eamonn gently pulled and tugged as he cut it away removing the nappy. I suddenly felt the coolness of the air on my vagina for the first time as Eamonn said “I’ll remove the catheter now Shaelyn open your legs a little further” as Eamonn said “you’ll feel pressure and it might sting a bit but only for a short time till it’s out” as I felt Eamonn’s fingers separating what I would come to realise was my labia whilst applying pressure just under my clitoris as he gently and smoothly withdrew the catheter that had been draining my urine since the operation from my urethra with

Eamonn saying “that’s it all gone Shaelyn” before Eamonn said “give us a minute to fully remove the all the gauze and clean you up a bit and you can see your vagina”.

After wiping my vagina clean with sterile washers to allow for a better examination by the three surgeons between my legs who seemed very happy with the results of their labor with Dr. Evensford saying “I would suggest that is the most optimal outcome we could have hoped for” with Dr. Yeung remaking on the significant reduction in swelling and bruising compared to most post-op SRS patients. After close to 19 years of waiting I heard Eamonn ask “would you like to see your vagina Shaelyn” as my hands tightened around Sissy and Toni’s hands anxiously saying “yes” as Eamonn held the mirror between my legs.

Like my facial surgery I was swollen, bruised and stitched but I could see my clitoral hood and my clitoris in the mirror between my swollen labia and I could just see my minor labia (inner vaginal lips near the virginal opening). Letting go of Sissy and Toni’s hands quickly; I grabbed the mirror from Eamonn looking for myself as Sissy changed positions (barged in) with Eamonn stepping back with Sissy saying “oh she’s beautiful Shae she’s just like mine” as Toni asked “are you happy Shaelyn?” with me saying “unbelievably I can’t tell you how much, thank you all” with Toni saying “I know how it feels” as I started to lose a few tears at the realisation I was finally “me” after walking the planet banished for 19 years in the wrong body I was now “me” a woman. Sissy and I had corrected god’s mistake but honestly looking back I don’t think god makes mistakes he just makes those that are stronger climb bigger mountains but the view from the top is truly worth the climb.

Toni asked “do you mind” indicating she’d like to have closer look at my vagina with me laughing “everybody else has” from my sub-orbital morphine and emotional induced euphoria. I didn’t know what to think with so many people between my legs clinically commenting on my vagina; should I be timid and coy or proud, I choose the later.

Toni instantly commented “there’s so little swelling compared to when I had my operation eight years ago the incisions are perfectly precise along the natural skin folds asking “how many external stitches?” with Eamonn saying proudly “only 8 each side and 3 immediately above the prepuce (clitoral hood)” with Toni remarking “19 in total is still less than half of what I had” with Dr Evensford explaining and boasting “the procedure usually takes one surgeon two to two and a half hours; Shaelyn’s procedure took 3 senior surgeons nearly six hours with the aim of making the entire procedure as non-invasive as possible by using telescopic surgical instruments and techniques not generally associated with this procedure” with Dr Yeung taking over “the less invasive approach will lessen recovery time and provide an enhanced better more natural aesthetically appealing look much sooner as Eamonn finished looking up above my virgina (first person in minutes) saying “Shaelyn nothing we did was experimental or wasn’t common practice; it was just how we choose to perform it”.

I was seriously awe struck by their awe and they were the professionals at the top of their careers and leaders in their surgical fields and if they were happy I was happy. Eamonn gently placed a new lighter nappy on me and pulled the sheet back up before looking at Sissy asking “is anybody going to get the man Shaelyn is one day going to marry back in here with the biggest smile as Sissy said “I’ll get him”. Cameron returned to my bed side saying “it all sounded very positive” as he laughed saying “I heard every word” with Eamonn saying “she’ll be beautiful Cameron just give her time to heal” with Cameron nodding acknowledging as Eamonn continued “it’s our intent to return Shaelyn to full sexual function as a female as quickly as her body can heal”.

Eamonn stated “we haven’t used copious wads of internal gauze which all too leads to secondary infection which will see your post-operative care being far more intensive and involved for the nursing staff and yourself than usual Shaelyn; we’ve drawn up a strict douching regime which requires up to four douches daily for the first three days; when you wake up, before you go to sleep and twice throughout the day reducing in frequency over a fortnight. We will be monitoring your intake of water very closely to ensure your urethra is kept regularly flushed reducing the risk of a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) and we’ll be also giving you periodical suppositories for the rapid development of good

vaginal bacteria and the preemptive treatment of fungal and yeast infections over the next 3 weeks”.

These medicated non water douches would remove clots and maintain my vaginal hygiene which is paramount during this post-operative stage and I’d have to douche after every time I went to the toilet and change my nappy. I was thinking “I’ll train my bladder to four time’s daily” as Eamonn finished with “I’ll be back in tomorrow however Doctors Evensford and Yeung must return home to their practices tomorrow” as I wholeheartedly said “I can’t thank you enough” with Dr. Evensford saying “your health and your happiness are thanks enough” with Dr. Yeung following his statement with “I wish to thank you Shaelyn on behalf of all those that will hopefully have shorter recovery times and better results”. As the three men walked from the room with Eamonn confirming with the nurse that the nursing staff had a copy of his typed instructions and they were to be placed on my bed chart also before questioning if all staff had been briefed and that the instructions were to be followed to the letter before waving to me saying “I’ll see you in a few days Shaelyn rest up”.

Toni stood at the end of my bed beaming like a proud elder sister at her younger sisters graduation telling me “If there’s anything you need; advice, help or just someone who’ll understand you know my number, I’m so happy for you Shaelyn” as she waved smiling walking from my room as I fell back asleep very tired from all the excitement with Sissy and Cameron standing by my side. Toni was a good shrink and a good friend.

I awoke surrounded by a nurse, Sissy, Cameron, Jessica and Stacey and being asked if I was hungry or if I needed to go to the toilet by Sissy and the nurse mostly Sissy who was really throwing herself right into her nursing role full heartedly. With me telling everyone “toilet” as the nurse positioned a wheel chair next to the bed before dropping the bed to the same level. Just being shifted to the chair was painful but as the nurse pointed out “you won’t be walking for another couple of days and this chair has a false bottom so we can wheel you straight over the toilet and its waterproof so you can shower in it”. Cameron,

Jessica and Stacey watched on concerned with me saying “it’s alright so long as Sissy isn’t steering the chair” thinking back to Sissy’s last attempt at hospital apparatus (launching of the electric bed). I was happy when the nurse grabbed the chair attaching the drip before wheeling me gingerly into my bathroom only feet away.

Being placed over the toilet with Sissy and the nurse in attendance removing my nappy and helping me with my medical gown; I felt a little bit of stage freight at peeing in front of people especially under these circumstances saying “nothing’s happening” as the nurse talked me through the process of peeing like a girl “just press down slightly on your bladder just like you always have” which saw a strong stream of urine spray all over my thighs and pretty well everywhere as the nurse ecstatically said “good Shaelyn, control will come” before she asked “did it sting or burn?” as I informed her “it stung a little” with the nurse telling me “that’s normal after a catheter removal main thing is; it was strong urine flow” as Sissy laughed “not always easy to have a wiz from your wee wee if you haven’t got an aiming device” as I tried to clean myself up with toilet paper with Sissy and the nurse saying “always wipe from the back forwards with Sissy taking of her knickers and lifting her skirt to show me how she wipes after she’s urinated.

I’d felt better and I was still on morphine as I asked “can I have a shower “with the nurse saying “sure we can do your first douche whilst you’re in there” pulling up naked sitting under running warm water was heavenly and so soothing especially over my healing vagina. With the nurse wrecking my moment handing me hose coming from the bottom of the douche bag for me to insert into my vagina as the nurse turned on the tap assuring me “this is full of good bacteria that will really help Shaelyn” as a couple of blood clots and small pieces of blood soaked gauze fell onto the shower floor with the nurse saying “that’s to be expected after surgery” with Sissy stating “just like a really heavy period Shae”. I could feel the warm liquid internally flushing me clean and it didn’t sting.

I was so gentle with the hose which was only about as thick a cigarette. After

showering, douching, showering again I was helped change into a new nappy and medical gown before I was wheeled back out into my room and placed back into my bed where I was strongly encouraged by all mainly the nurse to at least eat something which I did. Choosing quarter of a ham and cheese sandwich from the selection on the plate delivered as part of my lunch which seemed to appease everyone before I fell back asleep almost immediately after the next shot of morphine was istered saying “sorry tired” to Sissy, Cameron, Jessica and Stacey as they ate the rest of the lunch platter that I didn’t want.

This was how my first post-op days would be; heavily medicated, cold packs even whilst I slept and restricted to a bed with the exception of the shower and toilet in a waterproof wheelchair wearing a nappy whilst being strongly encouraged eat something to help me regain my strength. After a few days the medication was reduced and I started to get more mobile and get a bit of an appetite back. It was at this time I came to realise how fortunate I was to be loved by so many with the nurse telling me Sissy had never left my side sleeping in the fold out hospital bunk or in a chair in my room for four days and three nights with Cameron only reluctantly leaving to get a change of clothes, shower and Shave. Eamonn had also unofficially checked in on me each day on his way home from work whilst I slept but would be back in tomorrow for my first scheduled internal examination. I was indeed fortunate to have these people in my life.

I awoke on day four of post-op feeling a lot less restrained by the drop in medications, I was hungry and after my shower, douche and change of clothes I was very happy to eat breakfast being two pieces of toast and a cup of coffee. Talking to Sissy and Cameron about Eamonn’s visit and pretty well everything and anything as I was feeling like I’d awoken from a coma; I really was little miss have-a-chat. Sissy and Cameron both looked tired with me telling them “the worst is behind me, I can feel it and I don’t want you pair spending the next two weeks sleeping in fold out cots and chairs stating “it’s not required, I’m fine!” They reluctantly agreed to take up temporary residence at Cameron’s apartment each night after visiting hours had closed till I was ready to come home back to our apartment.

Eamonn’s arrival was like meeting my maker; I was so happy to see him telling him how I was feeling much better and how I was going to the toilet regularly with a strong urine stream with no sign of any infection and how I felt on the mend as he smiled “aren’t we all talkative today” before Eamonn said “well let’s have a look at you to see where we go from here” before reminding Cameron “see you in three quarters of an hour” with Cameron knowing the protocol leaving the room smiling blowing me a kiss mouthing “love you”. Laying the bed flat and placing my legs up in portable attached bedside stirrups Eamonn examined me externally telling me he was very happy with the sutures and at the reduced swelling and the general inflammation overall before switching his attention internally using his fingers, a swab for testing and finally like a small bendable telescope with a light on the end before confirming he was equally happy with me internally. The healing process was going very well with no sign of infection and how I could reduce douching to twice daily (morning and night) for the next 3 days and if everything is still going well then we’d reduce to once daily for week two.

Eamonn started explaining vaginal dilation holding up a set of what looked like several dildos (medically referred to as stents) in a carry case with each stent getting longer and thicker than previous stent from left to right. These were to be gently inserted into my vagina with lube and just stay there for a half to three quarters of an hour at a time as I lay flat. I was to do this twice daily over the next week and then once weekly for a month and once a month for the rest of my life if I wasn’t sexually active to ensure my vagina didn’t close internally and would stretch to its full size.

Like everything Eamonn did he made me aware of the schedule that I was to adhere to strictly as he took the smallest stent out and handed it to me producing a picture of the side view of a vagina showing me what I was trying to achieve with the stents. Basically the pubococcygeus muscle which is understandably commonly referred to as the PC muscle which exists in both men and women making up the pelvic floor region in both sexes wasn’t where it had always been so I would have to train it with the stents to stay in its new position.

During my dilation Eamonn asked as he examined me “have you touched your clitoris yet? With me blushing slightly in response saying “yes” with Eamonn asking about the sensation; I informed him “it was intensely sore but I kept going and it hurt a bit” with Eamonn asking Sissy to share with us what touching her clitoris felt like when she wasn’t aroused with Sissy responding “It’s super sensitive all the time and if it’s being stimulated and I’m really not in the mood it can hurt if the stimulation keeps going”. Eamonn pointed out “the brain is the biggest sexual organ in the body and is critical to female pleasure. Most male to female transgender patients often don’t realise how important mental arousal is; every female especially transgender females is uniquely different with some not enjoying direct stimulation at all especially if they aren’t mentally aroused which will lead to pain if the stimulation is continued whilst others like the intensity caused from direct pressure then there are others who prefer stimulation from the side or top of the clitoris” with me looking somewhat confused Eamonn said “welcome to your beautiful new confusing body Shaelyn”. Eamonn suggested I talk to Sissy about masturbation techniques, read erotic novels and continue exploring and touching myself to increase pleasurable sensation to my clitoris which I was happy to do. I had a vagina and a clitoris and I was keen to know how they worked.

With my first dilation and sensitivity exercises over with I was allowed out of the stirrups and was covered back up under the sheet so Cameron could return with Cameron asking Eamonn immediately “how is she?” with Eamonn smiling “she couldn’t be better we just need to give her time to heal and she’ll be perfect” which caused both Cameron and I to smile with both of us obviously hoping that we would enjoy a full and enjoyable sex life. Before leaving Eamonn said “you can walk around within the ward and shower standing up but don’t over exert yourself and first sign of discomfort or pain straight back to bed and make the nurses aware immediately”.

It wasn’t long after Eamonn left that I told Sissy and Cameron to go and have an afternoon sleep in proper beds as they both looked absolutely exhausted from keeping their 3 night four day bedside vigil with them both agreeing they needed

to sleep for a few hours saying as they left “we’ll be back at dinner time”. Everything I loved in the world walked out that door at that moment leaving me alone with my thoughts ponding the three big questions filling my mind:

What would I do someday without Sissy? Simple answer to that question came from Egypt “De Nile” or as most people spell it “denial”. I wouldn’t allow her to die end of story! There are five recognized stages of grieving; “denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I couldn’t get past stage one but I could feel the second stage “anger” patiently waiting its turn.

Would our parents ever come back? Answer to this question was proactive action had to be taken to coax them back in time for Sissy. As soon as I got out of hospital I would start my own journal in the form of a weekly posted hardcopy mailed newsletter sent to their rural mail bag (they couldn’t ignore that) showing mum and dad what precious moments they were missing and how much they were needed asking, urging and begging them to come back into our lives. I would never tell Sissy about the newsletter and after they came back if she found out it wouldn’t matter anyway. I couldn’t let Sissy die without her parents?

Last question was “does Cameron really love me and why? Cameron was unquestionably the best person I’d ever met other than Sissy; he was everything I could have dreamt a man should or could be and more. He said he loved me after knowing me less than a week but I supposed I said it first; does it work like that? We’d shared so much in such a short period of time and as we shared our third week together our connection just seemed to grow stronger and stronger with every kiss, every smile and every time he was near me. Cameron told me “you think too much Shaelyn” with me laughing “what do ya like ya women dumb” before he added laughing about my “dumb” comment with Cameron saying “sometimes we can’t think things through things we just to feel them through” I didn’t really understand what he was talking about but I did know it was enough for me. I felt such an incredible ache for him not just physically but in every way; emotionally he was rapidly becoming my rock, intellectually he

challenged me constantly and spiritually he was incredibly sensitive. It was then and there that I made up my mind never to ask him why he loved me; I was just going to love him.

I couldn’t wait for dinner time for Sissy and Cameron’s return with Sissy and Cameron bursting through the door with pizza, DVD player from our apartment, video camera and that damn movie again “Overboard”. Both of them laughing and looking much rested as they’d both slept. I said “oh no the paparazzi are here” laughing with the nurse agreeing it was ok to eat pizza if that was what I felt like adding “something is better than nothing”. Sissy and Cameron positioned the hospital television and connected the DVD player after all sorts of dramas with electrical cords with Sissy cracking us up jokingly asking “you’re not on life are you?” as she turned off a switch to plug in the DVD before I could answer.

We settled back eating pizza and watching “that movie” as I now call it! None of us really watched the movie we all just basked in the shared love between the three of us with me feeling incredibly undeservingly and special as Cameron held my hand and Sissy told me what was coming up in the movie; as if I didn’t already know as she laughed and cried in advance of her favourite parts of the movie. If Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell ever read this book thank you so very much for giving Sissy so many reasons to laugh and cry tears of happiness over and over and over again!

With the movie over and my long slow walk to the toilet only 10 feet away; I was back in bed with Cameron insisting that Sissy would stay at his apartment until I came home so she wasn’t by herself telling Sissy “you and Helen can talk the ears of each other” before I was kissed and hugged by two of most beautiful people in my world as they said “good night” leaving me to a restful night’s sleep with the promise that they’d return first thing in the morning. That’s the rhythm we all settled into after the initial post-op days with Cameron and Sissy always running late with me waiting patiently for their return in between visits from Jessica, Stacey, Toni and Eamonn.

By the end of my second week of post-op I was healing really well with most of the swelling gone along with my external stiches (not a stitch in sight yeh!). I was also wearing normal female underwear with panty liners with me saying to Sissy the first time I put them on “they’re really small they’re not big enough” with Sissy laughing “well you haven’t got a hand gun in there anymore” and to my amazement my panties fitted and molded like a clove to my new female body. I was streamline with no unwanted bulges in my knickers, it was great! My dilation and sensitivity exercises were producing good results and I even sort of went sunbaking between privacy screens placed on my balcony when Eamonn agreed with the nurses and I that sunlight and fresh sea air would assist the healing process. Lying out there in a reclining outside chair pulling my knickers down enough to let the air and the sun onto my vagina was heavenly and a great place to further explore and figure out how my new body actually worked as I read “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” for inspiration. I was still on HRT and would be for life but the amount I had to take was reduced to 5 pills daily with Eamonn confirming the right mix of HRT was crucial to my libido so; I was a bit of a hormonal cocktail at this stage.

I was going so well that Eamonn had given permission for me to walk outside to the smoking area which is where Sissy and Cameron found me as I was tired of waiting inside for them as they were running late again due to Sissy working later than usual. As they approached laughing together Cameron began taking photos of me in the garden smoking area wearing my very sexy hospital dressing gown and slippers with Cameron saying “relax you look beautiful” with me responding “no I don’t” as they playfully tormented me saying “love the lens show us those sexy slippers baby” with me reminding them I had to get back upstairs for my week two check up with Eamonn.

Arriving back at my room to Eamonn quizzing the nurses as to my location as we entered the room joking around with each other before apologizing to Eamonn for being late. Eamonn’s first question was always “how’s my girl?” with me beaming “good” with my cheeks slightly flushed from the sunlight with Eamonn saying “you’re a picture of health, hop up” as he patted the bed before

adding “we’ll have a look at you” as Cameron excused himself saying “give me a yell when I can come back in”.

Eamonn and the nurse got the stirrups ready as I placed my legs into them unassisted which impressed Eamonn no end. After being told I was a remarkable patient again and that my post-op couldn’t be going any better Eamonn asked “would you like to stay here for another week or would you like two weeks off work and studies at home?” my response was instantaneous “home” with Eamonn saying “home it is” as I excitedly squirmed around holding Sissy’s hand saying loud enough for Cameron to hear from the hallway “I’m going home” with a “woo hoo” cheer coming from the hallway.

As the stirrups came down and the sheet covered me up Eamonn said “you can come back in Cameron” as a very excited Cameron appeared at my bedside with Eamonn saying “I wanted both of you in here for a reason looking straight at Cameron asking “do you me telling you that Shaelyn just needed time to heal?” as Cameron responded “yes” with Eamonn stressing “well that healing process isn’t complete yet!” before telling both of us with Sissy listening intently “no sex vaginal or anal” without authority from me first!” before kindly saying “I can see how you two feel about each other but good things are worth waiting for” as I took Cameron’s hand asking “wait for me?” with Cameron’s instant response “forever Shaelyn” as he looked more intensely into my eyes than he had ever done before almost bringing me to tears before he turned to Eamonn promising “not without your approval”.

Eamonn left reminding me of everything down to the fact I had to make an appointment to see him in seven days with me reassuring him “I’ll make you proud” as he very genuinely and caringly held my hand saying “you already have Shaelyn” before he added “we’ve come so far together from that first meeting” as he left saying “see you next week” with me responding “not if I don’t see you first”. Eamonn was a great surgeon and a true human being in every way.

I hadn’t worn makeup in two weeks and I wanted Cameron to be proud of me in spite of his attire (shorts, T-shirt and sandals) as we left together as man and a 100% woman for the first time with me on his arm. Sissy insisted she go get something special for us to wear home with her laughing “something that doesn’t say recovering from surgery” as Cameron hurriedly urged “come on then” with Sissy asking “heels too much” with me saying “heels are good not too high” as the pair of them left leaving me suddenly alone. I packed up my little suitcase and decided to have a shower. As I showered the ole green eyed monster “jealousy” surfaced again with me wondering “just how close had Sissy and Cameron become over the last fortnight living in the same apartment and spending all their time pretty much together” and I hated myself for thinking it but it wouldn’t leave my mind. I shrugged it off as best I could while I tried to fix myself up with really nothing more than a hair brush and basic hygiene products as I waited nearly two hours for their return.

Sissy and Cameron arrived back with me asking “where did you go?” as Sissy smiled holding up two dresses wrapped in plastic like they’d just come out of the store saying “sorry Shae”. Each dress was identical and an absolute work of art in white cotton. They were sleeveless with a short lacey flowing mid-thigh hem anchored around a sheer waist and dainty feminine straps. I’d never seen these before they were unbelievably stunning as was the two pair of the sexiest matching white four inch heeled stilettos that were still in the boxes. These shoes and dresses were without question exquisite quality and perhaps the nicest most feminine clothes and shoes I’d ever seen as I asked Sissy “when did you get these?” with Sissy saying “I didn’t, Cameron bought these for us to wear home; I know they’re a little over the top dressy to leave hospital but today is a special day” with Cameron behind her saying “we just wanted you to look and feel your best it’s a very special day” as he carried my makeup and jewelry cases like a hotel porter.

I was gob smacked as Cameron said “don’t think just get changed” hurriedly we rushed into the little bathroom to really tidy ourselves up with Sissy super intent on me looking my absolute best. I couldn’t help but asking Sissy “what’s going on?” with Sissy casually asking “what? We can’t want you to look and feel good on your special day?” with me really emotionally confused saying “no uhh but I

meant yes, I don’t know what I mean” as Sissy said “relax Shae just go with it, don’t think about it” as I said “alright”. After three quarters of an hour we stepped out of the bathroom truly identical as we always should have been as Cameron said “you both look so breathtakingly gorgeous” before looking at me asking “are you ready to go home Shaelyn? Before taking my hand and itting “if it wasn’t for the white gold bracelet I would never be able to tell you apart” as he kissed me laughing “I know it’s you because I haven’t been slapped”.

The elevator ride to the hospital lobby was again a long one but this time I felt fragile but strong at the same time and I was eager to embrace my new life as a woman wholeheartedly and confident knowing that everything would be alright as the loud audible “bing” heralded my arrival into the world as I strutted out into the lobby thinking “don’t think just feel” and I felt really good for the first time in my life and it showed.

CHAPTER 18

Pregnant Proposal

Half way home I realised we weren’t going back to our apartment which didn’t surprise me dressed like this; Sissy and Cameron had something cooking between them as I asked “we’re we going?” with Cameron saying “we just need to stop at home” with the conversation really sort of stopping there as I asked again “what’s going on?” as Sissy cryptically sang “more than a feeling” from the back seat really obviously so I shut up and just enjoyed the drive and being outside. Walking into Cameron’s apartment I immediately noticed some of our furniture was there and all the curtains were drawn as I shrieked “what the hell is going on?” as I heard Gus barking outside as Sissy very sternly said “relax Shae calm ya farm and sit down; we need to talk to you about some things” as we all sat down around the breakfast table with me dreading the worst thinking “no” starting to breakdown at the thought of Sissy betraying me with Cameron. Mum and dad had abandoned me now it seemed this was Sissy’s turn. I felt like I was living an episode of “Jerry Springer” as I thought; “I knew they had become more than just sort of sister and brother in-law” and Sissy’s news would definitely confirm exactly that; they were way more!

Trying to keep myself together I noticed a large white medical looking envelope in the middle of the otherwise empty table with Sissy saying “pull the picture out Shae” which I did removing an almost A4 picture of what looked like an image of cells like you see in medical publications as Sissy smiled saying “We didn’t have sex but thanks to the wonders of modern medicine I’m pregnant with Cameron’s child; that’s your first baby photo”.

I couldn’t speak; I just kept looking at the pair of them and back at the image before erupting “this is why you can’t have chemo isn’t it! Because it’ll hurt the

baby” slamming the picture back down onto the table as Cameron remained silent and he was smart to do so especially in between this! As Sissy responded “I’m gonna die Shae in 14 months if I have chemo and 11 to 12 months if I don’t!” Which left me speechless; her condition was worse than she told me. Denial wasn’t working but anger was definitely starting to step up to the plate.

Sissy was crying “I don’t like dying either Shae but if I only take my meds I can have a healthy baby and I can be a mother and so can you when I’m gone!” It was just too much for me to comprehend I knew they were up to something always running late my arse; how could Sissy lie to me and how could Cameron conceal all this from me as I yelled at Cameron “what have you done” with Sissy shouting “don’t blame Cameron Shae if it wasn’t his sperm I would have got a donor” as Sissy screamed “I want to have a child Shae”. How could Sissy have such regard for life and such little regard for her own life as I very abruptly shouted at her “this’ll kill you; don’t you realize that? With Sissy saying “I’ll die anyway Shae and I’d trade all my days not just those days left to have a child that I can share and leave with you before I’m gone” as she started to cry looking at me through her tears “it’s the best wedding present I could think of” before breaking my heart as she wept “we always share our presents Shae ?

I went orbital shouting at Sissy and pointing at Cameron “we only met three weeks ago! And you’re planning my wedding! What happens if it doesn’t work out Einstein?” still gesturing at Cameron sitting there silently as Sissy looked at him as if to signal Cameron to play his part in convincing me. Cameron rose slowly from his chair picking up the envelope saying “there’s something else inside” opening the envelope as if urging me to take a “lucky dip” in this stupid suicidal raffle as they both looked at each before speaking in unison “don’t think just feel” like some sort of hopeful hypnotic chant as I harshly put my hand back into the envelope wondering what other bright ideas would come out as I waved my hand frantically around inside in a manner that clearly showed I was just about at the end of my tether and that I’d had enough bullshit for one day as I stated the obvious saying “it’s empty” with Cameron saying “it better not be” urging me to try again as I grabbed the damn empty envelope from him tipping it upside down as Sissy screamed “careful” as we all heard a noticeable ting tinkle sound across the tile floor beneath us. Cameron quickly knelt down scurrying for

whatever it was that had dropped before stopping motionless for a second as his gaze travelled up my body finally catching my eyes as he looked straight through me more so than ever before holding the most stunningly beautiful single diamond white gold ring as he declared to me “I love you Shaelyn” followed by a shared very long loving silence between us that seemed to stop time as he asked “will you marry me?” with his words echoing across my very consciousness.

CHAPTER 19

Marriage

Dumb struck I looked at Cameron gazing up at me before looking briefly at the movement catching my pherifele vision out of the corner of my eye which was Sissy mouthing “don’t think just feel” nodding her head wildly urging me to say yes with her eyes and every fabric of her being as I cried out from the very depths of my soul “I love you too of course I’ll marry you” as music started to fill the air and the room magically lightened. I literally pinched myself but this wasn’t a fantasy this was reality and more importantly this was my reality as I realised Helen was operating the electric curtains and a string quartet was playing on the terrace surrounded by everyone we knew and cared about clapping, cheering and applauding madly from the other side of the glass with Gus barking up a storm.

I could briefly see the terrace was prepared for a wedding “mine” and everybody was dressed for the occasion. First to get to me was Gus wearing a bow tie instead of his usual collar being very excited about all the people closely followed by Mat and Sarah with Mat saying “we tried Shaelyn” looking a little sad “but in the absence of your parents I’d be honored to walk you down the aisle” as I burst into tears as Toni, Helen, Sarah, Jessica, Stacey and Sissy engulfed me almost simultaneously spiriting me immediately away amidst a gaggle of loving, laughing and crying estrogen up those magical glass stairs to prepare me for my wedding. I looked backwards becoming further removed from Cameron as I was emotionally carried by the girls; seeing Mat hugging and obviously happily congratulating his son with Eamonn ing in patting Cameron on the back and shaking his hand.

Getting to the master bedroom I was sat down on the end of the king size bed

that was to become my bed and would be my bridal bed; I could see the pictures of Livy still there and just as many of me now framed and positioned around the room as Sarah spoke first saying lovingly “something old” holding my hand whispering “your ring was Cameron’s grandmother’s; my mother’s wedding ring Shaelyn” as she kissed my forehead before stepping back allowing Toni to step forward saying “something borrowed” handing me a garter saying “Eamonn liked it on our wedding night” as Stacey and Jessica took up their position saying almost in unison “something blue; we hope you’re never” giving me a satin blue ribbon. I was so overwhelmed and emotional to put it mildly as the girls cleared a path allowing Sissy to step slowly towards me with Sissy stopping just in front of me showing the open palms of her hands holding nothing as she took my trembling shaking hand she sobbed saying “something new” placing both our hands on her belly” as I pressed my ear against her stomach weeping “I hope you know how wonderful and precious your mum is” talking to the child inside as if listening for a response. Sissy ran her fingers through my hair holding me closer than she had ever done crying saying “she’ll know how special both her mums are” as we couldn’t and wouldn’t be parted for the longest of time as we all wept in a communal hug. Helen finally said “you’ll never get you married at this rate” with us all taking a moment as Helen said “you’re the first Shaelyn a new family tradition starts with you” handing me a coin saying “a sixpence for your shoe” before adding “we all wish you and Cameron all the happiness and good fortune in the world”.

There were cuddles, tears and tissues going everywhere as Sarah asked me “are you ready to marry my son now?” as I said “yep” wiping my eyes overwhelmed with emotion as Sarah said “well let’s see if we can get you and ourselves ready”. An hour and half later most of our tears gone; I stood there at the top of those magical glass stairs that I would climb for the rest of my life holding Sissy’s hand as she gave my hand over to Mat as he offered his arm placing his hand over mine saying “you’re truly beautiful Shaelyn” then smiled saying “probably one of the reasons my son love’s you” as he smiled broadly at me with Sissy gently kissing my cheek whispering in my ear “I love you Shaelyn” as she lowered my veil before hurriedly going down the stairs turning backwards half way down saying “relax, calm the farm” before saying “ah shit the ring” as Mat laughed whilst she ran back up to get it off my finger before returning down the stairs stopping at the bottom looking up saying “I’ll give you Cameron’s ring out there before disappearing out of sight and then reappearing sliding across the

polished floor as Mat and I laughed which made the hired photographer very happy as she slid back into view “wait for the music” and disappeared again.

I tried to take everything in but there was just too much; I was a stunning beautiful young bride, my sister and I would share a baby and I was marrying the world’s most beautiful man. Everyone I knew was in on all of this. I felt so incredibly special being truly loved by so many special people for just being me. The dress I’d worn from the hospital was the basis of my wedding dress. The girls had now added the lace and chiffon wrap around skirt that belled out like Cinderella that covered my legs all but my shoes at the front with a modest train trailing behind me. I had a matching veil and three quarter length white satin cloves that delicately flowered into a floral lace design over the top of my hand leaving my fingers exposed to receive my wedding ring as I stood there clutching a bouquet of cascading white lilacs with the photographer taking photos of everything I did.

Waiting there patiently for the music to start Mat said “today I gained not one but two daughters” as I smiled through the veil back at him timidly as the quartet started playing “Pachelbel canon” as Mat asked “are you ready Shaelyn?” with me responding very much like a nervous princess “yes”. I started to smile a smile that wouldn’t leave me” as we descended slowly down the stairs as the photographer captured every step. Half way down I caught my first real look at part of the terrace it was covered in lilacs even some floating in the pool.

Getting to the bottom of the stairs as we walked slowly through the sunny living area towards the open glass doors leading out onto the terrace I could see everyone I loved through the glass looking in at me smiling and I could see Cameron with Eamonn as his best man waiting to marry me. Stepping out onto the terrace was like walking into a decorated floral dream as I walked out into the late afternoon sunlight between flower and lace decorated chairs with my gaze fixed on Cameron from beneath my veil as I approached on Mat’s reassuring arm up the aisle.

Cameron, Sissy and Eamonn were standing on a flower and lace covered three tiered stage with Eamonn standing with Cameron on the right on the second tier and Sissy standing with Helen on the left with a female celebrate standing on the top tier between them. Our audience was small; a dozen catering people, 4 musicians, Sarah, Mat, Toni, Stacey, Jessica and Gus (sleeping under a chair). Pausing at the base of the stage as Mat kissed my cheek so gently through my veil and gave my hand very gentlemanly and eloquently over to Cameron stepping towards me helping me as I stepped up onto the first tier holding up my dress slightly at the front for the step before I said “stop”.

Everyone looked at me horrified as if they were thinking “she’s insane” as I said “everyone here means the absolute world to me please don’t sit back there on the chairs please come up here and share this with us” as Sarah, Mat, Toni, Stacey and Jessica got up out of their chairs and took up positions with girls on the left and boys on the right with Cameron and I at the center escorted by Sissy and Eamonn. I could feel instantly how truly special this assembly was as Cameron and I faced each other holding hands looking into each other eyes as if trying to forge souls through a shared stare as the celebrate began to speak about love, shared journeys and a lifetime together. I noticed Mat and Sarah holding hands like an unbreakable chain behind us on the tier below encircling us within this group with Gus taking up a position at their feet. We all too often don’t see the signs provided to us but I did and even Mother Nature knew this was right as Gus sat staring up at us sharing in this atmosphere of love.

Cameron’s vows were unwritten and simple as were mine with Cameron going first placing his grandmother’s ring on my finger saying; “you’re a truly stunningly beautiful woman in every way, a woman with a love of life like only one other I have ever known, the beauty of your face is only sured by that of your heart and soul, I want us to spend all of our days together, no matter how many days that may be, I love you Shaelyn” with me gently touching his face looking hard into his blue sparkling eyes responding as I placed the ring on his finger “you are my love of life Cameron, without you I wouldn’t want to exist, before you there was darkness knowing only respite from one other” as I looked at Sissy before continuing “because of you there is the most brilliant light in my life, you’ve given me everything; love, a family, the best of parents, another

sister to cherish” as Gus barked with me saying “and a dog, I feel so humbly undeserving, I’ll love you all of my days and for all eternity”.

As the celebrate said “you may now kiss the bride” Cameron lifted my veil kissing me almost suffocating me in his embrace as fireworks burst into the sky over his shoulder being fired from a barge in the marina lighting up the now setting sun. I was now more than complete; I was whole. Kisses and hugs came at me from every angle and at Cameron as he pulled my hand saying “come on you’ve been standing long enough” as he led me showing me off as everyone followed us to a large table covered in champagne flutes surrounding an exquisite ice sculpture of cupid where we sat g the marriage certificate. Mat announced loudly “ladies and gentlemen please raise your glasses to my son and his beautiful new wife and our two new daughters” as I heard crystal being clinked together with Helen yelling out “yeh” and Eamonn shouting “to the bride and groom”.

We all wondered all over the penthouse getting photo’s before the sun finally set fully before returning to the bridal table which was lit by open flamed lanterns next to the pool that had floating flower ornaments each with a miniature light in crested with the flowers. The bridal table was a large U-shape with four chairs at the head and three chairs off each leg. It was incredibly formal and intimate being draped in white cloth, lace, flowers and more crystal and silverware than I had ever seen in one place.

At the head of table Cameron and I sat at the center with Eamonn next to Cameron and Sissy next to me. Toni, Sarah and Mat sat in that order down the grooms side and Helen, Stacey and Jessica in that order sat on our side (bride’s side). As we all settled in to being waited on by the loveliest catering staff imaginable bringing us lobster entrees and champagne as we watched two chefs on a huge portable open flame grill cooking our main meals being a choice between coral trout based with lemon, pineapple and capsicum or rib eye fillet steaks cooked to order with a choice of vegetables or salad. Dessert was crape Suzettes wrapped up like little bridal baskets with ice cream and strawberry’s in

them with Cameron saying “they’re just like waffles Shaelyn” as my eyes and smile beamed back at him.

After dinner heralded the speeches with Eamonn tapping his glass and standing up as best man saying as everyone quieted “isn’t she beautiful and don’t they make a beautiful couple” before pausing to compose his next thought as he said “I could see immediately the depth of feeling between you both and I think that is true of all of us here and I have no doubt the love between you will be served; would you all please be upstanding” before raising his glass skyward toasting “to Cameron and Shaelyn every happiness” as everyone returned the toast “to Cameron and Shaelyn every happiness”.

Helen urged Sissy to stand and say a few words as Sissy rose from her seat placing her hand on my shoulder saying “I can’t share with words how much I love you” looking down lovingly at me before saying “but I can share with you both everything inside of me” as tears rolled down her cheeks saying “you’ve married the best man imaginable Shaelyn and I wouldn’t have parted with you to anyone less, I love you both so very much” before raising her glass through her tears saying “oops forgot to get you to stand” as everybody stood up as she said torn somewhere between conflicting emotions “love each other always like I will love you both all the days of my life” before toasting “to my beautiful sister and her beautiful husband “Shaelyn and Cameron every happiness” with everyone returning the toast “Shaelyn and Cameron every happiness”.

Everybody seemed to have a few words to say toasting Cameron and I with Mat speaking for both my new parents as he welcomed me and Sissy into the family and then surprising Cameron and I by confessing “we’ve had Sissy back out on the boat last week Shaelyn and she doesn’t get sea sick at all so; Sarah and I have booked a 2 week honeymoon cruise with two ading Royal loft Suites on the maiden voyage of the “Oasis of the sea’s” one for you and Cameron and the other for Sissy and Helen so you pair can actually have a honeymoon as Cameron went off the scale thanking his dad and mum. Cameron was over the moon and trying to stay with his excitement I said “a cruise I loved your boat,

two weeks will be so cool” like a country pumpkin with Cameron explaining “Oasis isn’t just a boat Shaelyn it’s the biggest cruise ship afloat” with me saying quietly to Sissy “it sounds the Titanic with the whole “maiden voyage thing” with Sissy giving her part away saying “Oasis is way bigger and better than the Titanic Shaelyn” as I stated “caught ya” with Sissy laughing “that’s why we did a sick test and if you look in the travel wallet case we have to fly to Finland in three weeks to meet her” with me saying that fruitless word one more time “stop!

I asked “what if Sissy takes a turn or needs treatment?” with Mat responding quickly “Oasis has a full medical facility including a state of the art surgery and Dr. Corby has already spoken with the medical team aboard the Oasis and she has given her approval for Sissy to travel”. As Mat turned very serious like a father explaining to a beloved child saying “Shaelyn; this is your and our son’s honeymoon; Cameron has followed the construction of this ship for the last 6 years since they started talking about building it and Helen is our Chief Financial Officer and Interior Designer but this is far more than a business tax claimable event it’s so much more than that” as he paused before spelling out in plain language for me saying “this is an opportunity for the four of you to have the best time of your shared lives together”.

It seemed like everyone just accepted Sissy’s death as “matter of fact” but I couldn’t accept it but before I could say anything Mat added; “I’m sorry Shaelyn but the course is set” and then he quoted our father saying “we can’t change the direction of the wind but our sails can take us to any destination” as I realised in that moment the significance of what he was saying “shared lives together” there was only a small window of opportunity with Sissy. Mat and Sarah were very right I should seize every opportunity with Sissy as I stood up running around to Mat and Sarah throwing my arms around them both crying “how can I possibly ever thank you enough” with Sarah saying “have the best time of your lives and make memories that will last forever will be thanks enough” as she kissed me.

As I got back to Cameron he asked “would you like our first dance to be our

bridal waltz before I take you to bed?” with my expiry date rapidly approaching as it had been a huge day I just smiled “yep”. We stepped out into the open area of the terrace with the quartet now gone Cameron looked at Helen and the song “Time in bottle” began to play it was the most beautiful song I think I’d ever heard as Cameron held me close gently rocking me backwards and forwards in his embrace rather than a proper waltz. Cameron asked “do you like the song” with me saying “it’s heavenly Cameron” as he told me he’d discovered it a few years after he lost Livy and how it used to make him sad but now it made him happy before whispering to me “I truly do love you Shaelyn, this is your song” as I pressed my head against his chest letting the song and Cameron carry me away. I never knew a three and a half minute song could last a lifetime.

At the end of the song Cameron announced “thank you all for coming, my wife and I will now retire” as everyone got up and kissed and hugged us goodnight. As we got to the terrace doors Cameron scooped me in his arms carrying me across the threshold to the cheers from the terrace and carried me up those magical stairs to our bedroom. Putting me down gently on the bed Cameron said lovingly “you are stunning” with me responding “as are you my love” before he asked “do you want a shower before we get into bed? With me saying tired and timidly “yep” as he said “well I’ll give you a little while call me when you’re ready for bed” as he walked out onto the balcony; Cameron would keep his promise to Eamonn.

Makeup off, showered, hair washed and dress hung up; I crawled naked into bed turning the adjustable lighting down calling Cameron as he walked back in taking off his shirt and tros before jumping under the sheets next to me as my pulse rate instantly quickened feeling him naked close to me. In spite of being tired this was my wedding night with me telling Cameron “we can’t” with Cameron saying “I know” with me responding “we can’t have sex but we can do stimulation exercises together” as I moved down the bed running my hand down his stomach onto his awakening arousal. I loved this guy and the body that was attached to him as I gently began fondling and stroking him feeling him gradually getting harder. I could feel a warm glow growing within me as I started playing with my clit under the sheet to Cameron’s delight as I sucked on my fingers to get moisture while Cameron watched from up the bed. I couldn’t

help but start kissing and sucking on him now he was hard and fully awake. Taking a breath only to say “this is the part I love most” as Cameron said “sit on the floor so I can stand in front of you while you take that new body for a test drive as he called my stimulation exercises” as we both instantly moved into position kicking the sheets away with me announcing “I don’t want you to see me till I’m fully healed” as I cupped my vagina with my hand as Cameron pointed out “Eamonn said you’re the most anatomically correct woman in the world but I’m in no hurry, when you’re ready Shaelyn”.

Sitting there on a pillow on the floor spread legged leaning up against the bed with my hand cupping my vagina while Cameron moved into position standing over me with his feet either side of my hips. Cameron was ripe for the picking and hanging right in front of my face as I automatically began playing with my new body and simultaneously licking and kissing Cameron like any bride would on her wedding night before swallowing him whole as his beautiful body twitched in response. I licked and sucked his hard heavenly manhood as I played with my hardening clitoris. I could feel the building warmth within me as he gently slid in and out of my mouth.

Cameron just stood there gently rolling his hips backwards and forwards letting me very comfortably work him not trying to choke me as I leisurely investigated my new toy playing with my clitoris rubbing it sensuously at first before quickening my strokes causing me to moan most unlady like; it was just like my penis and the building pressure within me was definitely building to an orgasm as I groaned loudly as I squirmed and wriggled with my mouth full of Cameron. I was groaning so loud Cameron asked “are you gonna cum?” as I managed “mmm” with Cameron recognizing “mmm” means “yes” in “I’m in heaven doing this to you” language.

Cameron increased the tempo but wasn’t trying to choke me, I was very comfortably working him savoring very sensation, motion and taste as I could feel him swell harder in my mouth arousing me more as I continued to work myself until a warmth exploded within me causing my body to shudder and

spasm as I kept rubbing my not subsiding orgasm as the warmth within me kept growing as my orgasm grew more intense with Cameron urgently following by saying “I’m cuming too” as my body continued to shake and shudder as Cameron started to really throb hard in my mouth as I felt a small release of hot moisture into my mouth before the throb really pulsated through him filling my mouth with his warmth as I continued to play with myself swallowing him at the same time as I continued to orgasm.

Taking Cameron’s entire loving load into my mouth felt like it was almost filling my mouth as he hadn’t orgasmed for two weeks with me finally taking my mouth off his exploded barrel to finish swallowing after such a drenching. Cameron had expended all his ammunition and whilst still on my knees I finished saying “I love you” as I began to clean him up with my tongue and mouth. I stopped playing with myself when Cameron stopped cuming finishing my first real orgasm which honestly felt t like it could’ve gone on for hours. I was so excited with Cameron kneeling down to my level as I cupped my hand between my legs throwing my loose arm around him crying “it works” as he said “I thought it did you seemed to be having a pretty good time”. There was no mess, no seaman on me or the floor but I had definitely orgasmed. I felt like it always had after having an orgasm; drained, tired and satisfied as Cameron said “come to bed my love” helping me up cuddling me as we stood there naked sharing a loving embrace I’d never thought would be possible, he’d married me and he loved me, I couldn’t believe it as I started crying against his chest overwhelmed with love for him and emotion that I was his wife. Lying under a sheet on my back using my husband’s bicep as a pillow while the curtains gently played in the breeze falling asleep to whispers from the man I truly loved with all my heart, soul, body and being softly caressing me telling me how much he loved me and how we would have such good lives together before finally succumbing to my tired eyelids falling asleep in his arms. I’m will be eternally grateful and forever happy that I married this man.

CHAPTER 20

Healing with Sissy & Helen

I awoke pre-dawn next to my husband a 100% woman; a woman with a mission ripping through her brain thinking; heal and organize my new life as I stood there naked looking lovingly at my new husband sleeping soundly which absolutely took my breath away. He was in his prime, strong and so good looking. He was the last of a dying breed he was a true gentleman and I congratulated myself for having been fortunate enough to marry such a man. I was his wife and a wife that needed clothes as I thought “don’t be the day after girl especially in your wedding dress”. I started to quietly explore my new home naked with Gus quietly watching me from the floor before he put his head back down going back to sleep”. I made my way cautiously to walk-in wardrobe in the dimly light bedroom as I looked in hoping to steal something of Cameron’s to put on but I soon realised that Sissy had beaten me to the punch as Cameron’s clothes were on one side and my clothes on the other.

Putting my silk robe on as I left the bedroom starting down the stairs and out onto the terrace feeling the last of the cool night air rush past me just as the sun was rising. I could see Sissy; well her head anyway sticking up over the end of a reclining timber queen size day bed which she’d obviously raised the head end up for to get a better view of the sunrise. I snuck up quietly with the intent of quietly surprising her but quickened my approach when I realised she was having some sort of seizure. I started rushing leaning desperately over the top of the raised end of the day bed to find Helen well and truly up in between Sissy’s wide open legs. Sissy was having a seizure alright it was called an orgasm and it was caused from clitoral stimulation from Helen’s tongue and the fingers.

We were all shocked as I heard my self say “sorry, I’m just going back inside for coffee”. Back inside I was trying to find ingredients to make coffee whilst I tried to get my head around the morning so far as Sissy and Helen walked into the kitchen together with Helen saying “relax Shae, I’ll make your coffee” as I thought laughingly another person telling me to relax. Sissy said “Helen and I have bedrooms next to each other but most nights I just slip into Helens room” with me questioning Sissy “are you pair happy” with Sissy saying “very happy” as I looked at Helen who was smiling as if to say “obviously happy” as I said “cool” before I said “where’s my coffee bitch” smiling as I half chuckled at Helen as she said to Sissy “I told you Shae wouldn’t have a problem with us” as I turned to Sissy saying “details” before laughing out loud saying “na don’t worry, I’ve seen enough details this morning” as all three of us laughed and both Sissy and Helen blushing really red before I asked “how we playing this, who knows?

Helen chimed in with “I’ve always been attracted to women which had a big part to play in my divorce; I think Cameron knows but we’ve never really talked about it; mum and dad definitely don’t know so a little discretion there would be appreciated” with me saying “promise no folks but Cameron sort of knows” before I turned to Sissy asking “well, your turn?” with Sissy saying “Helen’s my first female lover and we’re having a great time together” as she put out her hand with Helen instantly holding Sissy’s hand before Sissy said laughing “mum and dad don’t know and I wouldn’t give a shit if they did!” with me laughing “ok that clears up all the greys areas” before I stated “you can come back out to watch the sunrise and drink your coffee with me if you can keep it down to holding hands” as all three of us went back out onto the day bed cuddling up under the blanket drinking coffee and talking before falling asleep with Sissy in between Helen and I.

Cameron found us later in the morning asleep a three person jumbled intermeshed collection of arms and legs under a sort of shared blanket. Waking us gently with bought coffee and bagels as Cameron said “there’s the girls” as Gus leapt onto the bed followed by “there’s my wife and my two sisters” as he bent over kissing me on the mouth in such a gentle but ionate way before he turned his attention to Helen grabbing her head like a football and planting a kiss

on the top of her head with Sissy getting the same rough playful boyish kiss from her new adoring big brother before laughing as Cameron informed me “I woke up alone and thought you’d run off so I ran off too, to get us coffee” as he handed out hot freshly brewed coffee and bagels from a shop right next door to the marina where he’d bought them returning with Gus from their morning walk.

With everyone drinking coffee I asked Helen “did you know your brother shagged me senseless when I still had a cock” as coffee fountained from every nostril but mine and before a word could be spoken in response I continued my questioning with “what possible problem could Cameron possibly have if you and Sissy are into each other?” with Cameron saying to Helen “good on you when were you going to tell me?” with Helen saying “honestly you had no idea I was into girls” with Cameron responding in turn “just cause I’ve always known doesn’t mean you don’t talk to me about it and confirm the fact” with Helen asking Cameron timidly “are you mad?” as Cameron stated “hell yes; now I know why none of your girlfriends liked me because they really were your “girlfriends” as he half laughed looking instantly on the positive saying “my masculinity just went up a few points” with me jumping in laughingly with “your masculinity is just fine Cameron focus on the topic at hand” as the mood lightened further with Cameron seriously saying “I’m mad Helen because we never talked about it, I’m your brother” with Helen explaining “I went full time after the divorce and we’d just lost Livy; I didn’t want to burden you with my bullshit” with Cameron leaning over Sissy and I again grabbing Helen’s head in the customary football position and kissing the top of her head with Sissy getting another kiss too and I got a slow loving mouth to mouth kiss as Cameron’s way of showing he wasn’t angry. Cameron said “from an engineering perspective there’s heaps of room for me on that bed” as Helen obviously feeling very much relieved piped up with ““trust me from an interior design financial perspective there isn’t”.

Looking like he was studying the bed Cameron just pushed on in next to me causing me to rollover pushing Sissy and Gus onto Helen and like the nursery rhyme “one little pig” Helen got pushed off the bed as we all just lost the plot laughing before Cameron said “financial” in a playfully mocking way to Helen as he said “sit up beautiful” which I did as he placed a pillow between his legs

long ways up onto his stomach as I leaned into him with Helen jumping back onto the bed doing the same with Sissy between her legs with us all calling Gus back up onto the bed between us after he jumped off to rescue Helen. Cameron cemented his victory with the comment “told ya we could all fit” as we laid there talking about the day and times to come as we drank our coffee.

Lying there I asked Cameron “what did you called me” as he asked “when?” with me laughing frustrated stating “just then” as he took a moment to think before answering “beautiful is better than bitch right” as he burst out laughing at his own joke with Helen slapping his arm stating “you’re such a male” with me smiling proudly “yes he is but he can live”. The next three weeks would be sunrises and sunsets, deferring studies, finishing up at the resort to Stacey’s dismay and I would do all in my power to heal and make Cameron happy in every way especially in my wifely duties as soon as possible. He was going back to work for a few weeks before we left for our honeymoon. Cameron only took a four day long weekend off for the wedding and Helen could only take the weekend. Cameron asked me “are you happy just to laze around the pool today” with me saying “that’s what I was hoping we were going to do; I could use a day of serious R&R”.

Sissy and I could see Helen and Cameron needed time to talk with Sissy saying “I bought us a couple of pairs of really nice matching bikinis for us last week Shae for when you got home come up stairs we’ll try them on while this pair gas bag” with me following Sissy inside leaving Helen and Cameron talking perhaps for the first time or so it would seem. Sissy gave me the unofficial grand tour of where she was pretending to sleep and where she was actually sleeping as we walked through the five bedroom split level penthouse. Helens room was a master size bedroom like Cameron’s and the walk in wardrobe was as impressive as everything else about this family. There was so many stunningly beautiful clothes at least a hundred outfits on hangers and probably as many shoes, hat’s and draws and draws of everything female.

Sissy produced a tiny pair of matching hot pink bikinis saying “they’re our size

Shae” with me laughing “you’re kidding I’ve seen more material on shirt pockets” as Sissy said “try it on” with me dropping my robe standing there naked with Sissy asking “give me a look at you” clearly referring to my wuzz as I jokingly laughed asking “this isn’t lesbian thing is it?” with Sissy’s replying “don’t be silly; silly, I just want to see how your healing” as I lifted my leg up onto the bed showing her that I was healing really well with my pubic hair starting to grow back and the scars up each side of my wuzz really were starting to disappear into the natural creases of my new body more and more each day as the swelling reduced and due to using shit loads of vitamin E cream and sunlight (best medicine ever). Lifting her wrap around skirt up showing me her virgina as she was still minus underwear from her morning activities with Helen saying “you need to start shaving like this” pointing to a thin strip of hair that started just above her clitoris that wasn’t even half inch wide and maybe inch and a half long going upwards; everything else was shaved absolutely clean before adding “if you’re gonna wear stuff like these” holding up the bikini.

Into my bedroom and into my shower I went under strict instructions and supervision whilst I shaved my virgina exactly like Sissy’s and taking the chance to do my legs and under arms too. After the leaving the shower we started comparing our vaginas in the mirror and we were both so happy we looked identical; same looking structure overall, same clitoral hood and vaginal lips as Sissy laughed “you just have to learn how to fly it now” as I slapped her arm laughing “I’ll learn”. We looked like every female orientated male’s dream; two young fit twins lying there comparing pussies. It was hard for me to believe that this silly sexy goddess next to me was actually the bearer of new life too, even if that new life was only ten days old in her womb. Sissy was radiant and we were now as close to identical female twins as we could possibly be which made me feel good about myself because Sissy was stunningly beautiful as she put on her bikini.

This would be the first time I ever wore something like this bikini. Before the final op I wore a fuller style bikini bottom with a wraparound sarong showing off my tits and masking my hips but with this bikini you just couldn’t conceal anything under so little material. The bikini was neon pink and I mean NEON in a stretch lycra and nylon mix with Sissy explaining they’re a “Rio cut” and

“don’t you just love the scrunchie bum of them” turning around showing me the way the material slightly flared outward from between her cheeks but as soon as the material actually touched her cheek it was smooth as silk and very taut (this look was scaldingly hot) and would become my favourite swimwear.

I quickly stepped into the bottoms pulling them up over my thighs and onto my hips which felt so sexy; everything felt sexy as a woman and I actually felt like masturbating as I briefly thought “now as a female nobody will know when I’m aroused unless I want them to know” and I was aroused this bikini was like lingerie for around the pool. Sissy asked “is that ok round ya wuzz?” with me commenting “they’re like wearing nothing” with Sissy laughing “that’s the point of a good bikini; take any more off in public and you get arrested” as Sissy gave me the matching top and a lesson in putting on small bikini tops saying “it’s the same as a bra do up the bottom under your boobs first then swivel it around then; bend forward a little throwing your hair forward to do the straps up behind your kneck then make sure your tits are in the cups and straighten up. I followed Sissy’s demonstration and instructions exactly and as I stood back upright flipping my hair backwards out of my face I felt the tautness of the thin straps just like suspenders but for your tits as I adjusted the cups that were at best only covering half my breasts showing off all my cleavage. These bikinis were the Lamborghini of swimwear being; they were super sleek, smooth and they looked like they were molded onto our young very fit bodies. I felt aroused, very empowered and very confident as this was how I should have always been. It was very much like coming home to a home I’d never been to before.

I pushed Sissy along in front of the double full length mirrors saying “do what I do” as we stood there doing really bad gymnastics with both of us agreeing we looked exactly the same in these bikinis especially between the legs which she knew was my main concern. Sissy suggested a show for Helen and Cameron to see if they could tell us apart and it would be a good chance to show off my new body to my new husband. We’d learnt to love shocking people and watching their reactions to us with me saying “yep” as we began choreographing our act.

As we strutted barefoot back out onto the terrace quietly in our new matching bikinis Cameron and Helen suddenly stopped talking with both of them watching us intently with both Sissy and I pretending not to notice their stare or their reaction as we made our entrance. Dropping our matching towels that were draped over our left shoulders onto the poolside table before placing our sunglasses on the towels in unison about 20 feet from where Cameron and Helen were sitting. We walked slowly into the shallow end of the pool playfully splashing the water up sensuously at each other like a pair of doves bathing in a bird bath before driving into the pool together coming up looking at Cameron and Helen over the edge of the pool only a few feet from them. Cameron and Helen sat there silently enjoying our obviously put on show as we slowly breast stroked back to the shallow end of the pool; standing up with our backs to Cameron and Helen as we both adjusted the right cheek of our bikini bottoms by sliding a finger sexily under the material in unison. Turning around flipping our hair forward and backward combing it slick with our fingers as I said “Sissy” and Sissy said “Shae” and then I said “Shae” and Sissy said “Sissy” daring them to tell us apart.

Cameron applauded like mad almost falling off his chair as he rocked backwards yelling “I’m in love just gotta choose with which one” in response to our performance and asking us to twirl around before he finally said “that’s Shaelyn” pointing at Sissy and then changing his mind and then pointing at me saying “that’s Shaelyn”. Helen was having dramas saying “I can’t tell them apart” to our amusement. Solving the mystery of who was who was easy as Sissy and I strutted towards them dripping wet like stalking lionesses and at the very last second changed who we were homing in on as I turned to Cameron and Sissy to Helen kissing our respective partners hard on the mouth ionately before stepping back and asking in unison “did you like?”.

Both of them clearly showing in their faces they liked our performance very much with Cameron clapping his hands again shouting “you pair are so wicked” from his chair and in the following breath asking me “do you wanna go around the other side of the terrace for a while” with me instantly replying “yep” with Helen saying to Sissy “you can stay right here with me” as Sissy laid down on the day bed with Helen moving quickly to her side. Cameron stood up with his

back to Helen and Sissy on the day bed concealing what I could see was his arousal growing under his shorts because he had no underpants on with the blunt end of his hardening arousal starting to become visible through the material as we departed to the other day bed on the other side of the terrace with Sissy and I smiling to each other waving “see ya” to each other.

Our performance wasn’t supposed to be the prelude to open sex across the penthouse it was only supposed to be innocent fun but that was us probably being a little naive with regards to the effect it would have on our partners. I was definitely feeling extremely sexy as Cameron led me by the hand around to the day bed on the other side of the terrace. As we walked I noticed Cameron becoming more erect with the thought of what we’d do on the other day bed but also the sensation of the material brushing against him as he walked without underpants wasn’t helping calm his pulse rate. I used to be a guy once and I know shorts brushing against you can make it very hard to conceal a growing erection especially if you are genuinely aroused in the first place. Finally standing there next to our destination (day bed) in my new little neon pink bikini with my arms up stretched to their full extent around his kneck of my gorgeous husband kissing him ionately with his erection making its presence felt more and more between us as I went sexually into overdrive.

There in the open air and beaming sunshine I quickly removed his shorts exposing him still at three quarter mast drooping under the weight as I shifted gear from “quiet polite level headed young women and wife” straight into “amateur would be porn super star” mode as I squatted quickly with my legs spread open as I ed the drooping weight with my mouth trying to devour his large and growing arousal. I was just so incredibly sexually charged with a growing heat inside me that felt like it would consume me as my mouth was being inundated with more loving than I could possibly ever want as I licked and sucked on my husband like a bride on her honeymoon. I was in female heaven with my mouth full of my lover with one hand on the base of him and my other hand on myself after feverishly shifting my bikini bottom to one side before starting to rub myself up. I was frantic with the want of him as I pushed Cameron backwards onto the day bed. Cameron looked up at me seemingly surprised by the urgency of my need and want of him; I was like a women

processed as I quickly peeled off my bikini bottom and top before instantly resuming my naked oral attack on his now fully aroused hard body.

I was sucking and spiting on him as though my life depended on it as I worked him and myself into a frenzy; everything was happening so fast as I suddenly stopped my oral attack before throwing my leg over him with the intent of rubbing my frenzied dripping wet body up and down the underside of his manhood as I pressed hard it onto his stomach as I gripped his shoulders with my hands. I’d never been so aggressive sexually and it was taking Cameron and me by surprise as I slide my wet wanting body hard up against him tormenting my new senesces to a point of positively indecent as I moaned really unashamedly hard looking down into the eyes of my husband and lover’s face as I clenched my nails onto his shoulders. I had a wet hard husband sliding length ways between my labia across my vagina and clitoris it was breathtakingly hot.

I slide and rocked backwards and forwards up and down this greasy runway hoping to take off getting more out of control with every ing second before unintentionally sliding all the way forward free of him altogether as he sprang back up slightly without me pushing down on him and in my haste to regain the sensation I slide backwards feeling Cameron against my wet and wanting body. He didn’t penetrate me as I started pressing backwards further feeling him rubbing around my virginal lips. I reached down between my legs working him with my hand ensuring with my clit. My body quivered and shook; I couldn’t help myself as I pulled slightly forward again before pushing back again changing my pelvic angle knowing what the result would be as I took Cameron into my new vagina for the very first time. It was mind blowing as I worked my clitoris.

Suddenly and unintentionally (well maybe not totally unintentionally) Cameron slid into me as I gasped and exhaled at the same time making a really noticeable “aah” groaning sound with Cameron asking “you alright” with me responding with more sounds “mmm” as I bit my lip. I’d been doing my stent exercises and I was now using the largest stent so my virgina was use to accommodating

something about the same size as Cameron but inserting a cold sterile stent into your vagina and leaving it there isn’t anything like sliding wet backwards down onto the man that you adore; two very different sensations.

I moved slightly down and then back up Cameron feeling him separating my swollen in a good way labia as I groaned really hard sighing “oh Cameron” as I continued to work myself as Cameron said “no Shaelyn” as I took no notice of him sliding further down onto him. The sensation was so electrically intense like nothing I’d ever felt before. I withdrew off him and started spitting on him applying more natural lube in a panicked (in a good way) state of mind as he said “we can’t Shaelyn” as I said “it’s alright Cameron, it’s very alright” as I went back about my business of pleasing him and myself. Throwing my leg quickly over him again rubbing him around the entrance of my virgina and over my clitoris taking him into me again as I continued stimulating my clitoris like a mad woman as I slide further and further down onto his sun dial like body stopping only once his loving sword was fully sheathed within me fully with the two appendices attached at the base pressing against me. I was sitting with my legs tucked up with my knees alongside Cameron’s ribcage as I started to move slowly backwards and forwards feeling the fullness within in me that I had waited and craved all my life to feel.

Leaning forward kissing Cameron hard on the mouth with my body absolutely stuffed full of hard aching loving as I told Cameron “Shaelyn loves Cameron” like a really super aroused Jane talking to Tarzan; I was in heaven as I straightened up slightly putting my hand on his shoulders as I started pressing my pelvic bone against his, rubbing my clit against him with my body absolutely full of him as my body started to let go into my first proper female virginal orgasm as I moaned uncontrollably rubbing myself against his pelvis getting faster and faster as Cameron said “cum”.

I thought he was talking to me as I worked my new body through some of its first proper paces before realizing he was telling me he was already there as I threw myself forward without my unwanted physical feature between us any

longer. This is how it should have always been as I kissed him ionately saying “give it to me Cameron” referring to his orgasm” before straightening back up with my hands back on his shoulders watching his face as I continued my relentless and quickening pace rubbing my clit hard on his pelvis with my wuzz full of him but I realized I could also milk and massage him whilst moving up and down as my efforts encouraged him to orgasm within me. Feeling a rush of warmth flow through my entire body releasing through my pelvic area somewhere deep inside me as Cameron filled me totally gushing his warmth back up into me at the same time was incredibly magical; like two waves colliding inside me and it really was a life changing event for me and something I could never forget. I would only ever love one man and Cameron was truly that man, I adored him for everything he was, everything!

None of this was supposed to happen without Eamonn’s approval but I was alright, I was extremely alright as I laid there on Cameron’s chest reassuring him I was more than perfectly fine and telling him just how much I really did love him. I loved him in every way a woman could love a man whilst he remained inside of me tickling my back. It was like the exact reversal of our first night together but in the best way. I didn’t want to ever get off him or have him removed from me but after a while he was losing his arousal and I was starting to dribble so I asked “wanna go inside and clean up” with Cameron smiling saying “yep” with me saying “yep’s mine” as we laughed. Getting up pulling our beautifully suited bodies apart there was no mess or blood on either of us until I dripped some of Cameron onto the day bed saying “oops” with Cameron saying “our first proper wet spot” before adding “we make a beautiful mess together Shaelyn”.

Standing up feeling very fine and fuzzy in the head as you do after really good sex I almost fell over with my jelly legs putting on my bikini bottom still dripping as I ran topless up the stairs with Cameron hot on my heels into the shower. Standing under warm running water washing myself just how Sissy had told me she washed herself after sex and turning my attention to Cameron who was very concerned about me asking “are you sure you’re alright” as I kissed him tenderly saying “I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t enjoy and I absolutely loved doing what we just did downstairs, I’m really good Cameron, I love you”

as he seemed relieved with me stating “I feel really sleepy can we have an afternoon nap?” as he said “I really love you too Shaelyn” before telling me “I love how chicks always go to sleep after making love” with me responding I can’t speak for all girls but I only go to sleep afterwards when I feel totally satisfied emotionally and physically which bought a proud smile to Cameron’s face, he knew he’d done good even if it was me that was doing it.

Getting out of the shower drying each other off, I asked Cameron because I could see him trying not to look at my virgina so I asked him “do you wanna look?” as he responded “not if you’re not ready” with me taking him by the hand to the edge of our bed where I laid down spreading my legs as he said “your vagina is just like the rest of you Shaelyn; gorgeous” as his crawled up between my legs and up my body like a big bull ape climbing a small tree stopping to briefly but ionately kiss my new body intimately along the way saying “we’ll have to explore what this does more” with me saying “mmm”. A second kiss would have seen me go again, no problem but we had the rest of our lives to make love and learn about ourselves and each other but for now I just wanted to go to sleep wrapped in this gorilla’s loving warm arms with Gus the dog at the foot of our bed watching the long white curtains move in and out in time with the ocean breeze.

Waking late afternoon being kissed awake by Cameron as he spooned up behind me whispering in my ear telling me how special I was and how special what we’d shared earlier was as I nuzzled into his naked body. We talked about my sexual frenzy on the terrace as I felt him stir against my hip which was the greatest complement for me. I loved the effect I had on this guy; it felt like I was his chosen drug. Rolling over facing him I held him in my hand gently fondling him asking “more” with Cameron asking “don’t want to overdo it, what if we hurt you?” with me replying I’d rather die with you inside me than live without your love” as I dashed to the bathroom grabbing the lube gel and squeezing some onto my fingers before starting to stroke Cameron more thoroughly as he got harder. Cameron asked “can I put some on you if I’m gentle?” holding his hand up as I squeezed some lube onto his fingers.

Lying there with me hardening him; Cameron cupped his hand over my vagina in the most protective gentle loving way possible which felt not only sexual but also extremely emotional which meant everything to me and excited me at the same time. My loving man began very gently rubbing the gel all over the exterior of my virgina before briefly touching my clitoris which bought an instant reaction. I sighed hard with Cameron removing his hand asking “did that hurt” as I placed his hand back down onto me. Before long Cameron was running his thick masculine fingers all over my new body brushing my clit at the top of his movement and sliding a single finger inside me with his downward movement as he lay beside me.

My response to Cameron’s sensuous touching was “more” with Cameron asking “what do you want? as I spread my legs fully massaging myself and using my own fingers whilst I stroked him with Cameron which saw Cameron taking up a more traditional missionary position between my wide open legs leaning directly over me with his arms bracing his upper body over the top of me. I squirted lube onto myself and onto the end of Cameron and started to work him with my hand along the top side of him using him like a sex toy rubbing him all over my aching new body as I stroked him, around and partially inside me as I massaged him moving and squirming underneath him.

Cameron asked “are you ok?” with me responding “mmm” as Cameron took over control sliding his rock hard love all over my virgina sliding himself length ways between my labia. It was like being fucked between the tits (not that we’d done that yet) but he was using my vagina. I always called this type of foreplay “hot dogging” well think about it a thick sausage length ways across a long open bun and a rock hard guy length ways in between labia. Anyway we were hot dogging like mad as I played, pinched and teased my breasts which Cameron really seemed to like watching. I’d seen it done in movies and Cameron obviously loved watching me so; I unashamedly lifted my breast and started seductively licking my nipple with the tip of my out stretched tongue which was too much for both of us as I placed my hand on Cameron’s hot dog directing him to exactly where I wanted him to be. This was my first missionary position and as Cameron’s slid disappearing into me it bought us really close together (literally face to face) as I felt my body fill accepting him to his hilt. I was

healing really fast and our previous expose on the terrace had not only awoke my libido but it also conditioned my new vagina somewhat to become accustomed to this welcome intruder.

I moaned really loudly as he stayed there motionless fully inside me lowering his body onto mine taking up a position more on his elbows as he kissed me and asked me “you alright?” with me whispering “I love you” as I ran my nails over his back as he started slowly moving his hips and in turn his manhood backwards and forwards within me. I could feel my orgasm really building as his pelvis brushed against my clitoris when he was fully home inside me creating an overwhelming sense of warm fullness within me.

The sensation just made me whole in every way as I laid there pinned underneath this gorgeous man’s body between my open legs with his gorgeous love sliding in and out of me intermittently hitting his pelvis against my clitoris; it was heavenly. This was a meshing of two peoples souls not a sexual frenzy like out on the terrace as he kissed me ionately with our whole bodies warmly pressed and locked against each other as he worked in and out of me with growing enthusiasm and tempo. I was helpless underneath him and I loved him so much as I told him “more” as he quickened his tempo further with the stimulation increasing again as I started to wriggle unable to remain still underneath him.

Increasing the tempo was tipping me over the orgasm edge as I wrapped my legs around his hips rocking on my lower back and butt in time with his motions that were getting harder and more intense hitting his pelvis hard against me as I clawed my nails down his back urging him to cum with me as our thrusts became involuntary pushing my hips to his locking my myself hard around him as he exploded within me as my body released sending the heat within me rushing downwards through me to collide with Cameron coming up and for that moment I really felt that we were one not two.

I was buried in the bed beneath him unable to move as he still filled me twitching and delivering all of his love even minutes later as we told each other how much we loved each other. I’d never felt so loved, so good, so right, so natural or as completely whole as a person. This was who I was and who I was always supposed to be and who I would be for the rest of my days, female. Feeling Cameron withdraw from me finally as we kissed long and ionately was awesome. There was nothing Cameron could do without arousing me and everything I did including getting dressed aroused me and him. I felt so alive and almost permanently aroused.

Whenever Cameron and I were in close proximity of each other we were in each other’s arms and if we were in private he was inside me; this is how the “newlyweds” as Sissy and Helen called us spent our first weeks together in between Cameron working with me playing dutiful wife; cooking, cleaning, doing the shopping and visiting Cameron’s work before our honeymoon. We were brilliantly suited and crazy for each other in every conceivable way. I had a lot of catching up to do for all I’d missed and so did Cameron; he was right, we were perfect for each other.

Eamonn would later on during this week authorise Cameron and I to make love as I was fully dilated. He would never know till reading this chapter that we; or more to the point I couldn’t keep our promise to wait for his approval.

Sorry Eamonn.

CHAPTER 21

Honeymoon

I my first instinctive reaction to “the boat” as I referred to the “Oasis of the seas” as I marveled at it from the dock saying “It’s so big” as I put my arm around Cameron who immediately laughed responding with “that’s what all the girls tell me” with Sissy, Helen and me laughing with me saying “not you horse the boat” but nearly 5,000 photos and nearly forty five hours of video in thirteen days was a bit extreme even for Cameron the techno junkie. He filmed and took photos of everything from our teary farewell with Mat and Sarah at the airport departure lounge to the smiling welcome back in the arrivals lounge. Cameron was like the paparazzi on steroids.

We had all created memories that would last forever and Cameron had caught them all on digital! Why you would video three girls sleeping on an aircraft for twenty minutes had me baffled but in the years to come we would watch these movies over and over again and I can’t thank Cameron enough for not being right in the head when it came to filming our honeymoon and Sissy and Helen’s holiday. Cameron got it all from our reactions to our Royal Loft Suites to Sissy and me on the wave machine in matching bikinis; he got it all!

We explored every available inch of the ship with Sissy and I getting lost constantly knowing only two things that Cameron and Helen would find us eventually or we’d find our own way back to the suite usually by a totally different and unknown path to the one we set out on. I love how children see everything for the first time with total amazement the things that adults have long come to think of as mundane or every day but Sissy and I were like children amazed at seeing everything for the first time going from a 747 aircraft to the world’s biggest cruise ship and we were on it. This really was a super magical

time for all four of us.

Second day aboard Cameron and I; and I’m sure so did Helen and Sissy awoke after candle light dinners on our private balconies and a night of sheer romance, lust and love. Cameron and I were making up for lost time and I think so were Helen and Sissy. It felt like I couldn’t walk past Cameron let alone take a shower or lye next to him naked without consummating the marriage and I knew Sissy and Helen were experiencing something similar. You could feel the chemistry and the love between them and between Cameron and I. Hell I couldn’t trust Cameron or myself to even put sunscreen lotion on each other. We were making love and having really raunchy sex and sometimes a combination of both activities three or four times a day throughout the cruise and it was sublime. I suppose that’s what all young brides hope for on their honeymoons endless days and nights with the man of their dreams being loved senseless constantly. Cameron and I were like each other’s fantasy on tap and we couldn’t stop drinking from each other.

Half way across the Atlantic (mid cruise) all four of us sitting out on my and Cameron’s balcony drinking cocktails as Cameron announced he was going to lay down for an afternoon snooze and that Helen was to take Sissy and me shopping for evening dresses to celebrate our married one month anniversary as I stated “I’d rather stay and have a lay down with you” smiling sexily at Cameron with Cameron saying “you’re the reason I need to sleep Shaelyn, you’re insatiable” as he added in a tired but very happy manner “you sex goddess you” as Sissy and Helen both laughed with Helen saying “you’ve fucked the life out of my brother Shaelyn” as I blushed and laughed saying “I’m just a normal girl with a normal healthy sexual appetite” before kissing my tired husband and telling him we’d be back in a couple of hours and that was how long he had to regain his manhood as we all laughed including Cameron responding “I’ll give ya manhood tonight” as I kissed him again before leaving.

For a Chief Financial Officer of a company I thought Helen was a bit extravagant and a shocking spendthrift as she produced a credit card saying

“whatever we spend is a tax deduction for the company” as she smiled waving the card saying “yeh”. We went to every boutique on the boat looking for three perfect dresses and the shoes to go with them. I came away with a figure hugging long sleeve short sequin dress that looked almost see through from about ten feet away thanks to the lightest skin coloured chiffon slip I’d ever seen that had rhinestones sparsely sprinkled over the dress mainly over the breasts and panty areas and the rhinestones looked like sparkling daintily hanging icicles dripping onto my thighs. Even though the chiffon hem was straight you had to get really get close to see it.

This dress was like being rolled in diamonds and at just over a thousand dollars Helen said “it’s beautiful and a bargain” not to mention the $400 matching shoes I chose with the highest heels I’d ever worn; 7 inch stiletto sandals that were silver with sparkly rhinestones with clear plastic two inch high platform soles under the toes. I came away with $1,500 worth of tax deduction for the company with Sissy and Helen doing between them nearly $4,000. Overall we did about $6 grand in about an hour and a half without getting our hair or nails done. By the time we’d finished with hair and nails we’d shamelessly spent nearly $6,500 between three girls in under three hours but we would look absolutely stunning and we only did it for the company (not).

I’d never had my hair and nails done at a salon and it was a great experience with the three of us getting pampered and manicured together. I choose to go with a very elegant bun with sexy lose ringlets at the side with my fringe sweeping across just above my eyes. I looked so classy and hot at the same time while Sissy went for a stunning messy but formal look which couldn’t have suited her more and Helen got her usually wavy blonde past her shoulders locks straightened. We really did look gorgeous!

I knew it was going to be a very special evening if for no other reason than how much we’d already spent on it but when Cameron suggested from the shower that I go over with Sissy and Helen to their suite to get ready with me asking “why” with his response in between his version of that Louis Armstrong’s

classic “what a wonderful world” from within the steam as he said “so I can see an angle walk through my door” before adding “off you go”.

Helen, Sissy and I combined efforts to make this a truly able night for all of us. Two hours later we walked back into my and Cameron’s suite finding Cameron looking at books in the library area; standing up from his crouched position wearing an antique off white Armani suit that I’d never seen before made of the lightest cotton material imaginable. He was wearing his best leather tan shoes (that had been polished) and a matching new Calvin Klein blue and white thinly striped long sleeved shirt. He turned to face me with a sexy slightly shorter than usual hair cut that just swept over his fringe and swept me of my feet. He looked like a gorgeous male model from a magazine and I instantly felt a stir inside me and probably blushed as I couldn’t help but say “I love you” asking him “could you get any better looking?” with Sissy laughing saying “I’m into girls but I’d turn for you Cameron” with Cameron responding sheepishly “guys can shop too you know and the hairdressers will come to your suite” as I danced towards him kissing his freshly shaved cheek and smelling his aftershave wanting to drag him upstairs then and there.

Cameron looked me up and down holding my arms out stretched saying “you are the most beautiful woman Shaelyn, you really are a real modern day princess” which saw me curtsy as low as I could go in my heels before Cameron always prince charming said to Helen and Sissy “you pair look good too” in his boyish joking manner. The four of us looked stunning like something out of a Hollywood movie premier ready to walk the red carpet. Every male and some girls we spoke to or walked past made eyes at us with me joking with Cameron “they’re lesbians and we’re married” with Cameron saying “and don’t you forget it” like an old cowboy with me unable to stop smiling and unable to be any happier on his arm replying “never”.

The four of us would spend this the most special of nights together starting with a six course meal at 150 Central Park the boat’s most prestigious restaurant where we toasted “to healing” followed by going dancing and clubbing,

gambling at the casino with Sissy and I playing roulette for the first time winning $300 before finishing our shared night off with a stroll around the decks under the moonlight through Central Park and along the open decks before heading back to our suites along the Royal Promenade with the two girls in front of us holding hands and sneaking kisses and cuddling when the four of us were alone with me thinking why should any love have to be hidden?

Saying goodnight to Sissy and Helen outside their suite Cameron and I barely made it in the front door of our suite and definitely didn’t make it upstairs as Cameron suggested we slow things down a bit with another glass of wine before looking at me standing there trying to remove the cork from a bottle of wine asking me “you’re fully healed now?” with me pretending to bite my nail sexily saying “yep” as Cameron put the bottle down saying “fuck the wine” with me echoing Cameron’s thoughts saying “fuck me instead” naughtily as I started pulling my dress up and off as Cameron undressed commenting on the fact I was wearing no underwear with me responding “a girls gotta be ready for anything around you”.

With my seven inch clear plastic rhinestone heels and dream catcher belly ring as my only clothing I stood there letting my hair fully down as Cameron threw his shoes, socks and jocks to one side saying “I’ll give ya manhood, you haven’t seen everything a man can do yet young lady” as he basically tackled me onto the lounge laughing laying on top of me between my legs both of us naked as he started kissing my face as his hands caressed my out stretched very receptive young body moving his kisses onto my kneck and down over my breasts with my nipples fully erect craving his attention which they got before his kisses poured over my tight taut belly and around my dream catcher before moving lower over my pelvis and onto my aching clitoris.

I’d been aching for him all night even rubbing him up slightly under the table cloth at the restaurant. I’d wanted him to do this to me but I’d felt awkward after the operation but I was healed now and that’s why he choose the toast “to healing” it meant he knew I was healed and we could really share all of each

other. My clit was like my nipples; fully erect and very aroused as he began to kiss and nuzzle at me running his tongue broadly up the sides and then right up the middle like a starving man with a taco. This was the first time a man had gone down on me and it was the most erotic experience of my life as I shuddered and squirmed involuntarily under his tongue and mouth with Cameron stopping to suck salvia onto his fingers as he started to use his thick fingers whilst not ignoring my new and aching womanhood. I was bucking like a rodeo cow under his touch but when he started working up my butt with a finger as well; I went sexually ballistic.

He was working me with his mouth, finger banging me in every way at the same time with one hand and fondling my breasts with his other hand with me thinking is this what he meant when he said “we’d have to explore this more” a few weeks ago. I couldn’t stop and he wouldn’t stop until I quaked and moaned louder I thought later for adjacent suites if not the whole ship to hear me. My reaction to this “hit every button” stimulation was more violently pleasurable than ever before holding onto his head as I rubbed up and down uncontrollably against his clean shaven face. It felt so naughty and so fucking brilliant as I came with my body contorting not knowing which stimulation was actually causing this thundering orgasm as it flowed threw me as my whole body stiffened and shook arching my back; letting go an incredible release in my pelvic area which stole my breathe away like never before but Cameron just kept going until I had to say in an ever increasing getting higher in pitch tone ‘tingling all over, that’s enough Cameron, that enough” making him stop as I collapsed backwards onto the lounge from my almost previous levitated position with my body shaking and my chest heaving. He’d pushed my female body to its stimulation limits and I realised what I’d had experienced before weren’t orgasms or at least not like this one. I was completely satisfied in every way a girl could be; physically, mentally, sexually, spiritually and emotionally. I was whole.

Men are such thoughtless creatures with their lack of understanding of women only exceeded by their understanding of themselves and I base that on conversations with all the women in my life having had partners leaving them unsatisfied. What partner would leave their partner wanting after they’d orgasmed (common practice for men or so I’m told). I was lucky Cameron

would never do that to me. Cameron was still hard as stone and I’d never leave him wanting either. I was numb all over and feeling cold due to the rush of blood away from my extremities and towards all my many working parts but I composed myself enough to take Cameron’s hand leading him to the balcony whilst I leaned on the balcony cheekily saying to Cameron “more” over my naked shoulder wriggling my butt inviting him to take me from behind knowing I couldn’t handle any more clitoral stimulation not straight away anyway but I would be more than happy to have him inside of me from behind.

We were now very comfortable and aware of each other sexually as Cameron took himself in hand positioning himself behind me before sliding painlessly and effortlessly into my saliva saturated slit reminding me instantly of one reason I truly loved this man. He’d just absolutely sent me off the planet sexually giving me the hardest strongest orgasm I’d ever experienced as a male or as a female and now it was his turn as he started to work himself inside me slowly at first with me encouraging him saying “more” as he slid bumping his hilt against me letting me feel his entire thick gorgeous length as he started to work us harder with me rocking backwards and forwards to meet his every movement as I looked out over balcony at the ocean. He really was giving me all his love as he held my hips pulling me on and off him as his body slapped against me from behind and for underneath as his tempo increased towards his orgasm.

I could feel my second orgasm starting to really build as I couldn’t help but reach down between my legs playing with myself as his motion got harder and faster till they were urgent, intense and involuntary as he started to throb pushing harder into me as I moaned “Come on Cameron” as he’s thrusts met by my pushing backwards near lifted me over the railing with the force of us colliding being fully inundated with Cameron filling my body as felt his body pump his gorgeous hot orgasm into me with Cameron collapsing onto my back still twitching going through the last of his motions with Cameron asking “did you cum?” with me saying “yes”. I didn’t orgasm the second time but I had earlier and I had the best time knowing my husband, my lover, my Cameron was completely satisfied like I was. Cameron showed me what my new body could really do and more than that; he showed me how much he loved me with me returning the favor and the sentiment.

The cruise really was the best time of our four shared lives and I was so grateful to Sarah and Mat for making us go, thank you.

CHAPTER 22

Sissy

After arriving home from the cruise I secretly packaged up a “newsletter” to our parents letting them know how Sissy was going medically and that she was also expecting a baby. I informed them I’d been married and that we’d just returned from our honeymoon. The package was complete with pictures of everything and a hand written letter. I would send weekly updates until they responded and I would walk down to our mail box in the bottom lobby every day hopeful of finding our parent’s response.

On our 20th birthday Sissy was in her 12th week of pregnancy and she was just starting to show signs of a bit of a belly a little earlier than we all expected with Sarah laughing with Cameron saying “your grandmother was a twin and Sissy’s a twin so twins aren’t out of the question” which made for a very proud Cameron, Helen, Mat, Sarah, Sissy and I as Cameron placed his camera on the tripod setting the timer getting the greatest photo of Sissy laying on a pool lounge with all six sets of hands on her belly as we huddled around her laughing. This picture would become my all-time favourite of Sissy; she looked so healthy and happy surrounded by everyone she loved.

For our birthday we all went out to see the musical “Rent” which was very much aligned towards the gay and lesbian community but that didn’t stop it being a great musical. When they sang “Season of Love” g “five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year in a life – How about love” the song being sung represented a year in the life of a dying friend. I sat there immobilized and stony faced while Sissy and everybody else wept around me as I held Sissy’s hand while I crushed Cameron’s hand with my other from my heartbreaking pain. I promised Sissy she wouldn’t see me cry but I was

breaking down inside crying uncontrollably quieter than everyone else in the audience in response to the song without sheading a tear trying not to wreck what I knew would be our last birthday together. After we got home and after we’d said good night Cameron held me for hours with those hauntingly beautiful words reminding me “five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes” and knew I wouldn’t have that long with Sissy.

Presenting at the hospital after our birthday for Sissy’s first trimester nuchal translucency (NT) Scan which was to be an internal vaginal scan checking the overall health of the baby and it would identify any stand out medical issues. Cameron, Helen and I stood around the head of the bed as the doctor conducted the scan under the sheet draped loosely over Sissy’s knees telling us that we could see the results on the monitor. I held Sissy’s hand tightly with Helen clutching the other while Cameron looked on very intently and concerned like any “would be dad” should. The doctor announced “there they are” with Sissy asking excitedly “they” as the doctor said “two heartbeats you’re having “twins” as we all couldn’t contain our excitement with Cameron, Helen and I instantly breaking into 3 separate very distinctive styles of joyful struts and dances smiling broadly and proudly at Sissy laying there trying not to move. Sissy would write in her journal for this day “they all danced and smiled at me and I was so happy to be bringing such happiness into the world”.

We were all so elated and shocked with Sissy saying “I told you so” because she’d been talking it up with Sarah that she might be having twins because it ran in both families. Over the couple of weeks leading up to the scan Sissy and Sarah had worked themselves in a twin hysteria with Sissy just days earlier declaring “I can’t explain it but it feels like twins” before laughing “how cool would that be”. Well it was twins and it was extremely cool!

The doctor asked Sissy “do you want to know the sex?” with Sissy instantly and sharply saying “no” to make sure it wasn’t accidentally divulged before saying “I want it to be a surprise” with me saying “common Sissy” trying to get her to let the doctor tell us the sex and thinking on my feet as I tried any rationale to

convince Sissy I quickly stated “we have to know what color to do the nursery” with Sissy stating “it won’t be pink or blue I can promise you that” before she explained “they’ll be who they’re going to be without gender asg colors” with me realizing what I’d said and how very right she was.

Look at Sissy and me (lesbian and transgender) as great examples. The twins could be female, male or one of each like Sissy and me but in spite of what they were born they could be totally different people as they grew. We would all raise these children to be who they choose to be; not who we expected or wanted them to be.

I tried to recover from my case of unintentional “foot in mouth disease” suggesting a “rainbow” color scheme which got approval straight away especially from Sissy and Helen who were really starting to get into the gay and lesbian community. I was ultra-ive and extremely proud of them but I just wasn’t a budding activist like they were; I was just happy being me finally. The doctor interjected into our rainbow color scheme discussion telling us “they’re both healthy” with us all breathing a collective sigh of relief that “they” were both healthy.

Later that week with the scan image in hand I prepared the secret newsletter to our parents thinking this would be a game changer surely our parents couldn’t ignore their expected grandchildren with me quietly and anxiously waiting on every call in the weeks to follow just in case it was our parents and rushing to the mail box daily only to be disappointed. How could parents so adamantly reject their own children, their own grandchildren and their dying daughter? They were missing the most precious of times that would never come again.

I couldn’t understand our parents and I was starting to care less than I understood; thinking regardless of their prejudice, ignorance or whatever their reason surely we’d done nothing severe enough to warrant such an excommunication but I kept sending weekly updates in the hope they’d respond.

I twice tried to call; being hung up on as soon as I said who I was with Helen wanting to go out to “Hicksville” as we came to call the town we grew up in to and I’ll quote Helen “bitch slap the bitch” referring to Helen’s possible solution to making our mother do the right thing at least by Sissy. Helen shouted out of frustration in tears at the ocean from the balcony while Sissy was sleeping “fuck; Sissy is dying and she’s pregnant with their grandchildren, what’s wrong with these people?” with me answering embarrassed “I don’t know” asking Helen “we’re not that bad are we Helen?” with Helen throwing her arms around me crying and reassuring me “you pair are the most beautiful people I’ve ever known but it’s got me fucked how with parents like yours!

Sarah later found a newsletter that I was about to send in my purse addressed to our parents when she was trying to retrieve and answer my mobile for me and I confessed all to her telling Sarah about the secret weekly correspondence I’d been sending to our parents. Notice; I didn’t say “sending home” because where our parents were was becoming less and less our home with each and every ing day as they ignored my begging pleas and cry’s for them to be with Sissy. Sarah and I secretly began to forces collaborating ultimately with Sarah writing a letter urging our parents as one parent to another to be part of our lives and the lives of the twins but Sarah’s letter like all of mine remained unanswered.

Sissy’s health inevitably and gradually almost unnoticeably at first began to deteriorate. Sissy was having trouble keeping weight on in spite of the two lives growing within her with doctors telling us; the twins will automatically take the nutrition from her blood stream first and Shannon will get what’s left. Sissy started experiencing dizzy spells not to mention at times heartbreakingly painfully migraine headaches but more alarming was the sudden unexplainable drops in her blood pressure to the point of her being hospitalized in the second trimester three times and by the time she was 12 weeks away from her due date her liver function had dropped to about 50% requiring three dialysis sessions weekly to purify her and the babies blood but the most alarming concern was Sissy’s breathing. The tumor was interfering with her lung function seeing Sissy really terrifyingly struggling for breath. For the last three months of pregnancy Sissy would require an oxygen cylinder on standby and we would have to invest

in a home dialysis machine with a lovely home care nurse named Janet. I will always be eternally grateful to Janet for the help and medical treatment she gave my sister and our family.

These children would be so much more than twins to everyone that loved them; they would have three mothers (Sissy, Helen and I), loving grandparents but to Cameron they represented even more. Cameron had lost Livy and his unborn daughter almost six years earlier which was an irreplaceable loss but these twins would go towards filling that void left in his heart.

Sissy was in good spirits and righting her daily journal more so than ever but it was obvious to everyone that the twins were really taking a very heavy toll on her starting to fail health with Dr. Corby and Sissy’s pediatrician Dr. Louise Wellington consulting constantly with the three lives swinging in the balance with both doctors agreeing that Sissy would not go full term and that Sissy would have to be hospitalized six weeks out from her expected due date just to make sure if she went into labor early (most twins do by a few weeks) Sissy and the twins would already be at the hospital with both doctors also agreeing that Sissy wouldn’t be strong enough to have these twins naturally; a caesarean section (C-Section) is how these twins would come into the world.

Cameron was so understandably nervous and getting more anxious daily about the pregnancy as the expected due day got closer and closer confessing to me privately when Sissy was ten weeks away from giving birth or B-day as Sissy called it and had marked it up on the calendar next to her bed counting down the days with Cameron saying “I’ll be so relieved when they’re born and everyone is alright” as he explained to me in tears “it’s not over yet Shaelyn! I rushed Livy to hospital three weeks premature, she was in so much pain Shaelyn and I couldn’t do anything for her, Livy was screaming in the car after her water broke then there was blood on her hand; I could see it in her eyes she was terrified; we got to the hospital and within an hour Livy and my daughter were gone”. Cameron’s fears transferred over straight onto me and they just wouldn’t leave me alone as I thought of all that could go wrong with an apparently healthy

woman like Livy let alone someone with Sissy’s medical obstacles to overcome.

Based on the collective fears of Cameron, Helen and I; we decided at 8 weeks out from B-day that we would make one direct last ditch attempt with our parents taking the red eye (early) flight to Hicksville to plead with our parents to do the right thing by Sissy and then we’d return on the last flight back to Sissy, hopefully with our parents. Letters weren’t working so it was time for a new approach as Sissy was running out of time. We told Sissy we needed the day to arrange a surprise for her which was true in essence but we couldn’t tell her what it was leaving her with Mat, Sarah and Janet for the day.

Pulling up in our parents driveway Cameron, Helen and I dressed very nicely and very respectfully got out of the car where we were met by my old dog “Spike” who as soon as he caught my scent obviously recognized me barking and wagging his tail off as I patted and made a fuss over him thinking “least some one is happy to see me” with my mother breaking up our reunion screaming “Spike get inside” as Spike reluctantly followed her command. I called out “hey mum” as she called my father from inside with dad appearing beside her as we approached with my mother yelling at me “you’re not welcome here get out or we’ll call the police” with Cameron, Helen and I continuing to walk closer as I responded “call whoever you like mum; Sissy’s dying and she’s carrying your grandchildren; you won’t see me; please just come and see Sissy while you still can; it’d mean everything to Sissy and for what it’s worth me” with my father shouting angrily as we continued to approach “you heard the woman get out, your problems aren’t ours” before adding as he came almost within striking distance of me saying “get off my property or I’ll flog you senseless and throw you off” as he came at me to hit me as I screamed with Cameron intervening striking my father three times knocking him to the ground and then standing over the top of dad saying “you’re going to hear your daughter Shaelyn out if you know what’s fucking good for you” as my father sat there with a bloodied mouth and nose which saw my mother instantly ballistic coming at me with Helen standing in her way saying “you can listen to your daughter too or you’ll get the same” as my mother went off the planet until finally Helen did what Helen always said Helen wanted to do she “bitch slapped the bitch” with my mother falling backwards on her arse next to my father on the lawn as Helen

said “Shaelyn I believe you have something to say” gesturing me to step forward.

I was so upset but not crying that it had come to bare knuckle fisty cuffs in the front yard but if that’s what it took to knock sense into this pair then so be it as I shouted “Sissy’s dying and she’s carrying your grandchildren; please come and see her while you still can” before adding “you’ve cost me one of the very few days I have left with my dying sister in the hope that you could at least make a pretense of being a parent towards your dying daughter, I’ve hoped and prayed” pausing to take a breath before stating “and yes I pray each and every day which is six times a week more than you pair of hypocrites and God has answered all but one of my prayers. The way I see things I’m in his good graces unlike those that will rot in hell for deserting their dying daughter!” I was seething now and well past angry as I had my final condemning say quoting the bible like an old fashioned fire and brimstone preacher delivering a sermon saying “Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” before muttering angrily as I walked away “any other breath would be wasted breath” getting back into our car and leaving. Helen and I cried most of the flight home unable to understand my parents and cursing them for not at least being there for Sissy and the twins; I didn’t care about me.

Getting home to Sissy early evening with Sissy asking “what’s going on?” with us saying and laughing “it’s a secret surprise silly, you’ll find out in good time Mrs. National Enquirer” which sounded a whole lot better than the truth with Sissy saying “I’ve got a secret too” with me saying “nobody knows the sexes of the twins” with Sissy saying “no, another secret silly” with me asking “you’re not organizing my life again are you? With Sissy laughing “you’ll find out in good time Mrs. National Enquirer”.

The following day was a Saturday and it began as all days did with us all getting up pre-dawn helping a very pregnant Sissy carefully out on the terrace to share our 307th sunrise since diagnosis with us going through our customary “love

pledges” which just seemed to have snuck in (just in case) but Sissy seemed more somber and weighed down than usual telling us that she loved us all same as she did every day but then she told us individually too and then insisted the primary concern had to now be the twins before saying “I’ve had the absolute best life with you guys and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner, sister or a father for my children” before asking if she could go back to bed without seeing the sunrise. We knew her words were goodbyes but we all pretended otherwise as our morning progressed as it did every morning around Sissy with Helen and I taking turns sitting with her.

I don’t know what Sissy talked to Helen about but we talked about everything to do with the twins; how I was to be called Mum and Helen was to be Aunty Helen and how the twins were to be raised. I told Sissy not to be so morbidly miserable and once she had the twins we were going to start chemo immediately and maybe she’d go into remission with Sissy smiling and half crying saying “we wish” with me promising not to cry and realizing our time was short I finally asked Sissy “what will I do without you” with Sissy’s teary response being “I’ll always be with you Shae and that’s why the twins will be yours to raise, you’ll have to live for them” as she openly wept saying “look after our babies, live for me Shae” with me promising with God as my witness these twins would grow as Sissy wanted and they’d know their most incredibly beautiful mother.

Janet arrived early to start Sissy’s dialysis as we were drying our tears and Janet immediately noticed Sissy’s blood pressure but continued with the dialysis as Helen and I spent time with Sissy hooked up to a machine getting strict instructions about the twins. After the dialysis Sissy slept as she always did with Janet saying over coffee “she’ll have to go back into hospital if her blood pressure drops any further” as we heard the doorbell with me going to welcome Mat and Sarah stopping around like they did every Saturday morning to check on Sissy and the twins as they came through the front door asking “how’s our girl?” as Helen, Janet, Cameron and I matter of fact gave them the morning medical breakdown “her blood pressure is low again, she’s just finished dialysis and she’s having a sleep now”.

Within the hour whilst we were drinking coffee quietly in the living area Sissy cried out “my waters broke” with us all running to her aid with Cameron saying to me “she’s 8 weeks early” as we ran towards Sissy’s room with a look on Cameron’s face I never wish to see again. It was as if his nightmare of losing Livy was beginning all over again as Sarah shouted “I’ll call the ambulance and Dr. Wellington and Dr. Corby as we had all the medical numbers on speed dial 1,2,3 as Sarah arrived at the bedroom door saying “hold on Sissy helps on the way”. I could feel Sissy’s pulse quicken as Janet took her blood pressure which was obviously low by the dizziness and slow breathing but when Janet said 70/50 we knew it was time to get her onto the gurney we had bought to save time getting her to the lobby should things go wrong and things were going very wrong.

Spooling out into the lobby with Sissy on the gurney with Janet monitoring Sissy’s falling blood pressure and giving her oxygen from the small attached cylinder while Cameron directed the arriving ambulance with Helen and I right alongside trying to reassure Sissy smiling and saying “you’re gonna have babies today” and “we all knew we’d be going through this, everything’s alright, you’ll be a mum soon” as Janet made the paramedics aware that Sissy’s was 8 weeks premature, her blood pressure was now 65/45 and falling; she had labored breathing as a result of a brain tumor as they loaded Sissy into the ambulance.

Thinking about nothing but Sissy, I looked at Cameron for the first time in minutes as I turned back to Helen screaming “go with Sissy Helen, Cameron and I will be right behind you”. Cameron was in full blown shock, we all were but none more so than Cameron as I asked for the keys to the car as we ran towards the garage. I launched the wave out of the garage and onto the road trying to catch up with the screaming ambulance running red lights and not giving way getting to the hospital; I didn’t even park the car I just left it under a tree near the car park in my panic.

I saw Sissy being rolled into emergency with Helen holding her hand as I out

sprinted Cameron to get to Sissy asking Helen “how is she?” with Helen crying “65/45” as Sissy phased in and out of consciousness with both Helen and I knowing that a drop of ten more blood pressure points would see Sissy slip into a coma and her vital organs would start to shut down but she was still with us now as I said “I’m here Sissy, I’m here, concentrate on your breathing Sissy, concentrate” with Sissy crying “look after my babies Shae” as the hospital staff tried to stabilize her more in preparation for the emergency C-section as we rolled immediately towards theater. Doctors and nurses were working on Sissy and placing monitors all over Sissy’s belly for the twins as Helen and I ran alongside holding onto Sissy’s feet telling her “we’re here Sissy, we’re here” with Cameron closely behind us as we burst into the theater; being told by Dr. Wellington who’d just arrived moments earlier that Helen and I could stay with Cameron nowhere to be seen. I wasn’t thinking of Cameron at this stage but he would later tell me “I just couldn’t face going in their again after Livy”.

Helen and I were scrubbed and gowned in minutes taking turns so one of us was constantly by Sissy’s side as she was prepared for the emergency C-section. Leaning Sissy forward to place the epidural saw Sissy’s blood pressure fall further as the monitor sounded with the anesthetist telling Dr. Wellington “BP 50/35” with Dr. Wellington ordering theater staff “stand-by for R, DE fib and AR (Artificial Respiration) before leaning forward over Sissy saying “your twins are fine Shannon” before looking back at Helen and I saying “you haven’t got much time” with both of us knowing that meant “say your goodbyes” in hospital speak as Dr. Wellington went about the C-section to retrieve and save the twins.

It felt like time itself stood still around us and would stay forever still; like a car accident that takes moments to happen but hours to explain and a lifetime to recover from as I held Sissy’s hand as Helen kissed her face next to the clear oxygen mask with the anesthetist briefly lifting the mask for Sissy and Helen’s last gentle very brief kiss before the anesthetist placed the mask back down with Helen kissing Sissy’s forehead weeping and wiping the mix of their tears off Sissy as Helen cried “I will always love you Shannon” before Helen pulled slowly back looking at me.

I cannot describe what I felt in those last moments of Sissy’s life holding her hand looking into my dying Sissy’s eyes; it was like watching an angle die. Sissy eyes were calm as I softly said “you’re my best Sissy” as her eyes sparkled with me whispering “you’re my only Sissy” as we fell into each other’s eyes as her hand tightened around mine I said my last words to my beautiful sister “I love you” with the pair of us hearing the cry of the first twin as her eyes glazed over and her hand went limp in mine. I turned to alert Dr. Wellington; anyone; as I saw a tiny little blood wrenched child’s body being raised up in between Dr. Wellington’s hands being handed to the nurse as another nurse stepped in to receive the second child as I turned back to announce “you did it Sissy” as her eyes sparkled for the last time as Sissy said “I love” unable to finish as her eyes closed for the last time as every monitor instantly sounded with Helen collapsing onto the floor. I will take to my grave the sound of Helen’s soul wrenching heart breaking cries for her love and my sister. Dr. Wellington immediately ordered R as she and the nurse continued retrieving the second twin as I stood pushed to the side cationic and silent like a lifeless statue before I saw the second twin and heard its cry.

I just stood there immobile and silent watching as the theater staff tried to revive Sissy with R and DE-fib without success with Dr. Wellington cancelling the AR and calling the time of Sissy’s death as theater staff assisted Helen hysterically outside. Sissy was gone and I just stood there; unfeeling, numb, not hearing, not sobbing or even crying. I just stood there unable to take my eyes off the scene in front of me. Dr. Wellington finally approached me saying something but then stepped immediately in front of me to break my stare repeating herself “I’m so sorry Shaelyn” as I continued to just stand there non responsive.

Dr Wellington gestured to the nurses as they began to wheel two clear glass humidity cribs towards me positioning them alongside Sissy who was being covered by a sheet with the exception off her face with all the leads, wires and oxygen mask now gone. I could tell by Sissy’s still lifeless face that she was very much at peace; there seemed to be a tranquil serenity about her; she had done what she needed to do; what she was born to do; she had saved my life in every way a person could, she’d made me a mother as Dr. Wellington said “two healthy girls Shaelyn we’ll give you some time”. I just stood there next to Sissy

holding her arm through the sheet looking down on her for the longest of times before leaning forward whispering in Sissy’s ear “you had two beautiful girls Sissy” before straitening back up resuming my blank stare.

Dr. Wellington returned with the nurses to get the twins and to let Helen say goodbye to Sissy as I followed the nurses pushing my only remaining link to Sissy in two humidity cribs to maternity unable to separate myself from them. Walking silently behind the nurses as the front nurse turned into the maternity doorway I heard Sarah asking “how are they” with the nurse replying “both healthy premature girls” as I appeared in the doorway. Standing there still just standing there as Sarah said “oh Shaelyn” as I responded like an unfeeling robot “Sissy’s dead, Helen will be out soon” as Cameron held me saying nothing; we all had nothing to say. We just stood there looking at the twins through the glass window as Helen walked in silently behind us taking up her position next to me holding my hand as she and Sarah cried.

After two hours of silent emotional void I said “I want a smoke” with Helen and Cameron accompanying me walking silently outside leaving the twins in Sarah and Mat’s care. Sitting on the front steps of the hospital I heard a familiar voice calling an unfamiliar name “Shaelyn” it was our mother and father carrying baskets of flowers with helium balloons packed with teddy bears and toys. My father proudly announced as if some huge divide had been miraculously conquered “we’re here” with me responding blankly “you’re two hours too late” as they both collapsed on the steps crying and screaming as I stood up unfeeling subbing out my cigarette before starting to walk back up the steps inside. Getting to the top step before turning around running at my parents shared crying huddle weeping at the loss of Sissy as I kicked and punched wildly at them yelling “you stole my last day with Sissy, I hate you, how dare you cry, I hate you” with Cameron pulling me away from them taking me back inside; still not having cried a tear.

It would take me a long time for me to cry for Sissy and an even longer time to allow our mother and father to have anything to do with me or these children.

EPITAPH

The author

I’d finished the first draft of this amazing shared life’s story and was quietly proud of what I’d accomplished based only on Shannon’s supplied journals but I couldn’t help but feel I was only seeing half the story of a shared life experience and it was at this time; a story without an ending. Shannon had asked me to print a draft of what I had done so far (up towards her 20th birthday) and she would get the ending to me. I was to send the draft for her approval before going about arranging the publishing of one hard copy book for her sister Shaelyn.

I found out later from Shaelyn that Shannon had died giving birth to twins. It was a tragic but triumphant ending to a truly miraculous and inspirational life and an end to Shannon’s story that had a symmetry that was impossible to ignore.

I’d been backlogged with work and Shannon had paid me up front to compile her story but Shannon had also not responded to my emails for requests for information so; I continued compiling the journals into a book. I can only imagine what Shaelyn must have experienced just two months after Sissy’s death when she was desperately trying to find Shannon’s lost journals with my first draft showing up in the mail stating I had the journals. I believe it was always Sissy’s intent that Shaelyn would provide me the ending to her story.

I was ed by Shaelyn and met a very somber deeply grieving beautiful looking young woman who introduced herself as Shaelyn on our front porch; along with her she bought her husband, sister-in-law and their two new born

twin girls “Sissy and gift”.

THE END